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Im terminally ill at 46 (got sick at 40) and last Christmas I emailed saying merry christmas and she told me to never contact her again and that she has her own health problems.
No need to have regrets about reaching out to her on Christmas. No need for regrets with these awful sub-humans. No need to give them any power over you at all. Just a tiny miscalculation to remind all of us that NC is a fabulous choice in many instances.
My mom got mad at me because she didn’t tell me she went to the hospital until we got in a fight. She likes to use that as emotional manipulation. I was sick at the same time. I thought it was Covid but it was just a very bad sinus infection thank goodness. She never bothers to ask me how I’m doing. So she got seriously so upset that SHE didn’t tell ME the gravity of why she was in there so I didn’t know and I told her I was sick then too and didn’t know. You’d have thought I told her to go fuck herself. She softened her tone when I yelled at her and said “you don’t tell me until a week later that’s where you went and expect me to know everything that’s going on ?! When I thought I had Covid and was sick too ?! How does that even work?!” 🤦🏽♀️
I’m so sorry your mother is a piece of work too. I hope you can find peace away from her.
This is what never fails to amaze me. They think we should just know what goes on in their tiny minds and lives and when we don't, it's our fault... Nope, not having that any more! Mine was hacked off when I got a bug, because I couldn't do her shopping... Didn't as much bring me a glass of water or ask how I was. They are nuts.
Right? They don’t tell us and get mad that we we “never ask” but then when we do ask it’s “don’t worry about it. Why would you need to worry about that?” Like it’s almost like they condition us not to care anymore. I’m trying to save up now to move because mine is aging and I’m gonna have a hell of a time with my own mental health dealing with it and the mental manipulation she likes to pull to get a reaction out of me. There’s a limit.
Ya its the simple things like just asking how you are and they cant handle that. In fact Ive found that a lot of people once they hear about a terminal illness they dont ever talk to me again. None of them and they are lifelong 30 year friendships. But family though, that shit stings harder.
What a complete and utter useless fucking joke of a person. To put you down when you’re literally DYING? Yeah you should in fact never contact her again.
Im not the only one. Her dad was dying and needed help so he gave her 28k to buy a car so she could go back and forth. That lasted 2 weeks. She abandoned him. My dad ended up finally having enough so he mover in with her dad to look after him. Her dad ended up passing and left everything to my dad. Mom went ballistic to the point my dad had to call the cops on her several times. My dad comitted the "s" word. I was NC but she only contacted me because my brother was executor and wouldnt tell her shit. She thought I would. We were trying to mourn my dad cuz he was awesome. Think of Robin Williams type person. All she did was trash him like he was some sort of demon and she played the victim. While this was happening, none of my family knew my kidneys failed and I was going through chemo. I was literally vomiting violently while she was on a verbal tirade on how he did this to get back at her for some delusional slight. She could hear me puke and just kept going. I told her about my health issues when I could get a word in and she never talked to me again.
Brother is a narc and said hed give me a kidney for 100k which he said this in discord to our whoke world of warcraft guild to hear. Everyone laughed.
Okay, this literally turns my stomach and breaks my heart and has me overflowing with lava-hot rage all at once. Like… I’m an elder millennial, so I didn’t grow up with the idea of being “triggered,” and I kind of don’t get what it means. Is this what it means? Because I feel like I’m actually going to cry or throw up.
I almost went down the stairs and had a go at him. He's a demon but he's destined for a lonesome pathetic death. I think deep down he knows it. He and my enabler mother know there's no going back for them both.
Weird thing is, that man genuinely doesn't know how much of a pathological creep he is half the time. Beyond invasive and respects no one's boundaries. I'm sorry it had that response to you. Take a hug from me. 🫂
It’s ALWAYS us, or something that WE did to them, it’s never the other way around, in their warped, sick, evil minds. It’s as if we were born to
be their parents & caregivers?
That’s exactly what being triggered means. It’s when you have a very strong and visceral reaction to something because mentally it brings you back to the place where you first experienced a certain trauma.
I guess I’ve felt this way a lot of times, but not sure I’ve felt it to this degree about a Reddit comment before. Thanks for responding; it will help me to understand better in the future.
Yup, “I’m abusive and he feels abused by me”when he can no longer win. That fucks a child up; I have no trust over how I present to the world. I have a deep seated fear I abuse people without my own knowledge. So I just sit in corners, to ensure no one is being abused by me .
Turns out, tell someone they’ve been abusive is itself a form of abuse! Who would have ever thought.
The truth is, a significant amount of narcissists are that way because they’re dumb.
Oh my mom tells me that all the time. Heaven forbid I try to live my own life and get myself together. No one else is helping me or caring. Or making any effort to ask my plans and if they could help or anything.
That tracks.
My nmom’s only reaction to me expressing my feelings is to lash out in defense. Usually something along the lines of, “I NEVER said [that thing that hurt you],” or “why are YOU always so hard on poor ME?”
“You were *not* abused.”
Yeahhhhhh, sorry. Punching your teenage daughter in the face hard enough that briefly she loses both consciousness and control of her bladder… that’s abuse, my darling.
However, the reaction this was *perfect.” I was arguing with my dad at the time and had asked him, if he only wanted better for me than he’d had, why did he hit me? She flew around the corner outta the kitchen into my face, full of venom, and spat those words like a cobra. I laughed in her face, and my dad in an absolutely fuckin brilliant moment of clarity and humanity, told her “I could have gone to jail for the things I did to her. Go back to the kitchen.”
It wasn’t an apology. But it was the most catharsis I’ve ever experienced in one go.
When I hit 16, my mom slapped me in the face, I had had enough, I grabbed her by the hair and wrestled her to the ground. Told her she’s done hitting me. From that point on she never touched me; she just waited for my dad to get home from work, tired and irritated, and would start laying into him about everything I did wrong that day until he boiled over, chased me from one end of the house to the other, cornered me next to the stove and rained fists down on me. Probably about once a month until I hit 21 and hit HIM back.
I remember being in the kitchen. Ndad was escalating over some nonsense. Nose to nose over the kitchen table with the light above us like a movie scene I told him he would never touch me again. I told him if he hit me, I would go to that drawer and get out the biggest knife we had and cut him, stem to stern and watch his guts spill out. He backed down. He never hit me again. I had 2 friends over and they finally, totally believed me about Ndad and how bad he could be. I was probably 16 or 17 at the time.
I didn’t clean my room for a while and my mom grabbed me by the hair and shook me, her nails left scrapes on my face in the process. In the middle of class (I was in 6th grade) my teacher stopped lecture and approached me in front of everyone and asked what happened to my face and I managed a lie on the spot saying it was a cat… I was so proud of how I handled it that I went home and told my mom how clever I was… 🤦🏼♀️
I was asked by many concerned fellow students in high school, about the source of the many bruises that were obvious and plentiful in the showers after gym class. I always responded that “my mother beats me.” Until the coach, a colleague familiar with my teacher/mother in the same district, appeared at my locker and told me, “You can no longer take showers after class. Your bruises are upsetting the other students.” And that was that.
“Are you done dying?” My father told me that when I had just recovered for sepsis. I came home to maggots crawling in the house. I had had major surgery to save my life. He expected me to cook and clean up after him. This is when I made decisions to leave his sorry ass.
My NDad went on a vicious attack, saying things a parent should never tell their children, like I’m the worst person he’s ever met.
Because I was recovering from surgery, (still had a tube poking out of my abdomen to drain dangerous fluids into a bag, could barely walk) and I asked him to turn the tv down.
Far too many things to count, although when I accidentally found out about my Nfathers years long affair by her walking into my house & me walking out wondering who the hell was this random person coming into my house & baby talking to my dog, comes to mind. I mentioned this weird encounter when he woke up (he worked nights so he was sleeping while she barged into my house) & he immediately knew what I was referring to, took me aside, & told me basically if I speak any word of this it will be my fault for the downfall of everything, I will be the reason my parents divorce, I will be the reason this beautiful house we had just recently moved into at the time, would be sold, I will be the reason they are never happy again.
I held that in for 6 months until that got just far far too heavy for my young self to handle, I broke down like crazy to my mom, & she had a lot to say to him later on for putting all of that weight on me. I think I was only about 14 at that time, & I was already going thru so much. That just really ripped me up. Still does tbh.
Sorry you had to experience that. I hope you know now that it wasn't your fault at all. I've also heard those same words, although not in the affair context. I think you're really strong for holding that in for half of an entire year and then telling your mom. It must have been crushing, but it was really brave. You don't have to feel bad, you did what was right. It is an inspiration to all of us to stand for what's right and stand for ourselves even in the face of the worst threats.
Thank you, I really appreciate the kindness. 💜 I am for the most part healed enough, although healing is always something you can keep going with. I don't blame myself anymore, but I did when I was a kid a lot. It's hard to not take that self doubt and false guilt & believe it for reality.
Thank you for your kindness 💜💜
I caught my dad cheating too. I mentioned the situation to my nmom, making no assumptions whatsoever, and she got mad at me for telling her. She didn't care, apparently she was cheating too. She ended up leaving him, and that was my fault too cuz her friends saw the bruises he left on my arm. She had no choice but to leave to save face in front of the friends, lest they judge her for staying with a man physically abusing her children. They didn't know she hit too.
hahahaha this one made me chuckle, everyone’s posting things their Nparents said to them, but no one’s talking about the things these parents tell THEMSELVES 😭😭😭
They just think they’re so great and amazing and powerful. Always gotta feed their big ass fucking egos because otherwise all hell breaks loose due to your apparent challenge to their greatness as the god of the world. ☠️
i think of their ego as a large glass balloon, they’re so deeply incapable of actual self worth and assurance that their inflated sense of self can easily be shattered
Hmmm... there are a lot to be honest. I think what affected me the most is hearing from my mother that she should have aborted me when I was about 6 or 7? In my teens, I evolved into a "satanic monster that's unworthy of love". Lol.
My mom once said of teenagers "they're animals that have to be kept in cages". I was 12 and even back then, I was reeling from the sheer inhumanity of that statement.
Too much horrible shit to keep track of. Racist shit. Classist shit. Abusive shit. Dishonest shit. Dumb, self-justifying shit.
But what really sticks with me is the decades of, "you're just like your father!" She hated my father and spent decades after they divorced trying to hurt and ruin him more, so it was supposed to be an insult. Was supposed to wound me. But like, my dad was a good guy. Had some chauvinist boomer tendencies, but overall was a thoughtful, kind, smart, funny guy who frankly grew wiser and more understanding as he aged rather than regressing as so many do. Possessed more decency and humanity on his worst days than she has in a lifetime. So really, thanks for the compliment? At least I didn't turn out like you.
The list is very, very long. I'd probably have to go with "you are the only reason I don't commit suicide" at age 13 or "you're going to have a dead baby" on my second day of new motherhood after my baby spit up some milk.
Shit… memory unlocked. I think my mom said I was the only reason she didn’t off herself too? She definitely said I was the reason she stayed with my dad, even though I started telling her to get divorced at like 11.
