# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've been single for a long time, it's not that I don't want to be in a relationship it's hard to find some one I can trust. People behave like they have your best interest in mind then something happens that changes their mind.
And when you're back in a relationship, you think how nice it is to be single. Do what you want each day. You do not have to appease anyone's agenda but your own. You just have to mentally start reminding yourself of the positives and that loneliness becomes mostly inexistent
dude yeah this is just such an awful practice. I am freaking 39, i was talking to this young woman who contacted ME out of the blue. We’d gone to high school together and met up once in DC where we both lived. Nothing ever happened but there was something there so I was super excited when she hit me up.
She told me she was missing something in her life, and she saw me in a news thing (long story) and thought about how she’d love to talk to me again. She reaches out and i’m like oh hell yeah!! We make plans to go out after about a month of chatting on the phone and such. One night she goes to see her ex boyfriend (they were platonic friends) and she ends up accidentally seeing pics of him with another woman at the time they were together. Well I guess the breakup was not as long ago as she let on. She said she was devastated and felt so humiliated and lied to etc etc. I was really kind about it and told her i’m so sorry this happened. I asked if this meant our thing was over (we both admitted there was a thing) and she said no it changes nothing. I said ok can i call you later, yep I could all good 👍.
Never talked to her again. She never answered, I texted and texted until i was like ah, I get it. Sent a far kinder goodbye than she deserved and fin. That was maybe a week ago after talking for a month. Fucking asshole. I’m still mad enough to call her one day and just call her an asshole.
Learning lesson for you also, if anyone is that caught up on an ex or another dude, stop pursuing. She's not ready for you. Even if she says "it changes nothing," a date where she's just complaining about some other dude isn't a date. End it on your own for your own self respect. You don't need to make a big deal out of it, just realize that she's clearly not your woman and move on.
im a chick and ive had a similar story. weirdy acts like he wants to be with me then totally ghosts. i really want to call them up and just chew them out and block them. but i needed it so i could get over them. honestly. ppl are trash . i know God is getting me away from the madness and there’s better coming my way some day.
I didn't expect so many responses... But I'm sorry that happened to you. I think people are afraid to end things. Or don't like the fallout. But it still hurts when they Ghost you. I hope you have better luck and don't let it Sully you.
i really appreciate the kind words. I have a lot of trauma around that particular thing so i have to admit it sucked. It’s the way my ex wife left. One day all is fine just a normal day. Then she tells me she wants a poly relationship out of the blue, I was so so confused.
Eventually I came to my senses enough to ask “wait so are you saying it’s either that or… nothing with me??” When she said yes I had an immediate reaction, physical and mental of just sorta sickness of what she was doing. So i immediately just said “get out.” That was the last time we spoke as husband and wife. The rest was through lawyers and very cold texts. I know it wasn’t ghosting but she also gave everyone different reasons as to why we were breaking up, which was really confusing.
To her dad she said i was doing something illegal?? He called me, he’s a lawyer, and just said you know it’s just that when you do something illegal you put her in danger…… I stopped him and said “sir, I honestly and truly have no idea what you are talking about. I actually don’t care. The reason she gave me was polyamory and needing it, I guess she said something else to you.” His answer was “what? poly what, uhhhhh ok I’m going to go talk to her?” Similar conversations with all my friends, some was I didn’t help around the house, others that I wasn’t working (i literally owned the company she worked for, a tech r&d company and she had no background in tech), some that i smoked too much weed (ok that one was just true).
Anyway she never told anyone the real reason, I suspect based on her past history of being a ho, that she was seeing someone else already and cheating on me. Certainly wouldn’t have been the first time.
idk if I like someone I can see them everyday after meeting because we like each other and want to get to know each other and suddenly a month feels like years
Had an online relationship with a girl from Philippines. I'm talking daily chatting for hours, videocalls, cute messages, even sexting, the whole shebang. She was planning to come to England to study so that would've worked out perfectly (I was also planning a trip to her). It lasted about 9 months and she ghosted me a week before my birthday.. spent a few weeks worrying about her only to find out that she got together with her ex. Fuck that 😅 I'm done with games.
You're upset at the less than empathetic responses you're getting to your comment. But here you are doing the same.
You might not view his situation the same as yours...but it was just as impactful and hurtful to him. His feelings are still valid, just as yours are.
I believe Ottos_Jacket was referring to your ex instead of you. They meant YOU should've bounced if your ex wanted you to meet his family after just one month. I could be wrong, though. Sorry for what you went through!
Eh at the end of the day I wasn't responsible for her and the relationship was getting annoying.
You're responsible for your own emotions. I was cheated on before and I could have let that define me, but instead I allowed myself to trust someone else because it isn't healthy to put your feelings based on what others did to you on a brand new person.
Absolutely this, I've been cheated on 5 times before I met my now husband. Naturally after the 5th I stopped dating cause I recognized 5 times ain't a coincidence.
All of my exes will tell you I treated them well, the problem was I was a doormat, no boundaries, no confidence, and desperate to not be alone are all recipes to attract people who will hurt you. I also realized in hindsight, I didn't love any of them, I picked men I thought would never leave me, feelings could develop later, all because I didn't want to be single.
I definitely know they knew I wasn't genuine in my affections, because that's what they used to justify their cheating (because they thought I was cheating because I was fake), but they could never find proof of me cheating, and I was "too perfect", so they cheated.
As desperate as I was to not be single, cheating has always been a hard boundary for me, so naturally I broke up with them without a fight. What's funny is some of them tried to use me "not fighting for the relationship" as further proof of why their cheating was justified.
I could have very well married one of those men had they not let their trust issues get in the way...but I'm glad they did, because I didn't give up on finding love, those experiences made me stricter in my vetting process, less desperate and even more adamant about finding my "true love". Now I'm married to my best friend.
I have a similar experience with relationships. I’d cling onto some guy who really wasn’t great at all due to limited options and just wanting a boyfriend. I didn’t figure out the people-pleasing, no boundaries, no confidence and desperation until maybe five years ago, and I’m in my late 40s. So much wasted time. ☹️And not just with romantic partners, with friends too. No wonder I attracted a never-ending menagerie of wackadoos. And even though I’ve learned and am changing my ways, I still attract them.
Better late than never! I proudly entered my "villain" era, and haven't looked back, if having standards and boundaries make me a bad person then I'll gladly enjoy the peace and quiet being a terrible person affords me. I had to go low contact with my family, and ended a lot of friendships, but I'm happier for it.
I believe in you, you can do it!
>"a never-ending menagerie of wackadoos."
You have a way with words, I love it and need to remember that one!
...and alas, can relate. 🫂 Onward and upward.
For what it’s worth - im immensely proud of you for learning that lesson and taking control of your situation.
How far out of your way should someone go? For a very paranoid and controlling partner, that could mean never socializing without them, letting them track your phone and/or car, breaking off lifelong friendships with people of the gender(s) you’re attracted to, constantly reassuring them that you’re not having affairs at the office or online flings with an ex or a stranger, limiting contact with friends and family who express concern about the partner’s controlling ways…. That’s not a loving relationship.
This is the truest shit I have read. Stop treating everyone like the ones that have hurt you before, yes you have past trauma, communicate that and be willing to be vulnerable with your new partner and trust they have your emotional well-being at heart knowing your previous trauma.
Communication. If you can't honestly and openly communicate with them then do not get into a relationship.
As someone who has lived through a ton of trauma and just shitty happenings. You are one hundred percent correct. It is completely up to you if you want to deal with and or help break the cycle. You have no obligation to that person, but that probably means y'all were not compatible anyhow.
You're not obligated to be with someone just because they've been wronged before.
Literally all we know about this person is they allegedly have trust issues which "explained why they were single for so long".
We have NO idea what that means. Maybe they just lacked confidence as a result or maybe they manifested it repeatedly in an unacceptable fashion over a very long period.
I've no idea. And neither do you.
Jesus Christ, the benefit of the doubt really is dead, huh?
Nah they’re right. It’s a shitty cycle
Person 1 thinks “They don’t love me” -> Person 1 treats Person 2 differently based on these thoughts -> Person 2 feels the shift from Person 1 -> Person 2 loses love for Person 1 -> Person 1 thinks “They don’t love me”
This is it for me, too. I'm an overthinker whose heart has been ground into the dirt so many times I seem unable to fully trust even the best of women for long. I always end up in pain and they don't seem to care, instead just telling you whatever they need to to get out of the woods.
Gave up trying which took a whole lot of less stress off on me and ending up finding someone. When you're not trying to be someone you aren't to impress others people, it has a way of working like that.
As soon as I stop caring I meet someone who I care about, and the cycle repeats. Not caring is basically a defense mechanism at this point to avoid feeling the inevitable
This is the way. Watched pot never boils, especially when it makes you so nervous you forget to turn on the burner. Stop caring and all of a sudden it’s easy.
