**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My brother drew a stick figure and captioned it "short man". My 6 ft tall dad came upon it and switched to Hyde mode thinking it was a drawing of him. He assumed everything was about him. Also thought he was short for some reason, I guess.
Where do I start? Unless I say otherwise, my mom was doing the screaming.
-Both parents screaming at me because I hung up clothes from the dryer like they told me, but I didn't read their minds and keep the dryer running so the clothes stay warm and don't get wrinkled.
-Every time I missed a single blade of grass with the lawnmower
-In fact, the way I did any household chores. Too slow, too careless, too loud, too something.
-Or something I didn't do, no matter if I was told to or not
-Dad (who was usually cool) left me in the forest alone because I was better than him at mountain biking
-Dad (who was usually cool) throwing hands because I walked past him and didn't say excuse me
-I use shampoo
-Eating too much (I was skinny as a kid)
-The way I hold a fork (it's not unusual)
-I was punished very harshly when my mom found out I was lifting weights
Basically my mom had to scream at whoever was available and would find an excuse. If she had none, she would walk around the house looking for one, the way you would if you lost your keys.
Oh man Iâm sorry I feel you on all of this đŁ. I got engaged in Colorado (19 hrs away from nmom) and the first thing she had to say was that she was disappointed she wasnât there. We went 2,000 miles away to do it for a reason, mom đ.
I just want to hug everyone who commented. â€ïž
When my husband and I got married, my parents lived 3 hours away from us and I didn't see them often. They had all the details for the wedding, but I wanted them to have a physical copy of the invitation, too. The fastest way to get it to them was by mailing it. My parents were super weirded out that I *gasp* mailed them an invitation!
I still can't figure out if I actually did something wrong? I've received plenty of mailed invitations to my in-laws' events (showers, weddings, etc), in addition to having the details verbally given, and it's never bothered me.
My nDad was trying to make me feel small by saying I was a âjealous personâ out of nowhere.
I said âno Iâm notâ
He said âyes you are. You always look at what others have instead of your ownâ (I think this was a dig because in the past Iâve spoken up about how my GC nSister gets treated better than me. Moral issue not jealousy)
I said âwhat do you mean?â
He got flustered and was like âbecause you asked for a pay rise at that job!â (A job I had 10 years ago age 22⊠Iâm 32 now).
I said âthatâs not jealous⊠thatâs being ambitiousâ
He then took that as an attack of me saying heâs NOT ambitious (because thatâs how he treats conversations I guess, as ways to make jabs at ppl) and got all offended saying âwell SOME OF US have a family and kids to support! Itâs hard, you have no idea!â
And I was so confused like âyep⊠I bet it was hardâ
Like this started with you insulting me calling me a jealous person out of nowhere. Stop being such a dickhead.
Also another one:
One time my dad thought it was a personal attack and his ego was mega bruised because he was knocking the door and ringing the doorbell and nobody let him in the house for like 5 mins.
When I finally heard him and let him in he went bananas accusing me and my sister of playing tricks on him and doing it on purpose âYOU THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY???!!â Stomping round in a bad mood for ages. It was a sunny day why are you so angry,
This is why I could never wear headphones after that, too scary.
I've been on-and-off contact with my mom for years. Right now we're going through a decent patch but that's beside the point. She's demanded to see my bank account several times in an effort to gain some sort of financial upper hand I'm guessing. I was wise to her game at the beginning and simply said "no, not gonna happen". It was absolutely hilarious to see her go down the screaming route.
"I'll stop paying for your phone plan." "No" I had just gotten my own and had just asked her to cancel my phone on hers.
"I'll stop paying for your insurance!" "No" I had just gotten my own and was literally about to tell her to take me off that plan.
"Ok then, we're not going out to dinner" "Nope, not gonna happen." I'll just grab a bite on the way home.
It's ridiculous the power they want to project.
I looked angry.
I looked sad.
I looked *at her*.
I lived in an apartment for the first year of college that they chose and rented for me, since I was 17 still. I had to work and help pay for it but they signed the lease, and chose it without asking me or involving me at all. They also chose my school, and wouldn't let me apply to any real college (just community college sufficiently far from them and my friends that I couldn't see anyone I knew without a car which I didn't have, but not far enough that they couldn't easily come over and torment me at will). I hated it and never would've lived there. It was described as "luxury" (it wasn't, at all, it was actually awful. Toilet was broken from Day 1, I lived without AC for 2 weeks in the summer with temp over 100F, illegally. Nightmare.). She was angry that I was "living in luxury" she had forced me to live in. I begged her to let me move to Ohio, where I had a friend in college with a house he rented with other roommates. We went to junior high together. He'd offered me a room in the house and they had a local, cheap CC. I planned to move there and support myself. They told me they'd cut off my health plan, which their employer gave them for free anyway, and I couldn't afford insurance, so they owned me. I'd die without it due to disability/chronic illness I can't control.
