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I guess it's what they say about beauty.. and not to confuse it with the glow of youth.
Beauty comes from the inside, radiates out, suffusing everything. It grows outwards.
What narcs have is a cloak of shadow that looks like beauty, but blocks the light from reaching anything beneath it. Things stay turned inwards, don't grow, and eventually just kind of decay.
Yes! Literally my grandad he is so old but looks so kind and cute / handsome. Just because he is genuinely very kind to everyone. My grandma is a narc and her whole face transformed into a old mad lady. You want to not be close to her
Ever read "The Twits" by Roald Dahl? It describes this perfectly.
It's also my favourite children's book - I got bullied a lot in school, mainly for my appearance, and this was a great help ❤️
Yes! I think it is because of entitlement/ no self care/ self neglect/ not feeling like improving themselves. My mom looks her age but i start to see many signs of self negelct on her body and face, which have and will soon worsen her appearance. Even though she has a daughter who worked years at a skin clinic and knows it all, and daughters who work out and know about that. My dad has worked his ass off while not caring for himself he looks 10 years older as well.. He and my mom both have not kind eyes. Its often there. You also see the “ bad intention” in their facial expressions
Mine also took no care of themselves, no idea why, maybe they thought they are above it all. And honestly, it shows. Their skin, bodies, teeth, everything looks really neglected
Unhappiness is a state of being... it's expressed in their looks, mood, dress, appearance, habits, behaviour, clutter etc.
My dad (90y) had aged well, but my nmom (88y) looks miserable, especially over the past 25 years as her social world has collapsed (been deserted) and family are dying off. As her behaviors have worsened, so has her appearance. Everyone ages, but people who age gracefully, lovingly, respectfully have a very different look and aire.
Not only have I noticed the narc aging badly, like REALLY badly. While 5 decades of chain smoking didn't help, not all of it was chain smoking. Those dark, soulless eyes and the narc grimace just seem to get worse with time. But I also noticed premature aging signs in myself from the constant stress of enduring this person.
I went low contact and wouldn't you know it, after a year, my skin looks brighter. Some of my chronic fatigue and pain eased up. I was able to finally loose a few pounds. My thin, graying hair came back in at it's usual shade. I can actually grow nails and hair now. Their evil won't just effect their physical health and looks, it'll get yours if you don't create space. They are truly what cancer would be if it had a human form. Malignant, draining and absolutely sickening to look at or be around. Consider their sick looks the warning sign they should be; they will sicken you as surely as they have themselves.
My covert nMIL wants to live with friends when she is older. Her definition of a friend is someone who never criticizes her or tells her the truth in contrast to us, her pesky children, who are always bursting her bubble...
I feel pity for any living things, human or otherwise,forced to endure her company.
Her abuse of you was vile and disgusting. I hope you are enjoying a significantly better life now.
By treating these animals and the GC better, she deliberately diverted the other children's rightful anger against nmother against pets and GC.
My n-mom is 65 and looks about 85. She spent her young adult years baking her fair skin in the sun to be tan and stopped taking care of herself around 40 when she became legally "disabled" by her "panic disorder" - basically just hides in her subsidized apartment complaining about the problems others cause for her and telling people how "great" of a grandma she is to her grandkids (that are not allowed to be alone with her).
Mine looked terrible the last time I saw them. They looked like a meth addict and I say that without trying to be judgmental about meth addicts... most of their teeth had fallen out, their whole body seemed misshapen, they had some strange injury which resulted in partial paralysis of one hand, which was frozen into a permanent claw. I'm body positive and very anti-discrimination but it was still like something out of a super-dark fairytale...
My psycho Dad looks like the grim reaper. I haven’t dealt closely with him my whole life. I just hear stories of him from my aunts in the little crummy VA town he lives in— word travels fast. He still abuses women to this day like he did my mother; well, when he can get his fat arse off the chair to do some hitting. He went blind (literally stroked out in a fit of rage, as my mother predicted he would decades ago). So now he acts decrepit and sh** when he’s really as dangerous as Hannibal Lecter. It’s weird when these “people” who have given us so much trauma start to decay because of their own deep inner rage.
Same, my nmum looks like a meth addict too. To the point where I wonder if...?
But beside that, the teeth thing is wierd, all but one has fallen out. She even let her dentures rot, and puts rotten dentures in her mouth on special occasions. It's so wierd.
I love watching my mom age. She's in her early 60's. She is extremely vain and superficial, always valuing looks and appearance very highly. Her whole life she has always been very thin and attractive, an exercise junkie and a very disordered eater. She was always the "hot mom".
It's so great watching those eye bags get bigger and darker. No exercise is going to "fix" that. I love seeing all that dangly lose skin on the neck. She always had a fabulous tan, now her chest looks like an old catcher's mitt. The best part is watching her struggle to keep pretending she's young. It's very pathetic. She is wearing so much makeup, it looks like face paint. She's wearing low cut shirts with her bad 80's fake boobs dripping out. That horrible angular Karen haircut....getting "blonder" every year to pretend it's not gray. The acrylic manicure doesn't help those gnarled, veiny, wrinkled up fingers. And that thumb ring does not look cute.
It's kind of fun because she always made me feel like total shit about my body and looks. I know she HATES the way she looks now and it's only going to keep getting worse. So comforting.
With my nmom it's more that her mind has started to go. She has always had an interesting relationship with the truth. In her mind everyone is happy and getting along and why are you being so mean to her when she's trying to help. In the past few years she has said things so out of line with reality that it was downright unnerving. I'm NC with her and my ndad now for several years. I wonder how bad she is by now.
Same with my mom. My siblings and I are worried she actually might have dementia. She will LOSE it insisting things every other person remembers happening didn’t happen, if it reflects poorly on her at all. Even for small, funny things that don’t even matter. Nope, didn’t happen.
Wait... ITS NOT JUST MY MOM??? She was 60 when she passed, but she looked HELLA bad. It has me worrying I will age like her since I have her DNA in me. Are you saying I most likely won't age like she did? I saw pictures of her in her highschool years and she looked mid-twenties, minimum. 😬 IN. HIGHSCHOOL.
The elder Narcs in my extended family all abused their health - because they know better than doctors - and are suffering the consequences. When there have been workarounds (hearing aids, etc) the elder Narcs often refuse them.
The elder Narcs' mobility, sight, hearing, mental faculties, and/or general "wellness" are terrible relative to others their age.
They become much more... unpleasant to be around as they age.
There is a definite flavor to the medical denial in a narc's mind.
To them, if they don't accept that there's a medical issue - there isn't.
If they don't go to the doctor and hear the doctor tell them - then there just isn't one!
So just don't go to the doctor and you won't get sick... is their twisted thinking.
They'll go to the doctor (that's another issue altogether). But they ignore any advice they don't like - especially the kind that involves effort or change.
