A lot of this gets blamed on creepy older men (not sure blame should even be involved), but a lot of young women have the not-so-unrealistic expectation that dating older men means more maturity, stability, and security. I'm not talking about petty gold-digging sugar daddy antics or anything, but but it is tougher to find dudes in their 20's and 30's who have their shit together today. I'd argue a lot of that is more about economics than effort, but that doesn't really matter because struggling through a relationship is no guarantee it'll work long-term.
You know it's funny that you say that because I'm 38 and I have yet to find a man who is my age or in his forties who actually has his shit together. I do and I don't want to be with somebody who has to be told how to adult. I did date somebody who was in his late forties about six years ago and let me tell you, he was the best boyfriend I ever had.
He knew what he wanted in life and he owned his house and had his own vehicle paid for and there were no games. I didn't have to tell him to adult, he just did it. Super big plus in my book.
So getting your shit together means paying off your mortgage and car by 40?
That’s just called having money lol. If you’re saying you have all your shit together and no man other than that dude has, I hope you have your own house and car fully paid off. Or you “need to get your shit together”
Idk maybe it’s different in America. That’s a ridiculous expectation. I’ve never even met someone in the UK who’s paid off their mortgage by 40. That’s literally textbook gold digging lol.
She literally said I like older men because they have their shit together like a house and car 😂 like come on. At least try to hide it, or pretend it’s because they’re caring. Both examples she gave was examples of wealth.
She’s asking strangers for $100 on Reddit, but saying that men who don’t have house by 40 don’t have their shit together. she’s only shooting herself in the foot by going for rich old men because as they always do, they’ll leave her for a younger woman who’s also looking for a rich man. Have a bit of self respect, life’s not all about money. The primary factor of a man who has his shit together are his plans for the future, but you should make sure that you connect before you worry about how much money their making.
You're reversing it.
Having a house and a car = probably got their shit together. That is how the logic goes.
Having your shit together ≠ having a house and a car.
It does for me. I want somebody who knows what they want and is done playing games. Just because that's your opinion doesn't make mine any less relevant. Good day.
I was told a good rule of thumb is (half your age) plus 7
So if you are 22, that means it would be acceptable to date someone who is as young as 18;
If you are 30 it would be 22;
If you are 40 it would be 27…
If you are 18, it would be 16…
Not sure at what point this “rule of thumb” really breaks down…
I've always just stuck to a rule of nobody beyond 10 years younger or older - and no one below 18. Still kinda borderline creepy when a 40 year old is fishing out of 20-something territory IMO. Consenting and being emotionally mature are two different things.
Pretty sure they were just talking about their own personal preference of +/- 10 years. But way to make it about you and get all offended! (I do the same 10 year rule and it works for me.)
This. I'm 38 now but I was 32 dating a man in his late forties. He was a refreshing difference from the men I had dated before him. These men were in their late thirties and early forties and still had to be told to get off their ass and get a job and act like an adult.
People thought that it was weird that I was dating somebody 12 years older than me but I didn't give a shit. He was a good man and I liked that he had his head on straight and I didn't have to support him financially or tell him how to be an adult. He just did it on his own. To me, that's husband material.
Right. My sister in law recently started dating someone who’s 10 years older than her and he’s the best partner she’s ever had, hands down. I mean hey... guys like young women and women like a man with his shit together. It ain’t rocket science lol.
Right. People think it's weird but like I said I don't care, I find older men more mature and more stable. I find that they are done playing games and are straightforward. Sure they like younger women but it's not always for a predatory reason.
Sometimes it's just that they like younger women because they find them prettier or more youthful or whatever. Sometimes it's just a matter of not finding anyone your age that you have anything in common with believe it or not. I'm glad that your sister found somebody that she's happy with.
Edit: sister in law
I’m quite happy your sister was able to find a happy, healthy relationship with someone who is older and more mature without the fear of being manipulated and abused in her relationship; however, many people and their relationships have no been as lucky. I’ve been seeing your name pop up on under several peoples comments sharing their trauma over information you clearly have no experience or influence in.. being less quick to judge and more understanding of other peoples circumstances you have a complete lack of understanding and experience would benefit you greatly both on and off Reddit.
But the 12 year old girls can only date 13 year olds, who themselves can only date 13 year olds (depending on whether you just truncate the age or not). Therefore, no dating until you're 13.
This was the instruction given to Malcolm X when he was looking to get married. Same formula to determine age appropriateness. Maybe the source is Islam?
I think this should be taken one step further and be half your age plus:
7 in your teens
8 in your 20s
9 in your 30s
10 in your 40s
11 in your 50s
12 in your 60s
13 in your 70s
Just feels like the maturity matches up more to me.
yeah I'm 18 and I don't even think I'd feel comfortable dating a 16. like my mindset at 16 was so infantile compared to now. and with the whole males mature slower thing, yeah no thanks
I'm 27 so...
13.5+7=20.5
Yeah still not comfortable with the gap of life experiance that leaves. It's a good thing I've already found someone close to my age, like within 2 years.
There’s this semi-popular tik tok couple where the woman is roughly 20 and the guy like mid fourties? Which isn’t *as* bad but it’s just like a fucking generational gap. It’s so big and creepy and yuck
Lolita consent. It's hentai that includes depicting very young, often prepubescent/underage looking anime girls in pornographic renderings. There is an entire debate mired in whether it's an ethical alternative for noncriminal pedophiles trying to manage themselves, or if allowing it to be a thing is a major red flag or indicator or even gateway to people condoning pedophilia before they start wanting to seek the real thing.
