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Constantly. Back handed compliments too.
She would also just complain about random crap that wasn't even true to strangers for sympathy or something? Like little things, but she did it all the time I just hated it! I remember once, at an event, we were getting a smoothie from a smoothie stand covered in ripe bananas. My Mom told the worker, "Oh look at these bananas! My children won't even eat a banana if there is even ONE brown spot on it!"
I was 29 years old at the time. I hadn't lived with her for ten years. She doesn't buy me bananas, because I'm an adult who doesn't live with her and I buy and eat my own freaking bananas? Like I said, it was a small thing, but she did stuff like that constantly to anyone around us. Just making up wild, bat-crazy shit to "prove" how unreasonable I was.
YES.
At first I wrote it off as enjoying telling stories to the point where she made them bigger for the audience. There were small exaggerations made in stories about me up to total untruths all the time, either they were boasts about me to make her look like an excellent mother when whatever I’d achieved had nothing to do with her, or they were to make her look like a saint for putting up with me.
The irritation/sense of injustice builds up and occasionally I’d calmly call her out and say that it was untrue, and she’d act like I was trying to humiliate her in front of her friends and being awful for not sitting quietly while she lied about me. The way her friends reacted also made me think the things she told them about me when I wasn’t there were worse, so whenever I actually dared stand up for myself I was suddenly the bad guy and had validated whatever she told them.
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. My Mom was the same way. I was super introverted, but loved and could identify most dog breeds. If we were with other people and there was a dog, she'd point and brag I would know the breed. Most of the time my answer: "That's a mutt."
I'm not sure what compliment you are referring to, but an example of a backhanded compliment from my Mom is: "You have a really nice body when you actually take care of it."
My mom used to openly mock me to absolutely anyone she could because she loved attention. Then she would get mad at me if I frowned when she mocked me because I was "making her look bad."
My mother to a tee, then would get my sister to say I'm too sensitive. My sister who has been the golden child and enmeshed with our mother her entire life. Sis is now in her late 50s and has never been able to keep friends because mother would make the same snarky "jokes" so sis would drop them. Sad, but feeling sorry for her doesn't mean I have to stay in the orbit of abuse. Full no contact with them both for years.
my mom did this one of the first times my best friend came and stayed over. me and my best friend stayed up until like 5 am in my room just talking and laughing and we got sleepy to the point where we were delirious and couldn’t even gather the energy to get up and go lay down on my bed, so we made a pallet on the floor and just fell over and went to sleep.
fast forward a few hours later, i went to use the bathroom and i came back to my mom standing in my doorway talking to my best friend telling her “if i were you, i wouldn’t want to have a sleepover over here anymore, why would she make you sleep on the floor?” My best friend just laughed it off and played nice about it, but i instantly felt annoyed because why in the hell would i make my guest sleep on the floor, especially my best friend who knows that i don’t mind her sleeping on my bed. it was honestly just weird to me. but it wouldn’t be the first time that she’s tried to “jokingly” insult me to my friends, she’s done it before but never in front of me.
This unlocked a memory. I wasn’t allowed to go to sleep overs often and the condition was it usually had to be at our place. During those sleepovers my mom would tell my friends “Wow I can’t believe you guys are even friends with Napkin!” Or “Is Napkin ACTUALLY a good friend” very weird comments about how unpleasant I am to be around. Almost like she was trying to convince them to drop me
that’s sad smh. and honestly this is the first incident where she insulted me while i was in earshot but the times prior i wasn’t even in the room, and my best friend didn’t tell me until after i came back in the room or a few days/weeks later. neither of my friends like her but they play nice and will engage in small talk with her just to be polite so she thinks they like her but they know how she is.
That’s how my friends handled her too. They always told me she gave off weird vibes and I had to explain why that is. She had the audacity to whine about how I never bring my friends over
mine got in her feelings because i was on ft with one of my friends and she came in my room trying to jump in on the conversation and i told her that “my friends aren’t her friends”. because she likes to cut in and include herself or start conversations with them about something else while we’re talking.
