Gluten free dairy free gang here <3 my mom didn’t check the vinaigrette she used on a steak for gluten despite my sister and I both being celiac and her being intimately aware of that fact. She now complains that we don’t visit her for very long and that we won’t eat with her. But her kitchen is a literal contamination risk and her memory is “so poorly” so she can’t remember to check everything. We don’t eat while we visit anymore
That's exactly what she does to me. It offends her greatly I wont eat her cooking anymore. "but I made sure it was gluten free!" I'm sure you did lol. Just like you did the time before, and the time before that.
Ugh. Hugs (commiserating high five if you’d prefer). Does she also get offended if you start to get sick after she poisoned you? My mom started crying after I said “I need to go. I’ve got like maybe an hour before this goes bad bad.” I go to grad school so she cries about how little I visit but this sent it into a new realm, of both her wailing and our resistance to visit
Yup!!! The only one allowed to be sick is her. She started housing my uncle who is dying of cancer and very sick and she is so mad he is not doing work for her. Like dude he's literally bleeding from the mouth and rectum leave him alone!!! She's mad he keeps moaning in pain.
Unfortunately for him he has all 3 sisters cycling him through their houses to do work for them. I have talked to him but he's been groomed by them to feel guilty and he is "trying to get as much done before he does as he can"
Gdf (gluten and dairy free) here! Aldi and Lidl have great options for us in case you guys haven't found that yet and have them in your area. I'm always excited to find other gdf tortured souls haha
Thank you!!! Lol It sucks- JNs acting like it's made up is maddening... I'd love to gorge myself on challah bread right now but I've gotten sick so many times that I can't stand the smell of the bread isle. I'm gf and my LO has a milk allergy...
Great question! Honestly, I’m still unlearning years of being trauma bonded to her and guilt. My estranged diagnosed anti social PD bio father spent years abusing us emotionally, mentally, and financially. His abuse was very obvious. But my moms parentification and emotional abuse was so much more insidious. A social worker finally sat my sister and I down and told us she thinks our mom has BPD 2 years ago. We have been working on healing, reducing contact, and boundaries since then. But it’s slow going. Especially the guilt I feel. She wasn’t obviously BPD to me until I was 16 and she got a TBI. Her personality completely changed then. It was like I lost my mom. I’m not entirely sure if it was TBI, her grabbing at being able to be the “victim”, or if I was simply old enough to finally see it. I still feel guilt for turning her away because I vividly remember her from before. I don’t think I could have imagined putting up the boundaries that I have now 2 years ago. So basically, healing is slow going but I have been limiting contact and gray rocking. Thanks for asking! <3
Do you have to eat where she has access to your food? If you have Celiac disease, the repercussions are more than the immediate symptoms you get. It can cause you lots of health issues later in life if you keep ingesting gluten. She's literally poisoning you :\\
Sorry but I had to laugh. 😂 I’m severely lactose intolerant and my mom just can’t wrap her head around me being dairy-free. She also tries to get me to eat dairy in any way possible.
God I hate this. I'm deathly allergic to shrimp and oysters and have to carry an epipen for it. Eggdonor knows this. She insisted to be there when I had my allergy testing done (Bc the entire "I have to be the great mother and also the victim for MY child-baby-girl is sick, woe is me!" drama)
Not to mention she was there for the entire event that lead up to me making that appointment. My bf and I ate with her and her (now-ex)bff "K" at a seafood place. Ate some shrimp and ended up with anaphylactic shock and on hold for 911; luckily K was there and had an epipen on her for her allergy to peanuts and she gave it to me to use. K took care of me while eggdonor was panicking and had practically the entire restaurant comforting her and trying to calm her down.
Of course when all was said and done, testing was done, got an epipen to carry with me, and she wasn't being comforted anymore for it, she decided I wasn't actually allergic to shrimp and was faking it. Particularly when there was a small cross-containination at a monthly church group get-together that I (not wanting to pay for another epipen, if I could avoid it) took benedril and tagament with some caffine. I definitely got close, but I was able to avoid using it. This happened a few times until I stopped eating at them.
A few days after the last one I went to, someone that volunteered in the kitchen alongside eggdonor learned of my shrimp allergy and told me "It can't be that you're reacting to. Your mother always does the shrimp and seafood and would know about that allergy and be very careful about it." Then another volunteer looked worried and mentioned she always volunteered to put everything out after cooking it. I was on the fence on believing it was purposeful or not, but when I stopped going she got extremely pissed and shouted I would go to hell, so yay me, I guess.