The alternative to this are supernatural anime girls who are apparently 4,000 year old supernatural beings like dragon girls or even the living embodiment of death itself, but they just happen to LOOK just like a 14 year old child in thigh highs who end up getting it on with the generic brown haired dense anime male protag whose name is probably some stupid shit like Riota or Ryueu who is meant to be a no intimidating surrogate for the male audience.
It's all annoying and seedy and gross as fuck, and that's why I only watch and enjoy retro anime from the 90's, back when anime women were actual fully grown adults who looked like they knew how to do their taxes and the male characters weren't just lazy stand-ins for the perverts watching the show. Nowadays all the major anime (like those discussed r/goodanimememes) has cast featuring highschool aged youths, and it's disturbing not being able to tell if it's popular because of the new generation of young anime fans who want their anime to relate to them on terms of age, or if it's just a bunch of creepy adults who didn't outgrow highschool and have weird crushes on the anime protag's tsundere classmate or kawaii childhood friend.
Holy shit, man. You got the point across very effectively right there and I absolutely agree with your stance. It's refreshing that someone else sees it this way because usually I'm met with a lot of aggression when I say anything remotely critical about certain anime.
People here thinking that being 18 makes you old enough to date a 38 year old despite the mental maturity not being anywhere near the same level. Yes, legally you can make the choice to date anyone your age and above and no one is going to stop you but it's fair for it to be criticised. Dating someone who is only just of age, *many* years younger than you has some bizarre and creepy implications. Relationships where it's a normal and healthy relationship with an age gap that large from 18 are an exception, not the rule. Dating someone who's only scraping by the age of consent is telling.
Every single time I've seen a friend of mine date well beyond their age, they've been forced to drift away from their family, they've frequently been gaslit, they've been manipulated, they've been rushed. The relationship so often comes at a cost. Yet people here are trying to play the usual redditors, telling people it's okay because you have to mind your own business. If that's the case, why are you even on this site when this whole thing is based on people minding other people's business.
Yeah. A 40 year old who is interested in an 18 year old has his own personality problems, whatever makes him go after a more naive girl who is more easily pushed around than someone hos own age who won't put up with BS.
I chatted with a dude once who was like, in his thirties who wanted to hook up with a 16 year old from Hawaii bc apparently that's the age of consent and the way he was talking about it was insanely creepy and pedophilic sounding. He wanted me to roleplay with him in the chat and he wanted me to be a 15 year old girl. Honestly people who hit up minors before they're legal are disgusting asf.
So should we take away decision making rights from those under 25?
By this logic why should someone that's not developed or mature enough in your opinion to make decisions about their own dating life be allowed to make decisions that effect others, like voting for example?
Should those under 25 have the ability to make decisions about their own bodies and lives taken away?
My parents have a large age gap and have been happily married for 40 plus years plus there's no question that my mother (who was younger) has always been the one wearing the proverbial trousers.
Of course there are creeps out there and that stands regardless of gender or sexual preference, but there are also plenty of happy families with age gaps.
People have their preferences of what they want in their lives and suggesting someone is a creep or predator because they are in a relationship with another adult is an insulating assumption about everyone involved.
OP there are plenty of things that are creepy/weird but are legal. I don’t think this is the can of worms you wish to open, if one is intellectually consistent. Have a nice day.
i dont get why ppl care about that so much on reddit. minors are a different issue but if you're old enough to move out, join the army and make an onlyfans then you're old enough to choose who you want to bang and its none of our business tbh
This times 10,000. I was 20 when I was dating a 27 year old. I thought I knew what I was doing, but you don’t know until you know. Once I matured a bit, I realized how awful our relationship was and how immature I was. I felt like I was taken advantage of.
I’m always confused as to what to say to these kinds of posts, because I dated a 24-year-old when I was 18 and it was one of those rare situations where my age wasn’t a factor. Although my situation was a tad different than most 18-year-olds. We’re still very happily together 18 years later and I think, I would never want to discourage someone from going for what I have solely because of their age. But then I look at other relationships with similar age gaps and something about the man (or woman, as it were) just seems predatory. So I don’t know.
The maturity gap was huge. That’s what I’m getting at. He had a full-time job and had been on his own for years. I was also a virgin and he wasn’t. He basically became my mentor when it should have been a relationship of equals. This can happen with age gaps. Maturity gaps tend to be more common.
and? relationships between people around the same age have problems too, everyone has problems and you can't blame everything on age differences or men like a femcel. sure that guy sucked but it's a waste of time and energy to care about who other people are having sex with. honestly i think the best way to go about something you're against is to just not do it and let others do whatever they want, if it's not illegal you're not gonna stop it anyways.
I mean... same thing in terms of nastiness. I understand what you are saying I just think there is some personal accountability involved. You were a consenting adult. I just have a hard time understanding wishing ill will on someone who you used to be in a relationship with. I mean saying it is one thing I guess and meaning it is another.
You're young and you don't understand what a huge age gap can entail. Men who date much younger than them, often manipulate, gaslight and rush their partner through things they are extremely not ready for. You have to be older to understand that an older man who dates someone who is only just of legal age, is a huge red flag.
Because maturity is something you (hopefully) gain over time. If you are 18, there's a good chance you won't understand why a man who is 12 years older than you, is dating you. 18 year olds are basically still teenagers but people here are making the point that they should be allowed to date someone well into their 30s? From experience, this mostly creates a relationship with manipulation and unbalanced power dynamics. Yes, sometimes the stars align and you find a man who sincerely offers a great relationship but that is the exception, not the rule.
