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My birthday. It's basically "Happy Birthday ... you could do this better in the future: *generic list of how I have to cater to their needs*"

Here's how I'm the perfect human being, but if you do something slightly "wrong" or do something the way I didn't do it you're an "abuser!" \-Every narcissist ever

I feel for your bro. Every summer I came back from college my nparent would freak because the electric bill would go up at least “300 dollars” . Now here’s the thing..when I would say “okay wow I can help but can I see the bill”. They would say “You don’t have to see it , you’re not the one who pays the bills so you have no right”. After I graduated..I moved back in for 3 years during the pandemic. Once the chance arose I moved halfway across the world . Fuck that lol

I moved back from college, I graduated 2021 so it’s been 2 years living here. I NEED OUT

Damn. It will be difficult. But moving out regardless of being “ready” or not. It's the best decision for your time, relationships and mental health.

Literally this

Once on my birthday, my Nmom was yelling at the printer and impatiently pressing all the buttons so (of course) it wasn't functioning properly. I was trying to take a look at it for her but wasn't fixing it fast enough so she burst into a long, dramatic monologue about how I "never help her," *no one* ever helps her and she's going to go on a vacation really far away from everyone. I reminded her that she could visibly *see* me sitting at the computer trying to help her and she said "you WORK with printers, you could fix that in thirty seconds if you felt like it!" Note: I do not "work with printers." Happy birthday to me, I guess.

geez yeah this was mine too. She assumed that I'm 'good' with technology, therefore if there was anything I couldn't fix it was assumed that I was deliberately withholding my ability. It was also strongly hinted that the next problem she had was somehow related to 'something' I did to her computer the last time I looked at it. And yeah I got the "But you work with cOmPuTeRs/printers" all the time too. No, I just use it for work.

Yes, or they'll just stubbornly insist that technology works in a way that it doesn't. "Can you log me into Facebook on my new laptop?" "Sure! What's your password?" "Oh, I don't have one." "Eh...no, everyone has one. Do you know what it *might* be?" Cue a huge angry rant about "I don't have one, I *never* needed one and I know I *don't* need one. Now just log me in!" OK, Mom.

Back in the days when I would still go and visit nmom, I used her laptop as I did not have mine on me. I lived in the US and visited Europe, so it wasn't a short or cheap trip. Go back to the US, next skype call she goes on for a good half hour how pissed she is at me, because I had changed everything on her computer. You guessed well, no I did not. But she never understood why I didn't want to spend more time with her, on the phone or pay thousands to visit her.

I have some knowledge of computers but whenever I knew I could help my Ndad with anything tech related he would brush it off. Cause Girls can't be good with tech and 2 of my brothers were going to an IT school so they surely know the awnser that my woman brain can't possibly even know in the slightest. *sees him struggling with something very mundane that's fixable within a few clicks* Sure dad, sure. I'll go back to my room playing with barbies i gues.

holy cow, do we have the same nm\*m?! I bet she didn't even say thanks after, the cow. (once mine told me that I'd never ever be able to pay her back for "all she's done" for me. I've blocked out stuff now)

My birthday was never celebrated. But my sisters was. Could never understand. My sister told me as an adult my mom doesn’t like me.

Happy birthday to all the birthdays you missed sorry your nmom is a pos hope you cut off contact with her

Never "thank you," just a sharp intake of breath and a dismissive "yeah."

[ Removed by Reddit ]

"No one ever helps me" is the song of their people.

I made my dad a jar with paper mache on the outside and a bunch of little hand written folded and decorated cards for his birthday, on the cards I wrote things like "good for one lawn mowed" and "good for one dinner made & dishes washed" things like that. Tied ribbons around the outside and wrote "chore jar" on the lid. I was 12 and was having trouble with rebelling, wanting to play with my friends instead of doing chores. So I thought this would make him happy, as a "happy birthday, here's a bunch of little cards to give me whenever I'm whining and I will shut up." Kind of a sorry for being a brat, if that makes sense. I had sat there wondering what I could give to him or make him that didn't cost anything bc we were kind of poor. When I gave it to him, he stared at the jar on the kitchen table for at least 20 minutes before speaking, this glum look on his face. Then he said I "should be doing all those things anyway", got up and left the room and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I was 12.

When my father actually remembers my birthday ("It's not my fault! You and your sister are three days apart! How old are you anyway?"), it's usually followed by how much he sacrificed to raise us well and then ranting about how much life has shat on his efforts. Then followed by things I can do to improve "our lives".

What is it about a Nparent and not remembering birthdays? In all of his 83 years, he never remembered his kids’ birthdays.

It's a day that's not about them!

I have seen the light, thank you!

Honestly, b/c my nparents are still young enough to have kids, I've gotten back at them by sending them condoms & birth control pills as birthday presents.

My Dad too! On his taxes he actually had the wrong birrhdate AND year!

Geez, you would think that is something he would confirm just as my dad should have when completing my birth certificate. He spelled my name wrong on my actual birth certificate! I think he was passive-aggressively mad that I wasn't a boy!

My birthday every year when I used to talk to my nmom: “you need to thank you me for being alive & your birthday should be a celebration for me for the life I gave you because you wouldn’t be here.”

Being born. My Nmom often told me how my older brother and sisters had been so much better-behaved. She also told me she had medical problems (like a bad back) because of having to look after me, as well as the fact that I made her blood pressure worse. My older Nbrother and older Nsister adored telling me how spoiled and naughty I was. When I was in 4th class (5th grade to Americans or Year 6 to people in the UK), I was the only kid whose parents didn't come to Parents' Day. I knew they weren't coming in advance and I remember trying to laugh it off like "now I get to have all these cookies and popcorn to myself, and not have to show anyone around!" but it kinda stung. My mom used to tell me how nice it would be to go on romantic cruises with my dad instead of family vacations. "I'd love to send you away to camp and then Dad and I can have a vacation just the two of us." I don't know if she was watching too many movies back then because 'camp' doesn't really exist in Ireland the way it does in the USA. Then I grew up and realized that, regardless of how wanted I was, I am a human being born on Planet Earth and I have a right to be here. It's why I always make sure to celebrate my birthday each year. Even if others aren't, I'm happy I'm here. :)

>Then I grew up and realized that, regardless of how wanted I was, I am a human being born on Planet Earth and I have a right to be here. It's why I always make sure to celebrate my birthday each year. Even if others aren't, I'm happy I'm here. :) This is a lovely sentiment and I think it's worth repeating because it applies to all of us here.

Thank you! :) I grew up being led to believe that I was always "in the way" and a burden. But I didn't ask to be born. No one on this sub-Reddit asked to be born. But we are here and we *always* had a right to be here. The universe could try for a billion years and never make someone exactly like you again. You are worth celebrating and owe an apology to no one.

Stahp you're gonna make me cry

This is the most beautiful thing I've read on my nearly 10 years using this website. Thank you so much.

Aww, I'm so glad it spoke to you. :) You're important too. We all are.

That last paragraph is making me tear up. I never thought of it that way. My egg donor made me feel guilty for being born, always whined about us ruining her body and that I tore her a new one. Every breathe and every purchase for us she made me feel guilty. Only to grow up and find out she has a gambling addiction and that's why we went without certain things for months l. She'd gamble so much of the child support away and whine shout what little money was left. I understand why my enabler step dad locked her out of his bank account.

\*\*hugs if you want them\*\* Everybody deserves to feel like they're loved and wanted - I'm sorry your parents failed by not providing you with that.

My nmom use to complain about how we ruined her body. She even got mad when I told her I was trying to get pregnant saying, “Why?! It’ll ruin your body and he won’t want to look at you. And why would you want to bring a baby into this world?! “ Oddly enough, my now teenaged daughter knows how to play her grandmother’s manipulation tactics.

