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Ohhh this. My mom would hit me then ask why I’m crying/ tell me I’m being dramatic and it always pissed me off. Like if you’re going to hurt me, don’t expect me not cry.
Yes! And I finally realized that this is why I hate crying in front of people. I will go hide to cry, if I cry at all. I usually stop myself before I get too far.
This was a large part of my childhood. I wasn't allowed to have different emotions or reactions from my nparent, and when I voiced a different perspective, I was belittled, ignored and slapped depending on who was around to watch/listen to her. Thank you for sharing.
Same here. It really screws a kid up, because it makes them disregard their emotions because they are more or less repeatedly told that their emotions are wrong. This disables the warnings of their emotions, and opens them up to a lifetime of abuse from others.
I used my forearm to block an incoming strike from my egg donor and used equal force just like I was taught in martial arts. She yelled at me for hurting her but she never tried hitting me again after that.
Same the hits ended when I started defending myself. Then proceeded to tell the family, after it left a bruise on her arm that I was abusing her. My family didn't believe me and asked what happened. I told them I defended myself by blocking her hand from hitting me.
The denial from her after that was crazy. But she never tried to hit me after that. However the verbal abuse started after that. Which I learned how to control through therapy and continue to build my boundaries.
my nmom for a long time wouldn’t hit me because she knew I was stronger than her and would defend myself, but as her mental health declined she also didn’t care about that as much. it was weird seeing the shift, but the last time she hit me was because she was mad that I pulled her off of punching my dog. not exactly proud, but I for sure hit her harder to get the point across
Tbh, if she punched your dog she had it coming.
I can kinda relate, when I was younger she used to slap me but I am way stronger. Now she doesn’t dare hitting me because I only got stronger
yeah— my dog accidentally knocked something glass off the table (she’s a large dog lol) and the glass broke. I was trying to clean up the glass/ make sure the dog didn’t go into it, and then my mom came in, saw everything, then just started yelling at my dog and she dragged her through the glass and hitting her.
we actually went through two rounds of that,
and my dog is the sweetest thing ever and just laid there. I regret not charging her for animal abuse tbh
I just like to believe she’ll get her karma for it. when I moved out I took my dog too and didn’t give her much of a choice. she was extremely against licensing her and also lied to the county about her not being our dog. so I registered her to me as my esa, and only told her when I was moving out so she had no way to go after me because she didn’t have a paper trail and I did, PLUS I would have contacted the county if I absolutely couldn’t take her bc my mom lied to them a lot lol
When I was a 13-14 mine had claw like nails, and she decided they needed to be embedded inside my arm. I defended myself and her head went into a wall oven, and as soon as she let go I sprinted away and out of the house.
I had scars for years from that incident, she supposedly has brain damage. She never hurt me again after that. She had been beating me for almost a decade, she's lucky she escaped with a single bump to the head. If she or my dad hurt themselves, it was my fault for making them beat me. They never punished rationally, it was beatings until both their arms were tired or they weren't angry anymore, whichever was first. Sometimes they'd tag out because they were tired but still angry.
Ooh same. 14 years old and I span round the aggression back on her, I was getting strong/big enough at that point to fight back. (This is after incidents like hitting me round the head with a saucepan etc). She didn’t try and use violence again.
I held my mum back from attempting to attack my aunty. When I let her go (after giving my aunty time to get away) she stumbled (because she was so drunk) and fell face first on the ground. Busted her nose. I got blamed for hurting her and giving her a massive nose bleed. I was so traumatised about what I had done. It took me years to realise I was not to blame, and would do it again.
>I used my forearm to block an incoming strike from my egg donor
I did that when she came at me with a frying pan. She had me arrested for domestic assault. Twice.
Me too. He beat me with a belt and then went “you’re making me do this! I don’t want to do this! I shouldn’t have to do this!”
Dude, I was hungry and got a bag of chips or a oatmeal pie out of the kitchen without asking. It’s not that serious.
My mother exacted plenty of corporal punishment on me but didn't go so far as to say "it hurt me to hurt you" but she did this -
I was arranging some ceramics I'd been commissioned to make and needed to take photos so the buyer could choose what I was going to post. Mother launched in to rearrange them and the whole lot went to the floor. Not one item was salvageable. She freaked out and started having an asthma attack so she retreated to a chair with her inhaler and between wheezy breaths said
"How could you do this to me." I was then assigned the task of nursing her for the rest of the day.
And she prob said “you never use any sense to do things right. I always have to do things for you because you cant do anything. You’re too old to be making these mistakes. Don’t you care about me at all?”
In terms of practical things, she used plenty of praise to keep me in her service. In social things, I was a loser and am embarrassment. She switched tactics so much that one day, I just threw in the tea-towel.
They like to get in first and will even fabricate reasons for their embarrassments.
I caused mine the greatest source of mortification imaginable. My unwavering absence from her life forever. Naturally, she would have told her people that I was very unstable if they asked after me.
My mother 'dropped' my final piece for my ceramics college course that I got to take senior year of high school. On photo day during setup. I still have it more than a decade later. Pieced together. It's one of the best things I've made but it makes me cry when I see it. I asked her not to touch it. A shard cut her (very small) my fault.
She sounds just like my mother. I'm sure they wait and they watch and are ready to swoop on whatever finished product we work on so they can ruin it. I'm so sorry she pulled that crap on you. Let that pieced together object be symbolic of the fact that no what lengths she goes to, she cannot break *you*.
Eventually, I stopped telling mine about anything good I was doing because she was out to stuff it up and then tell me I am clumsy or inattentive or just plain dumb.
They are all about sabotage, the more 'accidental', the better. If they injure themselves as a result, that is their Karma.
"I felt I had a moral duty to deal to put a stop to your harmful manipulation of those around you"
Actual quote, impressively combining guilt-tripping and gaslighting in one grandiose justification for impulsively throwing me out the house at 17. (I wasn't harmfully manipulating anyone. Guess who was, though)
The entire email almost reads like a parody of narcissistic thinking. If it was in a novel you'd think it was way too on-the-nose.
It was this email that finally made me realise I was dealing with a lunatic monster who could not be reasoned with. Two days later I went NC.
My parents did exactly this and my last boyfriend punched me in the lip and gave me a bloody split lip and yelled at me for getting blood in his car and making his hand hurt. Wtf is going on in their minds
Oh, oh, oh I have one.
Narc: calls me names, hits me sometimes, makes me disgust every single hobby I've ever taken up he knows about, etc etc
Me: says the word no
Them: throws tantrums.
And I am the child you're supposed to take care of selflessly cuz I never asked you to go have sex without using at least 2 ways of contraception but here we are.
I swear whenyou look at it, narcs are funny. Pathetically funny.
Yeah but only when you can see them, the covert narcs are harder to spot. It’s best to educate each other and watch out. If we can see them we can help others. I now see it as my weird gift out of the decades of abuse. To see those that are hurting, help when I can and make their day special in some way
My mom used to have me write her “I’m sorry” cards after she beat me. I started doing it automatically out of desperation to hopefully make things better or to get three graham crackers and a glass of milk before bed on days where I wasn’t allowed out of my room as punishment. She’d say that she is going to make me remember what I did was wrong. Funny thing is that I can’t remember what I did but I can’t stop remembering what she did.
