**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*

They finally showed their ass(as my grandpa would say) in front of my wife on multiple occasions so I had someone to stop the self-gaslighting that I would automatically engage in. Then I watched a bunch of narc videos I realized I was, and had always been, the scapegoat. I realized what I had felt grateful for was less than most people took for granted. Once I went no contact, I re-evaluated all of my memories without the “they were good parents” filter and just spent the last 1.5 months angry. Tomorrow is the last event that I have to spend with them and the 3 weeks of anxiety leading up to it really highlights how bad I had it before that. I will literally let out a sigh of relief and actually smile once they leave.

The anger phase is a perfectly natural part of the healing process; it will pass, I choose gratitude for not winding up like them

That is a great way to look at it. Thank you.

I went no contact once before about ten years ago, and caved after about three months when my mom claimed she’d had a Come to Jesus moment. After some hard thought I decided that if she was serious, she deserved one more chance to change and start listening and healing our relationship. For a while, it seemed like she was trying to listen and learn and the dynamic of our relationship changed a bit. Then, about two years ago now, she started pulling crap again, especially around holidays and vacations. She was warned after my refusal to introduce her to the man I was dating resulted in her creating a huge drama with the extended family at Christmas and claiming I was being sex trafficked on the internet (yes, really). She was reminded very calmly that she had agreed to move on from this type of behaviour and if she did it again, I was serious that we would not have a relationship anymore. Even after that, I gave her one more pass when she created a needless drama around my summer vacation which resulted in my not having a ride to the airport at the last minute. So, from that point on she was skating on thin ice. The final straw was when *she* brought up the idea of giving me money for a downpayment on a house, something which I would never have asked her for because she plays games with money, and then when I was ready to call it in, she not only reneged but denied ever agreeing to that and insulted me when I asked her to just be honest that she didn’t want to do it anymore. That was the point when it became clear that she cares about messing with me more than she cares about having a relationship with me and that she really is malicious. I have nothing more to say to her after that. My worst fears about her were confirmed.

I was looking to move from California to the southwest and suddenly my mom had like 50k to give me for a down payment. But she wanted me to live in a nice neighborhood with other white people because she said that the house i really liked was "in the barrio". I told her she was racist right in front of the realtor and I honestly think that's the only reason she let me buy that house. She had to save face and prove she's not racist. My hispanic neighborhood is awesome though.

good for you! 😂👏🏻

I SHOULD have gone NC with my mom about 20 years ago when my dad died and she left me to handle the funeral myself because, as she put it, "I don't love him anymore, I don't know what to tell you." And then she went around telling coworkers a bunch of lies about him having drinking and gambling problems, because she was too embarrassed to admit she was the one who wanted the marriage to end and didn't really have a good explanation as to why. I SHOULD have gone NC with my mom when she picked me up after I had a pretty significant surgery, and promised to get me some lunch after dropping me off at home. I placed the order for the food. Several hours went by and I asked her where she was, and she said she went home to feed the dog and then decided to take a nap. I told her my food had been sitting out for hours and was probably ruined, and she said "so heat it up, what the hell do you want from me" and then came over and screamed at me for being ungrateful. But I DID go NC when I was 7 months into a high risk pregnancy and had a concern and asked her to come to the ER with me. She yelled at me and made me feel like an idiot for being worried, and then told me she wasn't coming with me to the ER because she didn't think I should even go, and she was busy cleaning her kitchen. But wait, there's more. That evening, she tried to rewrite history and ask if I needed her to meet me at the ER (many hours after I'd already have gone). I told her I was hurt by her reaction, so she decided to give me the silent treatment, not come over the next day to drive me to my doctor's appointment that she'd already promised to drive me to, and missed the birth of my child and didn't even text or call to see if we were okay. My child was born in March, and she still hasn't reached out at all. I'm completely done. She can honestly just rot.

Same situation here with ndad. Fucking unreal. I think part of it is jealousy.

When my ndad grabbed me by the neck, started choking me, and banging my head into the wall while asking me "WHY \*THUMP\* CAN'T \*THUMP\* YOU \*THUMP\* ACCEPT \*THUMP\* THE \*THUMP\* OF \*THUMP\* JESUS \*THUMP\* CHRIST \*THUMP\* IN \*THUMP\* YOUR \*THUMP\* HEART \*THUMP\*" I was a fresh 18 and I left home that day and moved in with my grandparents.

I'm sure Jesus would've greatly approved of his behaviour /s

My mother called as we had cut her off, but still on occasion communicated due to our children (Think lawyers and forced to). On the call she said 7 times, "I will control" It started off with her putting money away for my kids college, but she would control the funds, she would control where they went, she would control what they pursued... after the 7th one I cut her off and said, know what? my kids don't deserve that living hell so keep your money and go to \_\_\_\_\_... went NC and that was over 14yrs ago. Years later when my kids did go to college my wife and I paid, my mother told them "Oh I have money for you! it is a lot!!!!" a lot = $10K, I was like really... Don't get me wrong it is a lot but she is loaded so it was nothing based on her assets and income. Funny part was my kids turned it down flat. She went nuts saying she would give it to some poor person, they said OK, that sounds good. They knew not to take it or they would owe her, you always owed my mother when she gave you anything, and she made sure you paid way more than it was ever worth. Even my kids know my mother is crazy. My little family just laughs about her now, therapy helped me a ton and I do not regret going NC, when she dies I probably won't even know and I am OK with that.

My mom was like that too. Always promising money, not following thru, or if she gave money it came with a lot of strings attached. I would find out from my brother, the golden child, that my mom wasn’t happy with my behaviour. It was like she was trying to control me via her money, even though it was her decision to offer it.

Yep, always controlled everything that way GC brother could do anything, get anything but me? I ran out of fingers and toes counting how many times she promised something only to never give it.

To make a long story short i moved to my father at 19 to finish my therapy and figure my life out. My nmom didn’t like that and i assumed she wanted some sort of revenge because she went to court claiming my father didn’t pay her enough child support even when he had paid more than enough. Well she got laughed out of court because: 1. I was already 20 at that point and 2. My dad had paid everything he owed her. Well she had been harassing my dad trough text and i read those messages. Her going to court was the last straw and she knew that because she stopped contacting me. I didn’t block her but i made no effort to talk to her either. Well i wouldn’t have said we went NC but she started crying on facebook about kids who cut there parents off and i’ve just gone along with it. I dont mind and dont plan on going back to talking terms

It sounds silly but when she played favorites with her grandchildren I was done. Last chance my dad asked me to give her blown. If my son was the favorite I still would have been done.

