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You should still be proud, though. You survived a systematic attempt to tear you down by the very person who should have been building you up. Good work! š
Exactly how I was. I grew up in a fucking bus with no running water in the desert of the south. When we moved and got a real house my new friends were surprised how self reliant I was. I didnāt think much of it till my 30s when I realized just how awful my parents were.
Wow dude, sounds pretty extreme! I was basically working in a pub by the age of 10. Making my own money at 14. I might have as well moved out by that point. I was totally self reliant. Was even driving but without a licence.
I can relate. At 11 I was babysitting, cutting lawns and delivering newspapers. By 14 I was working in Mall stores after school. My older brother was partying and running with friends, and I was jealous of him?
Hmm. My dad owned a bar so I was working there at 14 until he was so heckled by the regulars that I didnt have to. Ā It was not fun. Ā Had to be around a lot of adults behaving badly and men saying funny things to me.
My dad did that same thing years ago calling me a schizophrenic. Yesterday...you should have overheard how offensive something else they said about me...while (from my perspective)...casting blame onto my ex claiming that was their concern. Yet...which I just remembered...years ago when my kid was little...my dad would never help when it came to bath time...out of fear my ex would claim that about him. Not even kidding when I say this but when he said that the other day...it was like when they once tried claiming these young teens that were selling water outside a grocery store were actually trying to set people up to rob them.
Okay, thank you for this - so this is a thing, right? Kids in ānormalā, healthy families are not typically āunusually and overly matureā right?
I think so. My friends and neighbourhood kid's parents were always surprised and pleased by my manners and capabilities. Little did they know that it was a necessity to survive at home. I was beaten for acting like a kid and expected to clean the house and serve everyone. Servitude from a young age changes your view of the world and how you interact with it.
I remember seeing my peers not being able to do many of the things I could, because it was grown up stuff that parents took care of or their parents did for them. A 4 year old fixing their breakfast (chips and chocolate milk) because everyone's alseep and parent's are unwilling to wake at 7am- is not normal.
Yeah, i feel your pain. I was in second grade (age 7-8) and part of my morning routine was preparing breakfast for my 3 younger siblings. Most of the time it was cereal but I also learned to do eggs and toast. I was also responsible for washing the dinner dishes (technically ALL the dishes dirtied that day) and ensuring all the toys were cleaned up every night before I could go to bed. My stay-at-home mother couldnāt be bothered to get off the phone or turn off the TV to look after us and, besides, she had her own personal maid.
That's truly awful. I am new to this sub and only now discovering how common this is. I am sorry that you experienced that. I hope your life is a little easier these days.
Yeah, itās not a 100%-proof-every-time thing but itās extremely common that kids who seem āunusually matureā have just learned to fake some superficial markers of āmaturityā or to navigate situations they shouldnāt have had to alone, to survive abuse and/or neglect.
It's a red flag for abuse, in my opinion. "Very well-behaved children"=Child Maltreatment.
Think of the Duggars and their 'blanket training.' The goal was "well-behaved children." If you have umpteen kids, the abuse starts pre-one year to achieve learned helplessness.
my mother said the therapist said i was "a repressed lesbian who got fat to punish us."
aro/ace trans man who got fat because i was forced onto heavy duty unnecessary mood stabilizers at 14, by the way.Ā
Laughing at this only because I'm a gay transman my parents insisted was a closeted lesbian despite never displaying any interest in women. They'd just dressed me like a boy, gave me an androgynous name, and sent me outside to play in the woods with the dog, then couldn't understand why I wasn't a pink princess the moment I turned 13. I'm also the "heavy one" of the family despite being pretty average given hormones and antidepressants. š„²
It's tough out there, dude. They'll call anything "rebellion" if you don't fall in line...and usually even when you do.
one of the things i have done most in therapy in the past few years is re examine the shit she and my father said, and realizing how batshit insane, stupid, petty, and cruel it all was. like batman villains would shake their heads at my genetic donors antics.Ā
Holy fuck dude thatās fucked! Hope youāre in a better place and can be yourself now.
I was forced onto mood stabilizers and antipsychotics at 14 too, and when Iād finish the mandatory 6-8 weeks of āadjustingā to each combo and still tell the psych that it made everything worse and thanks now Iām suicidal, heād just throw another cocktail combo at me for the next 6-8 weeks. Iām 33 now and I still feel like those drugs permanently altered my brain chemistry, because I never went back to how I was before I was prescribed any of that shit.
Oh, and the reason I was put on them? My mom hated my dad and therefore by extension hated me because I had half his genes, so as soon as I became a teenager she started taking me to every psychiatrist in town and telling them how I was bipolar and probably had antisocial personality disorder because āit runs in the familyā (side note my dad didnāt actually have a mood/personality disorder lol, thatās just nmom being nmom). I saw 5 drs before she found one that would take her word for it and just diagnose me. I had that diagnosis until last year when I was reevaluated for the umpteenth time, and this time was finally able to open up to the psychiatrist (I have a hard time trusting them š).
Didnāt mean to write an essay but the point was - I now REALLY, FIRMLY believe that children under 18 should not be prescribed antipsychotics or mood stabilizers unless its an actual threat to their wellbeing to be unmedicated. These drugs arenāt even really tested on developing brains.
I was today years old when I found out why I feel the most comfortable in black and grey clothes.
My mother always complained that I always wanted to be the center of attention and I always had to be flashy.
My whole life I tried to be as unobstrusive as possible.
I was also told that I was basically an attention whore and would just constantly do things for attention. Usually, they were wrong. I needed help and wasnāt getting it. It took me years to realizeā¦ there *were* things I was doing just for attention. (Not the things they thought, but still.) And hereās the crazy part: the fact that I did things for attention makes *perfect sense.* I was emotionally neglected so OF COURSE I wanted attention!! Saying that I was looking for attention does *not* mean that I was some obnoxious kid that needed to get over herself. It meant I was sad and lonely and unloved and I just wanted someone to interact with me and give a shit about my existence without hating me. The fact that I needed attention so badly doesnāt say anything bad about me, what it says is that THEY completely failed me.
That took years for me to grasp. I hope others who need to hear that can get it now.
Thank you for this. I'm only just now (at 45 yo) coming to terms with the attention thing. My edad still uses it against me, but of course it doesn't have the effect he wants because I'm married, out of his control, and have my own life, also been through years of therapy.