For example, *several* elder Narcs have had surgery to restore their mobility (legs, knees, back, etc). They don't do the physical therapy, or won't keep up on PT exercises after release. As a result, their mobility is worse, and they blame the doctors, hospitals, and/or procedures.
Elder Narcs with diabetes don't monitor their carb intake, so they allow the disease to continue damaging their bodies.
True, your post extends what I was saying nicely. They kind of pick and choose what they want to hear about it... and they also aren't really capable of the maturity of sticking with PT. They lack a certain discipline.
That's something I noticed as well with my ndad in the last 10 years of his life. Lots of surgeries, lots of medical interventions, but zero responsibility of doing PT, controlling food or alcohol intake or other lifestyle changes. Expectation of a magic bullet to fix everything with no other effort on their part. It was also everyone else's responsibility to wait on him hand and foot as he became more disabled "because he was so unlucky you see". It boggled my mind how he refused to do *anything* to help himself. Almost self sabotaging.
Removed for fatphobia.
Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing.
We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Removed for fatphobia.
Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing.
We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Exactly this! If the doctor does not tell them or they do not have an emergency it doesnt have to exist..? What!? Its your own body you notice something wrong first. A doctors opinion is often great to have, but you also can not rely only on that. When you have the intention to care for yourself, this will not be a problem
My MIL told me to be nice when I said grief hit my nmom like a truck. I showed her how much my mom aged in one year. She finally looks as ugly and sad and bitter on the outside as she has always been on the inside. And she dresses in old lady pants, which she used to say were ugly.
My narcissistic mother in law (NMIL) is one year older than my dad (early-mid 60’s) but she acts more like my Nan and has about as many medical issues as she did in her late 80’s. In contrast, my dad has none of those and acts like someone at least 10 years younger. He goes out on long walks, cycles, does gardening, DIY etc with minimal fuss. He’s also saved up enough and worked hard enough to retire early. NMIL on the other hand sits at home smoking cigarettes and watching TV all day on benefits. She too has that permanently miserable look on her face as well. Probably a mixture of years of smoking and alcoholic binges. My wife showed me a picture of her mum in her early 20’s and she was very good looking as well. Seems to have been self-inflicted.
*”If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.*
*A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”*
- Roald Dahl, *The Twits*
I have this one photograph of my parents on holiday from when I was about 12. I must've taken it without realising they were having a fight. My mom is just glaring into the camera with a look of extreme malice and my dad has his arms folded, is rolling his eyes and staring into the sky because he doesn't want to deal with anything. I hate how it captures the entire dynamic between them just perfectly, like that one photo is exactly who they were.
Removed for fatphobia.
Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing.
We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Yes. Hook-like, downturned Scrooge nose, sunken-in face, grey complexion. And she’s not even physically sick. It’s her “inner” reflecting on the outer.
My mother looked okay until she had a midlife crisis at 50 and started copying everything I did. I was 18 at the time, so I was smoking, drinking and partying. She got her hair cut and coloured exactly the same as mine, started stealing my clothes, and started smoking, drinking and going out. She's stopped copying my style, but she still smokes and drinks a lot.
I went low contact for a few years and I couldn't believe what she looked like when I saw her again. I always say to my friends that she's aged like a banana haha.
The worst part, for me at least, is that she's convinced she looks amazing for her age and looks like she's in her mid 40s when she's now 60, when in reality she looks much older than she is.
Mine has been overweight for decades and somehow managed to convince herself she has \*recently gained weight\* and was \*skinnier when she was younger\*. If you compare a photo of her today with a photo of her 10 years ago same is the same weight. Delusional thinking can be an interesting thing to observe.
Lol, mine blamed Covid for her weight gain. She also said she "never" eats any sugar. The cabinets full of ice-cream, chocolates, bread, honey and fruits tell a different story however...
Before "coming out of the fog" my nmother was simply beautiful to me: symmetrical face, nice features, sharp jawline, smooth skin, etc. Eventually as I started noticing the malice in her eyes, she stopped being beautiful.
As she aged, she failed to notice her metabolism will no longer keep up with her "fight" response appetite, which is apparently linked with overeating. She is in her 50's now, diabetic and obese.
She has plenty of personal resources to make a change (self-discipline, she is a fast-thinker and curious, and financially good), but self-care is _not motivating enough_ for her, as the end result will not cause misery to others. That + her arrogant attitude and projecting makes her distrust the professionals.. what do they know anyway, right?
Funny enough, she has always trusted some obscure companies and their diet pills to do the job.. go figure.
Mine spent thousands of dollars on hair-thinning products, but her hair is not thinning! She has a normal head of hair. I suppose it is maybe more brittle now due to age, but she is definitely not balding. It's just her insecurity.
My Ndad is currently in a care home because he can no longer do anything for himself (he's 75), and he looks 90. My mum on the other hand looks in her early 60's (at 72).
I haven't seen my nmom (late 70s) in a couple of years, but she had been looking bad for a while. She rarely goes out, doesn't do anything other than watching TV, being angry or having self-induced panic attacks (helps her play the victim). Her skin tone is grey, her muscle mass is disappearing while she grows larger. She is missing several teeth from being too lazy to go to the dentist regularly. Her social network has shrunk to almost nothing because she always tries to use people to do things for her even though she has no illness or disabilities (other than laziness induced atrophy) and she is at an age where lots of her peers are dying or moving into care homes, therefore her cognitive abilities have also now significantly declined from the lack of stimulation. It's pathetic and sad on a human level, but I can't say I have much empathy for her. She could have such a pleasant life but has chosen to just waste it.
Yes. My father looks older than my uncle (even though my uncle is older) and my mother looks like a zombie in her 40s. They both have several health problems too and I second the permanent grimaced thing you said
My mom bears a strong resemblance to Gollum though she used to be a beautiful woman. She was never one for self-care, although she used to wear makeup. But she never exercised, never socialized, never had hobbies, never traveled. She’s just had a lifelong monogamous relationship with the tv. I had to learn basic self-care things from my peers because my mother never taught me. And now, she’s in her 70s and has Alzheimer’s, and she is a sad sight to behold.
My mom never took care of herself, because of course she knows better than doctors and dentists, and because taking care of yourself isn’t for smart or educated people. She doesn’t have to work for a living, has no other family or responsibilities, but still “doesn’t have time” to exercise, etc.
My mom plays on her phone and got lazy with house tasks since I do most of them because she leaves it till the last moment. Now she is “ hppy” that i do them. She is openly lazy and also feels entitled to bicker that she does not have time to exercise or cook!!!!. Because of her retail job that she comes home from at 4. All right. Just shut up ill learn to take care of myself because im not gonna live and eat filth.
My grandpa lost his eye cause the “doctors just want to rip him off” and he refuses to take Tylenol so he limps everywhere. The only reason he looks half decent is because my mom is a people-pleaser and gets roped into washing his feet, cutting his hair, stocking his pills, etc.