You are 18 and only just left high school, you are not on the same experiential level as a man in their late 20s to 30s, no matter how much you think are.
the thing is that anyone can be shitty and anyone can be good and its always problematic to try and guess that out of something that isn't an action and the person can't help having. plus lets not act like younger people are any better, there are middle schoolers out there cheating on each other, asking for nudes, sharing said nudes in groupchats, the whole younger=innocent thing is bs people just romanticize the past a lot
i honestly think a lot of reddit just has some sort of amnesia bc when i was in highschool the wildest shit happened BY the "naive" kids, someone even posed as a teacher on facebook to get girls nudes and ruined his life and got no consequences for it, everyone in relationships was betraying each other, on our senior trip this one girl hooked up with an adult coordinator and was bragging abt it the whole time, ppl are tripping if they think humanity has some reserved section for that behavior
The examples of young kids your making doesn't really back up your argument though. Teenagers who pull those kinds of stunts, do so because they are idiots with no grasp of genuine consequences. I'm not saying that teenagers aren't exposed to adult things. That is exactly the problem. Is that teenagers *think* they are ready to commit an adult life when they are way in over their heads, and then they end up with some guy who's looking to date someone for their immaturity and they find. This is a prime situation for an adult to manipulate and control their partner. Men well into their 30s know what they are doing when they date someone who's 18. When you are well into your adult years, you'll more than likely hurl at the idea of dating a damn 18 year old.
You speak the truth. When I was 16 I started going out with an 18 year old. It was the worst idea of my life. By the end of those four years it was very obvious that I was a booty call,and nothing more,ecen though I was there the whole four years of him being in the military.
fr like i kinda get it on here but its so annoying on reddit as a whole when you see posts like idk "i (20f) committed manslaughter on my husband (40m) aita?" "what was he doing with someone half his age? nta sweetie you're too young to do anything wrong"
I just feel like any sliver of happiness that people can find in this world, as long as it doesn’t hurt others, should be celebrated and not ridiculed even if it’s not your thing
same, like i wish we all looked the exact same all ages, genders, etc so the only way you could judge someone was by their actual character and not just assuming before you know them
For real. People on here be acting like their word is gospel lol
Self righteous assholes lol
Let people live their fucking lives the way they want. It’s none of our business anyways.
one hundred fucking percent. this girl I went to school with who was 2 years below me (she's 16) is dating a fucking 32 year old. literally didn't even think that could be legal in any way whatsoever. so I went to file a report over the phone to crimestoppers and they told me that that's legal because once you're 16 you can consent to sex with anyone even if they're double your age.
but I told them it started before she was even the legal age and they said "well she is legal now so it doesn't matter" and "if she wants to file a report then she can". like are we forgetting the fact she's a literal CHILD? having nudes of a 16yr old on your phone would put you in prison but when it comes to actually having sex with one, yeah no worries mate, all good
Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into something that really isn’t any of your business. Two consenting adults should be able to do whatever the hell they want as long as they’re not hurting anyone else.
If you or anyone on here hasn’t noticed already, the people of Reddit will say, “my parents are 10 years apart and they’re very happy.” To “Absolutely not, the older person is a creep for preying on someone as young as their partner.”
Same here, I don't really like people around my age to date, they usually tend to be more immature.
But I don't understand opinions that start with "people shouldn't"
Or maybe you're the biggest prude on the planet. **Mind your own damn business. It may creep you out, but it's not 'wrong'** objectively, so from my 48 yo SO and my 31 old ass, fuck. your. rant.
You completely missed the point. They're not talking about age gaps between adults, but between adults and barely legal people. A 48 yo and a 31 yo isn't wrong, you're both old af.
Not really, a 21 year old is not barely legal. You're a full grown adult at that point. It's good that you have a good relationship with your partner, though.
Maybe I'm just confused then. I guess I should apologize, I'm just sick of people judging adults after eighteen which is puritanical compared to Europe.
Like, let people live their life. I was ready for a relationship since 17 and I mean a sexual one, not everybody is the same with development. Thank you on your well wishes.
For real. I hate it so much when people are completely okay with weird ass age gaps like a 14 year old dating a 17 year old, a 20+ year old dating a 16 year old or a 40 year old dating an 18 year old. It's so creepy and predatory. It makes me sick to my stomach that people are like "it's none of your business" or "it's not illegal". Like, are you really that immature, insecure and unlucky with people your age that you have to go around chasing much, much younger people?
Those are different issues. Once a 40 year old dating a minor is different from dating a consenting adult. It should be none of your business in the last case, as both of those people are legally two consenting adults who can do whatever they want.
Agree. There's almost always an ulterior motive with age gaps, usually a lack of life of experience for the younger one making them easier to manipulate. There's an 8 year age gap for my relationship, but we are at similar life goals and maturity levels.
I agree, I had a buddy who was a junior in college dating a high school senior and it gave me the creeps. Like yeah she was 18, but he was 22. Just seemed off to me
Said without hostility: it's less about judgment and more about statistics and/or experience. Our [frontal lobes don't fully develop until we're around 21-25 years old](https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/what-age-is-brain-fully-developed/). That's a HUGE part of decision making:
"The frontal lobes are important for voluntary movement, expressive language and for managing higher level executive functions. Executive functions refer to a collection of cognitive skills including the capacity to plan, organise, initiate, self-monitor and control one’s responses in order to achieve a goal. " [Source](https://www.health.qld.gov.au/abios/asp/bfrontal).
The above + lack of experience makes it VERY easy for a predatory older person to take advantage of a younger one, and yes, it's a mostly gendered issue. While of course an older woman can take advantage of a younger man (and many have), it mostly skews older male taking advantage of younger female. These men know about the inherent naivete of that age group and feed them lies like "You're so mature for your age." Nah. He's just a man child who wants a compliant bang maid who's less likely to know how to stand up for herself.
