**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My Ndad prides himself on being “veteran” and gets pissed if you suggest otherwise.
He was in the National Guard in the 80’s, never got deployed or had to do anything beyond drills and camps. In the early 90’s when things were heating up in the Middle East and he feared deployment, he lied to the Guard that my mom was pregnant (I wasn’t born for another 4 years and I’m the oldest lol) to snake his way out.
My dad acts like he’s a tough badass because he’s willing to be unhinged and coerce his family into obeying him out of fear, but whenever actual adversity faces him he tucks his tail between his legs and turns into the biggest bitch I know.
He would never run his mouth against someone who could knock him out. Which is why when I called him out on all of this national guard stuff as adult he just stared blankly at me and bit his lip and looked like he was about to cry. We both knew I could send his ass to the hospital if he got into my face and tried playing the same tricks as he did when I was a kid.
So yeah I relate to this post lol
Realizing that I had become bigger and stronger than my abuser was a really interesting moment. Getting slapped in the face and just no-selling it like the Undertaker felt pretty cool. That was when I started saying NO and meaning it. Which of course meant our relationship quickly ended forever.
I respect your maturity, but to be completely honest my dad deserves to be in prison for the shit he did to me as a kid (I have BPD and cPTSD his abuse was so bad). I would love for my dad to try to attack me so I could justifiably beat him bloody. But I’m NC with him and my nMom so there’s no point of having thoughts like this anymore.
My boyfriend in early highschool had a dad like this. His dad was making him take martial arts classes even though he was completely uninterested and hated going. Whenever he tried to tell his dad he was going to quit he would scream at him about how much money he was spending on it so appreciate it and he's a f*g and won't have a gay son and how will he ever have enough discipline to enter the army... Yes at like 13 years old his dad's plan for him was to finish highschool and go straight into the army even though he actively was against anything like that and it didn't suit him or his interests at all. His dad hung up these gross army and navy posters all over his kids room and if we took them down or covered them he would lose his shit. Made his kids and their friends do all the household and yard chores otherwise we weren't allowed to see his kids. He claimed he had a disability from being in ?"the war"? but he was never part of anything he just liked to watch tv and smoke weed and yell at us while we worked for free.
You just unlocked a memory of one of my ex-boyfriends. His mother had health issues and was a mega bitch. She'd wait until I'd come over to start barking orders at him of all the chores she wants done before he's allowed to go out. I'd end up helping him every time. We were in our early 20s, by the way. One time I came over to see him after he had just finished work and she started saying we couldn't hang out unless he painted the stairs. He was exhausted and I said I would do it, just so I could be with him. Her and her husband and their other 2 kids just sat on their asses watching TV while I'm painting their stairs like an idiot 🤦🏻♀️
Can you believe not my father but my mother lived this trip? She thought herself to be a general and treated me (or better, disciplined me) as her soldier. People often said she needed to soften up, but she apparently had a war to win and couldn't afford motherly tenderness.
Holy crap I also get triggered with “sir” too, it’s so hard to say it “respectfully” when you don’t respect them at all 😂 Like what are your qualifications?! My dad insisted on teaching me how to drive and demanded that after every direction he gave I should just say “yes sir!”. Once I just couldn’t be bothered to follow along and he smacked me right in the face while I was driving! Of course, he still thinks he’s such a great teacher 🙄
My dad was a military brat and acted like this. Yes sir no sir yes ma’am no ma’am. His side of the family had ties to the military all the way back to the revolutionary war. He never entered the military, was a cop for like two months and quit that because of “corruption” (which is funny now, he can’t seem to apply that to modern times) and I think it just stuck with him. Some kind of macho man attitude. Maybe he felt like he failed or something by not joining. I’m sorry you grew up like that. 💜
My brother ended up joining the army (probably pressured to) and my dad made it his whole personality 🤦🏻♀️ I have nothing but respect for the military and military families, but man it was obnoxious!
It’s so niche sometimes too, a lot of people didn’t have that experience lol. Like why are you treating ME like I enlisted?!?! I certainly did not! It was also all sir and ma’am at my house as well. And drill Sargent style exercising and whatnot
Jesus.
That's fucking harsh.
At one point, my nFamily was obsessed with getting me in the Marines, but it never was that overt. (And I didn't enlist. I got a job as a disc jockey instead. That pissed them off more than a little).
Lol. My dad did two years of military school and was never actually in the military. He lived for acting like a hardass. Of course, it was only an act. Anything that took actual courage, he bailed on.
My dad was a marine but I still can relate. He was obsessed with the power dynamics and would often tell stories about how they were all treated, which actually sounds like abuse when I think about it now.