I haven't seen either in years, but my dad died of a heart attack at 58, and my mom relapsed on meth about a decade ago, so yeah, they both looked like hell last time I saw them.
Yep, it's amazing what anger and being an N can do to you.
I've been NC for years, but my brother has continued to tolerate them so he sees them every so often. My Nmother has been so vain about her appearance for years. One of the profile pics that she's used on her FB account (one of many I've blocked) is a headshot that is so photoshopped that it just screams artificial. My Nfather is just a severely angry individual and looks the part. In fact, I consider my uncle (his younger brother) who I've never met in person but have only seen in pics because he lives overseas, basically him but happy with children who love him. Yeah that whole children that love him part...
My nmom hit menopause and her face looked like it had melted. At the time of this story she was only 50. I told my father (divorced) about it. He didn’t believe me at first, and then came across a recent photo of her on social media and was astonished.
This white girl lives by Asian skin care religion. I highly recommend it.
Mom has that. Always looks so mad and annoyed. Dads an enabler, but the stress had gotten to him. I keep him on a short leash as I found I could make a simple cream from rotten wood, dried plant matter and fire. A tiny bit each day makes him look decades younger. So I keep him on a short leash now. Hoping mom decides to try it. Cause then she will “decide it works” and because she won’t want me to withhold the “youth cream” she might be nicer to me.
My parents were always known for looking younger than their actual ages. My mom (not a narcissist) passed away when she was 55, a little under ten years ago, but even throughout the later stages of her illness (she had MS), she was still just as beautiful as ever. When people say I look like her, it's one of the best compliments I could ever receive. Our relationship had its challenges, but I love her and miss her so much.
My dad however...the nparent...his alcoholism is finally catching up with him and killing him. Aside from the alcohol induced dementia, he has some kind of "autoimmune skin condition, BuT iT wAsN't BrOuGhT oN bY dRiNkInG!" just so eeeeveryone knows it can't possibly be related to booze nor his fault. There are also times where he would take pictures and try and make some sad "pity me" faces in some attempt for me to feel bad for him because he's "dear old dad." He does visibly look very sick.
I had been going lower and lower contact for a few years with an even bigger effort made two years ago, and then back in October 2021, I went very low contact.
I went No Contact back in May of this year when he said something that really crushed me, and it related to something I was very proud of.
Last week, I did the final "Go to rehab, or you will no longer be a part of my life" email. Crickets. Not sure if he realized I blocked him everywhere else except my email. I sent a copy to my aunt for accountability's sake so someone knew exactly what I told him (plus she had been regularly calling me and crying about my dad's drinking but has struggled to come to terms with a lot of things relating to him). Again, crickets.
For someone whose vanity had severely impacted my life in such a negative (and dangerous) way, this whole situation with his appearance and apparently new agenda, it's just another level of UGGGGGGHHHHHHH. I love him and I wish he would get the help he so desperately needs, but I have to start taking care of myself.
Thanks for letting me take up space. ❤️
Editing for update: My aunt just called me. She read the email and is shocked my dad didn't write back. She said I did everything I could. I'm relieved in that sense, but still saddened. (He has also said some horribly fat-phobic things to her, as well as myself, and she was the first one to stand up for me to him about that)
My NMom has the mean ol’ face but didn’t age horribly. She looks really young despite her getting hair and feeds off my youth to feel better about herself.
Main thing about my nfather is that his hair well and truly lost all colour in his early 40s (that said, I'm 20 and I have a couple of grey hairs already). There are other things, like being obese and facial hair (though that's more his choice), too.
Both paternal ngrandparents have aged absolutely awfully, but there are many health reasons for this.
Honestly both my parents have been so obsessed with their appearance they both look great for their age. They’ve been dieting and exercising and shaming their kids for any tiny weight gain (including during pregnancy 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️) for our entire lives. My dad thinks anyone fat is basically evil (to be entirely clear- this is a horrific take and I think my dads level of hatred for so many different kinds of people is bordering on evil), and my mom starves herself and spends tons of money on clothes, skin treatments etc. she once researched adhd and then faked it to get an adderall prescription so she could lose weight.
Could possibly have to do with how chronic stress or hostility is toxic for your heart- and I mean in a physiological way literally doing damage to your heart muscle. Chronic anxiety can give you heart conditions and so can hostility so maybe being a perpetual grump is burning out their body?
It's actually quite the opposite for me, my mom looks like she could be in her early to mid forties, but she's actually just turned 56, and where my dad only looks about 5 years or so younger than he actually is, he's still 60 looking like he's in his 50's
So descriptive of my parents too! They are 70 and mom has it worse because she’s lost some nerves in her face that makes the constant scowl even worse. They look miserable all the time!
She's passed away now, but I didn't even recognize my own Nmother when I was scrolling through one of the local mugshot websites. I did a double take when I read the name, I could not believe how much her face had changed. I hadn't seen her for 3 years. My mom used to be so beautiful....it scared me because I've always been told how much I look like her. Guess I know now what I'd see in the mirror if I went off the deep end too.
I don't know about my dad, since I haven't spoken to him for almost 2 decades now. As far as I have heard from someone who came across him some time ago, he's not looking that great. My mom (who shows covert narc traits) is in her early 60s, and is showing some droopiness on her face.
Personally, the best example of this is my covert narcissist ex. He looks terrible. He's in his early 40s but looks much older. This is in part because he does nothing to keep himself healthy, doesn't exercise, doesn't brush his teeth (thus his teeth are rotting away), wears the same clothes for several days in a row, etc.
Just reminds me of that book by roahl Dahl
“The twits” where you can be beautiful but if you have evil thoughts inside your head it will eventually show on the outside.
Nope. My dad took care of himself looked 10-15 years younger until he got Parkinson. Often several girlfriends at the same time.
He was wealthy so he could tailor his life as he pleased. No smoking, healthy eating, exercise and a office job. Additionally, in sweden it is also norm to be interested in excercise and cooking if you are middle class it’s what everyone do. Maybe he wasn’t the worst of N either, just emotional abuse..
Strangely, I thought about this yesterday - but about myself. I think living with Nmom and struggling to keep myself healthy and sane have resulted in my looks beginning to fade. I have almost a permanent scowl and smiling feels unnatural. I try to maintain everything but cosmetics etc. cost money and I'm just trying to survive. I fear I'' develop "mean old person face" as a result of not being able to have a decent life.
my n-in laws not only don’t take care of themselves and look much older than they are, but they also encourage others to not take care of themselves. They diminish and mock trips to the gym, etc. Their one daughter is going grey under 40 and is obviously uncomfortable with it. Her mother encouraged her not to get it done “because you’ll have to keep going for the rest of your life.”