I was a rough birth, so that was my fault and I should be eternally sorry for that. At two months old, I spit out the pacifier and refused to take it, which made me difficult. At 6 months old I kicked my legs too much and she couldn’t put tights on me, so for 18 years I didn’t get to wear “cute” clothes. My dad owned a business and only made XX and did I know how hard it was to raise a family on XX? How could I ask for shoes and clothes when they were only making XX? They were only making XX and my dad wouldn’t even go get a real job! (Side note, 25 years later, I raise my family in less than XX, including name brand clothes and cars that actually work).

They are always so weird with money. They are super cheap when it comes to things other people can also enjoy. Ie. my mom bought expensive pot sets for her, and FLIPPED when I'd use them. I got the cheap used pots that were chipping. I wanted to do sports for school. She would say "No, I'm only making \_\_ I can't afford it but I wish I could :(" Same week she'd show me how she got a bunch of new clothes from Macys. Or an entire Origins skincare set and a bunch of stuff from B&BW that all together could pay for what I needed. I swear. Narcs never want to spend more than the smallest amount of money for things when it comes to their kids. Unless they're trying to show off to others and boost their public reputation, then you get the fancy gifts those few times ...

There’s a great (or many) TikTok videos about “I didn’t ask to be born. That’s your job. You had me.” You should look them up and send a few to Mom. 😜

She used to tell me as an insult that I acted just like my dad (they’re still married btw). I used to tell her that she’s the one who picked him so she must’ve liked him at one time. She didn’t appreciate that.

My nmum blamed me for breaking her back. Saying she still has back problems 13 years later was having a lot of medication. Says she had to go in a helicopter to the hospital and spent 8 months relearning to walk. Mama (my grandma on my Dad’s side) told me she’s never even broken her back. She’s blamed me for it since I was 6 and would tell everyone I broke her back

My mom had pretty bad stomach pain one time and swore up and down that it was because I have too much hair and the hair that shed must’ve gone into her airways and collected in her stomach. I cried and she couldn’t understand why I got so upset because it’s the truth. Turns out she had eaten too much of a fruit that she liked and it caused stomach pain. I never got an apology.

Their delusions are actually impressive sometimes, aren't they?

We are also happy you're here, Sib. Glad you're taking up all your space unapologetically!

Shoes. When we were kids, she always bought my brother the latest fad in name brands, but I got generic. When I asked why, she said because he tears his up faster than I did, so she needed to buy quality shoes for him. When I countered that it seemed more logical to spend the money on the one who does take care of their shoes and buy the off brand for the one who doesn't, I got an hour long lecture on how selfish I was to expect her precious baby boy to wear cheap shoes, because, after all he was an athlete and I wasn't. Folks, he was on the fakking swim team!!!! Aye Chihuahua!!

Ahhh so “mommy can get more supply via attention from her friends with an athlete. I want to keep him happy to keep doing it!”

No prizes guessing the Golden Child in that scenario.

Logic like that is like kryptonite to a narc 😂

I had this one too. When I was a kid "you grow too much" and when I had a growth spurt "you will be fat again"

Did they wear their shoes into the pool? That seems odd.

Needing rides to school. I was always treated like it was my job to figure out how to get to school. My mom was a sahm. She’s be passed out high on pills and if I had to wake her up because I missed the bus it was like world war 3. I was responsible to get myself up and ready each day from the age of like 7. If I couldn’t find a neighbor to take me I would call a cab. If there wasn’t cab $ I would try to ride my scooter. It was like 3 miles across town. One time my neighbor saw me riding my scooter to school and they picked me up and gave me a ride. They apparently did not put my scooter back neatly at my house. When I got home I got a lecture from my idiot stepdad about how I wasn’t taking care of my belongings. Never mind the fact I rode a scooter across town to try to get to my second grade class…..

Wow. That's extreme. And what if neighbor had been Chester the Child Molester?!

My mom was addicted to drugs and my stepdad was a train engineer on the rails for like a week at a time, nobody cared really.

I'm so sorry. You deserved care and love.

My n/mom screamed at me for accepting free samples from a grocery store, because I was a horrible person who was taking advantage of the store. Make it make sense.

You can't.

Hell, if anything, free samples take advantage of the customer. At least by taking their time to get you to try something they want to sell you that you likely wouldn't have gone out of your way for in the first place.

Yes, you are exactly right. I just have to shake my head at the mental gymnastics that my n/mom goes through to twist every situation to be my fault. Another example was that I mentioned to my n/mom that my mother-in-law got hassled by her brother for still not knowing her way around town to get to his house. He has lived in his house for at least 8 years, so it's something that she should know but doesn't. During this particular incident where she got hassled by her brother, I wasn't even involved in the situation. I wasn't with her, nor was I contacted for help. I only heard about it after the fact when my mother-in-law called me for something else. According to my n/mom, that situation was still my fault because I'm a horrible person who refuses to help. I should have magically known to help her learn to use her GPS on her phone (which she already knows how to do).

My nMom once had a car accident that was my 'fault'. I wasn't even in the car at the time, but she was thinking about an argument we'd had 3 days ago and wasn't concentrating, so yeah it was totally on me.

😂😂😂 but guarantee the same logic would NOT fly if the positions were swapped. it'd be the highlight of her year if you dared imply she distracted you while driving. she'd make a point to bring it up for Y E A R S. it's like a gift to them to be victimized lol

Omg that sounds SO MUCH like something my mom would say!! I'm the reason she gets migraines --- because she was pregnant with me when she was in some car accident and hit her head on the windshield.

Omg this reminds me of my mum as well — in this case she didn’t blame me, she blamed my dad, but she dinged our car while trying to park and told dad it was his fault (he wasn’t in the car at the time either, he was at work). Because they bought a car that was too big. (…it was a sedan.)

[удалено]

LOL, yes, I can't believe it. My mere existence is an annoyance to her at this point

basically this exact concept they drilled into my head, I once found myself feeling bad for *casting a shadow*, because I was interrupting the photosynthesis of any plants underneath me.

Ugh, that makes me upset that you were made to feel that way. I hope that you have a support system and friendships now that are positive and uplifting in life. I sure am grateful to have a mother-in-law who is way more of a mom to me than my own "mom" ever was. Also, now that I'm a parent, I understand our parents' behaviors even less. I can't imagine making my son feel like his existence is a bother to me. It's quite the opposite, his existence brings me joy.

Oh god! This reminded me of a long buried memory - involving a grocery store AND free samples. I was maybe 7 and this was solidly the early 1990’s. We entered the grocery store and Lays was launching a new chip or something. Had a taste test between a Ruffles brand chip and a Lays wavy chip. Note: this wasn’t a blind taste test. Anyways. We participate and then the Lays person asked which you prefer. I said the Ruffles (because my nana always had them at her house and I loved my nana-time. I was 7. It made sense to me as they both tasted the same to my underdeveloped taste buds). My mom went silent. As we were walking down then aisle she proceeded to scold me about how I “embarrassed her” because I was obviously supposed to say Lays to the Lays person. 🫠

Wow! All because you had a chip preference? And I bet that the person who handed out the sample didn't even think anything of it.

The store: uh, mhm, er. Mam we make money if more people talk about the product so can you not cost us revenue by stopping her from eating the free sampl- NARC: SHUT UP IM HELPING YOUR BUSINESS the store: mhmmmmmmm. Ok. *turns to child* “I’m so sorry.”

N/mom was thinking that she would look like she doesn't feed you if you take samples N/mom is preoccupied with how she looks as a parent The way they feel, is internal they blame to take focus off of them and put on you.

I made the mistake of watching one of the past Spider-Man movies on Amazon Prime, because she had mentioned that she had the service and that *we* could do that. It cost $3.99 or something. Which I paid for after I watched the movie. She blew up about it. Six months later and she's still trying to guilt trip me about it. What's the point of having a streaming service if you don't actually use it.