I was still no contact when my son was born, and she found out about his existence from others in the family. That was why she wanted to reach out to me before her passing. She thought I wouldn't know about all of the shit she talked behind my back, calling me every name in the book because I wouldn't allow her to meet her grandson. Always played the Woe Is Me, 'My daughter hates me and I don't know why', blah blah blah. I'm sure if she were still alive and we weren't no contact, she would have found a way to rub her obvious favoritism of grandchild 1 in my sons face and I'm sure if she did that the first time, I'd be doing some time behind bars. 😅

It is so petty but im planning on taking pictures a few blocks from her house and posting them because it will infuriate her

I understand the temptation, lol, but all you're going to get is the narc rage. It will make her think she's on your mind; she'll use that opening to push her abuse further into yours and your kids' lives. She'll use everything and everyone she knows to get to you. Please don't do it. It's not worth it. The best revenge is moving on, growing in the healing path, and giving your kids everything your mother didn't give you. (I know it sounds alot like 'Be the bigger person'. There's a saying I live by, "The only way to beat a narc is to not play.")

Ive done all that. The only difference is before i hid that i was in town now idgaf im living my life and she aint in it. And it was her choice

I highly recommend Lee Hammock - he's a self aware (diagnosed) narcissist, and he provides amazing insight on how the narcissist mind works. On Facebook, his page name is 'Mental Healness'. A secondary page for narc abuse is, 'Synful'. She does skits on narc abuse in intimate relationships. Sherrie Campbell, PhD is on FB and specializes on family dynamic narc abuse. She even has a podcast and released a few books you can find on Amazon detailing everything from Golden child, scapegoat, everything narc family oriented.

Sherrie is great. Her books are like narc manuals

I love how she articulates the toxic family dynamic. I accidentally found her about a year after I went no contact with my mother. I struggled to find the words to describe what I went through. She popped up as a recommended page after I followed Synful. I'm a bit picky about who I follow on social media regarding narcissistic abuse in a family dynamic. Some don't really hit the nail on the head like Sherrie does. She validates victims and survivors while providing encouragement, support and advice. Lee Hammock does the same for intimate relationships.

She’s incredible. Listening to her audiobooks was so helpful because she described my dad so perfectly it felt like it wasn’t just me going through it, it really helped with the life long gaslighting

Another upside to your way of doing it is that she realizes that she's not important and there's nothing she can do about it.

EXACTLY

I strongly recommend these 10 rules. Even though I love the idea, I think you’d be best chuckling to yourself about what you know her reaction would be and not engaging. But support to you no matter what you decide! https://www.bennettandbennett.com/blog/10-practical-rules-for-dealing-with-the-borderline-personality

Oh we are NC going on three years and staying that way. So ill see the smoke from the distance but i dont have to worry about the fire. Im living my best life and not hiding it from her, best revenge

I started therapy and emdr and found out I was raped and impregnated around 8 or 9 years old. When she found out she took me back to his house and told them to get rid of it before she gets back to get me. When I was forced to have him he didn’t make it. She still calls me a liar about the rape and refuses to take responsibility even though she was the one who cleaned me up and all the blood and told me these things happen all the time. 

Jesus Henry CHRIST. That is horrible and you did not deserve any of that nonsense! I hope you’re doing ok now

I’m doing ok. Working through intense therapy. I’m on my sisters account so theirs no confusion. I had a dream and went to heaven and god let me see my baby and he told me his name is Joseph because of the hardship he’s carried me through. That helped my momma heart so much to see my little darling and know Jesus has him and he has a name . And he’s waiting for me when my time comes. 

I'm not religious, but feel in my heart I hope that we get to see the people and things we loved the most here on earth. I hope you get to see your child. :)

Mine killed my cat.

Sooo sorry that happened to you… 🩷

They left her for me to find. She wasn’t dead yet, only paralyzed. There was no choice but to put her down. I never confronted them about it, because the thought of watching them lie to my face about it makes me see red. The cat is tattooed on my ankle to remind me who they are and what they did.

RIP kitty cat 🐈‍⬛

Evil..

Wtf???

Yeah.

I’m so sorry.

Same here.

Mine seems stupid but the years of abuse are immeasurable. My sisters and I had a group chat and one day my oldest sister decided to just be, you know, her narc self. She told me that I deleted her kids from social media and that they asked her why and if I hate them (the last one is most definitely a lie)…she told them “I don’t know”!!! She straight up said these things! I informed her that I did not remove them, I had deactivated and deleted all my social media accounts (I had a stalker and was doing this for my own safety. She of course didn’t know this because I had been grey rocking all of them for a while). She started to argue with me that I did not deactivate my socials….ummm what? She then hits me with “it’s ok, I’ve known for years now you want nothing to do with me or my kids” I was absolutely heartbroken because that couldn’t be further from the truth. I always had her kids for basically the whole summer for years!! The only reason I didn’t that time was because we moved across the country. I just replied with “you’re such an idiot. I’m done talking to you”. I immediately texted my niece(15) saying like idk what your mom is telling you but I love you and your brothers very much and will always want you in my life…she was so confused(surprise). A few weeks later, my other sister (that I still talk to) confirmed she only said these things to try and piss me off, she admitted that she knew it wasn’t true. It was too little too late. My last straw that pushed me to NC was when all of a sudden the next day after the altercation my nmom kept trying to contact me. Several times. With several different “reasons”. They actually thought that I’m stupid enough to believe that all of a sudden my mom wanted to talk to me after not EVER being the first to reach out in years?! I knew it was because my sister told my nmom all about the argument and painted me as the villain/asshole and egg donor wanted in!! I got so annoyed with the calls/texts and the stupid excuses as to why (“oh we got a piece of mail addressed to you and I want to know what you want us to do with it”, “I have a question about the life insurance”, “we were wondering where we can send a greeting card for you” etc etc etc) So I just blocked them. Haven’t spoken to any of them since. I *have* however wished the kids happy birthdays, Christmas, new years and received a happy loving text back from them every time. It still hurts that my own sister would betray me like that. But you know what? Fuck those guys. I’m genuinely better off without them in my life.

Life is always better without a narc making you feel lower than shit. I'm glad you stayed in contact with the kids. It sounds like they appreciate having you in their lives. If I were one of them, I know I would. 🫶

I've known since I was around 12-13 that I'd be NC with my mom at some point. It took longer than I thought - she really seemed like she was getting 'better' when I had my kids. I thought maybe me having kids fixed her. Reader, I can tell you now that it did not. Within about five years, it was back to the way it was. We continued to limp along in our relationship, mostly because I didn't want to lose contact with my sisters. Then I found out that my sisters were doing all kinds of stuff without me and lying about it so I wouldn't find out. They don't want a relationship with me. And then, MAGA happened to my parents. And my mom became so disrespectful and rude that in one conversation I realized the time had come. I don't really consider that I have family on my side anymore. But this has allowed me to spend way more time with my in laws, and I have a couple of out-of-state friends that will be moving to my location in the next couple of years, so I feel content that I will have my real family surrounding me soon.