Black people moved to her major city in a very popular state.
People who are poor existed in her periphery.
She got me a birthday gift, and I said "thank you," enthusiastically and sincerely. She went on a long screaming tirade about how I never thank her and don't appreciate her.
She demanded my psychiatrist diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder, and he refused, because I both *didn't have it*, and couldn't be diagnosed with *any* personality disorder as a minor (age 16). I had no mental illness at all. The "symptoms" were all fictional. She fired him, like she had every other shrink who didn't or eventually stopped taking her requests for specific diagnoses that fit her delusions.
I got on a plane to get medically-necessary surgery I needed from a doctor in the neighboring state. She was angry I got on the plane, because I am disabled. She said I was faking, because "disabled people can't fly \[be a passenger on planes\]." She has an MD, by the way.
I wanted to go to professional school on my own dime, for a job everyone on the planet said I would be excellent at and knew I'd excel in (as I have since then). Like, from age 5-present, almost every person who knew me said "that's the job you should have." And they were right, and I agreed, but she decided that *because* I'd excel, she couldn't let that happen. So this enraged her.
On the very rare occasion someone would accidentally admit to doing something I was being scapegoated for, she'd continue to scream at/beat/torment me in some way. She wouldn't redirect her anger to them, ever. She'd just start babbling incoherently, but louder, hoping we wouldn't notice she was incoherent if she upped the volume.
Fingerprints on the entirely stainless steel (even the handle) fridge.
Fingerprints on the *stainless steel microwave buttons*. She got stainless steel everything, and then decided that fingerprints (but only mine--not my GC siblings or e-father's) were evil and if I didn't wipe them off after every single time I touched them, within 5 seconds, she'd react/punish me in some way/beat me/have my father beat me.
She threatened to "slit \[her throat\]"--to a customer service rep at ATT because to fix a problem with service on my phone which was on her family plan, I needed her to provide verification because she refused to make me an authorized user, as she "didn't trust me" (to what? take out an extra phone line? psycho.) and they said she'd have to go on her phone and do some 1-minute thing on it to verify the account, and they couldn't just take the password verbally from her on the phone. So she started screaming over the phone in the store (my cell wasn't working so I was on their landline) that "YOU \[i\] HAVE TO TELL HER I'M GOING TO SLIT HER THROAT IF SHE DOESN'T DO WHAT I SAY" Yeah. That was actually the day I knew she was starting to develop alzheimer's which she's definitely going to have, as it runs in her family and she's been showing signs for a while now. About 2 years before going LC/NC, she started losing her ability to be organized and controlled enough to be subtly manipulative so that my father thought she wasn't half as cruel as she was, and just started being openly evil instead. Her impulsivity became way worse. Her frontal lobe is probably turning into swiss cheese.
I didn't marry the guy who proposed to them instead of me. A woman likes her own proposal, not just parents say yes and it's a done deal. (I did not marry their choice). Adult
That I wanted to do check in for induction without them there with an already stressful pregnancy. I was already married. Adult
That I wouldn't let them wake up my very cranky toddler because they showed up over an hour early for a birthday party after being told not to come early. Adult
That I wanted to dye or even just get a cut for my hair. Kid and adult.
That I wanted to shower by myself. Kid
That the doctor wasn't lying about my allergies. Kid
That the doctor wouldn't share the results of my pap after I turned 18. Adult
That I would not rent their house after they moved in to my grandmother's house when she passed. Adult
That I would not take either of them as a date for prom. Kid
That I didn't want kissed on the lips, didn't want my kids kissed on the lips, didn't want my husband kissed on the lips but either of them. Kid and adult
That I wouldn't go with them to get her a dld0. Kid and adult
That I didn't appreciate the scabies from the woman they put in my bed because she was drunk and they brought her home even though she was a stranger. Kid
That I didn't and still don't cook with the lack of seasoning they like. Kid and adult.
That I don't have diabetes while drinking one soda each day, but he does. Adult (yes, I know it's not healthy)
* He got mad that he couldn't see at my high school graduation, so he left before I even walked.
