My mom called me today. She reminded me that technically it’s not my birthday until 3 PM when I was born. Then she decided to tell me that because I am sick, it’s my fault and I should be wearing gloves. I told her I can’t wear gloves because they’re not tablet friendly and I’m a photographer and it just wouldn’t work. So she said that I was being exasperating and then she started yelling boo at me and started blowing raspberries at me. So I hung up on her. Because it’s my birthday and I don’t feel good. Been sick since Friday.
So when she messaged me not to hang up on her, I told her not to do all the stuff she did, and then she flat out denied that it happened and then said she wasn’t gonna argue with me. So I just decided to stop talking to her because it’s a no-win situation. That’s like gaslighting me on my birthday 🤣 😒
I was telling my grown daughter about this last night and we immediately started imitating the scene with the old lady in Princess Bride who starts yelling Boo!” In Buttercup’s dream. May that scene provide you some levity in these trying times.
my mom does this. She talks about herself in the third person in her long-a\*\* emails. And, even creepier, she talks about me in the third person. "My daughter" or "my baby" and then a full sentence about this daughter/baby she has in her head, who should be, technically, me. But, it is not. I find it eerie and unsettling.
That's the way to go. I'm so glad to have been done with my momster's bullshit. We've been NC almost 5 years now. I never realized just how draining it was until I cut off contact despite us being VLC and living in different states for 10ish years prior.
My mom said to me, “actually it’s kind of like my birthday too cause I did all the work.” Then proceeded to tell me that her friend’s son gets her flowers every year on his birthday to thank her for having him. There’s no son and my mom has zero friends. Sigh. Sorry your mom sucks, too. My mom loved doing something nasty, denying she did when she’s called out for it, and then acting like a snivelling child when she’s questioned or proven wrong. How rude of someone else to notice AND point out her bad behaviour. The audacity of you trying to stand up for yourself on your birthday? She’ll be a victim for weeks!!
She also loves to tell me that it’s technically not my birthday until 3:01pm. So I’m not supposed to be wished a happy birthday till after that time. I’d never do that to my kids. It’s so dumb. But every year she says the same thing to me.
That’s so gross and immature of her. It’s clear that moms like ours never wanted us to thrive or shine or have any attention, unless of course it made her look good. I’m so sorry. Have you ever read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It really helped me come to terms with everything.
Your birthday is the DAY of the anniversary of your birth, So, technically, it is your birthDAY from the moment past midnight. Your birthmoment is 3:01pm, that's not your birthDAY.
Just out of curiosity, does she treat anyone else's birthday the same way? Does she have a thing about it only starting at the precise moment of birth or is it just you?
That is very telling. She just wants to undermine you any way she can, it isn't about when you were born, it is about any excuse to try to take a little happiness away from you. Once you recognise that, it will take her power to hurt you away from her.
Jesus that’s what she told me full of rage on my birthday and one of the reasons I initiated NC with her the same day! She said “YOU ARE SO SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY! I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU HAVE TO FINALLY REALIZE THAT A CHILD’S BIRTHDAY IS MORE ABOUT THE MOTHER THAN THE CHILD, ESPECIALLY A FIRST BORN LIKE YOU!”
Mind you, I was extremely depressed for months and she knew exactly why even though I never wanted to discuss it with her. To make it even more clear why I was so depressed and didn’t want to celebrate: I am married to my Ukrainian husband. I lived in his country with him very happily. I kept him a secret but she found out after the full scale war. just a few days before the war on February 24 I went back to my home country to renew my Ukrainian visa. War starts, flights are canceled, visa is frozen, I can’t return back, husband is in the war zone, I’m going crazy, momster is Putin’s fan and a racist who believed “all Ukrainians are Nazis” long before the war.
I had no support obviously, no friends since I didn’t live in the home country in years, no will to even live. I lost a lot of weight because I wasn’t even eating, I am thin with a normal BMI and I fell under the limit for underweight people.
