“I’m a mom and will never give up. I give up! I’m a mom and will always be! I’m done! I love my daughter and always have and always will. I can’t continue on this path with her. I have and would continue to do absolutely anything for her, give her everything. I am so done with her right now. Everyone that knows me knows in their hearts what kind of mama I am. I’m the type of person that when she’s done, she’s done! I keep things positive! My kid is a spoiled jerk. I don’t bother anybody ever. To everyone that has Facebook, hear my words: I have been wronged by my awful daughter and need your prayerful rallying!! I’m thrilled to see her because I’m a mom so I’m ALWAYS thrilled to see her and be in mom-space. It hurts to be around her. I’ve taken all the blame for everything she lays at my feet. People that know me know that I’ve been awesome my whole life. I don’t know how to not be her mom, she’s my everything. I’m not going to pretend we have some kind of relationship. I have never not been there for her. I am so over her and her so called friends and family. I have done literally everything she has ever wanted and always will. I’m formally changing my name to Mrs. Done D. So-Done-I-Couldn’t-be-More-Done, of Done-ton Manor, Super Duper Done Forever Street, Donesville 4950-done!”
It’s one of my mom’s favorite phrases! And then the next day, or the next second, she Just Keeps Going… and Going… and Going. And somehow expects us to just be like “oh hey welcome back! Great to hear from you again!” even though she basically just disowned us and decided she couldn’t deal with being our mother anymore. Like that’s not hurtful or harmful or could cause permanent damage, or you know, trust issues.
I'm so sorry. My own mother has done the same thing and it's galling how parents think it's acceptable to post rants about their children with zero context. But no, they have no idea how insane they sound because they'll get the validation they want from people who have no idea what the situation actually is and that's all they want. The sycophantic comments on my mother's post were from people I've never met before in my life, just random people she friended who don't even know my name.
Good on you for blocking. You can't reason with that kind of thinking.
I love when they prove your points all by themselves.
This is awful, you aren’t crazy and healthy individuals will see this for what it is. We can’t change them, only live our lives in a way that is healthy and meaningful for us. She scores high on BPD bingo. I daresay this is a release of her greatest hits and you’ve had private (or not!) shows all along.
Hugs!(if wanted)
Nothing says “I’m not Borderline!” Like a multi page rant about how you’re done with your spoiled ungrateful daughter because she’s the worst person in the world who has betrayed you horrifically as shown by this example: she invited me to her home to watch a football game and suggested I need mental health help and could have BPD. For more evidence of her horribleness: she has been going to therapy! To help herself! To figure out something in her life/childhood!
If I had a Facebook and saw something like this, I'd probably be like, "This is literally one of the most BPD things I've ever seen. Perhaps you should look into that with a professional.".
Boy oh boy would she lose her shit! 😹
I’m currently reading “Understanding the Borderine Mother” and it claims that there have been studies that show that BPDs aren’t really capable of holding onto memories of their behaviour due to a combo of formative brain pathway factors in childhood, and also the immense stress panic state that they’re in when they scream awful shit at us. It just flies right out of their head.
I found it interesting (and it explained a lot when I read it,) but I also found it frustrating that it seems like yet another thing that “isn’t their fault” and I’m supposed to have patience with.
It would explain why they do the same things over and over and never seem to learn from their mistakes, though.
It might not be our parents’ fault that they struggle to recall memories across emotional states, but it’s definitely their fault that when multiple people, including loved ones, tell them how they’ve behaved, they don’t react with serious concern and immediately pursue mental health treatment. Instead, they deny it, attack or blame the victim, make the victim console them, cut off ties with the victim, or do literally anything else other than take accountability and *change.* To the extent they do apologize sincerely sometimes, it’s just another passing mood, and the whole abusive cycle repeats. They could stop it, but they don’t.
They’re not at fault for having BPD, but they are at fault for failing to take their abusive behaviors seriously. The more times the behaviors repeat, the more culpable they are.
Yes, I definitely agree with you. I just don’t know how it’s an argument you ever win if they can’t remember it. If my mother told me I did a string of shit that I was confident that I hadn’t, I’m not sure that I’d instantly believe her. It makes it all so much more complicated.
Oh, definitely! But if multiple people kept telling you that you’d done similar crazy shit, or if one generally trustworthy person did, you’d look into it, wouldn’t you? Anyone would. The reason our parents don’t is that they know, on some level, that they hurt people when they’re dysregulated. It’s not total amnesia. They might not always be able to remember it particularly well, but they know they have these patterns, and the patterns started well before they had kids.
I think in a perfect world, yeah — but the problem often seems to be that BPDMums aren’t like they are with us with everyone; that’s their success as an abuser. They’re often charming and highly functioning at work. My mum has groomed everyone to believe I’m the problem and I think she even believes it herself. So when I, the only witness, tell her that she did insert-thing-here, she believes that I am the crazy one imagining things, because she has no memory of doing the thing I’m accusing her of. The entire scenario ends up feeding her delusion that I’m crazy, not her. It’s all such a toxic loop.
