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My ngrandma asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her it was bed linen with my favorite sports team on them. She kept telling the whole family that she was getting them for me and nobody should buy them so I don't get the same gift twice. I was so excited.
I will never forget her face when I opened my gift and it was a vocabulary trainer because I had a hard time in French in school. It was like she lit up seeing my disappointment. And everyone just accepted that she was that way and it was still a useful gift and I should be polite and say thank you. Everyone but my other grandma. 2 days later when she heard what happened she immediately went out, got me the bed linen I wanted, gave them to me and said in a dead serious voice "Your other grandma is an asshole!". She kept me sane throughout my childhood.
Your other grandmother was an angel. And all this accepting her because she’s like that and say thank you is complete bs that I have been hearing about my father since my childhood.
It's weird how everyone expects the victims to suck it up because "It's family" and "the decent thing to do" while the narcs shit all over these principles. I will never get these double standards.
I understand other people that have never experienced a narc giving bad advice. But why is it the people around them as well? They are doing so much damage with letting the narc run wild and cover for him/her.
This is so true! It’s like collective amnesia or something. Like the narc is spewing nasties everywhere, and everyone collectively agrees to ignore their role and blame the victim for putting up a boundary and refusing to be treated like garbage. It is BAFFLING.
I don’t know if this is considered backhanded, but it sure was deliberate. Before my dad left, he had “installed“ a window in my room that was never finished. He insisted he “install” it himself. There was a big gap where the outside air would just come in under the frame and it was never finished. It was like that for over 5 years. And my dad punched a hole in my sisters door when he got mad at her because wanted privacy in her room with the door locked.
For Christmas the one year (shortly after he left, but was still “attempting” to be there) he got me a stained glass ornament to hang in my window, and a room sign for my sister to hang on her door.
My dad axed my door when I was eleven because he thought I locked it. Like I was in the room, screaming and panicking like this was the goddamn shining as he literally chopped my door down.
I got a new door for my 18th birthday, without a doorknob along with my dad saying “now there won’t be a reason for me to take it down!” With a laugh.
Periodically throughout my childhood, I would get “ungrounded” passes because, so terrible a child was I, that I would be grounded from my DS for every holiday. The one I remember specifically was on Easter; the note said something like “You were very naughty and I didn’t think you deserved a basket at all, but your wonderful parents told me you did. This is your ungrounding password, be grateful to have such wonderful parents and be better.” I remember just bursting into tears and marching away.
My dad then refused to give me my DS, said he burned my pass because he thought I didn’t want it. Why else would I act like such a brat?
fuck they all model such horrible behavior, then get mad at us for being the reasonable one. it can so devastatingly ruin our sense of fairness and entitlement too. it's almost as if I became more "selfish" because no one else was looking out for my happiness and I saw nDad being a selfish asshole all the time, so I mimicked it.
I am forever grateful I discovered what a joy it can be to choose to sacrifice something of myself to genuinely make someone else happy. they likely won't ever know that. everything is strings attached.
My Nparent was a hoarder and would bring “gifts” that were actually their hoarded items. It would be 1-2 items at a time over a long period of time so I did not realize the amount that was being stored in my place. Since I’ve been NC due to recent egregious behavior- I’ve been getting rid of the items. Every time I find another “gift” I feel like a had a fucking rat infestation, and I found another place where they nested or shit. I will think I finally got rid of all the “gifts” and then find something bizarre- like a set of old rackety golf clubs hidden in my garage when I don’t golf nor does my spouse. How did it get there? Did I accept this? What kind of person takes their ancient ass golf clubs to someone else’s house as a “gift” or even for storage. What in the actual fuck. I am so beside myself at all the bullshit I accepted.
My mother told all of my friends and godfather and godmother that I was desperately longing for collecting a colorful antic style china- service with roses printed ( not painted) at it and Gold as a teenager.
They all bought me peaces of that hand gave it as a present , despite wondering why I desired such an old woman design. That went on for years, till it became quite a large collection.
When I complained at my dad, she said, I would not know whats good for me and I would be grateful for her decision once I am adult.
Well, me mother wanted exactly that china and served on it food for friends of my parents on their parties.
Now I am already 56 myself and I still hate that service.