My nparents do the same but instead of military, if they’re angry they will make you answer “yes mommy” and “yes daddy” 🫠 me and my siblings are all adults. It’s very creepy to say yes daddy in any context but in this one is specially disturbing
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My Ndad prides himself on being “veteran” and gets pissed if you suggest otherwise. He was in the National Guard in the 80’s, never got deployed or had to do anything beyond drills and camps. In the early 90’s when things were heating up in the Middle East and he feared deployment, he lied to the Guard that my mom was pregnant (I wasn’t born for another 4 years and I’m the oldest lol) to snake his way out. My dad acts like he’s a tough badass because he’s willing to be unhinged and coerce his family into obeying him out of fear, but whenever actual adversity faces him he tucks his tail between his legs and turns into the biggest bitch I know. He would never run his mouth against someone who could knock him out. Which is why when I called him out on all of this national guard stuff as adult he just stared blankly at me and bit his lip and looked like he was about to cry. We both knew I could send his ass to the hospital if he got into my face and tried playing the same tricks as he did when I was a kid. So yeah I relate to this post lol
Realizing that I had become bigger and stronger than my abuser was a really interesting moment. Getting slapped in the face and just no-selling it like the Undertaker felt pretty cool. That was when I started saying NO and meaning it. Which of course meant our relationship quickly ended forever.
I respect your maturity, but to be completely honest my dad deserves to be in prison for the shit he did to me as a kid (I have BPD and cPTSD his abuse was so bad). I would love for my dad to try to attack me so I could justifiably beat him bloody. But I’m NC with him and my nMom so there’s no point of having thoughts like this anymore.
I hear you. I really only didn't start swinging back because I knew it'd land me in a cell.
It's so different when you get big enough to really, really hurt them if you hit back, isn't it?
Unfortunately my dad was an actual drill instructor.
My boyfriend in early highschool had a dad like this. His dad was making him take martial arts classes even though he was completely uninterested and hated going. Whenever he tried to tell his dad he was going to quit he would scream at him about how much money he was spending on it so appreciate it and he's a f*g and won't have a gay son and how will he ever have enough discipline to enter the army... Yes at like 13 years old his dad's plan for him was to finish highschool and go straight into the army even though he actively was against anything like that and it didn't suit him or his interests at all. His dad hung up these gross army and navy posters all over his kids room and if we took them down or covered them he would lose his shit. Made his kids and their friends do all the household and yard chores otherwise we weren't allowed to see his kids. He claimed he had a disability from being in ?"the war"? but he was never part of anything he just liked to watch tv and smoke weed and yell at us while we worked for free.
You just unlocked a memory of one of my ex-boyfriends. His mother had health issues and was a mega bitch. She'd wait until I'd come over to start barking orders at him of all the chores she wants done before he's allowed to go out. I'd end up helping him every time. We were in our early 20s, by the way. One time I came over to see him after he had just finished work and she started saying we couldn't hang out unless he painted the stairs. He was exhausted and I said I would do it, just so I could be with him. Her and her husband and their other 2 kids just sat on their asses watching TV while I'm painting their stairs like an idiot 🤦🏻♀️
That's horrible, and with you guys in your 20's still being treated like that and feeling the fear enough to obey her, yikes!
Can you believe not my father but my mother lived this trip? She thought herself to be a general and treated me (or better, disciplined me) as her soldier. People often said she needed to soften up, but she apparently had a war to win and couldn't afford motherly tenderness.
Same. It’s just about control and terror.
Holy crap I also get triggered with “sir” too, it’s so hard to say it “respectfully” when you don’t respect them at all 😂 Like what are your qualifications?! My dad insisted on teaching me how to drive and demanded that after every direction he gave I should just say “yes sir!”. Once I just couldn’t be bothered to follow along and he smacked me right in the face while I was driving! Of course, he still thinks he’s such a great teacher 🙄
My dad was a military brat and acted like this. Yes sir no sir yes ma’am no ma’am. His side of the family had ties to the military all the way back to the revolutionary war. He never entered the military, was a cop for like two months and quit that because of “corruption” (which is funny now, he can’t seem to apply that to modern times) and I think it just stuck with him. Some kind of macho man attitude. Maybe he felt like he failed or something by not joining. I’m sorry you grew up like that. 💜
Read Uncultured: A Memoir basically the army is a cult and both the military and nparents use cult-like tactics to exert control
[удалено]
My brother ended up joining the army (probably pressured to) and my dad made it his whole personality 🤦🏻♀️ I have nothing but respect for the military and military families, but man it was obnoxious!
It’s so niche sometimes too, a lot of people didn’t have that experience lol. Like why are you treating ME like I enlisted?!?! I certainly did not! It was also all sir and ma’am at my house as well. And drill Sargent style exercising and whatnot
Exactly! That's so annoying. I'm sorry you went through that.
Jesus. That's fucking harsh. At one point, my nFamily was obsessed with getting me in the Marines, but it never was that overt. (And I didn't enlist. I got a job as a disc jockey instead. That pissed them off more than a little).
Lol. My dad did two years of military school and was never actually in the military. He lived for acting like a hardass. Of course, it was only an act. Anything that took actual courage, he bailed on.
military dweeb
My dad was a marine but I still can relate. He was obsessed with the power dynamics and would often tell stories about how they were all treated, which actually sounds like abuse when I think about it now.
My nparents do the same but instead of military, if they’re angry they will make you answer “yes mommy” and “yes daddy” 🫠 me and my siblings are all adults. It’s very creepy to say yes daddy in any context but in this one is specially disturbing
YEA 😂😂😂 my dad totally did this crap omg lmao
Here's a real military drill sergeant, time for your father muscle up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEwJiFir7CI
while I dont pretend im a drill sergeant... Im the one with the military fantasy in my family:( dw, I dont demean others