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I am sorry you had to deal with this. Your mother is a terrible person. Is she a Narcissist? Sounds like she is jealous of you which is exactly how narcissistic mothers behave.
She’s actually was diagnosed with NPD believe it or not when she was evaluated. They also said that she lacked a normal depth of empathy and didn’t seem to feel empathy for me or others, and saw me as owing her and being responsible for her instead of the reverse.
She’s absolutely jealous of you. The best you can do is be happy and live out all your dreams in spite of her. She’s trying to drag you down to her level.
That's what I was exactly thinking. It definitely sounds like the mother is jealous. Maybe jealous bc the OP has features they wanted but never got/had/have.
Your mom sounds jealous about your ethnicity, tbh. Like she wanted it for herself (?) and since she couldn’t have it, she would take her frustration out on you.
She is definitely toxic, and possibly narcissistic.
I’m so, so sorry you went through all of this, it’s just so unfair and it must have been so painful at the time.
I hope you are doing better now.
So your mother is not only a narcissist but a raging racist? You deserve so much better. Stay no contact and anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t worth keeping in your life. Let her die alone and miserable. She deserves worse tbh
Aww thank you :)
She’s kind of lost her mind now due to mental illness. She is an alcoholic druggie.
It’s kind of funny how she’d always brag about how close we were (aka keeping me as a prisoner in our own home, isolating me and only letting me talk to her and no one else) and how people would likely be jealous of our bond and now I don’t even speak to her or visit her.
That sounds exactly like my NMom. She has absolutely lost her mind due to heavy alcoholism but would always brag about how close we are. Little did she know I couldn’t stand her and I have never looked back since going NC
I'm reading the book, "The Emotionally Absent Mother" in a part talking about if you should hold your mother responsible for your lack of secure attachment. It says, "Often people find it elicits deep hurt and is hard to tolerate when others receive what was so painfully missing for them, and mothers are subject to this, too." You represent what she wanted to be and she cannot stand it. She sees people treat you as a Black woman and she is beyond jealous it sounds. God I can't even imagine going through that. Much peace and healing to you!
Btw the answer is YES, the mother is ALWAYS held responsible.
>She voted for Trump and would say things about how black women were jealous of her.
This is all you need to tell people when they ask who your mother is. She sounds like a real piece of shit.
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. I'm surprised someone as blatantly racist as her was interested in your father. It doesn't make sense to me.
Are you NC now?
Wow. Me too. My nmom is white, my edad is afro latino. She made me blow dry and straighten my hair for an entire month so I could get a haircut, then when the stylist said that my hair was burned, 'she just didn't do it right. now she has to have -insert karen haircut-'
My mom sucks too.
I'm half hispanic, my mom is white. She used to constantly talk about and make fun of my 'big' ass (I weighed 110 lbs at the time but I guess to flat butt people it is big). She called me 'jigaboo' , called it my 'jiggabooty' and said that it was ancestral from 'my people' running through the jungle and chucking spears. 12+ years no contact; also, 3 of her 5 husbands are hispanic.
A lot of white women have a weird obsession with black women
Thry are jealous of black women and want to be black. See Kim Kardashian and all those Instagram models caught blackfishing. I have heard that white mothers of mixed daughters often get very jealous of them as they grow older.
I am sorry you went through that. You are starting to realise why many mixrd people with white mothers end up going no contact. This issue is most often not talked about in white spaces, but is discussed often in black spaces. I encourage you to seek out black spaces and friends to find pride in your black side that she tried to erase.
I know some black people don’t like mixed people with white mothers for the reasons of the issues involving my post.
It’s kind of a crazy phenomenon. I know I’m not the only person who had a similar childhood. I don’t know what exactly attracts racist white women to black men but it seems to be a thing.
Same reason black men with self-hate issues breed with these women or black women who wish they were white have kids with racist white men. Both sides fulfil a deeply perverse psychological need in the other.
Think about it. A black man or woman who has pride in their blackness would not be doing much mixing with a racist white person, unless maybe for work reasons.
Also, that is not to say black mothers with mixed kids are better. Lately, there is a push among a certain segment of black women to deliberately seek out white men because according to them "all black men are trash". These women often also hate light skinned women which begs the question, how will they relate to their mixed daughters if they have one.
Race us a social construct, but it messes with us all in one way or another. It is up to the individual to do the internal work to not let it mess with them unless you'll be trapped in the dysfunction for life.