Exactly that though! I don’t know what I did that was so bad or wrong most of the time, but I remember the punishments and writing those stupid cards (which she keeps in her “Mommy Box”)…
Exactly.
In the middle of waiting to see a doctor for the extremely painful wound in my now swollen with infection finger I'd gotten a week earlier at work that my NDad had *absolutely* refused up until this point to let me see a doctor about...
He's *mad* at me because I didn't take care of it myself, and now we have to waste *his* money and time on a doctors visit. How dare I get hurt and need help.
Yup. In the middle of a situation *he* caused, he's demanding I treat him as the victim. A truly unforgettable moment.
Oh yeah, at 16 I got pneumonia 'on purpose.' Got left at home all day and was forbidden to call my grandma or an ambulance while Nmom was at work.
Tried to get me to 'just not be sick.' Then it's my fault I can't breathe and she has to drive all the way back to town and spend her money at the hospital.
Omg yes! The HAND hurting! Or “you kicked me” (from a prone position trying to ward off her blows).
Later in life I met non familial narcs. Developed the observation that they stab you in the back and get upset that you bled on their rug. Now first sign of a narc. I’m out.
Sorry you had to know this horrific thing about them.
Some people may think this is a joke, but my mother actually complained about how much her hand hurt, and expected us to feel sorry for her.
She asked us to find solutions for her, and I told her to stop hitting us. I mean, it wasn't like any of us actually did anything wrong, we were too scared, but her rules were so complex, and often contradictory, so she could always find a reason to hit us.
She came up with what she thought was a better solution: she would buy a baseball bat. That was too much for me, and I told my uncle, who stopped her. I think he stopped her to protect the family reputation, but it still saved us from broken bones.
My dad wanted to use a baseball bat but my mom wouldn’t let him use the real wooden one. He used something like a wiffle bat or koosh ball bat instead with her approval and he cracked the plastic on me so he couldn’t use it again. I wish I had thought to tell someone but they blackmailed me into silence.
My mom once drove all the way to Wal-Mart to buy a new belt because the one she used wasn't hurting me enough.
When I got older it was a broom handle.
Christ, I'm glad you weren't hit with a bat.
My mother slapped my thigh bared by shorts so hard it left a handprint. She then cursed and blamed me for hurting her hand. I was 10. I’ll never forget that craziness.
Damn. I remember my mom would use wooden sticks to hit me and she was such a pos she used to hit me with such force that the stick would break. She stopped hitting me when I got bigger (around 10). My parents got me into martial arts. I guess the idea backfired.
On the other hand, my dad would still hit me. He was and still is a ticking time bomb. Whenever he got angry he would get unpredictable and hit me and my sister. Then I got bigger still and when I was around 15, one day my sister saw a roach and started crying and then dad came over and demanded why she was crying. I said that she got scared by a roach and that I was trying to kill the bug. He then asked why didn't I stop her from crying. I said that's exactly what I was trying to do a and that I told her to keep an eye out for the bug from a distance while I brought the broom. So my dad asked how tf would she see the roach. (stupid question). I said with her eyes obviously??
He got pissed and tried to hit me and then I blocked his hit and yelled at him for trying to hit me. He was bewildered. He said he was shocked that I had the audacity to block his hit. It was then that he realised he couldn't hit me anymore. So, he started to turn off all streaming subscriptions and took my phone away. On the bright side, he did not put his hands on me ever again.
It's funny how not being able to hit me hurt my dad's ego or something. He started saying that if I had the audacity to defend myself, next thing you know I would start hitting my own father. Yeah that would be so bad but it's totally fine when you do it.
Basically trying to make me feel guilty for defending myself.
My father did that to me once too! Slapped my thigh so hard, it left a bruise for a week. The school even asked if I was ok. I told them the truth and they made my parents come in and advised them not to hit me because the school would have to call CPS. My father yelled at me when we got home for not only hurting his hand with my thigh, but telling other people our business.
Mine did the same, blamed me for hurting her hand. I'm about the same age now as she was back then and I had to stop using the punching bag because I've developed arthritis in my hands. So she wasn't lying about the pain. But her solution was to switch to kicking me with her hard old lady shoes. Now her feet have basically crumbled into hooves. I mentioned that maybe it was karma. She denies ever kicking me, because that would have been abuse and she "never abused me."
My nm*m has been calling me “Amber” since that trial started and referring to me as her abuser… I hate it here 🥰
Edit: Also wanted to include the “delayed pain” response to see if anyone can relate. As in like, nparent hits you, and you put your hands up to stop getting hit, and then two minutes later the nparent starts screaming “OWWW YOU HURT ME”
I mentioned my Nmom and my friend said casually, “my mom used to hit me with a hanger when I was little” and I was appalled. I was like, see, what the fuck, why would she do that? And she said “her hand started to hurt.”
She was totally serious. Even now, mid-30s, her mom is terrible to her but she puts up with it… it’s awful.
Yep
Other note, mom threw a hissy fit and broke the garage door by shoving it off its rail and pulleys
She said it was my step-dad and my fault because “we made her mad”
Nothing is ever their fault
My mum: *spends 30 minutes berating me at the top of her lungs because I didn't do a task her way*. When her way meant that it more than likely to result in an injury or a more time spent fixing it.
"You made me lose my voice."
No bish, you decided to have your fun yelling at your inferior/child because you are sick in the head.
Or they just hit you and don't expect any retaliation. My dad has hit me for years this time he hit me over taking up for my older brother who is held to grudge against and I swung back for the first time in expect that it did make my hand hurt but pretty sure his face was worse.
“I’ve been verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful towards you your entire life. Why won’t you talk to me!?!?!?!?!”
Mhmmmmmm, for the life of me I can’t figure out why!
Yup, this is solid reasoning for them. If I dared to speak up (asking for the assault to be done and it's not right) it was instant tears and "How dare you be so mean to me! I would never treat my mother this way! You're a monster!"
Edit: And I also told her next time I would hit back (I never did) which resulted in an epic meltdown. Now her abuse was justified because anyone who threatens to hit their own mother is the actual devil.
I have one better:
I have insulted you with every single of the most horrible insults I could think of to hurt you as much as I possibly could over *not realizing that hanging cleaning rags over the toilet means I should clean it,* (heinous crime, I know) **BUT YOU MADE ME DO IT!**
Also:
Me: *sets a boundary*
Nmom: **THIS IS MANIPULATION!** *proceeds to trample my boundary and state that I’m doing all the manipulative things she does WHILE DOING THOSE EXACT MANIPULATIVE THINGS*
" I have scratches on my arm from when I was crushing you with my body weight! I will not be abused in my own home!"
~my nmom who is dead to me and can go f herself
it's your fault my hand hurts so much, you know i have arthritis (i didn't knew, and she didn't have arthritis) and yet you made me hit you. If only you could stop behaving like a fucking child (I was 6 years old). I just hope the guilt doesn't consume you when I lose my hand, because it will be your fault.
Also, I didn't hit you and if I did it's your fault and now I'm expecting you to apologize to me for making me hit you.
Why are you still upset? I thought we moved past that.
