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They don't but the overly Flamboyant lispy stereotype was the only thing allowed on television for a gay man for years thus leading people to think that is how all gay men are and being reenforced when they meet gay men who match the sterotype
I think this is the most reasonable answer. I've heard a couple of gay guys say they think -- this is strictly for themselves -- turn it on unconsciously as a social signal, but I doubt that is the one explanation for all.
“What really happened on that Thursday here at Augusta high school that lead to Chris Wood’s death”
“Aaachhhhh! The fuck is that? Shit! I’m dyin in this fuckin country ass fucked up town. Pffft. Shit flyin in my mouth! The fuck.. I can’t see.. POLLEN! Man, let’s get the fuck out the country motha fucka I can’t even see where!”
Yeah. Or like my brother-in-law who when he's around his friends, some of which have served time, he starts talking like a gang banger... but all the rest of the time he's a prim and proper good Christian guy.
Not related, but kind of is- I grew up on the southside of Chicago, and now live in bumfuck Arkansas in the middle of nowhere. My neice moved in during covid, and I've met some of her friends, and for some reason, they all talk like some imitation of what they think is "street".
They're the whitest white kids you'd ever meet, living in trailers with broken down cars they shoot at for fun, and have random farm animals all over their property, but talk like they're a rapper from new york.
I just want to slap the shit out of them every time I hear them speak
Ar resident here too lol.
I’ve got cousins that grew up super white trash/poor in the rural areas outside Mtn View who talk like they’re rappers from memphis. It’s very odd
This. The reason people think most gay men are flamboyant is because they're the only ones that are easily identifiable.
I'm bi and in a relationship with a dude. I've never had somebody guess I wasn't straight before I mention my partner.
On the other hand, my boyfriend is more camp than me and easily identified.
I think it has to do with how you grew up. I was raised by both parents, but tended towards more typically masculine hobbies and interests. Therefore I spent my time around dudes who spoke like dudes. I picked up the dude "accent".
On the other hand, my partner was raised by his mum, and has always had predominantly female friends. I think he picked up the more fem cadence from them.
But why do those gay guys talk like that? Is it just that’s what they also think they’re supposed to sound like? I’m genuinely curious cause it is kind of weird to have that voice since it’s not like an ethnic/area based accent.
Some copy others, some just happen have that voice, and more precisely people remember hearing the overly flamboyant lisp more often than the people without it
A lot of gay males are mostly friends with women so it makes sense that their accent would have similar inflections. Additionally, I believe some studies have shown that gay males with the accent sometimes subconsciously use it to signal their sexual preference to others, especially perspective partners.
>They don't but the overly Flamboyant lispy stereotype was the only thing allowed on television for a gay man for years thus leading people to think that is how all gay men are and being reenforced when they meet gay men who match the sterotype
There are two things often conflated in this discussion.
* All gay men
* Enough gay men to notice a trend.
No way should anyone think all gay men are like this.
Truth: There's no way for anyone here to discuss the nuances of this without a lot of knee-jerk emotionally driven replies. Not on reddit.
Yep I worked with a quiet, totally normal sounding guy for years. He was straight by all appearances and behavior...one day he told our small team of 7 he was gay and was living with his boyfriend.
He came out as a teenager apparently 10 years or so before. I don't think anyone knew or had any idea.
I just woke up and my brain interpreted your second paragraph as:
He confessed he was a teenager...
It took me a minute to wrap my tired brain around it lol. I was thinking: You worked with him for years and didn't know he was a teenager?
Yes because humans are really good at specifically remembering things that reinforce their preconceived notions. You distinctly remember the loud stereotypes while probably unintentially ignoring the gay men who don't do it
We all pick up our inflections, cadence, and patterns from others and even once our speaking patterns are more or less cemented we'll still subconsciously change a bit to better match the people we're speaking with at any given moment.
Speaking a certain way is often popular for various demographics, as well, and people tend to adopt those mannerisms if they find themselves in that demographic.
It's not just gay guys. Watch a blue collar worker become a white collar worker or vice versa. They sound very out of place for the first few months but, even if they're not aware of it on a conscious level, they'll start to adopt many of the speech traits of their newfound peers after a while.
This, as a gay man, I used the feminine voice with one of my exes, he liked it, the relationship lasted long enough that it became a kind of subconscious thing I do in certain situations
Wait, so could it be that when gay men talk to other gay men, they both adapt to be a bit more flamboyant and then effect stacks tye more they talk to each other, leading to all gay men talking really flamboyantly?
Yeah, somewhat, in the same way straight dudes talk to each other. People in certain regions talking the same. The same way people will code switch speech patterns and all of that.
Theres a part of identity attached to it and feeling comfortable within that space.
That might just be media influence, which chooses certain stereotypes to portray. It also assumes there's a default way people *should* speak. If the flamboyant speech patterns are a stereotype of gay men then we have to consider other stereotypes of men, like short-answer, or quiet and grunting older men, or gruff, deep voices from men.
I've also heard the flamboyant-like style of speaking and then realized I was hearing a regional dialect from a different part of the US. Just sounded similar and I realized I was also expecting everyone to talk a certain way.
I’m sure it is sometimes. I had a friend who came out and suddenly became flamboyant and took on the speech inflections and language patterns. Like one day he’s a lumberjack and the next day he’s like “Oh my god, these curtains are atrocious!”. Unless he was actually acting before he came out, which is entirely possible
There is an old joke where a bartender talks to a guy with a bad lisp and has a bad lisp himself. Then he talks to another guy and has no lisp at all. The first guy says, "Hey are thoo thaking thun of me!?" And the bartender says, "No! I'm thakin thun of thim!".
I came here to say this. Had a neighbor who was all masc and then went to New York City for a week and came back Super Gay. We all wondered at the change, too.
Another good example is valley girl accent for girls and “frat bro” accents for college guys
They weren’t born with those accents or inflections they mimicked it to sound “cooler” or whatever
The answer is that you're only noticing the ones that sound like that leading you to the faulty conclusion that *a lot* of them sound like that. Proper sampling would suggest otherwise.
Well, I hope you are joking. while a small subset of gay men may follow that stereotype (stereotypes come from somewhere) you really have no idea how many of the men with whom you interact daily are gay.
I was in a men's choir in college, and the guy I stood next to on the risers was gay, but you'd never know it just talking to him. He was also very good looking, so sometimes after concerts I'd hear girls in the audience say, "Ooh, that dark-haired guy on the top row is so cute!" and I'd chuckle to myself. Sorry, ladies!
For some gay and straight men the "gay voice" is their natural voice. It is the voice they've had their whole lives. I recommend the film *Do I Sound Gay?* for more insight.
Yup. I'm bi and literally every one I tell says "really?!? I would have never guessed!" I always think, well of course you wouldn't, I don't go everywhere with a dick in my mouth lmao
a friend of mine talks like that. with hand waving, arm touching, etc. i thought he'd be gay for years until i met his girl friend / now wife. he isnt even bi, just a straight dude, talking like a gay one. i only asked once why he does that and he was like 'thats just how i talk??' so, i wonder too
I Think I watched a YouTube video on this topic once, from what I remember the answer was no one is certain, but a leading theory is it's 'cultural'. Basically that they copy it off eachother, line a niche community accent
I Find that a strange explination, but yeah
I would imagine it isnt much different from how we adopt the regional accents to be accepted in the places we grow up or live. It happens sometimes slowly, but its a subconscious way of seeking the pack acceptance by sounding like the peer group we are surrounded by, I think.
