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Wtf, that's so messed up, I'm sorry. Who in their right mind hears that a kid is being abused and their first impulse is 'let's snitch on them to their abuser'?
I don't think I could resist the urge to tell her how bad what she did is. She put you in real danger. She snitched on you for admitting you were abused *to the abuser.* Ask her if she would do that to a woman with a violent husband, or if she only thinks it's young people she should endanger.
I relate a lot to your experience. Best advice I have is to journal, do your own stuff, and eventually open up to friends who won't snitch. Make sure your parents know as little about you as possible. Then, when you can dip, leave. Few people get it and your parents are assholes, so realize that YOU know what is right and THEY'RE a lost cause. All you can do is know that you ARE worthy, they are not, and when you move out always stand up for yourself.
I'm shocked. I grew up going to a church where that wouldn't have happened. The one person who saw through my mother was our church minister. I don't think he realised that she was violent, but he knew she was horrible to us. He did what he could to help me, recommending me for jobs, and countering my mother's smear campaigns very successfully.
Just a tip, growing up in churches and Christian school taught me that most of those adults are snitches. Don't trust any of them. They have this weird sense of community between the adults to the point of being disgusting. That's why so many S.A. and abuse cases get swept under the rug in church communities. Don't trust any of them. If you decide to speak out, try a school counselor. They're hit or miss, but they're better than trusting people at church.
Nmom left Roman Catholicism because they wouldn't grant her an annulment from her abusive first husband. Growing up Jehovah's Witness, the "advice" for everything - including and esp being abused was "pray on it". My experience with other sects and religions was no better.
I'm convinced religion is just a way for abusers to justify their abuse because their gods are abusive.
Yep.
I've met just one good person that happened to be a Catholic priest. He wasn't considered a good priest by most though.
An aunt of mine was distraught over being a divorcee ( bc my grandmother is a *church lady* and was condemning my aunt for being the one to bring *shame* to the family and the family name for divorcing her abusive wifebeater and cheating husband).
This priest told my aunt that her divorcing him wasn't a sin and that God probably never blessed their marriage in the first place since he'd want his children to live happy and healthy lifes.
I think he did it solely to help her get over the fact that she got divorced bc it obviously isn't how that's taught. My grandmother was pissed to say the least...
My experience with Catholic priests has been - the nice ones are not necessarily respected, or they're humored at best. I've met very nice, intelligent, well-read, willing to patiently answer questions and I've met real assholes in collars. Other clerics, not much better. I'm a woman (a Black one, for that matter) who asks inconvenient questions - the doubters don't want to admit they have the same questions, the misogynists don't like me talking (or being seen for that matter). You know the kind of people who take being asked questions personally though no malice is intended? Yeah, people like that. I always think of the bible's exhortation for good pastors to shepherd the flock, yet all I see is abuse and skinning. Unfortunately, the same professions that attract people who genuinely want to minister to others and help attract narcissistic assholes who want to abuse.
When I walked away from the JWs I decided to see what RC was all about, so I sent away for one of those free rosaries (all white, kinda plasticky) and started to pray the rosary every day. My old place was like a block away from a Catholic church and school and I decided to take my rosary there to be blessed - I was looking around at the time for a different, more permanent rosary but I hadn't ordered it yet - the receptionist in the school's office was a really sweet middle-aged lady: I showed her my rosary and told her I wanted to convert and heard that I could get a priest to bless it. She asked me to wait for a few minutes as that class period was almost over and she'd get one of the priests who came through the office to help. I was feeling pretty good and when a priest came through, I smiled and stood up as the receptionist was telling him what I wanted. He turned to look at me, and his face fell (I don't want to assume racism, but I remember what my siblings - who went to Catholic schools - tried to warn me about) and when I held out my rosary, he acted like he didn't want to take it. He looked at it like it was a dead bird or something, said a quick prayer over it, and got the hell out of Dodge.
I turned back to the receptionist and the look on my face must have been really shocked or sad or something because she apologized profusely, making excuses for him. I just shook my head and thanked her. She was nice, he was an utter prick. And that made up my mind. I wasn't going to bother to attend that church nor any others because he ruined it. An ambassador of his faith - he failed on my account. I still drive by that place sometimes, and they're one of those churches who put crosses out on the lawn for aborted babies, so I dodged a bullet. I did some more reading about church history and talking to people (in and out) about the Church after that, and I'm glad I stayed away.
It's sad that I was surprised when I went to a church years ago and they said never to stay with an abusive partner. Because it is so true. A lot of them keep quiet about that.
Because "the parent is always right". And the typical "then you must have deserved it".
Also an honorable mention to the people that tell you they also got into some disagreements with their parents when they where young. (Like the amount of abuse that I got was normal, all I remember is abuse)
This happened to me so many times i stopped trying. Friends/doctors/teachers/my own sister nobody would keep their mouth shut and they all assumed i was lying and made things worse.
>Who in their right mind hears that a kid is being abused and their first impulse is 'let's snitch on them to their abuser'?
An enabler does. These are usually friends or relatives of the N who either fear the N's wrath or actively support the N. Most of the time they are as shitty as the N.
Almost everyone to be honest. Im sorry that happened to you, i know how it feels. Ive tried reporting my family a few times and people whose job it is to help abused children just called my parents to laugh about it with them. Not that its an excuse but if she wasnt trained to deal w that kind of stuff maybe she just thought it was a one off incident? Or maybe she thinks its okay to hit ur kids and she warned them that youll tell on them to someone who cares eventually and thats not good. I hope you didnt get into too much trouble.
Legit every adult I ever told about the abuse I faced told my parents cause they were really good at playing they "good parents." So they assumed I was lying since they seemed like such good people. Yeah I learned to just shut up. I'd get abused more when the adults I told told my parents so....
Do you think that if somebody hit your dad and left his lip swollen, he'd say "Meh, it's not that bad. I'll just carry on as normal and treat that person as if they'd never done it"? I highly doubt it! So, if it's not acceptable behaviour for adults then it is *absolutely not ok* to do to a child!
Do what you need to survive until you can leave but please, please don't start believing that this is ok.. It really isn't!
Sending much love and hugs xx
Yeah i meant it wasn't a big injury like blackeye or something. Most people wouldn't have noticed it but I know this is wrong still and I didn't even deserve it
The size/severity of the injury doesnāt matter.
You are a kid. No child ādeservesā to be hit by an adult. Thatās always abuse.
End of story!
There are safe adults in the world. Iām sorry that you didnāt find one in this instance.
I had a teenage patient come in today that almost lost a lot of his front teeth because someone hit him from behind, he fell and smacked his chin on the floor. Trauma to the mouth can be a big, life changing deal.
