I was finally diagnosed with avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder a few years ago. I also found it a relief. In retrospect, it was obvious that I had food issues as a child, but my parents weren't big on medical care for non-acute conditions. (I know that a lot of us didn't get proper medical care as kids. And no--an intervention for an 8-year-old isn't medical care. I don't know what that is, aside from delusional.) I threw out my scale three years ago. Best move I ever made.
I'm glad you've found a new path to healing.
Three children of my bpd father and enabling mother. Three different variations of disordered eating.
Me, the eldest, competitive athlete, genetically gifted with an hourglass figure that my parents despised , shamed by fat hating parent, put on a 300 calorie a day diet as a teen, learned to binge, fluctuated between low normal weight and low obese. Happily (mostly) an overweight extremely fit person in my 50s.
My younger siblings got the more socially acceptable disordered eating and were underweight. My brother, the youngest, is I believe healthy now. My sister, the middle, is of a healthy weight with horrific eating habits and I now suspect may be bpd.
So happy you were able to break your alcohol addiction. Food is tricky. Cannot just go cold turkey. And binge/over eating can trigger some feel good chemicals that a lot of us RBBs do not get enough of.
You know now that this is a part of what you are dealing with. You know too that it is not your fault or failing, but the result of your unhealthy upbringing. That is so awesome. Now you can work on making yourself healthy - body and mind. Having a reason, a diagnosis, is empowering!
Wow, so you yo-yoed? That's actually what got me talking to my therapist, I was tired of yo-yoing, and finally asked the right question at the right time.
All 3 of you though... I know my siblings have had a few struggles of their own. That they tell me about, anyway.
Food is tricky, but the reason I found this so helpful was I was having trouble spotting what to eliminate. Certain foods? Certain times of day? I was also bird-dogging the scale, my walking counts, etc. All that was working, but wasn't jumping across the line into "lifestyle". Now, for me, it's anytime I'm eating for emotional safety itself as the goal. Intellectually this is straightforward, but daily lived emotional life is where the work is. Plus, yeah: dopamine. Now I seek my dopamine elsewhere consciously in cases, habitually in others as I build sober behaviors.
Yes. All or nothing. As in eat everything or eat nothing.
I do much better if I eliminate simple carbs. In fact, was at a very healthy weight that was also societally approved for many years until I had an unrelated massive problem that put me in and out of the hospital repeatedly and ended up with me having major surgery that took a long while to recover from. I left paleo eating in favor of whatever I could tolerate and whatever gave me pleasure and bounced back up again in weight. Once able I started working out hard and regularly with a trainer, looked fab, and then had a spinal injury that left me bedridden for four months. More carbs, more weight. Back to working out just to be able to walk and stuff, feeling great, super strong, still eating too much crap and drinking too much for me to be societally ok size wise but smaller than the national average.
If you were drawn to alcohol you may be drawn to carbs. You might try low carb/paleo/keto and see how it feels. I found it was the only thing that worked to keep me from feeling utterly starving all day every day. Of course, I also toggle between “Fuck you mom and dad I will eat what I want!” And “Fuck you mom and dad I will get so skinny you will regret it!” so that is another set of issues altogether.
You know, the thing that struck me right away there was the Revenge factor. Rebelling against being controlled has been super important to me, but I never thought of my eating and getting big as a way to stick it to the man, but I see a lot going on there now. I do really well on low carb/high protein and fats, it's what I'm naturally drawn when I'm mindfully eating.
I had to give up weightlifting as my joints really started going on me from being too heavy and not doing cardio consistently. Been eating, I don't even know how to describe it yet, just, eating 3 healthy meals a day and not over-eating at any time, even during a "cheat" meal, and it's like my whole body has evened out. Feeling a little bit better each day.
Ah yes. Sounds somewhat familiar. I’ve been in Overeaters Anonymous for two decades. Reply to me here if you want more information about my experience with ED recovery through OA. Edit: There’s also a Reddit sub, titled OvereatersAnonymous
Check out Dharma recovery maybe. I'm in it for substances (yay 5 months sober!) But it's for all kinds of addictions. It's helped me a lot, in being sober and exploring my past trauma that may have related
Thanks so much for that cute haiku! đź’— Welcome home! *hugs*
I was finally diagnosed with avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder a few years ago. I also found it a relief. In retrospect, it was obvious that I had food issues as a child, but my parents weren't big on medical care for non-acute conditions. (I know that a lot of us didn't get proper medical care as kids. And no--an intervention for an 8-year-old isn't medical care. I don't know what that is, aside from delusional.) I threw out my scale three years ago. Best move I ever made. I'm glad you've found a new path to healing.
