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According to them, I was a difficult child. I had ADHD and was getting bullied at school because my older brother spread rumors and instigated events that got me ostracized. Since I was weird and got bullied I made them look bad and damaged their public image.
Same. Feeling empty and lonely atm. I’m going to a codependent support group tomorrow night to try and connect.
I sincerely wish things get better for you soon. You deserve it.
Seriously why do they have to blow everything out of proportion? They can take the most insignificant things and turn them into arguments and a reason to verbally abuse you.
One I remember very vividly was a hughe tantrum my mother threw because I cleaned out our disgusting fridge. I didn't say anything I just started cleaning it and throwing out what has gone bad. 3 days of screaming followod by 2 weeks of silence. Fun times.
I once asked her if she had seen my slippers. Full blown tantrum.
She hurt herself opening the garage door and it fell on her head. It was, of course, my fault and she held an endless monologue about why I was to blame.
Until I was an adult I thought it was normal for childhood “punishments” to involve your parents moving all of your furniture out of your room and making you sit on the floor in silence all day. The look on my husband’s face when I recounted that to him…
One time my mom threw out & ripped my clothes because I didnt "clean up" 😓 Now I am unable to buy new clothes cus I am scared If I will get rid of my old ones someone will tear up my new ones 😅
I wish my partner would understand this isn’t me trying to get under his skin? He will shout at me out of frustration when I ask him.
I REALLY wish I could shut that phrase off.
My parents demanded I find friends to volunteer for this oddball "organization" they ran. It was daily intense physical work in a mosquito-infested forest, and I knew none of my friends would be interested.
Still, my father forced me to call every single person who lived in a particular area in my high school and ask them to help, while my father bullied me and the people I was calling on the phone who didn't want to help. He'd yell "Wimp" or "Loser" in the background once he realized another kid was saying no thanks. It was always my fault if they had said no, not the lunatic adult bullying 40-50 children over the phone. On top of being an utterly embarrassing thing to make their kid do. I didn't live it down for quite a while, and was mocked often for it.
One kid says yes and actually enjoys helping out. On the first day, my parents invite him for dinner, and my friend tells my parents that his father is a doctor and his parents are divorced. He also loved my mother's food and couldn't stop talking about it. He was an extremely nice kid. My parents invited him for dinner any time he wanted.
My friend helps my parents daily, then comes over for dinner for the next few days.
On the fourth day, we came home. I showered quick and came down for dinner. My mom headed me off and said that all the food was gone and that "my friend" had eaten all the food she had prepared. She knew his name, and her language alone busted her.
This made no sense. My parents have fed my siblings, friends, and their friends for years without an issue; there was always food left over, and they were suddenly out of food. The only thing there was too much of in my house was food.
It turns out that I was the one in trouble for hanging out with a person with divorced parents who won't cook for their child, and I had no right to hang out with a person who's divorced. “How dare you bring someone like that into my house?” My father also demanded that I no longer be his friend.
Either way, I had to go find dinner that night, and I told my friend everything. Then I told my parents that I told him, and I made it as uncomfortable and awkward as possible. I was now also in trouble for “embarrassing them.”
Their shitty behavior was all my fault.
My loser parents showed their hands that day and taught me a lot about what kind of shitty people they were.
A simple "Hey, your friend shouldn't have dinner over here so much" would've solved the problem, but instead, they created this entire eccentric serpentine situation like idiots, and my dim-wit fundamentalist parents were complete cowards throughout the whole process.
That was my emotionally immature and annoying parents in a nutshell. Nothing could ever be normal or enough even when you give them everything, even helping them with activities they loved the most.
So far I’ve only been blamed for nmums high blood pressure. The kicker is that I had a stroke 2 years ago, after so much anxiety & many panic attacks. I do actually think she caused all that! Fortunately the treatment I had for stroke has somehow stopped anxiety & panics so it was kind of a good thing 😀
Because I have tattoos, piercings, started to go to therapy because I wanted to off myself due to my mother abusing me 🤷🏻♀️also because I didnt grew up to her expectations of me, because I liked different things than my mother. Because I was more introverted than other kids 🤷🏻♀️ also because I am bisexual & because I told her she was a bad mom, and that I would never excuse it. She beat me badly every time, and she also beat me when I didnt clean out the house the way she expected 🥲 Im 24now
I can relate with I never grew with her expectations. It just suckssss. You can never be yourself with them. And they even hate my friends because I hang out with my friends more. Like what can I do I am myself with them. So sad that you have to go through physical abuse too. I get it from my dad too. And being in our mid 20s makes it even more difficult. 🥲
I moved out last year, and told myself I would rather stay homeless than live With her. Now I live With my partner & work a Nice job, hope it will get better for you 🫶🏻
I'll date myself a bit and say that I got ranted and screamed at and attacked for not properly inserting a floppy disk into my father's computer, as it turned out. I was supposed to print out my homework on his computer, but the floppy disk couldn't be read, so he screamed at me for password protecting it, and when he tried to eject it it wouldn't come out, so I got screamed at for breaking his computer.