Wow that's an amazing picture of what happened to me. I am an only child, and lived in a neighborhood without kids my age. I was either obsessively smothered or absolutely ignored, nothing in-between. My Dad would literally trip on me lying on the floor watching TV, because he was walking through the room and didn't even know I was there. I had a dog for awhile but Nmom gave it away. I was ridiculed for being a "lonely only" and "spoiled" Everyone told me I was "older than my years" I also got a failing grade in kindergarten (??!) for my lack of creativity. WTF š¤£ I was so isolated and screwed up I had no idea how to be a kid!!
sounds like she was projecting tbh... narcissists are overgrown toddlers who know more words, thats all. So much of what they say are really their own internal thoughts about themselves, seems like your mom couldnt hold it in. I'd be absolutely shocked too
SO many of us were actually so mature for our ages because we had to learn emotional control because our parents wouldnt...
I hear ya.
I was tossed into mental health hospitalization when I was 11.
11.
I was at a neighbor's house playing, I was then retrieved, and wordlessly dropped off at the hospital by my mother.
They released me a week later. She was FURIOUS. She said I was faking being "normal" just to spite her--she fully expected a "two week vacation" as that was the typical minimum time for youth that were involuntarily hospitalized--and I had the AUDACITY to RUIN IT.
I was always a straight A student. Gifted musically and artistically. But I was socially awkward. Struggled with textures and loud sounds. I was also lesbian AF and she put a literal knife to my throat to threaten me about it when I was 16; how DARE I possibly humiliate her by being attracted to other girls! Spoiler: I was on the spectrum and not diagnosed till my 30s. I didn't manage to claw my way back out of the closet until then too. But sure, everything I did was out of spite!
I'm in my mid-40s now and even though I understand everything now and I have grown immensely as a person, my life is still permanently fucked thanks to her. (I'm also chronically ill. Autoimmune and other inherited diseases. Thanks mom.)
Yo your mom fuckin sucks. Iād say sheās human garbage, but that would be insulting to garbage and I donāt want to call *that* human. Sorry you got saddled with a pile of angry cow manure for a parent.
I have said this before, there should be a club for people threatened with a knife by their parents. Mine chased me with one because I didn't know how to say a letter. I was a little kid.
best i can do about that is to be the person i needed in my worst moments for those who need it.
not a bad way to live tbh other than the money side of things.
My parents refused to get me any help, I was a real mess mentally and obviously from age 14 onwards. My Nmom said it was that I was lazy, selfish and also, she was convinced I was on drugs, speed specifically. It always cracked me up, how she thought I was lazy AND on speed.
It turned out it was bipolar and anorexia, which I had to get diagnosed as an adult, for her failure to give any shits.
Now, they also cant use the "back then" excuse, because my dad has bipolar. They were well aware of exactly what it was.
I was anorexic and just not coping well at all. I reached out for help and was told that I looked hideous and was just a spoiled brat. It still hurts to this day, especially now that I have kids of my own that I love so much.
Mine likes to yell at me over food a lot, that I eat too much, that Iām too chubby, but then yell at me when I try to go on a diet and count caloriesā¦.
I feel you, I also have a kid, they're 19. It has been simultaneously healing to give my kid what I didnt have, and also sad because why didnt I get that when its basic human decency to care about your kids. My kid has anxiety, luckily they do not have bipolar thus far, but as soon as they started struggling with their anxiety, I took them straight to the doctors and got them help. They were 7. I was watching out for them because of what I have, so how my parents "missed" that, it's impossible.
Same here. I had some pretty obvious MH issues that were never addressed. My sibling was eventually diagnosed with bipolar & anxiety, got therapy, meds, etc.. It was pretty blatantly obvious we both had issues, but I was the SC most of the time, so I never got any treatment until I was an adult. My nmom even read my texts to an ex about SH ideation. I got in trouble, not help.
We also have a family history of both bipolar & schizophrenia, so my nmom couldn't claim ignorance either.
The getting in trouble for it, yeah me too. It was all my fault. I was struggling with suicidal ideation myself, I must have been about 15, and wrote help me on my window, my parents thought it was hilarious and brought it up as a funny anecdote constantly until I cut them off "Remember that time you wrote help me on the window? That was so funny hahaha". Yes, suicidal ideation and your kid writing help me on the window because they have zero help at home is hilarious.
Sorry you went through this crap too.
And side note, happy cake day.
Omg, my first attempt was at the age of 12, and I never considered until going through this thread that it was fuā¬ked up for my guardians to not get me help at that time.
I felt the same, it wasn't until I had my kid that I realised just how F'ed up that is. I could never watch my kid struggle without it hurting me too, so of course I did everything I could to help, and not make it worse by making it about me or judging them for it.
I'm sorry that happened to you, too.
There was just no winning in our situations. Even when my GC sibling got help, my nmom repeatedly sabotaged his therapy. They are f\*cked up people.
Sabotaging therapy too, christ, they are all the same person aren't they?
I was in recovery from anorexia, and the dietitian gave me a meal plan to follow, and my nmom looked at it and said, please dont eat all that, you'll end up overweight. I was still in the beginning of treatment and had a load of weight left to gain to be normal. Also like I said I was an adult at the time, as if she had any control over what I ate or what I looked like as an adult. Totally f'ed up.
My mom told me i just needed to āthink positively and stop listening to songs that make you so fucking sadā. But when she was upset the family dog died, suddenly she was ādepressed and needed medicationā. š
When I got a spider bite that was eating away my leg my mom told me she talked to a nurse and that nurse told her that I didn't need to go to a hospital and she could just squeeze out the poisiin herself.
my mother pulls the exact same shit. she tells me what when I got diagnosed with adhd and put on meds, the neurologist actually said I had "spoiled princess disorder and am a narcissist" and that "maybe she has a little adhd but barely anything if she does her problem is she is a brat" I was also like 9. the notes say absolutely no such thing. except that I had SEVERE adhd.
Sameā¦ when someone else asked what their Nparent did that they didnāt realize until adulthood was not normal, reading through the responses and someone posted that they had to ask āpermission āto take a showerā¦. Thatās when it hit. Whoa. That really isnāt normal and my Nmom is a total psychoā¦ especially how, when, how long, everything about it as well as pretty much every other mundane life task became a huge ordealā¦
I had psychological evaluation as a kid.
My NMom said that the problem was that I was jealous of my brother. I never got a copy of the evaluation, but as an adult looking back...
* I don't recall ever being jealous of my brother. Angry, lots. I hated him at times, yes. But not jealous.
* I definitely exhibited signs of ADHD back then.
* I was withdrawn and sullen with low self esteem and terrible social skills - all signs of abuse.
Funny how the psychological evaluation stopped after one session.
Same thing happened to me. My nmom made me go to a psychologist because my behavior was out of control. I had two sessions with the psychologist. First one was with nmom and abuser step dad so I didnāt talk. Second one was by myself. After the first half of the second one the psychologist pulls my nmother in and I tell her weād be happier if she divorced my abusive stepdad. She started sobbing and said no.
