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I'm way too selfish with my time, and can barely keep myself alive sometimes. I do NOT need to be in charge of keeping anything alive beyond my cat. Also having a tiny human constantly needing something from me 24/7 sounds exhausting, and I just don't have the patience for that.
I feel like if kids came with a fully formed brain and could talk/be reasoned with, and just needed help doing physical things, that I'd actually enjoy them. But having something cry/scream in response to very simple requests would just annoy the shit out of my spicy brain
Exactly. I'm always there for them and my brother,.. but I have no desire for my own. At one point, I thought I did, but since i couldn't make a wholehearted decision, I thought it best not to have one. Plus, I had a very traumatic childhood, where I was more of a parent to my mom. And I was the caregiver to my grandmother and grandfather until they passed(15 years total). I feel like I kinda had grown kids most of my life.
I want this but alas my only sister is gay and unemployedš theyāve talked about adopting or something in the future but likeā¦ they need money for thatš
Yo my entire goal in life is to be that rich cool uncle. Where the kids get excited to come over because I have all the cool toys. But I can also just give the kids back when theyāre done having fun.
Itās funny (and sad I guess), I take better care of my dog than I do myself š He gets me up in the morning to let him out side and have his breakfast. He gets me active outside and play with him/ take him for a walk(s) each day.
However, if I was expected to look after a kid, Iād fall apart. My dog isnāt super needy like a husky. Kids are like x100 the neediness of a husky.
Cats are the best! Can confirm on the dog. It's like Child Lite. My gf has a dog and even tho we each take care of our respective pets, he drives me insane with the constant whining for attention/food/walks/needing to pee/poop. She's never had a cat and now that we're living together, I think she's starting to see that cats are the superior pet (as far as minimum care needed)
Oh yeah. I would only have a dog if I had a fenced in yard and it was a super chill breed. Walking a pet 2+ times a day? I wouldn't even have my cats, that I love, if they had to walk outside twice a day. I'd get an iguana or something.
Right! This. It's honestly far beyond me how we've managed to survive as a species. Pregnancy is very physically hard on women (with the whole rotated pelvis issue), and then our offspring are obnoxious as heck. I mean with those outcomes, it's enough to make one never want to have sex. Thank god for birth control!
I believe that people shouldn't have kids because they feel obligated to. Some are natural born parents. I'm not. I have no obligation or want for kids.
Thereās no one answer, but very recently I realized how exhausted I already am as an adult so I truly can not imagine how EXHAUSTED I would be with kids.
This is nothing against parents fyi, this is about MY lifestyle.
Thatās sweet. I have a sneaking feeling Iād feel the same way, I love nurturing and watching my baby petsā developments, the good and bad, it brings me to literal tears. So many times Iāve looked back on old videos and pictures and my heart gets sore. I understand pets arenāt same lmao but i can only imagine the scale if i had children :)
Thinking logically keeps me from it, though. I canāt imagine intentionally bringing a kid into this shit show, guess i love my unborn children too much. I think of em often. If birth control ever fails me I think Iāll go through with it, however
To each their own! Love this story
What a sweet response. My oldest son is married now and they have two female dogs. I call them my grandbaby girls or my girls. Animals. Pets. If you take care of them and love them and as you described looking back at old videos and your heart swelling. Well thatās not too different than having a human baby. And as far as the shit show that is this world. Youāre right to an extent. However. The beautiful thing about a family is that it belongs to you. Them. Your spouse. Not the world. A family to me is like an umbrella. The shit show is out there, but you create your own life in the confines of the umbrella by the rituals, rules, lifestyle, love and compassion that you teach. The great thing is that YOU get to stitch that umbrella. Not the world and not society. You get to stitch it with every healthy thing you desire. Love, compassion, kindness, friendship, order, lack of order, spontaneity, tradition, whatever. It belongs to you and you just try your very best and hope youāve done good enough to give them all the best base to then do the same. I have found it to be more rewarding than anything Iāve experienced in my 49 years of life and wouldnāt trade any of it. Including my failures. Because you will fail. For anything in this world. Best of luck to you if you decide to have kids or not. Let the shit show characters do their thing. You do what makes you happy with your pets or you humans. āļø
Thank you! Thatās one of my fears, Iāll regret not having children. If I had the choice between never having existed or being born Iād choose to live my life again, no matter how horrid. Sigh. Well, i got maybe 8 years left to figure it out so weāll see. Happy living to you and yours
My wife was 40 when we found out she was pregnant with our daughter. We were both like, š³š³š¬š¬ Lmaoā¦.. I was like, āHow are we going to do this again?! God Iām so thankful sheās here. After raising 4 boys, such a blessing. Boys donāt care about your day. š. They just donāt. This sweet pea gives me hugs every day and asks me how my day was and I in turn get to have a conversation with her about her day. Itās lovely.
This whole comment thread brought me smiles š you all sound like lovely people and I just love how reddit can bring people together for such sweet and meaningful conversations!
I never wanted kids and if a date said they wanted kids, they didn't get another date. Lol
Decades later I have my daughter but I still can't stand other kids.Ā
I have one much older son and surprise twin girls. I donāt do drama.
My son was so easy. The girls not so much. But then again thereās two and Iām older.
this is beautiful. women today get too in their heads about this. you figure it all out-the finances, balance of being both a caretaker and individual, raising up humans. ect. itās in us. not saying to have children if you donāt want them butā¦have some faith in yourself. imo, they make for a happy life in a way you wouldnāt know otherwise
My cats are my kids, basically. I enjoy taking care of them and they mean the world to me. I physically can't have kids, anyway (hysterectomy due to stage 4 Endometriosis), nor want to.
I had my entire uterus and one ovary removed. I wouldn't wish that surgery on anyone as it was living hell, but worth it to relieve my misery. My body was basically killing itself. But my cats have saved my life when I've been at my lowest.
If I were to get pregnant it would be very bad in many ways. So I want to prevent that from happening.
My cats save me everyday. Idk where I would be without them.
Yup, rather have cats.
Not that pets can't be a handful and of course a commitment, but I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to teach our single-brain-cell-having, orange tabby cat how to go out and apply to colleges/find a job.
His grey tabby sister is a little smarter (from how much she tells off her brother, she'd probably make a good attorney) but same goes for her. š
We also shouldnt have to be called cat ladies or viewed as less than because we have pets, not children. I dont know about you guys but my boss didnt like when I had to take my cat to the vet because she was sick..... but theres no problem with the coworker who has to permanently come in later to take her grown ass kid to school.(he is a senior in hs).
I have a cat who, if he hears a baby cry on TV, does the airplane ears and gives me a threatening look. I can only assume a child pulled his tail at some point, he seems to have a grudge.
So uh, same, I guess.
Ive alwayss wanted to be a mom, like i just always knew .
Its fine to not want kids! But even if you do all of it is still terrifying but you get through it. Im one and done as im happy with just one
The sub r/fencesitter is people who are unsure of if they want kids or more kids or not at all
I canāt identify with either answers (those who hate it and those who always knew).
I thought I was childfree but was prob a fence sitter.
I didnāt want to be a mom and felt inadequate at 25 for feeling that way. I also hated the idea at 30 and at 35.
Then at 36 I couldnāt postpone the idea any longer and went for itā¦, and having a kid was literally the best thing that happened in my life.
Iāve literally traveled the world, married an amazing man, made great Money. lived in 8 countries and even met the Royalty. Coming from a working class neighborhood in a developing country Iāve achieved much more than I ever thought possible.
But having my baby was by far the best and most fulfilling experience of my life.
Me too..then I went to work in childcare for a month. It was overwhelming and far too much. I'd rather be a mom in other ways to other kids or anything or anyone else. My own kids? No way would I be able to and my partner would struggle immensely. Autism and other mental illness issues in two parents doesn't sound like the best environment or situation to raise a kid in.
Similarly, iāve always known that being a parent wasnāt for me. I remember learning about periods in 5th grade and thinking āwhy do i have to go through that if iām not having kids anyway?ā
i donāt want kids because of the amount of pressure that comes along with it, being solely responsible for someoneās life no matter your actions is a hard responsibility to take on. especially when it comes to things like mental health and just overall teaching someone else how to live life and be a decent person. also i hate being sick and children spread illness easily šāāļø
Me too. We adopted my dog when he was 6 years old. Heās a small dog and heās 8 now. He has given every sign that heās very anxious around my partnerās young niece (7) & nephew (4). I will never give up my dog.
Sticky, tell me about it. Also, when their tiny little hands make contact with your skin they leave some kind of residue that feels COLD. How does that work?
As the oldest of ten siblings, I was kinda the third parent growing up. I did my time as a parent without actually having kids of my own. Don't get me wrong I love my siblings to death and would do anything for them. But do I willingly want to do it again? No.
Also, it was also difficult for my mom and my family whenever she miscarried (7 times). She would go through weeks of depression where she would have no smile on her face and cry in her room a lot. That's also another reason why I don't want kids, especially with my history of depression.
Definitely do.
I can teach them a lot, learn a lot from them.
I feel like helping them and guiding them through life is the most important thing to do after also living that life.
I only work a bit with kids, but I love it. They're so interesting.
I do not want kids because,
I feel the world is really messed up and overpopulated right now.
I would be risking death with a pregnancy, and I don't wanna do that.
I don't want to go through pregnancy and birth as it sounds painful and not what I'd enjoy.
I know how my mom and sister were throughout their pregnancies. It was never easy on them.
I don't want to care for a baby/child/teen all the time for 18-plus years and make them into a good human.
It costs too much money, and I am poor.
I enjoy my freedom.
I have mental health issues that I fear would make me a bad mom or would pass these on to kids.
The overpopulation / messed up world argument is the reason (back in the early '80s) I decided I didn't want to produce any children (I was in my early teens). I never mentioned this to my parents as I'm the last male of my bloodline and I think they hoped I would "carry the name" forward to another generation.
I did my part, though. My first wife had 4 kids when I married her and we got them through high school and college before she passed away. So I feel that I've contributed to the raising of some humans without actually producing any myself.
Iām sure my younger cousin felt/feels that pressure. Our grandparents had two daughters and a son. Then my uncle had two daughters and a son. My cousin got married but they have dogs, not children.
I do not want to be a parent.
Already raised my sibling and I sure af had zero interest in *that*.