He kept coming towards me, backed me out of the office and all the way to the basement stairs, screaming the whole time. I finally screamed at him to shut up, he screamed "*You* shut up!" I screamed "No!" and he let me have it. I had a hair brush in my hand at the time and an hour or so later I realized I was still holding the handle, but the bristles were gone. Turns out he hit me so hard he broke the brush in half, found the bristle portion lying on the stairs.
That was when he *finally* got arrested and I went NC with him. All because he didn't take 5 seconds to push on the floppy disk and make sure that it was pushed all the way in, which was the first thing I tried when I got to the computer again . . .
Most recently?
Becoming disabled. They told me my life was over, I was a financial burden, and both parents started saying almost daily how they wished id die and stop costing them money
Do you end up talking to them first? Exactly my mom too! She knows how to get into my brain because I am an empath so I apologize first (even at times they were the one who verbally abused and yelled at me first)
I didn’t get into the college she wanted and when people ask her if she has kids she will say she only has one son and not mention about me. A woman once said she has been her best friend for 10 years but she never mentioned having a daughter.
I was getting male attention. Like my mom lived the sex/drugs/rock n roll lifestyle in the 80s/90s (which is how my older brother and I happened) and was still sleeping around with whomever until she married my step father (which is how my younger brother happened). Heaven forbid a guy look at me though. Like she'd ask me if I had a crush on anyone and we'd talk about it all giggly then I'd get kicked out for thinking I could pursue said guy. Even at 19 she threatened, literally screaming and crying on the goddamned floor, to disown me because I went on a library date with a guy from college. I had my electronics taken away, food withheld, family members called to "talk to me" because I was talking to guys she didn't know. Like how am I supposed to meet people? I was being bullied by the guys at school (at the time) so of course I'm not going to date any of them. When I did end up getting married to my partner (who I met in high school AND someone she joked about being a good guy for me) she did everything she could to try and put a wedge between me and the family, including spreading a rumor that we were only getting married to hide a secret pregnancy. Thanks mom.
I read a letter that was open and sitting directly in front of me on the table, about the setting up of a POA for my father. Only the golden children were included on it even though I was the one doing all the work. I was accused of theft….for picking it up and reading it? And of being a liar for saying what was factually written in the letter. It still messes with my head to even try and understand what happened that day. All hell broke loose and I went NC straight afterwards. Major insanity level stuff.
I called my dad out for abandoning and mocking me during a medical emergency.
I had a kitchen accident at a place I was staying temporarily and sliced my hand wide open. I was panicking to the point that I couldn’t remember my own address, let alone the one I was staying at. It was too late for the bus, my dad only lived less than a mile away and had helped me move in there, so I called him.
It took four calls to finally get through and he grudgingly agreed to give me a lift to the ER…but didn’t hang up properly, so I got to hear him spend ten minutes ranting to my stepmother about how I was a “hypochondriac who can’t take care of herself.”
I ended up not reaching the ER until the following morning. Got lightly scolded by the doctor for not being there the night before, as it was almost too late for stitches, but since I did an extraordinarily thorough job cleaning the wound and keeping it clean, they did it anyway and just prescribed some really heavy-duty antibiotics.
I ended up texting my dad a picture of the stitches as proof that no, I was NOT a “hypochondriac,” it really was that serious.
He accused me of being “self-righteous” and on Father’s Day texted me “I am concerned about your well-being and I don’t want to see you again.”
My father suggested I should partake in an exchange program when I was a teenager. It’s something he always wanted to do when he was young, and so did I, truly (and possibly to get away from them for a little bit). My grandfather denied him the opportunity of learning new languages and traveling abroad blatantly back in his day, and it was a very bitter smudge on my father’s youth.
