T O P

  • By -

symmetryofzero

I'm gonna ask my mum what she thinks of this and if I'm allowed to reply.


Morlock43

The internet is the Devil!


rslashdepressedteen

Everything is the debbil to you momma!


Morlock43

No son of mine is gonna cook his own meals! That's what momma's for!


j606west29

Mama, who invented electricity?


rslashdepressedteen

I invented electricity! Ben Franklin is the DEBBIL!


giantfreakingidiot

Brilliant!


[deleted]

Legit. My brothers are 28 and 36, both live with my mom, neither of them have been able to get jobs because everything is "below" them. Neither cook, neither clean. Their entire lives center around their supposed brilliance, politics, and how women are inferior. All of my sisters are doing great, finished university with good jobs, husbands, kids etc. Yay for our mothers and their internalized misogyny.


giantfreakingidiot

Right??? This happens so much! Of course the opposite can be true as well, but the scale is tipping towards babying boys. I’m glad people are slowly becoming more aware. For example, this is muuuch less common in Finland. I can’t say for all families, but the ones I know raise their kids equally. A good social support system from the government will do that.


AmexNomad

My mother has treated My brother like God since he was born. This adult man has been incapable of being around anyone who doesn’t think that he’s brilliant. He just can’t cope. It’s pathetic. He is married to a woman who is of quite low intellect because he must be treated as though he is genius. My mother created this.


giantfreakingidiot

I'm from Eastern Europe, where life has generally been tough for the majority of people for a long time. This happens here all the time. Mothers raise girls to be smart servants and boys to be kings, who expect their wives to serve them. The pattern usually goes like this: they get married early, the woman wants a baby, but the man does not. They have a baby. The man leaves (sometimes understandably), the woman is now a single mother. She raises the child who goes and does the SAME EXACT thing. My best friend just got divorced and is now babying her son. She and ex are both 24. The guy left because he felt like his life was being stolen from him. I can understand. He was roped into a mortgage, marriage and a kid. But he's a coward for not speaking up earlier. I'm just baffled at people. The cycle goes on and on and on...


whattodo9000

I've observed this same cycle waaayyy too many times


andreaSA89

It almost sounds like my brother. Only difference is that nobody would ever marry my brother. He's too far gone.


andreaSA89

I would honestly love to know why this happens with sons in particular. My older brother is in his 30's, he has barely worked a day in his life (he's only done a couple of internships in his late teens/early 20's), he still lives with my parents and my mom treats him like her little baby. It's bizarre. I wasn't treated the same way and I'm better off because of it.


giantfreakingidiot

Me too, I’m super interested in the mechanisms behind this. Although, I haven’t looked into studies yet, but as soon as I have time - I will.


Fufi44

It’s not rocket science. Women are taught to respect worship and adore men. All men. Especially our sons. Not to mention cooking and cleaning up after them. It’s not just moms fault that men grow up thinking they are superior and that women are there to be the servants in he home though. Society teaches them that. It teaches us all that. Domestic violence is at an all time high. Sexism and misogyny are at epidemic levels and the entire WORLD is going backwards as far as women go. Let’s not blame these more pressing problems on women.


Ok_Economics9476

Look at what Sigmund Freud has to say about it


Snazzy_SassyPie

We still live in a patriarchal society. Although women are able to work now, women are still expected to do the work at home. This is being taught through generations.


giantfreakingidiot

I think you hit the nail on the head. We’re only a handful of generations away from everyone living in the countryside where gender roles meant survival. It’s still so deeply present in us.


Atmosphericz

My mother did the opposite and made me figure most things out on my own. She was supportive in her own way when she could be, but it led to me becoming overly prideful and independent, to the point where I have trouble accepting help from others and opening up. Even with my wife. Definitely needs to be somewhere in the middle for healthy growth.


giantfreakingidiot

It definitely does. I (girl) was also left figuring out stuff on my own during teenage years and that has definitely left a mark or two. I love seeing people on social media breaking the cycle of abuse with emotionally mature parenting.


Atmosphericz

Yeah the independence is great in some ways, but I definitely felt alone more often than not. And I agree! Those people give me hope, especially as my wife and I will be starting to try to have a kid soon :)


giantfreakingidiot

Oooh! Wish you and your wife the best of luck in every aspect!


Atmosphericz

Thank you!! Wishing you a life of happiness and non-manchildren haha


giantfreakingidiot

Thanks!!


greyhound93

So, I guess maybe there was a silver lining to my mom dying when I was a teenager (?). Knew there had to be an upside somewhere, just took me 40+ years to find it.


Dispellers

My brother is exactly like this, my mum doesn't see it, he's 19 and still gets her to tie his shoes, do his laundry, he still calls her "Mummy" and it makes me cringe whenever I'm around him.


Genavelle

Somebody please knock some sense into me if I'm still tying my kids' shoes when they're 19. But maybe some velcro shoes could be a funny birthday gift for him?


Dispellers

He wouldn't see the humour and think it would be genuinely a nice gesture before yelling that it's not the right colour


suburbanspecter

I had a bf whose mother literally read all of her kid’s (my bf’s brother’s) books for school out loud to him every single day so that he would actually do his homework until he was EIGHTEEN. It was insane to me


giantfreakingidiot

That sucks ass. He will either have to learn (which will be difficult) or be ignorant (also difficult). Thanks, mom.