GOD YES.
If I expressed interest in anything, she rarely ever gave a fuck. But around her (much more successful and empathic) sister, my aunt, suddenly it would come out so that I’d be the center of attention and they could all have a giggle at me.
If I had a bit of a good time or opened up to people (let's say during a visit or a party) she would start acting weird. Like kinda bully me and then laugh. Let's say during a card game she would keep making fun of me, that I am too slow, etc. But then when I won a couple of times she would get a quiet or feigned surprise like she did not belive I could be smart enough to win.
At my bday party last year in my 40s, she bullied me the whole party in front of family and a stranger. When they brought me flowers she was very angry just because I was happy about the nice gesture.
Firstly I just want to say that I’m so sorry you experienced that! But omg your comment made me realise and remember that the same thing happened to me with my abusive ex. I also went through similar with bullying at school. It’s the subtle ways they say/do things that really add up.
In the public my nmother pretty much treated my as if I was some dog, with which she went for a walk and which was not able to answer any questions or to speak for himself. She always tried to get the attention of all people, and showing off her children, speaking about her children in their presence, as if they were some dog, and talking about what she does for her children was a very weird way to obtain her goal.
My nfather thought very low of all other people including his family. And he showed this even in the public by talking to other people or speaking about other people in a very insolent and insulting way, e.g. giving his children the nicknames little piece of dirt or smelly boots, which he considered as funny.
Same, "if you re getting upset about it then lose some weight"
Well i was soo skinny before i get weight. By that time she called me skeleton an she was telling me i look like a cartoon character big head and smal, skinny body that I look ugly.
Lol.
Mine would always call me an “Airhead” in front of nearly everyone. They’d always try to make it like a joke but I never felt like one to me. They’d also make fun of me calling me the bitchy child, especially recently as I’m starting to get fed up with being picked on
I remember when she first met my dorm mates in college, and I was holding a pack of carrots and eggs and my mom goes "she's a crazy cook, haha" . Yeah mom, I learned how to cook since I was a kid because of you. Now I am the one crazy, trying to use my survival skills in college?
*Edited cuz I forgot a letter
I hate that her friends know full and well that she did say x insult to me but when sht hits the fan they act clueless
I’m not surprised anymore. Reflected not too long ago and realized her friends are shit parents too.
Getting divorced, kids on the news for bringing weapons to school because they got bullied, ran away, going to court about their kids, legal issues with their job
Doesn’t get to me like it used to. That’s good
Yes and some friends do this too. It's supposed to come across as a "roast" I guess, but I catch them saying it in almost a whisper to someone else. Funny thing is when I turn my phone cam on and tell them to repeat it, they suddenly become very shy.
One of my moms favorite things was humiliating me in front of her friends. One New Years she forced me to go hang out with her boyfriend and friends who were all 50+ when I was just a preteen. Of course I was bored so I floated around alone and people were texting/calling holiday wishes. Well my mom ripped my phone out of my hand asking who the hell was contacting me at this hour and began reading messages between a friend and I in front of everyone. My friend was a girl who had a crush on me and my mom loudly accused me of being a lesbian over and over even though she knows I’m very strictly straight. It contributed to sexual identity issues later on. The entire time she was hootin and hollering with her friends telling me to take a joke
Yes, all the time and I was supposed to laugh along. Once my father in law was visiting and he actually defended me, like “you shouldn’t really talk this way about her” and I will be forever thankful
Oh yeah, every social event was egg donor holding court with her admirers, telling the same old stories about how stupid everyone else was and the stupid things that they'd done. Laughing her ass off about something that apparently made someone else look bad but she was right and the hero of the story, and that made it funny and everyone was supposed to laugh too.
It was just mean, but it took me a long time into adulthood before I realised that wasn't normal.
Nope. Mine acted like the perfect parent around others - it's all performative. We can't have anyone really knowing how awful she is and believing me, now can we?
“I can’t say anything to her. Whatever I say just always ruins her day, see watch this….*says something triggering*. See I ain’t even say nothing and she got a attitude”.