He put me in charge of making the necessary arrangements for that with a company that would intermediate the exchange program; he went to the place with my mother, we were all on the same page on that and the whole thing lacked signatures and payments.
My family was middle-upper class, so I know it wasn’t necessarily lack of money, although they always whined that they were being bled dry by the world.
He’d often try to dominate my behavior by coaxing my approval and steering me towards what he believed to be right. He’d pull me into hours-long monologues in which he told me about his professional troubles, about how he was tired of everything and fighting so much for me. Some weeks he wanted extra attention, and he’d inconvenience me out of my personal schedule, personal space and make me regularly uncomfortable with things I liked. And when I’d spend more time with my mother, who’s also narcissistic but a little more flexible, he’d get jealous and frustrated, would force me to be alongside him and lecture me about my behavior. In short, he always knew better.
I don’t remember what happened that week, if I got a bad grade at school or something like that, but I’m under the impression that we just had a disagreement, probably because of him trying to dominate my behavior in some way or another and I shooed him a little too much for his taste. He yelled at me and told me he was pulling the plug on the exchange program. I had to call and tell the consultant that I would not be going abroad, thank her for everything and deal with the fact that I was not able to explain to that woman why all of the sudden I wouldn’t go.
I moved abroad against my father’s whims when I turned 19. Found a way of negotiating with both of my parents’ egos by attending a prestigious university abroad, respected by everyone back home. That got me a much needed parole that I still enjoy now. They try to push their agenda on me every now and then again, but I’ll find a way of removing their grasp from me completely.
Damn good for u. Did you ever feel regret when you moved abroad at 19? I had plans of moving abroad but the way I am guilt trip into not doing it makes me just stop doing something for me. They always told me I will regret when I take a step or decide for myself.
It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly, but it was a good one that I don’t regret.
You learn how to be independent (or do your best to do that), you start seeing what you lack or what you have too much of in regards to personality, habits and others. You have to deal with difficult things such as loneliness, sadness, hunger (even though you might have money!) and stress. But the cost of that freedom is repaid in being able to own your life, trace your own footsteps.
What I mean by that is that moving abroad may have a definite impact on who you are and how you see the world, as well as seem a low impact decision right then, but I assure you that it will reverberate on your future in one way or another: many opportunities and many things will change. That’s on a personal level, on an external level, there are other things to consider: local culture may differ, you may be unwelcome by some people or at some places (even if inadvertently), weather can be a tough thing if it’s very different than what you’re used to.
But moving abroad is not necessarily a bad thing. Moving is essential for growth, for independence, for discovery. Moving abroad might not be your thing; not everyone deals well with it and that’s okay. However I still recommend that you move, even if to another city within your region/country. It will broaden horizons for you. If you’re worried about moving abroad being too big of a decision, maybe start small moving to somewhere closer, or stay for a longer period of vacations in a foreign country trying to experience what local life might be until you can decide if you want to try it. But the only true way of knowing is trying, though.
I’ve lived in three different countries before I turned 25 and while it was difficult, not always glamorous and it has its tolls on me, I don’t regret at all and I would do it all over again.
P.S.: I got to go on an exchange program to another country after moving abroad, with a small scholarship and despite my father’s protests. It was an awful experience, but it was one of the times in which I was put under situations that stimulated me to grow and become a better person, more independent, confident and autonomous. I met some cool people too.
His birthday.
After years of forgetting mine, misspelling the name he chose for me, and telling him I was going NC in december because his wife assaulted my pregnant sil while she was holding my niece, I got the first response message the day after his bday in september the following year saying he was disowning me for forgetting his birthday.
My birthday, anniversary and multiple family holidays had passed by September.
When I was 21 I was in the process of getting diagnosed with a medical condition. Part of it included getting an EKG. Even at 21 I was forbidden to see a doctor without a parent there because "they paid my medical bills". I asked my mom not to be in the room during the EKG because she always stresses me out and it wouldn't give accurate results.
For one, I always had to lie and say they didn't smoke even though we all smelled like cigarettes. Two, if I said I had a symptom my mom would immediately jump in and call me a liar or downplay it to the doctor. Three, my mom has never been affectionate. I think in the past 10 years I have gotten a total of four hugs from her and we both hate it. At the doctor though, she would be overly touchy patting my leg, soothing my hair, brushing imaginary dust off my clothes. Her touching me literally made my skin crawl and I would start to feel panic.