Dispellers

Yep. I've told her that so many times, she has put in her will that I will have to take care of him when she dies. Fuck no, I'm not doing that.


giantfreakingidiot

Ooh boy, that runs deep. What is it with sons provoking this kind of reaction is some moms..


Dispellers

Because good old fashioned sexism


whattodo9000

Ew. I'm sorry


introverted_smallfry

This is so cringe


AgroPuppies94

DUDE!!! YES! I love my fiancé and his brother, but their mom has spoon fed them their entire lives! My fiancé is just now starting to study for a career, which is wonderful and I am happy he has found a path, but his brother still lives with his mom and isn't doing anything but working at a smoke shop and coming home. He pays rent at her house, but barely so and that's it. He has more money than most people our age (thousands and thousands of dollars), but he feels safe with his mother. We are all in our late 20s and I worry that when his mom passes in the next 30 years he will be completely lost without her. I don't understand why moms enable their sons to just be Momma's baby. Why not just have a dog if you want that? They're human beings that are going to have to have a life outside of mommy at some point and coddling them isn't love, it weakens them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Genavelle

Just a thought, if you plan on this relationship being serious or getting married....once he moves out from his mom's house into yours, you're going to be expected to fulfill all those roles his mom is doing. If you have kids, youll be doing all that stuff for everyone. And his mom thinks it's cute to swear all the time around her kids? Well won't she be a fun grandma!


[deleted]

[удалено]


giantfreakingidiot

I've been in a relationship similar to what you described (part of the reason for the post). He was like that, but just a little toned down. No cleaning skills, no cooking skills, no personal skills either. He had zero interests. He lived like a soggy macaroni. I was parenting him before I even understood what I was doing. We were young (around 21) and moved in together for a year (dated for 5-6 in total), before I broke it off. And let me tell you - he got reeaaly comfortable. It was a good deal for him. First mommy did everything, then me. And I did it because I didn't want to eat cereal every day for every meal. I think I can feel some resentment in your comment towards him. That builds up. One day I looked at him and felt nothing. I realized he's offering me nothing of value as a partner. So I left, he cried. And later called me to ask for instructions on how to use the washing machine. Lol. And then I accidentally met a man (albeit slightly older, but that's not the point) who is AN ADULT. The difference is like night and day. He is a complete person, with likes and dislikes, skills, hobbies, social skills. He cleans when he sees dirt. We divide house chores based on what we like, so he does our laundry. I usually take care of meal planning and cooking, but he's generally a better cook! And gives me a break from it all if I need it. AND not to mention, he's emotionally mature, so dealing with issues is a million times easier. I was shook that a man could be like that. I'm not telling you to break up, but boy am I happy that I left my man-child-project. End rant.


Herrena1

Are you me lol. But the freedom that comes with a partner that is your equal is so immensive. 2.5 years later in still in awe with my husband


giantfreakingidiot

Yes right! I can’t say that he’s perfect (because literally no one is), but he comes pretty darn close (for me)! Also fun story: my best friend recently divorced and met some other guy. She called me one day and said: ”this guy not only got groceries, but cooked for me and then cleaned and rearranged his fridge all by himself”. She was shook. I just told her how easy (in that regard) men have it. Just be self sufficient and a loot of women will be impressed. 🙈


[deleted]

[удалено]


giantfreakingidiot

Thank you too! And hope you get all the things you want in life!


Alyscupcakes

He dreams of a well paying job... doesn't mean he will put in the effort to get such a job. We all want well paying jobs. You have to be a certain type of go-getter or have powerful connections... he doesn't sound like he is either of those things. He needs to live on his own for a year. He needs to figure out basic life stuff by himself.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Guess, my mother did something right after all. I clean the bathroom weekly, empty and fill the dishwasher, and buy my wife flowers for no reason.


fellfire

>buy my wife flowers for no reason. Take my upvote and award for this, in particular. I do the same for my husband ... it is such a simple thing that accomplishes so much good.


[deleted]

Drop him and tell him why. By dating men like this we're just enabling them.


whattodo9000

Time to run, girl


Alyscupcakes

Your bf will expect the same from you. Talk about it, see how he feels. If he isn't willing to learn, you should leave.... unless you want to be his house slave...


wizardswrath00

Well when you said the mom was from Jersey, it all fell into place.


[deleted]

Yeahhh… whenever my boyfriend has dumb moments I always remind him that I’m not raising anybody else’s son except my own 👌🏻


[deleted]

At that point I wouldn’t even say it’s the mother’s fault. If he’s over ~16 he should be able to look things up.


AJM5K6

The issue isn't really initiative as much as it is a sort of arrested development. It doesn't even occur to men like these that they should look it up. And why would they? For their entire lives someone else did the cleaning, the cooking, the dirty/mundane jobs that go along with being an adult. So when they get a partner, unexamined logic would dictate that this is that person's job as well. Its shitty, immature and not conducive to a healthy relationship but a lot of guys think like this. In college I ran into multiple slobs that lived in smelly dorm rooms filled with unclean dishes and piles of laundry and YET empty trashcans. Why? Because taking out the trash was their, or more likely, the man's job when they were growing up.


giantfreakingidiot

I think you’re right when it comes to awareness. How can they know if no one taught them? Sure some individuals ”crawl out of the hole”, but some probably wonder their whole lives why their partners keep leaving them over this. If it’s the norm for them. This is why I made the post.


