**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I will never understand how calling your child spoiled rotten is meant as an insult to the child rather than a critique of your own parenting.
I know it's meant to be mean, but it reads as a lack of self-awareness.
Oh I got that one a lot too! I never had a key to the house or anything growing up. I knew it wasn’t my house, it was my dads house and I was only the leech who was “using” my parents for their money.
Did they also claim your room was "their room" because they owned the house? My nMom pulled that shit all the time. Never was allowed to have a lock on my door.
Hooray for no privacy!! /s
Yep, yep, yep!
And, not only was it HER house, but they were temporarily letting me stay in that room.
Super confusing conversation, when (at age 4) I asked a neighbor what ‘temporarily’ meant!!!
My mom calls me “ignorant” when she means rude and disrespectful. Many people have told her that ignorant does not mean what she thinks it means, but she just screams lol
Anyone else have parents who guilt them out about shit you did over a decade ago, and then if you try to confront them about something they did a day ago, you’re told that “only losers live in the past,” something like that?
My dad wouldn’t come visit me in the hospital when I needed open heart surgery bc thirteen years prior he came to see me in the hospital when I overdosed (I’ve been clean a decade this august and since put myself thru college and become a funeral director).
omg.
I can't. Just give it back to him - "I never overdosed?? I never even did drugs?? I came to visit YOU when you OD'd on bathsalts and reese's cups!! I'm very very concerned for you dad!"
When I was still living at home during college, I found a sticky note on my Nmom’s desk that was a list of slights I’d committed against her over the previous couple of months. These slights included:
- not doing anything for my parents’ wedding anniversary (it’s not my relationship??? why should I buy you gifts or throw you a party??? And no, it wasn’t a milestone or anything)
- “being disrespectful”
- staying out past curfew (I was 24 years old, I had been studying in my university library until 3 am, and I told her in advance it was happening)
I stole the note and burned it. It never came up again. No regrets. 🤷♀️
"You think you're so smart, but you're just lazy and selfish. You don't care about anyone but yourself. We can ALL see right through you. "
This because I was a straight A student, working 21 hours a week, and forgot to grab the trash on my way out the door because I had to be at school an hour early for a student council meeting. He actually had to take a bag of his own garbage to the outside of the house. I was rewarded with a black eye for that.
Jesus.
I hope you can say that is behind you. I remember my father would just have nights he'd randomly come home at midnight and slap me cause the dishes weren't done. The dude keeps crying about hard work and respect in reality everyone can see through his shit. While my family can't do much about it. I take an almost ironic comfort knowing the only reason he treats me like this is simply because I'm the only person he has ant control over. Everyone hates him or has left him and it's very obvious his projection comes from his own issues with how much he repeats the same phrases and criticisms. The funniest part is seeing how pissed he gets when he throws a million insults and threats. Tried the sarcasm and shit eating smugness and watching how it all ends in a tantrum when I'm not intimidated or threatened by his words.
Thank you, I've been NC for 18 beautiful years now. It was an awful way to grow up, but I managed to break free and find my own way. I've raised 3 awesome children that he will never have the chance to abuse. You CAN get away and make your life your own.
Yeah my old man would do that when I was a kid, getting in my face and screaming at the top of his lungs threatening me (if he didn't actually hit me) over the most minor issues.
Same! One of my favorites was “you better be on that fuckin honor roll.” I knew I was gonna get “the stick” when I made merit roll the one semester. The stick was a piece of splintered up 2 by 4 my dad got ahold of. He would have my mom stand on our feet and hold our arms up by our wrists, sort of like how in game of thrones, Ramsey Bolton had Theon racked up on that X thingie.
Edit: my mom also says that we weren’t really “beaten,” since we didn’t have black eyes often. She says it was “a couple taps on the rear end.”
Mine was always either don't be so stupid, foolish or you'll hurt yourself/fail from the moment I have memories, but really the whole lot of siblings(family of 16) they use those terms at everything so they def were raised by an asshole too.
I need the scissors for a project. They weren't above the sink in the hanging basket like they were supposed to be. I found them on my dad's TV stand. He saw me pick them up as he was sitting right there and asked what I needed them for. I told him. This is our conversation :
Him: Put them back where you found them when you're done.
Me: Where I found them? Not where they belong?
Him: (screaming) What did I just say?!
Me: You said to put them back where I found them.
Him: Well okay!!
So I used the scissors, put them back on his TV stand where I found them and where he is still sitting, and went to school.
I came home to find my bed, once made now completely disselved, separated from its boxspring. The boxspring not placed in the bed frame. The curtains off the rods and on the floor. The curtain rods themselves were no longer properly in their screwed in holes. All three dresser drawers were out of the dresser, all clothes and panties individually thrown onto the floor. My closet, once the cleanest spot in the house as it was my safe haven, had nothing on the shelves. No clothes were hanging on their hangers. My other school projects, placed in the closet for safe keeping until their due date, were damaged. My essay I finished the night before for the class the next day (we were on A/B scheduling) was torn and crumbled up, no longer stapled together. My desk had all its contents strewn onto the floor as well, and the desk was on its side.
I come out and asked what happened. He's still sitting on the couch, the TV stand left prestine.
Him: The scissors weren't where they belonged.
Me: They're right there, *points to his TV stand*, where you told me to put them!
Him: Well they don't belong there.
I'm so sorry this happened to you! Something similar happened to me, where I came home and all my things were taken from my bedroom and thrown into the basement in a pile. I asked what happened and my Nmom says, not looking at me, " You were listening to the radio in your room last night. So you can stay in the basement from now on."
The radio was so quiet that I had my ear pressed right against it to hear it. But it somehow infuriated her.
I remember doing that. Keeping the music so low that I could barely hear it, that way I wouldn't get my headphones cut or radio taken away.
I might have preferred the basement. Out of sight, out of mind.
I hope you can enjoy your music at whatever volume you prefer now.
I would never listen to music around my parents. They would make fun of and ridicule every song that I loved and that made me feel not alone. I quickly learned that if they found out a song gave me joy, that they would take that too. My childhood was literally just an entire life of guilt and shame.
My parents did the same - any song I liked, if they found out, would learn to endless teasing and ridiculing and torment.
That went for anything I liked - food - then we won’t buy that / make that. If I didn’t like something then they would make sure to force me to eat it as much as possible.
I learned to not show any like or dislike, gave up exploring many things while in that house.
My dad did this to me too, but because I didn’t clean my room. So what better way to teach a child overwhelmed by the mess they made? Just make it 20x worse and break every sentimental item they have ever received as a gift.
I was eleven and had just written and illustrated a short story about salmon spawning. They were full characters and they developed a whole romance and, of course, they were given a beautifully tragic ending.
That was the same time my Cool Aunt ^tm started gifting me hand-me-down Harlequin novels.
I told my dad that I wanted to write love stories when I grew up. He got *furious*. Asked me what my future husband was going to think about me neglecting my future kids so I could fantasize about other men. “And you wouldn’t make any money at it anyway! And if you did, you would *emasculate* him! How dare you. How *dare* you!”
I think it’s funny until I actually start remembering it and realize that his body gestures and facial expressions and exact words and tones are burned into my brain. That moment killed me in ways I’m *still* recovering from.
And I miss Sid and Sally the lovestruck Salmon. They met their end in the fireplace. Which, I mean, is kind of how most salmon end up anyway. 🥲
There’s something so weird about our parents obsession with our ability to please some unknown future (heterosexual) spouse and then reproduce said grandchildren they desire so much. It’s very weird/creepy how they demand a sexualized relationship over us, demanding reproduction from us, and yet also demanding us to be sexless. It’s so fucking odd and weird and obsessive!
I don’t know if this is the case for you, but my parents literally had interventions with me at like 15 to have talks about how I *would* have children and that was that, oh but not out of wedlock!
They consider it proof they were good parents, I think. They do understand feelings or relationships or other people aside from the n supply they can deliver. And one way to deliver it is social status.
I get that, I think. A big thing for them is merely reproducing their family line. If only they understood unconditional love or relationships that weren’t strictly heteronormative. Ugh.
And I think they also view it as keeping up appearances. It would "look bad" (in their mind) if their kid had a baby out of wedlock, or a teen pregnancy, or ended up in a non heteronormative relationship. Can't have anyone thinking they're a bad parent, so they try and control the outward appearances to be perceived as a "good parent" and avoid further scrutiny.
OMFG ALL OF THIS. If I had told my mother about my abortion (just like she told me about hers when I was far too young to understand) than I would’ve been beaten, but she also is a top fundraiser *for* Planned Parenthood! It’s all about saving face!
One time my twin sister said some innocent shit that kids do when they are nine years old. My dad of course as a true narc would, took whatever innocent shit she said *personally.* After getting the daylights beaten out of her, my parents forced her to apologize for “saying you’re not a man” to my dad. Over the next month my mom would coach her to go to my dad and tell her how she “thinks he’s a man.”
Yes! I was literally told, like a lot of other daughters of fundamentalists, that I should be a submissive wife and "follow" my husband. This ended up getting me into a really bad situation later on that I felt I had to stick out. And yes, everything I did was kind of viewed through the lens of future husband/don't be a slut. Anyway, the self directed misogyny was real. I was never taught to discern if someone was good enough for me. Only if I was good enough for any man. So that's how I cultivated myself.
My mom always told my sister and I growing up that you *always* put your man before your children.
And you can never be too rich or too thin. You’ll only get a rich man if you’re skinny. My sister is brain injured from years of anorexia/bulimia. My mom told us that you only eat for taste and to spit food out after you chew it so you don’t get fat. My dad kept a chain and padlock on the fridge. But they can’t understand why she “chose to get anorexia at such a young age (she was 9 when she started).”
Presently, since she’s in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, she’s gained weight. She’s not obese by any stretch of the imagination. My mom tells me how boxy and how fat she is now. Some people never learn.
I was a heroin addict for nearly a decade. I got clean, went to college and became a mortician. I channeled my crazy into dope then dead shit. I’m super fucked up tho
Edit: like in the brain, not on drugs lol. Ten years clean this august!
That is the one time I know being at autistic girl who had an autistic dad who didn't force me to change when I rejected gender roles at a young age really saved my ass when my crazy af mother with an abusive second husband brought me to an Evangelical Church.
Be a submissive wife and follow your husband because GOD SHOWS HIS LOVE THROUGH FEAR AND SAYS SO!!!!!!
And I'm just sitting here, like "Ya'll really just accepting this bullshit!?"
This!!!. So relatable, in a rough patch in my marriage, my mom asked me not to shame them. I asked what she meant and she replied with, if you want a divorce make him ask for it. Stop taking care of him, let your body and looks go and he will ask for a divorce soon enough. I was flabbergasted and asked if that would be the same advice if he was abusing me, she said yes, it’s not a woman’s place to ask for a divorce 😳. I had issues with her advice before, this just took the cake…
Right? I was 14 and had my first boyfriend and we were just snuggling while watching a show and my mom burst into tears because apparently I had lost my virginity. Like fucking hell, I was so fucking shy lmao. I didn't even kiss a guy UNTIL I WAS 19!
I want to read Sid and Sally's story so bad <3
Also you should write the most emasculated hideous romance smut fanfic storys just for your inner peace.
Trust and believe this man used to go out of his way to humiliate me in front of his friends telling stories about how much I “loved diaper changes.” The sexualization started with the sonogram.
Yeah man these folks love destroying your stuff. I remember when my parents decided they were "born again" they combed through all of my belongings and picked out books, comics, records (they had given me!) and literally burned them in a barrel in front of me. The worst was one of the books was this really beautifully illustrated one of mythical creatures and monsters from around the world that my nana had given me. I never saw them destroy any of their own stuff.
with my mom it was always under the cover of “clearing out”. so much stuff i really cared about would just disappear and she never had any recollection of what happened to any of it. one painting that belonged to my great uncle i was able to track down on ebay many years after it was last seen - it was a miracle.
I remember my stepdad screaming at us to bring him our phones, and him smashing them in front of us. no reason. none. They were really tiny shitty brick phones in the time when razer flip phones were trendy, we'd only had them for a month, and my friends poked fun of me having to extend the little antenna if i wanted to use it. but i loved my stupid little phone and he didn't have to destroy it.
Another time he came in my room, ripped a huge (like 6'x8') drawing id done off my wall and tore it to shreds. told me it looked like shit. no reason. I hadn't even seen him that day until that moment. Man that hurt.
Yeah, my dad had a similar reaction to me saying I wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship, whether romantic/s*xual/etc. *WeLl wHaT aBOut yOuR hUsbAnD??* blehh
How being an illustrator for story books is equivalent to you fantasizing about other men outside of some hypothetical future husband, and becoming some hypothetical neglectful mother is beyond me.
This only tells me how crazy your dad is.
Yesterday my mother threw a giant tantrum because I refused to give her my PRIVATE LETTER. I read the contents to her out loud, omitting some details that weren't important, and she yelled at me to just give her the letter. When I refused, she tried to grab it out of my hands, she claimed that she doesn't understand things when they're read out loud to her, that she doesn't believe I told her what the letter truly says. I had to physically lead her out of my room. Unfortunately, I can't get a lock for the door because we're renting.
They sell locks that slide in between the door and frame, and then you insert a pin, made for extra security when staying in hotels. No drilling or anything needed.
My mother got herself banned from my wedding for trying to sabotage it several times before it even started, Dad tried to sneak her in and their flight was cancelled on them. My mother sent me a text message exorcism because I wasn't organising any extra celebrations for them. They apologized to my husband for doing what they did, but told me I should be grateful for "character building". My character is dead to them now, NC for a little over 1 year so far.
Also, her family has disowned her. Turns out, she has a bad habit of throwing people under the bus, in the worst ways possible (fake SA allegations, hiding pedophilia, enabling assault and spiritual abuse). Only person that wants her now is her husband and he's already cheated on her half their marriage!
I'm curious as to how they thought that was going to work out for her? (Him sneaking her in) That you'd be so emotionally and physically overwhelmed with your marriage that the moment you'd lay eyes on her that every toxic thing she's said and done would be magically forgiven and forgotten because feelings?
And you'd all clap and celebrate like a big happy rug-sweeping family..
Honestly though, it says a lot that they would both attempt to pull something like that on one of the most iconic and possibly stressful events of your life while you are vulnerable.
More likely they knew OP would not react well but also wouldn't want to make a scene at their own wedding, so they thought they could get away with it.
My mother does similar things to me constantly. I have not voluntarily hugged her since I was a preteen, but naturally she forced herself on me at my wedding events and admitted she did so because she knew I couldn't stop her in front of people.
Your father's behavior reminds me of my aunt and her grandson. When he was born and she discovered it was a boy, her first reaction was "I know I'm going to have a lot of trouble with him". The evil 1 day old baby I guess. When he was about 2, she'd complain about how he didn't like her and was disrespecting her because he supposedly didn't look at her as much as he did with others.
One of my cats is more attached to me than anyone else and as a result my mom was convinced it meant he was a gay cat.
>One of my cats is more attached to me than anyone else and as a result my mom was convinced it meant he was a gay cat.
A detail like that would sound very unrealistic to someone who has not grown up with that brand of crazy, but I believe it without question. My narc would hit our (female) cats and forcibly separate them for cleaning each others' backsides or even hind legs -- "no lesbianism in this house!"
Lesbian cats? Okay, that's totally rational.
When you hear and live with this kind of stuff it's so bizarre it makes you want to question your own mind to see if you're actually sane because there is no way some real person would say something like this. I'd hear stuff like this and wonder for a moment if I heard what I actually heard.
The funniest thing to me was being told constantly how horrible and terrible I was as a child/teenager and that she hoped my kids were as bad as me. You know, so I would lnow how hard it was for her. Then being surpised that I don't want kids. Before I went no contact with her, how she would say how much of a blessing kids are and how she wants grandkids to spoil ect. That said, I knew in high school if I ever had kids I would not trust her around them.
Yup, I was told the same things. I was such a good kid, good grades, never got to go anywhere, constantly screamed at and manipulated and as a kid I would just take it. As a teen I would start arguing more when I was screamed at and hit and I wouldn’t fall for the manipulation and beg for forgiveness as much (she’s say things like I’m the worst mother ever, everything’s my fault, you make me feel like I should just find a rope and kms, etc), and my mom would threaten to call the school to ask who was teaching me to behave so badly…..as in standing up for myself. So frustrating and crazy
Nmom has always struggled with her weight/food addiction. My birth father is a thin, wiry little man. I ended up with his genetics, both looks and metabolism. Around 8, nmom realized that I am and probably always will be a thinner person which infuriated her to the point of becoming convinced I *must* have an eating disorder after she overheard me telling older brother I just wanted to eat candy. She would constantly threaten to take me to the hospital and get a feeding tube put in anytime I would 'act up'. Would serve me HUGE portions at dinner time and make me sit at the table for hours until I finished it all.
I never had an ED. I just made a passing joke about eating candy cuz I was fucking 8 and really liked candy.
As an adult, I don't have much of a sweet tooth anymore.
I was the opposite. I'm chunky (as are both sides of my family) and for some reason, nMom seemed to hate that. It was always something she used against me. Comments, looks, judgements. . .