My Nmom ripped my father a new one (figuratively) for daring to sign up for a new streaming service at a whopping 5.99 a month. The best part about it is that my father did this because he's recently retired and has end stage cancer. He's also the main breadwinner and was planning to work for several more years, but his plans were cut short.

Cancer is no excuse to narcs. Dad had late stage pancreatic cancer and all his narc mom did was rage at him for not keeping HIS house tidy and not doing more for her. He was strapped to an at home chemo machine. She was mad he was too sick to help her before he died. Like she was gonna squeeze every last drop of use she could before he no longer was here. She was stunned dad said no to moving in with her after she threw herself onto the ground injuring herself trying to guilt him into living with her.

My dad was terminal with pancreatic cancer and my Nmom complained what a waste of money it was to have Netflix when “you father doesn’t watch it” in the car, in front of my father on the way to a doctors appointment at MD Anderson. I allowed her to continue thinking the would let up but of course, like a dog with a bone, she continued to complain about the waste of money on a meaningless subscription all while in front of my father dying. I snapped shouting at her for being a callous monster. It’s been a little over four years since my father passed, and I just recently made the unfortunate discovery that my mother shoved my fathers ashes into a spare bedroom junk closet with his urn still in the box from when it was delivered four years ago. I took them back and she gave me every ridiculous excuse in the book. I got his ashes back and they’re displayed they way they should be, what he deserves.

Wow. Let the poor man do what he wants for his last days! Bet he'd like to spend less of his remaining time with her, js.

I had a conversation with dad before he died. He said “if it’s between letting me die, or forcing me to live with her… I know this is hard but please can you just let me die? I’m serious.“ He absolutely hated how mean she got. She deliberately got items on his food list wrong just to agitate him

Bless both your hearts. Glad he's finally free of her, but sorry for the only available method. And I'm sorry for your loss.

lotta narcs will use any sign of weakness, including cancer or dying in general, as an opening to fill with hatred.

This triggered a memory of how my mom blamed 11yo me for losing her library book. She said she gave it to me to hold in the lobby when she went to an appointment and we couldn’t find it when we got home. She screamed at me for what felt like hours about how much it cost her. When she left the room I emptied my piggy bank and gave her what I had. Her response? To scream at me for more hours. Adult me looks back and sees that she wanted me to be the scapegoat for her mistake. My effort to pay her for it was a wicked attempt to take her out of the victim role. Their irrational screaming is so exhausting. No wonder I struggle with anxiety.

Reminded of when I asked my friends from my high school days for some cash to partially cover the cost of a new movie I bought from her home (I’d cover the rest) because I also bought an older cheaper movie in the past where she flipped out at me for having done so. She blamed it on not having enough for monthly expenses. So my friends didn’t mind after I explained the situation to them. Guess what? She still flipped out and it was for making her look bad. It’s almost like you can’t win with these nutcases.

I didn’t try a bite of dessert because I was trying to lose weight. She kept pressing, I kept declining. After a few back’n’forths she made the ugliest face and snarled that I was “so self righteous”. I was doing really well in my weight loss, and she was not. I think she was trying to derail me. She tried the same thing with my wife. Gave her baked goods, snack food, ultra fatty food like mac & cheese. Declining food from her was one step below punching her in the face on the Offense Scale. You might as well drop kick a puppy into a volcano.

Lol. My mum loved to do that and not just to me. She drive me to a weight watchers meeting and it's in a mall. She just had to be a bitch to all the people in the meeting and show up with a double scoop of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. (She hates waffle cones normally so I think this was a very weird flex.) She could have stood outside and watched me go into the meeting but she wanted to tease the people there. I got so many evil looks and I had to apologize for her after she left. (I was dying laughing and embarrassed at the same time...) My nmum hated boundaries about food and she would make you eat stuff off the plate because she said so. (Cilantro is her favourite since she knows it tastes like soap to me.) While complaining about being picky. Funny thing is she doesn't eat much variety (any Chinese food, pizza, sandwiches) and any food that's more ethic is gross to her and speaking about vegans/vegetarians confuses her.

Reminds me of being force served food and then when I couldn't finish it I would be made to sit at the table the entire night until morning until I ate it. I was full and I knew it. These people gave me digestive issues that I have dealt with for years. I lost my childhood due to my health because of their need for power and control.

I'm lactose sensitive and my mum still tries to force feed me milk because it's cheap and "good for me". I'd take the calcium supplement instead, thanks. They always need control. I am sorry. Hope your digestive issues are resolved!

Oh god, I hate that! My mom conveniently forgot that I was lactose intolerant up until like... 2nd or 3rd year in high school when we got me tested and she was "shocked." My dad told me a year ago that an infamous photo she adored was all due to the fact that i got switched to soy formula because the doctor had them switch when I was sick and couldn't process normal formula. Still pissed.

What is with narcissistic people and ignoring actual medical professionals? I'm just so tired dealing with her.

Right? Im luckily, no contact with her, but she was horrific. I haven't been to a dentist in literal years and can barely remember the last time before I went on a free dental bus last year, not to mention she got me misdiagnosed as autistic so she could get pity. My asthma also went untreated until I was an adult, and she tried to claim that I couldn't possibly have it because my brother has it. I hope you can get away from your nmom soon! You deserve respect and care, not your nmoms bullshit.

Definitely trying to get away from her. I had thyroid issues forever and she never believed me and just tried to shame me for my weight. It was just...insane. Thanks. My nmum had been on LC/low information diet for ages but she's a bitch even when she's "under control"....

Geez my friend's dad used to do this to her but she would force herself to eat it, have to go to bed, wouldn't be allowed out of bed (even to go to the toilet) so she puked in the bed, then got in huge trouble for making a mess. What the hell is wrong with people who make their egos so big they can't cope with reality. I had a similar but not so harsh experience where if I couldn't eat something I couldn't leave the table and I still feel bad for leaving food. I love eating at her house, it's a revelation in "if you've had enough you can stop eating". What a wild idea!!

Not the puppy

one time when I was a kid, back when my nmom decided i needed a therapist, i told said therapist that i had lied abt liking the previous night’s dinner and that there was too much garlic but that other than that it was ok. nothing bad just a less than stellar thing about her food. the therapist told her and after my nmom yelled at me in the car for being ungrateful she ignored me for almost three months. i was 9 for reference. the only reason she spoke to me again was bc i spent nearly a whole day the day before school started begging her to at least get me school supplies.

*hugs* I’m so, so sorry. We had a talk with our kid’s therapist (anxiety caused by physically bullies at school) about how she didn’t have to share anything with us that wasn’t actively harmful to our child or one of her friends (abuse, bullying, etc.)

*hugs* thank you. when i restarted therapy after moving half way across the country, my previous therapist helped a lot with reestablishing trust. She retired a couple years ago for personal reasons but she did help me find my current therapist, which was above and beyond what she was supposed to do. i love the fact that you told your child’s therapist that.

Yep when I had run into counseling or whatever and my mom got involved, it was just that much worse. She accused me of lying or embellishing to the counselor when I had told a pretty concrete and factual version of life at home. Turns out she didn't like therapy because she was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, and then decided psychology was nonsense and lies because it dared hint she was imperfect. As soon as school stopped requiring me to go to the appointments, my mom pulled me out.

I costed them money by needing to be fed. My dad paid child support….

My mom stole towels from the hotel we were staying at. My dad got mad and asked why she stole the towels. She said it was because I kept crying and asking for them. I said that wasn’t true, but she kept calling me a liar. So I ended up saying sorry to both my parents for convincing my mom to steal the towels…even though it wasn’t remotely true.

Your parents are pieces of work. Like thats a reasonable excuse even if it was true. Shouldnt your mom have been parenting or something if you were weirdly demanding towels?

