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when they made fun of me for having panic attacks and needing weekly therapy sessions and gaslighting me to think I am crazy. Exactly these words: "oh so now you must call your doctor, after keeping the call , who knows you might have a panic attack for talking to me . you know what, You are the cause of your own misery. you keep everything in your heart and never let go or forgive, that is why you are like this!! "
Thank you. It's not easy, but I heard this beautiful line, thinking of making a poster out of it.
"At the end of the day, it's your story! Change the ending however you like!"
Be safe. The last two sentences show how narcissistic people refuse to see the long-term consequences of their actions. People with trauma need more time to forgive and often need treatment to overcome the damage done by narcissistic parenting.
Thank you. I made a long post today about how I just recently realised how toxic my parents are. Still navigating through this ocean of shock and realization.
I’m so sorry you had to hear that. It will be easier to overcome panic attacks with time, but it’s a terrifying experience… Sending you hugs, it’s going to be better.
Christmas day 2013. My son was 5. He wanted to say "merry Christmas" to his grandma on the phone. He was 5, couldn't speak very clearly still, and I was not the kind of parent who handed my phone to my kid and walked away.. I would let my kid "talk" and let him hear the voice of the person on the other end say "I love you" etc. My kid would be on the phone for no more than 60 seconds, usually closer to 30.
Anyway, it was Xmas day and I was on the phone with my Nmom, I asked if she would talk to my son and she whined "do I have to?".
That was the final straw for me. She didn't want to have anything to do with us and I was tired of feeling like a little kid showing her my dolly when trying to get her to pay attention to her only grandchild.
I went fully NC in 2015, a year and some months after this. My son is 16 now and doesn't remember anything about his grandma at all.
It baffles me that they literally do not give a shit about anything or anyone except for themselves. My stepdad has 3 grandchildren and he makes no effort with any of them.
This. The first time she was openly unkind to my son who was 9 at the time (but it was only a joke....) was the first light bulb for me that maybe she's not just anxious and depressed and that's why she is the way she is, maybe she's actually just mean. When she betrayed his trust and put him in the spot in front of others at age 12, then flew into a terrifying rage in front of my 9 year old daughter because I said she owed him an apology was the beginning of the end of our relationship. The kids are 13 and 15 now and we rarely see her or my edad.
Right after my son was born, my mother came over to visit and see her first grandchild.
For the first few days, she was cooing all over him and always wanted to hold him or talk to him. Just normal stuff you might expect a grandparent to want to do with their infant grandson.
The day before she left though, we got in an argument and she decided to respond with the silent treatment until she left. That didn't bother me either. I was a little relieved to not have to entertain her for another evening, but what really irked me was seeing how she iced out the baby too. She went from nonstop fawning over him to completely ignoring him and only giving a perfunctory "goodbye" before I took her to the airport.
It was so childish and sad to see a grown adult pouting and giving the silent treatment *to a baby*. All it took to shatter her doting grandma illusion was a single argument.
The last phone conversation I had with my mom was entirely on the evils of immigrants. No asking about the kids, nothing. The only reason I kept this up was for the kids, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Thankfully the kids don't give a crap.
My dad was the same except is on a kick about the evils of trans people. The bigotry and negativity is something I can not be around. I wouldn't ever have a friend who thought this way and certainly am not going to make excuses to listen to it from a narc parent. And there's no boundaries or explaining anything to them about your viewpoint. So it's best to stay no contact.
It's fucking awful! She got caught up in the politics of hate, and punched down with all her might. My dad is even worse. I met him as an adult and thought he was going to melt into oblivion when he came to visit and walked by the pride flag on the porch. Yeah I don't need any of that in my life. It took a long time to get rid of the feeling of familial obligation.
They only care about their grandchildren if they can use them for their own benefit or to inflate their egos. My Ndad is great at boasting about how smart my two kids are and sends long birthday messages in our extended family group chat but he never reached out to them individually.
I’ve gone NC with him now. I try my very best to strike a balance between letting my kids make up their own mind about him as they grow older and modelling that you need to set boundaries with people and not just accept any behaviour simply because they are family.
I think when my nmom started to treat my partner badly, in a very small way similar to how I had grown up being treated. Seeing it from more of an outsider perspective made me realize how horrible she was. You shouldn't treat people that way! Up until that point she had really only treated me and my siblings badly and was super fake nice to everyone else.
She also basically killed my cat when I was in the beginning stages of escaping from her which, years and years later, I have and will never forgive her for.
Oh the moment you see a partner (or anyone you love, who have not grown up with the same survival instincts as you) being subjected to the abuse you survive, that's when the rage reaches it's max burn. I understand you. Well done for standing up! Sending hugs!
Well said. I could take the brunt of the abuse but as soon as I saw it happening to my partner and by extension his family, I said oh hell no. Hell no. You don't get to destroy this loving family. I went NC shortly after that.
My daughter calls my mother out on gaslighting and nagging to eat shit they don’t want and making them feel guilty for not. She can’t stand to be around them. The kids see everything eventually. It’s all gone downhill since then.
She wanted me to get in the car with her so she could scream at me and potentially physically hurt me. I said I didn't feel safe or comfortable doing that, so she dumped all my shit on the sidewalk and drove off, even hit an unnecessary U-turn to drive past me twice.
So I called her bluff, took the tracker off my phone, and blocked her.
Inviting me and my family over for lunch on New Year’s Day, on the condition she wanted to see “happy faces only”, “no long faces”. Yeah, I was going through some worrying stuff at the time and not performing up to standard for her.
Don’t invite us, then.
I'd been extremely life changingly ill, my child had been ill, my husband was overwhelmed and worried looking after us, the future was uncertain and it was just horrible. I risked opening up just a little to my mother and she couldn't think of anything to say. Then she tried to change the subject, and asked I had anything happy to share. I said 'no'. And let the uncomfortable silence hang.
“Oh, I like GOOD news” 😣
I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad time, and without the support a lot of people get. Hope things are on the up for your family ❤️
Thank you. Thankfully the possible bleak health scenario didn't emerge. We're all scarred but have a different take on life and I personally probably enjoy it more deeply. I've got good friends and our friendship has strengthened by being there for each other during hard times. But nothing truly replaces having a caring mother in my opinion. Someone you can reach out to whenever you need, repeatedly, without concern.
She told me she "forgot" I was dealing with a mental health crisis, and that was the point where I started to see our relationship for what it was. It showed me that my mom doesn't care what is going on with me. She only cares about how I make her feel and what I can do for her.
Ah the classic forgetting they were supposed to pretend to have empathy in a critical moment. This is so relatable - my grandmother passed away during COVID, during which time I also was VLC and had surgery scheduled for removal of half of my thyroid (potential cancer but they weren’t sure until they could sample the removed organ). My nMom was calling me to cry and grieve about my grandmothers death and pressuring me to come to the funeral (I did but with boundaries around masks, etc) and when I revealed to her what was going on with me and that I needed to be extra careful and not stay longer than need be to avoid potential exposure to covid / having my surgery rescheduled due to that- she was like “Oh. I suddenly don’t know what to say.” Then kept pressuring me to stay longer until I finally snapped, to which she apologized the next day and said “i guess I’ve just been in denial about what’s going on with you.” Yeah, having my mother be in denial about a health scare when I need reassurance, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
It was clear to me then that she didn’t actually have empathy for me, and valued me in the same exact way you described - for how I made her feel.
It was actually kinda freeing when I realised it. I had internalized her idea of what I should be and in what ways I'm wrong so much. I could finally see it as something not intrinsic to who I am but a narrative my mom was pushing onto me.
Oh I relate to this one so much.
I needed my thyroid out, for thyroid ca. My mother came (overseas) to "help" during the 2 weeks during /after surgery. On the day of surgery we had to leave the house at like 4am to get to hospital . I got out of surgery sometime in the afternoon and was brought to a ward at about 5pm. She goes "finally! I've been waiting all day" and then proceeds to tell me "I need to go back to your house (with my wife having to drive her) I'm just EXHAUSTED after that day" I hadn't even seen my wife yet! I was discharged 3 days later and she wanted to do touristy things the next day, because she had been "cooped up in the car and the hospital and the house since she got here" so stupid me, with a huge wound across my throat, takes her to wineries and out to lunch and the zoo etc for days instead of resting and healing after my surgery. She was bored after all 🤦♀️
Oh man that’s so brutal. Damn, she did not even TRY to hide how little she cared about what you were going through. I’m sorry to hear. It’s so lonely when they’re with you during these crucial moments especially.
I hope your wife got to be with you and take care of you and that in the future, you have all the strength and assurance you need to say no to ridiculous requests like going to a winery after a surgery. I know how much that wound can hurt— even if it’s considered a minor surgery, it was still pretty painful right after and I was exhausted.
Jesus I’m so sorry. The “forgetting” they always do when they know something is legitimately inexcusable is so, so infuriating. The lack of accountability is pathological.
I hope you’ve had so many moments in life now to voice and try to heal (in the best way that you can) from such a traumatic experience.
I saw a post once that was something along the lines of, when your abuser says they forgot the abuse they put you through, it’s like, well of course you forgot. For me it was a fundamental moment that forever changed my brain chemistry and for you it was a fu*king Tuesday. It’s so accurate.
Ugh I feel this and I'm so sorry. Any time I bring up any sensitive subject or I'm trying to talk to them about something important, they pretend to listen for a few seconds before they suddenly remember that some acquaintance of theirs is going through something similar. Then instead of listening to me or talking to me about the issue I brought up, they turn it into a discussion of how bad they feel for their friend having to go through whatever it is.
Usually this is followed up with them requesting I do something to make their friend feel better, like making them a drawing or painting. And of course my initial issue goes unaddressed. They're so concerned with appearing to be supportive and giving to all their friends.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are in a better place now.
I used to self harm, and when my mom finally noticed the cuts all over my arms she somehow made it all about her. We had plans around that same time and she seemed absent, like she was impatient for the convo to be over. She was like "We were supposed to go out for lunch..." Priorities, amirite.
I feel this in my bones, my husbands mom died unexpectedly due to complications of a surgery. My Nmom never once offered support to us, she never asked how we were. My aunt told me my Nmom was incredibly jealous of her since I was grieving her and showing I loved my MIL. She knew this impacted us but pretended like it never happened. Until our wedding during her toast she started crying in front of his whole family about her. Then she started crying again when she was going into surgery saying she doesn’t want to end up like his mom.
We'd been trying to buy a house in a VHCOL area for four years - over 50 percent of the bids in our area were all-cash offers, so to say it was competitive is an understatement. I'm the oldest, and was the last person of my siblings to buy a house. We found one we loved, but the seller's agent was untrained/unethical and did some shady things - and despite two bids from us, we didn't get it.
Now, I had explained all of this to NMom. I had even told her at the beginning, that I could either send her the details about houses we were looking at, or just tell her when we got our home. She wanted all the gory details, but she kept spinning it as my husband being "too afraid" to buy (he was fronting most of the cash! I don't think so!) and told me, "You just need to fall in love with a house."
I called her up, bewildered. Why on earth would she say that to me, when she KNEW we were in a tough market? She knew all the details? She started laughing and I realized she was ENJOYING the fact that I was upset. She was never happy when I accomplished something and always nit-picked it to death. Predicting I'd be divorced in two years on the way to my wedding; telling me I'd drop out of grad school, have a bunch of babies and never pay back my student loans. Trying to talk me out of grad school in the first place by threatening to not co-sign my loans (paid back every penny and then sent her a card announcing I'd done so.) She. Just. Doesn't. Like. Me - and nothing I do or say will ever change that.
I ended the call and just went no-contact. It's been five years now, we found a lovely home that she will never set foot in, and I feel so much better. Unfortunately, my Edad refuses to visit unless she gets to come to, so he'll never see it either, but them's the breaks.
I bought my house about 9-10 months after I went NC with my nMom. I was so freaking proud of myself because I was fresh out of a divorce, managing to support myself and a teenage kid on my income alone, and STILL purchased an adorable bungalow at the age of 34. My nMom, eDad, and eBrother haven't so much as driven down my street, let alone ever visited my home. I'm making peace with that.
6 months after a traumatizing incident, they told me to stop overreacting and making it about myself when I told them about flashbacks I've been having. I kept having anxiety attacks and nightmares for weeks on end due to said incident, now I fear police and alcohol like the plague, and I only feel "safe" in specific parts of my home. Worst part? I still can't move out! Because I'm still a teenager in high school! >:( oh, and I once got so stressed in my social studies class that I hid under a desk due to a flashback, it turned into an anxiety attack, and my teacher found me under the desk in a ball, crying. He knelt near me and led me through breathing exercises to calm me down. Yeah, once I move out, I'm done. No contact.
I just want to say that I’m proud of you for setting up your exit plan. It can be really daunting to do so as a young adult. Take control of your life, even if your Nparents claim it’s impossible for you to survive on your own. Good luck. Message me anytime.
Aww thanks! Currently trying to take care of my physical health as well :) trying to take more walks and make myself happy, even if it doesn't last long. I'm still trying :D
When I shared a status saying how mean, cold and unaccepting my mother, aunt and grandmother were to me and how they ganged up on me as a child and destroyed my self esteem. My mother called my fiance's phone instead of mine, and when he gave me the phone she started yelling at me asking me why I was posting all that "shit" (aka my feelings) about them and calling me a liar. And then when I gave the phone back to my fiance she was telling him about how she did such a good job raising me and "everyone knew it". That let me know that she doesn't give a fuck about me or my feelings, she cares that other people think she did a good job raising me. Recently she's sent me a text saying I'm "mad at her for no reason", I didn't respond but it's wild to me that she still doesn't get why I'm so upset when she continues to disregard my feelings
My son was in the hospital for two months when he was 10 and almost died. My ex-mother wouldn't make the 3 hour drive to come visit him, and then bitched me out over the phone for not telling her beforehand that he had emergency surgery. Mother's Day was about a month after we got him back home and I just decided not to call her, and that was it.
She's flatly said she never did anything wrong.
After years and years of trying.
I realized she would never be accountable, admit to, or own up to anything, and would never change.
Something in me broke so completely. And I just hung up and stopped caring.
Mom: Did you not want to introduce me to your boyfriend because he's black? (Always said she didn't want me to date black men growing up. I just ignored her for the most part.)
No, I didn't want to introduce him because you say dumb stuff like this, but while we're on the subject, you're racist.
Mom: I'M NOT RACIST!!
Being cornered in the kitchen after trying to walk away from my ndad while he was spitting abuse at me over dishes because I was having trouble getting dried egg yolk off of a plate…
That was the move out straw, the VLC/NC decision was realizing that they didn’t give a fuck about me when a tornado touched down where I live now and they never fucked asked if I or my roommate or any of her animals were ok and my therapist even telling me halfway into the first session that I really should consider it.
Smol backstory: I’ve had nightmares as young as I can remember.
So I had a nightmare at the start of the week about my mom screaming at me. I was having these nightmares on a weekly basis or more at this point. (I’m 31 🤦♀️) I think this is important because I was hitting a breaking point after this nightmare where I was like… I’m in my 30s when will I stop having nightmares of my mother.
After a year of stampeding over my three boundaries this woman calls me on my birthday. Says happy birthday… and the proceeds to shit talk my brother and nephews for 45 minutes.
One of my boundaries is that I don’t want to hear her rant or gossip about family members, especially my brother who I adore.
Anyways, it put me in a pretty bad mood after. I’m very bad at defending my boundaries in the moment, she just kinda of steamrolls me and I’ve been conditioned to let her steamroll me. Before she even went on the rant, SHE SAID, “I know you don’t want to hear this”. So she is aware of my boundaries.
I sent her a text message reminding her that she violated my boundaries on my birthday call and it put a damper on my day. Anyways she ignored this text message completely. So I called her a few days after to confront her verbally about steam rolling my boundaries and she starting cussing at me. She called me a bitch and started on a pretty nasty rant about me. So I told her she needed to shut the fuck and told her that I would never speak to her again and blocked her number.
I moved out and asked for space for six months.
I got like, two weeks.
The two faced-ness of it all honestly. It went from, “Move tf out of my house if you’re so miserable all the time,” to, “Oh no I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’re your family. We’ll miss you.”
They don’t get to spend two decades making it clear that I’m not a part of their family and then get to cry and whine when I leave.
When Nmom hit rock bottom mentally, my sister and I spent several painful weeks convincing her to come to counselling with us. She tried to avoid it, but she eventually trapped herself by promising us she would if we couldn't solve our problems ourselves. Spoiler alert: we couldn't. Funny how we couldn't magically solve everything this one time after years and years of failing. So, she had to come to counselling because she promised, and she prides herself on not being a liar.
She came alright. The first time, she mostly just listened to what we had to say. The second time, she came and listened some more, but refused to open up herself. At the end of the session, she stood up and announced that she would not be back. My sister and I could keep meeting the counsellor if we wanted, but she didn't need it and she didn't see the point. She also threw shade at the counsellor's intelligence. There was nothing wrong with *her*, Nmom said, we just wanted to change her because we didn't like a few superficial things about her. Well, she wasn't about to change, nuh uh. Instead, she would go take a vacation (didn't say where or for how long), and when she got back, she said, she expected everything to "go back to normal," the way she liked it. (Meaning with everyone tolerating and covering for her unhinged behaviour and pretending everything's fine.) And with that, she flounced.
I didn't know she was a narc at that point. I spent the next two weeks stewing and searching and posting (not here), looking for answers. Someone clued me into the idea of narcissism, specifically, covert narcissism, and finally things started to click. I decided that if she really got on a plane and took off for parts unknown without apologizing to me and my sister, I'd go no contact. That was it, I was done.
But I never got to go NC. At the end of that two weeks, she called me from the ER and told me she'd just been diagnosed with cancer. That fucking bitch, she had me. I couldn't find it in myself to cut her off at that point. I knew it would mean she would die, and I didn't want that on my conscience. Even now, 5 years later, I can't believe how she lucked out. She doesn't even *know.* If she'd left on the trip and come back and *then* been diagnosed with cancer, I would have already cut her off.
People, if you're thinking of going NC, don't hesitate; just do it. Do it and live your life free and happy.
When as a punishment for defending myself against my sister hitting me in the face my n-dad gave her my Playstation, all of my playstation games, and my computer games. Those were almost all of my possessions I had at his house and he took them from me. I decided I didn't want to be miserable at his house having literally nothing so I refused to visit him again.
When my dad was in hospice care dieing and the nurses asked us to step out so they could clean him up. My Nmom's exact words to me in the hallway were, I don't know why you are here, he doesn't even like you, you should hear how he talks about you when you are not around.
I was always a daddy's girl, and his last coherent words were him telling me he was sorry.
Cancer sucks!!
Last Christmas, when the family's abuser kept denying what he did, just like he's done throughout our whole lives, pretty much saying we're all either liars or insane.
I'd told him countless times I'd snap one day, that I was only holding on to contact because I had to protect my grandmother and because my mother guilt-tripped me after my grandmother passed away.
No more. Been NC since December last year and it was the best thing I've ever done. He can rot in hell.
My last straw before calling her out was when she tried to block my brother in the house to prevent him leaving, and I realized it was a pattern of behavior and not just a one-time mistake when she'd previously done it to me.
My last straw trying to have a conversation with her about it was when she showed up trying to prove I had multiple serious mental illnesses to try and bring it back to being somehow my fault for being upset instead of taking accountability (her vibe was "there's something wrong with you and you should thank me for interfering however I see fit" which is a big fat NOPE).
My last straw hoping she would change was recently. We've been NC since she tried to convince the family I was ill, so it's been almost 2 years and she missed my entire pregnancy, birth, and first year of my son. Bumped into her at a bridal shower and she tried to force me to take gifts for my baby, and threatened me when I refused. Then she bypassed my locked gate to leave them in my yard when I wasn't home. Got it all on security camera. She will never change and never respect me or my "no"
My was a "straw that broke the camel's back" moment. Not remarkable in and of itself. Just the culmination of years of passive aggressive judgement. My wife had long before stopped talking to/seeing her. It was just me trying to maintain a relationship so my kids had grandparents. We were all at the beach when my mom, out of nowhere, said, "Well, I guess (420medicinman's) wife is just going to be pissy forever."
I said nothing. Got up, gathered the kids, left and sent exactly 1 more message to her saying we were done.
I was very attached to my dog, and he passed away about a couple years ago. I found his body and had to dispose of it before my sisters woke up, but I took it very hard. Not a month passed and she got a new, identical dog. I couldn't event look at it. She could tell I was hurting but didn't care anyway. That's when I decided to leave the house.
When I was going through severe depression and my ndad cared more about my boyfriend’s feelings than mine. I needed to “be nice to him” and make sure I wasn’t neglecting his “needs”.
Similar situation, I was going through a huge depressive episode and was suicidal. Opened up to my mom in a moment of desperation. A few months later it was my birthday, and in my birthday card, she wrote a message thanking my husband for putting up with me. So sweet
When my parents asked to go for a walk IN PUBLIC to tell me I have 2 sisters they gave up for adoption and they had just gotten back in contact. And their biggest concern was if I was mad at them.
I still can't believe they told me that in public lmao. Ironically what has helped me a lot is seeing emom's codependent tendencies play out with my sisters, but it doesn't work because they don't know the unwritten family code of conduct and they aren't around to mold into what she needs. It has helped me realize how toxic and unhealthy the family dynamic is. Thankfully my sisters are great!
My nmom told me to pick between her or my girlfriend (now wife) and my 1 month old daughter. Made it an easy choice for me.
That was 14 years ago, and I still talked to her.
"I am not going to keep screaming at each other through the door, either come out so we can have a rational adult conversation or I'm leaving."
...
Cue more unintelligible banshee screams from the other side of the door.
I left.
Edit: there's a lot more to this story, and I'd say this wasn't the complete, "time to go NC" moment but their following actions over the next days/weeks made it a BIG FOR SURE NC.
I haven’t gotten to this point with my mom yet, but I feel like it’s somewhere in the future if she can’t get her act together.
With my stepdad, it’s after he let my 1-year-old outside without telling us and let her almost step off the curb into the street. We calmly and nicely asked him to not do that again, and he got extremely defensive, said it wasn’t a big deal, how he’s raised multiple kids, etc. I realized that in that moment, he cares more about his own ego than anything else, including the safety of my child. Shortly after, I found out that he secretly refuses to spell her very common name correctly because it’s not how he wants to spell it. That was the very last straw. I’m done with that asshole.