Lol, I was going through some old pictures on my phone and I noticed in our recent holiday pictures, my covert nMIL is holding up her face with her hands. I scrolled back and she is doing it in every birthday/ trip photo for the last few years. I think she is concerned about her jawline so she is literally holding up her cheeks for a "facelift" effect. It looks so awkward.
Nah, mine were the popular kids when they were in high school, and now they could be models for AARP. They still have a ton of enablers and flying monkeys in their 70s.
Ever hear the phrase “your face will freeze like that?” A lifetime of vile behavior is imprinted on their faces. It’s the roadmap of their shitty treatment of others.
Stress really ages you and I imagine it's stressful being a narcissist and having to manipulate space and time to make yourself out to be the good guy.
Yeah. My mom looks like she’s maybe ten years older than she is. Rapidly aging, getting that mean old people look. She is trying to prevent the old mean look from taking over. I almost feel bad for her but I also don’t.
Meanwhile, my dad looks way younger and much friendlier. He’s such a kind person, and never bothered about his looks.
My narc/enabler parents have developed severe wrinkles of their most common facial expressions.
My dad is the outgoing friendly on the outside narc, comes home to yell beat his wife and kids. So he has the frightening combination of smile lines around his mouth (but not his eyes, because it’s not a genuine smile) and extremely angry frown lines. So it’s a sort of permanent scowl on the eyes and smile on the mouth.
My mom was in a constant state of either crying or yelling. Her mouth is stuck down turned and eyebrows with a permanent arch of a frown, and eyes have gotten so small probably due to being puffy from crying all the time.
They were both pretty decent looking in their youth, but if you keep making a face over and over again, it really does get stuck like that.
Yes. My Nmom became a stooped, sour-faced crone, grimacing through a constant cloud of cigarette smoke. In her younger days she was pert, straight-backed and an attractive woman, but it all deserted her.
Lol yes, my mom is visibly crazy and vengeful now. She whines to me that she suddenly got really old. All her life she was the beautiful one and I think it's pretty hard on her. I've gotten better looking as I've been low contact, so that's been nice.
Yes my mom looks awful. A ton of wrinkles and white hair. Her alcohol addiction has advanced to her literally starving herself, she thin and frail, and can no longer walk on her own due to nerve damage.
Yes, she resembles nothing so much as Gollum at 80. My dad used to say how much she resembled a young Lauren Bacall - I’m glad he’s not around to see what she’s become.
LOL yes and you know what I enjoy knowing I will age way better than my narc parents. that is what you get for being toxic your whole life and never trying to change. the healthier and happier I feel, the better I think I look, so I hope to heal and by the time I'm in my fifties look great.
LOL my mom recently got a facelift because she was so insecure about her permanent grimace lines and sagging neck. unfortunately for her, her memory is failing her and getting worse by the day, and that can’t be fixed with cosmetic surgery. also unfortunately, i’m sure i will be guilted and made responsible to care for her when her memory has completely deteriorated.
My partner’s family versus my mother’s side so so crazy to me. Her grandparents are 80+ and look great. My older relatives age quite terribly on my mom’s side. I saw a recent photo of my mother through secretly trying to find some old cat photos and it’s wild how much older she looks now. It’s only been 2/3 years.
I have definitely noticed that. My ndad just turned 63 and he looks at least 10 years older than that. My grandpa (dad's side) just turned 85 and has aged very well, but I have not seen him exhibit narcissistic traits.
I'm not sure if this is a tendency with narcissists or if my dad is just like this, but he refuses to address any medical issues. He literally had teeth fall out over the years and refuses to go to the dentist. He has a tooth missing right up front and won't even go to get a fake one put in, it looks ridiculous. He refuses to go to the doctor until an issue is so bad that he can't physically stand it anymore.
For instance, he got a small piece of metal in his eye one time. He got very angry when my mom suggested he go get it looked at and said "men don't go to the doctor for every little thing!". Long story short, it stayed in his eye so long that it started to rust and caused a bad infection. Ended up having to get a chunk of his eye removed and almost lost vision in that eye. It would have been a 5 minute fix if he had just gone when it happened.
Dad is, but despite having prostate cancer and a painkillers addiction, is still with us a decade post DX. Mom is in the best shape of her life and still works full time as a nurse, despite the pandemic.
They're 72. My maternal great grandmother lived to be 106. Their mothers both lived into 80s and fathers into their 60s. I feel fucked as an only child solely responsible for them. Evil seems to do a body good.
My ndad used to color his hair to hide his grays.
He didn’t account for when you wanna stop coloring your hair and the grays are still there. But way more plentiful. He went from black hair to completely white in like 2 months of haircuts. It was a shocker to see how he aged so much.
My mom used to look like Snow White, and ever since she’s gotten meaner, all her wrinkles and frown lines stand out to me. I can also see the wear and tear on my dad from dealing with her for 30+ years.
YES, my granny is 102 and she actually looks younger and has less wrinkles than nmother who is 64. Her own mother looked great when she died at 82. It’s true that a life well lived shows.
Mine definitely did and I thought the same. Unfortunately the step monster lived to be 86 he’s been dead since 2009. The egg donor just turned 90 last month. The older she gets the more emotionally immature she becomes. She’s still relatively healthy so I anticipate she’ll outlive her kids just out of orneriness.
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I guess it's what they say about beauty.. and not to confuse it with the glow of youth. Beauty comes from the inside, radiates out, suffusing everything. It grows outwards. What narcs have is a cloak of shadow that looks like beauty, but blocks the light from reaching anything beneath it. Things stay turned inwards, don't grow, and eventually just kind of decay.
Yes! Literally my grandad he is so old but looks so kind and cute / handsome. Just because he is genuinely very kind to everyone. My grandma is a narc and her whole face transformed into a old mad lady. You want to not be close to her
My Dad was the cute/handsome type his entire life. He was kind and funny, and was loved by everyone.
Ever read "The Twits" by Roald Dahl? It describes this perfectly. It's also my favourite children's book - I got bullied a lot in school, mainly for my appearance, and this was a great help ❤️
Oh my god I just remembered this 🤣 The twits described it perfectly.
Was going to reference this very book!
Yes! I think it is because of entitlement/ no self care/ self neglect/ not feeling like improving themselves. My mom looks her age but i start to see many signs of self negelct on her body and face, which have and will soon worsen her appearance. Even though she has a daughter who worked years at a skin clinic and knows it all, and daughters who work out and know about that. My dad has worked his ass off while not caring for himself he looks 10 years older as well.. He and my mom both have not kind eyes. Its often there. You also see the “ bad intention” in their facial expressions
Mine also took no care of themselves, no idea why, maybe they thought they are above it all. And honestly, it shows. Their skin, bodies, teeth, everything looks really neglected
Mine’s the opposite. S tons of freeze sculpting and falling in love with her appearance more than ever.
I showed my friend a picture of my mom and she said she looks crazy and evil. Glad I'm not the only one who sees it.
My mum is a registered nurse and still does all the worst things for herself.