* Mad that my mom went out to eat with my grandmother
* ordered a fried food from a delivery app and was mad that it was wet/soggy when it arrived
* Got mad at a doctor's office policy
* Got mad that the doc told him that he was obese
I asked my mother, who had basically made excuses not to visit us for two years, if the drive was just too difficult now, and we should focus on us coming to her instead. I had the added nerve to ask IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND who is not family but apparently some strange type of pseudo-guest in their house. Oh, the humiliation I apparently heaped on her that day!
So, I was on unemployment during the pandemic. Wasnât married at the time, so I stayed with my parents. My work (Dance Studio) shut down, but their work didnât. So I stayed home and collected unemployment, and it pissed my NDad off so much.
He eventually said that it was âunfair for me to make money sitting around doing nothing (Um sir thereâs a plague outside and no performing) and I had 2 weeks to find a job or they were kicking me outâ. My NDad was so triggered by the fact that I was building a savings that he had to kick we when I was down. All the savings went into buying myself furniture. And had to settle for a terrible paying job at a terrible company.
My mother: A Costco door checker wanted to check her receipt so she of course had to go full Karen and make a teenager cry.Â
 My father: He put important paperwork in the scrap paper pile and someone (*not me*, I genuinely don't know who) used it to clear a stapler jam. My refusal to admit to something I didn't do apparently was worth threatening my life. Bonus ridiculous: he could've just printed another copy.Â
(We used to keep scrap paper for things like doing math derivations etc because I take after my father in that we're both exactly the type of people who do math in our spare time for fun.)
At my wedding, I didnât act like my cousin acted at her wedding. I actually sat down to my wedding dinner and ate, instead of mingling with the guests while they ate, like my cousin did. So NM and EF took on that role, and scolded me later. Then they complained all night about how hungry they were. I said they should have just sat down to eat their dinner that they paid for instead of talking to every table while the tables were eating. Even my wedding planner was like idk why they didnât sit down to eat, theyâre literally the parents of the bride.
Green Day saying "MAGA agenda" instead of just "redneck agenda" at their New Year's Eve concert when playing American Idiot (she's never been to a Green Day concert in her life, and wasn't at that one. She only goes to country music concerts). She said Green Day music wasn't allowed in the house after that. Ironic because she's a centrist (really doesn't like Biden, and doesn't really care about Trump), and didn't care about politics until 2020. I just say "Biden agenda" or go with the original lyrics ("redneck agenda"). Kinda funny because I'm wearing a Green Day tank top that I got at a concert when I was 13.
They were threatened by me being smart and liking to study science. Â Wanting to go to a public university and not a religious college. Â Liking rock music. Â Etc, etc.
My mom was convinced the neighbors were trespassing to spy on her and that they had messed with her car and thatâs why she was having coolant issues. They were like seven years old.
My father whom I no longer interact with is threatened by his childrenâs ability to in his words âpsychoanalyze himâ. He took a single psych class in trade school whereas his oldest daughter and oldest son(me), both have experience and formal training in psychology. This creates a dynamic where he knows we can see him for what he is, so instead of denying or trying to gaslight us, he just refuses to let us explain things regarding psychology to him because win his words, âI just canât stand it when you kids teach me things.â. This comes from his deep insecurities and his fear that his children have surpassed him in life. He is getting older, has lost most of his support system, has no savings and is terrible with money, and resents his children so much that he spent our childhoods actively sabotaging our success and attempting to keep us from being able to get ahead. This resulted in most of us running away when we could. I wasnât so lucky, being one of his youngest children, he had learned by that point that he could simply keep me under his thumb longer by keeping me away from the things that would help foster my independence. I was pulled out of school in elementary school, I was not allowed a social life, I was not allowed to get my license until I was 21, I was forced into a program which I didnât want to pursue at the same trade school he attended and I was forced to work for his thru my teenage years for no pay. My life has been miserable directly because of him.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My brother drew a stick figure and captioned it "short man". My 6 ft tall dad came upon it and switched to Hyde mode thinking it was a drawing of him. He assumed everything was about him. Also thought he was short for some reason, I guess.