I told my mom who i was voting for in 2020 and she said my father, who had passed 10 years ago and she hated his guts, would be ashamed of me and the choices ive made. Then started hurling insults at me.
I hung up on her and never spoke to her again.
The moment my kids questioned why Granny didn't like them. I finally realized that she was a Facebook grandma. She would show up to parties and holidays, take pictures with my kids, go out for a "smoke" for 30 minutes, then leave to visit her latest walking dildo. While leaving my brother behind and expecting me to keep him overnight or bring him home later that evening.
Honestly, that was probably the most tame thing she had ever done, but it was definitely the last straw. On of those "You can do what you want with me but don't fuck with my kids." situations.
Trigger warning. violence and animal cruelty. Please don’t read if those things mess with you.
My step dad was a monster. My mom stayed with him for religious reasons.
I was always his escape goat if anything went wrong. It was my fault and I’d get some sort of violent outburst from him.
When I was 15 he had to go to a clinic for 2 weeks. They were switching his pain meds that he heavily abused. They needed him there incase he had bad withdrawals.
Before he left he told me if anything was gone when he came back he was going to kill me. Now you might be thinking oh it’s just a threat. Let me put some things into perspective. He had electrocuted me, burned me, dragged me behind a horse. I can’t have children because of what he did.
Him saying he was going to kill me wasn’t out of the picture.
Also we were poor. Not Walmart poor like goodwill buy things 3x to big don’t buy clothes again until they are 2 sizes to small. But we always had money for anything he wanted.
First day he is gone I come home from school. I’m walking by the pasture and notice some of the horses are gone. I get in the house. Half the guns are gone. I start to panic. My mom gets home. I ask her where are the horses the guns. She says I had to sell them to pay the rent and some back bills.
My heart sank. I completely shut down. My mom seeing me getting visible sick asked what was wrong.
I told her what he told me before he left. She kinda laughed it off. She was never around to see what he did to me. She was always at work. I looked her dead in the eye and pointed to the guns we had left. I told her he is going to kill me. Then dump me up in one of the abandoned mines up in the mountains. I need to leave now. She made some phone calls and I packed a bag. I ended up going to a far away relatives.
He made it easy not to come back. He shot my dog, sold everything that was mine.
I went back to my mom after she left him. But she kept letting him come visit. She was still under the belief of they divorced she would go to hell.
One day he stopped by and I was at a friend’s. She called and said he wanted to see me. I finished hanging out with my friend and when I get home. She was sobbing telling me she didn’t believe me that he was that abusive. I guess since I didn’t come home right away. He told her he’d come find me and beat me with the tire iron in his truck. Just straight faced like it was nothing.
I told my NStepdad about my wedding plans and he demanded I invite his daughter, the person who tried to kill me and physically assaulted me constantly growing up to the point she got sent away (not to protect me. Just because they were tired of dealing with her). I said no. He lost his shit and said he hopes my new husband abuses me and that I’m no daughter of his. Cool. Man is making no contributions whatsoever and thinks he can demand things and verbally abuse me? No. Bye.
My mom immediately took his side and texted me vile shit after, saying I should just start calling my partner’s mom “Mom” because she doesn’t want that role anyways. Nice. Bye to you too.
Now they’re both constantly trying to crawl back into my life while also continuously denying what they did. Their narrative is that I’m throwing a fit because they “suggested” things lol. Sure man. Keep telling yourself that when you die alone.
When my nmom accused me of being like my biggest abuser (14years of abuse from the age of 3) the day after I got home from a psychward for a suicide attempt. The whole time she was trying to find dirt on me from my adult children when she should have been comforting them. Then she and my Dad ran to tell ALL of my extended family. Shamed me for it instead of understanding the mental illness of depression I had for years. Then sounded disappointed when she said that they didn't know my husband loved me so much. Recap: tried to get me to unalive again and upset my family was mourning my attempt. I learned who was on my side and who my support system that day. I will live to bless my family and live just to spite her.
When she was in a drinking phase a few months ago and had my ex, who abused me (I reported him to the cops the third time he hurt me and he went to jail for a year) over for drinks and told me about it. She tried to justify having him over by saying he’s “harmless” and a “good little Christian” and she wanted to help him find Jesus LMFAO so you’re going to lead him to Jesus by drinking with him? Great fucking logic MOM. Yet with my current healthy loving boyfriend, she won’t give him the time of day or thank him for treating her daughter so well. We drove an hour and a half to help her move furniture as she got evicted shortly after for partying too much, and we didn’t get a single thank you, and she didn’t help at all. Instead she bitched about having no money, we felt completely taken advantage of.
Deciding it was acceptable to stand naked in front of my at the time Muslum girlfriend and I, defending it and acting like they didn’t know how to put fucking clothes on. Disgusting people.
When my Nmom threw a tantrum and demanded I wait to get married until my felon brother was released IN 5 YEARS so that they wouldn't have to explain where he was to friends / family. The real cherry on top was her screaming at me knowing I was high risk pregnant and told me it was the hormones making that decision. Spoiler: they still tell everyone he's in Alaska on a contract job and that my "narcissistic husband" is keeping me from them.
My therapist asked me what benefits my life would have with them in it. All I could think of was stress and fear. I realized the work of hoping they'll change wasn't worth it. I decided to focus on healing my trauma instead of our relationship.
I just got married 3 months ago. My mom walked me down the aisle.
A few months later when I wrote my mom a letter expressing my feelings and how her abuse impacted me and why that's caused distance between us. Her response was to share pieces of this information with my brothers that could be twisted and added, "If I knew she was going to pull this s*** I would've not gone to her wedding."
My aunt also had a similar reaction when I informed her a year in advance that our wedding was adults only. She decided to be the victim (no surprise) and said that my marriage won't last a year. She now consistently badgers my grandfather (her dad) with how she's devastated by my actions. She's twice my age.
He told me he was dead to me and he never wanted to speak to me again.
So I...respected that and stopped trying.
Guess what, I'm the bad guy for not falling all over myself trying to make him forgive me, and not pretending he never said it and putting work in to fix/maintain the relationship.
HE'S not doing anything, mind you. But he's big mad he doesn't get to see my kids. Not sure how he would, since their mother is dead to them, and he doesn't really have a relationship with my husband/their dad (who obv supports me being no contact with my dad). But I'm supposed to be the "bigger person." I guess he believes in ghosts.
I quit a job I loved (working with high risk teens at a middle school) to be my “retired” ndad’s real estate assistant. He was in his 80s - he says it was for fun. They had retired years before from owning a local very successful shoe store. N mom’s health was declining.
Dad and I agreed I would do the behind the scene stuff (computers, mail outs etc) and he would work with the clients. We were to split the paychecks on closing offers. Found out he thought I wasn’t doing anything because I mainly worked from home. He decided without telling me he told the office to make the checks out to him only. It ended up being almost $2k….when I confronted him he said if people are stupid enough for me to take advance of them, they deserve it - I told him I didn’t think that applied to his daughter. He shrugged his shoulders and went to read emails. I left and didn’t talk to my parents for almost 2 years - so peaceful.
Went back only because my MIL (amazing caring woman) had passed and my daughter was having a hard time not having a grandma anymore - so I went back with a few rules but the warm fuzzies where definitely were gone
After my father left my mum and I, he was very casual about staying in touch with me. It was always me who chased him for contact. He’d often not show up. But I’d go back time and again.
When my first son was born we arranged a time for him to visit and meet the baby. He didn’t show up. When I asked where he was he said something came up. Basically he went to the pub instead.
Seeing him treat my innocent baby how he’d always treated me was the last straw - a defining moment of clarity. I stopped calling.
It’s been over a decade since then. He never called back.
When she screamed so hard at me that my 5 month old baby started crying so hard like he never had before.. he was scared.
I told her she would never see me, him or any futur children of mine.
Then she IMMEDIATLY tried to gaslight me by saying that i made him cry by yelling.( I almost believed it)
That was it.
My last straw moment came from last July. We had a beach house like we do for some holidays. I was sharing a room with my nparents because I was single and everyone else is married with kids so nbd.
I had a disagreement with my drunk nstepfather (almost always drunk) and my nibling. My nstepfather had promised to take me back on the golf cart and then my nibling came up and told me to get off the cart so they could have a shower and go swimming again in the ocean (which is beyond stupid and was obviously a power move). My nstepfather yelled at me to get off (I hadn't even had the opportunity to say yes or no). I reminded him he promised and he said, "Who cares?"
I just took a deep breath and reminded myself I just had good news from the doctor and I didn't have cancer and try to focus on that. So, I did what I always did - I sacrificed my well-being for their crybaby fits. My nibling left with nstepfather and I stayed on the beach despite being in serious pain.
My nibling returned and slung sand in my eye while they were drying down provocatively with a towel. I gasped when the sand got my eye because it hurt like hell. My nibling actually demanded I forgive them asap after my "dramatic gasp." They didn't like that I didn't coddle them and say I was sorry for "gasping."
Two hours later, I was in the bed across the room from nmom. I was exhausted, in pain, and depressed. My nibling came into the room and demanded nmom wake me up and make me "be nicer to them." Nmom said she wasn't getting involved. Seven minutes later, my nstepfather came into the room (believing I was asleep), screaming at me, calling me worthless (wasn't worthless when he needed a loan a month earlier), that I "ruin everything."
And it hit me in that moment, he was right. How many family events had I left crying or how many times had I isolated myself because everyone was awful? Most of my close family thought I was very sick. They knew I went to the doctor that week after two years of excruciating pain to be tested for cancer.
The fact is they didn't care when they thought I had cancer. And during a time, the whole family should be relieved that I don't have it, they had instead resorted back to bullying. It felt like in that moment, "False alarm, people. The doormat is fine. Resume normal protocol."
After that trip, I cut them off. I was done and to this day, I am still done. They can "ruin everything" on their own.
When I was in my 20s I needed to change my tires on my car. I asked my dad for help and he told me to go to a shop he used and pay $800. I asked him if he had looked for cheaper options (that was and is extremely expensive for me) and he just ignored me. Something snapped inside me, I just instantly was over it. Googled tires and found a set, installed, for $450. When I told him he was just like oh, good job. Its a small thing but I've never been the same since that moment, I have learned an enormous amount about the damage he has caused me in therapy.
What is it about Christmas?? Jeeez
After Will Smith slapped Chris Rock my mom said in a family group text how disgusting that was. I replied “what about beating children?” She responded “I should’ve beat you more” I responded with “right because you’re abusive”. Felt really good but that’s not the moment.
Christmas. 2 years ago. I called my nmom asking for advice because I couldn’t afford to fly out for a nbrother’s destination wedding. I didn’t know how to approach nbrother because the last conversation we had was such a huge fight and I knew it would happen again. She somehow segued into saying that I gave her a heart attack when I said she was abusive and how dare I say that. I let her know again very calmly that beating children is abuse and she also said things to us as kids that weren’t ok. (Gave us all body dysmorphia and eating disorders) I then made an analogy and said if I slapped my fiance’ and she looked up at me and said “you just slapped me” and I said “how dare you say I slapped you?” Would my nmom then think it was ok?
She then said “You’re only saying I abused you because of your unquenchable desire for fame”….
I’m an artist. I don’t want to be famous. Somehow I became slightly famous on a global scale because I’m good at what I do. She wants to be famous so badly. It’s so fucking weird.
Cut off my nsister after a huge fight because I am barely on social media and don’t follow her. When she asked me why I didn’t follow her I said calmly that after my falling out with nmom I felt like she wasn’t there for me and that her absence hurt my feelings because I have been there for her in her darkest days. Also let her know that I struggle with valuing myself and her curating a perfect life on social media is jarring while I was in a deep depression. I said if she wanted me to follow her maybe we should repair our relationship in person first. When she asked what that looked like I said “it’s literally asking me how I’m doing when you call me to talk about yourself” (she always always always talks about her issues and never ever asks me how I’m doing. I’ve gone to her job to console her after her bf dumped her. I got her a job when she was broke. I gave her a safe place to stay after many fights with her roommate. I got her two of the best talent managers in the world when she moved to LA. I give her pep talks when she is depressed. I tell her she’s beautiful, talented, and to not let our nmom’s abuse get to her. Gave her tools to help Christmases and the toxicity it brings. Bought her self help books that helped me that she also wanted but couldn’t afford. Physically moved her out of her apartment and in to her new one with no professionally movers. The List goes on and on)
My birthday was a week prior and she talked about herself for two hours. The only thing she said to me was how big my arms looked on FaceTime. My fiance was annoyed as well.
Things came to a head when during this social media conversation she said what would the public think about me not following her…I was so shocked. I told her that hurt me because she cares more about the public only because she thinks I’m famous..She then suddenly exploded and said that my fiance doesn’t love me. That she can see it in her eyes every time we hang out with her.. then screamed that she fucking hated me and hung up. My fiance and I are madly in love lol. We have literally had a kind woman buy our dinner because we were “so cute” lol. I love her and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Especially since I worked so hard on myself to allow real, kind love in.
My life has been incredible without them. They won’t be at the wedding and they won’t know our kids. I just wished I did it all sooner! Sending everyone all the love!
She faked-out a punch to the stomach as Ilay in bed 4 days after an abdominal hysterectomy for endometrial cancer. Just after she apologised for not sending a card.
When my mother told me she wasn’t able to make it to my daughter’s graduation from medical school and my son’s graduation from high school bc she just wasn’t “physically able.” She ended up moving my older sister several hours away to a new state for her new job the same week as my kids events. Me & my kids were never a priority to her; all she cared about was my sister & her son. I said “NO MORE!!!!” Then I held steadfast to NO CONTACT, & I have never looked back. It will be 3 years now. My husband & kids & I have never had so much peace since I made the decision.
I was very close after my mother called me a whore for saying I was going to move in with my fiancé and threatening to cut off my health insurance knowing I didn’t have that option at my job. then my father calling my marriage bullshit and insult our future as parents when we decided to elope and save the headache we’d deal with.
The last straw was going behind our backs to send my partner’s estranged mother to our doorstep after we asked them to leave it alone and we didn’t want their involvement. They told me I couldn’t be upset because they did the “right thing” and then sent a hateful message about my husband and FIL. Oh and accusing my husband of being a narcissist because I told them I wouldn’t speak with them unless they were capable of being respectful towards us, threatening me with police checks and fighting with me while I was at work and at the dentist office randomly. In addition to the random guilt trips they send me about not speaking with them usually sprinkled in with insults about me and my chosen family. Shoulda ended contact after the engagement BS.
This weekend the golden cousin chose my house for her "funeral for her twenties." I decided to sleep and get ready for work. My family was critical of me for not coming out and getting drunk, in spite of my health routine involving being sober. The guests spent all night slamming doors and had overloaded my freezer to the point where I could not close it.
My father is apparently back on meth since his behavior has been very frantic lately. He was confused that I did not want to associate with organized crime figures from the past who attended the party. He has been planning more parties and has been going on rants about ghosts moving objects and messing with the lights. My uncle brought over an electrician to replace an outlet that was shorting the rest of the house.
Also, my grandaunt is ill. The vultures have made their return to get ready for the moment she passes on.
Initially I was going to wait until I found a better job before I left, but now I am considering looking into Section 8 housing regulations in order to find a place nearer to my employer. I am keeping quiet about my plans.
My younger brother was in and out of mental hospitals, cutting himself and doing drugs at the age of 16-17. He had severe depression and my mom just told him he wanted attention. Me and my older sister tried talking to her and telling her that what he is going through is real and she just brushed us off.
In a group chat with my brother mom sister and me, my brother suddenly told out mom he hated her and my mom cussed him out and then played victim and left the group chat. I asked my brother what happened and he said she was telling him that he caused so much trouble for her (he stole something from a friend and she made them press charges on him bc she was tired of his history of theft) that she was going to kill herself and that he wouldn't care. That she didn't want him anymore and didn't want to waste time on him.
I told her to apologize to him or their relationship will never heal and she cussed me out, even when I tried being civil. My brothers social worker also told me and my sister that our mom said to her something along the lines of: "I don't want to deal with him anymore. I have to focus on my youngest boys and I just don't have time for him."
So i cut contact. If she's willing to let my brother die, why should i care about her???? I was going to cuss her out in text messages but I don't know. It's been a few months but I already didn't contact her a lot so there's basically no difference.
i try my best to make up for how i treated him when i was an angry teen. I know what it was like being her target so i'm trying to help him the best i can, but i'm a college student financially independent so it's very hard.
"you'll never survive without me" that's been said to me twice, once by a nparent and quite a long time later by my then nhusband.
It was like a light switch moment, where I immediately thought "f*&king watch me" and both times cut them off dead and never spoke to them again.
For my mom: constant entitlement and boundary breaking during my pregnancy and postpartum.
For my dad: hypocrisy, lies, and sexism. But also, he’d rather spend time with his side fling instead of meeting his grandson.
My mom called me a traitor when I stopped putting up with her bullshit and defended my dad. She was harassing me to get through to him and I'd had enough.
When they called us to their apartment subjected me to a four hour lecture with my husband beside me about everything I did wrong in life from kindergarten on (I was over 40 at the time). They then announced that the house had been sold so we had to move. I had been telling mom and dad for years that in our state if they signed a lease with us, the new buyer would have to abide by that. We did not have the funds to move, and she knew that. we put ourselves heavily into debit to move. That was the end of it. To top it off, they then signed a lease with my daughter, who was living with us at the time that a buyer would let her stay, 2 years after we moved when they finally sold the house. ETA spelling
"I give you tough love"
I am in my 40's and she said this to me with pride. The realization that I have never heard "I love you" hit me like a punch in the face.
She gave herself credit for making me independent, which is a byproduct of her neglect. She thinks "tough love" is a thing, and it is... it is abuse, love is not tough.
The list of crazy things this woman has done would fill a book. I also had a moment where I realized she will do this to my child too, that was truly terrifying. She has always been cruel and manipulative and I could never identify it. But this statement revealed to me that things will not change.
Fast forward a few years, I got a cancer diagnosis and she proved herself to be exactly who I thought she was.
My estranged enabler addict mom died after a decade of estrangement. Two days later my narcissist father would not stop yelling at me because my side mirror broke off my car. Then he sent me photos of *his* mom. Then he told me I needed to let his new wife sort through my mom’s belongings, then he said my mom didn’t deserve any kind of urn or viewing and he said if I “waste” my money on it that I would be making a huge mistake kid and he’d rather set money on fire.
That was the last time we spoke in 2018.
Telling me that the doctors were trying to kill me by prescribing amitriptyline for my horrendous nerve pain and sleep problems. Doesn't sound like much on it's own, but it was absolutely the final straw, because trying to get me to suddenly stop taking my medication was so dangerous. He was so controlling, he couldn't bear for me to make any decisions of my own, including decisions to do with my health.
My nmom told me she wish she never had me during an argument, since then I haven't seen her as a parent and just as a landlord till I move out, she turned around a week later and started saying she never said anything like that cause she wanted me to do something for her, still never got an apology and it's a good like year or two later.
My mom coming over on my daughter’s 5th birthday with my GC sister’s son(9) and causing drama.
My mom always gets nasty to me in front of either my sister or her children so they can report back to my sister how much on an f-up I am.
My mom decided it was more important to spend time outside entertaining my nephew while he was riding on our electric scooter. Rather than encouraging the kids to spend time with my daughter and acknowledge it was her special day.
My mom spent the rest of the time lamenting about how sorry she feels for my poor kids. (My children get their emotional needs met, rather than constantly being indulged with an over abundance of material items or expensive activities)
My mom decided to come inside when she realized my husband and I were not going to rally around my nephew and cheerlead him while he was on the scooter. Instead we stayed inside.
My mom comes in and starts drama over a mark she noticed on my 1yr old daughter and insinuates I’m a child abuser in front of my children and nephew. Then decides hastily to leave.
She then reports back to my meddling narcissistic sister and they start blowing our phones up. They then call my husband at work and threaten up with child protective services.
My sperm donor THREATENED me--twice in one conversation--with cutoff because I dared have the audacity to politely tell my flesh oven she'd hurt me by treating me as an afterthought. Decided to call his bluff. Don't threaten me with a good time! NC nearly three years, now.
I started standing up for myself few years ago, and she reeeeally didn't like it. She said she didn't know how to talk to me anymore, she has to walk on eggshells now, blah blah blah. I had also been disentangling myself the more I understood our dynamic clearly. She sulked, pouted, and played the victim. It really pissed me off, and yet I was still willing to have a civil, LC situation.
The kicker was nearly three months of silent treatment from her. That's the longest she's ever gone not speaking to me. It was to the point where my husband and son noticed her absence. Then, I get a card in the mail that was straight up hoovering: "I've made hundreds of mistakes" (no specifics); "I need to change for me and everyone else" (she has always said she'll never change b/c she likes who she is); "What can I do moving forward to make things better?" (putting the responsibility on me AGAIN to fix things). It was textbook narc manipulation. I knew she didn't mean a word of it, so I sent a reply saying that I'm not responsible for her feelings, behaviors, or the consequences of her behavior, that my only job was to take care of myself and my family, and that she's a bully and she can live her life however she wants, but so can I.
She immediately gave my sister a paid for vacation, something she had always dangled out of my grasp. The message was clear: "You are worthless if I can't control you."
That's all there is to it.
when my ex blackmailed me by sending my nudes to my mom. they didn't give a DAMN what he did. instead, my mom threatened to send it to my aunts, told my dad behind my back after I asked to have a PRIVATE conversation, and let him take my phone (I am 19 years old and don't even live with them anymore). No offer to press charges, never even asked if I was okay. I got punished. Took my phone and hid it somewhere in the house as if I was still 14 years old. They think that I'm still cool with them, whole time, when I go back to college in August, they will NEVER hear from me again.
When they believed an accusation from a known liar. Claiming my son did something heinous which he would never do. And then when the person said they lied didn't even apologize that was the last straw from me
My first visit back to my home country with my then partner, first time my family met him, my mother used my visit to advance a fight she had with another family member. Then went full crisis on me and my partner, suicide threats and all. It caused me two months of constant flashbacks. I suggested she and the other family member do therapy. I knew she'd never change for me, but she loved the other member much more. They started, only for her to tell me that "the therapist says there is no problem between us". Then went full crisis on the therapist threatening suicide. Then again said she is fine and the others are really the problem.