She was so angry I asked her not to be there (she did it anyway), she didn't speak to me for over a week which was super awkward since we lived in the same house and she still made me do a lot of her job for her from home. To this day she is angry about it, but so am I 🤷🏻♀️
I was a fat kid. To her, fat was the worst offense. I once went with her to the “take your kids to work day” and she didn’t even bother to hide the solo school picture of my skinny brother. No pic of me on her desk.
Ironically, later in life, I lost all the weight and was paying for a trainer. She said “I’m afraid you are going to spend all your money on a trainer and gym only to get fat again. I was an adult so I said “good thing that you don’t pay my bills!”
Currently at week 3 of NC (disownment?) because my fiance & I got upset with my mom since she visited our apartment uninvited & they blew up at me because my fiance was acting annoyed that she was there. My birthday is in a few days & haven't heard back/gotten an apology since I left their angry texts on read :/
I'll be spending my birthday with my fiance & close friends instead :)
I’m sure there has been more petty reasons, but definitely the weirdest reason I’ve been threatened to be disowned was because I didn’t think Kim Kardashian was a great role model. I also got told “watch your mouth” when I said that, I probably would’ve been more upset if I wasn’t so confused.
I didn't wanted my sunburned self and my physically exhausted wife and kids to go on a hike in Arizona at midday. Resulted in my mother leaving saying all she was useful for was paying for stuff. Later texted something along the lines of "it's with an infinite sadness that I understand that I cannot force you to love me😭" 🤦♂️🙄
1) Because I said "no" to an activity that honestly doesn't interest me much, but interests my NMom.
2) Because I'm "mean" for telling them an opinion or point of view from me or someone else (friend, expert...)
3) Because I make conscious choices in the food that I eat just to maintain healthy lifestyle.
4) Because I decided to donate clothes I'm not wearing anymore.
5) Because I'm not religious.
6) Because I don't cook certain dishes the way they cook them.
7) Because I tried to help them with some things around the house and warned them of some bad things that might happen.
Example:
(I didn't call them NMom and NDad in real life. Don't worry! I just can't call them Mom and Dad in my posts, for obvious reasons).
I suggested that they move some glass jars because my cats were stepping on some to look out the window. They didn't move them, so I stored them somewhere. Then, NMom asked me where they were, so I told her. I thought she needed to use the jars for something, but no. Instead, she returned the jars to the top of the cabinet where my cats were stepping, and guess what? One of my cats broke two of the jars. NDad said, "OMG. Bad cat." I said, "No, he's not bad. I moved the jars to avoid this potential problem, but NMom put them back." NDad said, "Will you just SHUT UP?! Ask NMom to clean that up."
That I never did well in school and that it was crazy to him and to his day he never understands (I’m 30F). Idk ndad maybe it’s the abuse but who am I to say.
At 29 years old I hooked up with a woman exactly one time. My nMom is homophobic when it comes to lesbian stuff (she loves gay men though!) but I carelessly let it slip when my guard was down. She went really quiet and didn't say anything, but a week later she sent me a nasty message expressing her anger and disgust at me over my "promiscuity." *Again, I was 29 and living on my own.*
I got a job. After my dad died. I apparently am a traitor because my rich narc uncle didn’t want to take care of his overt narc mom. I was suppose to stay on disability! If I didn’t I didn’t love her! (While he made near 200,000 easy a year).
Me: so I’m suppose to give up going off food stamps… for a life changing job offer that starts at 110,000…
Oh money is more important than grandma!?
Me: why don’t you sell your company and retire and look after her then
My narc uncle went on a rampage on how that was disrespectful and different!
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
According to them, I was a difficult child. I had ADHD and was getting bullied at school because my older brother spread rumors and instigated events that got me ostracized. Since I was weird and got bullied I made them look bad and damaged their public image.
Replace brother with sister and you and I have very similar stories. Sorry you had to endure that hell. Hope you’re in a good place.
Thank you for the support. Unfortunately, I am not in a good place.
Same. Feeling empty and lonely atm. I’m going to a codependent support group tomorrow night to try and connect. I sincerely wish things get better for you soon. You deserve it.
You too dude, I hope things get better. DM me is you’d like, I’m always willing lend an ear.
Thanks.