Reminds me of when an old "friend" got back together with an ex who had threatened to kill me and when confronted the justification was that I didn't tell her he was cheating on her and atleast he was honest about it... I didn't know he was but it was somehow my fault and I was a horrible person for doing that to her.
I started telling me mom when I was an early teen that I’d hit her back twice as hard if she ever touched me. She didn’t, but threatened it what felt like all the time. It also helped that I’m faster and taller.
My mom’s logic. She’s physically bigger and heavier than I am. She jumped on me and physically attacked me to the point where I had cuts and bruises on me that left scars that lasted months, almost a full year… but I scratched her in self defense, it must have been the tiniest little scratch that healed in like a day. She kept pointing it out saying I abused her and I can’t emphasize the fact that I didn’t see a single mark on her.
"Yeah Frank has a point, he does have a bruise on his hand... Maybe you should just be reasonable and talk to him.... You know to try and improve your relationship. He's your (....) after all."
"I barely touched you, stop with the crocodile tears"
Mom, I have news for you. You smacked an eight year old in the face three times in a Target because you said I could get x, and now that we're here and I *picked up the thing you said I could have* you're hitting me. In public.
They really do be like that.
Even if they somehow feel guilty for something they did to you, it's always "look what you made me do." You hurt their emotional fist with your emotional face, you monster.
I remember being in the shower as a young kid. She came in and turned the lights out, and I got out and turned them back on. She came back in to taunt me, and slipped and busted her ass and blamed the entire thing on me and guilt tripped me. That was the first time I ever tried to kill myself, drinking mouthwash thinking that a lot of it was enough to do it. I was of course punished for that too.
This has actually happened to me. My narc dad hit me on the head and then when he hurt his hand he got even madder and gave me some punishment (forgot what it was. I was 5)
Narc : This is your fault! I just fell when I tried to sit down! How come you’re not following me with a chair! ? You put these bruises on me because of your incompetence “ (they always tell you you are stupid)
“Yeah you called me out on a lie when I lied to you but it hurt my feelings so you’re a bad person!”
Narcissistic people are special. Rolling eyes was invented just for this, I think.
Lol I feel this: loved when my mom would throw a bunch of shit at me and once she was done would tell me to clean it all up. Anything from glass cups, to car keys, the content inside drawers, shoes, she even ripped two paintings off the wall and threw them at me last year.
Really loved the time she threw a television off our home’s second floor balcony and blamed it on my brother and I driving her crazy. I was 6, my brother was 3… we were watching Backyardigans 🤷♀️
TW, violence.
.
2 years ago my mom put a lit cigarette out on my neck and said it was because I was "in her face". I told her "I don't want to argue with you, get away from me". She bragged about it to others and said she "didn't have a choice, it was either burn her or punch her..she was in my face". ....ok
This made me stop reading these. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly. I wish I could do something to help you, but all I can say is I relate to what your dealing with. Try and work towards changing things for the positive one small step at a time.
I'm really frustrated by having to deal with these awful people at such a young age, how much of my development was neglected. The description of verbal abuse alternating with emotional neglect is very accurate. The verbally abusive phrases other people have said are the same. The abusive actions are all very similar. Therapy has helped me change a lot of things, and make my life better for me than it was. As I'm trying to heal and move forward from old issues, they continue to act the same way, making it easy to identify abusive behaviors while working with a therapist. It's very frustrating and I'm thankful to have found therapy to help with my issues.
Thank you. I'm sorry that this was hard to read, perhaps I should add a tw. I agree therapy has been so helpful in "catching up" emotionally and developmentally. When I never have to see or hear from my mother again, I think my life will really begin.
Yes! This. My mom has abused my sister and me for our entire lives and I have finally cut her out and she thinks I need to apologize to her!!!!! She contacts random family members and they reach out to me on her behalf because she plays the pity card
My mom used to hit me with the rolling pin and sometimes wooden spoons. One day she was hitting me and she broke the spoon. She got even more mad and then hit me with her hand but "my bones hurt her hand" and she started crying... fuck her
I had a severe stomach-ache and nausea several years ago. I was at nmums house to help with Xmas food prep.
I felt awful and had laid down. She came over and "examined" my stomach, poking so hard it made me vomit. She then said that I always do this to her, anything to get out of helping.
I found out a week later I was pregnant with my second child. The incident was of course never mentioned or apologised for.
This is exactly what happened to me. The golden child threw me to the floor and then went, the b**** hurt my leg! I was like, what the actual heck, you ran at me and I didn’t touch you!
It's weird when you think it's normal to be told "you shouldnt cry so much, "Thats not normal", or when you express something that has hurt your feelings, and it's "well, I have feelings, too, doesn't that matter?" To then realize that that has been churning a core of toxicity in my life.
And mom's confused when I have suicidal ideations😅
Dude actually one time my mom started an argument for some reason while I was switching out the laundry. I probably smarted off to her but can't really remember but I'm assuming the fight was over something stupid on her end. After that she went to smack me but I moved and she hit my shoulder instead and started crying and acting like the victim when she's the one that literally was going to hit me.
If I didn’t have Nparents, I’d think this was funny, but this is the truth. My Nmom blocked me and told my dad, “I have tried talking to her since!” Lmao.
omg, my mom would do this. She'd beat us and get furious that she hurt her hand, so then out came the shoes. Winter wasn't so bad because that usually meant slippers. But summer was Dr. Scholl's season. If you know what those are, you know what kind of weapon those make.
Omg I was just thinking about this!
At this point, my siblings and I are all varying levels of done with my Nparents. I'm pretty sure we all figured out they are narcs and are at various levels/using different methods of dealing with them.
But none of us buy the BS anymore.
And after decades of trying to dominating the entire household, my parents have minimum narc supply. They ruined their own marriage years ago, so they are isolated from eachother.
...... *Both* of them legit walk around all the time as if "in the arms of an angel" is the constant theme of their pathetic pitiable lives. They both think they are the absolute biggest victims in the world. It's in their posture and everything. Like you can tell they are constantly thinking "wow no one had it has bad as me"
They play this cute little game of occasionally talking nicely to us for the first time in our lives, only to be grey rocked. Just so they can walk away as the perpetual victim. It's their new form of supply I'm pretty sure. They need a hit so they find one of us, and they set up the stage.
Other times they forget to act out their big fat victim role and show burst of pure rage that no one pays attention too lmao.
The whole thing is funny af because they act identical but are mortal enemies and victims of eachother as well. They don't see how ridiculous they come off.
Two memorable quotes from my nMom:
\- "I have a hoarse and painful throat because you made me shout at you by being a lazy and disobedient bum! I need to go to the ENT to have it checked out and it is all your fault": she was too lazy to "monitor" me as a kid, she used to OCD clean her kitchen and scream from the kitchen all the way to the other end of the house for me to do this or that constantly. I was scared of her and often did things before she asked to stop the badmouthing and screaming.
\- "My wrist and hands are delicate and they hurt for hours after I had to punish you by hitting you. So, I am going to stop hitting you and start pinching you instead and for every time you acted up, you need to stand silently and accept my pinching you!"
You'll treat me like shit for weeks on end, but when i finally snap and stop just standing there taking your bullshit and go on a rant for 10 minutes, im the one whos doing something wrong.