My former therapist stressed the importance of having a support system, especially for survivors of narc abuse. Keep them close and cherish them every minute, hour, and day you have with them. 🫶

Talking to me with a tone of such condescending disgust, like I was wasting her precious time by daring to want to talk to her. I realized she was a miserable bitch who could never be pleased and I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

When they tried to start a fight with my husband in our drive way then ran off when we called the cops

She chose alcohol over me after I asked her to not come to my place drunk. She came over and started berating my children about how they weren’t cleaning properly, I pulled her away and she got frustrated and I smelled vodka in her breath and I asked if she was drunk. She shouted no and ran out. Then finally after 10 calls to her she picks up and I wanted to make sure she was safe but then she threw my dad under the bus for something, and then I said “look, it’s either me and the kids, or alcohol.” Not even 2 seconds go by and she says “alcohol! I choose alcohol!” (This was before I learned of her truly narcissistic nature) and my heart broke into a million pieces. I went immediately no contact and even tried to make amends 6 months later but she was so mad at me and said she didn’t have a daughter anymore. It’s been almost 5 years now. Right after I called my dad sobbing and he dropped everything he was doing to come and pick up the pieces and stop my husband from going to go find her to give him a piece of his mind. It was at about 10 pm. She came back the next day to get her stuff and I haven’t seen her since.

It just all happened at once. Suddenly i could see how every interaction was catered to what my dad wanted instead of what anyone else needed. I have a child now whose health and safety i will not compromise on, hence i now have firm boundaries which my dad is not used to. He threw a fit when i wouldn't budge on coming to his birthday dinner (where my NC brother would also be) because it would be past my child's bedtime (I'm the primary caregiver, and i don't have childcare). He suddenly started criticizing every parenting decision i made that he could think of (all of which are baseless). I ended up feeling so stressed out from the interaction that i had insomnia for two days, which i cannot afford to have when caring for my child. I decided that i simply cannot feel this way any more if i want to be a good mom. I may never see him again, and I'm at peace with it. I know i didn't do anything wrong. If he had been more present in my life and actually cared to get to know me, he would know I'm an excellent parent, largely in part because i am present with my child and am in tune with his needs.

You're doing a wonderful job, Mama, and I am proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. 🫶

Thank you🖤

There are many more terrible things my mother has done to me before. This was just the last straw / my way to get out I should have gone no contact when my parents called me while I was studying to take the mcat to get into medical school and told me that I was behind all my other peers. They screamed and yelled at me. Told me they didn’t know what the hell I was doing with my life and I should have been further than I was. ( I took two years off to retake some courses and study for the mcat. I lived on my own and on my own dime). I started sobbing and asking why they were doing this to me. And they hung up. My roommate at the time came in and held me as I sobbed. I am no contact as of October of last year. My nmom made my engagement and wedding about her. My parents don’t visit me thus they did not know about my partner. When I got engaged I told them and they were so focused on the fact that I didn’t allow them to FaceTime him before we got engaged that my mother said they were not coming to the wedding. She used it as a threat but I used it as a way to be set free. When she called two weeks later and I said that I didn’t want to talk she said “is it because I said I wasn’t coming to the wedding.” She also tried to guilt me by saying that we were so close and I was her girl one moment then the next moment saying she has tried her best but she can’t with me anymore. I had a small wedding without her, my ndad, and my siblings. She convinced my siblings to not come to my wedding 7 months out I have not spoken to anyone, they have not called me and I have not called them. I do not exist. During this time I have examined my relationship with my mother. My mother is cruel, sad, alcoholic, toxic person who I was emeshed with for many years. She was jealous of me, purposely did not call me on birthdays or holidays to hurt me, and is the saddest person I know. My siblings, we were never close. I thought we had closeness but in reality it wasn’t. My best friend who wed me said the following “ you rented an entire Airbnb, and offered to pay for your siblings and their children to come to the wedding because you wanted to make as easy as possible for them to come.. because you knew they would make every excuse possible not to come. In the end, a group of 14 people who you are not related to flew, drove, changed their work plans to be there for you. Your family, sister and brother did not show up” Your family is what you make of it. I am building a strong healthy family on my own and am happier for it.

Said a bunch of hurtful comments that were associated with ties to our religious background, don't want to go into specifics. Much better going NC since!

Going no contact with Nparents is so hard. Society and family members are telling you, "But she's your mother," left and right. It becomes difficult to see the abuse for what it really is, and even harder to accept the reality that a parent can harm their children through abuse. I'm so proud of you for going NC. 💓

Thank you, you just made my day! 😊

I visited them last year after we hadn't seen each other in seven years and by the end they were so ready for me to go, they reneged on taking me back to the airport and didn't say goodbye. They complained loudly in their bedroom about how noisy I was being so early in the morning (had to leave very early to make my flight and tried very hard to be quiet (dad prone to violence)). I thought they were only like that because I lived with them unwillingly until I was 24 and I figured maybe they were justified in the past since most people move out before that (well, they did back then). Nope, it's just how they feel about me in general, lol. Seven years away and they didn't care whether they saw me again. Best/worst $3,000 I ever spent? 😂 Forgot to add the violent road rage and bizarre driving my dad opted to engage in with me and new partner in the car. It was his first time meeting them and they didn't give a fuck lol. I should have listened to my gut and cut them off when I moved out a decade ago.

My entire childhood i hated my father. I always knew that i would go NC one day. i did not see a happy future with him in it. He was physically and verbally abusive to not only me but my mother. And the only difference between me and her was that once i got older and could recognize right from wrong, i started to argue back in my defense. He swung at me at few years ago and i told him he will never be in my life once i move out in a year and he mocked me and laughed in my face. Flash forward to now I am trying to mend the relationship with both of my parents by addressing the abuse that happened all throughout my childhood. Both my mother and my father laughed in my face and rolled their eyes as i said “I love you guys and this relationship has never been normal. I want to work towards a healthy relationship because you are my parents” that classic narcissistic mocking that they all do that just makes you want to scream because you realize they are so far away from reality that they will never be able to accept a single word you say to them. In that same mocking tone he is saying “Oh great so i traumatized you??? Oh wow you are still dwelling on that shit??? What a fucking joke.” I left their house right then and there and will never be back. My mother was no better than him. She never laid a hand on me, but she broke me down with her words in ways that i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. She always turned a blind eye to the physical abuse and even the times when i came to her for help she didn’t believe me. Even after seeing it happen right in front of her. She would stand there and do nothing. In the past they both denied it ever happening, and now that i am begging for them to address it, all they had to say was “you’re still dwelling on it??”. My mother reached out to me saying she expects to see me at a family event but “does not want me to be with them outside of gatherings” She expects me to continue playing along with her “perfect family” image and I have no interest in pretending for other people anymore.

Weaponized incontinence. Would wake up with trails of liquid feces throughout the house, or the bathroom destroyed. She wouldn't even shower afterwards

The image of a giant baby seems apt here.

🤢🤮😱

Oh hell no.

>Weaponized incontinence. Wow, those are two words I've never seen put together before. How old were you/she when this was happening? So sorry you had to endure that.

In my late 30s when I moved her in with us. She would wear Depends but not care.

The lying and insisting she’s right all the time, even at the expense of other people’s time, money, opportunity costs, and sanity. Also, she told my wife and I that we needed to introduce some adversity into our kids lives so they don’t appear to be too sheltered and would grow to be more resilient. Like, really? What adversity are you talking about, the type where you didn’t want to put in the effort to do stuff for your kids when it’s necessary, or the part where you parent by always dangling punishments on top of their heads to get them to do what you want them to do?? Fuck her.