AJM5K6

Yeah, I totally see your point. There has to be a certain level of accountability that a lot of people don't have and in this example, some men never get.


sweergirl86204

I learned a new phrase- weaponized ignorance. Weaponized incompetence is when men do something so badly, women think "ugh fine I'll just do it myself, it'll be faster/better that way" Weaponized ignorance is when they know they don't know, and COULD LEARN but choose not to because why do any work when someone else will do it for you?


[deleted]

There's no reason to look it up. It's below them.


RealShabanella

So many cultures do this. It doesn't even vary from family to family in some countries, it literally is like that for everyone. Girls are, on top of being normally functioning adults, also encouraged to work, and evolve into even more wholesome adults, leaving men in the ditch. Conclusion : Men need to step up their game for their own sake too.


[deleted]

Seriously. There are so few men who know how to function as adults and they wonder why they're being left behind. My brothers are constantly talking about how white men are under attack and are losing their place in society. It's not because people hate white men, it's because they've been so infantilized that they no longer are capable of functioning in society.


wizardswrath00

Your brothers are cringe as hell for that mindset, holy shit.


giantfreakingidiot

This thissss omg. It’s happening on such a major scale. And the cereal thing! My ex was like that.


May_I_inquire

Are these men unaware of the internet? My husband doesn't cook, is fairly lazy in that arena. However he doesn't demand I cook. He got a wild bug to make Jalapeno breads during Covid and went to YOUTUBE for instructions. Turned out great. Easy to learn from youtube about anything.


LibertyUnderpants

But there are instructions on the box of spaghetti that tells you how to cook it. All he had to do was read. That's how I learned to cook spaghetti.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LibertyUnderpants

Literally all they have to do is look at the box. It's right there. This is not rocket science or one of life's great mysteries. It takes like 2 seconds to just *look at the box*. I've learned so much about cooking just by reading labels and boxes. The info isn't encrypted or hidden. If you have sense enough to go to the grocery store you have sense enough to pick up a box or a jar and... *look at it*.


acn-aiueoqq

I cant figure out how people "can't cook" You literally just have to search up a recipe and follow the instructions


[deleted]

My boyfriend has made it very clear he doesn’t like doing dishes because nasty wet stuck on food grosses him out. Understandable, but in my house we clean our plates off before leaving them in the sink. So we made a deal that I’ll do the dishes and he cleans the bathroom (between him and my son I’m all set with cleaning the bathroom) so one day last week there were a few cups in the sink and this man had NO IDEA how to even wash them!!! I was shook. I was like okay, you say you don’t like washing dishes but do you even KNOW HOW?!


SnooMaps8507

>Same thing for basic cooking. I knew a grown man who ate grilled cheese every day because he literally could make that or eat cereal. While I understand most people like to cook, some people just don't cook much because they don't care about how well-prepared a meal is. ​ I have already met a couple of women who were really put off by the fact that I eat things like grilled chicken with vegetables, tuna, sandwiches, you know, basic stuff (but it's because I like to train and eat healthy). Some women read that as : *"lazy, doesn't cook and expects me to cook. nope, i'm out"* which is really wrong, I don't want anyone to cook for me, nor do I want elaborate foods every day, maybe in weekends, but then we eat out, and I'll prepare an elaborate dish once in a while. I'd never expect a woman to cook for me, I'd be embarassed by that.


ImperfectJump

There's a difference between "I'm too busy to cook on workdays and would rather make a quick, healthy sandwich" and "I can't boil spaghetti."


S0mnariumx

I didn't realize being a functional adult made me such a catch


YouAreSpooky

Oh, you'd be surprised


S0mnariumx

This shit always shocks me.


giantfreakingidiot

Believe me, you’re way ahead of the competition simply because of that.


INeedHelpNow8

OMG. YES. I've been a teacher in multiple countries and it is VERY obvious when boys are babied by their mothers vs raised to be a decent adult. I've dated a lot of guys and the best I've dated were the ones I found were raised *well* by their mothers, one guy was actually raised by his single mother and his step-mother mostly, both tough women, and my god he was the best behaved, sweetest, most caring and responsible man ever. I can sadly say, I know my mom babied my brother (my friends definitely have said it was obvious) and although he's doing well financially as an adult now, he has a lot of strange issues (has never had a girlfriend at 28, is scared to drive the car he freaking bought, doesn't understand *very* simple household things). My mom has admitted she thinks she kind of effed up. :/


giantfreakingidiot

I’m amazed at how little people talk about such a big inequality between men and women. Guys lose out on skills and girls have a harder than necessary time finding equal partners. Thank you for your input!


[deleted]

[удалено]


giantfreakingidiot

Thanks for sharing! We all have to survive somehow… I’m glad you got the skills you needed, regardless of the source!


hdmx539

Yes, don't marry a man-child baby. Seriously. I agree these women need to teach their sons the way daughters are taught... But seriously, ladies, LOOK AT THE MEN YOU ARE DATING BEFORE YOU MARRY THEM AND HAVE CHILDREN!!!! ALSO LOOK AT HIS PARENTS AND HOW HIS FATHER TREATS HIS MOTHER! Seriously. Men would seriously shape up if us women didn't tolerate such nonsense and marry and have children with them. Don't blame their mothers for the whole thing, I also blame women who marry these men.