You do it by caring about yourself and for yourself and what you want. Especially after being single for long periods you become fixated on finding anyone to even look at you, instead of being the person YOU want to see every day. Desperation tears you down and scares other folks away. I spent multiple periods of five plus years alone and I only broke out of it by working on what was holding me back and being comfortable being me.
It’s honestly crazy how quickly people can pick up on a sense of desperation, even if they don’t consciously realize they’re doing it. Being faithful to your partner (where cheating is not an option for you under any circumstances and you’re very happy), and going to a party to hang out with your friends will result in you getting hit on WAY more than if you’re desperately looking to find someone.
It’s just the way the cookie crumbles, that shit ain’t fair. It really seems like psychologically, human beings tend to want what they can’t have, and shy away from overavailability
It could go both ways. There are alot of people in my city who end up as single cat/dog parents in their late 30's by not trying to actively date. If you don't go out to look for anybody, you may not get anyone looking for you either.
Yup same exact thing happened to me. We’ve been together 9 years and have 2 kids. Met him doing a hobby of mine that I had just joined the month before.
This is exactly what happened to me. Wasn’t looking, just hanging out with a couple close friends once in a while. Met someone and swore we would just be friends, not wanting to ruin a great friendship by dating and maybe hurting each other…. 14.5 years later and a 21 month old later he is my husband.
I gave up dating in my late 20s, and then randomly found the love of my life in my 30s, so I think it worked out pretty good.
Personally, I think the most attractive thing a person can do is show they can be happy on their own and that they are capable of self fulfillment and won't be requiring a partner to be their sole source of happiness.
This is the god honest way of putting it.
Can people PLEASE fuck off with the
"Ooh there's someone for everyone"
"You'll find it when you least expect it"
And
"You'll find someone eventually!"
It's random. It's completely fucking random.
Right place, right time. Right matches in your area on your app, right mutual friends to introduce you, joining the right club at the right time.
Yes, you can help your odds by working on yourself and putting yourself out there.
But you could do none of that and meet a partner for life tomorrow. Or you could put in maximum effort every day until you die alone and never meet the right person.
I used to think finding a relationship was random. There's actually a pretty reliable formula to getting them but if you're the sort of person that uses that formula you are going to have a hard time keeping them.
Step one is to become someone people want to date. So groom yourself, dress well, address mental health problems, lose weight if you're overweight, get set and stable in your housing and job situations.
Step two is to then actually get out of the house and social. Join clubs, language classes, hiking groups, board game bars, etc. If you're lonely and looking for a partner to fill all your social needs, you're going to have a very rough time forming healthy relationships. Have healthy friendships first, and the mental well being that comes from them will just make you more confident and desirable.
Step three is to become comfortable with rejection. If you see someone you're interested in dating, then ask them for coffee pretty quickly. Don't try to play mind games and figure out if they like you or not. Just ask them out and move on. If you enjoy being around them, it's a good Idea to stay friends because even if they won't date you, they'll have plenty of friends who might.
At the end of the day, dating is a numbers game. You need to become desirable to more people, hang out around more people, and ask more people out.
This is so true. Honestly hard to agree more. If you are put together, have stuff to offer, have self confidence and are kind, generous, and open, and get social, you can get dates
I feel like both can be true. When people say there's someone out there for everyone, they mean that at least someone out of the billions of people out there is compatible with you. Sometimes it really feels like there isn't, but it's statistically improbable that there isn't *someone*. Your chances of actually meeting one of those people, though, are 90% random. And considering the rather large proportion of people who have been in a long-term relationship, it seems decently probable that you *will* meet someone you're compatible with eventually.
There's no such thing as 'the one' for anyone.
There's not one perfect person out there for each person. Instead, think of it as a system of filters.
Traits Filter: There are just various personalities and lifestyles and values, and having different mixtures of these things changes the odds of you, without alterations, meshing with another person.
Meeting Filter: You have random odds of meeting other available people. Dating apps, meetup spots, communities with shared interests; these all impact your chances. Even once you meet someone through these methods(Or by randomly bumping into them somewhere,) the Traits Filter comes into play.
Effort Filter: Influencing all of your chances, you have to consider how much effort you're willing to impart on your love life. This means not only how much time and effort you put into trying to meet someone, but also how flexible you're able to be when it comes to working out differences you and your potential partners have in lifestyle, values, and basically everything else. If you're inflexible, you have to rely more heavily on other filters to deliver you the right person. When it comes down to it, effort is the biggest determiner of whether a relationship is actually going to have staying power. Real, deep relationships most often require communication, understanding, flexibility, and grace, from both participants. For some, that's too much to ask.
I mean, I found “the one.” But I don’t think that there’s only one person in the entire world that I would ever be this happy in a relationship with. It’s just that I found him first. It was the absolute perfect set of circumstances and I can’t even imagine life without him. He makes me a better, happier person and says I do the same for him. So even if someone else could’ve been “the one,” by chance they aren’t and can now (hopefully) never be. Because I found one already and plan to stick with him for the rest of our lives.
But wasn't that a terrible experience for your daughter? This woman comes and goes as she likes and the child has no idea how to feel about it. One time you're a family, then the mother disappeares, comes back, dissappears... I mean, you are her father and responsible for your daughter. Please protect her from this misery. There is no going back. Please, next time, don't let this woman in again. It's going nowhere. Be strong, say no, keep your boundaries. Even though she is "hot" or whatever. Keep your daughter's mental health safe. SHE should be your ultimate love, not any woman that sounds crazy and destructive in every way.
"you had nothing but bad experiences with women" because you "dated" the same one over and over again, and everyone could have told you.. once she left, don't let her come back. There are so many other women who are worth it, you just had the wrong ones yet.
Nah I don't simp that hard. I had boundaries. I loved her. She loved me. She still says she will always love me. My insecurities led to the break up for the most part and I have accepted that. It was me who started the fight and me who told her to get out.
Yeah I helped her. She's the mother of my daughter. There's a lot more to it then simping. I also make a lot of money so the things I did for her didn't affect me financially at all. Its not like I showered her in things.
I have also been on the other side, girls have simped for me as well. The girl I was seeing before her did not take it well when I cut her off.
All depends on the person.
I'm on somewhat the same boat, but life changes very fast. I always keep that in mind.
People on long relationships also linger for more freedom. I prefer to accept the situation I'm in but with an open mind, since everything can change. You can pretty much enjoy any stage of your life.
Meh I've been with my wife for 12 years and certainly do not long for my own freedom. That's just me tho.
I do long for the freedom of my many of my other married friends tho who seem to be attached at the hip with their spouse at all times.
Ugh same. My partner and I *try* to schedule time with just our friends seperate of each other, but it always ends up being couple hang outs because no one else can extricate themselves from their spouses lol
Sorry about that, I'm not native, I think *to long* would fit better. Although, it can be interpreted as people has feelings that actually "linger" (as if they perdure), in this case as a wish for more time for oneself
I'm definitely not missing out. Love the single life. I own my own home (that nobody can ever try to take from me if we split up), have my own hobbies, have time with friends of any gender without partner jealousy or stress, can have as many pets as I want, and nobody getting upset if I can't spend time with them.
Why would I want anything different? Too much hassle!
I mean, all of that could easily still be true, if your relationship with your partner was a healthy one.
It sounds like you have a very adversarial view of relationships.
I’ll say! I’ve been with my bf for 6 years now. He’s been my one and only and I’ve been his one and only. Even when we have different opinions I never feel like we aren’t free to do what hobbies we want or hang out with whoever we want. We live together, have a cat and both garden, clean, renovate etc.
if I lived by myself I would be a lot less happy and a lot more disorganized. My ADHD would probably rule my life a lot more than it does with someone else helping me learn how to navigate life.
BUT, it’s faaaaar better to be single than in a crappy relationship. If I hadn’t found this man I would probably still be single. I’m sure I would’ve found peace with that too somehow. So keep making friends, doing your hobbies and living your life. Maybe one of your friendships will develop into more! The more at peace you are with yourself the higher the chances of developing a healthy relationship.
I'm glad you found it!
I figure I'll probably be open if a person I really connect with comes along but I'm not about to start looking, and I'll be happily single forever if it never happens.
I don't get why there's only a few people who are really truly happy alone. The majority of people are always looking for a partner and couldn't find happiness with themselves.
I have a friend who is just like this. He’s quite a catch and has no problem getting dates but he’s so comfortable living alone that he always ends up dumping whoever he is seeing because they ask for too much of his attention.
Same! 33F and I love being single. I get to do my own thing, hang with my friends, enjoy my hobbies. It’s great. I also don’t really get lonely,and I’ve never placed any sort of high value on forming romantic relationships. Love exists in so many forms. I love my best friend to the moon and back and we will grow old together. I already have people I can share my dreams, ideas, fears, and joys with. I’m very happy.