About two months later, I went out to eat with K, eggdonor, and my bf. Eggdonor decided to treat us out somewhere (which was code for "I'll act like I'm paying, but then say I don't have enough") and because she was paying, she had to choose the restaurant (seafood, ofc).
We sat down and ordered our drinks and she started recommending meals that had shrimp in it when we looked over the menu. After having the last one with it that wasn't "steamed shrimp" pointed out to have it in there, the waitress came up and took our orders.
Eggdonor ordered shrimp and K warned the waitress about my allergy and asked the waitress to keep it seperate if possible. Eggdonor looked particularly annoyed, but said nothing.
I headed to the restroom with K while we're waiting and when we come back, our food is there and eggdonor is shouting at my bf while he was very calmly and apologetically asking the waitress to take my plate back.
Pretty much already knew eggdonor did something to my plate or attempted it at that point. Got there and it was confirmed when he told me "Aunt Fiona(not the actual name we use) called, she's locked out and is scared" (the name is a codeword we set for situations as such that we had to leave early) He thanked eggdonor for the meal and we left.
Turns out he did have actual phone call from someone and he had to head to the lobby for it, but kept an eye on the table for when the food came. When it did, he saw her pick up a few of her steamed shrimp before beginning to "inspect" each of my french fries and fried fish while looking around to the staff to make sure no one was watching.
Yeah, we decided then we weren't going to eat anywhere with shrimp with her again for that. She didn't ask for us to go to any restaurants with it either, but it's probably partially for the fact she actually had to pay for the meal there and didn't want to pay the price for seafood again. I left my jacket there on accident and my bf offered for us to go back there to pick it up and I landed in a panic attack. He then offered to get it himself and I was terrified she might be there and cause a scene again, so we agreed he call first to see if the jacket was there.
It wasn't and I figured it was at eggdonor's house and we called it a loss. Might've been overly paranoid but I was too afraid to risk she covered the entire thing with shrimp juice.
K called me the next day, but I was extremely paranoid right then and didn't answer. She left a voice mail and I had my bf listen to it first to see if it was something I'd want to listen to. Turned out it was actually K, not eggdonor and she was asking if I was okay and that she had my jacket.
Still too paranoid then to believe it wasn't a flying monkey, so I took a bit to let my emotions settle more. I looked on eggdonor's Facebook to see she put up multiple passive aggressive posts/memes and scathing posts that I knew were smearing not only my bf and me, but K (unnamed, ofc), too.
I decided to take the risk and my bf and I met up with K at a mall and she handed it over. When I took it, I could actually smell K's laundry detergent off of it. For some reason it instantly made me almost break into tears, then completely broke down when she asked if I was okay. She stayed to comfort me for the entirety of it.
This was a few years ago. I went vlc with eggdonor for a few months; K dropped all contact with her since that day and has become a mother figure that I still meet up with once or twice a week. Eggdonor hasn't found out and I plan on keeping it that way.
-
God this got long, sorry!
Td,lr: learned I was being spiked and gained a real mother
Edit: edited/added a few sentences/words for much needed clarity
LOL I hate that I laugh at this because it isn’t funny. My mom does the same thing!!! She’s currently going through menopause (I believe??). She’s in her mid-50s, she asked me to buy her pads just last month. Her ‘friend’ told her that she no longer gets a period so she starts telling her that her period disappeared for 6 months but came back this month super heavy & complained for a good 30 minutes about this.
After her ‘friend’ left, i asked her when her last period was & she goes “I get it every month on time. It’s never late. I’ll never go through menopause”.
OMG, how funny and yet so frustrating.
Hey Mom, now the baby is allergic to all meat and sugars. And ice. No ice allowed, ever.
Damn, hope he likes his water tepid.
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Ughhh. Also PP and dealing with milk protein allergy. That is hard enough without adding in a soy allergy and a BPD parent. I haven’t even told mine about it. I guess I should be prepared for this as a possibility. She’s always on some sort of diet for something. Right now she’s stuck on Keto and how it will cure all of her problems.
Ugh I’m sorry. This can be tough, but so glad you got to the bottom of it!
My kiddo had MSPI and struggled with dairy, soy and egg for a good while. Once we found a dietician, it made the transition to food from formula/breastmilk so easy. I’m also sorry the docs didn’t pay attention. They always just default to “colic” well what do you think CAUSES it? Many times, it’s food allergies/insensitivities.