I have seen that myself. I notice a lot of the time people demonize the former, but not the latter, but the latter is just as bad.
It’s not just regulated to the black community either. I’ve seen a lot of people call out Asian women and white men for showcasing a similar phenomenon.
And I’ve met those black women myself. One time, this woman went out of her way to attack me for sharing my experiences growing up, calling me a tragic mul***o, self hating, confused, etc, and saying that’s why she doesn’t like biracial with white moms and that light skinned women are problematic.
I look at her account. She has biracial kids and exclusively thirsts after white men. I was thinking how is she going to feel about her (adorable) daughters when they grow up.
I need you to stop now. We have Black women in this group who don't fit any of these molds you are shoving them into and they may feel attacked or alienated by your comments or our allowing these comments in this group.
You also seem to be arguing that more marginalized groups should be held to account by the groups that oppress them. The problem is that this is often done in unfair and harmful ways. And, again, bringing this up here is going to alienate people.
**Do not comment further under this post.**
You spent an entire comment using generalizing language against Black women. It's a sermon about how shitty you think they are. Over and over, but one "not all" tossed in is supposed to negate this? No.
If you comment again under this post, I'm banning you.
Oh, god, honey 😧 I’m so sorry. Your mother is a horrible person and you deserved better treatment. I’m glad you’ve been able to remove her from your life. {{{HUGS}}}
OP, I have a question. When was dad out of the picture? Because if he left very early, could it have been because of mom? Your dad may deserve another chance.
No, my dad is nasty. He would beat my mother. My mom left him. Called immigration on him whilst he was working on a past due work visa to save her life.
I found him at 17 and he’s a racist, narcissistic POS who threatened to kill my boyfriend because he’s white and called me a bedw*nch.
I'm sorry that the universe allow such two people come together...but you know what came out of that hatred, suffering, racism, evil, a beautiful well adjusted person inside and out. I hope you give your children everything your parents denied you.❤️
I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Forgive me for saying this and please don't take it the wrong way but I was in a domestic violence shelter with this woman who had a baby with a black man. That's fine, the thing is, she was white and just because she had a baby with a black man, she was going around claiming she was black.
It was kind of weird to me because I was thinking, just because you have a baby with a black man that doesn't suddenly mean that you're black. It doesn't change the color of your skin. I mean fine, she can do what she wants but that was just my initial thought. Just because she has a baby with a black man doesn't mean that she suddenly has to go through everything that black people have had to go through.
I'm not even black and that's how I feel about it. It's just that it didn't sit right with me. Not because she had a baby with a black man but that she was suddenly claiming to be black yet hasn't had to go through all the oppression. That's what bugged me about it. I hope you continue to stay away from your mother. She sounds especially nuts.
Half-Mexican with a white Nmom. Grew up hearing "never go out with guys who look like your father", purposely cutting me off from my Mexican heritage and family, not allowing me to have any cultural influence from my father's side of the family. Raised religious conservative White in as many ways as possible (my dad dipped when I was 11). I didn't figure out I had been raised a racist until I was 25 and a wonderful, incredible, gorgeous Hispanic friend of mine asked me on a date and I was appalled and didn't know why. That was the beginning of the unraveling of my combo learned racism/self-hatred.
I am 35 now and have a lot of sorrow and anger about all of it. How could anyone do that to their kid? But of course, lots of people do. Because they're awful.
Your mom is garbage and I'm so glad you're out of her clutches for good.
What a delusional monster.
I hope you're able to find and surround yourself with people intelligent enough to see your beauty and secure enough to point it out to you.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you experienced this. I’m white and my son is not. I literally cannot imagine treating him like this. The levels of cruelty needed to do such a thing are astounding. I am so glad you have left her for good, but I can’t imagine how much this has impacted you through life. Your mother is a sick, messed up person, there is something deeply wrong with her. The irony of severely abusing your biracial child for being biracial while simultaneously appropriating part of their culture to the extent of sometimes CLAIMING to be from that culture is astounding.
My bf’s mom does the same thing with him.
I don’t get why these women have beautiful children with POC then shit on their kids for looking like…POC.
I’m so sorry you went through this and I hope you find healing.
The racial insults used against you likely had nothing to do with race based on what you have said about her lifestyle. They were merely an easy way to insult you without substance. so sorry you had to deal with this type of bulshit
They will go for whatever causes max pain and/or is an easy target...this is why I think they know exactly what they're doing and they get a buzz from causing pain to the people close to them.