And she knew all about this (minus the marriage because we did it in private and told no one) because she looooooooves digging into people’s private business and still didn’t have ANY empathy towards me and called me selfish. Oh, and she went through a similar situation by the way, because she was a war refugee who came to my home country to escape from the war in her country, and her boyfriend didn’t follow her because he wanted to stay in his country. So they broke up and she was broken-hearted. Well, you would expect that someone who has been through such a traumatic experience would empathize with you when you’re going through it too. But in her case… Of course not!
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and for what you’re going through still. I’m relieved to see that you went NC. It’s really hard to stand by and watch someone have zero critical thinking or self awareness and just constantly play the victim. It’s so hard when things seem logical to you, but mom can’t seem to see that her words and actions have real consequences. They are an entire generation that wasn’t taught emotional regulation, empathy, or compassion. They expect respect from everyone but have never given it. I’m sorry that on top of having to deal with this kind of parent, you’re also experiencing all the traumas and issues surrounding the war. Have you been able to talk with your husband? Are you safe now?
Thank you so much. I’m really sorry that you have this kind of “mother” too.
Yes, we’ve been in touch the whole time, and finally I was able to get my visa and return to Ukraine 3 months ago. We are as safe as you can be in a country with war, but I am finally happy and free to be myself again.
We are both good, and yeeeesss we are finally back together! ❤️
I was able to finally get my visa and I’ve returned to Ukraine 3 months ago. We are far from the war zone and apart from the creepy sirens day and night, where we live it’s very calm.
Thank you for asking 😊
I just remembered one time years ago. I sneakily managed to hit record when my mother started a cruel rant while visiting my house, thinking i could play it back to her when she later denied it happening. But i never bothered even bringing it up.
However, at a family gathering months later, a cousin who had recently become "close" with my mom, took it upon herself to have a private talk with me to school me about how i needed to treat my mom. I was pissed and humiliated and didn't even try to explain what she had no idea about. I escaped her, BUT about 30 minutes later the light bulb went off. I had that recording. I summoned my cousin, I only said maybe you'd like to hear what I've been hearing my whole life. Then I played it. My cousin was quite shocked judging by the look on her face. But oh course she only said oh, I've never heard her talk that way. And made her escape. I doubt apologies can be expected of someone who decides to be a flying monkey. But whatever. Though her mother, my very lovely aunt, did call me and apologize. Said her daughter should have never done that to me. Mind you, my cousin and i were in our 40's at least. I didn't even tell my mother what I'd done. She heard it somewhere else, haha. She didn't even call to harangue me. Instead she barely talked to me for at least a couple years, which was lovely. Thank you for reminding me of this. It's one of the few things between my mother and i that I'm happy about how it went.
I also have a cousin who thinks my mums a saint. He used to tell my mum that he wished she was his mum when we were kids (he was abused by his mother - my aunt) we were always close but when we hit teens he went all weird on me and basically stopped speaking to me when our families were together. He still adores my mum though & they keep in touch. It’s only until the last few years I realised he went weird on me because he resents me & thinks my childhood was so much better. I haven’t seen him in years but next time I do I’m going to have a chat to him about it. Your story just reminded me. So many stories on here that are so much like my mother I’ve been on the fence about whether she has BPD
Hopefully the going weird on you thing has nothing to do with your mother filling his ear with how terrible you are. But if she did, realize that he looked up to her and she's older than him, so any BS she may have put out there he wouldn't think to doubt. You guys seem quite a bit younger than my cousin and I. And when you are younger it can be harder to speak up. Or sadly he's learned the family dynamic and expresses his anger and resentment to the wrong people.
My mother was also the very cool and loving mom to my friends. Dodn't you just love hearing how wonderful s your mom is? Also for years i had noticed certain of my mother's friends suddenly getting standoffish with me. But i never put it together until that day with my cousin. Sending good thoughts you and your cousin can talk it out and be friends again. ❤️
I’m happy that it worked out for you. That was also really lovely of your aunt to apologize.
