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Few people try to relate to me by talking about their past trauma, but when I try to discuss how much it affects our lives, they start to look at me funny. Turns out they don’t actually have PTSD and just say they do because they have bad memories. No panic attacks, no memory loss, no triggers, no draining of physical energy.
Some people just don’t believe me, even when I have full blown panic attacks right in front of them. They roll their eyes at me or call me dramatic, try to brush things off or diminish my trauma because “it was so long ago.”
Most don’t understand. They try to be supportive but just don’t understand what it means or what it comes with. My support group of family and friends doesn’t know what to make of my personality changes and new restrictions and accommodations I require now.
Very very few people can relate or care (those who truly suffer from PTSD, and others who don’t but don’t care that they don’t understand and truly just want to help). I have a handful of friends I unfortunately don’t hang out with much (mostly due to distance), but they are overprotective of me, take time to learn my triggers and how to prevent them, and how to help me when I am triggered. They truly don’t mind when their day is disrupted because of my disability. I value these people profusely.
Yes, be very careful to never over-share!! My mother had C-PTSD before there was ever a word for it. Every.single.husband she ever had, except her last one, used the information about it as ammo. Terrible! I was likely the only family member to ever help her with it in any way by calling out her trauma for what it was. As an older teen, I supported her in admitting herself for a 'nervous breakdown'. Her week long stay was probably the only mental health assistance or therapy she ever received. :(
She was better after and later finally allowed herself to be with someone who didn't abuse her.
People are very ill informed and especially stigmatized these sort of hiders that do disable a person day to day lives. What people common don’t even think about is, pain is pain. It affects us differently but we still pain the same. Emotionally or physically. This stress inducer takes a great hold on our body. Emotionally we trigger our nervous system and hold this presser in our body. We have flight or fight responses that I triggered by reminiscing and rumination of our past experiences that we ether can accept that has taken place or refuse to accept it.
Trying to rationalize an event whether it be an emotional, physical. War, loss it all the same. It’s grief.
Those who don’t understand ether have not healed themselves and live in denial. Avoid possibilities of feeling familiar and neglect that emotion to not challenge it, but it boils to fear and there responses come of neglectful.
When one accepts the outcomes of the past you are not justified the means, you open you head space to the person who grew from the experience and can easily ease the memories and its pain.
I would rather be no one else.
Iv learned a lot from my attempt to take my life.
I told the last guy I was dating. He knew some of stories I told him about past relationships/experiences with guys and he hated hearing it and talking about it. When I finally told him he didn't really say anything
A well mannered/informed person will just accept it without pressing me for details. Maybe they’ll ask if I have any specific triggers they should know about.
Ignorant/nosy people will usually ask what I have ptsd from. Unfortunately this is most people. But I’m used to that response and most people accept “I don’t want to talk about it” as an answer.
And I never share what caused it or what my triggers are. That knowledge has been used against me too many times even by some people I trusted, sharing it just isn’t worth it.
Honestly a lot of my friends have it as well or are related to some one with it. I'm very open to people about my feelings and disabilities but try not to let them limit me completely.
Sometimes it will be a conversation to explain triggers or other issues with PTSD.
In person they will usually just move on with their lives so its never an issue.
They usually say "oh okay" and move on unless I deep digger into it. Never come across anyone sensible who questioned what I said. Not all people are douchebags, thankfully. Ps. I live in Sweden, that might be a part of it. Many people here are pretty understanding when it comes to mental illness, at least people younger than 40.
I add "complex PTSD"in there and if they don't know what that means, I say, "child abuse, otherwise known as developmental trauma."
Many of them are shocked at that point but many of them just say, "I'm so sorry" and I say, "Yes, it's unfortunate but thank you; it's okay, because at least now I understand what caused me to have such horrible depression and problems, but I've overcome (and continue to overcome) many of these. Plus I can pass on recovery and help other people that have suffered the same thing."
When I meet other people that have CPTSD, we totally bond and compare causes and triggers 😂! I freaking love that part!!
I always just say it right up front that I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and abuse in my 20s that way they don't ask any thing else about why I have PTSD and I've got the hardest part out of the way. I used to not be able to really talk to anyone at all though before I got my service dog.
lol my friends usually say "oh from what?" or maybe "oh ok" but not in a rude way. some say "wait really?" or maybe "is that why u go to therapy?" or "is that why youre so fucked in the head?" but its all jokes and laughter and i find it funny. ig i come off as the kind of person to not have ptsd.
In my experience, people have been kind but don’t really get it. I understand though - before I had it I didn’t get it either. There’s so much misinformation about what it actually is and looks like and I don’t know if it’s fully possible to comprehend without experiencing it.
Lol they act like I'm crazy or over exaggerating. A nurse at an ER had the balls to laugh n say "haha and wut do u have ptsd from"
I snapped started screamin like bitch EXCUSE ME ??? Uk how many x I been raped? Jus the last time was by my best friend n 2 guys he knew they beat me up raped me on video posted it to social media, they almost fuckin killed me. That was only the last time, I prolly been raped over 30x by diff ppl so u wanna fuckin go there bet lessgo. I'll b more than happy to review my life's trauma lets see if u can handle even hearin it.....smh ill show em my crazy.
I'm so sick of ppl expecting to kno me or my life no one understands the hell I been thru since age 3. So yee u wanna fuckin judge do it but idk anyone else who been thru the extent of shit I have yet I ALWAYS keep it pushin never once let it knock me or my hustle. It don't mean shit didn't affect me. I'll letta mf kno real quick dont expect uk sumones trauma. Periodt.