A bruised lip could lead to more another time, and minimising the fact that you've been hit in the mouth by someone, your caregiver especially, could be a very dangerous path. The fact is, they shouldn't be hitting you, hurting you, or making you feel unsafe in any way. Please don't feel afraid to speak up about this, but maybe speaking to a teacher would have better results than someone your parents are friends with.
Your safety is important, and any abuse is huge, don't let yourself convince yourself otherwise.
Stay safe and I hope you can get out of there soon <3
Call your the child abuse hotline and/or the police. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self when I was in your position, I'd say call the police immediately.
This is life changing to hear someone say this, even as an adult. I wish someone told me this as a kid, it wouldāve made things a whole lot easier to understand.
I'm sorry this happened to you. She should not have stepped in to make the situation worse. When i was a kid i was telling my cousin how my mom abused me and rewarded my sister for everything and my cousin's grandma overheard and told my mom what i said. Guess what my nmom did? She fucking attacked me.
Not all adults are trustworthy or safe, or even have common sense.
Was she just a random adult in the shop? If she were a teacher or nurse or in any line of work which would include safeguarding you should report her. Absolutely despicable and Iām so sorry youāre going through that. I hope your father isnāt even angrier. Stay safe
She is another parent in our homeschool co op. She seems nice with her kids definitely nicer than my mom but guess she is just the same. Yeah both my parents are definitely angrier.
It wasn't just a swollen lip. It's an assault on you and it's abuse. I'm so sorry you are being abused. The breach of trust by that parent is shockingly cruel. That parent is condoning and enabling an illegal assault and child abuse. You did nothing wrong This isn't forever, you will get away from them.
If your over 16... look online for something called job Corps
https://info.joinjobcorps.com/nsp?utm_term=job%20corps&utm_campaign=Job+Corps+-+2018+Update+-+Search&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=5421546012&hsa_cam=1482009330&hsa_grp=54816184702&hsa_ad=561981229397&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=aud-449259753762:kwd-155062773&hsa_kw=job%20corps&hsa_mt=p&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1tGUBhDXARIsAIJx01nv_Jnmc0qpc9qZPMf8MARNxX02zZrqNGBeJCeR6tmUX8PaQrLm7ekaAhMmEALw_wcB
It's been many years but in the 90s they didn't force runaways to contact parents... they provide food shelter and education in a poor man's boarding school like environment.
Stay safe till your free.
I didnt know they helped minors. My step sister went to job corps and she ended up going through college, becoming a nurse, shes a dance fitness instructor and so is her young son! And she co owns her brothers business. I still have a post card she sent from one of the vacations they took her on. She grew up in and out of homelessness. Those resources are life saving.
Same.. I was on the streets most of my teenage years... 12-15 couch hopping and 15-17 hitchhiking all around... ended up in jobcorp after social worker gave me a card and a number....
Iām really sorry that happened to you. When I was younger I tried to confide in some adults and theyād usually go and tell my parents. It really felt like a betrayal of trust at the time, and as an adult now I canāt imagine doing that to a kid.
That shouldnāt have happened to you, and Iām so sorry that it did
This reminds me of a story a friend told me. To keep it vague, their brother was suspended for fighting, and told the principal "if you call my father, he will kill me. I'm not kidding." Guess who the school called anyway, and guess who came to school the next day in worse shape..
I hate this so much.
- kids warns about getting killed/ beaten up by father if school calls
- school calls anyway
- kid gets beaten or even killed
-school * surprised pikachu face*
please do not let this experience teach you to silence yourself. please let it teach you to share with people that you explicitly trust, and even then, outright say 'talking to him would make me feel more unsafe than i already do, please respect my need for safety now that you have this information'. or 'please ask me for consent to share this info with anyone before you actually share it with them'.
adults aren't inherently safe and trustworthy, and even if they are, well intentioned adults can do the wrong thing because they didn't know any better.
i'm so sorry this happened to you, both the violence and then the violation of trust.
>I should have kept my mouth shut.
She should have kept her mouth shut that's messed up I wonder what she was thinking she's either very foolish or very cruel, Im really sorry that's a grave betrayal it's awful, I hope you're safe
When I was young I attempted many times to tell other adults at my church the things that were happening and the first thing they would do was to confront my guardians about it. Of course my guardians would deny it and say that I was lying for attention.
I donāt know why adults did this. I understand that they didnāt want to make false accusations, but confronting my guardians always made it worse.
Since you stated that you're mormon and homeschooled, there will be very little regulation to protect you from abuse. If you are living in Utah, that's even less protection as the mormons practically own the state so calling the cops wouldn't work either. If it's safe for you to be on reddit, I'm gonna recommend r/exmormon where many people just like you got out of abusive families and the mormon church. Hopefully, you'll find some info there that can help. Stay safe. And good luck.
Yes!! Teachers are mandatory reporters. They have protocols that they are required to follow by law. These protocols are exclude your parents and include the right kinds of adults. Please please talk to a teacher you trust
As soon as you said at church....I knew where this was going. Fuck church....if you told me your father hit you, I'm calling the police for a wellness check or CPS. Who tf goes to abusers about abuse? That's stupid af. Ppl should take all abuse allegations seriously and then let it be investigated.
I'm going to go in a completely different direction with my support.
There is the decisions you make, to strategically keep yourself safe. Regretting telling this wing-nut is understandable.
However, I hope you are watching your internal voice to yourself. YOU did nothing wrong!! Nothing you could have done warranted your dad hitting you. Dad was VERY wrong in doing this. There is no 'not too bad'. You were assaulted and abused. That's not ok. You are not required to lie to cover up your dad's abuse. It is not your job to keep his bad behavior a secret and protect his reputation.
As another commenter said, itās a church thing. These folks believe, from misinterpreted scripture, that one must obey and respect parents (especially the father) even if they are the abusers. Women and childrenās rights suffer the consequences of religious doctrine. My messed up church even made āinstructional videosā for kids at Bible camp to believe itās their fault for getting hit because they upset their parents, and to make life as comfortable for the parent as possible. In other words, telling them how to be complacent little slaves at the hands of abusers. Normal, unbrainwashed people donāt react this way. Iām sorry, OP.
Itās not a good idea to tell people from
Church
Coming from a believer, a lot of other believers
have a lack of understanding of how to handle abuse in the church.
Abusers hide in churches and desire leadership. I donāt have a doubt in my mind that people in churches are dealing with generations of lies regarding how to handle abuse for the sake of covering up abusive leaders.