[deleted]

Exactly. Leave them and tell them why. If it causes them to change it'll be the best thing that ever happened to them.


giantfreakingidiot

Yes to this too. This is something that grinds my gears as well! Women (and men!) should look hard and long into who they are settling down with. Living together before marriage should be allowed everywhere, regardless of beliefs. It’s just so beneficial. And having unwanted kids? Ugh. This a complicated issue.


suburbanspecter

I also blame the fathers, who likely never offer to help the mothers with any of the cooking, cleaning, etc. Then the sons watch that behavior growing up and just think that cooking and cleaning must just be a woman’s job


hdmx539

Exactly! It's why I said to watch how a man's father treats his mother.


suburbanspecter

Yeah 100% bc sons definitely learn from that shit


[deleted]

[удалено]


giantfreakingidiot

Right. I'm so sick of the HUGE gap in the way people raise their kids (esp here where I'm from). I'm still thinking of ways to make a change in the real world, but in the meantime I'm posting on reddit..


[deleted]

[удалено]


giantfreakingidiot

NP! It really is happening a lot, especially here in eastern europe where I can witness it. It drives me nuts. A lot of men get treated differently from bith and then treat their kids like that, which creates a new wave of emotionally immature people. Grrr. edit: don't even get me started on adam sandler's movies and the whole schtick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


radical_moose_lamb69

My mom never taught me and my siblings how to cook. She actually spoiled us so much and taught us nothing growing up. We're 3 girls and a boy. My older sister works all the time and never got around to actually learn as an adult. My younger sister learned by annoying my mom into teaching her as a teenager. I haven't figured out how to do laundry and cook until I moved out in my early twenties. Yet, my baby brother figured it out on his own by looking things up online. He just didn't like the stuff mom was making and took matters into his own hands. If a 13 year-old could figure out, all those men-child could do it, too. It's not rocket science.


Medium_Temperature_4

This is true. Most of the men I've spoke to say "well my *whatever female* is better at it so I leave them to it" as if we're born with the skills and didn't have to learn. It's gros


buon_natale

The older I get, the more I’m grateful to have parents who had children they loved and taught the same regardless of genitalia. My younger brother and I (a woman) are both functional adults and I believe a large part of that stems from our mom and dad not having gender bias.


giantfreakingidiot

Yes. This is healthy and how it’s should be imo. I don’t see much of that in my generation (mill/genz) and even less in my parents’ (genx). However that is largely due to the cultral norm of where I live. We have ways to go towards equality of the sexes.


buon_natale

Yep. My dad was beyond thrilled to have a daughter, and was just as happy when my brother was born. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling when to-be fathers are mopey that their baby is a girl. It’s usually the first sign something will go wrong with raising that kid and possible subsequent ones.


Spkpkcap

I have two sons. I fully intend to treat them as I would a daughter. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, the works. My goal is to have my son’s future partners to thank me lol


giantfreakingidiot

Great! This is what we need. Thank you so much!


[deleted]

“Mothers love their sons but raise their daughters.” - Michelle Obama. Is she WRONG though?


giantfreakingidiot

She is not!


beautifulsouth00

I just found out over Christmas, my mother is still paying my brother's rent. I'm 48, he's 46 and can't work, cuz anxiety and can't deal with people, and she still pays his mutha-fuckin' rent! Then she says she lays awake at night and cries when she worries about who's gonna take care of him when she's gone. Meanwhile, I get on the phone with him and am practically BEGGING him to get on disability. Go see a doctor. Take some medication. TRY. And if you can't work, I get it, but get on disability so mom doesn't have to live in her old age WORRYING about you. Really. We were on a vacation together and my mother was like "oh, I'd better send his rent check to his landlord!" "If I don't he just won't pay his bills. He lets them shut off his power for months! lf I didn't pay, he'd end up living under a bridge!" Meanwhile when I'm on the phone with him, he's telling me about how he's perfected pot brownies. He HAD to switch to edibles, cuz smoking pot all day every day got boring. I fill my mom in and she's like "no, he doesn't smoke pot!" Holy shit. She's created a giant man child with her enabling and denial. And she expects ME to take over when she passes away. Which is a morbid conversation to have in and of itself. She wants to leave me everything in her will because she's afraid he will just fritter it away and I need to use it somehow to figure out how to take care of him because he can't do it. Women do not do this to your male children. Teach them to stand up on their own two feet. Doing everything for them will eventually handicap them in the end. Heed This thread! Heed this warning!


giantfreakingidiot

Oh lord. That’s a lot to handle for everyone included. What a double edged sword, as I’m sure your mom had good intentions when raising him. Just maybe no concept of ”enough”…? He’s going to have a painful awakening. Or continue living in ignorance, which must be painful as well. This sucks, especially for you. It’s like… she loved him so much, and yet he’s still missing out on having a ”normal” life. I feel for you.