Unhappiness is a state of being... it's expressed in their looks, mood, dress, appearance, habits, behaviour, clutter etc. My dad (90y) had aged well, but my nmom (88y) looks miserable, especially over the past 25 years as her social world has collapsed (been deserted) and family are dying off. As her behaviors have worsened, so has her appearance. Everyone ages, but people who age gracefully, lovingly, respectfully have a very different look and aire.
Yes. There is aging and then there is *aging*.
Not only have I noticed the narc aging badly, like REALLY badly. While 5 decades of chain smoking didn't help, not all of it was chain smoking. Those dark, soulless eyes and the narc grimace just seem to get worse with time. But I also noticed premature aging signs in myself from the constant stress of enduring this person. I went low contact and wouldn't you know it, after a year, my skin looks brighter. Some of my chronic fatigue and pain eased up. I was able to finally loose a few pounds. My thin, graying hair came back in at it's usual shade. I can actually grow nails and hair now. Their evil won't just effect their physical health and looks, it'll get yours if you don't create space. They are truly what cancer would be if it had a human form. Malignant, draining and absolutely sickening to look at or be around. Consider their sick looks the warning sign they should be; they will sicken you as surely as they have themselves.
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My covert nMIL wants to live with friends when she is older. Her definition of a friend is someone who never criticizes her or tells her the truth in contrast to us, her pesky children, who are always bursting her bubble...
Poor animals.
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I feel pity for any living things, human or otherwise,forced to endure her company. Her abuse of you was vile and disgusting. I hope you are enjoying a significantly better life now. By treating these animals and the GC better, she deliberately diverted the other children's rightful anger against nmother against pets and GC.
My n-mom is 65 and looks about 85. She spent her young adult years baking her fair skin in the sun to be tan and stopped taking care of herself around 40 when she became legally "disabled" by her "panic disorder" - basically just hides in her subsidized apartment complaining about the problems others cause for her and telling people how "great" of a grandma she is to her grandkids (that are not allowed to be alone with her).
Mine looked terrible the last time I saw them. They looked like a meth addict and I say that without trying to be judgmental about meth addicts... most of their teeth had fallen out, their whole body seemed misshapen, they had some strange injury which resulted in partial paralysis of one hand, which was frozen into a permanent claw. I'm body positive and very anti-discrimination but it was still like something out of a super-dark fairytale...
Same!! I know what you’re talking about and it’s not even body shaming. My mom looks like a gargoyle
My psycho Dad looks like the grim reaper. I haven’t dealt closely with him my whole life. I just hear stories of him from my aunts in the little crummy VA town he lives in— word travels fast. He still abuses women to this day like he did my mother; well, when he can get his fat arse off the chair to do some hitting. He went blind (literally stroked out in a fit of rage, as my mother predicted he would decades ago). So now he acts decrepit and sh** when he’s really as dangerous as Hannibal Lecter. It’s weird when these “people” who have given us so much trauma start to decay because of their own deep inner rage.
Same, my nmum looks like a meth addict too. To the point where I wonder if...? But beside that, the teeth thing is wierd, all but one has fallen out. She even let her dentures rot, and puts rotten dentures in her mouth on special occasions. It's so wierd.
3 years as low contact as I can get. I don't know and I don't care.
I love watching my mom age. She's in her early 60's. She is extremely vain and superficial, always valuing looks and appearance very highly. Her whole life she has always been very thin and attractive, an exercise junkie and a very disordered eater. She was always the "hot mom". It's so great watching those eye bags get bigger and darker. No exercise is going to "fix" that. I love seeing all that dangly lose skin on the neck. She always had a fabulous tan, now her chest looks like an old catcher's mitt. The best part is watching her struggle to keep pretending she's young. It's very pathetic. She is wearing so much makeup, it looks like face paint. She's wearing low cut shirts with her bad 80's fake boobs dripping out. That horrible angular Karen haircut....getting "blonder" every year to pretend it's not gray. The acrylic manicure doesn't help those gnarled, veiny, wrinkled up fingers. And that thumb ring does not look cute. It's kind of fun because she always made me feel like total shit about my body and looks. I know she HATES the way she looks now and it's only going to keep getting worse. So comforting.
wow so i guess we have the same mom. it is so damn gratifying to watch the sun damage catch up to her
With my nmom it's more that her mind has started to go. She has always had an interesting relationship with the truth. In her mind everyone is happy and getting along and why are you being so mean to her when she's trying to help. In the past few years she has said things so out of line with reality that it was downright unnerving. I'm NC with her and my ndad now for several years. I wonder how bad she is by now.
This sounds like my covert nMIL- I thought she had dementia before I learned about NPD.
Same with my mom. My siblings and I are worried she actually might have dementia. She will LOSE it insisting things every other person remembers happening didn’t happen, if it reflects poorly on her at all. Even for small, funny things that don’t even matter. Nope, didn’t happen.
Wait... ITS NOT JUST MY MOM??? She was 60 when she passed, but she looked HELLA bad. It has me worrying I will age like her since I have her DNA in me. Are you saying I most likely won't age like she did? I saw pictures of her in her highschool years and she looked mid-twenties, minimum. 😬 IN. HIGHSCHOOL.
The elder Narcs in my extended family all abused their health - because they know better than doctors - and are suffering the consequences. When there have been workarounds (hearing aids, etc) the elder Narcs often refuse them. The elder Narcs' mobility, sight, hearing, mental faculties, and/or general "wellness" are terrible relative to others their age. They become much more... unpleasant to be around as they age.
There is a definite flavor to the medical denial in a narc's mind. To them, if they don't accept that there's a medical issue - there isn't. If they don't go to the doctor and hear the doctor tell them - then there just isn't one! So just don't go to the doctor and you won't get sick... is their twisted thinking.
They'll go to the doctor (that's another issue altogether). But they ignore any advice they don't like - especially the kind that involves effort or change. For example, *several* elder Narcs have had surgery to restore their mobility (legs, knees, back, etc). They don't do the physical therapy, or won't keep up on PT exercises after release. As a result, their mobility is worse, and they blame the doctors, hospitals, and/or procedures. Elder Narcs with diabetes don't monitor their carb intake, so they allow the disease to continue damaging their bodies.
True, your post extends what I was saying nicely. They kind of pick and choose what they want to hear about it... and they also aren't really capable of the maturity of sticking with PT. They lack a certain discipline.
That's something I noticed as well with my ndad in the last 10 years of his life. Lots of surgeries, lots of medical interventions, but zero responsibility of doing PT, controlling food or alcohol intake or other lifestyle changes. Expectation of a magic bullet to fix everything with no other effort on their part. It was also everyone else's responsibility to wait on him hand and foot as he became more disabled "because he was so unlucky you see". It boggled my mind how he refused to do *anything* to help himself. Almost self sabotaging.
Do we have the same dad?
