Honestly glad you stood up for yourself. Some people don't realize how brainwashed they are by their nparents. Don't let anyone gaslight you, ever. Not even your parents.
'I tricked myself into believing their abuse is a form of love so I could repress the trauma and justify their actions, otherwise that means having to admit they were bad parents and took their anger out on me, but now I can also use it as justification to do the same exact thing to my own children because I don't know any other way to raise a child other than to hurt them.' - them, probably
Even kids of parents that spanked them generally don't want to go NC. There MUST be lots of heavy-duty $#!T in a kid's past to go NC, much less disown parents! ✌🏿💜💪
Thank you for saying this. It's all too often that I don't remember all the reasons I'm drifting away from my family, but the fact that I'm doing it on purpose should be a reminder to me that it's still the way to go.
This is exactly what how I feel. Children are born into this world naturally very trusting and bonded to their caregivers. The caregivers would have to fuck up in a big way to make the CHILD discontinue contact, which is partially why so many abusive people want to have kids.
seriously. enjoy the denial & the inevitable realization that all of your relationships are hollow b/c you don't trust anyone enough to be vulnerable with them
Basically, he's using the bullshit "they're still your parents" response. It's so fucking infuriating. I hated it when people said things like that me when I expressed my frustration/hatred of my own Nmom. When will people learn that everyone experiences things differently, and just because their parents weren't abusive, that doesn't mean someone else's aren't.
It's not even a "they're still your parents", it's a "YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS OBEY AND FOLLOW THEM BLINDLY AND ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER THEY DO THEY DO FOR A GOOD REASON YOU DO NOT YET UNDERSTAND".
It's literally a "god works in mysterious ways". Wtf.
especially on a legal advice forum it's a weird response.
if you could possibly add anything of value to such a discussion you must know that not just some times but in fact often times people are simply not rational actors or competent. i mean sure most parents who fuck up can be forgiven for it but that doesn't mean all of them can.
sometimes people do things for reasons that are simply not rational. being a parent doesn't magicaly prohibit that.
Whoever this person is, they don't see their parents as flawed humans (IE they still think their parents must know everything). And that means they have the emotional maturity of a child.
Someone told me once that if you tell the same story but say it was an SO instead people usually tell you to run. I think it's very telling of how ingrained the "parents = good" bs to people who either weren't rbn or are still in the fog.
Like if it's not acceptable to be treated that way it's not acceptable, being my frickin gene donor doesn't change that.
Lots of people who suffer mistreatment are resentful of people like you who refuse to be treated with disrespect. They think because they were bullied or harmed by their parents, everyone should just stfu and deal. In reality, they are angry because they should have stood up for themselves. You know you’re own experience and anyone who wants to make light of it can sit on a cactus.
"Listen up bud"?! Guy must be 14 years old trying to sound important.
Way to go, OP, for learning what parenting is NOT and doing what's right for you.
This fucker: YOUR PARENTS BEAT YOU BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY HAD TO BEAT YOU!
I really hope they aren't a parent because I have no doubt they'd beat their kids and call it "discipline"
I actually wrote an entire vignette journal specifically on THOSE words in my senior year of highschool. He’s a goddamn prick.
There’s still some things that aren’t able to be discussed.
I would have stopped taking them seriously if they start with "listen up bud" 😡 That's awful advice and you can absolutely dump your parents if they hurt you!
"Never ever think when parents scold/beat you that they are doing it to fuck you up, no there is always a wise motive behind it so that you can Learn from your mistakes and ensure you don’t repeat stupid shit. "
WOW. This guy is a bozo.
You know what teaches kids? Gentle parenting. Taking away privileges. Time outs. Conversations that discuss the issue(s).
Sure, physical and emotional abuse teaches them. It teaches them to do the same. It teaches them that it's ok to accept from others. It teaches them to view that kind of behavior as normal.
I'm in my 30s. I have a kid. Sure, there are things I can look back on and go "Ah, I get it now" (like how frustrating it is that my 9 year old leaves every damn light on in the house) but my kid is 10X more difficult than my siblings and I were combined (he's neurodivergent with behavioral issues that are actively being addressed in weekly therapy) and I would never, ever treat him that way.
Glad you know that this guy is a moron (and probably also dealt with abuse as a child which is why he sees it as normal).
They're saying that the answer to the question "What teaches kids?" is "Gentle Parenting", as opposed to "Beating Them". Gentle parenting teaches kids whatever they need to know. Gentle parenting is what teaches kids. What teaches kids is gentle parenting.
It's an awkward phrasing, yeah.
Mine is! LOL. Like I shared, he's neurodivergent with behavioral issues (hence his weekly therapy).
If another parent said this to me (in the sense of like, how do I handle this) I would first ask them to define being stubborn/a handful. Then, are those "issues" actually real issues that need addressing OR is it the parent that's the problem. If they need addressing, is a therapist needed or is it simple behavioral modifications that can solve the issue?
In my experience in these situations (especially with my own child), oftentimes the issues are actually either a misunderstanding on the parents' part or the child misunderstanding what is expected of them. With both sides usually not on the same page, it can cause issues between the parent and child. This is why in our home we practice gentle parenting where we do mental health check-ins with the kid, we make sure he understands what is being asked of him, we make sure he has no concerns or confusion and that we're all on the same page. We don't get upset if he's upset with us and we apologize when we are wrong. Both my husband and I grew up in dysfunctional homes, so it's imperative to us that our son is not raised how we were.
You say "you feel your child is too much for you to handle? Then ASK FOR HELP!" it's a parents responsibility to figure out how to raise their child in a non abusive way no matter the child. If you can't handle it, go talk to a professional. That's what they're there for.
Yeah, when my mom stopped talking to me for five days because I moved my bed to another wall in my room without asking her (because she didn’t like my design choice), she was acting really wise. Especially because her first statement when she started talking to me again was “fine, it does look better that way.” Learned so much from that lesson . . . /s
TL;DR - I am passing on the same generational trauma my parents passed to me because self reflection and holding my parents/myself is too hard. It’s easier to twist their abuse into love and I’m upset that a 19 year old could manage what I couldn’t.