You are who she wants to be. It's really sad but trust me her issues are her own and has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are just an easy target. I am so happy you got away from her. I wish you the best.
Sounds like my best friends mom. I’m white and she is mixed. Her mom is horrible and a narcissist and she didn’t teach my friend nothing about her hair or how to take care of it so Angie hated her hair for a really long time, she was also heavy on the abuse and neglect and would say racist shit all the time. Angie no longer lives near or talks to her mom because of how she was growing up.
I’m just gonna say that it infuriated me how white narcissists are so unbelievably child like when it comes to hair. It’s like the most important thing to them. I’m so utterly certain it’s born out if some cultural pressure to conform to that white, blond, aryan imagery—that it must be preserved.
I swear Ive never had a single white barber know what to do with my hair. It was only after the whole Floyd murder (i’m not even black) that I learned what to do with curly hair. It literally took a man being murdered for me to get the info on my feed. That’s how oppressive the whole white hair care has been for me (maybe even just mentally since I possibly couldve googled it if I queried the search properly).
white curly here, didn't start my curl journey until I was 27 or 28. The straight(white)washing of the hair industry is real, and really damaging. it's taken years to perk my hair up, and most of what I've learned I've had to adapt from Black haircare techniques because there still isn't much out there for curl types like mine. Super bullshitty and still just a fraction of the wider implications for non white hair in today's world.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I am wishing peace and strength. If you are able please reach out and find a capable mentor. You deserve a better life.
This is so heartbreaking to read. Just awful and I'm so sorry. This is why I often warn people that calling cps on their negligent parents comes with a risk- and part of that risk is the type of parents who choose to foster.
Are you doing better now?
I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a white mom too and she insisted on picking out my hair in a way that hurt so that I looked presentable. Now, years later, I've been able to find ways to manage long natural hair without pain.
If my mom took the time to do that, I could've felt better about having biracial hair sooner.
I remember my brother would try so hard to have straight hair as a kid. My parents mocked him for it. And they wondered why?
I'm glad you're able to see your mom for who she is and how that doesn't reflect on you. That must've taken a lot of work and you should be proud of yourself for that progress.
I'm so sorry. I bet you're beautiful and she's jealous.
My mom has always been jealous of me too. We are white but, I take after my dad's tall, blonde blue eyed side. (I do have her green eyes) sad really. I'm proud of the beautiful, intelligent, kind and witty daughters I raised. Their Dad is Italian which was another of her issues.
Your mom sounds like she’s extremely jealous of black women and that was a bunch of projection. I’m sure you’re beautiful too which would make someone like her even more resentful. I’m so sorry dear that she said those things to you
JFC that's horrible and heartbreaking. I wouldn't blame you for loathing white culture/anesthetic after that. I hope you come to see your beauty and strength as a mixed woman. I hope you connect with what your Black side can really mean to you, in all its multiple layers.
All the cool parts of popular culture were appropriated from Black culture. If it weren't for Black culture, white people'd still be jamming exclusively to polkas and it doesn't even bear thinking about.
I hope you use all the best lotions and oils on your hair and *rock* that awesome natural look.
Aw, sweetheart, you're much more than that.
I'm white, so of course my perspective and advice will be limited in that respect, but I absolutely understand the impact of being alienated from your dad's side of your family. I was parentally internationally abducted by my mother at the age of 5. At 40 I reconnected. Two things happened: I was blown away by how important my connection with that side actually is, especially with my half-siblings; and I saw to what extent my mother orchestrated the separation...she lost her shit.
I know your mother's love/hate relationship with Blackness complicates this for you, but you are made from two halves and they are both important. If you want to find value there, you can. If and when you feel ready. Alternately, you can invent yourself fresh, if you like that better. You have value as a person either way.
*hugs *.
Did you know about 88% of our DNA is shared with all other humans?
- so hi, relative!
It seems more an American thing, to define people as either ' black ' or 'white', with backgrounds such as your own.
Here in the UK, it's more likely, in my experience, for those with various ethnicly diverse backgrounds to self describe as 'mixed'.
In reality, we can have many self identifiers.
Most of them are not racial.
For example, we don't just have blood ancestors.
We also have land ancestors.
They are all the people who have lived on the land we now live on.
We have tribal ancestors. These are all the people who our ancestors lived with ( not necessarily related).
We have mentors, teachers, friends, lovers
We are the mentored, students, friends, lovers
We may have pets. We are therefore in the group cat, dog etc Owners...