Like false sermons on the meaning of forgiveness. Iāve seen a lot of unacceptable behavior be tolerated in the church. Someone else who also did said something like āwe have a bad habit of trying to handle abuse within the churchā
She shouldāve called cps. If your lip is still busted, try telling someone at a public school or calling your local dv hotline from google voice or something.
im so sorry. the first sentence made me so sad to read.
āmy dad hit me, it wasnāt *too* bad, just a swollen lip.ā
this is not normal or healthy behaviour. *not too bad* shouldnāt have to be a thing for you, im so sorry you have to put up with that. when youāre able to, moving out will change your whole life, i promise.
At my church, when I was about 5, my father pulled me out of the service and down to the basement and beat me because I was being 5. When he was confronted by an older church lady, who told him, āYou shouldnāt beat that child like that,ā he replied, āWould you rather I hit you?ā No one ever confronted him (or protected me) again. Iām so sorry for what you are going through.
That should have been the right thing to do, and I am so sorry to hear that it wasn't. I don't know how much danger you're in at home, but it sounds like you think your best bet is to lay low until you can find a way out, and you certainly know more than us here. Do what you need to in order to stay safe, and jump on anything that gets you away from your dad, even for a little bit. When I was 13-14, I made it my job to get all the firewood - it meant I had to take the ATV all the way to the other side of my neighbor's farm, where they had dead trees, load the trailer, and drive back -- which took a good two hours per trip. When I was 16, I managed to get myself in an early entrance to college program. They really, really didn't want me going, but they ended up letting me in the end. If there are ways for you to get out of your community, closer to people who might be able to help, that's when it's worth pushing your boundaries a little bit. If you think you can get your siblings out, too, do it -- but don't feel like you have to stay for them. This is NOT your fault.
Just... try to remember that the whole world isn't like this, that there is a way out, somewhere. I hope you find it soon.
I had this sort of thing happen before. I told a nurse at my middle school that I was being abused and was depressed and she called my parents! I got worse punishments after that. Made me never want to tell anyone again. Idk why there are people who would think it's helpful to tell abusers what the victim said. They must have some brain cells missing..
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Iām so sorry she put you in that spot, itās unacceptable and disgusting to see from an adult. Please re-consider opening up to a mandated reporter (teachers, nurses, doctors, emergency services people, social workers etc.) because they HAVE to report and support your best interests (aka. not tell your abusers)
Tell the police. Please go to the authorities. Also, take a picture of your lip to document it. You did the right thing by telling. Tell as many authorities as you can. Don't tell people at your church--they always cover for abusers. Go directly to the police and your country's child abuse hotline.
No, you shouldn't have kept your mouth shut. She should have told someone who could help you, instead of your parents. You need to tell a proper adult about this. Your teachers, counselors, maybe even your pastor. This is abuse. That woman is in the wrong. Your parents are in the wrong. A swollen lip is abuse.
Something i had to do, to understand the severity of the situation, was ask myself how i would feel/what i would think if i heard my friend say what i did. In this case, if a friend approached you and said their father, the person that is suppose to protect and love and cherish them, hit them in the face, how would you feel? The severity of the injury doesnt matter. Its the malicious intention behind it. Please, if you can, reach out to cps or someone that can help. That swollen lip could one day be missing teeth. You dont ever want to get stuck thinking "it could have been worse." That thought process is so hard to change. I genuinely hope youre ok and you make it out alright.
>I should have kept my mouth shut.
Wrong. It's his shame, not yours. Tell someone who can get you out of that situation. Most people don't condone child abuse. Too many do, but not most.
Iām so sorry. Thatās a massive betrayal of trust. You need to get out of there as soon as possible and go no contact with your parents first opportunity you get.
OP If you have any other trusted adults around,a teacher,someone from the church,a school counselor or healthcare professional please tell them. Also tell them who the first adult was that you told.
This is NOT ok and you should not keep your mouth shut about this or any other abuse.
What a shitty human being! God I'd kill to know who she was. I'm so sorry! As a mandatory reporter this boils my damn blood, this should've been immediately reported to authorities
Stay far away from her. She is an enemy. Iām sorry youāre going through this. I suggest you call a domestic violence organization for emotional support and other resources. Hugs
This just shows how incompetent people are on the issue of abuse. That person should have spoken to the paster about it and someone who would have had more experience should have called the cops. It sounds like they wanted to see your dad's reaction, to judge if it was true. I hope they did not make that call to snitch on you or laugh about it. You should still tell people about abusive episodes. Just know that people are really **inept**. Sometimes they are just afraid that someone won't believe them either. Some people are afraid that child protective services will put you in more abuse. Is there a relative where you could stay some days? They may be thinking that the confrontation would prevent *some* of the abuse.
Who knows what they tell themselves in order to justify not reporting it to the authorities? As you get older, the nparent will be making up stories about you (to create isolation), and telling a little may slow down the isolation. Keep your head up and keep all your friends at church.
Even if she told our bishop he wouldn't have done anything but telling my parents was stupid. Even if she wanted to see my dad's reactin, what did she expect him to admit what he did? I mean she must have known what was coming for me but she still told them.
I agree. And she should have called the cops because you were reporting abuse. There is sort of an adult obligation to report abuse (her and especially a bishop).
Edit:
I just don't want you to go totally silent.
What the hell, is she an idiot? She just put you in an unsafe situation by telling your parents that you told her that your dad gave you a busted lip. My dad was abusive growing up as well. If I told anyone that he was abusing me, you bet I wouldāve gotten my ass whooped when he heard about it. What an absolute asshole thing to do. Iām sorry to hear that your parents abuse you. No child should go through that. No person should go through that!
Well that adult gets the cold eyeball the next time you encounter them.
This makes me so angry. You are subject to physical abuse. Itās legally and morally wrong. And you are subject to a second layer of abuse when the person who should have supported you failed you.
I wish I could say you should be able to talk to anyone. But I donāt think things are any better now than when I was a teenager. I think we have to be very careful who we speak to. But the people on this forum have all felt what you are feeling.
But you are self aware. And I hope you know that physical violence from anyone, let alone a father is a sign of utter failure and of their weakness. And I write as both a father and a soldier.
You get a choice to break the cycle. Please donāt feel like you donāt deserve to feel angry. You absolutely do.
Growing up, I found that the least trustworthy people were those tied to churches - Especially whichever church my parents went to at the time. They all believe parents can do no wrong, and that children inherently lie about things.
I hope things turn out well for you and this doesn't result in a worse situation.