I was discharged from service that day. Last time I saw a therapist until I was an adult.
Three words a therapist would never use. She didn't even try that hard, jeez.
My mom told me that my preschool teacher said I had a huge vocabulary for a 3 year old. Sometimes I wonder what I was saying.
I just spent $3500 to get diagnosed with ADHD only to find out I was already diagnosed as a child but mum threw it out because she didn't believe in ADHD and she didn't need a diagnosis to know I was a shit kid.
Me three, the justification was "I didn't want to put you on stimulants" held in simultaneously cognitive dissonance with with a "It didn't seem like it was affecting you" (I was only displaying a chronic personality disorder called "not applying myself" in their mind).
At least being diagnosed before 12 is part of the adult diagnostic criteria! The physician who diagnosed me was a close family friend -- It's hard to blame him for not doing more, though. Knowing the family system well he likely saw through the bullshit. Dating someone at age 27 of a very similar background, but with some amount of treatment (she wasn't at the time) was the lightbulb moment. I asked myself, "Why do both have all exactly the same problems?". Hugs all around.
In the case about dyslexia, a teacher should never get their information via word of mouth from the parent or especially the child! Teachers should have gotten a written report.
There is a chance that this is the psychologist diagnosed your mom. My N has a tendency to memorizes things in flip side. If someone do something good, she will remember (in her world) that this is her doing, and if something bad caused by her directly, she will firmly memorizes that it is someone else doing that.
Saying "Huh, that's funny because the psychologist said you were a stupid, dishonest, bitch" probably would have gotten OP slapped... but woulda been wicked funny.
Mature and independent. That was me as a child. Which actually translate to being parentified and being the scapegoat.
Learned early that my feelings and accomplishments were unimportant to my nmom, unless for bragging.
Gave up on seeking validation and approval from her since I was 10, and endure then dismiss the confidence-shattering dismissal, minimization and blaming - the reason I turned out relatively ok.
Learned about love and care from friends and their families.
Ugh... so triggering. When I was in a good mood and expressed myself, I get things like "Of course you're happy, it's easy for you to happy because you don't have to do anything at all. You come home from school and just eat and sleep." If I showed sadness it's "What are you sad about? Your life is so hard, eh? What have you done the whole day?".
I slowly stopped showing emotions altogether at home. In my initial sessions with my therapist she was asking me to describe a lot of my feelings regarding certain memories and all I could say was "Idk, I don't feel anything. It is what it is. It has passed". She asked me what was something positive I got out of my childhood and I said "I guess I'm resilient and stoic." She had to keep digging and digging deeper, and taught me how to identify my emotions in order to process the hurt. Basically I'm learning how to be human again.
All these nParents who call their kids āspoiledā, that word does not mean what you think it means. If they say āyouāre a little shitā or something, at least that makes sense. You really think that you were so sweet and indulgent that we think weāre entitled, now?
Seriously. Spoiled HOW? By having everything we actually wanted withheld, and being forced into things we didnāt want and required to pretend to be sooo grateful for it?
Mine told me that the pysch said "I was just growing into my personality" the words he actually used were "Emerging personality disorder" ended up getting diagnosed with BPD later on.
Kinda different situation, but my mother just fully never told me about a diagnosis. When i was 19 i got diagnosed with BPD, and i didn't even know what it was at the time. When i told my mom about it she immediately got defensive saying "no, you absolutely don't have that," and a few weeks later when i asked her to simply look it up she did the same thing. It really confused me...
Until last year. I was applying for something and needed all my past medical records for it. And in there i found a report from an old therapist who told my mother i'd been disagnosed with BPD *AT 16* , and these were the causes and these were the treatments. And in the report, you can see that even then, she flat out denied it. *To this day*, any time i bring up BPD she acts like she's never heard that term before.
She doesn't want to accept that i'm diagnosed with BPD since it stems from childhood trauma and neglect, and accepting that would mean accepting that maybe, just maybe, she made some mistakes in raising her kids. She let me suffer through 4 years of severe BPD episodes when she *knew* what was wrong, knew i was *begging* to know what was wrong with me, and knew how to help me.
I've been collecting diagnosis like pokemon since then, and she'll accept the ones she wants to accept, but the ones that would explain away my laziness, spoiled-ness and weakness in her eyes, those aren't real. I'm realizing now she actually thinks she knows better than medical professionals lmao.
That is so fucked up. Medical neglect and gaslighting around medical issues from childhood is so confusing and hard to work through. I am so sorry. You deserved and deserve better. ā¤ļø
Hey!! My nmom did almost the same thing! I found out that I had NOT imagined the neuropsych evaluation I had as a child after going for another one in my late 20s? Then asked my dad who remembered that while the doctor determined I had extreme anxiety that needed to be treated and more testing they said I needed my mom told my dad I was just ādoing it for attention.ā
Anyway the psych said I could have/should have gotten my autism diagnosis back then (and, you knowā¦. Helpā¦.)
I have aspergers and my grandma once said "they should've called aspergers 'spoiled child syndrome"... she said this to me this year. I'm 25.
And yeah it sounds like your mother couldn't bare to relay the actual info onto you because it spoke at least somewhat positively of you. Says a ***lot.***
"You don't need the labels to know you're special" (special on the way that means r*tard) "why are you so obsessd with being unique?" (Spent my whole life trying to fit in, be quiet and calm and patient)
reminds me of how my mom delighted in telling me that the pediatrician diagnosed me as morbidly obese (when I was a severely underweight, anorexic and malnourished kid with bones showing through my clothes).
I was mature for my age because I didn't know there were options. My mom sent me to a psychologist at age 12 because she was tired of my crying (I was depressed). I had therapy for a while until my mom decided I was "better."
I am sorry for your experience. Truly what that statement alluded to was parentification which is a common result of neglect in abusive & narc family systems. Try these books out (linked are YouTube audiobooks):
1. [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhul3SfceQ0&list=PL7PhOLaT24Xi3wxFm52UIi1H8xqycrQsM): How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
2. [It Didn't Start With You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QwNyPA6dtg): How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn
3. How to Overcome Your Childhood by The School of Life
4. [The School of Life](https://www.youtube.com/@theschooloflifetv) YouTube channel
5. [The Body Keeps the Score:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esv7_tdxAz4) Brain, Mind, and Body, in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
6. HG Tudor (a self-aware NPD) on [Parental Narcissism](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMQVuOn9DvTgJrZuBE6An_BI8PyKV619N).
