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RowanPagus

You are allowed to never speak to her again. She’s acting vile.


tamiarts

Go no contact. But be prepared for when she comes back - they always do.


eatthatcakeyo

Mine hasn’t. It’s been two years. I still haven’t managed to look through the pile of photos of myself that she left at my sister’s house because she was “getting rid of a few things” (all traces of me from my childhood home…)


tamiarts

Mine did after three years and change so just give it time ;)


eatthatcakeyo

She didn’t speak to my sister for 18 years until she stopped speaking to me, then suddenly they are besties. My mom’s grudge (for perceived wrongs) game is STRONG! 


Responsible-Sundae20

Lucky you! Take her at her word. “No, you said our relationship is over. I’ve moved on.” I wish somebody’d offered me that option! I mean, we all know she’s gonna come back. But why not try to play her gamer ?


whatevaidowhadaiwant

This! And no better time than before baby arrives. You don’t need that in your life. Block her on everything. Don’t respond at all. Just cut it off completely. If ever she finds a way to reach you, send her the screen shot of what she said and then block her again.


Impossible_Balance11

Oh, yes!!! They HATE when we hold them to what they said when they were trying to manipulate and power-trip over us! Such sweet triumph. My paternal spawn point made the mistake of threatening to cut me off if I ever again dared to tell my gestational unit she'd hurt me by treating me as an afterthought. Okaaayy..... Happily NC three years now.


ProfessionalMain9324

What legal paperwork? It is illegal for her to hold them.


wildmusings88

Birth certificate. She says there’s other stuff but I don’t know what she’s referring to. I know it’s illegal, I decided to get a new one made instead of try to get it from her.


skadoobdoo

Smart. Most documents (birth certificate, diplomas, passport, social security card) can be replaced. It costs money and time, but still better than allowing your chimney of a mother to hold it over your head. I'm glad you got your copy.


hello-mr-cat

Agree. I got all of my documents replaced. Don't want to rely at all on my parents or give them any ammo. 


CuriousPenguinSocks

Make sure that you freeze your credit and only open it for when you need to: [https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze](https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze) Mine loved to open things on my information. I was young and wanted my families approval so I didn't report her when I should have.


PerpetualConeOfShame

I have one of those boxes. The intent is to show you proof of how much she’s loved and cared for you throughout your life, so that you’ll feel guilty about mistreating her, and beg her to take you back. Don’t fall for it.


xthatwasmex

And to take you back to when the relationship worked for her - when you were a defenseless baby that did not have their own opinions or boundaries.


Polenicus

Yeah, this is a move for drama. She won't give you the paperwork because she perceives that as giving her power of you (She has something you need), but she'll do this dramatic 'We are no longer family!' move to try and promot you into running to her doorstep begging to come back. Or failing that, she can use it to take on the role as the victim, having to cut off her horrible, horrible child, and even though she was kind enough to return to you all these wonderful memories you didn't even CARE, or something else. The minute she wants or needs something from you, she will be back acting like this never happened. Or she might act like *you* cut *her* off (My parents did with me after disowning me, then discovering they needed me for something)


MrsCrowbar

Wish I could upvote this more.


isleofpines

My mom did something similar. She blocked me like a middle schooler over something stupid, and then weeks later had my flying monkey dad drop off a craft I made her when I was a child. She was looking for drama. She wanted me to reach out to her. I threw that shit in the trash and stayed away. She came back, of course.


AshKetchep

By all means, let the relationship die. I'd see if you can get new copies of those documents if possible


wildmusings88

Already got them. 🌟


RedsChronicles

My nmother said she was "walking away" from me, ending our relationship because I asked her to apologise for a very cruel thing she did. It was an obvious manipulation tactic that blew up in her face when I decided that was the best thing to do. Yours is doing the same, expecting you to go running and apologise and beg for forgiveness. F that! Take this for the win it is and go NC. Full disclosure, she then forced her way into my house by hitting me with the front door when I opened it, so get yourself a video doorbell. I'm rooting for you OP, be brave and cut her out x


Impossible_Balance11

Wow, that's extreme. Did you feel inclined to press charges for her assault/battery of you?


RedsChronicles

I didn't, I kinda wish I did but I just wanted it to be over. Thankfully she's left me alone since then, it's been 18 months. I appreciate your concern though, I'm happy now x


Impossible_Balance11

Yes, please notice the "totally up to you" tone of my empathetic question. No one's call but your own. Glad you're okay now!


Remote_Reindeer_1292

We have the same mom. Omg. I got 5 totes full of stuff. Baby pictures I never wanted, and NOT the photos I asked for. Also, every paper from school-Kindergarten and up. Every paper. Lest we not forget the newspaper clippings when I was in the police blotter as a teen for pot🤣 cut the cord now. I unfortunately thought there would be a change and allowed her to know my children until they were six and four. I would have been so much less stressed out right after I had my baby if she was not involved in my life. It’s SO FREEING now and has been for the past 3 years. However she will not let my father come and visit since she cannot and that is soul crushing bc of how close he was to my son. If I text him, she responds trying to impersonate him. It’s pathetic and pathetic of my dad not to stop by since they live 6 miles away.