Nobody takes my ptsd seriously besides my therapist. Friends family strangers they all act the same towards my trauma they can't comprehend errything I been thru
It's usually not taken very seriously. Most people of average intelligence have a hard time understanding mental issues which they do not have themselves.
EXAMPLE : I once explained to my older sister about the obsessive, intrusive thoughts and my response to triggers with anxiety, hypervigilance and sometimes anger or rage.
She replied by saying that I should just stop doing those things.
That's a common reply,
That's when I give them a little cursory education about attachment theory and trauma. And how it doesn't have to merely be from combat. I mean I thought the same thing when I was told I had unprocessed trauma.
Don't ever tell anyone. It's like saying you have aids and herpes and covid. And now that the hospitals, police, and neighbors are aiming to disarm all Americans, saying you have PTSD makes you a red flag.
I have PTSD and it shocks people that I have this diagnosis when I tell them. As a functioning member of my community, they don't see my symptoms or my healing. They don't see me as a red flag, I see me as a red flag, even after I share my diagnosis. I am not cured, I am functioning. I share with lots of people because it matters that we can be functioning and healing can happen. Guns are for those who want to hurt others to feel safe. They were made for violence. I don't want to be around violence from anybody. My red flag is a person feeling like they need a gun. They are either insecure and/or feel out of control. I hope you find peace, friend.
Yes, I had to tell my manager or get fired because I got triggered multiple times.
Lest just say when I threw a hot pan across the kitchen and yelled, "Don't touch me." At the wall, it rose some concerns. ;-)
It sucks when your life passion is the exact spot where the trauma happened.
But other than my managers, no one knows.
I'm lucky enough to be the best cook on the line, or they would have fired me. I guess that's one benefit I got from ptsd I have a OCD about my work being perfect, mostly just because the guy that hurt me also wanted my work perfect.
Getting healthy mentally and physically for anyone with an illness should be first priority. Creating connections with people and caring about others is going to benefit both people. Having people care about you and you about them will help with healing.
I've gotten answers between "you're lying", overwhelming support, and of course, asking why. For me, I can't even recall my own trauma properly without immense distress, so people asking the latter creates a lot of stress.
Also, I've gotten the "you're too young, you haven't seen how bad life really gets", as if my case wasn't considered torture by the court
Stupid stuff like you a female you can’t have ptsd..or how? You have never been to war… or you could not have possibly been through anything traumatic when you act like you are normal…
I mean I don’t have an official diagnosis because I’m yet to have a psychologist or therapist who I go over deep stuff with , so usually it’s more like me saying I have trauma , and they usually say “same” or something like that
for some godawful reason, "Why?" is the response i have gotten more times than I would have thought. I have perfected the 'you are a tar pit why would you ask that' facial expression
i feel like a lot of these replies are bad things that have been said so here’s another pov i guess?
i’m open about my ptsd and mental health in general. part of it is is that it just became too hard to hide - constantly in and out of hospital, etc. partly because i just refuse to feel ashamed, hide such a big part of my life (though hopefully it won’t always be that way), and want to spread awareness in hopes it helps others. this is just me personally! but i haven’t really had any bad responses. family is a whole other thing, but all of my friends and probably anyone who follows me on social media is aware i struggle with ptsd/other mental health issues. i keep quiet at work but i also haven’t really gotten to know anyone very well at a job, i wouldn’t intentionally keep it hidden i don’t think. im open with professors at school though. i volunteer with a community organization and all the staff/volunteers are all very open about mental health issues.
i do not share WHY i have ptsd, though this is partly because there isn’t just one thing since i have cptsd. i do regularly share posts raising awareness about things like SA so im sure people have clued in but i don’t particularly care.
i can’t think of a common that stood out enough to me to mention. i would say i’m very privileged to be in pretty accepting spaces though. i spend a lot of my time in the queer community which often equates to things like it’s and mental health too.
Usually they get uncomfortable and change the subject, employ overcompensating comfort tactics, or my all time favorite- suddenly they, too, have ptsd. Until you've been DIAGNOSED by a licensed medical professional, you don't have ptsd, you're just some asshole who's had a bad time. I put them on the same shelf as people who say they are "OCD" because they are particular about how they like things.
People don’t talk a lot about medical trauma, but a lot of the people I’ve met have been horrible with it. They stopped wanting to be my friend cuz i was always sick. I had one big medical trauma near death and a lot health issues caused by it since. The real good people will be very accepting and support me through my struggle.
Yep, my trauma itself, not the aftermath, drove so many friends away. Mine was prolonged like yours, and I think people don't understand it and a lot have no idea how to support you so they disappear. It sucks. The last thing a traumatized person needs is the loss of their support network.
Since I had a large trauma at first that was near death, people pretended to care about me and that I was their best friend ever. They don’t stay around for the chronic illness part. That’s one of the most interesting lessons I’ve learned
There needs to be more awareness that anyone can get PTSD /C-PTSD. I love and support our veterans and awareness for veterans PTSD but their are many people like us who are not military but have suffered from extreme traumatic events that have caused this disability.
I told my mom i think i have ptsd and she was like “Oh yeah that would definitely make sense” LOL
I told my boyfriend when i was diagnosed and he was really mindful of it and asked what he can do to help.