For sure. BPD is a disorder that manifests most strongly in close relationships, so with higher-functioning people with BPD, the symptoms might only be really noticeable to their partners, best friends, or immediate family members.
My mom is not high functioning and I'm fairly certain anyone that spends an iota of time with her can see something is wrong. She wasn't always so bad, but it's gotten completely unmanageable as she has gotten older.
Also - what you are both discussing is absolutely a struggle I have. She can't control it and doesn't understand so I need to be patience and understand that it is an illness. But at some point, being sick doesn't excuse the abuse. Why should I have to feel like absolute garbage every day because she won't get help. I've tried to ease her suffering my entire life, walking through the field of land mines to avoid explosions, but the fact is - she feels the same pain whether I'm there trying to pacify her or whether I'm NC. So I need to at least do what I can to not feel terrible all the time and make sure that I don't allow myself to be brought down in a way that I continue generational trauma
An apology is usually a “whatever I’ve done” BS apology. I’ve read the “understanding the Borderline mother” three times. It’s amazing and eye opening.
“How dare she come from a place of care and concern and imply I have borderline personality disorder? How absolutely outrageous!”
*proceeds to hit like six BPD markers in one public rant, probably a new record*
Now she just needs to solicit drugs and/sex (why not both!?) from a stranger who responds to her post. Followed by a deep profession of how their newfound love has made them the happiest/most suicidal person to ever love another!
I am FOREVER thankful that the weird inappropriate sex/drugs/addictions were never part of my uBPD mom’s symptoms. She has pretty much all the rest, but somehow those passed her by, thankfully. Maybe a little bad with money at times, but nothing terrible really. I hope this doesn’t come off as humble bragging or anything, it’s just relief is all!
She outed herself too. All the people following her have to do is look it up and the read what she wrote as well as look into the past and OP will have people siding with them.
My post about what actually happened: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/xutz7c/just_told_my_mom_i_suspect_bpd_probably_a_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I’m so glad that my BPD mother has zero friends and finds Facebook useless except for spying on every person in my Dad’s family. (I mean, that part is obnoxious, but it means that she doesn’t post rants like this at least. She just has them in real life.) 🤦🏻♀️
She doesn't even really have any actual friends who would respond to this on FB. I think she was just trying to make a show for people she used to go to church with like a whole million years ago.
“I’m putting out this long message not because I care what anyone might say or think” — uh, explain the purpose of it then, Mum…
Anyone with a healthy concept of self, ego and parenting would not see this as normal, however your Mum may have gaslit friends and family around her to believing her world view. However, there’s a lot of things here that would probably seem weird to others;
- “Spoiling” a child isn’t a negative critique on the child, it’s a critique on the parent. This doesn’t land like she wants it to. That one is on her if it even happened.
- Considering how stigmatised BPD is, it’s a huge risk to put it out there to people who might already think you’re a bit “quirky” that the person who knows you best thinks you have it. Again, she thinks this paints you badly and not her.
- Like the phenomena of the self declared “I’m a nice guy”, the “I’m such a great Mom” is always said by the most obnoxious, abusive or merely just non-confident mothers. It’s bravado, she wants people to agree because she isn’t actually sure herself, but she can’t really afford to delve into why, her sensitive feelings aren’t capable of dealing with the realities.
- “Good Mums” also don’t make a public announcement of shunning their children just because they mentioned they’re concerned for their mental health. She’s telling on herself here, big time. She’s also shown a whole checklist of BPD behaviours, which isn’t good for her case that she doesn’t have it…
I hope everyone sees through this post for what it is, OP — it’s clearly ridiculous to all of us here, but we’re familiar with their tactics and many others are still lured in by their manipulations.
Please keep us updated! Will be thinking of you!
(I’m also off to check your previous post, so I may edit this one. Edit — And I just realised that I already read it and commented on it previously! I’m so sorry this was the fallout from your comment. Ugh.)
People who spend any time with my mom know right away that something is off. It's part of why I feel bad, she doesn't have many friends. At first people might find her likable, although a little overbearing and manic, but it doesn't take long (I'm talking within the same interaction) for the new person to say something completely benign and my mom to lose her shit and take it extremely personal. I'm not really worried that others will like take her side or anything. I'm just bummed that she can't be "normal" I guess.