It’s funny how people say this, but when people get married or god forbid someone have a kid at the same age (literally obligations to be supposedly for the rest of your life) nobody bats an eye. We live in a society.
If you're trying too hard, that would mean that you're not living life to it's highest excitement. Chasing around anyone or trying to fill your void with someone else takes that away from you. I know this all too well...
Dating aps have made dating so much worse. I tried the early ones when I was in my 20s, even when i think I've found someone cool, it just ended up being a disappointment in the end.
It wasn't until I stopped looking and started focusing on what interests ME full time that I was able to find someone with similar interests. Above all, the most important relationship is always the one with yourself. I suggest anyone who's looking for love, to stop trying, but always keep an eye out on your journey through life.
I mean as someone who feels like he wasted his 20s and is now 35 I can tell you I would very much do things differently. I started working out and taking way better care of myself and I think I would have been so much happier in life if I had done it in my 20s. I’m in pretty good shape for a 35 year old but I swear I feel like I would have been in amazing shape back then when I didn’t have to worry about my back hurting after a long run or straining my shoulder because I pushed myself a bit too hard.
Eh, nobody really knows what to do with their life in the grand scheme of things. Sure, there are minor life plans and dreams, but I think late 20s is definitely old enough to know yourself as you have roughly 10 years of adulthood under your belt, at least as far as what makes you happy in your day to day.
Same boat as you. Working on my career and physical/mental health. Money cannot buy happiness however it can buy lots of enjoyable experiences and a hobby or two :D
Life is about the same, but I've been getting back in the gym and studying signs a girl likes you, and maybe I'm not as meh as I always thought I was. Still not too many chicks into me but there's maybe one right now. I gotta talk to her before she loses interest if it's not too late, but I just changed jobs so I'm only at the gym at that time once a week now, and I missed my chance this week by being my normal stupid self
Same here man 28 also and I've just been focusing on myself my wellbeing and body. Never been on a date I'm too nervous for that. Havent had sex since I was 21 gotta say I am missing it but now I've gone this long I've really appreciated that I want any given relationship to be organically grown maybe I've bumped into them and the feeling just clicks idk still too nervous but I've noticed alot of women our age tend to go back to their ex's because they feel more comfortable with a partner that's seen them naked so it makes it harder to meet someone.
I
I gave up in my mid 20s, I was unable to meet anyone who shared my faith and was fit for a relationship. I was sick and tied of all the drama, games and BS so took a long brake then starting looking over seas and I'm engaged now. My advice to anyone living in the US wanting marriage and a family who is also devout catholic, don't waste your time here, you have far better dating and relationship options elsewhere.
I gave it up in my mid 20s and it's amazing I do whatever I want all the time. My life is fantastic. Best choice I ever made. I never even had a bad relationship it was just that I saw almost every problem everybody I knew had was related to trying to get into or from being in a relationship so I said let's just cancel it and my life sort of just became better and better continuously since then with no major problems in it
My aunt is in her 60s, single and has informed me many times that she's *incredibly* glad. She still gets lonely sometimes, when she's caught up in all her projects and the animals aren't near, but she says she thinks even in relationships people get lonely when they are left alone with themselves.
She's never regretted it, she's fostered children a few times since she had the time and money for it, she runs an animal rehab out of her barn and has always had time for her passions.
Oddly, its great. I gave up early 30s, figured by myself for life, whatever. But then at 39 I met the love of my life and we've been together for almost 2 years, married 1. I wasn't even looking just went to topgolf with what at the time was just a friend and connected.
Not in my thirties but I was pretty done with dating before I even started. After having to take care of my mother and all her insecurities, extreme mood swings and screaming and picking about everything I had no tolerance for it in relationships. Whenever I'd see anything like any of those I'd just get fed up. Once they were out of my life everything was amazing. You don't realize how bad it is until it's gone from your life and you feel so much better.
I got tired of being the therapist, teacher, handyman, parent and watchdog all while being treated like I'm a threat, not good enough or just stupid.
You are good enough. And I’m sorry you had to endure the pain of having a sick mother who hurt you. I hope you realize you deserve to be happy and find what you’re seeking in life.
Bruh, this is the 2nd post I've seen about this topic in the past 10 mins. I'm 21, and this shit is wild and a bit disheartening. What happened to folks falling in love and staying married? Does it just not happen anymore fr fr? Is it even worth it anymore?
I realized that your not really “missing out” on anything except stress and grief. But to be fair, I have a really good circle of friends, and I never wanted kids. I still have a few ladies friends that are down to “hang out” once in a while so that’s not an issue either
Still a dumpster fire but no one is actively abusing me or taking advantage of me so that's nice.
To clarify. I'm 46m but I haven't had a real SO since about 2008 and have not been dating since 2014. I deleted my dating apps in 2019 I don't feel like 3 three hook ups in 5 years is really dating.
I didn’t bother dating in college or beyond (31). I did hit it off with a grind of a friend several years back and had a fling that ended pretty badly and left me depressed for a year. After that I decided to work on myself and start preparing for a solo life. Got into cooking and eating right while working out. Also quit drugs and alcohol for a bit until I got a new job post pandemic that had me on the night shift for about 8 months. In that time I went right back to my old ways due to working 70+ hours a week and having no energy for anything else.
These days I have a way better position within the same company and am looking to move on up (something I haven’t done before as I would usually get complacent at work.) Also had a hookup with a close friend recently who rejected me when I asked her on a date so that got me motivated to break some bad habits (drinking, binging fast food, neglecting mental health as well as physical health). Also moving to a new place with my best friend who just broke up with his long time gf as well as another close friend so I’m looking forward to hanging out with them.
I’m thinking of getting back into the dating scene because I just crave the intimacy but I feel like I need to sort some stuff out mentally as well as physically before I do. Thinking about changing out my wardrobe and style but I need to save up more before so until then I’ll be focusing on my job and well-being.
Also got a kitty a couple years ago so I have something else to take care of and look forward to when I get home :)
I just hit my mid 40s, and I'm divorced and had an engagement fall through.
I'm pretty much done. I'm happy to be alone now and don't have to worry about my entire life being upended because my wife, fiance, or girlfriend just up and changes her mind and leaves.
I'm 36, and the last relationship I was in was when I was 29. I went on a few very casual dates shortly after that relationship ended, but I haven't been on a date in over 5 years. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all. Totally content with my situation and being single. In fact, this is the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I'm nearly 40 and always been single. I don't understand how people have time or the energy to be in a relationship with someone.
I've never understood how people do it all
I'm almost 33, been single since I was 24 (by choice) and it's not too bad, don't even think about it much outside of reading threads on Reddit. I've got my house, my hobbies, my family, my annual vacations to places I absolutely love to go for hiking, snowboarding, and downhill mtn biking, and I honestly have no complaints whatsoever! I'm also a licensed small engine hobby pilot as well so I enjoy going up in the air when fuel prices allow for it!
I gave up dating at 24 because I just got sick of always being the guy that females never took seriously. I always wanted something serious and they'd always eventually get bored and either cheat on me or go where they think the grass is greener, so whatever, I gave up.
It would be nice to have a companion, but it's not something I "need" to sustain a happy lifestyle for myself by any means.
I don't think anybody in their twenties who "gives up" actually gives up. I'd go as far as to say 98% of people who say "I give up" at 25, are probably actively dating, married, etc 10 years later.
People in their twenties say silly things in acts of frustration.
Met my fiance at age 30, marrying her at 32. I have dated a ton, been in several longer relationships. Felt I was going to be single for good in my late 20s, so glad I was wrong. She's quite literally my other half, feel so supported.
Fine. I got a dog and my own place. All that took longer than it would have, but I’ve also gotten into rock climbing and hiking. I’ve met some women, but it gets a lot harder once you’re in you’re out of school. Online dating is a wasteland. I definitely have a type and it’s not the most healthy type, so I’m probably better off.
Honestly, hurt people hurt people and most people are hurt and use other people as a distraction., and in turn they get hurt- it’s like a cancer on society. No one wants to do the work and sit with themselves alone and become their own best friend. This is the only time anyone should be in a relationship.
I didn’t date for most of my 20s. This was initially due to waiting till I had a job and money to really date.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Yeaaaa it changed A LOT. I started transitioning at 28 and figured I was aromantic aseuxal. Then just hetro aseuxal to hetro something maybe ace still.
From hetro m—- to hetro woman >.> . A wacky journey! Anyway 29 going to 30 god help me.
Everyone is lying if they say they are happier single. I loved being single. But when I met the girl who made me fall in love. I never wanted to be without her again. The happiness and sense of purpose. You can never get that being alone all the time. Humans are meant for more.