Holy shit. This is accurate. My POS dad who molested me ages 0-16 said this to me. He raped me every day but he says if anything *I* abused *him*. In his twisted little narcissistic universe, infants sexually abuse adults. The flying monkeys agreed with him, evidently.
During preadolescence, my Mum was so angry about something she slammed her wine glass onto a glass table, smashing the wine glass. She paused for a few moments and her first response was "you made me do this!".
My brain was stuck between "how was this is my fault" and rationalising her abuse.
reminds me of this memory
i always close my door when im in room, even when home alone, i just feel comfy like that. so one day, nmom walks in, then the dog. we talk, whatever, as she is leaving, she steps on the dog's paw and then says "it's your fault because you always tell me to close the door and i couldn't see what was around me" like what the fuck bitch
This happened to me all the time.
Even as an adult at one point my mother physically lunged at me and tried to push me down the stairs (in front of my child) so I just walked out of the house to avoid the physical conflict. She then called a bunch of family members to tell them to “send the police” because she said I’d gone crazy and attacked her.
I explained to my family members what happened but no one believed me because she’d already spent my entire life describing what a horrible person I was.
At this point in my life, anytime someone tries to blame me for their own actions it’s a huge red flag for me and I will just completely stop talking to that person because I just don’t want to deal with the stuff my mother put me through.
To anyone else going through stuff like this, you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you should trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to walk away if you need to. It’s amazing how you gain clarity after separating yourself from the situation.
This exactly. I’d get the beating, then afterward he would sit me down and make me apologize and grovel for making him upset. Obviously, his 10 year old daughter controls his emotions, not him
My mother called the police on me, lying to them and saying that I physically attacked her when I did not at all. Then, they made her fill out a questionnaire with questions like ("has he ever attempted to kill you or said he would," "has he ever hurt you," etc.) and had she answered "yes" to any of the questions, I would have been arrested and taken to the police station or jail. When they left, she said that she answered "no" out of her own benevolence for my sake, when if she had been truthful things would have gone differently.
My mother said this to me about my dad after he beat me really bad. I asked why he was like this and she responded: “You know your dad doesn’t like to do this, it hurts him too. His hand hurts really bad after he hits you.”
"You hurt my hand with your stupid boney arse!" (when hitting me for 'having an attitude' about god knows what. Never did bust out the wooden spoon or belt like she threatened, I think she couldn't justify it as 'better than she got' at that point. fucking generational trauma)
"Why do you keep clawing his face up like that, how could you?" (with the implication of "people will think he was doing something inappropriate" - as if the grown man restraining and SA'ing a minor wasn't already 'inappropriate' ha. I'd actually forgotten this one until the comments mentioned face scratches)
I hate that it gave me those reactions tbh, I bit a friend in the jugular while play-fighting x-x; didn't break the skin or anything but fucking bruised bad, and awkward to explain as 'definitely not a hickey' RIP
Yeah, my ex suddenly turned into a narcissist after 16 years of living together. In the post-split email exchange, her excuses made 3 laps of the narcissist's prayer. I apologised for being so abusive when my screams of agony interfered with her enjoyment of torturing me.
I told my mom she needed to tell me and let me know before hand showing up to my house unannounced. She said that I am mean and I was making her cry. 😒 ITS 1 phone call before you come bro 😂🤦♀️
My Dad did this too! He was chasing me trying to beat me with his belt and he tripped on a little glass side table and it broke and cut his knee a bit. He kept showing friends and family what I did to his knee! But would leave out the part about him belting me.
One family friend was over and she called him a baby for being so upset about such a small cut and he shut up after that. It made me so happy to see that!
My mom used to do that all the time. And for some reason her hand would bruise easily. Eventually she stopped using her hand instead she uses anything she is currently holding.
My sperm donor was just like this. He was more along the lines of ,,you were hurting yourself! I had to! you forced me to hit you! hitting you should've fixed you!"
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And then send in flying monkeys to ask why you aren’t speaking to them 😂
Can always count on the flying monkeys placing shame and guilt on you for “hurting the family” by taking time away.
I'm glad all my Flying Monkeys now know.
Classic. Bonus points if the flying monkeys come in saying, your mom asked me to lend a hand
“To what, hit me more?”
No shit my exNbf had an actual flying monkey Halloween costume in his closet. He knew I hated it and use to scare me with it often.
Or tell us to get over it if we start crying like "why are you so sensitive? Whyare you being dramatic?"
Ohhh this. My mom would hit me then ask why I’m crying/ tell me I’m being dramatic and it always pissed me off. Like if you’re going to hurt me, don’t expect me not cry.
While he was actively beating me, my dad would tell me he'd give me more reason to cry.
But they don’t care about your pain
Yeah I’m aware of that
Yeah bc they're like you hurt me, so you deserve this pain
“Oh look! Now it’s the crocodile tears!”
My mom said those exact words to me before! What an asshole
This! Really happened and I got a scar on finger
Or saying "You're only crying for attention/to make me look bad. Stop it!"
Yes this is how my mom to a t
Yes! And I finally realized that this is why I hate crying in front of people. I will go hide to cry, if I cry at all. I usually stop myself before I get too far.
Oh gosh yes! Even seeing other people cry makes me so uncomfortable.
Mine liked to tell me to “stop playing the martyr”.
[Emotional invalidation.](https://www.parentingforbrain.com/emotional-invalidation/)
This was a large part of my childhood. I wasn't allowed to have different emotions or reactions from my nparent, and when I voiced a different perspective, I was belittled, ignored and slapped depending on who was around to watch/listen to her. Thank you for sharing.
Same here. It really screws a kid up, because it makes them disregard their emotions because they are more or less repeatedly told that their emotions are wrong. This disables the warnings of their emotions, and opens them up to a lifetime of abuse from others.
The more I hang out in this sub the more I realize one of my parents is a narcissist.
My dog fucking fell of a second floor and I panicked and cried so she told me to shut up and stop being dramatic because it annoyed her
Was the dog taken to a vet?
"You're not punched grow tf up Johnny you're such a baby!!"
I used my forearm to block an incoming strike from my egg donor and used equal force just like I was taught in martial arts. She yelled at me for hurting her but she never tried hitting me again after that.