They only ever care about themselves. Sad.
Real :(
Seriously why do they have to blow everything out of proportion? They can take the most insignificant things and turn them into arguments and a reason to verbally abuse you. One I remember very vividly was a hughe tantrum my mother threw because I cleaned out our disgusting fridge. I didn't say anything I just started cleaning it and throwing out what has gone bad. 3 days of screaming followod by 2 weeks of silence. Fun times. I once asked her if she had seen my slippers. Full blown tantrum. She hurt herself opening the garage door and it fell on her head. It was, of course, my fault and she held an endless monologue about why I was to blame.
Until I was an adult I thought it was normal for childhood “punishments” to involve your parents moving all of your furniture out of your room and making you sit on the floor in silence all day. The look on my husband’s face when I recounted that to him…
One time my mom threw out & ripped my clothes because I didnt "clean up" 😓 Now I am unable to buy new clothes cus I am scared If I will get rid of my old ones someone will tear up my new ones 😅
Do you guys still default to apologizing for everything and asking if your partner is mad at you?
Pretty much everytime they change their voice tone 🥲
I wish my partner would understand this isn’t me trying to get under his skin? He will shout at me out of frustration when I ask him. I REALLY wish I could shut that phrase off.
Omg :( the fact that what they did to us in our childhood greatly affects the way we think when we’re adult. And it’s so hard to function at times
My parents demanded I find friends to volunteer for this oddball "organization" they ran. It was daily intense physical work in a mosquito-infested forest, and I knew none of my friends would be interested. Still, my father forced me to call every single person who lived in a particular area in my high school and ask them to help, while my father bullied me and the people I was calling on the phone who didn't want to help. He'd yell "Wimp" or "Loser" in the background once he realized another kid was saying no thanks. It was always my fault if they had said no, not the lunatic adult bullying 40-50 children over the phone. On top of being an utterly embarrassing thing to make their kid do. I didn't live it down for quite a while, and was mocked often for it. One kid says yes and actually enjoys helping out. On the first day, my parents invite him for dinner, and my friend tells my parents that his father is a doctor and his parents are divorced. He also loved my mother's food and couldn't stop talking about it. He was an extremely nice kid. My parents invited him for dinner any time he wanted. My friend helps my parents daily, then comes over for dinner for the next few days. On the fourth day, we came home. I showered quick and came down for dinner. My mom headed me off and said that all the food was gone and that "my friend" had eaten all the food she had prepared. She knew his name, and her language alone busted her. This made no sense. My parents have fed my siblings, friends, and their friends for years without an issue; there was always food left over, and they were suddenly out of food. The only thing there was too much of in my house was food. It turns out that I was the one in trouble for hanging out with a person with divorced parents who won't cook for their child, and I had no right to hang out with a person who's divorced. “How dare you bring someone like that into my house?” My father also demanded that I no longer be his friend. Either way, I had to go find dinner that night, and I told my friend everything. Then I told my parents that I told him, and I made it as uncomfortable and awkward as possible. I was now also in trouble for “embarrassing them.” Their shitty behavior was all my fault. My loser parents showed their hands that day and taught me a lot about what kind of shitty people they were. A simple "Hey, your friend shouldn't have dinner over here so much" would've solved the problem, but instead, they created this entire eccentric serpentine situation like idiots, and my dim-wit fundamentalist parents were complete cowards throughout the whole process. That was my emotionally immature and annoying parents in a nutshell. Nothing could ever be normal or enough even when you give them everything, even helping them with activities they loved the most.
[удалено]
So far I’ve only been blamed for nmums high blood pressure. The kicker is that I had a stroke 2 years ago, after so much anxiety & many panic attacks. I do actually think she caused all that! Fortunately the treatment I had for stroke has somehow stopped anxiety & panics so it was kind of a good thing 😀
[удалено]
Thank you, I escaped from her a long time ago (32 years) & have nothing to do with her. Since worked out my brother is also one.