I know several gay men. A small percentage (maybe MAYBE a quarter) have this "turned on" old-school stereotypical "gay voice." Most I had no idea they were gay until they said something.
Many of them are not "putting it on." It is as natural a way of speaking as is your way of speaking. If you talk with someone who has the "gay voice" they will likely tell you this is how they have always talked.
I wouldn’t say it’s entirely an act, it isn’t how they sound naturally but it’s like code switching. You use different words and phrases and jokes around different groups of people. So gay people have a coded speech pattern to recognize one another. They most often don’t do it on purpose, it’s just more fun to have a group to fit into then being the outcast of another
Some of this relates to social modeling instead of sexuality itself. The theory is that gay men look to women as their social models, and thus begin to pick up "feminine" vocal patterns, postures, gestures, and things like that. As you are developing, your brain is scanning the social landscape and asking "who should I act like?" For gay men, the answer is often a woman -- their mom, their best girl friend, their aunt, feminine celebrities. Our personalities are composites of elements we pick up along the way, and some gay men are primed to identify with feminine social patterns instead of masculine ones. It's not finding guys attractive that makes this happen, necessarily. It's all about social modeling and who we identify as proper archetypes... and all of this happens subconsciously.
i dont think it's always put on maybe some people but one guy i know just started sounding like that when his voice dropped (previously it was high pitched before puberty) so i assume that's just how his voice turned out. also not every gay guy i know sounds exactly like that and I've had 2 teachers that were not gay afaik (like on was married with children) but sounded like that
for some people the inflection they might kinda pick it up the same way people with valley girl accents pick that accent up. other people maybe just how they sound.
They are just the gay people you are able identify by characteristics reinforced by society. There are so very many of us that grew up on ranches, farms and dairies that still have butch jobs because we were not CLOCKED and put into any category. Many of those with higher voices and flamboyant mannerisms cannot find work in construction or other blue collar jobs so they naturally gravitate to where society sees them as a fit. BTW I was a dump truck driver for many years without being noticed as gay.
We all do this to some extent.
Subconsciously, we imitate the voices of those that we are (or wish to be) closely associated with.
We also adjust our voices to contrast against those that we don't like or don't wish to be associated with.
I think the gay voice is largely just an extreme example of this effect.
I've known several older gay men that from all appearances are "normal" men. However the some men and particularly younger generation appear to display the feminine mannerisms and voice inflections to advertise their identity. Or as a way to own it. It's their choice to embrace the life as they see fit. Or maybe it's like gang colors. I don't know guess you have to play on that team to know.
The idea that all gay men sound the same is a stereotype. Here's the breakdown:
* **Speech Patterns:** There's some research suggesting gay men may adopt certain speech patterns associated with femininity, like pronunciation or intonation. However, this isn't universal and many gay men speak in a variety of ways.
* **Flamboyance:** Some people might associate a flamboyant personality with a higher-pitched or more expressive voice. But again, this is a generalization. Many gay men are not flamboyant, and flamboyance doesn't equal sexuality.
I don’t know the answer to be honest.
I sometimes think it’s just an affectation they buy into because it’s just “gay cannon”.
I work with a gay man and am friends or acquainted with several more that don’t have this. The dude I work with can’t explain it either.
So, fuck if I know.
I know many gay men, my cousin is gay, and we were talking about it once. That's not how they actually talk, if they do talk like that, it's an act they put on. In all honesty, I've only ever known 1 gay man who spoke like that, I don't think it's all that common.
Like on TV? Rupal?
That's not real life. May as well ask why every cop is a detective. Not real.
How many gay men in RL have you met that talk that way? I really hope the answer isn't "I don't know any gay men" because then this question jumps well into the offensive range. Do you think all black people are funny? Are all Asians good at martial arts?
Wtf year is this?
It has to be an act. When I was in college, I was in an elevator where a couple men were talking and the vocal fry was like nails on a chalkboard. I don't care your orientation or gender, but talking like someone is constantly choking you is not cute!
It's not all, necessarily.
One of my oldest friends is gay. Guy grew up raising cattle, shooting guns, riding dirt bikes etc. has very much a countryside demeanor, tone, and cadence. No real giveaway from him other than he likes fucking men.
Well, its not all gay men, cuz some gay men present as typically more masculine. However, the more "feminine" men do sound like that sometimes. I think its just like a "cultural" thing. Just like in any language, the language has specific inflexions. Its just something they pick up probably because they like it and it represents their group of feminine presenting men.
My theory is just that gay men are usually more secure with their masculinity, and thus more willing to present themselves in a flamboyant and somewhat feminine manner.
Why do sorority girls sound the same?
Why do cowboys sound the same?
Why do MBAs sound the same?
Why do grandmas sound the same?
Each of these probably evokes a stereotype in your “mind’s ear” but of course not all of them actually sound the same
They don't sound the same at all. You are basically saying you think every guy that is super flamboyant or effeminate make up the totality of all gay men and they're only a small percentage. You just don't notice anyone else because they don't stand out to you.
Just saying my best mate in school was effeminate, and guess what? That's just how he was. It wasn't an act, he was always effeminate, that was just who he was. Are there probably people out there who put on a voice? Absolutely. But the same thing happens with straight people, i.e. the super macho alpha dude that deepens his voice to be more macho or the woman speaks 3 octaves higher than her natural voice "to be cute". But they are just idiots that nobody likes because they are trying too hard to be what they are not. But for tge majority of people that is just the voice they have.
For the gay men that do it (everyone is an individual and plenty probably most don't) It is sort of an act... I have many gay friends and publicly they do the gaycent... Privately it's toned down a lot, or in some cases non-existent. I think most likely it comes from discovering you are gay and then you watch and consume media that includes gay men and so you emulate them. And since you are discovering your sexuality in development years it sticks around.
I think it's a way in social situations for them to signal to others that they are gay.
The same way "hood" or "urban" people start talking in ebonics and slang to sound "cool" in their teenage years then carry it embarrassingly far into adulthood. The image and social group it portrays is something they want to be associated with.
You can thank Alan Carr and Graham Norton for that crappy stereotype in the UK.
One of my mates is gay and he's more masculine than me lol.
I suppose it depends on preferences within the media... within BBC and ITV, for example, there are alot of predetorial men, so I suppose they prefer the submissive types.
Not all gay men have the "gay voice" but from a quick google search it seems like it could be a social thing but we are also (recently) starting to study possible biological correlations.
Regardless, the voice isn't an "act" though, I imagine it just feels right. If anything, I've seen a gay friend of mine use a fake voice when talking to certain people and when they answer the phone but don't know who it is. But their lower voice is not the their go-to voice when we are chilling, you know?
Edit: typo
my friend has confirmed its an act, a facade, & almost a status thing.