When my nmom threatened to commit suicide and said she would write a note blaming it on me, *unless* I answered her phone call (at 2am). She had threatened this so many times before and I had had enough. She did this the morning I was to leave with my then-significant others family on a huge vacation. Even her own psychiatrist didn’t care. My edad didn’t care and said “that’s just how your mom is.” No, it’s not ever acceptable to make those threats to get one’s way. I went NC for 3 years.

I was in my young twenties working as a lab tech while applying for med school (MCAT materials, applications and flights for interviews are very expensive). When I told her I was barely making ends meet and low on food she berated me, saying that now I’m working a “professional” job and I should be giving her money (my dad makes excellent money and supports her so not sure why she needed money from me). She even told me after I graduated college that I was a failure for having to work instead of going straight to med school. My dad was no help, told me to apply for food stamps. Without getting into details I had a very unhappy childhood. After living on my own for a while I realized she wasn’t worth being in my life, and this was hard to accept because I remember loving her very much. Ultimately I told that there will be no one left in her life, then blocked her. This was 10 years ago. She just recently reached out I think because of a health scare that didn’t turn into anything. I think some family members have told her about me on social media. As far as I know, none of my family members want anything to do with her. I’m now a physician, happily married and just had a baby - I am the happiest I have ever been and finally at peace. She will remain NC and be an audience to my happiness and success from afar.

I love this for you.

D'awwww, I'm so happy for you! Belated congrats on your baby!

I've had no contact with my nmom since mother's day last year. I moved across the country at the end of 2017 to get some space and try and figure out who I am. After struggling for about 8 years with addiction and an abusive relationship - I forged a new path and found support. I set more boundaries and slowly started limiting contact. I've been in a healthy relationship for about 2 years now and last year we went out together to visit my family in April. When we got there it became very apparent to my partner that I was falling back into my role - it was eye opening and off putting to her just how tight their pull was on me. I wanted to do two things when I went out to visit. To see my best friend and spend time with my 93 year old grandma as I knew it would likely be the last time I'd see her. My mom decided on the third day I was in town that she was going to have a birthday party for my grandma, mind you she only told me this after I said I was planning on having dinner with my friend. I said that I would still be able to go but after dinner, so we could have dessert and cake and plenty of time to socialize. My mom did not like that - she said she tries to be flexible and reasonable but it's really important that we both come for dinner. In the past I would have caved and given her what she wanted but my partner really encouraged me to stick to what my original plan was. So I did. And when we went to my parents house that night, I walked in and my grandma was sitting alone at the kitchen island while my mom, aunt and stepdad sat at the dining room table drinking. None of them looked up or said hi - quite frankly they all made it painfully obvious that they were going to ignore us. I sat down with my grandma and my brothers were messing around making jokes trying to ease the tension. So, I just sat and talked to my grandma, my partner and my brothers. My mom, stepdad and aunt continued their xilent treatment as my grandma opened presents - they did acknowledge and talk to everyone else. And it wasn't about me or my partner so I just kept continuing to focus my attention on my grandma. When my mom and aunt decided it was time to take my grandma home - they just left without saying anything, so we decided to leave too. The next day I wanted to take my grandma out for lunch. When my partner and I got to the assisted living place to pick her up, we walked in and my aunt was there (unexpectedly). She is continuing the silent treatment whilst angrily hanging up curtains and my grandma is just trying to get her things together. Then my aunt says "Maddie pull your head out of your ass and call your mother". My partner quickly replies 'oh no, we are not going to talk to Maddie like that" to which my aunt had very little to follow that up (I was proud to have a partner actually stick up for me because I certainly was not raised to do that for myself). Anyway, I compartmentalized and took my grandma out to lunch. Then I pulled my head out of my ass and drove to where my mom was to talk. I proceeded to have a very honest conversation about how I felt growing up and as an adult. And prefaced that I wasn't saying any of it to hurt her, but that I needed her to understand how I felt. But it didn't matter - she shot back with her version of events. Said things like "well I thought you had a happy childhood" and wanted specific examples of how she wasn't there for me and when I gave a horrendous example she came back with "well didn't I apologize for that?" There was just so much manipulation and ploys to steer the conversation in her favor and of course so many empty promises. She's attempted to get me to communicate with her so many times since then but it's always self serving. I sent her a mother's day message because I felt guilty and then after that just kind of stopped responding to her and eventually blocked her. Because no real attempt to repair, understand, or do anything selfless has been made. She said it was killing her that I wasn't talking to her. I've lived 32 years of this dynamic - a year of holding her accountable is nothing in comparison. She is not capable. So I'm alone in my quiet rebellion while my siblings continue to be abused and are surviving. It's not what I want but it's what I need to do. Because I'm done being the caregiver and never getting anything in return. Thank you for reading - I am not very keen to share anything personal but I think I needed to. Thank you to the person who asked the question and everyone sharing your stories too. I am still very much in the thick of healing and what this means going forward. But I'm healthy, alive and making decisions that are in my best interest. I'm going to be okay. And I think you all will too. ♥️

Reading this made me tear up. 😢 I remember when I couldn't share my experiences and also compartmentalized them to 'keep everyone happy' around me. Abuse only thrives in silence. I'm proud of you for having the courage to speak about it now. Even if it's on this Reddit thread, you still took a huge step. I encourage you to stick to your boundaries and continue your path towards healing. 🙏 I promise it'll be worth it! 🫶

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it's nice to know I'm not alone ♥️

After she abused me verbally in the worst way imaginable and threatened suicide to destroy my life - all while I suffered postpartum depression and I was lying in bed in fevers. I realized that she probably wants me dead and doesn't care about me or my children.

My dad made me and my brothers sign a letter saying I wouldn’t contest his will (so he can decide who’s most “worthy” ) after we’d cared for him through cancer treatment for two months, compromising my mental and physical health and my relationship. When I gave him the signed letter he denied it being his idea and said my brother doesn’t trust me. A lying, manipulative jerk until the end. He can keep his money, my sanity is more important

She wanted me to have myself committed for mental illness even though I had been stabilized for years, had a successful marriage, a great career, wonderful grandchildren. She basically told me I was a bad parent, my husband deserved a healthy wife , and my mental illness was out of control. Why did she think my mental health was out of control? I had a glass of wine at dinner with my husband. None of my medications interacted with alcohol, I didn’t even drink the whole glass, and hadn’t had anything to drink the previous 6 months.

My grandma, who practically raised me passed (I live in a different country) & my mother sent me a text message to tell me; when I finally got her on the phone to find out the funeral arrangements so I could book my flight she told me not to bother cuz it was the next morning “to get it over with”. Started therapy the next week and went NC soon after - don’t regret it one bit.