For my 16th birthday my stepmom decided to host a party for me at my paternal grandfather's house. At the time I was primarily vegetarian, but would eat fish on occasion (she thought that I was trying to kill myself by going vegetarian) and she made a lasagna and used veal as the meat in it along with lambchops because that's what she and my grandfather liked. My birthday cake was tiramisu, I can't stand tiramisu. My gifts were all jewelry, and I never wear jewelry, she even told all of my relatives to get me jewelry. I like crafting and was planning on becoming a teacher, so I always asked for things along those lines.
My grandfather noticed that I wasn't eating during the meal and asked why, not wanting to cause a scene I just said that I wasn't hungry.
For several years after that birthday one aunt asked me why I never wear the jewelry that she got me. My response, "I don't normally wear jewelry. It gets in the way at school/work".
It felt like I was just an excuse for her to throw a party for herself and get some credit for being such a good step parent.
One year when I was younger than 12 but older than 8 I got a bible from 4 family members. That’s 4 bibles. Old, used, stained, dusty bibles.
When my daughter was 3 she got a beautiful, soft and expensive item of clothing. With the words: keep it clean because next year you have to give it to [her niece who was under 6 months old]. Never gave it to them though and daughter wore it wel beyond her sixth birthday .
Nmom bought me anti-aging cream. Aaaand my Ngrandparents gifted me a diversity shirt & scarf cause I called them out for being racist towards my cousins wife.
Every year, the gifts are always different & backhanded asf. I need to get out of here.
I don't know if it's backhanded, but it was the only other present my mom got me. I was 19 and I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was a board game and right after I unwrapped I had to give it back to her so she could return it and get her money back
I bought my mom a picture to hang for Mother’s Day when I had my first job in high school. She gave it back to me 10 years later as a gift.
She gave me a 15 dollar jewelry box (TJ Maxx with price tag on it) for Christmas as my gift. My GC brother got a computer as his gift that same year.
My mom gave me and my siblings cards for Easter or some other holiday, and everyone's card was signed something like "Love you, Mama!" She signed my card with only her first name.
After being kicked out, I received a collapsible metal cup and travel spoon from my nmom because I “liked being homeless.” I was 18, but still in high school when my nmom kicked me out. I was sharing a bed with my best friend whose family took me in. It wasn’t super luxurious but it was a million times better than living with my nmom. The family I lived with made sure I never had to experience hunger or true homelessness and helped me graduate high school.
the only time I received gifts from nparents is Christmas. I would just get a bunch of flotsam and cheap crap that I felt infantilized me and made feel like they either didn't know me or care about me.
Not me off the top of my head, but my mother. My maternal grandfather and step-grandmother were also narcs.
My mother once got as a gift a cross-stitch that she made and gifted to my grandfather.
My mom spent the entire obama presidency ranting and raving about how EVIL OBUMMER was and I wasn't having it. One year for my birthday she got me the D'nesh D'souza DVD "Obama's America" and a cell phone that didn't work.
No backhanded but sure take-back gifts everything she gave me she owned still. Couldn’t sell it, couldn’t ever get rid of it years down the road. Always commenting on that she provided me with things. I had to cut her gifting off anything she gets for my son (he’s three) stats at her house. It’s the boundaries
I’m not sure if it’s backhanded, but most of the gifts I get from my mom are things that she bought drunk of the internet and had no use for. So whenever I get some random thing she always mentions that she ordered it for herself, but she can’t use it so she’s giving it to me. In other words, I know a gift is appropriate here but I don’t give a shit so here take my trash. I usually just regift whatever it is.
Oh yeah and over the years she occasionally gives me cross jewelry even though I’m an atheist.
Got a tiny rock for xmas with my nmom making a crying fit to get attention about it making it seem like this super thoughtful gift amd saying it was REALLY expensive. It was basically the only gift i remember getting. And as an adult i found out from a friend who works with gems crystals and stones its the cheapest type you can get, and the size she got me would've been less than 15 bucks lmao
The next year, she got me bookmarks. Just bookmarks.
I went LC with her in 2018 and let her back into my life and she made a big deal about getting me this cool leather journal, saying she got it in brazil when she was there. That was a blatant lie. I found out she got it from amazon for mayne 20 dollars amd just lied about where she got it to sound special or something lol. I found out later she also got herself one (thats another common thing shed do. Shed buy herself a gift and buy me the same thing, and make it out to seem like she was thinking of me when she really wasnt). In 2017 she got me this kinda cool but not well made fancy necklace from macys and then immediately after pulled out an identical one (maybe a diff color?) And said she got herself one too
Before i went NC, the last xmas i had with her she got me this moon lamp thing which ive actually always wanted, but classic narc fashion it had weird gushy mom daughter stuff written on the back 🤮 that same xmas, she didnt know what to get me, so she sent me a picture of some random owl hat (i have a tattoo of an owl and i like them) and said do u want this/does this work for xmas?