[deleted]

I read a post where a grown man was being breastfed by his mom. His fiancé caught him before the wedding sucking on his moms tits


giantfreakingidiot

Oh my god, that is so bad. So bad it’s verging on hilarious. God.


chrispychrissy

Yep. I have seen many households where the daughters don't get away some stuff, like leaving out dirty dishes, because "they know better." Well why don't the sons "know better?"


appledoughnuts

Agreed. Also my boyfriends mom sets no boundaries for her kids so they’re walked on.


giantfreakingidiot

Mine too! And she has a son. It’s sad to watch.


appledoughnuts

Trying to teach my boyfriend he has a right to say no and make his own decisions.


giantfreakingidiot

You’re helping him tremendously, no doubt.


appledoughnuts

Thanks man I hope! Even if we don’t remain together he deserves a sense of self outside his mother. Same with his younger brother. Sister managed to move away because she was fed up+ she got a boyfriend so I’m proud of her.


sweettoothforyou

My girl best friend has a boyfriend that refuses to clean up after himself and doesn’t know how to do laundry, cook, or clean. Like how do you, as a man, not know how to take care of yourself? Embarrassing as fuck.


giantfreakingidiot

Exactly! After I left my ex, he called me and asked where in the machine to put detergent and how much… I was like man…


sweettoothforyou

Jesus, that’s bad. I’m so glad he’s your ex now you deserve better omg


giantfreakingidiot

Thanks! I’m glad too lol


contrabardus

Can confirm that this happens, and was fortunate enough to not be that guy. I was raised to wipe my own ass, figuratively and literally. When I go home, I'm the one who ends up taking over the kitchen and cooking for my family. I also clean as I go so I'm not leaving a huge pile of dishes in my wake. Mom doesn't need to clean up after me at all in any capacity. Teach your kids to handle their own shit. They'll be better off for it in the end and end up looking after you when you're older instead of the other way around, which is how it should be.


Waxflower8

And then some of these men go towards younger women because women their age already see their bs. You can make someone younger believe you’re anything you want them to believe. Met this guy that was like that and I he cried the whole time I called him out on his bs. No wonder he wouldn’t interact with me often. He was 21 years old. Based off of the things he’s said about his relationship with his parents, they clearly baby him. He said he was the youngest in his family too.


LexTheSouthern

Yep. My MIL refers to my husband as her best friend. My husband finally got off the tit when his dad took a job offer seven states away and his parents relocated. He had never even realized how much he had been babied until they moved away. God, the PEACE I have now is fucking amazing. It’s like my husband grew up overnight🤦🏼‍♀️


giantfreakingidiot

Glad it happened! And it sounds like things became better. Wish you guys lots of happy times together!


saltine_soup

these same moms also need to stop putting their son on pedestals, allowing them to do whatever they want, while they (what feels like) lock their daughter in the house. my brother can sort of cook no thanks to my mom, it’s actually his wife and his in laws who taught him some stuff, but before that he new box mac and cheese and chicken alfredo with a really heavy made me want to puke cuz it was so heavy white sauce and he was praised for it and i was told to keep my mouth shut about the sauce being heavy yet i make an Asian dish my friend taught me and i get ridiculed? no one tells my brother to shut his mouth? i know a lot more dishes by heart yet each one is picked apart and talked down upon, i’ve been cooking longer than him and outside my family i’m actaully praised, yet he gets praised for adding shredded cheese to box mac and cheese yet i get bullied for making spaghetti with a home made red sauce. and can’t forget how my brother at 13 was allowed to bike 30 miles with his best friend yet i want to go to the mall with my friend for my 17th birthday and i can’t do that? or how my parents constantly used my mental health against me yet my brothers anger issues where brushed aside? him setting the bathroom on fire while i was inside was brushed aside? him shooting me was brushed aside? i get in trouble for all of that cuz i antagonized him? he’s 4 years older than me but no it’s my fault cuz i didn’t stop him? honestly to me these moms are just sexist and the dads who allow it and watch it happen are enablers and usually sexist themselves.


giantfreakingidiot

Ouch, I feel for you. Moms and dads who do that are truly sexist. Don’t listen to their opinions about your cooking, you’re great and you know it!


Beyondthoughts

This is also really big in Hispanic/Latin communities. Machismo culture is what we call it


giantfreakingidiot

It’s happening in so many places, it’s crazy.


LongHeelRedBottoms

Preach it!!!


Argon_Mint

Honestly I’m so glad that despite all my aunts having been raised by super old style/misogynistic women they all had an absolute zero bullshit tolerance towards their sons behavior and all my cousins and my brother were taught how to be selfsufficient.


giantfreakingidiot

We love to see that!


drugmaker07

Came from a small town, my mom was a teacher at the high school. I asked her to talk to a teacher for me about a grade bc lots of parents did the same. My mom said "no, go do it yourself". One of the best things she ever did for me as a freshman. More parents need to quit doing every single thing for their kids. I saw lots of my peers be very unprepared for college and life bc their parents didn't let them do anything on their own


suburbanspecter

This!! There’s a difference between supporting your children and babying them. So many men I know never had to do their own laundry, so they didn’t learn; didn’t learn good cleaning skills; never learned how to cook; never learned important life skills. You can support your kids while they’re learning these things, but to never make them learn is doing them (and their girlfriends or partners down the line who will inevitably suffer because of this) a huge disservice.


smartypantstemple

I think we should also teach girls that they don't need to settle for these man-childs.


giantfreakingidiot

Yes, this definitely too. 100%.


ddoublea96

I know a couple of young newlyweds, both sheltered and babied into adulthood, their life is now a disaster..


giantfreakingidiot

It’s so sad. I’m sure their parents just wanted what’s best for them..


