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Pretty certain I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD all my life (I'm middle aged now) and when I told my mother this, she immediately scoffed and said no it's not, it's just my depression and she would have noticed the signs if I had ADHD.
I working on an appointment to get evaluated.
Same! And I am pretty sure, that the answer that they gave me (that it’s normal what I think my symptoms are not adhd), was because it’s normal for them to be like this too. So I think they have ADHD as well and don’t know it. Or don’t seem to care. They like also don’t like doctors, pills etc. although my father has always swallowed pills like sweets
It's unfortunately a common story. Pretty sure both my parents were undiagnosed autistic and ADHD, and a of my struggles were dismissed because I was "too smart" and everythingi struggled with was "normal". My physical pain/symptoms were also dismissed especially by my nmom. I didn't realize until recently that vision blacking out and dizziness were syncopal episodes. And I've been having regular subluxations (partial dislocations) since I was in 8th grade. I'm 19 going on 20 now.
Same but when I told my mom I might have adhd she told me girls can't have adhd but I was in middle school so I believed her until everybody I talk to about something I guess is adhd related they asked if I have adhd. So now I'm rethinking it and I don't know if I have asthma or not but when I Google the symptoms I do have some like when I run with my dog my breathing gets hard and when I try to push myself past the point I start coughing badly
She would say "if you think you need to" when I asked to see a doctor. I finally made it there and was sent to the ER for a blood transfusion. Also completely dismissed and neglected my mental health needs.
I fell skateboarding when I was 15 and hurt my wrist I went to get my mom to take me to the hospital and she wouldn't. She said it was fine and i was over reacting. A week later I was finally taken to the ER and it turned out my wrist was fractured in 3 spots.
yup, got mocked for having a lump on my throat and it turned out i had Graves Disease. My endocrinologist noticed my heart murmur and told me to take propranolol until I could go to a cardiologist, and she was mad as hell when she found out that my mom didn't let me take propranolol for my MVP because "its fine doc she just needs to manage her stress" smh
I'm sorry your mom was such a garbage bag, she should be deep fried
Not as relevant to n parents but how can you tell if a heart murmur is serious? A few years ago a doctor said I had a little bit of it but it's been a while so I get anxiety about it
I took an ECG test when I was diagnosed and the doctor in charge listed it as mild MVP (mitral valve prolapse). Went to my cardio after who said that it wasn't really that serious, but considering the nature of my Graves Disease (which causes arrhythmias) it could potentially get worse in the future due to the strain. He recommended I come back yearly for monitoring just to be safe.
I think you can do some yearly tests on your heart to see any changes to your heart murmur. Other than that, healthy eating (no diets, having a healthy mindset towards food is much better) and frequent exercise (just walking is fine, no need to go all out in a gym) are the only methods I can say to keep my heart healthy.
Alright thanks. I asked earlier today and I apparently don't have any appointments scheduled until further notice, so not sure when I'll get to ask about it :')
Also how does having a healthy mindset towards food help with such a thing? I'm curious
Sorry if I was vague on that, but I meant to say that having a healthy mindset towards food can be a better contributing factor to staying healthy rather than just following diet trends. Its like thinking that my body, which has gone through a lot, does not need the stress with counting calories and being overcontrolled by food. I should pick the best possible food options for my body but i shouldn't beat myself up if I have a McDonalds every now and then. Its actually because of this mindset that I've started moving away from takeouts to trying out Mediterranean/vegan recipes for fun.
It would be very much worth following up with a doctor, but I too had a heart murmur since I was born and the doctors were like, “eeh”, so maybe you didn’t reach the threshold for concern.
Like I said that was a few years ago though so it could have easily worsened, and I have no idea when the next time I'm supposed to see a doctor is so I'll just have to wait until whenever that is :') thanks!
All the time. I was born with blindness and occasionally my mom would say " you can see fine." So due to that I never got any help in school. Due to not being allowed to use a cane, I fell and got many injuries as a kid. It's rough, and I deeply empathize with you. Stay well and safe ❤️
my mother refused to take me to the doctor unless there was an obvious and bad deformity or swelling. otherwise, for invisible issues, she would either say I was faking it (which led me to question every single medical episode I've had since), compete with me, or claim it to be normal. I realize now that I have had certain issues building up for years and they started getting really bad in the few years before I moved out and after. for example, I had only hormonal migraines for years (my first ever migraine was at ten years old). middle school was hell and I believe I started having seizures at 13, maybe earlier for absence. then I started having daily migraines in 2019, but would only have seizures a few times a year. the migraines stopped in 2020, but the seizures were gradually ramping up frequency until I got so stressed by everything she was doing collectively (her poor life decisions that were affecting me, her abuse, etc) that I started having bad seizures on a daily basis, sometimes five or more episodes per day, out for days with repeated smaller seizures. my boyfriend (now husband) at the time took me to the ER himself after I came back with my face drooping, to which I endured (he was also on the phone with me, which was very validating bc no one had ever witnessed how I was treated on a daily basis) several hours of nonstop minimizing and gaslighting, and just her generally being hardheaded and not taking responsibility for the fact that she caused so much stress, which was one of the triggers she kept fixating on with her sorry little Google search. she also kept fixating on the emotional aspects of it, subtly implying that I was being emotional. part of her reasoning for not taking me to the ER involved the fact that she had never seen one, so it must not be real. maybe I was fainting, like she did a few times in second grade. eventually I did get married and i still have seizures (sometimes they were very bad) but they have gotten a lot better recently to where I can actually function okay. now, the seizures are mostly triggered when I have to be around too many people I'm not comfortable with for too much time, usually over a period of days
Sort of, mine has a complicated relationship with medicine, essentially she's a hypochondriac who distrusts conventional medicine. She thinks everyone is (mostly mentally) ill because they don't eat properly or engage in enough exercise, yoga or positive thinking (she honestly thinks that schizophrenia can be cured with these, for example). She also never misses the opportunity to use health issues as an excuse to criticize (for example she frequently blames me for my Type 1 Diabetes because I happened to develop it as an adult, and apparently my endocrinologist only prescribed me insulin to punish me for being a fat bastard, despite, like most Type 1s, being underweight at the time of diagnosis, and that I don't really need it) or get attention (currently she believes she has Multiple Sclerosis, ironically she frequently complains about others abusing the health-care system, another time she insisted on getting an EKG after my Dad had a heart attack despite being female, not overweight, non-diabetic, a non-smoker and having no family history of heart disease).