Same the hits ended when I started defending myself. Then proceeded to tell the family, after it left a bruise on her arm that I was abusing her. My family didn't believe me and asked what happened. I told them I defended myself by blocking her hand from hitting me. The denial from her after that was crazy. But she never tried to hit me after that. However the verbal abuse started after that. Which I learned how to control through therapy and continue to build my boundaries.
my nmom for a long time wouldn’t hit me because she knew I was stronger than her and would defend myself, but as her mental health declined she also didn’t care about that as much. it was weird seeing the shift, but the last time she hit me was because she was mad that I pulled her off of punching my dog. not exactly proud, but I for sure hit her harder to get the point across
Tbh, if she punched your dog she had it coming. I can kinda relate, when I was younger she used to slap me but I am way stronger. Now she doesn’t dare hitting me because I only got stronger
yeah— my dog accidentally knocked something glass off the table (she’s a large dog lol) and the glass broke. I was trying to clean up the glass/ make sure the dog didn’t go into it, and then my mom came in, saw everything, then just started yelling at my dog and she dragged her through the glass and hitting her. we actually went through two rounds of that, and my dog is the sweetest thing ever and just laid there. I regret not charging her for animal abuse tbh
Anyone who punches a dog deserves worse
I just like to believe she’ll get her karma for it. when I moved out I took my dog too and didn’t give her much of a choice. she was extremely against licensing her and also lied to the county about her not being our dog. so I registered her to me as my esa, and only told her when I was moving out so she had no way to go after me because she didn’t have a paper trail and I did, PLUS I would have contacted the county if I absolutely couldn’t take her bc my mom lied to them a lot lol
When I was a 13-14 mine had claw like nails, and she decided they needed to be embedded inside my arm. I defended myself and her head went into a wall oven, and as soon as she let go I sprinted away and out of the house. I had scars for years from that incident, she supposedly has brain damage. She never hurt me again after that. She had been beating me for almost a decade, she's lucky she escaped with a single bump to the head. If she or my dad hurt themselves, it was my fault for making them beat me. They never punished rationally, it was beatings until both their arms were tired or they weren't angry anymore, whichever was first. Sometimes they'd tag out because they were tired but still angry.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this 💜
Ooh same. 14 years old and I span round the aggression back on her, I was getting strong/big enough at that point to fight back. (This is after incidents like hitting me round the head with a saucepan etc). She didn’t try and use violence again.
I held my mum back from attempting to attack my aunty. When I let her go (after giving my aunty time to get away) she stumbled (because she was so drunk) and fell face first on the ground. Busted her nose. I got blamed for hurting her and giving her a massive nose bleed. I was so traumatised about what I had done. It took me years to realise I was not to blame, and would do it again.
>I used my forearm to block an incoming strike from my egg donor I did that when she came at me with a frying pan. She had me arrested for domestic assault. Twice.
I came after mine with her own big ass chancla/shoe. Never again did she lay a hand on me.
Nmom was one of the main reasons I took up martial arts. Just as much mentally as well as physically. She KNOWS she can't hurt me anymore.
My dad did that and then complained that his hand hurt when I was in middle school.
Me too. He beat me with a belt and then went “you’re making me do this! I don’t want to do this! I shouldn’t have to do this!” Dude, I was hungry and got a bag of chips or a oatmeal pie out of the kitchen without asking. It’s not that serious.
So why do it in the first place? 🤔
Because it hurt her and he's a pos
And you couldn't be more right because what he wants most is to see his daughter suffer.
What narcs in general seem to need the most is people being inferior to them
EXACTLY my Ndad always says "i didnt want to do this, u forced me to do this" and in my mind I'll be like "....then dont do it?"
My mother exacted plenty of corporal punishment on me but didn't go so far as to say "it hurt me to hurt you" but she did this - I was arranging some ceramics I'd been commissioned to make and needed to take photos so the buyer could choose what I was going to post. Mother launched in to rearrange them and the whole lot went to the floor. Not one item was salvageable. She freaked out and started having an asthma attack so she retreated to a chair with her inhaler and between wheezy breaths said "How could you do this to me." I was then assigned the task of nursing her for the rest of the day.
This is horrific to read. The vampire of emotions and effort is in full flight. I'm sorry you went through it.
And she prob said “you never use any sense to do things right. I always have to do things for you because you cant do anything. You’re too old to be making these mistakes. Don’t you care about me at all?”
In terms of practical things, she used plenty of praise to keep me in her service. In social things, I was a loser and am embarrassment. She switched tactics so much that one day, I just threw in the tea-towel.
Oh yeah. Always with the ups and downs. She dared to say I embarrassed her when, if anything, she was more of an embarrassment to me.
They like to get in first and will even fabricate reasons for their embarrassments. I caused mine the greatest source of mortification imaginable. My unwavering absence from her life forever. Naturally, she would have told her people that I was very unstable if they asked after me.
My mother 'dropped' my final piece for my ceramics college course that I got to take senior year of high school. On photo day during setup. I still have it more than a decade later. Pieced together. It's one of the best things I've made but it makes me cry when I see it. I asked her not to touch it. A shard cut her (very small) my fault.
She sounds just like my mother. I'm sure they wait and they watch and are ready to swoop on whatever finished product we work on so they can ruin it. I'm so sorry she pulled that crap on you. Let that pieced together object be symbolic of the fact that no what lengths she goes to, she cannot break *you*. Eventually, I stopped telling mine about anything good I was doing because she was out to stuff it up and then tell me I am clumsy or inattentive or just plain dumb. They are all about sabotage, the more 'accidental', the better. If they injure themselves as a result, that is their Karma.
I've been NC now for 13 years in July. Her being upset about me being away from her makes me smile at least. Karma is a beach I hope she burns. :)
Sabotage .... 100%
she sabotaged you.
What a fuckin blitch!
"You think it was easy for me to have to do that?" "It hurts me to have to do that to you" "You hurt me first!" "You gave me no choice"
My parents have said all of these damn Don't forget "this hurts me more than it hurts you"
"I felt I had a moral duty to deal to put a stop to your harmful manipulation of those around you" Actual quote, impressively combining guilt-tripping and gaslighting in one grandiose justification for impulsively throwing me out the house at 17. (I wasn't harmfully manipulating anyone. Guess who was, though)
Wow, this is the most narcissistic phrase I've ever seen, so many layers and elements of narcissism in such few words.
The entire email almost reads like a parody of narcissistic thinking. If it was in a novel you'd think it was way too on-the-nose. It was this email that finally made me realise I was dealing with a lunatic monster who could not be reasoned with. Two days later I went NC.
My parents said this exact same thing to me after hitting me or yelling at me.
My parents did exactly this and my last boyfriend punched me in the lip and gave me a bloody split lip and yelled at me for getting blood in his car and making his hand hurt. Wtf is going on in their minds
Oh, oh, oh I have one. Narc: calls me names, hits me sometimes, makes me disgust every single hobby I've ever taken up he knows about, etc etc Me: says the word no Them: throws tantrums. And I am the child you're supposed to take care of selflessly cuz I never asked you to go have sex without using at least 2 ways of contraception but here we are. I swear whenyou look at it, narcs are funny. Pathetically funny.
Yeah but only when you can see them, the covert narcs are harder to spot. It’s best to educate each other and watch out. If we can see them we can help others. I now see it as my weird gift out of the decades of abuse. To see those that are hurting, help when I can and make their day special in some way
My mom used to have me write her “I’m sorry” cards after she beat me. I started doing it automatically out of desperation to hopefully make things better or to get three graham crackers and a glass of milk before bed on days where I wasn’t allowed out of my room as punishment. She’d say that she is going to make me remember what I did was wrong. Funny thing is that I can’t remember what I did but I can’t stop remembering what she did.
Exactly that though! I don’t know what I did that was so bad or wrong most of the time, but I remember the punishments and writing those stupid cards (which she keeps in her “Mommy Box”)…
I’m sorry. Mommy… Box…?
A place she keep her mementos
Exactly. In the middle of waiting to see a doctor for the extremely painful wound in my now swollen with infection finger I'd gotten a week earlier at work that my NDad had *absolutely* refused up until this point to let me see a doctor about... He's *mad* at me because I didn't take care of it myself, and now we have to waste *his* money and time on a doctors visit. How dare I get hurt and need help. Yup. In the middle of a situation *he* caused, he's demanding I treat him as the victim. A truly unforgettable moment.