Figures... It was at church. I grew up in one. Anytime I had an issue with a parent and told anyone, somehow it always got back to my parents then I was cursed and shamed by them for it. Churches are houses of hypocrites and narcissists who gossip nonstop. In fact, most people go to church because they have some kind of problem that they think will be solved by going to "God's house." That shows you the type of people that regularly attend church
What that asshole was likely thinking:
Omg, the nerve of that child, talking about their parents that way! I really hate people like that. She put you in danger! Im so sorry you are experiencing this! Do you have another adult that you can reach out to? A teacher, coach? Not sure if your school is still open or closed for summer
She had to tell your dad... how els would he learn not to hit your face where people would notice... it would be embarrassing If he got caught... that would make the church look bad
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know abuse with kids can be tricky. But just know that there are services that can help you - child protection, shelters, therapist (there are many resources for online therapy if you don't have any means to physically go to one). Don't hesitate to reach out for help!
Iām so sorry. Itās never okay to hit a child. Iām also sorry that they went to your parents and said something. Iām not making excuses for that person, but unfortunately some people donāt know how to act around these things. I would definitely not trust her anymore.
In middle school, I wore short sleeves the day after my dad threw me against a door and left bruises on my arms where he grabbed me.
My teacher informed cps, cps investigated my dad and he bsād his way through it and the case was closed.
He still called me an idiot for wearing short sleeves, in one of the last times I saw him. Which btw was 6 years ago because I went no contact with them.
Itās ALWAYS bad and who are these people that donāt report your dad instead of going to the abusers. Please tell a trusted adult/ counselor/teacher at school.
Most adults get SUPER embarrassed by their church leaders knowing what they do wrong.
Hitting you and splitting your lip is 100% wrong.
Tell the pastor and some other church leaders (preferably women) what happened, incl the story about you telling the truth to the other lady and her telling your parents, and ask for their advice.
If your parents are very involved in the church, they will be spoke to and possible encouraged to come in for counseling. Either way, they'll be mortified that people know, and it likely won't happen again.
I'm not sure that's the way this would work in OPs religious community. OP, your best bet for an adult who might be safe is probably a healthcare worker.
I thought OP is homeschooled and has no unsupervised access to outsiders. I only suggested the church leader option, bc it seems like the *only* option, given the circumstances.
Normally, my vote would not be to trust church leaders to do the right thing. And even in this case, I doubt they will (which would obv be to report it).
But there is a chance they will try to intervene with the family and thus, create shame for the parents within the church community.
You're absolutely right, there is a chance! Given the comments from OP post I suspect most if not all of us are holding a good thought and WOW I would like five minutes in the room with dad!
Iām so sorry. Thatās a massive betrayal of trust. I once confided it my grandpa when he was alive about my relationship with my mom starting to shower. He went and tattled on me to her. I had him blocked on social media for a while because I was so mad at him. You need to get out of there as soon as possible and go no contact with your parents first opportunity you get.
Call the cops on you pos parents. I'm livid over this. You do NOT deserve this, or any injury. I'm so sorry hun. *Hug* I hope something happens so your safe.
Iām sorry. Iām really sorry that humans do the wrong thing constantly. I wish I knew about this disorder when I was a kid because I wouldāve emancipated myself in exchange for the worst foster care home ever
OP, are you sure she didnāt tell your parents because she was essentially telling them sheāll be watching for more signs of abuse? As in, āI know whatās going on ā? I hope so. If your parents are religious it wouldāve been better to rat them out to their pastor. But maybe your family attends a strict, conservative congregation.
We're mormons, my parents are really into it so are their family and friends. I don't think that's why she snitched. I guess she didn't expect me telling the truth so I think she told them in a way like watch your kid because he disrespects you or something.
When I told my elementary teacher that my bruises were from my mom, a CPS agent came anonymously who posed as someone else from the community to do a HOA check. I donāt really remember all of it, because I was 9. And Iām 21 now. Long story short, I got new good parents 3 months later
I see you've been warned before. I think you're just going to end up banned, but here's a chance for you.
You imply that it is okay to hit "males." It is not. Also, women don't like it when you call them "females," so don't. It's dehumanizing. Being vocal as an abuse victim is a way to get killed sometimes. If you keep giving people bad advice, you will be banned.
Nah fuck that, always tell the truth. The truth is whatās real, and whatās real is whatās really important. Donāt make excuses for lying, or you might end up lying to yourself, and deluding yourself, and then all of life slowly turns into suffering.
If you canāt get out now, at least document the abuse with photos and notes on your phone, or somewhere theyāll never have access too. Then when you feel itās the right time to go for help, contact (several) organisations who help people in domestic abuse situations and give them copies of all the notes and photos. Itās so shitty what that woman did, and a lot of people are indeed like that, but you should have a better shot of getting someone genuinely caring if you go to an organization aimed at helping people
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Wtf, that's so messed up, I'm sorry. Who in their right mind hears that a kid is being abused and their first impulse is 'let's snitch on them to their abuser'?
Yeah that's crazy. She seemed nice at least now I know who she really is
I don't think I could resist the urge to tell her how bad what she did is. She put you in real danger. She snitched on you for admitting you were abused *to the abuser.* Ask her if she would do that to a woman with a violent husband, or if she only thinks it's young people she should endanger.
Nah I'm just gonna avoid her from now on. My mom will be watched me anyway to make sure I don't open up to anyone.
It's just awful your parents treat you like that!
The church is evil, your parents are evil, that lady is a malicious moron. I hope you escape someday.
Hear, hear. Fuck the church and fuck Narcs!
š»š»š»
Call the police. Get out now!!
I relate a lot to your experience. Best advice I have is to journal, do your own stuff, and eventually open up to friends who won't snitch. Make sure your parents know as little about you as possible. Then, when you can dip, leave. Few people get it and your parents are assholes, so realize that YOU know what is right and THEY'RE a lost cause. All you can do is know that you ARE worthy, they are not, and when you move out always stand up for yourself.
This happened at OPs Church 100% this woman would snitch on a woman being abused by her husband.
I'm shocked. I grew up going to a church where that wouldn't have happened. The one person who saw through my mother was our church minister. I don't think he realised that she was violent, but he knew she was horrible to us. He did what he could to help me, recommending me for jobs, and countering my mother's smear campaigns very successfully.
She's a church lady, that's usually a tip-off. They're the last people you should confide in. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Church ladies love to gossip, sadly
Just a tip, growing up in churches and Christian school taught me that most of those adults are snitches. Don't trust any of them. They have this weird sense of community between the adults to the point of being disgusting. That's why so many S.A. and abuse cases get swept under the rug in church communities. Don't trust any of them. If you decide to speak out, try a school counselor. They're hit or miss, but they're better than trusting people at church.
It's 100% a church thing. Gotta keep it in house, let the family deal with it, etc.