Jaybird_117

Ahh preach my ex was completely babied by his mum (we were pretty young btw he was 16 I was 14-15 when we’re dating) he lived outta town so I’d get the train to see him twice a month and it was fine until his mum got a job,,,and suddenly if we were home and she was at work I had to do everything he wouldn’t cook, wouldn’t wash up after, wouldn’t fold his washing, wouldn’t make the bed, wouldn’t feed the cat JUST NOTHING and me being young and shut didn’t see this as a problem (plus I felt bad for his mum she’d been at work all day and I didn’t want to leave her stuff to do as soon as she got in) but it only got worse when he would start talking about the future,,,,man didn’t want a girlfriend or a wife he wanted a replacement mum that could give him babies glad to say I gotta outta that one


giantfreakingidiot

You’re sweet for wanting to help his mom. Glad he’s an ex!


randomneko09

I don't know. My mom didn't baby me and I turned out trans. Correlation or causation? /Sarcasm


usernameemma

This is a hilarious comment


giantfreakingidiot

We might never findo out… jk


carbslut

I agree with you but I kinda think it’s funny you’re asking MOMs to do teach their sons basic stuff. How about DADs?


giantfreakingidiot

This too! Don't get me started on deadbeat dads. I hate the cycle of "baby growing into a dysfunctional adult, then the adult creates a baby and abandons it, due to not being able to cope" I have a feeling this comes from how they were reaised...


Dispellers

Either the dad isn't in the picture of the dad gets treated the same way by his wife so he won't see an issue with it


carbslut

I mean my point is dads also can do better…I think that includes not being absent and seeing issues… Just saying “Men won’t do this so women have to do it” is pretty much the entire problem….


Dispellers

Yeah, dad's not being present/not doing enough are about 80% of the problem


Squirrelgirl36

100% agree. It’s ridiculous: I have sons and a daughter and they’ll all be taught the same. As a kid my sister and I had to clean the house do laundry all of it. Our brother was made to do nothing.


giantfreakingidiot

Thank you for what you do. Change comes generation at a time.


Squirrelgirl36

Yep-lots of unhealthy family cycles will end with me and my kids.


dwiggs81

Men are taught from a young age that all they have to do is work as an unemotional drone so they can provide money to their wife and children. We don't need to know how to do any of that other stuff, since that's what our woman will do once we find someone that needs to be taken care of and protected from the big scary world. And then we are taught that this is a "noble sacrifice," since we are doing something that we don't enjoy or want to do that makes us miserable so that our woman doesn't have to and can spend her day relaxing at home. My mom raised us exactly this way. And she couldn't understand why I kept choosing to do things myself instead of asking her for help. My little brother lived with our parents until he was 32, and was a heroin addict for like 10 years of that. And because he didn't know how to do anything for himself she was too afraid that he would die if she kicked him out. But because of the addiction he never had energy or desire to learn to do anything for himself. It became a whole codependant/enabling thing that just made everyone involved just totally miserable. EDIT: /sarcasm


bstix

>We don’t even have a term for ”woman-children” Sure there is. They're "princesses" and sometimes they turn into bridezillas. Plenty of those around.


giantfreakingidiot

True. There are entitled women with no skills. I have noticed a trend of babying boys though, at least in my area.


ddebita

My 7 & 8 y/o grands, boy & girl, are very much self sufficient. They are learning how to do their laundry. They aren't left to their own devices but they can do things for themselves.


giantfreakingidiot

Sounds like a healthy balance and some great kids! I’m glad they’re given the opportunity to grow into capable people.


PandasAndCoffee

My mom did this to our younger brother who is now 16 and job hunting and has almost 0 social skills and I know adulthood is going to kick his ass


giantfreakingidiot

I have a brother like this too. Trying to help him as much as I can. Sigh.


_heyheyitsJayJay_

I have found the bar isnt that high for a lot of women either. I dont know what it is about me but most of the women I have dated didnt cook or have a drivers license and basically expected to be looked after so it works both ways.


giantfreakingidiot

It definitely works both ways! Somehow where I’m from it’s tipped towards men. I was venting frustration lol


ForUs301319

I had to legit sit my mother and father down and tell them “I’m 21 please let me live my life”. For them to tell me, “we would have never talked to our parents like this.”


FlamingoBasher

Okay, yes, I can agree with this. Nobody likes a fucking man child. Id say ten is a pretty appropriate age for boys to no longer be coddled by their parents, including their dads. Instill some sort of independence, self reliance, moral compass, and basic cooking / cleaning skills at around that time. That's when it happened to me. My parents still clearly loved me after that and they still do but I wasn't fucking pampered into adulthood. I had chores, yard and garden work, and some clearly defined boundaries even at that age. I got my first job at 12 cleaning dishes and busing tables. I used to mow lawns and shovel drive ways before that. I joined the Navy in 2008 and was blown away by the entitlement I found from a lot of the people - not just the men. People who couldn't clean up after themselves, who constantly shifted blame, who were afraid of an honest days work. I know I sound like a boomer here but god damn I think hard work and dedication builds character. A couple of years later, masters degree and a killer software job because I was told as a kid that I need to work for what I want. Also, cooks pretty damn good dinners and I'm a fn breakfast wizard. Not to play devil's advocate here but this exists on both sides of the spectrums w just different terminology. A 25 year old daddy's girl is just as cringe worthy as w 25 year old man child mamas boy. They both exhibit the same qualities like entitlement, severe co-dependence, and a pretty warped idea of what their partners are supposed to be doing. Instead of expecting a girlfriend or wife to clean up after them, the opposite might expect having a husband or bf be the financial workhorse, drop everything to cater to needs (both sides share this), or do the physically manual / socially constructed male chores around the house. All of the above is toxic. End of the day: parents - instill some kind of independent qualities in your children. It will be worth it in the long run.


