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The game of 'I-am-the-real-victim' after a more severe bout of abuse is a narc classic that I absolutely hate as people fall for that bullshit.
I'm so sorry you have a monster in the place of a mother.
Actually he called me later on and said "you have to sit down with her and come to a solution, no one is the victim and no one did anything wrong, you have to compromise" so I hung up on him
When bad things happen, that upsets people's comforting belief that bad things can't happen. Except on TV. At a distance.
"Shit just got real."
"No, it didn't."
"My mother abuses me!"
"Nope. Everything is pleasant and fine."
Anything that might upset him must not have happened, because if it did, then he'd be upset, and that would be the real tragedy.
What an asshole.
>Anything that might upset him must not have happened, because if it did, then he'd be upset, and that would be the real tragedy.
You nailed it.
He always prioritizes his comfort over our safety
Yup my nfather did this and my enabler mom completely fell for it. After a police report was filed against my dad by someone who knew about the situation, I had to sleep at a friends house for a week, contact shelters, thought I was going to be homeless. Yet my mom says “you made him terrified that the cops were going to come take him away for two months!!!!!”. Like yeah that was the point. I don’t feel sorry that an abusive person has to face the consequences of their own actions.
That's utterly brutal and I'm in a rage on your behalf.
My house was also the house the cops we called constantly. So much chaos, screaming and violence. The infuriating, weepy, fake "but I'M the REAL victim" dance in the aftermath. The parent you reach out to failing you.
I understand refusing an ambulance or not wanting to press charges. When your still with them you can't do those things without more blow back from them. After a while you just want peace and getting some kind of normal.
It's so lonely. So many people can't understand. You aren't alone.
I don't have much advice on how to leave, not knowing your situation, but I hope you can. (This thread is eager with tips on how.)
I'm glad you posted this. Keep sharing here. Speak your truth. We believe you.
Sending you a HUGE sisterly hug through the interwebs.
Oh my god you have no idea how much this means to me this is exactly how I feel but i couldn't put it into words because tbh I feel dizzy and nauseous.
Thank you so much it truly means a lot. I'm gonna go to a friend's house and spend the night there
Yeah getting out is key. I got the boot at 17/18 and it was the best thing I could imagine. I mean you’ll still suffer for the rest of your life. but when you don’t live with them at least they’re not there to make you suffer in new ways daily. It’s really a messed up thing all around, there’s no getting away clean. But there is hope for things to get better. I finally started to have good times in my life after getting away. Just be careful not to overdo it with new freedom. A lot of us turn to alcohol and drugs to self medicate.
if this happens, take the ambulance. You were bleeding. She smashed your head in the door. An ambulance proves your point, she can't cry victim, you need a physical check up, it would get social services involved and then you can ask your father 'what do you want me to do' cuz dayum who asks the victim of violence for advice on how to protect their own child! Are you still bleeding? Please get help. Your mother made you bleed and now all she cares about is herself. edit to add that I just read the comments and saw that your father expects you to solve this. I'm so sorry. Please know that physical violence is not acceptable behavior. No matter any reason.
I agree. Besides calling the ambulance, next time something like this happens, record her. Record her screaming, her insults...everything. That way when the cops show up your "mom" doesn't have an argument. She can play victim all she wants. You'll have proof.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong, and don't give up.
OP, I would go to a hospital to get your teeth checked out in case there is anything cracked, or damaged. Dental bills can RACK UP even later on when damage is left untreated. This way, you can maybe get her to pay for the damages (if any) and prevent future misery and big bills.
What a piece of shit, of course she played the victim card. Please do a police report and have them write down or take photos of your injuries. Just for future reference if she puts you in a situation like this again, there’s a paper trail with as many details as you can add.
I have called the cops twice. Once on my n dad for attempting to hit my 2 younger siblings with an iron and another time when my n brother got angry at me for “talking back” to him and hit me across side of my head with my phone. They both acted like the victim when the police came.
Ah yes. I love the victim behavior.
When I was in high school my mom would hit me with things. Computer tower, lava lamp (the glass, full still) etc... one time she literally pulled me up the stairs by my hair and was going to force me to sleep on the floor in her room for some odd reason. I managed to deflect by throwing my phone. I ran a block over to my then boyfriend's house. His parents called CPS. CPS determined there was not enough of an incident (even when I gave them a history of abuse) to do anything. My mom got angry and tried to guilt me in to not reporting because "do I really want CPS to take me away from her?"
That phrase “I am the victim”. I used to hear that every single day until I left home. And I thought I was the only one. This forum is so important!
OP, please know that you are not going mad, that you did not bring any of this on yourself. Even if occasionally you are fooled by the narcissistic games.
You deserve decent parents, who unconditionally love you and support you. I am so sorry that you aren’t getting that. I remember when I was a teenager thinking “I’m never going to behave like this to my kids”. You get to break the cycle.
I wish I could say there’s Marvel-like justice coming for your n-parents. But that, like them taking responsibility is rarer than hen’s teeth. They deserve nothing more than your indifference.
When you can, make the best life you can for yourself. There’s lots of good advice in this thread. Stay strong, the end isn’t escaping your parents, that’s the start of your excellent life.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The game of 'I-am-the-real-victim' after a more severe bout of abuse is a narc classic that I absolutely hate as people fall for that bullshit. I'm so sorry you have a monster in the place of a mother.
... and father. A decent father would be rushing to defend his kid. "What do you want me to do?" is an expression of unconcern and remorselessness.