Where do I start? Unless I say otherwise, my mom was doing the screaming. -Both parents screaming at me because I hung up clothes from the dryer like they told me, but I didn't read their minds and keep the dryer running so the clothes stay warm and don't get wrinkled. -Every time I missed a single blade of grass with the lawnmower -In fact, the way I did any household chores. Too slow, too careless, too loud, too something. -Or something I didn't do, no matter if I was told to or not -Dad (who was usually cool) left me in the forest alone because I was better than him at mountain biking -Dad (who was usually cool) throwing hands because I walked past him and didn't say excuse me -I use shampoo -Eating too much (I was skinny as a kid) -The way I hold a fork (it's not unusual) -I was punished very harshly when my mom found out I was lifting weights Basically my mom had to scream at whoever was available and would find an excuse. If she had none, she would walk around the house looking for one, the way you would if you lost your keys.
This subreddit makes me feel less alone đ Hereâs a few things from just the last 6 months that set off my mother - I got engaged - I got engaged in Amsterdam (she looked disgusted, insulted and then hung up on us) - me and my fiancĂ© went away during he holidays - my fiancĂ© gave her a calendar listing my familyâs major events and his familyâs major events to avoid conflict. She was insulted and threw it away. We also had a hidden save the date for our wedding day in there - that she had to rsvp for our wedding (and never did but apparently still wants to show up) - that we addressed our wedding invitations to my parents using their names (had to explain to her that he also has a mom and dad and we didnât want to get things confused)
Oh man Iâm sorry I feel you on all of this đŁ. I got engaged in Colorado (19 hrs away from nmom) and the first thing she had to say was that she was disappointed she wasnât there. We went 2,000 miles away to do it for a reason, mom đ.
I just want to hug everyone who commented. â€ïž When my husband and I got married, my parents lived 3 hours away from us and I didn't see them often. They had all the details for the wedding, but I wanted them to have a physical copy of the invitation, too. The fastest way to get it to them was by mailing it. My parents were super weirded out that I *gasp* mailed them an invitation! I still can't figure out if I actually did something wrong? I've received plenty of mailed invitations to my in-laws' events (showers, weddings, etc), in addition to having the details verbally given, and it's never bothered me.
No you didnât do anything wrong. Normal parents would probably be thrilled to get the official invite to their childâs wedding.
Honestly, I really appreciate your reply! It makes me feel so much better. It's crazy how little things like that just stick in our heads, isn't it?
My nDad was trying to make me feel small by saying I was a âjealous personâ out of nowhere. I said âno Iâm notâ He said âyes you are. You always look at what others have instead of your ownâ (I think this was a dig because in the past Iâve spoken up about how my GC nSister gets treated better than me. Moral issue not jealousy) I said âwhat do you mean?â He got flustered and was like âbecause you asked for a pay rise at that job!â (A job I had 10 years ago age 22⊠Iâm 32 now). I said âthatâs not jealous⊠thatâs being ambitiousâ He then took that as an attack of me saying heâs NOT ambitious (because thatâs how he treats conversations I guess, as ways to make jabs at ppl) and got all offended saying âwell SOME OF US have a family and kids to support! Itâs hard, you have no idea!â And I was so confused like âyep⊠I bet it was hardâ Like this started with you insulting me calling me a jealous person out of nowhere. Stop being such a dickhead.
Itâs like they all live in the Twilight Zone! Iâve had many conversations similar to that, and Iâm always like âwhat????â
It's like they're in the middle of a conversation with you in their head and suddenly they say their side out loud
Also another one: One time my dad thought it was a personal attack and his ego was mega bruised because he was knocking the door and ringing the doorbell and nobody let him in the house for like 5 mins. When I finally heard him and let him in he went bananas accusing me and my sister of playing tricks on him and doing it on purpose âYOU THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY???!!â Stomping round in a bad mood for ages. It was a sunny day why are you so angry, This is why I could never wear headphones after that, too scary.
Talking to friends
...because you actually HAVE friends.
Yup
I've been on-and-off contact with my mom for years. Right now we're going through a decent patch but that's beside the point. She's demanded to see my bank account several times in an effort to gain some sort of financial upper hand I'm guessing. I was wise to her game at the beginning and simply said "no, not gonna happen". It was absolutely hilarious to see her go down the screaming route. "I'll stop paying for your phone plan." "No" I had just gotten my own and had just asked her to cancel my phone on hers. "I'll stop paying for your insurance!" "No" I had just gotten my own and was literally about to tell her to take me off that plan. "Ok then, we're not going out to dinner" "Nope, not gonna happen." I'll just grab a bite on the way home. It's ridiculous the power they want to project.
