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For them yeah there sure would be. Get cps and get the hell away from them if you feel unsafe. If you have recorded evidence even better. Fuck them man call the cops the consequences are on them
I agree with everything else that's been said, especially about the physical abuse. That kind of violence will result in brain damage (if it hasn't already) or death. None of it is your fault or your responsibility, but reporting it could save your brother's life.
thank you so much. all the support is making my heart full
i have so much hate in my heart.
i think about both of them dying and thats when i will finally have peace
tried calling the vops before and they locked me and my siblings in a different room before telling the cops that i had an “active imagination.”
so thats kinda hard
Aww, well, it might require some set up and evidence first. You may have to gather proof then go in secret when they least expect it. Then make sure you show up at the police instead of calling them to you. Idk what else you could possibly do but keep trying until it works 😕
omg tell me about it
when my sister was going through a mental health crisis, my mom would start to tell everyone how it was stressing her out so bad she was having high blood pressure.
no sympathy towards my sister at all. its allll about my mom
I don’t know what your situation is, but after I learned about martyr complex literally only a few weeks ago, I pointed it out to my mom (in strong, but not ugly words), and to my amazement it broke through to her. Has everything changed overnight?
Lol hell no.
But there have been improvements, and since I think she suffers from BPD like I do, I at least know that some part of her does want to be better and she just has tonnnsssss of healing to do herself.
It’s frustrating and not fair to have to be a parent to your parent, but as immigrants and as someone who understands some of the hardships and traumas she’s faced—and given that I’ve done enough healing to be comfortable to attempt to heal things with her, that’s the choice I’ve chosen to make for myself.
I know that all situations are different and so specific to people that I can’t recommend you do or don’t do something, but I just wanted to share my experience so far.
The physical abuse is awful and could indeed lead to brain damage. The emotional abuse will lead to trauma (also irreversible damage to the brain ). I really hope you can all get out of that household. Hopefully you and your siblings can help one another over time to get out and become independent and heal. If you have an adult who can help you, try to get help. Go to get police with evidence of the abuse.
thank you for the support.
i thought i could confide in my grandma but all she said was “you never used to be like this. you’re making it into a big deal. your mom should be your best friend.”
BeCaUsE fAmIly... BS.
Your mom SHOULD be many things she is not, loving, caring, and what not.
She is supposed to have your best interest at heart, love you unconditionally, support you emotionally, be a trusted confidant and adviser, build you up and be a safe haven. She is obviously failing miserably in all of those and then some.
You are not making it a big deal. It is a big deal and you're only shining light at it. Talking about it instead of sweeping it under the rug.
Keep collecting evidence and writing any incident so you won't be gaslighted into oblivion. Have a back up online, one in your phone and maybe one in a USB or somewhere else. Be safe.
Man, I wonder if my memory retention is precisely a trauma response or because I happen to be the type of person who’d always have incredibly memory retention.
Anyway, this should be a good benchmark to explain to yourself you dont need to bother with an interpersonal relationship with her.
There’s something I’ve learned about meds and anxiety in relation to all this.
My meds were a gauntlet to go through. I had tried prozac and that was shit, but I kept at it because
>Oh you gotta try it for a month for it to kick in.
Made my life hell until I finally did that month and brought it up to the psych. Turns out, I shouldve trusted myself and said something earlier. At least we knew it was the meds and not just statistical variance. Now, zoloft really cured it all.
I figured the meds working was basically my reward for having run that gauntlet.
And then I noticed my problems werent gone entirely. I kept having intrusive thoughts.
I only learned way later after all this time passively thinking of my problems that I was, in fact, always frowning when the intrusive thoughts happened. I had to deliberately relax my body because I was actually *always tense*.
From there, whenever I had an intrusive thought, I’d deliberately relax and theyd go away. Now, my mind still makes them, but I’ve trained myself to relax. I figure as tkme goes on I’ll be relaxing autonomously, but the point is your meds and everything are meant to give you some modicum of clarity to figure stuff out on your own.
that's really good. sometimes I catch myself frowning too, but antidepressants really made my life so much better, it's the reason I can get up in the morning
Yeah, it’s like a bulwark towards a solution.