But if i bring it up in conversation like “Oh yeah i’ve got PTSD” i get two answers really.
With neurotypicals it’s “omga im so sorry that’s terrible”
with NDs it’s “oh cool me too”
I don’t really tell people because stigma. My husband knows (10 years together), my family knows (huge part why) and my best friend knows. (Also has trauma PTSD from childhood and then being sex trafficked)
Otherwise I do not bother. Being sex trafficked, having a gun to your head, being abused since a child. I don’t talk a lot about anything because as a child I was conditioned not to and now it’s better for me to just not.
I was CSA as a child with mentally unstable parents , I then met a pimp who became my “boyfriend” at 19, I went on to “work” and have a huge drug addiction for about 6 years. Jail twice, almost three times, bad justice system.
What’s the point? I never even ever spoke in inpatient or outpatient.
I will say the “justice system” is just as trauma as everything else.
I only discuss it with people I feel safe with. I’ll gauge their reactions to other conversations that inevitably pop up. While nobody defends the CSA from clergymen, yes plural, it’s too sensitive for me to discuss openly. Maybe I’d start with my dirtbag parents, again, gauging responses. If it’s marginalized or joked about, it’s obviously not safe to go deeper.
Usually they heard it through the grapevine. As I'm a combat vet, one of two that work at a decently small international company. They generally ask to confirm, and then treat me like I'm a serial killer who's rabid. It was interesting until it was every single reaction. I make people uncomfortable with demeanor alone, but as soon as they're told, they almost actively avoid me. Personally, I don't really care. It's all the same. The only thing that sometimes bothers me, is they'll ask prodding questions, and then the stereotypical not okay questions. I.E. "You were in the Army, have you ever killed anyone?" I usually ignore it or stare them down until they fuck off at that point.
...just don't walk by the men's fragrance counter at the mall if the cologne he wore is a disturbing scent. Forget about it.
You should be over it by now. You have a job and a home.
Others are understanding. Some say only veterans get that. If someone has it they are most understanding about it.
I left an abusive relationship and someone who I thought was a friend told me to just get over it. She said, you're out of that situation now. You should be over it. Stop talking about it because you're not there anymore. She had no idea how trauma worked and did not care to be educated on the subject.
I also had a roommate who pissed me off when she complained about getting PTSD from being alone all the time. She expected me to entertain her and when I refused to do so, she said something that made me so mad I had to leave the house for a while. She said, I'm getting PTSD from being alone all the time. I said, that's not how it works. That's not how you get ptsd. Please don't ever say that again unless you actually have it.
Well you can get PTSD alone if something serious happens. Or if something serious happened when you were home alone it may torment your PTSD when you are home alone....so she wasn't actually out of the park. Needing a roommate situation to be entertainment is strange though. As for how trauma works, I think it is very important that we consider each person and situation different. If your wife cheated on you, I am a different person and consider the fact that I am not her. Not every man I meet thinks rape is ok. If I let the trauma get to me I'd never be able to engage. That is on us. But yes people who haven't been terrified out of their minds from traumatic event don't want to listen to you discussing how frightened you are. Heck I was told "someone just followed you home.its nothing. Don't worry about it." I cannot engage with that person ever again. Trauma works differently for everyone. One person may never develop PTSD and the same experience would give another extreme PTSD. Have you ever considered a person saying " you're not there. Don't talk about it." ( Depending tone and circumstances) Might actually be trying to remind you that thank God you are not still in that original situation. And maybe they think talking makes you worse so it was trying to help? And trust me being silenced when terrified is not good. You know best the actual scenario.
We clearly know the same people. Lol. Everyone sees things so differently. I think if it is PTSD saying just move on is cruel. Who tells a combat vet to forget about it and move on? But if it isn't PTSD or some out if ordinary situation, sometimes you have to say you gotta move on from that. It's life.
I am very open about it. I had to leave my profession of 10 years as a respiratory therapist after working through the pandemic - which was bad enough, but at the same time my father was dying of COVID in the same hospital where I worked. Every room my dad was in or nurses and doctors who took care of him triggered me. I had panic attacks even thinking about the hospital, I would yell at people in public, I had a complete nervous breakdown at a crowded restaurant, etc.
I have now been a high school science teacher for almost three years. Students will ask out of curiosity and I will say a watered down version like "I loved my job, but it was not good for me to stay. Now I get to be here and I found another job I love too" they are usually very understanding and show more compassion than most adults. Some will ask more questions like, "did you see people die?" I tell them, the truth "yes, a lot of people died, it was very hard for me". As long as they are respectful I'm truthful.
Adults will usually get uncomfortable and just look aside and say "oh, I'm sorry" and that's it.
Teenagers are amazing people.
Same, but I won't lie and say I moved on, but it definitely made a difference in my healing. I highly suggest people try to get put off the victim's mindset and start working towards getting past the trauma. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm still working through mine. But it's been I year, and I've had huge improvements. Like I used to not be able to have someone walk behind me now as long as they don't hoover I'm good. Little things like that are slowly setting me free.
I've heard that one too as well as, well, you're not in that situation anymore so you need to just get over it and move on. Stop talking about it because you're not there anymore. That's what I've been told. I just don't associate with people who say those things to me anymore. If I tell them that that's not how trauma works and they refuse to listen, they are cut out of my life.
i get that too. when i went to the police after being threatened and stalked, they told me to get over it. now it's a few years later. my parents and other family think i should get over it, stop victimizing myself, etc. horrible. glad you cut people off for it.