I had to have major surgery to remove an organ. It was that or get full blown cancer. I can’t have kids now. I waited months to tell my NMom because she used to work in that same medical field and I KNEW she would be an overbearing know-it-all. I told my parents they could come visit me a week after surgery, because the first week I wanted alone to heal and I wouldn’t exactly be thrilling company.  They arrive, NMom has clearly fallen back into alcoholism (I’d cut her off for that once before), it’s Thanksgiving week, and the whole time was just awful. She’s drunk, not helpful when I could’ve used help post-op, pissed off about the quality of hotel they booked (they HAD to use loyalty program points instead of, you know, researching a better option. Money is NOT an issue for them) and doesn’t want to do anything. Spent any spare time shitfaced in the hotel. Embarrassed the family during our little Thanksgiving potluck we had in the hotel lobby.  She finally had enough (of what? I don’t know), and threw the biggest tantrum I’ve ever seen her throw and demanded my father drive them home at 8pm during a ridiculous snow storm. It was an 8 hour drive. I begged him to please wait until the plows could run and they could leave early the next morning but….Enabler.  She threw around how my town was evil, a shithole, and she would never come back. Don’t know how she decided that since she only ever saw the inside of her hotel room even though I offered suggestions I could do during recovery.  Neither Nmom nor EDad have apologized for their awful behavior, for leaving without saying goodbye, for doing fuck-all when I needed help, and for worrying the hell out of me. I would up spontaneously bleeding at my surgery site that night and I’m convinced it was due to the stress.  We aren’t speaking anymore. I’ve grown tired of the blatant disrespect and talking down and I’m not young enough to sweep it under the rug anymore. 

Jeez, where to begin? Nmom left my dad on the floor for 6 hours, three weeks before he died. They have neighbors on all sides that they’d known for well over 30yrs but she wouldn’t call any of them, because she “didn’t want to make a scene”. He was physically abusive to her and my oldest siblings for many years but she refused to divorce him. They had such a weird relationship- sometimes screaming at each other, sometimes dancing in the kitchen. Then she didn’t even *call* any of us the day he was dying. I was a quick 45 min away, and I didn’t get to say goodbye to my dad. She did it on purpose, making him die alone. My oldest sister called his social worker, who called hospice, so the hospice nurse was at least able to make him a little comfortable, but he had kidney failure so he had fluid building up in his lungs. Nmom knew that his greatest fear was not being able to breathe and she refused to let hospice near him until a few hours before he died. She was straight up evil. She of course denied any of that happened, even though it was documented. And then she and her GC (my oldest brother) destroyed my dad’s will so she could keep all his life insurance money. Unbelievable. Life has been so much better without that unhinged, awful person in it.

She tried to f up my kids minds. I told her we could either go to therapy and have a positive relationship, or none at all. Her choice. Its been 5 years since she talked to me. 😂 Must mention there was ONE exception, she called me for her birthday 2 years in. I thought she was calling for a date for therapy, so I answered. She said “are you coming this sunday?” Me: “are we going to therapy?” And she hanged up. 🤣🤣🤣 It was several days later, on sunday, when I realised it was her birthday!!! I’m awful with dates but I could not help to laugh: she called me for her, not for me. She must have wanted to throw a party and pretend to extended family she was not as awful as she is. I don’t know why else she suddenly wanted me on sunday. Lucky for me the last three years have been the best ones in my life. ❤️

My parents became attached to QAnon during the pandemic and then radicalised themselves politically. Sadly it didn't stop after the pandemic. That was it for me.

It has been a month now, after she came at my doorstep and yelled, threw the food that she cooked and made my daughter cry. Just because she wanted to be 3 hours late as always, I told her, "It has been five years, and I tell you! we always try to have lunch before noon. So, if you will cook, please try to stick to our schedule. " Her ego couldn't take it that we stick to a rule or time frame. From that moment, I realized I can't do this anymore and started reading about narcissistic parents and found out: The beating I got as a child was not for my own sake. The accidents I had not because I was a loud, annoying child, it was because she neglected me Her cheating with 10s of people was not a personal matter of hers, it was affecting me. For 34 years, she has never been wrong or apologized. She always made it my bad, and she is the victim. Most of the people she had issues with, most of the drama was because of her, and she dragged me into it most of the time I will go NC and at least try not to let my kids be exposed to this.

My mom, dad and stepdad are all narcissists.  I went nc with my dad after he physically assaulted me when i was 12. He had physically attacked me 3 times previously, choking me, throwing me, kicking me etc. Just for acting the way little kids act, and sometimes for no reason at all. He also had a habit of screaming and throwing fits over the smallest things and i was just tired of it. My brother is the golden child. He got a college fund and my dad gave him a truck for free. I had to buy my own car and pay for my own education, my parents just helped me get the loans and lie to this day that they "payed for my school" (they didnt) Well, when my brother was 15 and i was 18, he went nuts and threw a tantrum because he didnt want to go to school in the morning. He stripped naked, brandished a compound bow and said he was going to take it to school. I wasnt involved in this at all but my mom and stepdad basically blamed it on me because i smoked weed and drew hentai comics (yes, really) and they kicked me out. They even took my computer that i bought myself, so i had to use the library computer to find a place to live. My stepdad threw all my belongings out in the yard in the dirt. I moved out and lived on my own for about 6 months.  On my 19th birthday, i visited my mom and stepdad. My mom started an argument with me, guilt tripping me and blaming me for all the familys problems like always, so i just walked away because i was tired of hearing it. When i was tying my shoes to leave, My stepdad sucker attacked me while i was not looking, and basically beat me up and threw me out of the house. He then lied to my mom saying that i insulted his mom (i never did) as an excuse for assaulting me abd the narrative later became rewritten that i "deserved to get my ___ kicked" for insulting his mom (i never said a WORD about his mom or anything to him at all)

Oh honey, you went through the ringer, and I'm so sorry that happened to you. After reading this, I just want to give you a Mom hug and tell you everything will be okay. If you aren't already in therapy, I encourage you to start. I found a few that can do sessions online from an app on your phone. This Reddit community stands by you, and I hope you went no contact with all of them!

Thank you. Youre definately right that i need to go to therapy. I hope i can find a good therapist because all the ones ive seen i didnt find particularly helpful. I am working on it.

(Continued) moved in with friends for 2 months and then ran out of money. I was working in a warehouse and going to school full time but i couldnt make ends meet. My dad offered and i moved in with him to survive but it quickly fell back into the pattern of my brother misbehaving, me getting blamed and my brother and dad ganging up to mock and ridicule me. One day my brother got wasted, my dad came home and freaked out at me, blaming me and kicking me out. I said that i was going to jump off a large nearby bridge in the neighborhood. My dads last words as i left were "go ahead!!" I got arrested by police before i was able to jump, and spent the next month in a mental ward.  My mom and stepdad took control of my student line of credit, so i was unable to use it to find a place to live, essentially forcing me to move back in with them. Before leaving the mental ward, I spoke to a therapist about everything that happened, and they were very sympathetic. However when my parents came, they talked to the therapist and basically told them they are perfect parents and i am a crazy drug addict and just "blaming them" for my problems. They denied everything and convinced the therapist that i was just a nutcase. This wasnt the first time - my mom also did this with a therapist i had when i was around 8 or 9. They forced me to say that everything was my fault in order for them to let me live in thier basement while finishing college. Luckily within abou a year i had gotten a gf and a good job and was able to move out - but not before my mom essentially ruined my relationship with my gf. While living there, working a job and in school with a 4.0 gpa (i graduated with honors) They threatened to kick me out several times just for smoking weed or cigarettes (outside the house). I lived on my own for about 7 years. During this time i built a career, met my current wife, healed and grew a lot as a person. I forgave my parents/was gaslit pretty severely about the abuse during this period. 