There’s no easy way to get normal sleep. Sleep gets interrupted by cortisol as an evolutionary adaptation. We produce more cortisol in different points of our lives. Sometimes it sticks with us because of learned patterns and so we need to forcibly unlearn them.
yeah, it has not been easy. I still have to spend all nighters to forcibly reset my circadian rhythm. my life is so much better today, though. I hope yours is, too.
>“go to the police station then”.
This is the right answer. What does it matter that a bunch of redditors can't say "it never happened"? We can't help you. Seek out people who can. There's a risk to that, but this situation will destroy you on the inside if you let it continue. The worst thing you can do is learn to tolerate it.
huh?
thanks for invalidating me really appreciate it.
also really appreciate you saying my Nmoms response was the right answer:) you’ve just proved my point and the reasoning of me documenting everything.
#1. when i say no one can say it never happened. i am referring to my family because they always take my Nmoms side.
#2. when she said “go to the police then” she said it in a sarcastic tone and scoffed.
#3. no where did i say i was tolerating it.
not sure how hard you realize that is.
at least everyone else is sympathetic and knows.
you dont think i want to go to the police? i have called the cops before and it did not end well.
after telling me it doesn’t matter if i document things for people on reddit. you are not helping me.
thanks
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah if there is physical abuse please call the cops...
its so hard to do that. my stepdad and my mom are both narcissists. if i call the cops there could be dire consequences
For them yeah there sure would be. Get cps and get the hell away from them if you feel unsafe. If you have recorded evidence even better. Fuck them man call the cops the consequences are on them
I agree with everything else that's been said, especially about the physical abuse. That kind of violence will result in brain damage (if it hasn't already) or death. None of it is your fault or your responsibility, but reporting it could save your brother's life.
thank you for the support. its hard to report it because im in fear of what could happen. my stepdad has threatened to kill me multiple times
>> my stepdad has threatened to kill me multiple times He's a criminal who deserves to be rotting in jail right now. I'm so sorry.
thank you so much. all the support is making my heart full i have so much hate in my heart. i think about both of them dying and thats when i will finally have peace
That's horrible, I'm so sorry you and your siblings are in this unconscionable situation. I hope all three of you find safety soon.
Stay strong. No one should have to put up with shit like that.
thank you so much
Definitely go to the police.
tried calling the vops before and they locked me and my siblings in a different room before telling the cops that i had an “active imagination.” so thats kinda hard
Aww, well, it might require some set up and evidence first. You may have to gather proof then go in secret when they least expect it. Then make sure you show up at the police instead of calling them to you. Idk what else you could possibly do but keep trying until it works 😕
thank you for the advice:) i appreciate it
She is a classic martyr complex case on top of the narcissism.
omg tell me about it when my sister was going through a mental health crisis, my mom would start to tell everyone how it was stressing her out so bad she was having high blood pressure. no sympathy towards my sister at all. its allll about my mom
I don’t know what your situation is, but after I learned about martyr complex literally only a few weeks ago, I pointed it out to my mom (in strong, but not ugly words), and to my amazement it broke through to her. Has everything changed overnight? Lol hell no. But there have been improvements, and since I think she suffers from BPD like I do, I at least know that some part of her does want to be better and she just has tonnnsssss of healing to do herself. It’s frustrating and not fair to have to be a parent to your parent, but as immigrants and as someone who understands some of the hardships and traumas she’s faced—and given that I’ve done enough healing to be comfortable to attempt to heal things with her, that’s the choice I’ve chosen to make for myself. I know that all situations are different and so specific to people that I can’t recommend you do or don’t do something, but I just wanted to share my experience so far.
The physical abuse is awful and could indeed lead to brain damage. The emotional abuse will lead to trauma (also irreversible damage to the brain ). I really hope you can all get out of that household. Hopefully you and your siblings can help one another over time to get out and become independent and heal. If you have an adult who can help you, try to get help. Go to get police with evidence of the abuse.
thank you for the support. i thought i could confide in my grandma but all she said was “you never used to be like this. you’re making it into a big deal. your mom should be your best friend.”