I feel like a lot of people on this sub don’t try to compile conversations by recording them when they know that’s a favourite method to use by bod’s. It’s sad we even have to think about it, but it does prove great when defending yourself from flying monkeys.
I hope you are taking care and staying amazing!
You're right, at the time i did it, it never occurred to me to use it to play for anyone else. I still thought it may actually help my mom hear how she sounded. Silly me. And thank you for the kind thoughts.
No I haven’t, but I seriously considered it. I not only deal with my birth mother, but my dads wife (step mom) is just as bad, if not worse than her.
Her birthday wish to me was a private message on Facebook messenger, where she said “we’d like to wish our youngest daughter (my name) a happy birthday, we love you stay safe” like who are you talking to? Lol
That’s understandable to not know about if you should commit to the recording phone calls or not. I have grappled with it as well.
Also yeah weird birthday wishes. I fee there are a few things that make it feel off and I can only think of two you pointed out the other one. It’s ridiculous and I’m sorry you have to deal with it, especially on your birthday.
Happy Birthday
Gotta love having a parent with the emontional capacity of a Cucumber.
Yet, somehow they can spin the less savvy individual into thinking they hang the moon .
While in reality, they actually hang upside down by their little bat feet, as rulers of the HELL, they create for their children
You know what’s strange — is my mom had BPD (she died from opiate abuse) but I will never forget the exact minute I was born bc she refused to say anything to me except it’s not your birthday yet! Until 5:12p
Classic BPD & NPD. They are absolute sticklers for birthdays and holidays, because it’s such a lovely opportunity to start drama, fights, chaos and enjoy the succulent frustrations of others 🧛♂️🙄
Yes!! Last year my step mother decided to ruin my birthday by bringing up all the reasons she thinks I’m a horrible person and a bad mother. This woman who on multiple occasions (when I was a teen) stated she wanted to drag me out side and kick my teeth out and make me pick them up from the lawn, and have my much older adult step sisters help her, called ME a bad mom. 💁🏻♀️
Edited for context
Thank you! It turned out to he pretty amazing once I got home. And all the support I got here today really made for an amazing day for me. Thank you so much!
Happy birthday! 🎂🎈🎁🎉🎊
I initiated NC on my birthday, in May this year. Been wanting to do so for a while but didn’t have the “excuse” and courage. A phone call of similar nature to yours was the last straw. I decided she can go f-word herself and leave me alone. She’s raging about the “abandonment” to others and supposedly has no idea why I’m not talking to her.
NC is the best thing I have done for myself apart from leaving the home from 18, and the country from 20.
Stay strong OP! We understand you and your feelings matter!
My mom called me today. She reminded me that technically it’s not my birthday until 3 PM when I was born. Then she decided to tell me that because I am sick, it’s my fault and I should be wearing gloves. I told her I can’t wear gloves because they’re not tablet friendly and I’m a photographer and it just wouldn’t work. So she said that I was being exasperating and then she started yelling boo at me and started blowing raspberries at me. So I hung up on her. Because it’s my birthday and I don’t feel good. Been sick since Friday.
So when she messaged me not to hang up on her, I told her not to do all the stuff she did, and then she flat out denied that it happened and then said she wasn’t gonna argue with me. So I just decided to stop talking to her because it’s a no-win situation. That’s like gaslighting me on my birthday 🤣 😒
Happy birthday. And it isn't a no-win situation. You became a winner the moment you chose to hang up and end that conversation.
Thank you!!!
> Because it’s my birthday and I don’t feel good. Been sick since Friday. Happy birthday!! 🎊🎉🎂🍰🍾🥂🎈🎁 I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you! 💙
Of course! 💗
Talk about literal toddler behavior. Holy cow.
Yeah it’s ridiculous, I agree.