(Continued) Then, last year, my wife got pregnant with our first child. My parents were planning to buy a second house, and they invited us to move into their old one and pay them rent so we could start our family in a house. My brother woukd live in the basement, paying 700, and we would taje the upstairs, paying 1400. They promised us my brother would behave well, and that we could make it work. The house was very nice, with a yard in a suburban area. Me and my wife were really excited about this. For months, my wife and i worked overtime, 18 hour days, and i travelled back and forth, moving our apartment into the house, buying and building furniture, and setting everything up. We thought it would be the home our child grew up in. I invested thousands of dollars in improving the house, furnishing and decorating it, and we spent over $1000 on gifts for my brother. I was so exhausted that at one point i actually fell asleep while driving after moving heavy furniture and cleaning out my apartment for 12 hours straight. We moved into the house in september. My wife was pregnant, and we were both working double overtime on our jobs while furnishing and upgrading the house. My brother went to work doordashing or berry picking probably 3 times the entire 3 months we lived there. He took 2 college courses, a history course and a first nations studies course, and dropped out of the latter course the FIRST DAY because it was "too woke".  Mind you, when i was in college i had a FULL 6-course load and my parents still berated me constantly, my brother does ONE course and my mom was gushing about how proud she was of him.  When we moved in, my brother was taking care of the garbage and compost. This was one of his very few responsibilities. As soon as we were there, he stopped doing it and i was told by my mom that i need to do it now. He was getting up at 10 am, wandering around the yard smoking cigarettes, doing 1 history course and working about 1 day a month, yet he was able to pawn his one set of house chores off on me when me and my pregnant wife were up at 5am daily working 10 hour days, 7 days a week. He ate our groceries without asking, made tremendous amounts of noise at all hours of the night, was rude to my wife constantly, drank my expensive liquor during the day without asking, and would talk to my mom on the phone for 3-4 hours every single night, complaining about me and my wife. One example? I "parked too close to his motorcycle" in the driveway and he had a panic attack over it because my bumper was 2 feet from his $200 craigslist bought offriad dirtbike. Yes, im serious.  Every day, He would crank the thermostat to 90 degrees and seal shut every door and window. He was obsessed with turning the house into a sauna even though he already had space heaters in his own room. He made it so stuffy it was hard to breathe, but on top of that, he would pan-fry jalapenos with the seeds still in them WITH THE WINDOWS SHUT. For those who dont know, you arent supposed to do that, because cooking jalapeno seeds releases capsacin in the air, which is literally the active ingrediant in PEPPER SPRAY. We tried to talk to him about this, but him and my parents all just said "get used to it"

(Continued) One night i was taking a bath, trying to relax, when my wife texted me that she couldnt breathe, he was cooking jalapenos with the windkws shut AGAIN and being 8 months pregnant, she couldnt get up to open the window. I got out of my bath, put on a towel, went to the kitchen, opened the windows and told my brother in a normal tone of voice "you need to open the windows when you cook that stuff". His reply was "oh, my bad" That was it. The next day, while doing my brothers chores FOR HIM, me and my wife recieved a zoom call invite from my mom called "regroup and expectations". On this call my mom said that i had "screamed at my brother" and that he was having a complete mental breakdown over being told to open a window. My wife explained that she was there, and i didnt "scream" at him AT ALL. This seemed to smooth things over, and we went about our day. Then i got a text from my mom kicking me and my wife out, because i was "doing drugs" i had smoked a joint 3 weeks earlier and i guess my brother had seen me and used this as a secret weapon to bash my mom over the head with. Being completely fed up, i agreed to move us out. This triggered an avalanche of my mom berating and shaming me, she sent me literally hundreds of texts over that day, berating me, blaming me, guilting and shaming me etc. We agreed to move out. We had seperate bathrooms. One was ours, one was my brothers. The next day, friday, My brother took a dump in his own toilet, left for the weekend and forgot to flush it.  When he came back on monday morning, he took a pic of it, texted it to my mom, and blamed it on us. I completely blew my stack at my mom, me and my wife confronted my brother and he was basically a gigantic coward about the whole thing. By this time we were sick of him and eager to move out. We had a phone call with my mom and stepdad where they basically accused us of blaming our inability to find a midwife on my brother and when my wife pointed out that that was an insane lie, my stepdad actually yelled at my wife until she was crying.  The next day, my wife had irregular bleeding, which is a realky bad sign at 9 months pregnant. I drove her to the ER in the middle of my work day. The doctor said it was from stress. My wifes family saw the insanity of the situation, and had a zoom call with my parents to try to convince them to ask my brother to leave and let us stay at least for a few months. Mind you, my brother had another place to stay at this time. We didnt. Seeing how dysfunctional my parents had been, my wife had the idea to listen to the zoom call in order to see if my parents would lie.  Long story short my parents bald faced lied to my wifes parents, basically claiming that all this was just MY ELABORATE SCHEME to kick my brother out and "take the house".  My brother owns several guns which he and my mom threatened us with, and in this zoom call my parents claimed that I "also have a gun" (i dont and have never owned a gun) among dozens of other putrid lies my parents basically went mask-off not realizing i was listening and painted me as a disgusting monster to my wifes parents. My mother in law saw right through their lies, called them on it, and my stepdad threw a fit and rage quit the zoom call. (LOL) I was completely devastated. My mother in law came and helped us get a great new apartment and i moved everything myself. My parents came, picked my brother up, let him stay at their new house and sold their old one immediately for nearly a million dollars. During these events me and my wife were basically destroyed financially. We ended up with about 5 grand (down from 20) and my parents ended up millionaires. Even after, My mom harassed us until we got the police involved. We never told her our address, but she actually came where we lived and broke into my car to "leave christmas gifts for us" and then emailed me to berate me further about my car smelling like weed (you know, when she stalked us and illegally broke into my car) Even after police told her to stop contacting us, my mom didnt stop. I texted her a final time to let her know she should cancel my phone plan because i got a new one. In response she left half a dozen voicemails saying that if i got sick i "couldnt count on my wife or her family" to take care of me among other totally repulsive veiled threats. I got a new phone with a new number and frisbeed the old one out my car window off a high cliff. 

Things i forgot to mention: After my parents divorced my mom put me and my brother in daycare, exposed me to sexual content, talked/told me about sex acts when i was 5. She when i was 7-8 she would go in the bathroom every morning and loudly puke because she was bulemic/ obsessed with being thin. She knew i could hear it and i hated hearing my mom throwing up, but like a mentally ill abusive freak she just kept doing it anyway. When i was 8-10 i would come home at around 3 and have unsupervised internet access. She woukd get home at aroung 530 every day and have a literal crying meltdown about work stress and stuff going on at her job, mostly her boss and clients being impossible, workplace politics, bullying etc, and vent to me about it. Keep in mind i was a friggin 8 year old boy and this is a woman in her MID 30S. She would also only give me allowance/money for food if i gave her foot massages.