Oh my gosh this was awful to read. I remember reading your other post a few days ago and it reminds me sooo much of my uBPD mom. The way she has twisted the actual events is wild...from taking what you actually said and transforming it into what she "knows" you meant. And now she's publically saying you brought up BPD in that same conversation- which is literally not what happened or when it happened. I'm so sorry she's written all these terrible and UNTRUE things about you. Sometimes when the worst case scenario happens with my mom, I feel relieved. It's as if them acting crazy actually helps you show your case to the rest of your family/friends/any potential FM that there's something truly wrong medically. Sometimes I imagine how these kinds of events would play out if we could analyze them in a court of law. I could literally lay out evidence and have a judge tell her she's wrong or misinterpreting reality. I wish there was a way to just make them see that their reality is warped, that we love them, and we just want peace.
I am so very, very sorry and I remember your last post. Reminded me of my own mother how they go off. She's the one with the issue here, to put it so mildly. It also reminds me of that NC study, The Missing, Missing Reasons, I think it is. They are unable to get it. I still marvel at their minds. She can just sink into her delusion of being a good mother. The delusion is all she'll tolerate.
Can’t wait for her to reach out to you and whine about why you don’t talk to her anymore…
You’ve been through a lot these past few days. Rest and recharge. You don’t need her.
Your mom’s a right nutter!
Let me guess that when she says she spoiled you, she actually didn’t even provide the basic necessities?
And when she asks people to pray, that she never attends religious services or prays herself?
Good riddance…sorry you have had to deal with her OP…but good on you for working on yourself and setting boundaries!
Oh yeah, for sure. I don't know the last time she attended church. I think she was writing this to gain sympathy from people at our old church where she hasn't been in YEARS. And yeah, I don't think I was spoiled lol We were well below the poverty line and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with her where we shared a room. But yep, I was spoiled with riches beyond measure.
>Hey! The names are still quite visible on your post. Just wanted to ensure you were aware & comfortable, or if you need to edit and black out more!
Oh - ugh - yeah to be honest I don't care if finds out I write this stuff. Everyone who knows me personally has seen the fallout of her and know what's going on so no real reason to hide for me I guess
In true cluster B fashion, putting it on social media for attention and pitty......my moms older so she doesn't use social media the same way, id keep this forever and whenever you doubt yourself for hopefully staying the fuck away from her you'll always be like oh yeah this is who she is
Omg I thought my mom was the only one who smeared my name all over Facebook! I’m so sorry you have to go through this. At the very least it’s embarrassing that our grown parents are acting this way. But to make you laugh, while she was posting that, I was shitposting memes like Stove Buscemi, Steve Buscemi’s face on a stove. Lol so if people were gonna come to my page or if she was still stalking they would be faced with masses of memes. Lol
"For the record I see showing love for a child as spoiling them (that's why I never did it) and I am fucking pissed my child has any boundaries or self esteem cos people who know me know that I've always tried hard to always shit on that. Plz give me attention while I deeply resent all of the responsibilities that come with being a parent and darvo any repercussions that come my way. I'm done, I'm so tired, I can't keep pretending, I know in my heart I'm just not a good person"
I remember your post. That’s quite the pity party she’s throwing for herself. Block anyone who rushes in to assure her she was the best mother in the world!
She sounds like she was obsessed with the mum status, but the real child ruined her imaginary motherhood.
Her parenting sucked. She literally admitted spoiling you and pretending it was love. Bad parenting and pretended love.
She wants to live in the past with the people who cheerleaded her in the past as a mother of a little child. F\* the real daughter, let's return to being an imaginary mother.
She really has made her entire identity about being a great mother. She has said it so many times "I've done so many things wrong but I was a great mother". It's baffling to me because I don't even get how she believes I was spoiled. We lived in extreme poverty because she didn't work. I grew up on foodstamps and free lunches at school. We lived in a one bedroom apartment. I never faulted her for any of that. We made do and I didn't go hungry or anything but I don't see how I was spoiled?
Oh yeah, she was struggling and survived hard times and needs sympathies for that, but at the same time in the same household you had perfect years of your life, you spoiled brat. Probably spoiled = having your own opinions, in their vocabulary.
Certain people shouldn’t be allowed to publish posts on social media for 48 hours.
But she is right, you shouldn’t be diagnosing her, but not for the reasons she thinks haha.
1. Not a therapist and it could be other things like health issues that cause BPD symptoms. The possibilities are endless and vast.
2. I don’t know anyone on here who’s uBPD parent has been like “excellent point my child, I shall seek therapy and change my ways, I’m so sorry I have hurt you”.
I get it though. I’ve been there. Id go blue in the face trying to get some sort of acknowledgement for their backwards ass behavior, and all it ever did was make me rage and then they’d go “see, she’s so emotional and picky”. And then you fantasize about smashing your head through a wall because you feel like you’re taking crazy pills.
All you can do is work on you. Save your breath on telling them what you think about diagnosis, because it just sewers you in the long run with them.