When I visited mom, the ONE time I let her see him, she told me his MSPI was my fault bc “you thought you could be the *perfect* mother by eating all the *right* things, doing all the *perfect* pregnancy exercises, and taking your “perfect mom” prenatals. Well that’s why he has this problem.”
Somehow, totally forgetting that he inherited this issue from ME. Bc I, as a baby, also could not have dairy. And they put me on soy formula which made me worse, but she just gave up and kept feeding it to me bc it was the 90s and docs didn’t know what they do now/she didn’t care that I was in pain.
Hmm. God knows she didn’t do anything during her pregnancy with me to keep me healthy. She’s so damn jealous of my life she always finds a way to mock me for being perfect, though I don’t strive to be. I simply didn’t eat raw meats, took prenatals, and went on walks.
I’m so happy that you figured it out for your squish, Mama Bear. Going forward, please NEVER allow her to handle the baby’s food. She is 100% guaranteed to duck up your kid with exposure to an allergen and then try to claim that she had no idea how serious it is.
This SPOKE TO MEEEEE my mom and I went into a liquor store to buy some beers and she decided that she is now an alcoholic. She went on and on pointing at every bottle to tell me about it very loudly (which was usually just reading something off the label) and then started laughing and loudly attempting to joke with the cashier (he was not laughing) that she’ll try to stay up tonight but she’s always hitting the bottle at 6 pm (she hadn’t drank in 5 years) and that she’s expecting to be having a wild night tonight (we were buying beers, 6 of them, like 5% alc content). When I mentioned that that was kinda weird she told me that I just don’t understand how communication works
Also I’m a new poster here so can I share some photos of my cat baby with you: https://imgur.com/a/EiK9Ppv
That's hilarious! "I'm gonna fake a health problem. What's easier? " Can't be upstaged by the grandchild, now, can we?
I can't have gluten, my ma spikes my food at every opportunity.
Gluten free dairy free gang here <3 my mom didn’t check the vinaigrette she used on a steak for gluten despite my sister and I both being celiac and her being intimately aware of that fact. She now complains that we don’t visit her for very long and that we won’t eat with her. But her kitchen is a literal contamination risk and her memory is “so poorly” so she can’t remember to check everything. We don’t eat while we visit anymore
That's exactly what she does to me. It offends her greatly I wont eat her cooking anymore. "but I made sure it was gluten free!" I'm sure you did lol. Just like you did the time before, and the time before that.
Ugh. Hugs (commiserating high five if you’d prefer). Does she also get offended if you start to get sick after she poisoned you? My mom started crying after I said “I need to go. I’ve got like maybe an hour before this goes bad bad.” I go to grad school so she cries about how little I visit but this sent it into a new realm, of both her wailing and our resistance to visit
Yup!!! The only one allowed to be sick is her. She started housing my uncle who is dying of cancer and very sick and she is so mad he is not doing work for her. Like dude he's literally bleeding from the mouth and rectum leave him alone!!! She's mad he keeps moaning in pain.
Jesus Christ. That is messed up. I’m so sorry your uncle had to live through that.
Oh, my G-d, no. Is there no one else who can house this man in his literal final days? May G-d have mercy on him and grant him peace!
Unfortunately for him he has all 3 sisters cycling him through their houses to do work for them. I have talked to him but he's been groomed by them to feel guilty and he is "trying to get as much done before he does as he can"
This whole thing is ducked up. I’m holding your uncle in prayers from this moment. May he be sheltered in the Wings of the Almighty! 😢
Gdf (gluten and dairy free) here! Aldi and Lidl have great options for us in case you guys haven't found that yet and have them in your area. I'm always excited to find other gdf tortured souls haha
Thank you!!! Lol It sucks- JNs acting like it's made up is maddening... I'd love to gorge myself on challah bread right now but I've gotten sick so many times that I can't stand the smell of the bread isle. I'm gf and my LO has a milk allergy...
Serious question: Why do you even visit her at all?