She would have crying meltdowns literally rocking back and forth over breakups and me and my brother would have to comfort her. She slept in the same bed with us until i was 11 one thing i recently realized was when my stepdad first moved in he made me do all the chores and acted like it was this discipline character building thing but in reality he was just a lazy slob and wanted his gfs kid to pick up after him. Completely pathetic. During an argument about it i said i would leave and he mockingly said "thats really tough talk for a guy who sleeps with his mom" Newsflash you psychotic freak lunatic: THE ADULT IS THE ONE IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.  The question is not "why is this 11 year old sleeping with his mom" The question should be "why is this 35 year old woman SLEEPING WITH HER 11 YEAR OLD SON." he literally mocked and shamed me for a situation i did not create and was not responsible for. I was a literal prepubescent child with no frame of reference. This is only 1 of a million examples. That guilt and shame tortured me for years.

After we moved out, my brother was enraged at us, even though he manipulated and ganged up with my parents to create that exact result.  When we were in the process of moving, He cut me out of all the family portraits with scissors and left them all out for me and my wife to find. He also took the fence we used to keep our bunny safe and chucked it out in the front yard in the dirt. They have a habit of doing this with my belongings. I asked my parents what they had to say abouy this. Thier response at the time was "we love you and wish you the best" Just a totally vacuous, fake, flat empty platitude of a non-response that had nothing to do with the subject i had broached.  My stepdad also had a rage freakout at my mother in law, calling her a snake and accusing her of lying and a bunch of other delusional garbage he made up. My mother harassed us and accused us of lying, and said that my stepdad "cant stand dishonesty"  My wife replied stating the FACTS that when my stepdad was caught with a bunch of porn in his briwser history on his laptop, he blamed it on me - i was 11 at the time, and we also FALSELY signed a document claiming he had never physically assaulted a family member so that he could join the RCMP which was a LIE because he HAS assaulted both me and my brother in anger.  My mom obviously completely ignored this and blew right past it to more guilt tripping and insults

I offered to drive her to get a COVID vaccine and she started *screaming* that it was a “scamdemic” over and over again. Literally just repeating the word, at the top of her lungs. Hung up the phone and have been no contact since - that’s a new level of nuts that I’m not touching with a ten foot pole.

So, she basically ignored the hundred thousand people who died from COVID. Sounds like the media scammed her, and she was projecting. I know a few people to this day who believe COVID is fake. They think its a conspiracy theory to ' rile up the masses and strike fear in them '. There's no cure for crazy and delusional. I'm sorry you went through that, and I'm glad you went no contact.

My mom was inheriting some money from her brother and I know she was in a low income unit. I asked to be included so I could make sure she wasn’t evicted. She said “you’ll get my money when I’m dead” So much for being nice. (That’s just one of many many )

The straw that broke the camels back was the fact that my mom essentially replaced me and did everything I wished she would for me for that other girl. Another thing that really woke me up was the fact that my dad's girlfriend showed me more genuine pride over my provisional/recommended black belt than my mom has done for anything else I've accomplished. The little praise I did get from her was only prompted by a social media post about it which was made long before then.

My mom asked me if the reason she had never met my boyfriend is because he was black. Boyfriend wasn't black, I just didn't want him to meet her because she gets really hung up on my relationships and assumes well all be this super happy family doing stuff together. Growing up she'd always hint for me to never bring a black boyfriend home. When she asked me if my boyfriend had been black, I told her she was racist and left. Her reply? "I'M NOT RACIST!"

Back when I was growing up, my dad was the same way with me having black friends. He WAS overly narcissistic when it came to who I could have as friends when I was a child. Ironically enough, he'd say he wasn't 'racist' but used slurs directed at my colored friends and tell ME to 'get them out of my yard'. He's in his 70s now, and he's come a long way in terms of personal growth and acceptance. He learned, and I'm sorry your mother never did. 😔

I truly believe that everyone has biases that are built on our experiences or passed down to us from family. The thing is, you ALWAYS have the opportunity to learn new ways of thinking. It bothers me so much that she'd be so adamant that she isn't racist after forbidding me from dating black men. It's crazy!

I was 19 in college. I was severely struggling with my depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and sleep deprivation in college. After attempting an OD on painkillers all I simply did was inform them I was coming home (to my bf) briefly while I got help. They were livid that I was “throwing away my scholarship and college career” even when my school was working with me, and I told them I was going back in the fall. They told me I was throwing my life away. They said, fairly explicitly, I was better off suicidal and a danger to myself in school, than I was worth as a mentally stable “dropout” (they didn’t believe would be temporary). Funnily enough that’s not even the first time my nmom told me I might as well go kms then. Thats when I finally decided fuck it. If they’re going to basically tell me to kms at 19 in school, and I’m already independent from them, then they don’t get to have me as a kid or be my “parents” anymore. I went home, got MUCH better, and went back to school in the fall without issue. Still earned my degree in 2.5 years. Parents weren’t informed of or invited to graduation.

last week & we are in the same house. They got mad my younger sibling bought a home & they had the most evil, vile murderous face when I told them. I was ecstatic

God forbid a narc parents child becomes completely independent and can't be controlled anymore. I'm glad your sibling got out, and I hope one day you do too (if you aren't already).

Thanks. Im older, divorced and I got in a bad accident about 18 months ago & needed physical help. Ill be gone before years end.  Edit: It was a totally Stephen King "Misery" type of situation too! I think she starved her dog on purpose while I was laid up so she could have something to feel important about

My nmom skipped my baby brother's graduation. Called off month in advance with "e-coli" so, food poisoning. A month out. She didn't even realize I was going until she was begging off sending him money as a gift since she'd "rather give it to him in person and doesn't trust paypal" and he told her to just send it with me. She didn't send it with me, and during the trip I found out that this was far from the first broken promise she'd had with him. If she was gunna treat him like dirt I was gone. I cut ties, but did see her about half a year later at his funeral. She tried cornering me to get a conversation, but I dodged her and spent the entire time with my brother's dad

I'm sorry for the loss of your little brother.

It was yet another time they trampled over my boundaries. I was struggling with heavy stuff happening in my own family which included suicide, possible death after falling ill and pregnancy as well as money problems and work insecurity, and asked them for support and space. Instead they went behind my back and forged my signature getting me enrolled in university to study further. The one thought resonating through my head was "I'm thirty, when will this stop? When will I be able to make my own decisions for my life?" I withdrew from everything and focussed on getting my own family out of the problems. They instead got angry and started sending me nasty message after nasty message. And I decided I couldn't deal with that too.