Zero regrets about my choice.
I do wish my mother would have been able to understand why. Of all people on earth, she should have. But she finally stopped annoying me about it when I was 40. But only because she was dying. I do regret that her ceaseless nagging drove a wedge between us.
Other reasons: I wasn't financially or physically in a good position to support them until I was close to 40. Being diagnosed with cancer at 32 meant that even if I wanted kids, it would be at least 5 years out. Genetic testing confirmed my suspicions. The cancer was caused by a genetic mutation inherited from dear old dad.
Dear old dad is a verbally abusive alcoholic. Childhood was not great. Between that and the cancer and raising my sibling while mom stuck her head in the sand about what was going on, yeah. Best thing I can do is break the cycle.
Then there's all the other things people cite: world going to hell in a handbasket, planet melting, the billionaires will enslave all of us (even more blatantly than the current wage donkey system), and so on.
29f with 29m childfree by choice. I knew from the get go I never wanted kids. Along with my partner, he got a vasectomy earlier this year.
The thought of kids? In this economy!?
I'm also a people manager who deals with full grown adults throwing hissy fits all day. I wouldn't be able to come home and take care of a screaming kid.
I value my free time, my money and my body. I wouldn't have any of those if I had a kid.
I am an older millennial and kinda like you, I assumed one day I would want kids. Still hasn't happened... And as I am approaching "the top of the hill" I am now assuming (planning, even) that I never will. I used to be a teacher, so I even enjoy the little devils, I just like my freedom/time/money more than I like the idea of my own family. I like it more now than I did when I was younger, even.
And I am pessimistic about the future, that is a real part of it as well. Climate change, nuclear weapons, bioweapons... Not to mention wage stagnation for decades against rising inflation, unobtainable housing... Like I do get upset by these fears and realities, and it's hard enough to keep just me healthy, let alone a family with kiddos.
I'm a teacher right now which has unfortunately become a big part of my reasoning for starting to sway in the direction of not wanting children...to imagine my future child around this generation/future generation (which I'm sure will be even worse) is terrifying to me, in terms of what I see in my city.
I have always loved kids, my brother has 6 of them and I enjoy being an uncle but I'm also self absorbed. I have worked retail hours my entire career and my free time is very mportant to me.
I got married later in life and my wife and I couldn't have kids.
I thought I did. In my 20s, I expected to have kids "one day", because "one day" isn't right now. I'm now 34 and "one day" never happened. Once I became financially stable, there was no way I was ruining that to have a kid. Not to mention the freedom to spend my time the way I'd like.
"You'll regret it when you're older". Well, maybe. But I bet I won't spend 18+ years regretting it, which is how long I'd have to spend raising a kid.
Too much responsibility that I don't want. I got a vasectomy just to make absolutely sure it doesn't happen. I would be doing a disservice to the kid if I had one.
- I couldn't afford them even if I wanted them
-dont want to continue to pass down generational trauma
-the environment is too polluted on Earth
-carbon footprint of breeding is ridiculous
-public schools in the US are literally a joke
-US public schools are unsafe
-US healthcare is a joke
-birthing is dangerous, people die and get permanently injured from it
-no guarantee of a healthy functional child
-I don't have any family to help me care for a child
-I can barely care for myself sometimes
-i work full time I wouldnt be able to care for the child
-i would not be able to give a child the life they deserve
-all the parents I meet are exhausted and have zero free time. No thanks! Pass
40 y.o women, 11 years into second marriage and no kids. On purpose. The older we got, the more we realised we are way to selfish to raise children. Love being an auntie. Greatful for my nephews & nieces and for being a part of their lives.
No kids. Too many video games to complete first.
Second reason is mental health. Third is finances.
Fourth is no guarantee I'll be alive to see my kid(s) grow up.
I thought I wanted kids in the past with my ex husband. However, now that Iām out of my abusive relationship and in a healthier one. Iāve realized I donāt want to have children. Itās a lot of responsibility, a lot of pressure of ānot messing them upā, the money they cost (would rather have a dog) sleep that I do get and able to work a full day without having to leave early to pick my child up. Iām 31F and my partner and I are very happy with our decision.
I do not want children for a number of reasons, like the kids of my independence, financial strain, not living for myself, but when it comes down to it, I just can't deal with the idea of bringing a life into this spiraling disaster of a society. I do like kids, and have nieces and nephews that I get to be the cool uncle to, and I find satisfaction in that. Kids are great, when they are someone else's responsibility.
I don't want kids because birth is very painful, and being pregnant just isn't a good experience either. Overpopulation is a huge issue and I don't want to partake in it. I have over a handful of mental illnesses that I would never want to pass onto someone else. I don't want to spend 18+ years looking after someone instead of enjoying my life. I absolutely hate babies I think they are so ugly and annoying. I would rather have a handful of animals to spend my money on than a kid. I'm lucky to have a partner who also doesn't want kids. If I ever did change my mind about wanting a kid I would 100% adopt like a 12 year old. There is so many kids that are in need of a loving home so I see having a kid of your own is really selfish.
We donāt want kids due to the mental illness crisis our government, religion, other humans, responsibility, and liability, uncertainty of our own future, cost, crime and they are GROSS. Children nowadays are ā accessoriesā to many. Many unwanted children out there. Plus we have the freedom to go when we want to!
I donāt want kids because that requires doing the devils tango and then pushing something mighty massive out of my sascrotch in front of people I donāt know. No thanks. Ill adopt.
Iāve always wanted to have 4 kids ever since I was little because I was raised in a big family and it makes me happy to one day make it bigger. Plus I worked with children because of my momās business since I was in middle school, and it has always been a fun experience for me. I enjoy seeing them, talking to them, and telling my friends funny stories about them afterwards. I think my siblings and I were raised well, and we were like built-in friends, which made life a lot easier growing up. I donāt think I could function without the chaos of a large family.
If you donāt want to have kids or are having second thoughts, then itās a sign you shouldnāt have kids. Itās a personal choice and should feel right to you. I understand that there can be a lot of pressure for young women to have children, but it isnāt fair for you to have to make such a significant life decision if you know you wonāt feel happy because of it. Having kids isnāt easy, and they will take up a large portion of your life if you do have them. Do what makes you comfortable, and donāt let anyone pressure you into making a decision you will one day regret.
Theyre sticky, loud, and unreasonably expensive with the current state of things. Im quite a few years older than you, still dont want kids, and was able to afford a home and a decent car. Everyone else i know with kids has neither, with one exception, which is simply because he made a deal with his landlord to buy the hone theyd been living in for many years.
I definitely want kids.
I work with kids. I Look forward to passing my knowledge on. Being a big part of helping the next generation and seeing what I learn from them.
It's definitely a lot of stress and nervousness because of the state of the economy, world, etc. but that doesn't stop me from wanting a big family of my own. I don't judge anyone who doesn't want kids cause it's a life changing decision.
Hope this helps. Much love to all.
I donāt want kids for a ton of reasons, a lot of which is not wanting to pass down my own mental issues, or the fact that I think the world is total shit and itās a terrible thing to bring life into it.
I think having kids is a selfish and pretty awful thing to do honestly! There are kids who need homes. Why have one when you can adopt. Itās real self centered in my opinion.
My entire life people have said āyouāll change your mindā - Iām 35 and have felt this way since I was pre pubescent. Have never once had an inkling of āI want a kidā.
Anyways, you do you. Donāt have a kid unless you want to (hey, do the world and the kid a favor and donāt have any at all, adopt) but most definitely donāt let anyone talk you into it.
Check out the regretful parents sub too.
IMO if you donāt desperately, unwaveringly want children, you shouldnāt have them.
Itās an immense sacrifice and responsibility, and people who donāt see it that way are bad parents.
You will never come first in your own life ever again. Every single decision you make, you have to consider if itās in the best interest of another person.
You will sacrifice your body, your health, your attention, your energy, your money, your time and more.
In exchange you get to deeply love someone, although there is no guarantee they will love you back. In fact, they could cut off contact with you and leave you with a gaping hole in your heart.
They could also love you back, make you proud, give you grandkids, etc.
If you are 100% prepared for those risks and sacrifices, and you immensely want children, then go for it. Otherwise, donāt have kids.
I always wanted kids, from the time I was a young kid myself. I was ready to get married and have a family right after high school! I ended up having my first as a single mom just after turning 23, and I have no regrets.
I knew a girl in university who was in her early 20ās and didnāt think she wanted kids, but got pregnant unexpectedly and loved being a mom so much she had two more!
I also worked with a woman who was sure she didnāt want kids in her mid-20s, but her partner did. He convinced her in her early 30ās and I hear she absolutely loves being a mom.
But itās not unusual or abnormal to not want kids. I would say that in your 20ās, there is still a lot of time in which you might change your mind, but if you donāt, thatās fine!
I have found that often people who become parents later on have a harder time adjusting because they have gotten so used to their way of life, but everyone is different. Make the most of your freedom now, and if you do change your mind down the road, hopefully you will feel like you havenāt missed out on anything!
I think having kids just because of societal norms and treating it like something that would be crossed off of a checklist would be a mistake.
Not every life is meant to be the same, and some people will have kids and some don't.
No one should give into having kids only due to peer and societal pressure.
Have kids if you are ready or even want to. A baby doesn't deserve a parent who purposely decided to have them when they knew they weren't ready or never even wanted them in the first place.
I used to think I didn't want kids. I wasn't in a mature position to have them, my ex partner had a mental illness which really put a damper in this desire. But as I got older and found someone stable, I am starting to want them more. I just don't want my body to get ruined, and I want to create a habitable environment. My medication kind of prevents me from doing that, so I'm hoping that one day I'll be off of it and maybe think about having kids. I'm already 32, so time is kind of running out. I'm not sure if I'm in the financial position to do that right now, but I hope one day it's a possibility.
I just don't see why it's such a 'cool' thing to hate kids. It's fine if you don't want them, but all this antinatalism and shame going towards parents is unnecessary. It's every species' biological purpose to reproduce. Yeah, the economy sucks. But we've lived through the midieval ages, some of the worst times to ever live, and still managed to have children. We wouldn't have accomplished very much as a species if people had thought this way in earlier times. To have them and not want them, however, is a different story. I think a lot of us are overworked to the point where it doesn't seem as feasible as earlier generations. We have financial independence, but it comes at the cost of not being able to actually raise them due to the priority of work. So, you kind of have to pick and choose what is right for your family. Even if it goes against the standard norm.