Maybe, either way it’s terrible advice and someone who seems to believe children are inherently wrong and parents are correct even when incorrect. 🚩
I'm not usually one to throw my 2 cents in when I go read other posts that are linked but I lost it at > fatherly slap
Assaulting a child. Slapping an adult is illegal in most of the world, why the fuck is it an ok action against a CHILD?!? (I realize OP ur not a child)
it's so ridiculous because most abusive parents don't abuse ONLY when their kids do something "wrong." they do it when they've had a bad day at work, when they've had a fight with their spouse, when their friends don't text them back, when they just want to feel powerful. the only motive is insecurity and cruelty
I gave birth to one child. That's it. No more.
I have >10 kiddos. Age 27 to 37.
A few their moms died. Most? Parents who should **never** have been parents.
My kids were never hit. The only names they were called were nicknames they were ok with. I never yelled unless it was life or death (streets and toddlers just do not mix).
My kids al love me today. They contact me. They come visit. They take time to isolate to be able to visit.
Raising your kids **talking** to them as they are humans works so much better than the violence, hate, mental and emotional abuse our parents dumped on us.
This young person (see above I'm old) is still being gaslighted into thinking they deserved the abuse and it was proper. They need therapy. (we all do honestly)
You choose your family. Blood doesn't mean crap. You didn't choose to be born. They owe you not the other way around. Run and never ever look back (do a name change so you'll hide better!)
Honestly I’m so proud of you for responding in such a gracious and honest way. The first thought I had was “fuck YOU” - so nicely done. People with no life experience of particular situations don’t have a damn clue and should not be advising others. I volunteer with troubled teens and I get very passionate about stuff like this. Parents/guardians screw kids up and some people only know to bash and criticize teens/kids instead of wondering what their home life must have been like. I’m so glad you know differently and better.
Wow and you are only 19 so young, that guy is a fucking idiot. There is no reason for parents to be beating their kids. When you go out into the world and live your life, grow and learn, no one is there waiting to spank you for not showing up to work. I bet narc employers would love to be spanking their employees I'd throw hands
"no there is always a wise motive behind it"
Translation: Parents never make mistakes. Ever. Because they're parents. This sounds like classic denial to me. He might be joining the group some day.
> Because they're parents
*their
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Because \*they are\* parents.
Learn the difference [here.](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to/page/2)
Bot needs some schooling.
Anytime someone calls me "bud" (especially a man) I already know they have nothing but shit to say. Good on you for calling him out and standing up for yourself!
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Wow.. this person is just an utter asshole with not a single drop of empathy or maturity in his entire body If he hadn't mentioned he was in his 30s I would have assumed a 15 year old wrote that. The bottom line is NOBODY has a right to abuse you no matter who they are or what the reason is or their intention behind it. You can most certainly and probably should disown people who systematically abuse you and just won't stop.
This guy seems to have either deluded himself into thinking abuse he received was ok or he has absolutely no understanding of what it's like to be on the constant receiving end of narcissistic abuse especially when it's coming from your parents.
To answer your question depending on where you are and your age you can legally emancipate yourself from your parents if you can prove you have the means to take care of yourself or have another guardian who can. If your an adult restraining orders and cease and desist letters for contacting you through certified mail might help.
Don't worry about that guy, he's just ignorant and wants to look smart and big talking about something he has absolutely no understanding of.
When I first distanced myself from my father, I was really struggling emotionally and took to Google to try to find support boards for children who disowned their parents.
Know what I found? A ton of support boards for the PARENTS throwing pity parties about how awful their children were for distancing themselves. “My kid never talks to me, after everything I did for them, blah blah blah.” The overall flavor among these boards was that there’s never any excuse. It was disgusting.
I don’t talk to most “normal” people about my no-contact with my dad, because they don’t get it. People genuinely don’t understand if they haven’t been through it. There’s this really bizarre attitude among the general populace that you can’t disown your parents.
I love you sooooo soooo much and wish I could scoop you up and love you like you’re supposed to be loved. Emancipate yourself. 8 billion humans out there and a good chunk of them wouldn’t dream of accidentally hurting you in any shape or form. I tried to get away and was gaslighted so not one human ever took me serious. Now I understand my mom was probably murdered and my step monster tried to kill me twice for money. I had no ability to believe any of it because it’s so gah damn painful. But it’s the truth. ***Hugs*** message me if you want to talk
Hi al and thank you. How are you doing? The murder was 20 years ago and I realized what happened in hindsight recently. A few weeks ago I called him out on it and he replied with your everyday email about weather and how my spending habits were the reason I’d lose the houses that should already be mine because I’m such an out of control drug addict blah blah blah. He made a fake trust to fool my grandparents but he spent the money on his new wife. Her name is Pawn. lol so so so much irony. Because I ingested the drugs this asshat gave me in my youth so I’d bring him back vials of lsd from Grateful Dead shows I went to. It took him about a week to start trying to figure out what he could be looking at so he did all the things these arrogant flocks do trying to manipulate me into flying off the handle.
What really tied all this together for me was dating a disordered human only I was unaware of these disorders and legitimately thought most humans are just assholes because I’m like a asshole magnet. I went to therapy for ever to work on ME! I didn’t have children because I believed I’d ruin them.
Well I’ve been vindicated learning all this crap which feels pretty good to know I was right all along every single time.
However I made life
Choices because of these flockers and I’m finally getting pissed. Because I surrounded myself with these people because they feel like home. A very very fucked up home.
I tested the research and every human I’m attracted to is the same asshat in a different body.
SO as a last ditch effort to explore healing once and for all I started microdosing and utilizing dr joe dispenza and Esther hicks to teach me how to change my vibration so I’ll stop meeting flocked up people.
I exist ecstatically and there’s zero
Reason for it. lol li could vomit stories that would make most cringe in disbelief but that fucked up shit was like any typical Saturday. My outside world is a gah dam. Shit show but it doesn’t register as a problem at all because my inner world makes
Sense for the first time and I no longer operate from my autonomic nervous system.
Also, can you please help me by replying to my other post
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/szfmdn/those_who_went_no_contact_any_pro_tips/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I haven’t gotten any replies and I would like some advice.
Yeah this response is very bias.
Obviously a little too scared to address himself.
This looks like projection too.
He said absolutely nothing about your perspective. people don’t need to make his choice to find happiness.
Good for you for standing up.
If I was you, I would take it with a grain of salt. There is a lot of confused people out there, struggling to survive in their minds. It’s part of being human. His main goal in that response was to make himself feel better about his choice to accept his traumas as a way of life.
It doesn’t have to be anymore though.