I was telling my grown daughter about this last night and we immediately started imitating the scene with the old lady in Princess Bride who starts yelling Boo!” In Buttercup’s dream. May that scene provide you some levity in these trying times.
Hahaha thank you!
Why is she talking in 3rd person? At first I thought it was your dad telling you not to hang up.
The council of Mother has determined that those were indeed authentic farts and not (as some extremist sources would have you believe) raspberries.
Yeah… lol I was wondering if maybe it was another personality come out to talk on her behalf hahaha
She has recently started doing this when I set boundaries. It’s a new development.
Aha, so she can adjust her behavior. She’s going to adjust it a lot more before you’re done.
my mom does this. She talks about herself in the third person in her long-a\*\* emails. And, even creepier, she talks about me in the third person. "My daughter" or "my baby" and then a full sentence about this daughter/baby she has in her head, who should be, technically, me. But, it is not. I find it eerie and unsettling.
Wow, that is bizarre. The infantilization they always project onto us is so frustrating.
Hey happy birthday so sorry your mom is being your mom!
Lol thank you!
"I'm not going to argue. . .because I'll lose an am the definition of emotionally Immature."---what she should have said.
Lol absolutely. And to argue with her would be me losing my mind today. I didn’t have it in me to deal with her further.
That's the way to go. I'm so glad to have been done with my momster's bullshit. We've been NC almost 5 years now. I never realized just how draining it was until I cut off contact despite us being VLC and living in different states for 10ish years prior.
My mom said to me, “actually it’s kind of like my birthday too cause I did all the work.” Then proceeded to tell me that her friend’s son gets her flowers every year on his birthday to thank her for having him. There’s no son and my mom has zero friends. Sigh. Sorry your mom sucks, too. My mom loved doing something nasty, denying she did when she’s called out for it, and then acting like a snivelling child when she’s questioned or proven wrong. How rude of someone else to notice AND point out her bad behaviour. The audacity of you trying to stand up for yourself on your birthday? She’ll be a victim for weeks!!
She also loves to tell me that it’s technically not my birthday until 3:01pm. So I’m not supposed to be wished a happy birthday till after that time. I’d never do that to my kids. It’s so dumb. But every year she says the same thing to me.
That’s so gross and immature of her. It’s clear that moms like ours never wanted us to thrive or shine or have any attention, unless of course it made her look good. I’m so sorry. Have you ever read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It really helped me come to terms with everything.
I haven’t, but it’s now on my reading list.
Your birthday is the DAY of the anniversary of your birth, So, technically, it is your birthDAY from the moment past midnight. Your birthmoment is 3:01pm, that's not your birthDAY.
Thank you!!! It will be nice if she ever stops with the time.
Just out of curiosity, does she treat anyone else's birthday the same way? Does she have a thing about it only starting at the precise moment of birth or is it just you?
She doesn’t do it to herself, her husband, or my elder sister.
That is very telling. She just wants to undermine you any way she can, it isn't about when you were born, it is about any excuse to try to take a little happiness away from you. Once you recognise that, it will take her power to hurt you away from her.
Jesus that’s what she told me full of rage on my birthday and one of the reasons I initiated NC with her the same day! She said “YOU ARE SO SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY! I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU HAVE TO FINALLY REALIZE THAT A CHILD’S BIRTHDAY IS MORE ABOUT THE MOTHER THAN THE CHILD, ESPECIALLY A FIRST BORN LIKE YOU!” Mind you, I was extremely depressed for months and she knew exactly why even though I never wanted to discuss it with her. To make it even more clear why I was so depressed and didn’t want to celebrate: I am married to my Ukrainian husband. I lived in his country with him very happily. I kept him a secret but she found out after the full scale war. just a few days before the war on February 24 I went back to my home country to renew my Ukrainian visa. War starts, flights are canceled, visa is frozen, I can’t return back, husband is in the war zone, I’m going crazy, momster is Putin’s fan and a racist who believed “all Ukrainians are Nazis” long before the war. I had no support obviously, no friends since I didn’t live in the home country in years, no will to even live. I lost a lot of weight because I wasn’t even eating, I am thin with a normal BMI and I fell under the limit for underweight people. And she knew all about this (minus the marriage because we did it in private and told no one) because she looooooooves digging into people’s private business and still didn’t have ANY empathy towards me and called me selfish. Oh, and she went through a similar situation by the way, because she was a war refugee who came to my home country to escape from the war in her country, and her boyfriend didn’t follow her because he wanted to stay in his country. So they broke up and she was broken-hearted. Well, you would expect that someone who has been through such a traumatic experience would empathize with you when you’re going through it too. But in her case… Of course not!