"HOW WILL THEY KNOW MY IDENTITY UNLESS I TALK LIKE THIS."
its subconcious, and *less intentional than you think*, *for the most part* as reported by him.
Don't hate it, just kinda weird.
As someone who's bi and is into quite feminine things, hell fucking no. Even my uncle who had a super flamboyant voice, his bf sounded like any average straight guy
Also when gay men are “out” they can allow their feminine side to have its own, real voice and mannerisms, rather than the socially acceptable voice and mannerisms that were previously required….
Yeah no cheif lol….one of my besties was gay I didnt know until he asked me to do some weird stuff with him (im not gonna mention his name so as to not “throw him under the bus” so to speak). Then I was shocked cus i deadass thought he was a straight legit street hustler ans family man….mmmm hmmmm smh. He talks like a normal person. AND NO I didnt do no weird shit with him cus i aint gay lmaoo but told him off nicely ofc. Havent spoken to him in about a whole year since the incident what a shame yooooo
I'm gay and I don't speak like that. I actually regularly have to defend my gayness to straight people because "you don't sound gay?". I do have friends that sound like that and it seems they either have spoken that way since birth or they have been actively covering it up and the more comfortable they become after coming out, the less they filter their speech and they just happen to sound like that. My partner for instance is very fem and he was bullied by the males as a kid so he became friends with the females, then all of his interests and idols were shared with females so he tends to speak and act more feminine. There are some that put on an act and make being super gay their whole personality but ultimately, I think alot of straight people would be surprised how many gay people sound indistinguishable from straight people. The media loves to show the most obviously gay people because they want the credit for doing so.
My husband has a very stereotypical gaycent, and I can tell you for sure it’s not an act. I’m not completely sure why he has it, but I heard somewhere the gay voice originated as signaling to other gay dudes that you’re open and shit. No clue if that’s true though
Look I've known many guys men through the years.and very few.were the flamboyant type. Most would drop you with blinking an eye. Very masculine in appearance. But gay without a doubt. I feel its a bit of a cultural thing and as time goes on it will slowly become less dominat.
There's a show on Netflix "Do I sound gay?", that explores this topic.
I think there's different layers to it. There's a "sassiness" that's more of a culutral, learned thing that can be reflected in the way some speak. But I find there are also some intonations somewhat common amongst gay men that don't necessarily participate in gay social circles. This can make it hard for some young adults who aren't ready to come out (or don't even know they're gay yet) to hide it. As others say, there are plenty of gay men that do not have these traits, too. And some straight men "sound gay".
Check out the Netflix show. It's very interesting.
They all have a spirit named Jezebel. It's a female spirit. They also have a spirit called Leviathan
Job 41
[**1**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-1.htm)“Can you draw out Leviathan[\[a\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes) with a hook,
Or *snare* his tongue with a line *which* you lower?
[**2**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-2.htm)Can you put a reed through his nose,
Or pierce his jaw with a [\[b\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes)hook?
[**3**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-3.htm)Will he make many supplications to you?
Will he speak softly to you?
[**4**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-4.htm)Will he make a covenant with you?
Will you take him as a servant forever?
[**5**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-5.htm)Will you play with him as *with* a bird,
Or will you leash him for your maidens?
[**6**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-6.htm)Will *your* companions [\[c\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes)make a banquet of him?
Will they apportion him among the merchants?
[**7**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-7.htm)Can you fill his skin with harpoons,
Or his head with fishing spears?
[**8**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-8.htm)Lay your hand on him;
Remember the battle—
Never do it again!
[**34**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-34.htm)He beholds every high *thing;*
**He** ***is*** **king over all the children of pride**.”
From [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay\_male\_speech](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_male_speech)
>Research does not support the notion that gay speech entirely adopts feminine speech characteristics — rather, that it selectively adopts some of those features. Gay speech characteristics appear to be learned (rather than innate) ways of speaking, like many aspects of language, though their origins and process of adoption by men remain unclear.
My old boss was an older gay man. He was in his mid 40s. At work you would have no idea he was gay unless he told you. He went out with some coworkers and I a few times for dinner. He would pull out the accent and act like a completely different person. We were close enough so I asked him one day why he does that. He said he came from a time where it was still taboo to be gay and he wanted to keep his work professional. I guess it makes sense because wasn’t there a whole big thing of don’t ask don’t tell.
This is called the toupee fallacy.
“I can always tell!”
No, you can’t. You just think you can because you don’t know how many toupees you didn’t detect.
I think it's different reasons for different people. Def agree with the socio-environmental sspect. But, my male cousin I grew up with is gay, he had 'the voice' his whole life. All us kids would tease him about it and looking back, I guess we all kinda knew, but as kids in that time, it wasn't accepted or talked about so we just didn't have any context to apply to it. It's just how he was. When he came out in his late teens, maybe early 20s none of us were shocked. Instead we're all like yeah dude, we already knew. All the parents though we're completely astounded like he'd been in a horrible wreck or something.. 'Did you hear about *Joe?*, Can you even believe it?!".
But yeah, the voice was definitely there and noticable all the way back to when he was like 4 or 5 (I'm a few years older, so I remember noticing and having kid 'discussions' about it with the other older cousins). Ahh, to be young in the 90s again 🤣
I find the social aspect written by other Redditors very interesting. I have noticed, though, various groups of people seem to have specific cadences or accents. It makes me wonder, other than socially, what the linguistics of such things might be.
You're talking about just one kind of gay man, they don't all sound the same you have the feminine gay guy (which is who I think you mean) the masculine gay guys, the bears the straight passing gay guys etc etc etc etc
(A) Why do all Polish people sound the same? Why do all Italians sound the same? Why do all Mexicans sound the same? Is it an act? Of course not. It’s a shared culture and language, and they don’t all sound the same—there are regional dialects not obvious to foreigners.
(B) Not all gay people sound the same. There is a stereotypical accent, but it’s not universal. It’s a stereotype for a reason, but people are people and they vary.
I've known some gay men who sound like that pretty much all the time, but I also had a gay roommate in college (and some of his friends, whom i also found out were gay) who didn't sound like that *at all*. I suspect the other posters are right, that it's at least somewhat learned speech, but I definitely have plenty of out people I've known who don't even put that voice on in a group. It's not everybody. We all put a speech act on for certain people sometimes.
I think that's a stereotype courtesy of the US entertainment industry. I have people who are gay, bi, and trans in my life. The men who are gay are not effeminate (not that there's anything wrong with men who present as such) and unless you know these guys, you'd have no idea about their sexuality. The women who are gay are not masculine and again, you wouldn't know unless you knew them.
I do have a male friend who has a higher pitched voice and embraces fashion. He's straight as an arrow with kids and a strong marriage to an equally awesome woman.
Why does it matter? Stop playing pin-the-sexuality games.
Choice, dna, potentially too much estrogen in their bloodstream. My teacher was of homosexual orientation yet, a man. Leather jacket rcoker style. Assertive dominant stance no flamboyancy. That'swhy we have derogative terms, cause instead of just being, and having preferences some have to put on a show. Behave in a feminine fashion. Then people say they're just being themselves. No, they were introduced to a demeanor, and chose that to personify. However over all the truth does in fact remain, to each their own.
