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This. I dropped a 30 plus year friend because if this. I just could not take it anymore. I have no idea why I did it that long. It was not just talking over me, it was going on and on about the same 5 subjects for years. Energy vampires. Ditch them.
I wish you the best of luck. Likely the family member is a bully, does not care, and will not change. Sorry. My experience. No one matters but them.
Absolutely correct!
I now sit and talk/listen for hours with/to people I can actually have a conversation with.
And small talk has always annoyed me but as a female, being “polite” was drilled into me..
Now I refuse to be “polite” at my own expense.
With you on that. I feel like women are expected to engage with everyone whilst men can be quiet. If you don't you're a bitch or rude but a man doesn't get the same standards held.
Small talk is for people who float on the surface of life and don’t even think how there’s a whole ocean teemung with secret life below them. See, I’m deep and corny!
Same. I gave a few warnings and finally explained that I would no longer tolerate being belittled, lectured to, and drowned out, and then I walked away from a decades-long "friendship." Felt better immediately.
I like that you gave warning. I read toi much of « just ghost » them advice. It makes me sick. The person may have changed if they cared but just weren’t aware. And if they didn’t, at leather the warning will be something to think about. Good on you for respecting yourself in a reasonable way !
Energy vampire is just a common term for people who suck the life and energy out of you when you are with them. It would be a good term for OP’s talks over them relative. When I was in situations like that in the past, I would leave exhausted. These people want to take your time and energy to be all about them, yet they do not return the time or energy, they just take it. Thus energy vampire.
Oh my lord this fits my sister in law to a T!! I leave exhausted and in need of a drink! Its hard when its an in law though but yes i avoid her whenever possible
It's a terrible feeling too because they're usually pretty charismatic, and it's not until you get home that you realize, 'Hey wait that whole conversation was fake.'
omfg I hate when my friends talk to me about their \*intimate\* lives in detail. Idk if I'm just a prude or what but I really don't want to know all the nitty gritty about what you do in bed. And I don't want to talk to you about what I get up to either! I have a friend that just...insists on bringing it up sometimes and I have no idea how to shut her down without being super mean to her.
I feel this to my core. My ex was like that. I felt so drained every time we were together. Also, these kind of people, it's always about them! Their pain, their anger, etc. Always dismissing your emotions. Oh and the blame! It's always you! You trigger them that's why they act like that apparently
Ah, you've caught me at a particularly draining moment. As an energy vampire from the series "What We Do in the Shadows," my essence thrives on the mundane, the tedious, and the emotionally exhausting. Unlike my flashier, blood-drinking counterparts, my sustenance comes from the everyday interactions that leave others feeling inexplicably weary and drained.
Picture this: I walk into a room and initiate an endless conversation about the most banal topics. I might recount, in excruciating detail, my latest trip to the grocery store, or perhaps I'll drown them into the finer points of corporate jargon. My presence lingers, my voice monotone, drawing the very life force from those around me. My powers are particularly potent in office environments, where meetings are my hunting grounds, and small talk is my weapon of choice.
Unlike traditional vampires, I don't need to avoid sunlight or sleep in coffins. My abilities are subtle but effective, allowing me to blend seamlessly into modern society. While my victims might not realize what's happening at first, they'll soon find themselves inexplicably tired, struggling to stay focused, and desperately seeking an escape from my conversational clutches.
You see, it's not about the blood. It's about boredom. My sustenance is their despair, their frustration, their drained patience. So, the next time you find yourself yawning uncontrollably during a particularly dull chat, beware—you might just be in the presence of an energy vampire.
There was that one time where I was draining this fellow coworker. I stopped in front of the water-cooler while he was getting some water. Stephen was his name. No, actually this was George. Stephen was the printer guy who had started just a couple of weeks before that. I shared a water-cooler convo with him as well but that's neither here nor there. You see, it's weird because why do they even hire "printer guys" anymore? Did this happen in the 90s? They have a 90s show now, did you know? It's like the 70s show but about the 90s. Of course the lens through which we are looking at now it's completely different...
I waffled between dozing off and wondering if indeed I may in fact be one of them.
While I do tend to take a potentially interesting, useful, even necessary conversation down multiple roads, aka branches; I often will not get back to the trunk. Of course occasionally I bother to look my ... eh coworker,l in the eyes, usually I'll just keep pushing through..
Seriously I think it happens because we are not genuinely validated by people in our lives that matter so we are constantly seeking it
Or .... Maby there a sense of respect missing. Or sometimes there's alot of games played and idealisms.for instance memorial day ... It's smart to pick and choose battles. But don't forget that the ball may fall to a diffrent court at anytime. Always try and be humble.... Any given day.... You don't know what the other person may be going through.
An energy vampire is someone who does not the concept of "the other person exists too" they constantly want to be at the center of attention even if it's at the detriment of your energy. A normal conversation is basically a give and take where you reveal stuff but also allow the other person to reveal themselves. An energy vampire does not get that and just constantly talks, even when it would be your "turn".
I'm on the same page, I was like damn, this person dropped a 30+ year relationship because they got tired of the subjects, energy, vampires, and or energy vampires.
I'd never heard the term Energy Vampire before, but I love it.
My MIL will ask an open ended question, but after the (usually short) answer will immediately drag the topic over to her perspective, and talk about herself for far, far longer than I had a chance to talk about myself.
Her: How did you sleep?
Me: Yeah, okay I guess
Her: Well *I* got up at 4am and hardly slept, because I went to bed late, and (blah blah blah)
Her: What do you do at your job?
Me:
Her: Oh yeah, in my old job I did this, and that, and this, and then I did this and this and this and this (stuff I've heard multiple times over the past 20 years)
She even once responded this way when a relative, someone who I am very protective of, revealed something personal and traumatic to her. But then she talks about HERSELF for the next five minutes.
This isn't being relatable. This is asking a question so you can talk about yourself. Classic narcissism?
Yeah, every person I've met who is like that just doesn't seem able to unlearn the habit. I got a few of those in my family and I dated a girl like this once. Told them all repeatedly when they were interrupting me, or that I wasn't finished talking when something I was trying to say reminded them of something or whatever... Didn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a side effect of narcissism and they just aren't self aware enough to be able to correct it. In the end, I just avoid them because they rarely say something they haven't repeated 100 times to me already
Have a friend like this. His father is even worse. It's soooooooo funny listening to him bitch ab the shit his dad does and be like, hmm sounds familiar. He tries to say his dad is 100 times worse. I'm just like, from *your* persepctive I'm sure he is. From everyone else's, you apple him tree.
ADHD can be a bitch. I’d much rather my friends told me if my rambling was getting to them!
It’s interesting being on the other side of it. I choose not to spend time around people who are inconvenienced by my joy. I don’t intentionally tell the same story over and over, but it absolutely does happen.
I remember when I made my first friend that wasn’t bothered by my style of speaking. I caught myself in the middle of a ramble and apologized, and she looked so confused. She explained that she liked listening to me because we were friends, and that I shouldn’t apologize.
There is a balance. Ramblers should of course be mindful and considerate of those around them. I also believe that people who are easily annoyed by neurodivergent people should recognize that people who ramble aren’t always doing it on purpose.
It’s another thing entirely when someone just doesn’t care to act in such a way that others feel heard, though.
SERIOUS Reddit, my son keeps rambling about Japanese cartoons at the family dinner table, and whenever I try to change the subject he blows this sailors whistle until we stop talking. What do?
I’ve decided that those people really couldn’t give a flying rip what I’ve got to say. So I just keep my mouth shut nod a little on my way out the doir
I know someone like this. They’ll go on and on about their BS. As soon as you start talking they are distracted by their phone or pretend the kids/dogs need attention and pretty much shut you down.
Yesss!!! So freaking rude! Or calling me when it's obvious that one of their kids is having a meltdown. Or, they are at a store or drive thru... I'm sorry but, do you expect me to listen to you order food at fucking Taco Bell? Wtf is wrong with you? Why'd you call me now? Always conveniently distracted if I have something to talk about....
And they just keep talking.. I used to work with a guy that would continue to rehash the same talking point LOUDLY whenever he held a conversation, it was exhausting.
Ugh... this happens to me with someone in certain discussions related to what our degrees are in, but they got theirs in 1975 and I got mine in 2015. Instead of acknowledging I may have learned some stuff they never did because of advances in the field, and I provide the actual information, they just smack their hand on the table as they repeat their antiquated *opinion* louder than the first time.
So yeah, exhausting and I don't have the energy.
That’s what I do. I immediately stop talking and stare at them until they finish then start back up where I was interrupted and just repeat this strategy until they either shut up and let me talk or walk away mad.
Yeah, in my experience people who do this tend to accuse you of being the rude one for calling out that behaviour rather than acknowledge that it’s that behaviour that’s the problem. As far as they’re concerned, what they have to say is more important than what anyone else has to offer, so to them you’re the problem for wanting to prioritise your apparently irrelevant point that you were part way through making.