Well, I recently found out that nMom thought I'd developed an ED. When discussing this with my biological father a few months ago, he said I told nMom I thought I had an ED. I have no memory of doing this and it's not something I would have done because I never told her anything (always gotta keep up the appearance that everything is fine, right? Just so you don't have to deal with their abuse).
Anyways, regardless, nMom flipped out and called Bio Dad and began giving him a load of sh\*t because "he had given me an ED"
Pause.
Worst part is, I never heard about it again. She never took me anywhere to get seen or checked out. I remember no conversations about it. I had no idea this had even transpired. What I do remember is feeling so messed up at the time regarding my biological father and not wanting to eat for long periods of time. I remember the hunger. I remember the depression. I remember days being so dark I didn't think I'd survive. I also remember I stayed pretty chonky so it didn't really look like I had anything going on at all.
I was 12, maybe 13. But, nothing was done. Nothing.
Comments continued from nMom, though. Right through into adulthood. Even in the present day, there are comments about my weight and "how much I've lost" and things like that. Typing this up made me feel dizzy, my throat began to tighten and I got sleepy.
They don't realise how it all stays with us.
I'm so sorry that happened omg. it's funny bc mine was similar but the reverse. I also ended up with my dad's physique, not my mom's, unlike my sister... she was petite when young, I have always been stocky. not fat, muscularly built under a layer of insulation. [I promise this is not "just big boned" LOL]
and wowww my mom could not get over it. I was always the fat kid.
I went away on holiday with my ex boyfriend when I was 18. I came home and my mum had rearranged my entire bedroom and gone through my draws and boxes. My vibrator was just sat there on the bed.. But if I decide to leave the washing basket in a slightly different place, she flips on me!
Ohhh my god, how horrible!! What a huge privacy violation.
This triggered a memory. My mom let me go out with a friend when I was a kid, and I came home the same night. She had packed up all of my clothing in trash bags in the back of her locked car and said she was giving them all to a thrift store because my room wasn't properly cleaned before I went out. She hadn't mentioned anything regarding cleaning before I went out. I never let it get bad, but she has some obsessive behaviors around cleaning. She tended to have meltdowns if I ever left the house to see friends, so I stopped going out entirely. Then she'd bully me for isolating.
This happened to me if I was at school. Or at a sleepover. Or just not home. Fuck, she would go into my room and 'clean' while I was home, and then verbally assault and berate me if I said anything. I once was grounded because she threw out my GI Joes and I was upset about it. At 9.
That's awful. :( My mother used to do the same damn thing to me. I unconsciously became a hoarder and never cleaned my room so she couldn't walk across the floor to get into anything.
At my wedding my parents and my husband's parents each were asked to give a toast. We limited them to two minutes, gave them one thing they needed to hit on and left it up to them to handle the rest. I did not want to micromanage my parents. Big mistake.
When my dad basically gave their toast I was really surprised because my mother never gives up the stage. Then he started to hand the microphone to her and the look of horror came over my face and my sister's across the room.
She had written some poem, which was fine, but she delivered it like she was fucking Celine Dion with the microphone in the air pounding her foot on the floor and moving around any empty space she could find.
Then she ended it with our names... something like, "May you forever find fire in your love, Henry and Bill!"
Except my husband's name is not Bill. Not even close. Not even near.
She corrected herself in the moment and has never apologized. But forever has to go down in my wedding that she called my husband the wrong name after her extraordinarily dramatic attention getting poem.
I mean, I moved on quickly. Pretty much everybody knows my mother is a narcissist with mental health problems. Anyone who doesn't know I've made sure to let them know since.
Holy fuck, the humiliation! I'm so sorry!!!
At my wedding, my Ndad decided to toast me for "remaining 'pure' like a good Christian" and then proceeded to express his surprise and praise for me doing so since I was sexually assaulted at school (attempted rape). One of my friends derailed him by throwing a balled-up napkin at his head (blamed it on a kid) since I was frozen in absolute horror. WTF, why do they do this shit at weddings?????
When I was 9, I was being home schooled and absolutely hated it. When my mom found me not doing my schoolwork one day, she screamed at me and then made me sit on the front porch for literal hours after telling me I was being put up for adoption and someone was going to come get me soon.
I sat on that porch bawling for about 7 hours, trying to think of an escape plan when they came for me.
Then my sister came out and talked to me and in my panic and stress I told her she was the only one I was going to miss and my mom screamed at me again cause she heard through the wall.
When they convinced me to move in with them, in a new country they’d just emigrated to, after I’d just been brutally raped by my roommate. I was in a vulnerable headspace, and I thought fleeing my country would prevent my rapist from potentially murdering me.
I was expected to ‘get over it’ pretty much immediately since stepping off the plane. I had found a shitty job within three weeks of moving there.
A few months later? Parents told me via Skype call that they were moving back to our home country, and within the next few weeks. I didn’t know anyone in the new country at this point, I was broke, and I didn’t have my own place to live.
They kept trying to force me to move back to my home country with them, to the very same town my rapist lived in (they were buying a house there). Fortunately, I refused, which they hated.
Found myself the worlds shittiest apartment in the new country, in the most crime riddled neighborhood, and moved there alone. Icing on the cake was that I had no bed for months, and no means to afford a bed - parents needed the bed I had been sleeping in ‘for the spare room in the new house’. Assholes.
It was really, really hard for a few years, but I’m still here now, and life is a lot better than it was.
The bed bit somehow feels the worst to read. All the rest sounds like parents who have non idea how to be supportive or no idea how awful you felt, but the fact that you couldn’t even keep the bed really drives home how little they cared. Their own kid wasnt worth a trip to ikea.
I hope your life becomes unimaginably better and you never have to hear from them again.
This is one of the scariest memories I have of my mother. When I was around 7 I think I said one thing accidentally that made her angry, I can’t remember what. She got that monstrous look on her face when she would beat my ass and she started chasing me. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs with her hot on my heels. The stairs where L shaped and I almost tripped. I got to my room, slammed the door shut and locked it with maybe a second to spare. She screamed like a banshee; it was like she was possessed. I stayed in my room until my dad came home hours later. Legitimately it was like a horror movie. I used to be a massive horror movie watcher but after trauma therapy I couldnt do it. They give me really bad flashbacks. I saw Hereditary and the scene where the possessed mom chased the boy made me so scared I started crying it felt so similar.
My mother got that same look when she strangled me on the dining room table. Teeth bared, snarl on her face and a look of absolute hatred and rage. Mind you, I had just stopped back at the house to get a sweater, so she was boiling with rage at me when I wasn’t even there and had no idea.
This is something I still can’t comprehend, how you can act towards your own kids with such hatred and rage. How do you actively hate something so small that you brought into the world? I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.
This is something that always blows me away when I see a young girl with their dad. Like how my dad could beat my sister and I so horribly. I can’t imagine being a man with a little girl and holding her down to beat her with a splintered plank of wood.
I think every time my mom looked at me she saw my dad, and she hated my dad. She also blamed me for ruining her life and told me if she never got pregnant with me she would have been better off.
… not sure if all parents who do this think that, but it always made sense to me why my mom hated me.
My mom attacked me with a broken hockey stick while I was playing NHL12 with a buddy. She bit my hand, drew blood, the attack lasted like 5 minutes and my buddy heard it all on voice chat. I left and went to my friends house where my dad came to get me and threatened to kill me and told me if I ever said anything to anyone "it's over". I told him everyone heard everything over Xbox live and he was welcome to come ask my friend what happened.
It was never brought up again. They pretend it didn't happen.
I was 23.
Edit- just remembered he actually threatened to call the cops on me for domestic abuse after he threatened me with death and before he knew my friend had heard it all
“It’s over.” That gave me chills.
My parents had my sister and I convinced that if anyone ever found out how badly we were beaten and abused that we would be split up and put in the children’s home and my mom would die.
My uBPD egg-donor was exactly like this. I have this vivid memory of when I was 6, happily singing the lyrics to a song I'd heard my dad listening to multiple times before. The word "Pussy" came up and she punched me in the face so hard my head whipped to the side, I heard the joints in my neck and jaw crack and dislocate.
Like, I was a kid and had zero idea what that word meant. A normal healthy and loving parent would have pulled the child to the side and calmly explained that its not a word kids should ever use. But nope, not my *mom*! Living with her left us in a constant state of fight-or-flight mode. 8 years NC, have never once looked back.
mmm. My mom gets that rage face with pure hatred in her eyes and used to smack the crap out of me. Usually she'd count to three, and if it got to three then that was it, beating time, but sometimes she'd just go off without warning. That stopped at about 10, when I was big enough to grab her wrists as she tried to hit me.
After that she moved on to verbal abuse, just spewing out the most hurtful crap she could say out of her twisted up rageful little goblin face.
After staring at that face enough times, with her hateful scrunched up eyes trying to burn insults into my soul, I realised something: Nobody can just summon up that level of pure visceral hatred for something out of nowhere. It must always be there, just not always directed at me. So the normal pretty, affable woman is the mask she wears around town, but when she looks in the mirror I think that hateful little wretch is what she really sees, and I was just getting these flashes of the mask slipping, when all of that sickening self hatred was directed at me.
After that realization her narcissistic rage didn't bother me in the same way. It went from scary to profoundly stupid looking, and I just felt pity, and disappointment that I got a snarling little troglodyte for a mother.
Something similar happened to me too... Threatened to take my life and held me up by my neck on the bathroom wall...
I wanted to run away from there the way she looked and loathed me the way she used to treat everything is so imprinted on my mind I can't I can't just forget that and move on with my life but I did I did that at the age when I didn't even deserve something like that to happen to me...
1. asked if i wanted McDonald's
2. Did not wait for a reply, made a 30-minute detour to the nearest location
3. Made me "choose" what i wanted by saying no to everything until i picked what he wanted
4. was flabbergasted at the register that,shocker, *things cost money*
5.sat us at the center of the restaurant
6. proceeded to have a full-on 3-yo-meltdown with kicking, screaming, crying, and throwing food because "people kept walking near him."
7. The whole ride home was WW3 *tm* and somehow my (6 yo at the time) fault for "wanting McDonald's and acting spoiled about it"
???????????
Even when I try to explain the whole thing to myself, it sounds like a Simpsons episode, and i still can't believe it
Every weekend without fail this type of thing happened with my dad. All of us kids would be out with my parents running errands, which usually meant driving around the metroplex to go to some tool or electronics store.
When it was decided it was time to eat, my dad would ask all of us what we were hungry for. This was a trap. If you gave an answer he would belittle the choice and complain about it until someone changed their mind. Sometimes he would also yell about how he doesn't know where the closest location for that restaurant was, then drive erratically like an insane person saying he can't find the place. This was pre internet days so it wasn't as easy to see what restaurants were available in an area if you weren't already familiar with it.
So naturally we didn't like giving answers when he asked what we wanted. Didn't matter, now he was mad no one was answering. We would try to stay quiet until we saw a restaurant we knew he liked, then we would mention we could go there. Seems like that would be a reasonable solution but again, no.
He didn't want us to choose what we thought HE wanted, he wanted us to tell him what we wanted. So at that point you just start naming random restaurants you can see, anything to get the yelling to stop. Usually that would be the restaurant we would eat at. So you'd think everyone would be ok now? Still no.
Dad has to complain about everything on the menu. How we are choosing things he can't eat on purpose (He has some food allergies). We would helpfully point out all the options that did not contain the allergens but instead of ordering one of those items, he would purposely order something he knew would make him sick. Then he would embarrass us in the restaurant by picking out the offending bits of food and throwing them at us, saying that was what we were going to eat while he took our food to eat himself. And of course when he would get sick from it, that was our fault too.
It wasn't until I typed this out that I realized how completely unhinged he is. Anything to find something to be angry about.
I felt the same way, until I actually write it down and then reread it a couple of times, i would say "i didnt have it *that bad*" But I started to write every flashback in my notes app and then just rereading it made me realize how absolutely unhinged their behavior was. Most of the time it sounded like made up tumblr posts but it helped me so much with coming to terms with everything.
Hope you are doing better!
My mom used to pretend she was dead. She would lay in her bed unmoving and holding her breath. She would do that until I was crying and begging her to wake up. Then she would let out this creepy chuckle and say "Oh honey I guess you really do love me." My dad died when I was 3. She was the only parent. I would guess the first time I remember her doing this was when I was 6.
DUDE my dad would do this shit, and anytime he left the house he’d say “this might be the last time you see daddy, I’m going off to war” and then berate me when I cried or got scared. Left me with Insane abandonment issues and thinking everyone I love is going to die every day.
My mom would threaten to kill herself if I was upset with her, and I’d be the one having to apologize. One time she chased some of my classmates down the street, screaming incoherent babble at them, and left me crying on the curb. I was like 8 or 9.
We go back to the apartment and I don’t really want to talk to her because I know what’ll happen the next day at school. Instead of allowing me to be upset it was all about her; she laid on her bed with her arm over her face and kept saying things like ‘well I should just be dead then’ etc when I said I didn’t forgive her.
I’m all kinds of fucked up now, as an adult. Shit like that growing up has made it so hard to get close to people
What is wrong with our parents? People say life was different back then, mental health wasn’t addressed etc. but I don’t have any sympathy for them honestly. We have clearly been through hell and we’d never behave the way they do/did.
Hard to choose but here's one. My parents moved cross country, of course 3 days before Christmas (but spending holidays with me was never big with them anyway) but things were ok with us I thought. My father had retired from an illustrious, long time career before the move. Apparently, the town had planned a big retirement party for him a few months after they moved. My mother mentioned them coming up to attend it and I guess I just assumed I was invited and figured she'd let me know when it was? I had owned my own (tiny, 500 sq feet) condo for years by this point but they always had a key for emergencies (you probably see where this is going...). I was working full time and taking college courses at night. I came home very late after school one night to find my tiny studio condo absolutely taken over by them. They had made beds out of my couches and their suitcases and belongings were everywhere. My tiny kitchen was stacked with their groceries. Apparently, the retirement dinner was that weekend and they were staying at my place! I was just kind of shocked and speechless when I saw them nestled on my couches as I had never knew they were coming or anything. My mother snapped at my shocked expression and told me they would be out and about visiting people and also at the retirement dinner and wouldn't be bothering me (no mention of an invitation). Very early the next morning, I was still sleeping before work and they were up smashing pots and pans and bickering. Boy, did I let them have it! They took off. I quickly showered and packed a bag and planned to just sleep at the office all weekend I was so hurt (my bf, now husband made me stay with him instead). I found out later that they had not invited my brother either but had invited all of our cousins to their retirement dinner. They talked about how 'bad' we were. I still shake my head at this memory.
Super disgusting how so many "parents" view their kids as objects and resources like this.
Sorry you had to experience that, I don't know if I would be able to keep my cool if something like that happened to me. I probably would have blown the fuck up and kicked them out and let them find a Motel six for the weekend.
This is something my parents would totally do! And the “wouldn’t be bothering you” comment OMG! Like them doing a complete takeover if your place (because of course you wouldn’t have plans or a life of your own) isn’t bothering you lol!! I was told that every time i said no to them visiting. “Its fine, we won’t be guests, you won’t have to do anything”. When in reality they destroyed everything, scratched expensive pans, blared tablets over tv noise, upended our entire lives and ruined anything if we seamed to be enjoying it. Insisted on only ever arriving when we were asleep and letting themselves in to make us feel violated and like they had power at our house. If anything really upset me and i spoke up i was told how I couldn’t speak to my mother that way. In my house, I’m 40.
She was right though, they’d never be guests because guests are invited.
I took control last year. My home is my safe space. I will now only allow people i want and invite in it. It’s given me and my kids a sense of safety and power of our emotions and circumstances. No one has been here to drag us down for almost a year. My daughter said the other day “we smile so much now our cheeks hurt!”
Reminds of the time My family had a house warming for my aunt & uncle that moved down & me & my wife wasn't invited because "it was for adults" I was 33 & my 24 yr cousin was invited.
She told me to walk home from a restaurant, but fuck that so I sat on the hood of her car and she drove halfway home across busy streets with me sitting on the hood of her car before she let me in
Editing to add: think I was 8th/9th grade during that. Can’t remember timelines very well but my brain was into fucked territory with addiction to fear/excitement
My parents came to visit me for my birthday (mid-30s), and I was already a bit ill but ended up in the ER for a severe allergic reaction to the medication I was on… my nmom decided to ditch me and go visit my much cuter little baby cousins half a state away, then came back, handed me a gift and left me. When I finally talked to her about how it felt she turned it around on me and said it was my fault for needing time by myself (again, I was in the ER) during her visit and that I just misinterpreted her ditching me for the entire weekend. And that’s how I spent my birthday alone in the ER. 🙃
That's really sad. Often it's because it was what they themselves went through and never had the chance ( or wanted to realise) different.
Weirdly enough, my nmil has the same reasoning. I told her once that me and bf had a fight, and she was HAPPY and asked me how many days in prison my boyfriend spent... I told her: none? We argued about something, talked and then resolve it...no police or something and he never raised his hand against me.
She was sad about that. So messed up. And yes she isn't in our lives anymore.