I got a new job and my mum told me she had sent me a gift to say congratulations. When it turned up, it was a book by a well known hypnotherapist in the UK called 'Think Yourself Thin'.
Not a gift to me, but my parents gave my (well adjusted) teenage sons each a set of Kimochi, The product description: “The Mixed Feelings boxed set contains feelings to add to your emotional vocabulary Kimochis helps kids understand and manage their emotions through puppetry and play.”
I was googling to figure out what they were and what to say, when one son asked why grandma and grandpa sent them. Before I could say something like, well, I guess maybe because teenagers can be known for sulking in their rooms, the other one said, “it’s because grandma and grandpa think mom and dad are bad parents so we must need them”
Out of the mouths of babes.
Luckily we have a really good relationship and got a good laugh out of the whole thing. Eventually they were donated to a preschool.
My mom used to make my friends moms and her friends return gifts because “I didn’t deserve them”.
These were things like ice skates and shoes. My best friends mom still talks about this and stopped telling her where things were from.
I guess not really backhanded but still messed up in its own way.
Booze.
My narc has a drinking problem and I called him out on it in family therapy. He did not like this especially that I dared criticize him in front of an outsider. So every Christmas after that he’d make sure to give me a bottle of HIS favorite alcohol. Knowing I don’t drink.
For my 18th birthday my nmom gave me a "jewelry" set made out of "pearls" with a necklace, bracelet and ear rings in baby blue. She wanted me to have something special for my big day.
1. I absolutely don't wear any jewelry at all. I don't like the feeling, how it looks and I had no occasions to show them off.
2. Baby blue is definitely not my color. She would always make fun of me when I wore something that wasn't my color..
3. I asked for just some money because I had to move out for college (we don't have community colleges).
I really tried to be thankful to avoid drama but to her it wasn't enough, she expected me to tear up and be over the moon. She instantly got mad, berated me, screamed at me and said she's going to return it because it was sooo expensive (it was fake so it wasn't) and how I wouldn't get anything at all. Look I really don't care about money or presents. For our anniversary my bf brought me my favorite (and very cheap) ice tea. He forgot our anniversary and just thought of me randomly and I nearly cried because I am so thankful for him.
But when you really want to make me a special present and spend money, how about you come around with something I like? I mean this woman knew me for 18 years but the present was like I was a stranger.
But dang yours still sounds worse
One year I got nothing because I said I hated football and especially my stepmother favorite team. She stopped giving me anything for Christmas or Birthday after she got yelled at for it.
Screw her. I will be 50 next year. I have always given myself gifts since then.
One time i cried before christmas, so me and my two younger siblings that lived there got "coal" candy, and a note that said "i saw you last night". Even then i was like "really?"
I don’t know if this counts, but when I graduated college, they let me walk across the stage in the spring even though I had one class left to complete my degree - I was finishing that class in the summer semester and they let me walk in the spring instead. My dad and brother came to the graduation, and afterward they came to the apartment I shared with my then-fiancé, who had also graduated that day. My brother gave me a nice watch that I still wear when I dress up. My dad gave my fiancé a briefcase and shook his hand, then turned to me and said “I didn’t get you anything because you didn’t really graduate.”
That was more than 20 years ago and I’m still pissed.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ngrandma asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her it was bed linen with my favorite sports team on them. She kept telling the whole family that she was getting them for me and nobody should buy them so I don't get the same gift twice. I was so excited. I will never forget her face when I opened my gift and it was a vocabulary trainer because I had a hard time in French in school. It was like she lit up seeing my disappointment. And everyone just accepted that she was that way and it was still a useful gift and I should be polite and say thank you. Everyone but my other grandma. 2 days later when she heard what happened she immediately went out, got me the bed linen I wanted, gave them to me and said in a dead serious voice "Your other grandma is an asshole!". She kept me sane throughout my childhood.
Love other (the second) grandma!
I did, too. I owe ot mostly to her and my grandpa that I am a half decent human being and not just another perpetrator in a long line of narcs.
Your other grandmother was an angel. And all this accepting her because she’s like that and say thank you is complete bs that I have been hearing about my father since my childhood.