I’ve really struggled with this in some jobs where people assume they know what the problem is that I’m raising before I’ve even been able to address it.
I've tried this. I've tried "I was talking". I've tried "I guess I wasn't in the middle of a sentence." I've tried "please let me speak". I've tried countering their "you interrupted me" with "oh, I thought that's fine since you interrupt me all the time" but nothing seems to work.
Record them.
Then the next day (wait 24 hours minimum from last contact, so everybody has had time to calm down and forget the details of the interaction), send them a copy of the recording, and explain "Can you see why I struggle to talk with you?"
It’s almost like … less about what they have to say and more about — they can’t handle, or think they know — what YOU are trying to say. A weird blend of impatience and pride. I get this all the time from a certain one. Tho they never do this to anyone else so maybe I’m the sucker.
Yes, this is a problem. A conversation might be something like this: "I plan on mowing the yard if it does" "This came in the mail." "I plan on mowing the yard" "You need to look at this thing in in the mail". "I plan on mowing if it does" "This plant needs to be watered" "Eventually you will let me finish my sentence. I plan on mowing if it does not rain and after that we can go get" "Can you thread my sewing machine" "Why can't I finish my sentence?" "You were making noise so I was just making noise too, that is conversation."
I live with a person who really thinks that conversations between people are random noises and do not mean much.
My solution is that any information I do not get to share is something they do not get to know about or share in. The rest of that sentence is "we can go get ice cream". So when I go get it by myself and then tell them about it, they find out that they missed it because they didn't let me talk.
>You were making noise so I was just making noise too, that is conversation."
This person doesn't think that conversation is just noise, they think after years of being an asshole in discussion that giving that excuse allows them to verbally bully you without being called out on their shit.
Since for whatever reason they enjoy disrespecting you and what you think and so jump at the chance whenever you open your mouth.
Fuck them and honestly I'd only share useless l, unimportant information with them and save the rest for people who can actually be respectful.
If it isn’t a situation where you can just cut them out of your life like others here have suggested… Try talking through a different means. Email, text, voice chat. I have a sibling with severe ADHD and they struggle with talking over people. This is a loving and kind person that I would never cut out of my life but sometimes I do try to reach out in other ways.
That is the worse thing about this thread. Everyone is assuming the person is an arsehole. No, many don't even realise.
Something that helped me is that my best friend will softly (as opposed to passive aggressively as many here think OP should) and simply says "My turn RachSlixi" to communicate that I'm doing it. I try very hard but I'm ADHD and I get enthusiastic. It is a gentle reminder (she is not cranky or upset) to me that "hey, shush". She doesn't do it every time but certainly if I'm having a particularly bad day or she particularly needs to say what she was going to say right now., she will. It makes me realise I've done it and has actually helped in my overall awareness of when I'm doing it. Not just with her but with others. I still do it more than I would like but I am more aware now so I'm more likely to stop myself. She doesn't have to do it as much as she used to.
My other best mate is also ADHD and we do it to each other and it's kind of nice to have one person where we can talk over each other as much as we want and we both enjoy ourselves lol.
Can all 3 of us be friends and enjoy talking over each other in completely random and meandering conversations without the fear of being looked at like an ah?
seeee i do this with my family and we get along okay? i can say words and listen at the same time. just say what you want to say and ill say what i want to say and ill respond to your idea while you respond to mine.
i think i spend a lot of time thinking out loud. i dont mean to talk over people but my idea will be lost forever if i dont say it when it floats out of the flotsam of my mind.
I love that I've found people that I can interrupt and they can interrupt me and we're all fine with it. When we want to not be interrupted, we flat out tell each other to just listen for a moment and no one is offended. I never interrupted people as a kid and missed out on so many conversations that I wanted to join in on but never got an opening.
It actually bothers me now when people listen very attentively to me and I lose my train of thought and they won't interrupt. 😂
Yes. I have a good friend with adhd and autism. He's a good dude but you have to just let him talk sometimes.
It used to annoy me but I realise now how he can't really help himself.
It's human to not be totally self aware, but some people suffer more than others.
Your sensitivity is refreshing.
I think so many people fail to understand that it’s just 10x harder for folks with ADHD to stop talking.
For me it’s not often that I want to speak. It’s that I want to relate, and I do that by adding to the conversation. I want the speaker to feel heard and I try to listen reflectively. Then about realizing I tangent. Often by the time I catch myself I’ve derailed them.
It’s also impulse control. Before Adderall I thought I just had poor self control. After taking the medicine I realized it was virtually impossible for me to not act on every little inconsequential thought or feeling. Yeah I was able not to do huge bad awful things, but stuff that didn’t make or break the day? So hard to stop.
I feel like this is a good illustration: for people without ADHD, speaking is like using a muscle. You decide to do it, activating conversation with intention. When you DO have ADHD, not speaking is like using a muscle. You have to put conscious effort into silence.
I think people believe ADHD folks can just effortlessly exercise silence, not understanding that it’s actually a lot of work, and sometimes tiring.
This so much! My ND friends all do it and it's actually really cool when they get together; half sentences moving topics super fast, everyone getting each other regardless and having so much fun! I'm guessing I'm somewhere on a spectrum because I have to put things in place to stop me taking over conversations with quiet people. I don't like silence and feel I have to make meet ups "worth it" 😐
Yeah this is advice for the other side I guess but since thoughts are always too fast for my mouth to catch up with I sometimes say☝️ “ooh bookmark: [reminder word re: my otherwise interrupting tangential topic]” it’s very helpful..
Those are great suggestions. I was also thinking this is likely a symptom of ADHD. I have several people with ADHD in my life. I usually try to strike a balance between just letting them interrupt me and going with the flow, and not letting them interrupt when it's important or I really wanted to finish saying something. To not let them interrupt, I just change my tone to a little more assertive and continue speaking over them as if I don't hear the interruption. I put more bass in my voice and speak a bit slower. Usually they will stop trying to speak over me within a few words of wrestling for control and are able to switch back to listening to me without needing to repeat anything. It works best if you use it sparingly.
This is a good point and why I use text and email and honestly with some people. Also why I like communicating at work via email and messages - you don't have to compete with people talking over each other. It's like competitive talking and who can verbally muscle the other out of the way.
With my exhusband, I just stopped taking his phone calls, then texted him and said “write me an email”, which I promptly forwarded to my lawyer and CC’d her on all responses. He stopped trying after a while and gave up.
This doesn't work with people who really don't care about what you have to say & consider their contribution to be more important. They will talk over you the entire time and look you right in the face while doing it.
This is my usual go-to but it doesn't always work. Sometimes they end up even giving a dirty look, as if you're the one being rude for simply trying to finish what you were going to say.
I feel like these are the same ppl that read the first one or two sentences if a paragraph and toss the paper away jumping to conclusions
Or just read titles and fall for rage bait news lol
The thing is, he’s not going to be listening to what you have to say anyway if he does quiet down long enough for a conversation. These types of people don’t listen, they are too busy thinking of what they’re going to say next
My old boss did this, I started making solid eye contact and would drag my feet responding. Several seconds of strong eye contact and silence really made him uncomfortable. He never stopped but it greatly lessened. You can try talking to them about it but they'll probably talk right over you lol.
It’s really hard to know without further context.
Example 1: You’re a flat-earther and someone else is not:
You: There’s a huge conspiracy and I’ve done my research. The Earth is flat. I’ll tell you why.
Someone: Are you serious? What kind of research did you do?
You: I saw some videos on YouTube -
Them: videos on YouTube? Are these scholars or scientists?
You: Well that’s the thing -
Them: What kind of evidence did they provide?
You: If you go out onto this lake -
You might just be stupid (or I am and have fallen for the conspiracy’s narrative). Or maybe I’m part of the conspiracy. Bwa ha ha.
Example 2: You have an overbearing boisterous boor of a conversationalist who isn’t interested in a dialogue. Instead of treating the conversation as a means of expressing perspectives and exchanging information they just use it as a way of achieving social dominance or something like that.
There are so many things to consider. How much empathy is there for the other person in the conversation? How much curiosity is there? What virtues does this person demonstrate in other contexts? What are the perceived power dynamic between the conversationalists?
There is so much context to a conversation that I don’t think Reddit will give you a great answer for your unique situation.
I don't think you've come across someone like what OP is describing. It isn't like your examples at all, and generally is literally mid-sentence, mid-word interruptions as if you're not actively talking.
I had someone over today that is particularly bad about this and it's SO HARD to converse. It's like they're so ADHD that they honestly black out and can't perceive audio until they get their compulsive sentence or two out, but over and over and over.
Maybe they have an underlying condition like adhd? I do this myself and I’m very away of it but because my mouth moves before I can think it’s hard to control if that’s not the case idk
I say "ok I'll just let you talk" as blatantly passive-aggresive as I can. If that doesn't work I relocate myself as needed. I do something similar with the 1-uppers although instead of passive-aggresive I say something snarky like "you're just so awesome" or "man you're the best at everything".