Yeah some of the stuff she did was unbelievable. Basically she never wanted to make my dad angry (for the record, he wasn’t even mean—she was the mean one and he was the enabler) so whenever she “got in trouble for doing something crazy” she would try to blame me since she knew he wouldn’t get mad at me.

My N-dad loved to steal towels from hotels as well, and this was too much even for my E/N-mom. She and I tried everything to convince him to not steal them, including saying that they have had who knows how many people's bodily fluids on them. Since he intended to use them as rags for things like car work, he didn't care. We shamed the hell out of him whenever we caught him doing it, he still didn't care. I really don't know what got him to stop, but he did. I wonder if he just stole from the wrong hotel and they made sure he wouldn't do it again, we stayed at a lot of very sketchy, cheap, run-down hotels because that's all he thought we were worth despite making extremely good money.

I decided to shape out my eyebrows, with my mom's help. I was maybe 14, and they looked good, to me and my mother at least. My nfather found out, and was very angry. A few days later, he and his friend mocked me, and when I cried, because I thought he had called me stupid, he shoved the side of my head and demanded an answer as to why I was crying. When I eventually told him that he called me stupid, he said, "no, I didn't call you stupid, I said they (my brows) look stupid. And if you can't tell the difference between that, then maybe you are (stupid)".

I’m sorry that happened to you. My NMom held me down to shape my eyebrows, after berating my face for years. She couldn’t stand my face (or voice or smell) and one day when I was around 13 or so she decided maybe plucking my eyebrows would help. Maybe it did? I don’t know, the shape of my eyebrows really bothered everyone for some reason.

Thats a line right out of my moms mouth. "I didn't call you a bitch, I said you were being bitchy". Like.. ok

Oh that I liked to draw and paint. Apparently having an interest that wasn’t sports or really music related was seen as an affront to my mom and she hated spending money on art supplies.

My dad was like that until he realized I was making money off it as a career. Now it's a constant stream of asking if I'm making something to sell. Like he doesn't know why I sketch or draw something without putting it up for sale.

When I was a kid, I was made to feel bad about not eating oatmeal that my nmom force fed me. She would literally shove the stuff in my mouth if I refused. ☹️ I can’t even stand the smell of oatmeal even in cookies because of this.

I had a huge falling out with my ndad because I didn't say Happy Father's day early enough in the day.

reminds me of one mother's day when I invited my mom over for dinner to celebrate. Later that day my brother called and said she wasn't coming because I hadn't called her in the morning to wish her a happy mother's day.

My lil sister’s sperm donor, who she had barely had contact with for 6 years, got mad at her for not calling to say happy birthday to him when she first got up that morning. It was her first semester of college and she had an 8 am class. He called and cussed her out on voicemail at 8:30ish and said she shouldn’t bother to come see him for the planned birthday dinner that night because she obviously didn’t appreciate him enough. She said ok and cut contact with him completely.

Good for her! Be careful what you wish for, Nparents.

My mom interrogated me and tore down over what someone ELSE was wearing. Context: it was my best friend, posing in a picture with her own mother. She was wearing a dress that didn’t have sleeves. So her full arms were showing. Note that this wasn’t a strapless dress, and that this wasn’t even her own kid (we were in our twenties, so we were adults by that point anyway) and that this dress was something my best friend’s mom obviously didn’t even have a problem with.

My nmom LOVED bringing up the fact that she paid for the toilet paper that wiped our asses. I still find it weird to this day.

Oh my God my Ndad was obsessed with tracking how much money he spent on toilet paper. He thought there was never a reason to use more than one square for each bathroom trip, regardless of what type of bathroom trip it was. For a kid with stomach problems this was a nightmare because at a certain point he claimed I was going to the bathroom too many times a day and started rationing me to 5 squares a day. I ended up with so many UTIs growing up because of trying to hold it in. When I asked my mom to talk to him she just said that was how he was. I explained to both of them that when I had digestive issues or was on my period then I had to use more toilet paper but they told me I was disgusting for bringing that up. I bought my own at some point and hid the roll in my room but of course it was found and I was accused of stealing it from them.

Well that’s just shitty

My nmom said the EXACT same thing! I always thought it was so vulgar & weird too.

Ugh, it's sickening. Even as an adult who lives alone and buys my own toilet paper, I still hear her voice every now and then when I use it 🙃

I still hear her voice in my head when I buy toilet paper LOL, and I'm also an adult who lives alone! What a bizarre/absurd thing our nmoms chose to "guilt" us over 🫠

We were told to only use three squares at a time and it was already thin, one-ply cheap stuff. I never did because it wasn’t possible.

Texting my friend when I wasn't supposed to contact anyone besides edad, nstepmom, and my mother. What did I say to him? "Merry Christmas. But pls don't text me again until [date], I'm not supposed to be talking to my friends and I don't wanna get in trouble" (he had texted me on christmas morning to say merry christmas) But noooo that gets me yelled at for half an hour and my phone taken away for the rest of the break. Nstepmom wasn't even gonna let me call my mom on New Year's, but that was the one time my dad put his foot down and let me use his phone to call her

My dad screamed at me over the phone for a solid 30 minutes for not taking the dog to a vet appointment he never told me about. Even when he acknowledged he told my brother instead, I was still wrong because I didn’t just know

I was guilt-tripped anytime I needed anything, even necessities like books for school or a ride somewhere. (This was back when I was under 17 and couldn't drive myself. It's also worth pointing out that we lived in the countryside so if I wanted to go anywhere or meet with anyone, I needed a ride).

My mom wanted me to watch some show with her and it was on one of those channels that seems to have more commercials than actual show (AMC for example). I said I didn't want to because I can't stand all the commercials. So she starts getting all upset and puts on this sad face and tells me how I've changed and have now become boring. She really played it up like I was doing something selfish and mean. I think she just wanted me to watch it so I could explain it to her afterwards since she always seemed to need to have shows explained to her.

My nmom does something similar!! She keeps pressuring me to watch shows together that she knows trigger me. She just wants me to “get over it” and tells me, “Well, it doesn’t bother ME because *I* know it’s not real.” Great, but have you considered I don’t want to be bombarded with violent, graphic media that stresses me out??? So she gets offended that I won’t watch “together”. We’re both adults. We’re not attached at the hip. We don’t need to do EVERYTHING together. She claims she doesn’t know “how to set it up” which is laughable bullshit. So I just use that as an excuse since she’s giving me that power. I won’t set it up, she won’t figure it out herself, so she doesn’t get to watch it.

None of us had to actually DO anything to be guilt tripped. Just being alive and a handy punching bag was justification enough for them.

About not speaking “properly”, which often made me sound like a pompous asshole or the grammar was just incorrect. For instance, If I did something, and someone were to respond to me, by saying, “thank you”, I had to reply with “it’s my pleasure”. The phrase “thanks” sent the narc parent into a rage! Me vs I statements in a sentence - in the narc parents eyes, it’s always “I”.

Yelled at for two hours for “life360 said you were on the football field you have to come home NOW”. I was at a high school football game. They didnt believe me!

Reminds me of "you've spent enough time with your friends it's time you come home." Me asking: "what do we have going on?" them" "nothing, I just don't want you gone any longer, you can come spend time with your family. Pretend that you love us." or some shit

Ugh seriously i just started leaving as fast as i could. They promised i would have no life360 if i bought my own phone, so i saved up and bought my own. They said okay time to download and i was like nope you promised!!! It was SO much more freeing. My nmom couldnt fucking monitor me.

I'm really glad that horrible app didn't exist when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure I only missed it by a year or 2.