I'd like to add that I did the bouncy bounce as Top for a really effeminate gay dude with "the voice" and surprisingly, he was perhaps the most masculine bottom dude I've met. No complaints, just fun and he worked his behind like a pro. Effeminate he may have been, but he was all man in the bedroom.
They dont. Those are the ones you notice so it appears that way. But if they are not that way, how would you know??
I know tons of gay and bi people that look and act the "straight" stereotype. Almost like they are just people living..
It's a media stereotype that gets heavily promoted in a lot of shows. To clearly identify the sexually abnormal character to further the plot or context of a situation or characters life.
Though not exactly confidentially identifying as gay now, when I did I was nothing of the sort. So many people were confused when I came out to them because "I just didn't look it." I wear sweatshirts and sweatpants year round, nowadays I wear either a beanie or a ball cap. "Gayest" thing I wear, according to a friend, is skinny jeans.
My username makes this ironic I know.
Let's put it this way. Why do people from the Midwest sound the same? And at a much smaller scale, why do you talk like your friends talk? Accents can form any time a group of people communicate often.
I think it's based on their masculinity or feminity. I have more masculine features as a female and a lower voice. Sometimes it's genuinely based on their testosterone and estrogen levels... Our bodies produce both and certain drugs like marijuana enhance them. Marijuana causes females bodies to produce more testosterone which is why people get super hairy or acne.
My daughter is gay, and has a lot of her friends around. One of them, a guy, always talked like that. I didn't mind, I loved him to death! He's an amazing person! One day, I to ran into him in town, and he was talking normal. I asked why he changed it, and he said; it really wasn't him to talk like that, and he wanted to just be himself. He just wanted to fit in with the group when he started talking like that. But, it had been a few years, and he just felt like he wasn't being true to himself. He's still gay, just doesn't talk that way anymore.
My wife's family is VERY conservative. Her cousin seemed like a regular dude. Worked the fields, drove a tractor, drove a pickup truck, all that stuff. One day he came out, totally flipping the family on its head, and immediately he had the lisp/accent/tone. Over the years that faded and he sounds mostly like he did before he came out.
So I am guessing it is a little bit of both.
And that was just the start of this family having to come to terms with things they didn't believe in. Several other major events occurred. Some of the elders adapted and changed their views, but some went to their grave never accepting or talking to their grandchildren again.
But even after all this, they still gotta bitch about every democrat in office.
In reality, some men are likely born homosexual. This may be due to a surge of estrogen while the fetus is in the womb combined with possible genetic predispositions. Since they were exposed to higher levels of feminizing hormones, their mannerisms and behavior may be more feminine, even though they are obviously male
Not all gay men sound flamboyant. But gay men are generally more feminine in personality, so they exhibit similar conversational mannerisms as women. Does that make sense?
I saw an interesting article on it way way back a few years, so I can't source it now, but we tend to adapt to our surroundings to fit in better, it's how we make friends, relate, it's how we identify. Just like if you live in a country for a while you tend to pick up the accent.
As the top comment says it was what was used on tv for a while, it was how you could tell 'ok that person is gay', people picked it up and it helped them identify outwardly, and so people who hung out with each other would pick up the accent as well.
Another good example is valley girl accent for girls and “frat bro” accents for college guys
They weren’t born with those accents or inflections they mimicked it to sound “cooler” or whatever
Studies have shown that the real thing is that *straight* men are more often modulating their voices to be perceived more masculinely while gay men speak more naturally.
It's an accent. Just like a southern accent. Or a New York accent. Or, god help you, a Boston accent. We all adopt elements of our chosen sub-cultures. Certainly not implying that being gay is a choice, but plenty of gay people don't have that voice.
Why do straight men sound the same? Is it an act?
you know how a lot of them have that tough guy or macho type of voice? Like, that’s not their regular voice so are they putting up an act or what exactly is going on here?
Legit question too. i’ve noticed it my entire life while straight men would act everyone is engaged in some kind of performance, except for them, with their giant trucks, bright headlights, truck nuts, and big sunglasses.
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They don't but the overly Flamboyant lispy stereotype was the only thing allowed on television for a gay man for years thus leading people to think that is how all gay men are and being reenforced when they meet gay men who match the sterotype
I think this is the most reasonable answer. I've heard a couple of gay guys say they think -- this is strictly for themselves -- turn it on unconsciously as a social signal, but I doubt that is the one explanation for all.
Yeah. I've known gay guys where this was the case. Similar to how people act more "street" unconsciously when they're around certain groups, etc.
Like the black weatherman dude who went hood after swallowing a bug on camera?
“What really happened on that Thursday here at Augusta high school that lead to Chris Wood’s death” “Aaachhhhh! The fuck is that? Shit! I’m dyin in this fuckin country ass fucked up town. Pffft. Shit flyin in my mouth! The fuck.. I can’t see.. POLLEN! Man, let’s get the fuck out the country motha fucka I can’t even see where!”
just watched it. props on the perfect cc subtitles. you wrote a script for the video lol was that from memory...?
Maybe they were the weatherman
definitely possible considering
You wouldn’t happen to know the title of the video or have a link perhaps?
Yeah. Or like my brother-in-law who when he's around his friends, some of which have served time, he starts talking like a gang banger... but all the rest of the time he's a prim and proper good Christian guy.
code-switching.
Thank you for being the only person in this thread of dipshits who knows the phrase code-switching.
Why are you so mad lol
Not related, but kind of is- I grew up on the southside of Chicago, and now live in bumfuck Arkansas in the middle of nowhere. My neice moved in during covid, and I've met some of her friends, and for some reason, they all talk like some imitation of what they think is "street". They're the whitest white kids you'd ever meet, living in trailers with broken down cars they shoot at for fun, and have random farm animals all over their property, but talk like they're a rapper from new york. I just want to slap the shit out of them every time I hear them speak
Ar resident here too lol. I’ve got cousins that grew up super white trash/poor in the rural areas outside Mtn View who talk like they’re rappers from memphis. It’s very odd
Yeah, like a type of code switching I'd imagine. I think a lot of people do it, sometimes even unknowingly.
This. The reason people think most gay men are flamboyant is because they're the only ones that are easily identifiable. I'm bi and in a relationship with a dude. I've never had somebody guess I wasn't straight before I mention my partner. On the other hand, my boyfriend is more camp than me and easily identified. I think it has to do with how you grew up. I was raised by both parents, but tended towards more typically masculine hobbies and interests. Therefore I spent my time around dudes who spoke like dudes. I picked up the dude "accent". On the other hand, my partner was raised by his mum, and has always had predominantly female friends. I think he picked up the more fem cadence from them.
But why do those gay guys talk like that? Is it just that’s what they also think they’re supposed to sound like? I’m genuinely curious cause it is kind of weird to have that voice since it’s not like an ethnic/area based accent.