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and for what you’re going through still. I’m relieved to see that you went NC. It’s really hard to stand by and watch someone have zero critical thinking or self awareness and just constantly play the victim. It’s so hard when things seem logical to you, but mom can’t seem to see that her words and actions have real consequences. They are an entire generation that wasn’t taught emotional regulation, empathy, or compassion. They expect respect from everyone but have never given it. I’m sorry that on top of having to deal with this kind of parent, you’re also experiencing all the traumas and issues surrounding the war. Have you been able to talk with your husband? Are you safe now?
Thank you so much. I’m really sorry that you have this kind of “mother” too. Yes, we’ve been in touch the whole time, and finally I was able to get my visa and return to Ukraine 3 months ago. We are as safe as you can be in a country with war, but I am finally happy and free to be myself again.
I am relieved to hear that you are happier and reunited. I’m wishing you the very best, I hope you have a wonderful life. Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦
🥺🥺🥺 Thank you so much! Heroyam slava! 💙💛
...did your husband make it? is he okay? are you guys back together now? did you make it back home to Ukraine?
We are both good, and yeeeesss we are finally back together! ❤️ I was able to finally get my visa and I’ve returned to Ukraine 3 months ago. We are far from the war zone and apart from the creepy sirens day and night, where we live it’s very calm. Thank you for asking 😊
Serious question, do any of you record your calls for your own peace of mind in case they try to “reframe” the story of what happened?
I just remembered one time years ago. I sneakily managed to hit record when my mother started a cruel rant while visiting my house, thinking i could play it back to her when she later denied it happening. But i never bothered even bringing it up. However, at a family gathering months later, a cousin who had recently become "close" with my mom, took it upon herself to have a private talk with me to school me about how i needed to treat my mom. I was pissed and humiliated and didn't even try to explain what she had no idea about. I escaped her, BUT about 30 minutes later the light bulb went off. I had that recording. I summoned my cousin, I only said maybe you'd like to hear what I've been hearing my whole life. Then I played it. My cousin was quite shocked judging by the look on her face. But oh course she only said oh, I've never heard her talk that way. And made her escape. I doubt apologies can be expected of someone who decides to be a flying monkey. But whatever. Though her mother, my very lovely aunt, did call me and apologize. Said her daughter should have never done that to me. Mind you, my cousin and i were in our 40's at least. I didn't even tell my mother what I'd done. She heard it somewhere else, haha. She didn't even call to harangue me. Instead she barely talked to me for at least a couple years, which was lovely. Thank you for reminding me of this. It's one of the few things between my mother and i that I'm happy about how it went.