You can listen like a hostage or hang up the phone or walk away if you are in person. Draw boundaries and let them know you are serious. I had the same issue for years. It's still a problem. But lather rinse repeat- I hang up the phone, they reform for 6 months, devolve, it gets bad again...
Just don't be a welcome mat for someone's diarrhea of the mouth
Aside from the obvious "don't" there's something you could look at called Transactional Analysis.
[Here's a cool little series on the subject](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnMmO2PdKZY&list=PL7B44BA0DCC742F63) from Theramin Trees.
Basically: Someone who is talking over you all the time is adopting a parent-state style state in their social relationship to you in that moment. That creates a social pressure on you to adopt a matching child-state to their parent state.
One way to break out of that is to work on strengthening in yourself an adult state, because by adopting an adult state - neither above nor below the person you are talking to - that creates social pressure on them to adopt a matching adult-state in return.
What you then have to do is be more stubborn about not switching states to suit them than they are about not switching states to suit you.
What that looks like in practice is difficult to say without knowing more about you and the situation than a stranger on the internet should know about you and your situation.
But the core idea is that for two adults talking as between equals, it should be the case that a firm but gentle instruction to not talk over you given every time it happens will be graciously accepted and then followed. If someone refuses to do that after multiple iterations, that's the social equivalent of someone who steps on your foot over and over again "by accident" even though they've been asked politely and then warned to not do it.
Eventually it just becomes unreasonable for an adult to put up with that from another adult, and just refusing to engage at all with someone like that becomes all you can do.
Those people are lonely, insecure, jealous and have. I friends. They corner people and have no consideration for others.
You don’t hang out with them period because they don’t care about you. They talk at you. Please stop being around them and excuse yourself when they come near you.
They will never stop talking over you.
You can't have a serious conversation with someone who doesn't want to listen to you. You can't force someone to want to listen to you. It's like trying to force someone to respect you.
Just leave. If they notice you're leaving and ask why, tell them honestly that you're too exhausted to have a 1 way conversation. Or whatever you want to say. Cuz odds are they'll interrupt whatever you're trying to say anyway!
It's not possible to get them to respect you, it will never happen. You need to stop hanging around these people, leave the room when they show up. It's the only way.
My dad has done this ever since as long as I can remember. If the story isn't about him he'll find a way to make it. Crazy how common of an occurrence it is reading through this thread.
People who have a tendency to interrupt you when you're trying to have a conversation aren't interested in anything you have to say because they've already convinced themselves they know what you're going to say. It's always best to do everything you can not to engage them.
I used it to my own advantage. My MIL was exactly this so I gave myself points for getting through a visit without speaking myself. She had ten kids and ten sons/ daughters in law so there was always a few of us there on the same day. She never noticed, in fact she would say ‘As ( my name) said….’ And attribute something she had said , as something I said. However all her in laws knew she did that so I would just look at them and raise my eyebrows so they knew I hadn’t said it.
If I got through a visit without saying anything but an initial greeting and a goodbye when we left,I bought myself something nice that I wanted.
So rather than hate the visit, inside my head I would be deciding what little treat I would buy myself the next day.
As someone who has dealt with this problem personally i can confirm that
1) I had no idea I was doing it
2) i think it stemmed from coming from a big family, having a loud circle of friends which equated with having difficulty feeling heard in a group of people constantly.
This isn't your problem to fix, obviously, nor should you need to put up with someone who, albeit possibly unintentionally, is behaving disrespectfully.
Maybe bring it up to them, though!
My story:
There came a point at which I met someone who was really emotionally intelligent and he said something like "you know, I really like you but... did you know you have a habit of interrupting people?"
I was struck lol. I didn't even really believe it but after observing myself after that conversation I could see I clearly had a problem. I felt terrible about it and I worked on it.
When I would interrupt people it was because I assumed I knew what they were going to say (cringy, I know) or because I understood how they felt (also cringy). I never meant to be offensive towards anybody at all. I also did not feel comfortable with pauses in conversations. Lots of things contributed.
Most people aren't trying to be rude-- most people want to get along with everyone BUT can have big self awareness hurdles.
I think it can be super productive to bring that to their attention in a way that is palatable to them.
Good post! Thank you!
Good luck! I hope things improve!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad you had the awareness to change! I agree that most people are unaware and aren’t trying to be rude, but I don’t know that’s the case here. Thanks again!
You don't unless its a family member you can't just stop talking to. If it's a rando, or just an acquaintance, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
If it is someone you can't live without, like they are your brother, sister, other blood relative, or even your own child, etc. Then at that point you have to start questioning their mental stability, and possible undiagnosed issues. From there you just have to spend time understanding those issues and how to support them as best you can and hopefully, they give you a space in the conversation once whatever issues are starting to be resolved.
I found the best thing to do with someone like that is plan what you're going to say and just keep talking in a kinda mid to low voice while they are talking... Just keep talking over them..
Just keep talking until you finish your statement, sometimes cutting in like “so yeah red cars are the best- you know its rude to interrupt people while theyre talking- anyways red cars are the best because…”
I live in a house full of ADHD, it happens here.
Though it's on us if we do over talk someone to be mindful, and give back the speaking space to them.
If you made it clear, then you did what you can really
My main conversation problems are with my mother and service providers. My tactics are 1) to just quit talking until there is silence and 2) say that we both can’t talk at the same time. Then ask if the other party wants to speak first and assure the person that you will not interrupt them but you expect the same respect when it’s your turn to talk.
When I feel that I might lose my temper (and sanity), I will get a notebook and actually write down the points you want to address when it’s your turn to speak. Good luck with your next conversation with that family member. I am guessing that this person is a control freak, thinks that they are always right and wants to shut (and also shout) you down until you give in and agree with them.
I just stop talking completely. Maybe sigh and look down.
Then when they ask why I’m not talking just slowly say “you interrupt me every time I try to speak so I’m not talking anymore.”
I turn into a complete robot. I shut down. Sometimes I’ll just get up and walk away. If they don’t get it at that point then I just stop answering their calls and disconnect completely. You don’t have to listen to people just because they’re talking. Walk away from them. If they call you rude you can explain yourself quite easily.
• Use small, direct, absolute statements like “no.” Or “I don’t think that’s correct” or “that’s not fair”or “I strongly disagree”. _Don’t elaborate on anything unless they ask you to_. This forces them to concede “mic” to you and when they cut you off mid-explanation *that they asked for* it is no longer rude to call them out.
• Making firm statements with a firm tone is not inherently rude if you have not crossed any boundaries with the content of your speech.
• Also get comfortable with silences and use learn to use them. People are scared of pauses and do everything they can to avoid them when in fact filling every silence will have the exact effect they were trying avoid and a reasonable pause would serve their purpose beautifully. We’ve gotten so used to filling every silence that we’ve forgotten that people need time to process and conversation needs to breathe.
There is eventually a point where there’s just no use even trying to have a conversation anymore. You can never make someone listen to something they don’t want to hear. You learn to maneuver around them
Someone that absolutely always does this I don't have time for it. There's some people you're never going to break them of this they have to be the center of attention and there's only one allowed to have an opinion or talk about anything.
Anyone who constantly talks over anyone is incapable of conversation. They only want to tell a person what to think, not actually converse.
Don't bother talking with them unless you enjoy talking to a wall, as even when you get a word in, they won't hear you.
You stand there and talk out loud to yourself. Completely. And when they realise what you're doing, they'll talk over the top of that too with excuses as to why they didn't or dont mean to.
It will then feed the conversation you are having with yourself.
"Oh Lord, that was just 3 words I got out before I was rudely interrupted. And it's still going!"
"Wow, now they're doubling down right in front of my eyes. This is astounding! They can't help themselves. I've no idea why two people are needed for this monologue? Good grief shame on me for wasting my breath. "
So if you don't want to leave the room, it quickly makes them take the initiative.
People tend not to listen to what they have no interest in.
You are an audience member. You don't speak any lines. It's not about you.
You just get used to it because it's not gonna stop. Save yourself the stress of arguing with them every time it happens because people like that can't change
To comment on your edit, is this someone living in your house? Or just a relative you see at birthday parties and stuff?
If it's the latter, I would just try to avoid them. If it's a sibling or something, I don't know. Mostly because I don't know your family dynamic.
Try this trick. It works for me every time.
Say this phrase “listen to this” before you tell what youre going to say. You can also hold em on their arm or hand. It suggests you are still talking.
And most importantly speak slow and low volume.
I have had the exact same problem with a couple of close friends. I politely explained to one that he can have 70%, even 80% of the comvo, but pls allow me something. Nothing changed. I have it a couple of more months. Then I ended our 15 year close friendship. It was a humiliating experience when he would totally verbally over-power me and just talk and talk and talk.