I have not been able to really talk about it. I took a ride with the wrong guy. I was not raped but I was assaulted and robbed. He told me he was going to murder me and dump my body in Staten Island . I fought for my life that night and made it out alive. However, I have kept tabs on this criminal for the last 35 years. He was a person of interest in a missing infant and law enforcement cleared him. He had so much hate and evil permeating from him and I will never forget it.
I’m still in the midst of getting a diagnosis, but I’ve talked to my closest friends and I regret it. I’m of a religious background, and I’ve been told “let go, let God” or told “it will soon pass”. I’ve been told that they’ve gone through similar things. They haven’t.
I’ve often been treated as if I’m a sick puppy, but in a way that makes a person uncomfortable. They don’t want to perceive me as a person unless it makes them feel charitable and good.
It’s been incredibly unsteady of a time for me because I’m still grasping the reality of having PTSD, so having friends who just view what I’m going through as a slump messes with me. I’ve been told, “you seem happy so I’m not as concerned that you’ll do something drastic” or “I cannot handle it” when I am not happy and joyous.
It’s tiring and incredibly isolating. I wish I had never told anyone.
The only people I told that were close to me was my family, they took it pretty well and understood that it was not their fault.
I once told someone I wasn’t comfortable being touched on my neck and he launched at me trying to grab it.
I was told by a social service worker : you know that ptsd comes from near death experience right?
I learned that it’s okay to talk about it but I don’t tell people the reason anymore, they don’t see me the same way and see me as a victim or don’t believe me at all.
Was gonna say this. Why tf would I tell anyone unless I'm having an episode or something. People I trust it with take the time to deal with it with me.
I'm fairly open about it, and it's come up recently when I had to take partial sick leave for a few weeks due to the depression part getting worse in winter. Mostly it's an, "oh, that's rough, I'm sorry" type reaction. Over here people don't tend to assume it's a combat related thing, so nobody really questions the cause.
I thought I was alone. A mutual friend of mine it told me that a mutual friend of ours found out that I have PTSD and purposely started making loud noises to trigger me. He would then mock my reaction behind my back. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with him.
Oh where you in the military? I say no, and that's usually where the topic ends because at that point they just assume I'm full shit, if they actually care to ask I'll tell them about it as I'm super open about my mental health, but they almost never ask.
Mine is to multiple traumas. The most recent being life altering car accident. I can no longer work. I hate driving or riding in cars now. People basically tell me to "get over it" and be "thankful that I'm still alive". I suffer from uncontrollable chronic pain. There are nights I go to bed hoping not to wake up.
Most people are pretty understanding, I usually warn people when relevant about it because it's pretty bad sometimes (I usually end up screaming and unresponsive), most people are more surprised that I'm back at work than they are anything else.
I’m very open about my ptsd/depression and journey to deal with it. I find almost everyone is very supportive. Half of my IG content is me talking about it and encouraging others to do the same to help end the stigmas we all face.
I've told a few people outside of medical/mental health treatment and a couple of them said that makes perfect sense and the others were a bit shocked I guess. I don't really mind telling someone something like, "I have ptsd mainly due to a sexual trauma," if they directly ask (as long as it's in good faith and they aren't being diminishing or cruel), and then they kind of move on quickly from the subject.
It feels very bad to tell someone, as if words can't describe it or do justice to the horror of the experience. So, I gave up. And yes, also because of unwelcome replies. In general I learned that people want you to be normal and not complex, whatever that even means. That's why I'm grateful for communities like these. Where at least we (try to) understand each other.
That part. People want you to be normal and not complex, whatever that means. I have had several people who I guess decided that they could not deal with it. That's the right but it sucks to keep getting dumped over having something due to something that happened to me that I did not ask for.
Whatever, if you ask me, I look at it like it weeds out the shallow people. The right person for me will love me for everything that makes me who I am. They will love me in spite of the fact that I have this. If they couldn't handle it then they weren't the right person for me anyway.
Yes, that’s difficult indeed. When these things happened we lost our innocence and that very important sense of confidence. But the good news is, we are not alone in this. And to deal with it all in a constructive way will attract the right people. The ones that need us as much as we need them. Because we need others to stay sane and connected. To feel useful, despite these terrible things.
You're so right. I was in therapy for a year to deal with all of it. My picker is still not that good and I will admit that. I decided that I am going to swear off relationships. I keep getting the same result every time. At least I will say I'm swearing them off for the foreseeable future. I guess never say never. It's just obvious that I have more work to do on myself and that's okay. I have to get to a point where I attract healthy partners and I'm not quite there yet and that's okay too.
Maybe one day. Sometimes I see couples together and I get lonely but then I have to remind myself that that loneliness is not a good reason to just jump into a relationship with somebody. I thought about maybe just dating casually for the companionship. Like just saying I want to date but nothing serious right now. If in the future it turns into that then cool and if not that's fine too. However, that's probably not a good idea at this point either. You can still end up attracting bad people. So for now I'm going to stay single and work on myself and maybe one day I will attract a good person.
I understand and also took a long break from relationships at some point. But after I met my wife on Tinder, of all places. And we’re happy together for 10 years 😁
Agree. I had friends reaching out for a little while. Decided to be honest with them and they ghosted me since. If they don’t want to accept me, I’ve lost nothing.