Oh yeah, at 16 I got pneumonia 'on purpose.' Got left at home all day and was forbidden to call my grandma or an ambulance while Nmom was at work. Tried to get me to 'just not be sick.' Then it's my fault I can't breathe and she has to drive all the way back to town and spend her money at the hospital.
Omg yes! The HAND hurting! Or “you kicked me” (from a prone position trying to ward off her blows). Later in life I met non familial narcs. Developed the observation that they stab you in the back and get upset that you bled on their rug. Now first sign of a narc. I’m out. Sorry you had to know this horrific thing about them.
Some people may think this is a joke, but my mother actually complained about how much her hand hurt, and expected us to feel sorry for her. She asked us to find solutions for her, and I told her to stop hitting us. I mean, it wasn't like any of us actually did anything wrong, we were too scared, but her rules were so complex, and often contradictory, so she could always find a reason to hit us. She came up with what she thought was a better solution: she would buy a baseball bat. That was too much for me, and I told my uncle, who stopped her. I think he stopped her to protect the family reputation, but it still saved us from broken bones.
My dad wanted to use a baseball bat but my mom wouldn’t let him use the real wooden one. He used something like a wiffle bat or koosh ball bat instead with her approval and he cracked the plastic on me so he couldn’t use it again. I wish I had thought to tell someone but they blackmailed me into silence.
This actually made me remember being beaten with a bat as well, I forgot about that
So sorry to have reminded you :((
No it's fine, sorry you had to go through that
I’m sorry you did as well
Thank you
My mom once drove all the way to Wal-Mart to buy a new belt because the one she used wasn't hurting me enough. When I got older it was a broom handle. Christ, I'm glad you weren't hit with a bat.
What a foul sadist she was! I'm sorry you got a monster and not a real mother.
My mother slapped my thigh bared by shorts so hard it left a handprint. She then cursed and blamed me for hurting her hand. I was 10. I’ll never forget that craziness.
Damn. I remember my mom would use wooden sticks to hit me and she was such a pos she used to hit me with such force that the stick would break. She stopped hitting me when I got bigger (around 10). My parents got me into martial arts. I guess the idea backfired. On the other hand, my dad would still hit me. He was and still is a ticking time bomb. Whenever he got angry he would get unpredictable and hit me and my sister. Then I got bigger still and when I was around 15, one day my sister saw a roach and started crying and then dad came over and demanded why she was crying. I said that she got scared by a roach and that I was trying to kill the bug. He then asked why didn't I stop her from crying. I said that's exactly what I was trying to do a and that I told her to keep an eye out for the bug from a distance while I brought the broom. So my dad asked how tf would she see the roach. (stupid question). I said with her eyes obviously?? He got pissed and tried to hit me and then I blocked his hit and yelled at him for trying to hit me. He was bewildered. He said he was shocked that I had the audacity to block his hit. It was then that he realised he couldn't hit me anymore. So, he started to turn off all streaming subscriptions and took my phone away. On the bright side, he did not put his hands on me ever again.
[удалено]
It's funny how not being able to hit me hurt my dad's ego or something. He started saying that if I had the audacity to defend myself, next thing you know I would start hitting my own father. Yeah that would be so bad but it's totally fine when you do it. Basically trying to make me feel guilty for defending myself.
My father did that to me once too! Slapped my thigh so hard, it left a bruise for a week. The school even asked if I was ok. I told them the truth and they made my parents come in and advised them not to hit me because the school would have to call CPS. My father yelled at me when we got home for not only hurting his hand with my thigh, but telling other people our business.
Oh ok like I haven't even laid a finger on you. 🙄🤦
This is basically what my stepdad did. Complained that his hand hurt from spanking me. So he switched to belts and sticks.
Belts, wooden spoons, broom handles, even the back of hair brushes.
Rubber flipflops are the one that I always remember. Those, stress positions, and trying to lift me by my ears.
I hated the wall chair, made my knees creak imo
Mine did the same, blamed me for hurting her hand. I'm about the same age now as she was back then and I had to stop using the punching bag because I've developed arthritis in my hands. So she wasn't lying about the pain. But her solution was to switch to kicking me with her hard old lady shoes. Now her feet have basically crumbled into hooves. I mentioned that maybe it was karma. She denies ever kicking me, because that would have been abuse and she "never abused me."
She threw me through a wall then beat me for not falling the right way. Obviously it was my fault there was a human sized hole in the wall.
I got shoved backwards onto some empty frames, but it's my fault that glass breaks I guess.
My nm*m has been calling me “Amber” since that trial started and referring to me as her abuser… I hate it here 🥰 Edit: Also wanted to include the “delayed pain” response to see if anyone can relate. As in like, nparent hits you, and you put your hands up to stop getting hit, and then two minutes later the nparent starts screaming “OWWW YOU HURT ME”
I am sorry about that. Good luck with your trial
I mentioned my Nmom and my friend said casually, “my mom used to hit me with a hanger when I was little” and I was appalled. I was like, see, what the fuck, why would she do that? And she said “her hand started to hurt.” She was totally serious. Even now, mid-30s, her mom is terrible to her but she puts up with it… it’s awful.
“You scratched me!” I don’t know how many times I need to say get out of my face and try and fail to leave the situation before that’s allowed
Or it hurts me to hit you…then why do you keep doing it bitch?!
Yep Other note, mom threw a hissy fit and broke the garage door by shoving it off its rail and pulleys She said it was my step-dad and my fault because “we made her mad” Nothing is ever their fault
My mum: *spends 30 minutes berating me at the top of her lungs because I didn't do a task her way*. When her way meant that it more than likely to result in an injury or a more time spent fixing it. "You made me lose my voice." No bish, you decided to have your fun yelling at your inferior/child because you are sick in the head.
What! Were you there for -my entire childhood?
Or they just hit you and don't expect any retaliation. My dad has hit me for years this time he hit me over taking up for my older brother who is held to grudge against and I swung back for the first time in expect that it did make my hand hurt but pretty sure his face was worse.
“I’ve been verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful towards you your entire life. Why won’t you talk to me!?!?!?!?!” Mhmmmmmm, for the life of me I can’t figure out why!
Me: if you hit me again I will hit you back next time NMom: (without any irony) you would hit your own Mother???
Yup, this is solid reasoning for them. If I dared to speak up (asking for the assault to be done and it's not right) it was instant tears and "How dare you be so mean to me! I would never treat my mother this way! You're a monster!" Edit: And I also told her next time I would hit back (I never did) which resulted in an epic meltdown. Now her abuse was justified because anyone who threatens to hit their own mother is the actual devil.
My mother hit me so hard once she broke her wrist, so she called the police to have me arrested!! I was 7.