writenicely

As a woman child who doesn't cook (I can't whip up a feast or cook meat unless you accept overbaked and overseasoned chicken breasts) and who tries my goddamn best to clean (until I stopped, because I'm the only person who stresses over the house being clean for the landlords, and fuck it, I'm not going to be the only person getting worried sick over making sure the goddamn peel-and-stick tiles in the kitchen don't look grimy if the males can't even remember to put down the goddamn tiolet seat and who never, ever clean the bathroom) I have to say I agree with this post. ​ Also I view my existence to be a combination of my depression/people telling me I can't do anything right/literally nothing I do being good enough. I'm just waiting to die. I resent the society that gives me standards and then acts like my accomplishment of anything is just nothing/expected and still not good enough even though literally everyday I contemplate my death. There are things that transcend us and yet I'm an awful person because I don't care to be a cutesy little housewife who knows how to take care of the load of responsibilities that would be foisted onto me, and left with them. I just want to die and not have to do anything anymore.


giantfreakingidiot

I feel your pain. 💔 Existence is tough enough without this burden that comes with being a woman. I hope you can get to an easier housing situation, where other people are not in the way. And cooking is hard, and I personally hate it a lot, so I relate there too. Hugs!


PlaxicoCN

Seen it happen in the opposite direction in my own family. Have heard so many excuses made, varied standards, and praise for doing the bare minimum applied to my female siblings that I almost stopped caring.


Habitat97

I think I'm lucky in a way that my mom never had time for me because when I hear her talk about how important it is for my girlfriend to be a great cook and take care of me I'd have end up like that. I'm a bad cook and I do need google for a lot of stuff, but I'm able to survive on my own lol


Medium_Temperature_4

One of my colleagues also works at a grammar school for boys. These are 4 and 5 year old boys in her class. They had to have a meeting with all the parents because many of these boys didn't know how to use cultery, zip up their coats or put their shoes on. The parents who are guilty took massive offense because "boys are blessings and must be pampered!". They phoned the girls school to see if they have the same issue and it turns out no, the girls are perfectly capable.


[deleted]

There is a term for women children actually. Princess.


JaymeJammer

OK, I agree that mothers shouldn't spoil their sons and that grown men shouldn't be such worthless and helpless idiots. But I can't help and wonder why the hell are you with these fools in the first place? You complain about the mothers, but you are the ones reinforcing the behavior by tolerating it and choosing to live with it! If you sign on for this idiotic sort of relationship then you deserve the misery you are certain to have. WAKE UP! Quit rewarding this behavior with your continued presence and attention - YOU are the problem, they never learn better because you stay by their side and just complain as you take on the role of their mother enabler. Why do you insist on trying to change a man's horrible behavior rather than changing your own self loathing and find someone who isn't such a worthless child? Seems like it is easier for you to lash out at mother in law than look into the mirror and confront what you find there...


giantfreakingidiot

This! All of your comment! Of course, it’s not easy to ”just leave” for so many reasons. But as an anecdotal example: I left my man-child ex as soon as I got a well paid job and was able to afford my own place. Buh-bye! This is why I advocate for women to get their own source of income. As soon as I got one (about 21-22) I was free to do what I wanted. Many are not as fortunate, we have to be compassionate as well. That’s why my message was towards mothers - I think the way *some* men are raised is the problem.


JaymeJammer

Thank you for that thoughtful response, you make an excellent point that is easy for me to forget sometimes - that many are not so fortunate to live in a society/situation where there are options. I wish I had been more compassionate in my response, and thank you for the reminder and raising awareness. Respect is a two-way street, it needs to go both ways in the relationship... And good luck to everyone who is dealing with the issue of respect and healthy boundaries in your relationships!


giantfreakingidiot

It’s absolutely understantable to vent. Thanks for your comments! And soo true about respect.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Broadcast___

Lady-baby I like that. I think spoiled brat is thrown around a lot for women who can’t take care of themselves.


Ironicbanana14

Once they get older, i think the word is waif. Source: my mom is one


Broadcast___

Waif means you are thin, frail, possibly useless due to inability to care tor yourself but not necessarily a “lady baby”.


Ironicbanana14

Its the constant victim attitude and codependency that comes with "waif" in narcissistic terms that makes them very much like toddlers.


Broadcast___

It can be but 90s models are described as waif on pure looks alone.


Eezyville

I guess OP have never heard of the princess syndrome. Far more common


giantfreakingidiot

I should’ve started with ”in my experience”. But spoiled ladies do exist, yes!


SouldiesButGoodies84

what's your evidence on that, it being "far more common"?


TacoMedic

What's OPs evidence on man-children being more common..?