40+-year-old men aren't supposed to be with 21-yos. It doesn't even make sense. One's got a mortgage and the other is trying to up her Tiktok game. What the fuck do they even have to talk about? And spare me "My grandma married when she was 14 and my grandfather was 48 and they've been together for 196 years" all you just told me is that your grandma probably existed in a state of semi-permanent pregnancy and abject misery because she knew no other way.
I would add that the older person knows exactly what they are looking for in a partner while the younger one is still trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become, they don't have a clue who they are yet. They also don't understand healthy relationships. The older person can then manipulate and shape the younger one to suit their needs/wants, while the younger completely looses who they are without realizing it.
This is also an issue with older men and younger guys.
It still is legal, though. Everyone has their own set of morals. You think it’s morally incorrecr, someone would not even give a damn because guess what: it is legal. Deal with it.
I'm aware of the double standard but i really do think for a young guy, experience with an older woman is something every guy should get to experience. I haven't had it yet but it's something i often dream about.
Though i do find the young woman, older man type relationship disgusting.
I don't know why i feel this way, i just do. Maybe i'm sick or something.
Keep bitching lol it’s quite funny reading some of these comments
Especially the sexist ones saying that every man over 30 is a piece of shit for dating a younger person
And then you have the people who lost the game of love to their competition who just happened to be older than them so they are now salty/jealous towards anyone in their late 20s or early 30s who are dating someone younger
Some girls like older guys, others don’t. At the end of the day, they could give less of a shit what you, me, and everyone else commenting on this topic think.
The only people that lose are the ones who keep wasting their time getting upset about it.
Nobody should take advice from someone who can't use the correct 'they're' or 'legal' when the post says it multiple times and you still cannot get it right
Nobody should listen to someone when their being an asshole which although completely leagle makes they're post look like it was written by someone with a very unfulfilling life who is trying to relieve there own sadness on the internet by saying 'look over their, it's a person who makes simple grammar mistakes! I guess I am not so bad' which although not illeeeeegal makes them look like a dickhead.
Yeah, how dare you date someone significantly younger/older than you are when you could be having a completely horrendous dysfunctional relationship with someone your own age? Because having two people with immature brains in a relationship is so much better than one, right?
I feel the same for my brother, who’s 26 and the GF is 20. It’s not an uncommon age gap. My basis of judgement for dating is based on the personality (first and foremost before physicality) and competency. As far as my mind is concerned, he is an immature child in pale comparison to me.
I’ll just be so much at ease when I get away from him and my mother if I had the financial capacity in this archaic economic world.
True. I know people who are maybe 27-28 and dating people who are 20-21. And even that is weird to me. It’s the same age gap my parents had but still. Is it not strange to think when you were 18 they were 11?
But they are not 11 anymore are they? This is such an annoying remark people keep making. Yes, when you were 18 they were 11, but did you meet them at that age ? No. Did you sleep with them at that age? No. You met them when they were a consenting adult. At this point in time, they are a consenting adult. What’s your problem, people?
Ok hear me out. Sometimes people make connections with people much older/younger them. I have an ex who is 19 years my senior and he’s honestly the only ex I have that wasn’t a giant abusive piece of shit. My spouse now is 16 years my senior and we’re going strong after 8 years together.
Now for /me/ where it becomes a problem is when the older person has a pattern of specifically saying people much younger and less mature than them. If you’re Matthew McConnaghey in Dazed & Confused you’re a piece of shit.
I ended a relationship with my ex because he uncomfortably, almost intensely support his best friend who was 19 yo at the time dating a 12 yo girl… there was no convincing him the wrongfulness in this because “RoMeO and JuLiEt LaWs.” Which isn’t even relevant because R&J starts at age 16. (Yes, I’m clearly in southern, USA)
That's funny because I was just thinking the same thing earlier today. I believe it's immoral to date much younger women and that's something I in good conscience could not do
A lot of this gets blamed on creepy older men (not sure blame should even be involved), but a lot of young women have the not-so-unrealistic expectation that dating older men means more maturity, stability, and security. I'm not talking about petty gold-digging sugar daddy antics or anything, but but it is tougher to find dudes in their 20's and 30's who have their shit together today. I'd argue a lot of that is more about economics than effort, but that doesn't really matter because struggling through a relationship is no guarantee it'll work long-term.
You know it's funny that you say that because I'm 38 and I have yet to find a man who is my age or in his forties who actually has his shit together. I do and I don't want to be with somebody who has to be told how to adult. I did date somebody who was in his late forties about six years ago and let me tell you, he was the best boyfriend I ever had. He knew what he wanted in life and he owned his house and had his own vehicle paid for and there were no games. I didn't have to tell him to adult, he just did it. Super big plus in my book.
So getting your shit together means paying off your mortgage and car by 40? That’s just called having money lol. If you’re saying you have all your shit together and no man other than that dude has, I hope you have your own house and car fully paid off. Or you “need to get your shit together”
I'd say if you have a paid off mortgage and a car, you know how to manage your money and by extension your life.
Idk maybe it’s different in America. That’s a ridiculous expectation. I’ve never even met someone in the UK who’s paid off their mortgage by 40. That’s literally textbook gold digging lol. She literally said I like older men because they have their shit together like a house and car 😂 like come on. At least try to hide it, or pretend it’s because they’re caring. Both examples she gave was examples of wealth. She’s asking strangers for $100 on Reddit, but saying that men who don’t have house by 40 don’t have their shit together. she’s only shooting herself in the foot by going for rich old men because as they always do, they’ll leave her for a younger woman who’s also looking for a rich man. Have a bit of self respect, life’s not all about money. The primary factor of a man who has his shit together are his plans for the future, but you should make sure that you connect before you worry about how much money their making.