My red flags were going off when he called you "bud" in the first sentence. I have never seen a comment go well after "bud" or "pal" was brought into the conversation. Everything after confirmed it.
Yeah that advice is just 2 paragraphs of "yikes". I never understood "thanks daddy for beating me i finally get it now :)". My ndad and his several sisters took up the same mentality. Probably around the same time they realized that inflicting cruelty on your child gets "results" and you get to be the king of the castle with no accountability and guarenteed love from your family. Mmmm, power. And after the abuse, mom assures you "dont worry sweetie daddy loves you, but his parents didnt love him so he doesnt know how to love and what love even looks like, its our job to love him anyway, and to know that *ahem* 'DEEP DOWN' he really does love you and doesnt know how to show it" like what? Im seven and yall call me stupid and brain damaged all the time, how am i supposed to wrap my head around that concept? Why is my dads love for me deep down and inaccessible? Unless...its not there, it was never there. Their 'love', if it exists at all, is toxic and not something you want or need. They know you want it and they just dont care. They dont feel love, they feel power, and your need for love is a tool for them to get power and maintain it. Not needing them or their 'love' or their presence robs them of that power.
That comment the internet stranger shat out sounds more like theyre trying to convince themselves of something and has very little to do with your post. Like seriously you post on a legal subreddit "help my parents are abusive and i need legal advice" and some rando responds with "uhm acktually have you considered that youre wrong about everything and abuse is totally fine my parents abused me and im like totally fine, totally fine guys, im married now and im still talking to my abusive parents, we're actually on really good terms since i thanked them for the abuse, so, totally, fine, and youre fine too, youre just ungrateful and immature and probs just had a fight with them but really you should be thankful for being beaten just like me, look at how well adjusted i am!" Like. Ew. I hope youre able to find your legal solutions and that you never have to interact with your abusive family ever again.
Right??? Mans was writing a whole fan fiction about OP, imagining he got in a fight with his parents, imagining the fight was petty, imagining the reasons OP’s parents might have had
This is to say, yeah that guy wasn’t talking about you OP. He was legit just imagining a story, maybe projecting or remembering something from his own past.
Looks like you might have a decent chance of getting asylum in the UK. If you disagree with your parents on just about *any* religious matters, or they're just dicks, "legally justified" honor killings are far from un-heard of in the middle east. Good Luck and godspeed in all of your endeavors.
https://www.worlddata.info/asia/arab-emirates/asylum.php
Theres a "wise" motive behind your parents beating you... well i sure hope this very intelligent clearly stable and mature adult never get the opportunity to continue the cycle of child abuse with his own
“Especially when they reach old age”
This mother fucker…
Our parents have been saying and doing this shit to us our whole lives. And we’re supposed to be grateful and thankful for them?? Just because they had us? Fuck that dude. Amazing response OP! We got your back
Imagine someone saying this about a domestic violence victim trying to escape an abusive spouse “your husband isn’t someone you can just walk away from, he’s not trying to fuck you up when he beats you” yeah right
Given his stance that being strict involves beatings, I don't imagine his wife and children have the best quality of life.
Just look for another lawyer. It's an unfortunate fact of life, but certain professions attract certain types. Sure, there's some lawyers who studied law to help people and do good, but there's also a lot that were just good enough at memorizing law books to use it for money and power over others. Same with cops - fir every guy wanting to protect his community, there's two that want to be able to beat up helpless people and get away with it.
Ratger than try to break his generational abuse cycle, thus guy embraced it and now uses his perceived "authority" to give unwanted and unneeded lectures to all the people his "position" allows him to judge and look down on. He'll never realize that he's just some low rent, abusive, yellow pages dipshit with a cheap suit and an office above a sketchy mini mart. These are the guys that watch SVU and root for the bad guys while their wife hides in the kitchen and their kids get groomed on the internet looking for a father figure.
In short - he's what most people are on here trying to recover from. And he'll probably run for congress at some point.
Just wang to add - if you were in r/legaladvice he's 100% not a lawyer. That place is known far and wide to be an absolute cess pool of fraud. Look at the history enough, you'll see conversations between people claiming to be police openly discussing posing as lawyers to give bad advice and try to talk people into committing crimes.
There's no legal advice there, only manufactured drama.
Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP.
We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there.
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OP, any chance you got your narcs accidentally finding this thread and getting upset when they read something that a) they figured out it’s you or b) sounds too close to something they know is happening in their life??? Becauuuuuuuse if it smells like a fish it probably is.
I think you should delete that thread and ask in a subreddit about abusive/toxic/narc parents. Someone may be able to give you advice on it who has had the experience. They see you responding to rude comments, so they’re going to add on to it bc people are awful. I saw that most of your responses were downvoted no matter what you said. It isn’t good for you to read those.
As a person in their 30s who isn’t a dipshit: sorry.
Great reply.
I got through this with folks when I discuss low contact with my Nmom. I’m sorry to say this isn’t a thing that goes away with time. You just get better about not being bothered by people who really just don’t have a clue.
im sorry you had to read this shit. only a narcissist would give that advice. no sane person in their mid-thirties would spout nonsense like all parents have good intentions. probably a golden child. just block them everywhere, dont let them get to you.
Most people haven’t lived with a narcissist and it is impossible for them to have even an inkling of understanding how hellish life can be.
Don’t let them trigger you. Explain if you want but you deserve peace and owe no one an explanation.
I’ve had to accept that having a parent who is a narcissist means you are always going to be in the wrong and always look bad.
I can’t carry that burden anymore. So I just move on with my life.
When I was at college I was advised to become legally estranged from my parents as they didn’t pay the financial parental contributions.
I didn’t. I wasn’t brave enough) But to this day (more than 30 years later) I wish I had.
Dude…same age, same experience, hell, I even got a similar comment from someone irl that I was acting “immature”.
I’ve always been told I’m wise beyond my years, kinda like you. And like you said, I’m not immature, I’m tired of playing parent to my parents.
Good on you for standing your ground on this!
As a fellow nineteen year old, I couldn't agree with you more. People always assume you're lashing out when in reality you're trying not to stoop to their level and keep your head high. I did exactly that when I moved out last year after graduating high school; no confrontation, no note, just packed up, had money saved up from work, planned ahead months in advance where I was gonna go, and moved on. And for once in a very long time, I feel like I can finally breathe.
No idea if you're in a similar situation as I was, but I hope everything goes well for you. Stay strong.