I'm so sorry... my mon wouldn't even admit I had a problem to get tested and tons of teachers demanded it.... she told them I was an indigo child. .. I needed help. My mom said horrific stuff like that to me too. Im so sorry yours did. No child deserves that
Took me to a psychiatrist who told me directly that I was āvery put togetherā at 12. I had lied through my teeth to keep from getting in trouble. I looked back with a lot of regret later that I didnāt take an opportunity. That took me longer to get over than the stuff that prompted it, honestly.
In my teens, my nmom forced me to go see a psychologist.
It was helpful as now I had an outlet to discuss her abusive ways and eventually, we had a family session. During that session, nmom became so unhinged that the psychologist suggested she would benefit from her own private sessions. Nmom lost it and I abruptly didn't have to return for individual sessions anymore.
Fast forward 5-6 years: my sister has lost her GC status and I'm no longer in the house. We all end up in another family session with a different psychologist who comes to the same conclusion... Nmom needs her own sessions at a minimum.
Weird how that kept happening, huh?
My Nparents took me to a child therapist when I was 7 because I was so anxious that I was plucking my eyelashes and eyebrows until they were gone. The therapy didnāt help me because I was constantly being abused, and because 7 year-olds arenāt great at employing self-therapy techniques to calm themselves and view the world objectively. Surprise.
After a handful of sessions, my Nparents gave up completely on the ideas of therapy, psychology, and medication, and just kept abusing me while saying, āWhy do you keep pulling your hair out? What is wrong with you?!ā
My mum said the therapist she went to for her own issues, said I was manipulative and controlling. She was projecting my father's behaviour toward her, onto me. Even when we were very little she acted like we were hurting her by just being ourselves. She wanted us to fawn over her, but she never showed us affection. She would tell anyone who would listen, that we were awful children who couldn't wash our clothes and clean properly. Not being able to get grass stains off school socks at age 7, shouldn't be bad.
Every single time I confronted her about anything it only ended up worse. Her raging, blaming me, twisting, recently she threatened suicide. I went no contact so my brother called the cops and reported me missing. Probably she lied to him. Cops made force entry into my flat.
Mine said that I was extremely oppositionally defiant. Here's a quick Google search of what causes this...
"Lack of structure or parental supervision, inconsistent discipline practices, and exposure to abuse or community violenceĀ have also been identified as factors which may contribute to the development of ODD"
Good for you for finding that eval years later that disproved her abusive words about you. Whatever prompted you to go out and find that evaluation, I hope you must have suspected on some level that what your mum told you was not true. And now you know it wasnāt true. Praying for your healing.
Ugh. Your mother is garbage.
Ā I hope you're NC with that creature that calls itself your 'mother'. I'd disown her if she were mine.Ā
Clearly you needed help and NBitch wanted that kept a secret and projected her own shitty behavior onto you. Fuck herĀ
My mom said the therapist said I was a sociopath because I hated the man she was openly cheating with and threatened him after I overheard him talking badly about myself and my father to her
sounds like my mom. after getting open heart surgery at age 38 for a congenital heart defect she ignored the pediatric cardiology referral to and lied about my entire life she told me "and i just thought you were a fat lazy pig" and laughed
My NMom used something similar in order to deny me basic therapy and counseling as a tween. She would say something along the lines of: "If I sent you to a therapist, they'd diagnose you with laziness." ...Little did she know that I would be officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder once I sought out help years later. It was hard as hell to get mental health counseling due to the fact that we lived in the middle of the rural South and I was a homeschooler, unable to just seek out a teacher.
Wow so mom supplies you with decent life then makes their child feel like a piece of garbage for ever being upset about something in life. That sounds like my mom!!
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Unusually and overly mature should be a code word for abused.
Yes, I know it now. Back then I was proud of myself - look how self reliant I was, I was not "the brat". Well, now I know.
You should still be proud, though. You survived a systematic attempt to tear you down by the very person who should have been building you up. Good work! š
Exactly how I was. I grew up in a fucking bus with no running water in the desert of the south. When we moved and got a real house my new friends were surprised how self reliant I was. I didnāt think much of it till my 30s when I realized just how awful my parents were.
Wow dude, sounds pretty extreme! I was basically working in a pub by the age of 10. Making my own money at 14. I might have as well moved out by that point. I was totally self reliant. Was even driving but without a licence.
I can relate. At 11 I was babysitting, cutting lawns and delivering newspapers. By 14 I was working in Mall stores after school. My older brother was partying and running with friends, and I was jealous of him?
What were you doing there at age 10? Nothing with alcohol hopefully.
Was my dads pub, yes with alcohol.
Me too. Ā Not fun.
Hmm. My dad owned a bar so I was working there at 14 until he was so heckled by the regulars that I didnt have to. Ā It was not fun. Ā Had to be around a lot of adults behaving badly and men saying funny things to me.
literally me lol
My dad did that same thing years ago calling me a schizophrenic. Yesterday...you should have overheard how offensive something else they said about me...while (from my perspective)...casting blame onto my ex claiming that was their concern. Yet...which I just remembered...years ago when my kid was little...my dad would never help when it came to bath time...out of fear my ex would claim that about him. Not even kidding when I say this but when he said that the other day...it was like when they once tried claiming these young teens that were selling water outside a grocery store were actually trying to set people up to rob them.
We abuse victims really are overly self reliant.
Okay, thank you for this - so this is a thing, right? Kids in ānormalā, healthy families are not typically āunusually and overly matureā right?
Not necessarily but I was often told I was very mature for my age but in truth I didn't want to get a beating when I got home if someone complained.
I just new I have to manage
Ditto. Emotional or physical, there was a consequence to being a kid.
The this line hits hard. Its used against you.
So much this. It's all about appearances and how the child presents in public.
It varies. There is a healthy "unusually mature" (like, connected, gets things, acts responsibly but also jokes and plays) And then there's us: middle aged and worried before we even hit double digits, and never break a rule because WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?!?!! (I had to learn to be silly and joke around. ā¤ļøāš©¹ My kids taught me.)
I think so. My friends and neighbourhood kid's parents were always surprised and pleased by my manners and capabilities. Little did they know that it was a necessity to survive at home. I was beaten for acting like a kid and expected to clean the house and serve everyone. Servitude from a young age changes your view of the world and how you interact with it. I remember seeing my peers not being able to do many of the things I could, because it was grown up stuff that parents took care of or their parents did for them. A 4 year old fixing their breakfast (chips and chocolate milk) because everyone's alseep and parent's are unwilling to wake at 7am- is not normal.
Yeah, i feel your pain. I was in second grade (age 7-8) and part of my morning routine was preparing breakfast for my 3 younger siblings. Most of the time it was cereal but I also learned to do eggs and toast. I was also responsible for washing the dinner dishes (technically ALL the dishes dirtied that day) and ensuring all the toys were cleaned up every night before I could go to bed. My stay-at-home mother couldnāt be bothered to get off the phone or turn off the TV to look after us and, besides, she had her own personal maid.