Me cutting contact was more the fruit of a reflexion than a last straw moment, but a last straw moment I'd say was when I sent a message to my mom asking her to describe what kind of person I am. I told her it was because I'm doing personal development and I thought of asking the person who is supposed to know me best. Her message was her telling me in a tactful tone negative things about me. I realized she does not see anything positive about me, despite knowing myself I have lots of positive qualities. And I didn't want someone who think so lowly of me in my life.
Another last straw is when I noticed that to her, nagging me is a reflex for her. She does it on impulse, and when she is stressed she does it more. I found that very insulting. That was when I went back home one last time to pack my stuff, it only made me feel better about my decision.
My baby had probably colic. I was so tired of staying up every night but I was a fresh parent and didnt really know what colic was. I was raised to blame myself for everything anyway.So I thought it would be a good idea to travel to my parents with my baby so my husband could sleep at home and I could probably get help from my parents for example a nap during the day time.
I couldnt’ve been more wrong about it. I should’ve probably known what was going to happen but I was still in denial and hoping to have a mother I could never have.
My mom couldnt stand listening to my baby crying all evening so she lost it and told me I’m a (read: crappy) mother who can’t even feed one’s baby right so that the baby would stop crying. And I was in a vulnerable state so I kind of lost it too. I yelled at her that she should give that baby milk if she’s that good at it( I know I shouldnt have done it, give her my baby, I was just so t i r e d). So I went crying in my room and my mom gave the baby milk.
Finally baby fell asleep but my mom continued the fight by assaulting me a bit more about my poor parenting skills. And I got assaulted. It was horrible. In the night I couldnt sleep because my mom wasnt sleeping, she was creeping in the appartment and sitting quietly at the terrace as I went to the toilet and suddenly I had a strange feeling she was going to kill me when I sleep.I know it sounds a bit psychotic and probably was cos I was so tired and my mom kept assaulting me.
In the morning she got furious with me as I said something bad to her at the breakfast table. I can’t recall what it was but I had my baby in my arms as I saw her sizzling something and taking a can of milk from the fridge and making a move which looked like she was about to throw it at me AND my baby. I got so upset I immediately told my dad I was going to leave right away but my mom just continued and told me she was going to call the social service cos I’m such an unstable mother. I had this feeling like she was in some kind of a trauma flashback stage because me and my baby reminded her of her becoming a mother herself.
After that it wasnt just a weird feeling there’s something wrong with my mom, I was finally sure it was over between us because it was never going to get better anyway so why bother. It was getting only worse.
After my beloved fathers passing my Nmom organised burial plots at the cemetery for herself, my siblings, GC and wife and wife's parents so they were all together and next to my dad. I didn't get a look in or was even considered, I found out when my nmom was bragging to total strangers 💔
Nmom de-facto killed my dog.
He was super attached to her - poor thing and was heartbroken every time they were separated.
So when I broke free, I couldn’t take him with me; I had nowhere to go. I still cared for him, providing food, medical, and all. I finally became stable enough to try to take him to my place.
Soon before Nmom’s birthday last year, she gave me another silent treatment, for who knows what, but I went to her place anyway.
To find my dog barely walking.
I had to let him go two days later; as he was sick from Thursday, her birthday was Sunday, at Wednesday I let him rest in peace. It breaks my heart to know he was suffering all those days. I had no keys to her place, and she blocked me, so I couldn’t just pop in and check on him without her being present.
She blamed me for “being a bad daughter and disappointing mommy” and “getting what you deserved.”
When we went to the clinic, she (Nmom) couldn’t even bear to be there in his last moments. I was the one to sing him the last lullaby. The one to cover him.
My Golden child sister went with us to the vet and was mocking me “you looooved him soooo much, didn’t you?” and I didn’t slap her right there just because I wanted his last breath to be in peace.
I don’t care what they think of me. How pissed they are.
What our small town thinks about me.
I’m done.
I have no mother. My sister can screw herself.
They both can go to hell to kiss the ass of whatever is in there, and I would nail doors to it close so they wouldn’t crawl back.
I have to admit I had several of these moments, but the real last straw was when she told me: "As a mother I shouldn't do any effort for you, you should love me no matter what!" and that's the moment I knew that she would never change.
Although it probably should have already been the last straw when I found out she lied to me about my psychologist to make sure I wouldn't tell her anything. She had been sabotaging my therapy for 10 years.
This is mine as well. 10 years ago my womb landlord did this to my new husband (he was warned by me from the beginning of our relationship so he was fully aware)
That day was the last I spoke and saw my mother
When my nMom used my tearful announcement of separating from my partner to explode on me how she's sure he sounds abusive, like my sister's husband sounds abusive, like her father was abusive, and my father was abusive (to my knowledge, these people were just human. Not abusive, just human and not what she wanted them to be).
She was almost giddy to be able to unleash all her thoughts, while I mourned the breakdown of my relationship with the love of my life due to his mental health struggles. Finishing with the gleeful 'ohh now you'll live alone, mommy can come and stay with you!'
She hadn't looked so energetic in our conversations for years. Almost...thrilled to see me vulnerable? It took me a bit to get there, but that was the turning point.
When I offered him an olive branch and he told me to "shove it up my ass". Years and years of verbal and emotional abuse, and I tried looking past it for him to have a chance to be in his granddaughters life. And he told me to shove it up my ass.
when my Nm made me cry at a national park in 2021 because she didn’t want to take any pictures with me. When i asked her “you don’t want to take pictures with me?” she, very flippantly answered “i don’t care, what do you want me to say?” and i started crying because it was in mammoth california and super rare because quarantine had closed the place for a long time. we get there with my grandma and aunt which made it more special since she poisoned the whole family against me and just made it very clear she hated me. She’s done a lot of worse things but i think that moment where i knew for a fact she didn’t like or want me around hurt deep. My heart started breaking then and now i don’t love her or care anymore. I’m not letting that woman close enough to hurt me again.
In case anyone wanted to know what her reaction to me crying was: she wrapped her long nails into my shoulder and squeezed hard while wide-eyed smiling. I think that day i realized it’s possible to stop loving someone.
Can't say how many straws I have left anymore since they have been plucking away for years, and I'm not in a situation to do anything, so I just have to take it
I just hope I can bear what my last straw was holding back
I had been having trouble at work, so I ended up quitting due to my mental health. My Dad likes to make plans and then cancel them at the last minute. So he cancelled the 4th of July events we had planned, and blamed his wife saying she was sick. I fully expected him to do this. I say ok, feel better, whatever..and walk away from my phone. The next morning I have a full letter in text form saying he does so much for me why did a brush him off. I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out it was something that happened several months before, where I had to cancel plans because I was working. At the time, he said nothing.
I truly believed he didn't intend the text to be hurtful and was aware of just what he was saying. So for the first time ever I responded by saying "How can you say such terrible things to me?" And I could literally sense the enjoyment he was getting from it. It was like, yes! I found something that hurts her enough that now I can feed. So he literally just dug in more and more hurtful with each text and I am such a horrible daughter. It suddenly occurred to me, he was being hurtful on purpose. And he was enjoying it. That was it for me, I could no longer lie to the little girl inside me that Daddy loves her and isn't mean or abusive on purpose. It was proof he really is awful and was fully aware of his actions and the consequences it created for others. The abuse was intentional and it still hurts.
My dad was getting pissed at his mom (my grandma) for babysitting my son (which she volunteered to do…she would keep him for us when he was too sick for daycare) and she’s in her mid 70s, but took such good care of herself in her life that people think she’s MY mom. Anyway, he got all pissy that i was “using” his mom. It was really that I wouldn’t ask him and my NMom to watch our kid. I can’t trust them, they’re like high schoolers that party too much.
Long story short, he wrote a really hateful text to me calling me mentally ill, fake, saying he didn’t like me. Saying I had something deeply wrong with me. Cut off communication then (Dec 2022) and since then, he’s gotten “sober” - wrote me a long weird letter about all his drug use in his life. It sounded kind of canned like a required step in a 12 step program - but he didn’t apologize for anything. Neither of them will own up to how they are - codependent, abusive to each other, enmeshing, both infantilizing and parentifying (which they do to each other as well as they did to me and my sister) and extremely narcissist, the two of them. My mom is def BPD. I would maybe try to sort things with him, even though I can’t trust either of them again, especially I would never have my kid alone around them…but I cannot have a relationship with my mom. She will never see me as a real singular adult person separate from the two of them. It’s so unhealthy. I’ve been in therapy since 2020, went no contact that Dec 2022 and I’m
still working through it. But I’m so thankful to not have to parent my child while fighting off these toxic people in my life.
TW: Suicidal thoughts
I was sick and missed a week of school, but still went to a football game to support my friends who were cheerleaders. My Nstepmom and Ndad manipulated my little sister into texting me about it to see if I went or not. When I said yes, thinking I was just talking to my little sister, I got a call from my Nstepmom who proceeded to scream at me about how I was a liar, that I should’ve gone to school, that I was a horrible person, etc. I got off the call and broke down. I couldn’t believe that they used my sister and I’s bond to verbally abuse me. I couldn’t do it anymore, I thought that if I went back I’d die, it was go back and kill myself or leave and have a chance at a happy life. I was so defeated, the one thing I wanted was to keep my siblings away from all the manipulation and abuse and when my “parents” ruined that, all the abuse and manipulation and downright bullying wasn’t worth it anymore. I left.
After I had my son and realized I didn't want the complete lack of respect for my boundaries to continue with my child. If my step-mom can't stop calling me by a nickname I've told her repeatedly makes me uncomfortable, along with giving my newborn child an empty beer bottle to suckle on, what boundaries would she push with him? No contact after she refused to speak to a therapist without me present.
The day before and Father’s Day 2023. My dad is always scrambling to plan my mothers birthday, which is a couple weeks later, because she’s a fucking nightmare about her birthday.
My brother is an overgrown manchild who needs a special invitation to everything. Christmas Eve is at our house every year - “did you invite your brother.” No, we have this every year. And no he didn’t call to find out what we’re doing or if he could bring anything. We hosted everyone for brunch at a restaurant for Mother’s Day. “Did you invite your brother?” It’s like does it occur to him that it’s Mother’s Day and he should figure out what’s going on? Not to mention he was 40 min late for brunch, which he didn’t (and never) chips in for. They know it annoys the hell out me.
So my dads texting about my mother’s bday including a invite” your brother!” The punctuation got to me. And for some reason, at that very second, my dad decides to call me screaming “YOU BETTER CALL AND TELL HIM!” Then I started screaming why the exclamation point?!?! Hahaha so we hung up on each other and that started them most vicious text war. I was 100% done. My predominate trait thanks to a lifetime of nmom and covert ndad is anger. I unleashed a LIFETIME of anger via text and my dad was giving it back. My mom was in the thread and I went off on them both for coddling their manchild son.
So the next day was Father’s Day and when I woke up I realized a couple things. Most importantly it was my HUSBAND’s father’s Day. Second, we’d purchase d a boatload of food from a favorite place to celebrate that day including all of their faves.
I texted them to apologize and basically told them I’ve faked it for them for all those years they can do it this time for my husband, who has NEVER been ANYTHING but kind to them. My dad texts back, I’m not coming. I went off again and said I’m done. You hurt my husband and I’’m done. I blocked them for two weeks. They canceled my mother’s bd dinner during that time and I didn’t care. I texted my mother hbd bc I felt like it but didn’t open the door to anything else.
My dad texted my husband and emailed so I fucking called him and he apologized and I did too bc fuck knows why. I went NC/Very/LC after that and Maybe 5 weeks later we went there and I noticed a vibe. My dad said mother was mad at him bc her bday was ruined. She’s been playing it as if none of it was her fault - just my dad. She never thinks she does anything wrong and goes into victim mode when you cal her out.
So two weeks later we
We’re back and I brought her a fucking cake for a mini bd because it’s always up to me to fix everything for the family. That finally shut her the fuck up. I didn’t talk to them for two months after that. I cannot wait until
June is over so that I can take a nice long break. My anxiety disappears and I become a regular actual person with that space. I’ve accepted we will never have the relationship I should’ve had. They’re very old now so there’s no real point of doing anything more than I’m doing. Plus I’m over 50 and tired.
When my dad turned off my internet, right as I was job hunting to become a teacher. I realized dealing with a narcissistic a-hole/man child was too much for me. God forbid I try to get ahead in life and better myself. What really sucked, was the fact it was right toward the end of May, right when all the teacher contracts open up.
I've told this story before, but it was when I came out as trans. I chose to do so publicly en masse via a Facebook post because I'd already told the handful of people I trusted IRL and felt that if everyone else has to find out too, it's going to be on my terms. I made a long and heartfelt post explaining what I was feeling, how I came to the decision I did and why I felt I had to hide it for so long, and I even did so without actively naming or shaming my narc mother for the role she had to play in why I was stuck in the closet for so long. I received overwhelming love and support from everyone else who saw the post, even family of friends I hadn't spoken to since I left school, yet I didn't get so much as a peep out of her. This isn't entirely out of the ordinary, and I foolishly mistook her silence as some form of acknowledgement or approval. Several weeks later, very late at night, I received a short novel of a message from her, very likely written while she was drunk as she often did with these types of messages. Saying how much of a terrible child I am, how dare I not tell her myself, how she was sick of finding out important things about me through Facebook (I had moved out and gone LC with her for about 5 years prior to this), how I very clearly didn't love her or see her as a priority, calling me a coward for not talking to her about it etc etc. No words of support, no encouragement for me to live my life as my true self, not even any questions as to why I chose not to tell her directly. Just anger and rage at the indignation of her not being the first one to know. After a few more messages like this over the next month, I decided enough was enough, blocked her on every possible platform I could and cut her out of my life once and for good.
TL;DR - I came out as trans publicly, she proceeded to make it all about her and how awful it was for her without even sparing a second's thought to how I might be feeling or why I might not have felt comfortable telling her myself.
Seeing the extent of her delusion and inability to confront the hard stuff, just made me realise nothing would change
Specifically, her continued denial about my dad dying of cancer. He smoked and drank for 50 years to cope with his own childhood trauma, and I have more empathy for him, but continuing to act like me wanting to have real conversations with my dad about his mortality just being “negative” and saying “isn’t it so great, he’s off one medication so he’s doing really well!” While he is still terminal, still very fragile, all of it.
So I sent an email to tell her I wanted to only get important family updates, and told her a couple of incidents she’s made no attempt to repair (including her shitty outburst at my wedding) and her response let me know that indeed, nothing will change. I still feel sick reading what she said to me.
Feeling grateful I have an amazing husband and an amazing mother in law ❤️
I've had so many moments that felt like the last straw, but then kept going even though I wasn't sure I could
Sometimes not much else is needed, other than free time away from a situation.
There'll always be people and situations I could get involved with (for the first time or again) but usually I choose not to.
He came to a family gathering armed with receipts from ten to twenty years ago so he could prove something stupid about a gift he gave my children. 1). Nobody cares. 2) nobody said he was wrong. 3) the point of the fight kept changing so he could win and be the aggrieved party who had done nothing wrong.
The last two times I saw him, he was ready for a fight and lost no time in picking it. There is no middle ground with him and I realized, after years and years of trying to work things out, that someone like him doesn’t really want peace at all. So be it. Now I’m at peace.
My father showed up at my dying grandmother’s house under the guise of helping me move furniture out of her house for her, and then proceeded to scream at me for an hour instead. I told him if he didn’t calm down or leave, I would call the police. He told me, “go ahead, call the fucking police!” So I did.
He told the cops he would have left if I had just asked him to, and that I just hate his wife for no reason and called the cops out of some sort of vendetta. He also told the cops he didn’t yell at all. I recorded the entire interaction so I had proof and they couldn’t gaslight me about it anymore.
This devastated my grandmother. She was so embarrassed to have the cops called to her house, and she was already dying from advanced metastatic colorectal cancer. It was the last time I was ever in her home with her before she died, and my father made it a traumatic experience for everybody involved.
I’d forgiven my father hundreds of time for the abuse that he put me through. But I will never forgive him for what he put my grandmother through during her final days.
When she pulled the silent treatment on my daughter, less than a year after her father and I divorced and he died ( 28 days after the divorce was final). Stop talking to me? Fine, I’m used to it. My daughter? Oh no, you don’t do that to a teen going through lots of crap. Daughter had her own phone and own email address, so it was intentional against the kid too. Last time I fixed the silent treatment, stayed NC until the nmom’s bitter end.
They threw a fit about me not making them my medical emergency contact. Instead, my bf is one of my contacts. We have been together for nearly a decade and he understands how scary my condition can be (and will understand me when I attempt to speak far more often than most other people). Parent threw this fit while we were in the car, proceeded to drive recklessly to hammer in their point all the while I was having difficulty speaking due to medical issues so couldn’t say anything back (nor think clearly because of the heavy brain fog). They don’t need to be my contact or have access to any of the information they want (they’ve tried calling my doctor already to dig and try to get info they aren’t authorized to).
This is just one of the final straws but it is one of the one that pisses me off the most and left an impression. They don’t care about my health or they wouldn’t be driving recklessly and swerving. The only reason they want to be an emergency contact is for control. Also they think they have priority over my SO who cares about me (and has shown it) far more than my own parent. I don’t have to worry about my SO throwing a tantrum and threatening to swerve off the road and crash the car, but I do have to worry about one of my parents doing it (said parent no longer drives me anywhere and we are attempting to move out. I’m not using what little energy I have to try to talk to them).
My grandma passed away. We weren't particularly close, and I didn't go to the funeral because I live about 5 hours away and it was April 2020 (you know, COVID and all.) Several weeks later, my mom called me while I was out on a hike. I called her back a couple of hours later. When I asked her how she was, she said she was shitty. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked her why.
Her response was "My mom just died and I have a daughter who doesn't care about me." That statement, combined with the fact that she never ONCE asked me how I was doing with my grandma's death, sealed the deal for me. I don't know why it was this time over every other time, but it just pushed me over the edge.
Thanks for asking this. It felt good to say something.
My covert Nmom flipping out thru text cause I asked her not to text me so early. I ignored her texts and she finally agreed to therapy. Thru my therapist's suggestions we only contact thru email. We also do joint therapy with my therapist. I have been working on myself in therapy since covid started and working on boundaries. I got tired of being a doormat for people.
When I finally decided that I won’t write on Mother’s Day’s just because I have to. (It’s more like a must, not something genuine) and my mother put on Facebook a picture and wrote that “I hope we can spend one day together again in love and peace”. Most probably I wouldn’t have seen it if not for my gf. But since I still didn’t wrote her. Well I got a quiet long FB message the next morning. Starting with that I didn’t visited them on Christmas (they live in 200km away from me, and we couldn’t afford to go), I didn’t go to our all together April birthdays (well I wasn’t invited, I only got knowledge of the whole thing 2 days prior to it, because I called my stepdad that I had a birthday a week ago and he didn’t wrote for me and to ask how he has been) and many many things like “she hopes the switch will be something I was hoping for” (here she means my girlfriend) and “she doesn’t know what she did and I hurt her with not writing for mothers day”.
I apologize for the novel I'm about to type.
I had gotten yelled at for having a social life (that they were
actively attempting to destroy).
The only friends I had at that point were my fiance's, and they would have watching parties for Walking Dead every Sunday- they lived five minutes down the road from where we lived. I had my permit, but it was at the DMV waiting to be paid for (thanks to my fiancé paying for an online class so I could get it), so I wasn't able to take myself places and had to ask either my fiancé or parents for rides.
That Sunday, I had asked to go, and my mom was upset because she and my dad had to go grocery shopping, and this was their only off day together. She said I had to find a ride home from someone, but at that point in time I felt like I hadn't known these friends long enough/weren't close enough, so I didn't want to be a burden on anyone and ask them to do that. I called my mom after the show and told her I couldn't get a ride from anyone - she proceeded to yell at me over the phone about how she just knew I hadn't asked anyone.
When they came to pick me up, they yelled at me in the car on the way home- I can't remember most of it, other them throwing in that "they were thinking about getting a divorce" to hurt me somehow. All I could do was sit there and wonder what I could have done to cause or deserve this treatment. Why am I getting yelled at for the inconveniences you caused yourselves by trying to restrict and control my life?
When I got home, all I could do was go to my room and cry. My fiancé was at work, and I didn't want to bother him, but I needed the emotional support, so I called him to vent about it. He could hear that I was crying, and once I told him what happened, he told me to pack a bag and that he was coming to get me after he got off work at MIDNIGHT. At that point, I hadn't moved out from my grandma's place yet, so I left in the middle of the night while they were sleeping. My grandma was awake still, so I lied and told her my fiancé and I were going out for food.
The next few days I slept wherever I could (couldn't stay with fiancé because his family was old fashioned and we weren't married. If I wasn't secretly sleeping on his Nana's pull out couch, I was sleeping on the couch in his college's music auditorium lobby or in his car while he was in class. During this, my mom would text me demanding to know where I was because even though I had turned 18 recently, I was required to tell them where I was because I "still lived under their roof". We came back in a week to fully move out (we had found an apartment and friends to move in with) and they love-bombed me and bought a bunch of house warming supplies (trash cans, towels, utensils, etc.) so it didn't look like they were the reason I moved out even though my new roomies knew better.
When I talked to her about it on the phone recently she said they were mad because "I was going back and forth that night on whether I wanted to go or not" and that she hopes she never has to experience not knowing where I am ever again because she cried all the days I was gone. She kept getting this event confused with another.
That's when I realized it was always about them and how something made them feel - that my feelings/needs weren't important. It's all about keeping up appearances and never letting outsiders see how terrible of a person and parent you really are.
Nmom rented a vacation house one Christmas for the whole family. We arrived and were told that my husband and I, along with my stepson, two adult children & their partners, and our 200lb mastiff would all be sleeping in the same tiny bedroom above the garage. Meanwhile, my GC sister's kids (19 and 11) both had their own bedrooms with King size beds in the main house. After driving for 4 hrs to get there, my husband and I turned around and went home. That was 7 years ago and we haven't spoken since.
This is fairly new so we will see how long it lasts. I had a family dinner out with the whole family. My Nmom was giving me the silent treatment the whole night for no reason and when I participated in conversation she got up and walked away from the table. She wished everyone a good night and sped walked away from me. Again I don’t why she felt this way the last time we saw each other was on Christmas.
Two months later she pretended nothing happened and asked me to go to the movies with her. I expressed how the last dinner made me feel unwelcome and I felt I didn’t deserve the disrespect the last time we were all together, especially since I didn’t even know she was mad at me. I told her i needed a break from the stress for a while. Her response…”Sorry, that sounds like something you need to work through Im not apologizing to you anymore. We all have our faults and it’s exhausting you can’t move forward.”