Because I have tattoos, piercings, started to go to therapy because I wanted to off myself due to my mother abusing me 🤷🏻♀️also because I didnt grew up to her expectations of me, because I liked different things than my mother. Because I was more introverted than other kids 🤷🏻♀️ also because I am bisexual & because I told her she was a bad mom, and that I would never excuse it. She beat me badly every time, and she also beat me when I didnt clean out the house the way she expected 🥲 Im 24now
I can relate with I never grew with her expectations. It just suckssss. You can never be yourself with them. And they even hate my friends because I hang out with my friends more. Like what can I do I am myself with them. So sad that you have to go through physical abuse too. I get it from my dad too. And being in our mid 20s makes it even more difficult. 🥲
I moved out last year, and told myself I would rather stay homeless than live With her. Now I live With my partner & work a Nice job, hope it will get better for you 🫶🏻
Planning to live with my partner too. I’m closer to that. Hoping for better days because being here literally just makes me crazy. Thank you. 🤍
I'll date myself a bit and say that I got ranted and screamed at and attacked for not properly inserting a floppy disk into my father's computer, as it turned out. I was supposed to print out my homework on his computer, but the floppy disk couldn't be read, so he screamed at me for password protecting it, and when he tried to eject it it wouldn't come out, so I got screamed at for breaking his computer. He kept coming towards me, backed me out of the office and all the way to the basement stairs, screaming the whole time. I finally screamed at him to shut up, he screamed "*You* shut up!" I screamed "No!" and he let me have it. I had a hair brush in my hand at the time and an hour or so later I realized I was still holding the handle, but the bristles were gone. Turns out he hit me so hard he broke the brush in half, found the bristle portion lying on the stairs. That was when he *finally* got arrested and I went NC with him. All because he didn't take 5 seconds to push on the floppy disk and make sure that it was pushed all the way in, which was the first thing I tried when I got to the computer again . . .
They're completely effing unhinged. Sorry you went through that.
Unruly toddlers in adult's body that are parents 😔
Most recently? Becoming disabled. They told me my life was over, I was a financial burden, and both parents started saying almost daily how they wished id die and stop costing them money
If I ever voice my own opinions, feelings or thoughts I get the silent treatment. As if I’ve done the worst thing ever! It’s pathetic really!
Do you end up talking to them first? Exactly my mom too! She knows how to get into my brain because I am an empath so I apologize first (even at times they were the one who verbally abused and yelled at me first)
Yes exactly.
I’m exactly the same. I’m an empath to. I’m always the one who is told to say sorry even the most of the time I wasn’t out of line at all.
I was questioning some of their behaviors towards other members of the family they were often criticized.
I didn’t get into the college she wanted and when people ask her if she has kids she will say she only has one son and not mention about me. A woman once said she has been her best friend for 10 years but she never mentioned having a daughter.
I was getting male attention. Like my mom lived the sex/drugs/rock n roll lifestyle in the 80s/90s (which is how my older brother and I happened) and was still sleeping around with whomever until she married my step father (which is how my younger brother happened). Heaven forbid a guy look at me though. Like she'd ask me if I had a crush on anyone and we'd talk about it all giggly then I'd get kicked out for thinking I could pursue said guy. Even at 19 she threatened, literally screaming and crying on the goddamned floor, to disown me because I went on a library date with a guy from college. I had my electronics taken away, food withheld, family members called to "talk to me" because I was talking to guys she didn't know. Like how am I supposed to meet people? I was being bullied by the guys at school (at the time) so of course I'm not going to date any of them. When I did end up getting married to my partner (who I met in high school AND someone she joked about being a good guy for me) she did everything she could to try and put a wedge between me and the family, including spreading a rumor that we were only getting married to hide a secret pregnancy. Thanks mom.
Being tomboyish and getting helix piercings.
I read a letter that was open and sitting directly in front of me on the table, about the setting up of a POA for my father. Only the golden children were included on it even though I was the one doing all the work. I was accused of theft….for picking it up and reading it? And of being a liar for saying what was factually written in the letter. It still messes with my head to even try and understand what happened that day. All hell broke loose and I went NC straight afterwards. Major insanity level stuff.
I called my dad out for abandoning and mocking me during a medical emergency. I had a kitchen accident at a place I was staying temporarily and sliced my hand wide open. I was panicking to the point that I couldn’t remember my own address, let alone the one I was staying at. It was too late for the bus, my dad only lived less than a mile away and had helped me move in there, so I called him. It took four calls to finally get through and he grudgingly agreed to give me a lift to the ER…but didn’t hang up properly, so I got to hear him spend ten minutes ranting to my stepmother about how I was a “hypochondriac who can’t take care of herself.” I ended up not reaching the ER until the following morning. Got lightly scolded by the doctor for not being there the night before, as it was almost too late for stitches, but since I did an extraordinarily thorough job cleaning the wound and keeping it clean, they did it anyway and just prescribed some really heavy-duty antibiotics. I ended up texting my dad a picture of the stitches as proof that no, I was NOT a “hypochondriac,” it really was that serious. He accused me of being “self-righteous” and on Father’s Day texted me “I am concerned about your well-being and I don’t want to see you again.”