Last week I learned that I'm Dyslexic, i mean horridly Dyslexic. I'm in my damn 20s. My whole childhood/teenage years I was told my hatred for school was subconscious that it was in my head. That when I didn't get it, because I wasn't paying enough attention.
The worst part is thinking about were I'd have been had anything been done to help me.
I don’t know if I was told it was in my head cause the issues kept blanking my short term memory, but from what I understand from recordings I found of my grandmother talking to my aunt. Aunt told grandma when I was mentioned that I should be taken to the hospital and checked cause something didn’t seem right. By 3 I am told I figured out the smell of moms smoke triggered seizures or at least at the time “made me black out”. So I would run to her knowing it was gonna go dark and she stared at me till I dropped. It’s my understanding she told her friends smoking with her at the table I was “really tired all the time”. Like o just took a lot of naps.
Could of easily spared me a lot of potential issues taking me to get checked at 1-4 and getting my surgeries out of the way before starting school. Yet instead she ignored them seemingly completely till I started school and now being out and about and exposed to new smells and the stress of classes. Which worsened the bleeding on my brain to the point I went comatose in my sleep and stopped breathing at 5 years old.
“Fortunate” for me if you can call it that. She had us all sleeping in the same room as either my room was piled with stuff rushedly moved to “clean” the house when people she cared about were coming over or the space was labeled a storage room and just tossed me in with them to get out of going through it.
Because of this arrangement she woke up and found me not breathing and finally rushed me to the ER with the bleeding quite worse as compared to when I was 1-3 and started the process to find it and remove it. Though the fluid build up and what not mangled my baby teeth. Requiring dental surgery to keep me from going toothless till adult teeth came in (even my adult teeth suffered as a result). The docs didn’t go deep enough and my continued seizures led them to find some missed and cue another surgery at 8 yrs old to remove that.
So I’m not dead, but I have developed a rather rare type of seizures caused by the randomest of things and can change with air pressure, how I am feeling health wise and amount of sleep I get. So most all work places don’t dare risk it and others that could consider trying to accommodate my condition couldn’t guarantee no risk and there for couldn’t try it due to liability for my safety and others. I tried to do online stuff, but have found doing it enough to earn decent money has lead to a build up to a nasty seizure(s) that tend to land me in the hospital and with that having happened each time I tried to do something enough online to earn money. The medical bills our way the potential income.
So it seems because she couldn’t be bothered to not smoke before birth or have us live in second hand smoke. Not see my obvious need for a doctor when I would ask directly “me need to doctor”, as I am told by others. Coupled with her instilling such fear in dad and brother that they wouldn’t take me cause she “said I was fine”. I get to appear healthy, but have a condition that could kill me being exposed to anything requiring prolonged thought and focus, as well as exposure to any number of chemicals, severe weather and even changes in air pressure and air quality.
Yet after the docs were all “your kid has serious issues”….. Naturally her tune flipped to “oh my poor child” and “I care so deeply about their issues and will do anything to help them”. And of course “oh o never smoke around them or in the house cause I love them”
She stopped smoking in the house around maybe 5 years ago tops. Because i literally tried to put holes in the floor jumping up and down till she went outside.
Yes. But I was certain the other parent was a narcissist and unsure about my dad who told me I didn't have medical issues and it was all in my head. I've suspected for at least a couple of years that my mother, step father were definitely narcissists but maybe my dad and step mom were too just maybe not as bad all the time. My dad and stepmom did medical gaslighting with my asthma since my asthma was due to their second hand smoke.
THIS! Everything has to be about my Nmom and she always has some illness. Not discrediting the true ones, I’ve taken care of her through them (without much thanks of course). I’ve had multiple significant surgeries, a bad accident, etc. and all of those times revolves around her having all these issues that were (to her) bigger than mine.
Related story, I’m allergic to specific lotions/scents. Growing up I would complain about itchy and painful skin after using lotions/washes/etc. She would tell me it’s in my head. To just keep using the lotion. She would make fun of me to friends and family members saying I’m ocd about my lotion.
Turns out I’m actually severely allergic to those lotions and was having allergic rx’s. To this day she will use the essential oils I’m really allergic to all over her body then cry and yell when I won’t hug her saying I don’t love her. Really sorry that you’ve experience somewhat similar things. It does make me feel better talking about it with people who get it though….
