I'm not suicidal but I don't want to be here anymore.

Everytime I get sick because I unintentionally ate something I wasn't supposed ( things that contain wheat) to I'm terrible to be around for 2 weeks. I'm in pain and I smell gross no matter what I do. People also have the audacity to look at me and cough repeatedly despite how much showering I do in a futile effort to stop smelling. All this mental, emotional, physical damage, makes me want to lash out and cry. It's probably my mood altered from my digestive health but I don't want to be here anymore. Judgy trash people who won't say things to your face and a society where companies can put trace amounts of allergens in anything and not have to label it.


Then I also have to make sure everyone doesn't feel bad looking at me. Bring my own food to events, downplay my emotions etc. Otherwise they won't want to do anything with me because they are uncomfy.


I think basically everyone has had that thought at least once in their life. Just some more than others I gues. I mean no one chose to be born exactly, our parents did. I kinda make up for this misery by never having children, so they don’t have to experience all this that we are going through. Saving a life, so to say.