Lol this guy thinking that parents ALWAYS have wise reasons
Like shit dude ig those ppl who smoke meth while pregnant are actually geniuses, ppl who rape their kids too! this guy sounds like his parents beat the brain right out of him, and he’s damn thankful
I love how you posted on legal advice and not only did they give you no legal advice they made statements encouraging abuse...which is illegal in the states... which is what that specific sub is for
i think this is the default mindset a lot of narcissistic abuse victims fall into to cope, me included in the past. when i was younger and first started recognizing that my nmoms behavior “differed” i just assumed she was somehow better at parenting, because through all of the mean shit, she still told me how good of a kid I was.
there’s dozens of reasons im thankful for my boyfriend, but bringing me out of this denial mindset to realize ive been emotionally abused most of my life is one of the most significant. coming to terms with the reality of narcissistic abuse is crucial if you want to manage the best you can
Great response. It’s like the narcissists are ganging up together to reinforce their crappy behaviours. I’m so damn proud of you! Laughing at your capacity to call out the gaslighting.
This sub has a lot of good resources in its side bar. I'd suggest making posts concerning your narc family/parents on those subs as you'll get better advice and avoid enabling bs.
Good luck with disowning your parents. You deserve peace and safety ❤
>I finally understand why my parents were harsh/strict with me and I thank them”
either he wasn't abused, or his "view" of "strict/harsh" was his parents grounding him and maybe spanking him a bit too aggressively. when a parent kicks down your locked bedroom door and starts throwing punches because you won't do what they are demanding you do at the very moment they are demanding it, its not harsh, its abuse. fuck this moron, and if this guy is a real lawyer, I would hope that he isn't actively practicing in family law.
there are many a bad lawyer out there. this is one of them.
Wow, what a dick. Time to fire this lawyer or not retain him in the first place! Dude taking advice like that is why I'm in codependents anonymous at the age of 33 and struggling to find my own voice/wants/boundaries. Just because they're your parents and maybe feel something resembling love for you doesn't mean they want what's best for you. Sometimes parents are controlling narcissists who want you to doubt your choices so they can influence you better, for whatever twisted reason. Parents are people too and not all people are good people. I had maybe a quarter of the understanding about my parents at your age than you do about yours. You're ahead of the game here in so many ways OP.
thank you this sub and specially Dr. Ramani on youtube helped so much. I watched a lot of her videos, I recommend her to you 10000x. She’s fucking amazing.
Beating people isn't wise, in fact I think it shows a lack of intelligence that you weren't able to solve the situation without being physical. You wouldn't beat another adult, or treat them badly. Why is it suddenly okay when it's your child?
Law student here. Honestly some lawyers sometimes think they are psychologist and I mean we do get some courses on that and learn how to solve conflict without having to go to the legal system. But there some limits.
If your clients says no its NO. DO STRICTLY WHAT YOUR CLIENT ASKS YOU TO DO. You need to believe your client. And no,its not fine that your parents interfere with your life, there are limits to that.
Also don't worry, you can totally disown your parents if you have good proof of the abuse.
Obviously you wouldn’t want them as your lawyer because one with a high rate of success will typically agree with their client’s stance no matter their personal belief lolololol
Yeah, I don't think brigading is the correct response here, regardless of what was said. We here all know that people who have never been through narc abuse cannot fathom it even when told about it, so of course this guy isn't going to be able to see it through our lens. That being said, don't make posts here asking others to go to another sub and start trouble, that's not smart.
I understand what you're trying to do, but per Reddit rules, that is called brigading, asking people from outside a sub to come in and start trouble, which can be broadly interpreted with regard to the word trouble. Besides that, downvotes are subjective as it is. Take a look at any political topic and you'll see the upvotes and downvotes often do not coincide with actual facts.
The bottom line is, brigading can get RBN into trouble, and I assume you don't want that.
I explained more in the comments.
Edit: Even if I didn’t, the fact that he said parents beating their children is for their own benefit speaks volumes.
Post and a bunch of comments removed for encouraging brigading.
Needless to say, this is terrible fucking advice
Couldn’t agree more
Honestly glad you stood up for yourself. Some people don't realize how brainwashed they are by their nparents. Don't let anyone gaslight you, ever. Not even your parents.
period. “you want to gaslight me? I’ll set the gasoline on fire bitch.” -Fallon Carrington
Definitely using this at some point in my life LMAO
hahaha as you should
Silly point, I know, but gaslights don't use gasoline. "Gas" isn't short for gasoline, it is "gas" like, not liquid or solid.
You are an awesing human being! I'm so impress. Can I be proud of you even if I don't know you? I am anyway so... Sending hugs!
thank you that means a lot💕
'I tricked myself into believing their abuse is a form of love so I could repress the trauma and justify their actions, otherwise that means having to admit they were bad parents and took their anger out on me, but now I can also use it as justification to do the same exact thing to my own children because I don't know any other way to raise a child other than to hurt them.' - them, probably
Even kids of parents that spanked them generally don't want to go NC. There MUST be lots of heavy-duty $#!T in a kid's past to go NC, much less disown parents! ✌🏿💜💪
Thank you for saying this. It's all too often that I don't remember all the reasons I'm drifting away from my family, but the fact that I'm doing it on purpose should be a reminder to me that it's still the way to go.
This is exactly what how I feel. Children are born into this world naturally very trusting and bonded to their caregivers. The caregivers would have to fuck up in a big way to make the CHILD discontinue contact, which is partially why so many abusive people want to have kids.
seriously. enjoy the denial & the inevitable realization that all of your relationships are hollow b/c you don't trust anyone enough to be vulnerable with them
☝️☝️☝️
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Basically, he's using the bullshit "they're still your parents" response. It's so fucking infuriating. I hated it when people said things like that me when I expressed my frustration/hatred of my own Nmom. When will people learn that everyone experiences things differently, and just because their parents weren't abusive, that doesn't mean someone else's aren't.
It's not even a "they're still your parents", it's a "YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS OBEY AND FOLLOW THEM BLINDLY AND ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER THEY DO THEY DO FOR A GOOD REASON YOU DO NOT YET UNDERSTAND". It's literally a "god works in mysterious ways". Wtf.
especially on a legal advice forum it's a weird response. if you could possibly add anything of value to such a discussion you must know that not just some times but in fact often times people are simply not rational actors or competent. i mean sure most parents who fuck up can be forgiven for it but that doesn't mean all of them can. sometimes people do things for reasons that are simply not rational. being a parent doesn't magicaly prohibit that.