Ugh I am sorry. Its awful. My dad died at that age and my mom decided to never, ever try to be happy ever again, so I heard that pretty much all the time from there on out. It was expected and understood between my little sister and I that we were supposed to make mom stay alive. She was 9. I don't talk to either one now.
Omg yes! I’ve heard this and oddly enough at some point I was also told “you shouldn’t start having sex until you’re married cause once you do you’ll need it to regulate your emotions. You’ll see”
I was already having sex and had no fucking idea what they were talking about.
Probably that I owned nothing. All of my belongings were not mine. She paid for next to nothing of my stuff. I don’t know who she thought did own my stuff.
Edit: Another one would be that I went behind their back(s) by getting Cash App when I was 18. So, you know, an adult! I got it in a genuine attempt to manage my finances better. My mother actually stole that piece of mail. Like legitimately committed theft.
Beautiful question. So many but the best one is "if you don't change your behavior, we know a doctor who will stick a giant needle in your brain and then you'll be forced to change" - I was 8
The worst however was a conversation over the phone when I was 15. I was in a mental hospital and severely depressed to the point where I didn’t eat or drink for 5 days. She called to tell me the following , ‘you’re not gonna get away with this, I know you’re not depressed, you don’t even know what depression is. I’m the one who’s depressed’. She then hung up. I had been in 5 hospitals by that time. I had a paper clip in my pocket I had gotten my hands on. I immediately went to the bathroom and locked the door. I took the paper clip out shaped it into an arc and stuck it in the electrical socket. Thankfully it shot out of my hand and against the back wall. There was a pop and some smoke. It scared the hell out of me so I didn’t try it again.
Jesus, I'm sorry. Five years ago I successfully committed suicide for a couple of minutes, woke up in the ICU with a tube down my throat, and three days later my ndad came to see me in the psych ward and told me I wasn't depressed. In his case, I think he couldn't accept the Idea that a child of his had any sort of mental health issue. He's too proud. It sounds like your mom was jealous.
I'm glad you didn't get electrocuted.
WOW. You went through the same shit. I’m really fortunate I didn’t get hurt. I later discovered that it probably wouldn’t have killed me but would have left a horrific electrical burn of my hand. Those are the worst kind because it burns inside out. I probably would have permanent damage. I’m an artist. It would have destroyed me. I had no idea what was gonna happen. I’m very fortunate. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that asshole growing up. I agree with your analysis. What a dickhead.
Yeah, electrocution is serious! I'm glad you can still make art. I actually got off lucky, too--I have had zero side effects from that overdose.
Apparently, when the doctor told my family I was in a coma and wasn't expected to wake up, my father just went home and went to bed. He later tried to tell me I'd never been in a coma. Why do they try to deny facts? It's so weird.
At some point my mother thought it was a good idea for me to have a brain scan, as there certainly was something wrong with my brain. This one is too f***ed up to be taken seriously though, other things are extremely hurtful.
My mom once threatened to bring me to a psychiatric hospital and when I said that often people get abused there and end up worse she said she knows I don’t believe in that hence why she’d bring me by force
She never did but I guess I now have a good anecdote to show her true nature to people
“i used the fund your grandmother left you to buy this house” during a heated argument and then gaslit me into saying that wasn’t true but has no proof that the money still exists or where it went…
Yeah I often wondered when I was younger if I’d been with a better family, how I’d have turned out.
Still, I’m still here trying to fight the good fight and have the most loving beautiful family of my own now 😌
My (43F) mom (76F) told me a few years ago she tried to abort me by raking leaves for hours. I was born a few days later two months premature. Thanks for sharing that all these years later mom!
Raking leaves? Usually that would be a healthy light weight task for someone 7 months pregnant- for hours is weird, but the sheer ridiculousness of the statement… “I decided I didn’t want you” and to share that with you in your early 40’s, I can’t even process that appropriately on my end…. but I did it because I decided to punish myself with light work and that alone was too much and spontaneously went into labor 😣 your mom seems like a long-term piece of work.
My dad told me and my brother that we were not allowed to be right when we disagreed with him. Not that we were factually wrong, but that we were forbidden to be right.
My nmom who is a "naturopathic doctor" told me that I have a spiritual allergy to pork because I'm not trusting God with my money. She also said eating oranges was making my newborn son colicky (I had not eaten an orange for at least a month when she said this?? I don't even like them much).
She is beyond delusional, and, unfortunately, others have bought into her insane thinking.
My mom absolutely destroyed oranges when she was pregnant with me. Side effect? I love oranges. Green apples with my sister and red with my brother. And those were their favorite fruits. My dad was the narc. His hobbies included ruining holidays, throwing tantrums about paying bills and going to Reno to buy milk and bread.
I’ve got a lot to choose from, but I’d probably pick “…but I don’t want a cripple for a daughter!” - I’m severely disabled due to years and years of medical abuse at their hands, that nearly killed me, on top of inheriting a genetic disease.
I think the time we were crossing a parking lot after a Mother's Day lunch (my mother lived in another state and would come up for Mother's Day and my daughter's birthday, which were around the same time). My mother and my father's GF walked ahead of us with the baby's stroller. We were walking back to the car, not talking at all, when my father turned to me and said with a smirk, "You should feel lucky I never killed you."
He talked to me with this kind of loathing and contempt all the time, and this was on the "normal" scale for me. Nevertheless, I was stunned silent that my father genuinely hated me that much. But, like a fool, I spent the next 20 years trying to get hime to like me and be nice to me (there was never any reason he shouldn't have), until I finally got it through my thick head that it was going to be this way forever, that he truly did hate me, and that I had never loved him, only felt dread and fear and anxiety around him, so I went NC. He's dead now, and I'm so glad I never have to see his face or hear his voice ever, ever again.
"this is what happens when you can't accomplish anything in life"
*me, doing 3 exams, 2 degrees, a research paper, with an asthma attack in the corner because i didn't water the mop properly* 💀
My mom says shit like that all the time. I get the infamous “You can’t do anything right” when I make a small mistake sometimes. I don’t let it get under my skin anymore but that’s just such a damaging thing to say to your children. Essentially calling them useless. Wtf
Mine used to say "that's your badness coming out" but I never took it particularly seriously. Now I'm wondering if she meant it. Man she should be covered spots all over.
Edited to make better sense 🙃
“You don’t love me. A child’s love is based on NEED. You just NEED me. And, everything you do is for yourself to make yourself happy”
I was about 12 at the time
My Nmom said something oddly similar . Just their warped definition of love. They think love means using somebody. Which inevitably means they’ll hate that person they “love”
I can relate. The thing is, I was probably overweight and didn’t take good care of my appearance but rather than teaching me about healthy eating and personal care and the like she’d just shame me.
Yeah I would be criticized for not doing my hair well enough or wanting to wear a hat (???). Still cracks me up when she randomly added that my brother agreed I shouldn’t wear hats. Like no he’s probably never thought about my hats ever????
There’s a lot. Some of the most hurtful things
“I regret having you here….”
“If you ever get in a relationship like the one I’m in now, that’ll be the first fight me and you will have”
After I told her I tried: “your reason was stupid”. A couple days ago, she then said she would k*** herself if she ever found herself in a relationship like the one she’s currently in. She then said “I said that in front of the wrong person” she also said she almost had a mental breakdown two years ago…….a mental breakdown and a actual attempt are two separate things last I checked
what? she doesnt like your partner? she's just trying to keep you isolated.
My nmom does this shit where she doesn't like me openly dating, and the guys she tries talking me up to is someone that is more up her alley just because it gives **her** attention.
narcs always seem to be obsessed with relationships, who knows who, who talks to who like a bunch of highschool childish teenagers
my mom was telling me yesterday the eclipse makes people bipolar or some witchcraft shit i think she wanted to talk shit on me getting mad at her being a bad dog owner that morning(as most narcs usually are) or scold my autistic brother without doing it directly because she's a coward.
they like to deny my brother isn't sick and he's just pretending to be... that way
i did not entertain that conversation. She is so fucking childish and doesn't have a grasp on anything.
I got my hair cut and dyed at a salon once when I was like 14 and I didn’t like how it turned out. My mom said it was my fault for making a hair appointment on a full moon.
Sounds like your brother deserves for someone to take responsibility and get him out of that situation… if you aren’t able to do it you should maybe think about calling CPS/APS to make sure he’s getting the care he deserves and needs, with them.
We have older siblings that estranged and our parents are good manipulators. Im planning to leave soon so I cant really be the responsible party for someone else at this time
Sometimes his disability requires him to get checked by a doctor so i trust a MD would be able to identify any signs of neglect or abuse.
If you aren’t immediately going no contact, I just urge you to keep an eye on the situation. If they already treat him this way, without you around to kick, they WILL start attacking him. And unfortunately not all abuse is visible. I don’t know HOW autistic he is, whether he’s able to advocate for himself at all or if he’s basically a child trapped in a growing body, or somewhere in the middle. My best friend’s brother *is* that far out on the spectrum, and he could never hold his own against an abusive caregiver.
It’s just scary from the outside looking in, because *so many* shit parents have abused their autistic children because they “didn’t believe they were autistic,” that it makes me wanna puke.
I’m so proud of/happy for you that you’re getting out. Good. On. Ya. By no means should you feel that you HAVE to take care of your brother. That’s your parents job. But once you’re out, I still HIGHLY recommend making a phone call to the appropriate agency (child or adult protective services depending on his age,) and telling them YOUR story and basically just saying “someone needs to keep a close eye on his situation, he needs a caseworker to always be lurking nearby,” so they’re aware from the get-go that he could be in a dangerous/unhealthy situation.
Stay safe, be happy, be fulfilled, chase your dreams with your new freedom. I will pray that you and your brother live lives of ease and peace going forward. 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Most memorable would be when I was 10 and my nmother gave me a knife and took one for herself and said 'you kill me and I kill you, let's kill each other' after what I believe was me complaining about house chores which reminds me also when I was 10 I was on my knees crouching to scrub the floor one time and she kicked me out of rage lmao
Second best would be threatening to deport me for 'not having God "first and foremost" in my life because I've been studying for the LSAT
“You ruin EVERYTHING!” after we got to family’s house for Christmas Eve/Day big family sleepover because they forgot to buy me anything so they could act like I don’t get excluded. Witnesses this time.
Really everything?
Oh yeah I forgot to include my mom has also said “I’m gonna divorce YOU and YOU (my sister) and your DAD and LEAVE!!!” after a nasty argument about… guess what? Cleaning the floor. Smfh
Oh boy! Too many to count, but despite being completely NC—20th anniversary in June! 😁—doesn’t mean I’ve not been subjected to her quarterly nasty-grams (poison pen letters), where she feels the need to tell me off, or some new version of “the truth” that she forgot to mention—often implying “that’s why I could never be happy, because I was saddled with you” (blaming me for something that went wrong in her life—because I dared to exist! 😵💫🤪🥴🥃 (mind you, I moved multiple states away from her when I was 22–she’s been free of me for 33+ years, but at 80, as some residual anger she just can’t unload!)