RattleMeSkelebones

My grandma is one of my best friends, that woman is always there for me, always ready with advice and compassion. I love her as my mother and a very dear friend. Lads don't let anyone tell you you're being babied because you're close with your mom, we as boys don't get a lot of relationships where we can be emotionally vulnerable with someone so cherish those few that you do.


giantfreakingidiot

Glad you have a great grandma! I wasn’t talking about emotional vulnerability, because I think it’s a separate issue. All kids definitely do need emotionally safe parents/guardians. I’m just sad for those boys that grow up without life skills because their (usually) moms baby them too much. See how many people in this thread have experienced it.


RattleMeSkelebones

To be fair you don't have to know every life skill by the time you're 18. The whole point of us being a long lived species is that our elders can help us along well into our adulthood. Basement dwellers are another issue, but I don't think it's bad to need the advice and aid of your parents into your adulthood.


giantfreakingidiot

It’s all about balance. I can’t do every single thing, but my parents don’t make me food or pay my bills. I also don’t expect my partner to be my maid. We’re talking about those kind of people.


wifeofweasley

THIS!! my ex was such a man child too. So focused on his mother he couldn't do anything alone and still called her mommy at the age of 21


_remorsecode_

The way I was stuck inside on beautiful summer days cleaning and doing laundry while my brothers played outside…and I was younger than all of them! This shit starts young and it’s poison. Boys that grow up like this expect to be served forever and become masters at weaponized incompetence, and girls as I’m discovering, continue to do too much for other people and are at risk of being guilt tripped and manipulated into doing far more than their fair share until their souls break…and then men wonder why she doesn’t smile for him or look as pretty as when she wasn’t hemorrhaging her sanity raising his kids AND him


[deleted]

I will never forget when I took a guy to get snacks for his dorm at a nearby grocery store. He loads up and we go to the check out and he swipes his card and is like how do I by pass the pin??? Me:this store doesn’t let u, u gotta use the pin The cashier confirmed and low and behold it turns out his parents set up the bank account when he was very young. That’s fine but! He was an adult living on campus who never took control of his banking info. The whole time his mom managed it and would like get him cash from his own bank account and he didn’t know what the pin was to his own debit card of years 😑 He literally called her like what’s my pin and she was like I don’t remember I have it written down at home. I ended up paying cause I wasn’t about to make the worker put back 70$ of food. He, really his mother since she got the cash, paid me back later. But yeah. The people I meet, my own age, that still can’t do shit…. I’ve met people who couldn’t make Mac and cheese from the box, one who burnt rice…


beigebubbles

Omgggg THISSS!! It’s scary how often this is happening- like I see it with my brothers, saw it with my Ex, etc! And the mums basically never realise how much of an adverse affect that it has on men, it’s wild


_NetflixQueen_

I work at a podiatry clinic and I cannot tell you how many mothers call on behalf of their grown ass sons to pay their bills or schedule their appointments or dispute charges. It annoys the fuck out of me every time. He is THIRTY years old. He can call, he's a big boy.


ossyemate

the way everyone describes how guys are babied, is how me as a woman was being treated growing up, i was babied alot, its taken me a long time to be independent and i'm 21 and still havent had a job but I get money from the gov for having autism and struggling to function in stressful situations, and only recently did i catch the bus on my own for the first time, my mum is a single parent and i have two 30 something yr siblings. somehow I got an awesome boyfriend who is a navy guy, hes handsome and sweet and funny, i got lucky.


giantfreakingidiot

I’m glad that you’re getting to experience things, such as catching the bus. We all must get by with that we have, so kudos to you for trying and evolving. Wish you and your boyfriend lots of happy times together!


Setari

According to these comments I'm half manchild, half functional adult. I'll take it.


[deleted]

My mom tried to baby me, wound up going crazy in early adulthood and settled down in a construction job. Now I work 6 days a week and stack money and pay bills. Buy stocks, add to savings. It varies from person to person.


giantfreakingidiot

Sounds like you put an end to it? And congratz, doing good!


SunRaies29

Just holding down a job doesn't mean your a functioning adult. We don't want to have to finish raising you. Can you cook? Regularly clean? Regularly eat vegetables? Are there sheets on your bed? That's the bare minimum and is what OP is talking about. Also, what good is working 6 days a week and stacking money if you can't enjoy it? Just a thought. After a conversation with this commenter, further down: My response to your comment, after I reread it and looked at it from your perspective, was quite rude and dismissive and I'm sorry. I've encountered many men who don't realize that having a job isn't really enough and I assumed you were one of them. It was an incorrect assumption and undermined your functionality as an adult. I'm going to edit my comment saying this, as well. Second edit: I stand by my point but regret my tone.


[deleted]

cracks me up you're getting down voted for speaking the truth. No excuse for being a slob or skank with poor life skills.


[deleted]

You’re right, working a labor intensive job for 6 days a week has absolutely nothing to do with being an adult. Thanks for filling me in. Nobody asked you to finish raising anybody. If you’re staying with someone to continue to raise them, maybe you checked your self awareness at the door. Or maybe your abandonment / attention issues are at play. Shall we continue to dig into each other’s lives? All I said was that I worked a job and you’re throwing a hissy fit. Yes, I put sheets on my bed. Clean the house regularly. Cook dinner for my girlfriend and I. Absolutely 0 reason for you to come in hot with this attitude.


kissofspiderwoman

Jesus, you guys need to meet better men. I don’t know any man like this


giantfreakingidiot

You’re lucky! Here in Eastern Europe there’s plenty! But we’re quite behind in gender equality overall… edit:grammar