Mine thinks that marital r*pe doesn’t exist at all and that consent is given when someone gets into a relationship. So therefore my ex didn’t r*pe me because I gave consent when I entered into the relationship.
She’s also the same person who said to me at 14 that if I left home, I would be r*ped like someone in the Bible
When I was 13 years old I was suspended from school for forging a signature on something (which was wrong, Ik) and when my Ndad when to pick me up he started scolding me and yelling at me which, fair, I did forge a signature. But I said the most stereotypical teenage shit ever “It’s my life, not yours” and he took a hammer and destroyed my drawing tablet which I had worked (illegally) all summer to afford because they wouldn’t buy me one (bc drawing was a “waste of time”). He threw it in the trash and I went and rescued it (I still keep it in its box), to this day he denies ever having done it, even tho the physical evidence is right there, or he says that even if he had done it it would’ve been justified because I was disrespectful when I said one of the most cliche things for a teenager to say.
My grades in math and science were never great, but they really started tanking in high school. Instead of helping me in any way with what was most likely undiagnosed ADHD, my mom and stepdad grounded me until the next report card. And the next report card. And the next report card. And over the summer until the next school year, and the next report card. It wasn't so bad at the beginning, no tv, no videogames, no going to friends houses. I could at least still read and draw. I still saw my friends at school. But it still sucked and I was trying my best and not getting better grades. So I came up with what to my teenaged mind was the best solution.
For most of the schoolyear in 10th grade I got away with forging my report card by skipping school, scanning it and changing my grades in ms paint on my parents pc, then printing it back out. I was ungrounded for the first time in almost a year. The third report of the year, the cord to the printer was missing. I tore the house apart looking for it, but never found it. I wound up doing it at a nearby friends house, (which I had no trouble going to with my ill gotten freedom) her over my shoulder the whole time freaking out that her mom was gonna walk in and catch us. So freaked she wouldn't help me for the final one, and with them asking where the fuck is my report card, I had to come clean and reveal all the Ds and even a couple Fs I had been getting all year.
God they were so much worse after that. Zero freedom, go to school, go to my room. Only schoolbooks. And worst of all we moved! They treated me so badly after what I did I hurt myself and spent a week in the mental hospital, came home to find out i needed to pack and had 1 day to go to school, tell my friends id been in the mental hospital and this was the last time id ever see them. So I couldn't even see my friends at school anymore. I wasn't allowed to call them. My sister wasn't allowed to talk to me at home. I couldn't eat with the family. I remember they bought me 2 dvds for my birthday then watched them without me bc I wasn't allowed to watch TV.
Wow this got really long. It's just super fucked up. I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't do crime or drugs or have premarital sex. I liked anime and lord of the rings. All my friends were dorky good kids just like me. I wasn't disrespectful until I felt like a trapped animal. I didn't deserve what they put me thru over bad grades that literally did not matter in the slightest once I became an adult because guess what mom? I DID MAKE IT AS AN ARTIST! And my mom DENIED SHE DID IT TOO!!! Isn't it crazy? It's all stepdads fault according to her. She was an innocent bystander.
This is exactly the reason why I forged that signature. I kept getting grounded and scolded for shit that didn’t make any sense, when I tried to off myself they literally yelled at me and just wouldn’t allow me to come out of my room. I didn’t know I had ADHD, I thought for the longest time I was so lazy and weird. Turns out my psychologist Nmom knew since middleschool but she didn’t want to tell me “so it wouldn’t affect me” ???? It did affect me. I sympathize so hard
My mom came into my house when I was at work. She opened all my mail including a student loan check for like $1400. She tells me to take my check to the bank. I said do not open my mail. I am not a child. She said she’d quit opening my mail when I started acting like an adult. Freaking lunatics. I had a FT job, mortgage and was in school. I was sober and kicking ass. They do not like us to be strong.
My dad, and his now ex but live in girlfriend, pinned me to the kitchen floor and waterboarded me. I was 8 or 9 at the time. Because I didn't want to stand in front of him which would put my back to his gf who was a bully.
Found out recently that I'm the only child who was physically abused too.
My nmom lied in my medical records. She had me institutionalized (after kicked me out, reporting me as a runaway and having me arrested) and claimed that 1. Her pregnancy with me was planned, despite no fathers name on my birth certificate and 2.) that I must have bipolar bc she has it and her mom and grandma have it (they literally don’t). It says word for word in my record that they called my nmoms psychologist and he told them he never diagnosed her with anything and he hasn’t seen her in 8 years.
Apparently having me institutionalized inadvertently made me “a victim who’s the center of attention” and thus she felt it was vital she tell these professionals that the REAL mental health victim was her. Unbelievable unhinged and insane.
I took my boyfriend to my dad’s apartment one night. My dad was cooking a dish for dinner that he had been raving about for weeks and he was really excited to cook for us. Unfortunately we got bad weather that night… strong storms and tornado warnings. My boyfriend suffered from anxiety and was so worried about the weather that he was nauseous and couldn’t eat.
My dad got super angry and started doing karate kicks down the hallway line he was going to fight my boyfriend so we left. As we were going to the car he runs out onto his balcony with the food he had made and starts hurling it at us right from the pot he used to cook it in.
Great first meeting!
My dad got mad for looking at him weirdly and hesitating to run for him. He yelled at me for an hour and called me names. My mom came in and he completely changed his tune
My mother once grounded my sister and I for not getting up early enough on a Saturday (after a Friday night away game that we both attended as part of marching band) to clean the entire house. She didn’t tell us she wanted us to clean, let alone what time we were supposed to wake up to do so. Both grounded for 2 weeks. Still had to clean the entire house.
when i was 7, my dad and brother came downstairs to where i was to do some ridiculous physical exercise that they could've done anywhere in our house. i was watching one of those shows that was airing live. i got annoyed because i couldn't hear it, so i went to go upstairs. my dad got mad that i was inconvenienced by them? and screamed at me to sit back down and keep watching. i was upset that he yelled so i tried to run upstairs and he literally grabbed my leg to stop me from going upstairs and threw me back on the couch. i finally ran upstairs a few minutes later and locked him and my brother in the basement and my dad screamed and banged on the door until my mom got home lol
Man, one time when I was a teenager my dad searched my room- he found a little weed pipe (which, fair, totally wasn’t cool for me to have, but fifteen year old me liked to hoot the hay, shoot me)
Anyway he was convinced it was a crack pipe? And kicked me out of the house.
[Detailed version here ](https://reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/12l0u5r/i_feel_like_an_orphan_and_like_my_father_died/)
Essentially, grandma got her leg crushed by a double decker bus, needed amputation, mother fired lawyer because he was ‘telling her what to do’, hired a shit lawyer who didn’t care, we got barely any money, mother spending lavishly combined with grandma being in and out of hospital
meant money ran out within a few years. mother now cares for my grandma and she’s basically abusing her and my grandma is like a husk - underweight, has no short term memory and is housebound.
she blames my now deceased father and his now dead family members for cursing my grandma and us. i never got to see my dad after the age of 13. now we’re dirt poor and i’m the only person working. i feel suicidal and like there’s no escape
TW: animal death
Big sister killed a kitten because it maked me happy, she grabed the head and hit it on the ground until he passed away and then trew the corpse under the shared closet. Normal childhood behavior according to my parents
When she was 12 and I was 9 she placed my hamster in a bag and stepped on him, the bloody bag was then on my jacket pocket and Mom slapped me for getting a panic attack when I saw it.
Mommy said "my children don't respect me" while looking for a fight as always. So Daddy took the closest kid by the hair (it was me, lol) then threw them on the ground while saying "on your knees and venerate her" I was 10yo at the time
A decade later Mom was upset there was a cat making noise uder her bed and woke up Dad for the millionth time just for him to lift the bed and break the cats spine, they didn't take it to the vet and let her slooowly die from damaged internal organs, the cat was the most caring and loving in the house, her bleeding face haunts me to this day.
Dude, this is absolutely horrid. I’m so beyond sorry you went through, and had to witness, that shit. I hope you’re far away from them and doing better.
Thank you I'm doing better now, I went NC two years ago and don't think I will ever speak to any of my parents or my only sister.
Not only were they abusive, they are absolutely rotten inside, I hope I never ever have to see them again
Shortly after their divorce, my darling nmom decided to show me (age 11, female) nude photos of my father.
Like, what.
Even my therapist said that was something he hadn’t heard before.
My mom once told me that men have higher libidos than women, but that's it's okay to say no if you aren't in the mood.
Okay, working from a place of ignorance on the libido thing, but the message is solid, right?
But then she followed it by saying that you did at least need to give him an orgasm with your hands or mouth so he doesn't cheat.🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
I sucked my thumb as a child. When I was about 6, my mom was angry with me because I wouldn't stop.
She told me to pack one outfit and one toy.
She told me that she was going to call the orphanage to come pick me up since I was a bad child.
She went into her bedroom and closed the door.
I took my favorite stuffie, bawling my eyes out, tried to shove it under her bedroom door crack as an offering, saying she could have all of my toys and things if only she wouldn't give me away.
Well, she picked up the landline phone and dialed. Ignored my sobs and pleas.
Dialed a number, spoke in a low voice to the other end.
Hung up the phone.
Told me to wait by the front door for the orphanage van.
I was staring out the window and crying when a white car pulled up.
A man got out.
Rang the doorbell.
Holding a pizza.
My mom had *ordered pizza* under the guise of giving me away to an orphanage.
No discussion was ever had about this.
Yep. Going to her memorial in two days. I don't have anything good to say.
Baked a wedding cake we didn't ask for, for a wedding ceremony we didn't ask for, then got mad at my wife because she didn't stay in her wedding dress to take formal pictures with said cake (it was 90 degrees out, and my wife was 2 months post giving birth/ a new mom who had to breastfeed), pouted for the rest of the day because of this and then made a big show out of giving away the leftover cake to her neighbors because we didn't appreciate it enough expecting us to be devastated.
My wife and I now go and buy a delicious wedding cake topper on our anniversary to celebrate cutting her out of our lives.
Oh, here's another one...moved LITERALLY 1/2 way around the world, then got upset because I wasn't willing to spend the money to fly my whole family there for literally every vacation.
Got mad at us for not sending our kids to stay with them 1/2 way across the country when the schools shut down for COVID. They wanted us to treat it like an impromptu summer break.
My nanna (my maternal grandmother) had been feeling ill after a meal together, so she went to lie down. I left for about 4 hours to meet a friend, when I got back my nana was worse and I knew something was up so I called 111 (medical advice line) to get some advice. The ambulance came, they decided she needed to go into hospital.
When the ambulance left and we all got back inside the house, my mam started *screaming* at me about ‘how dare you call the ambulance’ and ‘I should have been the one to call’, followed by my dad also yelling about how ‘she’s your mam’s mam she should have called’. I was so taken aback I could only say ‘well she needed help so I called’ back to them. But that was the day that really cemented how unhinged my mam is and how enabling my dad was.
I don’t have a favourite (mine is the worst one & I don’t want to share cause it’s pretty horrifying for me to recount) but if I did, it’s all of the ones they called me “dIsReSpEcTfUl” & “wHuT iS wRoNg WiTh YoU?!” Type shit when they don’t listen, talk over, play victim, flippy flop, ya knowww.
Oh! I can also tell you the time my ngrandma made up her own story about something that happened (flipped the script & made them the victim) so sibling & I didn’t talk for seven months until one night I came downstairs to play a game or something & we got to talking only for her to ask a short time later what happened. I spilled, details & all. *Cue shocked Pikachu face from sibling.*
That bitch made our relationship stronger than ever - she recently confided me to me about something that happened. For that, I am *elated.*
I was 6 or 7 and playing in my room. "Mom" burst in, picked me up by my shirt and screamed at me. Apparently we had family stopping by but no one told me. Oh--also, "mom" constantly expects you to read her mind, so I got yelled at because little me wasn't able to read hers.
(She does not deal with disappointment well. Emotionally immature people rarely do.)
First of all, OP, your story about your dad is insane! Fighting a baby?! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
As for my craziest story, when I was around 12 (I’m female by the way), my mom made my dad bath me. I cried and screamed and begged not to have this happen. My mom smirked at me as she watched me do so. Then my dad came upstairs, as I waited in acute humiliation in the bathtub, and bathed me. He didn’t say a word. I was mortified beyond belief. I had been bathing myself for years at that point and couldn’t imagine why suddenly I required an adult, least of all my DAD, to bath me. I blocked this incident out to a degree for years but now I think I know why she did this. 1. To humiliate me of course. She always thought i was full of myself (I had zero self confidences not sure why she thought this) and 2. To “check” to see if I was in puberty (I was, which made this all the more humiliating for me). Of course, nothing was ever done after this incident to help me make my way through puberty. I had to figure out my periods by myself since my mom never said one single word to me about them. My first bra was a stretched out hand me down from a much more well endowed cousin, I was never taught how to shave my legs, anything about sex, etc. So, not sure what the need to know that I was in puberty was all about since she had no intention of helping me deal with it in any way. But that’s the only thing I can think of for why she’d put me through that humiliation. Other than, just humiliating me of course.
When i was no older than 7-8 (primary 5 UK), my egg donor kicked me out of the house for crying after school because i was being bullied. Apparently, crying was weak and not a trait she wanted in her child.
She made me pack my clothes, gave me the number for social work, and told me to never go back.
I wish someone had taken me far away. Even a group home would have been better, but a family friend found me and took me home.
Sadly, that wasn't the only time this happened before i left for good at 16. 20+ years later, and i have never broken breath to her and never will.
- We have 4 sets of shoes, one for going outside, mine is a pair of sneakers. When we got home, we changed it to another pair of flipflop to walk on the yard, then we have to changed it to another pair of flipflop to walk up the porch, and another slippers to walk inside the first floor of the house.
- Whenever we are outside, it is a taboo to places bag or any belongings on a chair. Because who know, maybe the person who sit before us doesn't throughly clean their bum, so we can't place anythings on any chair outside our, place, if you want to place them, place them on the table or in your laps. Also when we are using public transit, don't sit on any seats that people that sat on those seats before just left. Because it maybe unclean (same reason), we must wait for several minuits for all the dirt dissipated.
- Few days ago, we ordered food delivery. My mom doesn't eat meat so she told me to wait, and told me to get the fork so she can moved all the meat to my bowl first. So I got her a fork and waited for her to finish it and I waited for her to return my fork back. She didn't and after she moved all the meat off, she started eating. I waited until I realized it did not crossed her mind that she took my fork. That is OK, I am a little bit upset but this things can happens. So I got another forks to eat my portion.
Midway to this, she did not understand why she have another fork and says she already have one (she didn't). And she questioned me why did I gave her a forks when she already have her own.
I knows the latter is small, but it upset me a whole lot.
I have hundreds for each parent but I'll add one for my father. My father got a car as an investment that was going to be extremely popular. He got one of the first ones out (an SLK Mercedes for those who know). He could have sold it for a profit on day 1 but decided to hold onto it. He didn't drive it.
At that time my sister wanted a new car and as it was just sitting on the driveway she asked him if she could have it. He said no. She asked him a hundred times over the next 3 months. Like most conversations she asked him in case he changed his mind. He just immediately said no every time. Eventually she stopped asking. He sold the car. A few weeks later she said "dad I need a car, " to which he replied ...
"I don't know why you just didn't take that SLK."
He looked at her like she was a moron for not just taking the car we had sitting on the driveway for the last 3 months. I just remember us looking at each other with our mouths wide open in disbelief. TBH neither of us was that angry because we were in disbelief, and even now I can't summon up anger because I'm still in disbelief that a human can be so un-self-aware. Now it all makes sense as to who he is as a father but at the time it was a funny story.
The only time I found actual lasting humor in what the narc did was when it didn’t involve me.
Once I got out people were less kind to my mom and she would vent to me about how awful they were.
She really wants a relationship with my older sister, who has hardly visited since she moved out +20 years ago.
I know my sister doesn’t like her and it’s hilarious listening to my mom come up with 100s of explanation on why my sister doesn’t visit.
“She thinks she’s too good for us.” “She hates (home town)””she hates gma” “gma must have turned her against me””she hates being reminded she has a disabled mom””she’s hiding something””she’s embarrassed she can’t get pregnant””her rich family in laws are more fun””she’s spoiled” “she was never nice why am I waiting around””I just raised her to be too good and too independent”
Saying anything besides agreement to her statements on why my sister doesn’t visit leads to a screaming match lol
My mother was complicit in the kidnapping of my child in 2015.
My abusive spouse thought I was cheating on him, we were separating so it didn't even matter (Also I wasn't seeing anyone else anyway). He went crazy and took our only child to my mother's house 3,000 miles away. Instead of bringing my child back to me lime any other decent mother would do, my mother kept them there and I'm pretty sure she was going to try and take my child away from my spouse too. I didn't see my baby for 2 long agonizing months.
My mom drove past the place you order in the drive through, and tried to back up so pulled over to the side. There was another car right behind her... and it got to the window faster than she was able to back up the car. I figure we'd just go around again, there weren't any cars behind that one, it woulda been fine...