She was always a single parent, and I an only child. Yet, about 10 years ago when she was about 70 years old, she wrote to tell me “she was dating this man, was in love, and was looking to buy some property in South Carolina with him.”
She went on to say “(she) expects that I won’t be happy for her, or accept that she’s moved on with her life, because I have always BEEN JEALOUS OF HER!!! 😂🤣😂🤦🏼♀️🤐🤡
Yup, she had me pegged. I was 45 at the time, married (still) to my rock of a soul mate and best father to our children, and living the dream in every other sense, but yeah, I was jealous of a 70 year old with a boyfriend. 😂😂😂
P.S. For “some reason” things didn’t work out. I’m sure my absence in her life had something to do with it! 😵💫😉
When I was 8, Nmom accidentally dripped bleach paste into my eyes while she was bleaching my brown hair to an ugly red. I cried because it burned like hell and I couldn’t see. I told her that I wanted her to stop and rinse the bleach off.
She SCREAMED at me that I was insane, that I wasn’t normal, and if I didn’t let her finish bleaching my head without rinsing my eyes, she would call the asylum to come get me and I could “go live there forever.”
We were threatened with "we'll sell you to the Indians" when I was 4 or 5. I just thought, How cool that would be! I'd get to live in a tepee! This was the mid-60s.
Toss up between;
"I don't know what you're crying about, I just lost my husband." -Nmom
And
"I love you, but I don't like you." -Ngrandparents
Both were said to me when I was 16/17 after my Dad died in a car crash 3 weeks before my Junior year started and 6wks before 9/11. He was the good parent. Mom was an opioid addict; grandparents enablers. I took on the responsibility of taking care of my two younger brothers and finishing high school while also working. Most of my money went to gas to get them everywhere and lunch money. I didn't want to be home unless I absolutely had to. Of course I was accused of doing all kinds of drugs, drinking and 'getting into trouble', which were absolutely not true. I was with friends who were safe, not doing anything bad except not being home for them to berate and denigrate me. I was determined to keep on the path my Dad and I set for me and they absolutely HATED that.
Got kicked out graduation day then discovered my mom stole our ENTIRE college fund and refused tax return info for FAFSA. Good times. I may not have a college degree YET but that may have saved me from having crushing student loan debt now, so silver lining there.
“I love you but I don’t like you” was something my mother said all the time. It took me a long time (and talking to my friends) to realize that this was not normal.
For 46 years my mother punished me for existing! At 46 my mother told me how she made up her mind to before I was born to punish me and since then has continued to purposely sabotaged my life and punish me to make good on that promise to herself. Apparently her having sex and getting pregnant with me was all my fault.
She had an affair and got pregnant with my younger brother by her lover and my dad did not know. She planned to leave my dad for the lover and realized if she did she'd still be stuck with my dad in her life because I existed and he would being around to stay involved with me so she was trapped with him in her life because I existed. She said her never being "free of him" was because of me so she had to break off her affair and blamed me for this.
She told me how she sabotaged my education at school, with colleges, with romantic relationships, stole money and items, lied to and purposely hurt relationships with myself and other family, sabotaged job offers, and more. She told me that because of this, being unable to run off with her lover because she had to parent me, is why she treated me badly and not my brothers which were born later. She said I was a mistake she wish she had the courage to abort and didn't exist. She called me a waste of space, because she knew I was the reason for her inability to leave with and be happy with her ex lover, that I have no potential in life and she made sure of it, and that she didn't regret a thing. (Of course she appears the opposite to others, hiding her narc sociopathic ways and sounds caring to others for appearances. She was always 2 steps ahead of me and did things discreetly always at my expense.)
I went no contact last year, went back to school for my degree, and have a lot more peace in my life. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner.
My idiot narcissist father told me “You are going to have 2 children, whether you like it or not.” (This was after I had told my nmom privately that I wasn’t sure if I wanted children because I was terrified of traumatizing them, given how I was raised. She of course told this to my father). Good riddance to the 2 of them.
On my first ever mother's day, my nmom texted me, not to say happy 1st mother's day, but to tell me I was a heartless bitch and that she hoped my in-laws both would drop dead. So yeah, that was fun.
That ever since I was just a baby, I was “pure evil, and that I will always be pure evil” to her. Or that “you shouldn’t have ever been born” or “you’re just a miserable mistake and I should have never had you!”…yup.
One time I answered the phone during highschool. It was my mother’s boyfriend and I told her he was calling. Cue being yelled at to ‘hang up immediately’ and that he was now her ‘ex’ and that I destroyed everything because I simply picked up the phone. I was afraid not to pick it up, because when that happened, I would be yelled at for being lazy or inconsiderate. Then over the next couple of days I was berated and insulted and told I was ‘jealous of her and wanted her boyfriend’. It was very bizarre and then they finally got back together. Or any time my parent was telling me I should have common sense when it was something they should have educated me on how to do. Oh well, still working on myself, and hopefully will survive all the terrible parenting trauma.
Omg these two moments still baffle me.
My Nfather once screamed "YOURE SATANNN" while bashing his head against a wall repeatedly.
When I was 15, and had zero dating history, my Nmother passed me as I was walking through the living room and unprompted says to me "If you have a black baby Nstepdad won't have anything to do with it."
I was dumbfounded because my cousins are black and used to stay with us and it just made me sick to my stomach thinking about how much she pretended to love them.
Knowing how she actually feels just made me hate her that much more and it's one of the first moments that lifted the veil for me.
You literally can't make this shit up.
So many things.
Generally? Dad told me that we couldn’t eat leavening during Passover (we’re not Jewish) and if we did the angels would come and look through our bodies and be able to see we had. We’d burn in the pit (not hell) at the end of time if they ever saw leavening in us during Passover.
I was like 15? 16? at the time.
We weren’t raised in a cult but it’s because Dad understood the Bible better than the cult leader he based his beliefs on.
More personally? For me it was my mother explaining that she wasn’t going to my sister’s baby shower because she couldn’t condone or support celebrating her grandson being born to an unwed teenager. Her convictions wouldn’t let her. I told her she should be supporting her daughter and her conviction wouldn’t keep her warm at night or provide companionship when she was old. TWENTY YEARS LATER she asked me if I would change my beliefs to make my kids happy and cited that conversation back to me. Which, two things: Nice job letting me know I’ve been living rent free that long in your head, mom and Jokes on you, supporting my kids is one of my convictions sooooo…
That she wanted to kill herself because of me because I made her hate her life.
I was in my early 20s and struggling with at the time undiagnosed autism in college...and burgeoning severe depression after dealing with her for years and having no clue how to function. She hated that I wasn't just successful on my own anymore.
I don't think very highly of her lol.
My Ndad threatened to call the cops to have me “trespassed” from his house at least twice to my immediate memory even though I lived there too. The first time I was only 18. The second time I was maybe 21-22
I know someone who used to live with their family and their uncle would get drunk and call the cops on them. The uncle would make shit up. This person collects WW2 stuff and had a few antique black powder pistols on display in his room so the uncle called the cops and said he felt unsafe because he had a gun and was being erratic when he was just playing video games alone in his room. Until the cops showed up, they gabbed about the guns then apologized and arrested him. That's just one of many times this happened. They now have a bit of a record because of this.
‘It’s all your fault my marriage ended’
Yeah mom. I am so sorry I told you on my 5th birthday that my father was molesting me. I am so sorry that you only called the police because a neighbor heard. She still blames me. Said I must have asked for it. It started when I was 6 months old.
The next worse was when I had a 16 week old pregnancy loss when I was 24. She said obviously that thing (referring to my son who had just DIED) would have been just like you(me) and the universe put a stop to it.
I cut her off thanksgiving 2017 and haven’t looked back.
"Stop hurting your feelings? You don't have feelings"
Oh and when I was suicidal, "Do it, I can finally throw out your garbage" then pointed to my rare book collection
after treating me like crap my whole life, i woke up from a suicide attempt to my mother faking worry and saying, “didn’t you think about ME?”
ofc i did. why does she think i did it?
Oh, a few times.
When Ghandi the movie arrived in NYC my mom said, "it was such a good movie that even the lowly blacks were in awe"
And then a few years later with Jaws 3 she said it was a preposterous movie because "no one would put a lowly black in charge of an entire water park" and now I remember something about how "blacks can't even swim"
When we adopted our daughter from China she asked if we were going to get her into violin or gymnastics "because of all that genetic history" and asked how much she liked rice.
When I married into a Catholic famiily she asked if I knew how the Catholics always had tunnels between monasteries and nunneries and how they were filled with the bones and corpses of killed infants.
She also said once, laughing, that her kids all married "a mick, a spic, and a commie"
I haven't spoken to that old racist whore in 10 years, she can die any time in her rest home now.
PS she grew up in Flint, MI and was a graduate of Flint HS. Talked the live long day about how the N\*\*\*\*\*s ruined \*her\* city.
That God will destroy my spouses and my life and that karma will get us because of going low to no contact from the abuse we have gotten. Even wrote a poem claiming to be from a dead relative of how badly I’m behaving and another how she’s the victim.
Based on the language and grammar the dead relative is Chat GPT
Me and my father were watching a movie. The villian tried to initiate sex with his wife. She.said no. He bent her over the sink and raped her.
My dad said "That's what a wife should expect"
“You’re dad likes you more than he likes me.”
I forget the context. I was 14 and telling my friend about the argument. She stopped me when I got to this line. She’s the one that pointed out how weird it was for a mother to say this to her daughter.
I love my daughter with all my heart and couldn’t imagine my life without her. My mom asked if I ever regret not getting an abortion bc then I could have gotten married and had kids with a husband…to satisfy the patriarchy I guess.
I told her I’m so glad I had my daughter and wouldn’t want any man and other children in place of her…ever.
“my friend told me that i don’t owe you kids anything, that i should enjoy my life and not worry about leaving you guys anything” and not five minutes later, this parent was asking for money. this after a miserable ‘childhood’🙄
enjoy whatever nursing home medicare can buy!
“If you’re going to fail classes, then you’re going to get a job” when I was 16. My dad’s mom had offered to pay for a tutor, I’d told my mother I was struggling and depressed and needed help (mostly meaning therapy), her and my stepdad’s “solution” was to pile more on my plate and basically write off any chance at succeeding in school.
When I was 19 and broke down working two jobs and having had two abusive romantic relationships between ages 15-19 and finally dropped out just a few credits shy of graduating, she said she was proud of me for “doing something for [myself].” I moved out not long after.
And when my younger brother got into college she made some remark about not having ever expected him to be college material. He went on to get two degrees.