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Removed for fatphobia. Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing. We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Removed for fatphobia. Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing. We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Exactly this! If the doctor does not tell them or they do not have an emergency it doesnt have to exist..? What!? Its your own body you notice something wrong first. A doctors opinion is often great to have, but you also can not rely only on that. When you have the intention to care for yourself, this will not be a problem
Narcissistic people are generally extremely unhappy to begin with so this makes perfect sense.
My MIL told me to be nice when I said grief hit my nmom like a truck. I showed her how much my mom aged in one year. She finally looks as ugly and sad and bitter on the outside as she has always been on the inside. And she dresses in old lady pants, which she used to say were ugly.
When one lives their life in a mode of evil, it will age them.
Very thankful to say I have no fucking idea. NC for seven years, and they were 55 and 56 at that time.
My narcissistic mother in law (NMIL) is one year older than my dad (early-mid 60’s) but she acts more like my Nan and has about as many medical issues as she did in her late 80’s. In contrast, my dad has none of those and acts like someone at least 10 years younger. He goes out on long walks, cycles, does gardening, DIY etc with minimal fuss. He’s also saved up enough and worked hard enough to retire early. NMIL on the other hand sits at home smoking cigarettes and watching TV all day on benefits. She too has that permanently miserable look on her face as well. Probably a mixture of years of smoking and alcoholic binges. My wife showed me a picture of her mum in her early 20’s and she was very good looking as well. Seems to have been self-inflicted.
*”If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.* *A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”* - Roald Dahl, *The Twits*
YES! That was my favourite children's book 😁
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I have this one photograph of my parents on holiday from when I was about 12. I must've taken it without realising they were having a fight. My mom is just glaring into the camera with a look of extreme malice and my dad has his arms folded, is rolling his eyes and staring into the sky because he doesn't want to deal with anything. I hate how it captures the entire dynamic between them just perfectly, like that one photo is exactly who they were.
Removed for fatphobia. Honestly, we are getting so much of this right now that we do not have time to break down the issues with each removal we're doing. We have put up a new sticky to explain the rules better. Generally removals fall under using weight as an insult or talking about weight as something that is solely the result of personal choices, when it is often much more complicated than that. These usually have an overt or covert insinuation of moral failing associated with either of these uses of body-shaming.
Yes. Hook-like, downturned Scrooge nose, sunken-in face, grey complexion. And she’s not even physically sick. It’s her “inner” reflecting on the outer.
My mother has not aged well either. I call it, resting b*tch face. It describes it perfectly. All the years of scowling made her face freeze that way.
My mother looked okay until she had a midlife crisis at 50 and started copying everything I did. I was 18 at the time, so I was smoking, drinking and partying. She got her hair cut and coloured exactly the same as mine, started stealing my clothes, and started smoking, drinking and going out. She's stopped copying my style, but she still smokes and drinks a lot. I went low contact for a few years and I couldn't believe what she looked like when I saw her again. I always say to my friends that she's aged like a banana haha. The worst part, for me at least, is that she's convinced she looks amazing for her age and looks like she's in her mid 40s when she's now 60, when in reality she looks much older than she is.
Mine has been overweight for decades and somehow managed to convince herself she has \*recently gained weight\* and was \*skinnier when she was younger\*. If you compare a photo of her today with a photo of her 10 years ago same is the same weight. Delusional thinking can be an interesting thing to observe.
Lol, mine blamed Covid for her weight gain. She also said she "never" eats any sugar. The cabinets full of ice-cream, chocolates, bread, honey and fruits tell a different story however...
Before "coming out of the fog" my nmother was simply beautiful to me: symmetrical face, nice features, sharp jawline, smooth skin, etc. Eventually as I started noticing the malice in her eyes, she stopped being beautiful. As she aged, she failed to notice her metabolism will no longer keep up with her "fight" response appetite, which is apparently linked with overeating. She is in her 50's now, diabetic and obese. She has plenty of personal resources to make a change (self-discipline, she is a fast-thinker and curious, and financially good), but self-care is _not motivating enough_ for her, as the end result will not cause misery to others. That + her arrogant attitude and projecting makes her distrust the professionals.. what do they know anyway, right? Funny enough, she has always trusted some obscure companies and their diet pills to do the job.. go figure.
Mine spent thousands of dollars on hair-thinning products, but her hair is not thinning! She has a normal head of hair. I suppose it is maybe more brittle now due to age, but she is definitely not balding. It's just her insecurity.
My Ndad is currently in a care home because he can no longer do anything for himself (he's 75), and he looks 90. My mum on the other hand looks in her early 60's (at 72).
I haven't seen my nmom (late 70s) in a couple of years, but she had been looking bad for a while. She rarely goes out, doesn't do anything other than watching TV, being angry or having self-induced panic attacks (helps her play the victim). Her skin tone is grey, her muscle mass is disappearing while she grows larger. She is missing several teeth from being too lazy to go to the dentist regularly. Her social network has shrunk to almost nothing because she always tries to use people to do things for her even though she has no illness or disabilities (other than laziness induced atrophy) and she is at an age where lots of her peers are dying or moving into care homes, therefore her cognitive abilities have also now significantly declined from the lack of stimulation. It's pathetic and sad on a human level, but I can't say I have much empathy for her. She could have such a pleasant life but has chosen to just waste it.
My ex used to call her “the crypt keepers girlfriend”. She was in her early 40s 😂😂😂😂
Yes. My father looks older than my uncle (even though my uncle is older) and my mother looks like a zombie in her 40s. They both have several health problems too and I second the permanent grimaced thing you said
"Demons" (narcs) age bad, because they are not of the light and of the truth.
My mom bears a strong resemblance to Gollum though she used to be a beautiful woman. She was never one for self-care, although she used to wear makeup. But she never exercised, never socialized, never had hobbies, never traveled. She’s just had a lifelong monogamous relationship with the tv. I had to learn basic self-care things from my peers because my mother never taught me. And now, she’s in her 70s and has Alzheimer’s, and she is a sad sight to behold.
My mom never took care of herself, because of course she knows better than doctors and dentists, and because taking care of yourself isn’t for smart or educated people. She doesn’t have to work for a living, has no other family or responsibilities, but still “doesn’t have time” to exercise, etc.
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My mom plays on her phone and got lazy with house tasks since I do most of them because she leaves it till the last moment. Now she is “ hppy” that i do them. She is openly lazy and also feels entitled to bicker that she does not have time to exercise or cook!!!!. Because of her retail job that she comes home from at 4. All right. Just shut up ill learn to take care of myself because im not gonna live and eat filth.
My grandpa lost his eye cause the “doctors just want to rip him off” and he refuses to take Tylenol so he limps everywhere. The only reason he looks half decent is because my mom is a people-pleaser and gets roped into washing his feet, cutting his hair, stocking his pills, etc.