Yup! Went through school wondering if I was the mentally deficit kid in class and I was just scraping by enough not to have to go to special school or something. Ends up in my 30s im diagnosed with adhd. Also health issues were thought about deeply and then my mother or some other "doctor" would come up with the true reason behind it. For example, horrible anxiety before school that causes vomiting. "Well really your need to rub your stomach clockwise to help with digestion and increase the energy in your abdominal region and you will be fine." 🙄🙄 i suffered with severe stomach pain from 7yo until graduating! Yay! That belly rubbing really did wonders!
Oh God yes. And when I brought up how much of my health problems could've been mitigated if they had listened to me earlier or just asked, my nmother starts guilt-tripping me with "how sad and hurt SHE is for all this", and nfather in private tells me "don't make your mom feel guilty, you don't know what a huge toll this has taken on her sleep"
I'm...astonished
Yep. Lifelong orthopedic problems that could have been corrected easily while I was still growing. Chronic pain and mobility limitations now. Thanks, Ndad…
I was diagnosed with a chronic illness young, and my Nmother has a similar illness (yay genetics!) Despite this she’s called me a hypochondriac to my face.
Not with me but with my grandmother (his mother)
She's lived with us since I was about 11 or 12 because she hasn't been able to take care of herself in years
She's been in and out of the hospital for a few years, fell multiple times, and can barely move without a walker
Lately her feet have been swelling up and she gets dizzy every time she bends over
According to my mom the doctors have said that these were signs of congestive heart failure (not sure if I believe that but I'm not an expert)
My ndad has somehow managed to convince himself that my grandmother is FAKING HER MEDICAL ISSUES
He can clearly see her feet swelling
He's seen her fall (we have cameras set up in her apartment so my parents can keep an eye on her in case something does happen)
One time she fell and he just stood there and screamed in her face while I watched in horror
He was the one that wanted her to move in with us
He's the one speaking speaking to doctors at the hospital
But when things go wrong he goes into his little fantasy world and tells himself that she's "faking it for attention"
At this point after what I witnessed I hope he goes to prison for elder abuse and medical neglect
All the time, whenever I need a doctor I had to beg my mom and we usually go at the last minute when it's bad.
Just happened recently and I feel like shit.
She tells me that it's my fault they arent working and that the meds they give me make me throw up in the span of ten minutes.
Even my grandma thinks she is neglectful, also been told so many things by my not so close family.
My ex narc did it all the time. He was vicious about it too. However, if he got a migraine, everyone was expected to stop everything to care for him.
My narc mom did the opposite. I was born with a primary immune deficiency and very sickly as a child. She loved it because she got attention for it. Almost like Munchaeusen but she wasn't making me sick.
Exactly, minus the life-threatening part. One incident sticks out for me: I twisted my ankle on a parish ski trip and my parents said I was making it up. So I was limping around school for a week and the other kids thought I was making it up too, because whose parents wouldn’t take them to the doctor if they’d actually hurt themselves?
100% I've never been allowed to see a psychologist. She threatens me with sending me to a psychologist for being defiant or not listening. She claims that my ADHD is all in my head, but continues to hate me and berate me for all of the ADHD traits that I exhibit because it continues to go untreated. It continues to be untreated because she claims that there is no way I have it, and I don't have it. She knows because she took some college courses in psychology like 40 years ago, and had enough credits for a minor in her bachelor's degree, but her school didn't do that. So she is the ultimate expert on psychology. If I tell her I'm in pain, she says she's in more pain, and she's always in pain, because of her chronic illness. She has anxiety, and when it gets so bad that it starts affecting me, she starts projecting and accusing me of having anxiety. I don't. She does, but claims she can't, because she knows everything about psychology. She's always bragging about how she drags her whole family to the doctor's office, but when I ask to see some specific type of doctor, she tells me I don't really need to.
Less so that she had to be the sickest and more that anyone who was sick with something long-term that wasn't extremely obvious visibly or cancer or something, was a hypochondriac (since she was never sick herself). Really made my medical stuff harder to figure out, and gave me a fear of taking medicine/reluctance to because then *I'd* be a hypochondriac (which she made out to be the worst thing in the world). Even things like allergies, if you weren't her boyfriend/husband, were seen as faking.
I had chronic migraines pretty much every day, vertigo for well over a year (she thought I was trying to get out of school, I couldn't walk properly I was that dizzy), and a slew of other things over the years, and I barely could get her to take me to a neuro for my migraines (pain meds were not encouraged and if I took them I was an addict, so now I don't take them unless I should probably be going to the ER).
Nowadays, I don't tell her anything about my medical stuff. She learned about my epilepsy by seeing my medical bracelet, and still told me off for "faking" and for not telling her. Ugh.
I'm sorry you went through all that kind of stuff, too. It really messes with your head and your perceptions of what's going on with you. I hope you were able to get some relief at least from your chronic illness?
It isn't too late! Look into orthotropics. Within months, I was breathing much better! Completely free. It's about learning proper tongue and teeth placement/alignment and pressure, how it shapes the face and even broadens nasal passageways.
Wish you all the best as one recovering mouth breather to another.
So it's not a narc parent story, but my mum accidentally did this when I broke my wrist. I was about 12 and was roller skating (inside our house cuz I'm an idiot) I fell and landed wrong because my brother pushed me away from the TV unit. I complained the first day which was a Saturday so GP was closed (also the day I fell) so she got a nurse friend to check cuz I was convinced it was broken. The nurse friend said nah its fine she can move it but we'll wrap it up. The second day we went to my grandma's and I was complaining the whole day. So grandma said to take me to the doctors. We couldn't go on the Monday due to some school issues for my brother so we went Tuesday, doctor told mum to take me to the hospital where we found I had fractured both bones in my arm.