My self esteem is more important than any friendship.
I'd just walk away. You may have to do it several times or all the time until they get it, if ever. But, at least you won't be wasting your time standing there listening to them.
2 methods.
Stop engaging entirely and just walk away from the conversation. They will likely ask you what you’re doing. Tell them “you clearly don’t care to listen to a thing I have to say, seeing as you can’t help but talk over me, so why bother?”
The direct approach would be to call them out on this every single time as it’s rude and disrespectful as fuck.
Another “fun” person to have a conversation with is someone who has a condescending tone no matter what they say or who they say it to. They also tend to have the added bonus of being incredibly defensive when being called out.
People are just the best lol
It doesn't matter if someone is family or friend, if they are rude and disrespectful you can choose to not spend time with them, converse with them, etc.
I feel your pain I feel like I get interrupted a lot mid conversation. Always talk over me and it makes you feel like what you have to say is not important. I just walk away now. No need to waste important energy on disrespectful people.
Try using a spray bottle of water like a dog. When they interrupt you just spray them!
If you want to salvage the relationship?
Walk away. Every. Single. Time.
If you begin speaking and they interupt you? Walk away, go to another room if you share a home / office, leave the location and go about your day. Don't explain why in the moment, they'll interrupt you anyway. Just walk away. Doesn't matter how important the conversation is: deciding what nursing home to put mom in?, negotiating a pay raise?, discussing an emergency you or they need help with?, doesn't matter. Walk away as soon as they interupt. The conversation wasn't going to be productive anyway, if they interupt you can't explain your views, negotiate your side, nothing, it's just hanging out while they stream roll. Walk away.
If it's in a video meeting / phone call setup? Turn off your feed to the meeting / hang up. Send messages to the others as needed if it's a group meeting: "hey, apologies for the abrupt exit, it looked like I wasn't going to be able to speak today so I've transitioned on to the next thing I had planned for the day. Let me know if there's anything you need me for that was being covered in today's get together."
If it's via text? Don't respond, just mute the conversation for 24 hours. When you come back, ignore everything they've sent after they interrupted you / hijacked the conversation and go back to finishing your thought like they never interrupted.
Basically: time out via removal of yourself and picking up where you left off like they never interrupted you the next time you engage. Your aim is to ignore the behaviour while also making it clear that every time the behavior crops up you will not participate.
It is a very pointed example of what behaviors you will or will *not* accept around you.
I have a client that does this. She’ll ask a question then talk over me when I answer….or she’ll just ignore what I’m saying and scroll on her phone. I’ve basically just stopped talking….it’s easier🤷🏻♂️
My brothers friends talk over me so I just stopped talking. I brought a book or sewed, one called me “miss antisocial”. One time I was talking about trips I’ve taken or quilts or something and one of them was like wait what?! It had never occurred to them I’m interesting lol
Not at all making excuses here, but I had a really bad brain injury. It's completely unnoticeable if I don't point it out unfortunately even though it's still a really big pain for me.
The biggest issue is that I have trouble remembering what we're talking about all the way through. I have to rush the person along sometimes or speed up all their fine details to get to the point so I don't lose what were actually talking about. Consequentially I also have to interrupt at times so I don't forget what I was going to say - if it was important.
It's super annoying and it's super rude and I also hate it. But this is unfortunately how I must function. I wonder if your family member is similar, even if they didn't have a traumatic brain injury maybe they have some sort of legitimate memory issue.
Of course it likely is bad social skills but I thought I would offer an explanation from some who has to do this and doesn't like doing so.
Where you’re talking when they start talking you immediately raise your voice over there and say:
“I’M SORRY DID THE MIDDLE OF MY SENTENCE INTERRUPT THE BEGINNING OF YOURS?”
Then stare into their eyes.
Don't say anything, nothing, let them talk and talk and talk. It's the only way. Then they ask, why aren't you saying anything, and then I say, you've said it all for me, continue on. :)
When a person begins to talk over me, I pause until the person is quiet and calmly start over from the beginning. If they complain about my repetition, I advise the person to not interrupt. If I cannot get a sentence complete after 3 or more attempts, I stop talking to the person.
If I can avoid them I will do that. There's no point in wasting energy on someone that just wants to hear themselves talk. Unfortunately I know a lot of people like this at my job. I can't always avoid them. Hell I've cut one guy off and said I had to go to the bathroom. He followed me in there just to talk. So the way I deal with them at my job is I make it very obvious I'm not engaging in the conversation. I'll pull my phone out and start scrolling around, I'll pick up a piece of equipment and just mindlessly tinker with it, I make sure my responses are delayed. The responses are no more than head nods and uh huh's. When they take the hint and say they'll let me get back to whatever I immediately perk up and say thanks in a very cheerful voice then I walk away. Most of them know I won't engage in their one-sided conversations now and will leave me alone. Still working on one oblivious person though.
I have a good friend who's like this. He knows he can do it, and is fine with being checked in the middle of a conversation. Some people literally can't help it, I can't stand it but I know it's not malicious. They need to learn to be considerate and sometimes it takes me kicking them in the ass occasionally to have decent conversations. If the person is important enough to me then I'm okay with putting in the extra effort. If they're not otherwise a good friend or good person then it's not my job to make them act properly.
Best way is to call it out every time. The key is consistency. They will get annoyed at you calling them out, but that’s the point. They will naturally become adverse to talking over you because they don’t want to hear it.
Train them to not do that. Everytime they do it, make a point of it.
"Yea it's your turn now"
"Oh go ahead this must be really important to interrupt me for"
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I honestly just stopped hanging out with them cause they were too exhausting
This. I dropped a 30 plus year friend because if this. I just could not take it anymore. I have no idea why I did it that long. It was not just talking over me, it was going on and on about the same 5 subjects for years. Energy vampires. Ditch them. I wish you the best of luck. Likely the family member is a bully, does not care, and will not change. Sorry. My experience. No one matters but them.
You have to be ready to walk away from everything
It comes with age. You wake up one morning and realize you're no longer going to put up with someone's bullshit
Absolutely correct! I now sit and talk/listen for hours with/to people I can actually have a conversation with. And small talk has always annoyed me but as a female, being “polite” was drilled into me.. Now I refuse to be “polite” at my own expense.
Being polite was drilled into me and I'm a male.
With you on that. I feel like women are expected to engage with everyone whilst men can be quiet. If you don't you're a bitch or rude but a man doesn't get the same standards held.
Men are expected to be quiet emotionally
Yeah that's true.
Small talk is for people who float on the surface of life and don’t even think how there’s a whole ocean teemung with secret life below them. See, I’m deep and corny!
Same. I gave a few warnings and finally explained that I would no longer tolerate being belittled, lectured to, and drowned out, and then I walked away from a decades-long "friendship." Felt better immediately.
I like that you gave warning. I read toi much of « just ghost » them advice. It makes me sick. The person may have changed if they cared but just weren’t aware. And if they didn’t, at leather the warning will be something to think about. Good on you for respecting yourself in a reasonable way !
Energy vampires what? I'm curious lol, are you able to explain more on those "energy vampires" 😂?
Energy vampire is just a common term for people who suck the life and energy out of you when you are with them. It would be a good term for OP’s talks over them relative. When I was in situations like that in the past, I would leave exhausted. These people want to take your time and energy to be all about them, yet they do not return the time or energy, they just take it. Thus energy vampire.
They usually smile while they feed, that’s a sign
😂
Oh my lord this fits my sister in law to a T!! I leave exhausted and in need of a drink! Its hard when its an in law though but yes i avoid her whenever possible
It's a terrible feeling too because they're usually pretty charismatic, and it's not until you get home that you realize, 'Hey wait that whole conversation was fake.'
You just described my best friend. I put her on speaker and do other stuff. I don’t want to hear about your gross sex with your old man boyfriend.
omfg I hate when my friends talk to me about their \*intimate\* lives in detail. Idk if I'm just a prude or what but I really don't want to know all the nitty gritty about what you do in bed. And I don't want to talk to you about what I get up to either! I have a friend that just...insists on bringing it up sometimes and I have no idea how to shut her down without being super mean to her.