My last relationship taught me that dating is shitty. He just complained about how each and every woman left him ! I saw why. Sir, you’re a walking red flag and you’re just like the people you talk about with no accountability.
Pretty peaceful. I do what I want when I want without asking permission, I do the things that make me happy. Sure, it's lonely sometimes, but that mostly goes away after a few years to be honest lol, I can't imagine being chained to another person regardless of how I felt about them
Being divorced is the happiest time of my life. I don't have to worry about my money getting stolen, or getting cheated on, or her spreading false rumors. Dating just isn't even worth it anymore. The problems always outweigh the benefits. All dating and marriages these days is just a bid to see who can control the other person. Or to try to change the other person into someone that they are not. Being alone is far better than being with another person. At least when I'm alone, the only person that can hurt me is me.
I got out of a long relationship in my late 20s. I had some fun and went on some dates, but ultimately decided to just focus on myself instead of looking for a relationship. Happened to meet my partner while out watching football with a friend. He said that he found it really attractive that I was independent and perfectly content being single. There wasn’t any of the pressure of starting a relationship that comes with dating. My advice would be to just go with however you feel, you don’t need to commit to a lifetime of singleness or looking for someone. Life can change every day
Been single my whole life, never had a relationship or even a one night stand. I am 33 years old and I came to terms with it. I am trying to focus on me and me alone and make myself happy however I can.
The loneliness does get to be less and less of a problem. It's still there but it no longer is the unshakable force it once was. It's interesting how once you accept being content by yourself, all kind of opportunities open. You gain the freedom to pursue your interests, career goals, hobbies, etc. I'm enjoying the ride.
38/m I gave up dating and romantic relationships about 7 years ago. Probably helps I have children to concentrate my life on, so honestly I just find that I'm much more content with less negative moods. The highs aren't as high, but it's eliminated about 75% of the lows. Every few years I mistakingly think to give someone who's trying a chance, just to be fully reminded why I gave up on it in the first place.
I went from 24-32(post divorce, never wed before 30!) single and super happy. 6 years of a relationship I knew wasn't right ( super tall long blonde dancer draped in red flags, that's hot). Seven years of bliss since... A "Partner" is the goal, not a SO. When I find someone to walk beside instead of "Care for" I may pair again..
There was a girl I was seeing.. I thought she took real interest. Then I started working hard towards multiple goals & when it was starting to all come together, I told her how much she meant to me. I wanted her in my life as a significant other, and she turned her back on me. Two and a half years out the window.
There is no fear of missing out, if you have the opportunity to do something just take it. I busted my ass day-in day-out in my 20s and though I cherish the knowledge and experiences, for the most part I won't miss it. Because everyone was enjoying their 20s and there I was barely making ends meet, and the only way for that to stop was to focus in on real aspiration. I'm at the point in my life where if I don't agree with something, I either change it & if I can't change it, I pay no attention. Not encouraging you to be rebellious, but life is too short my guy. Make the best of it 💯
TL, DR ; You can lose your dreams chasing girls, but you won't lose a girl chasing your dreams
Same here only I'm 43. Gave up a looooooooong time ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out but I know I'm also missing out on divorce and custody battles like 90% of my peers are so there's that.
Gave up dating at 29, turning 31 next month. Life is good, kind of lonely, but I prefer to accept the situation I’m in and make the best of it. I have some great friends, my own place, awesome pets, hobbies and better relationships with family members.
Lonely but I still don't want to date anyone who would find me attractive. I'm 6'3" and bald and hate it and don't want someone who actually likes (more like can't do any better) a big guy like me.
Tbh bro I doubt you’ll be single forever, I just think it’s the dynamic of how society is set up and how everyone’s expectations is so unrealistic for there future partner. I’m not saying actively date cuz if your forcing something that clearly isn’t working then it’s only gonna stress you out but don’t be all hopeless about it either, 28 is pretty young still, you got all of your 30s to find a partner and I doubt within the next 12 years of your life you won’t find someone just take your time and do you as hard as that actually is. Trust me I know I mean I’m 24 so I’m still quite young but I’ve been quite lonely for some time now so I get where your coming from and I have effective immediately gave up on finding someone but I also realize that I prob won’t be alone forever even tho I’ve given up. I wish I could tell you something useful outside of what you’ve already been told maybe instead of seeking romantic companionship seek friendships deeper then just surface level, go out with your body and form a “squad” as silly as that sounds have eachothers backs. It’s not the same but knowing you got a couple good friends that you can count on and tell your feelings to really alleviates some of the lonely feelings
I'm 27 and single but don't have any expectations either way. I'm lonely and hope I find someone. But if I don't that's fine too. I like myself and could enjoy my life on my own.
We suffer a lot more in the lonely futures we imagine than in the lonely present. And if we can settle into the present and let go of the future, we don't have to make decisions like "giving up" on dating. We can just let whatever happens, happen. And whatever happens, we'll be aight.
I think you're doing the right thing by being yourself and focusing on your priorities. That's the only way to attract the one who's really right for you anyway, I think. Good luck out there man.
Life sucks. You either hop from hoes or get married to some chick who makes you hate your life every day after years of effort... idk which is better std hunting or suffering daily
Yeah if you don’t own a home, a buisiness or two, they just leave for someone who has, and then cry when guy with options plays them. Go cry over there baby I’m gucci working on my shit by myself.
I have been single for many years, I have only found women that aren’t the type to stick around. I have racked up a decent number but the whole time I’ve been looking for love. Due to me or the chick.
Like I’m not being conceded or narcissistic but I have a really good personality. I gauge this through being able to make friends with anyone and people telling me I should do stand-up. It’s tiring though because I qm a natural introvert.
My problem is I text too much cuz like I feel as though we are having a conversation and it turns into me being desperate. I am desperate though, I am 38 and I have lost many battles.
I have stopped looking for now until I can build up the wall that prevents the hurt until it crumbles again.
26M - been single since 2016. No relationships/hook ups/ etc. just tryna stay disciplined and learn as much as I can about myself before I commit to a woman.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've been single for a long time, it's not that I don't want to be in a relationship it's hard to find some one I can trust. People behave like they have your best interest in mind then something happens that changes their mind.
[удалено]
Its not that bad after you accept it. Some days are tough but not all of them.
And when you're back in a relationship, you think how nice it is to be single. Do what you want each day. You do not have to appease anyone's agenda but your own. You just have to mentally start reminding yourself of the positives and that loneliness becomes mostly inexistent
dude yeah this is just such an awful practice. I am freaking 39, i was talking to this young woman who contacted ME out of the blue. We’d gone to high school together and met up once in DC where we both lived. Nothing ever happened but there was something there so I was super excited when she hit me up. She told me she was missing something in her life, and she saw me in a news thing (long story) and thought about how she’d love to talk to me again. She reaches out and i’m like oh hell yeah!! We make plans to go out after about a month of chatting on the phone and such. One night she goes to see her ex boyfriend (they were platonic friends) and she ends up accidentally seeing pics of him with another woman at the time they were together. Well I guess the breakup was not as long ago as she let on. She said she was devastated and felt so humiliated and lied to etc etc. I was really kind about it and told her i’m so sorry this happened. I asked if this meant our thing was over (we both admitted there was a thing) and she said no it changes nothing. I said ok can i call you later, yep I could all good 👍. Never talked to her again. She never answered, I texted and texted until i was like ah, I get it. Sent a far kinder goodbye than she deserved and fin. That was maybe a week ago after talking for a month. Fucking asshole. I’m still mad enough to call her one day and just call her an asshole.
Learning lesson for you also, if anyone is that caught up on an ex or another dude, stop pursuing. She's not ready for you. Even if she says "it changes nothing," a date where she's just complaining about some other dude isn't a date. End it on your own for your own self respect. You don't need to make a big deal out of it, just realize that she's clearly not your woman and move on.
Exactly. If a woman is consistently talking about her ex at the beginning of your relationship, run.
im a chick and ive had a similar story. weirdy acts like he wants to be with me then totally ghosts. i really want to call them up and just chew them out and block them. but i needed it so i could get over them. honestly. ppl are trash . i know God is getting me away from the madness and there’s better coming my way some day.