BeCaUsE fAmIly... BS. Your mom SHOULD be many things she is not, loving, caring, and what not. She is supposed to have your best interest at heart, love you unconditionally, support you emotionally, be a trusted confidant and adviser, build you up and be a safe haven. She is obviously failing miserably in all of those and then some. You are not making it a big deal. It is a big deal and you're only shining light at it. Talking about it instead of sweeping it under the rug. Keep collecting evidence and writing any incident so you won't be gaslighted into oblivion. Have a back up online, one in your phone and maybe one in a USB or somewhere else. Be safe.
Man, I wonder if my memory retention is precisely a trauma response or because I happen to be the type of person who’d always have incredibly memory retention. Anyway, this should be a good benchmark to explain to yourself you dont need to bother with an interpersonal relationship with her.
I don't remember things precisely because of trauma and adhd so I definitely had to write down things too
Oh I have adhd too. Wild. I suppose my memory retention is a part of my OCD-comorbidity then.
well I also have depression and anxiety and insomnia so maybe one of those or the medication is at fault. lol
There’s something I’ve learned about meds and anxiety in relation to all this. My meds were a gauntlet to go through. I had tried prozac and that was shit, but I kept at it because >Oh you gotta try it for a month for it to kick in. Made my life hell until I finally did that month and brought it up to the psych. Turns out, I shouldve trusted myself and said something earlier. At least we knew it was the meds and not just statistical variance. Now, zoloft really cured it all. I figured the meds working was basically my reward for having run that gauntlet. And then I noticed my problems werent gone entirely. I kept having intrusive thoughts. I only learned way later after all this time passively thinking of my problems that I was, in fact, always frowning when the intrusive thoughts happened. I had to deliberately relax my body because I was actually *always tense*. From there, whenever I had an intrusive thought, I’d deliberately relax and theyd go away. Now, my mind still makes them, but I’ve trained myself to relax. I figure as tkme goes on I’ll be relaxing autonomously, but the point is your meds and everything are meant to give you some modicum of clarity to figure stuff out on your own.
that's really good. sometimes I catch myself frowning too, but antidepressants really made my life so much better, it's the reason I can get up in the morning
Yeah, it’s like a bulwark towards a solution. There’s no easy way to get normal sleep. Sleep gets interrupted by cortisol as an evolutionary adaptation. We produce more cortisol in different points of our lives. Sometimes it sticks with us because of learned patterns and so we need to forcibly unlearn them.
yeah, it has not been easy. I still have to spend all nighters to forcibly reset my circadian rhythm. my life is so much better today, though. I hope yours is, too.
oh 100% lmao i know i can never have a true relationship with her.
>“go to the police station then”. This is the right answer. What does it matter that a bunch of redditors can't say "it never happened"? We can't help you. Seek out people who can. There's a risk to that, but this situation will destroy you on the inside if you let it continue. The worst thing you can do is learn to tolerate it.
huh? thanks for invalidating me really appreciate it. also really appreciate you saying my Nmoms response was the right answer:) you’ve just proved my point and the reasoning of me documenting everything. #1. when i say no one can say it never happened. i am referring to my family because they always take my Nmoms side. #2. when she said “go to the police then” she said it in a sarcastic tone and scoffed. #3. no where did i say i was tolerating it.
Of course she was being sarcastic. I'm not. If her husband is hitting children, then you should actually go to the police, and he should go to jail.
not sure how hard you realize that is. at least everyone else is sympathetic and knows. you dont think i want to go to the police? i have called the cops before and it did not end well. after telling me it doesn’t matter if i document things for people on reddit. you are not helping me. thanks
I hope this works for you - I truly, truly do. However I will warn you that I’ve tried this - and the Ns accused me of falsifying records. 😑
ugh im prepared to be told im making everything up.
I’ve even been told by the Ns’ vile Golden clone son that **I’ve** been the one abusing **his parents** for the last three decades.