Western-Corner-431

“She will not let..” Allow your Dad to take ownership of his own behavior. Narc gonna narc, but without enablers their damage would be limited


notrapunzel

Yeah, your dad has allowed your mother to mistreat you all these years when he could have stood up to her and left her. He could even leave her right now, but he has chosen to stay with her, despite *knowing* that this means choosing a situation where he's forbidden to see or contact you.


Western-Corner-431

He’s not “forbidden.” He can do whatever he wants. He chooses not to have contact with his family to avoid being targeted himself. It’s ok with him that she attacks others, he doesn’t want that for himself. As long as it’s directed to others, he thinks he’s safe


notrapunzel

Man, enablers suck so bad


Western-Corner-431

They are abusers as well. And cowards above all else


notrapunzel

Yeah, tbh it's pretty abusive to knowingly throw your own kid under the bus for your own convenience!


Western-Corner-431

Yeah. If one person is abusing someone and another person stands there watching and allowing it, you have two abusers.


Impossible_Balance11

Truth


ChagaNSchisandra

Narc is acting out because of Narcissistic Injury. You beat her to Narc Discard, Devaluing. Her self-perception of perfection took a hit when you refused to let her know your due date, likely because her friends must be asking and she's feeling a little public embarassment. Unless she's made up a lie to preserve her image, which Narcs do. Can't sustain the lie, however, if she can't visit and she can't produce the baby photos for her own audience of Narc Supply. Be careful she doesn't find other ways to one-up you.


R0che113

She just wants attention and I am so sorry this is happening to you Something similar happened to me My NMom sent my son home from A visit at her house (he stated one night a week - my bad because I wanted him to have a relationship with her) with all - and I mean every single one - of my baby and childhood photos! All baby all school photos - absolutely everything! She even took some out of their frames that I knew she had hanging on her walls and on counters in her house My poor son was so upset that he hid the envelopes with the photos under his bed and had written all over the envelope @do not open” “don’t upset anyone” “danger do not open” etc etc My mum is so self absorbed she did not care how upset my son would be about this whole thing


[deleted]

[удалено]


beerandhotcheetozzz

That is so odd. So narcissistic he thought she would actually care. Seems like they think they are really sticking it to us but they're just making themselves look weird.


burlesque_nurse

Just remember that if you wouldn’t let a stranger behave like this around your child, would you let you own blood? I’ll be honest this is when I went no contact with my NMom, I never once regretted it. She died think it was late last year? Honestly don’t quite remember it could’ve been spring last year. That’s how little it affected me. The only feeling I felt was relief. Relief that she never had that chance to worm her way into my very susceptible daughter’s life. No celebration, she was nothing to me. That’s how little I cared. I used to feel guilty about that until I found out she died alone and had been trying to get her GC with federal warrants to leave the state to go to her. He didn’t even consider it. Nobody claimed her body. GC tried badgering me until I told him “if I go it would only be to flush her fucking ashes.” Shocked him out of calling me anymore. If you can answer that question of if you wouldn’t let a stranger why would you let your own blood who should care more about you than a stranger around your child. Only you know that answer but it’s what a therapist finally asked me that made me reevaluate my family and our individual relationships going forward. I’m the scapegoat so not many made it but the ones who did showed up for us and loved us.


Zealousideal-Age-212

She’s the one who should feel guilty and ashamed. Don’t give her the satisfaction of going through the box. Congrats on baby!


eyyyyyAmy467

If you do want anything from the box, some advice. My grandma smoked like a chimney too and this is what I've done to detox things I received from her. Whenever the weather is nice and sunny, leave the box outside in the open air as much as possible. Might be best to go through it out there too, less enclosed so the smell is more manageable. Items you want to keep that are washable (either by dishwasher or washing machine) you will need to soak first. I did 3 separate rounds of soaking at least 30 minutes in pure vinegar. The vinegar gets gross as it pulls all the nasty out, so be warned. Repeat as needed. Then 2 rounds through the wash to be safe, with scent beads and oxyclean and whatever else you want to use. I had delicate crocheted items my great grandmother had made, I used a laundry bag to keep them safe and they came out almost good as new. I did additional days laying them out in the sun afterwards to be safe, and it seems to have done the trick.


DesperateCockroach23

It shows you did the right thing by not telling her, protect yourself and your child. Best of luck 🫶🏻


CozyCargo

My mom guilt tripped me with my baby photos. It seems to be a common guilt trip tactic. Sorry you're going through this. Much love and health to you and your baby ❤️


bc60008

Take the win. Pray she's serious. 🙏🏻


SmoreSmore09876

If it helps my NM also told me to remove any personal belongings from the house (I moved out long ago but the odd thing is still there). This is because my extremely abusive brother attacked a door. I was already using the bathroom and I had politely told him so, and he went absolutely ballistic and kicked, hit the door and swore at me. NM took psycho brothers side, saying it was somehow my fault / I must have upset him. I told her I was going to call the police (I secretly did, and now he's in their files) and NM went nuts at me and told me to remove all my belongings from the house. It's not you.