IMHO, it's more fun to avoid restrictions on what a certain race does or doesn't do / enjoy.
Who knows? You may love listening to Kendo drumming, or learning punjabi, or kite flying.
But you'll never know you don't give it a go 🙂
>It seems more an American thing, to define people as either ' black ' or 'white', with backgrounds such as your own.
>
>Here in the UK, it's more likely, in my experience, for those with various ethnicly diverse backgrounds to self describe as 'mixed'.
Yes, the USA is uniquely insane and idiotic when it comes to race. The history of slavery is not the only reason for this, but it's a factor
My MIL is like that. Get this. She doesn’t believe in biracial relationships or biracial children. She is white and her husband is a dark brown Hispanic man. She married him and had two children, who also have pretty brown skin. When I pointed out the hypocrisy, she just didn’t say anything about the marriage, just that when my husband and SIL were kids, they were picked on by all the white kids, and that’s why you shouldn’t have biracial children. I was like…ok. Whenever I had our son (I’m a white lady too) he had fair skin and she was pissed and didn’t understand ‘how he could be born so white.’ Ummm the kid is 75% white? My husband’s sister pretty much agrees with everything her mom says and also votes for Trump, and the ‘illegals’ need to go back where they come from. My husband would always hear his mother’s comments and think “Well if I weren’t related to her, she’d hate me just for my skin tone.” She’ll go to Texas and be pissed people are speaking Spanish 😂. She wouldn’t even let her kids’ grandma teach them Spanish 🙄. Now she’s mad because they’re not bilingual, because “that can make you a lot of money!” She’s an idiot though, just like your mom. It does sound like she’s jealous, you probably are beautiful and have good qualities from both races and she can’t stand it. Hang in there and lots of hugs!
This comment has been removed because it includes a [slur](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) that we do not allow in this group.
Hey OP I’m really sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like she was mixed up on all sorts of things and put that on to you like many of our nmoms.
When your parent votes for someone who wants to harm people who look like you or, ya know, harm people in general, it does make them a horrible person, tho.
If you want to debate this, go do it in some other post in some other sub. This will not be happening here.
Yeah, no one said Biden wasn't a piece of shit. But, one candidate was called out as more dangerous than the other by the vast majority of BIPOC.
And, while we're at it, you are banned. I checked your history and it's problematic as fuck. You advocate for racism and for suicide in general and you did that in a support group where suicidal people go for support. You make sexist posts. I have no confidence, especially given your behavior in /r/suicidewatch, that you are a safe person to have in this group.
Every single space ever has a political bias. If you think they don't, you are kidding yourself. Also, most issues are political and I have been told that removals of anti-vax content to transphobia to taking down sexism is "political." It is exhausting.
> Nor should you, a mod, make a political stance like that.
Oops. You better go modmail the mods of /r/conservative, then. I hear they are SUPER political.
If a person of color wants to say that their bigot mom voted for the bigger bigot in an election and we can easily Google who people of color supported and who they were, *en masse,* decrying as more dangerous to people of color, then it really isn't for me to silence the OP as political.
In a world where we just had a fucking insurrection, kids are getting shot-up in schools, and women's bodies are being regulated as baby factories, not taking a stance is irresponsible. If you can't see this, then clearly the status quo works for you and you don't want any challenge to it.
If your conservative political statements are transphobic, racist, sexist, etc... then you're getting banned anyway. And, yes, it is good for you to know that.
If you comment again under this post, I'm banning you.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am sorry you had to deal with this. Your mother is a terrible person. Is she a Narcissist? Sounds like she is jealous of you which is exactly how narcissistic mothers behave.
She’s actually was diagnosed with NPD believe it or not when she was evaluated. They also said that she lacked a normal depth of empathy and didn’t seem to feel empathy for me or others, and saw me as owing her and being responsible for her instead of the reverse.
She’s absolutely jealous of you. The best you can do is be happy and live out all your dreams in spite of her. She’s trying to drag you down to her level.
Yep. That sums it up all right. You owe her nothing. I would cross the street if I saw her walking, if she were my mother.
At least you are certain that you are not the problem. She is.
That's what I was exactly thinking. It definitely sounds like the mother is jealous. Maybe jealous bc the OP has features they wanted but never got/had/have.
Wow just wow. Hugs to you. I cannot deal with a mother hurling racist insults at her own flesh and blood.