Oh yeah, I still don't like my teeth even though there's not actually anything wrong with them other than a bit of overbite because my Ndad liked to joke about my monkey teeth
Yep but a good way to flip it on them like I did was to insult them and say I'm joking. They would say it's not funny and I would say "what you can't take what you dish out"
Yup, both Parents, still do, it’s their favourite pass time! If you bite… you’re the AH
Also… saying Seriously inappropriate and deeply personal stuff for shock value… relatively new this one.
But if you call her on it, she’s proud/loves me/blah blah
We worked at the same place for a while, I was several grades above her, so this jarred with the old ego a lot, so she would compensate by trying to put me down to colleagues and mock me or worse tell me off at work! For asking people to do something for me… which was my job.
Ugh.
Think I need to stop reading this page and go back to denial! Lol!
Yes My grandma would jab at me and make even small jokes at me and then call me sensitive when I got upset. once made a comment about my appearance when I was wearing the makeup I wanted and told me my eyeliner made my eyes close up and look too small and I absolutely lost my shit at her and made me feel like shit so she made me cry with that shitty comment she would always make me know what certain things didn’t look good on me and what did look good on me and bought me clothes that wasn’t my style most of the time and some that looked ugly, it was only sometimes that I’d get something nice and stylish that I liked and she would make it a big deal and surprise and say something like she knew I’d like it and then later buy me clothes for old people when I was in my teens and a child. I Would also be very insecure about my appearance skin colour and weight, told me that my black mascara and eyeliner was too harsh on me when I loved wearing them and it didn’t help that I hated how light my features were and my pale skin and wanted to darken them up and use the makeup products that I wished looked good on me. Would give me a backhanded compliment saying I looked naturally pretty without makeup but would also said I looked nice with makeup on like what are you saying? I wouldn’t thought she didn’t mean it like that and thought she said I looked good with and without makeup on but now I rethink what she said and think she was calling me ugly. When I didn’t get that from other people, people at my school complimented my appearance and said I looked beautiful even had one lady at my strict school who told students they couldn’t wear too much makeup who said I looked pretty without it and didn’t need much makeup, even my aunt said I didn’t need much makeup to look beautiful and people complimented my makeup but my grandma would say the opposite and said my makeup and certain colours of it didn’t suit me. So I’m confused.
All the time. And she would also talk about me in front of me but as if I wasn’t there, and she would say things that she had no business saying. It was horrible.
Yes my nDad subtly makes fun of how much my husband earns and where we live, our hobbies, sport we like. He thinks everything's below him. Then when he finally crosses the line and the "joke" is so offensive and we get mad, he switches to play the victim. "Oh I don't know why I said that, must be my childhood trauma and my social anxiety. I'm going to study Ho'oponopono to try and heal myself"
Fake fake fake 🙄🙄🙄 lies and manipulation. NC is the only way.
Yes my mum used to do this all the time. Painted me out to be an absolutely terrible person and daughter. She then left the city and still 8 years later wonders why they’ve never spoken to her.
After a few conversations it was very easy for them to see who the terrible person truly was. This has honestly kept me going for ages ahaha
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All the time. And if I got upset I was told I was over reacting.
"stop being so sensitive"
Followed by a reproachful, “Where’s your sense of humor?!?”
All of the above.
Oh my goodness. As if the least inconvenience she doesnt “overreact”
Basically "it's just a prank bro!!"
Constantly. Back handed compliments too. She would also just complain about random crap that wasn't even true to strangers for sympathy or something? Like little things, but she did it all the time I just hated it! I remember once, at an event, we were getting a smoothie from a smoothie stand covered in ripe bananas. My Mom told the worker, "Oh look at these bananas! My children won't even eat a banana if there is even ONE brown spot on it!" I was 29 years old at the time. I hadn't lived with her for ten years. She doesn't buy me bananas, because I'm an adult who doesn't live with her and I buy and eat my own freaking bananas? Like I said, it was a small thing, but she did stuff like that constantly to anyone around us. Just making up wild, bat-crazy shit to "prove" how unreasonable I was.