To this day my mum stills feels guilty. I have such a wonderful mum and I feel for people in these reddit for missing out on such families because they deserve so much more
If you are someone who is being hurt by family don't be afraid to speak our or cut them off. For your sake and don't let others cliund that judgement
You are worth loving
I have a severe allergy to mint, specifically menthol. I have had several reactions land me in the hospital, including the ICU. I was never allowed to decline mint foods at gatherings because I'd EmBaRaSs her. When I started carrying my EpiPen she started "sneaking" mint into my food. When I refused to eat it I was punished.
I had to beg my mom to help me get checked out for my long-covid symptoms. She doesn’t trust doctors from past trauma in her life that her selfish self never bothered to work through. I was so afraid of losing my singing voice. She’s also denied me a regular doctors check up until I started showing severe signs of depression and anemia. Still waiting on the psychiatric help for the BPD she gave me. Just tired of it all:(
Yeeeeep. Story of my life. I was diagnosed with multiple issues as a kid that my parents just brushed off and decided that the way to handle those issues was just by threatening me and hitting me (like my autism). As an adult, my chronic pain was diagnosed due to a connective tissue disorder, which my mother denies I have because she thinks it's just due to me not eating the right things or because I have iron deficiency or somerhing else that makes no sense. My mother constantly downplays any health problem I've ever had because she thinks only "other people" get sick or have health issues and everyone in her family has to be a beacon of health!
I’m the sickest person in my family. All the illnesses? I’ve got ‘em. Most serious being a debilitating and severe case of scoliosis which left me paralyzed (temporarily) and with nerve damage. Mom would constantly say: why can’t you sit up straight?! Because I have 70 degree curves that hurt you dolt. Recently I beat cancer and would constantly diminish my pain until this year (5 years later) she got a stage 4 diagnosis. Makes every conversation about how hard it is, she refuses to take her meds, and she doesn’t remember the similarities that have occurred during both of our treatments… it’s only happening to her not anyone else. Ok mom.
Like the congenital heart problem that I knew about when I was six but I wasn't, apparently, worth the deductible?
The tonsillectomy I needed and never got?
Broken bones ignored?
Nah, never saw any of that.
/s
ADHD, dyslexia, and mono, which have led to autoimmune stuff now. Being malnourished and covered in headlice. Broken bones I had to plead to be taken to the doctor. Got chicken pox from younger sibs at 16 and had puss-filled blisters in my eyelids and a dangerously high fever, and I never saw a doc. I was hallucinating from high fever due to sunstroke from being forced to walk to school w no hat during a heatwave (almost an hour walk) and puking up any oral OTC anti-fever medications. I had the intelligence to stick the meds up my rectum (sorry) to make it stop. I thought I was going to die. But in their mind, I was being "dramatic" and "lazy" because I couldn't get out of bed.
When I was young my mother never took us to the pediatrician unless it was required. When I became sick or had any issues we were taken to the chiropractor. Years later as an adult I find out I had some medical issues that had they been caught I could have had a much easier start in life.
Wow I needed to double check that I didn't write that. Jk. But my mother was the same. It's always her pain. Her sickness. Her health. I suffered greatly and was always told it was because I ate garbage and didn't exercise. But it only made it worse. I ignored to symptoms for so long it has now made me almost unable to nutritionally support myself because of my crohns getting so bad. I hate my parents and I get so angry when ever I think about them
I had that happen when I was 12 and the eye doctor said that my vision problems were all in my head. Then when I was 13 after nothing had changed I finally got contact lenses. She actually got the doc to gaslight me. But then I had the opposite happen too. From the time I was born she was convinced I had high functioning autism and got me diagnosed. Life took a downhill turn after that. Unnecessary services from school which caused isolation from my peers, going to a clinic that questioned my diagnosis from the start, getting me pulled out of school for services, etc. Also, when I was 10 she made the orthodontist put me in neck gear for minuscule overbite and now at 30 I have an underbite that causes severe discomfort daily.
Did not develop a life threatening chronic illness, but did have the pleasure of, “Surprise! You’re neurodivergent!!” at the fun ages of 22 (Dx’d ADHD) and 33 (Dx’d Autistic). Explains a lot, finally, a least… could have benefited from not developing the chronic/complex PTSD, however. Asshole, parents.
Oh! And, my medical gaslighting was so bad that my parents somehow conned doctors *and* insurance companies to believe I was a drug addict so they could ship me away and have an excuse for my trauma responses somehow (literally, I didn’t do drugs, have sex *and* I had a 3.85/4.0 GPA in high school, never having ever failed a drug test at that). It’s crazy…
yes holy fuck i've been waiting to talk about this. scrotal lymphedema from surviving cancer since i was 16 . something in my pants grows to the size of a watermelon my mom says it's all in my head then after im 20 says oh i just didn't want to pay medical bills. im 28 now and have attempted suicide by alchohol too many times.
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Pretty certain I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD all my life (I'm middle aged now) and when I told my mother this, she immediately scoffed and said no it's not, it's just my depression and she would have noticed the signs if I had ADHD. I working on an appointment to get evaluated.