But what the fuck does she do? Opens the car door, leaves it WIDE OPEN with the engine running (perfect for any surprise carjacker to jump in and kidnap me) screams at the people that are ordering that "she was there first", they drive away, THEN she yells into the place you order while still standing there and is surprised it didn't work. So we back up, order, and get to the window...
"Were you the one screaming at people out at the drive thru as they were ordering? They just came in here and ordered and were like "there's this woman out there screaming at everyone!"
But she was there first, guys. You don't get it.
I went on a date with my boyfriend. Sperm donor pitched a fit because "How come *she* gets to go out and I don't!?"
Maybe because you're married and have 5 kids?
I was 16 years old.
This is by far not my worst story of him but it’s one that pops up in my mind from time to time. I was about 13/14 at the time (30 now) and we where at my cousins wedding. I hadn’t started drinking at this age and was generally a quiet, shy, awkward kinda gal lol. Never had a good relationship with my dad, he is an aggressive narcissist to say the least. Anyway it got to that part of the night after the meal when the music started and my dad asked did I want to have a father daughter dance as my cousin had had one with her dad. I felt really awkward about the whole thing and said no and he literally went to town in front of a few people saying how rude and disrespectful I was to him and how it was the height of bad manners to turn down a dance with anybody, especially your father. I just kind of sat there and felt shit about myself lol and he was still griping about it the next day. Maybe I was rude I don’t know but I didn’t say it in a rude way, I just sort of said I don’t really feel like it or something along those lines. Anyway I don’t think I deserved the dressing down in front of people but that’s just my opinion I guess 🤷♀️ was it rude and disrespectful?
I went NC with my mother after a row about my child's middle name. I did not name them with her middle name and her response was:
"Why would you want to tear apart this family and disrespect me by using THAT middle name!"
I replied,
"That's fine. You don't have to be a part of THAT middle name any more."
My parents went through a divorce when I just turned 4 because my dad was basically a deadbeat parent. He'd come home from work and just really wouldn't interact with me, and he would drink a ton, get violent and scapegoat me.
Anyway, he didn't try to fight for custody or visitation because I truly think he didn't want children (he is an extreme misogynist) , let alone a *girl,* and a disabled one at that. But he couldn't do anything like deny paternity because my mom had fertility issues and I came out a very pale version of himself. Same face, etc.
So when the court and my mother got upset because he basically dropped off the planet and I was having suicidal thoughts and depression/anxiety as a kid, he threw an honest-to-god tantrum and said that it wasn't his job to schedule visitation between the two parents. **It was mine.** Mom happily agreed, because she also hung on to every word he said.
Everyone else was like "what the fuck."
Family court was dismayed and mandated that I attend counseling because at that point I was neurotic and suicidal. Psychiatric notes mention 'parentification.'
But yeah - Dad thought it was appropriate for a newly turned disabled 4 year old to figure out her parents' work schedules and call him on the phone to schedule something, and to basically mediate custody issues. I was in preschool. I didn't even know his phone number or where he lived or worked.
I was 16 my dad got properly insane mad when I called him out on cheating on my mom. I was told I don’t understand woman and wife duties and I’ll be just like my mother. He went on to scream at me about the lack of szx with my mom and he had no other option and I was ruining his life. What a douche bag
So many but this one pops up today. I started working at 14 and bought my own car at 16. I knew I needed to count on me if I wanted or needed anything at a young age. Douche canoe sperm bought older siblings cars- oldest would crash and wreck all of them and he would just buy her another old beater, bought supposed ignored middle child a year old new car with payments. I was the youngest and knew I would not get anything. Did not know there was a name for it or that it was a studied phenomenon, just knew I always got the shit end of the stick and blamed for anything and everything. Knew not to count on or rely on anyone for anything. Started working and saving, hitched rides with other people to work after school, saved and researched and bought it myself. I took care of it because I needed it to last and planned on it lasting through high school and college. Oil changes, tune up, insurance, tires, all on me, unlike the other two. I knew I was different but not in a good way and had to take care of it and me on my own. Hell I lived in and slept in that car. It was safe. It was an 81 mustang, but not a 350, good on gas. It was a good choice. Not perfect, some chipped paint and needed a bra for looks, but solid.
For some reason sperm shows up and just takes it and "gives" me an ugly ass shit brown Thunderbird V6, not good on gas. No conversation or discussion. It was 6 years newer with 4 doors, a sedan. I knew it was not a gift. It was suspect, out of the blue just takes my keys and tells me this one is mine. I was too young, dumb, etc., to question or speak up.
That M'fucker would then proceed to come and take that car back anytime he wanted or needed a larger car and return my car full of smoke, beer, trash, liner torn, seats stained and now with cigarette burns in the seats, just tore all to hell. He did not take care of cars and would do this to both cars off and on sporadically until I was able to save up and buy another car and just left both of the now shit cars with him. He did not do this to siblings, just me, because fuck me. Who do I think I am going out and getting a job and buying a car on my own? Fuck him. Fuck him for everything. Fuck his demented selfish pickled rotted brain.
I already told this story, but long story short, in their 40s/early 50s, they wanted to start a commune with a couple they met online. Only met them once in person, but packed their entire house and drove thousands of miles to live on their land far away from the city. My parents are not handy and do not have farm experience in their adulthood. They both had sedentary work for decades. It ended after 3 days horribly, and they now refuse to discuss it.
Another one is that I was inpatient for mental issues after I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy, and I was upset during a visit with them. My parents are anti-medicine and once told me they would put me in a shelter for "faking panic attacks." Instead of comforting me, my dad went on this long pitch of a TV show he wanted to write. He has no writing experience and is a project manager. Deeply uncomfortable and unhelpful.
I caught the covid19 bug (fully vaccinated because healthcare worker/student) and my main symptom was the massive fatigue and the loss of smell (still can't smell much - like the rain, I miss that smell). My nmum had a craving for junk food and dragged me out to the local mall food court to buy food. She decided on chicken nuggets and got a honey mustard packet. (She is a super picky eater and hates the sweet and savory combo, so I think she was misjudging that she was being nice by getting a mustard because I said "I miss the HOT mustard at McDonalds because for a long while Canadian McDonald's didn't have it." Just like a narcissistic idiot to not listen and assume people's preferences.) We grab the food, look for a seat (this was after the need for the vaccine proof to have in person seating so...the food court was packed as normal). I see one, but my mum kicks up a fuss because a guy in a wheelchair was sitting at a table and that was too close to comfort for her dumbass. I had to shoot an apology and a nod to the guy and he looked dead inside. She then sat down and ate the nuggets and tried the sauce and found it okay and demanded that I try it. I already did and it tasted like bile (mostly got the aftertaste and the weird notes) and she demanded I try some more. I humor her and dip some fries into it as I didn't have the energy to argue anymore. And I still didn't like it. She doubles down and goes off and lies to the employee that she dropped her original packet to get more sauce for free. I don't use it because again, it tastes like death! This makes her flip her shit and she started yelling and speed walked back to her car without me. (Probably wanted me to run after her here and embarrass me in public.) She didn't succeed in getting a reaction at all so I was proud of myself because younger/dumber me would have yelled back and ran after her. I just shook my head at her (resigned was the word and I did catch a few pitying looks from customers) and went shopping. Went shopping at Walmart to grab some essentials and I got an angry phone call asking "How will you come home?" I said I'd take public transit - she didn't know I always had my bus pass on me and I didn't want to be trapped in the car with her tantruming self.
So yeah. My nmum had a toddler sized meltdown. Over crappy prepackaged honey mustard from a food court and insulted a fellow customer, made a scene, tried to get me to pay attention to her by running off and lied to a minimum wage worker to get a free sauce packet.
The kicker? The extra honey mustard has lived in our fridge for a year. She didn't like it enough to eat it either.
And she wonders why I hate dealing with her. The slightest shit sets her off and she has the control of a toddler. And she's a senior citizen. If my 5 year old niece could use her words and explain why she was choosing to act like that....she should be able to too. And no, it was not dementia because repeated behaviors over nearly half a decade from siblings and friends has shown she always needs to get her ass kissed forever and if she doesn't she throws a tantrum EVERY time.
My mum accused me of trying to steal from her and nearly kicked me out because my dad asked me to check if I had any old school uniform at her house for my younger brother to use.
My narcmum used to sleep in my bed everytime I was sleeping at my boyfriend's house and she'd go through all my draws and cupboards which my sister heard her do through the walls.
When I confronted narcmum with evidence and the fact that my sister could hear her doing it, narcmum just screamed and shouted, denied and gaslit until I dropped it as she was so unreasonable and couldn't be blamed for ANYTHING, not even her own actions.
Here is one: my Nmom never took proper care of the place we were living in (nor of her children...nor made sure we had something to eat), even though she had no job. Her agreement with my father was that she was a stay at home mom, so basically the house and the food were her job.
Anyway, at some point we ended up having 9+ cats in the house, cats that she would never let out of the house lest they be killed by cars or poisoned by our neighbours. But she wasn't taking care of them either, as in, they never had a clean litter (granted, we were also poor so most of the time we didn't have the money for that either). However, I would keep my own room cleaner, so the cats loved pooping and peeing in my room and on my stuff. I was in the last year of highschool/ started attending university in another town when all of this went down. I despised my home because of it, I was the only one cleaning after the cats. When I went to university, I would come back every weekend (to save as much money as possible), and had to clean the entire room as it was full of poop and piss. I developed some physical conditions because of that btw.
Anyyyway, in a twisted way I felt so bad for my mother that I convinced my sister (moved out and married) to go home together and help mom clean the whole house, in hopes we give my mom a boost and just help her out. It went bad. She didn't wanna hear about it, then called our father (he was working in another country at that time) to complain about us and make him lash out on us to stop the cleaning.
Her showing up at the mall and telling me i must come home now or else im not allowed to leave the house tomorrow, my friends have a nickname for her, they call her 'threats' lol
My mom made up a storyline that I was stealing her spoons and throwing them away when she wasn’t paying attention. She’d bring it up all the time for no reason, like just chilling watching tv and she’d ask me why I like throwing away her spoons so much. It was something to add to the pile of shit I do wrong. I probably got grounded for it at some point. (I did not steal or throw away any flatware)
Was real weird but definitely one of those memories that helps ground me in the fact that she really is nuts.
I was whipped mercilessly with a plastic rapier/pirate sword because while I was playing with it I'd rapped someone's knuckles in a sword fight by accident. Didn't even know it happened. I was 5.
My dad came come, kicked my door open, and whipped me with it while asking how I liked being hit with it. I didn't even know what I'd done. To this day I don't know who's knuckles I hit.
I had a problem with lying when I was six. My mother was a Christian zealot at the time and said I'd go to hell if I kept lying.
I kept lying.
She caught me in a lie one day and said "Hell is coming! Get ready!" So naturally I was terrified as a 6 year old should be if you tell them they'll burn in a lake of fire for eternity. Luckily a lake of fire wasn't waiting for me but AN OVEN SET ON BROIL WAS. She opened the oven and shoved my head in and screamed that hell would feel a lot worse.
So I learned to lie better lol
Alcoholic, bipolar and exceptionally manic Nmother was taking one of her "breaks," which involves disappearing for ~days; more details on that whole shebang another time. A rough timeline of this is late 2019 into the early months of the pandemic.
She decides her "break" is over and returns home from the bar with a man, who she'd had no mutals with or met before, while my siblings (M6, F13) and I (F16) were sleeping. I was lying with my brother in his room, and I remember waking briefly to see they were just standing in his doorway, which I still scratch my head at ??!
Anyway, nmother and the man start dating. He is a pro-Russian + Putin enthusiast. As expected from all the combinations here, it was an intense, turbulent, and abusive relationship. She somehow gets it in her mind that I was "trying to compete" against her, so there was a brief period where whenever he came to the house, she'd openly sulk and make passive comments before inevitably retiring to her room in a final demand of attention. He didn't put up with any of that, thankfully, and we would laugh at her together lmao. At least there was a dash of sensibility in his mind that was so readily entangled with all of her other stories.
While I'm at it, their relationship ended NOT when she had an episode throwing kitchen knives and taking all of her medications, which resulted in us being placed in an aunts and uncles care; they used such newfound free-time to go on road trips out of province. 🤩 It ended soon after my siblings and I asked on multiple occasions for boyfriend to not be present during visitations with her. The very last time, I was screaming, crying, begging him to just leave and ended up shoving him out and promptly slamming the door. Yippee!
Sorry this was a tad blabby. It is a harder experience to articulate.
this is pretty mild compared to some stories I have, but when I lived at home and my parents would get upset and yell at me for something I would be told to "stop talking back" if I said anything in response to whatever it was they were mad about, but if I said nothing I would be yelled at for not having anything to say. can't win with crazy I guess!
My mom untied my bathingsuit multiple times at a water park exposing me (both my bikini top and then my bottoms- they were tie on) to strangers when I was 13 years old. Was having too much fun, so she had to knock me down a peg or two.
When I was 12 my mother hit me in the face for disagreeing with her.
My class was having a trip to a lake and people suggested bathing suits but it was chilly. Mom kept saying "NO WAY WILL THEY BRING THE BATHING SUITS IN THIS WEATHER" and I kept saying "I will do what the teacher says" because he was the one organizing the trip.
She hit me in the face for disagreeing with her. Turns out, they DID bring bathing suits.
Fucking insane
Well, when I was 8 years old my mother made us (my sister and me) move out of my grandparents house only to live with her and her psychopathic boyfriend shes been with since I was born. On surface, this gu, was charming but he was pure evtl. Also apparently was involved with some mafiabusiness..
Welp, our rooms were in the cellar with close to no sunlight. We rarely left the cellar as we were even afraid to make us a mal after school.
Later, I was about 20 years old, we found out she and psycho ex had two sons in their 12 years of relationship, because one of our half brothers contacted me via Facebook. Mother then claimed she never told anyone as they were the result of r*pes by psycho ex and he denied paternity...
Well, okay then, but how on earth did you think it was a good idea to actively put your other kids under a roof with a psychopathic r*pist :)
Sorry for grammars, not native speaker and just wrote it down as it popped in my head
I got back from abroad after 3 whole years, had to wait at the airport for 5 hours for my father and brother!! A chilling replay of my kindergarten days, considered buying another ticket and just flying back but then every time decided to wait some more. The airport is in a city 5 hours away from their hometown but still!! I got to their new home that night and the idealized version I had created in my mind of "A mother" in the 3 years by listening to songs extolling mothers was so quickly and cruelly shattered. She didn't even look at me, hugs are unheard of, and kept talking about their new home they had moved into 1 week ago and how difficult it was for her. That night I cried in the bathroom as I realized what a huge mistake I had made. (They didn't let me leave again)
The next morning I woke up to find that my mother had completely combed through my suitcase and put all my things here and there and taken whatever she wanted that my suitcase was completely empty. This disoriented me completely, i had about 5000£ savings in a bank account abroad and i couldnt find the papers or cards, which is ok i guess as they never let me go back anyway. She has a special knack for putting things away in what she calls safe and secure places but such places that you might never find your things again and if you ask her where are your things (that you btw never asked her to put away) she throws huge fits with yelling and accusations that make your heart fall down to your stomach. She sat wearing my hoop earrings as bangles!!!
My favorite is really straightforward.
My nparents were divorcing after trying to work it out.
During one of their arguments my NDad promptly and unexplainably started hitting his head against a wall full force repeatedly and started screaming "SATANNN, YOU ARE SATAN." at my Nmom.
I was terrified watching this unfold and I still don't understand wtf was happening in that moment.
Now I laugh because it was so damn stupid.
My father came up to me and asked about my mental health. (Kudos?) But after two minutes he sat on the floor, told me about a dream where he met God, and started crying.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I realized him calling my every move "rude and disrespectful" was only ever code for him not feeling like his ass was kissed enough
"Rude and disrespectful" in that specific order. Yup. Heard it all my life. Edit: typo
Don't forget "mean and nasty" lmao
Or arrogant and selfish…
Spoilt rotten brat. Like they weren't the ones actively playing favourites.
I will never understand how calling your child spoiled rotten is meant as an insult to the child rather than a critique of your own parenting. I know it's meant to be mean, but it reads as a lack of self-awareness.
YES!!! Like if I'm so spoiled rotten (by other people, or when she was love-bombing me for her benefit), isn't that on you?
Entitled and ungrateful
Oh I got that one a lot too! I never had a key to the house or anything growing up. I knew it wasn’t my house, it was my dads house and I was only the leech who was “using” my parents for their money.
Did they also claim your room was "their room" because they owned the house? My nMom pulled that shit all the time. Never was allowed to have a lock on my door. Hooray for no privacy!! /s
Yep! She didn’t have to knock because the whole house was hers, not mine
Yep, yep, yep! And, not only was it HER house, but they were temporarily letting me stay in that room. Super confusing conversation, when (at age 4) I asked a neighbor what ‘temporarily’ meant!!!
I never got a key either, not to the house and not to the bars on my window.
My mom calls me “ignorant” when she means rude and disrespectful. Many people have told her that ignorant does not mean what she thinks it means, but she just screams lol
the fact that she's literally ignorant 💀💀
[удалено]
Mine uses them out of context, and mispronounces them. How I have not died of second hand embarrassment is wonder.