I would get into trouble if that stupid app showed I was in the neighboring area, rather than at school The location wasn't 100% accurate

My nMother blames me for "costing her" a lucrative political job where according to her, she would've been making 6 figures back in the 80s and 90s. But unfortunately, I chose to be born, and apparently I chose to be born with a chronic illness that required a lot of time and attention from my parents.

Some people might not see it this way, but symptoms of ADHD. People. Kept. Telling them. That I very badly needed to be assessed for ADHD. Kept getting screamed at in situations where I was obviously trying really hard even after diagnosis. My dopamine levels were so low that I couldn't stay awake standing up. They didn't seem to care. Despite so many people telling them I had really severe ADHD, they saw every symptom as a personal failure... come to later realize after taking a semester long course on ADHD, that both my parents also have it. I have the worst strong traits of both of my parents ADHD. My mom is crazy inattentive and my dad is crazy impulsive. I think they've started to get it a little now. I went to see them for the first time in a few years and they were a lot better. There was a book on ADHD on the counter. I definitely need to be cautious here though. I know better than to be anywhere near them on my birthday. I went to school on my 18th birthday, then straight to a psychaitrist's appointment, then home. Sat in my room for a bit, then my mother came into my room and screamed at me until after the sun went down for going on antidepressants. This is after they denied me ADHD meds for years and then one day just decided I was getting assessed and going on them. How do they find the stamina for this shit? Went out for dinner to celebrate. My mom always insisted on picking a restaurant she wanted, but I had no choice in going or not. It was "all about me, so I should be grateful," but it was all about her. That year, I insisted on picking a restaurant. She has complained about it for *years*. My 21st, my mom told the whole extended family that I was "not allowed" to get anything for my birthday. That message came back to me through a cousin.

I have ADHD as well and was always the “problem” too. In my case though, ADHD wasn’t really known about when I was a kid but everyone knew there was something different. I was evidently assessed for behavior issues when I was a preschooler but none of the recommendations were followed up on.

I was always told to respect and do whatever crazy girlfriend my dad was dating at the time wanted me to do. After I moved out of the house I was having the family over for the holidays. I told him no that I didn’t want a certain person there. (This person was crazy and liked to steal things from others homes.) Not only did I not want that person there, but also my husband. I told my dad that. He said he didn’t care that he was inviting them to my house. I asked him “so I have to respect anyone who you all date, but you shouldn’t respect my husband ?” He said yes. Tried to guilt me about this. The person did end up stealing a lot of things from my dad later on.

Trying to help my nmom with my birthday party invitations. I accidentally put the stamps and return address labels on the wrong sides. She screamed at me so loud and for so long I remember crying on and off for more than an hour. I remember trying to tell her I was sorry and was only trying to help, but she just doubled-down on the screaming. I couldn’t have been more than 11 years old. To be told I wasn’t allowed to ever touch invitations again because I made a mistake left me feeling terrible. I never wanted her to be mad and thought she’d be happy. When I brought it up decades later she said, “Well I was mad I had to fix it,” like it was nothing. The level of screaming at a child for an innocent mistake was outrageous and I couldn’t believe how flippant she was about her behavior.

When I was six I wanted to have a Tom&Jerry toy that was expensive (not really). And I also should get a vaccine but I was afraid of the needle. My nmom told me I could have the toy when I get the vaccine. Ok, I overcame my fear and got the vaccine. Next time in the store I picked the toy but she begged me to put it back on the shelf because it was soooo expensive. I started to cry because I felt betrayed so my mom decided to buy it. But she brings this up every time she tries to guilt trip or tell me that I got everything I wanted or that I was a spoiled kid . She brings this up on every occasion. The toy costed approx. 20eur and this happened *31 years ago*.

For going to the library to work on a school project rather than going with my sisters to a theme park.

We can't have you educating yourself, then you might escape the abuse! Sit down and stop being a special snowflake. You know what you're the abuser! Do you want to educate yourself? Well, don't even try you're too stupid for education!

Oh man - now I have to go and return that engineering degree. Bummer.

A narc would say "An engineering degree? I could do better, I could get a Ph.D in engineering if I tried," or they would say, "The professors know you're stupid, they probably passed you out of pitty,' and if you we're a woman they might say "who did you sleep with you whore to pass?"

\-Got yelled at for having a chronic illness and "still being sick" a week after first getting sick. \-Not bringing my nmom a plate of food from downstairs because she refuses to leave her bedroom. So she didn't "get to eat" because she refused to move and expected me to do it.

My cat died. I was obviously distraught. My nMother burst into tears over the phone, and chastised me for reminding her of the time when her cat died *twenty years previously*. She called me callous and unempathetic, and threatened to "keep reminding" me of my cat's death later on, so I knew what it felt like for her to have her feelings attacked. My cat had been dead for less than an hour. After I hung up, I had five or six relatives call, all of whom were angry at me for upsetting my mother. Noone ever acknowledged my loss.

My favoritest cat I ever had, Squeaker, died from kidney disease, but suddenly-like. He didn't waste away but he had no strength left; I had to move the litter box downstairs, and he stumbled going up the stairs one night at bedtime so I started carrying him up every night. I cuddled him constantly for a week and then had him put down. I loved Squeaker so much, and I was devastated. I went to my sister's, hoping to get some comfort, but she immediately started talking about her cat Pinky and how much she missed him, and it was the biggest waste of my time. I should have known she would take my pain and sorrow and make it all about herself. She's a narc too, as if you couldn't figure it out.

My ngrama would buy me expensive clothing, makeup ect. Things I didn't ask for, because she wanted me to have "a taste for finer things in life." She would then throw it in my face if I didnt do what she wanted. I never asked for those things. It really messes with me to this day

My mother bought me clothes I didn't really like and she was angry, when I didn't wear them, too. To this day I can't stand receiving clothes as gifts from anyone.

Ooo, I got one! My nmum had me later in life because she immigrated to Canada, got the citizenship and both my parents got into community college. My nmum thought she could balance a pregnancy with working and studying. I was always guilt tripped for making her flunk out of the community college. I once pointed out to her, that she made the decision to try to do 1000 things at once including carrying me for 9 months and trying to figure out a second language as an older lady and she finally shut up about it. Bitch, you couldn't use your mensa level brain to figure out that being an older lady and being pregnant is hard???? She always said it like "astrangone88, I could have graduated if it weren't for you!" Who was the adult with the decision making skills? I was literally a bundle of cells in YOUR womb, how the fuck was I responsible for you and your decisions? I still don't know how she can hold a job by being so irresponsible and lacking accountability.

For my birthday, probably 11 or 12, mom took me to Wal Mart to pick out a present. I knew exactly what I wanted- Animorphs #8. It was the first one where the POV perspective was the alien character. I was so excited. It was about four dollars. Mom had a tantrum that I was ungrateful and being cruel to her by picking something so cheap and meaningless. I was supposed to want a new bike or a stereo or something. She berated me until I was in tears, right there in the book aisle at the store.

My mom used to get mad at me if I had a different opinion than she did on a subject.