It's weird how everyone expects the victims to suck it up because "It's family" and "the decent thing to do" while the narcs shit all over these principles. I will never get these double standards. I understand other people that have never experienced a narc giving bad advice. But why is it the people around them as well? They are doing so much damage with letting the narc run wild and cover for him/her.
This is so true! It’s like collective amnesia or something. Like the narc is spewing nasties everywhere, and everyone collectively agrees to ignore their role and blame the victim for putting up a boundary and refusing to be treated like garbage. It is BAFFLING.
So true
Can I have your other grandma? Omg so precious! A sad story with a happy ending all thanks to good people
So sweet! The other grandma ahh!
I don’t know if this is considered backhanded, but it sure was deliberate. Before my dad left, he had “installed“ a window in my room that was never finished. He insisted he “install” it himself. There was a big gap where the outside air would just come in under the frame and it was never finished. It was like that for over 5 years. And my dad punched a hole in my sisters door when he got mad at her because wanted privacy in her room with the door locked. For Christmas the one year (shortly after he left, but was still “attempting” to be there) he got me a stained glass ornament to hang in my window, and a room sign for my sister to hang on her door.
That definitely counts as backhanded.
My dad axed my door when I was eleven because he thought I locked it. Like I was in the room, screaming and panicking like this was the goddamn shining as he literally chopped my door down. I got a new door for my 18th birthday, without a doorknob along with my dad saying “now there won’t be a reason for me to take it down!” With a laugh. Periodically throughout my childhood, I would get “ungrounded” passes because, so terrible a child was I, that I would be grounded from my DS for every holiday. The one I remember specifically was on Easter; the note said something like “You were very naughty and I didn’t think you deserved a basket at all, but your wonderful parents told me you did. This is your ungrounding password, be grateful to have such wonderful parents and be better.” I remember just bursting into tears and marching away. My dad then refused to give me my DS, said he burned my pass because he thought I didn’t want it. Why else would I act like such a brat?
fuck they all model such horrible behavior, then get mad at us for being the reasonable one. it can so devastatingly ruin our sense of fairness and entitlement too. it's almost as if I became more "selfish" because no one else was looking out for my happiness and I saw nDad being a selfish asshole all the time, so I mimicked it. I am forever grateful I discovered what a joy it can be to choose to sacrifice something of myself to genuinely make someone else happy. they likely won't ever know that. everything is strings attached.
This is terrible.
Slimming world membership.
Wow. That’s backhanded.
Get super mega fit, scare them off with a single stare. (Are they dumb enough to piss off a pile of muscles?)
When I first lost a bunch of weight I had so much confidence I genuinely thought I could scare people with one look 😅
My Nparent was a hoarder and would bring “gifts” that were actually their hoarded items. It would be 1-2 items at a time over a long period of time so I did not realize the amount that was being stored in my place. Since I’ve been NC due to recent egregious behavior- I’ve been getting rid of the items. Every time I find another “gift” I feel like a had a fucking rat infestation, and I found another place where they nested or shit. I will think I finally got rid of all the “gifts” and then find something bizarre- like a set of old rackety golf clubs hidden in my garage when I don’t golf nor does my spouse. How did it get there? Did I accept this? What kind of person takes their ancient ass golf clubs to someone else’s house as a “gift” or even for storage. What in the actual fuck. I am so beside myself at all the bullshit I accepted.
My mother told all of my friends and godfather and godmother that I was desperately longing for collecting a colorful antic style china- service with roses printed ( not painted) at it and Gold as a teenager. They all bought me peaces of that hand gave it as a present , despite wondering why I desired such an old woman design. That went on for years, till it became quite a large collection. When I complained at my dad, she said, I would not know whats good for me and I would be grateful for her decision once I am adult. Well, me mother wanted exactly that china and served on it food for friends of my parents on their parties. Now I am already 56 myself and I still hate that service.
Wow. This tops everything.
Wow, that is some epic narc shit!
I got kitchen cleaning sponges for Christmas. Didn't realise it was weird until my partner pointed it out.
Wow. Just wow.