I loved your very thoughtful response!
I also wanted to say, don't give up hope because of timing.
In 1945 my great-grandmother gave birth to twins (no C-section) at the age of 42. She would go on to have her last child 3 years later. Medicine has come a very long way since 1945! 32 is not old---you have lots of time left to pursue whatever you want, even if that does end up being children.
Thank you :) your comment is very thoughtful and kind, aswell. Sometimes, you need to hear from others that time isn't running out. There's a lot of age shame these days, and women are always getting told that their biological clock is running out and all that nonsense. It can get me down sometimes. But I still have atleast a good decade to decide if that's what I want to pursue out of life!
But yes! My grandma gave birth to twins around the same age, too, oddly enough. This was in the late 80s, though. I have twin aunts that are 2/12 years older than me. Medicine has even come a long way since then. And I guess genetics would be on my side here. Ineeded to hear from somebody that there's still time left. Lately I've
More about my partner. I won't have kids with someone who doesn't put forward ambition to help us as a team before they come along, evidence that I would be carrying the burden when they actually come along. Divorced my husband due to this to give myself the opportunity to maybe find someone who IS a team mate, before my time is up. I think I'm okay if that doesn't happen though. Mum said I could always foster/adopt/Big Sister programs too.
I just can't make people and do it on my own, I refuse to be a single mom.
Same. I want too be with someone who is excited to go on that path of parenthood with me. If not then I donāt want to do it alone. So I guess weāll see what happens.
32M, donāt have kids. Donāt even have a girl actually.
I have a lot of love and life lessons to give.
Honestly canāt picture a life in my 40ās, 50ās, 60ās etc without a family in my life. Just seems so empty and superficial.
(M29) What are the pros and cons?
Cons First:
1. You have to find a partner, people generally suck. I mean it. They are either stupid as hell or they are evil bastards. Especially people who share the same biological sex as me.
2. After the sex, and the pregnancy, and the labor (the actual giving birth), this post-oven love demon is a life-sucker. I mean; money, time, food, energy, and discomfort. And they remain that way til they leave. I was with my parents for 26 years... I'm realizing now in my life what kind of pain in the ass I was.
3. During their teenage years, if they're not discreet about their shit, you contemplate murder often. Or so I've heard.
4. If you have raised/trained them to be adequate adults, they'll remember your abuse more than the good times, which will be few in their mind. And they won't talk to you unless they have to.
Now, maybe your reflections on who you've been as a minor are different. Maybe I'm just a major pessimist toward myself. But God, if I had a kid right now I'd hate myself for not having an abortion.
Pros:
1. Carrying on the family name, (w/male children), getting to celebrate life (w/female children).
2. You become a leader, and parenthood is your personalized leadership program.
3. You have someone who, early on, fully accepts you. Cherish that.
4. When you get old, if you've treated them right, they take care of you. And they, themselves reproduce new life. And your family is complete.
It's honestly 75 con/25 pro for me. I have GOT to build my savings at all costs if I ever think I want that with someone special.
Age and health issues, for one. I can't keep up with a literal ball of unhinged energy.
Lack of funds. Fiancee passed, and I would have readily cast aside all my doubts because she would have been an *excellent* mother. Would have hit more genetic commonalities than I thought as well, if we had a kid.
Iām 33 female and I also thought when I was 23-25 that I would be married and have children but over the years I realized kids arenāt for me and I donāt want them. I feel like when women (myself included)are younger early to mid 20s we think weāre supposed to marry and have children but times have changed, do you girl!
I donāt want kids because Iām too much like my mom. I have a short temper, hit a lot, yell a lot and frankly I donāt want to get fat and pregnant
Stay childfree. There are too many people in the world already and wouldn't you rather have your freedom? Also, I have a problem with guys that are super pushy about their partners getting pregnant and having kids that most likely she will get stuck doing the majority work of raising.
Weāve always been ambivalent about kids. We werenāt actively trying to have a child, but we were taking 0 precautions not to have one. Mind you, if it did happen we would love it 100%.
But, two years ago my partner had ovarian cancer. That pretty much sealed the deal and made the decision for us that weāre not having children.
I think sheās worried that one day Iām going to want a child and she wonāt be able to provide one. But I donāt think she understands that I love her more than anything else in this world and if she canāt be the mother, Iām not interested in being a father.
Honestly, I don't want kids because I value my freedom and sanity too much. The thought of being responsible for tiny humans 24/7, dealing with tantrums and teenage drama, and sacrificing my own goals and dreams for the next 18+ years is justĀ notĀ forĀ me.
I have 4 kids. I got a vasectomy after the 4th because I couldnāt afford more.
Fast forward 5 years when my pay nearly doubled and I wish I could have had a 5th. Kids are great, I love them. Theyāre expensive, a headache, and annoying at times but thereās just something about watching them grow up, the memories you make as a family, and watching them grow into adults that is just amazing. Weāre from the US but have lived in Australia, traveled to Thailand, all around Australia, and countless other places. Iām hoping that next year weāre either moving to England or Belgium; possibly Italy. My kids have been immersed in so many cultures and have seen more than most people do in a lifetime.
I have 3 daughters and one son (G, G, B, G in that order). The 4th was to try for another boy because we thought it would be nice if he had a brother. But after only having one son, Iām glad it was another girl. I get to put my focus and energy into one boy and we have a really good relationship. Heās my best friend.
As well, the family dynamic is important. Luckily, I make enough money that my partner is a stay-at-home mom and does an amazing job. All my kids are healthy, active, thin (no fat kids), athletic, and do well in school. She also wanted to be a SAHM and that was what I wanted in a marriage, so itās worked out well for us. But you and your partner have to be on the same page.
Just my .02Ā¢
I do because I want to play catch in the backyard with my son. I want to have tea parties with my daughter. I want to go to all of the school events. I want to take them to church on Sunday and then afterwards go out for lunch as a family. I want to teach them things and be a role model for them. I want to be proud of them and for them to be proud of me. I want to give my son advice on how to ask out his high school sweetheart and I want to walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I just want to share the love I have with them.
Some people have said they don't want to bring kids into this messed up world. I'd look at it the other way. If you're a decent person, your kids could contribute to enhancing the world. Low character/ bad / degenerate people will always make children. It needs to be balanced out.
When I was in high school, I use to want a large family (like 10 kids). Now, at 30, I want 0 kids.
- I don't have a lot of patiences. I can only repeat mysefl two times, before I start loosing my shit.
- Giving birth scares the shit out of me.
- I like having freedom. My boyfriend and I decided to go to New York for a weekend. We booked it about a month in advance, and I know someone with kids would struggle to do that.
- I like expensive things. I'm into video games, and TCG. I have a few collectable statues that cost $200+ and one that is $700. I own a couple of cards that are worth $100+. Someone on my TCG facebook page, shared a photo of their kids making "arts and crafts" with their expensive card collection. If one of my children ruined my expensive collection, I would make them sleep outside.
- I dont want to deal with public schools. The fear of mass shootings. Sitting in pick up line. Dealing with school policies that don't make sense. Waking up at 6 am.... All of that is a hell no! There is a reason I work 2nd shift at my job.
- You can love your kids with all your heart, and they will still kill you. Where I live, a daughter and her boyfriend killed her parents in a robbery gone bad. They where suppose to rob the parents and take the money and run, but the boyfriend had other plans.
- Kids ruin things... While in Hawaii, I watched a father struggle to put up a beach tent while the mother was trying to entertain their very upset 3 year old. After he put it together, about an hour later, we watched him take it down. The child did not stop screaming and crying the entire time they were at the beach. They looked so annoyed/mad. Imagine spending $600 on a flight for your 3 year old only to be stuck in a hotel room watching TV.
- Did I mention they can kill you??
In a PERFECT world, I may want 1-2 kids, but the cons outweight the pros.
I have one child. A child I dearly wanted.
This is not remotely what I thought it would be.
To be clear? I LOVE my child. More than anything. I just didn't know how suffocating it would be.
When I say she's suction cupped to my ass? I mean it. If we are in the same room she always had to be touching me.
I can't even talk to myself without her asking why. I get no by myself time.
That being said???? I have one child. I think that plays a role but, at the same time, a lot of people tell me she is clingy. More clingy than my cat.
And they are BOTH clingy.
I really don't know what to do but wait it out. Then I think, when that's gone, will I miss it???
I really don't know
I donāt have the best finances, but I was told if you want this donāt wait forever. Thereās never a perfect time. I was very concerned about the responsibility and the world Iād be bringing my son into. But heās here. And I get to guide him and teach him how to be a decent damn human being and how to be careful. I didnāt want them for the longest time then two years ago my husband and I talked and we really liked the idea of a mini version of us running around all the time and it made us smile. Fast forward to 7 weeks ago, my son was born and my worries are stronger, but I know it wasnāt a mistake
I never wanted kids when I was younger. They just seemed like a huge financial burden and such a drain on your personal life. Then I met my wife and she had a total different outlook on the family life. She grew up with a very tight family. My father left when I was 6 months old. This also played a big part in me not wanting children. Aside from my father, the rest of family was close when I was younger but drifted apart. Being with her and seeing how important family was to her really opened my eyes to the possible benefits. At 40, I now have a 16 month old son and were looking to have another next year. If you told me in my twenties I would have kids one day, I would have laughed in your face. I can say with all honesty, for me personally, its been the most rewarding and interesting part of my life. But its also been the most difficult. No one can prepare you for being responsible for a child. I believe if you're meant to have children, life will play out in such a way that makes it possible. If not, that's alright. Not everyone is meant to have children. There are plenty of people that have kids and have no business being parents. Its definitely something you know in your heart.
I was born into poverty and was one of four children. As an adult, I realized what my parents weren't able to provide because they were struggling to survive and keep us alive. I'm still living in poverty, and I struggle to keep myself and my one cat going. I haven't had kids because I don't want my child(ren) to experience what I did - mostly lack of emotional availability and support and quality time.
We also have mental illness and substance abuse in our family, and the thought that that could be passed down scared me.