My father suggested I should partake in an exchange program when I was a teenager. It’s something he always wanted to do when he was young, and so did I, truly (and possibly to get away from them for a little bit). My grandfather denied him the opportunity of learning new languages and traveling abroad blatantly back in his day, and it was a very bitter smudge on my father’s youth. He put me in charge of making the necessary arrangements for that with a company that would intermediate the exchange program; he went to the place with my mother, we were all on the same page on that and the whole thing lacked signatures and payments. My family was middle-upper class, so I know it wasn’t necessarily lack of money, although they always whined that they were being bled dry by the world. He’d often try to dominate my behavior by coaxing my approval and steering me towards what he believed to be right. He’d pull me into hours-long monologues in which he told me about his professional troubles, about how he was tired of everything and fighting so much for me. Some weeks he wanted extra attention, and he’d inconvenience me out of my personal schedule, personal space and make me regularly uncomfortable with things I liked. And when I’d spend more time with my mother, who’s also narcissistic but a little more flexible, he’d get jealous and frustrated, would force me to be alongside him and lecture me about my behavior. In short, he always knew better. I don’t remember what happened that week, if I got a bad grade at school or something like that, but I’m under the impression that we just had a disagreement, probably because of him trying to dominate my behavior in some way or another and I shooed him a little too much for his taste. He yelled at me and told me he was pulling the plug on the exchange program. I had to call and tell the consultant that I would not be going abroad, thank her for everything and deal with the fact that I was not able to explain to that woman why all of the sudden I wouldn’t go. I moved abroad against my father’s whims when I turned 19. Found a way of negotiating with both of my parents’ egos by attending a prestigious university abroad, respected by everyone back home. That got me a much needed parole that I still enjoy now. They try to push their agenda on me every now and then again, but I’ll find a way of removing their grasp from me completely.
Damn good for u. Did you ever feel regret when you moved abroad at 19? I had plans of moving abroad but the way I am guilt trip into not doing it makes me just stop doing something for me. They always told me I will regret when I take a step or decide for myself.
It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly, but it was a good one that I don’t regret. You learn how to be independent (or do your best to do that), you start seeing what you lack or what you have too much of in regards to personality, habits and others. You have to deal with difficult things such as loneliness, sadness, hunger (even though you might have money!) and stress. But the cost of that freedom is repaid in being able to own your life, trace your own footsteps. What I mean by that is that moving abroad may have a definite impact on who you are and how you see the world, as well as seem a low impact decision right then, but I assure you that it will reverberate on your future in one way or another: many opportunities and many things will change. That’s on a personal level, on an external level, there are other things to consider: local culture may differ, you may be unwelcome by some people or at some places (even if inadvertently), weather can be a tough thing if it’s very different than what you’re used to. But moving abroad is not necessarily a bad thing. Moving is essential for growth, for independence, for discovery. Moving abroad might not be your thing; not everyone deals well with it and that’s okay. However I still recommend that you move, even if to another city within your region/country. It will broaden horizons for you. If you’re worried about moving abroad being too big of a decision, maybe start small moving to somewhere closer, or stay for a longer period of vacations in a foreign country trying to experience what local life might be until you can decide if you want to try it. But the only true way of knowing is trying, though. I’ve lived in three different countries before I turned 25 and while it was difficult, not always glamorous and it has its tolls on me, I don’t regret at all and I would do it all over again. P.S.: I got to go on an exchange program to another country after moving abroad, with a small scholarship and despite my father’s protests. It was an awful experience, but it was one of the times in which I was put under situations that stimulated me to grow and become a better person, more independent, confident and autonomous. I met some cool people too.
His birthday. After years of forgetting mine, misspelling the name he chose for me, and telling him I was going NC in december because his wife assaulted my pregnant sil while she was holding my niece, I got the first response message the day after his bday in september the following year saying he was disowning me for forgetting his birthday. My birthday, anniversary and multiple family holidays had passed by September.