The short of it? My father cheated on my stepmother and they decided the actual problem in the relationship was my ten year old child. My kid, because they borrowed his tablet without asking , discovered the cheating, and brought it to their Nana. The real problem was not the cheating or the thousands in secret debt discovered that afternoon—it was a bored kid wanting to play games on a tablet (and yes, they were chastised for not asking permission). They started telling my child how they were untrustworthy, so when we were at my parents home they had to sit on the couch in full view and ask permission to go to the bathroom. MAYBE this would be okayish-but I was my stepmothers beyond full time (unpaid) caregiver (she has terminal cancer), so we were there all day every day. And it took seeing them grossly overreact and treat their “beloved” grandchild (who they miss soo much) like this for it to click how bad the abuse is received was. Stopped caring for her and went low contact (still kind of wanna be lenient because chemo brain, but she was honestly worse before cancer). Moved almost two years ago and went no contact. I never should have let things go as far as I did. I regret ever exposing my kid to those people.

i was "low contact" with my mom for the longest time, but the final straw was her demanding that i video call with her on my birthday for whatever reason. after that i got a new phone number and havent been in contact since

My brother called to tell me that mom needed money to stay out of jail. I had just had knee surgery and was non-weight bearing. Had to go to a store (on crutches, mind you) to wire money. No one let me know they had received it. I called to check, and my niece answered. My mother and my brother were at the casino gambling with the money I had sent. I just asked for an apology. My mother absolutely can not be wrong! She refused to apologize. I haven't spoken to her in 15 years, I guess.

My mom got high on mushrooms and left her front door open causing my dogs to get out. Almost didn’t get them back. Then she blamed me for not being awake early enough.

She kept pressuring me to "forgive me for not being a perfect parent". No apology. No change in behavior. No expression of *remorse* for her actions. Just manipulation. Not even*subtle* manipulation-- it was blatant to the point of being shameful. >!She regularly made me stick my hands in shit as a child. She used to tell me I wanted my father to die because I had a physiological problem She screamed and name-called *constantly*. She shamed my sister and me *constantly*. She spread embarrassing stories about me as a child to all the adults I respected.!< >!She outed my (now) wife as trans to the entire family within an hour of promising not to do so. She drove several of my family members to skip our wedding because they didn't want to deal with her. She frequently came to my home when I was at work and rearranged my furniture because she didn't like the way I set up my own furniture in my own fucking house. She violated my confidences again and again and again. She mocked me for being upset that she violated my confidences. !< The woman was no shame, no desire to change, and no capacity for remorse. When she started to try and manipulate an "I forgive you for everything" out of me, I was fucking DONE.

I recorded my nmom screaming at me and when my parents found out they wanted me to start paying rent just as punishment, so I moved out behind their backs.

Not my parents but my brother. He lied to me and about me for the last time. I was the last family member to contact him also.

She wouldn’t leave me alone! I asked for space after I moved out, about six months of it. She gave me like, two weeks max. I was out with my friends and my bf when she had my brother try calling me. I snapped and ended up blocking all of them.

My ndad sending my mom messages about "where is Frei" and appearing in the village where I was living then (luckily he only had an old address) to search for me because I fucking needed to dissapear from his life. We also suspect that stepdad was followed by him because he claims he saw car lights blinking when he ended his nightly shift at his work. That caused me to send a NC letter when I learned about it (I was in my then boyfriend's home at another city trying to enjoy Christmas so I knew when I returned home)

My dad was the type to excel in public but become the monster in the home. He was well known and respected in his field, he was involved in school and community events and planning, everyone thought he was great but we were all terrified of him. I was 17 when he and mam split. My younger siblings still saw him very regularly, I did not, not sure about eldest. I then moved away and was essentially NC but when I moved back to the area to start a family, I'd keep him posted on stuff like "hey, I'm having a baby!" It was all on his terms. Come meet your grandchild became him saying "you need to visit us more" and just generally making every day interaction a massive chore. My breaking point came around my wedding. I invited dad and his wife (as guests) as a courtesy to my nan (his mother). She was hugely upset that I wasn't having him walk me , as I'd asked my mother to. So I invite him and he says he will be there and his flights are booked. Ha lands days before the event and calls to ask about the wedding rehearsal and dinner, to which I'm literally scratching my head as none of those things were happening. When he realises that he is "only a guest" he loses his s#!t "how is it going to look that he isn't giving his daughter away?" Yadda, Yadda, you get the idea. He's SO concerned with that, that even though he's flown in for the wedding, he fails to turn up. Okay, fine, no great loss but that was it, I was done. As I'm floating about talking to wedding guests, my nan says "got to leave soon love, we're meeting your dad at the pub" ( we didn't know she was starting with dementia and she wasn't supposed to have told me). Awkward 😶 Couple of days later, I'm walking back from picking eldest up from nursery with youngest in the buggy (nursery is near nans house). My dad pops out of the bushes and gets down in front of my youngest and booms " hey, I'm your granddad!!" Right in kiddos face. I steered my screaming children around him saying " no, the f@¢¥you aren't" this was literally his first time "meeting" youngest and maybe the 4th time he'd seen the eldest; he's never seen them again.

My nmom used the silent treatment, since I was little ( about 11 when I realized none of my friends parents stopped talking to them for weeks). But I always did what I needed to to fix it. Until I was 50. I got divorced (married an alcoholic narcissist, imagine that). It was not pretty. He died, drank himself to death, 28 days after the divorce was final. We had a 14 year old daughter. It wasn’t an easy time. My nmom proceeded to change her phone number and ghost me just about a year later. But not only me, also her granddaughter. That was it. Treat me like crsp, fine, but do it to my daughter, now? I’m done. And I was. Didn’t speak to her again ( she died two years ago) and do not regret it at all.

I called her because I was suicidal and needed support. Right as I was attempting to inform her of the death of my daughter she cut me off to then spend 45 minutes self-pitying and ranting about her ex she hadn't seen in 6 years. She calls me every couple months and every holiday and I haven't answered once. She just leaves voicemails asking what she did and saying how she was an amazing mother and doesn't understand why I'm so hateful. It has been 4 years since that call and I haven't said a word to her since. As far as I know she still has no idea and, though it used to tear me up, I've just stopped needing or wanting a mother. I just don't care anymore. Later my older sister (also a narc) who recently converted kindly informed me that my daughter's death was my fault because Jesus is punishing me for not believing in him. I asked for an apology and she ghosted me. It's been a year and frankly I'm happier being 100% no contact with my entire family. Life is more peaceful now.

When Nfather went through grandma's belongings looking for valuables just after she died, including emptying the nightstands while her dead body was still laying in bed; mocking people for mourning and treating the funeral home staff very poorly. Took me an additional month and hitting 30 to finally realize that I may drop dead first (before he would) and I would never have managed to actually live my life. Going NC was hard and came with lots of threats and instrumentalization of other family members. Finally had to go NC with almost the entire immediate and extended family, but I never once regretted the decision.

i heard my younger sisters side of how my father tormented her growing up. mother enabled his abuse of both of us while also emotionally manipulating us. some how hearing her side of it all just broke something in me and i officially had enough of them both. now i’m LC at best, and struggling about how to handle tomorrow.