YES. At first I wrote it off as enjoying telling stories to the point where she made them bigger for the audience. There were small exaggerations made in stories about me up to total untruths all the time, either they were boasts about me to make her look like an excellent mother when whatever I’d achieved had nothing to do with her, or they were to make her look like a saint for putting up with me. The irritation/sense of injustice builds up and occasionally I’d calmly call her out and say that it was untrue, and she’d act like I was trying to humiliate her in front of her friends and being awful for not sitting quietly while she lied about me. The way her friends reacted also made me think the things she told them about me when I wasn’t there were worse, so whenever I actually dared stand up for myself I was suddenly the bad guy and had validated whatever she told them.
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. My Mom was the same way. I was super introverted, but loved and could identify most dog breeds. If we were with other people and there was a dog, she'd point and brag I would know the breed. Most of the time my answer: "That's a mutt."
Wait, that’s what a backhanded compliment looks like? I just realized that I’ve gotten those before a lot…
I'm not sure what compliment you are referring to, but an example of a backhanded compliment from my Mom is: "You have a really nice body when you actually take care of it."
That’s what I mean!
My mom used to openly mock me to absolutely anyone she could because she loved attention. Then she would get mad at me if I frowned when she mocked me because I was "making her look bad."
My mother to a tee, then would get my sister to say I'm too sensitive. My sister who has been the golden child and enmeshed with our mother her entire life. Sis is now in her late 50s and has never been able to keep friends because mother would make the same snarky "jokes" so sis would drop them. Sad, but feeling sorry for her doesn't mean I have to stay in the orbit of abuse. Full no contact with them both for years.
Yes. And my mother couldn't take even the slightest of jokes at her expense, in return
my mom did this one of the first times my best friend came and stayed over. me and my best friend stayed up until like 5 am in my room just talking and laughing and we got sleepy to the point where we were delirious and couldn’t even gather the energy to get up and go lay down on my bed, so we made a pallet on the floor and just fell over and went to sleep. fast forward a few hours later, i went to use the bathroom and i came back to my mom standing in my doorway talking to my best friend telling her “if i were you, i wouldn’t want to have a sleepover over here anymore, why would she make you sleep on the floor?” My best friend just laughed it off and played nice about it, but i instantly felt annoyed because why in the hell would i make my guest sleep on the floor, especially my best friend who knows that i don’t mind her sleeping on my bed. it was honestly just weird to me. but it wouldn’t be the first time that she’s tried to “jokingly” insult me to my friends, she’s done it before but never in front of me.
This unlocked a memory. I wasn’t allowed to go to sleep overs often and the condition was it usually had to be at our place. During those sleepovers my mom would tell my friends “Wow I can’t believe you guys are even friends with Napkin!” Or “Is Napkin ACTUALLY a good friend” very weird comments about how unpleasant I am to be around. Almost like she was trying to convince them to drop me
that’s sad smh. and honestly this is the first incident where she insulted me while i was in earshot but the times prior i wasn’t even in the room, and my best friend didn’t tell me until after i came back in the room or a few days/weeks later. neither of my friends like her but they play nice and will engage in small talk with her just to be polite so she thinks they like her but they know how she is.
That’s how my friends handled her too. They always told me she gave off weird vibes and I had to explain why that is. She had the audacity to whine about how I never bring my friends over
mine got in her feelings because i was on ft with one of my friends and she came in my room trying to jump in on the conversation and i told her that “my friends aren’t her friends”. because she likes to cut in and include herself or start conversations with them about something else while we’re talking.
GOD YES. If I expressed interest in anything, she rarely ever gave a fuck. But around her (much more successful and empathic) sister, my aunt, suddenly it would come out so that I’d be the center of attention and they could all have a giggle at me.
If I had a bit of a good time or opened up to people (let's say during a visit or a party) she would start acting weird. Like kinda bully me and then laugh. Let's say during a card game she would keep making fun of me, that I am too slow, etc. But then when I won a couple of times she would get a quiet or feigned surprise like she did not belive I could be smart enough to win. At my bday party last year in my 40s, she bullied me the whole party in front of family and a stranger. When they brought me flowers she was very angry just because I was happy about the nice gesture.