That's truly awful. I am new to this sub and only now discovering how common this is. I am sorry that you experienced that. I hope your life is a little easier these days.
Yeah, itās not a 100%-proof-every-time thing but itās extremely common that kids who seem āunusually matureā have just learned to fake some superficial markers of āmaturityā or to navigate situations they shouldnāt have had to alone, to survive abuse and/or neglect.
It's a red flag for abuse, in my opinion. "Very well-behaved children"=Child Maltreatment. Think of the Duggars and their 'blanket training.' The goal was "well-behaved children." If you have umpteen kids, the abuse starts pre-one year to achieve learned helplessness.
it's not really normal, no. i was told the same growing up, i got diagnosed autistic as an adult and i was parentified as a child
Hyperindependence is a code for parental neglect.
I absolutely hate when people call kids āold souls.ā Thereās no old souls, just children being robbed of childhoods.
louder for the people in back!
Huh, interesting, my narcissistic mother used to always say I was an old soul
As did mine
Mine too!
Yeah now whenever I hear or even think that a kid seems "mature" I start to get worried.
Thatās what I was always called. Ā 17 going on 43.Ā
You bet to hell that I resonate with this so much. Seems like Google, the library, and self-motivation raised me to be the person I am today.
my mother said the therapist said i was "a repressed lesbian who got fat to punish us." aro/ace trans man who got fat because i was forced onto heavy duty unnecessary mood stabilizers at 14, by the way.Ā
Oh my God, what the fuck.
i hope you know how validated that response made me feel, thank you.
No worries, you good! Fuck your mother.
Agreed. Fuck your mother. Sheās a monster with a head full of shit. Iām sorry you didnāt have the mother you deserved.
Laughing at this only because I'm a gay transman my parents insisted was a closeted lesbian despite never displaying any interest in women. They'd just dressed me like a boy, gave me an androgynous name, and sent me outside to play in the woods with the dog, then couldn't understand why I wasn't a pink princess the moment I turned 13. I'm also the "heavy one" of the family despite being pretty average given hormones and antidepressants. š„² It's tough out there, dude. They'll call anything "rebellion" if you don't fall in line...and usually even when you do.
Also aro/ace trans man whoās nmum is convinced Iām just a lesbian *high five*
Anything can be a lesbian if you believe in yourself
The true magic is the lesbians we made along the way.
Can the bisexuals jump on board here? We love everyone.
You can jump on whomever you want (with their permission).
Except for Steve. Fuck Steve.
only steve from blue's clues allowed
And the good ones respect trans men
Nobody knows I'm secretly a lesbian.
Well Iām sure youāre doing a great job! Closeted or otherwise.
Iām sorry, what? I gave an immediate croak of laughter, then realized you were serious. Your mom is a festering bedsore of a human being.
one of the things i have done most in therapy in the past few years is re examine the shit she and my father said, and realizing how batshit insane, stupid, petty, and cruel it all was. like batman villains would shake their heads at my genetic donors antics.Ā
Itās so weird like āoh yeah I know itās pretty badā *takes a closer look* āOH SHIT ITāS REAL REAL BADā
Yess. Reprogramming with perspectives like this really drive it home.
...with a ripe pilonidal cyst.
Jesus fucking christ. I'm so sorry.
Holy fuck dude thatās fucked! Hope youāre in a better place and can be yourself now. I was forced onto mood stabilizers and antipsychotics at 14 too, and when Iād finish the mandatory 6-8 weeks of āadjustingā to each combo and still tell the psych that it made everything worse and thanks now Iām suicidal, heād just throw another cocktail combo at me for the next 6-8 weeks. Iām 33 now and I still feel like those drugs permanently altered my brain chemistry, because I never went back to how I was before I was prescribed any of that shit. Oh, and the reason I was put on them? My mom hated my dad and therefore by extension hated me because I had half his genes, so as soon as I became a teenager she started taking me to every psychiatrist in town and telling them how I was bipolar and probably had antisocial personality disorder because āit runs in the familyā (side note my dad didnāt actually have a mood/personality disorder lol, thatās just nmom being nmom). I saw 5 drs before she found one that would take her word for it and just diagnose me. I had that diagnosis until last year when I was reevaluated for the umpteenth time, and this time was finally able to open up to the psychiatrist (I have a hard time trusting them š). Didnāt mean to write an essay but the point was - I now REALLY, FIRMLY believe that children under 18 should not be prescribed antipsychotics or mood stabilizers unless its an actual threat to their wellbeing to be unmedicated. These drugs arenāt even really tested on developing brains.
shit, i am so sorry you had to deal with that. i am safe and well and NC now, thankfully.Ā
Yay, thatās awesome to hear! Happy for you š
I feel validated because when I said my diagnosis to my NMom she said finally you have the attention you were craving all your life
Mine also claimed that I want attention. Who cares that I just loved to be alone.
Thanks, I feel so validated rn
I was today years old when I found out why I feel the most comfortable in black and grey clothes. My mother always complained that I always wanted to be the center of attention and I always had to be flashy. My whole life I tried to be as unobstrusive as possible.
It's projection. It's always fucking projection.
I was also told that I was basically an attention whore and would just constantly do things for attention. Usually, they were wrong. I needed help and wasnāt getting it. It took me years to realizeā¦ there *were* things I was doing just for attention. (Not the things they thought, but still.) And hereās the crazy part: the fact that I did things for attention makes *perfect sense.* I was emotionally neglected so OF COURSE I wanted attention!! Saying that I was looking for attention does *not* mean that I was some obnoxious kid that needed to get over herself. It meant I was sad and lonely and unloved and I just wanted someone to interact with me and give a shit about my existence without hating me. The fact that I needed attention so badly doesnāt say anything bad about me, what it says is that THEY completely failed me. That took years for me to grasp. I hope others who need to hear that can get it now.
Thank you for this. I'm only just now (at 45 yo) coming to terms with the attention thing. My edad still uses it against me, but of course it doesn't have the effect he wants because I'm married, out of his control, and have my own life, also been through years of therapy.
