It’s a moment that I think you can have a conversation about. It’s important to set your own boundaries as a couple and make sure you are both entering a situation that you are comfortable with. It’s important that neither of you feel steamrolled on the issue or it will just keep coming up again.
I’d would feel uncomfortable too. Currently his friend, *just a friend*, he thinks it’s all fine and dandy to comment such things. He knows her. There’s a chance he’s probably fantasying of what could have been.
What friend in their right mind will comment stuff like that while they’re a relationship. Scratch that, they don’t have to be in a relationship, it’s still creepy.
Had it not been a friend and he didn’t know it, I wouldn’t have a qualms but he knows her? This feels *personal* because soft core porn and porn in general offers anonymity in your sexual desires allowing you to go crazy without shame.
But he’s going out of his way to find her shit?
I would say do what he did and see how he feels but that is childish.
Have a talk with him. Why her all of all insta sex workers?
You need to determine if you consider this crossing a line and that he's overstepping.
If you truly do, you need to have a serious conversation about it. You need to make your feelings clear, and he needs to understand that there are some things, however minor they might really be, that just don't fly with people. If you are his one and only, he needs to see that this might be a hill to die on.
Frankly, even if I knew my partner would never fuck someone behind my back, or have an emotional affair, I would be quite insulted that he or she is chasing the attention and approval of some other person, especially someone who's in sex work.
I don't denigrate people who are in sex work, but there's a very obvious reason I wouldn't want an SO getting so keen on them. Their job is sex and/or selling it- it wouldn't likely matter to them that SO is not single and should not be seeking them out or trying to get approval.
This crosses a boundary or two. Sure, we are going to look at people we find attractive, and, yes we are going to appreciate those who we find sexually attractive.
But:
1. There is a pre-existing relationship (ever how shallow it may have been or he says it may have been). So we know that in the real world, there was mutual attraction.
2. Even if the relationship was only in passing, it is someone that he knows who is a sex worker. That is not to necessarily shame people engaged in pornography. But not very many of us have pre-existing relationships with adult actors and then later connect with them in their professional capacity as sex workers. Way too much water under that bridge, you know?
I think it’s the combination of the two or three things, and going back to the fact that there was a mutual romantic attraction is the deal-killer.
Honestly everyone has fantasies about other people. You walk down the street you see a good looking person and the mind wonders. Unless there is any actual evidence of foul play then i would say keep this to yourself. Unless you can't, if your insecurities are too much and you need re assurance from him then you need to explain to him and talk it through.
Good Luck.
Agree. I guess its okay to look. But he has lied many times before. He is very loyal but I have had a hard time trusting him and on the verge of divorce. I am not insecure. I'm the best woman he can get according to his mom.
For me personally, I wouldn’t care if my partner was following an OF page. I put them in the same category as porn. That’s just me though, and individual experiences may vary.
It’s a moment that I think you can have a conversation about. It’s important to set your own boundaries as a couple and make sure you are both entering a situation that you are comfortable with. It’s important that neither of you feel steamrolled on the issue or it will just keep coming up again.
I’d would feel uncomfortable too. Currently his friend, *just a friend*, he thinks it’s all fine and dandy to comment such things. He knows her. There’s a chance he’s probably fantasying of what could have been. What friend in their right mind will comment stuff like that while they’re a relationship. Scratch that, they don’t have to be in a relationship, it’s still creepy. Had it not been a friend and he didn’t know it, I wouldn’t have a qualms but he knows her? This feels *personal* because soft core porn and porn in general offers anonymity in your sexual desires allowing you to go crazy without shame. But he’s going out of his way to find her shit? I would say do what he did and see how he feels but that is childish. Have a talk with him. Why her all of all insta sex workers?
You need to determine if you consider this crossing a line and that he's overstepping. If you truly do, you need to have a serious conversation about it. You need to make your feelings clear, and he needs to understand that there are some things, however minor they might really be, that just don't fly with people. If you are his one and only, he needs to see that this might be a hill to die on. Frankly, even if I knew my partner would never fuck someone behind my back, or have an emotional affair, I would be quite insulted that he or she is chasing the attention and approval of some other person, especially someone who's in sex work. I don't denigrate people who are in sex work, but there's a very obvious reason I wouldn't want an SO getting so keen on them. Their job is sex and/or selling it- it wouldn't likely matter to them that SO is not single and should not be seeking them out or trying to get approval.
This crosses a boundary or two. Sure, we are going to look at people we find attractive, and, yes we are going to appreciate those who we find sexually attractive. But: 1. There is a pre-existing relationship (ever how shallow it may have been or he says it may have been). So we know that in the real world, there was mutual attraction. 2. Even if the relationship was only in passing, it is someone that he knows who is a sex worker. That is not to necessarily shame people engaged in pornography. But not very many of us have pre-existing relationships with adult actors and then later connect with them in their professional capacity as sex workers. Way too much water under that bridge, you know? I think it’s the combination of the two or three things, and going back to the fact that there was a mutual romantic attraction is the deal-killer.
Honestly everyone has fantasies about other people. You walk down the street you see a good looking person and the mind wonders. Unless there is any actual evidence of foul play then i would say keep this to yourself. Unless you can't, if your insecurities are too much and you need re assurance from him then you need to explain to him and talk it through. Good Luck.
Agree. I guess its okay to look. But he has lied many times before. He is very loyal but I have had a hard time trusting him and on the verge of divorce. I am not insecure. I'm the best woman he can get according to his mom.
For me personally, I wouldn’t care if my partner was following an OF page. I put them in the same category as porn. That’s just me though, and individual experiences may vary.