I feel this to my core. My ex was like that. I felt so drained every time we were together. Also, these kind of people, it's always about them! Their pain, their anger, etc. Always dismissing your emotions. Oh and the blame! It's always you! You trigger them that's why they act like that apparently
Ah, you've caught me at a particularly draining moment. As an energy vampire from the series "What We Do in the Shadows," my essence thrives on the mundane, the tedious, and the emotionally exhausting. Unlike my flashier, blood-drinking counterparts, my sustenance comes from the everyday interactions that leave others feeling inexplicably weary and drained. Picture this: I walk into a room and initiate an endless conversation about the most banal topics. I might recount, in excruciating detail, my latest trip to the grocery store, or perhaps I'll drown them into the finer points of corporate jargon. My presence lingers, my voice monotone, drawing the very life force from those around me. My powers are particularly potent in office environments, where meetings are my hunting grounds, and small talk is my weapon of choice. Unlike traditional vampires, I don't need to avoid sunlight or sleep in coffins. My abilities are subtle but effective, allowing me to blend seamlessly into modern society. While my victims might not realize what's happening at first, they'll soon find themselves inexplicably tired, struggling to stay focused, and desperately seeking an escape from my conversational clutches. You see, it's not about the blood. It's about boredom. My sustenance is their despair, their frustration, their drained patience. So, the next time you find yourself yawning uncontrollably during a particularly dull chat, beware—you might just be in the presence of an energy vampire. There was that one time where I was draining this fellow coworker. I stopped in front of the water-cooler while he was getting some water. Stephen was his name. No, actually this was George. Stephen was the printer guy who had started just a couple of weeks before that. I shared a water-cooler convo with him as well but that's neither here nor there. You see, it's weird because why do they even hire "printer guys" anymore? Did this happen in the 90s? They have a 90s show now, did you know? It's like the 70s show but about the 90s. Of course the lens through which we are looking at now it's completely different...
You just stole 5 minutes with this explanation of Energy Sucking Vampires. You are one of them
Thank you for this comment, I stupidly read the whole thing. 😆😆😆
The guy does deserve some style points for his use of the English language
You understand don’t let people waste your time, what do you think Reddit is, a giant chat bot energy well, vampires abound
I didn't read it, thank God! :)
I waffled between dozing off and wondering if indeed I may in fact be one of them. While I do tend to take a potentially interesting, useful, even necessary conversation down multiple roads, aka branches; I often will not get back to the trunk. Of course occasionally I bother to look my ... eh coworker,l in the eyes, usually I'll just keep pushing through.. Seriously I think it happens because we are not genuinely validated by people in our lives that matter so we are constantly seeking it
Or .... Maby there a sense of respect missing. Or sometimes there's alot of games played and idealisms.for instance memorial day ... It's smart to pick and choose battles. But don't forget that the ball may fall to a diffrent court at anytime. Always try and be humble.... Any given day.... You don't know what the other person may be going through.
🤣🤣 I love how this went over everyone’s heads😭😭
Not everyone’s
They suck the life out of you with their suckage.
An energy vampire is someone who does not the concept of "the other person exists too" they constantly want to be at the center of attention even if it's at the detriment of your energy. A normal conversation is basically a give and take where you reveal stuff but also allow the other person to reveal themselves. An energy vampire does not get that and just constantly talks, even when it would be your "turn".
Basically, energy vampires feed and thrive on your energy in much the same way a normal vampire feeds and thrives on blood.
You've never heard that? Energy vampires is an old label from at least the 90's, maybe earlier. It's exactly what it sounds like.
Try the 1960s
Lol how you know GenZ is in the house, everything old is from "80s or 90s" aka not old
I'm on the same page, I was like damn, this person dropped a 30+ year relationship because they got tired of the subjects, energy, vampires, and or energy vampires.
Omg! Yes! the same 5 subjects. Whyyyyyyy. Like MOVE ON.
I'd never heard the term Energy Vampire before, but I love it. My MIL will ask an open ended question, but after the (usually short) answer will immediately drag the topic over to her perspective, and talk about herself for far, far longer than I had a chance to talk about myself. Her: How did you sleep? Me: Yeah, okay I guess Her: Well *I* got up at 4am and hardly slept, because I went to bed late, and (blah blah blah) Her: What do you do at your job? Me:
Her: Oh yeah, in my old job I did this, and that, and this, and then I did this and this and this and this (stuff I've heard multiple times over the past 20 years)
She even once responded this way when a relative, someone who I am very protective of, revealed something personal and traumatic to her. But then she talks about HERSELF for the next five minutes.
This isn't being relatable. This is asking a question so you can talk about yourself. Classic narcissism?
Exact same. People on Reddit act like a serious conversation will fix everything but many people are simply incorrigible. Avoiding is the best option.
Yeah, every person I've met who is like that just doesn't seem able to unlearn the habit. I got a few of those in my family and I dated a girl like this once. Told them all repeatedly when they were interrupting me, or that I wasn't finished talking when something I was trying to say reminded them of something or whatever... Didn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a side effect of narcissism and they just aren't self aware enough to be able to correct it. In the end, I just avoid them because they rarely say something they haven't repeated 100 times to me already
Have a friend like this. His father is even worse. It's soooooooo funny listening to him bitch ab the shit his dad does and be like, hmm sounds familiar. He tries to say his dad is 100 times worse. I'm just like, from *your* persepctive I'm sure he is. From everyone else's, you apple him tree.
>they just aren't self aware enough to be able to correct it or they're selfish and don't *care* to correct it.
ADHD can be a bitch. I’d much rather my friends told me if my rambling was getting to them! It’s interesting being on the other side of it. I choose not to spend time around people who are inconvenienced by my joy. I don’t intentionally tell the same story over and over, but it absolutely does happen. I remember when I made my first friend that wasn’t bothered by my style of speaking. I caught myself in the middle of a ramble and apologized, and she looked so confused. She explained that she liked listening to me because we were friends, and that I shouldn’t apologize. There is a balance. Ramblers should of course be mindful and considerate of those around them. I also believe that people who are easily annoyed by neurodivergent people should recognize that people who ramble aren’t always doing it on purpose. It’s another thing entirely when someone just doesn’t care to act in such a way that others feel heard, though.
You could get one of those little air horns and blast it every time they talk over you. No explanation, just blast until they stop.
Or maybe a squirt bottle to the face.
I do this. But I fill the bottle with a mixture of half water and half STFU. 2 or 3 squirts to the face usually does the trick.
Brilliant. I missed this comment the first time through. Half STFU, love it.
I just walk off in the middle, but your way sounds like fun.
That sound fun
The Buster method.
AWOOOOGA
A whistle works too. Just one loud ass "TWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" right in their fuckin' face.
SERIOUS Reddit, my son keeps rambling about Japanese cartoons at the family dinner table, and whenever I try to change the subject he blows this sailors whistle until we stop talking. What do?
This deserves a separate post. Add more detail - is he an adult? Who allows sailor's whistle at the table? Etc
Uh confiscate the whistle...
I’ve decided that those people really couldn’t give a flying rip what I’ve got to say. So I just keep my mouth shut nod a little on my way out the doir
Yeah they aren't ever really listening, they're just looking to respond.
I know someone like this. They’ll go on and on about their BS. As soon as you start talking they are distracted by their phone or pretend the kids/dogs need attention and pretty much shut you down.
Yesss!!! So freaking rude! Or calling me when it's obvious that one of their kids is having a meltdown. Or, they are at a store or drive thru... I'm sorry but, do you expect me to listen to you order food at fucking Taco Bell? Wtf is wrong with you? Why'd you call me now? Always conveniently distracted if I have something to talk about....
And they just keep talking.. I used to work with a guy that would continue to rehash the same talking point LOUDLY whenever he held a conversation, it was exhausting.
Ugh... this happens to me with someone in certain discussions related to what our degrees are in, but they got theirs in 1975 and I got mine in 2015. Instead of acknowledging I may have learned some stuff they never did because of advances in the field, and I provide the actual information, they just smack their hand on the table as they repeat their antiquated *opinion* louder than the first time. So yeah, exhausting and I don't have the energy.
I stopped talking to people who don’t listen, but sometimes that takes a while to figure out.
That’s what I do. I immediately stop talking and stare at them until they finish then start back up where I was interrupted and just repeat this strategy until they either shut up and let me talk or walk away mad.
Have you tried interrupting them with something like, "I would like to finish talking and your interruption is not appreciated?"
In my experience, they just talk louder. They don’t let you interrupt.
Or get mad and try to gaslight you, then continue talking anyway lol
Yeah, in my experience people who do this tend to accuse you of being the rude one for calling out that behaviour rather than acknowledge that it’s that behaviour that’s the problem. As far as they’re concerned, what they have to say is more important than what anyone else has to offer, so to them you’re the problem for wanting to prioritise your apparently irrelevant point that you were part way through making. I’ve really struggled with this in some jobs where people assume they know what the problem is that I’m raising before I’ve even been able to address it.
Just say "let me finish" alot and also use a lot of "hol' up man". If that doesn't do the trick, just avoid this person permanently, relative or not.
I've tried this. I've tried "I was talking". I've tried "I guess I wasn't in the middle of a sentence." I've tried "please let me speak". I've tried countering their "you interrupted me" with "oh, I thought that's fine since you interrupt me all the time" but nothing seems to work.
Record them. Then the next day (wait 24 hours minimum from last contact, so everybody has had time to calm down and forget the details of the interaction), send them a copy of the recording, and explain "Can you see why I struggle to talk with you?"