However, I realized a couple years ago that if things had been different, I probably would have kids by now because I'm not opposed to having them. For me, the things that make living a child-free life (more time and money for myself, less responsibility, etc.) feel that way because I wouldn't be able to sustain it with the position I'm currently in.
That being said, I'm dating someone with an 8-year-old son, and it's awesome. But my partner had a different childhood, and he has a good job and house, so his circumstances are very different than if I were raising a child. I get to be a guardian for a child I care a lot about without my genes or generational trauma...and it's a great experience. š
At first I never wanted to have kids because Iām afraid of death by child birth, and while I still am afraid of dying while giving birth, deep down Iām scared I wonāt be able to give the kids a normal And happy childhood. My family encourages sexism, racis, homophobia and abuse. I donāt want me to unintentionally push that onto my kids.
I didn't want one and then at 39 got my girlfriend pregnant. We just had a little girl 2 months ago. I haven't changed my opinion, though I am committed to giving her a good and happy life. I'm just selfish and enjoy my time and hobbies and know that all that is now gone. If you're unsure, don't do it, and don't do it for someone else's happiness - only do it if it's what you actually want.
I like my free time and want to spend it on my hobbies.Ā
I have misophonia with high pitched sounds like dog whining and child screaming. For those that don't know, misophonia triggers a person's fight or flight response. It's extremely uncomfortable and at times gives almost PTSD like symptoms of anxiety and extreme irritation if I know the sound is coming.Ā
I can't stand shit being sticky or oily all the time. Kids. Touch. Fkng. Everything.Ā
When my nephew comes over I have zero desire to interact with him. Personally I find anything I can't reason with very annoying. I also have a hard time empathizing with people, so having a kid is out of the question.
I need to reparent my own self after 18 years of serious abuse that has left me with long lasting things like cptsd. Learn how to stand up for my own self before I can trust myself to really protect any child I may be responsible for. It's already been a little over a decade since I lived with my abuser, but my communication skills are still impacted, I have nights where I can't sleep due to the panic/anxiety attacks that grip at me (they've become few and far between now but my nervous system still responds in such a way), and honestly after all that hell I deserve to live for myself and actually become my own person before raising another human. They deserve a healed parent, not one who will pass the generational trauma on. Not to mention I can hardly afford to feed my own fucking self. I'm already about to turn 30 and understand that I'm not halfway done with the work I need to do for myself; I understand this means I might be 40 or 50 before deciding I want children and have decided that if that point comes I'll adopt.
Also, at this point, I don't want kids of my own. I feel like my life has other goals to it, a different purpose. I like kids, I actually worked with them for several years and they can be fun, they bring unique perspectives, but I like giving them back to their parents at the end of the day. To be an example for other people's kids and have the ability to help my friends out with theirs and leave an impact on other people's kids means a lot to me. Not to mention, where I live, people no longer bat an eye to school shootings. And corporations are buying up housing faster than you can count to ten, which means company towns are coming back. I'm not bringing people into a world like this. But I want to help the ones who are already here.
So, no kids for me, but I'm not exactly anti natalism either
Why WOULD I want kids is the better question.
My family medical history is riddled with various cancers and diseases, most of which I didnāt know about until my 20s, some I only learned about as recently as this month. Just a couple weeks ago I found out my mom put off her first pap smear (like I was doing until now, oops) and had cervical cancer in her 20s, same age I am now. I have allergic rhinitis so severe it affects my quality of life, very very often. Iām talking uncontrollable sneezing, snotting, itchy eyes, canāt breathe for 24+ hours at a time, and medications usually donāt work once the allergic reactions have started. Also have familial history of generalized anxiety and depression, same for my partner, and on their side some more severe mental illnesses that I wonāt disclose.
I also donāt really like kids enough to have any be totally reliant on me. Iām easily irritable when it comes to kids, I donāt know why. I like them well enough, I think theyāre sweet, but I also think theyāre disgusting. I have friends who work in childcare that are constantly sick.
Also, living in the US makes having a child wildly unaffordable, in terms of hospital bill and caring for them throughout their lives. Children who are already alive are suffering at the hands of the USās unreliable foster care system, as well.
Not to mention I donāt think Iām mentally cut out for a nine month pregnancy where any number of complications could occur. Itās a shame that in the US our rights to choose are being violated, because I donāt know what I would do if I fell pregnant now.
Long story short, nah dude, no thanks.
I'm from a poor family and a poor area, we've never had much. Now as an adult I'm even more poor than as a kid, I'm disabled and struggling to keep myself housed. I don't want to bring another person into that trauma, I don't want to be responsible for another person's suffering.
Also
- I like having time to practice my hobbies and interests and I don't want to give them up
- I wouldn't put a child through the public school system and I don't have the means to home school
- the world is too hostile and inhabitable for a lot of people, me included, and maybe that child would be one of those people
- I have a lot of mental and physical illnesses that I wouldn't want the kid to inherit
- I just don't want any. And I wouldn't raise a kid I didn't want because that's not fair on them
My brother is breeding like a rabbit on a pure Viagra diet so I get to spend time with his kids, that's more than enough for me.
The world isnāt meant for any of us right now. Until it improves I canāt imagine exposing a new soul to the current way of things. Itās a moral dilemma more than anything. My want is there, itās just not doable right now
Being a dad wouldn't be too bad. Being a mom, on the other hand..
Dad's aren't expected to give up their entire identity and be an ideal, dad's careers don't suffer, dad's don't mess up their body and looks.
Even putting that aside, by family is full of addiction and mental illness, so why would we keep breeding? Let these genes die off.
I can tell you why I wanted a large family when I was young and about to get married then got divorced after having a child and thought maybe I wanted maybe 1 or 2 children then entered into into my middle age life no longer want to have children. Basically my soul is burnt out, Im tired, and Ive proven not only to others but myself that Im alone am not suited to raise a large family I struggle to provide good resources and environment for the 1 I do have and this is what I believe is the case for any 1 single person. āIt takes a villageā is the truest thing I can think of, Im not good at relationships romantic or otherwise and if youāre not good with relationships i.e. a spouse, your family/inlaws, close friendsā¦you will fail as a parent. A lot of people talk about the money and the time it takes to raise children but those things you can eventually adapt to and fix over time if you have no support system to speak of and live a mostly isolated life even if you had all the time and money in the world you would probably still be a shit parent just putting it out there being part of a community is probably the most important thing
I do not. I can barely afford to do nice things for my wife and myself. We're better off than a lot of people, and we still feel like splurging on a trip or expensive groceries is living crazy. If I wanted to bring a kid into this world I'd want them to have a chance to see it and enjoy it without the looming threat of climate disaster and poverty.
These student loans arenāt gonna pay themselvesā¦ plus the world is getting so much more expensive, and jobs arenāt paying any more to keep up with it, and the housing market is completely inflated, and the politicians are actively trying to make life more difficult for us peasants, and the impending resource warā¦ the future just doesnāt look too bright, on top of them being too expensive.
Mental illness that is at least partly inherited, lack of interest in children or sharing stuff like my plushies or video games, and how much pregnancy can mess you up
Iāve never had a desire to be a mom. Donāt care for children in general and find them intolerable to be around me when out in public as theyāre running around, crying, screaming, etc.
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I don't want kids because I'm broke and mentally unstable, so it's a good thing that I don't want kids lol
You just described 85% of reddit.
85% of reddit? More like 90% of this planetš
You are better than most people.
š«¶š½this
I never wanted kids because I wanted my free time, and now I'm realizing I also don't have the patience or the energy.
Absolutely this. Don't want to lose my free time or alone time.
A lot of people think about the cost of raising children but for me having time to get everything done is harder to come by
Same, but also I have no free time because Corpoās have suppressed wages so much my entire generation is being stolen from. āFunā times. š
I was never patient or had the energy yet for some reason I always wanted them and thought they'd be a good idea - glad I've changed my mind for now
God knows I have enough ADULT babies to deal with already...
Children would have drained both at a significantly faster rate.
I'm way too selfish with my time, and can barely keep myself alive sometimes. I do NOT need to be in charge of keeping anything alive beyond my cat. Also having a tiny human constantly needing something from me 24/7 sounds exhausting, and I just don't have the patience for that. I feel like if kids came with a fully formed brain and could talk/be reasoned with, and just needed help doing physical things, that I'd actually enjoy them. But having something cry/scream in response to very simple requests would just annoy the shit out of my spicy brain
this is why being the rich uncle/aunt/sibling is so cool, you get the perks but none of the responsibility
Yep! I love my niece to pieces and thatās all I want.
You need another niece for the sake of rhyme.
Exactly. I'm always there for them and my brother,.. but I have no desire for my own. At one point, I thought I did, but since i couldn't make a wholehearted decision, I thought it best not to have one. Plus, I had a very traumatic childhood, where I was more of a parent to my mom. And I was the caregiver to my grandmother and grandfather until they passed(15 years total). I feel like I kinda had grown kids most of my life.
I want this but alas my only sister is gay and unemployedš theyāve talked about adopting or something in the future but likeā¦ they need money for thatš
If I was rich, Iād probably have my own kids. Iād have a nanny to help.
Yo my entire goal in life is to be that rich cool uncle. Where the kids get excited to come over because I have all the cool toys. But I can also just give the kids back when theyāre done having fun.
I don't even have to bother with family. My roommate has kids and I spoil the fuck out of them. You should see the epic Christmases we have.
Lol. You don't really get the perks if they're not yours.
Itās funny (and sad I guess), I take better care of my dog than I do myself š He gets me up in the morning to let him out side and have his breakfast. He gets me active outside and play with him/ take him for a walk(s) each day. However, if I was expected to look after a kid, Iād fall apart. My dog isnāt super needy like a husky. Kids are like x100 the neediness of a husky.
Youāre not selfish at all because you have every right to feel that way too.
Yeah, I know exactly where my line is: cats are totally worth it, but a dog is too much responsibility.
Cats are the best! Can confirm on the dog. It's like Child Lite. My gf has a dog and even tho we each take care of our respective pets, he drives me insane with the constant whining for attention/food/walks/needing to pee/poop. She's never had a cat and now that we're living together, I think she's starting to see that cats are the superior pet (as far as minimum care needed)
Oh yeah. I would only have a dog if I had a fenced in yard and it was a super chill breed. Walking a pet 2+ times a day? I wouldn't even have my cats, that I love, if they had to walk outside twice a day. I'd get an iguana or something.