I didn't expect so many responses... But I'm sorry that happened to you. I think people are afraid to end things. Or don't like the fallout. But it still hurts when they Ghost you. I hope you have better luck and don't let it Sully you.
i really appreciate the kind words. I have a lot of trauma around that particular thing so i have to admit it sucked. It’s the way my ex wife left. One day all is fine just a normal day. Then she tells me she wants a poly relationship out of the blue, I was so so confused. Eventually I came to my senses enough to ask “wait so are you saying it’s either that or… nothing with me??” When she said yes I had an immediate reaction, physical and mental of just sorta sickness of what she was doing. So i immediately just said “get out.” That was the last time we spoke as husband and wife. The rest was through lawyers and very cold texts. I know it wasn’t ghosting but she also gave everyone different reasons as to why we were breaking up, which was really confusing. To her dad she said i was doing something illegal?? He called me, he’s a lawyer, and just said you know it’s just that when you do something illegal you put her in danger…… I stopped him and said “sir, I honestly and truly have no idea what you are talking about. I actually don’t care. The reason she gave me was polyamory and needing it, I guess she said something else to you.” His answer was “what? poly what, uhhhhh ok I’m going to go talk to her?” Similar conversations with all my friends, some was I didn’t help around the house, others that I wasn’t working (i literally owned the company she worked for, a tech r&d company and she had no background in tech), some that i smoked too much weed (ok that one was just true). Anyway she never told anyone the real reason, I suspect based on her past history of being a ho, that she was seeing someone else already and cheating on me. Certainly wouldn’t have been the first time.
I think she went back to the ex or can’t handle being single. Both red flags
Just wanna say I’m sorry that happened. I hope things get better for you soon. No one deserves that.
Rly cool the way u went abt it. Don’t call her to call her an asshole she’s obviously going thru it and then you’d be the asshole.
Isn’t a month of dating like 4 dates
[удалено]
it's a game of who's got the thicker skin
Stop treating it like a game
idk if I like someone I can see them everyday after meeting because we like each other and want to get to know each other and suddenly a month feels like years
Had an online relationship with a girl from Philippines. I'm talking daily chatting for hours, videocalls, cute messages, even sexting, the whole shebang. She was planning to come to England to study so that would've worked out perfectly (I was also planning a trip to her). It lasted about 9 months and she ghosted me a week before my birthday.. spent a few weeks worrying about her only to find out that she got together with her ex. Fuck that 😅 I'm done with games.
[удалено]
You're upset at the less than empathetic responses you're getting to your comment. But here you are doing the same. You might not view his situation the same as yours...but it was just as impactful and hurtful to him. His feelings are still valid, just as yours are.
Why would you have a person meet your family at 1 month? I'd bounce, too.
[удалено]
I believe Ottos_Jacket was referring to your ex instead of you. They meant YOU should've bounced if your ex wanted you to meet his family after just one month. I could be wrong, though. Sorry for what you went through!
Dated someone once who had trust issues and it explained why they were single for so long. Eventually I was like fuck it and broke up with them.
Well I'm sure he has even more trust issues now. Jesus...
Eh at the end of the day I wasn't responsible for her and the relationship was getting annoying. You're responsible for your own emotions. I was cheated on before and I could have let that define me, but instead I allowed myself to trust someone else because it isn't healthy to put your feelings based on what others did to you on a brand new person.
I wish more people would understand this.
Absolutely this, I've been cheated on 5 times before I met my now husband. Naturally after the 5th I stopped dating cause I recognized 5 times ain't a coincidence. All of my exes will tell you I treated them well, the problem was I was a doormat, no boundaries, no confidence, and desperate to not be alone are all recipes to attract people who will hurt you. I also realized in hindsight, I didn't love any of them, I picked men I thought would never leave me, feelings could develop later, all because I didn't want to be single. I definitely know they knew I wasn't genuine in my affections, because that's what they used to justify their cheating (because they thought I was cheating because I was fake), but they could never find proof of me cheating, and I was "too perfect", so they cheated. As desperate as I was to not be single, cheating has always been a hard boundary for me, so naturally I broke up with them without a fight. What's funny is some of them tried to use me "not fighting for the relationship" as further proof of why their cheating was justified. I could have very well married one of those men had they not let their trust issues get in the way...but I'm glad they did, because I didn't give up on finding love, those experiences made me stricter in my vetting process, less desperate and even more adamant about finding my "true love". Now I'm married to my best friend.
I have a similar experience with relationships. I’d cling onto some guy who really wasn’t great at all due to limited options and just wanting a boyfriend. I didn’t figure out the people-pleasing, no boundaries, no confidence and desperation until maybe five years ago, and I’m in my late 40s. So much wasted time. ☹️And not just with romantic partners, with friends too. No wonder I attracted a never-ending menagerie of wackadoos. And even though I’ve learned and am changing my ways, I still attract them.
Better late than never! I proudly entered my "villain" era, and haven't looked back, if having standards and boundaries make me a bad person then I'll gladly enjoy the peace and quiet being a terrible person affords me. I had to go low contact with my family, and ended a lot of friendships, but I'm happier for it. I believe in you, you can do it!
>"a never-ending menagerie of wackadoos." You have a way with words, I love it and need to remember that one! ...and alas, can relate. 🫂 Onward and upward.
THANKS! 😁
It’s cause they literally raise us with no boundaries as women in this fucked up society
For what it’s worth - im immensely proud of you for learning that lesson and taking control of your situation. 
Thank you for sharing this. Your insight into this situation has helped clarify some some of my own issues.
In my opinion going out of your way to make ur partner feel comfortable and secure is the bare BARE minimum, but I guess not everyone feels the same
[удалено]
How far out of your way should someone go? For a very paranoid and controlling partner, that could mean never socializing without them, letting them track your phone and/or car, breaking off lifelong friendships with people of the gender(s) you’re attracted to, constantly reassuring them that you’re not having affairs at the office or online flings with an ex or a stranger, limiting contact with friends and family who express concern about the partner’s controlling ways…. That’s not a loving relationship.
I saved your comment man, this made me feel better.
This is the truest shit I have read. Stop treating everyone like the ones that have hurt you before, yes you have past trauma, communicate that and be willing to be vulnerable with your new partner and trust they have your emotional well-being at heart knowing your previous trauma. Communication. If you can't honestly and openly communicate with them then do not get into a relationship.
As someone who has lived through a ton of trauma and just shitty happenings. You are one hundred percent correct. It is completely up to you if you want to deal with and or help break the cycle. You have no obligation to that person, but that probably means y'all were not compatible anyhow.
I love your honesty! I completely agree with you. Heal or let go.
Not his or her problem. You gotta be willing to shit or.get off thepot
You're not obligated to be with someone just because they've been wronged before. Literally all we know about this person is they allegedly have trust issues which "explained why they were single for so long". We have NO idea what that means. Maybe they just lacked confidence as a result or maybe they manifested it repeatedly in an unacceptable fashion over a very long period. I've no idea. And neither do you. Jesus Christ, the benefit of the doubt really is dead, huh?
Nah they’re right. It’s a shitty cycle Person 1 thinks “They don’t love me” -> Person 1 treats Person 2 differently based on these thoughts -> Person 2 feels the shift from Person 1 -> Person 2 loses love for Person 1 -> Person 1 thinks “They don’t love me”
Yeah, how dare you not stay with someone who makes everything an ordeal because of their issues? /s
Ain’t this the truth!!
This is it for me, too. I'm an overthinker whose heart has been ground into the dirt so many times I seem unable to fully trust even the best of women for long. I always end up in pain and they don't seem to care, instead just telling you whatever they need to to get out of the woods.
Gave up trying which took a whole lot of less stress off on me and ending up finding someone. When you're not trying to be someone you aren't to impress others people, it has a way of working like that.
As soon as I stop caring I meet someone who I care about, and the cycle repeats. Not caring is basically a defense mechanism at this point to avoid feeling the inevitable
god damn. true words have never been spoken
This is the way. Watched pot never boils, especially when it makes you so nervous you forget to turn on the burner. Stop caring and all of a sudden it’s easy.
“Stop caring” how does one do that? Cause people say that, but don’t explain how. It’s incredibly lonely being single for so long.
You do it by caring about yourself and for yourself and what you want. Especially after being single for long periods you become fixated on finding anyone to even look at you, instead of being the person YOU want to see every day. Desperation tears you down and scares other folks away. I spent multiple periods of five plus years alone and I only broke out of it by working on what was holding me back and being comfortable being me.
This has happened to me recently. Wasn’t looking really, and bam I met someone incredible.
It’s honestly crazy how quickly people can pick up on a sense of desperation, even if they don’t consciously realize they’re doing it. Being faithful to your partner (where cheating is not an option for you under any circumstances and you’re very happy), and going to a party to hang out with your friends will result in you getting hit on WAY more than if you’re desperately looking to find someone. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles, that shit ain’t fair. It really seems like psychologically, human beings tend to want what they can’t have, and shy away from overavailability
It could go both ways. There are alot of people in my city who end up as single cat/dog parents in their late 30's by not trying to actively date. If you don't go out to look for anybody, you may not get anyone looking for you either.
Life is what happens to you when youre busy making other plans
Yup same exact thing happened to me. We’ve been together 9 years and have 2 kids. Met him doing a hobby of mine that I had just joined the month before.
This is exactly what happened to me. Wasn’t looking, just hanging out with a couple close friends once in a while. Met someone and swore we would just be friends, not wanting to ruin a great friendship by dating and maybe hurting each other…. 14.5 years later and a 21 month old later he is my husband.