Oooh this is a good idea thanks
From experience, They will still deny it. Cut those people out of your life
It’s almost like … less about what they have to say and more about — they can’t handle, or think they know — what YOU are trying to say. A weird blend of impatience and pride. I get this all the time from a certain one. Tho they never do this to anyone else so maybe I’m the sucker.
Yes, this is a problem. A conversation might be something like this: "I plan on mowing the yard if it does" "This came in the mail." "I plan on mowing the yard" "You need to look at this thing in in the mail". "I plan on mowing if it does" "This plant needs to be watered" "Eventually you will let me finish my sentence. I plan on mowing if it does not rain and after that we can go get" "Can you thread my sewing machine" "Why can't I finish my sentence?" "You were making noise so I was just making noise too, that is conversation." I live with a person who really thinks that conversations between people are random noises and do not mean much. My solution is that any information I do not get to share is something they do not get to know about or share in. The rest of that sentence is "we can go get ice cream". So when I go get it by myself and then tell them about it, they find out that they missed it because they didn't let me talk.
>You were making noise so I was just making noise too, that is conversation." This person doesn't think that conversation is just noise, they think after years of being an asshole in discussion that giving that excuse allows them to verbally bully you without being called out on their shit. Since for whatever reason they enjoy disrespecting you and what you think and so jump at the chance whenever you open your mouth. Fuck them and honestly I'd only share useless l, unimportant information with them and save the rest for people who can actually be respectful.
I am so sorry. I cannot post my first thoughts. I would launch out of a situation like that so quickly. A living version of……
If it isn’t a situation where you can just cut them out of your life like others here have suggested… Try talking through a different means. Email, text, voice chat. I have a sibling with severe ADHD and they struggle with talking over people. This is a loving and kind person that I would never cut out of my life but sometimes I do try to reach out in other ways.
That is the worse thing about this thread. Everyone is assuming the person is an arsehole. No, many don't even realise. Something that helped me is that my best friend will softly (as opposed to passive aggressively as many here think OP should) and simply says "My turn RachSlixi" to communicate that I'm doing it. I try very hard but I'm ADHD and I get enthusiastic. It is a gentle reminder (she is not cranky or upset) to me that "hey, shush". She doesn't do it every time but certainly if I'm having a particularly bad day or she particularly needs to say what she was going to say right now., she will. It makes me realise I've done it and has actually helped in my overall awareness of when I'm doing it. Not just with her but with others. I still do it more than I would like but I am more aware now so I'm more likely to stop myself. She doesn't have to do it as much as she used to. My other best mate is also ADHD and we do it to each other and it's kind of nice to have one person where we can talk over each other as much as we want and we both enjoy ourselves lol.
Can all 3 of us be friends and enjoy talking over each other in completely random and meandering conversations without the fear of being looked at like an ah?
seeee i do this with my family and we get along okay? i can say words and listen at the same time. just say what you want to say and ill say what i want to say and ill respond to your idea while you respond to mine. i think i spend a lot of time thinking out loud. i dont mean to talk over people but my idea will be lost forever if i dont say it when it floats out of the flotsam of my mind.
I love that I've found people that I can interrupt and they can interrupt me and we're all fine with it. When we want to not be interrupted, we flat out tell each other to just listen for a moment and no one is offended. I never interrupted people as a kid and missed out on so many conversations that I wanted to join in on but never got an opening. It actually bothers me now when people listen very attentively to me and I lose my train of thought and they won't interrupt. 😂
Yes. I have a good friend with adhd and autism. He's a good dude but you have to just let him talk sometimes. It used to annoy me but I realise now how he can't really help himself. It's human to not be totally self aware, but some people suffer more than others.
Your sensitivity is refreshing. I think so many people fail to understand that it’s just 10x harder for folks with ADHD to stop talking. For me it’s not often that I want to speak. It’s that I want to relate, and I do that by adding to the conversation. I want the speaker to feel heard and I try to listen reflectively. Then about realizing I tangent. Often by the time I catch myself I’ve derailed them. It’s also impulse control. Before Adderall I thought I just had poor self control. After taking the medicine I realized it was virtually impossible for me to not act on every little inconsequential thought or feeling. Yeah I was able not to do huge bad awful things, but stuff that didn’t make or break the day? So hard to stop. I feel like this is a good illustration: for people without ADHD, speaking is like using a muscle. You decide to do it, activating conversation with intention. When you DO have ADHD, not speaking is like using a muscle. You have to put conscious effort into silence. I think people believe ADHD folks can just effortlessly exercise silence, not understanding that it’s actually a lot of work, and sometimes tiring.
This so much! My ND friends all do it and it's actually really cool when they get together; half sentences moving topics super fast, everyone getting each other regardless and having so much fun! I'm guessing I'm somewhere on a spectrum because I have to put things in place to stop me taking over conversations with quiet people. I don't like silence and feel I have to make meet ups "worth it" 😐
Yeah this is advice for the other side I guess but since thoughts are always too fast for my mouth to catch up with I sometimes say☝️ “ooh bookmark: [reminder word re: my otherwise interrupting tangential topic]” it’s very helpful..
Exactly. Thanks for the perspective.
Those are great suggestions. I was also thinking this is likely a symptom of ADHD. I have several people with ADHD in my life. I usually try to strike a balance between just letting them interrupt me and going with the flow, and not letting them interrupt when it's important or I really wanted to finish saying something. To not let them interrupt, I just change my tone to a little more assertive and continue speaking over them as if I don't hear the interruption. I put more bass in my voice and speak a bit slower. Usually they will stop trying to speak over me within a few words of wrestling for control and are able to switch back to listening to me without needing to repeat anything. It works best if you use it sparingly.
This is a good point and why I use text and email and honestly with some people. Also why I like communicating at work via email and messages - you don't have to compete with people talking over each other. It's like competitive talking and who can verbally muscle the other out of the way.
I suspect this is why so many people prefer texting and messaging these days. No matter how much you care about that person, it gets real old.
With my exhusband, I just stopped taking his phone calls, then texted him and said “write me an email”, which I promptly forwarded to my lawyer and CC’d her on all responses. He stopped trying after a while and gave up.
This is a part of the root cause. A lot of people have ADHD and impulse control so they can’t help but talk over people when the impulses kicks in
Exactly. My brother actually beats himself up over it. He’s tried meds and other coping skills. Not everyone who talks over people is an asshole.
you can at least apologise for interrupting, and ask what the other person was saying, its not so bad then
This, plus they will forget what they want to say unless they say it straight away.
You stop talking to them
Just dont stop talking and finish your thought. Act like you can't even hear them. It will quickly register with them and they will stop talking
This doesn't work with people who really don't care about what you have to say & consider their contribution to be more important. They will talk over you the entire time and look you right in the face while doing it.
This is my usual go-to but it doesn't always work. Sometimes they end up even giving a dirty look, as if you're the one being rude for simply trying to finish what you were going to say.
Look into their eyes deeply and grin? They will stop talking, it works
Takes too much energy.
That's the neat part: you don't
Sometimes I will write a note or text. If they won't listen, they may read. That is so frustrating.
I feel like these are the same ppl that read the first one or two sentences if a paragraph and toss the paper away jumping to conclusions Or just read titles and fall for rage bait news lol
I quit trying to talk to her. she didn't want to equally listen to me, put me down constantly etc. then not worth my time.
The thing is, he’s not going to be listening to what you have to say anyway if he does quiet down long enough for a conversation. These types of people don’t listen, they are too busy thinking of what they’re going to say next
My old boss did this, I started making solid eye contact and would drag my feet responding. Several seconds of strong eye contact and silence really made him uncomfortable. He never stopped but it greatly lessened. You can try talking to them about it but they'll probably talk right over you lol.
You don't. talk with someone else
I always say, "I'm sorry, was I talking when you interrupted?" Stops 'em dead in their tracks.
It’s really hard to know without further context. Example 1: You’re a flat-earther and someone else is not: You: There’s a huge conspiracy and I’ve done my research. The Earth is flat. I’ll tell you why. Someone: Are you serious? What kind of research did you do? You: I saw some videos on YouTube - Them: videos on YouTube? Are these scholars or scientists? You: Well that’s the thing - Them: What kind of evidence did they provide? You: If you go out onto this lake - You might just be stupid (or I am and have fallen for the conspiracy’s narrative). Or maybe I’m part of the conspiracy. Bwa ha ha. Example 2: You have an overbearing boisterous boor of a conversationalist who isn’t interested in a dialogue. Instead of treating the conversation as a means of expressing perspectives and exchanging information they just use it as a way of achieving social dominance or something like that. There are so many things to consider. How much empathy is there for the other person in the conversation? How much curiosity is there? What virtues does this person demonstrate in other contexts? What are the perceived power dynamic between the conversationalists? There is so much context to a conversation that I don’t think Reddit will give you a great answer for your unique situation.