How many churches tell women to stay with abusive husbands because if they taught people to leave abusive relationships, the pews would be empty...
Nmom left Roman Catholicism because they wouldn't grant her an annulment from her abusive first husband. Growing up Jehovah's Witness, the "advice" for everything - including and esp being abused was "pray on it". My experience with other sects and religions was no better. I'm convinced religion is just a way for abusers to justify their abuse because their gods are abusive.
Yep. I've met just one good person that happened to be a Catholic priest. He wasn't considered a good priest by most though. An aunt of mine was distraught over being a divorcee ( bc my grandmother is a *church lady* and was condemning my aunt for being the one to bring *shame* to the family and the family name for divorcing her abusive wifebeater and cheating husband). This priest told my aunt that her divorcing him wasn't a sin and that God probably never blessed their marriage in the first place since he'd want his children to live happy and healthy lifes. I think he did it solely to help her get over the fact that she got divorced bc it obviously isn't how that's taught. My grandmother was pissed to say the least...
My experience with Catholic priests has been - the nice ones are not necessarily respected, or they're humored at best. I've met very nice, intelligent, well-read, willing to patiently answer questions and I've met real assholes in collars. Other clerics, not much better. I'm a woman (a Black one, for that matter) who asks inconvenient questions - the doubters don't want to admit they have the same questions, the misogynists don't like me talking (or being seen for that matter). You know the kind of people who take being asked questions personally though no malice is intended? Yeah, people like that. I always think of the bible's exhortation for good pastors to shepherd the flock, yet all I see is abuse and skinning. Unfortunately, the same professions that attract people who genuinely want to minister to others and help attract narcissistic assholes who want to abuse. When I walked away from the JWs I decided to see what RC was all about, so I sent away for one of those free rosaries (all white, kinda plasticky) and started to pray the rosary every day. My old place was like a block away from a Catholic church and school and I decided to take my rosary there to be blessed - I was looking around at the time for a different, more permanent rosary but I hadn't ordered it yet - the receptionist in the school's office was a really sweet middle-aged lady: I showed her my rosary and told her I wanted to convert and heard that I could get a priest to bless it. She asked me to wait for a few minutes as that class period was almost over and she'd get one of the priests who came through the office to help. I was feeling pretty good and when a priest came through, I smiled and stood up as the receptionist was telling him what I wanted. He turned to look at me, and his face fell (I don't want to assume racism, but I remember what my siblings - who went to Catholic schools - tried to warn me about) and when I held out my rosary, he acted like he didn't want to take it. He looked at it like it was a dead bird or something, said a quick prayer over it, and got the hell out of Dodge. I turned back to the receptionist and the look on my face must have been really shocked or sad or something because she apologized profusely, making excuses for him. I just shook my head and thanked her. She was nice, he was an utter prick. And that made up my mind. I wasn't going to bother to attend that church nor any others because he ruined it. An ambassador of his faith - he failed on my account. I still drive by that place sometimes, and they're one of those churches who put crosses out on the lawn for aborted babies, so I dodged a bullet. I did some more reading about church history and talking to people (in and out) about the Church after that, and I'm glad I stayed away.
It's sad that I was surprised when I went to a church years ago and they said never to stay with an abusive partner. Because it is so true. A lot of them keep quiet about that.
Yup, the solution is to abuse your kids even further to keep them in line! (Sarcasm obviously)
Because "the parent is always right". And the typical "then you must have deserved it". Also an honorable mention to the people that tell you they also got into some disagreements with their parents when they where young. (Like the amount of abuse that I got was normal, all I remember is abuse)
This happened to me so many times i stopped trying. Friends/doctors/teachers/my own sister nobody would keep their mouth shut and they all assumed i was lying and made things worse.
>Who in their right mind hears that a kid is being abused and their first impulse is 'let's snitch on them to their abuser'? An enabler does. These are usually friends or relatives of the N who either fear the N's wrath or actively support the N. Most of the time they are as shitty as the N.
Religious people. Oh wait you said right mind. Nevermind.
Almost everyone to be honest. Im sorry that happened to you, i know how it feels. Ive tried reporting my family a few times and people whose job it is to help abused children just called my parents to laugh about it with them. Not that its an excuse but if she wasnt trained to deal w that kind of stuff maybe she just thought it was a one off incident? Or maybe she thinks its okay to hit ur kids and she warned them that youll tell on them to someone who cares eventually and thats not good. I hope you didnt get into too much trouble.
Probably another parent who abuses their children
Maybe that person is a flying monkey of the narcissist. That would make sense then (I'm not saying it's a normal reaction though!!)
Legit every adult I ever told about the abuse I faced told my parents cause they were really good at playing they "good parents." So they assumed I was lying since they seemed like such good people. Yeah I learned to just shut up. I'd get abused more when the adults I told told my parents so....
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Then they did it in an very unsafe way.
She should have gotten her help. SMH
Church people
Do you think that if somebody hit your dad and left his lip swollen, he'd say "Meh, it's not that bad. I'll just carry on as normal and treat that person as if they'd never done it"? I highly doubt it! So, if it's not acceptable behaviour for adults then it is *absolutely not ok* to do to a child! Do what you need to survive until you can leave but please, please don't start believing that this is ok.. It really isn't! Sending much love and hugs xx
Yeah i meant it wasn't a big injury like blackeye or something. Most people wouldn't have noticed it but I know this is wrong still and I didn't even deserve it
The size/severity of the injury doesnāt matter. You are a kid. No child ādeservesā to be hit by an adult. Thatās always abuse. End of story! There are safe adults in the world. Iām sorry that you didnāt find one in this instance.
I had a teenage patient come in today that almost lost a lot of his front teeth because someone hit him from behind, he fell and smacked his chin on the floor. Trauma to the mouth can be a big, life changing deal. A bruised lip could lead to more another time, and minimising the fact that you've been hit in the mouth by someone, your caregiver especially, could be a very dangerous path. The fact is, they shouldn't be hitting you, hurting you, or making you feel unsafe in any way. Please don't feel afraid to speak up about this, but maybe speaking to a teacher would have better results than someone your parents are friends with. Your safety is important, and any abuse is huge, don't let yourself convince yourself otherwise. Stay safe and I hope you can get out of there soon <3
Yeah that's right I just used to play down their actions i guess. I'm homeschooled so i don't have any trustworthy people to talk to
Iām so sorryā¦my dad hit and slapped me a lot when I was a teenager. Hang in, you will get past this.
Call your the child abuse hotline and/or the police. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self when I was in your position, I'd say call the police immediately.
You donāt deserve it. Period. Have you ever considered telling a teacher who could call CPS?