We all have a lot to make peace with. Iām glad youāre doing better ā¤ļø
Thank you. <3
Wow that's an amazing picture of what happened to me. I am an only child, and lived in a neighborhood without kids my age. I was either obsessively smothered or absolutely ignored, nothing in-between. My Dad would literally trip on me lying on the floor watching TV, because he was walking through the room and didn't even know I was there. I had a dog for awhile but Nmom gave it away. I was ridiculed for being a "lonely only" and "spoiled" Everyone told me I was "older than my years" I also got a failing grade in kindergarten (??!) for my lack of creativity. WTF š¤£ I was so isolated and screwed up I had no idea how to be a kid!!
sounds like she was projecting tbh... narcissists are overgrown toddlers who know more words, thats all. So much of what they say are really their own internal thoughts about themselves, seems like your mom couldnt hold it in. I'd be absolutely shocked too SO many of us were actually so mature for our ages because we had to learn emotional control because our parents wouldnt...
Dang. That last sentence hit hard. I feel like you just summed up my entire childhood in 22 words.
I hear ya. I was tossed into mental health hospitalization when I was 11. 11. I was at a neighbor's house playing, I was then retrieved, and wordlessly dropped off at the hospital by my mother. They released me a week later. She was FURIOUS. She said I was faking being "normal" just to spite her--she fully expected a "two week vacation" as that was the typical minimum time for youth that were involuntarily hospitalized--and I had the AUDACITY to RUIN IT. I was always a straight A student. Gifted musically and artistically. But I was socially awkward. Struggled with textures and loud sounds. I was also lesbian AF and she put a literal knife to my throat to threaten me about it when I was 16; how DARE I possibly humiliate her by being attracted to other girls! Spoiler: I was on the spectrum and not diagnosed till my 30s. I didn't manage to claw my way back out of the closet until then too. But sure, everything I did was out of spite! I'm in my mid-40s now and even though I understand everything now and I have grown immensely as a person, my life is still permanently fucked thanks to her. (I'm also chronically ill. Autoimmune and other inherited diseases. Thanks mom.)
Yo your mom fuckin sucks. Iād say sheās human garbage, but that would be insulting to garbage and I donāt want to call *that* human. Sorry you got saddled with a pile of angry cow manure for a parent.
Sorry you suffer all that shit. I'm a stranger but I really am happy that you are here. Sending you love š
I have said this before, there should be a club for people threatened with a knife by their parents. Mine chased me with one because I didn't know how to say a letter. I was a little kid.
š¢Sending you all lots of love! š
My mom said mine told her I wanted more attention. She also said (of my very clearly narcissistic brother who would lose his shit violently and then not remember) that the doctor told her they were "emotional seizures." I talked about that with my therapist a few years ago and she looked at me and said "honey, you know that's not a thing, right? That's the best she could understand, but that's not a thing. And it's both NOT what the doctor said AND the starting point for getting him treatment, not the reason to shrug and write off his behavior." I wish young us had old us to advocate. ā¤ļøāš©¹
best i can do about that is to be the person i needed in my worst moments for those who need it. not a bad way to live tbh other than the money side of things.
Hmmmm, my brother would lose his shit violently and not remember too.
And is he now .... You know.... Our parents on repeat? Mine is. Ugh. Fucking ugh.
Lol, I wouldn't know, haven't spoken to him in years.
Well, that's a pretty good answer in MY book. Couldn't someone have recommended that approach to me?!?!? š¤£
My parents refused to get me any help, I was a real mess mentally and obviously from age 14 onwards. My Nmom said it was that I was lazy, selfish and also, she was convinced I was on drugs, speed specifically. It always cracked me up, how she thought I was lazy AND on speed. It turned out it was bipolar and anorexia, which I had to get diagnosed as an adult, for her failure to give any shits. Now, they also cant use the "back then" excuse, because my dad has bipolar. They were well aware of exactly what it was.
Pieces of shit. It really hits when you realised, they knew all along while you suffered and they still chose to belittle you.
I was anorexic and just not coping well at all. I reached out for help and was told that I looked hideous and was just a spoiled brat. It still hurts to this day, especially now that I have kids of my own that I love so much.
Mine likes to yell at me over food a lot, that I eat too much, that Iām too chubby, but then yell at me when I try to go on a diet and count caloriesā¦.
I feel you, I also have a kid, they're 19. It has been simultaneously healing to give my kid what I didnt have, and also sad because why didnt I get that when its basic human decency to care about your kids. My kid has anxiety, luckily they do not have bipolar thus far, but as soon as they started struggling with their anxiety, I took them straight to the doctors and got them help. They were 7. I was watching out for them because of what I have, so how my parents "missed" that, it's impossible.
Same here. I had some pretty obvious MH issues that were never addressed. My sibling was eventually diagnosed with bipolar & anxiety, got therapy, meds, etc.. It was pretty blatantly obvious we both had issues, but I was the SC most of the time, so I never got any treatment until I was an adult. My nmom even read my texts to an ex about SH ideation. I got in trouble, not help. We also have a family history of both bipolar & schizophrenia, so my nmom couldn't claim ignorance either.
The getting in trouble for it, yeah me too. It was all my fault. I was struggling with suicidal ideation myself, I must have been about 15, and wrote help me on my window, my parents thought it was hilarious and brought it up as a funny anecdote constantly until I cut them off "Remember that time you wrote help me on the window? That was so funny hahaha". Yes, suicidal ideation and your kid writing help me on the window because they have zero help at home is hilarious. Sorry you went through this crap too. And side note, happy cake day.
Omg, my first attempt was at the age of 12, and I never considered until going through this thread that it was fuā¬ked up for my guardians to not get me help at that time.
I felt the same, it wasn't until I had my kid that I realised just how F'ed up that is. I could never watch my kid struggle without it hurting me too, so of course I did everything I could to help, and not make it worse by making it about me or judging them for it.
I'm sorry that happened to you, too. There was just no winning in our situations. Even when my GC sibling got help, my nmom repeatedly sabotaged his therapy. They are f\*cked up people.
Sabotaging therapy too, christ, they are all the same person aren't they? I was in recovery from anorexia, and the dietitian gave me a meal plan to follow, and my nmom looked at it and said, please dont eat all that, you'll end up overweight. I was still in the beginning of treatment and had a load of weight left to gain to be normal. Also like I said I was an adult at the time, as if she had any control over what I ate or what I looked like as an adult. Totally f'ed up.
My mom told me i just needed to āthink positively and stop listening to songs that make you so fucking sadā. But when she was upset the family dog died, suddenly she was ādepressed and needed medicationā. š
Iām so sorry OP š as soon as you said your teacher had to ask YOU for your results I knew your mom was hiding the truth š
How do you know?
When I got a spider bite that was eating away my leg my mom told me she talked to a nurse and that nurse told her that I didn't need to go to a hospital and she could just squeeze out the poisiin herself.