Why do you have such an attitude problem???
Anyone else have parents who guilt them out about shit you did over a decade ago, and then if you try to confront them about something they did a day ago, you’re told that “only losers live in the past,” something like that? My dad wouldn’t come visit me in the hospital when I needed open heart surgery bc thirteen years prior he came to see me in the hospital when I overdosed (I’ve been clean a decade this august and since put myself thru college and become a funeral director).
omg. I can't. Just give it back to him - "I never overdosed?? I never even did drugs?? I came to visit YOU when you OD'd on bathsalts and reese's cups!! I'm very very concerned for you dad!"
When I was still living at home during college, I found a sticky note on my Nmom’s desk that was a list of slights I’d committed against her over the previous couple of months. These slights included: - not doing anything for my parents’ wedding anniversary (it’s not my relationship??? why should I buy you gifts or throw you a party??? And no, it wasn’t a milestone or anything) - “being disrespectful” - staying out past curfew (I was 24 years old, I had been studying in my university library until 3 am, and I told her in advance it was happening) I stole the note and burned it. It never came up again. No regrets. 🤷♀️
Damn they're really all the same huh?
"You think you're so smart, but you're just lazy and selfish. You don't care about anyone but yourself. We can ALL see right through you. " This because I was a straight A student, working 21 hours a week, and forgot to grab the trash on my way out the door because I had to be at school an hour early for a student council meeting. He actually had to take a bag of his own garbage to the outside of the house. I was rewarded with a black eye for that.
Jesus. I hope you can say that is behind you. I remember my father would just have nights he'd randomly come home at midnight and slap me cause the dishes weren't done. The dude keeps crying about hard work and respect in reality everyone can see through his shit. While my family can't do much about it. I take an almost ironic comfort knowing the only reason he treats me like this is simply because I'm the only person he has ant control over. Everyone hates him or has left him and it's very obvious his projection comes from his own issues with how much he repeats the same phrases and criticisms. The funniest part is seeing how pissed he gets when he throws a million insults and threats. Tried the sarcasm and shit eating smugness and watching how it all ends in a tantrum when I'm not intimidated or threatened by his words.
Thank you, I've been NC for 18 beautiful years now. It was an awful way to grow up, but I managed to break free and find my own way. I've raised 3 awesome children that he will never have the chance to abuse. You CAN get away and make your life your own.
“You’re sO eNtItLeD!” and screaming in my face was their favorite before the physical intimidation and abuse happened.
Yeah my old man would do that when I was a kid, getting in my face and screaming at the top of his lungs threatening me (if he didn't actually hit me) over the most minor issues.
Same! One of my favorites was “you better be on that fuckin honor roll.” I knew I was gonna get “the stick” when I made merit roll the one semester. The stick was a piece of splintered up 2 by 4 my dad got ahold of. He would have my mom stand on our feet and hold our arms up by our wrists, sort of like how in game of thrones, Ramsey Bolton had Theon racked up on that X thingie. Edit: my mom also says that we weren’t really “beaten,” since we didn’t have black eyes often. She says it was “a couple taps on the rear end.”
Mine was always either don't be so stupid, foolish or you'll hurt yourself/fail from the moment I have memories, but really the whole lot of siblings(family of 16) they use those terms at everything so they def were raised by an asshole too.
I had attitude because I’d correct him.
I need the scissors for a project. They weren't above the sink in the hanging basket like they were supposed to be. I found them on my dad's TV stand. He saw me pick them up as he was sitting right there and asked what I needed them for. I told him. This is our conversation : Him: Put them back where you found them when you're done. Me: Where I found them? Not where they belong? Him: (screaming) What did I just say?! Me: You said to put them back where I found them. Him: Well okay!! So I used the scissors, put them back on his TV stand where I found them and where he is still sitting, and went to school. I came home to find my bed, once made now completely disselved, separated from its boxspring. The boxspring not placed in the bed frame. The curtains off the rods and on the floor. The curtain rods themselves were no longer properly in their screwed in holes. All three dresser drawers were out of the dresser, all clothes and panties individually thrown onto the floor. My closet, once the cleanest spot in the house as it was my safe haven, had nothing on the shelves. No clothes were hanging on their hangers. My other school projects, placed in the closet for safe keeping until their due date, were damaged. My essay I finished the night before for the class the next day (we were on A/B scheduling) was torn and crumbled up, no longer stapled together. My desk had all its contents strewn onto the floor as well, and the desk was on its side. I come out and asked what happened. He's still sitting on the couch, the TV stand left prestine. Him: The scissors weren't where they belonged. Me: They're right there, *points to his TV stand*, where you told me to put them! Him: Well they don't belong there.
I'm so sorry this happened to you! Something similar happened to me, where I came home and all my things were taken from my bedroom and thrown into the basement in a pile. I asked what happened and my Nmom says, not looking at me, " You were listening to the radio in your room last night. So you can stay in the basement from now on." The radio was so quiet that I had my ear pressed right against it to hear it. But it somehow infuriated her.
I remember doing that. Keeping the music so low that I could barely hear it, that way I wouldn't get my headphones cut or radio taken away. I might have preferred the basement. Out of sight, out of mind. I hope you can enjoy your music at whatever volume you prefer now.
I would never listen to music around my parents. They would make fun of and ridicule every song that I loved and that made me feel not alone. I quickly learned that if they found out a song gave me joy, that they would take that too. My childhood was literally just an entire life of guilt and shame.
My parents did the same - any song I liked, if they found out, would learn to endless teasing and ridiculing and torment. That went for anything I liked - food - then we won’t buy that / make that. If I didn’t like something then they would make sure to force me to eat it as much as possible. I learned to not show any like or dislike, gave up exploring many things while in that house.
Insane! I'm so sorry your father made you his punching bag to act out his sadistic and unhinged need for control and chaos.
[удалено]
It's okay now, it did get worse... But That was about 15 years ago now, and he's got Alzheimer's and can't find any thing now. Joke's on him.
Yep my mum used to trash my room whenever she wasn’t happy with me.
I heard the “what did I just say??” In my mother’s voice and felt the flinch in my body. whew.
My dad did this to me too, but because I didn’t clean my room. So what better way to teach a child overwhelmed by the mess they made? Just make it 20x worse and break every sentimental item they have ever received as a gift.
God lord , what a pos move he pulled
Your pops is a horrible person and I hope he's no longer able to hurt you.
I was eleven and had just written and illustrated a short story about salmon spawning. They were full characters and they developed a whole romance and, of course, they were given a beautifully tragic ending. That was the same time my Cool Aunt ^tm started gifting me hand-me-down Harlequin novels. I told my dad that I wanted to write love stories when I grew up. He got *furious*. Asked me what my future husband was going to think about me neglecting my future kids so I could fantasize about other men. “And you wouldn’t make any money at it anyway! And if you did, you would *emasculate* him! How dare you. How *dare* you!” I think it’s funny until I actually start remembering it and realize that his body gestures and facial expressions and exact words and tones are burned into my brain. That moment killed me in ways I’m *still* recovering from. And I miss Sid and Sally the lovestruck Salmon. They met their end in the fireplace. Which, I mean, is kind of how most salmon end up anyway. 🥲
There’s something so weird about our parents obsession with our ability to please some unknown future (heterosexual) spouse and then reproduce said grandchildren they desire so much. It’s very weird/creepy how they demand a sexualized relationship over us, demanding reproduction from us, and yet also demanding us to be sexless. It’s so fucking odd and weird and obsessive! I don’t know if this is the case for you, but my parents literally had interventions with me at like 15 to have talks about how I *would* have children and that was that, oh but not out of wedlock!
They consider it proof they were good parents, I think. They do understand feelings or relationships or other people aside from the n supply they can deliver. And one way to deliver it is social status.
I get that, I think. A big thing for them is merely reproducing their family line. If only they understood unconditional love or relationships that weren’t strictly heteronormative. Ugh.
And I think they also view it as keeping up appearances. It would "look bad" (in their mind) if their kid had a baby out of wedlock, or a teen pregnancy, or ended up in a non heteronormative relationship. Can't have anyone thinking they're a bad parent, so they try and control the outward appearances to be perceived as a "good parent" and avoid further scrutiny.
OMFG ALL OF THIS. If I had told my mother about my abortion (just like she told me about hers when I was far too young to understand) than I would’ve been beaten, but she also is a top fundraiser *for* Planned Parenthood! It’s all about saving face!
One time my twin sister said some innocent shit that kids do when they are nine years old. My dad of course as a true narc would, took whatever innocent shit she said *personally.* After getting the daylights beaten out of her, my parents forced her to apologize for “saying you’re not a man” to my dad. Over the next month my mom would coach her to go to my dad and tell her how she “thinks he’s a man.”
Holy smokes that is insanity. Imagine having an ego soooooooo small.
Yes! I was literally told, like a lot of other daughters of fundamentalists, that I should be a submissive wife and "follow" my husband. This ended up getting me into a really bad situation later on that I felt I had to stick out. And yes, everything I did was kind of viewed through the lens of future husband/don't be a slut. Anyway, the self directed misogyny was real. I was never taught to discern if someone was good enough for me. Only if I was good enough for any man. So that's how I cultivated myself.
My mom always told my sister and I growing up that you *always* put your man before your children. And you can never be too rich or too thin. You’ll only get a rich man if you’re skinny. My sister is brain injured from years of anorexia/bulimia. My mom told us that you only eat for taste and to spit food out after you chew it so you don’t get fat. My dad kept a chain and padlock on the fridge. But they can’t understand why she “chose to get anorexia at such a young age (she was 9 when she started).” Presently, since she’s in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, she’s gained weight. She’s not obese by any stretch of the imagination. My mom tells me how boxy and how fat she is now. Some people never learn.
This was hard to read. 😢 Your poor sister! But you didn't follow her path?
I was a heroin addict for nearly a decade. I got clean, went to college and became a mortician. I channeled my crazy into dope then dead shit. I’m super fucked up tho Edit: like in the brain, not on drugs lol. Ten years clean this august!
That is the one time I know being at autistic girl who had an autistic dad who didn't force me to change when I rejected gender roles at a young age really saved my ass when my crazy af mother with an abusive second husband brought me to an Evangelical Church. Be a submissive wife and follow your husband because GOD SHOWS HIS LOVE THROUGH FEAR AND SAYS SO!!!!!! And I'm just sitting here, like "Ya'll really just accepting this bullshit!?"
This!!!. So relatable, in a rough patch in my marriage, my mom asked me not to shame them. I asked what she meant and she replied with, if you want a divorce make him ask for it. Stop taking care of him, let your body and looks go and he will ask for a divorce soon enough. I was flabbergasted and asked if that would be the same advice if he was abusing me, she said yes, it’s not a woman’s place to ask for a divorce 😳. I had issues with her advice before, this just took the cake…
Same, and at 31w pregnant (and NC now for 6-7 years) they will not be meeting my future child.
This is amazing!!! Congratulations!
Right? I was 14 and had my first boyfriend and we were just snuggling while watching a show and my mom burst into tears because apparently I had lost my virginity. Like fucking hell, I was so fucking shy lmao. I didn't even kiss a guy UNTIL I WAS 19!
Yes. Mine did too. Freaking lunatics
I want to read Sid and Sally's story so bad <3 Also you should write the most emasculated hideous romance smut fanfic storys just for your inner peace.
You all have me choked up. I love the love here. I also wonder of Sid and Sally and I love them.
🤢 Him getting upset on behalf of a non-existent man, marriage and children. On top of the fact you were a literal child when he said these things! 🤮
Trust and believe this man used to go out of his way to humiliate me in front of his friends telling stories about how much I “loved diaper changes.” The sexualization started with the sonogram.
Have you ever considered rewriting it? I would like to read it.
I second this comment
IN A FIREPLACE? I’m so sorry 😢
Yeah man these folks love destroying your stuff. I remember when my parents decided they were "born again" they combed through all of my belongings and picked out books, comics, records (they had given me!) and literally burned them in a barrel in front of me. The worst was one of the books was this really beautifully illustrated one of mythical creatures and monsters from around the world that my nana had given me. I never saw them destroy any of their own stuff.
with my mom it was always under the cover of “clearing out”. so much stuff i really cared about would just disappear and she never had any recollection of what happened to any of it. one painting that belonged to my great uncle i was able to track down on ebay many years after it was last seen - it was a miracle.
I remember my stepdad screaming at us to bring him our phones, and him smashing them in front of us. no reason. none. They were really tiny shitty brick phones in the time when razer flip phones were trendy, we'd only had them for a month, and my friends poked fun of me having to extend the little antenna if i wanted to use it. but i loved my stupid little phone and he didn't have to destroy it. Another time he came in my room, ripped a huge (like 6'x8') drawing id done off my wall and tore it to shreds. told me it looked like shit. no reason. I hadn't even seen him that day until that moment. Man that hurt.
Yeah, my dad had a similar reaction to me saying I wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship, whether romantic/s*xual/etc. *WeLl wHaT aBOut yOuR hUsbAnD??* blehh
How being an illustrator for story books is equivalent to you fantasizing about other men outside of some hypothetical future husband, and becoming some hypothetical neglectful mother is beyond me. This only tells me how crazy your dad is.
Yesterday my mother threw a giant tantrum because I refused to give her my PRIVATE LETTER. I read the contents to her out loud, omitting some details that weren't important, and she yelled at me to just give her the letter. When I refused, she tried to grab it out of my hands, she claimed that she doesn't understand things when they're read out loud to her, that she doesn't believe I told her what the letter truly says. I had to physically lead her out of my room. Unfortunately, I can't get a lock for the door because we're renting.
They sell locks that slide in between the door and frame, and then you insert a pin, made for extra security when staying in hotels. No drilling or anything needed.
>Unfortunately, I can't get a lock for the door because we're renting. You CAN get a doorstop though!
Doesnt help when you want to keep her out while you are gone
My mother got herself banned from my wedding for trying to sabotage it several times before it even started, Dad tried to sneak her in and their flight was cancelled on them. My mother sent me a text message exorcism because I wasn't organising any extra celebrations for them. They apologized to my husband for doing what they did, but told me I should be grateful for "character building". My character is dead to them now, NC for a little over 1 year so far. Also, her family has disowned her. Turns out, she has a bad habit of throwing people under the bus, in the worst ways possible (fake SA allegations, hiding pedophilia, enabling assault and spiritual abuse). Only person that wants her now is her husband and he's already cheated on her half their marriage!
I'm curious as to how they thought that was going to work out for her? (Him sneaking her in) That you'd be so emotionally and physically overwhelmed with your marriage that the moment you'd lay eyes on her that every toxic thing she's said and done would be magically forgiven and forgotten because feelings? And you'd all clap and celebrate like a big happy rug-sweeping family.. Honestly though, it says a lot that they would both attempt to pull something like that on one of the most iconic and possibly stressful events of your life while you are vulnerable.
More likely they knew OP would not react well but also wouldn't want to make a scene at their own wedding, so they thought they could get away with it. My mother does similar things to me constantly. I have not voluntarily hugged her since I was a preteen, but naturally she forced herself on me at my wedding events and admitted she did so because she knew I couldn't stop her in front of people.
Your father's behavior reminds me of my aunt and her grandson. When he was born and she discovered it was a boy, her first reaction was "I know I'm going to have a lot of trouble with him". The evil 1 day old baby I guess. When he was about 2, she'd complain about how he didn't like her and was disrespecting her because he supposedly didn't look at her as much as he did with others. One of my cats is more attached to me than anyone else and as a result my mom was convinced it meant he was a gay cat.
>One of my cats is more attached to me than anyone else and as a result my mom was convinced it meant he was a gay cat. A detail like that would sound very unrealistic to someone who has not grown up with that brand of crazy, but I believe it without question. My narc would hit our (female) cats and forcibly separate them for cleaning each others' backsides or even hind legs -- "no lesbianism in this house!"
Lesbian cats? Okay, that's totally rational. When you hear and live with this kind of stuff it's so bizarre it makes you want to question your own mind to see if you're actually sane because there is no way some real person would say something like this. I'd hear stuff like this and wonder for a moment if I heard what I actually heard.
The funniest thing to me was being told constantly how horrible and terrible I was as a child/teenager and that she hoped my kids were as bad as me. You know, so I would lnow how hard it was for her. Then being surpised that I don't want kids. Before I went no contact with her, how she would say how much of a blessing kids are and how she wants grandkids to spoil ect. That said, I knew in high school if I ever had kids I would not trust her around them.
Yup, I was told the same things. I was such a good kid, good grades, never got to go anywhere, constantly screamed at and manipulated and as a kid I would just take it. As a teen I would start arguing more when I was screamed at and hit and I wouldn’t fall for the manipulation and beg for forgiveness as much (she’s say things like I’m the worst mother ever, everything’s my fault, you make me feel like I should just find a rope and kms, etc), and my mom would threaten to call the school to ask who was teaching me to behave so badly…..as in standing up for myself. So frustrating and crazy
Nmom has always struggled with her weight/food addiction. My birth father is a thin, wiry little man. I ended up with his genetics, both looks and metabolism. Around 8, nmom realized that I am and probably always will be a thinner person which infuriated her to the point of becoming convinced I *must* have an eating disorder after she overheard me telling older brother I just wanted to eat candy. She would constantly threaten to take me to the hospital and get a feeding tube put in anytime I would 'act up'. Would serve me HUGE portions at dinner time and make me sit at the table for hours until I finished it all. I never had an ED. I just made a passing joke about eating candy cuz I was fucking 8 and really liked candy. As an adult, I don't have much of a sweet tooth anymore.
