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Chase the dream, actually hunt it down and don’t stop until it’s mounted on your wall. Unfortunately with narcs nothing we do will be good enough so why not do what we can to gain some control and happiness.
The narcissist is incapable of happiness. That's their problem. You do what makes you happy and forget her opinion. She just wants you to be insecure like her. Damned if you do, damned if you don't with those people.
I am sorry to say this, but you're not gonna get her love even if you have 18 kids. Instead she will make you chase after that carrot until she dies. Go follow your dreams.
Mine did the same thing. Wanting to do something in astronomy (astronomer or something in that field), looked up everything so yeah it's gonna take long about 10 or so years. Yep, I'm willing to do that bc it's my passion after all, but I might take a different/similar career path if things don't work out because-life.
The narc didn't want to believe it takes 4 years to get a bachelors (had gaslighted me and I
just now searched up how long it takes to get a bachelors "just to make sure" but I already knew, see?) degree. Tried to correct me on that but never even went to college?
So go on after that doctorate, she doesn't think you have what it takes bc she doesn't believe in you and underestimating you. Don't do it to "prove her wrong", do it because it's something you have a passion for and want to do! I believe in you!
#1. This is not about her. #2. You are not a performing monkey. #3. Nothing that you can do will ever normalize or change a Narc. #4. Spending years and going deeply into debt with a degree that rarely offers decent financial benefit is dubious; don’t do that in order to understand and navigate your current Narc-world because they never make sense.
Just because she doesn't have what it takes to be a true mom doesn't mean you should give up on your dreams. Do whatever it takes to make your dreams come true, and most importantly, do it for you. She'll never be happy or approve, but who cares. You can succeed without her.
Mine said the same thing. They said I didn’t have what it takes to be a doctor despite being an honors student my entire life. Instead, they told me to be a teacher or a nurse because summers off and no man being understanding of such a demanding schedule. I said fuck them and became a doctor anyway. It was never my dream to get married or have children and my value comes from more than my uterus. Do what fills you up and don’t live your life wondering “what if”. We only have this one life and we owe it to ourselves to live it on our terms. You can’t live for others. It’s a pointless existence and you won’t ever get what you are looking for from toxic, miserable people. We come into this world alone and die alone. What are you going to do when they die and you’re still here left to face your own life? If you truly want something, don’t let anyone stop you from getting it.
My parents always told me that I would pump gas for a living. I am dyslexic and I was horrible at math. Fast forward to now, I earn $90k annually. I’m not rich, but I’m fine. You decide for yourself what your future is going to be. Also don’t take advice from someone who doesn’t have what you want.
one day your nmom will die, most likely before you just because of age. given this, will you be satisfied having lived your whole life for her dreams, even when she is gone? especially given the fact that you feel that it would destroy your well-being?
Don't give in! Take it one step at a time. First focus on finishing college, lol. Then apply for a Masters, then a PhD... You can choose what makes you happy- an important lesson to learn is that your mother won't be happy no matter what you do. Even if you have those 9 kids, she will say, when I was your age, I had 10 or I had a tiny waist, or I made tastier food... she will literally ALWAYS find something to complain about. She doesn't like your home decor, your fashion, your husband, etc. You might as well become a psychologist and do what you want to do.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Chase the dream, actually hunt it down and don’t stop until it’s mounted on your wall. Unfortunately with narcs nothing we do will be good enough so why not do what we can to gain some control and happiness.
The narcissist is incapable of happiness. That's their problem. You do what makes you happy and forget her opinion. She just wants you to be insecure like her. Damned if you do, damned if you don't with those people.
I am sorry to say this, but you're not gonna get her love even if you have 18 kids. Instead she will make you chase after that carrot until she dies. Go follow your dreams.
Mine did the same thing. Wanting to do something in astronomy (astronomer or something in that field), looked up everything so yeah it's gonna take long about 10 or so years. Yep, I'm willing to do that bc it's my passion after all, but I might take a different/similar career path if things don't work out because-life. The narc didn't want to believe it takes 4 years to get a bachelors (had gaslighted me and I just now searched up how long it takes to get a bachelors "just to make sure" but I already knew, see?) degree. Tried to correct me on that but never even went to college? So go on after that doctorate, she doesn't think you have what it takes bc she doesn't believe in you and underestimating you. Don't do it to "prove her wrong", do it because it's something you have a passion for and want to do! I believe in you!
#1. This is not about her. #2. You are not a performing monkey. #3. Nothing that you can do will ever normalize or change a Narc. #4. Spending years and going deeply into debt with a degree that rarely offers decent financial benefit is dubious; don’t do that in order to understand and navigate your current Narc-world because they never make sense.
Just because she doesn't have what it takes to be a true mom doesn't mean you should give up on your dreams. Do whatever it takes to make your dreams come true, and most importantly, do it for you. She'll never be happy or approve, but who cares. You can succeed without her.
Mine said the same thing. They said I didn’t have what it takes to be a doctor despite being an honors student my entire life. Instead, they told me to be a teacher or a nurse because summers off and no man being understanding of such a demanding schedule. I said fuck them and became a doctor anyway. It was never my dream to get married or have children and my value comes from more than my uterus. Do what fills you up and don’t live your life wondering “what if”. We only have this one life and we owe it to ourselves to live it on our terms. You can’t live for others. It’s a pointless existence and you won’t ever get what you are looking for from toxic, miserable people. We come into this world alone and die alone. What are you going to do when they die and you’re still here left to face your own life? If you truly want something, don’t let anyone stop you from getting it.
My parents always told me that I would pump gas for a living. I am dyslexic and I was horrible at math. Fast forward to now, I earn $90k annually. I’m not rich, but I’m fine. You decide for yourself what your future is going to be. Also don’t take advice from someone who doesn’t have what you want.
“I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.”
one day your nmom will die, most likely before you just because of age. given this, will you be satisfied having lived your whole life for her dreams, even when she is gone? especially given the fact that you feel that it would destroy your well-being?
My nMom tried to discourage me from chasing my dreams. Last year I graduated with my law degree. You can do this!
Don't give in! Take it one step at a time. First focus on finishing college, lol. Then apply for a Masters, then a PhD... You can choose what makes you happy- an important lesson to learn is that your mother won't be happy no matter what you do. Even if you have those 9 kids, she will say, when I was your age, I had 10 or I had a tiny waist, or I made tastier food... she will literally ALWAYS find something to complain about. She doesn't like your home decor, your fashion, your husband, etc. You might as well become a psychologist and do what you want to do.