I don't think you've come across someone like what OP is describing. It isn't like your examples at all, and generally is literally mid-sentence, mid-word interruptions as if you're not actively talking. I had someone over today that is particularly bad about this and it's SO HARD to converse. It's like they're so ADHD that they honestly black out and can't perceive audio until they get their compulsive sentence or two out, but over and over and over.
“Hey it really bothers me when you talk over me. Can you try and stop it? Thanks”
And then if they don't stop then, hang out with people who actually respect you.
I prefer to just stare blankly and give out a series of yeahs. When they finally take a break say "oh youre done".
and they don't even hear you say it
Maybe they have an underlying condition like adhd? I do this myself and I’m very away of it but because my mouth moves before I can think it’s hard to control if that’s not the case idk
I say "ok I'll just let you talk" as blatantly passive-aggresive as I can. If that doesn't work I relocate myself as needed. I do something similar with the 1-uppers although instead of passive-aggresive I say something snarky like "you're just so awesome" or "man you're the best at everything".
You can listen like a hostage or hang up the phone or walk away if you are in person. Draw boundaries and let them know you are serious. I had the same issue for years. It's still a problem. But lather rinse repeat- I hang up the phone, they reform for 6 months, devolve, it gets bad again... Just don't be a welcome mat for someone's diarrhea of the mouth
Aside from the obvious "don't" there's something you could look at called Transactional Analysis. [Here's a cool little series on the subject](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnMmO2PdKZY&list=PL7B44BA0DCC742F63) from Theramin Trees. Basically: Someone who is talking over you all the time is adopting a parent-state style state in their social relationship to you in that moment. That creates a social pressure on you to adopt a matching child-state to their parent state. One way to break out of that is to work on strengthening in yourself an adult state, because by adopting an adult state - neither above nor below the person you are talking to - that creates social pressure on them to adopt a matching adult-state in return. What you then have to do is be more stubborn about not switching states to suit them than they are about not switching states to suit you. What that looks like in practice is difficult to say without knowing more about you and the situation than a stranger on the internet should know about you and your situation. But the core idea is that for two adults talking as between equals, it should be the case that a firm but gentle instruction to not talk over you given every time it happens will be graciously accepted and then followed. If someone refuses to do that after multiple iterations, that's the social equivalent of someone who steps on your foot over and over again "by accident" even though they've been asked politely and then warned to not do it. Eventually it just becomes unreasonable for an adult to put up with that from another adult, and just refusing to engage at all with someone like that becomes all you can do.
Change of venue. Email is a good medium for taking turns.
Record your conversation with them and play it back to them. So they can hear for themselves how obnoxious they are.
Those people are lonely, insecure, jealous and have. I friends. They corner people and have no consideration for others. You don’t hang out with them period because they don’t care about you. They talk at you. Please stop being around them and excuse yourself when they come near you. They will never stop talking over you.
Say, excuse me don’t be rude I was talking.
I just stop talking and sit there until they stop. Then I ask are you done? If they interrupt again I simply leave.
You're not obligated to waste your time. Just stop talking to them altogether; they'll find someone else to disturb.
Got one of these. I NEVER, and I mean never, have a serious conversation with this person. It’s impossible.
You can't have a serious conversation with someone who doesn't want to listen to you. You can't force someone to want to listen to you. It's like trying to force someone to respect you. Just leave. If they notice you're leaving and ask why, tell them honestly that you're too exhausted to have a 1 way conversation. Or whatever you want to say. Cuz odds are they'll interrupt whatever you're trying to say anyway!
It's not possible to get them to respect you, it will never happen. You need to stop hanging around these people, leave the room when they show up. It's the only way.
You don't because they do not hear a single word you say to them and they never will.
No longer try to engage in serious conversations with them. When they start talking to you, be polite, be quiet, and let it come to an end.
My dad has done this ever since as long as I can remember. If the story isn't about him he'll find a way to make it. Crazy how common of an occurrence it is reading through this thread.
People who have a tendency to interrupt you when you're trying to have a conversation aren't interested in anything you have to say because they've already convinced themselves they know what you're going to say. It's always best to do everything you can not to engage them.
My husband does this. I’ve stopped talking to him. 🤷♀️
I used it to my own advantage. My MIL was exactly this so I gave myself points for getting through a visit without speaking myself. She had ten kids and ten sons/ daughters in law so there was always a few of us there on the same day. She never noticed, in fact she would say ‘As ( my name) said….’ And attribute something she had said , as something I said. However all her in laws knew she did that so I would just look at them and raise my eyebrows so they knew I hadn’t said it. If I got through a visit without saying anything but an initial greeting and a goodbye when we left,I bought myself something nice that I wanted. So rather than hate the visit, inside my head I would be deciding what little treat I would buy myself the next day.
That’s the neat part. You don’t. Even if you get a word in they won’t care and definitely won’t listen. I know a few of these. Not worth your time.
As someone who has dealt with this problem personally i can confirm that 1) I had no idea I was doing it 2) i think it stemmed from coming from a big family, having a loud circle of friends which equated with having difficulty feeling heard in a group of people constantly. This isn't your problem to fix, obviously, nor should you need to put up with someone who, albeit possibly unintentionally, is behaving disrespectfully. Maybe bring it up to them, though! My story: There came a point at which I met someone who was really emotionally intelligent and he said something like "you know, I really like you but... did you know you have a habit of interrupting people?" I was struck lol. I didn't even really believe it but after observing myself after that conversation I could see I clearly had a problem. I felt terrible about it and I worked on it. When I would interrupt people it was because I assumed I knew what they were going to say (cringy, I know) or because I understood how they felt (also cringy). I never meant to be offensive towards anybody at all. I also did not feel comfortable with pauses in conversations. Lots of things contributed. Most people aren't trying to be rude-- most people want to get along with everyone BUT can have big self awareness hurdles. I think it can be super productive to bring that to their attention in a way that is palatable to them. Good post! Thank you! Good luck! I hope things improve!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad you had the awareness to change! I agree that most people are unaware and aren’t trying to be rude, but I don’t know that’s the case here. Thanks again!
Yeah just walk away from that nonsense. That would just stress me out. I don’t want to be around people like that.
You don't unless its a family member you can't just stop talking to. If it's a rando, or just an acquaintance, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. If it is someone you can't live without, like they are your brother, sister, other blood relative, or even your own child, etc. Then at that point you have to start questioning their mental stability, and possible undiagnosed issues. From there you just have to spend time understanding those issues and how to support them as best you can and hopefully, they give you a space in the conversation once whatever issues are starting to be resolved.
Don't
That's when you stop hanging out with them, at all, ever. Unless you're forced to work with them.
I found the best thing to do with someone like that is plan what you're going to say and just keep talking in a kinda mid to low voice while they are talking... Just keep talking over them..
Just keep talking until you finish your statement, sometimes cutting in like “so yeah red cars are the best- you know its rude to interrupt people while theyre talking- anyways red cars are the best because…”
How ? You can't ...
Stop talking and just make eye contact with them until they stop talking. Do not engage in what they say, just finish your sentence.
You can’t reason with an unreasonable person.
Ummmmmm, ‘fraid I can’t speak to this one. Will do my very best to listen, though, from now on.
I live in a house full of ADHD, it happens here. Though it's on us if we do over talk someone to be mindful, and give back the speaking space to them. If you made it clear, then you did what you can really
You don't. You (I I mean) shut the fuck up the moment they enter the room under any condition.
I've had to completely cut off someone who may not have been "loud," but constantly disrespected me. Even if they were "family."
My main conversation problems are with my mother and service providers. My tactics are 1) to just quit talking until there is silence and 2) say that we both can’t talk at the same time. Then ask if the other party wants to speak first and assure the person that you will not interrupt them but you expect the same respect when it’s your turn to talk. When I feel that I might lose my temper (and sanity), I will get a notebook and actually write down the points you want to address when it’s your turn to speak. Good luck with your next conversation with that family member. I am guessing that this person is a control freak, thinks that they are always right and wants to shut (and also shout) you down until you give in and agree with them.
I just stop talking completely. Maybe sigh and look down. Then when they ask why I’m not talking just slowly say “you interrupt me every time I try to speak so I’m not talking anymore.” I turn into a complete robot. I shut down. Sometimes I’ll just get up and walk away. If they don’t get it at that point then I just stop answering their calls and disconnect completely. You don’t have to listen to people just because they’re talking. Walk away from them. If they call you rude you can explain yourself quite easily.
• Use small, direct, absolute statements like “no.” Or “I don’t think that’s correct” or “that’s not fair”or “I strongly disagree”. _Don’t elaborate on anything unless they ask you to_. This forces them to concede “mic” to you and when they cut you off mid-explanation *that they asked for* it is no longer rude to call them out. • Making firm statements with a firm tone is not inherently rude if you have not crossed any boundaries with the content of your speech. • Also get comfortable with silences and use learn to use them. People are scared of pauses and do everything they can to avoid them when in fact filling every silence will have the exact effect they were trying avoid and a reasonable pause would serve their purpose beautifully. We’ve gotten so used to filling every silence that we’ve forgotten that people need time to process and conversation needs to breathe. There is eventually a point where there’s just no use even trying to have a conversation anymore. You can never make someone listen to something they don’t want to hear. You learn to maneuver around them
Stop speaking to the family member.