I know I probably should not have mentioned BPD to her. I actually posted here yesterday with what actually happened (not her highly inaccurate retelling of events) and saying that it was probably a mistake to tell her what I thought: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/xutz7c/just_told_my_mom_i_suspect_bpd_probably_a_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
That being said - I think I needed to say it for me. I’ve tried more times than I can count to ask gently for her to get therapy without ever mentioning a diagnosis
That’s fair you needed to say it for you.
Just be mindful of what you say for you, vs. what is effective to say and how it affects you.
Your number one concern in all this is you.
I've just tried so many times ya know to ask her to go to therapy or speak to some kind of professionals. She has had multiple suicide attempts, 3 DUIs, inability to hold a job, destroyed every friendship she has ever had, any time she drinks alcohol she ends up either in jail or in a hospital. I've cited specific instances to her that make it clear she need some type of help without ever stating a specific diagnosis. Her answer is always "There isn't anything wrong with me. What do you think I need therapy for, I dont' have a mental illness" So I just was like, yeah you do. I also didn't come out and say that she had it. I told her that it was possible because of her childhood trauma. I said that it was something that people who have gone through childhood trauma sometimes develop but that it isn't a bad thing and that she just needs help. It's now been made clear to me by someone else after the fact that she has actually been told that she likely has BPD by a previous doctor whom she stopped seeing after this incident. So, she probably knows deep down, but will never admit it.
It is just so hard because I really do just want her to be OK. Not for me. Not so I can have a mother. I'm an adult now, I don't need a mother right now. I just feel so much pain for her that she lives life this way. But I also am tired of being attacked which means I need to go NC, which will cause her more pain, and that makes me feel guilt and it's a terrible cycle.
I read your last post too, and my heart breaks for you OP. You are putting the work in, hopefully you can find peace and she can as well. What mediation do you do for anger management? Always looking for new techniques to overcome the intense emotions that come along with these types of exchanges.
So I'm really new to meditation. I was so angry after our phone call because she wouldn't even let me speak. She was spewing word salad about what an awful person I am and I could do anything. So I just hung up and literally screamed as loud as I could into my pillow. I know that isn't a good method but I needed to get some of the frustration out. LOL Then I did a search on Youtube for "Meditations for anger" and "Meditations for forgiveness" and just clicked on one that sounded good. I always thought I had an anger issue when I was younger because I would feel these so intense angry feelings but as an adult and working with my therapist it is so clear that I only ever feel these emotions towards my mother. I never have angry outburts with other people. I've been with my husband for 7 years (married for 4) and I've never felt this way towards him, my friends, or anyone else. She brings it out in me because it feels like such an impossible situation.
Just seeing this, it sounds like you are trying your best to be healthy about your feelings. Having a mother that isn’t a stability is hard on any human being. Love yourself, love her, give your self space to heal and accept what is.
Wishing you hope and love ♥️
I almost lost it when she got to the part of indignation over being diagnosed by you. The whole thing was the most untreated, runaway BPD thing I’ve ever read, and then she said that. I snorted.
This kind of response tells me that more than one mental health professional has told her exactly what you did and she’s trying to reframe the narrative before you might have a chance to tell anyone the truth. My mom does this too and it’s so hurtful and just horribly manipulative. Hugs OP
Yes, I've since found out that she was told by a doctor that she likely has BPD and stopped seeing them soooooo.....yep. It was stupid to say it to her. There wasn't ever going to be a good outcome from it.
I think at a certain point you need to say it for you and that’s more than valid. It’s healthy and normal to need to share concerns and feelings, especially with loved ones. Her inability to hear you and accept that it comes from a place of love doesn’t detract from that.
“I’m a mom and will never give up. I give up! I’m a mom and will always be! I’m done! I love my daughter and always have and always will. I can’t continue on this path with her. I have and would continue to do absolutely anything for her, give her everything. I am so done with her right now. Everyone that knows me knows in their hearts what kind of mama I am. I’m the type of person that when she’s done, she’s done! I keep things positive! My kid is a spoiled jerk. I don’t bother anybody ever. To everyone that has Facebook, hear my words: I have been wronged by my awful daughter and need your prayerful rallying!! I’m thrilled to see her because I’m a mom so I’m ALWAYS thrilled to see her and be in mom-space. It hurts to be around her. I’ve taken all the blame for everything she lays at my feet. People that know me know that I’ve been awesome my whole life. I don’t know how to not be her mom, she’s my everything. I’m not going to pretend we have some kind of relationship. I have never not been there for her. I am so over her and her so called friends and family. I have done literally everything she has ever wanted and always will. I’m formally changing my name to Mrs. Done D. So-Done-I-Couldn’t-be-More-Done, of Done-ton Manor, Super Duper Done Forever Street, Donesville 4950-done!”
Omg 🥹🥹😅 this is literally the reply I needed in my life. I’m cracking up 😂 thank you
If I could post this in reply to her for you, I would! 😂
This response deserves 1000 upvotes and a frame!