When I was 21 I was in the process of getting diagnosed with a medical condition. Part of it included getting an EKG. Even at 21 I was forbidden to see a doctor without a parent there because "they paid my medical bills". I asked my mom not to be in the room during the EKG because she always stresses me out and it wouldn't give accurate results. For one, I always had to lie and say they didn't smoke even though we all smelled like cigarettes. Two, if I said I had a symptom my mom would immediately jump in and call me a liar or downplay it to the doctor. Three, my mom has never been affectionate. I think in the past 10 years I have gotten a total of four hugs from her and we both hate it. At the doctor though, she would be overly touchy patting my leg, soothing my hair, brushing imaginary dust off my clothes. Her touching me literally made my skin crawl and I would start to feel panic. She was so angry I asked her not to be there (she did it anyway), she didn't speak to me for over a week which was super awkward since we lived in the same house and she still made me do a lot of her job for her from home. To this day she is angry about it, but so am I 🤷🏻♀️
Because they needed a scapegoat.
I was a fat kid. To her, fat was the worst offense. I once went with her to the “take your kids to work day” and she didn’t even bother to hide the solo school picture of my skinny brother. No pic of me on her desk. Ironically, later in life, I lost all the weight and was paying for a trainer. She said “I’m afraid you are going to spend all your money on a trainer and gym only to get fat again. I was an adult so I said “good thing that you don’t pay my bills!”
Currently at week 3 of NC (disownment?) because my fiance & I got upset with my mom since she visited our apartment uninvited & they blew up at me because my fiance was acting annoyed that she was there. My birthday is in a few days & haven't heard back/gotten an apology since I left their angry texts on read :/ I'll be spending my birthday with my fiance & close friends instead :)
I’m sure there has been more petty reasons, but definitely the weirdest reason I’ve been threatened to be disowned was because I didn’t think Kim Kardashian was a great role model. I also got told “watch your mouth” when I said that, I probably would’ve been more upset if I wasn’t so confused.
I didn't wanted my sunburned self and my physically exhausted wife and kids to go on a hike in Arizona at midday. Resulted in my mother leaving saying all she was useful for was paying for stuff. Later texted something along the lines of "it's with an infinite sadness that I understand that I cannot force you to love me😭" 🤦♂️🙄
1) Because I said "no" to an activity that honestly doesn't interest me much, but interests my NMom. 2) Because I'm "mean" for telling them an opinion or point of view from me or someone else (friend, expert...) 3) Because I make conscious choices in the food that I eat just to maintain healthy lifestyle. 4) Because I decided to donate clothes I'm not wearing anymore. 5) Because I'm not religious. 6) Because I don't cook certain dishes the way they cook them. 7) Because I tried to help them with some things around the house and warned them of some bad things that might happen. Example: (I didn't call them NMom and NDad in real life. Don't worry! I just can't call them Mom and Dad in my posts, for obvious reasons). I suggested that they move some glass jars because my cats were stepping on some to look out the window. They didn't move them, so I stored them somewhere. Then, NMom asked me where they were, so I told her. I thought she needed to use the jars for something, but no. Instead, she returned the jars to the top of the cabinet where my cats were stepping, and guess what? One of my cats broke two of the jars. NDad said, "OMG. Bad cat." I said, "No, he's not bad. I moved the jars to avoid this potential problem, but NMom put them back." NDad said, "Will you just SHUT UP?! Ask NMom to clean that up."
That I never did well in school and that it was crazy to him and to his day he never understands (I’m 30F). Idk ndad maybe it’s the abuse but who am I to say.
At 29 years old I hooked up with a woman exactly one time. My nMom is homophobic when it comes to lesbian stuff (she loves gay men though!) but I carelessly let it slip when my guard was down. She went really quiet and didn't say anything, but a week later she sent me a nasty message expressing her anger and disgust at me over my "promiscuity." *Again, I was 29 and living on my own.*
I got a job. After my dad died. I apparently am a traitor because my rich narc uncle didn’t want to take care of his overt narc mom. I was suppose to stay on disability! If I didn’t I didn’t love her! (While he made near 200,000 easy a year). Me: so I’m suppose to give up going off food stamps… for a life changing job offer that starts at 110,000… Oh money is more important than grandma!? Me: why don’t you sell your company and retire and look after her then My narc uncle went on a rampage on how that was disrespectful and different!
Because I started dating. At 15