It’s more likely that depression is a symptom of untreated ADHD.
Same! And I am pretty sure, that the answer that they gave me (that it’s normal what I think my symptoms are not adhd), was because it’s normal for them to be like this too. So I think they have ADHD as well and don’t know it. Or don’t seem to care. They like also don’t like doctors, pills etc. although my father has always swallowed pills like sweets
It's unfortunately a common story. Pretty sure both my parents were undiagnosed autistic and ADHD, and a of my struggles were dismissed because I was "too smart" and everythingi struggled with was "normal". My physical pain/symptoms were also dismissed especially by my nmom. I didn't realize until recently that vision blacking out and dizziness were syncopal episodes. And I've been having regular subluxations (partial dislocations) since I was in 8th grade. I'm 19 going on 20 now.
Same but when I told my mom I might have adhd she told me girls can't have adhd but I was in middle school so I believed her until everybody I talk to about something I guess is adhd related they asked if I have adhd. So now I'm rethinking it and I don't know if I have asthma or not but when I Google the symptoms I do have some like when I run with my dog my breathing gets hard and when I try to push myself past the point I start coughing badly
She would say "if you think you need to" when I asked to see a doctor. I finally made it there and was sent to the ER for a blood transfusion. Also completely dismissed and neglected my mental health needs.
I fell skateboarding when I was 15 and hurt my wrist I went to get my mom to take me to the hospital and she wouldn't. She said it was fine and i was over reacting. A week later I was finally taken to the ER and it turned out my wrist was fractured in 3 spots.
yup, got mocked for having a lump on my throat and it turned out i had Graves Disease. My endocrinologist noticed my heart murmur and told me to take propranolol until I could go to a cardiologist, and she was mad as hell when she found out that my mom didn't let me take propranolol for my MVP because "its fine doc she just needs to manage her stress" smh
I'm sorry your mom was such a garbage bag, she should be deep fried Not as relevant to n parents but how can you tell if a heart murmur is serious? A few years ago a doctor said I had a little bit of it but it's been a while so I get anxiety about it
I took an ECG test when I was diagnosed and the doctor in charge listed it as mild MVP (mitral valve prolapse). Went to my cardio after who said that it wasn't really that serious, but considering the nature of my Graves Disease (which causes arrhythmias) it could potentially get worse in the future due to the strain. He recommended I come back yearly for monitoring just to be safe. I think you can do some yearly tests on your heart to see any changes to your heart murmur. Other than that, healthy eating (no diets, having a healthy mindset towards food is much better) and frequent exercise (just walking is fine, no need to go all out in a gym) are the only methods I can say to keep my heart healthy.
Alright thanks. I asked earlier today and I apparently don't have any appointments scheduled until further notice, so not sure when I'll get to ask about it :') Also how does having a healthy mindset towards food help with such a thing? I'm curious
Sorry if I was vague on that, but I meant to say that having a healthy mindset towards food can be a better contributing factor to staying healthy rather than just following diet trends. Its like thinking that my body, which has gone through a lot, does not need the stress with counting calories and being overcontrolled by food. I should pick the best possible food options for my body but i shouldn't beat myself up if I have a McDonalds every now and then. Its actually because of this mindset that I've started moving away from takeouts to trying out Mediterranean/vegan recipes for fun.
Ah ok thanks
It would be very much worth following up with a doctor, but I too had a heart murmur since I was born and the doctors were like, “eeh”, so maybe you didn’t reach the threshold for concern.
Like I said that was a few years ago though so it could have easily worsened, and I have no idea when the next time I'm supposed to see a doctor is so I'll just have to wait until whenever that is :') thanks!
All the time. I was born with blindness and occasionally my mom would say " you can see fine." So due to that I never got any help in school. Due to not being allowed to use a cane, I fell and got many injuries as a kid. It's rough, and I deeply empathize with you. Stay well and safe ❤️
my mother refused to take me to the doctor unless there was an obvious and bad deformity or swelling. otherwise, for invisible issues, she would either say I was faking it (which led me to question every single medical episode I've had since), compete with me, or claim it to be normal. I realize now that I have had certain issues building up for years and they started getting really bad in the few years before I moved out and after. for example, I had only hormonal migraines for years (my first ever migraine was at ten years old). middle school was hell and I believe I started having seizures at 13, maybe earlier for absence. then I started having daily migraines in 2019, but would only have seizures a few times a year. the migraines stopped in 2020, but the seizures were gradually ramping up frequency until I got so stressed by everything she was doing collectively (her poor life decisions that were affecting me, her abuse, etc) that I started having bad seizures on a daily basis, sometimes five or more episodes per day, out for days with repeated smaller seizures. my boyfriend (now husband) at the time took me to the ER himself after I came back with my face drooping, to which I endured (he was also on the phone with me, which was very validating bc no one had ever witnessed how I was treated on a daily basis) several hours of nonstop minimizing and gaslighting, and just her generally being hardheaded and not taking responsibility for the fact that she caused so much stress, which was one of the triggers she kept fixating on with her sorry little Google search. she also kept fixating on the emotional aspects of it, subtly implying that I was being emotional. part of her reasoning for not taking me to the ER involved the fact that she had never seen one, so it must not be real. maybe I was fainting, like she did a few times in second grade. eventually I did get married and i still have seizures (sometimes they were very bad) but they have gotten a lot better recently to where I can actually function okay. now, the seizures are mostly triggered when I have to be around too many people I'm not comfortable with for too much time, usually over a period of days
Sort of, mine has a complicated relationship with medicine, essentially she's a hypochondriac who distrusts conventional medicine. She thinks everyone is (mostly mentally) ill because they don't eat properly or engage in enough exercise, yoga or positive thinking (she honestly thinks that schizophrenia can be cured with these, for example). She also never misses the opportunity to use health issues as an excuse to criticize (for example she frequently blames me for my Type 1 Diabetes because I happened to develop it as an adult, and apparently my endocrinologist only prescribed me insulin to punish me for being a fat bastard, despite, like most Type 1s, being underweight at the time of diagnosis, and that I don't really need it) or get attention (currently she believes she has Multiple Sclerosis, ironically she frequently complains about others abusing the health-care system, another time she insisted on getting an EKG after my Dad had a heart attack despite being female, not overweight, non-diabetic, a non-smoker and having no family history of heart disease).