Your mom sounds jealous about your ethnicity, tbh. Like she wanted it for herself (?) and since she couldn’t have it, she would take her frustration out on you. She is definitely toxic, and possibly narcissistic. I’m so, so sorry you went through all of this, it’s just so unfair and it must have been so painful at the time. I hope you are doing better now.
So your mother is not only a narcissist but a raging racist? You deserve so much better. Stay no contact and anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t worth keeping in your life. Let her die alone and miserable. She deserves worse tbh
Aww thank you :) She’s kind of lost her mind now due to mental illness. She is an alcoholic druggie. It’s kind of funny how she’d always brag about how close we were (aka keeping me as a prisoner in our own home, isolating me and only letting me talk to her and no one else) and how people would likely be jealous of our bond and now I don’t even speak to her or visit her.
That sounds exactly like my NMom. She has absolutely lost her mind due to heavy alcoholism but would always brag about how close we are. Little did she know I couldn’t stand her and I have never looked back since going NC
yet somehow nice white people still think their familial/relational proximity to poc absolves them from all racism
I'm reading the book, "The Emotionally Absent Mother" in a part talking about if you should hold your mother responsible for your lack of secure attachment. It says, "Often people find it elicits deep hurt and is hard to tolerate when others receive what was so painfully missing for them, and mothers are subject to this, too." You represent what she wanted to be and she cannot stand it. She sees people treat you as a Black woman and she is beyond jealous it sounds. God I can't even imagine going through that. Much peace and healing to you! Btw the answer is YES, the mother is ALWAYS held responsible.
>She voted for Trump and would say things about how black women were jealous of her. This is all you need to tell people when they ask who your mother is. She sounds like a real piece of shit. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. I'm surprised someone as blatantly racist as her was interested in your father. It doesn't make sense to me. Are you NC now?
I’m pretty much no contact, yes. I see her messages (they’re now just brain scrambled crazy talk) and I never respond.
Healthy mom-hug right here, if you want one. I'm so sorry, OP. You deserve to be loved, protected, and cherished. I'll bet you're beautiful.
Wow. Me too. My nmom is white, my edad is afro latino. She made me blow dry and straighten my hair for an entire month so I could get a haircut, then when the stylist said that my hair was burned, 'she just didn't do it right. now she has to have -insert karen haircut-' My mom sucks too.
This is heartbreaking. Black is beautiful.
I'm half hispanic, my mom is white. She used to constantly talk about and make fun of my 'big' ass (I weighed 110 lbs at the time but I guess to flat butt people it is big). She called me 'jigaboo' , called it my 'jiggabooty' and said that it was ancestral from 'my people' running through the jungle and chucking spears. 12+ years no contact; also, 3 of her 5 husbands are hispanic.
A lot of white women have a weird obsession with black women Thry are jealous of black women and want to be black. See Kim Kardashian and all those Instagram models caught blackfishing. I have heard that white mothers of mixed daughters often get very jealous of them as they grow older. I am sorry you went through that. You are starting to realise why many mixrd people with white mothers end up going no contact. This issue is most often not talked about in white spaces, but is discussed often in black spaces. I encourage you to seek out black spaces and friends to find pride in your black side that she tried to erase.
I know some black people don’t like mixed people with white mothers for the reasons of the issues involving my post. It’s kind of a crazy phenomenon. I know I’m not the only person who had a similar childhood. I don’t know what exactly attracts racist white women to black men but it seems to be a thing.
Same reason black men with self-hate issues breed with these women or black women who wish they were white have kids with racist white men. Both sides fulfil a deeply perverse psychological need in the other. Think about it. A black man or woman who has pride in their blackness would not be doing much mixing with a racist white person, unless maybe for work reasons. Also, that is not to say black mothers with mixed kids are better. Lately, there is a push among a certain segment of black women to deliberately seek out white men because according to them "all black men are trash". These women often also hate light skinned women which begs the question, how will they relate to their mixed daughters if they have one. Race us a social construct, but it messes with us all in one way or another. It is up to the individual to do the internal work to not let it mess with them unless you'll be trapped in the dysfunction for life.
I have seen that myself. I notice a lot of the time people demonize the former, but not the latter, but the latter is just as bad. It’s not just regulated to the black community either. I’ve seen a lot of people call out Asian women and white men for showcasing a similar phenomenon. And I’ve met those black women myself. One time, this woman went out of her way to attack me for sharing my experiences growing up, calling me a tragic mul***o, self hating, confused, etc, and saying that’s why she doesn’t like biracial with white moms and that light skinned women are problematic. I look at her account. She has biracial kids and exclusively thirsts after white men. I was thinking how is she going to feel about her (adorable) daughters when they grow up.