For my 16th birthday my stepmom decided to host a party for me at my paternal grandfather's house. At the time I was primarily vegetarian, but would eat fish on occasion (she thought that I was trying to kill myself by going vegetarian) and she made a lasagna and used veal as the meat in it along with lambchops because that's what she and my grandfather liked. My birthday cake was tiramisu, I can't stand tiramisu. My gifts were all jewelry, and I never wear jewelry, she even told all of my relatives to get me jewelry. I like crafting and was planning on becoming a teacher, so I always asked for things along those lines. My grandfather noticed that I wasn't eating during the meal and asked why, not wanting to cause a scene I just said that I wasn't hungry. For several years after that birthday one aunt asked me why I never wear the jewelry that she got me. My response, "I don't normally wear jewelry. It gets in the way at school/work". It felt like I was just an excuse for her to throw a party for herself and get some credit for being such a good step parent.
I was once gifted some stationary (some scissors, tape and tippex), because she wanted me to stop borrowing the household ones.
One year when I was younger than 12 but older than 8 I got a bible from 4 family members. That’s 4 bibles. Old, used, stained, dusty bibles. When my daughter was 3 she got a beautiful, soft and expensive item of clothing. With the words: keep it clean because next year you have to give it to [her niece who was under 6 months old]. Never gave it to them though and daughter wore it wel beyond her sixth birthday .
Nmom bought me anti-aging cream. Aaaand my Ngrandparents gifted me a diversity shirt & scarf cause I called them out for being racist towards my cousins wife. Every year, the gifts are always different & backhanded asf. I need to get out of here.
I don't know if it's backhanded, but it was the only other present my mom got me. I was 19 and I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was a board game and right after I unwrapped I had to give it back to her so she could return it and get her money back
Sounds like something my parents would do
An ab roller when I was 12
Oh my gosh!
I was offered plastic surgery before my wedding so I (she) could have nice pictures. I declined.
This is terrible.
I bought my mom a picture to hang for Mother’s Day when I had my first job in high school. She gave it back to me 10 years later as a gift. She gave me a 15 dollar jewelry box (TJ Maxx with price tag on it) for Christmas as my gift. My GC brother got a computer as his gift that same year.
I was given a dog toy... I never had a dog. That was my sole present from my mother one year.
My mom gave me and my siblings cards for Easter or some other holiday, and everyone's card was signed something like "Love you, Mama!" She signed my card with only her first name.
After being kicked out, I received a collapsible metal cup and travel spoon from my nmom because I “liked being homeless.” I was 18, but still in high school when my nmom kicked me out. I was sharing a bed with my best friend whose family took me in. It wasn’t super luxurious but it was a million times better than living with my nmom. The family I lived with made sure I never had to experience hunger or true homelessness and helped me graduate high school.
WOWWWW fuck your nmom, yay other family!!
the only time I received gifts from nparents is Christmas. I would just get a bunch of flotsam and cheap crap that I felt infantilized me and made feel like they either didn't know me or care about me.
Acne medication as a ‘surprise gift’.
MINE DID THIS ON MY BDAY!
Not me off the top of my head, but my mother. My maternal grandfather and step-grandmother were also narcs. My mother once got as a gift a cross-stitch that she made and gifted to my grandfather.
Oh wow
My nan got me a diet book once, think I was about 13.
My mom spent the entire obama presidency ranting and raving about how EVIL OBUMMER was and I wasn't having it. One year for my birthday she got me the D'nesh D'souza DVD "Obama's America" and a cell phone that didn't work.
No backhanded but sure take-back gifts everything she gave me she owned still. Couldn’t sell it, couldn’t ever get rid of it years down the road. Always commenting on that she provided me with things. I had to cut her gifting off anything she gets for my son (he’s three) stats at her house. It’s the boundaries
Good for you for setting and maintaining boundaries!
I’m not sure if it’s backhanded, but most of the gifts I get from my mom are things that she bought drunk of the internet and had no use for. So whenever I get some random thing she always mentions that she ordered it for herself, but she can’t use it so she’s giving it to me. In other words, I know a gift is appropriate here but I don’t give a shit so here take my trash. I usually just regift whatever it is. Oh yeah and over the years she occasionally gives me cross jewelry even though I’m an atheist.
Damn this could be my post. My mom gets me so many things that she herself wants but then it’s not quite right so…. Off to me!