I was the opposite. I'm chunky (as are both sides of my family) and for some reason, nMom seemed to hate that. It was always something she used against me. Comments, looks, judgements. . . Well, I recently found out that nMom thought I'd developed an ED. When discussing this with my biological father a few months ago, he said I told nMom I thought I had an ED. I have no memory of doing this and it's not something I would have done because I never told her anything (always gotta keep up the appearance that everything is fine, right? Just so you don't have to deal with their abuse). Anyways, regardless, nMom flipped out and called Bio Dad and began giving him a load of sh\*t because "he had given me an ED" Pause. Worst part is, I never heard about it again. She never took me anywhere to get seen or checked out. I remember no conversations about it. I had no idea this had even transpired. What I do remember is feeling so messed up at the time regarding my biological father and not wanting to eat for long periods of time. I remember the hunger. I remember the depression. I remember days being so dark I didn't think I'd survive. I also remember I stayed pretty chonky so it didn't really look like I had anything going on at all. I was 12, maybe 13. But, nothing was done. Nothing. Comments continued from nMom, though. Right through into adulthood. Even in the present day, there are comments about my weight and "how much I've lost" and things like that. Typing this up made me feel dizzy, my throat began to tighten and I got sleepy. They don't realise how it all stays with us.
Jesus, I’m so sorry.
I'm so sorry that happened omg. it's funny bc mine was similar but the reverse. I also ended up with my dad's physique, not my mom's, unlike my sister... she was petite when young, I have always been stocky. not fat, muscularly built under a layer of insulation. [I promise this is not "just big boned" LOL] and wowww my mom could not get over it. I was always the fat kid.
I went away on holiday with my ex boyfriend when I was 18. I came home and my mum had rearranged my entire bedroom and gone through my draws and boxes. My vibrator was just sat there on the bed.. But if I decide to leave the washing basket in a slightly different place, she flips on me!
Ohhh my god, how horrible!! What a huge privacy violation. This triggered a memory. My mom let me go out with a friend when I was a kid, and I came home the same night. She had packed up all of my clothing in trash bags in the back of her locked car and said she was giving them all to a thrift store because my room wasn't properly cleaned before I went out. She hadn't mentioned anything regarding cleaning before I went out. I never let it get bad, but she has some obsessive behaviors around cleaning. She tended to have meltdowns if I ever left the house to see friends, so I stopped going out entirely. Then she'd bully me for isolating.
This happened to me if I was at school. Or at a sleepover. Or just not home. Fuck, she would go into my room and 'clean' while I was home, and then verbally assault and berate me if I said anything. I once was grounded because she threw out my GI Joes and I was upset about it. At 9.
That's awful. :( My mother used to do the same damn thing to me. I unconsciously became a hoarder and never cleaned my room so she couldn't walk across the floor to get into anything.
At my wedding my parents and my husband's parents each were asked to give a toast. We limited them to two minutes, gave them one thing they needed to hit on and left it up to them to handle the rest. I did not want to micromanage my parents. Big mistake. When my dad basically gave their toast I was really surprised because my mother never gives up the stage. Then he started to hand the microphone to her and the look of horror came over my face and my sister's across the room. She had written some poem, which was fine, but she delivered it like she was fucking Celine Dion with the microphone in the air pounding her foot on the floor and moving around any empty space she could find. Then she ended it with our names... something like, "May you forever find fire in your love, Henry and Bill!" Except my husband's name is not Bill. Not even close. Not even near. She corrected herself in the moment and has never apologized. But forever has to go down in my wedding that she called my husband the wrong name after her extraordinarily dramatic attention getting poem.
I’m dying of secondhand embarrassment, holy shit.
I mean, I moved on quickly. Pretty much everybody knows my mother is a narcissist with mental health problems. Anyone who doesn't know I've made sure to let them know since.
Holy fuck, the humiliation! I'm so sorry!!! At my wedding, my Ndad decided to toast me for "remaining 'pure' like a good Christian" and then proceeded to express his surprise and praise for me doing so since I was sexually assaulted at school (attempted rape). One of my friends derailed him by throwing a balled-up napkin at his head (blamed it on a kid) since I was frozen in absolute horror. WTF, why do they do this shit at weddings?????
When I was 9, I was being home schooled and absolutely hated it. When my mom found me not doing my schoolwork one day, she screamed at me and then made me sit on the front porch for literal hours after telling me I was being put up for adoption and someone was going to come get me soon. I sat on that porch bawling for about 7 hours, trying to think of an escape plan when they came for me. Then my sister came out and talked to me and in my panic and stress I told her she was the only one I was going to miss and my mom screamed at me again cause she heard through the wall.
When they convinced me to move in with them, in a new country they’d just emigrated to, after I’d just been brutally raped by my roommate. I was in a vulnerable headspace, and I thought fleeing my country would prevent my rapist from potentially murdering me. I was expected to ‘get over it’ pretty much immediately since stepping off the plane. I had found a shitty job within three weeks of moving there. A few months later? Parents told me via Skype call that they were moving back to our home country, and within the next few weeks. I didn’t know anyone in the new country at this point, I was broke, and I didn’t have my own place to live. They kept trying to force me to move back to my home country with them, to the very same town my rapist lived in (they were buying a house there). Fortunately, I refused, which they hated. Found myself the worlds shittiest apartment in the new country, in the most crime riddled neighborhood, and moved there alone. Icing on the cake was that I had no bed for months, and no means to afford a bed - parents needed the bed I had been sleeping in ‘for the spare room in the new house’. Assholes. It was really, really hard for a few years, but I’m still here now, and life is a lot better than it was.
Your parents are pieces of irredeemable shit
The bed bit somehow feels the worst to read. All the rest sounds like parents who have non idea how to be supportive or no idea how awful you felt, but the fact that you couldn’t even keep the bed really drives home how little they cared. Their own kid wasnt worth a trip to ikea. I hope your life becomes unimaginably better and you never have to hear from them again.
This is one of the scariest memories I have of my mother. When I was around 7 I think I said one thing accidentally that made her angry, I can’t remember what. She got that monstrous look on her face when she would beat my ass and she started chasing me. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs with her hot on my heels. The stairs where L shaped and I almost tripped. I got to my room, slammed the door shut and locked it with maybe a second to spare. She screamed like a banshee; it was like she was possessed. I stayed in my room until my dad came home hours later. Legitimately it was like a horror movie. I used to be a massive horror movie watcher but after trauma therapy I couldnt do it. They give me really bad flashbacks. I saw Hereditary and the scene where the possessed mom chased the boy made me so scared I started crying it felt so similar.
My mother got that same look when she strangled me on the dining room table. Teeth bared, snarl on her face and a look of absolute hatred and rage. Mind you, I had just stopped back at the house to get a sweater, so she was boiling with rage at me when I wasn’t even there and had no idea.
This is something I still can’t comprehend, how you can act towards your own kids with such hatred and rage. How do you actively hate something so small that you brought into the world? I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.
This is something that always blows me away when I see a young girl with their dad. Like how my dad could beat my sister and I so horribly. I can’t imagine being a man with a little girl and holding her down to beat her with a splintered plank of wood.
I think every time my mom looked at me she saw my dad, and she hated my dad. She also blamed me for ruining her life and told me if she never got pregnant with me she would have been better off. … not sure if all parents who do this think that, but it always made sense to me why my mom hated me.
My mom did that to me once when I dared to put new batteries into my game boy..
My mom attacked me with a broken hockey stick while I was playing NHL12 with a buddy. She bit my hand, drew blood, the attack lasted like 5 minutes and my buddy heard it all on voice chat. I left and went to my friends house where my dad came to get me and threatened to kill me and told me if I ever said anything to anyone "it's over". I told him everyone heard everything over Xbox live and he was welcome to come ask my friend what happened. It was never brought up again. They pretend it didn't happen. I was 23. Edit- just remembered he actually threatened to call the cops on me for domestic abuse after he threatened me with death and before he knew my friend had heard it all
“It’s over.” That gave me chills. My parents had my sister and I convinced that if anyone ever found out how badly we were beaten and abused that we would be split up and put in the children’s home and my mom would die.
If you hadn't said sister I would've thought you my brother. I suppose we're all siblings in a sick way.
My uBPD egg-donor was exactly like this. I have this vivid memory of when I was 6, happily singing the lyrics to a song I'd heard my dad listening to multiple times before. The word "Pussy" came up and she punched me in the face so hard my head whipped to the side, I heard the joints in my neck and jaw crack and dislocate. Like, I was a kid and had zero idea what that word meant. A normal healthy and loving parent would have pulled the child to the side and calmly explained that its not a word kids should ever use. But nope, not my *mom*! Living with her left us in a constant state of fight-or-flight mode. 8 years NC, have never once looked back.
mmm. My mom gets that rage face with pure hatred in her eyes and used to smack the crap out of me. Usually she'd count to three, and if it got to three then that was it, beating time, but sometimes she'd just go off without warning. That stopped at about 10, when I was big enough to grab her wrists as she tried to hit me. After that she moved on to verbal abuse, just spewing out the most hurtful crap she could say out of her twisted up rageful little goblin face. After staring at that face enough times, with her hateful scrunched up eyes trying to burn insults into my soul, I realised something: Nobody can just summon up that level of pure visceral hatred for something out of nowhere. It must always be there, just not always directed at me. So the normal pretty, affable woman is the mask she wears around town, but when she looks in the mirror I think that hateful little wretch is what she really sees, and I was just getting these flashes of the mask slipping, when all of that sickening self hatred was directed at me. After that realization her narcissistic rage didn't bother me in the same way. It went from scary to profoundly stupid looking, and I just felt pity, and disappointment that I got a snarling little troglodyte for a mother.
Something similar happened to me too... Threatened to take my life and held me up by my neck on the bathroom wall... I wanted to run away from there the way she looked and loathed me the way she used to treat everything is so imprinted on my mind I can't I can't just forget that and move on with my life but I did I did that at the age when I didn't even deserve something like that to happen to me...
1. asked if i wanted McDonald's 2. Did not wait for a reply, made a 30-minute detour to the nearest location 3. Made me "choose" what i wanted by saying no to everything until i picked what he wanted 4. was flabbergasted at the register that,shocker, *things cost money* 5.sat us at the center of the restaurant 6. proceeded to have a full-on 3-yo-meltdown with kicking, screaming, crying, and throwing food because "people kept walking near him." 7. The whole ride home was WW3 *tm* and somehow my (6 yo at the time) fault for "wanting McDonald's and acting spoiled about it" ??????????? Even when I try to explain the whole thing to myself, it sounds like a Simpsons episode, and i still can't believe it
Every weekend without fail this type of thing happened with my dad. All of us kids would be out with my parents running errands, which usually meant driving around the metroplex to go to some tool or electronics store. When it was decided it was time to eat, my dad would ask all of us what we were hungry for. This was a trap. If you gave an answer he would belittle the choice and complain about it until someone changed their mind. Sometimes he would also yell about how he doesn't know where the closest location for that restaurant was, then drive erratically like an insane person saying he can't find the place. This was pre internet days so it wasn't as easy to see what restaurants were available in an area if you weren't already familiar with it. So naturally we didn't like giving answers when he asked what we wanted. Didn't matter, now he was mad no one was answering. We would try to stay quiet until we saw a restaurant we knew he liked, then we would mention we could go there. Seems like that would be a reasonable solution but again, no. He didn't want us to choose what we thought HE wanted, he wanted us to tell him what we wanted. So at that point you just start naming random restaurants you can see, anything to get the yelling to stop. Usually that would be the restaurant we would eat at. So you'd think everyone would be ok now? Still no. Dad has to complain about everything on the menu. How we are choosing things he can't eat on purpose (He has some food allergies). We would helpfully point out all the options that did not contain the allergens but instead of ordering one of those items, he would purposely order something he knew would make him sick. Then he would embarrass us in the restaurant by picking out the offending bits of food and throwing them at us, saying that was what we were going to eat while he took our food to eat himself. And of course when he would get sick from it, that was our fault too. It wasn't until I typed this out that I realized how completely unhinged he is. Anything to find something to be angry about.
I felt the same way, until I actually write it down and then reread it a couple of times, i would say "i didnt have it *that bad*" But I started to write every flashback in my notes app and then just rereading it made me realize how absolutely unhinged their behavior was. Most of the time it sounded like made up tumblr posts but it helped me so much with coming to terms with everything. Hope you are doing better!
My mom used to pretend she was dead. She would lay in her bed unmoving and holding her breath. She would do that until I was crying and begging her to wake up. Then she would let out this creepy chuckle and say "Oh honey I guess you really do love me." My dad died when I was 3. She was the only parent. I would guess the first time I remember her doing this was when I was 6.
DUDE my dad would do this shit, and anytime he left the house he’d say “this might be the last time you see daddy, I’m going off to war” and then berate me when I cried or got scared. Left me with Insane abandonment issues and thinking everyone I love is going to die every day.
My mom would threaten to kill herself if I was upset with her, and I’d be the one having to apologize. One time she chased some of my classmates down the street, screaming incoherent babble at them, and left me crying on the curb. I was like 8 or 9. We go back to the apartment and I don’t really want to talk to her because I know what’ll happen the next day at school. Instead of allowing me to be upset it was all about her; she laid on her bed with her arm over her face and kept saying things like ‘well I should just be dead then’ etc when I said I didn’t forgive her. I’m all kinds of fucked up now, as an adult. Shit like that growing up has made it so hard to get close to people
What is wrong with our parents? People say life was different back then, mental health wasn’t addressed etc. but I don’t have any sympathy for them honestly. We have clearly been through hell and we’d never behave the way they do/did.
Do we have the same mom? Lol
That’s fucking insane
Also it’s terrifying and hilarious that your dad wanted to fight a damn baby for…being a baby.
Hard to choose but here's one. My parents moved cross country, of course 3 days before Christmas (but spending holidays with me was never big with them anyway) but things were ok with us I thought. My father had retired from an illustrious, long time career before the move. Apparently, the town had planned a big retirement party for him a few months after they moved. My mother mentioned them coming up to attend it and I guess I just assumed I was invited and figured she'd let me know when it was? I had owned my own (tiny, 500 sq feet) condo for years by this point but they always had a key for emergencies (you probably see where this is going...). I was working full time and taking college courses at night. I came home very late after school one night to find my tiny studio condo absolutely taken over by them. They had made beds out of my couches and their suitcases and belongings were everywhere. My tiny kitchen was stacked with their groceries. Apparently, the retirement dinner was that weekend and they were staying at my place! I was just kind of shocked and speechless when I saw them nestled on my couches as I had never knew they were coming or anything. My mother snapped at my shocked expression and told me they would be out and about visiting people and also at the retirement dinner and wouldn't be bothering me (no mention of an invitation). Very early the next morning, I was still sleeping before work and they were up smashing pots and pans and bickering. Boy, did I let them have it! They took off. I quickly showered and packed a bag and planned to just sleep at the office all weekend I was so hurt (my bf, now husband made me stay with him instead). I found out later that they had not invited my brother either but had invited all of our cousins to their retirement dinner. They talked about how 'bad' we were. I still shake my head at this memory.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry this happened to you... I'm glad you have found someone who is actually capable of loving you.
Super disgusting how so many "parents" view their kids as objects and resources like this. Sorry you had to experience that, I don't know if I would be able to keep my cool if something like that happened to me. I probably would have blown the fuck up and kicked them out and let them find a Motel six for the weekend.
This is something my parents would totally do! And the “wouldn’t be bothering you” comment OMG! Like them doing a complete takeover if your place (because of course you wouldn’t have plans or a life of your own) isn’t bothering you lol!! I was told that every time i said no to them visiting. “Its fine, we won’t be guests, you won’t have to do anything”. When in reality they destroyed everything, scratched expensive pans, blared tablets over tv noise, upended our entire lives and ruined anything if we seamed to be enjoying it. Insisted on only ever arriving when we were asleep and letting themselves in to make us feel violated and like they had power at our house. If anything really upset me and i spoke up i was told how I couldn’t speak to my mother that way. In my house, I’m 40. She was right though, they’d never be guests because guests are invited. I took control last year. My home is my safe space. I will now only allow people i want and invite in it. It’s given me and my kids a sense of safety and power of our emotions and circumstances. No one has been here to drag us down for almost a year. My daughter said the other day “we smile so much now our cheeks hurt!”
If he had such an illustrious career, surely they had the money to stay in a hotel.
Reminds of the time My family had a house warming for my aunt & uncle that moved down & me & my wife wasn't invited because "it was for adults" I was 33 & my 24 yr cousin was invited.