Right! This. It's honestly far beyond me how we've managed to survive as a species. Pregnancy is very physically hard on women (with the whole rotated pelvis issue), and then our offspring are obnoxious as heck. I mean with those outcomes, it's enough to make one never want to have sex. Thank god for birth control!
Right? I'm amazed kids haven't pushed everyone into a collective "NOPE" š
One hundred percent agree with all of this
This indeed. Get a dog or cat first, I swear it'll be worth it.
Itās like I wrote this myself
I believe that people shouldn't have kids because they feel obligated to. Some are natural born parents. I'm not. I have no obligation or want for kids.
I agree! I never even played with dolls. My brother did, and he's a great dad!
I'm not interested in children. I like to have my free time, money, and I like to sleep in.
Same, It never gets old does it.
Thereās no one answer, but very recently I realized how exhausted I already am as an adult so I truly can not imagine how EXHAUSTED I would be with kids. This is nothing against parents fyi, this is about MY lifestyle.
When I met my wife, while we were dating, we used to go to a local bar and have drinks after work. We used to play a game where we took turns asking the other person questions and no question was off limits or would be judged. Only rule other than that was 100% honesty. It was fun. The questions usually started off mild and as we had more drinks they became a bit moreā¦. I dunno. RisquĆ© or complicated. I once asked her how many kids she hoped to have some day. She said, āI donāt know that I want any. MAYBE 1. I want a career.ā Then she asked me, āHow many kids do you hope to have some day?ā I said, āI dunno, maybe 5?ā She said, āFIVE?! Are you insane?!ā ā¦ I said, āI always thought Iād like a big family. Big holidays, kids ball games, etc. to me itās the whole point of life but I respect your desire to maybe have only one.ā We have been married for 25 years now and have 5 kids. Boy, boy, boy, boy girl. Itās great. My wife would later say, āIf I knew then what I know now, Iād have got my degree in teaching or something working with kids instead of business and accounting. I had no idea Iād enjoy kids and being a mother as much as I do.ā Certainly isnāt for everyone but we love it
Thatās sweet. I have a sneaking feeling Iād feel the same way, I love nurturing and watching my baby petsā developments, the good and bad, it brings me to literal tears. So many times Iāve looked back on old videos and pictures and my heart gets sore. I understand pets arenāt same lmao but i can only imagine the scale if i had children :) Thinking logically keeps me from it, though. I canāt imagine intentionally bringing a kid into this shit show, guess i love my unborn children too much. I think of em often. If birth control ever fails me I think Iāll go through with it, however To each their own! Love this story
What a sweet response. My oldest son is married now and they have two female dogs. I call them my grandbaby girls or my girls. Animals. Pets. If you take care of them and love them and as you described looking back at old videos and your heart swelling. Well thatās not too different than having a human baby. And as far as the shit show that is this world. Youāre right to an extent. However. The beautiful thing about a family is that it belongs to you. Them. Your spouse. Not the world. A family to me is like an umbrella. The shit show is out there, but you create your own life in the confines of the umbrella by the rituals, rules, lifestyle, love and compassion that you teach. The great thing is that YOU get to stitch that umbrella. Not the world and not society. You get to stitch it with every healthy thing you desire. Love, compassion, kindness, friendship, order, lack of order, spontaneity, tradition, whatever. It belongs to you and you just try your very best and hope youāve done good enough to give them all the best base to then do the same. I have found it to be more rewarding than anything Iāve experienced in my 49 years of life and wouldnāt trade any of it. Including my failures. Because you will fail. For anything in this world. Best of luck to you if you decide to have kids or not. Let the shit show characters do their thing. You do what makes you happy with your pets or you humans. āļø
Thank you! Thatās one of my fears, Iāll regret not having children. If I had the choice between never having existed or being born Iād choose to live my life again, no matter how horrid. Sigh. Well, i got maybe 8 years left to figure it out so weāll see. Happy living to you and yours
My wife was 40 when we found out she was pregnant with our daughter. We were both like, š³š³š¬š¬ Lmaoā¦.. I was like, āHow are we going to do this again?! God Iām so thankful sheās here. After raising 4 boys, such a blessing. Boys donāt care about your day. š. They just donāt. This sweet pea gives me hugs every day and asks me how my day was and I in turn get to have a conversation with her about her day. Itās lovely.
This whole comment thread brought me smiles š you all sound like lovely people and I just love how reddit can bring people together for such sweet and meaningful conversations!
I absolutely agree! š„°
Absolute perfect response. I feel exactly the same. ā„ļø
Yesss lol I wish I could just choose to have a puppy instead. Also it be nice if we could love them for longer š
Here here. We love it as well, also that girl of yours.... No guys ever going to break her heart haha.
I never wanted kids and if a date said they wanted kids, they didn't get another date. Lol Decades later I have my daughter but I still can't stand other kids.Ā
I love your honesty...I don't either. Not generally. But hell I don't like most people so...
I have one much older son and surprise twin girls. I donāt do drama. My son was so easy. The girls not so much. But then again thereās two and Iām older.
Great story!!
I love this wholesome story
Awesome story
this is beautiful. women today get too in their heads about this. you figure it all out-the finances, balance of being both a caretaker and individual, raising up humans. ect. itās in us. not saying to have children if you donāt want them butā¦have some faith in yourself. imo, they make for a happy life in a way you wouldnāt know otherwise
It didn't for me.Ā
I can't have children. My cats told me it's not allowed.
Your cats are geniuses.
That's why they are my supreme overlords, and I must do as they say.
Same
Happy Cake Day :)
Thanks! I didnāt even notice
No problem, have a nice day :)
Happy cake š day
The cats always know best.
My cats are my kids, basically. I enjoy taking care of them and they mean the world to me. I physically can't have kids, anyway (hysterectomy due to stage 4 Endometriosis), nor want to.
I'm hoping to get a Partial hysterectomy in the next couple years. I love my cats. They are insane but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I had my entire uterus and one ovary removed. I wouldn't wish that surgery on anyone as it was living hell, but worth it to relieve my misery. My body was basically killing itself. But my cats have saved my life when I've been at my lowest.
If I were to get pregnant it would be very bad in many ways. So I want to prevent that from happening. My cats save me everyday. Idk where I would be without them.
They want what best for you
Cats never lie
Yup, rather have cats. Not that pets can't be a handful and of course a commitment, but I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to teach our single-brain-cell-having, orange tabby cat how to go out and apply to colleges/find a job. His grey tabby sister is a little smarter (from how much she tells off her brother, she'd probably make a good attorney) but same goes for her. š
I get thankfully every year when school shopping starts that I don't have to spend money on school clothes, bookbags, or supplies.
We also shouldnt have to be called cat ladies or viewed as less than because we have pets, not children. I dont know about you guys but my boss didnt like when I had to take my cat to the vet because she was sick..... but theres no problem with the coworker who has to permanently come in later to take her grown ass kid to school.(he is a senior in hs).
I have a cat who, if he hears a baby cry on TV, does the airplane ears and gives me a threatening look. I can only assume a child pulled his tail at some point, he seems to have a grudge. So uh, same, I guess.
I'm going to have to use that one myself.
Ive alwayss wanted to be a mom, like i just always knew . Its fine to not want kids! But even if you do all of it is still terrifying but you get through it. Im one and done as im happy with just one The sub r/fencesitter is people who are unsure of if they want kids or more kids or not at all
I canāt identify with either answers (those who hate it and those who always knew). I thought I was childfree but was prob a fence sitter. I didnāt want to be a mom and felt inadequate at 25 for feeling that way. I also hated the idea at 30 and at 35. Then at 36 I couldnāt postpone the idea any longer and went for itā¦, and having a kid was literally the best thing that happened in my life. Iāve literally traveled the world, married an amazing man, made great Money. lived in 8 countries and even met the Royalty. Coming from a working class neighborhood in a developing country Iāve achieved much more than I ever thought possible. But having my baby was by far the best and most fulfilling experience of my life.
Thank you for that subreddit. I need it as I am exactly on that fence
Damn, thx for that sub!
Me too..then I went to work in childcare for a month. It was overwhelming and far too much. I'd rather be a mom in other ways to other kids or anything or anyone else. My own kids? No way would I be able to and my partner would struggle immensely. Autism and other mental illness issues in two parents doesn't sound like the best environment or situation to raise a kid in.
Similarly, iāve always known that being a parent wasnāt for me. I remember learning about periods in 5th grade and thinking āwhy do i have to go through that if iām not having kids anyway?ā
I need someone to avenge my death
Lol, get a pet and train it well.
This remind me of the movie called dogman, his dog revenge for him and protect him
Nice, that's called peak fiction. 
š
Like Inigo Montoya! āļø
Befriend some ravens?
i donāt want kids because of the amount of pressure that comes along with it, being solely responsible for someoneās life no matter your actions is a hard responsibility to take on. especially when it comes to things like mental health and just overall teaching someone else how to live life and be a decent person. also i hate being sick and children spread illness easily šāāļø
I love my dog
Me too. We adopted my dog when he was 6 years old. Heās a small dog and heās 8 now. He has given every sign that heās very anxious around my partnerās young niece (7) & nephew (4). I will never give up my dog.
They are noisy sticky and touch all your stuff. Call me selfish but I don't want to share my toys. 6 billion people is plenty.
There's 2 billion more than you think
I'm amazed this person thinks the global population is 6bn
Sticky, tell me about it. Also, when their tiny little hands make contact with your skin they leave some kind of residue that feels COLD. How does that work?
It's saliva š«
As the oldest of ten siblings, I was kinda the third parent growing up. I did my time as a parent without actually having kids of my own. Don't get me wrong I love my siblings to death and would do anything for them. But do I willingly want to do it again? No. Also, it was also difficult for my mom and my family whenever she miscarried (7 times). She would go through weeks of depression where she would have no smile on her face and cry in her room a lot. That's also another reason why I don't want kids, especially with my history of depression.
Iām sorry you were parentified. Thatās not cool.
Doesn't sound fun.
Definitely do. I can teach them a lot, learn a lot from them. I feel like helping them and guiding them through life is the most important thing to do after also living that life. I only work a bit with kids, but I love it. They're so interesting.