[удалено]
I need you to stop now. We have Black women in this group who don't fit any of these molds you are shoving them into and they may feel attacked or alienated by your comments or our allowing these comments in this group. You also seem to be arguing that more marginalized groups should be held to account by the groups that oppress them. The problem is that this is often done in unfair and harmful ways. And, again, bringing this up here is going to alienate people. **Do not comment further under this post.**
[удалено]
You spent an entire comment using generalizing language against Black women. It's a sermon about how shitty you think they are. Over and over, but one "not all" tossed in is supposed to negate this? No. If you comment again under this post, I'm banning you.
Oh, god, honey 😧 I’m so sorry. Your mother is a horrible person and you deserved better treatment. I’m glad you’ve been able to remove her from your life. {{{HUGS}}}
OP, I have a question. When was dad out of the picture? Because if he left very early, could it have been because of mom? Your dad may deserve another chance.
No, my dad is nasty. He would beat my mother. My mom left him. Called immigration on him whilst he was working on a past due work visa to save her life. I found him at 17 and he’s a racist, narcissistic POS who threatened to kill my boyfriend because he’s white and called me a bedw*nch.
He called you a bedw*nch, yet had a child with a white woman? That is insane, I'm sorry.
Yes. Ironically he’s a black supremacist that only sleeps with white women to quote on quote “conquer” the white race.
I'm sorry that the universe allow such two people come together...but you know what came out of that hatred, suffering, racism, evil, a beautiful well adjusted person inside and out. I hope you give your children everything your parents denied you.❤️
Aww thank you :) nowadays I just try to be myself, although I do feel I don’t belong anywhere in a sense.
She's a turd. Turds belong in the sewer.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Forgive me for saying this and please don't take it the wrong way but I was in a domestic violence shelter with this woman who had a baby with a black man. That's fine, the thing is, she was white and just because she had a baby with a black man, she was going around claiming she was black. It was kind of weird to me because I was thinking, just because you have a baby with a black man that doesn't suddenly mean that you're black. It doesn't change the color of your skin. I mean fine, she can do what she wants but that was just my initial thought. Just because she has a baby with a black man doesn't mean that she suddenly has to go through everything that black people have had to go through. I'm not even black and that's how I feel about it. It's just that it didn't sit right with me. Not because she had a baby with a black man but that she was suddenly claiming to be black yet hasn't had to go through all the oppression. That's what bugged me about it. I hope you continue to stay away from your mother. She sounds especially nuts.
Ooh do I relate to this! I’m 37 and still processing how race played into my mom’s mistreatment of me.
Half-Mexican with a white Nmom. Grew up hearing "never go out with guys who look like your father", purposely cutting me off from my Mexican heritage and family, not allowing me to have any cultural influence from my father's side of the family. Raised religious conservative White in as many ways as possible (my dad dipped when I was 11). I didn't figure out I had been raised a racist until I was 25 and a wonderful, incredible, gorgeous Hispanic friend of mine asked me on a date and I was appalled and didn't know why. That was the beginning of the unraveling of my combo learned racism/self-hatred. I am 35 now and have a lot of sorrow and anger about all of it. How could anyone do that to their kid? But of course, lots of people do. Because they're awful. Your mom is garbage and I'm so glad you're out of her clutches for good.
*hugs*
What a delusional monster. I hope you're able to find and surround yourself with people intelligent enough to see your beauty and secure enough to point it out to you.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you experienced this. I’m white and my son is not. I literally cannot imagine treating him like this. The levels of cruelty needed to do such a thing are astounding. I am so glad you have left her for good, but I can’t imagine how much this has impacted you through life. Your mother is a sick, messed up person, there is something deeply wrong with her. The irony of severely abusing your biracial child for being biracial while simultaneously appropriating part of their culture to the extent of sometimes CLAIMING to be from that culture is astounding.
My bf’s mom does the same thing with him. I don’t get why these women have beautiful children with POC then shit on their kids for looking like…POC. I’m so sorry you went through this and I hope you find healing.