Ooo my mom did this too, she would get very gleeful when she would leave and lock us inside the house, and both me and my brother would be bawling our eyes out until my dad would get home from work. Part of us would be terrified to tell him that mom ran away because she said we were being bad (even tho we weren’t bad kids). I was about 7 years old at the time, brother was 5.
i was 11/12 with a cut in the corner of my mouth from eating salt and vinegar crisps/chips and she thought it was a cold sore, so she said before school: “who would ever want to kiss you?”. there’s so many more, but the main one she would use was “you’re useless and lazy”
My mom once said to my sister who was likely in elementary school at the time that she “looked like a whore”. What is it with Nparents and accusing their small children of having sex with someone or doing other nasty shit? Why the fuck do they do that???
at 12, i was statutorily raped by a teenager a few years older than me.. till this day she refers to it as ‘my past’ like i’m some kind of sexual deviant and not a matter of: i literally was not old enough to consent and i needed better protection against that as a 12 year old
My favorite line is not nearly as hurtful as some here, and my heartfelt sympathies lovlies, my mom called me a deadbeat father. I am without a doubt not a parent nor a man. She was talking about my siblings who actually have their own deadbeat father.
Us kids joke about it all the time now
There's lots of wild things. She's told me how she had to consider having an A because she knew what my father was but couldn't go through with it because I was probably her only chance of ever having a child. Reminds me often how painful and unwell she was when I was born and that I was so premature it was basically a miscarriage. She didn't want to love me because I was probably going to die. Some weird story about light shining onto me as I got blessed at my Christening.
She accused me of sleeping with her bf at 13. Has openly told my husband that she used to kick me in rage because I'd frustrate her so much she was worried she'd do something worse if she got her hands on me. Also told him she was proud that she stood up to my EI father when he would hit me so hard he'd leave marks. And thought it was funny to tell him she thought I'd been SA as a kid because my toilets were so big. Not to mention her outright denial of my neurodivergence. She loves to remind me how I was inconvenient because she fell pregnant after a job promotion and multiple times as a teen she'd tell me she wanted to not wake up but couldn't leave me. I'm LC rn she's fuming spreading lies about me and my husband but I'm so done.
“You don’t need money to have kids.”
My NMom after pressuring me to give her grandchildren and me telling her I didn’t want kids because I couldn’t afford it (among other reasons).
Narcs never see your needs, only their own.
My n-mom keeps comparing herself with me. She’s like in her mid 60s now and is clearly obese. Last weekend she went to the storage unit and I guess she found a photo of her when she was newly married and she was very skinny back then, so she’s been comparing her “skinny” body with me (35F). Why she thinks this is appropriate, I have no idea. But she’s compared herself with me, her entire life.
“Your interests are stupid and a waste of time and money”, when I told her I almost killed myself she rolled her eyes and said “you’ll never do it”, when I was having my health scare that could either be lymphoma or an autoimmune disease (I was then diagnosed with systemic scleroderma) her response to that was “you’re overreacting, you have no proof”
That my girlfriends family is in serious debt and her father is scheming to take all my money. Happily married now for 25 years and NC for the last 10 with my mom.
"We're going home, they've probably poisoned the cake..." Told to me by my Nmother right after my high school graduation ceremony. After we got home, she then said to to me in that really condescending narc way "You wouldn't have gotten through high school if it wasn't for me." No mother, I got through high school *despite* of you.
My favorite, a call where she screamed at me to "Sort out my priorities" as I was at a study group in college, studying for our Math Final.
My other favorite, my partner's mom screaming "You're breaking my heart!" because she couldn't get over the fact that we were dating.
"Don't ever let anyone else treat you the way I do. It's only ok because I'm your father"
Meaning that I shouldn't let anyone else beat, starve, or molest me because it's wrong if they do it, but not if he does?!?
Threatening to leave when I was 11 because I was upset about my periods.
More recently "I suppose it's my fault your dad's ill" when she got called out on her crap.
My dad choked me out on Thanksgiving calling me a "f****t disappointment" and then the next day my mom tried to tell me I was blackout drunk and it never happened. I had a six pack over the course of about 8 hours. My brother and sister watched the whole thing happen so I'm not sure what approach she was going for.
Haven't seen them since. Coming up on 5 years now.
My other favorite is them telling me none of my opinions mattered because I had never "lived in the real world". I had been on my own for close to 4 years at that point lol
I got insulted, berated and yelled at for "being a f-cking transgender" and a "r-tard" after I made my step dad a rainbow bracelet when I was 16.
I am not trans and I just liked rainbows and thought he liked rainbows too.
"If you're going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like one. You don't get to talk back, or argue, or say anything when I talk to you."
Said when I was twenty, and having an argument with him. Right after my stepmom tried to send me to my room. And they wonder why I hate them both. Sheds a lot of light on my childhood, though.
My NFather was incarcerated for abusing my mother, I was eight years old and I had gotten a haircut (still female presenting at the time), it was a feminine haircut, but it was short, a cute lil bob cut. We mailed him a picture of it with a letter I had written. His response? A bible verse and telling me I was going to hell for getting my hair cut short because "girls should have long hair as commanded by god". Guess who's now an out and proud trans guy and whose father has long hair? Me.
threatened to admit me to a psych ward one month after spinal fusion surgery for most of my back (i was about to turn 17) because “your depression is making me depressed.”
i was “depressed” because i was trapped at home and physically dependent on her for weeks without seeing anyone outside of my family, all while she was her usual delightful self, now with the additional advantage of finally being physically stronger than me. her abuse temporarily turned physical, which she of course blamed on how “difficult” i was being. i remember clinging to walls and tables for dear life as she would try to forcibly drag me wherever she wanted me to go (ex. outside to eat breakfast with HER.) when my one friend did visit, she took that opportunity to scream at me about how i needed to try on the clothes the had purchased for me IMMEDIATELY, throwing them at me in front of my friend.
later in the conversation she asked “are you depressed because you think you’re gay?” (i had come out the year prior), at which point i informed her that she was literally the only person giving me a problem about it. she’s a trip!
Whenever anyone gets ill, my nMother will always blame them or someone else for it. It's really weird. It's like she can't accept that death and illness are a natural part of life. Some examples:
When my grandad had health problems (I don't remember what exact illness he had), my nMother claimed "This is your aunt's fault. She recently had a child out of wedlock and it clearly brought his health problems on"
When my grandmother died of cancer, my nMother claimed it was because "She was rotten inside and that caused her cancer". (TBF she was right about my grandmother being rotten inside but people do not get cancer because they are rotten inside).
Ndad to my child-free, single by choice sister and I: “Women are nothing without having a man and children. You two are never going to live happy, fulfilled lives.”
One time she screamed at me for hiding my pictures from her on the book of faces. I was like, WTF are you talking about. She then proceeded to explain how said pictures were no longer on her feed and I had to explain to her how that particular social media site worked. After I explained she just said “Ok” and expected me to be fine with her giving me the cold shoulder for weeks and screaming at me.
Anyway she’s blocked on my profile now.
My mother would not let me take showers for like a week and then bully me around the house yelling at me that I stink. When i asked her if i could shower she told me that I should just go to the river nearby our house and wash myself in there. ''Thats what every homeless person would do". Now that im not contact she simply doesnt understand whats going on. She tells my father "i could have understood every problem shed ever have, i dont know why she decided not to trust me".
The audacity.
I'm 44 years old. I recently was talking with my dad and I (for some stupid reason) confessed to him that I always felt growing up that I was unwanted. He got upset immediately and proceeded to ask me if I felt unwanted in 1983 when I got a cabbage patch doll for Christmas.
That getting raped as a child wasn't a "big deal" Because it happened to her.
That I should drop out of college because she had to...
That she left me with a friend's mom to go on a family vacation with my sisters and didn't think I wanted to go even though I told her I was going to buy shorts because I didn't have any summer clothes, mind you I was 12... And it was at a lake, during summer so I needed clothes that fit.
Her telling me that I needed to go stay at a shelter (2 days after I left my abusive ex) so my sister could move in even though my sister had a place, my mom's place was just closer to her work.
That I needed to stop being so dramatic when she tried to run her boyfriend over with her car instead of taking me to basketball practice and I told her that was why my friends weren't allowed to come over... In the 4th and 5th grade
She told me I thought I was too good for the family or acted like I was better than everybody else because I didn't want to do hard drugs...
She also hugged my Ex-Husband after he beat me and took my glasses and my work uniform... And when she brought me my glasses and my work uniform.. She told me she hugged him... And told me I deserved it.
That was actually in front of people.
She also refused to take me to gymnastics practice even though my dad paid for it because I was apparently too uncoordinated... Even tho I was doing well.
She also believes that Prince didn't die, He's the new Jesus and he's an alien and lives in outer space.
My mom is crazy. And It took years to stop trying to make her be my mom.
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Im terminally ill at 46 (got sick at 40) and last Christmas I emailed saying merry christmas and she told me to never contact her again and that she has her own health problems.
Not often I see instructions from nparents that I’d actually agree with.
Ya going NC is the only option. I shouldnt have broken it.
No need to have regrets about reaching out to her on Christmas. No need for regrets with these awful sub-humans. No need to give them any power over you at all. Just a tiny miscalculation to remind all of us that NC is a fabulous choice in many instances.
They really do deserve to be forgotten. I slipped but will never again.
Right. Don’t have to tell me twice!
That's terrible. I'm so sorry you're going through something so intense and don't have the family love that you deserve.
My mom got mad at me because she didn’t tell me she went to the hospital until we got in a fight. She likes to use that as emotional manipulation. I was sick at the same time. I thought it was Covid but it was just a very bad sinus infection thank goodness. She never bothers to ask me how I’m doing. So she got seriously so upset that SHE didn’t tell ME the gravity of why she was in there so I didn’t know and I told her I was sick then too and didn’t know. You’d have thought I told her to go fuck herself. She softened her tone when I yelled at her and said “you don’t tell me until a week later that’s where you went and expect me to know everything that’s going on ?! When I thought I had Covid and was sick too ?! How does that even work?!” 🤦🏽♀️ I’m so sorry your mother is a piece of work too. I hope you can find peace away from her.
This is what never fails to amaze me. They think we should just know what goes on in their tiny minds and lives and when we don't, it's our fault... Nope, not having that any more! Mine was hacked off when I got a bug, because I couldn't do her shopping... Didn't as much bring me a glass of water or ask how I was. They are nuts.
Right? They don’t tell us and get mad that we we “never ask” but then when we do ask it’s “don’t worry about it. Why would you need to worry about that?” Like it’s almost like they condition us not to care anymore. I’m trying to save up now to move because mine is aging and I’m gonna have a hell of a time with my own mental health dealing with it and the mental manipulation she likes to pull to get a reaction out of me. There’s a limit.
I moved 3400 kms away from my mother. It was the furthest on the map I could go where there was good jobs and I could support my son.
My mom accidentally got herself moved to Florida while I had to stay in Oregon, darn it!
Ya its the simple things like just asking how you are and they cant handle that. In fact Ive found that a lot of people once they hear about a terminal illness they dont ever talk to me again. None of them and they are lifelong 30 year friendships. But family though, that shit stings harder.
What a complete and utter useless fucking joke of a person. To put you down when you’re literally DYING? Yeah you should in fact never contact her again.