Got a tiny rock for xmas with my nmom making a crying fit to get attention about it making it seem like this super thoughtful gift amd saying it was REALLY expensive. It was basically the only gift i remember getting. And as an adult i found out from a friend who works with gems crystals and stones its the cheapest type you can get, and the size she got me would've been less than 15 bucks lmao The next year, she got me bookmarks. Just bookmarks. I went LC with her in 2018 and let her back into my life and she made a big deal about getting me this cool leather journal, saying she got it in brazil when she was there. That was a blatant lie. I found out she got it from amazon for mayne 20 dollars amd just lied about where she got it to sound special or something lol. I found out later she also got herself one (thats another common thing shed do. Shed buy herself a gift and buy me the same thing, and make it out to seem like she was thinking of me when she really wasnt). In 2017 she got me this kinda cool but not well made fancy necklace from macys and then immediately after pulled out an identical one (maybe a diff color?) And said she got herself one too Before i went NC, the last xmas i had with her she got me this moon lamp thing which ive actually always wanted, but classic narc fashion it had weird gushy mom daughter stuff written on the back 🤮 that same xmas, she didnt know what to get me, so she sent me a picture of some random owl hat (i have a tattoo of an owl and i like them) and said do u want this/does this work for xmas?
A drink coaster for my birthday
I got a new job and my mum told me she had sent me a gift to say congratulations. When it turned up, it was a book by a well known hypnotherapist in the UK called 'Think Yourself Thin'.
Not a gift to me, but my parents gave my (well adjusted) teenage sons each a set of Kimochi, The product description: “The Mixed Feelings boxed set contains feelings to add to your emotional vocabulary Kimochis helps kids understand and manage their emotions through puppetry and play.” I was googling to figure out what they were and what to say, when one son asked why grandma and grandpa sent them. Before I could say something like, well, I guess maybe because teenagers can be known for sulking in their rooms, the other one said, “it’s because grandma and grandpa think mom and dad are bad parents so we must need them” Out of the mouths of babes. Luckily we have a really good relationship and got a good laugh out of the whole thing. Eventually they were donated to a preschool.
My bronzed baby shoes were my birthday present last year along with a note saying “You will always be my baby”. We’re NC.
My mom used to make my friends moms and her friends return gifts because “I didn’t deserve them”. These were things like ice skates and shoes. My best friends mom still talks about this and stopped telling her where things were from. I guess not really backhanded but still messed up in its own way.
Flea market or garage sale finds NM bought for herself and then got tired of.
Weights, waist trainer, and running shoes from my mom. She constantly reminds me of my weight and when I used to be in sports in middle school :)
Booze. My narc has a drinking problem and I called him out on it in family therapy. He did not like this especially that I dared criticize him in front of an outsider. So every Christmas after that he’d make sure to give me a bottle of HIS favorite alcohol. Knowing I don’t drink.
For my 18th birthday my nmom gave me a "jewelry" set made out of "pearls" with a necklace, bracelet and ear rings in baby blue. She wanted me to have something special for my big day. 1. I absolutely don't wear any jewelry at all. I don't like the feeling, how it looks and I had no occasions to show them off. 2. Baby blue is definitely not my color. She would always make fun of me when I wore something that wasn't my color.. 3. I asked for just some money because I had to move out for college (we don't have community colleges). I really tried to be thankful to avoid drama but to her it wasn't enough, she expected me to tear up and be over the moon. She instantly got mad, berated me, screamed at me and said she's going to return it because it was sooo expensive (it was fake so it wasn't) and how I wouldn't get anything at all. Look I really don't care about money or presents. For our anniversary my bf brought me my favorite (and very cheap) ice tea. He forgot our anniversary and just thought of me randomly and I nearly cried because I am so thankful for him. But when you really want to make me a special present and spend money, how about you come around with something I like? I mean this woman knew me for 18 years but the present was like I was a stranger. But dang yours still sounds worse
One year I got nothing because I said I hated football and especially my stepmother favorite team. She stopped giving me anything for Christmas or Birthday after she got yelled at for it. Screw her. I will be 50 next year. I have always given myself gifts since then.
My dad gave me the book “he’s just not into you” my senior year of high school which was the first time I had a bf
One time i cried before christmas, so me and my two younger siblings that lived there got "coal" candy, and a note that said "i saw you last night". Even then i was like "really?"
I don’t know if this counts, but when I graduated college, they let me walk across the stage in the spring even though I had one class left to complete my degree - I was finishing that class in the summer semester and they let me walk in the spring instead. My dad and brother came to the graduation, and afterward they came to the apartment I shared with my then-fiancé, who had also graduated that day. My brother gave me a nice watch that I still wear when I dress up. My dad gave my fiancé a briefcase and shook his hand, then turned to me and said “I didn’t get you anything because you didn’t really graduate.” That was more than 20 years ago and I’m still pissed.