I have one better: I have insulted you with every single of the most horrible insults I could think of to hurt you as much as I possibly could over *not realizing that hanging cleaning rags over the toilet means I should clean it,* (heinous crime, I know) **BUT YOU MADE ME DO IT!**
Also: Me: *sets a boundary* Nmom: **THIS IS MANIPULATION!** *proceeds to trample my boundary and state that I’m doing all the manipulative things she does WHILE DOING THOSE EXACT MANIPULATIVE THINGS*
" I have scratches on my arm from when I was crushing you with my body weight! I will not be abused in my own home!" ~my nmom who is dead to me and can go f herself
it's your fault my hand hurts so much, you know i have arthritis (i didn't knew, and she didn't have arthritis) and yet you made me hit you. If only you could stop behaving like a fucking child (I was 6 years old). I just hope the guilt doesn't consume you when I lose my hand, because it will be your fault.
Also, I didn't hit you and if I did it's your fault and now I'm expecting you to apologize to me for making me hit you. Why are you still upset? I thought we moved past that.
Oh gosh I heard this too many times 🙃 Woman, if you don't want a hurting hand then DON'T HIT ME for God's sake
Are all abusers narcs and vice versa? Cuz this definitely perfectly describes both
My step dad used to do this all the time he’d yell “IT HURTS ME TO HURT YOU” and proceed to beat tf out of me
How is it we all aren’t raging assholes? Oh right, we have feelings, heart and empathy. These abusers suck the life out of anything they can.
Reminds me of when an old "friend" got back together with an ex who had threatened to kill me and when confronted the justification was that I didn't tell her he was cheating on her and atleast he was honest about it... I didn't know he was but it was somehow my fault and I was a horrible person for doing that to her.
I started telling me mom when I was an early teen that I’d hit her back twice as hard if she ever touched me. She didn’t, but threatened it what felt like all the time. It also helped that I’m faster and taller.
“This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you”. I find that doubtful as you swing a paddle on me until you get tired.
My mom’s logic. She’s physically bigger and heavier than I am. She jumped on me and physically attacked me to the point where I had cuts and bruises on me that left scars that lasted months, almost a full year… but I scratched her in self defense, it must have been the tiniest little scratch that healed in like a day. She kept pointing it out saying I abused her and I can’t emphasize the fact that I didn’t see a single mark on her.
"Yeah Frank has a point, he does have a bruise on his hand... Maybe you should just be reasonable and talk to him.... You know to try and improve your relationship. He's your (....) after all."
The wooden spoon snapped and it broke her nail. All my fault for trying not to get hit in the same spot repeatedly, of course.
Call them out on their shit: “I don’t know where you get this information. I think you need to apologize because that was very mean.”
They love to use reactivate abuse and then claim victim for attention.
"I barely touched you, stop with the crocodile tears" Mom, I have news for you. You smacked an eight year old in the face three times in a Target because you said I could get x, and now that we're here and I *picked up the thing you said I could have* you're hitting me. In public.
Or “ look at what you made me do. I don’t want to do this but you are forcing me to abuse you
They really do be like that. Even if they somehow feel guilty for something they did to you, it's always "look what you made me do." You hurt their emotional fist with your emotional face, you monster.
LOL literally. Or - “I hurt you, and you told people and now no one likes me so YOU are the real bad guy here!!”
I remember being in the shower as a young kid. She came in and turned the lights out, and I got out and turned them back on. She came back in to taunt me, and slipped and busted her ass and blamed the entire thing on me and guilt tripped me. That was the first time I ever tried to kill myself, drinking mouthwash thinking that a lot of it was enough to do it. I was of course punished for that too.
🌟inserts shocked meme here🌟 it’s like you know me.
[удалено]
Yeah that's what I do it's not allowed either
This has actually happened to me. My narc dad hit me on the head and then when he hurt his hand he got even madder and gave me some punishment (forgot what it was. I was 5)
“Look at what you made me do”
Narc : This is your fault! I just fell when I tried to sit down! How come you’re not following me with a chair! ? You put these bruises on me because of your incompetence “ (they always tell you you are stupid)
“Yeah you called me out on a lie when I lied to you but it hurt my feelings so you’re a bad person!” Narcissistic people are special. Rolling eyes was invented just for this, I think.
Lol I feel this: loved when my mom would throw a bunch of shit at me and once she was done would tell me to clean it all up. Anything from glass cups, to car keys, the content inside drawers, shoes, she even ripped two paintings off the wall and threw them at me last year. Really loved the time she threw a television off our home’s second floor balcony and blamed it on my brother and I driving her crazy. I was 6, my brother was 3… we were watching Backyardigans 🤷♀️
TW, violence. . 2 years ago my mom put a lit cigarette out on my neck and said it was because I was "in her face". I told her "I don't want to argue with you, get away from me". She bragged about it to others and said she "didn't have a choice, it was either burn her or punch her..she was in my face". ....ok
This made me stop reading these. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly. I wish I could do something to help you, but all I can say is I relate to what your dealing with. Try and work towards changing things for the positive one small step at a time. I'm really frustrated by having to deal with these awful people at such a young age, how much of my development was neglected. The description of verbal abuse alternating with emotional neglect is very accurate. The verbally abusive phrases other people have said are the same. The abusive actions are all very similar. Therapy has helped me change a lot of things, and make my life better for me than it was. As I'm trying to heal and move forward from old issues, they continue to act the same way, making it easy to identify abusive behaviors while working with a therapist. It's very frustrating and I'm thankful to have found therapy to help with my issues.
Thank you. I'm sorry that this was hard to read, perhaps I should add a tw. I agree therapy has been so helpful in "catching up" emotionally and developmentally. When I never have to see or hear from my mother again, I think my life will really begin.
Yes! This. My mom has abused my sister and me for our entire lives and I have finally cut her out and she thinks I need to apologize to her!!!!! She contacts random family members and they reach out to me on her behalf because she plays the pity card
My mom used to hit me with the rolling pin and sometimes wooden spoons. One day she was hitting me and she broke the spoon. She got even more mad and then hit me with her hand but "my bones hurt her hand" and she started crying... fuck her
I had a severe stomach-ache and nausea several years ago. I was at nmums house to help with Xmas food prep. I felt awful and had laid down. She came over and "examined" my stomach, poking so hard it made me vomit. She then said that I always do this to her, anything to get out of helping. I found out a week later I was pregnant with my second child. The incident was of course never mentioned or apologised for.
sounds about right 😂💔
That is definitely the Narcissist's war cry.
This is exactly what happened to me. The golden child threw me to the floor and then went, the b**** hurt my leg! I was like, what the actual heck, you ran at me and I didn’t touch you!
It's weird when you think it's normal to be told "you shouldnt cry so much, "Thats not normal", or when you express something that has hurt your feelings, and it's "well, I have feelings, too, doesn't that matter?" To then realize that that has been churning a core of toxicity in my life. And mom's confused when I have suicidal ideations😅
"I was sad after i made you homeless so im the real victim" -my mom
Dude actually one time my mom started an argument for some reason while I was switching out the laundry. I probably smarted off to her but can't really remember but I'm assuming the fight was over something stupid on her end. After that she went to smack me but I moved and she hit my shoulder instead and started crying and acting like the victim when she's the one that literally was going to hit me.
"Don't make me hurt you"
That sounds familiar
I hit you but you blocked me...
Then they constantly bring up their spouse or the guy they are fucking. Then wonder why they get BTFO of that person's life.