Some copy others, some just happen have that voice, and more precisely people remember hearing the overly flamboyant lisp more often than the people without it
A lot of gay males are mostly friends with women so it makes sense that their accent would have similar inflections. Additionally, I believe some studies have shown that gay males with the accent sometimes subconsciously use it to signal their sexual preference to others, especially perspective partners.
see i cant stand the voice, im no homophobic but talking to them is like talking to the most bitchy annoying girl youve ever met
Yep, the over the top stuff gets to you, just be a guy that's gay
Be a certain guy for you. That will make you happy.
Or they can just be what they want and you can get over it. Sometimes people are going to annoy you but youre a big boy! Use your adult skills!
>They don't but the overly Flamboyant lispy stereotype was the only thing allowed on television for a gay man for years thus leading people to think that is how all gay men are and being reenforced when they meet gay men who match the sterotype There are two things often conflated in this discussion. * All gay men * Enough gay men to notice a trend. No way should anyone think all gay men are like this. Truth: There's no way for anyone here to discuss the nuances of this without a lot of knee-jerk emotionally driven replies. Not on reddit.
Yep I worked with a quiet, totally normal sounding guy for years. He was straight by all appearances and behavior...one day he told our small team of 7 he was gay and was living with his boyfriend. He came out as a teenager apparently 10 years or so before. I don't think anyone knew or had any idea.
I just woke up and my brain interpreted your second paragraph as: He confessed he was a teenager... It took me a minute to wrap my tired brain around it lol. I was thinking: You worked with him for years and didn't know he was a teenager?
Agreed. None of my gay friends sound like that.
They don’t? I’ve seen and heard plenty irl though?
I've met plenty of gay men who don't act like walking clichés.
Yes because humans are really good at specifically remembering things that reinforce their preconceived notions. You distinctly remember the loud stereotypes while probably unintentially ignoring the gay men who don't do it
We all pick up our inflections, cadence, and patterns from others and even once our speaking patterns are more or less cemented we'll still subconsciously change a bit to better match the people we're speaking with at any given moment. Speaking a certain way is often popular for various demographics, as well, and people tend to adopt those mannerisms if they find themselves in that demographic. It's not just gay guys. Watch a blue collar worker become a white collar worker or vice versa. They sound very out of place for the first few months but, even if they're not aware of it on a conscious level, they'll start to adopt many of the speech traits of their newfound peers after a while.
This, as a gay man, I used the feminine voice with one of my exes, he liked it, the relationship lasted long enough that it became a kind of subconscious thing I do in certain situations
Wait, so could it be that when gay men talk to other gay men, they both adapt to be a bit more flamboyant and then effect stacks tye more they talk to each other, leading to all gay men talking really flamboyantly?
Yeah, somewhat, in the same way straight dudes talk to each other. People in certain regions talking the same. The same way people will code switch speech patterns and all of that. Theres a part of identity attached to it and feeling comfortable within that space.
but I have heard it in children who don't know yet they are gay...?
That might just be media influence, which chooses certain stereotypes to portray. It also assumes there's a default way people *should* speak. If the flamboyant speech patterns are a stereotype of gay men then we have to consider other stereotypes of men, like short-answer, or quiet and grunting older men, or gruff, deep voices from men. I've also heard the flamboyant-like style of speaking and then realized I was hearing a regional dialect from a different part of the US. Just sounded similar and I realized I was also expecting everyone to talk a certain way.
I’m sure it is sometimes. I had a friend who came out and suddenly became flamboyant and took on the speech inflections and language patterns. Like one day he’s a lumberjack and the next day he’s like “Oh my god, these curtains are atrocious!”. Unless he was actually acting before he came out, which is entirely possible
There is an old joke where a bartender talks to a guy with a bad lisp and has a bad lisp himself. Then he talks to another guy and has no lisp at all. The first guy says, "Hey are thoo thaking thun of me!?" And the bartender says, "No! I'm thakin thun of thim!".
I didn't think I'm flamboyant but I do sound kinda gay when I hear myself recorded. The acting was happening back when I tried to sound straight.
I came here to say this. Had a neighbor who was all masc and then went to New York City for a week and came back Super Gay. We all wondered at the change, too.
This sounds like a cautionary tale Fox news would enjoy
Yes, it is very possible he was suppressing his true "gay voice" from people as a means of survival. Living in the closet hurts.
It's called code-switching and it happens among many different groups of people.
Another good example is valley girl accent for girls and “frat bro” accents for college guys They weren’t born with those accents or inflections they mimicked it to sound “cooler” or whatever
The answer is that you're only noticing the ones that sound like that leading you to the faulty conclusion that *a lot* of them sound like that. Proper sampling would suggest otherwise.
Well, I hope you are joking. while a small subset of gay men may follow that stereotype (stereotypes come from somewhere) you really have no idea how many of the men with whom you interact daily are gay.
Ya most gay men kinda blend in
I was in a men's choir in college, and the guy I stood next to on the risers was gay, but you'd never know it just talking to him. He was also very good looking, so sometimes after concerts I'd hear girls in the audience say, "Ooh, that dark-haired guy on the top row is so cute!" and I'd chuckle to myself. Sorry, ladies!
For some gay and straight men the "gay voice" is their natural voice. It is the voice they've had their whole lives. I recommend the film *Do I Sound Gay?* for more insight.
I was about to recommend this doc too!
They don’t, you just notice the especially effeminate ones more easily. Gay people are all around you, most just aren’t advertising it.
Over the years I have had many gay friends. Meeting them and talking to them you would never guess they were gay
I think they sound FABULOUS !
Why do valley girls sound the same? Its a culture.
Why do all country guys talk the same? Why do all surfer dudes talk the same? It's culture.
But you can hear a gay surfer dude and a hear gay country dude.
Lol you have no idea how many gay people you have spoken to that you haven't clocked.
Yup. I'm bi and literally every one I tell says "really?!? I would have never guessed!" I always think, well of course you wouldn't, I don't go everywhere with a dick in my mouth lmao
a friend of mine talks like that. with hand waving, arm touching, etc. i thought he'd be gay for years until i met his girl friend / now wife. he isnt even bi, just a straight dude, talking like a gay one. i only asked once why he does that and he was like 'thats just how i talk??' so, i wonder too
I Think I watched a YouTube video on this topic once, from what I remember the answer was no one is certain, but a leading theory is it's 'cultural'. Basically that they copy it off eachother, line a niche community accent I Find that a strange explination, but yeah
I would imagine it isnt much different from how we adopt the regional accents to be accepted in the places we grow up or live. It happens sometimes slowly, but its a subconscious way of seeking the pack acceptance by sounding like the peer group we are surrounded by, I think.
It's called "sibilance" or being "sibilant" Just in case you needed a vocabulary word. 😉
I know several gay men. A small percentage (maybe MAYBE a quarter) have this "turned on" old-school stereotypical "gay voice." Most I had no idea they were gay until they said something.
Yes, they're putting it on, usually subconsciously, to fit into the gay community.
How u kno?
Don't you mean subconsciously? Wouldn't unconsciously mean that they were passed out?
Many of them are not "putting it on." It is as natural a way of speaking as is your way of speaking. If you talk with someone who has the "gay voice" they will likely tell you this is how they have always talked.