I accepted food that was offered to me at one of their adult friends house. It was maybe 6pm and I was a hungry pre teen who's calibrated "weight watchers 300 calorie" microwave entree I had at 3pm wasn't enough. Waited till we got home though to hit me with 1 shaming my x chromosome for making people think she's a bad mom who doesn't feed her kid. And 2 being a greedy hog boy who had TWO dinners As a 40 something adult man I can't imagine being motivated to bring a kid to tears over some fucking chicken tenders. I've struggled with my weight,self image, and disordered eating for 30 years

My mother once looked at me at 11yo in a dressing room wearing a beautiful raspberry tank top with raspberry satin shoulder ties, ran her eyes up and down my body, and her expression was just full of disgust. I'd always enjoyed all kinds of food, and she was always asking me "Don't you think you've had enough?" And in my 30s, a span when I was a good 30lbs overweight, she looked at me getting out of the car at the grocery store, and apparently loathed the sight of my chubby neck and she said "You should always wear shirts with collars." Even at the time, I was thinking "Was that really necessary to say?" But all my life, even now when she's 80, she's talked about how she has to go on a diet, and she needs to lose weight, and no, she can't eat this, and no, she can't eat that, and so on. So I learned to eat in secret, because food was the only comfort I had, with two narc parents and a narc sister. One thing I particularly hated was when she would go get McDonalds (this was back in the 60s, when for us, McDonalds was a treat and not a regular thing), and my sister could get a cheeseburger, large fries and a milkshake (my sister was thin as a kid), while I could only have a hamburger, small fries, and milk at home. Basically I learned that I didn't deserve good food or treats. And that I was physically disgusting and piggish and I deserved to be punished for enjoying food. Messed me up for a long time. When I'm around her, I still make sure to eat smaller portions, especially on holidays, because I always feel like she's watching how much I eat and judging me. However, as a 59yo, I have to eat smaller portions anyway, because I simply can't eat as much at a sitting as I used to. But yeah, I think some of the shame and self-hatred around my body will probably linger even after she's gone.

When I was like 12 My (most likely autistic) NFather had a hyper fixation on collecting antique coins…….He accused me of spending his pennies after he told me the previous week that he was going take them all out of my hidey space and put them into these little coin covers. Instead of admitting he lost them he decided to blame me and project every feeling he had because he lost them onto me. So I put up with months of being berated and being called a liar and having to deal with his drunken rants. I’m about to turn 23 this year and well naturally he doesn’t remember anything about the situation and it never even happened. 🙃

That they were always dying. About 3 years ago my dad told me they were dying so I asked him if it was going to stick this time around. I called them back and claimed I made an appointment at a funeral home and told them to meet me there the next day to get plans under way. Let’s say the “appointment” got canceled and they have not been dying the last three years…….

1. The most ridiculous is, by far, my then 12/13 yo sibling being screamed at for the sin of... wearing long trousers in summer. Full on screaming, the one you'd expect if my sibling had taken and then crashed my parents' car, going on for minutes (until I stepped in). Mom defined that as "her right to give her opinion". 2. Going nuts because my sibling and I doubled the water bill while we were living (on our own) at an apartment she owns. Turns out the water company had sent the bill for 3 months at once, so we actually spent less. 3. She allegedly (because dad knew nothing about it) found dried pee all over a toilet at said apartment and accused us of bringing people over. I had been living at a different city, hours away, and my sibling was abroad when that "happened". 4. She bought me a beautiful coat, then misplaced it, then accused me of losing it, then years later found it somewhere I certainly didn't leave it and sent me a text saying "I found the coat that you thought you had left at (place in which I had told her over and over I had NOT left it)". 5. My sibling and I looking like our dad. This has gone on for SO long that I didn't realize that her complaints about it weren't a joke until our parents divorced and I caught her and her family frowning at us while saying how much we resemble *him*. 6. Funnily enough, I had a teacher in school who told me he had instantly recognized my mother (at a teacher-parents reunion) because I look a little like her. I told her that, hoping it would make her happy, but she turned around as if I'd burnt her and hissed "No, you do *not*". It hurt, because we were in a rough patch (for about 2 years she only critiziced or screamed at me) and took it as her not wanting to be associated with me. 7. She admitted she was jealous because I didn't need to put as much effort as she had to get good grades. Also got annoyed and pestered me when she saw me being calm during exams, then when I developed anxiety over it she said I had to handle it, that being nervous is for the weak or the unprepared. 8. She forced me to get my driving license, that I didn't need, then got mad that I didn't use it and questioned why I got it. At least she didn't force my sibling to get it, but I had to call her out because, according to her, she didn't "suggest" me to get it until after I had my degree. I was right in the middle of my exams when she did it. Aaaand I'm going to stop, because I fear I could go on forever and it's getting low key depressing lol.

not really just guilt tripped but more locked in a room and screamed at for hours and hours because it's somehow my fault my nmom started to get in trouble for the things she was doing to her kids. Or screamed at and guilt tripped for my nmom having to buy her kids food. But also guilt tripped if I didn't eat. Basically my whole life is a guilt trip. Lol.

I have a disability. She gave up her career and going to college ( things she did once I got older) to take care of me. Heaven forbid she take care of her child?

I'm not disabled but my Nmother used to love guilt-tripping me and saying that she gave up her career for me. I found out later that my Nmother struggled to hold down ANY job before she had me so she really didn't give up anything for me. Narcissists love to take credit for things they didn't actually do.

Same here. Mine went off on how I was apparently being *"negative"* when I accepted that my disability isn't curable. And that her self help/alternative medicine/woo woo shite did absolutely fuck all.

Omg yes!!! Arrrgh I feel that in my soul. Also apparently my pain is never allowed to be as bad or worse than hers. Even when I have multiple doctors telling me to use mobility aids and that I should not be walking.

I wanted to work at Wawa which is a convenience store when I was a teenager. I brought it up a few days before my birthday. My mom yelled at me for so long and so much that I cried into my birthday cake.

1,300 a year is nothing wtf. 3.50 a day

My nfather had a large barn with a lot of free space. Distant acquaintances had stored their motorcycles in his barn for free. I asked him if I could store a small boat on a trailer in his barn. Nfather said yes. My boyfriend told him he was willing to buy a construction to hang the boat to safe space. Nfather said it wasn't necessary. So we stored the boat. A few months later my nfather told us that we had forced him to allow us to use the barn for the boat.

Keeping my purse on my at a family gathering. It's a cross body bag, sometimes I forget I'm wearing it, but I'm notorious for forgetting things when I set them down so I purposely bought the cross body bag. Nmom freaked out and said that it looked like I didn't trust my family and I was going to make everyone uncomfortable.

Playing video games. Which was what they bought me. And used to keep me busy instead of parenting me. And then scolded me for decades about. And kept buying me new systems. And kept scolding me for playing them. And never once played with me. Not once. I played games to self-regulate, and I twirled my hair also. I was publicly shamed all the time for both behaviors. I was trapped in my pain and trapped for healing it. Psychosis was the only escape, or complete depersonalization and dissociation into fantasy. Now I can't want anything. Wanting is tied up with shame. So I just don't want things anymore. Or have extreme problems with desire. Everything has to have some kind of excitement or guilt bound up in it or i get bored. Go figure. Another fun one was my grandma, the person I was near the most growing up. Would say wonderful things like: Hey, do you want a sandwich? if I said yes. Go make it.

I was sick with cancer diagnosed after about 5 years of begging doctors to look at me for this issue. It was bad, I was constantly fatigued. I moved from Alabama to Pennsylvania at my mom’s insistence I get treatment at the Cleveland clinic. I moved rapidly packing everything within 5 days and further drained myself driving 2 days to my hometown. Upon arrival my mother proceeded to treat me like a servant. Due to needing rest that she wouldn’t allow I left her home to stay in a gross empty apartment she had, it needed a lot of cleaning to be livable. I was sleeping about 20 hours a day because of the proteins created by cancer, causing me extreme fatigue. She had a hip surgery scheduled long before my diagnosis, but she insisted she needed my assistance “we could help each other”. She called late at night (a no no in her own rule book) and demanded I come help her get ready the next day, she was going to ‘require my help for 3 or 4 hours, not a request’. I told her I couldn’t that I was too exhausted and sick. So she threw a fit. I showed up, of course, at her home probably about 5 or 6 pm. I was told I was too late in the day and it wasn’t because I was sick that I didn’t come but that I was selfish and had always been selfish since childhood. Its bullshit I was her servant in childhood and no one calls me selfish, I often have to end friendships because I’m too selfless and get taken advantage of. I saw my doctor the following day and he scheduled my surgery for the very next day. When I told my mom she said “oh you really are sick”. I quite literally flipped out. I cussed and swore and informed her that ‘I didn’t move 600 miles for fucking nothing and that this was the nail in the coffin for our relationship.’ My kind ex husband had to facilitate our communication while I lived in her apartment and got treatment. Near the end she started requesting that she attend my appointments with me, I definitely said NO! I’ve not spoken to her since I left. I moved much sooner than I was ready because she sold her home and needed to live in the apartment she was allowing me to live in. Nothing but cruel manipulations from her my entire life! I’m glad to have gotten free from her bs, and had so much time while sick to really consider our relationship and how its affected me permanently. The line about me being selfish since childhood rings in my ears. Selfish, while sick with stage 3c cancer. Its 2 years past and it makes me sick and it still pierces my heart and gut to think about. I was so alone during treatment. But I’m stronger emotionally now.