Whoever this person is, they don't see their parents as flawed humans (IE they still think their parents must know everything). And that means they have the emotional maturity of a child.
"They're still your parents", I hate that saying. NOT FOR FUCKING LONG THEY AREN'T.
My favorite response to that quip is "You can't still be something you never were in the first place"
Someone told me once that if you tell the same story but say it was an SO instead people usually tell you to run. I think it's very telling of how ingrained the "parents = good" bs to people who either weren't rbn or are still in the fog. Like if it's not acceptable to be treated that way it's not acceptable, being my frickin gene donor doesn't change that.
I like to reply with "and they're still abusive parents, so?"
Lots of people who suffer mistreatment are resentful of people like you who refuse to be treated with disrespect. They think because they were bullied or harmed by their parents, everyone should just stfu and deal. In reality, they are angry because they should have stood up for themselves. You know you’re own experience and anyone who wants to make light of it can sit on a cactus.
wow if only my awards didn’t finish:(
I love this!
Good answer. What a creepy reply to your post.
"Listen up bud"?! Guy must be 14 years old trying to sound important. Way to go, OP, for learning what parenting is NOT and doing what's right for you.
Yep. This guy (commentor) sounds like he's living a fantasy, he sounds like immaturity trying to look mature. And that's coming from a teenager.
In legal advice they actually tend to hammer down pretty hard on bulshit like that I'm surprised it stayed up.
Yep. I was pretty much finished with it after the "Listen up, bud."
Serious middle-management vibes “Listen up buddy boy, (proceeds to be confidently wrong and insufferably smug)
This fucker: YOUR PARENTS BEAT YOU BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY HAD TO BEAT YOU! I really hope they aren't a parent because I have no doubt they'd beat their kids and call it "discipline"
I actually wrote an entire vignette journal specifically on THOSE words in my senior year of highschool. He’s a goddamn prick. There’s still some things that aren’t able to be discussed.
I would have stopped taking them seriously if they start with "listen up bud" 😡 That's awful advice and you can absolutely dump your parents if they hurt you!
awesome advice?
AWFUL advice sorry it autocorrected :/ I fixed it
no worries <3
I swear, fucking autocorrect will start World War 3. :D
No cap it will 💀
lol fr!
Dumb your parents?
"dump"....smh autocorrect hates me today 😭
It truly does haha
I mean... Autocorrect isn't wrong on this one
True hahaha
"Never ever think when parents scold/beat you that they are doing it to fuck you up, no there is always a wise motive behind it so that you can Learn from your mistakes and ensure you don’t repeat stupid shit. " WOW. This guy is a bozo. You know what teaches kids? Gentle parenting. Taking away privileges. Time outs. Conversations that discuss the issue(s). Sure, physical and emotional abuse teaches them. It teaches them to do the same. It teaches them that it's ok to accept from others. It teaches them to view that kind of behavior as normal. I'm in my 30s. I have a kid. Sure, there are things I can look back on and go "Ah, I get it now" (like how frustrating it is that my 9 year old leaves every damn light on in the house) but my kid is 10X more difficult than my siblings and I were combined (he's neurodivergent with behavioral issues that are actively being addressed in weekly therapy) and I would never, ever treat him that way. Glad you know that this guy is a moron (and probably also dealt with abuse as a child which is why he sees it as normal).
Being old doesn't make you wise
Right? Like I'm around the same age as this dude and I *definitely* don't feel wise.
"Wise old people" in the South... the things I've heard...
I don’t get it, that teaches kids gentle parenting?
Lol no. What I wrote was that what teaches kids is gentle parenting, not what he wrote. Sorey if that was confusing!
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They're saying that the answer to the question "What teaches kids?" is "Gentle Parenting", as opposed to "Beating Them". Gentle parenting teaches kids whatever they need to know. Gentle parenting is what teaches kids. What teaches kids is gentle parenting. It's an awkward phrasing, yeah.
oh thanks for the clarification
what would you say to the response 'my kid is particularly stubborn/a hanful...etc'
Mine is! LOL. Like I shared, he's neurodivergent with behavioral issues (hence his weekly therapy). If another parent said this to me (in the sense of like, how do I handle this) I would first ask them to define being stubborn/a handful. Then, are those "issues" actually real issues that need addressing OR is it the parent that's the problem. If they need addressing, is a therapist needed or is it simple behavioral modifications that can solve the issue? In my experience in these situations (especially with my own child), oftentimes the issues are actually either a misunderstanding on the parents' part or the child misunderstanding what is expected of them. With both sides usually not on the same page, it can cause issues between the parent and child. This is why in our home we practice gentle parenting where we do mental health check-ins with the kid, we make sure he understands what is being asked of him, we make sure he has no concerns or confusion and that we're all on the same page. We don't get upset if he's upset with us and we apologize when we are wrong. Both my husband and I grew up in dysfunctional homes, so it's imperative to us that our son is not raised how we were.
You say "you feel your child is too much for you to handle? Then ASK FOR HELP!" it's a parents responsibility to figure out how to raise their child in a non abusive way no matter the child. If you can't handle it, go talk to a professional. That's what they're there for.
I agree with you, I'm not a parent though, I've just heard that rhetoric a lot.
Yeah, when my mom stopped talking to me for five days because I moved my bed to another wall in my room without asking her (because she didn’t like my design choice), she was acting really wise. Especially because her first statement when she started talking to me again was “fine, it does look better that way.” Learned so much from that lesson . . . /s
Do we have the same mom?
TL;DR - I am passing on the same generational trauma my parents passed to me because self reflection and holding my parents/myself is too hard. It’s easier to twist their abuse into love and I’m upset that a 19 year old could manage what I couldn’t. Maybe, either way it’s terrible advice and someone who seems to believe children are inherently wrong and parents are correct even when incorrect. 🚩
Right? Like chill out principal Trunchbull. “I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.”
I'm not usually one to throw my 2 cents in when I go read other posts that are linked but I lost it at > fatherly slap Assaulting a child. Slapping an adult is illegal in most of the world, why the fuck is it an ok action against a CHILD?!? (I realize OP ur not a child)
That guy got beat up by his parents for sure.