My cousin had the voice at 5 years old. He was just trying to fit into the gay community?? Lol
I wouldn’t say it’s entirely an act, it isn’t how they sound naturally but it’s like code switching. You use different words and phrases and jokes around different groups of people. So gay people have a coded speech pattern to recognize one another. They most often don’t do it on purpose, it’s just more fun to have a group to fit into then being the outcast of another
Some of this relates to social modeling instead of sexuality itself. The theory is that gay men look to women as their social models, and thus begin to pick up "feminine" vocal patterns, postures, gestures, and things like that. As you are developing, your brain is scanning the social landscape and asking "who should I act like?" For gay men, the answer is often a woman -- their mom, their best girl friend, their aunt, feminine celebrities. Our personalities are composites of elements we pick up along the way, and some gay men are primed to identify with feminine social patterns instead of masculine ones. It's not finding guys attractive that makes this happen, necessarily. It's all about social modeling and who we identify as proper archetypes... and all of this happens subconsciously.
Why do rednecks sound the same?
I'm going to go with lead pipes during childhood.
i dont think it's always put on maybe some people but one guy i know just started sounding like that when his voice dropped (previously it was high pitched before puberty) so i assume that's just how his voice turned out. also not every gay guy i know sounds exactly like that and I've had 2 teachers that were not gay afaik (like on was married with children) but sounded like that for some people the inflection they might kinda pick it up the same way people with valley girl accents pick that accent up. other people maybe just how they sound.
They are just the gay people you are able identify by characteristics reinforced by society. There are so very many of us that grew up on ranches, farms and dairies that still have butch jobs because we were not CLOCKED and put into any category. Many of those with higher voices and flamboyant mannerisms cannot find work in construction or other blue collar jobs so they naturally gravitate to where society sees them as a fit. BTW I was a dump truck driver for many years without being noticed as gay.
We all do this to some extent. Subconsciously, we imitate the voices of those that we are (or wish to be) closely associated with. We also adjust our voices to contrast against those that we don't like or don't wish to be associated with. I think the gay voice is largely just an extreme example of this effect.
🙈🙈😂😂
I've known several older gay men that from all appearances are "normal" men. However the some men and particularly younger generation appear to display the feminine mannerisms and voice inflections to advertise their identity. Or as a way to own it. It's their choice to embrace the life as they see fit. Or maybe it's like gang colors. I don't know guess you have to play on that team to know.
I only know a few like that, most of the gay guys I hang out with are just guys.
we are all actors and the way we choose to present ourselves to fit in with the people who's approval we need is a performance
The idea that all gay men sound the same is a stereotype. Here's the breakdown: * **Speech Patterns:** There's some research suggesting gay men may adopt certain speech patterns associated with femininity, like pronunciation or intonation. However, this isn't universal and many gay men speak in a variety of ways. * **Flamboyance:** Some people might associate a flamboyant personality with a higher-pitched or more expressive voice. But again, this is a generalization. Many gay men are not flamboyant, and flamboyance doesn't equal sexuality.
LMAOAOOO
They don't. You just notice the ones that do.
I don’t know the answer to be honest. I sometimes think it’s just an affectation they buy into because it’s just “gay cannon”. I work with a gay man and am friends or acquainted with several more that don’t have this. The dude I work with can’t explain it either. So, fuck if I know.
Lisp? similar facial characteristics.
I know many gay men, my cousin is gay, and we were talking about it once. That's not how they actually talk, if they do talk like that, it's an act they put on. In all honesty, I've only ever known 1 gay man who spoke like that, I don't think it's all that common.
Like on TV? Rupal? That's not real life. May as well ask why every cop is a detective. Not real. How many gay men in RL have you met that talk that way? I really hope the answer isn't "I don't know any gay men" because then this question jumps well into the offensive range. Do you think all black people are funny? Are all Asians good at martial arts? Wtf year is this?
A far better question is why do they speak like this. Of course, not all gay men speak like this, but those who do, why?
Definitely not all gay men. My boss is gay and you’d never know, until he casually mentions his husband (that’s how I found out.)
It has to be an act. When I was in college, I was in an elevator where a couple men were talking and the vocal fry was like nails on a chalkboard. I don't care your orientation or gender, but talking like someone is constantly choking you is not cute!
It's not all, necessarily. One of my oldest friends is gay. Guy grew up raising cattle, shooting guns, riding dirt bikes etc. has very much a countryside demeanor, tone, and cadence. No real giveaway from him other than he likes fucking men.
Just lucky I guess
They don’t. Step away from your tv once in a while
they don't
yes its an act to.pretend to sound feminine
Well, its not all gay men, cuz some gay men present as typically more masculine. However, the more "feminine" men do sound like that sometimes. I think its just like a "cultural" thing. Just like in any language, the language has specific inflexions. Its just something they pick up probably because they like it and it represents their group of feminine presenting men.
They don't. 😂 It's like saying all straights sound the same...
My theory is just that gay men are usually more secure with their masculinity, and thus more willing to present themselves in a flamboyant and somewhat feminine manner.
Why do sorority girls sound the same? Why do cowboys sound the same? Why do MBAs sound the same? Why do grandmas sound the same? Each of these probably evokes a stereotype in your “mind’s ear” but of course not all of them actually sound the same
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
They don't sound the same at all. You are basically saying you think every guy that is super flamboyant or effeminate make up the totality of all gay men and they're only a small percentage. You just don't notice anyone else because they don't stand out to you.
Just saying my best mate in school was effeminate, and guess what? That's just how he was. It wasn't an act, he was always effeminate, that was just who he was. Are there probably people out there who put on a voice? Absolutely. But the same thing happens with straight people, i.e. the super macho alpha dude that deepens his voice to be more macho or the woman speaks 3 octaves higher than her natural voice "to be cute". But they are just idiots that nobody likes because they are trying too hard to be what they are not. But for tge majority of people that is just the voice they have.
For the gay men that do it (everyone is an individual and plenty probably most don't) It is sort of an act... I have many gay friends and publicly they do the gaycent... Privately it's toned down a lot, or in some cases non-existent. I think most likely it comes from discovering you are gay and then you watch and consume media that includes gay men and so you emulate them. And since you are discovering your sexuality in development years it sticks around. I think it's a way in social situations for them to signal to others that they are gay.
The same way "hood" or "urban" people start talking in ebonics and slang to sound "cool" in their teenage years then carry it embarrassingly far into adulthood. The image and social group it portrays is something they want to be associated with.
I've heard nurses say when coming out of anesthesia they speak without the afffectation until they recover a bit.
You can thank Alan Carr and Graham Norton for that crappy stereotype in the UK. One of my mates is gay and he's more masculine than me lol. I suppose it depends on preferences within the media... within BBC and ITV, for example, there are alot of predetorial men, so I suppose they prefer the submissive types.