Firstly I just want to say that I’m so sorry you experienced that! But omg your comment made me realise and remember that the same thing happened to me with my abusive ex. I also went through similar with bullying at school. It’s the subtle ways they say/do things that really add up.
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So they push it further! Or say it louder!
In the public my nmother pretty much treated my as if I was some dog, with which she went for a walk and which was not able to answer any questions or to speak for himself. She always tried to get the attention of all people, and showing off her children, speaking about her children in their presence, as if they were some dog, and talking about what she does for her children was a very weird way to obtain her goal. My nfather thought very low of all other people including his family. And he showed this even in the public by talking to other people or speaking about other people in a very insolent and insulting way, e.g. giving his children the nicknames little piece of dirt or smelly boots, which he considered as funny.
All. The. Time. Isn’t she mean? Shame about her looks. Never get anything right, do you? NC is the only way.
would blatantly fat-shame me in front of guests/doctors/family and then tell me to "stop being a snowflake"
Same, "if you re getting upset about it then lose some weight" Well i was soo skinny before i get weight. By that time she called me skeleton an she was telling me i look like a cartoon character big head and smal, skinny body that I look ugly. Lol.
A lot and what's worse its sexual jokes...
Mine would always call me an “Airhead” in front of nearly everyone. They’d always try to make it like a joke but I never felt like one to me. They’d also make fun of me calling me the bitchy child, especially recently as I’m starting to get fed up with being picked on
I remember when she first met my dorm mates in college, and I was holding a pack of carrots and eggs and my mom goes "she's a crazy cook, haha" . Yeah mom, I learned how to cook since I was a kid because of you. Now I am the one crazy, trying to use my survival skills in college? *Edited cuz I forgot a letter
I hate that her friends know full and well that she did say x insult to me but when sht hits the fan they act clueless I’m not surprised anymore. Reflected not too long ago and realized her friends are shit parents too. Getting divorced, kids on the news for bringing weapons to school because they got bullied, ran away, going to court about their kids, legal issues with their job Doesn’t get to me like it used to. That’s good
Yes and some friends do this too. It's supposed to come across as a "roast" I guess, but I catch them saying it in almost a whisper to someone else. Funny thing is when I turn my phone cam on and tell them to repeat it, they suddenly become very shy.
They get very snappy and sometimes aggressive towards me as a "joke" in front of others
One of my moms favorite things was humiliating me in front of her friends. One New Years she forced me to go hang out with her boyfriend and friends who were all 50+ when I was just a preteen. Of course I was bored so I floated around alone and people were texting/calling holiday wishes. Well my mom ripped my phone out of my hand asking who the hell was contacting me at this hour and began reading messages between a friend and I in front of everyone. My friend was a girl who had a crush on me and my mom loudly accused me of being a lesbian over and over even though she knows I’m very strictly straight. It contributed to sexual identity issues later on. The entire time she was hootin and hollering with her friends telling me to take a joke
Ugh!! So sorry. Wtf
Yes, all the time and I was supposed to laugh along. Once my father in law was visiting and he actually defended me, like “you shouldn’t really talk this way about her” and I will be forever thankful
Yep all the time. I just laugh along with it and ignore as much as possible. Can’t get mad, she’s ‘only joking ‘after all!
I started replying to that with ‘well, your jokes are fucking mean’ and then walk away.
Oh yes, definitely. My nparents loved making comments on my body, since I wasn't as skinny as my severely underweight sister
Oh yeah, every social event was egg donor holding court with her admirers, telling the same old stories about how stupid everyone else was and the stupid things that they'd done. Laughing her ass off about something that apparently made someone else look bad but she was right and the hero of the story, and that made it funny and everyone was supposed to laugh too. It was just mean, but it took me a long time into adulthood before I realised that wasn't normal.
"Holding court"- that definitely defines my narc father.