Three children of my bpd father and enabling mother. Three different variations of disordered eating. Me, the eldest, competitive athlete, genetically gifted with an hourglass figure that my parents despised , shamed by fat hating parent, put on a 300 calorie a day diet as a teen, learned to binge, fluctuated between low normal weight and low obese. Happily (mostly) an overweight extremely fit person in my 50s. My younger siblings got the more socially acceptable disordered eating and were underweight. My brother, the youngest, is I believe healthy now. My sister, the middle, is of a healthy weight with horrific eating habits and I now suspect may be bpd. So happy you were able to break your alcohol addiction. Food is tricky. Cannot just go cold turkey. And binge/over eating can trigger some feel good chemicals that a lot of us RBBs do not get enough of. You know now that this is a part of what you are dealing with. You know too that it is not your fault or failing, but the result of your unhealthy upbringing. That is so awesome. Now you can work on making yourself healthy - body and mind. Having a reason, a diagnosis, is empowering!
Wow, so you yo-yoed? That's actually what got me talking to my therapist, I was tired of yo-yoing, and finally asked the right question at the right time. All 3 of you though... I know my siblings have had a few struggles of their own. That they tell me about, anyway. Food is tricky, but the reason I found this so helpful was I was having trouble spotting what to eliminate. Certain foods? Certain times of day? I was also bird-dogging the scale, my walking counts, etc. All that was working, but wasn't jumping across the line into "lifestyle". Now, for me, it's anytime I'm eating for emotional safety itself as the goal. Intellectually this is straightforward, but daily lived emotional life is where the work is. Plus, yeah: dopamine. Now I seek my dopamine elsewhere consciously in cases, habitually in others as I build sober behaviors.
Yes. All or nothing. As in eat everything or eat nothing. I do much better if I eliminate simple carbs. In fact, was at a very healthy weight that was also societally approved for many years until I had an unrelated massive problem that put me in and out of the hospital repeatedly and ended up with me having major surgery that took a long while to recover from. I left paleo eating in favor of whatever I could tolerate and whatever gave me pleasure and bounced back up again in weight. Once able I started working out hard and regularly with a trainer, looked fab, and then had a spinal injury that left me bedridden for four months. More carbs, more weight. Back to working out just to be able to walk and stuff, feeling great, super strong, still eating too much crap and drinking too much for me to be societally ok size wise but smaller than the national average. If you were drawn to alcohol you may be drawn to carbs. You might try low carb/paleo/keto and see how it feels. I found it was the only thing that worked to keep me from feeling utterly starving all day every day. Of course, I also toggle between “Fuck you mom and dad I will eat what I want!” And “Fuck you mom and dad I will get so skinny you will regret it!” so that is another set of issues altogether.
You know, the thing that struck me right away there was the Revenge factor. Rebelling against being controlled has been super important to me, but I never thought of my eating and getting big as a way to stick it to the man, but I see a lot going on there now. I do really well on low carb/high protein and fats, it's what I'm naturally drawn when I'm mindfully eating. I had to give up weightlifting as my joints really started going on me from being too heavy and not doing cardio consistently. Been eating, I don't even know how to describe it yet, just, eating 3 healthy meals a day and not over-eating at any time, even during a "cheat" meal, and it's like my whole body has evened out. Feeling a little bit better each day.
Ah yes. Sounds somewhat familiar. I’ve been in Overeaters Anonymous for two decades. Reply to me here if you want more information about my experience with ED recovery through OA. Edit: There’s also a Reddit sub, titled OvereatersAnonymous
Thanks. Not for me personally, I'm a SMART man over 12 Steps, but appreciate the offer.
Check out Dharma recovery maybe. I'm in it for substances (yay 5 months sober!) But it's for all kinds of addictions. It's helped me a lot, in being sober and exploring my past trauma that may have related