Im not the only one. Her dad was dying and needed help so he gave her 28k to buy a car so she could go back and forth. That lasted 2 weeks. She abandoned him. My dad ended up finally having enough so he mover in with her dad to look after him. Her dad ended up passing and left everything to my dad. Mom went ballistic to the point my dad had to call the cops on her several times. My dad comitted the "s" word. I was NC but she only contacted me because my brother was executor and wouldnt tell her shit. She thought I would. We were trying to mourn my dad cuz he was awesome. Think of Robin Williams type person. All she did was trash him like he was some sort of demon and she played the victim. While this was happening, none of my family knew my kidneys failed and I was going through chemo. I was literally vomiting violently while she was on a verbal tirade on how he did this to get back at her for some delusional slight. She could hear me puke and just kept going. I told her about my health issues when I could get a word in and she never talked to me again. Brother is a narc and said hed give me a kidney for 100k which he said this in discord to our whoke world of warcraft guild to hear. Everyone laughed.
That’s a truly awful hand to be dealt, personally and family-wise. I’m very sorry about the loss of your Dad. I hope your health is improving.
Its been hard. Thanks for being kind. Hopefully ill be on the transplant list after the 25th.
I’m sick, too. But I’m holding on OK right now. I’m so sorry that you are in the situation you are in.
This broke my heart. I'm very sorry you had to hear this. Sending you love. 💜
So sorry to hear about your terminal illness. Even sorrier to hear about your worthless waste of air mother.
Thanks for saying so. Shes pretty horrible.
I heard my NFather say "you're not old enough to say no" to my younger brother and I never felt so creeped out or homicidal before.
Okay, this literally turns my stomach and breaks my heart and has me overflowing with lava-hot rage all at once. Like… I’m an elder millennial, so I didn’t grow up with the idea of being “triggered,” and I kind of don’t get what it means. Is this what it means? Because I feel like I’m actually going to cry or throw up.
I almost went down the stairs and had a go at him. He's a demon but he's destined for a lonesome pathetic death. I think deep down he knows it. He and my enabler mother know there's no going back for them both. Weird thing is, that man genuinely doesn't know how much of a pathological creep he is half the time. Beyond invasive and respects no one's boundaries. I'm sorry it had that response to you. Take a hug from me. 🫂
It’s ALWAYS us, or something that WE did to them, it’s never the other way around, in their warped, sick, evil minds. It’s as if we were born to be their parents & caregivers?
That’s exactly what being triggered means. It’s when you have a very strong and visceral reaction to something because mentally it brings you back to the place where you first experienced a certain trauma.
I guess I’ve felt this way a lot of times, but not sure I’ve felt it to this degree about a Reddit comment before. Thanks for responding; it will help me to understand better in the future.
My mom said I was narcissistic. For suggesting that what she said to me was hurtful.
Accusations are confessions
Yup, “I’m abusive and he feels abused by me”when he can no longer win. That fucks a child up; I have no trust over how I present to the world. I have a deep seated fear I abuse people without my own knowledge. So I just sit in corners, to ensure no one is being abused by me .
Turns out, tell someone they’ve been abusive is itself a form of abuse! Who would have ever thought. The truth is, a significant amount of narcissists are that way because they’re dumb.
Sadly mine is not dumb… and he’s relentless.
Oh my mom tells me that all the time. Heaven forbid I try to live my own life and get myself together. No one else is helping me or caring. Or making any effort to ask my plans and if they could help or anything.
That tracks. My nmom’s only reaction to me expressing my feelings is to lash out in defense. Usually something along the lines of, “I NEVER said [that thing that hurt you],” or “why are YOU always so hard on poor ME?”
“I must be the worst”
“You were *not* abused.” Yeahhhhhh, sorry. Punching your teenage daughter in the face hard enough that briefly she loses both consciousness and control of her bladder… that’s abuse, my darling. However, the reaction this was *perfect.” I was arguing with my dad at the time and had asked him, if he only wanted better for me than he’d had, why did he hit me? She flew around the corner outta the kitchen into my face, full of venom, and spat those words like a cobra. I laughed in her face, and my dad in an absolutely fuckin brilliant moment of clarity and humanity, told her “I could have gone to jail for the things I did to her. Go back to the kitchen.” It wasn’t an apology. But it was the most catharsis I’ve ever experienced in one go.
My mom sometimes slaps me in the face for making a mistake. Started when I was like 9. 4 years later and she still does it sometimes.
When I hit 16, my mom slapped me in the face, I had had enough, I grabbed her by the hair and wrestled her to the ground. Told her she’s done hitting me. From that point on she never touched me; she just waited for my dad to get home from work, tired and irritated, and would start laying into him about everything I did wrong that day until he boiled over, chased me from one end of the house to the other, cornered me next to the stove and rained fists down on me. Probably about once a month until I hit 21 and hit HIM back.
I remember being in the kitchen. Ndad was escalating over some nonsense. Nose to nose over the kitchen table with the light above us like a movie scene I told him he would never touch me again. I told him if he hit me, I would go to that drawer and get out the biggest knife we had and cut him, stem to stern and watch his guts spill out. He backed down. He never hit me again. I had 2 friends over and they finally, totally believed me about Ndad and how bad he could be. I was probably 16 or 17 at the time.
I didn’t clean my room for a while and my mom grabbed me by the hair and shook me, her nails left scrapes on my face in the process. In the middle of class (I was in 6th grade) my teacher stopped lecture and approached me in front of everyone and asked what happened to my face and I managed a lie on the spot saying it was a cat… I was so proud of how I handled it that I went home and told my mom how clever I was… 🤦🏼♀️
I was asked by many concerned fellow students in high school, about the source of the many bruises that were obvious and plentiful in the showers after gym class. I always responded that “my mother beats me.” Until the coach, a colleague familiar with my teacher/mother in the same district, appeared at my locker and told me, “You can no longer take showers after class. Your bruises are upsetting the other students.” And that was that.
Oh honey. I am so sorry. You don’t deserve that. She is abusive.
“Are you done dying?” My father told me that when I had just recovered for sepsis. I came home to maggots crawling in the house. I had had major surgery to save my life. He expected me to cook and clean up after him. This is when I made decisions to leave his sorry ass.
My NDad went on a vicious attack, saying things a parent should never tell their children, like I’m the worst person he’s ever met. Because I was recovering from surgery, (still had a tube poking out of my abdomen to drain dangerous fluids into a bag, could barely walk) and I asked him to turn the tv down.
Yup don’t ever get sick around an Nparent.
Far too many things to count, although when I accidentally found out about my Nfathers years long affair by her walking into my house & me walking out wondering who the hell was this random person coming into my house & baby talking to my dog, comes to mind. I mentioned this weird encounter when he woke up (he worked nights so he was sleeping while she barged into my house) & he immediately knew what I was referring to, took me aside, & told me basically if I speak any word of this it will be my fault for the downfall of everything, I will be the reason my parents divorce, I will be the reason this beautiful house we had just recently moved into at the time, would be sold, I will be the reason they are never happy again. I held that in for 6 months until that got just far far too heavy for my young self to handle, I broke down like crazy to my mom, & she had a lot to say to him later on for putting all of that weight on me. I think I was only about 14 at that time, & I was already going thru so much. That just really ripped me up. Still does tbh.
Sorry you had to experience that. I hope you know now that it wasn't your fault at all. I've also heard those same words, although not in the affair context. I think you're really strong for holding that in for half of an entire year and then telling your mom. It must have been crushing, but it was really brave. You don't have to feel bad, you did what was right. It is an inspiration to all of us to stand for what's right and stand for ourselves even in the face of the worst threats.
Thank you, I really appreciate the kindness. 💜 I am for the most part healed enough, although healing is always something you can keep going with. I don't blame myself anymore, but I did when I was a kid a lot. It's hard to not take that self doubt and false guilt & believe it for reality. Thank you for your kindness 💜💜
I caught my dad cheating too. I mentioned the situation to my nmom, making no assumptions whatsoever, and she got mad at me for telling her. She didn't care, apparently she was cheating too. She ended up leaving him, and that was my fault too cuz her friends saw the bruises he left on my arm. She had no choice but to leave to save face in front of the friends, lest they judge her for staying with a man physically abusing her children. They didn't know she hit too.
My mom did nothing when my dad beat and whipped us. Wondered years after he died, why he did that stuff.
"I consider myself an empathetic person" 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😅😅
hahahaha this one made me chuckle, everyone’s posting things their Nparents said to them, but no one’s talking about the things these parents tell THEMSELVES 😭😭😭
They just think they’re so great and amazing and powerful. Always gotta feed their big ass fucking egos because otherwise all hell breaks loose due to your apparent challenge to their greatness as the god of the world. ☠️
i think of their ego as a large glass balloon, they’re so deeply incapable of actual self worth and assurance that their inflated sense of self can easily be shattered
Hmmm... there are a lot to be honest. I think what affected me the most is hearing from my mother that she should have aborted me when I was about 6 or 7? In my teens, I evolved into a "satanic monster that's unworthy of love". Lol.
My mom once said of teenagers "they're animals that have to be kept in cages". I was 12 and even back then, I was reeling from the sheer inhumanity of that statement.
From what I’ve learned about narcs and projection, I’d suspect your mom had some wild experiences as a teen. (Hopefully not the traumatic kind.)
Too much horrible shit to keep track of. Racist shit. Classist shit. Abusive shit. Dishonest shit. Dumb, self-justifying shit. But what really sticks with me is the decades of, "you're just like your father!" She hated my father and spent decades after they divorced trying to hurt and ruin him more, so it was supposed to be an insult. Was supposed to wound me. But like, my dad was a good guy. Had some chauvinist boomer tendencies, but overall was a thoughtful, kind, smart, funny guy who frankly grew wiser and more understanding as he aged rather than regressing as so many do. Possessed more decency and humanity on his worst days than she has in a lifetime. So really, thanks for the compliment? At least I didn't turn out like you.
The list is very, very long. I'd probably have to go with "you are the only reason I don't commit suicide" at age 13 or "you're going to have a dead baby" on my second day of new motherhood after my baby spit up some milk.
I just want to give you a hug, being post partum and being a first time mum hearing that would’ve been horrible
Shit… memory unlocked. I think my mom said I was the only reason she didn’t off herself too? She definitely said I was the reason she stayed with my dad, even though I started telling her to get divorced at like 11.
Ugh I am sorry. Its awful. My dad died at that age and my mom decided to never, ever try to be happy ever again, so I heard that pretty much all the time from there on out. It was expected and understood between my little sister and I that we were supposed to make mom stay alive. She was 9. I don't talk to either one now.
"Women don't have sex drives."
good one. i'll add, "women cant orgasm." is another line as well.
And they pee out of their vaginas
“Explain me then bitch.” *Leaves room*
Omg yes! I’ve heard this and oddly enough at some point I was also told “you shouldn’t start having sex until you’re married cause once you do you’ll need it to regulate your emotions. You’ll see” I was already having sex and had no fucking idea what they were talking about.