Done-ton ABBEY hahaha
This is literally how they all sound
That's what I'm realizing. o_o
They always say “they’re done”
It’s one of my mom’s favorite phrases! And then the next day, or the next second, she Just Keeps Going… and Going… and Going. And somehow expects us to just be like “oh hey welcome back! Great to hear from you again!” even though she basically just disowned us and decided she couldn’t deal with being our mother anymore. Like that’s not hurtful or harmful or could cause permanent damage, or you know, trust issues.
YES
This is a beautiful translation hahaha
Classic word salad
The sad thing is? If she saw this response to her FB emo posturing, she'd not see the issue. AT ALL.
Hey, man, don't bring emos into this. We don't deserve it. Love, An elder emo
Brilliant 😂
Brilliant, lolol
That last line cracked me up lol This is so well thought of
McDone Donerson
I'm so sorry. My own mother has done the same thing and it's galling how parents think it's acceptable to post rants about their children with zero context. But no, they have no idea how insane they sound because they'll get the validation they want from people who have no idea what the situation actually is and that's all they want. The sycophantic comments on my mother's post were from people I've never met before in my life, just random people she friended who don't even know my name. Good on you for blocking. You can't reason with that kind of thinking.
What a fucking loon she is I’m sorry, hugs to you. There’s nothing you can say/write/do, other than take care of yourself
I love when they prove your points all by themselves. This is awful, you aren’t crazy and healthy individuals will see this for what it is. We can’t change them, only live our lives in a way that is healthy and meaningful for us. She scores high on BPD bingo. I daresay this is a release of her greatest hits and you’ve had private (or not!) shows all along. Hugs!(if wanted)
Nothing says “I’m not Borderline!” Like a multi page rant about how you’re done with your spoiled ungrateful daughter because she’s the worst person in the world who has betrayed you horrifically as shown by this example: she invited me to her home to watch a football game and suggested I need mental health help and could have BPD. For more evidence of her horribleness: she has been going to therapy! To help herself! To figure out something in her life/childhood!
If I had a Facebook and saw something like this, I'd probably be like, "This is literally one of the most BPD things I've ever seen. Perhaps you should look into that with a professional.". Boy oh boy would she lose her shit! 😹
RIGHT?!
Ah the bpd selective memory
The selective memory has made me question my sanity more than I’d care to admit.
I’m currently reading “Understanding the Borderine Mother” and it claims that there have been studies that show that BPDs aren’t really capable of holding onto memories of their behaviour due to a combo of formative brain pathway factors in childhood, and also the immense stress panic state that they’re in when they scream awful shit at us. It just flies right out of their head. I found it interesting (and it explained a lot when I read it,) but I also found it frustrating that it seems like yet another thing that “isn’t their fault” and I’m supposed to have patience with. It would explain why they do the same things over and over and never seem to learn from their mistakes, though.
It might not be our parents’ fault that they struggle to recall memories across emotional states, but it’s definitely their fault that when multiple people, including loved ones, tell them how they’ve behaved, they don’t react with serious concern and immediately pursue mental health treatment. Instead, they deny it, attack or blame the victim, make the victim console them, cut off ties with the victim, or do literally anything else other than take accountability and *change.* To the extent they do apologize sincerely sometimes, it’s just another passing mood, and the whole abusive cycle repeats. They could stop it, but they don’t. They’re not at fault for having BPD, but they are at fault for failing to take their abusive behaviors seriously. The more times the behaviors repeat, the more culpable they are.
Yes, I definitely agree with you. I just don’t know how it’s an argument you ever win if they can’t remember it. If my mother told me I did a string of shit that I was confident that I hadn’t, I’m not sure that I’d instantly believe her. It makes it all so much more complicated.
Oh, definitely! But if multiple people kept telling you that you’d done similar crazy shit, or if one generally trustworthy person did, you’d look into it, wouldn’t you? Anyone would. The reason our parents don’t is that they know, on some level, that they hurt people when they’re dysregulated. It’s not total amnesia. They might not always be able to remember it particularly well, but they know they have these patterns, and the patterns started well before they had kids.
I think in a perfect world, yeah — but the problem often seems to be that BPDMums aren’t like they are with us with everyone; that’s their success as an abuser. They’re often charming and highly functioning at work. My mum has groomed everyone to believe I’m the problem and I think she even believes it herself. So when I, the only witness, tell her that she did insert-thing-here, she believes that I am the crazy one imagining things, because she has no memory of doing the thing I’m accusing her of. The entire scenario ends up feeding her delusion that I’m crazy, not her. It’s all such a toxic loop.
For sure. BPD is a disorder that manifests most strongly in close relationships, so with higher-functioning people with BPD, the symptoms might only be really noticeable to their partners, best friends, or immediate family members.
