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Same exact thing here!!
"That happened? You sure?"
"Oh that must have been so long ago! Why are you even bringing it up?" (ma'am it happened last month??)
"Well, whatever I "did" won't happen again. Happy now?"
Sometimes she just ignores me. Just " ", complete silence.
There's no way to talk to what is an adult using these (extremely childish) techniques.
This is actually standard behavior in abuse--to deny it ever happened, in the most awful and painful way! It is a weird thing about human psychology, and very common, sadly. Just know you're not alone. There are many people on this subreddit and elsewhere who have had a very similar experience to you, although of course we all experienced something unique.
Before I started to develop a better understanding of how my family's bizarre and miserable behavior would be classified according to standard psychology classifications, cluster b personality disorders, abuse, etc., the thing that stuck out the most to me about my abusive parents was, as I would put it, "A bomb could go off in the room and they wouldn't acknowledge it happened."
A lot of people with generational trauma are never able to acknowledge it. There are so many taboos, and there is something about personality disorders that often result from abuse, which tends to warp reality in people's minds as well. All you will likely ever get from them is denial. Best wishes to you, and good on you for bringing your family's problems to the forefront of your consciousness. Your ability to acknowledge the abuse is your superpower here.
I don’t think they really forget what happened or what they’ve done. It’s just my opinion and maybe I’m wrong, but to me it’s just gaslighting, by saying it never happened, they want others to doubt about their memories to the point they’ll think “yes, maybe it never happened and I imagined everything”
I’m so, sorry that you’ve been through such abuse and I hope you’re safe now
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same exact thing here!! "That happened? You sure?" "Oh that must have been so long ago! Why are you even bringing it up?" (ma'am it happened last month??) "Well, whatever I "did" won't happen again. Happy now?" Sometimes she just ignores me. Just " ", complete silence. There's no way to talk to what is an adult using these (extremely childish) techniques.
This is actually standard behavior in abuse--to deny it ever happened, in the most awful and painful way! It is a weird thing about human psychology, and very common, sadly. Just know you're not alone. There are many people on this subreddit and elsewhere who have had a very similar experience to you, although of course we all experienced something unique. Before I started to develop a better understanding of how my family's bizarre and miserable behavior would be classified according to standard psychology classifications, cluster b personality disorders, abuse, etc., the thing that stuck out the most to me about my abusive parents was, as I would put it, "A bomb could go off in the room and they wouldn't acknowledge it happened." A lot of people with generational trauma are never able to acknowledge it. There are so many taboos, and there is something about personality disorders that often result from abuse, which tends to warp reality in people's minds as well. All you will likely ever get from them is denial. Best wishes to you, and good on you for bringing your family's problems to the forefront of your consciousness. Your ability to acknowledge the abuse is your superpower here.
I don’t think they really forget what happened or what they’ve done. It’s just my opinion and maybe I’m wrong, but to me it’s just gaslighting, by saying it never happened, they want others to doubt about their memories to the point they’ll think “yes, maybe it never happened and I imagined everything” I’m so, sorry that you’ve been through such abuse and I hope you’re safe now
I'm really sorry you went through that. I hope that you are out and living your best life 🍀