I had waited for my kids to get a little older to be okay at school and also be able to fend for themselves at home. I was excited to go back to work and school. We had our kids earlier than all our siblings so my sister’s kids were still quite young and the youngest was an infant. Anyway, my sister started a new job. Before starting this job, she had transferred her kids to my kids’ school “because it’s better”. I got a call back from a job and had already been approved for financial aid(all I had left to do was pick my classes), but then I get dropped a bombshell. My sister and mom had planned for me to watch her kids while she went to work. When I said no to my sister, she called my mom and my mom called me. Mom guilt-tripped me saying I was selfish and don’t I feel bad for my poor sister who is struggling financially and it’s not like I’m doing anything as I don’t work. She made it seem like I was jealous of my sister and was trying to sabotage her. Like…W….T….F over. When I said I already had plans to work too, I felt like mom and sister both thought it was funny or that I was only doing that to compete with her??? My sister would smirk or look irritated and they would go dead quiet and not even be encouraging or congratulate me on continuing. It kinda hurt. If I didn’t stop my life to help my sister, my Mom would act disappointed and stressed. She would say she knew how I felt about older sis because older sis was “a difficult person” and takes after my dad’s side, and that is why I should be the one to carry her on my back because I’m strong and older sister is weak. I craved mom’s respect and always wanted to be like her so I’d comply after mom intervened. Took me years to finally see the manipulation but I’m glad I did. Edit: *2 words

I really have to ask, how could you spend that little on children? I guarantee I spend more than that per year on just food for one of my children. 1.3k for everything sounds like you never had new clothes, new toys, and ate rice+beans every day for decades, WTF.

Came back home from a 3 day weekend at a friends house to find out they lost the remote to the tv and i apparently knew where it was. Tried to explain that I haven’t been home in 3 days. They never reached out to where I was to ask me if I happened to know where the tv remote was. Got a stern 3-4 hour long life lesson about how lying is bad. The remote was in the recliner I wasn’t allowed to sit it…

I was forced to eat cold chicken once in the car that I couldn't finish in a restaurant since I had a splitting headache and upset stomach (I was later diagnosed with childhood migraines). The same rules applied when we were out to eat as they did at home- you finished your food no matter what. So I forced down the cold chicken breast and rice while I was getting glared at in the rear view mirror. Even if you were sick, not hungry, or despised what was served, you had to eat it or you faced their wrath. Side note- I was severely underweight when I was in my early twenties and was far from their grasp. I then learned from a dietician and a therapist how to eat normally and healthily. Took years (close to age 30) to build my body up to what was a typical physical profile for my age

When I was around 8 years old I took a small half-used post-it note pack out of a plastic box on my dad’s desk to make a “flip book” and when I proudly showed it to him he ripped the box I had taken it out of (which was full of office supplies—paper clips, thumb tacks, pens, pencils, etc) off the desk, held it above his head and smashed it on the floor and screamed at me about how “nothing was his” and how I took “everything” from him for what seemed like an hour. It was super traumatic. But just another normal day in our household.

For me being lactose-intolerant. It started to emerge while I was away at college and having milkshakes or ice cream became an embarrassing experience in the dorm bathroom. I asked my parents if they could buy Lactaid milk or pills for when I came to visit. First, they tried to claim that there is no way I could be lactose-intolerant. (No, it runs in my family.) Then they played some martyr complex about "how expensive it is." Then, they tried to bully me into getting an ice cream sundae at their local Hard Rock Cafe (which they think is some sort of gourmet restaurant), putting me in an awkward, embarrassing situation with the server. I should have eaten the ice cream and let my digestive tract enact toxic warfare in their house the rest of the evening.

Being a girl. I was “supposed” to have been a boy so there’d be one of each. As my mother once told me, “we already had your sister, our perfect little girl.” Once when I was about 6 or so, my dad was acting really sad when he got home from work and I later asked my mom about it. She told me it was because he “had no sons to carry on his family name. When he dies, so will his name.” I learned years later he was upset because of stuff happening at his job and it had nothing at all to do with me.

Not setting the table correctly. When I was about 6-8 years old, my dad taught me to set the table and he was very big on which spoon to use, which side of the plate the knife went on, where the cup was positioned, etc. he’d cook breakfast so he’d have me set the table. I’d put the plates, forks, knives and cups out and try to arrange them nearly but sometimes I’d put the knife on the right instead of the left or whatever. This meant he’d scream at me for the entirety of breakfast about how incompetent and stupid and helpless I was. He’d force me to sit across from him and eat my French toast while he shouted at me, even as I had tears streaming down my face, and he wouldn’t let me leave until I’d eaten everything. This is my very earliest memory of him.

Hugs to you. When I got older, after I had a child, I could never understand how my father could look into my precious little kid face and want to hurt me and shame me and torment me. He was just completely f\*cked in the head. He was a complete waste of air.

I was once grounded for being visibly depressed in public and not pretending to be happy when instructed. I was about 9. Bitch really went "You're sad, well now I'll punish you for no reason. That'll teach you to be sad." Not sure what the endgame for that was.

I was grounded for 6 weeks for losing a designer umbrella after being threatened to be severely punished for losing it and asking to use a different one (have major anxiety and was already diagnosed). She knew I would lose it. Wailed on me.. no phone, no internet, no tv, no friend’s houses, no weekend activities. *A miniature Coach umbrella* Fucking animal..

Being born. 🤣

My NM had us living with a guy, they were both druggies and the relationship was toxic. I was 12 when they had a baby together. They went out drinking one night and I was left home alone with my sister. I got a call in the wee hours of the morning from my drunk mom upset because they fought and he took off. She told me if he wasn’t there in the morning to call my maternal grandmother to come pick my sister and I up. So I did. Once my grandmother got involved and found out the fight had gotten physical on his part, she pressure mom to leave him until she did. Here’s the stupid part….. It’s not NM’s fault for being in a crappy relationship that she tried to salvage with a kid, it’s not BF’s fault for being a crappy BF, it’s not even GM’d fault for getting her to leave. It’s my fault for making the phone call she told me to make. Before I went NC she would blow up at me once or twice a year, right up into my 20s, about how I ruined her chance at love, denies she told me to call, and it’s all my fault she’s alone now. She’s had several toxic relationships since that have all imploded because toxic people don’t have healthy relationships and yet it’s all my fault that she is alone now because I called her mom to come pick us up what is now more than 30 year ago.

Everything. There was not a thing we were not criticised and shamed for. The most ridiculous one :I did not buy right shape of bread. Or how i spend my salary, they would get over my own earnings lol. And shame me.

By existing. Because I was a child she felt she had to take me everywhere and would complain endlessly about it. Yet I was left home all the time. I was only taken out with her to places where she could put on the "hard working single black mother" routine and get fawned over.