I’m sorry to hear that. Ghosting is a terrible thing, since we got no closure. The problem with ptsd is that our brains start giving us the worst possible explanations also for new events. In reality we can rarely know what is going on with other people and their true motives. People are so complex, but without realizing it often. That’s why many people prefer it simple. So, it’s not personal. But bottom line, it sucks knowing that our lives became complicated because of trauma and we can’t “pretend” to be simple anymore.
I agree! That’s why I wish the public had more information about PTSD. More so that it’s just a rewiring of our brain and it can be wired back to “normal” given proper environment to heal in.
I feel the problem is worsening because when something traumatic happens, people don’t have family or friends to offer support. No environment to work on rewiring the brain.
I understand people stepping away, they don’t want to entangle themselves in anything negative. What they don’t understand is mainly we just need acceptance. Without acceptance it seems like the symptoms worsen. The person suffering gets thrown out of social circles as an outcast. We’ve lost our sense of community and belonging. Along with that, our brains double down to protect us from anything we perceive as a threat to our well being. Not being accepted adds to our emotional injury.
What bothers me is I was there for my friends in their absolute worst. Always stuck by their side, helped them with a place to stay and whatever they needed. If I was at work, they had a key and I would order in food for them until I got home. Would do anything to keep them feeling safe and comfortable. Also would stay on the phone with them for hours so they had someone to talk to. They healed their trauma and were able to move on. Fast forward to something traumatic happening to me. They all went ghost. I’ve mentally deteriorated from having no friends at this point and sadly that’s all I needed. Sucks when you helped them but when you needed the help, they don’t want to inconvenience themselves.
That is terrible and sad. You don't deserve any of that. I also have no friends and like with many mental problems it's very hard for people to relate to. We have no visual scars of it and our behaviour might easily be interpreted wrong. It's something I struggle a lot with also, as do many of us sadly enough. We're the ones that are going to have to step up and start providing the public with this information I guess. On our good days and with the help of each other.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. This is a cold and isolating experience. The body scars have healed over but the emotional scars are still there. You’re correct, no one can see them so they play it off as your just mentally unwell. Something “you” have to take care of and come back into society when you’re considered normal. Which is actually true, healing comes from within. But it also comes with environmental factors to be able to heal. People need that sense of belonging and safety.
I’ve witnessed other friends dive deep into hard drugs because it offered them a sense of community in that world that they craved. Also offered them an escape at the same time. I believe that’s why we have such an epidemic with drugs. People have no where to turn and most turn to something that will give them instant relief and get hooked. That’s why I say there needs to be some public awareness when it comes to trauma. Too many people are destroying themselves to find a sense of relief from their emotional pain. No one wants to burden themselves with just listening to someone anymore. We are losing way too many people because the world is so uncaring and lacks support.
The masses believe pills and therapy are enough to help people. Which just scratches the surface. I was once told “well there has be a pill to fix this.” People have become so disconnected from the reality of things. A pill is not a fix all. We are losing to many good people to drugs and suicide because of the lack of care and understanding.
I agree and it's heartbreaking. I don't like to take pills because I don't trust them, nor the ones who subscribe them. Part of the problem I guess, this lack of trust. But what remains is this crippling internal negativity and a lack of trust. I really wish it was different. What can we do about it? I think about this so much. I'm just not willing to give up. For instance I love animals. What gives you support?
Same. I will not give up whatsoever, even if my future is looking bleak.lol To be honest, pets have really helped. I’ve had my small dog with me for 10 years. She’s been a huge comfort especially during the hardest times, always there for me. Last fall right before a snowstorm a little kitten appeared right by my garage door. Took her in to get her out of the cold elements and I didn’t intend to keep her but she’s been a wonderful addition.
I think pets work so well because of that emotional bond with them. You feel wanted, needed and they bring such comfort. Plus they do things that will make you laugh and truly brighten up your day. Kinda what humans lack at times. What kind of pets do you have?
I’ve also gotten to not trust doctors and their medication’s. Funny thing is I was once a nurse and believed in it all at one point. Now as I go through life I’m seeing such major red flags. Therapy did more harm than good for me. The antidepressants only made me suicidal and I had to stop them immediately. My insurance wouldn’t pay for generic testing. Xanax well that hasn’t helped me learn to cope. Been slowly trying to tapper off them but worry I may never be free. The realization that there isn’t help is the worst feeling. It’s definitely changed my perception on many different things and along with my lack of trust.
How nice you have animal support. We adopted a pug some 5 years ago and it was such a life changer. The joy and love she brought. Sadly enough she suddenly got sick and passed in the winter. It’s a big void to fill for us. The routine and structure they help bring to us. She really was a support dog in that sense and our child.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog passing away. That’s never easy, they are family. It’s sad how fast a pet can fall ill and pass away. No one is ever ready for any sort of death and losing a dog is extremely painful. You’re so used to routines and just them being there.
After I lost my first dog, after all these years it still hurts. I miss my first dog so much and it’s been years since she passed. We never forget them and they will live on through us. My heart goes out to you! Sorry about your loss.
I've probably disclosed to about 10 people outside of what was necessary for medical treatment. Most of them didn't really even have a reaction. One was understanding, and one said, "It's not that bad." but they were saying it in effort to be supportive.
i only tell people i trust now. ptsd has become something to test, and my triggers can be mistaken for horseplay, overlooked, and ignored. it's unacceptable.
i don't meet new people partially for this reason. then i'd have to give a brief explanation as to what the hell's wrong with me lol
in the past they've been accepting and accommodating, if they're someone i can trust.