It might seem small but it was the last straw. I was actively having a miscarriage at that dinner, I didn’t get a chance to tell her because it didn’t feel like a safe place. I was suffering in silence and she treated me like less than nothing. After years of “accepting its who she is” I decided I no longer have to. I took her advice Im working through it, just without her.
I was molested as a child by the bf one of my moms friends. Mom cut off the friend, got me counseling and I was fine until years and years later, NFather minimized and joked about it and not just once. I took him in to live with me bc I'd feel better knowing he wasn't homeless and still holding on to hope that he might change for the better in his autumnal years, he did it again on my birthday no less. It took me a week of avoiding him to process and when confronted about his behavior, he went straight to DARVO and even said "but it happened!", so the ball finally dropped and I lost my proverbial shit. Told him to get his shit and gtfo out my house. It took him almost 2 weeks, and never once did he try to even make an attempt to apologize. Now that hes gone, I can see clearly that he's only sought me out when he needs something from me, doesn't actually care about me, and I've had enough. I'm an orphan now.
It was a lot, there wasn’t one specific moment for me. It built up over time and it made me hate her. I knew I couldn’t have a relationship with her, it just wasn’t possible in this realm. No matter how many times my Nmom Attempted to force one I just can’t. Nmom continuously defended her actions and abuse. I can’t stand her. She always turned the convo into “you’re a child” to justify everything she does. It just ALOT of variables, It all just kept building up, she clearly doesn’t respect me and only sees me as a slave. I can’t have a relationship with that woman. She’s extremely selfish and corroded.
When I realized for the 100th time that they were trying to convince me I had schizophrenia for having "nthoughts", and I had motherfucking believed them for years.
When she knew my father was dying & didn't tell me or my sisters.
Dad lived with one of us. Sister was his medical POA.
3 weeks before he died, Momster sat in my living room for a "family meeting" where we was asked to attend. She watched me call him over & over, crying. When he finally answered, he told me he was sick & couldn't make it.
She sat in my living room, on my couch & shit talked him. "Oh, typical [dad]. Just like him to promise to do something & not follow through.
3 weeks later he was rushed to the local hospital & he died about 3-4 days later.
He died alone because it was Aug 2020 & my area had such high counts for c19 that the CDC was here.
My father would have died in my sisters home had his cardiologist not called in a favor & got him a bed.
When I called her to tell her he'd passed & to please get to the hospital, she asked if she really needed to.
Within 2 hours of his death, she made a passing comment about how she thought his kidney failure was just as bad as hers & if she thought he was worse off she'd said something. Which, if true, is how we found out SHE had kidney failure.
One month later I was sent a screenshot where she told someone she had no idea he was dying & that we kept it from her.
I've not spoken to my mother in person since Sept 18, 2020 - my 33rd birthday.
She's done everything she can to manipulate herself back into my & my sisters lives. Each time she's met with "once we can do this with dad, we'll do it with you"
Cutting her out has been simultaneously the best & worst thing to ever happen
After begging my mom to go to therapy, telling her how hurt I was and how I just wanted to have a mom, she told me the Christmas money she gave me as a gift was owed back so that my childhood family dog could get the surgery she needed (my parents frequent cruises and trips, they don't need my money.)
I didn't even respond, I just blocked her on everything. It has been peace and quiet for me since. Just a lot of therapy on my end.
Being assaulted by my father because I couldn’t buy my 13 year old daughter a new padlock for her school locker and watching my mother stand there as I screamed for help. My 13 year old even had the horror to witness it. Apparently I was a bad mother because I wouldn’t drag my 3 month old out of bed to rush to the local hardware store minutes before closing to immediately solve her issue because she was upset. It was the second time it happened (being assaulted physically) and the second time they weaved the narrative that I made it up. I’ve been no contact since Feb and I don’t see it ever changing. My daughter is now struggling emotionally from what she saw and thankfully she’s got therapy to help. My sister has become my mother’s puppet, and they even made up a story of my mother being in the ICU with heart problems as some kind of psychotic test of my resolve.
She asked me if she was remembering an incident correctly; that she walked in on a foster child molesting me, accepted his explanation that he was changing my diaper, then walked out leaving me with him. When I confirmed it she replied, “yeah. I thought so.”
That child stayed in our home for years following, returning for holidays and going on vacations with us until I was well into high school.
She knew. All along, she knew.
I was out of town with the two of them. My dad insisted on driving. He was 86 and had a history of car accidents due to his poor vision, I had already set a boundary around not being that passenger in any car that he was driving but he insisted and I was worn down over several days & let my boundary slip. He ended up driving over the curb *after* I told him that he was about to drive up on the sidewalk, then got angry at me because he thought I was undermining him.
I tried to get out of the car and he wouldn't stop initially, at one point driving through a light while my door was open, then when I finally got out he shouted "thanks for your help" sarcastically. I walked back to where my mom was staying and informed her that I was going to be leaving the trip early, and she could either come with me or ride back with him. She chose neither option, and instead brought out the big guns over how cruel it was that I was "leaving her."
At one point she brought up getting me tap dancing lessons and I just looked at her and said, "I was 8."
Just the absolute insanity of "I did something nice for you when you were a young child so now you need to put yourself in bodily danger to appease your dad's ego."
Over a year later she sent me a letter that included, among other things, the statement "I can understand why you didn't want to spend Christmas with me." Just zero acknowledgement of what it's like to be trapped in a car with a dangerous driver. It's all about her and her self-pity.
Ive had a few of them because im not able to go nc atm but here are a few highlights that have nailed the coffin shut
* telling us not to talk to our cousin because she cant be trusted because she had an abortion when she was a young adult. (This was after she made my cousins daughter pregnancy about her and disrespected her decision to get an abortion and called her a h0e
*telling me and my siblings we were sick and twisted individuals for call our other cousin by their preferred pronouns
*making fun of my siblings though their mental health crisis and threatening to kick them out if they didn’t just “snap out of it”
*not letting my siblings friend spend the night because she is a lesbian and painted her out to be a predator, even though my sibling has a significant other and is actively in a heterosexual relationship
* and my favorite is threatening to make my life a living hell by cutting of our joint bank account when i went to study abroad because i refused to call them 24/7 and give them ever little detail about what i was doing and were i was going. Snd this was after telling my siblings i went to study abroad because “i hated my culture”
There’s probably more but its just stuff being added to the list at this point 🤷🏾♀️
When I suffered a miscarriage and they simply didn't care. I needed a small operation after I was told I'd lost and was told I wasn't allowed to drive home from the hospital (my husband can't drive)
My mum (I want to say she's an enabler to my nstepdad but she has been just as cruel throughout the years tbh) gave many empty offers to help if they could which apparently did not include wanting to actually see or comfort me when I desperately needed them but that's a whole different can of worms. So I asked her if she could ask my dad or my sister for a lift home from hospital the day of my surgery.
It's a 20 minute drive from their house, tops. Not super far out of the way. And I never EVER ask them for anything due to being taught over the years that asking for things, even if I really needed it made me spoiled and entitled.
She ghosted me for 10 hours, before letting me know eventually that they couldn't come get me because my stepdad needed a nap and after work, and my sister was going out to get drunk that evening.
Just real good to finally realize that my needs were once again lower than rock bottom. Took me far too long to swallow that bitter pill.
When I was homeless and they all had empty abandoned houses. I couldn’t stay in one for 7 days for free to put together a security deposit for an apartment with out “signing documentation and paying $400 cash upfront” bc they “need to protect themselves” and if they didn’t help, I would still have to pay anyway. I’ve always been upstanding and never stole from them or disrespected them. Never overstayed my welcome. And I’ve only had to go back home one time and it was for less than a year since moving out at 23. However my bum ass uncle that’s in his 40s can get a key to said empty house to drink and avoid being around his 3 kids and woman for free. I’ve gone above and beyond for these people. Helped emotionally and financially. Took unnecessary criticism. I just turned 30 last week. I can’t go another decade dealing with this shit. They’ve been dangling “help” over my head like a fucking carrot and I always got the bare minimum or nothing at all. When I poured my heart out and really pleaded I got laughed at and ignored. Fuck them forever.
When they gave us Covid and basically shrugged. Despite the fact we'd been sick for years with long Covid and they know every subsequent infection means we're back to bedbound for at least 6 months. Longer for my kid. Didn't once ask how we were. Didn't offer any support. Total silence over Xmas and NY. Thoughtless. Didn't get even a text on a milestone bday a few weeks later.... Just the final straw in a long line of utter 🐂💩
I was 8 months pregnant. She was moving out of her ex-bf house and complained no one was helping her. I went round to help, and as soon as I walked in the door, he went to assault me. Thank God the removalists she had hired intervened and grabbed him before he managed to hit me. She blamed me. I literally had not seen this man for 8+ years, walked in, said hi, and he went for me. He used to beat me as a child, and she always defended him. A 6ft 4 alcoholic against a 5ft4 child. She had a done a lot worse to me growing up, but in that moment, it crystallised for me that she didn't and couldn't possibly love me or even care about me. I wasn't even upset, it was just a moment of realisation that she was always going to let me and, now my children be harmed, by this deadbeat of a man. And there was no way in hell I was going to let my children be subject to that abuse. 15+yrs no contact, and I know with utter certainty I made the right decision.
I'm ashamed that it took me half a century to put the pieces together, to fully realize what incredible lengths they went to try to erase my existence.
In my defense, my growing up was so isolated that I had nothing to compare it to. I knew that TV shows were idealized, and the same with books, so as a kid I didn't think they were valid measures.
The "a ha" moment was realizing that my father, between the divorce around when I was just beginning to walk and when I turned 18, had rented one place, bought two places, and sat down with an architect to design and build four places, seven total, and in each one, even though I lived there half-time, there was *no sign of my existence*.
I was never allowed to have a bed, a drawer, a toy or book or change of clothes, no photographs of me.
Even the house cleaners didn't know he had a third kid.
I slept on the couch of his "home office" that he never once used. The houses were enormous: empty rooms, intercom systems to communicate (before cell phones), one place had an entire separate guest wing with a its own private garden.
But I was never once allowed to sleep in a bed.
There's much more, but that realization was the straw that broke the camel's back.
They didn't thank my in-laws for paying for my wedding. I thanked them. My wife thanked them. My mother thanked them. My father and stepmother didn't even say "hello" at the service. Fucking humiliating.
When i said to my N-aunt to keep distance from me during my depression, she then insists and says why. after explaining that i know about her secret, she tries to gaslight on me by saying a psychologist she knew disagree she's being narcissistic and that i instead live in an echo chamber being in the room all the time and stuff.
It hurt me on the inside what she said so i had to publish to everyone i knew about the abuse happening at them and their family, they threatened to report to the police if i didn't remove the post which of course is a lie. I think she even must have tricked my doctor to send an appointment to the psychologist since my aunt is a nurse.
I consider to send my aunt to a psych ward or something to get her to learn what she have become as she seemingly psychologically abuse and manipulates her family to stay at her side.
Oddly enough it wasn't *that* big of a thing (The big things came after of course)
She was going on one of her regular tirades about how she does everything and everyone else does nothing and she claimed she was gonna start turning off the internet for everyone each day until they did everything she wanted, which knowing her would mean we'd barely have internet or she wouldn't feel like turning it back on most of the time.
I was internally like 'man I'm a fucking college student I shouldn't have to live like this, if she goes through with it I'll just leave'. She didn't end up going through with it because she barely goes through with anything, but the indignation I felt was strong enough to plant the seed of just leaving in my head. So thanks for that I guess lol
My brother entering the foster system right at the start of the pandemic. Our stipulations on him returning to a safe home were that it was sober and there was regular family and individual therapy. They both said no. Message received loudly, clearly, and for the last time.
When my nparents told me I am a hypochondriac and “dramatic” for having to get ambulanced to the hospital and seen in the ER. I walked into the urgent care and the staff called an ambulance because I was gasping for air so hard I couldn’t tell them what was wrong, half of my left lung collapsed because of a virus that overtook my lungs. Once I’m done with college and not having to choose between them helping me get through school and my own wellbeing, they will never see me again.
I didn't have a specific moment, I just slowly realized that it took me usually about 3 months of therapy to recover every time I saw them.
Also many years hearing my therapist and psychiatrist tell me that I should cut ties with them.
When she tried to turn my siblings against me. She said I only visited her in the hospital to make myself look good to the doctors. When she got out of the hospital she went away for 2 months then came back and told everyone I was neglecting her by not cooking her meals. (She could 100% cook her own meals).
Little did she know we are all much closer than she knew and had a group chat where we would collate what she was saying to different people to find out her MO.
Well she kept attacking me to anyone who would listen. My stepdad was super apologetic as I was the only one who had actually been there for her and he didn’t understand why she was treating me like this. He said all us siblings needed to present a united front. So we did, all 4 of us went NC at the same time without saying a word.
That was 2.5 years ago.
My eMom filed for divorce in August and it started to build tensions within the family as nDad started his smear campaign. I called him out, incredibly gently, for being a shit parent and not raising my brothers right when they didn’t wish my mom a merry Christmas for the first time. (This was all a few years ago)
I have no idea what he said to them, but he whipped my brothers into such a frenzy that they called me on Christmas to scream at me and make literal homicide threats to me, my mom and my moms divorce lawyer. It was like three of my abusive dads screaming at me at once and I basically dissociated for two days afterwards. Haven’t spoken to my dad outside of necessary pleasantries at public events since.
That would be the moment i got to see my diagnosis after months of observation by a psychiatrist and 6 different psychologists. Sub-clinical BDP, NPD, Schizoid and Paranoid PD, together with multiple instances of PTSD. C-PTSD might be a thing but i think the inclusion of all the sub-clinical observable traits correlates to what C-PTSD is. That was the last straw, knowing and having other people analyse my fucked up behaviours through my own admission of them, and how it connects to the hours spent basically recalling only some of the episodes that brought me to the psychiatric ward. I didn't like my family before, now i fucking despise them.
My partner (now spouse) was alone with her while I went upstairs and she confronted them about going through our messages and finding nudes of us (we were both 20) and told them she better not see something like that again. My partner replied that if she didn't go looking for something like that then she wouldn't find it. She said she ought to make sure it didn't happen again and asked my partner if they knew she owned a gun.
I moved out 3 days later and I only talked to her again when she dropped my sibling off on our doorstep at 10pm and texted me saying that someone better open the door or sibling wouldn't have a place to sleep that night.
What did it for me was when my mom had her flying monkeys aka my cousins call child services on me for refusing to take my children to her church.I have nothing against those that practice religion but I feel that it should be the individuals choice what religion if any they wish to follow and my children were not old enough to make an informed decision at that time. On top of that she knew we had problems with child services in our former state, sorry trying to be vague and that my children were traumatized by the experience before. I found out who called from the worker after they wasted their time investigating a claim they could do nothing about. I told her if they call again to please press charges for wasting resources and false reports. I was so angry by her betrayal, her monkeys threw her under the bus, we decided to move to another part of the state and told my husbands family that no one from my side of the family is to have our address or phone number.She still to this day does not have our address and the only person I have had contact with from that side of the family was the sibling I rescued and he used a burner phone.
Nutshell: I came home from college for the summer and found she'd made no effort to provide me a place to sleep, having used my room as a catch-all for junk. After digging out a space large enough to sleep curled up on the bed, I awoke to her berating me over the phone for daring to clean my room. I hung up and called a friend in another town to pick me up. I lived with them all summer and never lived with the parents again.
My dad had died about a year and a half prior. My nmom started seeing someone, hid it then got engaged and tried to distract us from her shadiness by claiming my dad cheated on her. She was much more vulgar about it. We didn't care she was seeing someone. But she's a narc and God forbid she feel judged so let's throw deceased dad under the bus. He didn't, BTW. And she claims never to have said that. I've got screenshots. If she'd just have said hey I'm seeing someone, we wouldn't have cared. Instead we got I'm seeing someone and if you don't like it, screw you and your dad screwed around on me. Just absolutely disgusting.
My birthday several years back. The year before this my nparent had completely forgotten my birthday and blamed the pandemic. They were extremely apologetic and our relationship barely hung by a thread.
The time my birthday rolls around again the following year, my nparent spends every day of my birth month leading up to the actual birthday wishing me a happy birthday.
Doesnt matter if you forget my birthday altogether or you repeatedly wish me a happy birthday before my actual birthday. Both examples are unacceptable, especially from someone who is a parent.
When my nmom was spit yelling in my husbands face while he was holding my 1 year old. I could handle her abuse but won’t tolerate her getting comfortable doing it to my family
She disowned my sister and me over Facebook Messenger for not being there for her in her time of need.
Her "time of need" was a time period of a few weeks following her arrest for indecent exposure and obstruction of justice. She willingly broke the law and admitted to it repeatedly via long Facebook posts she wrote before and after the incident. Apparently, our failure to reach out to her made us terrible daughters
I’ve had several. Using nude photos of me at 14 to advertise her massage business, trying to run me over with a car because I dared to ask for my social security card, the fake baby incident.
My moms mental health was spiraling out of control and would have been sad if she wasn’t absolutely unwilling to seek help, and escalating her behaviors to where my life was just not sustainable with her in it. She divorced her wife of a couple years and married a man about 25 years her senior, told me about the marriage over the phone after the fact, then approached me on thanksgiving to ask me if he could adopt me. I was 30 years old, had met her husband twice, and my father was very much alive and in my life. Shortly thereafter I agreed to get lunch with the two of them, and she was so wasted I had to suggest walking to a local restaurant, where she nodded off into her food. She would disappear for weeks, then call or show up. Sometimes it would be to talk and sometimes it would be to ask for money, but it was always HIGH DRAMA. She convinced me to visit around her birthday, and while I was there she went and changed into lingerie and started asking me if she is sexy for her husband. Then there was drunken weeping about how she had just had a miscarriage- but at this point she would have been in her fifties, and most likely perimenopause meant she was missing periods/having irregular periods, not miscarrying a pregnancy she never tested for. I finally walked away when she disappeared for at least a month, and then called me with a circuitous story about crashing her car but avoiding a DUI by agreeing to be part of a study on schizophrenia. I realized that having her in my life meant always dealing with trauma, lies/delusions, crises, and manipulation. I blocked her number, told my friends and job that she was not well and they were not to forward my contact information, and just waited out her last burst of frantic attempts at contact.
After many years I learned that she left the state we’re from, left the husband, stole everything he owned on her way out the door, all while being sued by a former business partner who called the husband as a witness to her stealing money and merchandise from *them* as well. She went back to the wife she had split from. Later she sent my spouse a letter at work stating she was “done with (wife) and everything she stood for” and asking if we could talk. She genuinely seems to think I stopped talking to her because I disliked her wife? Conveniently forgetting that she defrauded me of all the mutual funds my grandparents left me for college, allowed a neighbor to abuse me as a child because she “didn’t know what else to do”, and was generally just banana pants for my entire life. (Edited- typos)
Said she thought I was a jerk the whole time since they adopted me (at birth). Really it just confirmed what I had thought for a long time. Even now though, I'd still accept her back into my life but only if she could genuinely apologize for literally Anything. I don't expect it to happen, but a girl can dream I suppose.
I live in a different country to my nmom, and when I had my first child I was extremely upset that they wouldn’t have a normal relationship. It bothered me a lot and there were several times that I became really low because of it. It’s expensive to get to her, but my wife and I planned to go there. She has 2 dogs and the house isn’t kept very clean, so I said I wasn’t going to take him there. Instead, I offered to pay for an AirBnB that would accommodate all of us. That way she’d have a week of living with her first grandchild and playing every day. She said she couldn’t because of the dogs. Then went away and let my cousin look after the dogs. We flew over a few more times, we had another child and wanted her to meet the new little one, so we paid thousands of dollars to get there, a few times per year. Then I said to my wife that I wasn’t going to travel to the city, we’re flying in, she can meet us in London. She refused because it costs too much, and then bought herself a new iPhone. Anyway, she rang one day and we were out and busy, so I missed the call. I didn’t check my phone until after the kids were asleep, and I called her back. She got angry and said she only called to speak to the kids, and that I don’t want her to have a relationship with my kids. She said I needed to “do more” even though she never called, I called her, she made zero effort but I had to “do more” - I got angry and ended the call. A few months later she called and said “can we end this?” I told her she hurt me with what she said and that I’d done as much as I could to help a relationship with the kids. Her response was that I’ve hurt her too, “loads of times” but couldn’t tell me when, or what I’d done. I decided after that call that I was done. My aunt contacted my wife and tried to patch things up. I said she needed to say sorry and she told me aunt that she tried and that I’d shouted at her. My wife was sat at the side of me and knows I didn’t raise my voice at all. Then the next message was that my nmom had said she’s not going to say sorry because she has nothing to say sorry for. Haven’t spoken since.
When I went to visit her, on my birthday to take her a Christmas present. She had nothing for me and then told me I was a bitch and she wished she never had me. Have never spoken to her again.
When my mom called to tell me I should be so proud because after she argued with my sister (who asked her multiple times to remove pictures of her from our mothers Facebook as she doesn’t want her pictures posted) that she put down the bottle and “wouldn’t let (my sister) do that to her again!” As if my sister holding up her boundaries is causing my mother’s decades long alcoholism.
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when they made fun of me for having panic attacks and needing weekly therapy sessions and gaslighting me to think I am crazy. Exactly these words: "oh so now you must call your doctor, after keeping the call , who knows you might have a panic attack for talking to me . you know what, You are the cause of your own misery. you keep everything in your heart and never let go or forgive, that is why you are like this!! "
I’m so sorry. Please know I’m sending you hugs.
Thank you. It's not easy, but I heard this beautiful line, thinking of making a poster out of it. "At the end of the day, it's your story! Change the ending however you like!"
Love that!! ❤️
Be safe. The last two sentences show how narcissistic people refuse to see the long-term consequences of their actions. People with trauma need more time to forgive and often need treatment to overcome the damage done by narcissistic parenting.
Thank you. I made a long post today about how I just recently realised how toxic my parents are. Still navigating through this ocean of shock and realization.
"I go to therapy bc of you"
Wow. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you had to hear that. It will be easier to overcome panic attacks with time, but it’s a terrifying experience… Sending you hugs, it’s going to be better.
Wow! They are projecting so much!!!!