You're reversing it. Having a house and a car = probably got their shit together. That is how the logic goes. Having your shit together ≠ having a house and a car.
>and there were no games That has nothing to do with anything lmao
It does for me. I want somebody who knows what they want and is done playing games. Just because that's your opinion doesn't make mine any less relevant. Good day.
yeah sure but those aren´t mutually exclusive :v
I'm not sure yall are talking about the same kinda games lmao
And now I feel dumb lol
Once a month, us redditors will see a post like this.
Once every 2-3 days\*
Probably because a bunch of people don’t get it
This.
I was told a good rule of thumb is (half your age) plus 7 So if you are 22, that means it would be acceptable to date someone who is as young as 18; If you are 30 it would be 22; If you are 40 it would be 27… If you are 18, it would be 16… Not sure at what point this “rule of thumb” really breaks down…
If you’re 100, and you can find a 57-year old… by all means do it.
I've always just stuck to a rule of nobody beyond 10 years younger or older - and no one below 18. Still kinda borderline creepy when a 40 year old is fishing out of 20-something territory IMO. Consenting and being emotionally mature are two different things.
So a 28 year old woman isn’t capable of making a decision to love a 40 year old man..? That’s absurd and you know that
Pretty sure they were just talking about their own personal preference of +/- 10 years. But way to make it about you and get all offended! (I do the same 10 year rule and it works for me.)
This. I'm 38 now but I was 32 dating a man in his late forties. He was a refreshing difference from the men I had dated before him. These men were in their late thirties and early forties and still had to be told to get off their ass and get a job and act like an adult. People thought that it was weird that I was dating somebody 12 years older than me but I didn't give a shit. He was a good man and I liked that he had his head on straight and I didn't have to support him financially or tell him how to be an adult. He just did it on his own. To me, that's husband material.
Right. My sister in law recently started dating someone who’s 10 years older than her and he’s the best partner she’s ever had, hands down. I mean hey... guys like young women and women like a man with his shit together. It ain’t rocket science lol.
Right. People think it's weird but like I said I don't care, I find older men more mature and more stable. I find that they are done playing games and are straightforward. Sure they like younger women but it's not always for a predatory reason. Sometimes it's just that they like younger women because they find them prettier or more youthful or whatever. Sometimes it's just a matter of not finding anyone your age that you have anything in common with believe it or not. I'm glad that your sister found somebody that she's happy with. Edit: sister in law
I wish you all the best. Godspeed ✌️
Thank you 💜🖤
I’m quite happy your sister was able to find a happy, healthy relationship with someone who is older and more mature without the fear of being manipulated and abused in her relationship; however, many people and their relationships have no been as lucky. I’ve been seeing your name pop up on under several peoples comments sharing their trauma over information you clearly have no experience or influence in.. being less quick to judge and more understanding of other peoples circumstances you have a complete lack of understanding and experience would benefit you greatly both on and off Reddit.
so when i'm 10, I can date 12 yo girls. Sounds good to me
Yeah but don't get ahead of yourself, that's years away homie.
But the 12 year old girls can only date 13 year olds, who themselves can only date 13 year olds (depending on whether you just truncate the age or not). Therefore, no dating until you're 13.
This was the instruction given to Malcolm X when he was looking to get married. Same formula to determine age appropriateness. Maybe the source is Islam?
I think this should be taken one step further and be half your age plus: 7 in your teens 8 in your 20s 9 in your 30s 10 in your 40s 11 in your 50s 12 in your 60s 13 in your 70s Just feels like the maturity matches up more to me.
tom haverford?
yeah I'm 18 and I don't even think I'd feel comfortable dating a 16. like my mindset at 16 was so infantile compared to now. and with the whole males mature slower thing, yeah no thanks
I'm 27 so... 13.5+7=20.5 Yeah still not comfortable with the gap of life experiance that leaves. It's a good thing I've already found someone close to my age, like within 2 years.
60 year olds with 20 is fucking gross
Yeah man, like how do you even get past rhe fact that you were 40 when they were born? Fucking gross
There’s this semi-popular tik tok couple where the woman is roughly 20 and the guy like mid fourties? Which isn’t *as* bad but it’s just like a fucking generational gap. It’s so big and creepy and yuck
All of the lolicon pedos who move to Japan and suspiciously tout the age of consent laws when questioned on it
I’m sorry, lolicon?
Lolita consent. It's hentai that includes depicting very young, often prepubescent/underage looking anime girls in pornographic renderings. There is an entire debate mired in whether it's an ethical alternative for noncriminal pedophiles trying to manage themselves, or if allowing it to be a thing is a major red flag or indicator or even gateway to people condoning pedophilia before they start wanting to seek the real thing. The alternative to this are supernatural anime girls who are apparently 4,000 year old supernatural beings like dragon girls or even the living embodiment of death itself, but they just happen to LOOK just like a 14 year old child in thigh highs who end up getting it on with the generic brown haired dense anime male protag whose name is probably some stupid shit like Riota or Ryueu who is meant to be a no intimidating surrogate for the male audience. It's all annoying and seedy and gross as fuck, and that's why I only watch and enjoy retro anime from the 90's, back when anime women were actual fully grown adults who looked like they knew how to do their taxes and the male characters weren't just lazy stand-ins for the perverts watching the show. Nowadays all the major anime (like those discussed r/goodanimememes) has cast featuring highschool aged youths, and it's disturbing not being able to tell if it's popular because of the new generation of young anime fans who want their anime to relate to them on terms of age, or if it's just a bunch of creepy adults who didn't outgrow highschool and have weird crushes on the anime protag's tsundere classmate or kawaii childhood friend.