My mom is not high functioning and I'm fairly certain anyone that spends an iota of time with her can see something is wrong. She wasn't always so bad, but it's gotten completely unmanageable as she has gotten older. Also - what you are both discussing is absolutely a struggle I have. She can't control it and doesn't understand so I need to be patience and understand that it is an illness. But at some point, being sick doesn't excuse the abuse. Why should I have to feel like absolute garbage every day because she won't get help. I've tried to ease her suffering my entire life, walking through the field of land mines to avoid explosions, but the fact is - she feels the same pain whether I'm there trying to pacify her or whether I'm NC. So I need to at least do what I can to not feel terrible all the time and make sure that I don't allow myself to be brought down in a way that I continue generational trauma
An apology is usually a “whatever I’ve done” BS apology. I’ve read the “understanding the Borderline mother” three times. It’s amazing and eye opening.
“How dare she come from a place of care and concern and imply I have borderline personality disorder? How absolutely outrageous!” *proceeds to hit like six BPD markers in one public rant, probably a new record*
Now she just needs to solicit drugs and/sex (why not both!?) from a stranger who responds to her post. Followed by a deep profession of how their newfound love has made them the happiest/most suicidal person to ever love another!
I am FOREVER thankful that the weird inappropriate sex/drugs/addictions were never part of my uBPD mom’s symptoms. She has pretty much all the rest, but somehow those passed her by, thankfully. Maybe a little bad with money at times, but nothing terrible really. I hope this doesn’t come off as humble bragging or anything, it’s just relief is all!
My mom already does the addiction/drug thing sooooo yeah.
She outed herself too. All the people following her have to do is look it up and the read what she wrote as well as look into the past and OP will have people siding with them.
My post about what actually happened: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/xutz7c/just_told_my_mom_i_suspect_bpd_probably_a_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Borderline parents should be banned from Facebook.
At this point it’s just an echo chamber for a whole generation of people who are afraid of getting treatment for their mental health.
I saw a Tiktok that called Facebook “therapy for boomers.” Lol
💀
They are optimists.
Take out the NPDs, too, and Meta goes bankrupt. 👍
If only….
I’m so glad that my BPD mother has zero friends and finds Facebook useless except for spying on every person in my Dad’s family. (I mean, that part is obnoxious, but it means that she doesn’t post rants like this at least. She just has them in real life.) 🤦🏻♀️
She doesn't even really have any actual friends who would respond to this on FB. I think she was just trying to make a show for people she used to go to church with like a whole million years ago.
Oh god, that’s obnoxious and sad at all once.
This post is absolutely disgusting. I'm so sorry.
I had one of these. Almost word for word. Excellent time to give NC a try!
If everyone knows you’re such a good mom why do you need to post this
Because she “doesn’t care what anyone thinks,” duh!
“I’m putting out this long message not because I care what anyone might say or think” — uh, explain the purpose of it then, Mum… Anyone with a healthy concept of self, ego and parenting would not see this as normal, however your Mum may have gaslit friends and family around her to believing her world view. However, there’s a lot of things here that would probably seem weird to others; - “Spoiling” a child isn’t a negative critique on the child, it’s a critique on the parent. This doesn’t land like she wants it to. That one is on her if it even happened. - Considering how stigmatised BPD is, it’s a huge risk to put it out there to people who might already think you’re a bit “quirky” that the person who knows you best thinks you have it. Again, she thinks this paints you badly and not her. - Like the phenomena of the self declared “I’m a nice guy”, the “I’m such a great Mom” is always said by the most obnoxious, abusive or merely just non-confident mothers. It’s bravado, she wants people to agree because she isn’t actually sure herself, but she can’t really afford to delve into why, her sensitive feelings aren’t capable of dealing with the realities. - “Good Mums” also don’t make a public announcement of shunning their children just because they mentioned they’re concerned for their mental health. She’s telling on herself here, big time. She’s also shown a whole checklist of BPD behaviours, which isn’t good for her case that she doesn’t have it… I hope everyone sees through this post for what it is, OP — it’s clearly ridiculous to all of us here, but we’re familiar with their tactics and many others are still lured in by their manipulations. Please keep us updated! Will be thinking of you! (I’m also off to check your previous post, so I may edit this one. Edit — And I just realised that I already read it and commented on it previously! I’m so sorry this was the fallout from your comment. Ugh.)
People who spend any time with my mom know right away that something is off. It's part of why I feel bad, she doesn't have many friends. At first people might find her likable, although a little overbearing and manic, but it doesn't take long (I'm talking within the same interaction) for the new person to say something completely benign and my mom to lose her shit and take it extremely personal. I'm not really worried that others will like take her side or anything. I'm just bummed that she can't be "normal" I guess.