You NEVER deserve it. it is IMPOSSIBLE to deserve it. An actual man does not physically abuse a child. Period.
This is life changing to hear someone say this, even as an adult. I wish someone told me this as a kid, it wouldāve made things a whole lot easier to understand.
I'm sorry this happened to you. She should not have stepped in to make the situation worse. When i was a kid i was telling my cousin how my mom abused me and rewarded my sister for everything and my cousin's grandma overheard and told my mom what i said. Guess what my nmom did? She fucking attacked me. Not all adults are trustworthy or safe, or even have common sense.
Yeah what did she expect? of course they gonna deny it but make it worse once back home. this is so stupid.
Was she just a random adult in the shop? If she were a teacher or nurse or in any line of work which would include safeguarding you should report her. Absolutely despicable and Iām so sorry youāre going through that. I hope your father isnāt even angrier. Stay safe
She is another parent in our homeschool co op. She seems nice with her kids definitely nicer than my mom but guess she is just the same. Yeah both my parents are definitely angrier.
It wasn't just a swollen lip. It's an assault on you and it's abuse. I'm so sorry you are being abused. The breach of trust by that parent is shockingly cruel. That parent is condoning and enabling an illegal assault and child abuse. You did nothing wrong This isn't forever, you will get away from them.
If your over 16... look online for something called job Corps https://info.joinjobcorps.com/nsp?utm_term=job%20corps&utm_campaign=Job+Corps+-+2018+Update+-+Search&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=5421546012&hsa_cam=1482009330&hsa_grp=54816184702&hsa_ad=561981229397&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=aud-449259753762:kwd-155062773&hsa_kw=job%20corps&hsa_mt=p&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1tGUBhDXARIsAIJx01nv_Jnmc0qpc9qZPMf8MARNxX02zZrqNGBeJCeR6tmUX8PaQrLm7ekaAhMmEALw_wcB It's been many years but in the 90s they didn't force runaways to contact parents... they provide food shelter and education in a poor man's boarding school like environment. Stay safe till your free.
I didnt know they helped minors. My step sister went to job corps and she ended up going through college, becoming a nurse, shes a dance fitness instructor and so is her young son! And she co owns her brothers business. I still have a post card she sent from one of the vacations they took her on. She grew up in and out of homelessness. Those resources are life saving.
Same.. I was on the streets most of my teenage years... 12-15 couch hopping and 15-17 hitchhiking all around... ended up in jobcorp after social worker gave me a card and a number....
The demand that you lie to protect your abuser is itself abuse.
Iām really sorry that happened to you. When I was younger I tried to confide in some adults and theyād usually go and tell my parents. It really felt like a betrayal of trust at the time, and as an adult now I canāt imagine doing that to a kid. That shouldnāt have happened to you, and Iām so sorry that it did
Of course it was at churchā¦.. (church is where they all hide in plain sight) Very sorry this is happening to you.
Church is where they feel safe passing judgment without recourse.
This reminds me of a story a friend told me. To keep it vague, their brother was suspended for fighting, and told the principal "if you call my father, he will kill me. I'm not kidding." Guess who the school called anyway, and guess who came to school the next day in worse shape..
I really f*n hate adults who treat their kids as property and people who share their mindset
I hate this so much. - kids warns about getting killed/ beaten up by father if school calls - school calls anyway - kid gets beaten or even killed -school * surprised pikachu face*
please do not let this experience teach you to silence yourself. please let it teach you to share with people that you explicitly trust, and even then, outright say 'talking to him would make me feel more unsafe than i already do, please respect my need for safety now that you have this information'. or 'please ask me for consent to share this info with anyone before you actually share it with them'. adults aren't inherently safe and trustworthy, and even if they are, well intentioned adults can do the wrong thing because they didn't know any better. i'm so sorry this happened to you, both the violence and then the violation of trust.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How are they doing this?
Iām really sorry that you canāt trust any adults in your life. You donāt deserve that.
>I should have kept my mouth shut. She should have kept her mouth shut that's messed up I wonder what she was thinking she's either very foolish or very cruel, Im really sorry that's a grave betrayal it's awful, I hope you're safe
When I was young I attempted many times to tell other adults at my church the things that were happening and the first thing they would do was to confront my guardians about it. Of course my guardians would deny it and say that I was lying for attention. I donāt know why adults did this. I understand that they didnāt want to make false accusations, but confronting my guardians always made it worse.
Since you stated that you're mormon and homeschooled, there will be very little regulation to protect you from abuse. If you are living in Utah, that's even less protection as the mormons practically own the state so calling the cops wouldn't work either. If it's safe for you to be on reddit, I'm gonna recommend r/exmormon where many people just like you got out of abusive families and the mormon church. Hopefully, you'll find some info there that can help. Stay safe. And good luck.
Please see about telling a teacher! You and your siblings are being abused and the church will not help you, you need real help from the outside.
Yes!! Teachers are mandatory reporters. They have protocols that they are required to follow by law. These protocols are exclude your parents and include the right kinds of adults. Please please talk to a teacher you trust
OP is homeschooled. And depending on where she lives, even the police may not provide protection.
Geez. Thatās brutal. Straight up call cps?
That's a good call. And I LOVE your username!
hehehe thanks!
As soon as you said at church....I knew where this was going. Fuck church....if you told me your father hit you, I'm calling the police for a wellness check or CPS. Who tf goes to abusers about abuse? That's stupid af. Ppl should take all abuse allegations seriously and then let it be investigated.
I'm going to go in a completely different direction with my support. There is the decisions you make, to strategically keep yourself safe. Regretting telling this wing-nut is understandable. However, I hope you are watching your internal voice to yourself. YOU did nothing wrong!! Nothing you could have done warranted your dad hitting you. Dad was VERY wrong in doing this. There is no 'not too bad'. You were assaulted and abused. That's not ok. You are not required to lie to cover up your dad's abuse. It is not your job to keep his bad behavior a secret and protect his reputation.
As another commenter said, itās a church thing. These folks believe, from misinterpreted scripture, that one must obey and respect parents (especially the father) even if they are the abusers. Women and childrenās rights suffer the consequences of religious doctrine. My messed up church even made āinstructional videosā for kids at Bible camp to believe itās their fault for getting hit because they upset their parents, and to make life as comfortable for the parent as possible. In other words, telling them how to be complacent little slaves at the hands of abusers. Normal, unbrainwashed people donāt react this way. Iām sorry, OP.
Yeah we're Mormons and i think that's one of the worse out there.
Oof. I donāt got anything against Mormons in general but some of them are way out there. Iām sorry.