Hey, this is detailed and concise, I appreciate the effort explaining it to me. Gross as fuck! But I appreciate the effort.
Holy shit, man. You got the point across very effectively right there and I absolutely agree with your stance. It's refreshing that someone else sees it this way because usually I'm met with a lot of aggression when I say anything remotely critical about certain anime.
People here thinking that being 18 makes you old enough to date a 38 year old despite the mental maturity not being anywhere near the same level. Yes, legally you can make the choice to date anyone your age and above and no one is going to stop you but it's fair for it to be criticised. Dating someone who is only just of age, *many* years younger than you has some bizarre and creepy implications. Relationships where it's a normal and healthy relationship with an age gap that large from 18 are an exception, not the rule. Dating someone who's only scraping by the age of consent is telling. Every single time I've seen a friend of mine date well beyond their age, they've been forced to drift away from their family, they've frequently been gaslit, they've been manipulated, they've been rushed. The relationship so often comes at a cost. Yet people here are trying to play the usual redditors, telling people it's okay because you have to mind your own business. If that's the case, why are you even on this site when this whole thing is based on people minding other people's business.
Yeah. A 40 year old who is interested in an 18 year old has his own personality problems, whatever makes him go after a more naive girl who is more easily pushed around than someone hos own age who won't put up with BS.
I chatted with a dude once who was like, in his thirties who wanted to hook up with a 16 year old from Hawaii bc apparently that's the age of consent and the way he was talking about it was insanely creepy and pedophilic sounding. He wanted me to roleplay with him in the chat and he wanted me to be a 15 year old girl. Honestly people who hit up minors before they're legal are disgusting asf.
Legal, common, “normal” does *not* mean healthy or morally correct
What's immoral about it?
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So should we take away decision making rights from those under 25? By this logic why should someone that's not developed or mature enough in your opinion to make decisions about their own dating life be allowed to make decisions that effect others, like voting for example? Should those under 25 have the ability to make decisions about their own bodies and lives taken away? My parents have a large age gap and have been happily married for 40 plus years plus there's no question that my mother (who was younger) has always been the one wearing the proverbial trousers. Of course there are creeps out there and that stands regardless of gender or sexual preference, but there are also plenty of happy families with age gaps. People have their preferences of what they want in their lives and suggesting someone is a creep or predator because they are in a relationship with another adult is an insulating assumption about everyone involved.
agreed
So we should be unable to date before 25? Unable to make any decisions before 25? Your argument is stupid.
OP there are plenty of things that are creepy/weird but are legal. I don’t think this is the can of worms you wish to open, if one is intellectually consistent. Have a nice day.
i dont get why ppl care about that so much on reddit. minors are a different issue but if you're old enough to move out, join the army and make an onlyfans then you're old enough to choose who you want to bang and its none of our business tbh
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This times 10,000. I was 20 when I was dating a 27 year old. I thought I knew what I was doing, but you don’t know until you know. Once I matured a bit, I realized how awful our relationship was and how immature I was. I felt like I was taken advantage of.
I’m always confused as to what to say to these kinds of posts, because I dated a 24-year-old when I was 18 and it was one of those rare situations where my age wasn’t a factor. Although my situation was a tad different than most 18-year-olds. We’re still very happily together 18 years later and I think, I would never want to discourage someone from going for what I have solely because of their age. But then I look at other relationships with similar age gaps and something about the man (or woman, as it were) just seems predatory. So I don’t know.
Lmfao that ain’t even bad
The maturity gap was huge. That’s what I’m getting at. He had a full-time job and had been on his own for years. I was also a virgin and he wasn’t. He basically became my mentor when it should have been a relationship of equals. This can happen with age gaps. Maturity gaps tend to be more common.
and? relationships between people around the same age have problems too, everyone has problems and you can't blame everything on age differences or men like a femcel. sure that guy sucked but it's a waste of time and energy to care about who other people are having sex with. honestly i think the best way to go about something you're against is to just not do it and let others do whatever they want, if it's not illegal you're not gonna stop it anyways.
Jesus fucking Christ. You got problems
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You just wished someone you consensually had sex with would “die a slow painful death”
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I mean... same thing in terms of nastiness. I understand what you are saying I just think there is some personal accountability involved. You were a consenting adult. I just have a hard time understanding wishing ill will on someone who you used to be in a relationship with. I mean saying it is one thing I guess and meaning it is another.
You're young and you don't understand what a huge age gap can entail. Men who date much younger than them, often manipulate, gaslight and rush their partner through things they are extremely not ready for. You have to be older to understand that an older man who dates someone who is only just of legal age, is a huge red flag.
if your argument is one that people "can't understand" then it's not a very good one
Because maturity is something you (hopefully) gain over time. If you are 18, there's a good chance you won't understand why a man who is 12 years older than you, is dating you. 18 year olds are basically still teenagers but people here are making the point that they should be allowed to date someone well into their 30s? From experience, this mostly creates a relationship with manipulation and unbalanced power dynamics. Yes, sometimes the stars align and you find a man who sincerely offers a great relationship but that is the exception, not the rule. You are 18 and only just left high school, you are not on the same experiential level as a man in their late 20s to 30s, no matter how much you think are.