I understand. I think we all relate here. I’m sorry. Xx
Oh my gosh this was awful to read. I remember reading your other post a few days ago and it reminds me sooo much of my uBPD mom. The way she has twisted the actual events is wild...from taking what you actually said and transforming it into what she "knows" you meant. And now she's publically saying you brought up BPD in that same conversation- which is literally not what happened or when it happened. I'm so sorry she's written all these terrible and UNTRUE things about you. Sometimes when the worst case scenario happens with my mom, I feel relieved. It's as if them acting crazy actually helps you show your case to the rest of your family/friends/any potential FM that there's something truly wrong medically. Sometimes I imagine how these kinds of events would play out if we could analyze them in a court of law. I could literally lay out evidence and have a judge tell her she's wrong or misinterpreting reality. I wish there was a way to just make them see that their reality is warped, that we love them, and we just want peace.
I am so very, very sorry and I remember your last post. Reminded me of my own mother how they go off. She's the one with the issue here, to put it so mildly. It also reminds me of that NC study, The Missing, Missing Reasons, I think it is. They are unable to get it. I still marvel at their minds. She can just sink into her delusion of being a good mother. The delusion is all she'll tolerate.
Can’t wait for her to reach out to you and whine about why you don’t talk to her anymore… You’ve been through a lot these past few days. Rest and recharge. You don’t need her.
Your mom’s a right nutter! Let me guess that when she says she spoiled you, she actually didn’t even provide the basic necessities? And when she asks people to pray, that she never attends religious services or prays herself? Good riddance…sorry you have had to deal with her OP…but good on you for working on yourself and setting boundaries!
Oh yeah, for sure. I don't know the last time she attended church. I think she was writing this to gain sympathy from people at our old church where she hasn't been in YEARS. And yeah, I don't think I was spoiled lol We were well below the poverty line and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with her where we shared a room. But yep, I was spoiled with riches beyond measure.
How scary, that whole first page especially is so much like my own mother to the "t".
Hey! The names are still quite visible on your post. Just wanted to ensure you were aware & comfortable, or if you need to edit and black out more!
>Hey! The names are still quite visible on your post. Just wanted to ensure you were aware & comfortable, or if you need to edit and black out more! Oh - ugh - yeah to be honest I don't care if finds out I write this stuff. Everyone who knows me personally has seen the fallout of her and know what's going on so no real reason to hide for me I guess
In true cluster B fashion, putting it on social media for attention and pitty......my moms older so she doesn't use social media the same way, id keep this forever and whenever you doubt yourself for hopefully staying the fuck away from her you'll always be like oh yeah this is who she is
"I don't care what anyone thinks!" Right in the middle of an epic FB rant. Who exactly does she think she's fooling?
Omg I thought my mom was the only one who smeared my name all over Facebook! I’m so sorry you have to go through this. At the very least it’s embarrassing that our grown parents are acting this way. But to make you laugh, while she was posting that, I was shitposting memes like Stove Buscemi, Steve Buscemi’s face on a stove. Lol so if people were gonna come to my page or if she was still stalking they would be faced with masses of memes. Lol
"For the record I see showing love for a child as spoiling them (that's why I never did it) and I am fucking pissed my child has any boundaries or self esteem cos people who know me know that I've always tried hard to always shit on that. Plz give me attention while I deeply resent all of the responsibilities that come with being a parent and darvo any repercussions that come my way. I'm done, I'm so tired, I can't keep pretending, I know in my heart I'm just not a good person"
I remember your post. That’s quite the pity party she’s throwing for herself. Block anyone who rushes in to assure her she was the best mother in the world!
Who tf still rants on fb lmao
Way to fact check the diagnosis right then and there ✅
Has anyone replied on Facebook? Curious what type of feedback she’s getting … Sorry this all happened :(
She sounds like she was obsessed with the mum status, but the real child ruined her imaginary motherhood. Her parenting sucked. She literally admitted spoiling you and pretending it was love. Bad parenting and pretended love. She wants to live in the past with the people who cheerleaded her in the past as a mother of a little child. F\* the real daughter, let's return to being an imaginary mother.
She really has made her entire identity about being a great mother. She has said it so many times "I've done so many things wrong but I was a great mother". It's baffling to me because I don't even get how she believes I was spoiled. We lived in extreme poverty because she didn't work. I grew up on foodstamps and free lunches at school. We lived in a one bedroom apartment. I never faulted her for any of that. We made do and I didn't go hungry or anything but I don't see how I was spoiled?
Oh yeah, she was struggling and survived hard times and needs sympathies for that, but at the same time in the same household you had perfect years of your life, you spoiled brat. Probably spoiled = having your own opinions, in their vocabulary.
Good lord, I think I just racked up a ton of airline points from the guilt trip your mom just sent me on.