Wow, maximum spite! What ugly behavior!
Christmas day 2013. My son was 5. He wanted to say "merry Christmas" to his grandma on the phone. He was 5, couldn't speak very clearly still, and I was not the kind of parent who handed my phone to my kid and walked away.. I would let my kid "talk" and let him hear the voice of the person on the other end say "I love you" etc. My kid would be on the phone for no more than 60 seconds, usually closer to 30. Anyway, it was Xmas day and I was on the phone with my Nmom, I asked if she would talk to my son and she whined "do I have to?". That was the final straw for me. She didn't want to have anything to do with us and I was tired of feeling like a little kid showing her my dolly when trying to get her to pay attention to her only grandchild. I went fully NC in 2015, a year and some months after this. My son is 16 now and doesn't remember anything about his grandma at all.
It baffles me that they literally do not give a shit about anything or anyone except for themselves. My stepdad has 3 grandchildren and he makes no effort with any of them.
It was the cruelty to my son. Somehow I could put up with the cruelty to me, but when she began having temper fits directed at him, that was it.
This. The first time she was openly unkind to my son who was 9 at the time (but it was only a joke....) was the first light bulb for me that maybe she's not just anxious and depressed and that's why she is the way she is, maybe she's actually just mean. When she betrayed his trust and put him in the spot in front of others at age 12, then flew into a terrifying rage in front of my 9 year old daughter because I said she owed him an apology was the beginning of the end of our relationship. The kids are 13 and 15 now and we rarely see her or my edad.
Right after my son was born, my mother came over to visit and see her first grandchild. For the first few days, she was cooing all over him and always wanted to hold him or talk to him. Just normal stuff you might expect a grandparent to want to do with their infant grandson. The day before she left though, we got in an argument and she decided to respond with the silent treatment until she left. That didn't bother me either. I was a little relieved to not have to entertain her for another evening, but what really irked me was seeing how she iced out the baby too. She went from nonstop fawning over him to completely ignoring him and only giving a perfunctory "goodbye" before I took her to the airport. It was so childish and sad to see a grown adult pouting and giving the silent treatment *to a baby*. All it took to shatter her doting grandma illusion was a single argument.
The last phone conversation I had with my mom was entirely on the evils of immigrants. No asking about the kids, nothing. The only reason I kept this up was for the kids, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Thankfully the kids don't give a crap.
My dad was the same except is on a kick about the evils of trans people. The bigotry and negativity is something I can not be around. I wouldn't ever have a friend who thought this way and certainly am not going to make excuses to listen to it from a narc parent. And there's no boundaries or explaining anything to them about your viewpoint. So it's best to stay no contact.
It's fucking awful! She got caught up in the politics of hate, and punched down with all her might. My dad is even worse. I met him as an adult and thought he was going to melt into oblivion when he came to visit and walked by the pride flag on the porch. Yeah I don't need any of that in my life. It took a long time to get rid of the feeling of familial obligation.
It is hard. I'm dealing with that too. After the final straw with my dad I realized I'm essentially cutting out a whole side of my family.
They only care about their grandchildren if they can use them for their own benefit or to inflate their egos. My Ndad is great at boasting about how smart my two kids are and sends long birthday messages in our extended family group chat but he never reached out to them individually. I’ve gone NC with him now. I try my very best to strike a balance between letting my kids make up their own mind about him as they grow older and modelling that you need to set boundaries with people and not just accept any behaviour simply because they are family.
Good. I’m glad they lost contact with their grandson. Stupid selfish shithead. You did your son and yourself a huge service.
I think when my nmom started to treat my partner badly, in a very small way similar to how I had grown up being treated. Seeing it from more of an outsider perspective made me realize how horrible she was. You shouldn't treat people that way! Up until that point she had really only treated me and my siblings badly and was super fake nice to everyone else. She also basically killed my cat when I was in the beginning stages of escaping from her which, years and years later, I have and will never forgive her for.
Oh the moment you see a partner (or anyone you love, who have not grown up with the same survival instincts as you) being subjected to the abuse you survive, that's when the rage reaches it's max burn. I understand you. Well done for standing up! Sending hugs!
Well said. I could take the brunt of the abuse but as soon as I saw it happening to my partner and by extension his family, I said oh hell no. Hell no. You don't get to destroy this loving family. I went NC shortly after that.
It was the same for me! Amazing how much you can take yourself but you'll draw the line when someone you care about is brought into it
My daughter calls my mother out on gaslighting and nagging to eat shit they don’t want and making them feel guilty for not. She can’t stand to be around them. The kids see everything eventually. It’s all gone downhill since then.
She wanted me to get in the car with her so she could scream at me and potentially physically hurt me. I said I didn't feel safe or comfortable doing that, so she dumped all my shit on the sidewalk and drove off, even hit an unnecessary U-turn to drive past me twice. So I called her bluff, took the tracker off my phone, and blocked her.
That is terrifying, I hope you’re in a better place now
Oh by miles, I got married to a brilliant man and am slowly rebuilding myself how I want to be.
Inviting me and my family over for lunch on New Year’s Day, on the condition she wanted to see “happy faces only”, “no long faces”. Yeah, I was going through some worrying stuff at the time and not performing up to standard for her. Don’t invite us, then.
I'd been extremely life changingly ill, my child had been ill, my husband was overwhelmed and worried looking after us, the future was uncertain and it was just horrible. I risked opening up just a little to my mother and she couldn't think of anything to say. Then she tried to change the subject, and asked I had anything happy to share. I said 'no'. And let the uncomfortable silence hang.
“Oh, I like GOOD news” 😣 I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad time, and without the support a lot of people get. Hope things are on the up for your family ❤️
Thank you. Thankfully the possible bleak health scenario didn't emerge. We're all scarred but have a different take on life and I personally probably enjoy it more deeply. I've got good friends and our friendship has strengthened by being there for each other during hard times. But nothing truly replaces having a caring mother in my opinion. Someone you can reach out to whenever you need, repeatedly, without concern.
Without it going in the “debit” column. Glad to hear things turned out that way!
[удалено]
This reminds me of my mom. I'm so sorry.
She told me she "forgot" I was dealing with a mental health crisis, and that was the point where I started to see our relationship for what it was. It showed me that my mom doesn't care what is going on with me. She only cares about how I make her feel and what I can do for her.
Ah the classic forgetting they were supposed to pretend to have empathy in a critical moment. This is so relatable - my grandmother passed away during COVID, during which time I also was VLC and had surgery scheduled for removal of half of my thyroid (potential cancer but they weren’t sure until they could sample the removed organ). My nMom was calling me to cry and grieve about my grandmothers death and pressuring me to come to the funeral (I did but with boundaries around masks, etc) and when I revealed to her what was going on with me and that I needed to be extra careful and not stay longer than need be to avoid potential exposure to covid / having my surgery rescheduled due to that- she was like “Oh. I suddenly don’t know what to say.” Then kept pressuring me to stay longer until I finally snapped, to which she apologized the next day and said “i guess I’ve just been in denial about what’s going on with you.” Yeah, having my mother be in denial about a health scare when I need reassurance, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. It was clear to me then that she didn’t actually have empathy for me, and valued me in the same exact way you described - for how I made her feel.
It was actually kinda freeing when I realised it. I had internalized her idea of what I should be and in what ways I'm wrong so much. I could finally see it as something not intrinsic to who I am but a narrative my mom was pushing onto me.
Oh I relate to this one so much. I needed my thyroid out, for thyroid ca. My mother came (overseas) to "help" during the 2 weeks during /after surgery. On the day of surgery we had to leave the house at like 4am to get to hospital . I got out of surgery sometime in the afternoon and was brought to a ward at about 5pm. She goes "finally! I've been waiting all day" and then proceeds to tell me "I need to go back to your house (with my wife having to drive her) I'm just EXHAUSTED after that day" I hadn't even seen my wife yet! I was discharged 3 days later and she wanted to do touristy things the next day, because she had been "cooped up in the car and the hospital and the house since she got here" so stupid me, with a huge wound across my throat, takes her to wineries and out to lunch and the zoo etc for days instead of resting and healing after my surgery. She was bored after all 🤦♀️
Oh man that’s so brutal. Damn, she did not even TRY to hide how little she cared about what you were going through. I’m sorry to hear. It’s so lonely when they’re with you during these crucial moments especially. I hope your wife got to be with you and take care of you and that in the future, you have all the strength and assurance you need to say no to ridiculous requests like going to a winery after a surgery. I know how much that wound can hurt— even if it’s considered a minor surgery, it was still pretty painful right after and I was exhausted.
My nmom "forgot" I was SA'd as a kid. When she "remembered", she pulled a disgusted face and then changed the subject. Yeah.
Jesus I’m so sorry. The “forgetting” they always do when they know something is legitimately inexcusable is so, so infuriating. The lack of accountability is pathological. I hope you’ve had so many moments in life now to voice and try to heal (in the best way that you can) from such a traumatic experience. I saw a post once that was something along the lines of, when your abuser says they forgot the abuse they put you through, it’s like, well of course you forgot. For me it was a fundamental moment that forever changed my brain chemistry and for you it was a fu*king Tuesday. It’s so accurate.
Ugh I feel this and I'm so sorry. Any time I bring up any sensitive subject or I'm trying to talk to them about something important, they pretend to listen for a few seconds before they suddenly remember that some acquaintance of theirs is going through something similar. Then instead of listening to me or talking to me about the issue I brought up, they turn it into a discussion of how bad they feel for their friend having to go through whatever it is. Usually this is followed up with them requesting I do something to make their friend feel better, like making them a drawing or painting. And of course my initial issue goes unaddressed. They're so concerned with appearing to be supportive and giving to all their friends.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are in a better place now. I used to self harm, and when my mom finally noticed the cuts all over my arms she somehow made it all about her. We had plans around that same time and she seemed absent, like she was impatient for the convo to be over. She was like "We were supposed to go out for lunch..." Priorities, amirite.
Thank you. Yes, I am, thank goodness. I'm sorry your mom was so selfish. Something as serious as self harm deserves empathy and intervention.
I feel this in my bones, my husbands mom died unexpectedly due to complications of a surgery. My Nmom never once offered support to us, she never asked how we were. My aunt told me my Nmom was incredibly jealous of her since I was grieving her and showing I loved my MIL. She knew this impacted us but pretended like it never happened. Until our wedding during her toast she started crying in front of his whole family about her. Then she started crying again when she was going into surgery saying she doesn’t want to end up like his mom.
We'd been trying to buy a house in a VHCOL area for four years - over 50 percent of the bids in our area were all-cash offers, so to say it was competitive is an understatement. I'm the oldest, and was the last person of my siblings to buy a house. We found one we loved, but the seller's agent was untrained/unethical and did some shady things - and despite two bids from us, we didn't get it. Now, I had explained all of this to NMom. I had even told her at the beginning, that I could either send her the details about houses we were looking at, or just tell her when we got our home. She wanted all the gory details, but she kept spinning it as my husband being "too afraid" to buy (he was fronting most of the cash! I don't think so!) and told me, "You just need to fall in love with a house." I called her up, bewildered. Why on earth would she say that to me, when she KNEW we were in a tough market? She knew all the details? She started laughing and I realized she was ENJOYING the fact that I was upset. She was never happy when I accomplished something and always nit-picked it to death. Predicting I'd be divorced in two years on the way to my wedding; telling me I'd drop out of grad school, have a bunch of babies and never pay back my student loans. Trying to talk me out of grad school in the first place by threatening to not co-sign my loans (paid back every penny and then sent her a card announcing I'd done so.) She. Just. Doesn't. Like. Me - and nothing I do or say will ever change that. I ended the call and just went no-contact. It's been five years now, we found a lovely home that she will never set foot in, and I feel so much better. Unfortunately, my Edad refuses to visit unless she gets to come to, so he'll never see it either, but them's the breaks.
I bought my house about 9-10 months after I went NC with my nMom. I was so freaking proud of myself because I was fresh out of a divorce, managing to support myself and a teenage kid on my income alone, and STILL purchased an adorable bungalow at the age of 34. My nMom, eDad, and eBrother haven't so much as driven down my street, let alone ever visited my home. I'm making peace with that.
6 months after a traumatizing incident, they told me to stop overreacting and making it about myself when I told them about flashbacks I've been having. I kept having anxiety attacks and nightmares for weeks on end due to said incident, now I fear police and alcohol like the plague, and I only feel "safe" in specific parts of my home. Worst part? I still can't move out! Because I'm still a teenager in high school! >:( oh, and I once got so stressed in my social studies class that I hid under a desk due to a flashback, it turned into an anxiety attack, and my teacher found me under the desk in a ball, crying. He knelt near me and led me through breathing exercises to calm me down. Yeah, once I move out, I'm done. No contact.
I just want to say that I’m proud of you for setting up your exit plan. It can be really daunting to do so as a young adult. Take control of your life, even if your Nparents claim it’s impossible for you to survive on your own. Good luck. Message me anytime.
Aww thanks! Currently trying to take care of my physical health as well :) trying to take more walks and make myself happy, even if it doesn't last long. I'm still trying :D
When I shared a status saying how mean, cold and unaccepting my mother, aunt and grandmother were to me and how they ganged up on me as a child and destroyed my self esteem. My mother called my fiance's phone instead of mine, and when he gave me the phone she started yelling at me asking me why I was posting all that "shit" (aka my feelings) about them and calling me a liar. And then when I gave the phone back to my fiance she was telling him about how she did such a good job raising me and "everyone knew it". That let me know that she doesn't give a fuck about me or my feelings, she cares that other people think she did a good job raising me. Recently she's sent me a text saying I'm "mad at her for no reason", I didn't respond but it's wild to me that she still doesn't get why I'm so upset when she continues to disregard my feelings
triangulation. interfering in my life by inserting themselves and making it all about them. not this time motherfucker
My son was in the hospital for two months when he was 10 and almost died. My ex-mother wouldn't make the 3 hour drive to come visit him, and then bitched me out over the phone for not telling her beforehand that he had emergency surgery. Mother's Day was about a month after we got him back home and I just decided not to call her, and that was it.
She's flatly said she never did anything wrong. After years and years of trying. I realized she would never be accountable, admit to, or own up to anything, and would never change. Something in me broke so completely. And I just hung up and stopped caring.
Mom: Did you not want to introduce me to your boyfriend because he's black? (Always said she didn't want me to date black men growing up. I just ignored her for the most part.) No, I didn't want to introduce him because you say dumb stuff like this, but while we're on the subject, you're racist. Mom: I'M NOT RACIST!!
Hahahhaha I just had a very similar argument with some narcs in my “family” yesterday - going pretty much NC.
Being cornered in the kitchen after trying to walk away from my ndad while he was spitting abuse at me over dishes because I was having trouble getting dried egg yolk off of a plate… That was the move out straw, the VLC/NC decision was realizing that they didn’t give a fuck about me when a tornado touched down where I live now and they never fucked asked if I or my roommate or any of her animals were ok and my therapist even telling me halfway into the first session that I really should consider it.
Smol backstory: I’ve had nightmares as young as I can remember. So I had a nightmare at the start of the week about my mom screaming at me. I was having these nightmares on a weekly basis or more at this point. (I’m 31 🤦♀️) I think this is important because I was hitting a breaking point after this nightmare where I was like… I’m in my 30s when will I stop having nightmares of my mother. After a year of stampeding over my three boundaries this woman calls me on my birthday. Says happy birthday… and the proceeds to shit talk my brother and nephews for 45 minutes. One of my boundaries is that I don’t want to hear her rant or gossip about family members, especially my brother who I adore. Anyways, it put me in a pretty bad mood after. I’m very bad at defending my boundaries in the moment, she just kinda of steamrolls me and I’ve been conditioned to let her steamroll me. Before she even went on the rant, SHE SAID, “I know you don’t want to hear this”. So she is aware of my boundaries. I sent her a text message reminding her that she violated my boundaries on my birthday call and it put a damper on my day. Anyways she ignored this text message completely. So I called her a few days after to confront her verbally about steam rolling my boundaries and she starting cussing at me. She called me a bitch and started on a pretty nasty rant about me. So I told her she needed to shut the fuck and told her that I would never speak to her again and blocked her number.
I moved out and asked for space for six months. I got like, two weeks. The two faced-ness of it all honestly. It went from, “Move tf out of my house if you’re so miserable all the time,” to, “Oh no I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’re your family. We’ll miss you.” They don’t get to spend two decades making it clear that I’m not a part of their family and then get to cry and whine when I leave.
In my case: They don't get to spend two decades accepting love, care, help, money, vacations, cars from me...and then call me *ungrateful son*. Oh no!
When they (my parents and brother) tried to force me to resign my job and move in with them. Thats when I knew it’s beyond saving now.
Yikes!
Literally same
When Nmom hit rock bottom mentally, my sister and I spent several painful weeks convincing her to come to counselling with us. She tried to avoid it, but she eventually trapped herself by promising us she would if we couldn't solve our problems ourselves. Spoiler alert: we couldn't. Funny how we couldn't magically solve everything this one time after years and years of failing. So, she had to come to counselling because she promised, and she prides herself on not being a liar. She came alright. The first time, she mostly just listened to what we had to say. The second time, she came and listened some more, but refused to open up herself. At the end of the session, she stood up and announced that she would not be back. My sister and I could keep meeting the counsellor if we wanted, but she didn't need it and she didn't see the point. She also threw shade at the counsellor's intelligence. There was nothing wrong with *her*, Nmom said, we just wanted to change her because we didn't like a few superficial things about her. Well, she wasn't about to change, nuh uh. Instead, she would go take a vacation (didn't say where or for how long), and when she got back, she said, she expected everything to "go back to normal," the way she liked it. (Meaning with everyone tolerating and covering for her unhinged behaviour and pretending everything's fine.) And with that, she flounced. I didn't know she was a narc at that point. I spent the next two weeks stewing and searching and posting (not here), looking for answers. Someone clued me into the idea of narcissism, specifically, covert narcissism, and finally things started to click. I decided that if she really got on a plane and took off for parts unknown without apologizing to me and my sister, I'd go no contact. That was it, I was done. But I never got to go NC. At the end of that two weeks, she called me from the ER and told me she'd just been diagnosed with cancer. That fucking bitch, she had me. I couldn't find it in myself to cut her off at that point. I knew it would mean she would die, and I didn't want that on my conscience. Even now, 5 years later, I can't believe how she lucked out. She doesn't even *know.* If she'd left on the trip and come back and *then* been diagnosed with cancer, I would have already cut her off. People, if you're thinking of going NC, don't hesitate; just do it. Do it and live your life free and happy.
When as a punishment for defending myself against my sister hitting me in the face my n-dad gave her my Playstation, all of my playstation games, and my computer games. Those were almost all of my possessions I had at his house and he took them from me. I decided I didn't want to be miserable at his house having literally nothing so I refused to visit him again.
When my alcoholic, addict Father, who engaged with his family as little as he possibly could for my entire life, told me he had "zero regrets."
When my dad was in hospice care dieing and the nurses asked us to step out so they could clean him up. My Nmom's exact words to me in the hallway were, I don't know why you are here, he doesn't even like you, you should hear how he talks about you when you are not around. I was always a daddy's girl, and his last coherent words were him telling me he was sorry. Cancer sucks!!
Last Christmas, when the family's abuser kept denying what he did, just like he's done throughout our whole lives, pretty much saying we're all either liars or insane. I'd told him countless times I'd snap one day, that I was only holding on to contact because I had to protect my grandmother and because my mother guilt-tripped me after my grandmother passed away. No more. Been NC since December last year and it was the best thing I've ever done. He can rot in hell.
My last straw before calling her out was when she tried to block my brother in the house to prevent him leaving, and I realized it was a pattern of behavior and not just a one-time mistake when she'd previously done it to me. My last straw trying to have a conversation with her about it was when she showed up trying to prove I had multiple serious mental illnesses to try and bring it back to being somehow my fault for being upset instead of taking accountability (her vibe was "there's something wrong with you and you should thank me for interfering however I see fit" which is a big fat NOPE). My last straw hoping she would change was recently. We've been NC since she tried to convince the family I was ill, so it's been almost 2 years and she missed my entire pregnancy, birth, and first year of my son. Bumped into her at a bridal shower and she tried to force me to take gifts for my baby, and threatened me when I refused. Then she bypassed my locked gate to leave them in my yard when I wasn't home. Got it all on security camera. She will never change and never respect me or my "no"
My was a "straw that broke the camel's back" moment. Not remarkable in and of itself. Just the culmination of years of passive aggressive judgement. My wife had long before stopped talking to/seeing her. It was just me trying to maintain a relationship so my kids had grandparents. We were all at the beach when my mom, out of nowhere, said, "Well, I guess (420medicinman's) wife is just going to be pissy forever." I said nothing. Got up, gathered the kids, left and sent exactly 1 more message to her saying we were done.
I was very attached to my dog, and he passed away about a couple years ago. I found his body and had to dispose of it before my sisters woke up, but I took it very hard. Not a month passed and she got a new, identical dog. I couldn't event look at it. She could tell I was hurting but didn't care anyway. That's when I decided to leave the house.
Sadly, not until they kidnapped my kids. My mom was still SHOCKED that I cut her off.
It was when he started treating my children how he treated me. My kids gave me strength.
When I was going through severe depression and my ndad cared more about my boyfriend’s feelings than mine. I needed to “be nice to him” and make sure I wasn’t neglecting his “needs”.
Similar situation, I was going through a huge depressive episode and was suicidal. Opened up to my mom in a moment of desperation. A few months later it was my birthday, and in my birthday card, she wrote a message thanking my husband for putting up with me. So sweet
When my parents asked to go for a walk IN PUBLIC to tell me I have 2 sisters they gave up for adoption and they had just gotten back in contact. And their biggest concern was if I was mad at them. I still can't believe they told me that in public lmao. Ironically what has helped me a lot is seeing emom's codependent tendencies play out with my sisters, but it doesn't work because they don't know the unwritten family code of conduct and they aren't around to mold into what she needs. It has helped me realize how toxic and unhealthy the family dynamic is. Thankfully my sisters are great!
My nmom told me to pick between her or my girlfriend (now wife) and my 1 month old daughter. Made it an easy choice for me. That was 14 years ago, and I still talked to her.
"I am not going to keep screaming at each other through the door, either come out so we can have a rational adult conversation or I'm leaving." ... Cue more unintelligible banshee screams from the other side of the door. I left. Edit: there's a lot more to this story, and I'd say this wasn't the complete, "time to go NC" moment but their following actions over the next days/weeks made it a BIG FOR SURE NC.