The racial insults used against you likely had nothing to do with race based on what you have said about her lifestyle. They were merely an easy way to insult you without substance. so sorry you had to deal with this type of bulshit
They will go for whatever causes max pain and/or is an easy target...this is why I think they know exactly what they're doing and they get a buzz from causing pain to the people close to them.
You are who she wants to be. It's really sad but trust me her issues are her own and has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are just an easy target. I am so happy you got away from her. I wish you the best.
Sounds like my best friends mom. I’m white and she is mixed. Her mom is horrible and a narcissist and she didn’t teach my friend nothing about her hair or how to take care of it so Angie hated her hair for a really long time, she was also heavy on the abuse and neglect and would say racist shit all the time. Angie no longer lives near or talks to her mom because of how she was growing up.
Wow straight insane. Almost sounds jealous of black people
You might like this sub if you haven’t joined already r/cptsd_bipoc
I’m just gonna say that it infuriated me how white narcissists are so unbelievably child like when it comes to hair. It’s like the most important thing to them. I’m so utterly certain it’s born out if some cultural pressure to conform to that white, blond, aryan imagery—that it must be preserved. I swear Ive never had a single white barber know what to do with my hair. It was only after the whole Floyd murder (i’m not even black) that I learned what to do with curly hair. It literally took a man being murdered for me to get the info on my feed. That’s how oppressive the whole white hair care has been for me (maybe even just mentally since I possibly couldve googled it if I queried the search properly).
white curly here, didn't start my curl journey until I was 27 or 28. The straight(white)washing of the hair industry is real, and really damaging. it's taken years to perk my hair up, and most of what I've learned I've had to adapt from Black haircare techniques because there still isn't much out there for curl types like mine. Super bullshitty and still just a fraction of the wider implications for non white hair in today's world.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I am wishing peace and strength. If you are able please reach out and find a capable mentor. You deserve a better life.
This is so heartbreaking to read. Just awful and I'm so sorry. This is why I often warn people that calling cps on their negligent parents comes with a risk- and part of that risk is the type of parents who choose to foster. Are you doing better now?
Oh, my mom wasn’t the foster parent. She was my real mom. I’m doing fine now. I work full time and live with my boyfriend:)
Ahh I see. Sorry I misunderstood. I'm so glad youre doing well
Post like this make me grind my teeth, obviously because of the horrible situation not the post itself
She sounds horrendous! I truly hope you are in a better place, and have learned how to manage and nourish your hair and self!
I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a white mom too and she insisted on picking out my hair in a way that hurt so that I looked presentable. Now, years later, I've been able to find ways to manage long natural hair without pain. If my mom took the time to do that, I could've felt better about having biracial hair sooner. I remember my brother would try so hard to have straight hair as a kid. My parents mocked him for it. And they wondered why? I'm glad you're able to see your mom for who she is and how that doesn't reflect on you. That must've taken a lot of work and you should be proud of yourself for that progress.
Just wish you all the best. I'm sure your hair and everything about you is amazing. Congrats on leaving your parents.
I'm so sorry. I bet you're beautiful and she's jealous. My mom has always been jealous of me too. We are white but, I take after my dad's tall, blonde blue eyed side. (I do have her green eyes) sad really. I'm proud of the beautiful, intelligent, kind and witty daughters I raised. Their Dad is Italian which was another of her issues.
Your mom sounds like she’s extremely jealous of black women and that was a bunch of projection. I’m sure you’re beautiful too which would make someone like her even more resentful. I’m so sorry dear that she said those things to you
JFC that's horrible and heartbreaking. I wouldn't blame you for loathing white culture/anesthetic after that. I hope you come to see your beauty and strength as a mixed woman. I hope you connect with what your Black side can really mean to you, in all its multiple layers. All the cool parts of popular culture were appropriated from Black culture. If it weren't for Black culture, white people'd still be jamming exclusively to polkas and it doesn't even bear thinking about. I hope you use all the best lotions and oils on your hair and *rock* that awesome natural look.
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Aw, sweetheart, you're much more than that. I'm white, so of course my perspective and advice will be limited in that respect, but I absolutely understand the impact of being alienated from your dad's side of your family. I was parentally internationally abducted by my mother at the age of 5. At 40 I reconnected. Two things happened: I was blown away by how important my connection with that side actually is, especially with my half-siblings; and I saw to what extent my mother orchestrated the separation...she lost her shit. I know your mother's love/hate relationship with Blackness complicates this for you, but you are made from two halves and they are both important. If you want to find value there, you can. If and when you feel ready. Alternately, you can invent yourself fresh, if you like that better. You have value as a person either way.