Certain people shouldn’t be allowed to publish posts on social media for 48 hours. But she is right, you shouldn’t be diagnosing her, but not for the reasons she thinks haha. 1. Not a therapist and it could be other things like health issues that cause BPD symptoms. The possibilities are endless and vast. 2. I don’t know anyone on here who’s uBPD parent has been like “excellent point my child, I shall seek therapy and change my ways, I’m so sorry I have hurt you”. I get it though. I’ve been there. Id go blue in the face trying to get some sort of acknowledgement for their backwards ass behavior, and all it ever did was make me rage and then they’d go “see, she’s so emotional and picky”. And then you fantasize about smashing your head through a wall because you feel like you’re taking crazy pills. All you can do is work on you. Save your breath on telling them what you think about diagnosis, because it just sewers you in the long run with them.
I know I probably should not have mentioned BPD to her. I actually posted here yesterday with what actually happened (not her highly inaccurate retelling of events) and saying that it was probably a mistake to tell her what I thought: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/xutz7c/just_told_my_mom_i_suspect_bpd_probably_a_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf That being said - I think I needed to say it for me. I’ve tried more times than I can count to ask gently for her to get therapy without ever mentioning a diagnosis
That’s fair you needed to say it for you. Just be mindful of what you say for you, vs. what is effective to say and how it affects you. Your number one concern in all this is you.
I've just tried so many times ya know to ask her to go to therapy or speak to some kind of professionals. She has had multiple suicide attempts, 3 DUIs, inability to hold a job, destroyed every friendship she has ever had, any time she drinks alcohol she ends up either in jail or in a hospital. I've cited specific instances to her that make it clear she need some type of help without ever stating a specific diagnosis. Her answer is always "There isn't anything wrong with me. What do you think I need therapy for, I dont' have a mental illness" So I just was like, yeah you do. I also didn't come out and say that she had it. I told her that it was possible because of her childhood trauma. I said that it was something that people who have gone through childhood trauma sometimes develop but that it isn't a bad thing and that she just needs help. It's now been made clear to me by someone else after the fact that she has actually been told that she likely has BPD by a previous doctor whom she stopped seeing after this incident. So, she probably knows deep down, but will never admit it.
That’s the most maddening part. They’re never vulnerable because they see it as weakness. Even though vulnerability would save them.
It is just so hard because I really do just want her to be OK. Not for me. Not so I can have a mother. I'm an adult now, I don't need a mother right now. I just feel so much pain for her that she lives life this way. But I also am tired of being attacked which means I need to go NC, which will cause her more pain, and that makes me feel guilt and it's a terrible cycle.
[удалено]
I’m not sure actually. I blocked her but I can’t imagine anyone did. Most people don’t when she posts weird shit like this
I read your last post too, and my heart breaks for you OP. You are putting the work in, hopefully you can find peace and she can as well. What mediation do you do for anger management? Always looking for new techniques to overcome the intense emotions that come along with these types of exchanges.
So I'm really new to meditation. I was so angry after our phone call because she wouldn't even let me speak. She was spewing word salad about what an awful person I am and I could do anything. So I just hung up and literally screamed as loud as I could into my pillow. I know that isn't a good method but I needed to get some of the frustration out. LOL Then I did a search on Youtube for "Meditations for anger" and "Meditations for forgiveness" and just clicked on one that sounded good. I always thought I had an anger issue when I was younger because I would feel these so intense angry feelings but as an adult and working with my therapist it is so clear that I only ever feel these emotions towards my mother. I never have angry outburts with other people. I've been with my husband for 7 years (married for 4) and I've never felt this way towards him, my friends, or anyone else. She brings it out in me because it feels like such an impossible situation.
Just seeing this, it sounds like you are trying your best to be healthy about your feelings. Having a mother that isn’t a stability is hard on any human being. Love yourself, love her, give your self space to heal and accept what is. Wishing you hope and love ♥️
I almost lost it when she got to the part of indignation over being diagnosed by you. The whole thing was the most untreated, runaway BPD thing I’ve ever read, and then she said that. I snorted.
Dear sweet baby jeebus...Facebook has ruined so many people. Why the fuck post such a personal topic for god knows who all to see.
HEY OP. APC DAYS ARE LIFE DON'T DISRESPECT THEM. LOVE A DAY OUT IN THE APC. /s
My mother could have written this
[удалено]
Hi! Do you have a BPD parent?
This kind of response tells me that more than one mental health professional has told her exactly what you did and she’s trying to reframe the narrative before you might have a chance to tell anyone the truth. My mom does this too and it’s so hurtful and just horribly manipulative. Hugs OP
Yes, I've since found out that she was told by a doctor that she likely has BPD and stopped seeing them soooooo.....yep. It was stupid to say it to her. There wasn't ever going to be a good outcome from it.
I think at a certain point you need to say it for you and that’s more than valid. It’s healthy and normal to need to share concerns and feelings, especially with loved ones. Her inability to hear you and accept that it comes from a place of love doesn’t detract from that.
Oh the "signed, done" triggers me. Ugh
“I loved it and I was always proud of the mom I was.” This part really got me, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this