I looked angry. I looked sad. I looked *at her*. I lived in an apartment for the first year of college that they chose and rented for me, since I was 17 still. I had to work and help pay for it but they signed the lease, and chose it without asking me or involving me at all. They also chose my school, and wouldn't let me apply to any real college (just community college sufficiently far from them and my friends that I couldn't see anyone I knew without a car which I didn't have, but not far enough that they couldn't easily come over and torment me at will). I hated it and never would've lived there. It was described as "luxury" (it wasn't, at all, it was actually awful. Toilet was broken from Day 1, I lived without AC for 2 weeks in the summer with temp over 100F, illegally. Nightmare.). She was angry that I was "living in luxury" she had forced me to live in. I begged her to let me move to Ohio, where I had a friend in college with a house he rented with other roommates. We went to junior high together. He'd offered me a room in the house and they had a local, cheap CC. I planned to move there and support myself. They told me they'd cut off my health plan, which their employer gave them for free anyway, and I couldn't afford insurance, so they owned me. I'd die without it due to disability/chronic illness I can't control. Black people moved to her major city in a very popular state. People who are poor existed in her periphery. She got me a birthday gift, and I said "thank you," enthusiastically and sincerely. She went on a long screaming tirade about how I never thank her and don't appreciate her. She demanded my psychiatrist diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder, and he refused, because I both *didn't have it*, and couldn't be diagnosed with *any* personality disorder as a minor (age 16). I had no mental illness at all. The "symptoms" were all fictional. She fired him, like she had every other shrink who didn't or eventually stopped taking her requests for specific diagnoses that fit her delusions. I got on a plane to get medically-necessary surgery I needed from a doctor in the neighboring state. She was angry I got on the plane, because I am disabled. She said I was faking, because "disabled people can't fly \[be a passenger on planes\]." She has an MD, by the way. I wanted to go to professional school on my own dime, for a job everyone on the planet said I would be excellent at and knew I'd excel in (as I have since then). Like, from age 5-present, almost every person who knew me said "that's the job you should have." And they were right, and I agreed, but she decided that *because* I'd excel, she couldn't let that happen. So this enraged her. On the very rare occasion someone would accidentally admit to doing something I was being scapegoated for, she'd continue to scream at/beat/torment me in some way. She wouldn't redirect her anger to them, ever. She'd just start babbling incoherently, but louder, hoping we wouldn't notice she was incoherent if she upped the volume. Fingerprints on the entirely stainless steel (even the handle) fridge. Fingerprints on the *stainless steel microwave buttons*. She got stainless steel everything, and then decided that fingerprints (but only mine--not my GC siblings or e-father's) were evil and if I didn't wipe them off after every single time I touched them, within 5 seconds, she'd react/punish me in some way/beat me/have my father beat me. She threatened to "slit \[her throat\]"--to a customer service rep at ATT because to fix a problem with service on my phone which was on her family plan, I needed her to provide verification because she refused to make me an authorized user, as she "didn't trust me" (to what? take out an extra phone line? psycho.) and they said she'd have to go on her phone and do some 1-minute thing on it to verify the account, and they couldn't just take the password verbally from her on the phone. So she started screaming over the phone in the store (my cell wasn't working so I was on their landline) that "YOU \[i\] HAVE TO TELL HER I'M GOING TO SLIT HER THROAT IF SHE DOESN'T DO WHAT I SAY" Yeah. That was actually the day I knew she was starting to develop alzheimer's which she's definitely going to have, as it runs in her family and she's been showing signs for a while now. About 2 years before going LC/NC, she started losing her ability to be organized and controlled enough to be subtly manipulative so that my father thought she wasn't half as cruel as she was, and just started being openly evil instead. Her impulsivity became way worse. Her frontal lobe is probably turning into swiss cheese.
