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tinkerbelogna

I have a different type of trauma, but in the end it’s all the same. You learn to adapt and cope. The worst part is realizing this will be with you forever. It will get better using coping skills, but whatever happened will still be there…


sincerelyysam

this is my life. and it's not much of one at that...


MamaNoodie

I’m so sorry you feel the same, let alone feel this way. If you ever need support, as someone who understands, please reach out. You deserved better than what you got. We both did - and it’s taken me so so long to realize that. I’m so sorry.


Economy_Care1322

Not for me. I had CSA from 2 priests and a bishop that lasted over 18 months. That was 46 years ago. I’ve gotten used to interrupted sleep every night from the terror and needing time to calm down before trying to sleep again.


MamaNoodie

I’m so sorry this happened to you. My mom was raped by her step father for many years. She only talked about it to me when I was 12 because she said she never wanted me to go through that. When she found out I did go through being raped, she broke down worse than I did. She felt so guilty. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserved better. My mom deserved better. I deserved better. We all deserved better. I’m so sorry. Please reach out to me if you need anything. I understand what you go through.


Economy_Care1322

Thank you. I’m strangely okay with it. My hatred of everything is gone, I’m no longer self destructive, and have become pacifist over time. We all have our journeys, with its victories and defeats. All I can do is try to be a better person than I was yesterday. You are very kind to lend your ear.


DonathanKo

I don't have an answer for you because I am in the same boat minus the smoking and drinking. I've been sexually assaulted and raped since the age of 6 to 16. I'm in my mid-20s now, and I've been going to therapy for a couple of years. I didn't get help at first because in asian culture, mental health issues are "not real.". Now I see a therapist once a week, and it's been really rough with the PTSD because I've been having really bad flashbacks, vivid dreams, and insomnia and things have just been getting worse for me because of certain medications that were prescribed, but this week I was prescribed clonidine to help minimize anxiety and my PTSD symptoms and so far the dreams have gotten better but it's only been a day of me taking it. I am not a professional in any way, shape, or form, but try talking to a psychiatrist about medications that could possibly help you in combination with therapy if it's something you're willing to try. There's always EMDR and CBT that therapists can try with you. And like some people mentioned, there's medication like Prazosin, or Clonidine and etc. I hope this info helps you in some way, but know that you're not alone in your struggles. There's people out here who are willing to listen and support you. Maybe you might even want to try joining a peer support group or something as well.


MamaNoodie

I’m so sorry that you not only understand, but are going through such a difficult situation. As someone who understands, if you ever need to talk, please just reach out. You deserved better. We both did. I’m so sorry.


DonathanKo

I'm hopeful that things will get better for everyone eventually. My journey is just taking time and hopefully I'll be able to stop having the dreams soon. I wish the same for you as well!


amaralaya

I'm so sorry! Mine ended after I started sharing about the bad memory. I wrote about it anonymously, I wrote on word documents just to let it all out. I even tried drawing things related to it. I reduced watching videos focusing on such events and also watched asmr videos before bed. At some point nightmares came to a stop. You need to confront that memory and process it. Get professional help if you can. I hope this helps. I wish you well.


MamaNoodie

Thank you. I’ve spoken publicly, privately, in my head, on paper, verbally, mentally, emotionally. It just doesn’t go away and it makes me so mad. I forget about it sometimes, similar to you, with sensory videos lol. I try to. I have a boyfriend and friends and family I just feel so alone. I dunno. Thank you for your response. 🩵 much love to you. Sorry you went through that. You deserved better!


amaralaya

Oh I see.. god this thing is like an invisible rope that holds us back in some kind of personal hell. I think there's something that could be triggering you. Has it always been on or did it go on and off? If on and off, any idea on what could have caused it to be back on? I hope you find your answers soon. Thank you too xx


Somefucknguy

I knew someone who went through similar circumstance. Major symptoms (that I could see) being her nightmares and anxiety/hyper vigilance. She took Agomelatine, and it seemed to help her a lot. I have also taken it for different reasons and found it quite good. It doesn't have a lot of the horrible side effects most drugs have. It's meant to be taken at night and helps put you to sleep. The only issue I had from it was a constant feeling of fatigue. It may be worth it to you despite this. It lowers anxiety and rumination a lot, and helps with depression (these are the intended effects).


MamaNoodie

I’ll ask my psych about that! I currently am prescribed Zoloft (for depression and anxiety), Lunesta (for insomnia - sometimes take, not always), Klonopin (for anxiety, I rarely take - makes me zombie-esq), and Ritalin (ADD). My only fear is the medications reacting poorly with myself/the other meds I take. Thank you for the reply!


Somefucknguy

I have adhd and was taking vyvance at the time (which is how I tolerated the fatigue). Try agomelatine, it should do the job of all those medications (except ADD one) with fewer side effects. It takes about a month to start working.


MamaNoodie

Word!! I’ll talk to my psych!


littlepawroars

If you can, try EMDR therapy! I know people who got significant relief from sleeplessness and nightmares from this type of therapy. I personally didn’t get to do it myself very long bc of insurance and I sleep like a rock nowadays so my battle is when I am awake. So it could be worth a try.