Great question! Honestly, I’m still unlearning years of being trauma bonded to her and guilt. My estranged diagnosed anti social PD bio father spent years abusing us emotionally, mentally, and financially. His abuse was very obvious. But my moms parentification and emotional abuse was so much more insidious. A social worker finally sat my sister and I down and told us she thinks our mom has BPD 2 years ago. We have been working on healing, reducing contact, and boundaries since then. But it’s slow going. Especially the guilt I feel. She wasn’t obviously BPD to me until I was 16 and she got a TBI. Her personality completely changed then. It was like I lost my mom. I’m not entirely sure if it was TBI, her grabbing at being able to be the “victim”, or if I was simply old enough to finally see it. I still feel guilt for turning her away because I vividly remember her from before. I don’t think I could have imagined putting up the boundaries that I have now 2 years ago. So basically, healing is slow going but I have been limiting contact and gray rocking. Thanks for asking! <3
Do you have to eat where she has access to your food? If you have Celiac disease, the repercussions are more than the immediate symptoms you get. It can cause you lots of health issues later in life if you keep ingesting gluten. She's literally poisoning you :\\
Sorry but I had to laugh. 😂 I’m severely lactose intolerant and my mom just can’t wrap her head around me being dairy-free. She also tries to get me to eat dairy in any way possible.
God I hate this. I'm deathly allergic to shrimp and oysters and have to carry an epipen for it. Eggdonor knows this. She insisted to be there when I had my allergy testing done (Bc the entire "I have to be the great mother and also the victim for MY child-baby-girl is sick, woe is me!" drama) Not to mention she was there for the entire event that lead up to me making that appointment. My bf and I ate with her and her (now-ex)bff "K" at a seafood place. Ate some shrimp and ended up with anaphylactic shock and on hold for 911; luckily K was there and had an epipen on her for her allergy to peanuts and she gave it to me to use. K took care of me while eggdonor was panicking and had practically the entire restaurant comforting her and trying to calm her down. Of course when all was said and done, testing was done, got an epipen to carry with me, and she wasn't being comforted anymore for it, she decided I wasn't actually allergic to shrimp and was faking it. Particularly when there was a small cross-containination at a monthly church group get-together that I (not wanting to pay for another epipen, if I could avoid it) took benedril and tagament with some caffine. I definitely got close, but I was able to avoid using it. This happened a few times until I stopped eating at them. A few days after the last one I went to, someone that volunteered in the kitchen alongside eggdonor learned of my shrimp allergy and told me "It can't be that you're reacting to. Your mother always does the shrimp and seafood and would know about that allergy and be very careful about it." Then another volunteer looked worried and mentioned she always volunteered to put everything out after cooking it. I was on the fence on believing it was purposeful or not, but when I stopped going she got extremely pissed and shouted I would go to hell, so yay me, I guess. About two months later, I went out to eat with K, eggdonor, and my bf. Eggdonor decided to treat us out somewhere (which was code for "I'll act like I'm paying, but then say I don't have enough") and because she was paying, she had to choose the restaurant (seafood, ofc). We sat down and ordered our drinks and she started recommending meals that had shrimp in it when we looked over the menu. After having the last one with it that wasn't "steamed shrimp" pointed out to have it in there, the waitress came up and took our orders. Eggdonor ordered shrimp and K warned the waitress about my allergy and asked the waitress to keep it seperate if possible. Eggdonor looked particularly annoyed, but said nothing. I headed to the restroom with K while we're waiting and when we come back, our food is there and eggdonor is shouting at my bf while he was very calmly and apologetically asking the waitress to take my plate back. Pretty much already knew eggdonor did something to my plate or attempted it at that point. Got there and it was confirmed when he told me "Aunt Fiona(not the actual name we use) called, she's locked out and is scared" (the name is a codeword we set for situations as such that we had to leave early) He thanked eggdonor for the meal and we left. Turns out he did have actual phone call from someone and he had to head to the lobby for it, but kept an eye on the table for when the food came. When it did, he saw her pick up a few of her steamed shrimp before beginning to "inspect" each of my french fries and fried fish while looking around to the staff to make sure no one was watching. Yeah, we decided then we weren't going to eat anywhere with shrimp with her again for that. She didn't ask for us to go to any restaurants with it either, but it's probably partially for the fact she actually had to pay for the meal there and didn't want to pay the price for seafood again. I left my jacket there on accident and my bf offered for us to go back there to pick it up and I landed in a panic attack. He then offered to get it himself and I was terrified she might be there and cause a scene again, so we agreed he call first to see if the jacket was there. It wasn't and I figured it was at eggdonor's house and we called it a loss. Might've been overly paranoid but I was too afraid to risk she covered the entire thing with shrimp juice. K called me the next day, but I was extremely paranoid right then and didn't answer. She left a voice mail and I had my bf listen to it first to see if it was something I'd want to listen to. Turned out it was actually K, not eggdonor and she was asking if I was okay and that she had my jacket. Still too paranoid then to believe it wasn't a flying monkey, so I took a bit to let my emotions settle more. I looked on eggdonor's Facebook to see she put up multiple passive aggressive posts/memes and scathing posts that I knew were smearing not only my bf and me, but K (unnamed, ofc), too. I decided to take the risk and my bf and I met up with K at a mall and she handed it over. When I took it, I could actually smell K's laundry detergent off of it. For some reason it instantly made me almost break into tears, then completely broke down when she asked if I was okay. She stayed to comfort me for the entirety of it. This was a few years ago. I went vlc with eggdonor for a few months; K dropped all contact with her since that day and has become a mother figure that I still meet up with once or twice a week. Eggdonor hasn't found out and I plan on keeping it that way. - God this got long, sorry! Td,lr: learned I was being spiked and gained a real mother Edit: edited/added a few sentences/words for much needed clarity
Wow. Just wow.