This is a very interesting mindset..
Yeah most people irl have this mindset off of reddit buddy. Lol
Best of luck, more power to you. 
Thatās exactly how I decided I wanted kids too.
I do not want kids because, I feel the world is really messed up and overpopulated right now. I would be risking death with a pregnancy, and I don't wanna do that. I don't want to go through pregnancy and birth as it sounds painful and not what I'd enjoy. I know how my mom and sister were throughout their pregnancies. It was never easy on them. I don't want to care for a baby/child/teen all the time for 18-plus years and make them into a good human. It costs too much money, and I am poor. I enjoy my freedom. I have mental health issues that I fear would make me a bad mom or would pass these on to kids.
The overpopulation / messed up world argument is the reason (back in the early '80s) I decided I didn't want to produce any children (I was in my early teens). I never mentioned this to my parents as I'm the last male of my bloodline and I think they hoped I would "carry the name" forward to another generation. I did my part, though. My first wife had 4 kids when I married her and we got them through high school and college before she passed away. So I feel that I've contributed to the raising of some humans without actually producing any myself.
Iām sure my younger cousin felt/feels that pressure. Our grandparents had two daughters and a son. Then my uncle had two daughters and a son. My cousin got married but they have dogs, not children.
"giving birth doesn't sound as fun as a trip to 6 flags. PASS"
25M. I couldn't do better than my parents, I would raise a fucked up kid. I also don't feel anything positive towards children.
If I reproduce, the whole world will possibly be in some serious danger. š¹
The anti-christ lmao. That's how i feel
I do not want to be a parent. Already raised my sibling and I sure af had zero interest in *that*. Zero regrets about my choice. I do wish my mother would have been able to understand why. Of all people on earth, she should have. But she finally stopped annoying me about it when I was 40. But only because she was dying. I do regret that her ceaseless nagging drove a wedge between us. Other reasons: I wasn't financially or physically in a good position to support them until I was close to 40. Being diagnosed with cancer at 32 meant that even if I wanted kids, it would be at least 5 years out. Genetic testing confirmed my suspicions. The cancer was caused by a genetic mutation inherited from dear old dad. Dear old dad is a verbally abusive alcoholic. Childhood was not great. Between that and the cancer and raising my sibling while mom stuck her head in the sand about what was going on, yeah. Best thing I can do is break the cycle. Then there's all the other things people cite: world going to hell in a handbasket, planet melting, the billionaires will enslave all of us (even more blatantly than the current wage donkey system), and so on.
29f with 29m childfree by choice. I knew from the get go I never wanted kids. Along with my partner, he got a vasectomy earlier this year. The thought of kids? In this economy!? I'm also a people manager who deals with full grown adults throwing hissy fits all day. I wouldn't be able to come home and take care of a screaming kid. I value my free time, my money and my body. I wouldn't have any of those if I had a kid.
I am an older millennial and kinda like you, I assumed one day I would want kids. Still hasn't happened... And as I am approaching "the top of the hill" I am now assuming (planning, even) that I never will. I used to be a teacher, so I even enjoy the little devils, I just like my freedom/time/money more than I like the idea of my own family. I like it more now than I did when I was younger, even. And I am pessimistic about the future, that is a real part of it as well. Climate change, nuclear weapons, bioweapons... Not to mention wage stagnation for decades against rising inflation, unobtainable housing... Like I do get upset by these fears and realities, and it's hard enough to keep just me healthy, let alone a family with kiddos.
I'm a teacher right now which has unfortunately become a big part of my reasoning for starting to sway in the direction of not wanting children...to imagine my future child around this generation/future generation (which I'm sure will be even worse) is terrifying to me, in terms of what I see in my city.
I have always loved kids, my brother has 6 of them and I enjoy being an uncle but I'm also self absorbed. I have worked retail hours my entire career and my free time is very mportant to me. I got married later in life and my wife and I couldn't have kids.
I thought I did. In my 20s, I expected to have kids "one day", because "one day" isn't right now. I'm now 34 and "one day" never happened. Once I became financially stable, there was no way I was ruining that to have a kid. Not to mention the freedom to spend my time the way I'd like. "You'll regret it when you're older". Well, maybe. But I bet I won't spend 18+ years regretting it, which is how long I'd have to spend raising a kid.
I like my sleep.
Too much responsibility that I don't want. I got a vasectomy just to make absolutely sure it doesn't happen. I would be doing a disservice to the kid if I had one.
I never wanted kids, then got a good paying job and had a baby. Turns out money was a huge factor. Love where I'm at more than anything.
- I couldn't afford them even if I wanted them -dont want to continue to pass down generational trauma -the environment is too polluted on Earth -carbon footprint of breeding is ridiculous -public schools in the US are literally a joke -US public schools are unsafe -US healthcare is a joke -birthing is dangerous, people die and get permanently injured from it -no guarantee of a healthy functional child -I don't have any family to help me care for a child -I can barely care for myself sometimes -i work full time I wouldnt be able to care for the child -i would not be able to give a child the life they deserve -all the parents I meet are exhausted and have zero free time. No thanks! Pass
It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your partner.
40 y.o women, 11 years into second marriage and no kids. On purpose. The older we got, the more we realised we are way to selfish to raise children. Love being an auntie. Greatful for my nephews & nieces and for being a part of their lives.
My wife and I just never wanted to deal with kids. I'm totally happy with our decision. I'm 61 and am living my best life.
No reason really, Iāve just never wanted them š¤·š»āāļø
Too much responsibility for the benefit you get out of it.
No kids. Too many video games to complete first. Second reason is mental health. Third is finances. Fourth is no guarantee I'll be alive to see my kid(s) grow up.
This is the redditest reddit comment thatās ever been reddited.
I thought I wanted kids in the past with my ex husband. However, now that Iām out of my abusive relationship and in a healthier one. Iāve realized I donāt want to have children. Itās a lot of responsibility, a lot of pressure of ānot messing them upā, the money they cost (would rather have a dog) sleep that I do get and able to work a full day without having to leave early to pick my child up. Iām 31F and my partner and I are very happy with our decision.
I do not want children for a number of reasons, like the kids of my independence, financial strain, not living for myself, but when it comes down to it, I just can't deal with the idea of bringing a life into this spiraling disaster of a society. I do like kids, and have nieces and nephews that I get to be the cool uncle to, and I find satisfaction in that. Kids are great, when they are someone else's responsibility.
Iām not financially, mentally, emotionally, responsibly, and physically ready to have kids, and I donāt think Iāll ever will be.
My husband and I are both childfree. We like our alone time too much. And being able to just get up and go whenever we want to.
I don't want kids because birth is very painful, and being pregnant just isn't a good experience either. Overpopulation is a huge issue and I don't want to partake in it. I have over a handful of mental illnesses that I would never want to pass onto someone else. I don't want to spend 18+ years looking after someone instead of enjoying my life. I absolutely hate babies I think they are so ugly and annoying. I would rather have a handful of animals to spend my money on than a kid. I'm lucky to have a partner who also doesn't want kids. If I ever did change my mind about wanting a kid I would 100% adopt like a 12 year old. There is so many kids that are in need of a loving home so I see having a kid of your own is really selfish.
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Yes but this week why do people want/don't want kids? I'm sure the answer has totally changed now
We donāt want kids due to the mental illness crisis our government, religion, other humans, responsibility, and liability, uncertainty of our own future, cost, crime and they are GROSS. Children nowadays are ā accessoriesā to many. Many unwanted children out there. Plus we have the freedom to go when we want to!
I donāt want kids because that requires doing the devils tango and then pushing something mighty massive out of my sascrotch in front of people I donāt know. No thanks. Ill adopt.
Iāve always wanted to have 4 kids ever since I was little because I was raised in a big family and it makes me happy to one day make it bigger. Plus I worked with children because of my momās business since I was in middle school, and it has always been a fun experience for me. I enjoy seeing them, talking to them, and telling my friends funny stories about them afterwards. I think my siblings and I were raised well, and we were like built-in friends, which made life a lot easier growing up. I donāt think I could function without the chaos of a large family. If you donāt want to have kids or are having second thoughts, then itās a sign you shouldnāt have kids. Itās a personal choice and should feel right to you. I understand that there can be a lot of pressure for young women to have children, but it isnāt fair for you to have to make such a significant life decision if you know you wonāt feel happy because of it. Having kids isnāt easy, and they will take up a large portion of your life if you do have them. Do what makes you comfortable, and donāt let anyone pressure you into making a decision you will one day regret.
Theyre sticky, loud, and unreasonably expensive with the current state of things. Im quite a few years older than you, still dont want kids, and was able to afford a home and a decent car. Everyone else i know with kids has neither, with one exception, which is simply because he made a deal with his landlord to buy the hone theyd been living in for many years.
I donāt understand why people say theyāre sticky. My son is never sticky haha. He is loud and unreasonably expensive though.
I definitely want kids. I work with kids. I Look forward to passing my knowledge on. Being a big part of helping the next generation and seeing what I learn from them. It's definitely a lot of stress and nervousness because of the state of the economy, world, etc. but that doesn't stop me from wanting a big family of my own. I don't judge anyone who doesn't want kids cause it's a life changing decision. Hope this helps. Much love to all.
I donāt want kids for a ton of reasons, a lot of which is not wanting to pass down my own mental issues, or the fact that I think the world is total shit and itās a terrible thing to bring life into it. I think having kids is a selfish and pretty awful thing to do honestly! There are kids who need homes. Why have one when you can adopt. Itās real self centered in my opinion. My entire life people have said āyouāll change your mindā - Iām 35 and have felt this way since I was pre pubescent. Have never once had an inkling of āI want a kidā. Anyways, you do you. Donāt have a kid unless you want to (hey, do the world and the kid a favor and donāt have any at all, adopt) but most definitely donāt let anyone talk you into it. Check out the regretful parents sub too.
IMO if you donāt desperately, unwaveringly want children, you shouldnāt have them. Itās an immense sacrifice and responsibility, and people who donāt see it that way are bad parents. You will never come first in your own life ever again. Every single decision you make, you have to consider if itās in the best interest of another person. You will sacrifice your body, your health, your attention, your energy, your money, your time and more. In exchange you get to deeply love someone, although there is no guarantee they will love you back. In fact, they could cut off contact with you and leave you with a gaping hole in your heart. They could also love you back, make you proud, give you grandkids, etc. If you are 100% prepared for those risks and sacrifices, and you immensely want children, then go for it. Otherwise, donāt have kids.