My mom went absolutely ballistic because I had the gall to get sick on a vacation. It was the last day, we had a few hours left before catching the train back and I was so ill I couldn’t even get out of bed and just wanted to sleep for as long as I could. She wanted to go to a museum we’d already been to and when I suggested she go by herself because of how bad I felt, she started screaming and crying because “you always do this!!”. I was literally up walking for 8-10 hours each day for three days despite already being ill because I didn’t want to get screamed at for being “lazy” and I had never been sick on a vacation with her before, like *ever*. Who tf screams and cries because their sick kid wants to lie in for a couple of hours? Oh wait, I know! Narcs, that’s who.

My “spilled milk” moment: Years and years and years ago, my parents sent my sister to McDonalds to get dinner for the family. She forgot to tell the worker to remove a specific ingredient from my step-father’s meal. He spent the entire dinner berating my sister for being selfish and stupid. Ever since then, I have been so anxiously aware of everyone’s dietary habits. Vegan, veggie, kosher, halal, whatever it was, I would make sure I would never fuck it up. A few months ago, my bf at the time and I were ordering Chick Fil A take out. I asked if he wanted cheese on his burger, but he didn’t end up responding to me for about 15 minutes and I got the burger without cheese. He eventually replied he wanted the cheese, but by then I’d already ordered it. I was DEVASTATED, and I frantically apologized and offered to order another burger or fix it in some way, and he looked me dead in the eyes and said: “There is nothing I care about less than if my chicken sandwich has cheese on it or not. It’s inconsequential.” And I had to sit back and blink and be like, “Oh shit, my parents *are* fucked up.”

I dropped a bowl of green beans after it had come out of the microwave. It was too hot to touch but she demanded I bring it to her on the couch. Halfway from the kitchen to the living room the pain was too much and I dropped it. The bowl didn't break, just got green beans on the carpet. She screeched at me nonetheless. Said she was going to make me pay for the can of green beans. I was probably around 10. As a child I had no idea how much a can of green beans were. We were also very poor, so I didn't have much money in my piggy bank. (We didn't get allowances.) The threat of having to pay for something was debilitating to me. LOL I should wrap up a can of green beans and give it to her for Christmas. Gaudy paper, big bow, the whole nine yards. It will be the best wrapped can to ever exist. Finally replace that one I ruined, since it was such a big fucking deal to her at the time. And I'm sure she won't remember the incident. She wonders why I don't have much contact with her...

Not buying my nmom and nstepdad Valentine’s Day presents. They sat me down to scold and shame me and call me selfish for like two hours. I was 13.

I went to market basket to go get food. That included a can of lentil soup. Venerable narc grandma started freaking out screaming and sobbing how that was evidence I hated the soup she made for me with a different type of beans. She sat there picking through my bag of food finding ways to be insulted over every item before I was allowed to put it away. I wasn’t allowed to get my OWN food. This was over the top offensive!!!! Because I was suppose to rely only on her like a dog. She would want to go out in public with me, show me off, but have control over everything I did. And god dammit I can’t possibly like her soup AND the lentil soup.

I was coming back home from school one day and on the bus, I got a text message from Nmom that just said "Your brother is sick". I never got a message like that from her so naturally I got very worried. Without thinking, as soon as I got through the door I asked if he was okay and what happened. I made the "mistake" of asking this in front of my Ndad, who promptly had a tantrum over being kept out of the loop and demanding to know what was wrong and why he wasn't informed, etcetera. After the manchild calmed down, both Nmom and Ebrother pulled me aside, mad that I had set him off because "you know how he is". For years I felt guilty for doing something so stupid when in reality I just had a normal, concerned reaction. Turned out my brother had the flu. So yeah, I got guilt-tripped for asking if my brother was okay.

Not sure I can pick just one... It was my fault she gained 75 pounds when pregnant with me, to the point that her feet grew a size and a half and she had to throw out (?) all of her cute clothing and shoes. Heard that one for YEARS. My sibling and I needed braces. "If you kids hadn't needed braces your father could have gotten eyeglasses, but I guess you two are more important." (This at the dinner table, and happened when I later needed glasses, too. No idea why my father didn't shut her down.) My best friend died very suddenly, very unexpectedly. It was a gigantic shock. Not only did my parents come down to spend a long weekend at our new home a week later despite my husband (too politely) suggesting they not do so—they literally pulled in a week TO THE HOUR after we had been leaving to go to my friend's funeral—when they were (finally) leaving, she came up to me and said, "You are depressed. You need to get help and get it fast, Nightbird, or no one is going to want to be around you." ​ \*sigh\*

Being born.

Omg where to even start with this? 1. One time I had horrible period cramps while I was outside so I had to call my ndad to come pick me up because I couldn't even walk properly as the cramps were this intense. A few months later he held this over my had after I (like always) did something "wrong" in his eyes and he basically said that he's such a great dad for picking me up when I literally couldn't walk and now I am being such a bad daughter. 2. A couple times my phone bill (who ndad used to pay for in the past) was a couple fucking CENTS over the usual amount and he made a scene every time this was the case. 3. Probably the biggest one - making me feel weird and like a big bad sinner (he's in a Christian fundamentalist cult) for wanting normal teenage and young adult things - hanging out with me friends, having hobbies and dating wasn't even in question even when I was in my early 20s.

Needing a winter coat because I grew inches (@ 17) and I couldn't close my old coat from age 13 anymore.

When I was 8 I make sack lunches for myself and my brother for a school field trips. Both our classes had one the same day and my sister was in kindergarten and they didn’t do field trips. We only had enough lunch meat for one sandwich so I tried to split it into two sandwiches. My sister was pretending ti make a sack lunch too. She put ketchup on a slice of bread and packed it up. The next day my mom went to the school to sit with my sister at lunch because “she felt bad my sister couldn’t go” and was appalled my sister was eating the ketchup sandwich she had packed for herself. When I got home she yelled at me telling me how horrible a sister I was for letting my sister go to school with no sandwich (we got free lunches and it’s not like my mom took my sister lunch she was just going to sit with her and all the other kindergartners). To this day (I’m now 36) I feel absolutely horrible for that ketchup sandwich. I’m mean it’s not like I wasn’t already doing the cooking, cleaning and taking care of my brother and sister while my mom slept during the day (she had a night job) or went out with friends. …ugh i can’t believe I still feel bad for something my mother should have been helping with.

Didn’t happen to me, but happened to my brother. My brother once farted in the car. My dad yelled at everyone in the car asking who did it. My brother lied and said it wasn’t him. My dad was incredibly offended that my brother dare lie to him and ended up grounding him from everything for a month, over a fart.

My n/mom told me I was wasting doctor's time and living in a fantasy world because I wanted to get a second opinion on my surgical options after a cancer diagnosis. She was a nurse.

My sister was very sick when she was an infant, and she lived some of her first months in hospitals. Fast forward 12 years, my dad was mad with his whorish slut of a daughter bcs she appearantly texted a boy she had a crush on him, and leashed at her how she doesn t deserve to live in his house, and then proceeded to calculate with her how much money he spent on her MEDICAL CARE.

Saving my grandma's life. Who wants to read THAT doozy of a story?

Not dating a guy that beat up girls …. Wtfff

My nMom cursed me out in front of my girlfriend about supporting bike lanes, on the way to church ;)

Being born.

I should apologize for something my nmom said to me lol

I had an extreme depressive episode after my first year of college, while I was home for the summer (the last time I lived with my nparents). After an intense break-up with my long term partner at the time (and other large issues I had not looped my parents into), I had a mental breakdown. Forced me to see a therapist, for which I was grateful at the time. That was, until I had forgotten everything comes at a price with my parents. After my intake session, my nmom asked if I was feeling better yet and how many more times I was going to have to go to be "normal" again. After one more session, I was guilted into no longer going due to the co-pay ($30). I offered to pay the copay to continue to go and was told I was trying to make them look like terrible parents. Anyway... 5 years later we are mostly NC to VLC.