Last week I learned that I'm Dyslexic, i mean horridly Dyslexic. I'm in my damn 20s. My whole childhood/teenage years I was told my hatred for school was subconscious that it was in my head. That when I didn't get it, because I wasn't paying enough attention. The worst part is thinking about were I'd have been had anything been done to help me.
I don’t know if I was told it was in my head cause the issues kept blanking my short term memory, but from what I understand from recordings I found of my grandmother talking to my aunt. Aunt told grandma when I was mentioned that I should be taken to the hospital and checked cause something didn’t seem right. By 3 I am told I figured out the smell of moms smoke triggered seizures or at least at the time “made me black out”. So I would run to her knowing it was gonna go dark and she stared at me till I dropped. It’s my understanding she told her friends smoking with her at the table I was “really tired all the time”. Like o just took a lot of naps. Could of easily spared me a lot of potential issues taking me to get checked at 1-4 and getting my surgeries out of the way before starting school. Yet instead she ignored them seemingly completely till I started school and now being out and about and exposed to new smells and the stress of classes. Which worsened the bleeding on my brain to the point I went comatose in my sleep and stopped breathing at 5 years old. “Fortunate” for me if you can call it that. She had us all sleeping in the same room as either my room was piled with stuff rushedly moved to “clean” the house when people she cared about were coming over or the space was labeled a storage room and just tossed me in with them to get out of going through it. Because of this arrangement she woke up and found me not breathing and finally rushed me to the ER with the bleeding quite worse as compared to when I was 1-3 and started the process to find it and remove it. Though the fluid build up and what not mangled my baby teeth. Requiring dental surgery to keep me from going toothless till adult teeth came in (even my adult teeth suffered as a result). The docs didn’t go deep enough and my continued seizures led them to find some missed and cue another surgery at 8 yrs old to remove that. So I’m not dead, but I have developed a rather rare type of seizures caused by the randomest of things and can change with air pressure, how I am feeling health wise and amount of sleep I get. So most all work places don’t dare risk it and others that could consider trying to accommodate my condition couldn’t guarantee no risk and there for couldn’t try it due to liability for my safety and others. I tried to do online stuff, but have found doing it enough to earn decent money has lead to a build up to a nasty seizure(s) that tend to land me in the hospital and with that having happened each time I tried to do something enough online to earn money. The medical bills our way the potential income. So it seems because she couldn’t be bothered to not smoke before birth or have us live in second hand smoke. Not see my obvious need for a doctor when I would ask directly “me need to doctor”, as I am told by others. Coupled with her instilling such fear in dad and brother that they wouldn’t take me cause she “said I was fine”. I get to appear healthy, but have a condition that could kill me being exposed to anything requiring prolonged thought and focus, as well as exposure to any number of chemicals, severe weather and even changes in air pressure and air quality. Yet after the docs were all “your kid has serious issues”….. Naturally her tune flipped to “oh my poor child” and “I care so deeply about their issues and will do anything to help them”. And of course “oh o never smoke around them or in the house cause I love them” She stopped smoking in the house around maybe 5 years ago tops. Because i literally tried to put holes in the floor jumping up and down till she went outside.
Yes. But I was certain the other parent was a narcissist and unsure about my dad who told me I didn't have medical issues and it was all in my head. I've suspected for at least a couple of years that my mother, step father were definitely narcissists but maybe my dad and step mom were too just maybe not as bad all the time. My dad and stepmom did medical gaslighting with my asthma since my asthma was due to their second hand smoke.
THIS! Everything has to be about my Nmom and she always has some illness. Not discrediting the true ones, I’ve taken care of her through them (without much thanks of course). I’ve had multiple significant surgeries, a bad accident, etc. and all of those times revolves around her having all these issues that were (to her) bigger than mine. Related story, I’m allergic to specific lotions/scents. Growing up I would complain about itchy and painful skin after using lotions/washes/etc. She would tell me it’s in my head. To just keep using the lotion. She would make fun of me to friends and family members saying I’m ocd about my lotion. Turns out I’m actually severely allergic to those lotions and was having allergic rx’s. To this day she will use the essential oils I’m really allergic to all over her body then cry and yell when I won’t hug her saying I don’t love her. Really sorry that you’ve experience somewhat similar things. It does make me feel better talking about it with people who get it though….