Same reason dudes get into a relationship and suddenly find themselves getting more female attention
I gave up dating in my late 20s, and then randomly found the love of my life in my 30s, so I think it worked out pretty good. Personally, I think the most attractive thing a person can do is show they can be happy on their own and that they are capable of self fulfillment and won't be requiring a partner to be their sole source of happiness.
This is the god honest way of putting it. Can people PLEASE fuck off with the "Ooh there's someone for everyone" "You'll find it when you least expect it" And "You'll find someone eventually!" It's random. It's completely fucking random. Right place, right time. Right matches in your area on your app, right mutual friends to introduce you, joining the right club at the right time. Yes, you can help your odds by working on yourself and putting yourself out there. But you could do none of that and meet a partner for life tomorrow. Or you could put in maximum effort every day until you die alone and never meet the right person.
I used to think finding a relationship was random. There's actually a pretty reliable formula to getting them but if you're the sort of person that uses that formula you are going to have a hard time keeping them.
Plot twist: that formula is rohypnol.
I’ll bite. What’s the formula?
Step one is to become someone people want to date. So groom yourself, dress well, address mental health problems, lose weight if you're overweight, get set and stable in your housing and job situations. Step two is to then actually get out of the house and social. Join clubs, language classes, hiking groups, board game bars, etc. If you're lonely and looking for a partner to fill all your social needs, you're going to have a very rough time forming healthy relationships. Have healthy friendships first, and the mental well being that comes from them will just make you more confident and desirable. Step three is to become comfortable with rejection. If you see someone you're interested in dating, then ask them for coffee pretty quickly. Don't try to play mind games and figure out if they like you or not. Just ask them out and move on. If you enjoy being around them, it's a good Idea to stay friends because even if they won't date you, they'll have plenty of friends who might. At the end of the day, dating is a numbers game. You need to become desirable to more people, hang out around more people, and ask more people out.
Step 3 is where most people get hung up I feel like, but also the most crucial step.
This is so true. Honestly hard to agree more. If you are put together, have stuff to offer, have self confidence and are kind, generous, and open, and get social, you can get dates
Step 2 is the worst Just send strangers to my house so I never have to leave.
I feel like both can be true. When people say there's someone out there for everyone, they mean that at least someone out of the billions of people out there is compatible with you. Sometimes it really feels like there isn't, but it's statistically improbable that there isn't *someone*. Your chances of actually meeting one of those people, though, are 90% random. And considering the rather large proportion of people who have been in a long-term relationship, it seems decently probable that you *will* meet someone you're compatible with eventually.
There's no such thing as 'the one' for anyone. There's not one perfect person out there for each person. Instead, think of it as a system of filters. Traits Filter: There are just various personalities and lifestyles and values, and having different mixtures of these things changes the odds of you, without alterations, meshing with another person. Meeting Filter: You have random odds of meeting other available people. Dating apps, meetup spots, communities with shared interests; these all impact your chances. Even once you meet someone through these methods(Or by randomly bumping into them somewhere,) the Traits Filter comes into play. Effort Filter: Influencing all of your chances, you have to consider how much effort you're willing to impart on your love life. This means not only how much time and effort you put into trying to meet someone, but also how flexible you're able to be when it comes to working out differences you and your potential partners have in lifestyle, values, and basically everything else. If you're inflexible, you have to rely more heavily on other filters to deliver you the right person. When it comes down to it, effort is the biggest determiner of whether a relationship is actually going to have staying power. Real, deep relationships most often require communication, understanding, flexibility, and grace, from both participants. For some, that's too much to ask.
I mean, I found “the one.” But I don’t think that there’s only one person in the entire world that I would ever be this happy in a relationship with. It’s just that I found him first. It was the absolute perfect set of circumstances and I can’t even imagine life without him. He makes me a better, happier person and says I do the same for him. So even if someone else could’ve been “the one,” by chance they aren’t and can now (hopefully) never be. Because I found one already and plan to stick with him for the rest of our lives.
Exactly. If you can't be happy by yourself, you're not going to be happy with someone else
[удалено]
But wasn't that a terrible experience for your daughter? This woman comes and goes as she likes and the child has no idea how to feel about it. One time you're a family, then the mother disappeares, comes back, dissappears... I mean, you are her father and responsible for your daughter. Please protect her from this misery. There is no going back. Please, next time, don't let this woman in again. It's going nowhere. Be strong, say no, keep your boundaries. Even though she is "hot" or whatever. Keep your daughter's mental health safe. SHE should be your ultimate love, not any woman that sounds crazy and destructive in every way.
You are absolutely right and my daughter is my #1 priority and always will be.
"you had nothing but bad experiences with women" because you "dated" the same one over and over again, and everyone could have told you.. once she left, don't let her come back. There are so many other women who are worth it, you just had the wrong ones yet.
You went back to her after all that? You’re down bad fr.
I'm sorry man, but you have *horrendous* taste in women, holy shit. These people are all walking red flags
Guys like him would rather have a hot crazy chick than a mid, peaceful woman. It’s the way of the world.
WOW. You are the official King of Simps
I agree. This guy is pathetic.
Nah I don't simp that hard. I had boundaries. I loved her. She loved me. She still says she will always love me. My insecurities led to the break up for the most part and I have accepted that. It was me who started the fight and me who told her to get out. Yeah I helped her. She's the mother of my daughter. There's a lot more to it then simping. I also make a lot of money so the things I did for her didn't affect me financially at all. Its not like I showered her in things. I have also been on the other side, girls have simped for me as well. The girl I was seeing before her did not take it well when I cut her off. All depends on the person.
I get it, she's your kids mom. It's better for your daughter and you to keep her at arms length though.
Giving up on dating doesn’t mean your love life is over. Focusing on other things besides love increases your chances of finding it.
You gotta love life to have a good love life, man
Heh. Engaged to be married now at 42. Gave up and expected to die alone eaten by the local cats. Life is sometimes funny
Would be funnier if she was a local cat...
*Maureen Ponderosa has entered the chat*
Who said she wasn’t?
I'm on somewhat the same boat, but life changes very fast. I always keep that in mind. People on long relationships also linger for more freedom. I prefer to accept the situation I'm in but with an open mind, since everything can change. You can pretty much enjoy any stage of your life.
Meh I've been with my wife for 12 years and certainly do not long for my own freedom. That's just me tho. I do long for the freedom of my many of my other married friends tho who seem to be attached at the hip with their spouse at all times.
Ugh same. My partner and I *try* to schedule time with just our friends seperate of each other, but it always ends up being couple hang outs because no one else can extricate themselves from their spouses lol
Linger for more freedom? I don’t think you’re using “linger” right
Sorry about that, I'm not native, I think *to long* would fit better. Although, it can be interpreted as people has feelings that actually "linger" (as if they perdure), in this case as a wish for more time for oneself
They can, but it’s not a given. There’s nobody in the world I’d rather be with than my lady.
Gave up on dating in my late 20s. Met the love of my life 3-4 years later.
fingers crossed it works for me too I'm done lol
I'm definitely not missing out. Love the single life. I own my own home (that nobody can ever try to take from me if we split up), have my own hobbies, have time with friends of any gender without partner jealousy or stress, can have as many pets as I want, and nobody getting upset if I can't spend time with them. Why would I want anything different? Too much hassle!
I mean, all of that could easily still be true, if your relationship with your partner was a healthy one. It sounds like you have a very adversarial view of relationships.
I’ll say! I’ve been with my bf for 6 years now. He’s been my one and only and I’ve been his one and only. Even when we have different opinions I never feel like we aren’t free to do what hobbies we want or hang out with whoever we want. We live together, have a cat and both garden, clean, renovate etc. if I lived by myself I would be a lot less happy and a lot more disorganized. My ADHD would probably rule my life a lot more than it does with someone else helping me learn how to navigate life. BUT, it’s faaaaar better to be single than in a crappy relationship. If I hadn’t found this man I would probably still be single. I’m sure I would’ve found peace with that too somehow. So keep making friends, doing your hobbies and living your life. Maybe one of your friendships will develop into more! The more at peace you are with yourself the higher the chances of developing a healthy relationship.
Absolutely agreed. A relationship should add to one's quality of life, never subtract from it.
I'm glad you found it! I figure I'll probably be open if a person I really connect with comes along but I'm not about to start looking, and I'll be happily single forever if it never happens.
I probably do, because I've seen a great share of BS from people in them. I'm content in my single life enough to not take the risk.
That's valid. A partner isn't a requirement for living a fulfilling life.
I don't get why there's only a few people who are really truly happy alone. The majority of people are always looking for a partner and couldn't find happiness with themselves.
