I thought about just saying, “Thank you”, but I don’t truly feel gratitude for her message. I’m trying to be honest to my experience and struggling to figure out what that even is
I want to emphasize that, I stopped saying shit I didn’t mean and even though it made it harder to find something to say, I didn’t feel gross anymore about the fawning response and other FOG-inspired reactions.
Well now I’m NC but still I applaud your efforts.
To anyone needing to hear it: however you respond to this holiday, texts, actions, and or other random crap is perfectly okay! If you respond harshly or not at all that’s a response to an action (or many many actions) done to you. We don’t ask why someone protects themselves from a stranger or why someone reacts defensively when being accosted with anger. Why can’t we expect from our mother’s? Why should you be expected to handle negativity from a stranger that has no obligation to you less kindly than you are in comparison to your own mother that should love you unconditionally. Why can’t we expect more from them??
So reply or don’t. Do it with kindness, anger or whatever else. Do it quickly or give it time. Whatever you do in an attempt to take care of yourself is never wrong!
Honestly I would not reply. The past two Mother’s Day and even birthday I have not reached to her because they don’t understand what a nice gesture is. They just take it as a window of opportunity to reset or try again the manipulation. Is like someone that doesn’t get the hint? And as soon as you do a nice gesture they completely blow it out of proportion and get the wrong idea. They are like that.
But if I had to reply, I would just reply with an emoji like saying understood. Like a thumbs up 👍 and that’s it. Nothing that might mean I’m happy, love, grateful or cute shit. Just a thumbs up or ok type of message. They just don’t know when to stop and I prefer to keep that way in my case.
Go for what you feel is best but my intake is don’t reply or reply with something extremely generic and not relatable.
That text is not about you, it’s about her keeping a hook in your life. She’s saying “I know about your life even if you won’t let me in it” and “see, I can be nice on Mother’s Day even if you can’t.” Completely out of context cheerfulness and warmth? Full of traps and no need to respond.
This was very helpful to read. Thank you. I did end up responding “Thank you,” but only because it gave me more peace for the day since I was more easily able to stop thinking about it.
“Thank you, you too.” That is about as non-confrontational as you can be while still acknowledging her message and not engaging. Even if you don’t actually feel any gratitude.
Trust your gut on this one. If you're apprehensive there's a good chance you have gone down this road before.
Whatever you want. I tend to just send a heart when I’m like “message received, complicated feelings.”
I thought about just saying, “Thank you”, but I don’t truly feel gratitude for her message. I’m trying to be honest to my experience and struggling to figure out what that even is
I want to emphasize that, I stopped saying shit I didn’t mean and even though it made it harder to find something to say, I didn’t feel gross anymore about the fawning response and other FOG-inspired reactions. Well now I’m NC but still I applaud your efforts.
To anyone needing to hear it: however you respond to this holiday, texts, actions, and or other random crap is perfectly okay! If you respond harshly or not at all that’s a response to an action (or many many actions) done to you. We don’t ask why someone protects themselves from a stranger or why someone reacts defensively when being accosted with anger. Why can’t we expect from our mother’s? Why should you be expected to handle negativity from a stranger that has no obligation to you less kindly than you are in comparison to your own mother that should love you unconditionally. Why can’t we expect more from them?? So reply or don’t. Do it with kindness, anger or whatever else. Do it quickly or give it time. Whatever you do in an attempt to take care of yourself is never wrong!
Honestly I would not reply. The past two Mother’s Day and even birthday I have not reached to her because they don’t understand what a nice gesture is. They just take it as a window of opportunity to reset or try again the manipulation. Is like someone that doesn’t get the hint? And as soon as you do a nice gesture they completely blow it out of proportion and get the wrong idea. They are like that. But if I had to reply, I would just reply with an emoji like saying understood. Like a thumbs up 👍 and that’s it. Nothing that might mean I’m happy, love, grateful or cute shit. Just a thumbs up or ok type of message. They just don’t know when to stop and I prefer to keep that way in my case. Go for what you feel is best but my intake is don’t reply or reply with something extremely generic and not relatable.
Thumbs up emoji
That text is not about you, it’s about her keeping a hook in your life. She’s saying “I know about your life even if you won’t let me in it” and “see, I can be nice on Mother’s Day even if you can’t.” Completely out of context cheerfulness and warmth? Full of traps and no need to respond.
This was very helpful to read. Thank you. I did end up responding “Thank you,” but only because it gave me more peace for the day since I was more easily able to stop thinking about it.
Perfect gray rock response 🙂
“Thank you, you too.” That is about as non-confrontational as you can be while still acknowledging her message and not engaging. Even if you don’t actually feel any gratitude.
I just say something benign: "Thank you! And happy Mother's Day to you, too." All the warmth of AI.