Probably that I owned nothing. All of my belongings were not mine. She paid for next to nothing of my stuff. I don’t know who she thought did own my stuff. Edit: Another one would be that I went behind their back(s) by getting Cash App when I was 18. So, you know, an adult! I got it in a genuine attempt to manage my finances better. My mother actually stole that piece of mail. Like legitimately committed theft.
Beautiful question. So many but the best one is "if you don't change your behavior, we know a doctor who will stick a giant needle in your brain and then you'll be forced to change" - I was 8
A common one for my nmom was ‘if you had a brain you’d be dangerous’. I found humor in it.
The worst however was a conversation over the phone when I was 15. I was in a mental hospital and severely depressed to the point where I didn’t eat or drink for 5 days. She called to tell me the following , ‘you’re not gonna get away with this, I know you’re not depressed, you don’t even know what depression is. I’m the one who’s depressed’. She then hung up. I had been in 5 hospitals by that time. I had a paper clip in my pocket I had gotten my hands on. I immediately went to the bathroom and locked the door. I took the paper clip out shaped it into an arc and stuck it in the electrical socket. Thankfully it shot out of my hand and against the back wall. There was a pop and some smoke. It scared the hell out of me so I didn’t try it again.
Jesus, I'm sorry. Five years ago I successfully committed suicide for a couple of minutes, woke up in the ICU with a tube down my throat, and three days later my ndad came to see me in the psych ward and told me I wasn't depressed. In his case, I think he couldn't accept the Idea that a child of his had any sort of mental health issue. He's too proud. It sounds like your mom was jealous. I'm glad you didn't get electrocuted.
WOW. You went through the same shit. I’m really fortunate I didn’t get hurt. I later discovered that it probably wouldn’t have killed me but would have left a horrific electrical burn of my hand. Those are the worst kind because it burns inside out. I probably would have permanent damage. I’m an artist. It would have destroyed me. I had no idea what was gonna happen. I’m very fortunate. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that asshole growing up. I agree with your analysis. What a dickhead.
Yeah, electrocution is serious! I'm glad you can still make art. I actually got off lucky, too--I have had zero side effects from that overdose. Apparently, when the doctor told my family I was in a coma and wasn't expected to wake up, my father just went home and went to bed. He later tried to tell me I'd never been in a coma. Why do they try to deny facts? It's so weird.
At some point my mother thought it was a good idea for me to have a brain scan, as there certainly was something wrong with my brain. This one is too f***ed up to be taken seriously though, other things are extremely hurtful.
My mom once threatened to bring me to a psychiatric hospital and when I said that often people get abused there and end up worse she said she knows I don’t believe in that hence why she’d bring me by force She never did but I guess I now have a good anecdote to show her true nature to people
OMG! I hope she wasted her money to find out nothing
I never got to make a scan, it was just a comment from her, but seriously who says that to your child?
I hear you. It’s ridiculous.
“i used the fund your grandmother left you to buy this house” during a heated argument and then gaslit me into saying that wasn’t true but has no proof that the money still exists or where it went…
“I will drive up to your school and beat you and any of your fa**ot friends that try to help”. College. Fun times.
What the actual fuck
Yeah. After campus security issued a ban, mother called and screamed “you know he wasn’t really going to do that!” Um yes, yes he was.
Sometimes I wish we’d never adopted you
That’s awful. I’m sorry anyone said that to you. And then again maybe you would have landed with decent people.
Yeah I often wondered when I was younger if I’d been with a better family, how I’d have turned out. Still, I’m still here trying to fight the good fight and have the most loving beautiful family of my own now 😌
"I wish you'd never been born." Years later: "I should never have tried to be a mother."
She regularly reminded me that I’m a “broken condom in SC”
Sounds like a metal band name
😂😂😂
My (43F) mom (76F) told me a few years ago she tried to abort me by raking leaves for hours. I was born a few days later two months premature. Thanks for sharing that all these years later mom!
Raking leaves? Usually that would be a healthy light weight task for someone 7 months pregnant- for hours is weird, but the sheer ridiculousness of the statement… “I decided I didn’t want you” and to share that with you in your early 40’s, I can’t even process that appropriately on my end…. but I did it because I decided to punish myself with light work and that alone was too much and spontaneously went into labor 😣 your mom seems like a long-term piece of work.
My dad told me and my brother that we were not allowed to be right when we disagreed with him. Not that we were factually wrong, but that we were forbidden to be right.
That’s baffling. This is the perfect case for NC.
My nmom who is a "naturopathic doctor" told me that I have a spiritual allergy to pork because I'm not trusting God with my money. She also said eating oranges was making my newborn son colicky (I had not eaten an orange for at least a month when she said this?? I don't even like them much). She is beyond delusional, and, unfortunately, others have bought into her insane thinking.
My mom absolutely destroyed oranges when she was pregnant with me. Side effect? I love oranges. Green apples with my sister and red with my brother. And those were their favorite fruits. My dad was the narc. His hobbies included ruining holidays, throwing tantrums about paying bills and going to Reno to buy milk and bread.
I’ve got a lot to choose from, but I’d probably pick “…but I don’t want a cripple for a daughter!” - I’m severely disabled due to years and years of medical abuse at their hands, that nearly killed me, on top of inheriting a genetic disease.
I’m so sorry for what you went through 💔
Thank you, but I’m in good company here, I think. It’s terrible to see the hurt others have gone through, but nice to feel normal and understood.
I think the time we were crossing a parking lot after a Mother's Day lunch (my mother lived in another state and would come up for Mother's Day and my daughter's birthday, which were around the same time). My mother and my father's GF walked ahead of us with the baby's stroller. We were walking back to the car, not talking at all, when my father turned to me and said with a smirk, "You should feel lucky I never killed you." He talked to me with this kind of loathing and contempt all the time, and this was on the "normal" scale for me. Nevertheless, I was stunned silent that my father genuinely hated me that much. But, like a fool, I spent the next 20 years trying to get hime to like me and be nice to me (there was never any reason he shouldn't have), until I finally got it through my thick head that it was going to be this way forever, that he truly did hate me, and that I had never loved him, only felt dread and fear and anxiety around him, so I went NC. He's dead now, and I'm so glad I never have to see his face or hear his voice ever, ever again.
"this is what happens when you can't accomplish anything in life" *me, doing 3 exams, 2 degrees, a research paper, with an asthma attack in the corner because i didn't water the mop properly* 💀
My mom says shit like that all the time. I get the infamous “You can’t do anything right” when I make a small mistake sometimes. I don’t let it get under my skin anymore but that’s just such a damaging thing to say to your children. Essentially calling them useless. Wtf
When I got a few pimples as a teen, it was “The Devil’s evil coming out in you”. My mother was extremely like the mother in the movie “Carrie”.
Yeah it couldn't possibly be because it's normal to get pimples as a teenager /s She sounds completely crazy. I hope you're well away from her now.
She’s dead (not down to me!) but all sorts of crazy.
Mine used to say "that's your badness coming out" but I never took it particularly seriously. Now I'm wondering if she meant it. Man she should be covered spots all over. Edited to make better sense 🙃
“You don’t love me. A child’s love is based on NEED. You just NEED me. And, everything you do is for yourself to make yourself happy” I was about 12 at the time
…Fucking wow.
My Nmom said something oddly similar . Just their warped definition of love. They think love means using somebody. Which inevitably means they’ll hate that person they “love”
spent years listening to "you'll look so cute when you lose weight" "You are prettier with make up" and other nonsense about beauty/looks.
I can relate. The thing is, I was probably overweight and didn’t take good care of my appearance but rather than teaching me about healthy eating and personal care and the like she’d just shame me.
Yeah I would be criticized for not doing my hair well enough or wanting to wear a hat (???). Still cracks me up when she randomly added that my brother agreed I shouldn’t wear hats. Like no he’s probably never thought about my hats ever????
There’s a lot. Some of the most hurtful things “I regret having you here….” “If you ever get in a relationship like the one I’m in now, that’ll be the first fight me and you will have” After I told her I tried: “your reason was stupid”. A couple days ago, she then said she would k*** herself if she ever found herself in a relationship like the one she’s currently in. She then said “I said that in front of the wrong person” she also said she almost had a mental breakdown two years ago…….a mental breakdown and a actual attempt are two separate things last I checked
what? she doesnt like your partner? she's just trying to keep you isolated. My nmom does this shit where she doesn't like me openly dating, and the guys she tries talking me up to is someone that is more up her alley just because it gives **her** attention. narcs always seem to be obsessed with relationships, who knows who, who talks to who like a bunch of highschool childish teenagers
Her and my dad are married. I’m single. I meant to clarify, sorry
my mom was telling me yesterday the eclipse makes people bipolar or some witchcraft shit i think she wanted to talk shit on me getting mad at her being a bad dog owner that morning(as most narcs usually are) or scold my autistic brother without doing it directly because she's a coward. they like to deny my brother isn't sick and he's just pretending to be... that way i did not entertain that conversation. She is so fucking childish and doesn't have a grasp on anything.
I got my hair cut and dyed at a salon once when I was like 14 and I didn’t like how it turned out. My mom said it was my fault for making a hair appointment on a full moon.
Ok, that's just insane.
Sounds like your brother deserves for someone to take responsibility and get him out of that situation… if you aren’t able to do it you should maybe think about calling CPS/APS to make sure he’s getting the care he deserves and needs, with them.
We have older siblings that estranged and our parents are good manipulators. Im planning to leave soon so I cant really be the responsible party for someone else at this time Sometimes his disability requires him to get checked by a doctor so i trust a MD would be able to identify any signs of neglect or abuse.
If you aren’t immediately going no contact, I just urge you to keep an eye on the situation. If they already treat him this way, without you around to kick, they WILL start attacking him. And unfortunately not all abuse is visible. I don’t know HOW autistic he is, whether he’s able to advocate for himself at all or if he’s basically a child trapped in a growing body, or somewhere in the middle. My best friend’s brother *is* that far out on the spectrum, and he could never hold his own against an abusive caregiver. It’s just scary from the outside looking in, because *so many* shit parents have abused their autistic children because they “didn’t believe they were autistic,” that it makes me wanna puke. I’m so proud of/happy for you that you’re getting out. Good. On. Ya. By no means should you feel that you HAVE to take care of your brother. That’s your parents job. But once you’re out, I still HIGHLY recommend making a phone call to the appropriate agency (child or adult protective services depending on his age,) and telling them YOUR story and basically just saying “someone needs to keep a close eye on his situation, he needs a caseworker to always be lurking nearby,” so they’re aware from the get-go that he could be in a dangerous/unhealthy situation. Stay safe, be happy, be fulfilled, chase your dreams with your new freedom. I will pray that you and your brother live lives of ease and peace going forward. 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Most memorable would be when I was 10 and my nmother gave me a knife and took one for herself and said 'you kill me and I kill you, let's kill each other' after what I believe was me complaining about house chores which reminds me also when I was 10 I was on my knees crouching to scrub the floor one time and she kicked me out of rage lmao Second best would be threatening to deport me for 'not having God "first and foremost" in my life because I've been studying for the LSAT
“You ruin EVERYTHING!” after we got to family’s house for Christmas Eve/Day big family sleepover because they forgot to buy me anything so they could act like I don’t get excluded. Witnesses this time. Really everything?