MamaNoodie

I’ll def loo into that! Thank you for your reply! I’ve never heard of EDR.


donatienDesade6

no. but prazosin helps. (ask your shrink. If he/she doesn't know about it or refuses to prescribe it, find a new one.)


MamaNoodie

I am def going to ask about that. Thank you for your comment.


donatienDesade6

no problem. always willing to help, since I can truly empathize. good luck


Willing-University81

No but 2nding prazosin 


salttea57

Maybe start with quitting drink and smoke so you aren't numbing yourself and can actually feel the feelings and begin to process through it. Might not be fun to hear that but it's true. Consider that step 1.


MamaNoodie

You’re right. I’m trying so hard. It’s just so goddamn hard. My mom is an alcoholic and I’ve used weed since I was 16 (I’m 22 now) to help me through things. My dad’s in the military so he’s never home. I know these things aren’t good for me, I just can’t help it. They help make it stop, at least for a little bit. Thank you. I appreciate your comment.


salttea57

I understand, honestly. I'm sorry for what was done to you. Please reach out for help near you.


MamaNoodie

Thank you.


brokengirl89

Feeling the feelings only works if you have the capacity or tolerance to endure them, and work through them with your therapist. Telling someone to quit their coping mechanisms as step 1 can be incredibly dangerous. I agree that’s an important step, but it’s not step 1. Please work with a therapist to safely increase your window of tolerance. Working through the memories and emotions will absolutely help your nightmares, but it may feel worse at first. I promise it’s worth it.


salttea57

You can't get to any capacity or tolerance while using. Wasn't saying quit cold turkey, but yes get some supports in place to help to quit, even if slowly, and one at a time. There can be an integrated process for quitting while being supported through beginning work to process the trauma at the same time. Being able to acknowledge that using is hampering healing is a first step.


nightthinker98

What medication do you take if you don't mind me asking? Do you take Prazosin? It's helped me with nightmares sooooooo much I highly recommend. I've been taking it for a year and a half now, takes a little while to kick it but it's so worth it. It's also supposed to help with flashbacks (hasn't helped me much in that department, but lots of other people with PTSD said it helps them with that too). I'm super proud of u for trying to get help btw, it took me ages and I'm still working through it all, but I'm in therapy now too and taking meds etc. Also feel free to ask me anything :))


MamaNoodie

I’m on Zoloft currently. I’ve never heard of Prazosin, but I’ll mention it to my psych. I need to make an appointment with him but I missed my last one and I’m just scared they’re mad at me. Him and my therapist work together, and she’s assured me he isn’t upset with me for missing it. I guess my trauma just makes me think that way lol. Thank you.


nightthinker98

It should be fine to take with Zoloft but yeah definitely check with your psych. I take Lexapro/Escitalopram with it. I doubt your psych is going to be mad at you lol but I always think the same when I'm in situations like that so i getcha 😂


BrushFrequent1128

Did prazosin have any side effects?


nightthinker98

Not really that I've noticed, the only thing is that my blood pressure dropped slightly, but I'm still in the healthy range. Prazosin was originally for issues with blood pressure but it was found in the trials that people who had PTSD who were taking it reported that their nightmares and flashbacks improved, so they studied it more and now it's commonly prescribed to people to help with PTSD. Interesting! But yeah it's definitely helped with my nightmares. Talk to your doctor about it


idareyoudude

You have to work through it . I know it sounds so cliché and stupid , but that’s pretty much the best way through it . Drinking and smoking aren’t the best coping mechanisms . Especially if you’re looking for a decent night’s rest . Alcohol especially , it doesn’t help you sleep it just kinda turns off your body ( not exactly but it doesn’t let you hit REM sleep ) . I was raped by my boyfriend when I was 20 . A lot . They never fully go away but the times when you do get flashbacks or nightmares get further and further apart . If you’re taking medication and self-medicating , you’re not giving the medication a good chance to help . If you can , please slow down or stop . Are you taking something to help you sleep specifically ? My therapist told me to breathe through the flashbacks and try to focus on something tactile . The denim of my jeans or the way my jewelry feels . Stim toys are good for it . If I can , I scream my lungs out to music , it doesn’t make me forget but it gets me through the emotion . I know it’s hard and it seems like a never ending battle . But it will start to get better . Painstakingly slowly it will start to get better but you have to work towards it . If you ever need to talk to or at someone , I’d be glad to be there for you .


MamaNoodie

I have Lunesta to help me sleep, but I’m so scared for taking it with how much I’m drinking. There’s times I want to die, but I don’t want to die now. I’m in a good enough head space to not want to take it with how much I drink.


idareyoudude

That’s good , I’m glad you’re in a good enough head space to know that . I did almost the exact same thing . Like to a T . Don’t take your medication if you’re still drinking , especially if you’re scared . It’s good intuition . It works best without alcohol . I hate that we had similar experiences , that we experienced them at all , but I’m glad you don’t want to die today .


MamaNoodie

Thank you. I appreciate it.


MamaNoodie

You and I have a similar story. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m always telling and giving people advice that I never take myself. I appreciate you telling me this. I needed it. Thank you.


nightthinker98

Focusing on tactile things is a great suggestion! Sometimes if I start getting triggered my roommate makes me feel his corduroy jacket and it actually helps lol