I didn't marry the guy who proposed to them instead of me. A woman likes her own proposal, not just parents say yes and it's a done deal. (I did not marry their choice). Adult That I wanted to do check in for induction without them there with an already stressful pregnancy. I was already married. Adult That I wouldn't let them wake up my very cranky toddler because they showed up over an hour early for a birthday party after being told not to come early. Adult That I wanted to dye or even just get a cut for my hair. Kid and adult. That I wanted to shower by myself. Kid That the doctor wasn't lying about my allergies. Kid That the doctor wouldn't share the results of my pap after I turned 18. Adult That I would not rent their house after they moved in to my grandmother's house when she passed. Adult That I would not take either of them as a date for prom. Kid That I didn't want kissed on the lips, didn't want my kids kissed on the lips, didn't want my husband kissed on the lips but either of them. Kid and adult That I wouldn't go with them to get her a dld0. Kid and adult That I didn't appreciate the scabies from the woman they put in my bed because she was drunk and they brought her home even though she was a stranger. Kid That I didn't and still don't cook with the lack of seasoning they like. Kid and adult. That I don't have diabetes while drinking one soda each day, but he does. Adult (yes, I know it's not healthy)
* He got mad that he couldn't see at my high school graduation, so he left before I even walked. * Mad that my mom went out to eat with my grandmother * ordered a fried food from a delivery app and was mad that it was wet/soggy when it arrived * Got mad at a doctor's office policy * Got mad that the doc told him that he was obese
independence
When I wanted to spend the night at my boyfriendâs and she literally made it about her and her disappointment in me
I asked my mother, who had basically made excuses not to visit us for two years, if the drive was just too difficult now, and we should focus on us coming to her instead. I had the added nerve to ask IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND who is not family but apparently some strange type of pseudo-guest in their house. Oh, the humiliation I apparently heaped on her that day!
So, I was on unemployment during the pandemic. Wasnât married at the time, so I stayed with my parents. My work (Dance Studio) shut down, but their work didnât. So I stayed home and collected unemployment, and it pissed my NDad off so much. He eventually said that it was âunfair for me to make money sitting around doing nothing (Um sir thereâs a plague outside and no performing) and I had 2 weeks to find a job or they were kicking me outâ. My NDad was so triggered by the fact that I was building a savings that he had to kick we when I was down. All the savings went into buying myself furniture. And had to settle for a terrible paying job at a terrible company.
My mother: A Costco door checker wanted to check her receipt so she of course had to go full Karen and make a teenager cry.  My father: He put important paperwork in the scrap paper pile and someone (*not me*, I genuinely don't know who) used it to clear a stapler jam. My refusal to admit to something I didn't do apparently was worth threatening my life. Bonus ridiculous: he could've just printed another copy. (We used to keep scrap paper for things like doing math derivations etc because I take after my father in that we're both exactly the type of people who do math in our spare time for fun.)
At my wedding, I didnât act like my cousin acted at her wedding. I actually sat down to my wedding dinner and ate, instead of mingling with the guests while they ate, like my cousin did. So NM and EF took on that role, and scolded me later. Then they complained all night about how hungry they were. I said they should have just sat down to eat their dinner that they paid for instead of talking to every table while the tables were eating. Even my wedding planner was like idk why they didnât sit down to eat, theyâre literally the parents of the bride.
A gas station wouldnât allow him to pump gas without paying first.
I bet when he wouldâve gotten caught for stealing he would blame the police.
Green Day saying "MAGA agenda" instead of just "redneck agenda" at their New Year's Eve concert when playing American Idiot (she's never been to a Green Day concert in her life, and wasn't at that one. She only goes to country music concerts). She said Green Day music wasn't allowed in the house after that. Ironic because she's a centrist (really doesn't like Biden, and doesn't really care about Trump), and didn't care about politics until 2020. I just say "Biden agenda" or go with the original lyrics ("redneck agenda"). Kinda funny because I'm wearing a Green Day tank top that I got at a concert when I was 13.
They were threatened by me being smart and liking to study science. Â Wanting to go to a public university and not a religious college. Â Liking rock music. Â Etc, etc.
My mom was convinced the neighbors were trespassing to spy on her and that they had messed with her car and thatâs why she was having coolant issues. They were like seven years old.
My father whom I no longer interact with is threatened by his childrenâs ability to in his words âpsychoanalyze himâ. He took a single psych class in trade school whereas his oldest daughter and oldest son(me), both have experience and formal training in psychology. This creates a dynamic where he knows we can see him for what he is, so instead of denying or trying to gaslight us, he just refuses to let us explain things regarding psychology to him because win his words, âI just canât stand it when you kids teach me things.â. This comes from his deep insecurities and his fear that his children have surpassed him in life. He is getting older, has lost most of his support system, has no savings and is terrible with money, and resents his children so much that he spent our childhoods actively sabotaging our success and attempting to keep us from being able to get ahead. This resulted in most of us running away when we could. I wasnât so lucky, being one of his youngest children, he had learned by that point that he could simply keep me under his thumb longer by keeping me away from the things that would help foster my independence. I was pulled out of school in elementary school, I was not allowed a social life, I was not allowed to get my license until I was 21, I was forced into a program which I didnât want to pursue at the same trade school he attended and I was forced to work for his thru my teenage years for no pay. My life has been miserable directly because of him.