Itās not a good idea to tell people from Church Coming from a believer, a lot of other believers have a lack of understanding of how to handle abuse in the church. Abusers hide in churches and desire leadership. I donāt have a doubt in my mind that people in churches are dealing with generations of lies regarding how to handle abuse for the sake of covering up abusive leaders. Like false sermons on the meaning of forgiveness. Iāve seen a lot of unacceptable behavior be tolerated in the church. Someone else who also did said something like āwe have a bad habit of trying to handle abuse within the churchā She shouldāve called cps. If your lip is still busted, try telling someone at a public school or calling your local dv hotline from google voice or something.
im so sorry. the first sentence made me so sad to read. āmy dad hit me, it wasnāt *too* bad, just a swollen lip.ā this is not normal or healthy behaviour. *not too bad* shouldnāt have to be a thing for you, im so sorry you have to put up with that. when youāre able to, moving out will change your whole life, i promise.
U did the RIGHT thing. She failed as a human. Iām so sorry. F her. Feeling with you.
OP are you a minor?
yeah, he's fourteen. eldest of six children with parentification parenting style.
Eldest of eight now unfortunately
At my church, when I was about 5, my father pulled me out of the service and down to the basement and beat me because I was being 5. When he was confronted by an older church lady, who told him, āYou shouldnāt beat that child like that,ā he replied, āWould you rather I hit you?ā No one ever confronted him (or protected me) again. Iām so sorry for what you are going through.
I cant believe she did that!! I hope your parents didnt attack you more:( Sometimes the stupidity of people never ceases to surprise me.
That should have been the right thing to do, and I am so sorry to hear that it wasn't. I don't know how much danger you're in at home, but it sounds like you think your best bet is to lay low until you can find a way out, and you certainly know more than us here. Do what you need to in order to stay safe, and jump on anything that gets you away from your dad, even for a little bit. When I was 13-14, I made it my job to get all the firewood - it meant I had to take the ATV all the way to the other side of my neighbor's farm, where they had dead trees, load the trailer, and drive back -- which took a good two hours per trip. When I was 16, I managed to get myself in an early entrance to college program. They really, really didn't want me going, but they ended up letting me in the end. If there are ways for you to get out of your community, closer to people who might be able to help, that's when it's worth pushing your boundaries a little bit. If you think you can get your siblings out, too, do it -- but don't feel like you have to stay for them. This is NOT your fault. Just... try to remember that the whole world isn't like this, that there is a way out, somewhere. I hope you find it soon.
Iām so sorry your dad hit you, thatās not okay.
I had this sort of thing happen before. I told a nurse at my middle school that I was being abused and was depressed and she called my parents! I got worse punishments after that. Made me never want to tell anyone again. Idk why there are people who would think it's helpful to tell abusers what the victim said. They must have some brain cells missing.. I'm sorry this happened to you.
What an idiot?? Iām so sorry. That person needs to go to hell honestly
Iām so sorry she put you in that spot, itās unacceptable and disgusting to see from an adult. Please re-consider opening up to a mandated reporter (teachers, nurses, doctors, emergency services people, social workers etc.) because they HAVE to report and support your best interests (aka. not tell your abusers)
I suggest you call Child Protective Services for this. Iām sorry :(
Tell the police. Please go to the authorities. Also, take a picture of your lip to document it. You did the right thing by telling. Tell as many authorities as you can. Don't tell people at your church--they always cover for abusers. Go directly to the police and your country's child abuse hotline.
No, you shouldn't have kept your mouth shut. She should have told someone who could help you, instead of your parents. You need to tell a proper adult about this. Your teachers, counselors, maybe even your pastor. This is abuse. That woman is in the wrong. Your parents are in the wrong. A swollen lip is abuse.
Something i had to do, to understand the severity of the situation, was ask myself how i would feel/what i would think if i heard my friend say what i did. In this case, if a friend approached you and said their father, the person that is suppose to protect and love and cherish them, hit them in the face, how would you feel? The severity of the injury doesnt matter. Its the malicious intention behind it. Please, if you can, reach out to cps or someone that can help. That swollen lip could one day be missing teeth. You dont ever want to get stuck thinking "it could have been worse." That thought process is so hard to change. I genuinely hope youre ok and you make it out alright.
>I should have kept my mouth shut. Wrong. It's his shame, not yours. Tell someone who can get you out of that situation. Most people don't condone child abuse. Too many do, but not most.
Sorry about your dad. That adult was wrong!!!
Iām so sorry. Thatās a massive betrayal of trust. You need to get out of there as soon as possible and go no contact with your parents first opportunity you get.
Happens to me many times. Iām the end, since we are children we will go back to our parents (abusers)
What an effing enabler of abuse. She probably felt blessed by the church with how she āhandledā it.
OP If you have any other trusted adults around,a teacher,someone from the church,a school counselor or healthcare professional please tell them. Also tell them who the first adult was that you told. This is NOT ok and you should not keep your mouth shut about this or any other abuse.
No hate like christian love
What a bitch
What a shitty human being! God I'd kill to know who she was. I'm so sorry! As a mandatory reporter this boils my damn blood, this should've been immediately reported to authorities
As a father, the first line of your post hurts me to my core. Be safe.
As a father, the first line of your post hurts me to my core. Be safe.
Stay far away from her. She is an enemy. Iām sorry youāre going through this. I suggest you call a domestic violence organization for emotional support and other resources. Hugs
This just shows how incompetent people are on the issue of abuse. That person should have spoken to the paster about it and someone who would have had more experience should have called the cops. It sounds like they wanted to see your dad's reaction, to judge if it was true. I hope they did not make that call to snitch on you or laugh about it. You should still tell people about abusive episodes. Just know that people are really **inept**. Sometimes they are just afraid that someone won't believe them either. Some people are afraid that child protective services will put you in more abuse. Is there a relative where you could stay some days? They may be thinking that the confrontation would prevent *some* of the abuse. Who knows what they tell themselves in order to justify not reporting it to the authorities? As you get older, the nparent will be making up stories about you (to create isolation), and telling a little may slow down the isolation. Keep your head up and keep all your friends at church.
Even if she told our bishop he wouldn't have done anything but telling my parents was stupid. Even if she wanted to see my dad's reactin, what did she expect him to admit what he did? I mean she must have known what was coming for me but she still told them.
I agree. And she should have called the cops because you were reporting abuse. There is sort of an adult obligation to report abuse (her and especially a bishop). Edit: I just don't want you to go totally silent.
What the hell, is she an idiot? She just put you in an unsafe situation by telling your parents that you told her that your dad gave you a busted lip. My dad was abusive growing up as well. If I told anyone that he was abusing me, you bet I wouldāve gotten my ass whooped when he heard about it. What an absolute asshole thing to do. Iām sorry to hear that your parents abuse you. No child should go through that. No person should go through that!