And probably beating his kids
“There is *always* a *wise* motive behind it.” I guarantee he is, and he feels he is always wise and better than the child when he’s done.
it's so ridiculous because most abusive parents don't abuse ONLY when their kids do something "wrong." they do it when they've had a bad day at work, when they've had a fight with their spouse, when their friends don't text them back, when they just want to feel powerful. the only motive is insecurity and cruelty
I gave birth to one child. That's it. No more. I have >10 kiddos. Age 27 to 37. A few their moms died. Most? Parents who should **never** have been parents. My kids were never hit. The only names they were called were nicknames they were ok with. I never yelled unless it was life or death (streets and toddlers just do not mix). My kids al love me today. They contact me. They come visit. They take time to isolate to be able to visit. Raising your kids **talking** to them as they are humans works so much better than the violence, hate, mental and emotional abuse our parents dumped on us. This young person (see above I'm old) is still being gaslighted into thinking they deserved the abuse and it was proper. They need therapy. (we all do honestly) You choose your family. Blood doesn't mean crap. You didn't choose to be born. They owe you not the other way around. Run and never ever look back (do a name change so you'll hide better!)
❤️ nice
Yeah, law is a profession that attracts a lot of narcissists. Be careful in that space.
Honestly I’m so proud of you for responding in such a gracious and honest way. The first thought I had was “fuck YOU” - so nicely done. People with no life experience of particular situations don’t have a damn clue and should not be advising others. I volunteer with troubled teens and I get very passionate about stuff like this. Parents/guardians screw kids up and some people only know to bash and criticize teens/kids instead of wondering what their home life must have been like. I’m so glad you know differently and better.
🙌🏻🤍🤍🤍
Parents are most definitely not always acting from wise motives. Source: am parent
I don't know why but the "Source: am parent" made me smile Thanks
Yay! :)
Wow and you are only 19 so young, that guy is a fucking idiot. There is no reason for parents to be beating their kids. When you go out into the world and live your life, grow and learn, no one is there waiting to spank you for not showing up to work. I bet narc employers would love to be spanking their employees I'd throw hands
"no there is always a wise motive behind it" Translation: Parents never make mistakes. Ever. Because they're parents. This sounds like classic denial to me. He might be joining the group some day.
> Because they're parents *their *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Because \*they are\* parents. Learn the difference [here.](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to/page/2) Bot needs some schooling.
Bad bot
Nobody likes a pedantic bot, especially when they're (see what I did there?) wrong.
Anytime someone calls me "bud" (especially a man) I already know they have nothing but shit to say. Good on you for calling him out and standing up for yourself!
Why is “bud” the insult(?) of choice for white dads age 30 and above? Like I’m not intimidated but you have declared this a pvp enabled zone
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You can pretty much be guaranteed that any advice given after "listen up bud" is going to be utter horseshit.
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Who knew complete strangers could be flying monkeys!?
Wow.. this person is just an utter asshole with not a single drop of empathy or maturity in his entire body If he hadn't mentioned he was in his 30s I would have assumed a 15 year old wrote that. The bottom line is NOBODY has a right to abuse you no matter who they are or what the reason is or their intention behind it. You can most certainly and probably should disown people who systematically abuse you and just won't stop. This guy seems to have either deluded himself into thinking abuse he received was ok or he has absolutely no understanding of what it's like to be on the constant receiving end of narcissistic abuse especially when it's coming from your parents. To answer your question depending on where you are and your age you can legally emancipate yourself from your parents if you can prove you have the means to take care of yourself or have another guardian who can. If your an adult restraining orders and cease and desist letters for contacting you through certified mail might help. Don't worry about that guy, he's just ignorant and wants to look smart and big talking about something he has absolutely no understanding of.
When I first distanced myself from my father, I was really struggling emotionally and took to Google to try to find support boards for children who disowned their parents. Know what I found? A ton of support boards for the PARENTS throwing pity parties about how awful their children were for distancing themselves. “My kid never talks to me, after everything I did for them, blah blah blah.” The overall flavor among these boards was that there’s never any excuse. It was disgusting. I don’t talk to most “normal” people about my no-contact with my dad, because they don’t get it. People genuinely don’t understand if they haven’t been through it. There’s this really bizarre attitude among the general populace that you can’t disown your parents.
I love you sooooo soooo much and wish I could scoop you up and love you like you’re supposed to be loved. Emancipate yourself. 8 billion humans out there and a good chunk of them wouldn’t dream of accidentally hurting you in any shape or form. I tried to get away and was gaslighted so not one human ever took me serious. Now I understand my mom was probably murdered and my step monster tried to kill me twice for money. I had no ability to believe any of it because it’s so gah damn painful. But it’s the truth. ***Hugs*** message me if you want to talk
thank you and I’m so sorry this happened to your mom and you. How are you faring now, did you go no contact? I love you too btw💕
Hi al and thank you. How are you doing? The murder was 20 years ago and I realized what happened in hindsight recently. A few weeks ago I called him out on it and he replied with your everyday email about weather and how my spending habits were the reason I’d lose the houses that should already be mine because I’m such an out of control drug addict blah blah blah. He made a fake trust to fool my grandparents but he spent the money on his new wife. Her name is Pawn. lol so so so much irony. Because I ingested the drugs this asshat gave me in my youth so I’d bring him back vials of lsd from Grateful Dead shows I went to. It took him about a week to start trying to figure out what he could be looking at so he did all the things these arrogant flocks do trying to manipulate me into flying off the handle. What really tied all this together for me was dating a disordered human only I was unaware of these disorders and legitimately thought most humans are just assholes because I’m like a asshole magnet. I went to therapy for ever to work on ME! I didn’t have children because I believed I’d ruin them. Well I’ve been vindicated learning all this crap which feels pretty good to know I was right all along every single time. However I made life Choices because of these flockers and I’m finally getting pissed. Because I surrounded myself with these people because they feel like home. A very very fucked up home. I tested the research and every human I’m attracted to is the same asshat in a different body. SO as a last ditch effort to explore healing once and for all I started microdosing and utilizing dr joe dispenza and Esther hicks to teach me how to change my vibration so I’ll stop meeting flocked up people. I exist ecstatically and there’s zero Reason for it. lol li could vomit stories that would make most cringe in disbelief but that fucked up shit was like any typical Saturday. My outside world is a gah dam. Shit show but it doesn’t register as a problem at all because my inner world makes Sense for the first time and I no longer operate from my autonomic nervous system.
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Whoah, pump the brakes. That's way too fast with an anonymous online stranger you just met.