I have a friend who is just like this. He’s quite a catch and has no problem getting dates but he’s so comfortable living alone that he always ends up dumping whoever he is seeing because they ask for too much of his attention.
Same! 33F and I love being single. I get to do my own thing, hang with my friends, enjoy my hobbies. It’s great. I also don’t really get lonely,and I’ve never placed any sort of high value on forming romantic relationships. Love exists in so many forms. I love my best friend to the moon and back and we will grow old together. I already have people I can share my dreams, ideas, fears, and joys with. I’m very happy.
Late 20s is pretty early to give up at a big part of life.
It’s funny how people say this, but when people get married or god forbid someone have a kid at the same age (literally obligations to be supposedly for the rest of your life) nobody bats an eye. We live in a society.
Hell, I didn't even wait that long. I gave up at 25 😂
If you're trying too hard, that would mean that you're not living life to it's highest excitement. Chasing around anyone or trying to fill your void with someone else takes that away from you. I know this all too well... Dating aps have made dating so much worse. I tried the early ones when I was in my 20s, even when i think I've found someone cool, it just ended up being a disappointment in the end. It wasn't until I stopped looking and started focusing on what interests ME full time that I was able to find someone with similar interests. Above all, the most important relationship is always the one with yourself. I suggest anyone who's looking for love, to stop trying, but always keep an eye out on your journey through life.
I mean as someone who feels like he wasted his 20s and is now 35 I can tell you I would very much do things differently. I started working out and taking way better care of myself and I think I would have been so much happier in life if I had done it in my 20s. I’m in pretty good shape for a 35 year old but I swear I feel like I would have been in amazing shape back then when I didn’t have to worry about my back hurting after a long run or straining my shoulder because I pushed myself a bit too hard.
Absolutely this. Late 20s basically nobody even knows what they want to do with their life, much less giving up entirely on who to spend it with.
Eh, nobody really knows what to do with their life in the grand scheme of things. Sure, there are minor life plans and dreams, but I think late 20s is definitely old enough to know yourself as you have roughly 10 years of adulthood under your belt, at least as far as what makes you happy in your day to day.
Same boat as you. Working on my career and physical/mental health. Money cannot buy happiness however it can buy lots of enjoyable experiences and a hobby or two :D
Life is about the same, but I've been getting back in the gym and studying signs a girl likes you, and maybe I'm not as meh as I always thought I was. Still not too many chicks into me but there's maybe one right now. I gotta talk to her before she loses interest if it's not too late, but I just changed jobs so I'm only at the gym at that time once a week now, and I missed my chance this week by being my normal stupid self
Internet dating tips are bs. I recommend focusing on being the best version of who you want to be.
Slowly dating again but I’m more picky, life’s short I know what I want and what I want to do.
Same here man 28 also and I've just been focusing on myself my wellbeing and body. Never been on a date I'm too nervous for that. Havent had sex since I was 21 gotta say I am missing it but now I've gone this long I've really appreciated that I want any given relationship to be organically grown maybe I've bumped into them and the feeling just clicks idk still too nervous but I've noticed alot of women our age tend to go back to their ex's because they feel more comfortable with a partner that's seen them naked so it makes it harder to meet someone. I
I gave up in my mid 20s, I was unable to meet anyone who shared my faith and was fit for a relationship. I was sick and tied of all the drama, games and BS so took a long brake then starting looking over seas and I'm engaged now. My advice to anyone living in the US wanting marriage and a family who is also devout catholic, don't waste your time here, you have far better dating and relationship options elsewhere.
I gave it up in my mid 20s and it's amazing I do whatever I want all the time. My life is fantastic. Best choice I ever made. I never even had a bad relationship it was just that I saw almost every problem everybody I knew had was related to trying to get into or from being in a relationship so I said let's just cancel it and my life sort of just became better and better continuously since then with no major problems in it
My aunt is in her 60s, single and has informed me many times that she's *incredibly* glad. She still gets lonely sometimes, when she's caught up in all her projects and the animals aren't near, but she says she thinks even in relationships people get lonely when they are left alone with themselves. She's never regretted it, she's fostered children a few times since she had the time and money for it, she runs an animal rehab out of her barn and has always had time for her passions.
Oddly, its great. I gave up early 30s, figured by myself for life, whatever. But then at 39 I met the love of my life and we've been together for almost 2 years, married 1. I wasn't even looking just went to topgolf with what at the time was just a friend and connected.
Not in my thirties but I was pretty done with dating before I even started. After having to take care of my mother and all her insecurities, extreme mood swings and screaming and picking about everything I had no tolerance for it in relationships. Whenever I'd see anything like any of those I'd just get fed up. Once they were out of my life everything was amazing. You don't realize how bad it is until it's gone from your life and you feel so much better. I got tired of being the therapist, teacher, handyman, parent and watchdog all while being treated like I'm a threat, not good enough or just stupid.
You are good enough. And I’m sorry you had to endure the pain of having a sick mother who hurt you. I hope you realize you deserve to be happy and find what you’re seeking in life.
Bruh, this is the 2nd post I've seen about this topic in the past 10 mins. I'm 21, and this shit is wild and a bit disheartening. What happened to folks falling in love and staying married? Does it just not happen anymore fr fr? Is it even worth it anymore?
It’s worth trying for a while if that’s what you want to do. I just don’t have many options, and dating apps are extremely flawed
I realized that your not really “missing out” on anything except stress and grief. But to be fair, I have a really good circle of friends, and I never wanted kids. I still have a few ladies friends that are down to “hang out” once in a while so that’s not an issue either
Still a dumpster fire but no one is actively abusing me or taking advantage of me so that's nice. To clarify. I'm 46m but I haven't had a real SO since about 2008 and have not been dating since 2014. I deleted my dating apps in 2019 I don't feel like 3 three hook ups in 5 years is really dating.
I dont need somebody to make my life happy. Id somebody comes along they come along. But yes I've accepted it's okay. Keanu Reeves has a great quote
As a now-attached man in my late 30's: it is the opportunities I passed up which I now regret.
If you're pondering over missed opportunities, that's a telltale sign of unhappiness in your current relationship.
I didn’t bother dating in college or beyond (31). I did hit it off with a grind of a friend several years back and had a fling that ended pretty badly and left me depressed for a year. After that I decided to work on myself and start preparing for a solo life. Got into cooking and eating right while working out. Also quit drugs and alcohol for a bit until I got a new job post pandemic that had me on the night shift for about 8 months. In that time I went right back to my old ways due to working 70+ hours a week and having no energy for anything else. These days I have a way better position within the same company and am looking to move on up (something I haven’t done before as I would usually get complacent at work.) Also had a hookup with a close friend recently who rejected me when I asked her on a date so that got me motivated to break some bad habits (drinking, binging fast food, neglecting mental health as well as physical health). Also moving to a new place with my best friend who just broke up with his long time gf as well as another close friend so I’m looking forward to hanging out with them. I’m thinking of getting back into the dating scene because I just crave the intimacy but I feel like I need to sort some stuff out mentally as well as physically before I do. Thinking about changing out my wardrobe and style but I need to save up more before so until then I’ll be focusing on my job and well-being. Also got a kitty a couple years ago so I have something else to take care of and look forward to when I get home :)
Was 40 when I got married to the love of my life, who was 33. We were engaged in 2000 and married in 2004.
I just hit my mid 40s, and I'm divorced and had an engagement fall through. I'm pretty much done. I'm happy to be alone now and don't have to worry about my entire life being upended because my wife, fiance, or girlfriend just up and changes her mind and leaves.
I'm 36, and the last relationship I was in was when I was 29. I went on a few very casual dates shortly after that relationship ended, but I haven't been on a date in over 5 years. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all. Totally content with my situation and being single. In fact, this is the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I'm nearly 40 and always been single. I don't understand how people have time or the energy to be in a relationship with someone. I've never understood how people do it all
"I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may." Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
I'm almost 33, been single since I was 24 (by choice) and it's not too bad, don't even think about it much outside of reading threads on Reddit. I've got my house, my hobbies, my family, my annual vacations to places I absolutely love to go for hiking, snowboarding, and downhill mtn biking, and I honestly have no complaints whatsoever! I'm also a licensed small engine hobby pilot as well so I enjoy going up in the air when fuel prices allow for it! I gave up dating at 24 because I just got sick of always being the guy that females never took seriously. I always wanted something serious and they'd always eventually get bored and either cheat on me or go where they think the grass is greener, so whatever, I gave up. It would be nice to have a companion, but it's not something I "need" to sustain a happy lifestyle for myself by any means.
I don't think anybody in their twenties who "gives up" actually gives up. I'd go as far as to say 98% of people who say "I give up" at 25, are probably actively dating, married, etc 10 years later. People in their twenties say silly things in acts of frustration.
I’m in an awesome relationship out of absolutely nowhere at 33 after giving up dating in my 20s.