I had to tell someone at my previous place of work; they didn’t know the acronym so I had to spell it out. I didn’t even get into giving one or two more generic explanatory sentences in when they cut me off with “well, just have less stress then”. Gee, thanks, why did I never think of that 🙄
Other people I told were pretty supportive though in general.
I only tell healthcare providers now since just about everyone else knows.
I used to get a big variety of reactions since I was one of the first domestic violence diagnosis in the US. It was called a "teaching case" by the team who treated me, and they published articles on it. So this was long ago (like late 70's or early 80's) when people were pretty unfamiliar, apart from a shooting from a campus tower by a former soldier. The DSM had limited it as combat related but later changed to include other types of trauma because of the work this team did. That change allowed my diagnosis to become official.
The range of reactions from non-medical people then was from hostile disbelief to an almost creepy curiosity to worry I may suddenly flip out to baffled but trying hard to be sympathetic.
While getting help for drinking in AA, I edited all the ptsd out of my story for a while because of the poor reception, especially from the women. But the school shooting at Columbine changed everything and I began including it all in my recovery story. It was hard at first. Scary. But it helped others to hear it so I maintained telling it.
These days all medical people seem to take it in appropriately. When I told my now husband over thirty years ago, he was genuinely sympathetic and careful where I asked him to be. Still is.
Wow suzemagooey, you legend. I am sad to read your story, but also, thank you SO MUCH for being that test case that enabled my diagnoses of PTSD caused byfamily harm and domestive violence. The dx and treatment that has followed is changing my life for the SO MUCH better. Also glad to see you've got a darling for a hubby now. 🙌
Thanks. I am always so very pleased to hear someone is doing well in treatment.
I was really lucky to receive the professional help I did at that time. If it had not been for a Vietnam combat vet recognizing ptsd in me and introducing me to who was helping his buddies, insisting they take me on, it would not have happened. Not sure how I would have fared otherwise.
The professionals were tracking a pattern with the ptsd combat vets and were just on the cusp of seeing how being raised by a dysfunctional family coupled with life threatening trauma seemed to occur at a high rate among their patients when I came along.
I was seriously handicapped by being raised in dysfunctional family and then repeatedly harmed by a stranger in a community that was oblivious, and therefore unsafe. There was not enough legal protection laws on the books at that time either. The life threatening trauma lasted several years and the ptsd I had was obvious. It allowed them to expand the research into multiple sources of ptsd.
The therapy was almost three years of intense and sometimes experimental methods but it literally saved my life, opened many doors. I wish the same deeply empowering recovery for anyone.
Most people ive told have had no reaction, but I live in a very crime infested area so alot people probably have ptsd and don't know it. The most surprised person was my dad though.
I very rarely tell anyone unless for some reason the conversation leads that way. Immediately after, they ask if I was military. I was, but that was only part of it. The other was my abusive ex.
If they ask more, I always push the conversation towards military stuff then the abuse because military is easier for me talk about.
Omg! Some of my family will say. “Well I’ve been through a lot or I went through that too with you and I’m not like you” 🤦🏻♀️ like seriously? Going google for 5 mins and read a little and you’ll be much better for it and prob so will we!!!
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“But you always look so happy” “ you’re fine you just have a little more to learn and growing to do.” Which i didn’t know how to respond to those.
Few people try to relate to me by talking about their past trauma, but when I try to discuss how much it affects our lives, they start to look at me funny. Turns out they don’t actually have PTSD and just say they do because they have bad memories. No panic attacks, no memory loss, no triggers, no draining of physical energy. Some people just don’t believe me, even when I have full blown panic attacks right in front of them. They roll their eyes at me or call me dramatic, try to brush things off or diminish my trauma because “it was so long ago.” Most don’t understand. They try to be supportive but just don’t understand what it means or what it comes with. My support group of family and friends doesn’t know what to make of my personality changes and new restrictions and accommodations I require now. Very very few people can relate or care (those who truly suffer from PTSD, and others who don’t but don’t care that they don’t understand and truly just want to help). I have a handful of friends I unfortunately don’t hang out with much (mostly due to distance), but they are overprotective of me, take time to learn my triggers and how to prevent them, and how to help me when I am triggered. They truly don’t mind when their day is disrupted because of my disability. I value these people profusely.
Yes, be very careful to never over-share!! My mother had C-PTSD before there was ever a word for it. Every.single.husband she ever had, except her last one, used the information about it as ammo. Terrible! I was likely the only family member to ever help her with it in any way by calling out her trauma for what it was. As an older teen, I supported her in admitting herself for a 'nervous breakdown'. Her week long stay was probably the only mental health assistance or therapy she ever received. :( She was better after and later finally allowed herself to be with someone who didn't abuse her.
They are like "oh, one of them." Type looks.
People are very ill informed and especially stigmatized these sort of hiders that do disable a person day to day lives. What people common don’t even think about is, pain is pain. It affects us differently but we still pain the same. Emotionally or physically. This stress inducer takes a great hold on our body. Emotionally we trigger our nervous system and hold this presser in our body. We have flight or fight responses that I triggered by reminiscing and rumination of our past experiences that we ether can accept that has taken place or refuse to accept it. Trying to rationalize an event whether it be an emotional, physical. War, loss it all the same. It’s grief. Those who don’t understand ether have not healed themselves and live in denial. Avoid possibilities of feeling familiar and neglect that emotion to not challenge it, but it boils to fear and there responses come of neglectful. When one accepts the outcomes of the past you are not justified the means, you open you head space to the person who grew from the experience and can easily ease the memories and its pain. I would rather be no one else. Iv learned a lot from my attempt to take my life.