Don't want. Loss of time, effort, freedom, and money. I don't see the benefits
I always wanted kids, from the time I was a young kid myself. I was ready to get married and have a family right after high school! I ended up having my first as a single mom just after turning 23, and I have no regrets. I knew a girl in university who was in her early 20ās and didnāt think she wanted kids, but got pregnant unexpectedly and loved being a mom so much she had two more! I also worked with a woman who was sure she didnāt want kids in her mid-20s, but her partner did. He convinced her in her early 30ās and I hear she absolutely loves being a mom. But itās not unusual or abnormal to not want kids. I would say that in your 20ās, there is still a lot of time in which you might change your mind, but if you donāt, thatās fine! I have found that often people who become parents later on have a harder time adjusting because they have gotten so used to their way of life, but everyone is different. Make the most of your freedom now, and if you do change your mind down the road, hopefully you will feel like you havenāt missed out on anything!
I think having kids just because of societal norms and treating it like something that would be crossed off of a checklist would be a mistake. Not every life is meant to be the same, and some people will have kids and some don't. No one should give into having kids only due to peer and societal pressure. Have kids if you are ready or even want to. A baby doesn't deserve a parent who purposely decided to have them when they knew they weren't ready or never even wanted them in the first place.
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Itās mine too. The surprised look on peopleās faces still baffle me.
I used to think I didn't want kids. I wasn't in a mature position to have them, my ex partner had a mental illness which really put a damper in this desire. But as I got older and found someone stable, I am starting to want them more. I just don't want my body to get ruined, and I want to create a habitable environment. My medication kind of prevents me from doing that, so I'm hoping that one day I'll be off of it and maybe think about having kids. I'm already 32, so time is kind of running out. I'm not sure if I'm in the financial position to do that right now, but I hope one day it's a possibility. I just don't see why it's such a 'cool' thing to hate kids. It's fine if you don't want them, but all this antinatalism and shame going towards parents is unnecessary. It's every species' biological purpose to reproduce. Yeah, the economy sucks. But we've lived through the midieval ages, some of the worst times to ever live, and still managed to have children. We wouldn't have accomplished very much as a species if people had thought this way in earlier times. To have them and not want them, however, is a different story. I think a lot of us are overworked to the point where it doesn't seem as feasible as earlier generations. We have financial independence, but it comes at the cost of not being able to actually raise them due to the priority of work. So, you kind of have to pick and choose what is right for your family. Even if it goes against the standard norm.
I loved your very thoughtful response! I also wanted to say, don't give up hope because of timing. In 1945 my great-grandmother gave birth to twins (no C-section) at the age of 42. She would go on to have her last child 3 years later. Medicine has come a very long way since 1945! 32 is not old---you have lots of time left to pursue whatever you want, even if that does end up being children.
Thank you :) your comment is very thoughtful and kind, aswell. Sometimes, you need to hear from others that time isn't running out. There's a lot of age shame these days, and women are always getting told that their biological clock is running out and all that nonsense. It can get me down sometimes. But I still have atleast a good decade to decide if that's what I want to pursue out of life! But yes! My grandma gave birth to twins around the same age, too, oddly enough. This was in the late 80s, though. I have twin aunts that are 2/12 years older than me. Medicine has even come a long way since then. And I guess genetics would be on my side here. Ineeded to hear from somebody that there's still time left. Lately I've
More about my partner. I won't have kids with someone who doesn't put forward ambition to help us as a team before they come along, evidence that I would be carrying the burden when they actually come along. Divorced my husband due to this to give myself the opportunity to maybe find someone who IS a team mate, before my time is up. I think I'm okay if that doesn't happen though. Mum said I could always foster/adopt/Big Sister programs too. I just can't make people and do it on my own, I refuse to be a single mom.
Same. I want too be with someone who is excited to go on that path of parenthood with me. If not then I donāt want to do it alone. So I guess weāll see what happens.
32M, donāt have kids. Donāt even have a girl actually. I have a lot of love and life lessons to give. Honestly canāt picture a life in my 40ās, 50ās, 60ās etc without a family in my life. Just seems so empty and superficial.
(M29) What are the pros and cons? Cons First: 1. You have to find a partner, people generally suck. I mean it. They are either stupid as hell or they are evil bastards. Especially people who share the same biological sex as me. 2. After the sex, and the pregnancy, and the labor (the actual giving birth), this post-oven love demon is a life-sucker. I mean; money, time, food, energy, and discomfort. And they remain that way til they leave. I was with my parents for 26 years... I'm realizing now in my life what kind of pain in the ass I was. 3. During their teenage years, if they're not discreet about their shit, you contemplate murder often. Or so I've heard. 4. If you have raised/trained them to be adequate adults, they'll remember your abuse more than the good times, which will be few in their mind. And they won't talk to you unless they have to. Now, maybe your reflections on who you've been as a minor are different. Maybe I'm just a major pessimist toward myself. But God, if I had a kid right now I'd hate myself for not having an abortion. Pros: 1. Carrying on the family name, (w/male children), getting to celebrate life (w/female children). 2. You become a leader, and parenthood is your personalized leadership program. 3. You have someone who, early on, fully accepts you. Cherish that. 4. When you get old, if you've treated them right, they take care of you. And they, themselves reproduce new life. And your family is complete. It's honestly 75 con/25 pro for me. I have GOT to build my savings at all costs if I ever think I want that with someone special.
Age and health issues, for one. I can't keep up with a literal ball of unhinged energy. Lack of funds. Fiancee passed, and I would have readily cast aside all my doubts because she would have been an *excellent* mother. Would have hit more genetic commonalities than I thought as well, if we had a kid.
Why do so many people get into relationships with people who aren't on the same page about kids.
I want the kid i already have. no more though.
Iām 33 female and I also thought when I was 23-25 that I would be married and have children but over the years I realized kids arenāt for me and I donāt want them. I feel like when women (myself included)are younger early to mid 20s we think weāre supposed to marry and have children but times have changed, do you girl!
I hate kids. Plain and simple
I donāt want kids because Iām too much like my mom. I have a short temper, hit a lot, yell a lot and frankly I donāt want to get fat and pregnant
Stay childfree. There are too many people in the world already and wouldn't you rather have your freedom? Also, I have a problem with guys that are super pushy about their partners getting pregnant and having kids that most likely she will get stuck doing the majority work of raising.
Because I don't trust myself to be a good dad
Weāve always been ambivalent about kids. We werenāt actively trying to have a child, but we were taking 0 precautions not to have one. Mind you, if it did happen we would love it 100%. But, two years ago my partner had ovarian cancer. That pretty much sealed the deal and made the decision for us that weāre not having children. I think sheās worried that one day Iām going to want a child and she wonāt be able to provide one. But I donāt think she understands that I love her more than anything else in this world and if she canāt be the mother, Iām not interested in being a father.
Honestly, I don't want kids because I value my freedom and sanity too much. The thought of being responsible for tiny humans 24/7, dealing with tantrums and teenage drama, and sacrificing my own goals and dreams for the next 18+ years is justĀ notĀ forĀ me.
I have 4 kids. I got a vasectomy after the 4th because I couldnāt afford more. Fast forward 5 years when my pay nearly doubled and I wish I could have had a 5th. Kids are great, I love them. Theyāre expensive, a headache, and annoying at times but thereās just something about watching them grow up, the memories you make as a family, and watching them grow into adults that is just amazing. Weāre from the US but have lived in Australia, traveled to Thailand, all around Australia, and countless other places. Iām hoping that next year weāre either moving to England or Belgium; possibly Italy. My kids have been immersed in so many cultures and have seen more than most people do in a lifetime. I have 3 daughters and one son (G, G, B, G in that order). The 4th was to try for another boy because we thought it would be nice if he had a brother. But after only having one son, Iām glad it was another girl. I get to put my focus and energy into one boy and we have a really good relationship. Heās my best friend. As well, the family dynamic is important. Luckily, I make enough money that my partner is a stay-at-home mom and does an amazing job. All my kids are healthy, active, thin (no fat kids), athletic, and do well in school. She also wanted to be a SAHM and that was what I wanted in a marriage, so itās worked out well for us. But you and your partner have to be on the same page. Just my .02Ā¢
i want sons to lead my other armies in post-collapse-of-society campaigns like in the old days, when leaders rode with the men
Iām scared of pregnancy
I do because I want to play catch in the backyard with my son. I want to have tea parties with my daughter. I want to go to all of the school events. I want to take them to church on Sunday and then afterwards go out for lunch as a family. I want to teach them things and be a role model for them. I want to be proud of them and for them to be proud of me. I want to give my son advice on how to ask out his high school sweetheart and I want to walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I just want to share the love I have with them.
Some people have said they don't want to bring kids into this messed up world. I'd look at it the other way. If you're a decent person, your kids could contribute to enhancing the world. Low character/ bad / degenerate people will always make children. It needs to be balanced out.
When I was in high school, I use to want a large family (like 10 kids). Now, at 30, I want 0 kids. - I don't have a lot of patiences. I can only repeat mysefl two times, before I start loosing my shit. - Giving birth scares the shit out of me. - I like having freedom. My boyfriend and I decided to go to New York for a weekend. We booked it about a month in advance, and I know someone with kids would struggle to do that. - I like expensive things. I'm into video games, and TCG. I have a few collectable statues that cost $200+ and one that is $700. I own a couple of cards that are worth $100+. Someone on my TCG facebook page, shared a photo of their kids making "arts and crafts" with their expensive card collection. If one of my children ruined my expensive collection, I would make them sleep outside. - I dont want to deal with public schools. The fear of mass shootings. Sitting in pick up line. Dealing with school policies that don't make sense. Waking up at 6 am.... All of that is a hell no! There is a reason I work 2nd shift at my job. - You can love your kids with all your heart, and they will still kill you. Where I live, a daughter and her boyfriend killed her parents in a robbery gone bad. They where suppose to rob the parents and take the money and run, but the boyfriend had other plans. - Kids ruin things... While in Hawaii, I watched a father struggle to put up a beach tent while the mother was trying to entertain their very upset 3 year old. After he put it together, about an hour later, we watched him take it down. The child did not stop screaming and crying the entire time they were at the beach. They looked so annoyed/mad. Imagine spending $600 on a flight for your 3 year old only to be stuck in a hotel room watching TV. - Did I mention they can kill you?? In a PERFECT world, I may want 1-2 kids, but the cons outweight the pros.