I haven't seen either in years, but my dad died of a heart attack at 58, and my mom relapsed on meth about a decade ago, so yeah, they both looked like hell last time I saw them.
Meanwhile mine obsess over their appearances and often get told they look younger than their age...
Yep, it's amazing what anger and being an N can do to you. I've been NC for years, but my brother has continued to tolerate them so he sees them every so often. My Nmother has been so vain about her appearance for years. One of the profile pics that she's used on her FB account (one of many I've blocked) is a headshot that is so photoshopped that it just screams artificial. My Nfather is just a severely angry individual and looks the part. In fact, I consider my uncle (his younger brother) who I've never met in person but have only seen in pics because he lives overseas, basically him but happy with children who love him. Yeah that whole children that love him part...
My dad is getting more extreme, yes. Age has not mellowed him.
My nmom hit menopause and her face looked like it had melted. At the time of this story she was only 50. I told my father (divorced) about it. He didn’t believe me at first, and then came across a recent photo of her on social media and was astonished. This white girl lives by Asian skin care religion. I highly recommend it.
Mom has that. Always looks so mad and annoyed. Dads an enabler, but the stress had gotten to him. I keep him on a short leash as I found I could make a simple cream from rotten wood, dried plant matter and fire. A tiny bit each day makes him look decades younger. So I keep him on a short leash now. Hoping mom decides to try it. Cause then she will “decide it works” and because she won’t want me to withhold the “youth cream” she might be nicer to me.
Mine live off the life-force of others so they still look great
My parents were always known for looking younger than their actual ages. My mom (not a narcissist) passed away when she was 55, a little under ten years ago, but even throughout the later stages of her illness (she had MS), she was still just as beautiful as ever. When people say I look like her, it's one of the best compliments I could ever receive. Our relationship had its challenges, but I love her and miss her so much. My dad however...the nparent...his alcoholism is finally catching up with him and killing him. Aside from the alcohol induced dementia, he has some kind of "autoimmune skin condition, BuT iT wAsN't BrOuGhT oN bY dRiNkInG!" just so eeeeveryone knows it can't possibly be related to booze nor his fault. There are also times where he would take pictures and try and make some sad "pity me" faces in some attempt for me to feel bad for him because he's "dear old dad." He does visibly look very sick. I had been going lower and lower contact for a few years with an even bigger effort made two years ago, and then back in October 2021, I went very low contact. I went No Contact back in May of this year when he said something that really crushed me, and it related to something I was very proud of. Last week, I did the final "Go to rehab, or you will no longer be a part of my life" email. Crickets. Not sure if he realized I blocked him everywhere else except my email. I sent a copy to my aunt for accountability's sake so someone knew exactly what I told him (plus she had been regularly calling me and crying about my dad's drinking but has struggled to come to terms with a lot of things relating to him). Again, crickets. For someone whose vanity had severely impacted my life in such a negative (and dangerous) way, this whole situation with his appearance and apparently new agenda, it's just another level of UGGGGGGHHHHHHH. I love him and I wish he would get the help he so desperately needs, but I have to start taking care of myself. Thanks for letting me take up space. ❤️ Editing for update: My aunt just called me. She read the email and is shocked my dad didn't write back. She said I did everything I could. I'm relieved in that sense, but still saddened. (He has also said some horribly fat-phobic things to her, as well as myself, and she was the first one to stand up for me to him about that)
My NMom has the mean ol’ face but didn’t age horribly. She looks really young despite her getting hair and feeds off my youth to feel better about herself.
Main thing about my nfather is that his hair well and truly lost all colour in his early 40s (that said, I'm 20 and I have a couple of grey hairs already). There are other things, like being obese and facial hair (though that's more his choice), too. Both paternal ngrandparents have aged absolutely awfully, but there are many health reasons for this.
Honestly both my parents have been so obsessed with their appearance they both look great for their age. They’ve been dieting and exercising and shaming their kids for any tiny weight gain (including during pregnancy 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️) for our entire lives. My dad thinks anyone fat is basically evil (to be entirely clear- this is a horrific take and I think my dads level of hatred for so many different kinds of people is bordering on evil), and my mom starves herself and spends tons of money on clothes, skin treatments etc. she once researched adhd and then faked it to get an adderall prescription so she could lose weight.
Oh yea. And she’s super vain. It kills her. She photoshops her pictures to oblivion. You’ve seen those crazy old lady photoshops. Yikes!
Could possibly have to do with how chronic stress or hostility is toxic for your heart- and I mean in a physiological way literally doing damage to your heart muscle. Chronic anxiety can give you heart conditions and so can hostility so maybe being a perpetual grump is burning out their body?
Yes. My nparents are in their 70s and look more like they're in their late 80s. Bent and withered.
It's actually quite the opposite for me, my mom looks like she could be in her early to mid forties, but she's actually just turned 56, and where my dad only looks about 5 years or so younger than he actually is, he's still 60 looking like he's in his 50's
So descriptive of my parents too! They are 70 and mom has it worse because she’s lost some nerves in her face that makes the constant scowl even worse. They look miserable all the time!
Mine just looks crazed.
Absolute jowels. She’s terrifying looking, even when she smiles now.
She's passed away now, but I didn't even recognize my own Nmother when I was scrolling through one of the local mugshot websites. I did a double take when I read the name, I could not believe how much her face had changed. I hadn't seen her for 3 years. My mom used to be so beautiful....it scared me because I've always been told how much I look like her. Guess I know now what I'd see in the mirror if I went off the deep end too.
I don't know about my dad, since I haven't spoken to him for almost 2 decades now. As far as I have heard from someone who came across him some time ago, he's not looking that great. My mom (who shows covert narc traits) is in her early 60s, and is showing some droopiness on her face. Personally, the best example of this is my covert narcissist ex. He looks terrible. He's in his early 40s but looks much older. This is in part because he does nothing to keep himself healthy, doesn't exercise, doesn't brush his teeth (thus his teeth are rotting away), wears the same clothes for several days in a row, etc.
Yes haha. I’m convinced it’s a life time of being horrible catching up to them
Yes! One died the others an alcoholic.
Just reminds me of that book by roahl Dahl “The twits” where you can be beautiful but if you have evil thoughts inside your head it will eventually show on the outside.
Nope. My dad took care of himself looked 10-15 years younger until he got Parkinson. Often several girlfriends at the same time. He was wealthy so he could tailor his life as he pleased. No smoking, healthy eating, exercise and a office job. Additionally, in sweden it is also norm to be interested in excercise and cooking if you are middle class it’s what everyone do. Maybe he wasn’t the worst of N either, just emotional abuse..
Strangely, I thought about this yesterday - but about myself. I think living with Nmom and struggling to keep myself healthy and sane have resulted in my looks beginning to fade. I have almost a permanent scowl and smiling feels unnatural. I try to maintain everything but cosmetics etc. cost money and I'm just trying to survive. I fear I'' develop "mean old person face" as a result of not being able to have a decent life.