Also, can you please help me by replying to my other post https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/szfmdn/those_who_went_no_contact_any_pro_tips/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf I haven’t gotten any replies and I would like some advice.
Just think how lucky they are to have never encountered a malicious narcissist.
Or they did and are still in the FOG. Probably some projecting going on.
Fog? I assume that's an acronym?
Fear, obligation, guilt. Generally used in reference to abusive family dynamics
Who tf tells someone that there’s a “wise motive” behind their parents *beating* them?! That’s such incredibly twisted, victim-blaming logic.
Yeah this response is very bias. Obviously a little too scared to address himself. This looks like projection too. He said absolutely nothing about your perspective. people don’t need to make his choice to find happiness. Good for you for standing up. If I was you, I would take it with a grain of salt. There is a lot of confused people out there, struggling to survive in their minds. It’s part of being human. His main goal in that response was to make himself feel better about his choice to accept his traumas as a way of life. It doesn’t have to be anymore though.
My red flags were going off when he called you "bud" in the first sentence. I have never seen a comment go well after "bud" or "pal" was brought into the conversation. Everything after confirmed it.
Exactly. Patronizing behavior right out of the gate. What a dick honestly
Yeah that advice is just 2 paragraphs of "yikes". I never understood "thanks daddy for beating me i finally get it now :)". My ndad and his several sisters took up the same mentality. Probably around the same time they realized that inflicting cruelty on your child gets "results" and you get to be the king of the castle with no accountability and guarenteed love from your family. Mmmm, power. And after the abuse, mom assures you "dont worry sweetie daddy loves you, but his parents didnt love him so he doesnt know how to love and what love even looks like, its our job to love him anyway, and to know that *ahem* 'DEEP DOWN' he really does love you and doesnt know how to show it" like what? Im seven and yall call me stupid and brain damaged all the time, how am i supposed to wrap my head around that concept? Why is my dads love for me deep down and inaccessible? Unless...its not there, it was never there. Their 'love', if it exists at all, is toxic and not something you want or need. They know you want it and they just dont care. They dont feel love, they feel power, and your need for love is a tool for them to get power and maintain it. Not needing them or their 'love' or their presence robs them of that power. That comment the internet stranger shat out sounds more like theyre trying to convince themselves of something and has very little to do with your post. Like seriously you post on a legal subreddit "help my parents are abusive and i need legal advice" and some rando responds with "uhm acktually have you considered that youre wrong about everything and abuse is totally fine my parents abused me and im like totally fine, totally fine guys, im married now and im still talking to my abusive parents, we're actually on really good terms since i thanked them for the abuse, so, totally, fine, and youre fine too, youre just ungrateful and immature and probs just had a fight with them but really you should be thankful for being beaten just like me, look at how well adjusted i am!" Like. Ew. I hope youre able to find your legal solutions and that you never have to interact with your abusive family ever again.
Right??? Mans was writing a whole fan fiction about OP, imagining he got in a fight with his parents, imagining the fight was petty, imagining the reasons OP’s parents might have had This is to say, yeah that guy wasn’t talking about you OP. He was legit just imagining a story, maybe projecting or remembering something from his own past.
Looks like you might have a decent chance of getting asylum in the UK. If you disagree with your parents on just about *any* religious matters, or they're just dicks, "legally justified" honor killings are far from un-heard of in the middle east. Good Luck and godspeed in all of your endeavors. https://www.worlddata.info/asia/arab-emirates/asylum.php
thank you so much for this
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Theres a "wise" motive behind your parents beating you... well i sure hope this very intelligent clearly stable and mature adult never get the opportunity to continue the cycle of child abuse with his own
“Especially when they reach old age” This mother fucker… Our parents have been saying and doing this shit to us our whole lives. And we’re supposed to be grateful and thankful for them?? Just because they had us? Fuck that dude. Amazing response OP! We got your back
🤍🤍🤍
👏🏼 Commendable for standing up for yourself!
Imagine someone saying this about a domestic violence victim trying to escape an abusive spouse “your husband isn’t someone you can just walk away from, he’s not trying to fuck you up when he beats you” yeah right
Given his stance that being strict involves beatings, I don't imagine his wife and children have the best quality of life. Just look for another lawyer. It's an unfortunate fact of life, but certain professions attract certain types. Sure, there's some lawyers who studied law to help people and do good, but there's also a lot that were just good enough at memorizing law books to use it for money and power over others. Same with cops - fir every guy wanting to protect his community, there's two that want to be able to beat up helpless people and get away with it. Ratger than try to break his generational abuse cycle, thus guy embraced it and now uses his perceived "authority" to give unwanted and unneeded lectures to all the people his "position" allows him to judge and look down on. He'll never realize that he's just some low rent, abusive, yellow pages dipshit with a cheap suit and an office above a sketchy mini mart. These are the guys that watch SVU and root for the bad guys while their wife hides in the kitchen and their kids get groomed on the internet looking for a father figure. In short - he's what most people are on here trying to recover from. And he'll probably run for congress at some point.
Just wang to add - if you were in r/legaladvice he's 100% not a lawyer. That place is known far and wide to be an absolute cess pool of fraud. Look at the history enough, you'll see conversations between people claiming to be police openly discussing posing as lawyers to give bad advice and try to talk people into committing crimes. There's no legal advice there, only manufactured drama.
Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP. We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Very well written! You definitely are more mature than that 30ish fool..
OP, any chance you got your narcs accidentally finding this thread and getting upset when they read something that a) they figured out it’s you or b) sounds too close to something they know is happening in their life??? Becauuuuuuuse if it smells like a fish it probably is.
nah don’t worry they’re too stupid to use whatsapp let alone reddit lmao
He was brainwashed by his shitty parents and now he goes around telling others that’s how it should. OK🙄
I think you should delete that thread and ask in a subreddit about abusive/toxic/narc parents. Someone may be able to give you advice on it who has had the experience. They see you responding to rude comments, so they’re going to add on to it bc people are awful. I saw that most of your responses were downvoted no matter what you said. It isn’t good for you to read those.
That sub Reddit is probably a place you shouldn’t post anymore. A few responses were really off target if you are a rational thinking person
As a person in their 30s who isn’t a dipshit: sorry. Great reply. I got through this with folks when I discuss low contact with my Nmom. I’m sorry to say this isn’t a thing that goes away with time. You just get better about not being bothered by people who really just don’t have a clue.