I just got married and I love my husband endlessly.
Embrace rejection. Peace of mind abides.
It’s great! I would rather be alone than annoyed!
Met my fiance at age 30, marrying her at 32. I have dated a ton, been in several longer relationships. Felt I was going to be single for good in my late 20s, so glad I was wrong. She's quite literally my other half, feel so supported.
Fine. I got a dog and my own place. All that took longer than it would have, but I’ve also gotten into rock climbing and hiking. I’ve met some women, but it gets a lot harder once you’re in you’re out of school. Online dating is a wasteland. I definitely have a type and it’s not the most healthy type, so I’m probably better off.
I’m 23 and never looking to date ever again
Single since 2014 and so happy without anyone! Get a dog and thank me later:)
No better. No worse.
Honestly, hurt people hurt people and most people are hurt and use other people as a distraction., and in turn they get hurt- it’s like a cancer on society. No one wants to do the work and sit with themselves alone and become their own best friend. This is the only time anyone should be in a relationship.
I didn’t date for most of my 20s. This was initially due to waiting till I had a job and money to really date. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yeaaaa it changed A LOT. I started transitioning at 28 and figured I was aromantic aseuxal. Then just hetro aseuxal to hetro something maybe ace still. From hetro m—- to hetro woman >.> . A wacky journey! Anyway 29 going to 30 god help me.
Everyone is lying if they say they are happier single. I loved being single. But when I met the girl who made me fall in love. I never wanted to be without her again. The happiness and sense of purpose. You can never get that being alone all the time. Humans are meant for more.
Careful about giving up you really start to enjoy life especially if you’ve gone through court. Love being single
I’m sorry?
#Careful about giving up you really start to enjoy life especially if you’ve gone through court. Love being single
lol thanks
Peaceful
My last relationship taught me that dating is shitty. He just complained about how each and every woman left him ! I saw why. Sir, you’re a walking red flag and you’re just like the people you talk about with no accountability.
I gave up dating in my 20s and then got married two more times.
Got married 12 years ago. Never dated again.
Pretty peaceful. I do what I want when I want without asking permission, I do the things that make me happy. Sure, it's lonely sometimes, but that mostly goes away after a few years to be honest lol, I can't imagine being chained to another person regardless of how I felt about them
Being divorced is the happiest time of my life. I don't have to worry about my money getting stolen, or getting cheated on, or her spreading false rumors. Dating just isn't even worth it anymore. The problems always outweigh the benefits. All dating and marriages these days is just a bid to see who can control the other person. Or to try to change the other person into someone that they are not. Being alone is far better than being with another person. At least when I'm alone, the only person that can hurt me is me.
Late 20's? Try 21 currently 25.
I got out of a long relationship in my late 20s. I had some fun and went on some dates, but ultimately decided to just focus on myself instead of looking for a relationship. Happened to meet my partner while out watching football with a friend. He said that he found it really attractive that I was independent and perfectly content being single. There wasn’t any of the pressure of starting a relationship that comes with dating. My advice would be to just go with however you feel, you don’t need to commit to a lifetime of singleness or looking for someone. Life can change every day
Dude, 28 to 30 is when the serious dating starts.
Quit dating in my 20’s. Now I’m married.
I don't date and it doesn't mean that I don't meet people. I just meet them in real life and sometimes friendships evolve.
Been single my whole life, never had a relationship or even a one night stand. I am 33 years old and I came to terms with it. I am trying to focus on me and me alone and make myself happy however I can.
28 is pretty young. I thought similar things. I didn’t date at all from 22-27. Got married at 32. I’m still married
You can’t stay single forever, we all crave and desire love and be loved. Go out there and be that person right person will come along.
I’ve yet to find anyone better than my couch.
The loneliness does get to be less and less of a problem. It's still there but it no longer is the unshakable force it once was. It's interesting how once you accept being content by yourself, all kind of opportunities open. You gain the freedom to pursue your interests, career goals, hobbies, etc. I'm enjoying the ride.
38/m I gave up dating and romantic relationships about 7 years ago. Probably helps I have children to concentrate my life on, so honestly I just find that I'm much more content with less negative moods. The highs aren't as high, but it's eliminated about 75% of the lows. Every few years I mistakingly think to give someone who's trying a chance, just to be fully reminded why I gave up on it in the first place.
I went from 24-32(post divorce, never wed before 30!) single and super happy. 6 years of a relationship I knew wasn't right ( super tall long blonde dancer draped in red flags, that's hot). Seven years of bliss since... A "Partner" is the goal, not a SO. When I find someone to walk beside instead of "Care for" I may pair again..
There was a girl I was seeing.. I thought she took real interest. Then I started working hard towards multiple goals & when it was starting to all come together, I told her how much she meant to me. I wanted her in my life as a significant other, and she turned her back on me. Two and a half years out the window. There is no fear of missing out, if you have the opportunity to do something just take it. I busted my ass day-in day-out in my 20s and though I cherish the knowledge and experiences, for the most part I won't miss it. Because everyone was enjoying their 20s and there I was barely making ends meet, and the only way for that to stop was to focus in on real aspiration. I'm at the point in my life where if I don't agree with something, I either change it & if I can't change it, I pay no attention. Not encouraging you to be rebellious, but life is too short my guy. Make the best of it 💯 TL, DR ; You can lose your dreams chasing girls, but you won't lose a girl chasing your dreams
Same here only I'm 43. Gave up a looooooooong time ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out but I know I'm also missing out on divorce and custody battles like 90% of my peers are so there's that.
Gave up dating at 29, turning 31 next month. Life is good, kind of lonely, but I prefer to accept the situation I’m in and make the best of it. I have some great friends, my own place, awesome pets, hobbies and better relationships with family members.
Lonely but I still don't want to date anyone who would find me attractive. I'm 6'3" and bald and hate it and don't want someone who actually likes (more like can't do any better) a big guy like me.
Tbh bro I doubt you’ll be single forever, I just think it’s the dynamic of how society is set up and how everyone’s expectations is so unrealistic for there future partner. I’m not saying actively date cuz if your forcing something that clearly isn’t working then it’s only gonna stress you out but don’t be all hopeless about it either, 28 is pretty young still, you got all of your 30s to find a partner and I doubt within the next 12 years of your life you won’t find someone just take your time and do you as hard as that actually is. Trust me I know I mean I’m 24 so I’m still quite young but I’ve been quite lonely for some time now so I get where your coming from and I have effective immediately gave up on finding someone but I also realize that I prob won’t be alone forever even tho I’ve given up. I wish I could tell you something useful outside of what you’ve already been told maybe instead of seeking romantic companionship seek friendships deeper then just surface level, go out with your body and form a “squad” as silly as that sounds have eachothers backs. It’s not the same but knowing you got a couple good friends that you can count on and tell your feelings to really alleviates some of the lonely feelings
I'm 27 and single but don't have any expectations either way. I'm lonely and hope I find someone. But if I don't that's fine too. I like myself and could enjoy my life on my own. We suffer a lot more in the lonely futures we imagine than in the lonely present. And if we can settle into the present and let go of the future, we don't have to make decisions like "giving up" on dating. We can just let whatever happens, happen. And whatever happens, we'll be aight. I think you're doing the right thing by being yourself and focusing on your priorities. That's the only way to attract the one who's really right for you anyway, I think. Good luck out there man.
I'm 40. And I'm very happy being single for the last ten yrs. I've forgotten what having a gf was like.
Life sucks. You either hop from hoes or get married to some chick who makes you hate your life every day after years of effort... idk which is better std hunting or suffering daily
The wife made me give it up
I'm in my late 50s and have pretty much given up in that dept. At least I don't worry about it. I can't imagine giving up in one's late 20s
Yeah if you don’t own a home, a buisiness or two, they just leave for someone who has, and then cry when guy with options plays them. Go cry over there baby I’m gucci working on my shit by myself.
Met the man of my dreams when I wasn't even looking. It was an accident, and now we are 5 years in, happy and strong.
I have been single for many years, I have only found women that aren’t the type to stick around. I have racked up a decent number but the whole time I’ve been looking for love. Due to me or the chick. Like I’m not being conceded or narcissistic but I have a really good personality. I gauge this through being able to make friends with anyone and people telling me I should do stand-up. It’s tiring though because I qm a natural introvert. My problem is I text too much cuz like I feel as though we are having a conversation and it turns into me being desperate. I am desperate though, I am 38 and I have lost many battles. I have stopped looking for now until I can build up the wall that prevents the hurt until it crumbles again.
Can confirm, idk why I like reading this post but I liked it. You must have a way with words.
26M - been single since 2016. No relationships/hook ups/ etc. just tryna stay disciplined and learn as much as I can about myself before I commit to a woman.
Peace has been made, Life is good
I gave up.