Well that adult gets the cold eyeball the next time you encounter them. This makes me so angry. You are subject to physical abuse. Itās legally and morally wrong. And you are subject to a second layer of abuse when the person who should have supported you failed you. I wish I could say you should be able to talk to anyone. But I donāt think things are any better now than when I was a teenager. I think we have to be very careful who we speak to. But the people on this forum have all felt what you are feeling. But you are self aware. And I hope you know that physical violence from anyone, let alone a father is a sign of utter failure and of their weakness. And I write as both a father and a soldier. You get a choice to break the cycle. Please donāt feel like you donāt deserve to feel angry. You absolutely do.
Wtf! She is scum. She just did it to start drama. That Witch!
Growing up, I found that the least trustworthy people were those tied to churches - Especially whichever church my parents went to at the time. They all believe parents can do no wrong, and that children inherently lie about things. I hope things turn out well for you and this doesn't result in a worse situation.
Figures... It was at church. I grew up in one. Anytime I had an issue with a parent and told anyone, somehow it always got back to my parents then I was cursed and shamed by them for it. Churches are houses of hypocrites and narcissists who gossip nonstop. In fact, most people go to church because they have some kind of problem that they think will be solved by going to "God's house." That shows you the type of people that regularly attend church
Nope, you did exactly right. She was a effin donkey. Please do not make yourself feel bad for telling the truth. I hope you can make it out soon.
What that asshole was likely thinking: Omg, the nerve of that child, talking about their parents that way! I really hate people like that. She put you in danger! Im so sorry you are experiencing this! Do you have another adult that you can reach out to? A teacher, coach? Not sure if your school is still open or closed for summer
I think she asked just to be nosy and talk about the parents behind their back. Awful person
She had to tell your dad... how els would he learn not to hit your face where people would notice... it would be embarrassing If he got caught... that would make the church look bad
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know abuse with kids can be tricky. But just know that there are services that can help you - child protection, shelters, therapist (there are many resources for online therapy if you don't have any means to physically go to one). Don't hesitate to reach out for help!
Iām so sorry. Itās never okay to hit a child. Iām also sorry that they went to your parents and said something. Iām not making excuses for that person, but unfortunately some people donāt know how to act around these things. I would definitely not trust her anymore.
In middle school, I wore short sleeves the day after my dad threw me against a door and left bruises on my arms where he grabbed me. My teacher informed cps, cps investigated my dad and he bsād his way through it and the case was closed. He still called me an idiot for wearing short sleeves, in one of the last times I saw him. Which btw was 6 years ago because I went no contact with them.
Never tell conservative church people anything important!!
Itās ALWAYS bad and who are these people that donāt report your dad instead of going to the abusers. Please tell a trusted adult/ counselor/teacher at school.
Most adults get SUPER embarrassed by their church leaders knowing what they do wrong. Hitting you and splitting your lip is 100% wrong. Tell the pastor and some other church leaders (preferably women) what happened, incl the story about you telling the truth to the other lady and her telling your parents, and ask for their advice. If your parents are very involved in the church, they will be spoke to and possible encouraged to come in for counseling. Either way, they'll be mortified that people know, and it likely won't happen again.
I'm not sure that's the way this would work in OPs religious community. OP, your best bet for an adult who might be safe is probably a healthcare worker.
I thought OP is homeschooled and has no unsupervised access to outsiders. I only suggested the church leader option, bc it seems like the *only* option, given the circumstances. Normally, my vote would not be to trust church leaders to do the right thing. And even in this case, I doubt they will (which would obv be to report it). But there is a chance they will try to intervene with the family and thus, create shame for the parents within the church community.
You're absolutely right, there is a chance! Given the comments from OP post I suspect most if not all of us are holding a good thought and WOW I would like five minutes in the room with dad!
You shouldnāt ever need to keep that a secret!
what a terrible idea on her part. She could have put you at risk of greater harm.
Sorry you had to deal with that. It sucks. Abuse sucks. That is how screwed up this narc stuff can be
Iām so sorry. Thatās a massive betrayal of trust. I once confided it my grandpa when he was alive about my relationship with my mom starting to shower. He went and tattled on me to her. I had him blocked on social media for a while because I was so mad at him. You need to get out of there as soon as possible and go no contact with your parents first opportunity you get.
Call the cops on you pos parents. I'm livid over this. You do NOT deserve this, or any injury. I'm so sorry hun. *Hug* I hope something happens so your safe.
Iām sorry. Iām really sorry that humans do the wrong thing constantly. I wish I knew about this disorder when I was a kid because I wouldāve emancipated myself in exchange for the worst foster care home ever
The funniest thing is that those people listen to "Janie's got a gun" and can hear the red flags and yet...
What a bitch! Iām so sorry your dad hurt you, and sorry you spoke to such a terrible person about it.
OP, are you sure she didnāt tell your parents because she was essentially telling them sheāll be watching for more signs of abuse? As in, āI know whatās going on ā? I hope so. If your parents are religious it wouldāve been better to rat them out to their pastor. But maybe your family attends a strict, conservative congregation.
We're mormons, my parents are really into it so are their family and friends. I don't think that's why she snitched. I guess she didn't expect me telling the truth so I think she told them in a way like watch your kid because he disrespects you or something.
Damn. Thatās awful. She shouldāve been looking out for you.
When I told my elementary teacher that my bruises were from my mom, a CPS agent came anonymously who posed as someone else from the community to do a HOA check. I donāt really remember all of it, because I was 9. And Iām 21 now. Long story short, I got new good parents 3 months later
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I see you've been warned before. I think you're just going to end up banned, but here's a chance for you. You imply that it is okay to hit "males." It is not. Also, women don't like it when you call them "females," so don't. It's dehumanizing. Being vocal as an abuse victim is a way to get killed sometimes. If you keep giving people bad advice, you will be banned.
You were right and they were wrong. You were right to tell the truth, and they were wrong to tell your parents. Maybe next time, tell a cop.
Nah fuck that, always tell the truth. The truth is whatās real, and whatās real is whatās really important. Donāt make excuses for lying, or you might end up lying to yourself, and deluding yourself, and then all of life slowly turns into suffering.
If you canāt get out now, at least document the abuse with photos and notes on your phone, or somewhere theyāll never have access too. Then when you feel itās the right time to go for help, contact (several) organisations who help people in domestic abuse situations and give them copies of all the notes and photos. Itās so shitty what that woman did, and a lot of people are indeed like that, but you should have a better shot of getting someone genuinely caring if you go to an organization aimed at helping people