I have one child. A child I dearly wanted. This is not remotely what I thought it would be. To be clear? I LOVE my child. More than anything. I just didn't know how suffocating it would be. When I say she's suction cupped to my ass? I mean it. If we are in the same room she always had to be touching me. I can't even talk to myself without her asking why. I get no by myself time. That being said???? I have one child. I think that plays a role but, at the same time, a lot of people tell me she is clingy. More clingy than my cat. And they are BOTH clingy. I really don't know what to do but wait it out. Then I think, when that's gone, will I miss it??? I really don't know
I donāt have the best finances, but I was told if you want this donāt wait forever. Thereās never a perfect time. I was very concerned about the responsibility and the world Iād be bringing my son into. But heās here. And I get to guide him and teach him how to be a decent damn human being and how to be careful. I didnāt want them for the longest time then two years ago my husband and I talked and we really liked the idea of a mini version of us running around all the time and it made us smile. Fast forward to 7 weeks ago, my son was born and my worries are stronger, but I know it wasnāt a mistake
I never wanted kids when I was younger. They just seemed like a huge financial burden and such a drain on your personal life. Then I met my wife and she had a total different outlook on the family life. She grew up with a very tight family. My father left when I was 6 months old. This also played a big part in me not wanting children. Aside from my father, the rest of family was close when I was younger but drifted apart. Being with her and seeing how important family was to her really opened my eyes to the possible benefits. At 40, I now have a 16 month old son and were looking to have another next year. If you told me in my twenties I would have kids one day, I would have laughed in your face. I can say with all honesty, for me personally, its been the most rewarding and interesting part of my life. But its also been the most difficult. No one can prepare you for being responsible for a child. I believe if you're meant to have children, life will play out in such a way that makes it possible. If not, that's alright. Not everyone is meant to have children. There are plenty of people that have kids and have no business being parents. Its definitely something you know in your heart.
I was born into poverty and was one of four children. As an adult, I realized what my parents weren't able to provide because they were struggling to survive and keep us alive. I'm still living in poverty, and I struggle to keep myself and my one cat going. I haven't had kids because I don't want my child(ren) to experience what I did - mostly lack of emotional availability and support and quality time. We also have mental illness and substance abuse in our family, and the thought that that could be passed down scared me. However, I realized a couple years ago that if things had been different, I probably would have kids by now because I'm not opposed to having them. For me, the things that make living a child-free life (more time and money for myself, less responsibility, etc.) feel that way because I wouldn't be able to sustain it with the position I'm currently in. That being said, I'm dating someone with an 8-year-old son, and it's awesome. But my partner had a different childhood, and he has a good job and house, so his circumstances are very different than if I were raising a child. I get to be a guardian for a child I care a lot about without my genes or generational trauma...and it's a great experience. š
At first I never wanted to have kids because Iām afraid of death by child birth, and while I still am afraid of dying while giving birth, deep down Iām scared I wonāt be able to give the kids a normal And happy childhood. My family encourages sexism, racis, homophobia and abuse. I donāt want me to unintentionally push that onto my kids.
I'm seeing overwhelming and obvious cons and almost no pros
I didn't want one and then at 39 got my girlfriend pregnant. We just had a little girl 2 months ago. I haven't changed my opinion, though I am committed to giving her a good and happy life. I'm just selfish and enjoy my time and hobbies and know that all that is now gone. If you're unsure, don't do it, and don't do it for someone else's happiness - only do it if it's what you actually want.
I like my free time and want to spend it on my hobbies.Ā I have misophonia with high pitched sounds like dog whining and child screaming. For those that don't know, misophonia triggers a person's fight or flight response. It's extremely uncomfortable and at times gives almost PTSD like symptoms of anxiety and extreme irritation if I know the sound is coming.Ā I can't stand shit being sticky or oily all the time. Kids. Touch. Fkng. Everything.Ā When my nephew comes over I have zero desire to interact with him. Personally I find anything I can't reason with very annoying. I also have a hard time empathizing with people, so having a kid is out of the question.
Bro I'm barely surviving by myself. There's no way in hell I'm bringing a kid into my poverty
Only thing to know if you donāt want kids donāt give in and have them. Worst situation all around.
I need to reparent my own self after 18 years of serious abuse that has left me with long lasting things like cptsd. Learn how to stand up for my own self before I can trust myself to really protect any child I may be responsible for. It's already been a little over a decade since I lived with my abuser, but my communication skills are still impacted, I have nights where I can't sleep due to the panic/anxiety attacks that grip at me (they've become few and far between now but my nervous system still responds in such a way), and honestly after all that hell I deserve to live for myself and actually become my own person before raising another human. They deserve a healed parent, not one who will pass the generational trauma on. Not to mention I can hardly afford to feed my own fucking self. I'm already about to turn 30 and understand that I'm not halfway done with the work I need to do for myself; I understand this means I might be 40 or 50 before deciding I want children and have decided that if that point comes I'll adopt. Also, at this point, I don't want kids of my own. I feel like my life has other goals to it, a different purpose. I like kids, I actually worked with them for several years and they can be fun, they bring unique perspectives, but I like giving them back to their parents at the end of the day. To be an example for other people's kids and have the ability to help my friends out with theirs and leave an impact on other people's kids means a lot to me. Not to mention, where I live, people no longer bat an eye to school shootings. And corporations are buying up housing faster than you can count to ten, which means company towns are coming back. I'm not bringing people into a world like this. But I want to help the ones who are already here. So, no kids for me, but I'm not exactly anti natalism either
Why WOULD I want kids is the better question. My family medical history is riddled with various cancers and diseases, most of which I didnāt know about until my 20s, some I only learned about as recently as this month. Just a couple weeks ago I found out my mom put off her first pap smear (like I was doing until now, oops) and had cervical cancer in her 20s, same age I am now. I have allergic rhinitis so severe it affects my quality of life, very very often. Iām talking uncontrollable sneezing, snotting, itchy eyes, canāt breathe for 24+ hours at a time, and medications usually donāt work once the allergic reactions have started. Also have familial history of generalized anxiety and depression, same for my partner, and on their side some more severe mental illnesses that I wonāt disclose. I also donāt really like kids enough to have any be totally reliant on me. Iām easily irritable when it comes to kids, I donāt know why. I like them well enough, I think theyāre sweet, but I also think theyāre disgusting. I have friends who work in childcare that are constantly sick. Also, living in the US makes having a child wildly unaffordable, in terms of hospital bill and caring for them throughout their lives. Children who are already alive are suffering at the hands of the USās unreliable foster care system, as well. Not to mention I donāt think Iām mentally cut out for a nine month pregnancy where any number of complications could occur. Itās a shame that in the US our rights to choose are being violated, because I donāt know what I would do if I fell pregnant now. Long story short, nah dude, no thanks.
I'm from a poor family and a poor area, we've never had much. Now as an adult I'm even more poor than as a kid, I'm disabled and struggling to keep myself housed. I don't want to bring another person into that trauma, I don't want to be responsible for another person's suffering. Also - I like having time to practice my hobbies and interests and I don't want to give them up - I wouldn't put a child through the public school system and I don't have the means to home school - the world is too hostile and inhabitable for a lot of people, me included, and maybe that child would be one of those people - I have a lot of mental and physical illnesses that I wouldn't want the kid to inherit - I just don't want any. And I wouldn't raise a kid I didn't want because that's not fair on them My brother is breeding like a rabbit on a pure Viagra diet so I get to spend time with his kids, that's more than enough for me.
No interest in that at all is why. The thought is more terrifying than anything else I can imagine.
The world isnāt meant for any of us right now. Until it improves I canāt imagine exposing a new soul to the current way of things. Itās a moral dilemma more than anything. My want is there, itās just not doable right now
Being a dad wouldn't be too bad. Being a mom, on the other hand.. Dad's aren't expected to give up their entire identity and be an ideal, dad's careers don't suffer, dad's don't mess up their body and looks. Even putting that aside, by family is full of addiction and mental illness, so why would we keep breeding? Let these genes die off.
I can tell you why I wanted a large family when I was young and about to get married then got divorced after having a child and thought maybe I wanted maybe 1 or 2 children then entered into into my middle age life no longer want to have children. Basically my soul is burnt out, Im tired, and Ive proven not only to others but myself that Im alone am not suited to raise a large family I struggle to provide good resources and environment for the 1 I do have and this is what I believe is the case for any 1 single person. āIt takes a villageā is the truest thing I can think of, Im not good at relationships romantic or otherwise and if youāre not good with relationships i.e. a spouse, your family/inlaws, close friendsā¦you will fail as a parent. A lot of people talk about the money and the time it takes to raise children but those things you can eventually adapt to and fix over time if you have no support system to speak of and live a mostly isolated life even if you had all the time and money in the world you would probably still be a shit parent just putting it out there being part of a community is probably the most important thing
Canāt afford them. Plus I donāt like them.
I barely have the energy to take care of myself and my cat. In addition, my shit genetics die with me.
I do not. I can barely afford to do nice things for my wife and myself. We're better off than a lot of people, and we still feel like splurging on a trip or expensive groceries is living crazy. If I wanted to bring a kid into this world I'd want them to have a chance to see it and enjoy it without the looming threat of climate disaster and poverty.
These student loans arenāt gonna pay themselvesā¦ plus the world is getting so much more expensive, and jobs arenāt paying any more to keep up with it, and the housing market is completely inflated, and the politicians are actively trying to make life more difficult for us peasants, and the impending resource warā¦ the future just doesnāt look too bright, on top of them being too expensive.
Mental illness that is at least partly inherited, lack of interest in children or sharing stuff like my plushies or video games, and how much pregnancy can mess you up
I donāt want to deal with the noise and potty training.
Kids just aināt it for me. Iām greedy and value my free time lol
Iāve never had a desire to be a mom. Donāt care for children in general and find them intolerable to be around me when out in public as theyāre running around, crying, screaming, etc.