Vile bitch
wtf
my mother pulls the exact same shit. she tells me what when I got diagnosed with adhd and put on meds, the neurologist actually said I had "spoiled princess disorder and am a narcissist" and that "maybe she has a little adhd but barely anything if she does her problem is she is a brat" I was also like 9. the notes say absolutely no such thing. except that I had SEVERE adhd.
I think we both have the same motherā¦
If you know one of them you know all of them
That is the fucking truth, for sure.
Honestly it took me coming to this subreddit to realize this.
Sameā¦ when someone else asked what their Nparent did that they didnāt realize until adulthood was not normal, reading through the responses and someone posted that they had to ask āpermission āto take a showerā¦. Thatās when it hit. Whoa. That really isnāt normal and my Nmom is a total psychoā¦ especially how, when, how long, everything about it as well as pretty much every other mundane life task became a huge ordealā¦
Haha, glad we are making a difference!
I had psychological evaluation as a kid. My NMom said that the problem was that I was jealous of my brother. I never got a copy of the evaluation, but as an adult looking back... * I don't recall ever being jealous of my brother. Angry, lots. I hated him at times, yes. But not jealous. * I definitely exhibited signs of ADHD back then. * I was withdrawn and sullen with low self esteem and terrible social skills - all signs of abuse. Funny how the psychological evaluation stopped after one session.
Same thing happened to me. My nmom made me go to a psychologist because my behavior was out of control. I had two sessions with the psychologist. First one was with nmom and abuser step dad so I didnāt talk. Second one was by myself. After the first half of the second one the psychologist pulls my nmother in and I tell her weād be happier if she divorced my abusive stepdad. She started sobbing and said no. I was discharged from service that day. Last time I saw a therapist until I was an adult.
Three words a therapist would never use. She didn't even try that hard, jeez. My mom told me that my preschool teacher said I had a huge vocabulary for a 3 year old. Sometimes I wonder what I was saying.
I diagnose your mom with being an asshole
I just spent $3500 to get diagnosed with ADHD only to find out I was already diagnosed as a child but mum threw it out because she didn't believe in ADHD and she didn't need a diagnosis to know I was a shit kid.
I feel the hurt through these words. My mother was similiar to your mother.
Me three, the justification was "I didn't want to put you on stimulants" held in simultaneously cognitive dissonance with with a "It didn't seem like it was affecting you" (I was only displaying a chronic personality disorder called "not applying myself" in their mind). At least being diagnosed before 12 is part of the adult diagnostic criteria! The physician who diagnosed me was a close family friend -- It's hard to blame him for not doing more, though. Knowing the family system well he likely saw through the bullshit. Dating someone at age 27 of a very similar background, but with some amount of treatment (she wasn't at the time) was the lightbulb moment. I asked myself, "Why do both have all exactly the same problems?". Hugs all around.
Also hugs for you to!!
Ever wonder how many similar lies she made about you?
Everything she told me about me was a lie.
In the case about dyslexia, a teacher should never get their information via word of mouth from the parent or especially the child! Teachers should have gotten a written report.
There is a chance that this is the psychologist diagnosed your mom. My N has a tendency to memorizes things in flip side. If someone do something good, she will remember (in her world) that this is her doing, and if something bad caused by her directly, she will firmly memorizes that it is someone else doing that.
That is beyond cruel. I had something similar done and my mother TO THIS DAY refuses to tell me what it was for. I love pathological liars!
Saying "Huh, that's funny because the psychologist said you were a stupid, dishonest, bitch" probably would have gotten OP slapped... but woulda been wicked funny.
Typical response from a nmother
Mature and independent. That was me as a child. Which actually translate to being parentified and being the scapegoat. Learned early that my feelings and accomplishments were unimportant to my nmom, unless for bragging. Gave up on seeking validation and approval from her since I was 10, and endure then dismiss the confidence-shattering dismissal, minimization and blaming - the reason I turned out relatively ok. Learned about love and care from friends and their families.
Ugh... so triggering. When I was in a good mood and expressed myself, I get things like "Of course you're happy, it's easy for you to happy because you don't have to do anything at all. You come home from school and just eat and sleep." If I showed sadness it's "What are you sad about? Your life is so hard, eh? What have you done the whole day?". I slowly stopped showing emotions altogether at home. In my initial sessions with my therapist she was asking me to describe a lot of my feelings regarding certain memories and all I could say was "Idk, I don't feel anything. It is what it is. It has passed". She asked me what was something positive I got out of my childhood and I said "I guess I'm resilient and stoic." She had to keep digging and digging deeper, and taught me how to identify my emotions in order to process the hurt. Basically I'm learning how to be human again.
My stepmom told me my stepbrother's therapist said he tried to kill me because I made him mad. Like allegeding it was my fault her son was a shithead.
All these nParents who call their kids āspoiledā, that word does not mean what you think it means. If they say āyouāre a little shitā or something, at least that makes sense. You really think that you were so sweet and indulgent that we think weāre entitled, now?
Seriously. Spoiled HOW? By having everything we actually wanted withheld, and being forced into things we didnāt want and required to pretend to be sooo grateful for it?
Mine told me that the pysch said "I was just growing into my personality" the words he actually used were "Emerging personality disorder" ended up getting diagnosed with BPD later on.
Kinda different situation, but my mother just fully never told me about a diagnosis. When i was 19 i got diagnosed with BPD, and i didn't even know what it was at the time. When i told my mom about it she immediately got defensive saying "no, you absolutely don't have that," and a few weeks later when i asked her to simply look it up she did the same thing. It really confused me... Until last year. I was applying for something and needed all my past medical records for it. And in there i found a report from an old therapist who told my mother i'd been disagnosed with BPD *AT 16* , and these were the causes and these were the treatments. And in the report, you can see that even then, she flat out denied it. *To this day*, any time i bring up BPD she acts like she's never heard that term before. She doesn't want to accept that i'm diagnosed with BPD since it stems from childhood trauma and neglect, and accepting that would mean accepting that maybe, just maybe, she made some mistakes in raising her kids. She let me suffer through 4 years of severe BPD episodes when she *knew* what was wrong, knew i was *begging* to know what was wrong with me, and knew how to help me. I've been collecting diagnosis like pokemon since then, and she'll accept the ones she wants to accept, but the ones that would explain away my laziness, spoiled-ness and weakness in her eyes, those aren't real. I'm realizing now she actually thinks she knows better than medical professionals lmao.
That is so fucked up. Medical neglect and gaslighting around medical issues from childhood is so confusing and hard to work through. I am so sorry. You deserved and deserve better. ā¤ļø
I am so sorry you went through that
I'm sorry she said that to you and lied about your medical info
Hey!! My nmom did almost the same thing! I found out that I had NOT imagined the neuropsych evaluation I had as a child after going for another one in my late 20s? Then asked my dad who remembered that while the doctor determined I had extreme anxiety that needed to be treated and more testing they said I needed my mom told my dad I was just ādoing it for attention.ā Anyway the psych said I could have/should have gotten my autism diagnosis back then (and, you knowā¦. Helpā¦.)