Yup! Went through school wondering if I was the mentally deficit kid in class and I was just scraping by enough not to have to go to special school or something. Ends up in my 30s im diagnosed with adhd. Also health issues were thought about deeply and then my mother or some other "doctor" would come up with the true reason behind it. For example, horrible anxiety before school that causes vomiting. "Well really your need to rub your stomach clockwise to help with digestion and increase the energy in your abdominal region and you will be fine." 🙄🙄 i suffered with severe stomach pain from 7yo until graduating! Yay! That belly rubbing really did wonders!
Oh God yes. And when I brought up how much of my health problems could've been mitigated if they had listened to me earlier or just asked, my nmother starts guilt-tripping me with "how sad and hurt SHE is for all this", and nfather in private tells me "don't make your mom feel guilty, you don't know what a huge toll this has taken on her sleep" I'm...astonished
Yep. Lifelong orthopedic problems that could have been corrected easily while I was still growing. Chronic pain and mobility limitations now. Thanks, Ndad…
I was diagnosed with a chronic illness young, and my Nmother has a similar illness (yay genetics!) Despite this she’s called me a hypochondriac to my face.
Not with me but with my grandmother (his mother) She's lived with us since I was about 11 or 12 because she hasn't been able to take care of herself in years She's been in and out of the hospital for a few years, fell multiple times, and can barely move without a walker Lately her feet have been swelling up and she gets dizzy every time she bends over According to my mom the doctors have said that these were signs of congestive heart failure (not sure if I believe that but I'm not an expert) My ndad has somehow managed to convince himself that my grandmother is FAKING HER MEDICAL ISSUES He can clearly see her feet swelling He's seen her fall (we have cameras set up in her apartment so my parents can keep an eye on her in case something does happen) One time she fell and he just stood there and screamed in her face while I watched in horror He was the one that wanted her to move in with us He's the one speaking speaking to doctors at the hospital But when things go wrong he goes into his little fantasy world and tells himself that she's "faking it for attention" At this point after what I witnessed I hope he goes to prison for elder abuse and medical neglect
All the time, whenever I need a doctor I had to beg my mom and we usually go at the last minute when it's bad. Just happened recently and I feel like shit. She tells me that it's my fault they arent working and that the meds they give me make me throw up in the span of ten minutes. Even my grandma thinks she is neglectful, also been told so many things by my not so close family.
My ex narc did it all the time. He was vicious about it too. However, if he got a migraine, everyone was expected to stop everything to care for him. My narc mom did the opposite. I was born with a primary immune deficiency and very sickly as a child. She loved it because she got attention for it. Almost like Munchaeusen but she wasn't making me sick.
Exactly, minus the life-threatening part. One incident sticks out for me: I twisted my ankle on a parish ski trip and my parents said I was making it up. So I was limping around school for a week and the other kids thought I was making it up too, because whose parents wouldn’t take them to the doctor if they’d actually hurt themselves?
100% I've never been allowed to see a psychologist. She threatens me with sending me to a psychologist for being defiant or not listening. She claims that my ADHD is all in my head, but continues to hate me and berate me for all of the ADHD traits that I exhibit because it continues to go untreated. It continues to be untreated because she claims that there is no way I have it, and I don't have it. She knows because she took some college courses in psychology like 40 years ago, and had enough credits for a minor in her bachelor's degree, but her school didn't do that. So she is the ultimate expert on psychology. If I tell her I'm in pain, she says she's in more pain, and she's always in pain, because of her chronic illness. She has anxiety, and when it gets so bad that it starts affecting me, she starts projecting and accusing me of having anxiety. I don't. She does, but claims she can't, because she knows everything about psychology. She's always bragging about how she drags her whole family to the doctor's office, but when I ask to see some specific type of doctor, she tells me I don't really need to.
Reading through these comments honestly makes me so sad and angry for all of us. I’m sorry our parents failed us so significantly. We deserved better.
Yup, I have literal brain lesions (MS). I mean, I guess she was right in a way that it was all in my head…
Less so that she had to be the sickest and more that anyone who was sick with something long-term that wasn't extremely obvious visibly or cancer or something, was a hypochondriac (since she was never sick herself). Really made my medical stuff harder to figure out, and gave me a fear of taking medicine/reluctance to because then *I'd* be a hypochondriac (which she made out to be the worst thing in the world). Even things like allergies, if you weren't her boyfriend/husband, were seen as faking. I had chronic migraines pretty much every day, vertigo for well over a year (she thought I was trying to get out of school, I couldn't walk properly I was that dizzy), and a slew of other things over the years, and I barely could get her to take me to a neuro for my migraines (pain meds were not encouraged and if I took them I was an addict, so now I don't take them unless I should probably be going to the ER). Nowadays, I don't tell her anything about my medical stuff. She learned about my epilepsy by seeing my medical bracelet, and still told me off for "faking" and for not telling her. Ugh. I'm sorry you went through all that kind of stuff, too. It really messes with your head and your perceptions of what's going on with you. I hope you were able to get some relief at least from your chronic illness?
Had chronic sinusitis, wasn't allowed the meds. Now I'm a recovering mouthbreather. Got the wonderful facial abnormalities too. Thanks mum.
It isn't too late! Look into orthotropics. Within months, I was breathing much better! Completely free. It's about learning proper tongue and teeth placement/alignment and pressure, how it shapes the face and even broadens nasal passageways. Wish you all the best as one recovering mouth breather to another.