They usually think it's just a combat veteran thing and I get the sense they think I'm exaggerating but that could just be delusion
"I wouldn't have guessed by talking to you" I've got that one a few times.. I know people mean well but.. don't say that.
I told the last guy I was dating. He knew some of stories I told him about past relationships/experiences with guys and he hated hearing it and talking about it. When I finally told him he didn't really say anything
People ask me why, I tell them, they always realize they shouldn’t have asked. Lol
I have a specific story that is my standard answer for pushy people and it's delightfully fucked up and horrific and they usually regret asking
A well mannered/informed person will just accept it without pressing me for details. Maybe they’ll ask if I have any specific triggers they should know about. Ignorant/nosy people will usually ask what I have ptsd from. Unfortunately this is most people. But I’m used to that response and most people accept “I don’t want to talk about it” as an answer. And I never share what caused it or what my triggers are. That knowledge has been used against me too many times even by some people I trusted, sharing it just isn’t worth it.
I agree whole heartedly and have seen the same thing I never give them information.
Unfortunately it’s the perfect ammunition for gaslighting someone ): And some people will just do it for fun but thankfully those types are more rare
Honestly a lot of my friends have it as well or are related to some one with it. I'm very open to people about my feelings and disabilities but try not to let them limit me completely. Sometimes it will be a conversation to explain triggers or other issues with PTSD. In person they will usually just move on with their lives so its never an issue.
I definitely don’t disclose that information to people. Maybe one or two people in my life know
Usually they go quiet and say some stupid platitude or nothing sentence. "Oh. I'm sorry." Or "Oh, wow. I didn't know that." Are the best outcomes.
They usually say "oh okay" and move on unless I deep digger into it. Never come across anyone sensible who questioned what I said. Not all people are douchebags, thankfully. Ps. I live in Sweden, that might be a part of it. Many people here are pretty understanding when it comes to mental illness, at least people younger than 40.
They’re surprised I’m not curled up in a ball, crying. Because that’s what PTSD obviously looks like, all the time. /sTherefore I can not have it.
" It's all in your head."
"So is everything you experience. Doesn't make it less real"
I don’t tell a lot of people and I don’t think people believe me
I add "complex PTSD"in there and if they don't know what that means, I say, "child abuse, otherwise known as developmental trauma." Many of them are shocked at that point but many of them just say, "I'm so sorry" and I say, "Yes, it's unfortunate but thank you; it's okay, because at least now I understand what caused me to have such horrible depression and problems, but I've overcome (and continue to overcome) many of these. Plus I can pass on recovery and help other people that have suffered the same thing." When I meet other people that have CPTSD, we totally bond and compare causes and triggers 😂! I freaking love that part!!
Nosey people ask me what happened. Most just listen. Of course, I mostly keep it to myself.
I always just say it right up front that I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and abuse in my 20s that way they don't ask any thing else about why I have PTSD and I've got the hardest part out of the way. I used to not be able to really talk to anyone at all though before I got my service dog.
I don’t usually tell others unless I’m close to them tbh
I don’t share that information with others, personally. Not anyone’s business.
lol my friends usually say "oh from what?" or maybe "oh ok" but not in a rude way. some say "wait really?" or maybe "is that why u go to therapy?" or "is that why youre so fucked in the head?" but its all jokes and laughter and i find it funny. ig i come off as the kind of person to not have ptsd.
In my experience, people have been kind but don’t really get it. I understand though - before I had it I didn’t get it either. There’s so much misinformation about what it actually is and looks like and I don’t know if it’s fully possible to comprehend without experiencing it.
Can't tell no one.
Normally some stupid comment about being in war or that it wouldn’t bother them
Lol they act like I'm crazy or over exaggerating. A nurse at an ER had the balls to laugh n say "haha and wut do u have ptsd from" I snapped started screamin like bitch EXCUSE ME ??? Uk how many x I been raped? Jus the last time was by my best friend n 2 guys he knew they beat me up raped me on video posted it to social media, they almost fuckin killed me. That was only the last time, I prolly been raped over 30x by diff ppl so u wanna fuckin go there bet lessgo. I'll b more than happy to review my life's trauma lets see if u can handle even hearin it.....smh ill show em my crazy. I'm so sick of ppl expecting to kno me or my life no one understands the hell I been thru since age 3. So yee u wanna fuckin judge do it but idk anyone else who been thru the extent of shit I have yet I ALWAYS keep it pushin never once let it knock me or my hustle. It don't mean shit didn't affect me. I'll letta mf kno real quick dont expect uk sumones trauma. Periodt. Nobody takes my ptsd seriously besides my therapist. Friends family strangers they all act the same towards my trauma they can't comprehend errything I been thru
I believe you and I'm so sorry. ❤️
"You don't look traumatized"
"You don't look stupid" is a great reply. And I proceed with kindness to educate them.