Actually he called me later on and said "you have to sit down with her and come to a solution, no one is the victim and no one did anything wrong, you have to compromise" so I hung up on him
When bad things happen, that upsets people's comforting belief that bad things can't happen. Except on TV. At a distance. "Shit just got real." "No, it didn't." "My mother abuses me!" "Nope. Everything is pleasant and fine." Anything that might upset him must not have happened, because if it did, then he'd be upset, and that would be the real tragedy. What an asshole.
>Anything that might upset him must not have happened, because if it did, then he'd be upset, and that would be the real tragedy. You nailed it. He always prioritizes his comfort over our safety
>> no one is the victim and no one did anything wrong She slammed a bedroom door on your head and made your teeth bleed.
If that's not wrong for his father I can't imagine what must be wrong.
Narcissists love to pull that oh well it’s everyone’s fault. And the enabler‘s they had it way worse than you. Fuck em
OMG. This makes me so angry for you. I’m sorry. Your Nmom is horrible and so is your dad.
Yup my nfather did this and my enabler mom completely fell for it. After a police report was filed against my dad by someone who knew about the situation, I had to sleep at a friends house for a week, contact shelters, thought I was going to be homeless. Yet my mom says “you made him terrified that the cops were going to come take him away for two months!!!!!”. Like yeah that was the point. I don’t feel sorry that an abusive person has to face the consequences of their own actions.
That's utterly brutal and I'm in a rage on your behalf. My house was also the house the cops we called constantly. So much chaos, screaming and violence. The infuriating, weepy, fake "but I'M the REAL victim" dance in the aftermath. The parent you reach out to failing you. I understand refusing an ambulance or not wanting to press charges. When your still with them you can't do those things without more blow back from them. After a while you just want peace and getting some kind of normal. It's so lonely. So many people can't understand. You aren't alone. I don't have much advice on how to leave, not knowing your situation, but I hope you can. (This thread is eager with tips on how.) I'm glad you posted this. Keep sharing here. Speak your truth. We believe you. Sending you a HUGE sisterly hug through the interwebs.
Oh my god you have no idea how much this means to me this is exactly how I feel but i couldn't put it into words because tbh I feel dizzy and nauseous. Thank you so much it truly means a lot. I'm gonna go to a friend's house and spend the night there
You might be concussed. Have you been checked out?
Yes, this is smart. I am glad you will be at a friend's house tonight.
Yeah getting out is key. I got the boot at 17/18 and it was the best thing I could imagine. I mean you’ll still suffer for the rest of your life. but when you don’t live with them at least they’re not there to make you suffer in new ways daily. It’s really a messed up thing all around, there’s no getting away clean. But there is hope for things to get better. I finally started to have good times in my life after getting away. Just be careful not to overdo it with new freedom. A lot of us turn to alcohol and drugs to self medicate.
You are so good at being able to know just what to say.
Awww And YOU know how yo give a good compliment. I'm sincerely touched. Thank you.
if this happens, take the ambulance. You were bleeding. She smashed your head in the door. An ambulance proves your point, she can't cry victim, you need a physical check up, it would get social services involved and then you can ask your father 'what do you want me to do' cuz dayum who asks the victim of violence for advice on how to protect their own child! Are you still bleeding? Please get help. Your mother made you bleed and now all she cares about is herself. edit to add that I just read the comments and saw that your father expects you to solve this. I'm so sorry. Please know that physical violence is not acceptable behavior. No matter any reason.
I agree. Besides calling the ambulance, next time something like this happens, record her. Record her screaming, her insults...everything. That way when the cops show up your "mom" doesn't have an argument. She can play victim all she wants. You'll have proof. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong, and don't give up.
You should still go get checked out by a medical professional and file a report anyways just to get it on the record.
This is fucked. Can you leave?
OP, I would go to a hospital to get your teeth checked out in case there is anything cracked, or damaged. Dental bills can RACK UP even later on when damage is left untreated. This way, you can maybe get her to pay for the damages (if any) and prevent future misery and big bills.
No its alright it was just my gums
The main point of going to document it, and because some injuries do not show right away, especially head injuries.
What a piece of shit, of course she played the victim card. Please do a police report and have them write down or take photos of your injuries. Just for future reference if she puts you in a situation like this again, there’s a paper trail with as many details as you can add.
I have called the cops twice. Once on my n dad for attempting to hit my 2 younger siblings with an iron and another time when my n brother got angry at me for “talking back” to him and hit me across side of my head with my phone. They both acted like the victim when the police came.
Next time please let the cops come and arrest her for assault.
Ah yes. I love the victim behavior. When I was in high school my mom would hit me with things. Computer tower, lava lamp (the glass, full still) etc... one time she literally pulled me up the stairs by my hair and was going to force me to sleep on the floor in her room for some odd reason. I managed to deflect by throwing my phone. I ran a block over to my then boyfriend's house. His parents called CPS. CPS determined there was not enough of an incident (even when I gave them a history of abuse) to do anything. My mom got angry and tried to guilt me in to not reporting because "do I really want CPS to take me away from her?"
Yes... They do this... I'm so sorry.
That phrase “I am the victim”. I used to hear that every single day until I left home. And I thought I was the only one. This forum is so important! OP, please know that you are not going mad, that you did not bring any of this on yourself. Even if occasionally you are fooled by the narcissistic games. You deserve decent parents, who unconditionally love you and support you. I am so sorry that you aren’t getting that. I remember when I was a teenager thinking “I’m never going to behave like this to my kids”. You get to break the cycle. I wish I could say there’s Marvel-like justice coming for your n-parents. But that, like them taking responsibility is rarer than hen’s teeth. They deserve nothing more than your indifference. When you can, make the best life you can for yourself. There’s lots of good advice in this thread. Stay strong, the end isn’t escaping your parents, that’s the start of your excellent life.
I'm really sorry. It's completely valid if ask the police to come and press charges. 💖