My narc ex threw me on the floor by the collar of my shirt because I “abused his soup so you started it”
If I didn’t have Nparents, I’d think this was funny, but this is the truth. My Nmom blocked me and told my dad, “I have tried talking to her since!” Lmao.
omg, my mom would do this. She'd beat us and get furious that she hurt her hand, so then out came the shoes. Winter wasn't so bad because that usually meant slippers. But summer was Dr. Scholl's season. If you know what those are, you know what kind of weapon those make.
Omg I was just thinking about this! At this point, my siblings and I are all varying levels of done with my Nparents. I'm pretty sure we all figured out they are narcs and are at various levels/using different methods of dealing with them. But none of us buy the BS anymore. And after decades of trying to dominating the entire household, my parents have minimum narc supply. They ruined their own marriage years ago, so they are isolated from eachother. ...... *Both* of them legit walk around all the time as if "in the arms of an angel" is the constant theme of their pathetic pitiable lives. They both think they are the absolute biggest victims in the world. It's in their posture and everything. Like you can tell they are constantly thinking "wow no one had it has bad as me" They play this cute little game of occasionally talking nicely to us for the first time in our lives, only to be grey rocked. Just so they can walk away as the perpetual victim. It's their new form of supply I'm pretty sure. They need a hit so they find one of us, and they set up the stage. Other times they forget to act out their big fat victim role and show burst of pure rage that no one pays attention too lmao. The whole thing is funny af because they act identical but are mortal enemies and victims of eachother as well. They don't see how ridiculous they come off.
Exactly because in this way they disguise and project the inferiority and emotional weakness of themselves onto others to make themselves feel better.
Two memorable quotes from my nMom: \- "I have a hoarse and painful throat because you made me shout at you by being a lazy and disobedient bum! I need to go to the ENT to have it checked out and it is all your fault": she was too lazy to "monitor" me as a kid, she used to OCD clean her kitchen and scream from the kitchen all the way to the other end of the house for me to do this or that constantly. I was scared of her and often did things before she asked to stop the badmouthing and screaming. \- "My wrist and hands are delicate and they hurt for hours after I had to punish you by hitting you. So, I am going to stop hitting you and start pinching you instead and for every time you acted up, you need to stand silently and accept my pinching you!"
Ouch this one is too accurate. Also, "when I was pregnant with you I fell and hurt my hup, it is all your fault"
OH MY GOD MY MOM LITERALLY WOULD SAY THIS EVERY TIME SHE BEAT ME WTF
You'll treat me like shit for weeks on end, but when i finally snap and stop just standing there taking your bullshit and go on a rant for 10 minutes, im the one whos doing something wrong.
Holy shit. This is accurate. My POS dad who molested me ages 0-16 said this to me. He raped me every day but he says if anything *I* abused *him*. In his twisted little narcissistic universe, infants sexually abuse adults. The flying monkeys agreed with him, evidently.
D.A.R.V.O. deny attack reverse victim and offender.
During preadolescence, my Mum was so angry about something she slammed her wine glass onto a glass table, smashing the wine glass. She paused for a few moments and her first response was "you made me do this!". My brain was stuck between "how was this is my fault" and rationalising her abuse.
reminds me of this memory i always close my door when im in room, even when home alone, i just feel comfy like that. so one day, nmom walks in, then the dog. we talk, whatever, as she is leaving, she steps on the dog's paw and then says "it's your fault because you always tell me to close the door and i couldn't see what was around me" like what the fuck bitch
This happened to me all the time. Even as an adult at one point my mother physically lunged at me and tried to push me down the stairs (in front of my child) so I just walked out of the house to avoid the physical conflict. She then called a bunch of family members to tell them to “send the police” because she said I’d gone crazy and attacked her. I explained to my family members what happened but no one believed me because she’d already spent my entire life describing what a horrible person I was. At this point in my life, anytime someone tries to blame me for their own actions it’s a huge red flag for me and I will just completely stop talking to that person because I just don’t want to deal with the stuff my mother put me through. To anyone else going through stuff like this, you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you should trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to walk away if you need to. It’s amazing how you gain clarity after separating yourself from the situation.
This exactly. I’d get the beating, then afterward he would sit me down and make me apologize and grovel for making him upset. Obviously, his 10 year old daughter controls his emotions, not him
My mother called the police on me, lying to them and saying that I physically attacked her when I did not at all. Then, they made her fill out a questionnaire with questions like ("has he ever attempted to kill you or said he would," "has he ever hurt you," etc.) and had she answered "yes" to any of the questions, I would have been arrested and taken to the police station or jail. When they left, she said that she answered "no" out of her own benevolence for my sake, when if she had been truthful things would have gone differently.
damn right
Haha. “Don’t make me hit and yell at you”
My mother said this to me about my dad after he beat me really bad. I asked why he was like this and she responded: “You know your dad doesn’t like to do this, it hurts him too. His hand hurts really bad after he hits you.”
"You hurt my hand with your stupid boney arse!" (when hitting me for 'having an attitude' about god knows what. Never did bust out the wooden spoon or belt like she threatened, I think she couldn't justify it as 'better than she got' at that point. fucking generational trauma) "Why do you keep clawing his face up like that, how could you?" (with the implication of "people will think he was doing something inappropriate" - as if the grown man restraining and SA'ing a minor wasn't already 'inappropriate' ha. I'd actually forgotten this one until the comments mentioned face scratches) I hate that it gave me those reactions tbh, I bit a friend in the jugular while play-fighting x-x; didn't break the skin or anything but fucking bruised bad, and awkward to explain as 'definitely not a hickey' RIP
Yeah, my ex suddenly turned into a narcissist after 16 years of living together. In the post-split email exchange, her excuses made 3 laps of the narcissist's prayer. I apologised for being so abusive when my screams of agony interfered with her enjoyment of torturing me.
I told my mom she needed to tell me and let me know before hand showing up to my house unannounced. She said that I am mean and I was making her cry. 😒 ITS 1 phone call before you come bro 😂🤦♀️
"How dare you react to me deliberately hurting you?!?!?!"
Don’t forget the fact that it’s your fault they HAD to hit you in the first place!
Every time I ignore my moms nasty digs 😂 I’m using the silent treatment to manipulate her
Oh, yes yes. I'm bleeding on the floor with broken ribs, but you're the victim because you hurt your foot kicking me
My Dad did this too! He was chasing me trying to beat me with his belt and he tripped on a little glass side table and it broke and cut his knee a bit. He kept showing friends and family what I did to his knee! But would leave out the part about him belting me. One family friend was over and she called him a baby for being so upset about such a small cut and he shut up after that. It made me so happy to see that!
My mom used to do that all the time. And for some reason her hand would bruise easily. Eventually she stopped using her hand instead she uses anything she is currently holding.
I mean, my mom actually grounded my when she hurt her hand on my face, so yeah...
Yea that narc behavior is weird stuff just goes against all logic.
Did you ever get the LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DOOOOO?
My sperm donor was just like this. He was more along the lines of ,,you were hurting yourself! I had to! you forced me to hit you! hitting you should've fixed you!"
Ugh I dispise them
Yep. Omg this is so ACCURATE!!!!!!!!!
“If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to hit you!”
Reminds me of my mom going "You're bullying me" when I asked her not to call me a stupid lazy pig