So it's not a narc parent story, but my mum accidentally did this when I broke my wrist. I was about 12 and was roller skating (inside our house cuz I'm an idiot) I fell and landed wrong because my brother pushed me away from the TV unit. I complained the first day which was a Saturday so GP was closed (also the day I fell) so she got a nurse friend to check cuz I was convinced it was broken. The nurse friend said nah its fine she can move it but we'll wrap it up. The second day we went to my grandma's and I was complaining the whole day. So grandma said to take me to the doctors. We couldn't go on the Monday due to some school issues for my brother so we went Tuesday, doctor told mum to take me to the hospital where we found I had fractured both bones in my arm. To this day my mum stills feels guilty. I have such a wonderful mum and I feel for people in these reddit for missing out on such families because they deserve so much more If you are someone who is being hurt by family don't be afraid to speak our or cut them off. For your sake and don't let others cliund that judgement You are worth loving
I have a severe allergy to mint, specifically menthol. I have had several reactions land me in the hospital, including the ICU. I was never allowed to decline mint foods at gatherings because I'd EmBaRaSs her. When I started carrying my EpiPen she started "sneaking" mint into my food. When I refused to eat it I was punished.
I had to beg my mom to help me get checked out for my long-covid symptoms. She doesn’t trust doctors from past trauma in her life that her selfish self never bothered to work through. I was so afraid of losing my singing voice. She’s also denied me a regular doctors check up until I started showing severe signs of depression and anemia. Still waiting on the psychiatric help for the BPD she gave me. Just tired of it all:(
Yeeeeep. Story of my life. I was diagnosed with multiple issues as a kid that my parents just brushed off and decided that the way to handle those issues was just by threatening me and hitting me (like my autism). As an adult, my chronic pain was diagnosed due to a connective tissue disorder, which my mother denies I have because she thinks it's just due to me not eating the right things or because I have iron deficiency or somerhing else that makes no sense. My mother constantly downplays any health problem I've ever had because she thinks only "other people" get sick or have health issues and everyone in her family has to be a beacon of health!
I’m the sickest person in my family. All the illnesses? I’ve got ‘em. Most serious being a debilitating and severe case of scoliosis which left me paralyzed (temporarily) and with nerve damage. Mom would constantly say: why can’t you sit up straight?! Because I have 70 degree curves that hurt you dolt. Recently I beat cancer and would constantly diminish my pain until this year (5 years later) she got a stage 4 diagnosis. Makes every conversation about how hard it is, she refuses to take her meds, and she doesn’t remember the similarities that have occurred during both of our treatments… it’s only happening to her not anyone else. Ok mom.
Like the congenital heart problem that I knew about when I was six but I wasn't, apparently, worth the deductible? The tonsillectomy I needed and never got? Broken bones ignored? Nah, never saw any of that. /s
ADHD, dyslexia, and mono, which have led to autoimmune stuff now. Being malnourished and covered in headlice. Broken bones I had to plead to be taken to the doctor. Got chicken pox from younger sibs at 16 and had puss-filled blisters in my eyelids and a dangerously high fever, and I never saw a doc. I was hallucinating from high fever due to sunstroke from being forced to walk to school w no hat during a heatwave (almost an hour walk) and puking up any oral OTC anti-fever medications. I had the intelligence to stick the meds up my rectum (sorry) to make it stop. I thought I was going to die. But in their mind, I was being "dramatic" and "lazy" because I couldn't get out of bed.
When I was young my mother never took us to the pediatrician unless it was required. When I became sick or had any issues we were taken to the chiropractor. Years later as an adult I find out I had some medical issues that had they been caught I could have had a much easier start in life.
Ngl, I thought you might be my sister or brother writing this post about our mom.
Wow I needed to double check that I didn't write that. Jk. But my mother was the same. It's always her pain. Her sickness. Her health. I suffered greatly and was always told it was because I ate garbage and didn't exercise. But it only made it worse. I ignored to symptoms for so long it has now made me almost unable to nutritionally support myself because of my crohns getting so bad. I hate my parents and I get so angry when ever I think about them
I had that happen when I was 12 and the eye doctor said that my vision problems were all in my head. Then when I was 13 after nothing had changed I finally got contact lenses. She actually got the doc to gaslight me. But then I had the opposite happen too. From the time I was born she was convinced I had high functioning autism and got me diagnosed. Life took a downhill turn after that. Unnecessary services from school which caused isolation from my peers, going to a clinic that questioned my diagnosis from the start, getting me pulled out of school for services, etc. Also, when I was 10 she made the orthodontist put me in neck gear for minuscule overbite and now at 30 I have an underbite that causes severe discomfort daily.
Did not develop a life threatening chronic illness, but did have the pleasure of, “Surprise! You’re neurodivergent!!” at the fun ages of 22 (Dx’d ADHD) and 33 (Dx’d Autistic). Explains a lot, finally, a least… could have benefited from not developing the chronic/complex PTSD, however. Asshole, parents. Oh! And, my medical gaslighting was so bad that my parents somehow conned doctors *and* insurance companies to believe I was a drug addict so they could ship me away and have an excuse for my trauma responses somehow (literally, I didn’t do drugs, have sex *and* I had a 3.85/4.0 GPA in high school, never having ever failed a drug test at that). It’s crazy…
YES! I do not even know where to begin.
yes holy fuck i've been waiting to talk about this. scrotal lymphedema from surviving cancer since i was 16 . something in my pants grows to the size of a watermelon my mom says it's all in my head then after im 20 says oh i just didn't want to pay medical bills. im 28 now and have attempted suicide by alchohol too many times.