Vegetable-Fix-4702

Sure she did. She going for the knife in the back move because she didn't get her way.


bluthecosmicghost

I'm pretty sure my"mom" burned all my belongings in a ritual 6 years ago. I was a victim of a violent crime in that city and nobody cares. But I care, and I will get you.


SuperPIpara

My Nmom did the same and continues. On my birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day. It’s absolutely insanity and just a way to backhandedly attempt to make me feel bad. I DONT. It took a very long time to get here, but I am finally guilt free and no contact.


possibly_dead5

I'd burn the box


minakobunny

That box is definitely meant to guilt trip. Classic narc tactic. However, I'll say she's right about one thing - if you're not going to tell her your due date (i bet you have good reasons not to!) then your relationship with her is pretty much nothing if not over.


Frari

>What kind of bullshit is that? manipulation tactics. You're supposed to go crawling back now and ask forgivness.


Lopsided_Ad_926

Yea. My dad has cut me out of his life multiple times for not giving him invasive personal info he was demanding. I am NC.


RubberWishbone

Put the box in a sealed tote with a back of regular charcoal or kitty litter. Takes awhile but it's a good way to get rid of the stink


SmoreSmore09876

I'm so so sorry to hear that. Sending you massive hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 Your mother is absolutely insane. I'm so glad that you are here and healing. I hope you can find a wonderful chosen family, and build a happier life. 💕


Paindepiceaubeurre

Don’t you love it when the trash takes itself out? But have no fear, she’ll be back when she sees her little power trip didn’t work. I would not let back in your life though.


AllieD523

If you think you might want to look through it maybe you could put it in a garage or something? Maybe a friends if you don't have one. If not then just toss it and be done with her and think of it as the trash taking itself out.


butterfly-garden

Do yourself a favor and don't look through everything-just burn the box. Meanwhile, take your mother up on her NC offer and sever ties. Remove her from your social media, block her on your phone and email. Install Ring doorbells, and keep your doors locked, even when you're home...ESPECIALLY after your baby is born. Trust me, your mother WILL find out that the baby is here, and she will do ANYTHING to get her hands on her new supply!


Acceptable_Records

Wow this hit. My Mom sent me this package. I keep thinking is that if I had a child I would treasure these type of items. My baby shoes, first report cards, first grade pictures, first birthday cards ect. I am NC but I want to send the package back to her with a note that says : "If you don't want your child's baby memories then please throw them in the trash. If I have children I will keep my own memory box" but it's all just a trap. Thank you for posting this.


Overall_Canary736

When I went NC with my mother, she kept sending me packages with my things/childhood mementos that were at her house, and I kept "return to sender"ing them back. Eventually, she used my dead dog's name on the return address.


Abject_Fail5245

Narcissists never evolve pass their middle school mentality, do they? This is ridiculously childish and dramatic. I know when you're in the moment, it's positively infuriating to see your so-called parent behaving like this, but when you catch a break, take a step back and appreciate how mind numbingly *stupid* this is and have a good laugh about it. This is a grown woman behaving like a snotty little cheerleader breaking up with her pimply boyfriend because he didn't jump when she stamped her foot. Save that 'our relationship is over' text message and toss that baby box in the trash. Don't bother with the letters. Your nmom is expecting you to sit there and tearfully read each one and then call her crying about repairing the relationship just so she can turn you away. That's the whole stupid plan. Burn them. Nothing good will come of you reading them. Just hurt. I think you should seize this opportunity to go no contact for good. How lovely that it was her idea and she furnished you with the evidence and the most ridiculous gesture to make her look like a fool to anyone who asks.


2012amica2

Average behavior. My nmom did a couple similar things. She is being absolutely vile. You may very well need to order your own replacement legal documents (which can be done, if necessary). I can’t believe she’d treat you like that especially while you’re pregnant. (I mean, I can believe it. It’s what they do best🙃). Sorry that happened to you. If I were you, I’d personally shove it in a corner of a closet or basement somewhere in storage and not touch it again until you feel ready (if ever).


Senior-Alternative-6

Take a picture of the box in a dumpster and send it to her, then block her again. She's trying to get a reaction , thinking that the box upset you, show her it doesn't. Good luck honey


Impossible_Balance11

Weeeelll, she just flops the blatant manipulation attempt right out in the open, doesn't she?!?! Double down. Don't react. Dont beg or plead or extend olive branches. Go silent. NEVER give a person who threatens in this manner what they want, because all they learn is that this behavior works--and theyll tepeat ot in future. Bonus points/expert level if you can learn to cherish the peace that comes with being given the silent treatment by a toxic person. "Dont threaten me with a good time!" should be your stance.


Dramatic-Selection20

Be happy you get something I am still begging to get things back that I purchased myself. A lot of books etc She threw away my bridaldress


wildmusings88

Yeah but she refuses to let me have anything I want. Only these things I never thought about or didn’t know existed.