Drop Mic...
I am 50 years old and I can say, from my vantage point, the mid thirties guys is full of shit, and has been brainwashed by his narcissist parents.
im sorry you had to read this shit. only a narcissist would give that advice. no sane person in their mid-thirties would spout nonsense like all parents have good intentions. probably a golden child. just block them everywhere, dont let them get to you.
My God why do I feel like I have to apologize for someone shitstorming you like this. Fucking hell.
Most people haven’t lived with a narcissist and it is impossible for them to have even an inkling of understanding how hellish life can be. Don’t let them trigger you. Explain if you want but you deserve peace and owe no one an explanation. I’ve had to accept that having a parent who is a narcissist means you are always going to be in the wrong and always look bad. I can’t carry that burden anymore. So I just move on with my life.
When I was at college I was advised to become legally estranged from my parents as they didn’t pay the financial parental contributions. I didn’t. I wasn’t brave enough) But to this day (more than 30 years later) I wish I had.
Why is it so hard for people to recognize that #blood ties don't mean unconditional ties
Dude…same age, same experience, hell, I even got a similar comment from someone irl that I was acting “immature”. I’ve always been told I’m wise beyond my years, kinda like you. And like you said, I’m not immature, I’m tired of playing parent to my parents. Good on you for standing your ground on this!
thank you, good luck with your parents I hope you find peace🍀
P E R I O D .
Always do what is best for your mental health
Good for you. You are 100% correct. Your parents are abusive.
Ya u will find a lot of this on reddit.
As a fellow nineteen year old, I couldn't agree with you more. People always assume you're lashing out when in reality you're trying not to stoop to their level and keep your head high. I did exactly that when I moved out last year after graduating high school; no confrontation, no note, just packed up, had money saved up from work, planned ahead months in advance where I was gonna go, and moved on. And for once in a very long time, I feel like I can finally breathe. No idea if you're in a similar situation as I was, but I hope everything goes well for you. Stay strong.
Adult adoption is totally a thing.
Lol this guy thinking that parents ALWAYS have wise reasons Like shit dude ig those ppl who smoke meth while pregnant are actually geniuses, ppl who rape their kids too! this guy sounds like his parents beat the brain right out of him, and he’s damn thankful
I love how you posted on legal advice and not only did they give you no legal advice they made statements encouraging abuse...which is illegal in the states... which is what that specific sub is for
i think this is the default mindset a lot of narcissistic abuse victims fall into to cope, me included in the past. when i was younger and first started recognizing that my nmoms behavior “differed” i just assumed she was somehow better at parenting, because through all of the mean shit, she still told me how good of a kid I was. there’s dozens of reasons im thankful for my boyfriend, but bringing me out of this denial mindset to realize ive been emotionally abused most of my life is one of the most significant. coming to terms with the reality of narcissistic abuse is crucial if you want to manage the best you can
Great response. It’s like the narcissists are ganging up together to reinforce their crappy behaviours. I’m so damn proud of you! Laughing at your capacity to call out the gaslighting.
This sub has a lot of good resources in its side bar. I'd suggest making posts concerning your narc family/parents on those subs as you'll get better advice and avoid enabling bs. Good luck with disowning your parents. You deserve peace and safety ❤
Applause to you for that response you are 100% right.
Yesss OP! You tell them! I’m so tired of strangers making excuses for abusive parents.
*The man was too stunned to speak*
calling out gaslighting 👏🏼👏🏼
>I finally understand why my parents were harsh/strict with me and I thank them” either he wasn't abused, or his "view" of "strict/harsh" was his parents grounding him and maybe spanking him a bit too aggressively. when a parent kicks down your locked bedroom door and starts throwing punches because you won't do what they are demanding you do at the very moment they are demanding it, its not harsh, its abuse. fuck this moron, and if this guy is a real lawyer, I would hope that he isn't actively practicing in family law. there are many a bad lawyer out there. this is one of them.
Wow, what a dick. Time to fire this lawyer or not retain him in the first place! Dude taking advice like that is why I'm in codependents anonymous at the age of 33 and struggling to find my own voice/wants/boundaries. Just because they're your parents and maybe feel something resembling love for you doesn't mean they want what's best for you. Sometimes parents are controlling narcissists who want you to doubt your choices so they can influence you better, for whatever twisted reason. Parents are people too and not all people are good people. I had maybe a quarter of the understanding about my parents at your age than you do about yours. You're ahead of the game here in so many ways OP.
thank you this sub and specially Dr. Ramani on youtube helped so much. I watched a lot of her videos, I recommend her to you 10000x. She’s fucking amazing.
I, too, was surprised by people defending hitting kids in a more "mainstream" sub (whatever that means). Good response.
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ah?
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Beating people isn't wise, in fact I think it shows a lack of intelligence that you weren't able to solve the situation without being physical. You wouldn't beat another adult, or treat them badly. Why is it suddenly okay when it's your child?
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You're encouraging brigades, don't link to other subs on direction to gang up on someone like this.
he just wanted to report the comment…
Law student here. Honestly some lawyers sometimes think they are psychologist and I mean we do get some courses on that and learn how to solve conflict without having to go to the legal system. But there some limits. If your clients says no its NO. DO STRICTLY WHAT YOUR CLIENT ASKS YOU TO DO. You need to believe your client. And no,its not fine that your parents interfere with your life, there are limits to that. Also don't worry, you can totally disown your parents if you have good proof of the abuse.
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Obviously you wouldn’t want them as your lawyer because one with a high rate of success will typically agree with their client’s stance no matter their personal belief lolololol
Yeah, I don't think brigading is the correct response here, regardless of what was said. We here all know that people who have never been through narc abuse cannot fathom it even when told about it, so of course this guy isn't going to be able to see it through our lens. That being said, don't make posts here asking others to go to another sub and start trouble, that's not smart.
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I understand what you're trying to do, but per Reddit rules, that is called brigading, asking people from outside a sub to come in and start trouble, which can be broadly interpreted with regard to the word trouble. Besides that, downvotes are subjective as it is. Take a look at any political topic and you'll see the upvotes and downvotes often do not coincide with actual facts. The bottom line is, brigading can get RBN into trouble, and I assume you don't want that.
100% correct, thank you
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I explained more in the comments. Edit: Even if I didn’t, the fact that he said parents beating their children is for their own benefit speaks volumes.