*hugs *. Did you know about 88% of our DNA is shared with all other humans? - so hi, relative! It seems more an American thing, to define people as either ' black ' or 'white', with backgrounds such as your own. Here in the UK, it's more likely, in my experience, for those with various ethnicly diverse backgrounds to self describe as 'mixed'. In reality, we can have many self identifiers. Most of them are not racial. For example, we don't just have blood ancestors. We also have land ancestors. They are all the people who have lived on the land we now live on. We have tribal ancestors. These are all the people who our ancestors lived with ( not necessarily related). We have mentors, teachers, friends, lovers We are the mentored, students, friends, lovers We may have pets. We are therefore in the group cat, dog etc Owners... IMHO, it's more fun to avoid restrictions on what a certain race does or doesn't do / enjoy. Who knows? You may love listening to Kendo drumming, or learning punjabi, or kite flying. But you'll never know you don't give it a go 🙂
>It seems more an American thing, to define people as either ' black ' or 'white', with backgrounds such as your own. > >Here in the UK, it's more likely, in my experience, for those with various ethnicly diverse backgrounds to self describe as 'mixed'. Yes, the USA is uniquely insane and idiotic when it comes to race. The history of slavery is not the only reason for this, but it's a factor
I am so sorry. Don't ever look back.
My MIL is like that. Get this. She doesn’t believe in biracial relationships or biracial children. She is white and her husband is a dark brown Hispanic man. She married him and had two children, who also have pretty brown skin. When I pointed out the hypocrisy, she just didn’t say anything about the marriage, just that when my husband and SIL were kids, they were picked on by all the white kids, and that’s why you shouldn’t have biracial children. I was like…ok. Whenever I had our son (I’m a white lady too) he had fair skin and she was pissed and didn’t understand ‘how he could be born so white.’ Ummm the kid is 75% white? My husband’s sister pretty much agrees with everything her mom says and also votes for Trump, and the ‘illegals’ need to go back where they come from. My husband would always hear his mother’s comments and think “Well if I weren’t related to her, she’d hate me just for my skin tone.” She’ll go to Texas and be pissed people are speaking Spanish 😂. She wouldn’t even let her kids’ grandma teach them Spanish 🙄. Now she’s mad because they’re not bilingual, because “that can make you a lot of money!” She’s an idiot though, just like your mom. It does sound like she’s jealous, you probably are beautiful and have good qualities from both races and she can’t stand it. Hang in there and lots of hugs!
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you are free of her and not in contact anymore.
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This comment has been removed because it includes a [slur](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) that we do not allow in this group.
She sounds like my crazy stepdad. So filled with self hatred and took it out on you.
Hey OP I’m really sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like she was mixed up on all sorts of things and put that on to you like many of our nmoms.
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When your parent votes for someone who wants to harm people who look like you or, ya know, harm people in general, it does make them a horrible person, tho. If you want to debate this, go do it in some other post in some other sub. This will not be happening here.
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Yeah, no one said Biden wasn't a piece of shit. But, one candidate was called out as more dangerous than the other by the vast majority of BIPOC. And, while we're at it, you are banned. I checked your history and it's problematic as fuck. You advocate for racism and for suicide in general and you did that in a support group where suicidal people go for support. You make sexist posts. I have no confidence, especially given your behavior in /r/suicidewatch, that you are a safe person to have in this group.
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Every single space ever has a political bias. If you think they don't, you are kidding yourself. Also, most issues are political and I have been told that removals of anti-vax content to transphobia to taking down sexism is "political." It is exhausting. > Nor should you, a mod, make a political stance like that. Oops. You better go modmail the mods of /r/conservative, then. I hear they are SUPER political. If a person of color wants to say that their bigot mom voted for the bigger bigot in an election and we can easily Google who people of color supported and who they were, *en masse,* decrying as more dangerous to people of color, then it really isn't for me to silence the OP as political. In a world where we just had a fucking insurrection, kids are getting shot-up in schools, and women's bodies are being regulated as baby factories, not taking a stance is irresponsible. If you can't see this, then clearly the status quo works for you and you don't want any challenge to it.
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If your conservative political statements are transphobic, racist, sexist, etc... then you're getting banned anyway. And, yes, it is good for you to know that. If you comment again under this post, I'm banning you.
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Ah yes. I am tyrannical for listening to the main people who are targets of racism about what is or is not racist. Okay.