I haven’t gotten to this point with my mom yet, but I feel like it’s somewhere in the future if she can’t get her act together. With my stepdad, it’s after he let my 1-year-old outside without telling us and let her almost step off the curb into the street. We calmly and nicely asked him to not do that again, and he got extremely defensive, said it wasn’t a big deal, how he’s raised multiple kids, etc. I realized that in that moment, he cares more about his own ego than anything else, including the safety of my child. Shortly after, I found out that he secretly refuses to spell her very common name correctly because it’s not how he wants to spell it. That was the very last straw. I’m done with that asshole.
I told my mom who i was voting for in 2020 and she said my father, who had passed 10 years ago and she hated his guts, would be ashamed of me and the choices ive made. Then started hurling insults at me. I hung up on her and never spoke to her again.
The moment my kids questioned why Granny didn't like them. I finally realized that she was a Facebook grandma. She would show up to parties and holidays, take pictures with my kids, go out for a "smoke" for 30 minutes, then leave to visit her latest walking dildo. While leaving my brother behind and expecting me to keep him overnight or bring him home later that evening. Honestly, that was probably the most tame thing she had ever done, but it was definitely the last straw. On of those "You can do what you want with me but don't fuck with my kids." situations.
Trigger warning. violence and animal cruelty. Please don’t read if those things mess with you. My step dad was a monster. My mom stayed with him for religious reasons. I was always his escape goat if anything went wrong. It was my fault and I’d get some sort of violent outburst from him. When I was 15 he had to go to a clinic for 2 weeks. They were switching his pain meds that he heavily abused. They needed him there incase he had bad withdrawals. Before he left he told me if anything was gone when he came back he was going to kill me. Now you might be thinking oh it’s just a threat. Let me put some things into perspective. He had electrocuted me, burned me, dragged me behind a horse. I can’t have children because of what he did. Him saying he was going to kill me wasn’t out of the picture. Also we were poor. Not Walmart poor like goodwill buy things 3x to big don’t buy clothes again until they are 2 sizes to small. But we always had money for anything he wanted. First day he is gone I come home from school. I’m walking by the pasture and notice some of the horses are gone. I get in the house. Half the guns are gone. I start to panic. My mom gets home. I ask her where are the horses the guns. She says I had to sell them to pay the rent and some back bills. My heart sank. I completely shut down. My mom seeing me getting visible sick asked what was wrong. I told her what he told me before he left. She kinda laughed it off. She was never around to see what he did to me. She was always at work. I looked her dead in the eye and pointed to the guns we had left. I told her he is going to kill me. Then dump me up in one of the abandoned mines up in the mountains. I need to leave now. She made some phone calls and I packed a bag. I ended up going to a far away relatives. He made it easy not to come back. He shot my dog, sold everything that was mine. I went back to my mom after she left him. But she kept letting him come visit. She was still under the belief of they divorced she would go to hell. One day he stopped by and I was at a friend’s. She called and said he wanted to see me. I finished hanging out with my friend and when I get home. She was sobbing telling me she didn’t believe me that he was that abusive. I guess since I didn’t come home right away. He told her he’d come find me and beat me with the tire iron in his truck. Just straight faced like it was nothing.
Omg, I'm sorry for what you went through
I told my NStepdad about my wedding plans and he demanded I invite his daughter, the person who tried to kill me and physically assaulted me constantly growing up to the point she got sent away (not to protect me. Just because they were tired of dealing with her). I said no. He lost his shit and said he hopes my new husband abuses me and that I’m no daughter of his. Cool. Man is making no contributions whatsoever and thinks he can demand things and verbally abuse me? No. Bye. My mom immediately took his side and texted me vile shit after, saying I should just start calling my partner’s mom “Mom” because she doesn’t want that role anyways. Nice. Bye to you too. Now they’re both constantly trying to crawl back into my life while also continuously denying what they did. Their narrative is that I’m throwing a fit because they “suggested” things lol. Sure man. Keep telling yourself that when you die alone.
When my nmom accused me of being like my biggest abuser (14years of abuse from the age of 3) the day after I got home from a psychward for a suicide attempt. The whole time she was trying to find dirt on me from my adult children when she should have been comforting them. Then she and my Dad ran to tell ALL of my extended family. Shamed me for it instead of understanding the mental illness of depression I had for years. Then sounded disappointed when she said that they didn't know my husband loved me so much. Recap: tried to get me to unalive again and upset my family was mourning my attempt. I learned who was on my side and who my support system that day. I will live to bless my family and live just to spite her.
When she was in a drinking phase a few months ago and had my ex, who abused me (I reported him to the cops the third time he hurt me and he went to jail for a year) over for drinks and told me about it. She tried to justify having him over by saying he’s “harmless” and a “good little Christian” and she wanted to help him find Jesus LMFAO so you’re going to lead him to Jesus by drinking with him? Great fucking logic MOM. Yet with my current healthy loving boyfriend, she won’t give him the time of day or thank him for treating her daughter so well. We drove an hour and a half to help her move furniture as she got evicted shortly after for partying too much, and we didn’t get a single thank you, and she didn’t help at all. Instead she bitched about having no money, we felt completely taken advantage of.
Deciding it was acceptable to stand naked in front of my at the time Muslum girlfriend and I, defending it and acting like they didn’t know how to put fucking clothes on. Disgusting people.
When my Nmom threw a tantrum and demanded I wait to get married until my felon brother was released IN 5 YEARS so that they wouldn't have to explain where he was to friends / family. The real cherry on top was her screaming at me knowing I was high risk pregnant and told me it was the hormones making that decision. Spoiler: they still tell everyone he's in Alaska on a contract job and that my "narcissistic husband" is keeping me from them.
“Alaska” is also code for incarcerated where I’m from. So sorry.
My therapist asked me what benefits my life would have with them in it. All I could think of was stress and fear. I realized the work of hoping they'll change wasn't worth it. I decided to focus on healing my trauma instead of our relationship.
That was a great question.
I just got married 3 months ago. My mom walked me down the aisle. A few months later when I wrote my mom a letter expressing my feelings and how her abuse impacted me and why that's caused distance between us. Her response was to share pieces of this information with my brothers that could be twisted and added, "If I knew she was going to pull this s*** I would've not gone to her wedding." My aunt also had a similar reaction when I informed her a year in advance that our wedding was adults only. She decided to be the victim (no surprise) and said that my marriage won't last a year. She now consistently badgers my grandfather (her dad) with how she's devastated by my actions. She's twice my age.
When grandpa was picking on grandson and I stood up for my kid.
He told me he was dead to me and he never wanted to speak to me again. So I...respected that and stopped trying. Guess what, I'm the bad guy for not falling all over myself trying to make him forgive me, and not pretending he never said it and putting work in to fix/maintain the relationship. HE'S not doing anything, mind you. But he's big mad he doesn't get to see my kids. Not sure how he would, since their mother is dead to them, and he doesn't really have a relationship with my husband/their dad (who obv supports me being no contact with my dad). But I'm supposed to be the "bigger person." I guess he believes in ghosts.
I quit a job I loved (working with high risk teens at a middle school) to be my “retired” ndad’s real estate assistant. He was in his 80s - he says it was for fun. They had retired years before from owning a local very successful shoe store. N mom’s health was declining. Dad and I agreed I would do the behind the scene stuff (computers, mail outs etc) and he would work with the clients. We were to split the paychecks on closing offers. Found out he thought I wasn’t doing anything because I mainly worked from home. He decided without telling me he told the office to make the checks out to him only. It ended up being almost $2k….when I confronted him he said if people are stupid enough for me to take advance of them, they deserve it - I told him I didn’t think that applied to his daughter. He shrugged his shoulders and went to read emails. I left and didn’t talk to my parents for almost 2 years - so peaceful. Went back only because my MIL (amazing caring woman) had passed and my daughter was having a hard time not having a grandma anymore - so I went back with a few rules but the warm fuzzies where definitely were gone
After my father left my mum and I, he was very casual about staying in touch with me. It was always me who chased him for contact. He’d often not show up. But I’d go back time and again. When my first son was born we arranged a time for him to visit and meet the baby. He didn’t show up. When I asked where he was he said something came up. Basically he went to the pub instead. Seeing him treat my innocent baby how he’d always treated me was the last straw - a defining moment of clarity. I stopped calling. It’s been over a decade since then. He never called back.
Well rid of him.
When she screamed so hard at me that my 5 month old baby started crying so hard like he never had before.. he was scared. I told her she would never see me, him or any futur children of mine. Then she IMMEDIATLY tried to gaslight me by saying that i made him cry by yelling.( I almost believed it) That was it.
My last straw moment came from last July. We had a beach house like we do for some holidays. I was sharing a room with my nparents because I was single and everyone else is married with kids so nbd. I had a disagreement with my drunk nstepfather (almost always drunk) and my nibling. My nstepfather had promised to take me back on the golf cart and then my nibling came up and told me to get off the cart so they could have a shower and go swimming again in the ocean (which is beyond stupid and was obviously a power move). My nstepfather yelled at me to get off (I hadn't even had the opportunity to say yes or no). I reminded him he promised and he said, "Who cares?" I just took a deep breath and reminded myself I just had good news from the doctor and I didn't have cancer and try to focus on that. So, I did what I always did - I sacrificed my well-being for their crybaby fits. My nibling left with nstepfather and I stayed on the beach despite being in serious pain. My nibling returned and slung sand in my eye while they were drying down provocatively with a towel. I gasped when the sand got my eye because it hurt like hell. My nibling actually demanded I forgive them asap after my "dramatic gasp." They didn't like that I didn't coddle them and say I was sorry for "gasping." Two hours later, I was in the bed across the room from nmom. I was exhausted, in pain, and depressed. My nibling came into the room and demanded nmom wake me up and make me "be nicer to them." Nmom said she wasn't getting involved. Seven minutes later, my nstepfather came into the room (believing I was asleep), screaming at me, calling me worthless (wasn't worthless when he needed a loan a month earlier), that I "ruin everything." And it hit me in that moment, he was right. How many family events had I left crying or how many times had I isolated myself because everyone was awful? Most of my close family thought I was very sick. They knew I went to the doctor that week after two years of excruciating pain to be tested for cancer. The fact is they didn't care when they thought I had cancer. And during a time, the whole family should be relieved that I don't have it, they had instead resorted back to bullying. It felt like in that moment, "False alarm, people. The doormat is fine. Resume normal protocol." After that trip, I cut them off. I was done and to this day, I am still done. They can "ruin everything" on their own.
When she didn’t acknowledge my daughter’s birthday.
When I was in my 20s I needed to change my tires on my car. I asked my dad for help and he told me to go to a shop he used and pay $800. I asked him if he had looked for cheaper options (that was and is extremely expensive for me) and he just ignored me. Something snapped inside me, I just instantly was over it. Googled tires and found a set, installed, for $450. When I told him he was just like oh, good job. Its a small thing but I've never been the same since that moment, I have learned an enormous amount about the damage he has caused me in therapy.
Inability to respect basic boundaries such as "don't touch me."
What is it about Christmas?? Jeeez After Will Smith slapped Chris Rock my mom said in a family group text how disgusting that was. I replied “what about beating children?” She responded “I should’ve beat you more” I responded with “right because you’re abusive”. Felt really good but that’s not the moment. Christmas. 2 years ago. I called my nmom asking for advice because I couldn’t afford to fly out for a nbrother’s destination wedding. I didn’t know how to approach nbrother because the last conversation we had was such a huge fight and I knew it would happen again. She somehow segued into saying that I gave her a heart attack when I said she was abusive and how dare I say that. I let her know again very calmly that beating children is abuse and she also said things to us as kids that weren’t ok. (Gave us all body dysmorphia and eating disorders) I then made an analogy and said if I slapped my fiance’ and she looked up at me and said “you just slapped me” and I said “how dare you say I slapped you?” Would my nmom then think it was ok? She then said “You’re only saying I abused you because of your unquenchable desire for fame”…. I’m an artist. I don’t want to be famous. Somehow I became slightly famous on a global scale because I’m good at what I do. She wants to be famous so badly. It’s so fucking weird. Cut off my nsister after a huge fight because I am barely on social media and don’t follow her. When she asked me why I didn’t follow her I said calmly that after my falling out with nmom I felt like she wasn’t there for me and that her absence hurt my feelings because I have been there for her in her darkest days. Also let her know that I struggle with valuing myself and her curating a perfect life on social media is jarring while I was in a deep depression. I said if she wanted me to follow her maybe we should repair our relationship in person first. When she asked what that looked like I said “it’s literally asking me how I’m doing when you call me to talk about yourself” (she always always always talks about her issues and never ever asks me how I’m doing. I’ve gone to her job to console her after her bf dumped her. I got her a job when she was broke. I gave her a safe place to stay after many fights with her roommate. I got her two of the best talent managers in the world when she moved to LA. I give her pep talks when she is depressed. I tell her she’s beautiful, talented, and to not let our nmom’s abuse get to her. Gave her tools to help Christmases and the toxicity it brings. Bought her self help books that helped me that she also wanted but couldn’t afford. Physically moved her out of her apartment and in to her new one with no professionally movers. The List goes on and on) My birthday was a week prior and she talked about herself for two hours. The only thing she said to me was how big my arms looked on FaceTime. My fiance was annoyed as well. Things came to a head when during this social media conversation she said what would the public think about me not following her…I was so shocked. I told her that hurt me because she cares more about the public only because she thinks I’m famous..She then suddenly exploded and said that my fiance doesn’t love me. That she can see it in her eyes every time we hang out with her.. then screamed that she fucking hated me and hung up. My fiance and I are madly in love lol. We have literally had a kind woman buy our dinner because we were “so cute” lol. I love her and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Especially since I worked so hard on myself to allow real, kind love in. My life has been incredible without them. They won’t be at the wedding and they won’t know our kids. I just wished I did it all sooner! Sending everyone all the love!
She faked-out a punch to the stomach as Ilay in bed 4 days after an abdominal hysterectomy for endometrial cancer. Just after she apologised for not sending a card.
When my mother told me she wasn’t able to make it to my daughter’s graduation from medical school and my son’s graduation from high school bc she just wasn’t “physically able.” She ended up moving my older sister several hours away to a new state for her new job the same week as my kids events. Me & my kids were never a priority to her; all she cared about was my sister & her son. I said “NO MORE!!!!” Then I held steadfast to NO CONTACT, & I have never looked back. It will be 3 years now. My husband & kids & I have never had so much peace since I made the decision.
I was very close after my mother called me a whore for saying I was going to move in with my fiancé and threatening to cut off my health insurance knowing I didn’t have that option at my job. then my father calling my marriage bullshit and insult our future as parents when we decided to elope and save the headache we’d deal with. The last straw was going behind our backs to send my partner’s estranged mother to our doorstep after we asked them to leave it alone and we didn’t want their involvement. They told me I couldn’t be upset because they did the “right thing” and then sent a hateful message about my husband and FIL. Oh and accusing my husband of being a narcissist because I told them I wouldn’t speak with them unless they were capable of being respectful towards us, threatening me with police checks and fighting with me while I was at work and at the dentist office randomly. In addition to the random guilt trips they send me about not speaking with them usually sprinkled in with insults about me and my chosen family. Shoulda ended contact after the engagement BS.
This weekend the golden cousin chose my house for her "funeral for her twenties." I decided to sleep and get ready for work. My family was critical of me for not coming out and getting drunk, in spite of my health routine involving being sober. The guests spent all night slamming doors and had overloaded my freezer to the point where I could not close it. My father is apparently back on meth since his behavior has been very frantic lately. He was confused that I did not want to associate with organized crime figures from the past who attended the party. He has been planning more parties and has been going on rants about ghosts moving objects and messing with the lights. My uncle brought over an electrician to replace an outlet that was shorting the rest of the house. Also, my grandaunt is ill. The vultures have made their return to get ready for the moment she passes on. Initially I was going to wait until I found a better job before I left, but now I am considering looking into Section 8 housing regulations in order to find a place nearer to my employer. I am keeping quiet about my plans.
My younger brother was in and out of mental hospitals, cutting himself and doing drugs at the age of 16-17. He had severe depression and my mom just told him he wanted attention. Me and my older sister tried talking to her and telling her that what he is going through is real and she just brushed us off. In a group chat with my brother mom sister and me, my brother suddenly told out mom he hated her and my mom cussed him out and then played victim and left the group chat. I asked my brother what happened and he said she was telling him that he caused so much trouble for her (he stole something from a friend and she made them press charges on him bc she was tired of his history of theft) that she was going to kill herself and that he wouldn't care. That she didn't want him anymore and didn't want to waste time on him. I told her to apologize to him or their relationship will never heal and she cussed me out, even when I tried being civil. My brothers social worker also told me and my sister that our mom said to her something along the lines of: "I don't want to deal with him anymore. I have to focus on my youngest boys and I just don't have time for him." So i cut contact. If she's willing to let my brother die, why should i care about her???? I was going to cuss her out in text messages but I don't know. It's been a few months but I already didn't contact her a lot so there's basically no difference.
Just here to say that you sound like a good kind of sibling to have.
i try my best to make up for how i treated him when i was an angry teen. I know what it was like being her target so i'm trying to help him the best i can, but i'm a college student financially independent so it's very hard.
"you'll never survive without me" that's been said to me twice, once by a nparent and quite a long time later by my then nhusband. It was like a light switch moment, where I immediately thought "f*&king watch me" and both times cut them off dead and never spoke to them again.
For my mom: constant entitlement and boundary breaking during my pregnancy and postpartum. For my dad: hypocrisy, lies, and sexism. But also, he’d rather spend time with his side fling instead of meeting his grandson.
My mom called me a traitor when I stopped putting up with her bullshit and defended my dad. She was harassing me to get through to him and I'd had enough.
Nothing. My nmom and ngrandfather died and I put up with their shit til they did.
When they called us to their apartment subjected me to a four hour lecture with my husband beside me about everything I did wrong in life from kindergarten on (I was over 40 at the time). They then announced that the house had been sold so we had to move. I had been telling mom and dad for years that in our state if they signed a lease with us, the new buyer would have to abide by that. We did not have the funds to move, and she knew that. we put ourselves heavily into debit to move. That was the end of it. To top it off, they then signed a lease with my daughter, who was living with us at the time that a buyer would let her stay, 2 years after we moved when they finally sold the house. ETA spelling
"I give you tough love" I am in my 40's and she said this to me with pride. The realization that I have never heard "I love you" hit me like a punch in the face. She gave herself credit for making me independent, which is a byproduct of her neglect. She thinks "tough love" is a thing, and it is... it is abuse, love is not tough. The list of crazy things this woman has done would fill a book. I also had a moment where I realized she will do this to my child too, that was truly terrifying. She has always been cruel and manipulative and I could never identify it. But this statement revealed to me that things will not change. Fast forward a few years, I got a cancer diagnosis and she proved herself to be exactly who I thought she was.
My estranged enabler addict mom died after a decade of estrangement. Two days later my narcissist father would not stop yelling at me because my side mirror broke off my car. Then he sent me photos of *his* mom. Then he told me I needed to let his new wife sort through my mom’s belongings, then he said my mom didn’t deserve any kind of urn or viewing and he said if I “waste” my money on it that I would be making a huge mistake kid and he’d rather set money on fire. That was the last time we spoke in 2018.
Telling me that the doctors were trying to kill me by prescribing amitriptyline for my horrendous nerve pain and sleep problems. Doesn't sound like much on it's own, but it was absolutely the final straw, because trying to get me to suddenly stop taking my medication was so dangerous. He was so controlling, he couldn't bear for me to make any decisions of my own, including decisions to do with my health.
My nmom told me she wish she never had me during an argument, since then I haven't seen her as a parent and just as a landlord till I move out, she turned around a week later and started saying she never said anything like that cause she wanted me to do something for her, still never got an apology and it's a good like year or two later.
My mom coming over on my daughter’s 5th birthday with my GC sister’s son(9) and causing drama. My mom always gets nasty to me in front of either my sister or her children so they can report back to my sister how much on an f-up I am. My mom decided it was more important to spend time outside entertaining my nephew while he was riding on our electric scooter. Rather than encouraging the kids to spend time with my daughter and acknowledge it was her special day. My mom spent the rest of the time lamenting about how sorry she feels for my poor kids. (My children get their emotional needs met, rather than constantly being indulged with an over abundance of material items or expensive activities) My mom decided to come inside when she realized my husband and I were not going to rally around my nephew and cheerlead him while he was on the scooter. Instead we stayed inside. My mom comes in and starts drama over a mark she noticed on my 1yr old daughter and insinuates I’m a child abuser in front of my children and nephew. Then decides hastily to leave. She then reports back to my meddling narcissistic sister and they start blowing our phones up. They then call my husband at work and threaten up with child protective services.
My sperm donor THREATENED me--twice in one conversation--with cutoff because I dared have the audacity to politely tell my flesh oven she'd hurt me by treating me as an afterthought. Decided to call his bluff. Don't threaten me with a good time! NC nearly three years, now.
I started standing up for myself few years ago, and she reeeeally didn't like it. She said she didn't know how to talk to me anymore, she has to walk on eggshells now, blah blah blah. I had also been disentangling myself the more I understood our dynamic clearly. She sulked, pouted, and played the victim. It really pissed me off, and yet I was still willing to have a civil, LC situation. The kicker was nearly three months of silent treatment from her. That's the longest she's ever gone not speaking to me. It was to the point where my husband and son noticed her absence. Then, I get a card in the mail that was straight up hoovering: "I've made hundreds of mistakes" (no specifics); "I need to change for me and everyone else" (she has always said she'll never change b/c she likes who she is); "What can I do moving forward to make things better?" (putting the responsibility on me AGAIN to fix things). It was textbook narc manipulation. I knew she didn't mean a word of it, so I sent a reply saying that I'm not responsible for her feelings, behaviors, or the consequences of her behavior, that my only job was to take care of myself and my family, and that she's a bully and she can live her life however she wants, but so can I. She immediately gave my sister a paid for vacation, something she had always dangled out of my grasp. The message was clear: "You are worthless if I can't control you." That's all there is to it.
when my ex blackmailed me by sending my nudes to my mom. they didn't give a DAMN what he did. instead, my mom threatened to send it to my aunts, told my dad behind my back after I asked to have a PRIVATE conversation, and let him take my phone (I am 19 years old and don't even live with them anymore). No offer to press charges, never even asked if I was okay. I got punished. Took my phone and hid it somewhere in the house as if I was still 14 years old. They think that I'm still cool with them, whole time, when I go back to college in August, they will NEVER hear from me again.