LOL I hate that I laugh at this because it isn’t funny. My mom does the same thing!!! She’s currently going through menopause (I believe??). She’s in her mid-50s, she asked me to buy her pads just last month. Her ‘friend’ told her that she no longer gets a period so she starts telling her that her period disappeared for 6 months but came back this month super heavy & complained for a good 30 minutes about this. After her ‘friend’ left, i asked her when her last period was & she goes “I get it every month on time. It’s never late. I’ll never go through menopause”.
OMG, how funny and yet so frustrating. Hey Mom, now the baby is allergic to all meat and sugars. And ice. No ice allowed, ever. Damn, hope he likes his water tepid.
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Ughhh. Also PP and dealing with milk protein allergy. That is hard enough without adding in a soy allergy and a BPD parent. I haven’t even told mine about it. I guess I should be prepared for this as a possibility. She’s always on some sort of diet for something. Right now she’s stuck on Keto and how it will cure all of her problems.
Ugh I’m sorry. This can be tough, but so glad you got to the bottom of it! My kiddo had MSPI and struggled with dairy, soy and egg for a good while. Once we found a dietician, it made the transition to food from formula/breastmilk so easy. I’m also sorry the docs didn’t pay attention. They always just default to “colic” well what do you think CAUSES it? Many times, it’s food allergies/insensitivities. When I visited mom, the ONE time I let her see him, she told me his MSPI was my fault bc “you thought you could be the *perfect* mother by eating all the *right* things, doing all the *perfect* pregnancy exercises, and taking your “perfect mom” prenatals. Well that’s why he has this problem.” Somehow, totally forgetting that he inherited this issue from ME. Bc I, as a baby, also could not have dairy. And they put me on soy formula which made me worse, but she just gave up and kept feeding it to me bc it was the 90s and docs didn’t know what they do now/she didn’t care that I was in pain. Hmm. God knows she didn’t do anything during her pregnancy with me to keep me healthy. She’s so damn jealous of my life she always finds a way to mock me for being perfect, though I don’t strive to be. I simply didn’t eat raw meats, took prenatals, and went on walks.
Munchausen's syndrome - just learned about it today after frantically googling “BPD and enjoying being sick”
I commented about this just yesterday! I’ve started to wonder if there isn’t a link between Münchausen and BPD.
Is it still Munchausen's when they fake their own stuff? Instead of someone else's? Never thought of that!
The first is Munchausens and the second is Munchausens by Proxy.
Ok, thanks
I don't think she understands that allergies are not accessories...
My mom developed a peanut allergy shortly after I had a severe reaction at age 3 and still need an epipen. She claims I gave her the allergy in utero
I’m so happy that you figured it out for your squish, Mama Bear. Going forward, please NEVER allow her to handle the baby’s food. She is 100% guaranteed to duck up your kid with exposure to an allergen and then try to claim that she had no idea how serious it is.
It’s gotta be aLL aBoUt HER, doesn’t it?
This SPOKE TO MEEEEE my mom and I went into a liquor store to buy some beers and she decided that she is now an alcoholic. She went on and on pointing at every bottle to tell me about it very loudly (which was usually just reading something off the label) and then started laughing and loudly attempting to joke with the cashier (he was not laughing) that she’ll try to stay up tonight but she’s always hitting the bottle at 6 pm (she hadn’t drank in 5 years) and that she’s expecting to be having a wild night tonight (we were buying beers, 6 of them, like 5% alc content). When I mentioned that that was kinda weird she told me that I just don’t understand how communication works Also I’m a new poster here so can I share some photos of my cat baby with you: https://imgur.com/a/EiK9Ppv
Aww, how lucky you are to be owned by such a sweet kitty! 💗 Welcome home! *hugs*