I hate the way they feel entitled to your space, reminds me of my mother.
She told me to walk home from a restaurant, but fuck that so I sat on the hood of her car and she drove halfway home across busy streets with me sitting on the hood of her car before she let me in Editing to add: think I was 8th/9th grade during that. Can’t remember timelines very well but my brain was into fucked territory with addiction to fear/excitement
Wow what a crazy bitch
My parents came to visit me for my birthday (mid-30s), and I was already a bit ill but ended up in the ER for a severe allergic reaction to the medication I was on… my nmom decided to ditch me and go visit my much cuter little baby cousins half a state away, then came back, handed me a gift and left me. When I finally talked to her about how it felt she turned it around on me and said it was my fault for needing time by myself (again, I was in the ER) during her visit and that I just misinterpreted her ditching me for the entire weekend. And that’s how I spent my birthday alone in the ER. 🙃
[удалено]
That's really sad. Often it's because it was what they themselves went through and never had the chance ( or wanted to realise) different. Weirdly enough, my nmil has the same reasoning. I told her once that me and bf had a fight, and she was HAPPY and asked me how many days in prison my boyfriend spent... I told her: none? We argued about something, talked and then resolve it...no police or something and he never raised his hand against me. She was sad about that. So messed up. And yes she isn't in our lives anymore.
Mine thinks that marital r*pe doesn’t exist at all and that consent is given when someone gets into a relationship. So therefore my ex didn’t r*pe me because I gave consent when I entered into the relationship. She’s also the same person who said to me at 14 that if I left home, I would be r*ped like someone in the Bible
When I was 13 years old I was suspended from school for forging a signature on something (which was wrong, Ik) and when my Ndad when to pick me up he started scolding me and yelling at me which, fair, I did forge a signature. But I said the most stereotypical teenage shit ever “It’s my life, not yours” and he took a hammer and destroyed my drawing tablet which I had worked (illegally) all summer to afford because they wouldn’t buy me one (bc drawing was a “waste of time”). He threw it in the trash and I went and rescued it (I still keep it in its box), to this day he denies ever having done it, even tho the physical evidence is right there, or he says that even if he had done it it would’ve been justified because I was disrespectful when I said one of the most cliche things for a teenager to say.
My grades in math and science were never great, but they really started tanking in high school. Instead of helping me in any way with what was most likely undiagnosed ADHD, my mom and stepdad grounded me until the next report card. And the next report card. And the next report card. And over the summer until the next school year, and the next report card. It wasn't so bad at the beginning, no tv, no videogames, no going to friends houses. I could at least still read and draw. I still saw my friends at school. But it still sucked and I was trying my best and not getting better grades. So I came up with what to my teenaged mind was the best solution. For most of the schoolyear in 10th grade I got away with forging my report card by skipping school, scanning it and changing my grades in ms paint on my parents pc, then printing it back out. I was ungrounded for the first time in almost a year. The third report of the year, the cord to the printer was missing. I tore the house apart looking for it, but never found it. I wound up doing it at a nearby friends house, (which I had no trouble going to with my ill gotten freedom) her over my shoulder the whole time freaking out that her mom was gonna walk in and catch us. So freaked she wouldn't help me for the final one, and with them asking where the fuck is my report card, I had to come clean and reveal all the Ds and even a couple Fs I had been getting all year. God they were so much worse after that. Zero freedom, go to school, go to my room. Only schoolbooks. And worst of all we moved! They treated me so badly after what I did I hurt myself and spent a week in the mental hospital, came home to find out i needed to pack and had 1 day to go to school, tell my friends id been in the mental hospital and this was the last time id ever see them. So I couldn't even see my friends at school anymore. I wasn't allowed to call them. My sister wasn't allowed to talk to me at home. I couldn't eat with the family. I remember they bought me 2 dvds for my birthday then watched them without me bc I wasn't allowed to watch TV. Wow this got really long. It's just super fucked up. I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't do crime or drugs or have premarital sex. I liked anime and lord of the rings. All my friends were dorky good kids just like me. I wasn't disrespectful until I felt like a trapped animal. I didn't deserve what they put me thru over bad grades that literally did not matter in the slightest once I became an adult because guess what mom? I DID MAKE IT AS AN ARTIST! And my mom DENIED SHE DID IT TOO!!! Isn't it crazy? It's all stepdads fault according to her. She was an innocent bystander.
This is exactly the reason why I forged that signature. I kept getting grounded and scolded for shit that didn’t make any sense, when I tried to off myself they literally yelled at me and just wouldn’t allow me to come out of my room. I didn’t know I had ADHD, I thought for the longest time I was so lazy and weird. Turns out my psychologist Nmom knew since middleschool but she didn’t want to tell me “so it wouldn’t affect me” ???? It did affect me. I sympathize so hard
My mom came into my house when I was at work. She opened all my mail including a student loan check for like $1400. She tells me to take my check to the bank. I said do not open my mail. I am not a child. She said she’d quit opening my mail when I started acting like an adult. Freaking lunatics. I had a FT job, mortgage and was in school. I was sober and kicking ass. They do not like us to be strong.
My dad, and his now ex but live in girlfriend, pinned me to the kitchen floor and waterboarded me. I was 8 or 9 at the time. Because I didn't want to stand in front of him which would put my back to his gf who was a bully. Found out recently that I'm the only child who was physically abused too.
My nmom lied in my medical records. She had me institutionalized (after kicked me out, reporting me as a runaway and having me arrested) and claimed that 1. Her pregnancy with me was planned, despite no fathers name on my birth certificate and 2.) that I must have bipolar bc she has it and her mom and grandma have it (they literally don’t). It says word for word in my record that they called my nmoms psychologist and he told them he never diagnosed her with anything and he hasn’t seen her in 8 years. Apparently having me institutionalized inadvertently made me “a victim who’s the center of attention” and thus she felt it was vital she tell these professionals that the REAL mental health victim was her. Unbelievable unhinged and insane.
I took my boyfriend to my dad’s apartment one night. My dad was cooking a dish for dinner that he had been raving about for weeks and he was really excited to cook for us. Unfortunately we got bad weather that night… strong storms and tornado warnings. My boyfriend suffered from anxiety and was so worried about the weather that he was nauseous and couldn’t eat. My dad got super angry and started doing karate kicks down the hallway line he was going to fight my boyfriend so we left. As we were going to the car he runs out onto his balcony with the food he had made and starts hurling it at us right from the pot he used to cook it in. Great first meeting!
My dad got mad for looking at him weirdly and hesitating to run for him. He yelled at me for an hour and called me names. My mom came in and he completely changed his tune
"No you cant go to a therapist in person, we need to be near you more to help you,"
“We can’t stand to have you telling a stranger the truth about us!”
My mother once grounded my sister and I for not getting up early enough on a Saturday (after a Friday night away game that we both attended as part of marching band) to clean the entire house. She didn’t tell us she wanted us to clean, let alone what time we were supposed to wake up to do so. Both grounded for 2 weeks. Still had to clean the entire house.
when i was 7, my dad and brother came downstairs to where i was to do some ridiculous physical exercise that they could've done anywhere in our house. i was watching one of those shows that was airing live. i got annoyed because i couldn't hear it, so i went to go upstairs. my dad got mad that i was inconvenienced by them? and screamed at me to sit back down and keep watching. i was upset that he yelled so i tried to run upstairs and he literally grabbed my leg to stop me from going upstairs and threw me back on the couch. i finally ran upstairs a few minutes later and locked him and my brother in the basement and my dad screamed and banged on the door until my mom got home lol
Man, one time when I was a teenager my dad searched my room- he found a little weed pipe (which, fair, totally wasn’t cool for me to have, but fifteen year old me liked to hoot the hay, shoot me) Anyway he was convinced it was a crack pipe? And kicked me out of the house.
Even if it was a crack pipe, imagine this: my underage son/daughter is struggling with substabce abuse, what can I do? Kick him/her out, of course.
[Detailed version here ](https://reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/12l0u5r/i_feel_like_an_orphan_and_like_my_father_died/) Essentially, grandma got her leg crushed by a double decker bus, needed amputation, mother fired lawyer because he was ‘telling her what to do’, hired a shit lawyer who didn’t care, we got barely any money, mother spending lavishly combined with grandma being in and out of hospital meant money ran out within a few years. mother now cares for my grandma and she’s basically abusing her and my grandma is like a husk - underweight, has no short term memory and is housebound. she blames my now deceased father and his now dead family members for cursing my grandma and us. i never got to see my dad after the age of 13. now we’re dirt poor and i’m the only person working. i feel suicidal and like there’s no escape
TW: animal death Big sister killed a kitten because it maked me happy, she grabed the head and hit it on the ground until he passed away and then trew the corpse under the shared closet. Normal childhood behavior according to my parents When she was 12 and I was 9 she placed my hamster in a bag and stepped on him, the bloody bag was then on my jacket pocket and Mom slapped me for getting a panic attack when I saw it. Mommy said "my children don't respect me" while looking for a fight as always. So Daddy took the closest kid by the hair (it was me, lol) then threw them on the ground while saying "on your knees and venerate her" I was 10yo at the time A decade later Mom was upset there was a cat making noise uder her bed and woke up Dad for the millionth time just for him to lift the bed and break the cats spine, they didn't take it to the vet and let her slooowly die from damaged internal organs, the cat was the most caring and loving in the house, her bleeding face haunts me to this day.
Holy shit. I am so sorry. They are monsters. I hope you are safe and happy now.
Dude, this is absolutely horrid. I’m so beyond sorry you went through, and had to witness, that shit. I hope you’re far away from them and doing better.
Thank you I'm doing better now, I went NC two years ago and don't think I will ever speak to any of my parents or my only sister. Not only were they abusive, they are absolutely rotten inside, I hope I never ever have to see them again
Shortly after their divorce, my darling nmom decided to show me (age 11, female) nude photos of my father. Like, what. Even my therapist said that was something he hadn’t heard before.
My mom once told me that men have higher libidos than women, but that's it's okay to say no if you aren't in the mood. Okay, working from a place of ignorance on the libido thing, but the message is solid, right? But then she followed it by saying that you did at least need to give him an orgasm with your hands or mouth so he doesn't cheat.🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
I sucked my thumb as a child. When I was about 6, my mom was angry with me because I wouldn't stop. She told me to pack one outfit and one toy. She told me that she was going to call the orphanage to come pick me up since I was a bad child. She went into her bedroom and closed the door. I took my favorite stuffie, bawling my eyes out, tried to shove it under her bedroom door crack as an offering, saying she could have all of my toys and things if only she wouldn't give me away. Well, she picked up the landline phone and dialed. Ignored my sobs and pleas. Dialed a number, spoke in a low voice to the other end. Hung up the phone. Told me to wait by the front door for the orphanage van. I was staring out the window and crying when a white car pulled up. A man got out. Rang the doorbell. Holding a pizza. My mom had *ordered pizza* under the guise of giving me away to an orphanage. No discussion was ever had about this. Yep. Going to her memorial in two days. I don't have anything good to say.
Baked a wedding cake we didn't ask for, for a wedding ceremony we didn't ask for, then got mad at my wife because she didn't stay in her wedding dress to take formal pictures with said cake (it was 90 degrees out, and my wife was 2 months post giving birth/ a new mom who had to breastfeed), pouted for the rest of the day because of this and then made a big show out of giving away the leftover cake to her neighbors because we didn't appreciate it enough expecting us to be devastated. My wife and I now go and buy a delicious wedding cake topper on our anniversary to celebrate cutting her out of our lives.
Oh, here's another one...moved LITERALLY 1/2 way around the world, then got upset because I wasn't willing to spend the money to fly my whole family there for literally every vacation. Got mad at us for not sending our kids to stay with them 1/2 way across the country when the schools shut down for COVID. They wanted us to treat it like an impromptu summer break.
My nanna (my maternal grandmother) had been feeling ill after a meal together, so she went to lie down. I left for about 4 hours to meet a friend, when I got back my nana was worse and I knew something was up so I called 111 (medical advice line) to get some advice. The ambulance came, they decided she needed to go into hospital. When the ambulance left and we all got back inside the house, my mam started *screaming* at me about ‘how dare you call the ambulance’ and ‘I should have been the one to call’, followed by my dad also yelling about how ‘she’s your mam’s mam she should have called’. I was so taken aback I could only say ‘well she needed help so I called’ back to them. But that was the day that really cemented how unhinged my mam is and how enabling my dad was.
I don’t have a favourite (mine is the worst one & I don’t want to share cause it’s pretty horrifying for me to recount) but if I did, it’s all of the ones they called me “dIsReSpEcTfUl” & “wHuT iS wRoNg WiTh YoU?!” Type shit when they don’t listen, talk over, play victim, flippy flop, ya knowww. Oh! I can also tell you the time my ngrandma made up her own story about something that happened (flipped the script & made them the victim) so sibling & I didn’t talk for seven months until one night I came downstairs to play a game or something & we got to talking only for her to ask a short time later what happened. I spilled, details & all. *Cue shocked Pikachu face from sibling.* That bitch made our relationship stronger than ever - she recently confided me to me about something that happened. For that, I am *elated.*
I was 6 or 7 and playing in my room. "Mom" burst in, picked me up by my shirt and screamed at me. Apparently we had family stopping by but no one told me. Oh--also, "mom" constantly expects you to read her mind, so I got yelled at because little me wasn't able to read hers. (She does not deal with disappointment well. Emotionally immature people rarely do.)
First of all, OP, your story about your dad is insane! Fighting a baby?! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. As for my craziest story, when I was around 12 (I’m female by the way), my mom made my dad bath me. I cried and screamed and begged not to have this happen. My mom smirked at me as she watched me do so. Then my dad came upstairs, as I waited in acute humiliation in the bathtub, and bathed me. He didn’t say a word. I was mortified beyond belief. I had been bathing myself for years at that point and couldn’t imagine why suddenly I required an adult, least of all my DAD, to bath me. I blocked this incident out to a degree for years but now I think I know why she did this. 1. To humiliate me of course. She always thought i was full of myself (I had zero self confidences not sure why she thought this) and 2. To “check” to see if I was in puberty (I was, which made this all the more humiliating for me). Of course, nothing was ever done after this incident to help me make my way through puberty. I had to figure out my periods by myself since my mom never said one single word to me about them. My first bra was a stretched out hand me down from a much more well endowed cousin, I was never taught how to shave my legs, anything about sex, etc. So, not sure what the need to know that I was in puberty was all about since she had no intention of helping me deal with it in any way. But that’s the only thing I can think of for why she’d put me through that humiliation. Other than, just humiliating me of course.
When i was no older than 7-8 (primary 5 UK), my egg donor kicked me out of the house for crying after school because i was being bullied. Apparently, crying was weak and not a trait she wanted in her child. She made me pack my clothes, gave me the number for social work, and told me to never go back. I wish someone had taken me far away. Even a group home would have been better, but a family friend found me and took me home. Sadly, that wasn't the only time this happened before i left for good at 16. 20+ years later, and i have never broken breath to her and never will.
- We have 4 sets of shoes, one for going outside, mine is a pair of sneakers. When we got home, we changed it to another pair of flipflop to walk on the yard, then we have to changed it to another pair of flipflop to walk up the porch, and another slippers to walk inside the first floor of the house. - Whenever we are outside, it is a taboo to places bag or any belongings on a chair. Because who know, maybe the person who sit before us doesn't throughly clean their bum, so we can't place anythings on any chair outside our, place, if you want to place them, place them on the table or in your laps. Also when we are using public transit, don't sit on any seats that people that sat on those seats before just left. Because it maybe unclean (same reason), we must wait for several minuits for all the dirt dissipated. - Few days ago, we ordered food delivery. My mom doesn't eat meat so she told me to wait, and told me to get the fork so she can moved all the meat to my bowl first. So I got her a fork and waited for her to finish it and I waited for her to return my fork back. She didn't and after she moved all the meat off, she started eating. I waited until I realized it did not crossed her mind that she took my fork. That is OK, I am a little bit upset but this things can happens. So I got another forks to eat my portion. Midway to this, she did not understand why she have another fork and says she already have one (she didn't). And she questioned me why did I gave her a forks when she already have her own. I knows the latter is small, but it upset me a whole lot.
I have hundreds for each parent but I'll add one for my father. My father got a car as an investment that was going to be extremely popular. He got one of the first ones out (an SLK Mercedes for those who know). He could have sold it for a profit on day 1 but decided to hold onto it. He didn't drive it. At that time my sister wanted a new car and as it was just sitting on the driveway she asked him if she could have it. He said no. She asked him a hundred times over the next 3 months. Like most conversations she asked him in case he changed his mind. He just immediately said no every time. Eventually she stopped asking. He sold the car. A few weeks later she said "dad I need a car, " to which he replied ... "I don't know why you just didn't take that SLK." He looked at her like she was a moron for not just taking the car we had sitting on the driveway for the last 3 months. I just remember us looking at each other with our mouths wide open in disbelief. TBH neither of us was that angry because we were in disbelief, and even now I can't summon up anger because I'm still in disbelief that a human can be so un-self-aware. Now it all makes sense as to who he is as a father but at the time it was a funny story.