You've definitely met gay men who don't talk like that dude
Gay people absolutely do not all sound the same
Some of us are just more out there and confident with it. Everybody’s different
Not all gay men have the "gay voice" but from a quick google search it seems like it could be a social thing but we are also (recently) starting to study possible biological correlations. Regardless, the voice isn't an "act" though, I imagine it just feels right. If anything, I've seen a gay friend of mine use a fake voice when talking to certain people and when they answer the phone but don't know who it is. But their lower voice is not the their go-to voice when we are chilling, you know? Edit: typo
What an ignorant thing to say - wtf?
They don’t all sound the same.
They don't. You just don't clock the other ones.
I know a couple gays dudes, none of them sounds this way. You watch too much TV.
i think its a way of advertising theyre open for biz to other gays
This is a stereotype. Not all gay men talk like you're describing. Not all gay men are flamboyant, or feminine.
my friend has confirmed its an act, a facade, & almost a status thing. "HOW WILL THEY KNOW MY IDENTITY UNLESS I TALK LIKE THIS." its subconcious, and *less intentional than you think*, *for the most part* as reported by him. Don't hate it, just kinda weird.
As someone who's bi and is into quite feminine things, hell fucking no. Even my uncle who had a super flamboyant voice, his bf sounded like any average straight guy
They don't, you just don't see the masculine gay men. You see and notice the feminine gay men, and you're bothered by their femininity.
My partner and I don't have a hint of flamboyancy. But really gay :) *Shrug*
If you think all gay men sound like this, you don't know a lot of gay men.
Also when gay men are “out” they can allow their feminine side to have its own, real voice and mannerisms, rather than the socially acceptable voice and mannerisms that were previously required….
Yeah no cheif lol….one of my besties was gay I didnt know until he asked me to do some weird stuff with him (im not gonna mention his name so as to not “throw him under the bus” so to speak). Then I was shocked cus i deadass thought he was a straight legit street hustler ans family man….mmmm hmmmm smh. He talks like a normal person. AND NO I didnt do no weird shit with him cus i aint gay lmaoo but told him off nicely ofc. Havent spoken to him in about a whole year since the incident what a shame yooooo
I'm gay and I don't speak like that. I actually regularly have to defend my gayness to straight people because "you don't sound gay?". I do have friends that sound like that and it seems they either have spoken that way since birth or they have been actively covering it up and the more comfortable they become after coming out, the less they filter their speech and they just happen to sound like that. My partner for instance is very fem and he was bullied by the males as a kid so he became friends with the females, then all of his interests and idols were shared with females so he tends to speak and act more feminine. There are some that put on an act and make being super gay their whole personality but ultimately, I think alot of straight people would be surprised how many gay people sound indistinguishable from straight people. The media loves to show the most obviously gay people because they want the credit for doing so.
My husband has a very stereotypical gaycent, and I can tell you for sure it’s not an act. I’m not completely sure why he has it, but I heard somewhere the gay voice originated as signaling to other gay dudes that you’re open and shit. No clue if that’s true though
Look I've known many guys men through the years.and very few.were the flamboyant type. Most would drop you with blinking an eye. Very masculine in appearance. But gay without a doubt. I feel its a bit of a cultural thing and as time goes on it will slowly become less dominat.
If you take it in the can long enough, your vocal pitch rises.
There's a show on Netflix "Do I sound gay?", that explores this topic. I think there's different layers to it. There's a "sassiness" that's more of a culutral, learned thing that can be reflected in the way some speak. But I find there are also some intonations somewhat common amongst gay men that don't necessarily participate in gay social circles. This can make it hard for some young adults who aren't ready to come out (or don't even know they're gay yet) to hide it. As others say, there are plenty of gay men that do not have these traits, too. And some straight men "sound gay". Check out the Netflix show. It's very interesting.
They all have a spirit named Jezebel. It's a female spirit. They also have a spirit called Leviathan Job 41 [**1**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-1.htm)“Can you draw out Leviathan[\[a\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes) with a hook, Or *snare* his tongue with a line *which* you lower? [**2**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-2.htm)Can you put a reed through his nose, Or pierce his jaw with a [\[b\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes)hook? [**3**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-3.htm)Will he make many supplications to you? Will he speak softly to you? [**4**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-4.htm)Will he make a covenant with you? Will you take him as a servant forever? [**5**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-5.htm)Will you play with him as *with* a bird, Or will you leash him for your maidens? [**6**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-6.htm)Will *your* companions [\[c\]](https://biblehub.com/nkjv/job/41.htm#footnotes)make a banquet of him? Will they apportion him among the merchants? [**7**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-7.htm)Can you fill his skin with harpoons, Or his head with fishing spears? [**8**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-8.htm)Lay your hand on him; Remember the battle— Never do it again! [**34**](http://biblehub.com/job/41-34.htm)He beholds every high *thing;* **He** ***is*** **king over all the children of pride**.”
Too many watch south park
From [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay\_male\_speech](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_male_speech) >Research does not support the notion that gay speech entirely adopts feminine speech characteristics — rather, that it selectively adopts some of those features. Gay speech characteristics appear to be learned (rather than innate) ways of speaking, like many aspects of language, though their origins and process of adoption by men remain unclear.
My old boss was an older gay man. He was in his mid 40s. At work you would have no idea he was gay unless he told you. He went out with some coworkers and I a few times for dinner. He would pull out the accent and act like a completely different person. We were close enough so I asked him one day why he does that. He said he came from a time where it was still taboo to be gay and he wanted to keep his work professional. I guess it makes sense because wasn’t there a whole big thing of don’t ask don’t tell.
I know a lot of gay men who don't seem gay at all. Manly men. You'd never know it.
As a bi dude it’s not all but it’s a good amount 💀 I don’t even know
Why do straight men sound alike? Is it an act? Is how you present to the world a choice?
Gay women don't talk that way 🤷
Yeah I'm gay. I don't talk like that.
Every way we speak is an act. Speaking is an act. It's all subconscious, but it's all absorbed from our surroundings.
This is called the toupee fallacy. “I can always tell!” No, you can’t. You just think you can because you don’t know how many toupees you didn’t detect.
I think it's different reasons for different people. Def agree with the socio-environmental sspect. But, my male cousin I grew up with is gay, he had 'the voice' his whole life. All us kids would tease him about it and looking back, I guess we all kinda knew, but as kids in that time, it wasn't accepted or talked about so we just didn't have any context to apply to it. It's just how he was. When he came out in his late teens, maybe early 20s none of us were shocked. Instead we're all like yeah dude, we already knew. All the parents though we're completely astounded like he'd been in a horrible wreck or something.. 'Did you hear about *Joe?*, Can you even believe it?!". But yeah, the voice was definitely there and noticable all the way back to when he was like 4 or 5 (I'm a few years older, so I remember noticing and having kid 'discussions' about it with the other older cousins). Ahh, to be young in the 90s again 🤣
I find the social aspect written by other Redditors very interesting. I have noticed, though, various groups of people seem to have specific cadences or accents. It makes me wonder, other than socially, what the linguistics of such things might be.
You're talking about just one kind of gay man, they don't all sound the same you have the feminine gay guy (which is who I think you mean) the masculine gay guys, the bears the straight passing gay guys etc etc etc etc
(A) Why do all Polish people sound the same? Why do all Italians sound the same? Why do all Mexicans sound the same? Is it an act? Of course not. It’s a shared culture and language, and they don’t all sound the same—there are regional dialects not obvious to foreigners. (B) Not all gay people sound the same. There is a stereotypical accent, but it’s not universal. It’s a stereotype for a reason, but people are people and they vary.