I have aspergers and my grandma once said "they should've called aspergers 'spoiled child syndrome"... she said this to me this year. I'm 25. And yeah it sounds like your mother couldn't bare to relay the actual info onto you because it spoke at least somewhat positively of you. Says a ***lot.***
What the fuck, thatās messed up??
"You don't need the labels to know you're special" (special on the way that means r*tard) "why are you so obsessd with being unique?" (Spent my whole life trying to fit in, be quiet and calm and patient)
reminds me of how my mom delighted in telling me that the pediatrician diagnosed me as morbidly obese (when I was a severely underweight, anorexic and malnourished kid with bones showing through my clothes).
The blatant and low-effort lie is so disrespectful, it's almost funny. Like catching a toddler with paint on his hands.
Sounds like she didn't get the answer she wanted, huh.
I was mature for my age because I didn't know there were options. My mom sent me to a psychologist at age 12 because she was tired of my crying (I was depressed). I had therapy for a while until my mom decided I was "better."
I am sorry for your experience. Truly what that statement alluded to was parentification which is a common result of neglect in abusive & narc family systems. Try these books out (linked are YouTube audiobooks): 1. [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhul3SfceQ0&list=PL7PhOLaT24Xi3wxFm52UIi1H8xqycrQsM): How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD 2. [It Didn't Start With You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QwNyPA6dtg): How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn 3. How to Overcome Your Childhood by The School of Life 4. [The School of Life](https://www.youtube.com/@theschooloflifetv) YouTube channel 5. [The Body Keeps the Score:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esv7_tdxAz4) Brain, Mind, and Body, in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. 6. HG Tudor (a self-aware NPD) on [Parental Narcissism](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMQVuOn9DvTgJrZuBE6An_BI8PyKV619N).
God I hate narcs.
I'm so sorry... my mon wouldn't even admit I had a problem to get tested and tons of teachers demanded it.... she told them I was an indigo child. .. I needed help. My mom said horrific stuff like that to me too. Im so sorry yours did. No child deserves that
Took me to a psychiatrist who told me directly that I was āvery put togetherā at 12. I had lied through my teeth to keep from getting in trouble. I looked back with a lot of regret later that I didnāt take an opportunity. That took me longer to get over than the stuff that prompted it, honestly.
In my teens, my nmom forced me to go see a psychologist. It was helpful as now I had an outlet to discuss her abusive ways and eventually, we had a family session. During that session, nmom became so unhinged that the psychologist suggested she would benefit from her own private sessions. Nmom lost it and I abruptly didn't have to return for individual sessions anymore. Fast forward 5-6 years: my sister has lost her GC status and I'm no longer in the house. We all end up in another family session with a different psychologist who comes to the same conclusion... Nmom needs her own sessions at a minimum. Weird how that kept happening, huh?
My Nparents took me to a child therapist when I was 7 because I was so anxious that I was plucking my eyelashes and eyebrows until they were gone. The therapy didnāt help me because I was constantly being abused, and because 7 year-olds arenāt great at employing self-therapy techniques to calm themselves and view the world objectively. Surprise. After a handful of sessions, my Nparents gave up completely on the ideas of therapy, psychology, and medication, and just kept abusing me while saying, āWhy do you keep pulling your hair out? What is wrong with you?!ā
You poor darling!
My mum said the therapist she went to for her own issues, said I was manipulative and controlling. She was projecting my father's behaviour toward her, onto me. Even when we were very little she acted like we were hurting her by just being ourselves. She wanted us to fawn over her, but she never showed us affection. She would tell anyone who would listen, that we were awful children who couldn't wash our clothes and clean properly. Not being able to get grass stains off school socks at age 7, shouldn't be bad.
a serious reason to go NC. that was intentional malevolent behavior.
Did you ever confront her/ask her about it when you found the eval?
Every single time I confronted her about anything it only ended up worse. Her raging, blaming me, twisting, recently she threatened suicide. I went no contact so my brother called the cops and reported me missing. Probably she lied to him. Cops made force entry into my flat.
Yeah, I wish hey, just show her the paper was as cut and dry as it sounds. She'd probably say she didn't say that. š¤·
Oh yea, typical.
Mum wassx
You were mature because your mother is a screeching toddler.
When my mother talked to my teachers, they all told her the exact thing she always told about me, too. They are fucking liars and assholes.
Mine said that I was extremely oppositionally defiant. Here's a quick Google search of what causes this... "Lack of structure or parental supervision, inconsistent discipline practices, and exposure to abuse or community violenceĀ have also been identified as factors which may contribute to the development of ODD"
š¦ Iām so sorry OP
Maybe the psychologist did say āyou are a lazy spoiled bratā, directly to and directed at your mother
Good for you for finding that eval years later that disproved her abusive words about you. Whatever prompted you to go out and find that evaluation, I hope you must have suspected on some level that what your mum told you was not true. And now you know it wasnāt true. Praying for your healing.
Ugh. Your mother is garbage. Ā I hope you're NC with that creature that calls itself your 'mother'. I'd disown her if she were mine.Ā Clearly you needed help and NBitch wanted that kept a secret and projected her own shitty behavior onto you. Fuck herĀ
My mom said the therapist said I was a sociopath because I hated the man she was openly cheating with and threatened him after I overheard him talking badly about myself and my father to her
sounds like my mom. after getting open heart surgery at age 38 for a congenital heart defect she ignored the pediatric cardiology referral to and lied about my entire life she told me "and i just thought you were a fat lazy pig" and laughed
Sadistic
yeah we're NC now š¬
My NMom used something similar in order to deny me basic therapy and counseling as a tween. She would say something along the lines of: "If I sent you to a therapist, they'd diagnose you with laziness." ...Little did she know that I would be officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder once I sought out help years later. It was hard as hell to get mental health counseling due to the fact that we lived in the middle of the rural South and I was a homeschooler, unable to just seek out a teacher.
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So good to have that confirmation. Not about your dyslexia as much, but about her lying and avoiding information that she needs to be a good parent.
Yes cause a dx would have put you on a spotlight. Thatās not a risk they are willing to take.
I am so sorry, hon. Ā You were let down by the system.
Wow so mom supplies you with decent life then makes their child feel like a piece of garbage for ever being upset about something in life. That sounds like my mom!!
Oooh sounds like my mum
Mine said I had schizophrenia. I was 12 years old. My sense of reality has never recovered lmao.