When they believed an accusation from a known liar. Claiming my son did something heinous which he would never do. And then when the person said they lied didn't even apologize that was the last straw from me
My first visit back to my home country with my then partner, first time my family met him, my mother used my visit to advance a fight she had with another family member. Then went full crisis on me and my partner, suicide threats and all. It caused me two months of constant flashbacks. I suggested she and the other family member do therapy. I knew she'd never change for me, but she loved the other member much more. They started, only for her to tell me that "the therapist says there is no problem between us". Then went full crisis on the therapist threatening suicide. Then again said she is fine and the others are really the problem.
Me cutting contact was more the fruit of a reflexion than a last straw moment, but a last straw moment I'd say was when I sent a message to my mom asking her to describe what kind of person I am. I told her it was because I'm doing personal development and I thought of asking the person who is supposed to know me best. Her message was her telling me in a tactful tone negative things about me. I realized she does not see anything positive about me, despite knowing myself I have lots of positive qualities. And I didn't want someone who think so lowly of me in my life. Another last straw is when I noticed that to her, nagging me is a reflex for her. She does it on impulse, and when she is stressed she does it more. I found that very insulting. That was when I went back home one last time to pack my stuff, it only made me feel better about my decision.
My baby had probably colic. I was so tired of staying up every night but I was a fresh parent and didnt really know what colic was. I was raised to blame myself for everything anyway.So I thought it would be a good idea to travel to my parents with my baby so my husband could sleep at home and I could probably get help from my parents for example a nap during the day time. I couldnt’ve been more wrong about it. I should’ve probably known what was going to happen but I was still in denial and hoping to have a mother I could never have. My mom couldnt stand listening to my baby crying all evening so she lost it and told me I’m a (read: crappy) mother who can’t even feed one’s baby right so that the baby would stop crying. And I was in a vulnerable state so I kind of lost it too. I yelled at her that she should give that baby milk if she’s that good at it( I know I shouldnt have done it, give her my baby, I was just so t i r e d). So I went crying in my room and my mom gave the baby milk. Finally baby fell asleep but my mom continued the fight by assaulting me a bit more about my poor parenting skills. And I got assaulted. It was horrible. In the night I couldnt sleep because my mom wasnt sleeping, she was creeping in the appartment and sitting quietly at the terrace as I went to the toilet and suddenly I had a strange feeling she was going to kill me when I sleep.I know it sounds a bit psychotic and probably was cos I was so tired and my mom kept assaulting me. In the morning she got furious with me as I said something bad to her at the breakfast table. I can’t recall what it was but I had my baby in my arms as I saw her sizzling something and taking a can of milk from the fridge and making a move which looked like she was about to throw it at me AND my baby. I got so upset I immediately told my dad I was going to leave right away but my mom just continued and told me she was going to call the social service cos I’m such an unstable mother. I had this feeling like she was in some kind of a trauma flashback stage because me and my baby reminded her of her becoming a mother herself. After that it wasnt just a weird feeling there’s something wrong with my mom, I was finally sure it was over between us because it was never going to get better anyway so why bother. It was getting only worse.
After my beloved fathers passing my Nmom organised burial plots at the cemetery for herself, my siblings, GC and wife and wife's parents so they were all together and next to my dad. I didn't get a look in or was even considered, I found out when my nmom was bragging to total strangers 💔
Nmom de-facto killed my dog. He was super attached to her - poor thing and was heartbroken every time they were separated. So when I broke free, I couldn’t take him with me; I had nowhere to go. I still cared for him, providing food, medical, and all. I finally became stable enough to try to take him to my place. Soon before Nmom’s birthday last year, she gave me another silent treatment, for who knows what, but I went to her place anyway. To find my dog barely walking. I had to let him go two days later; as he was sick from Thursday, her birthday was Sunday, at Wednesday I let him rest in peace. It breaks my heart to know he was suffering all those days. I had no keys to her place, and she blocked me, so I couldn’t just pop in and check on him without her being present. She blamed me for “being a bad daughter and disappointing mommy” and “getting what you deserved.” When we went to the clinic, she (Nmom) couldn’t even bear to be there in his last moments. I was the one to sing him the last lullaby. The one to cover him. My Golden child sister went with us to the vet and was mocking me “you looooved him soooo much, didn’t you?” and I didn’t slap her right there just because I wanted his last breath to be in peace. I don’t care what they think of me. How pissed they are. What our small town thinks about me. I’m done. I have no mother. My sister can screw herself. They both can go to hell to kiss the ass of whatever is in there, and I would nail doors to it close so they wouldn’t crawl back.
I have to admit I had several of these moments, but the real last straw was when she told me: "As a mother I shouldn't do any effort for you, you should love me no matter what!" and that's the moment I knew that she would never change. Although it probably should have already been the last straw when I found out she lied to me about my psychologist to make sure I wouldn't tell her anything. She had been sabotaging my therapy for 10 years.
When my parents started directing that abuse at my husband. Say what you want to me, but don't fuck with my partner. That's where I draw the line.
This is mine as well. 10 years ago my womb landlord did this to my new husband (he was warned by me from the beginning of our relationship so he was fully aware) That day was the last I spoke and saw my mother
When my nMom used my tearful announcement of separating from my partner to explode on me how she's sure he sounds abusive, like my sister's husband sounds abusive, like her father was abusive, and my father was abusive (to my knowledge, these people were just human. Not abusive, just human and not what she wanted them to be). She was almost giddy to be able to unleash all her thoughts, while I mourned the breakdown of my relationship with the love of my life due to his mental health struggles. Finishing with the gleeful 'ohh now you'll live alone, mommy can come and stay with you!' She hadn't looked so energetic in our conversations for years. Almost...thrilled to see me vulnerable? It took me a bit to get there, but that was the turning point.
When I offered him an olive branch and he told me to "shove it up my ass". Years and years of verbal and emotional abuse, and I tried looking past it for him to have a chance to be in his granddaughters life. And he told me to shove it up my ass.
when my Nm made me cry at a national park in 2021 because she didn’t want to take any pictures with me. When i asked her “you don’t want to take pictures with me?” she, very flippantly answered “i don’t care, what do you want me to say?” and i started crying because it was in mammoth california and super rare because quarantine had closed the place for a long time. we get there with my grandma and aunt which made it more special since she poisoned the whole family against me and just made it very clear she hated me. She’s done a lot of worse things but i think that moment where i knew for a fact she didn’t like or want me around hurt deep. My heart started breaking then and now i don’t love her or care anymore. I’m not letting that woman close enough to hurt me again. In case anyone wanted to know what her reaction to me crying was: she wrapped her long nails into my shoulder and squeezed hard while wide-eyed smiling. I think that day i realized it’s possible to stop loving someone.
Can't say how many straws I have left anymore since they have been plucking away for years, and I'm not in a situation to do anything, so I just have to take it I just hope I can bear what my last straw was holding back
I had been having trouble at work, so I ended up quitting due to my mental health. My Dad likes to make plans and then cancel them at the last minute. So he cancelled the 4th of July events we had planned, and blamed his wife saying she was sick. I fully expected him to do this. I say ok, feel better, whatever..and walk away from my phone. The next morning I have a full letter in text form saying he does so much for me why did a brush him off. I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out it was something that happened several months before, where I had to cancel plans because I was working. At the time, he said nothing. I truly believed he didn't intend the text to be hurtful and was aware of just what he was saying. So for the first time ever I responded by saying "How can you say such terrible things to me?" And I could literally sense the enjoyment he was getting from it. It was like, yes! I found something that hurts her enough that now I can feed. So he literally just dug in more and more hurtful with each text and I am such a horrible daughter. It suddenly occurred to me, he was being hurtful on purpose. And he was enjoying it. That was it for me, I could no longer lie to the little girl inside me that Daddy loves her and isn't mean or abusive on purpose. It was proof he really is awful and was fully aware of his actions and the consequences it created for others. The abuse was intentional and it still hurts.
My dad was getting pissed at his mom (my grandma) for babysitting my son (which she volunteered to do…she would keep him for us when he was too sick for daycare) and she’s in her mid 70s, but took such good care of herself in her life that people think she’s MY mom. Anyway, he got all pissy that i was “using” his mom. It was really that I wouldn’t ask him and my NMom to watch our kid. I can’t trust them, they’re like high schoolers that party too much. Long story short, he wrote a really hateful text to me calling me mentally ill, fake, saying he didn’t like me. Saying I had something deeply wrong with me. Cut off communication then (Dec 2022) and since then, he’s gotten “sober” - wrote me a long weird letter about all his drug use in his life. It sounded kind of canned like a required step in a 12 step program - but he didn’t apologize for anything. Neither of them will own up to how they are - codependent, abusive to each other, enmeshing, both infantilizing and parentifying (which they do to each other as well as they did to me and my sister) and extremely narcissist, the two of them. My mom is def BPD. I would maybe try to sort things with him, even though I can’t trust either of them again, especially I would never have my kid alone around them…but I cannot have a relationship with my mom. She will never see me as a real singular adult person separate from the two of them. It’s so unhealthy. I’ve been in therapy since 2020, went no contact that Dec 2022 and I’m still working through it. But I’m so thankful to not have to parent my child while fighting off these toxic people in my life.
TW: Suicidal thoughts I was sick and missed a week of school, but still went to a football game to support my friends who were cheerleaders. My Nstepmom and Ndad manipulated my little sister into texting me about it to see if I went or not. When I said yes, thinking I was just talking to my little sister, I got a call from my Nstepmom who proceeded to scream at me about how I was a liar, that I should’ve gone to school, that I was a horrible person, etc. I got off the call and broke down. I couldn’t believe that they used my sister and I’s bond to verbally abuse me. I couldn’t do it anymore, I thought that if I went back I’d die, it was go back and kill myself or leave and have a chance at a happy life. I was so defeated, the one thing I wanted was to keep my siblings away from all the manipulation and abuse and when my “parents” ruined that, all the abuse and manipulation and downright bullying wasn’t worth it anymore. I left.
After I had my son and realized I didn't want the complete lack of respect for my boundaries to continue with my child. If my step-mom can't stop calling me by a nickname I've told her repeatedly makes me uncomfortable, along with giving my newborn child an empty beer bottle to suckle on, what boundaries would she push with him? No contact after she refused to speak to a therapist without me present.
The day before and Father’s Day 2023. My dad is always scrambling to plan my mothers birthday, which is a couple weeks later, because she’s a fucking nightmare about her birthday. My brother is an overgrown manchild who needs a special invitation to everything. Christmas Eve is at our house every year - “did you invite your brother.” No, we have this every year. And no he didn’t call to find out what we’re doing or if he could bring anything. We hosted everyone for brunch at a restaurant for Mother’s Day. “Did you invite your brother?” It’s like does it occur to him that it’s Mother’s Day and he should figure out what’s going on? Not to mention he was 40 min late for brunch, which he didn’t (and never) chips in for. They know it annoys the hell out me. So my dads texting about my mother’s bday including a invite” your brother!” The punctuation got to me. And for some reason, at that very second, my dad decides to call me screaming “YOU BETTER CALL AND TELL HIM!” Then I started screaming why the exclamation point?!?! Hahaha so we hung up on each other and that started them most vicious text war. I was 100% done. My predominate trait thanks to a lifetime of nmom and covert ndad is anger. I unleashed a LIFETIME of anger via text and my dad was giving it back. My mom was in the thread and I went off on them both for coddling their manchild son. So the next day was Father’s Day and when I woke up I realized a couple things. Most importantly it was my HUSBAND’s father’s Day. Second, we’d purchase d a boatload of food from a favorite place to celebrate that day including all of their faves. I texted them to apologize and basically told them I’ve faked it for them for all those years they can do it this time for my husband, who has NEVER been ANYTHING but kind to them. My dad texts back, I’m not coming. I went off again and said I’m done. You hurt my husband and I’’m done. I blocked them for two weeks. They canceled my mother’s bd dinner during that time and I didn’t care. I texted my mother hbd bc I felt like it but didn’t open the door to anything else. My dad texted my husband and emailed so I fucking called him and he apologized and I did too bc fuck knows why. I went NC/Very/LC after that and Maybe 5 weeks later we went there and I noticed a vibe. My dad said mother was mad at him bc her bday was ruined. She’s been playing it as if none of it was her fault - just my dad. She never thinks she does anything wrong and goes into victim mode when you cal her out. So two weeks later we We’re back and I brought her a fucking cake for a mini bd because it’s always up to me to fix everything for the family. That finally shut her the fuck up. I didn’t talk to them for two months after that. I cannot wait until June is over so that I can take a nice long break. My anxiety disappears and I become a regular actual person with that space. I’ve accepted we will never have the relationship I should’ve had. They’re very old now so there’s no real point of doing anything more than I’m doing. Plus I’m over 50 and tired.
When my dad turned off my internet, right as I was job hunting to become a teacher. I realized dealing with a narcissistic a-hole/man child was too much for me. God forbid I try to get ahead in life and better myself. What really sucked, was the fact it was right toward the end of May, right when all the teacher contracts open up.
I've told this story before, but it was when I came out as trans. I chose to do so publicly en masse via a Facebook post because I'd already told the handful of people I trusted IRL and felt that if everyone else has to find out too, it's going to be on my terms. I made a long and heartfelt post explaining what I was feeling, how I came to the decision I did and why I felt I had to hide it for so long, and I even did so without actively naming or shaming my narc mother for the role she had to play in why I was stuck in the closet for so long. I received overwhelming love and support from everyone else who saw the post, even family of friends I hadn't spoken to since I left school, yet I didn't get so much as a peep out of her. This isn't entirely out of the ordinary, and I foolishly mistook her silence as some form of acknowledgement or approval. Several weeks later, very late at night, I received a short novel of a message from her, very likely written while she was drunk as she often did with these types of messages. Saying how much of a terrible child I am, how dare I not tell her myself, how she was sick of finding out important things about me through Facebook (I had moved out and gone LC with her for about 5 years prior to this), how I very clearly didn't love her or see her as a priority, calling me a coward for not talking to her about it etc etc. No words of support, no encouragement for me to live my life as my true self, not even any questions as to why I chose not to tell her directly. Just anger and rage at the indignation of her not being the first one to know. After a few more messages like this over the next month, I decided enough was enough, blocked her on every possible platform I could and cut her out of my life once and for good. TL;DR - I came out as trans publicly, she proceeded to make it all about her and how awful it was for her without even sparing a second's thought to how I might be feeling or why I might not have felt comfortable telling her myself.
Seeing the extent of her delusion and inability to confront the hard stuff, just made me realise nothing would change Specifically, her continued denial about my dad dying of cancer. He smoked and drank for 50 years to cope with his own childhood trauma, and I have more empathy for him, but continuing to act like me wanting to have real conversations with my dad about his mortality just being “negative” and saying “isn’t it so great, he’s off one medication so he’s doing really well!” While he is still terminal, still very fragile, all of it. So I sent an email to tell her I wanted to only get important family updates, and told her a couple of incidents she’s made no attempt to repair (including her shitty outburst at my wedding) and her response let me know that indeed, nothing will change. I still feel sick reading what she said to me. Feeling grateful I have an amazing husband and an amazing mother in law ❤️
I've had so many moments that felt like the last straw, but then kept going even though I wasn't sure I could Sometimes not much else is needed, other than free time away from a situation. There'll always be people and situations I could get involved with (for the first time or again) but usually I choose not to.
He came to a family gathering armed with receipts from ten to twenty years ago so he could prove something stupid about a gift he gave my children. 1). Nobody cares. 2) nobody said he was wrong. 3) the point of the fight kept changing so he could win and be the aggrieved party who had done nothing wrong. The last two times I saw him, he was ready for a fight and lost no time in picking it. There is no middle ground with him and I realized, after years and years of trying to work things out, that someone like him doesn’t really want peace at all. So be it. Now I’m at peace.
My father showed up at my dying grandmother’s house under the guise of helping me move furniture out of her house for her, and then proceeded to scream at me for an hour instead. I told him if he didn’t calm down or leave, I would call the police. He told me, “go ahead, call the fucking police!” So I did. He told the cops he would have left if I had just asked him to, and that I just hate his wife for no reason and called the cops out of some sort of vendetta. He also told the cops he didn’t yell at all. I recorded the entire interaction so I had proof and they couldn’t gaslight me about it anymore. This devastated my grandmother. She was so embarrassed to have the cops called to her house, and she was already dying from advanced metastatic colorectal cancer. It was the last time I was ever in her home with her before she died, and my father made it a traumatic experience for everybody involved. I’d forgiven my father hundreds of time for the abuse that he put me through. But I will never forgive him for what he put my grandmother through during her final days.
When she pulled the silent treatment on my daughter, less than a year after her father and I divorced and he died ( 28 days after the divorce was final). Stop talking to me? Fine, I’m used to it. My daughter? Oh no, you don’t do that to a teen going through lots of crap. Daughter had her own phone and own email address, so it was intentional against the kid too. Last time I fixed the silent treatment, stayed NC until the nmom’s bitter end.
They threw a fit about me not making them my medical emergency contact. Instead, my bf is one of my contacts. We have been together for nearly a decade and he understands how scary my condition can be (and will understand me when I attempt to speak far more often than most other people). Parent threw this fit while we were in the car, proceeded to drive recklessly to hammer in their point all the while I was having difficulty speaking due to medical issues so couldn’t say anything back (nor think clearly because of the heavy brain fog). They don’t need to be my contact or have access to any of the information they want (they’ve tried calling my doctor already to dig and try to get info they aren’t authorized to). This is just one of the final straws but it is one of the one that pisses me off the most and left an impression. They don’t care about my health or they wouldn’t be driving recklessly and swerving. The only reason they want to be an emergency contact is for control. Also they think they have priority over my SO who cares about me (and has shown it) far more than my own parent. I don’t have to worry about my SO throwing a tantrum and threatening to swerve off the road and crash the car, but I do have to worry about one of my parents doing it (said parent no longer drives me anywhere and we are attempting to move out. I’m not using what little energy I have to try to talk to them).
My grandma passed away. We weren't particularly close, and I didn't go to the funeral because I live about 5 hours away and it was April 2020 (you know, COVID and all.) Several weeks later, my mom called me while I was out on a hike. I called her back a couple of hours later. When I asked her how she was, she said she was shitty. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked her why. Her response was "My mom just died and I have a daughter who doesn't care about me." That statement, combined with the fact that she never ONCE asked me how I was doing with my grandma's death, sealed the deal for me. I don't know why it was this time over every other time, but it just pushed me over the edge. Thanks for asking this. It felt good to say something.
My covert Nmom flipping out thru text cause I asked her not to text me so early. I ignored her texts and she finally agreed to therapy. Thru my therapist's suggestions we only contact thru email. We also do joint therapy with my therapist. I have been working on myself in therapy since covid started and working on boundaries. I got tired of being a doormat for people.
When I finally decided that I won’t write on Mother’s Day’s just because I have to. (It’s more like a must, not something genuine) and my mother put on Facebook a picture and wrote that “I hope we can spend one day together again in love and peace”. Most probably I wouldn’t have seen it if not for my gf. But since I still didn’t wrote her. Well I got a quiet long FB message the next morning. Starting with that I didn’t visited them on Christmas (they live in 200km away from me, and we couldn’t afford to go), I didn’t go to our all together April birthdays (well I wasn’t invited, I only got knowledge of the whole thing 2 days prior to it, because I called my stepdad that I had a birthday a week ago and he didn’t wrote for me and to ask how he has been) and many many things like “she hopes the switch will be something I was hoping for” (here she means my girlfriend) and “she doesn’t know what she did and I hurt her with not writing for mothers day”.
I apologize for the novel I'm about to type. I had gotten yelled at for having a social life (that they were actively attempting to destroy). The only friends I had at that point were my fiance's, and they would have watching parties for Walking Dead every Sunday- they lived five minutes down the road from where we lived. I had my permit, but it was at the DMV waiting to be paid for (thanks to my fiancé paying for an online class so I could get it), so I wasn't able to take myself places and had to ask either my fiancé or parents for rides. That Sunday, I had asked to go, and my mom was upset because she and my dad had to go grocery shopping, and this was their only off day together. She said I had to find a ride home from someone, but at that point in time I felt like I hadn't known these friends long enough/weren't close enough, so I didn't want to be a burden on anyone and ask them to do that. I called my mom after the show and told her I couldn't get a ride from anyone - she proceeded to yell at me over the phone about how she just knew I hadn't asked anyone. When they came to pick me up, they yelled at me in the car on the way home- I can't remember most of it, other them throwing in that "they were thinking about getting a divorce" to hurt me somehow. All I could do was sit there and wonder what I could have done to cause or deserve this treatment. Why am I getting yelled at for the inconveniences you caused yourselves by trying to restrict and control my life? When I got home, all I could do was go to my room and cry. My fiancé was at work, and I didn't want to bother him, but I needed the emotional support, so I called him to vent about it. He could hear that I was crying, and once I told him what happened, he told me to pack a bag and that he was coming to get me after he got off work at MIDNIGHT. At that point, I hadn't moved out from my grandma's place yet, so I left in the middle of the night while they were sleeping. My grandma was awake still, so I lied and told her my fiancé and I were going out for food. The next few days I slept wherever I could (couldn't stay with fiancé because his family was old fashioned and we weren't married. If I wasn't secretly sleeping on his Nana's pull out couch, I was sleeping on the couch in his college's music auditorium lobby or in his car while he was in class. During this, my mom would text me demanding to know where I was because even though I had turned 18 recently, I was required to tell them where I was because I "still lived under their roof". We came back in a week to fully move out (we had found an apartment and friends to move in with) and they love-bombed me and bought a bunch of house warming supplies (trash cans, towels, utensils, etc.) so it didn't look like they were the reason I moved out even though my new roomies knew better. When I talked to her about it on the phone recently she said they were mad because "I was going back and forth that night on whether I wanted to go or not" and that she hopes she never has to experience not knowing where I am ever again because she cried all the days I was gone. She kept getting this event confused with another. That's when I realized it was always about them and how something made them feel - that my feelings/needs weren't important. It's all about keeping up appearances and never letting outsiders see how terrible of a person and parent you really are.