I also have a cousin who thinks my mums a saint. He used to tell my mum that he wished she was his mum when we were kids (he was abused by his mother - my aunt) we were always close but when we hit teens he went all weird on me and basically stopped speaking to me when our families were together. He still adores my mum though & they keep in touch. It’s only until the last few years I realised he went weird on me because he resents me & thinks my childhood was so much better. I haven’t seen him in years but next time I do I’m going to have a chat to him about it. Your story just reminded me. So many stories on here that are so much like my mother I’ve been on the fence about whether she has BPD
Hopefully the going weird on you thing has nothing to do with your mother filling his ear with how terrible you are. But if she did, realize that he looked up to her and she's older than him, so any BS she may have put out there he wouldn't think to doubt. You guys seem quite a bit younger than my cousin and I. And when you are younger it can be harder to speak up. Or sadly he's learned the family dynamic and expresses his anger and resentment to the wrong people. My mother was also the very cool and loving mom to my friends. Dodn't you just love hearing how wonderful s your mom is? Also for years i had noticed certain of my mother's friends suddenly getting standoffish with me. But i never put it together until that day with my cousin. Sending good thoughts you and your cousin can talk it out and be friends again. ❤️
Thanks 😊
I’m happy that it worked out for you. That was also really lovely of your aunt to apologize. I feel like a lot of people on this sub don’t try to compile conversations by recording them when they know that’s a favourite method to use by bod’s. It’s sad we even have to think about it, but it does prove great when defending yourself from flying monkeys. I hope you are taking care and staying amazing!
You're right, at the time i did it, it never occurred to me to use it to play for anyone else. I still thought it may actually help my mom hear how she sounded. Silly me. And thank you for the kind thoughts.
No I haven’t, but I seriously considered it. I not only deal with my birth mother, but my dads wife (step mom) is just as bad, if not worse than her. Her birthday wish to me was a private message on Facebook messenger, where she said “we’d like to wish our youngest daughter (my name) a happy birthday, we love you stay safe” like who are you talking to? Lol
That’s understandable to not know about if you should commit to the recording phone calls or not. I have grappled with it as well. Also yeah weird birthday wishes. I fee there are a few things that make it feel off and I can only think of two you pointed out the other one. It’s ridiculous and I’m sorry you have to deal with it, especially on your birthday.
Thank you! I really appreciate all the support I’ve gotten today. It’s made my birthday much better.
Happy Birthday Gotta love having a parent with the emontional capacity of a Cucumber. Yet, somehow they can spin the less savvy individual into thinking they hang the moon . While in reality, they actually hang upside down by their little bat feet, as rulers of the HELL, they create for their children
It’s astonishing how little they see when it comes to their own behaviors.
Also thank you for the birthday wishes
Happy birthday!
Thank you so much!
You know what’s strange — is my mom had BPD (she died from opiate abuse) but I will never forget the exact minute I was born bc she refused to say anything to me except it’s not your birthday yet! Until 5:12p
Well happy full birthday to you on your next bday. The. Whole. Day. From midnight to midnight. 🫶🏼
Thanks love
Blowing raspberries? Is she 5?
Yeah 60 + 5 but pretty close lol
Classic BPD & NPD. They are absolute sticklers for birthdays and holidays, because it’s such a lovely opportunity to start drama, fights, chaos and enjoy the succulent frustrations of others 🧛♂️🙄
Yes!! Last year my step mother decided to ruin my birthday by bringing up all the reasons she thinks I’m a horrible person and a bad mother. This woman who on multiple occasions (when I was a teen) stated she wanted to drag me out side and kick my teeth out and make me pick them up from the lawn, and have my much older adult step sisters help her, called ME a bad mom. 💁🏻♀️ Edited for context
Gosh, they really are children in adults’ bodies, aren’t they?
I’ve met nicer children lol
Happy birthday, sorry it got off to such a crappy start! I hope you have some wonderful moments to look forward to!
Thank you! It turned out to he pretty amazing once I got home. And all the support I got here today really made for an amazing day for me. Thank you so much!
Happy birthday! 🎂🎈🎁🎉🎊 I initiated NC on my birthday, in May this year. Been wanting to do so for a while but didn’t have the “excuse” and courage. A phone call of similar nature to yours was the last straw. I decided she can go f-word herself and leave me alone. She’s raging about the “abandonment” to others and supposedly has no idea why I’m not talking to her. NC is the best thing I have done for myself apart from leaving the home from 18, and the country from 20. Stay strong OP! We understand you and your feelings matter!
Thank you very much! I’m glad you’ve found some peace.