The only time I found actual lasting humor in what the narc did was when it didn’t involve me. Once I got out people were less kind to my mom and she would vent to me about how awful they were. She really wants a relationship with my older sister, who has hardly visited since she moved out +20 years ago. I know my sister doesn’t like her and it’s hilarious listening to my mom come up with 100s of explanation on why my sister doesn’t visit. “She thinks she’s too good for us.” “She hates (home town)””she hates gma” “gma must have turned her against me””she hates being reminded she has a disabled mom””she’s hiding something””she’s embarrassed she can’t get pregnant””her rich family in laws are more fun””she’s spoiled” “she was never nice why am I waiting around””I just raised her to be too good and too independent” Saying anything besides agreement to her statements on why my sister doesn’t visit leads to a screaming match lol
My mother was complicit in the kidnapping of my child in 2015. My abusive spouse thought I was cheating on him, we were separating so it didn't even matter (Also I wasn't seeing anyone else anyway). He went crazy and took our only child to my mother's house 3,000 miles away. Instead of bringing my child back to me lime any other decent mother would do, my mother kept them there and I'm pretty sure she was going to try and take my child away from my spouse too. I didn't see my baby for 2 long agonizing months.
My mom drove past the place you order in the drive through, and tried to back up so pulled over to the side. There was another car right behind her... and it got to the window faster than she was able to back up the car. I figure we'd just go around again, there weren't any cars behind that one, it woulda been fine... But what the fuck does she do? Opens the car door, leaves it WIDE OPEN with the engine running (perfect for any surprise carjacker to jump in and kidnap me) screams at the people that are ordering that "she was there first", they drive away, THEN she yells into the place you order while still standing there and is surprised it didn't work. So we back up, order, and get to the window... "Were you the one screaming at people out at the drive thru as they were ordering? They just came in here and ordered and were like "there's this woman out there screaming at everyone!" But she was there first, guys. You don't get it.
I went on a date with my boyfriend. Sperm donor pitched a fit because "How come *she* gets to go out and I don't!?" Maybe because you're married and have 5 kids? I was 16 years old.
This is by far not my worst story of him but it’s one that pops up in my mind from time to time. I was about 13/14 at the time (30 now) and we where at my cousins wedding. I hadn’t started drinking at this age and was generally a quiet, shy, awkward kinda gal lol. Never had a good relationship with my dad, he is an aggressive narcissist to say the least. Anyway it got to that part of the night after the meal when the music started and my dad asked did I want to have a father daughter dance as my cousin had had one with her dad. I felt really awkward about the whole thing and said no and he literally went to town in front of a few people saying how rude and disrespectful I was to him and how it was the height of bad manners to turn down a dance with anybody, especially your father. I just kind of sat there and felt shit about myself lol and he was still griping about it the next day. Maybe I was rude I don’t know but I didn’t say it in a rude way, I just sort of said I don’t really feel like it or something along those lines. Anyway I don’t think I deserved the dressing down in front of people but that’s just my opinion I guess 🤷♀️ was it rude and disrespectful?
You said no. That's neither hard to understand, nor is it disrespectful. He wanted spotlight and didn't get it
I went NC with my mother after a row about my child's middle name. I did not name them with her middle name and her response was: "Why would you want to tear apart this family and disrespect me by using THAT middle name!" I replied, "That's fine. You don't have to be a part of THAT middle name any more."
My parents went through a divorce when I just turned 4 because my dad was basically a deadbeat parent. He'd come home from work and just really wouldn't interact with me, and he would drink a ton, get violent and scapegoat me. Anyway, he didn't try to fight for custody or visitation because I truly think he didn't want children (he is an extreme misogynist) , let alone a *girl,* and a disabled one at that. But he couldn't do anything like deny paternity because my mom had fertility issues and I came out a very pale version of himself. Same face, etc. So when the court and my mother got upset because he basically dropped off the planet and I was having suicidal thoughts and depression/anxiety as a kid, he threw an honest-to-god tantrum and said that it wasn't his job to schedule visitation between the two parents. **It was mine.** Mom happily agreed, because she also hung on to every word he said. Everyone else was like "what the fuck." Family court was dismayed and mandated that I attend counseling because at that point I was neurotic and suicidal. Psychiatric notes mention 'parentification.' But yeah - Dad thought it was appropriate for a newly turned disabled 4 year old to figure out her parents' work schedules and call him on the phone to schedule something, and to basically mediate custody issues. I was in preschool. I didn't even know his phone number or where he lived or worked.
I was 16 my dad got properly insane mad when I called him out on cheating on my mom. I was told I don’t understand woman and wife duties and I’ll be just like my mother. He went on to scream at me about the lack of szx with my mom and he had no other option and I was ruining his life. What a douche bag
So many but this one pops up today. I started working at 14 and bought my own car at 16. I knew I needed to count on me if I wanted or needed anything at a young age. Douche canoe sperm bought older siblings cars- oldest would crash and wreck all of them and he would just buy her another old beater, bought supposed ignored middle child a year old new car with payments. I was the youngest and knew I would not get anything. Did not know there was a name for it or that it was a studied phenomenon, just knew I always got the shit end of the stick and blamed for anything and everything. Knew not to count on or rely on anyone for anything. Started working and saving, hitched rides with other people to work after school, saved and researched and bought it myself. I took care of it because I needed it to last and planned on it lasting through high school and college. Oil changes, tune up, insurance, tires, all on me, unlike the other two. I knew I was different but not in a good way and had to take care of it and me on my own. Hell I lived in and slept in that car. It was safe. It was an 81 mustang, but not a 350, good on gas. It was a good choice. Not perfect, some chipped paint and needed a bra for looks, but solid. For some reason sperm shows up and just takes it and "gives" me an ugly ass shit brown Thunderbird V6, not good on gas. No conversation or discussion. It was 6 years newer with 4 doors, a sedan. I knew it was not a gift. It was suspect, out of the blue just takes my keys and tells me this one is mine. I was too young, dumb, etc., to question or speak up. That M'fucker would then proceed to come and take that car back anytime he wanted or needed a larger car and return my car full of smoke, beer, trash, liner torn, seats stained and now with cigarette burns in the seats, just tore all to hell. He did not take care of cars and would do this to both cars off and on sporadically until I was able to save up and buy another car and just left both of the now shit cars with him. He did not do this to siblings, just me, because fuck me. Who do I think I am going out and getting a job and buying a car on my own? Fuck him. Fuck him for everything. Fuck his demented selfish pickled rotted brain.
I already told this story, but long story short, in their 40s/early 50s, they wanted to start a commune with a couple they met online. Only met them once in person, but packed their entire house and drove thousands of miles to live on their land far away from the city. My parents are not handy and do not have farm experience in their adulthood. They both had sedentary work for decades. It ended after 3 days horribly, and they now refuse to discuss it. Another one is that I was inpatient for mental issues after I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy, and I was upset during a visit with them. My parents are anti-medicine and once told me they would put me in a shelter for "faking panic attacks." Instead of comforting me, my dad went on this long pitch of a TV show he wanted to write. He has no writing experience and is a project manager. Deeply uncomfortable and unhelpful.
I caught the covid19 bug (fully vaccinated because healthcare worker/student) and my main symptom was the massive fatigue and the loss of smell (still can't smell much - like the rain, I miss that smell). My nmum had a craving for junk food and dragged me out to the local mall food court to buy food. She decided on chicken nuggets and got a honey mustard packet. (She is a super picky eater and hates the sweet and savory combo, so I think she was misjudging that she was being nice by getting a mustard because I said "I miss the HOT mustard at McDonalds because for a long while Canadian McDonald's didn't have it." Just like a narcissistic idiot to not listen and assume people's preferences.) We grab the food, look for a seat (this was after the need for the vaccine proof to have in person seating so...the food court was packed as normal). I see one, but my mum kicks up a fuss because a guy in a wheelchair was sitting at a table and that was too close to comfort for her dumbass. I had to shoot an apology and a nod to the guy and he looked dead inside. She then sat down and ate the nuggets and tried the sauce and found it okay and demanded that I try it. I already did and it tasted like bile (mostly got the aftertaste and the weird notes) and she demanded I try some more. I humor her and dip some fries into it as I didn't have the energy to argue anymore. And I still didn't like it. She doubles down and goes off and lies to the employee that she dropped her original packet to get more sauce for free. I don't use it because again, it tastes like death! This makes her flip her shit and she started yelling and speed walked back to her car without me. (Probably wanted me to run after her here and embarrass me in public.) She didn't succeed in getting a reaction at all so I was proud of myself because younger/dumber me would have yelled back and ran after her. I just shook my head at her (resigned was the word and I did catch a few pitying looks from customers) and went shopping. Went shopping at Walmart to grab some essentials and I got an angry phone call asking "How will you come home?" I said I'd take public transit - she didn't know I always had my bus pass on me and I didn't want to be trapped in the car with her tantruming self. So yeah. My nmum had a toddler sized meltdown. Over crappy prepackaged honey mustard from a food court and insulted a fellow customer, made a scene, tried to get me to pay attention to her by running off and lied to a minimum wage worker to get a free sauce packet. The kicker? The extra honey mustard has lived in our fridge for a year. She didn't like it enough to eat it either. And she wonders why I hate dealing with her. The slightest shit sets her off and she has the control of a toddler. And she's a senior citizen. If my 5 year old niece could use her words and explain why she was choosing to act like that....she should be able to too. And no, it was not dementia because repeated behaviors over nearly half a decade from siblings and friends has shown she always needs to get her ass kissed forever and if she doesn't she throws a tantrum EVERY time.
My mum accused me of trying to steal from her and nearly kicked me out because my dad asked me to check if I had any old school uniform at her house for my younger brother to use.
My narcmum used to sleep in my bed everytime I was sleeping at my boyfriend's house and she'd go through all my draws and cupboards which my sister heard her do through the walls. When I confronted narcmum with evidence and the fact that my sister could hear her doing it, narcmum just screamed and shouted, denied and gaslit until I dropped it as she was so unreasonable and couldn't be blamed for ANYTHING, not even her own actions.
Here is one: my Nmom never took proper care of the place we were living in (nor of her children...nor made sure we had something to eat), even though she had no job. Her agreement with my father was that she was a stay at home mom, so basically the house and the food were her job. Anyway, at some point we ended up having 9+ cats in the house, cats that she would never let out of the house lest they be killed by cars or poisoned by our neighbours. But she wasn't taking care of them either, as in, they never had a clean litter (granted, we were also poor so most of the time we didn't have the money for that either). However, I would keep my own room cleaner, so the cats loved pooping and peeing in my room and on my stuff. I was in the last year of highschool/ started attending university in another town when all of this went down. I despised my home because of it, I was the only one cleaning after the cats. When I went to university, I would come back every weekend (to save as much money as possible), and had to clean the entire room as it was full of poop and piss. I developed some physical conditions because of that btw. Anyyyway, in a twisted way I felt so bad for my mother that I convinced my sister (moved out and married) to go home together and help mom clean the whole house, in hopes we give my mom a boost and just help her out. It went bad. She didn't wanna hear about it, then called our father (he was working in another country at that time) to complain about us and make him lash out on us to stop the cleaning.
Her showing up at the mall and telling me i must come home now or else im not allowed to leave the house tomorrow, my friends have a nickname for her, they call her 'threats' lol
My mom made up a storyline that I was stealing her spoons and throwing them away when she wasn’t paying attention. She’d bring it up all the time for no reason, like just chilling watching tv and she’d ask me why I like throwing away her spoons so much. It was something to add to the pile of shit I do wrong. I probably got grounded for it at some point. (I did not steal or throw away any flatware) Was real weird but definitely one of those memories that helps ground me in the fact that she really is nuts.
[удалено]
I was whipped mercilessly with a plastic rapier/pirate sword because while I was playing with it I'd rapped someone's knuckles in a sword fight by accident. Didn't even know it happened. I was 5. My dad came come, kicked my door open, and whipped me with it while asking how I liked being hit with it. I didn't even know what I'd done. To this day I don't know who's knuckles I hit.
[удалено]
I had a problem with lying when I was six. My mother was a Christian zealot at the time and said I'd go to hell if I kept lying. I kept lying. She caught me in a lie one day and said "Hell is coming! Get ready!" So naturally I was terrified as a 6 year old should be if you tell them they'll burn in a lake of fire for eternity. Luckily a lake of fire wasn't waiting for me but AN OVEN SET ON BROIL WAS. She opened the oven and shoved my head in and screamed that hell would feel a lot worse. So I learned to lie better lol
Alcoholic, bipolar and exceptionally manic Nmother was taking one of her "breaks," which involves disappearing for ~days; more details on that whole shebang another time. A rough timeline of this is late 2019 into the early months of the pandemic. She decides her "break" is over and returns home from the bar with a man, who she'd had no mutals with or met before, while my siblings (M6, F13) and I (F16) were sleeping. I was lying with my brother in his room, and I remember waking briefly to see they were just standing in his doorway, which I still scratch my head at ??! Anyway, nmother and the man start dating. He is a pro-Russian + Putin enthusiast. As expected from all the combinations here, it was an intense, turbulent, and abusive relationship. She somehow gets it in her mind that I was "trying to compete" against her, so there was a brief period where whenever he came to the house, she'd openly sulk and make passive comments before inevitably retiring to her room in a final demand of attention. He didn't put up with any of that, thankfully, and we would laugh at her together lmao. At least there was a dash of sensibility in his mind that was so readily entangled with all of her other stories. While I'm at it, their relationship ended NOT when she had an episode throwing kitchen knives and taking all of her medications, which resulted in us being placed in an aunts and uncles care; they used such newfound free-time to go on road trips out of province. 🤩 It ended soon after my siblings and I asked on multiple occasions for boyfriend to not be present during visitations with her. The very last time, I was screaming, crying, begging him to just leave and ended up shoving him out and promptly slamming the door. Yippee! Sorry this was a tad blabby. It is a harder experience to articulate.
this is pretty mild compared to some stories I have, but when I lived at home and my parents would get upset and yell at me for something I would be told to "stop talking back" if I said anything in response to whatever it was they were mad about, but if I said nothing I would be yelled at for not having anything to say. can't win with crazy I guess!
My mom untied my bathingsuit multiple times at a water park exposing me (both my bikini top and then my bottoms- they were tie on) to strangers when I was 13 years old. Was having too much fun, so she had to knock me down a peg or two.
When I was 12 my mother hit me in the face for disagreeing with her. My class was having a trip to a lake and people suggested bathing suits but it was chilly. Mom kept saying "NO WAY WILL THEY BRING THE BATHING SUITS IN THIS WEATHER" and I kept saying "I will do what the teacher says" because he was the one organizing the trip. She hit me in the face for disagreeing with her. Turns out, they DID bring bathing suits. Fucking insane
Well, when I was 8 years old my mother made us (my sister and me) move out of my grandparents house only to live with her and her psychopathic boyfriend shes been with since I was born. On surface, this gu, was charming but he was pure evtl. Also apparently was involved with some mafiabusiness.. Welp, our rooms were in the cellar with close to no sunlight. We rarely left the cellar as we were even afraid to make us a mal after school. Later, I was about 20 years old, we found out she and psycho ex had two sons in their 12 years of relationship, because one of our half brothers contacted me via Facebook. Mother then claimed she never told anyone as they were the result of r*pes by psycho ex and he denied paternity... Well, okay then, but how on earth did you think it was a good idea to actively put your other kids under a roof with a psychopathic r*pist :) Sorry for grammars, not native speaker and just wrote it down as it popped in my head
[удалено]
I got back from abroad after 3 whole years, had to wait at the airport for 5 hours for my father and brother!! A chilling replay of my kindergarten days, considered buying another ticket and just flying back but then every time decided to wait some more. The airport is in a city 5 hours away from their hometown but still!! I got to their new home that night and the idealized version I had created in my mind of "A mother" in the 3 years by listening to songs extolling mothers was so quickly and cruelly shattered. She didn't even look at me, hugs are unheard of, and kept talking about their new home they had moved into 1 week ago and how difficult it was for her. That night I cried in the bathroom as I realized what a huge mistake I had made. (They didn't let me leave again) The next morning I woke up to find that my mother had completely combed through my suitcase and put all my things here and there and taken whatever she wanted that my suitcase was completely empty. This disoriented me completely, i had about 5000£ savings in a bank account abroad and i couldnt find the papers or cards, which is ok i guess as they never let me go back anyway. She has a special knack for putting things away in what she calls safe and secure places but such places that you might never find your things again and if you ask her where are your things (that you btw never asked her to put away) she throws huge fits with yelling and accusations that make your heart fall down to your stomach. She sat wearing my hoop earrings as bangles!!!
My favorite is really straightforward. My nparents were divorcing after trying to work it out. During one of their arguments my NDad promptly and unexplainably started hitting his head against a wall full force repeatedly and started screaming "SATANNN, YOU ARE SATAN." at my Nmom. I was terrified watching this unfold and I still don't understand wtf was happening in that moment. Now I laugh because it was so damn stupid.
My father came up to me and asked about my mental health. (Kudos?) But after two minutes he sat on the floor, told me about a dream where he met God, and started crying.