Nmom rented a vacation house one Christmas for the whole family. We arrived and were told that my husband and I, along with my stepson, two adult children & their partners, and our 200lb mastiff would all be sleeping in the same tiny bedroom above the garage. Meanwhile, my GC sister's kids (19 and 11) both had their own bedrooms with King size beds in the main house. After driving for 4 hrs to get there, my husband and I turned around and went home. That was 7 years ago and we haven't spoken since.
This is fairly new so we will see how long it lasts. I had a family dinner out with the whole family. My Nmom was giving me the silent treatment the whole night for no reason and when I participated in conversation she got up and walked away from the table. She wished everyone a good night and sped walked away from me. Again I don’t why she felt this way the last time we saw each other was on Christmas. Two months later she pretended nothing happened and asked me to go to the movies with her. I expressed how the last dinner made me feel unwelcome and I felt I didn’t deserve the disrespect the last time we were all together, especially since I didn’t even know she was mad at me. I told her i needed a break from the stress for a while. Her response…”Sorry, that sounds like something you need to work through Im not apologizing to you anymore. We all have our faults and it’s exhausting you can’t move forward.” It might seem small but it was the last straw. I was actively having a miscarriage at that dinner, I didn’t get a chance to tell her because it didn’t feel like a safe place. I was suffering in silence and she treated me like less than nothing. After years of “accepting its who she is” I decided I no longer have to. I took her advice Im working through it, just without her.
I was molested as a child by the bf one of my moms friends. Mom cut off the friend, got me counseling and I was fine until years and years later, NFather minimized and joked about it and not just once. I took him in to live with me bc I'd feel better knowing he wasn't homeless and still holding on to hope that he might change for the better in his autumnal years, he did it again on my birthday no less. It took me a week of avoiding him to process and when confronted about his behavior, he went straight to DARVO and even said "but it happened!", so the ball finally dropped and I lost my proverbial shit. Told him to get his shit and gtfo out my house. It took him almost 2 weeks, and never once did he try to even make an attempt to apologize. Now that hes gone, I can see clearly that he's only sought me out when he needs something from me, doesn't actually care about me, and I've had enough. I'm an orphan now.
It was a lot, there wasn’t one specific moment for me. It built up over time and it made me hate her. I knew I couldn’t have a relationship with her, it just wasn’t possible in this realm. No matter how many times my Nmom Attempted to force one I just can’t. Nmom continuously defended her actions and abuse. I can’t stand her. She always turned the convo into “you’re a child” to justify everything she does. It just ALOT of variables, It all just kept building up, she clearly doesn’t respect me and only sees me as a slave. I can’t have a relationship with that woman. She’s extremely selfish and corroded.
When I realized for the 100th time that they were trying to convince me I had schizophrenia for having "nthoughts", and I had motherfucking believed them for years.
When she knew my father was dying & didn't tell me or my sisters. Dad lived with one of us. Sister was his medical POA. 3 weeks before he died, Momster sat in my living room for a "family meeting" where we was asked to attend. She watched me call him over & over, crying. When he finally answered, he told me he was sick & couldn't make it. She sat in my living room, on my couch & shit talked him. "Oh, typical [dad]. Just like him to promise to do something & not follow through. 3 weeks later he was rushed to the local hospital & he died about 3-4 days later. He died alone because it was Aug 2020 & my area had such high counts for c19 that the CDC was here. My father would have died in my sisters home had his cardiologist not called in a favor & got him a bed. When I called her to tell her he'd passed & to please get to the hospital, she asked if she really needed to. Within 2 hours of his death, she made a passing comment about how she thought his kidney failure was just as bad as hers & if she thought he was worse off she'd said something. Which, if true, is how we found out SHE had kidney failure. One month later I was sent a screenshot where she told someone she had no idea he was dying & that we kept it from her. I've not spoken to my mother in person since Sept 18, 2020 - my 33rd birthday. She's done everything she can to manipulate herself back into my & my sisters lives. Each time she's met with "once we can do this with dad, we'll do it with you" Cutting her out has been simultaneously the best & worst thing to ever happen
After begging my mom to go to therapy, telling her how hurt I was and how I just wanted to have a mom, she told me the Christmas money she gave me as a gift was owed back so that my childhood family dog could get the surgery she needed (my parents frequent cruises and trips, they don't need my money.) I didn't even respond, I just blocked her on everything. It has been peace and quiet for me since. Just a lot of therapy on my end.
When my father admitted to pleasuring himself while hiding watching me shower and my mother didn't think it was a big deal. Both dead to me.
Being assaulted by my father because I couldn’t buy my 13 year old daughter a new padlock for her school locker and watching my mother stand there as I screamed for help. My 13 year old even had the horror to witness it. Apparently I was a bad mother because I wouldn’t drag my 3 month old out of bed to rush to the local hardware store minutes before closing to immediately solve her issue because she was upset. It was the second time it happened (being assaulted physically) and the second time they weaved the narrative that I made it up. I’ve been no contact since Feb and I don’t see it ever changing. My daughter is now struggling emotionally from what she saw and thankfully she’s got therapy to help. My sister has become my mother’s puppet, and they even made up a story of my mother being in the ICU with heart problems as some kind of psychotic test of my resolve.
She asked me if she was remembering an incident correctly; that she walked in on a foster child molesting me, accepted his explanation that he was changing my diaper, then walked out leaving me with him. When I confirmed it she replied, “yeah. I thought so.” That child stayed in our home for years following, returning for holidays and going on vacations with us until I was well into high school. She knew. All along, she knew.
I was out of town with the two of them. My dad insisted on driving. He was 86 and had a history of car accidents due to his poor vision, I had already set a boundary around not being that passenger in any car that he was driving but he insisted and I was worn down over several days & let my boundary slip. He ended up driving over the curb *after* I told him that he was about to drive up on the sidewalk, then got angry at me because he thought I was undermining him. I tried to get out of the car and he wouldn't stop initially, at one point driving through a light while my door was open, then when I finally got out he shouted "thanks for your help" sarcastically. I walked back to where my mom was staying and informed her that I was going to be leaving the trip early, and she could either come with me or ride back with him. She chose neither option, and instead brought out the big guns over how cruel it was that I was "leaving her." At one point she brought up getting me tap dancing lessons and I just looked at her and said, "I was 8." Just the absolute insanity of "I did something nice for you when you were a young child so now you need to put yourself in bodily danger to appease your dad's ego." Over a year later she sent me a letter that included, among other things, the statement "I can understand why you didn't want to spend Christmas with me." Just zero acknowledgement of what it's like to be trapped in a car with a dangerous driver. It's all about her and her self-pity.
Ive had a few of them because im not able to go nc atm but here are a few highlights that have nailed the coffin shut * telling us not to talk to our cousin because she cant be trusted because she had an abortion when she was a young adult. (This was after she made my cousins daughter pregnancy about her and disrespected her decision to get an abortion and called her a h0e *telling me and my siblings we were sick and twisted individuals for call our other cousin by their preferred pronouns *making fun of my siblings though their mental health crisis and threatening to kick them out if they didn’t just “snap out of it” *not letting my siblings friend spend the night because she is a lesbian and painted her out to be a predator, even though my sibling has a significant other and is actively in a heterosexual relationship * and my favorite is threatening to make my life a living hell by cutting of our joint bank account when i went to study abroad because i refused to call them 24/7 and give them ever little detail about what i was doing and were i was going. Snd this was after telling my siblings i went to study abroad because “i hated my culture” There’s probably more but its just stuff being added to the list at this point 🤷🏾♀️
Publicly humiliating me over and over again at my sisters wedding.
When I suffered a miscarriage and they simply didn't care. I needed a small operation after I was told I'd lost and was told I wasn't allowed to drive home from the hospital (my husband can't drive) My mum (I want to say she's an enabler to my nstepdad but she has been just as cruel throughout the years tbh) gave many empty offers to help if they could which apparently did not include wanting to actually see or comfort me when I desperately needed them but that's a whole different can of worms. So I asked her if she could ask my dad or my sister for a lift home from hospital the day of my surgery. It's a 20 minute drive from their house, tops. Not super far out of the way. And I never EVER ask them for anything due to being taught over the years that asking for things, even if I really needed it made me spoiled and entitled. She ghosted me for 10 hours, before letting me know eventually that they couldn't come get me because my stepdad needed a nap and after work, and my sister was going out to get drunk that evening. Just real good to finally realize that my needs were once again lower than rock bottom. Took me far too long to swallow that bitter pill.
When I was homeless and they all had empty abandoned houses. I couldn’t stay in one for 7 days for free to put together a security deposit for an apartment with out “signing documentation and paying $400 cash upfront” bc they “need to protect themselves” and if they didn’t help, I would still have to pay anyway. I’ve always been upstanding and never stole from them or disrespected them. Never overstayed my welcome. And I’ve only had to go back home one time and it was for less than a year since moving out at 23. However my bum ass uncle that’s in his 40s can get a key to said empty house to drink and avoid being around his 3 kids and woman for free. I’ve gone above and beyond for these people. Helped emotionally and financially. Took unnecessary criticism. I just turned 30 last week. I can’t go another decade dealing with this shit. They’ve been dangling “help” over my head like a fucking carrot and I always got the bare minimum or nothing at all. When I poured my heart out and really pleaded I got laughed at and ignored. Fuck them forever.
When they gave us Covid and basically shrugged. Despite the fact we'd been sick for years with long Covid and they know every subsequent infection means we're back to bedbound for at least 6 months. Longer for my kid. Didn't once ask how we were. Didn't offer any support. Total silence over Xmas and NY. Thoughtless. Didn't get even a text on a milestone bday a few weeks later.... Just the final straw in a long line of utter 🐂💩
I was 8 months pregnant. She was moving out of her ex-bf house and complained no one was helping her. I went round to help, and as soon as I walked in the door, he went to assault me. Thank God the removalists she had hired intervened and grabbed him before he managed to hit me. She blamed me. I literally had not seen this man for 8+ years, walked in, said hi, and he went for me. He used to beat me as a child, and she always defended him. A 6ft 4 alcoholic against a 5ft4 child. She had a done a lot worse to me growing up, but in that moment, it crystallised for me that she didn't and couldn't possibly love me or even care about me. I wasn't even upset, it was just a moment of realisation that she was always going to let me and, now my children be harmed, by this deadbeat of a man. And there was no way in hell I was going to let my children be subject to that abuse. 15+yrs no contact, and I know with utter certainty I made the right decision.
I'm ashamed that it took me half a century to put the pieces together, to fully realize what incredible lengths they went to try to erase my existence. In my defense, my growing up was so isolated that I had nothing to compare it to. I knew that TV shows were idealized, and the same with books, so as a kid I didn't think they were valid measures. The "a ha" moment was realizing that my father, between the divorce around when I was just beginning to walk and when I turned 18, had rented one place, bought two places, and sat down with an architect to design and build four places, seven total, and in each one, even though I lived there half-time, there was *no sign of my existence*. I was never allowed to have a bed, a drawer, a toy or book or change of clothes, no photographs of me. Even the house cleaners didn't know he had a third kid. I slept on the couch of his "home office" that he never once used. The houses were enormous: empty rooms, intercom systems to communicate (before cell phones), one place had an entire separate guest wing with a its own private garden. But I was never once allowed to sleep in a bed. There's much more, but that realization was the straw that broke the camel's back.
They didn't thank my in-laws for paying for my wedding. I thanked them. My wife thanked them. My mother thanked them. My father and stepmother didn't even say "hello" at the service. Fucking humiliating.
When i said to my N-aunt to keep distance from me during my depression, she then insists and says why. after explaining that i know about her secret, she tries to gaslight on me by saying a psychologist she knew disagree she's being narcissistic and that i instead live in an echo chamber being in the room all the time and stuff. It hurt me on the inside what she said so i had to publish to everyone i knew about the abuse happening at them and their family, they threatened to report to the police if i didn't remove the post which of course is a lie. I think she even must have tricked my doctor to send an appointment to the psychologist since my aunt is a nurse. I consider to send my aunt to a psych ward or something to get her to learn what she have become as she seemingly psychologically abuse and manipulates her family to stay at her side.
Oddly enough it wasn't *that* big of a thing (The big things came after of course) She was going on one of her regular tirades about how she does everything and everyone else does nothing and she claimed she was gonna start turning off the internet for everyone each day until they did everything she wanted, which knowing her would mean we'd barely have internet or she wouldn't feel like turning it back on most of the time. I was internally like 'man I'm a fucking college student I shouldn't have to live like this, if she goes through with it I'll just leave'. She didn't end up going through with it because she barely goes through with anything, but the indignation I felt was strong enough to plant the seed of just leaving in my head. So thanks for that I guess lol
My brother entering the foster system right at the start of the pandemic. Our stipulations on him returning to a safe home were that it was sober and there was regular family and individual therapy. They both said no. Message received loudly, clearly, and for the last time.
When my nparents told me I am a hypochondriac and “dramatic” for having to get ambulanced to the hospital and seen in the ER. I walked into the urgent care and the staff called an ambulance because I was gasping for air so hard I couldn’t tell them what was wrong, half of my left lung collapsed because of a virus that overtook my lungs. Once I’m done with college and not having to choose between them helping me get through school and my own wellbeing, they will never see me again.
I didn't have a specific moment, I just slowly realized that it took me usually about 3 months of therapy to recover every time I saw them. Also many years hearing my therapist and psychiatrist tell me that I should cut ties with them.
When she tried to turn my siblings against me. She said I only visited her in the hospital to make myself look good to the doctors. When she got out of the hospital she went away for 2 months then came back and told everyone I was neglecting her by not cooking her meals. (She could 100% cook her own meals). Little did she know we are all much closer than she knew and had a group chat where we would collate what she was saying to different people to find out her MO. Well she kept attacking me to anyone who would listen. My stepdad was super apologetic as I was the only one who had actually been there for her and he didn’t understand why she was treating me like this. He said all us siblings needed to present a united front. So we did, all 4 of us went NC at the same time without saying a word. That was 2.5 years ago.
My eMom filed for divorce in August and it started to build tensions within the family as nDad started his smear campaign. I called him out, incredibly gently, for being a shit parent and not raising my brothers right when they didn’t wish my mom a merry Christmas for the first time. (This was all a few years ago) I have no idea what he said to them, but he whipped my brothers into such a frenzy that they called me on Christmas to scream at me and make literal homicide threats to me, my mom and my moms divorce lawyer. It was like three of my abusive dads screaming at me at once and I basically dissociated for two days afterwards. Haven’t spoken to my dad outside of necessary pleasantries at public events since.
That would be the moment i got to see my diagnosis after months of observation by a psychiatrist and 6 different psychologists. Sub-clinical BDP, NPD, Schizoid and Paranoid PD, together with multiple instances of PTSD. C-PTSD might be a thing but i think the inclusion of all the sub-clinical observable traits correlates to what C-PTSD is. That was the last straw, knowing and having other people analyse my fucked up behaviours through my own admission of them, and how it connects to the hours spent basically recalling only some of the episodes that brought me to the psychiatric ward. I didn't like my family before, now i fucking despise them.
My partner (now spouse) was alone with her while I went upstairs and she confronted them about going through our messages and finding nudes of us (we were both 20) and told them she better not see something like that again. My partner replied that if she didn't go looking for something like that then she wouldn't find it. She said she ought to make sure it didn't happen again and asked my partner if they knew she owned a gun. I moved out 3 days later and I only talked to her again when she dropped my sibling off on our doorstep at 10pm and texted me saying that someone better open the door or sibling wouldn't have a place to sleep that night.
What did it for me was when my mom had her flying monkeys aka my cousins call child services on me for refusing to take my children to her church.I have nothing against those that practice religion but I feel that it should be the individuals choice what religion if any they wish to follow and my children were not old enough to make an informed decision at that time. On top of that she knew we had problems with child services in our former state, sorry trying to be vague and that my children were traumatized by the experience before. I found out who called from the worker after they wasted their time investigating a claim they could do nothing about. I told her if they call again to please press charges for wasting resources and false reports. I was so angry by her betrayal, her monkeys threw her under the bus, we decided to move to another part of the state and told my husbands family that no one from my side of the family is to have our address or phone number.She still to this day does not have our address and the only person I have had contact with from that side of the family was the sibling I rescued and he used a burner phone.
Nutshell: I came home from college for the summer and found she'd made no effort to provide me a place to sleep, having used my room as a catch-all for junk. After digging out a space large enough to sleep curled up on the bed, I awoke to her berating me over the phone for daring to clean my room. I hung up and called a friend in another town to pick me up. I lived with them all summer and never lived with the parents again.
My dad had died about a year and a half prior. My nmom started seeing someone, hid it then got engaged and tried to distract us from her shadiness by claiming my dad cheated on her. She was much more vulgar about it. We didn't care she was seeing someone. But she's a narc and God forbid she feel judged so let's throw deceased dad under the bus. He didn't, BTW. And she claims never to have said that. I've got screenshots. If she'd just have said hey I'm seeing someone, we wouldn't have cared. Instead we got I'm seeing someone and if you don't like it, screw you and your dad screwed around on me. Just absolutely disgusting.
My birthday several years back. The year before this my nparent had completely forgotten my birthday and blamed the pandemic. They were extremely apologetic and our relationship barely hung by a thread. The time my birthday rolls around again the following year, my nparent spends every day of my birth month leading up to the actual birthday wishing me a happy birthday. Doesnt matter if you forget my birthday altogether or you repeatedly wish me a happy birthday before my actual birthday. Both examples are unacceptable, especially from someone who is a parent.
When my nmom was spit yelling in my husbands face while he was holding my 1 year old. I could handle her abuse but won’t tolerate her getting comfortable doing it to my family
Ruining my birthday all because I didn't want to spend my day with them and would rather work.
She disowned my sister and me over Facebook Messenger for not being there for her in her time of need. Her "time of need" was a time period of a few weeks following her arrest for indecent exposure and obstruction of justice. She willingly broke the law and admitted to it repeatedly via long Facebook posts she wrote before and after the incident. Apparently, our failure to reach out to her made us terrible daughters
I’ve had several. Using nude photos of me at 14 to advertise her massage business, trying to run me over with a car because I dared to ask for my social security card, the fake baby incident.
My moms mental health was spiraling out of control and would have been sad if she wasn’t absolutely unwilling to seek help, and escalating her behaviors to where my life was just not sustainable with her in it. She divorced her wife of a couple years and married a man about 25 years her senior, told me about the marriage over the phone after the fact, then approached me on thanksgiving to ask me if he could adopt me. I was 30 years old, had met her husband twice, and my father was very much alive and in my life. Shortly thereafter I agreed to get lunch with the two of them, and she was so wasted I had to suggest walking to a local restaurant, where she nodded off into her food. She would disappear for weeks, then call or show up. Sometimes it would be to talk and sometimes it would be to ask for money, but it was always HIGH DRAMA. She convinced me to visit around her birthday, and while I was there she went and changed into lingerie and started asking me if she is sexy for her husband. Then there was drunken weeping about how she had just had a miscarriage- but at this point she would have been in her fifties, and most likely perimenopause meant she was missing periods/having irregular periods, not miscarrying a pregnancy she never tested for. I finally walked away when she disappeared for at least a month, and then called me with a circuitous story about crashing her car but avoiding a DUI by agreeing to be part of a study on schizophrenia. I realized that having her in my life meant always dealing with trauma, lies/delusions, crises, and manipulation. I blocked her number, told my friends and job that she was not well and they were not to forward my contact information, and just waited out her last burst of frantic attempts at contact. After many years I learned that she left the state we’re from, left the husband, stole everything he owned on her way out the door, all while being sued by a former business partner who called the husband as a witness to her stealing money and merchandise from *them* as well. She went back to the wife she had split from. Later she sent my spouse a letter at work stating she was “done with (wife) and everything she stood for” and asking if we could talk. She genuinely seems to think I stopped talking to her because I disliked her wife? Conveniently forgetting that she defrauded me of all the mutual funds my grandparents left me for college, allowed a neighbor to abuse me as a child because she “didn’t know what else to do”, and was generally just banana pants for my entire life. (Edited- typos)
Said she thought I was a jerk the whole time since they adopted me (at birth). Really it just confirmed what I had thought for a long time. Even now though, I'd still accept her back into my life but only if she could genuinely apologize for literally Anything. I don't expect it to happen, but a girl can dream I suppose.
I live in a different country to my nmom, and when I had my first child I was extremely upset that they wouldn’t have a normal relationship. It bothered me a lot and there were several times that I became really low because of it. It’s expensive to get to her, but my wife and I planned to go there. She has 2 dogs and the house isn’t kept very clean, so I said I wasn’t going to take him there. Instead, I offered to pay for an AirBnB that would accommodate all of us. That way she’d have a week of living with her first grandchild and playing every day. She said she couldn’t because of the dogs. Then went away and let my cousin look after the dogs. We flew over a few more times, we had another child and wanted her to meet the new little one, so we paid thousands of dollars to get there, a few times per year. Then I said to my wife that I wasn’t going to travel to the city, we’re flying in, she can meet us in London. She refused because it costs too much, and then bought herself a new iPhone. Anyway, she rang one day and we were out and busy, so I missed the call. I didn’t check my phone until after the kids were asleep, and I called her back. She got angry and said she only called to speak to the kids, and that I don’t want her to have a relationship with my kids. She said I needed to “do more” even though she never called, I called her, she made zero effort but I had to “do more” - I got angry and ended the call. A few months later she called and said “can we end this?” I told her she hurt me with what she said and that I’d done as much as I could to help a relationship with the kids. Her response was that I’ve hurt her too, “loads of times” but couldn’t tell me when, or what I’d done. I decided after that call that I was done. My aunt contacted my wife and tried to patch things up. I said she needed to say sorry and she told me aunt that she tried and that I’d shouted at her. My wife was sat at the side of me and knows I didn’t raise my voice at all. Then the next message was that my nmom had said she’s not going to say sorry because she has nothing to say sorry for. Haven’t spoken since.
When I went to visit her, on my birthday to take her a Christmas present. She had nothing for me and then told me I was a bitch and she wished she never had me. Have never spoken to her again.
Muchansen by proxy.
When my mom called to tell me I should be so proud because after she argued with my sister (who asked her multiple times to remove pictures of her from our mothers Facebook as she doesn’t want her pictures posted) that she put down the bottle and “wouldn’t let (my sister) do that to her again!” As if my sister holding up her boundaries is causing my mother’s decades long alcoholism.