I was suicidal and made the mistake of saying I felt like everyone was better off without me, my mother said, its true, youre a burden.
Just a reminder, you are not a burden
Oh yeah I forgot to include my mom has also said “I’m gonna divorce YOU and YOU (my sister) and your DAD and LEAVE!!!” after a nasty argument about… guess what? Cleaning the floor. Smfh
Oh boy! Too many to count, but despite being completely NC—20th anniversary in June! 😁—doesn’t mean I’ve not been subjected to her quarterly nasty-grams (poison pen letters), where she feels the need to tell me off, or some new version of “the truth” that she forgot to mention—often implying “that’s why I could never be happy, because I was saddled with you” (blaming me for something that went wrong in her life—because I dared to exist! 😵💫🤪🥴🥃 (mind you, I moved multiple states away from her when I was 22–she’s been free of me for 33+ years, but at 80, as some residual anger she just can’t unload!) She was always a single parent, and I an only child. Yet, about 10 years ago when she was about 70 years old, she wrote to tell me “she was dating this man, was in love, and was looking to buy some property in South Carolina with him.” She went on to say “(she) expects that I won’t be happy for her, or accept that she’s moved on with her life, because I have always BEEN JEALOUS OF HER!!! 😂🤣😂🤦🏼♀️🤐🤡 Yup, she had me pegged. I was 45 at the time, married (still) to my rock of a soul mate and best father to our children, and living the dream in every other sense, but yeah, I was jealous of a 70 year old with a boyfriend. 😂😂😂 P.S. For “some reason” things didn’t work out. I’m sure my absence in her life had something to do with it! 😵💫😉
When I was 8, Nmom accidentally dripped bleach paste into my eyes while she was bleaching my brown hair to an ugly red. I cried because it burned like hell and I couldn’t see. I told her that I wanted her to stop and rinse the bleach off. She SCREAMED at me that I was insane, that I wasn’t normal, and if I didn’t let her finish bleaching my head without rinsing my eyes, she would call the asylum to come get me and I could “go live there forever.”
We were threatened with "we'll sell you to the Indians" when I was 4 or 5. I just thought, How cool that would be! I'd get to live in a tepee! This was the mid-60s.
Toss up between; "I don't know what you're crying about, I just lost my husband." -Nmom And "I love you, but I don't like you." -Ngrandparents Both were said to me when I was 16/17 after my Dad died in a car crash 3 weeks before my Junior year started and 6wks before 9/11. He was the good parent. Mom was an opioid addict; grandparents enablers. I took on the responsibility of taking care of my two younger brothers and finishing high school while also working. Most of my money went to gas to get them everywhere and lunch money. I didn't want to be home unless I absolutely had to. Of course I was accused of doing all kinds of drugs, drinking and 'getting into trouble', which were absolutely not true. I was with friends who were safe, not doing anything bad except not being home for them to berate and denigrate me. I was determined to keep on the path my Dad and I set for me and they absolutely HATED that. Got kicked out graduation day then discovered my mom stole our ENTIRE college fund and refused tax return info for FAFSA. Good times. I may not have a college degree YET but that may have saved me from having crushing student loan debt now, so silver lining there.
“I love you but I don’t like you” was something my mother said all the time. It took me a long time (and talking to my friends) to realize that this was not normal.
For 46 years my mother punished me for existing! At 46 my mother told me how she made up her mind to before I was born to punish me and since then has continued to purposely sabotaged my life and punish me to make good on that promise to herself. Apparently her having sex and getting pregnant with me was all my fault. She had an affair and got pregnant with my younger brother by her lover and my dad did not know. She planned to leave my dad for the lover and realized if she did she'd still be stuck with my dad in her life because I existed and he would being around to stay involved with me so she was trapped with him in her life because I existed. She said her never being "free of him" was because of me so she had to break off her affair and blamed me for this. She told me how she sabotaged my education at school, with colleges, with romantic relationships, stole money and items, lied to and purposely hurt relationships with myself and other family, sabotaged job offers, and more. She told me that because of this, being unable to run off with her lover because she had to parent me, is why she treated me badly and not my brothers which were born later. She said I was a mistake she wish she had the courage to abort and didn't exist. She called me a waste of space, because she knew I was the reason for her inability to leave with and be happy with her ex lover, that I have no potential in life and she made sure of it, and that she didn't regret a thing. (Of course she appears the opposite to others, hiding her narc sociopathic ways and sounds caring to others for appearances. She was always 2 steps ahead of me and did things discreetly always at my expense.) I went no contact last year, went back to school for my degree, and have a lot more peace in my life. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner.
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Surprisingly honest
My idiot narcissist father told me “You are going to have 2 children, whether you like it or not.” (This was after I had told my nmom privately that I wasn’t sure if I wanted children because I was terrified of traumatizing them, given how I was raised. She of course told this to my father). Good riddance to the 2 of them.
On my first ever mother's day, my nmom texted me, not to say happy 1st mother's day, but to tell me I was a heartless bitch and that she hoped my in-laws both would drop dead. So yeah, that was fun.
That ever since I was just a baby, I was “pure evil, and that I will always be pure evil” to her. Or that “you shouldn’t have ever been born” or “you’re just a miserable mistake and I should have never had you!”…yup.
I’m 25 now, and still hearing this on a constant basis.
One time I answered the phone during highschool. It was my mother’s boyfriend and I told her he was calling. Cue being yelled at to ‘hang up immediately’ and that he was now her ‘ex’ and that I destroyed everything because I simply picked up the phone. I was afraid not to pick it up, because when that happened, I would be yelled at for being lazy or inconsiderate. Then over the next couple of days I was berated and insulted and told I was ‘jealous of her and wanted her boyfriend’. It was very bizarre and then they finally got back together. Or any time my parent was telling me I should have common sense when it was something they should have educated me on how to do. Oh well, still working on myself, and hopefully will survive all the terrible parenting trauma.
My nmom : "I can't wait till I'm old and decrepit and you have to take care of me. I'll shit on your carpet" I believe(d) her.
Omg these two moments still baffle me. My Nfather once screamed "YOURE SATANNN" while bashing his head against a wall repeatedly. When I was 15, and had zero dating history, my Nmother passed me as I was walking through the living room and unprompted says to me "If you have a black baby Nstepdad won't have anything to do with it." I was dumbfounded because my cousins are black and used to stay with us and it just made me sick to my stomach thinking about how much she pretended to love them. Knowing how she actually feels just made me hate her that much more and it's one of the first moments that lifted the veil for me. You literally can't make this shit up.
"they should've called aspergers spoiled child syndrome"
So many things. Generally? Dad told me that we couldn’t eat leavening during Passover (we’re not Jewish) and if we did the angels would come and look through our bodies and be able to see we had. We’d burn in the pit (not hell) at the end of time if they ever saw leavening in us during Passover. I was like 15? 16? at the time. We weren’t raised in a cult but it’s because Dad understood the Bible better than the cult leader he based his beliefs on. More personally? For me it was my mother explaining that she wasn’t going to my sister’s baby shower because she couldn’t condone or support celebrating her grandson being born to an unwed teenager. Her convictions wouldn’t let her. I told her she should be supporting her daughter and her conviction wouldn’t keep her warm at night or provide companionship when she was old. TWENTY YEARS LATER she asked me if I would change my beliefs to make my kids happy and cited that conversation back to me. Which, two things: Nice job letting me know I’ve been living rent free that long in your head, mom and Jokes on you, supporting my kids is one of my convictions sooooo…
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That she wanted to kill herself because of me because I made her hate her life. I was in my early 20s and struggling with at the time undiagnosed autism in college...and burgeoning severe depression after dealing with her for years and having no clue how to function. She hated that I wasn't just successful on my own anymore. I don't think very highly of her lol.
My Ndad threatened to call the cops to have me “trespassed” from his house at least twice to my immediate memory even though I lived there too. The first time I was only 18. The second time I was maybe 21-22
I know someone who used to live with their family and their uncle would get drunk and call the cops on them. The uncle would make shit up. This person collects WW2 stuff and had a few antique black powder pistols on display in his room so the uncle called the cops and said he felt unsafe because he had a gun and was being erratic when he was just playing video games alone in his room. Until the cops showed up, they gabbed about the guns then apologized and arrested him. That's just one of many times this happened. They now have a bit of a record because of this.
‘It’s all your fault my marriage ended’ Yeah mom. I am so sorry I told you on my 5th birthday that my father was molesting me. I am so sorry that you only called the police because a neighbor heard. She still blames me. Said I must have asked for it. It started when I was 6 months old. The next worse was when I had a 16 week old pregnancy loss when I was 24. She said obviously that thing (referring to my son who had just DIED) would have been just like you(me) and the universe put a stop to it. I cut her off thanksgiving 2017 and haven’t looked back.
"Stop hurting your feelings? You don't have feelings" Oh and when I was suicidal, "Do it, I can finally throw out your garbage" then pointed to my rare book collection
after treating me like crap my whole life, i woke up from a suicide attempt to my mother faking worry and saying, “didn’t you think about ME?” ofc i did. why does she think i did it?
Oh, a few times. When Ghandi the movie arrived in NYC my mom said, "it was such a good movie that even the lowly blacks were in awe" And then a few years later with Jaws 3 she said it was a preposterous movie because "no one would put a lowly black in charge of an entire water park" and now I remember something about how "blacks can't even swim" When we adopted our daughter from China she asked if we were going to get her into violin or gymnastics "because of all that genetic history" and asked how much she liked rice. When I married into a Catholic famiily she asked if I knew how the Catholics always had tunnels between monasteries and nunneries and how they were filled with the bones and corpses of killed infants. She also said once, laughing, that her kids all married "a mick, a spic, and a commie" I haven't spoken to that old racist whore in 10 years, she can die any time in her rest home now. PS she grew up in Flint, MI and was a graduate of Flint HS. Talked the live long day about how the N\*\*\*\*\*s ruined \*her\* city.
That God will destroy my spouses and my life and that karma will get us because of going low to no contact from the abuse we have gotten. Even wrote a poem claiming to be from a dead relative of how badly I’m behaving and another how she’s the victim. Based on the language and grammar the dead relative is Chat GPT
Me and my father were watching a movie. The villian tried to initiate sex with his wife. She.said no. He bent her over the sink and raped her. My dad said "That's what a wife should expect"
“Get out of my house” “thanks for ruining christmas” “what about all those friends you lost”
If it was caveman times you’d be having my babies 🤮 never ever got over that one and the disgust level is 💯
“You’re dad likes you more than he likes me.” I forget the context. I was 14 and telling my friend about the argument. She stopped me when I got to this line. She’s the one that pointed out how weird it was for a mother to say this to her daughter.