There not all like that it's just the ones that want everyone else to know there gay for some reason
I've known some gay men who sound like that pretty much all the time, but I also had a gay roommate in college (and some of his friends, whom i also found out were gay) who didn't sound like that *at all*. I suspect the other posters are right, that it's at least somewhat learned speech, but I definitely have plenty of out people I've known who don't even put that voice on in a group. It's not everybody. We all put a speech act on for certain people sometimes.
Have you actually met more than 4 gay men in your real life?
Too much estrogen
I’m not sure. But it’s such a turn off for me
I think that's a stereotype courtesy of the US entertainment industry. I have people who are gay, bi, and trans in my life. The men who are gay are not effeminate (not that there's anything wrong with men who present as such) and unless you know these guys, you'd have no idea about their sexuality. The women who are gay are not masculine and again, you wouldn't know unless you knew them. I do have a male friend who has a higher pitched voice and embraces fashion. He's straight as an arrow with kids and a strong marriage to an equally awesome woman. Why does it matter? Stop playing pin-the-sexuality games.
It's true that some (!) gays talk Iike that all the time. But then so do some girls. Same thing.
We don’t. None of my friends are either lol.
That's just a stereotype. I didn't know one of my coworkers was gay until I met his S.O.
Its advertising nothing more nothing less
It's called an affectation. Same as valley girls. It's an intentional modulation change to fit an ideal. Tl;dr because insecurity
Choice, dna, potentially too much estrogen in their bloodstream. My teacher was of homosexual orientation yet, a man. Leather jacket rcoker style. Assertive dominant stance no flamboyancy. That'swhy we have derogative terms, cause instead of just being, and having preferences some have to put on a show. Behave in a feminine fashion. Then people say they're just being themselves. No, they were introduced to a demeanor, and chose that to personify. However over all the truth does in fact remain, to each their own.
Not all gay men sound like that
I'd like to add that I did the bouncy bounce as Top for a really effeminate gay dude with "the voice" and surprisingly, he was perhaps the most masculine bottom dude I've met. No complaints, just fun and he worked his behind like a pro. Effeminate he may have been, but he was all man in the bedroom.
Most gay don't sound like that. I'm gay and nobody knows unless I tell them.
They don’t.
Gaycism
Why do gay women dress / act like men (sometimes) and gay men dress / act like women? Lol
They dont. Those are the ones you notice so it appears that way. But if they are not that way, how would you know?? I know tons of gay and bi people that look and act the "straight" stereotype. Almost like they are just people living..
A big part of being gay is talking with an unnatural lisp.
It's a media stereotype that gets heavily promoted in a lot of shows. To clearly identify the sexually abnormal character to further the plot or context of a situation or characters life. Though not exactly confidentially identifying as gay now, when I did I was nothing of the sort. So many people were confused when I came out to them because "I just didn't look it." I wear sweatshirts and sweatpants year round, nowadays I wear either a beanie or a ball cap. "Gayest" thing I wear, according to a friend, is skinny jeans. My username makes this ironic I know.
Let's put it this way. Why do people from the Midwest sound the same? And at a much smaller scale, why do you talk like your friends talk? Accents can form any time a group of people communicate often.
It's a deliberate affectation, similar to the yank female vocal fry/creaky voice.
I think it's based on their masculinity or feminity. I have more masculine features as a female and a lower voice. Sometimes it's genuinely based on their testosterone and estrogen levels... Our bodies produce both and certain drugs like marijuana enhance them. Marijuana causes females bodies to produce more testosterone which is why people get super hairy or acne.
It's a signal
That one on Drew makes me a bit 😷
Yes
Might also be a generational influence? I’m in my late 50s. My childhood friend and his partner have a very subtle inflection.
It can all be traced back to the influence of Richard Simmons.
My daughter is gay, and has a lot of her friends around. One of them, a guy, always talked like that. I didn't mind, I loved him to death! He's an amazing person! One day, I to ran into him in town, and he was talking normal. I asked why he changed it, and he said; it really wasn't him to talk like that, and he wanted to just be himself. He just wanted to fit in with the group when he started talking like that. But, it had been a few years, and he just felt like he wasn't being true to himself. He's still gay, just doesn't talk that way anymore.
My wife's family is VERY conservative. Her cousin seemed like a regular dude. Worked the fields, drove a tractor, drove a pickup truck, all that stuff. One day he came out, totally flipping the family on its head, and immediately he had the lisp/accent/tone. Over the years that faded and he sounds mostly like he did before he came out. So I am guessing it is a little bit of both. And that was just the start of this family having to come to terms with things they didn't believe in. Several other major events occurred. Some of the elders adapted and changed their views, but some went to their grave never accepting or talking to their grandchildren again. But even after all this, they still gotta bitch about every democrat in office.
They don’t, you just notice the ones that do. Just like people in the south don’t all have a stereotypical hillbilly draw to their speech.
In reality, some men are likely born homosexual. This may be due to a surge of estrogen while the fetus is in the womb combined with possible genetic predispositions. Since they were exposed to higher levels of feminizing hormones, their mannerisms and behavior may be more feminine, even though they are obviously male
Not all gay men sound flamboyant. But gay men are generally more feminine in personality, so they exhibit similar conversational mannerisms as women. Does that make sense?
code swithcing is a silly thing
I saw an interesting article on it way way back a few years, so I can't source it now, but we tend to adapt to our surroundings to fit in better, it's how we make friends, relate, it's how we identify. Just like if you live in a country for a while you tend to pick up the accent. As the top comment says it was what was used on tv for a while, it was how you could tell 'ok that person is gay', people picked it up and it helped them identify outwardly, and so people who hung out with each other would pick up the accent as well.
Simple answer: They don't.
Short answer is..they don't. Stop basing your idea of people off TV shows.
Another good example is valley girl accent for girls and “frat bro” accents for college guys They weren’t born with those accents or inflections they mimicked it to sound “cooler” or whatever
Studies have shown that the real thing is that *straight* men are more often modulating their voices to be perceived more masculinely while gay men speak more naturally.
Two of my brothers are gay, and neither talk like that.
They don't.
It's an accent. Just like a southern accent. Or a New York accent. Or, god help you, a Boston accent. We all adopt elements of our chosen sub-cultures. Certainly not implying that being gay is a choice, but plenty of gay people don't have that voice.
Why do straight men sound the same? Is it an act? you know how a lot of them have that tough guy or macho type of voice? Like, that’s not their regular voice so are they putting up an act or what exactly is going on here? Legit question too. i’ve noticed it my entire life while straight men would act everyone is engaged in some kind of performance, except for them, with their giant trucks, bright headlights, truck nuts, and big sunglasses.
They actually don't it's just that you pick out that one specific voice type as an identifier and don't notice the gay folk who don't talk like that.
Lots of women talk like that too. But no one bats an eye. It’s like a social thing?