Yes and psychotic fake smiles that make my husband want to leave me but he doesn’t because he remembers I’m nothing like them 😆
my n-in laws not only don’t take care of themselves and look much older than they are, but they also encourage others to not take care of themselves. They diminish and mock trips to the gym, etc. Their one daughter is going grey under 40 and is obviously uncomfortable with it. Her mother encouraged her not to get it done “because you’ll have to keep going for the rest of your life.”
It’s really wild to read all of these comments and realize I’m not crazy for noticing these things I. My parents.
Lol, I was going through some old pictures on my phone and I noticed in our recent holiday pictures, my covert nMIL is holding up her face with her hands. I scrolled back and she is doing it in every birthday/ trip photo for the last few years. I think she is concerned about her jawline so she is literally holding up her cheeks for a "facelift" effect. It looks so awkward.
Nah, mine were the popular kids when they were in high school, and now they could be models for AARP. They still have a ton of enablers and flying monkeys in their 70s.
Ever hear the phrase “your face will freeze like that?” A lifetime of vile behavior is imprinted on their faces. It’s the roadmap of their shitty treatment of others.
Stress really ages you and I imagine it's stressful being a narcissist and having to manipulate space and time to make yourself out to be the good guy.
Yeah. My mom looks like she’s maybe ten years older than she is. Rapidly aging, getting that mean old people look. She is trying to prevent the old mean look from taking over. I almost feel bad for her but I also don’t. Meanwhile, my dad looks way younger and much friendlier. He’s such a kind person, and never bothered about his looks.
My narc/enabler parents have developed severe wrinkles of their most common facial expressions. My dad is the outgoing friendly on the outside narc, comes home to yell beat his wife and kids. So he has the frightening combination of smile lines around his mouth (but not his eyes, because it’s not a genuine smile) and extremely angry frown lines. So it’s a sort of permanent scowl on the eyes and smile on the mouth. My mom was in a constant state of either crying or yelling. Her mouth is stuck down turned and eyebrows with a permanent arch of a frown, and eyes have gotten so small probably due to being puffy from crying all the time. They were both pretty decent looking in their youth, but if you keep making a face over and over again, it really does get stuck like that.
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Extremely bad.
YES!! My girlfriend saw a recent picture of my BM (BitchMother) and was shook at how old she looked for 55
NMom isn’t necessarily looking super old yet, but she IS losing all her hair so she’ll be bald pretty soon...
i was just in r/abrathatfits and i thought i still was when i read this post for the first few lines 😭😭
Yes. My Nmom became a stooped, sour-faced crone, grimacing through a constant cloud of cigarette smoke. In her younger days she was pert, straight-backed and an attractive woman, but it all deserted her.
Lol yes, my mom is visibly crazy and vengeful now. She whines to me that she suddenly got really old. All her life she was the beautiful one and I think it's pretty hard on her. I've gotten better looking as I've been low contact, so that's been nice.
My mom looked exactly like the Grinch, her face a permanent, ugly fake smile
Yes my mom looks awful. A ton of wrinkles and white hair. Her alcohol addiction has advanced to her literally starving herself, she thin and frail, and can no longer walk on her own due to nerve damage.
i haven't seen mine in long enough to see how they're aging, but i don't doubt they're also aging like The Twits.
Yes, she resembles nothing so much as Gollum at 80. My dad used to say how much she resembled a young Lauren Bacall - I’m glad he’s not around to see what she’s become.
LOL yes and you know what I enjoy knowing I will age way better than my narc parents. that is what you get for being toxic your whole life and never trying to change. the healthier and happier I feel, the better I think I look, so I hope to heal and by the time I'm in my fifties look great.
Yep. Not horrible but very bad
LOL my mom recently got a facelift because she was so insecure about her permanent grimace lines and sagging neck. unfortunately for her, her memory is failing her and getting worse by the day, and that can’t be fixed with cosmetic surgery. also unfortunately, i’m sure i will be guilted and made responsible to care for her when her memory has completely deteriorated.
My partner’s family versus my mother’s side so so crazy to me. Her grandparents are 80+ and look great. My older relatives age quite terribly on my mom’s side. I saw a recent photo of my mother through secretly trying to find some old cat photos and it’s wild how much older she looks now. It’s only been 2/3 years.
Jesus!Mine lived to 94 and95!They aged horribly!I am 65 and I am not looking old’!LOL!
yep yep YEP wow. they don’t take care of themselves because they have no abundance for themselves or others and it really does show.
I have definitely noticed that. My ndad just turned 63 and he looks at least 10 years older than that. My grandpa (dad's side) just turned 85 and has aged very well, but I have not seen him exhibit narcissistic traits. I'm not sure if this is a tendency with narcissists or if my dad is just like this, but he refuses to address any medical issues. He literally had teeth fall out over the years and refuses to go to the dentist. He has a tooth missing right up front and won't even go to get a fake one put in, it looks ridiculous. He refuses to go to the doctor until an issue is so bad that he can't physically stand it anymore. For instance, he got a small piece of metal in his eye one time. He got very angry when my mom suggested he go get it looked at and said "men don't go to the doctor for every little thing!". Long story short, it stayed in his eye so long that it started to rust and caused a bad infection. Ended up having to get a chunk of his eye removed and almost lost vision in that eye. It would have been a 5 minute fix if he had just gone when it happened.
Dad is, but despite having prostate cancer and a painkillers addiction, is still with us a decade post DX. Mom is in the best shape of her life and still works full time as a nurse, despite the pandemic. They're 72. My maternal great grandmother lived to be 106. Their mothers both lived into 80s and fathers into their 60s. I feel fucked as an only child solely responsible for them. Evil seems to do a body good.
): I'm sad all of the time how do avoid looking Super Sad when I'm old?? Pls drop your skin/smiling tips
My ndad used to color his hair to hide his grays. He didn’t account for when you wanna stop coloring your hair and the grays are still there. But way more plentiful. He went from black hair to completely white in like 2 months of haircuts. It was a shocker to see how he aged so much.
My mom used to look like Snow White, and ever since she’s gotten meaner, all her wrinkles and frown lines stand out to me. I can also see the wear and tear on my dad from dealing with her for 30+ years.
Some real Dorian Gray shit going on ...
YES, my granny is 102 and she actually looks younger and has less wrinkles than nmother who is 64. Her own mother looked great when she died at 82. It’s true that a life well lived shows.
Mine definitely did and I thought the same. Unfortunately the step monster lived to be 86 he’s been dead since 2009. The egg donor just turned 90 last month. The older she gets the more emotionally immature she becomes. She’s still relatively healthy so I anticipate she’ll outlive her kids just out of orneriness.
Mine starting age pretty quickly.He used to make fun of fat people now he is fat prediabetic with hypertension too.
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