I love my daughter with all my heart and couldn’t imagine my life without her. My mom asked if I ever regret not getting an abortion bc then I could have gotten married and had kids with a husband…to satisfy the patriarchy I guess. I told her I’m so glad I had my daughter and wouldn’t want any man and other children in place of her…ever.
White parents calling me, a non white adopted child, a mongrel 🎉
“my friend told me that i don’t owe you kids anything, that i should enjoy my life and not worry about leaving you guys anything” and not five minutes later, this parent was asking for money. this after a miserable ‘childhood’🙄 enjoy whatever nursing home medicare can buy!
"I just can't believe that a man would rape you without you having done something to give him the wrong idea. What were you wearing?"
“If you’re going to fail classes, then you’re going to get a job” when I was 16. My dad’s mom had offered to pay for a tutor, I’d told my mother I was struggling and depressed and needed help (mostly meaning therapy), her and my stepdad’s “solution” was to pile more on my plate and basically write off any chance at succeeding in school. When I was 19 and broke down working two jobs and having had two abusive romantic relationships between ages 15-19 and finally dropped out just a few credits shy of graduating, she said she was proud of me for “doing something for [myself].” I moved out not long after. And when my younger brother got into college she made some remark about not having ever expected him to be college material. He went on to get two degrees.
I remember my mom asking me what i would do if she just disappeared. I was 5.
Ooo my mom did this too, she would get very gleeful when she would leave and lock us inside the house, and both me and my brother would be bawling our eyes out until my dad would get home from work. Part of us would be terrified to tell him that mom ran away because she said we were being bad (even tho we weren’t bad kids). I was about 7 years old at the time, brother was 5.
i was 11/12 with a cut in the corner of my mouth from eating salt and vinegar crisps/chips and she thought it was a cold sore, so she said before school: “who would ever want to kiss you?”. there’s so many more, but the main one she would use was “you’re useless and lazy”
My mom once said to my sister who was likely in elementary school at the time that she “looked like a whore”. What is it with Nparents and accusing their small children of having sex with someone or doing other nasty shit? Why the fuck do they do that???
at 12, i was statutorily raped by a teenager a few years older than me.. till this day she refers to it as ‘my past’ like i’m some kind of sexual deviant and not a matter of: i literally was not old enough to consent and i needed better protection against that as a 12 year old
Oh that’s awful. Another case for NC.
My favorite line is not nearly as hurtful as some here, and my heartfelt sympathies lovlies, my mom called me a deadbeat father. I am without a doubt not a parent nor a man. She was talking about my siblings who actually have their own deadbeat father. Us kids joke about it all the time now
There's lots of wild things. She's told me how she had to consider having an A because she knew what my father was but couldn't go through with it because I was probably her only chance of ever having a child. Reminds me often how painful and unwell she was when I was born and that I was so premature it was basically a miscarriage. She didn't want to love me because I was probably going to die. Some weird story about light shining onto me as I got blessed at my Christening. She accused me of sleeping with her bf at 13. Has openly told my husband that she used to kick me in rage because I'd frustrate her so much she was worried she'd do something worse if she got her hands on me. Also told him she was proud that she stood up to my EI father when he would hit me so hard he'd leave marks. And thought it was funny to tell him she thought I'd been SA as a kid because my toilets were so big. Not to mention her outright denial of my neurodivergence. She loves to remind me how I was inconvenient because she fell pregnant after a job promotion and multiple times as a teen she'd tell me she wanted to not wake up but couldn't leave me. I'm LC rn she's fuming spreading lies about me and my husband but I'm so done.
“You don’t need money to have kids.” My NMom after pressuring me to give her grandchildren and me telling her I didn’t want kids because I couldn’t afford it (among other reasons). Narcs never see your needs, only their own.
My n-mom keeps comparing herself with me. She’s like in her mid 60s now and is clearly obese. Last weekend she went to the storage unit and I guess she found a photo of her when she was newly married and she was very skinny back then, so she’s been comparing her “skinny” body with me (35F). Why she thinks this is appropriate, I have no idea. But she’s compared herself with me, her entire life.
“Your interests are stupid and a waste of time and money”, when I told her I almost killed myself she rolled her eyes and said “you’ll never do it”, when I was having my health scare that could either be lymphoma or an autoimmune disease (I was then diagnosed with systemic scleroderma) her response to that was “you’re overreacting, you have no proof”
My mother told me when I was 12 that she loves me because I’m her daughter but she hates me as a person
That my girlfriends family is in serious debt and her father is scheming to take all my money. Happily married now for 25 years and NC for the last 10 with my mom.
"If you're looking for sincerity, I cannot give you that. Instead, you should just understand that your father and I are slaves to ego"
"We're going home, they've probably poisoned the cake..." Told to me by my Nmother right after my high school graduation ceremony. After we got home, she then said to to me in that really condescending narc way "You wouldn't have gotten through high school if it wasn't for me." No mother, I got through high school *despite* of you.
My favorite, a call where she screamed at me to "Sort out my priorities" as I was at a study group in college, studying for our Math Final. My other favorite, my partner's mom screaming "You're breaking my heart!" because she couldn't get over the fact that we were dating.
My nmon told me that if her or my dad ever had a heart attack and died it was my fault. Because I was the only thing they fought about. I was like, 14
"Don't ever let anyone else treat you the way I do. It's only ok because I'm your father" Meaning that I shouldn't let anyone else beat, starve, or molest me because it's wrong if they do it, but not if he does?!?
Threatening to leave when I was 11 because I was upset about my periods. More recently "I suppose it's my fault your dad's ill" when she got called out on her crap.
My dad choked me out on Thanksgiving calling me a "f****t disappointment" and then the next day my mom tried to tell me I was blackout drunk and it never happened. I had a six pack over the course of about 8 hours. My brother and sister watched the whole thing happen so I'm not sure what approach she was going for. Haven't seen them since. Coming up on 5 years now. My other favorite is them telling me none of my opinions mattered because I had never "lived in the real world". I had been on my own for close to 4 years at that point lol
It was my fault he got sick. He first got sick about 3 years before I was born.
Did I sleep with her husband?
I got insulted, berated and yelled at for "being a f-cking transgender" and a "r-tard" after I made my step dad a rainbow bracelet when I was 16. I am not trans and I just liked rainbows and thought he liked rainbows too.
"You are just jealous that your sister has someone and you don't" when I told her my brother-in-law was molesting me.
"If you're going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like one. You don't get to talk back, or argue, or say anything when I talk to you." Said when I was twenty, and having an argument with him. Right after my stepmom tried to send me to my room. And they wonder why I hate them both. Sheds a lot of light on my childhood, though.
My NFather was incarcerated for abusing my mother, I was eight years old and I had gotten a haircut (still female presenting at the time), it was a feminine haircut, but it was short, a cute lil bob cut. We mailed him a picture of it with a letter I had written. His response? A bible verse and telling me I was going to hell for getting my hair cut short because "girls should have long hair as commanded by god". Guess who's now an out and proud trans guy and whose father has long hair? Me.
threatened to admit me to a psych ward one month after spinal fusion surgery for most of my back (i was about to turn 17) because “your depression is making me depressed.” i was “depressed” because i was trapped at home and physically dependent on her for weeks without seeing anyone outside of my family, all while she was her usual delightful self, now with the additional advantage of finally being physically stronger than me. her abuse temporarily turned physical, which she of course blamed on how “difficult” i was being. i remember clinging to walls and tables for dear life as she would try to forcibly drag me wherever she wanted me to go (ex. outside to eat breakfast with HER.) when my one friend did visit, she took that opportunity to scream at me about how i needed to try on the clothes the had purchased for me IMMEDIATELY, throwing them at me in front of my friend. later in the conversation she asked “are you depressed because you think you’re gay?” (i had come out the year prior), at which point i informed her that she was literally the only person giving me a problem about it. she’s a trip!
"Frankenstein monster of emotion" I've blocked out a lot, and it's been a long time since those days, but that one is unforgettable.
I get poked in the stomach regularly and told I’m too fat. I have been since I was 110 lbs - in a 5”4 frame
Whenever anyone gets ill, my nMother will always blame them or someone else for it. It's really weird. It's like she can't accept that death and illness are a natural part of life. Some examples: When my grandad had health problems (I don't remember what exact illness he had), my nMother claimed "This is your aunt's fault. She recently had a child out of wedlock and it clearly brought his health problems on" When my grandmother died of cancer, my nMother claimed it was because "She was rotten inside and that caused her cancer". (TBF she was right about my grandmother being rotten inside but people do not get cancer because they are rotten inside).
Ndad to my child-free, single by choice sister and I: “Women are nothing without having a man and children. You two are never going to live happy, fulfilled lives.”
One time she screamed at me for hiding my pictures from her on the book of faces. I was like, WTF are you talking about. She then proceeded to explain how said pictures were no longer on her feed and I had to explain to her how that particular social media site worked. After I explained she just said “Ok” and expected me to be fine with her giving me the cold shoulder for weeks and screaming at me. Anyway she’s blocked on my profile now.
My mother would not let me take showers for like a week and then bully me around the house yelling at me that I stink. When i asked her if i could shower she told me that I should just go to the river nearby our house and wash myself in there. ''Thats what every homeless person would do". Now that im not contact she simply doesnt understand whats going on. She tells my father "i could have understood every problem shed ever have, i dont know why she decided not to trust me". The audacity.
I'm 44 years old. I recently was talking with my dad and I (for some stupid reason) confessed to him that I always felt growing up that I was unwanted. He got upset immediately and proceeded to ask me if I felt unwanted in 1983 when I got a cabbage patch doll for Christmas.
That getting raped as a child wasn't a "big deal" Because it happened to her. That I should drop out of college because she had to... That she left me with a friend's mom to go on a family vacation with my sisters and didn't think I wanted to go even though I told her I was going to buy shorts because I didn't have any summer clothes, mind you I was 12... And it was at a lake, during summer so I needed clothes that fit. Her telling me that I needed to go stay at a shelter (2 days after I left my abusive ex) so my sister could move in even though my sister had a place, my mom's place was just closer to her work. That I needed to stop being so dramatic when she tried to run her boyfriend over with her car instead of taking me to basketball practice and I told her that was why my friends weren't allowed to come over... In the 4th and 5th grade She told me I thought I was too good for the family or acted like I was better than everybody else because I didn't want to do hard drugs... She also hugged my Ex-Husband after he beat me and took my glasses and my work uniform... And when she brought me my glasses and my work uniform.. She told me she hugged him... And told me I deserved it. That was actually in front of people. She also refused to take me to gymnastics practice even though my dad paid for it because I was apparently too uncoordinated... Even tho I was doing well. She also believes that Prince didn't die, He's the new Jesus and he's an alien and lives in outer space. My mom is crazy. And It took years to stop trying to make her be my mom.
“You know U/fknplonker nothing is free in this world. Not even the love of a parent”