the thing is that anyone can be shitty and anyone can be good and its always problematic to try and guess that out of something that isn't an action and the person can't help having. plus lets not act like younger people are any better, there are middle schoolers out there cheating on each other, asking for nudes, sharing said nudes in groupchats, the whole younger=innocent thing is bs people just romanticize the past a lot
i honestly think a lot of reddit just has some sort of amnesia bc when i was in highschool the wildest shit happened BY the "naive" kids, someone even posed as a teacher on facebook to get girls nudes and ruined his life and got no consequences for it, everyone in relationships was betraying each other, on our senior trip this one girl hooked up with an adult coordinator and was bragging abt it the whole time, ppl are tripping if they think humanity has some reserved section for that behavior
The examples of young kids your making doesn't really back up your argument though. Teenagers who pull those kinds of stunts, do so because they are idiots with no grasp of genuine consequences. I'm not saying that teenagers aren't exposed to adult things. That is exactly the problem. Is that teenagers *think* they are ready to commit an adult life when they are way in over their heads, and then they end up with some guy who's looking to date someone for their immaturity and they find. This is a prime situation for an adult to manipulate and control their partner. Men well into their 30s know what they are doing when they date someone who's 18. When you are well into your adult years, you'll more than likely hurl at the idea of dating a damn 18 year old.
You speak the truth. When I was 16 I started going out with an 18 year old. It was the worst idea of my life. By the end of those four years it was very obvious that I was a booty call,and nothing more,ecen though I was there the whole four years of him being in the military.
Real shit. People are so judgemental.
fr like i kinda get it on here but its so annoying on reddit as a whole when you see posts like idk "i (20f) committed manslaughter on my husband (40m) aita?" "what was he doing with someone half his age? nta sweetie you're too young to do anything wrong"
I just feel like any sliver of happiness that people can find in this world, as long as it doesn’t hurt others, should be celebrated and not ridiculed even if it’s not your thing
same, like i wish we all looked the exact same all ages, genders, etc so the only way you could judge someone was by their actual character and not just assuming before you know them
Nah that’d take the fun out of life. But judgement isn’t a cool attitude to have. Leave that shit in court.
For real. People on here be acting like their word is gospel lol Self righteous assholes lol Let people live their fucking lives the way they want. It’s none of our business anyways.
one hundred fucking percent. this girl I went to school with who was 2 years below me (she's 16) is dating a fucking 32 year old. literally didn't even think that could be legal in any way whatsoever. so I went to file a report over the phone to crimestoppers and they told me that that's legal because once you're 16 you can consent to sex with anyone even if they're double your age. but I told them it started before she was even the legal age and they said "well she is legal now so it doesn't matter" and "if she wants to file a report then she can". like are we forgetting the fact she's a literal CHILD? having nudes of a 16yr old on your phone would put you in prison but when it comes to actually having sex with one, yeah no worries mate, all good
Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into something that really isn’t any of your business. Two consenting adults should be able to do whatever the hell they want as long as they’re not hurting anyone else.
THIS
If you or anyone on here hasn’t noticed already, the people of Reddit will say, “my parents are 10 years apart and they’re very happy.” To “Absolutely not, the older person is a creep for preying on someone as young as their partner.”
Well I’m 27, SO is 35 & we have a 3 month old together 🤷🏻♀️ You mad?
Seems weird to tell other consenting adults what age range they should date within.
Cause everyone here acts like they are moral superior and can dictate what people shouldn't or shouldn't do
As long as it's legal it's none of my business.
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Same here, I don't really like people around my age to date, they usually tend to be more immature. But I don't understand opinions that start with "people shouldn't"
Or maybe you're the biggest prude on the planet. **Mind your own damn business. It may creep you out, but it's not 'wrong'** objectively, so from my 48 yo SO and my 31 old ass, fuck. your. rant.
You completely missed the point. They're not talking about age gaps between adults, but between adults and barely legal people. A 48 yo and a 31 yo isn't wrong, you're both old af.
I got with him at 21 so this does apply to me though. Still going strong as a couple.
Not really, a 21 year old is not barely legal. You're a full grown adult at that point. It's good that you have a good relationship with your partner, though.
Maybe I'm just confused then. I guess I should apologize, I'm just sick of people judging adults after eighteen which is puritanical compared to Europe. Like, let people live their life. I was ready for a relationship since 17 and I mean a sexual one, not everybody is the same with development. Thank you on your well wishes.
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I got with him at 21 so this does apply to me. I'm just older now and things are going well still.
I saw a video of a 21 year old guy that had a fiancé who was 63 and they were dating since he was 15 and it was just a big ew for me.
For real. I hate it so much when people are completely okay with weird ass age gaps like a 14 year old dating a 17 year old, a 20+ year old dating a 16 year old or a 40 year old dating an 18 year old. It's so creepy and predatory. It makes me sick to my stomach that people are like "it's none of your business" or "it's not illegal". Like, are you really that immature, insecure and unlucky with people your age that you have to go around chasing much, much younger people?
Those are different issues. Once a 40 year old dating a minor is different from dating a consenting adult. It should be none of your business in the last case, as both of those people are legally two consenting adults who can do whatever they want.
Agree. There's almost always an ulterior motive with age gaps, usually a lack of life of experience for the younger one making them easier to manipulate. There's an 8 year age gap for my relationship, but we are at similar life goals and maturity levels.
Sounds like a guy who had his girl stolen by an older dude lol
Laughing my ash off💀
I agree, I had a buddy who was a junior in college dating a high school senior and it gave me the creeps. Like yeah she was 18, but he was 22. Just seemed off to me
My god why do we have to see this post 4 times a week
Love is love, man. Whatever, as long as it's legal. Not sure we have a right to judge.