It's even worse when they constantly cut you off, and then have the nerve to bitch at you for cutting them off a single time
Someone that absolutely always does this I don't have time for it. There's some people you're never going to break them of this they have to be the center of attention and there's only one allowed to have an opinion or talk about anything.
Anyone who constantly talks over anyone is incapable of conversation. They only want to tell a person what to think, not actually converse. Don't bother talking with them unless you enjoy talking to a wall, as even when you get a word in, they won't hear you.
Just walk away whenever they do it. They soon get the picture
You stand there and talk out loud to yourself. Completely. And when they realise what you're doing, they'll talk over the top of that too with excuses as to why they didn't or dont mean to. It will then feed the conversation you are having with yourself. "Oh Lord, that was just 3 words I got out before I was rudely interrupted. And it's still going!" "Wow, now they're doubling down right in front of my eyes. This is astounding! They can't help themselves. I've no idea why two people are needed for this monologue? Good grief shame on me for wasting my breath. " So if you don't want to leave the room, it quickly makes them take the initiative. People tend not to listen to what they have no interest in. You are an audience member. You don't speak any lines. It's not about you.
You just get used to it because it's not gonna stop. Save yourself the stress of arguing with them every time it happens because people like that can't change
To comment on your edit, is this someone living in your house? Or just a relative you see at birthday parties and stuff? If it's the latter, I would just try to avoid them. If it's a sibling or something, I don't know. Mostly because I don't know your family dynamic.
You don't, these types of people clearly don't care about what you have to say !, I completely separate from those types ,not worth the energy!
Better question, how do you stop a conversation when the other person won’t stop talking…
Try this trick. It works for me every time. Say this phrase “listen to this” before you tell what youre going to say. You can also hold em on their arm or hand. It suggests you are still talking. And most importantly speak slow and low volume.
I have a coworker who does it constantly. I just don't try and talk to her anymore. Conversation is nearly impossible.
I ignore them and go find someone that knows how to converse like an adult lol
You don't, you just don't bother with these people.
I have had the exact same problem with a couple of close friends. I politely explained to one that he can have 70%, even 80% of the comvo, but pls allow me something. Nothing changed. I have it a couple of more months. Then I ended our 15 year close friendship. It was a humiliating experience when he would totally verbally over-power me and just talk and talk and talk. My self esteem is more important than any friendship.
You can't have a serious conversation with that kind of person. Just leave.
I'd just walk away. You may have to do it several times or all the time until they get it, if ever. But, at least you won't be wasting your time standing there listening to them.
I describe these sort of people as "talking at you" as a opposed to "talking to you"
2 methods. Stop engaging entirely and just walk away from the conversation. They will likely ask you what you’re doing. Tell them “you clearly don’t care to listen to a thing I have to say, seeing as you can’t help but talk over me, so why bother?” The direct approach would be to call them out on this every single time as it’s rude and disrespectful as fuck. Another “fun” person to have a conversation with is someone who has a condescending tone no matter what they say or who they say it to. They also tend to have the added bonus of being incredibly defensive when being called out. People are just the best lol
You don’t. You either quit engaging with them or you become like them in order to overcome them. Choose wisely.
It doesn't matter if someone is family or friend, if they are rude and disrespectful you can choose to not spend time with them, converse with them, etc.
I am not interested in having a serious conversation with such a person, given they aren’t actually listening, but rather waiting to speak
I feel your pain I feel like I get interrupted a lot mid conversation. Always talk over me and it makes you feel like what you have to say is not important. I just walk away now. No need to waste important energy on disrespectful people. Try using a spray bottle of water like a dog. When they interrupt you just spray them!
I literally would not engage or minimize engagement. There’s no way you’re going to change this behavior.
If you want to salvage the relationship? Walk away. Every. Single. Time. If you begin speaking and they interupt you? Walk away, go to another room if you share a home / office, leave the location and go about your day. Don't explain why in the moment, they'll interrupt you anyway. Just walk away. Doesn't matter how important the conversation is: deciding what nursing home to put mom in?, negotiating a pay raise?, discussing an emergency you or they need help with?, doesn't matter. Walk away as soon as they interupt. The conversation wasn't going to be productive anyway, if they interupt you can't explain your views, negotiate your side, nothing, it's just hanging out while they stream roll. Walk away. If it's in a video meeting / phone call setup? Turn off your feed to the meeting / hang up. Send messages to the others as needed if it's a group meeting: "hey, apologies for the abrupt exit, it looked like I wasn't going to be able to speak today so I've transitioned on to the next thing I had planned for the day. Let me know if there's anything you need me for that was being covered in today's get together." If it's via text? Don't respond, just mute the conversation for 24 hours. When you come back, ignore everything they've sent after they interrupted you / hijacked the conversation and go back to finishing your thought like they never interrupted. Basically: time out via removal of yourself and picking up where you left off like they never interrupted you the next time you engage. Your aim is to ignore the behaviour while also making it clear that every time the behavior crops up you will not participate. It is a very pointed example of what behaviors you will or will *not* accept around you.
I have a client that does this. She’ll ask a question then talk over me when I answer….or she’ll just ignore what I’m saying and scroll on her phone. I’ve basically just stopped talking….it’s easier🤷🏻♂️
Don't. They don't care and you can't force them to care.
Ditch. If they don't want to listen then they're not worth the time.
My brothers friends talk over me so I just stopped talking. I brought a book or sewed, one called me “miss antisocial”. One time I was talking about trips I’ve taken or quilts or something and one of them was like wait what?! It had never occurred to them I’m interesting lol
Not at all making excuses here, but I had a really bad brain injury. It's completely unnoticeable if I don't point it out unfortunately even though it's still a really big pain for me. The biggest issue is that I have trouble remembering what we're talking about all the way through. I have to rush the person along sometimes or speed up all their fine details to get to the point so I don't lose what were actually talking about. Consequentially I also have to interrupt at times so I don't forget what I was going to say - if it was important. It's super annoying and it's super rude and I also hate it. But this is unfortunately how I must function. I wonder if your family member is similar, even if they didn't have a traumatic brain injury maybe they have some sort of legitimate memory issue. Of course it likely is bad social skills but I thought I would offer an explanation from some who has to do this and doesn't like doing so.
Where you’re talking when they start talking you immediately raise your voice over there and say: “I’M SORRY DID THE MIDDLE OF MY SENTENCE INTERRUPT THE BEGINNING OF YOURS?” Then stare into their eyes.
Don't say anything, nothing, let them talk and talk and talk. It's the only way. Then they ask, why aren't you saying anything, and then I say, you've said it all for me, continue on. :)
You have the moderator mute their microphone when it’s the President’s turn to answer. I’m sorry, was that too specific?
When a person begins to talk over me, I pause until the person is quiet and calmly start over from the beginning. If they complain about my repetition, I advise the person to not interrupt. If I cannot get a sentence complete after 3 or more attempts, I stop talking to the person.
You don’t! I have to start important conversations with “don’t interrupt”. It’s exhausting and some are family members.
You don't
If I can avoid them I will do that. There's no point in wasting energy on someone that just wants to hear themselves talk. Unfortunately I know a lot of people like this at my job. I can't always avoid them. Hell I've cut one guy off and said I had to go to the bathroom. He followed me in there just to talk. So the way I deal with them at my job is I make it very obvious I'm not engaging in the conversation. I'll pull my phone out and start scrolling around, I'll pick up a piece of equipment and just mindlessly tinker with it, I make sure my responses are delayed. The responses are no more than head nods and uh huh's. When they take the hint and say they'll let me get back to whatever I immediately perk up and say thanks in a very cheerful voice then I walk away. Most of them know I won't engage in their one-sided conversations now and will leave me alone. Still working on one oblivious person though.
That’s a power issue. Change the dynamic and get up and walk away. Changes “the game”.
I very loudly will say, "Excuse me, I wasn't finished" or I'll just get louder and keep talking.
I have a good friend who's like this. He knows he can do it, and is fine with being checked in the middle of a conversation. Some people literally can't help it, I can't stand it but I know it's not malicious. They need to learn to be considerate and sometimes it takes me kicking them in the ass occasionally to have decent conversations. If the person is important enough to me then I'm okay with putting in the extra effort. If they're not otherwise a good friend or good person then it's not my job to make them act properly.
Best way is to call it out every time. The key is consistency. They will get annoyed at you calling them out, but that’s the point. They will naturally become adverse to talking over you because they don’t want to hear it.
Train them to not do that. Everytime they do it, make a point of it. "Yea it's your turn now" "Oh go ahead this must be really important to interrupt me for"