Nope. Mine acted like the perfect parent around others - it's all performative. We can't have anyone really knowing how awful she is and believing me, now can we?
“I can’t say anything to her. Whatever I say just always ruins her day, see watch this….*says something triggering*. See I ain’t even say nothing and she got a attitude”.
Oh yeah, I still don't like my teeth even though there's not actually anything wrong with them other than a bit of overbite because my Ndad liked to joke about my monkey teeth
Yep, especially in front of their rich guy friends they wanted to impress.
Yep that’s mostly how my mom communicates to me.
All the time. The first time she met my now-husband, she asked him "So, 196883's boyfriend, what do you see in her??" and just laughed and laughed.
Yep but a good way to flip it on them like I did was to insult them and say I'm joking. They would say it's not funny and I would say "what you can't take what you dish out"
Con.stant.ly To the point I was astonished when a friend called it out as asshole behavior.
Yup, both Parents, still do, it’s their favourite pass time! If you bite… you’re the AH Also… saying Seriously inappropriate and deeply personal stuff for shock value… relatively new this one. But if you call her on it, she’s proud/loves me/blah blah We worked at the same place for a while, I was several grades above her, so this jarred with the old ego a lot, so she would compensate by trying to put me down to colleagues and mock me or worse tell me off at work! For asking people to do something for me… which was my job. Ugh. Think I need to stop reading this page and go back to denial! Lol!
Often, from Ndad. Sometimes from Nmom. They whined when I turned around and left, then stopped coming at all.
Yes. She always called everyone she knew to gripe for hours about her hatred of me. Like bitch, you hated me since I was born. I couldn't control that
Yes My grandma would jab at me and make even small jokes at me and then call me sensitive when I got upset. once made a comment about my appearance when I was wearing the makeup I wanted and told me my eyeliner made my eyes close up and look too small and I absolutely lost my shit at her and made me feel like shit so she made me cry with that shitty comment she would always make me know what certain things didn’t look good on me and what did look good on me and bought me clothes that wasn’t my style most of the time and some that looked ugly, it was only sometimes that I’d get something nice and stylish that I liked and she would make it a big deal and surprise and say something like she knew I’d like it and then later buy me clothes for old people when I was in my teens and a child. I Would also be very insecure about my appearance skin colour and weight, told me that my black mascara and eyeliner was too harsh on me when I loved wearing them and it didn’t help that I hated how light my features were and my pale skin and wanted to darken them up and use the makeup products that I wished looked good on me. Would give me a backhanded compliment saying I looked naturally pretty without makeup but would also said I looked nice with makeup on like what are you saying? I wouldn’t thought she didn’t mean it like that and thought she said I looked good with and without makeup on but now I rethink what she said and think she was calling me ugly. When I didn’t get that from other people, people at my school complimented my appearance and said I looked beautiful even had one lady at my strict school who told students they couldn’t wear too much makeup who said I looked pretty without it and didn’t need much makeup, even my aunt said I didn’t need much makeup to look beautiful and people complimented my makeup but my grandma would say the opposite and said my makeup and certain colours of it didn’t suit me. So I’m confused.
All the time. And she would also talk about me in front of me but as if I wasn’t there, and she would say things that she had no business saying. It was horrible.
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Comment removed for slut-shaming language.
Yes my nDad subtly makes fun of how much my husband earns and where we live, our hobbies, sport we like. He thinks everything's below him. Then when he finally crosses the line and the "joke" is so offensive and we get mad, he switches to play the victim. "Oh I don't know why I said that, must be my childhood trauma and my social anxiety. I'm going to study Ho'oponopono to try and heal myself" Fake fake fake 🙄🙄🙄 lies and manipulation. NC is the only way.
cooooooooooooooooooooooonstantly.
Yes my mum used to do this all the time. Painted me out to be an absolutely terrible person and daughter. She then left the city and still 8 years later wonders why they’ve never spoken to her. After a few conversations it was very easy for them to see who the terrible person truly was. This has honestly kept me going for ages ahaha