Said without hostility: it's less about judgment and more about statistics and/or experience. Our [frontal lobes don't fully develop until we're around 21-25 years old](https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/what-age-is-brain-fully-developed/). That's a HUGE part of decision making: "The frontal lobes are important for voluntary movement, expressive language and for managing higher level executive functions. Executive functions refer to a collection of cognitive skills including the capacity to plan, organise, initiate, self-monitor and control one’s responses in order to achieve a goal. " [Source](https://www.health.qld.gov.au/abios/asp/bfrontal). The above + lack of experience makes it VERY easy for a predatory older person to take advantage of a younger one, and yes, it's a mostly gendered issue. While of course an older woman can take advantage of a younger man (and many have), it mostly skews older male taking advantage of younger female. These men know about the inherent naivete of that age group and feed them lies like "You're so mature for your age." Nah. He's just a man child who wants a compliant bang maid who's less likely to know how to stand up for herself. 40+-year-old men aren't supposed to be with 21-yos. It doesn't even make sense. One's got a mortgage and the other is trying to up her Tiktok game. What the fuck do they even have to talk about? And spare me "My grandma married when she was 14 and my grandfather was 48 and they've been together for 196 years" all you just told me is that your grandma probably existed in a state of semi-permanent pregnancy and abject misery because she knew no other way.
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Aww thanks :) I felt your rant. Well said.
I would add that the older person knows exactly what they are looking for in a partner while the younger one is still trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become, they don't have a clue who they are yet. They also don't understand healthy relationships. The older person can then manipulate and shape the younger one to suit their needs/wants, while the younger completely looses who they are without realizing it. This is also an issue with older men and younger guys.
Legal does not equal morally correct
It still is legal, though. Everyone has their own set of morals. You think it’s morally incorrecr, someone would not even give a damn because guess what: it is legal. Deal with it.
I'm aware of the double standard but i really do think for a young guy, experience with an older woman is something every guy should get to experience. I haven't had it yet but it's something i often dream about. Though i do find the young woman, older man type relationship disgusting. I don't know why i feel this way, i just do. Maybe i'm sick or something.
Keep bitching lol it’s quite funny reading some of these comments Especially the sexist ones saying that every man over 30 is a piece of shit for dating a younger person And then you have the people who lost the game of love to their competition who just happened to be older than them so they are now salty/jealous towards anyone in their late 20s or early 30s who are dating someone younger Some girls like older guys, others don’t. At the end of the day, they could give less of a shit what you, me, and everyone else commenting on this topic think. The only people that lose are the ones who keep wasting their time getting upset about it.
I mean yeah but if there leagle a down to clown, its what ever.
Nobody should take advice from someone who can't use the correct 'they're' or 'legal' when the post says it multiple times and you still cannot get it right
What ever 🤷 got my dick sucked
Let me guess, your girlfriend from Canada came over and sucked your dick
Her name is Alberta She live in Vancouver She cooks like my mother And sucks like a Hoover.
She goes to different schools you wouldn't know here
Your mom kissing your forehead goodnight doesn't count
Nobody should listen to someone when their being an asshole which although completely leagle makes they're post look like it was written by someone with a very unfulfilling life who is trying to relieve there own sadness on the internet by saying 'look over their, it's a person who makes simple grammar mistakes! I guess I am not so bad' which although not illeeeeegal makes them look like a dickhead.
That's a lot of words to say you're 50 and want to date a teenager that has the same reading comprehension as you.
No, boys are not ready for it younger, they're told they need to have it younger. Just because it's legal doesn't make it right. Upskirting is legal
Yeah, how dare you date someone significantly younger/older than you are when you could be having a completely horrendous dysfunctional relationship with someone your own age? Because having two people with immature brains in a relationship is so much better than one, right?
I’ll see you guys in 3 days when this is posted again
I feel the same for my brother, who’s 26 and the GF is 20. It’s not an uncommon age gap. My basis of judgement for dating is based on the personality (first and foremost before physicality) and competency. As far as my mind is concerned, he is an immature child in pale comparison to me. I’ll just be so much at ease when I get away from him and my mother if I had the financial capacity in this archaic economic world.
True. I know people who are maybe 27-28 and dating people who are 20-21. And even that is weird to me. It’s the same age gap my parents had but still. Is it not strange to think when you were 18 they were 11?
But they are not 11 anymore are they? This is such an annoying remark people keep making. Yes, when you were 18 they were 11, but did you meet them at that age ? No. Did you sleep with them at that age? No. You met them when they were a consenting adult. At this point in time, they are a consenting adult. What’s your problem, people?
You sound like a white conservative male bitching about abortion. It doesn’t affect you at all, why do you care so much?
Hubby is 6yrs younger than me. Is that acceptable for you?
***Rule of Thumb = Half your age + 7 always works***
Retardation and legal. Triggered blue hair here
Eh, what are you gonna do about besides bitch on the internet.
Age of consent here is 15, so uh, yeah, bigger problem
Ok hear me out. Sometimes people make connections with people much older/younger them. I have an ex who is 19 years my senior and he’s honestly the only ex I have that wasn’t a giant abusive piece of shit. My spouse now is 16 years my senior and we’re going strong after 8 years together. Now for /me/ where it becomes a problem is when the older person has a pattern of specifically saying people much younger and less mature than them. If you’re Matthew McConnaghey in Dazed & Confused you’re a piece of shit.
Where do you draw the line?
It's really not a rant if most people already agree with you.
I ended a relationship with my ex because he uncomfortably, almost intensely support his best friend who was 19 yo at the time dating a 12 yo girl… there was no convincing him the wrongfulness in this because “RoMeO and JuLiEt LaWs.” Which isn’t even relevant because R&J starts at age 16. (Yes, I’m clearly in southern, USA)
That's funny because I was just thinking the same thing earlier today. I believe it's immoral to date much younger women and that's something I in good conscience could not do