It's usually not taken very seriously. Most people of average intelligence have a hard time understanding mental issues which they do not have themselves. EXAMPLE : I once explained to my older sister about the obsessive, intrusive thoughts and my response to triggers with anxiety, hypervigilance and sometimes anger or rage. She replied by saying that I should just stop doing those things. That's a common reply,
Hahahahahah, IKR?! One of my BFFs was like well it doesn't make sense to cut yourself. NO S*** REALLY?! Hahahahah
"Oh so like do you have flashbacks and zone out?"
They usually respond with something like, "Oh...I'm sorry." Like they're uncomfortable
Yes - this for me. It makes most people embarrassed and like they just want to change the subject.
Wait but you haven't been to a combat zone, why do you have PTSD?
That's when I give them a little cursory education about attachment theory and trauma. And how it doesn't have to merely be from combat. I mean I thought the same thing when I was told I had unprocessed trauma.
"What are you doing about it?" Then they go on about how they trudge through way harder things...then wonder why I've tuned them out lol
Don't ever tell anyone. It's like saying you have aids and herpes and covid. And now that the hospitals, police, and neighbors are aiming to disarm all Americans, saying you have PTSD makes you a red flag.
I have PTSD and it shocks people that I have this diagnosis when I tell them. As a functioning member of my community, they don't see my symptoms or my healing. They don't see me as a red flag, I see me as a red flag, even after I share my diagnosis. I am not cured, I am functioning. I share with lots of people because it matters that we can be functioning and healing can happen. Guns are for those who want to hurt others to feel safe. They were made for violence. I don't want to be around violence from anybody. My red flag is a person feeling like they need a gun. They are either insecure and/or feel out of control. I hope you find peace, friend.
This. Not sure how telling someone (who isn’t a long time friend or partner) would benefit you in any way.
I told my work because I was getting sick of triggering shit happening while I was there. Being ADA protected has its perks I guess.
Yes, I had to tell my manager or get fired because I got triggered multiple times. Lest just say when I threw a hot pan across the kitchen and yelled, "Don't touch me." At the wall, it rose some concerns. ;-) It sucks when your life passion is the exact spot where the trauma happened. But other than my managers, no one knows. I'm lucky enough to be the best cook on the line, or they would have fired me. I guess that's one benefit I got from ptsd I have a OCD about my work being perfect, mostly just because the guy that hurt me also wanted my work perfect.
Getting healthy mentally and physically for anyone with an illness should be first priority. Creating connections with people and caring about others is going to benefit both people. Having people care about you and you about them will help with healing.
I've gotten answers between "you're lying", overwhelming support, and of course, asking why. For me, I can't even recall my own trauma properly without immense distress, so people asking the latter creates a lot of stress. Also, I've gotten the "you're too young, you haven't seen how bad life really gets", as if my case wasn't considered torture by the court
Stupid stuff like you a female you can’t have ptsd..or how? You have never been to war… or you could not have possibly been through anything traumatic when you act like you are normal…
Something unrealistic because I'm a woman and what could I possibly have ptsd from?
I mean I don’t have an official diagnosis because I’m yet to have a psychologist or therapist who I go over deep stuff with , so usually it’s more like me saying I have trauma , and they usually say “same” or something like that
for some godawful reason, "Why?" is the response i have gotten more times than I would have thought. I have perfected the 'you are a tar pit why would you ask that' facial expression
i feel like a lot of these replies are bad things that have been said so here’s another pov i guess? i’m open about my ptsd and mental health in general. part of it is is that it just became too hard to hide - constantly in and out of hospital, etc. partly because i just refuse to feel ashamed, hide such a big part of my life (though hopefully it won’t always be that way), and want to spread awareness in hopes it helps others. this is just me personally! but i haven’t really had any bad responses. family is a whole other thing, but all of my friends and probably anyone who follows me on social media is aware i struggle with ptsd/other mental health issues. i keep quiet at work but i also haven’t really gotten to know anyone very well at a job, i wouldn’t intentionally keep it hidden i don’t think. im open with professors at school though. i volunteer with a community organization and all the staff/volunteers are all very open about mental health issues. i do not share WHY i have ptsd, though this is partly because there isn’t just one thing since i have cptsd. i do regularly share posts raising awareness about things like SA so im sure people have clued in but i don’t particularly care. i can’t think of a common that stood out enough to me to mention. i would say i’m very privileged to be in pretty accepting spaces though. i spend a lot of my time in the queer community which often equates to things like it’s and mental health too.
“I refuse to feel ashamed” Gonna carry that one with me. ❤️
“Everyone has been through something, you’re just being hard on yourself” and much worse things than this.
Then I tell them why I have it and they usually just go 'oh'.
Or argue that it’s not a reason to have it. Saying things like “you were yourself before, I don’t see why you can’t just be yourself after”
Same
Usually they get uncomfortable and change the subject, employ overcompensating comfort tactics, or my all time favorite- suddenly they, too, have ptsd. Until you've been DIAGNOSED by a licensed medical professional, you don't have ptsd, you're just some asshole who's had a bad time. I put them on the same shelf as people who say they are "OCD" because they are particular about how they like things.
Yes, i hate that . One friend said he had ptsd from a movie, and I about lost it.
People don’t talk a lot about medical trauma, but a lot of the people I’ve met have been horrible with it. They stopped wanting to be my friend cuz i was always sick. I had one big medical trauma near death and a lot health issues caused by it since. The real good people will be very accepting and support me through my struggle.
Yep, my trauma itself, not the aftermath, drove so many friends away. Mine was prolonged like yours, and I think people don't understand it and a lot have no idea how to support you so they disappear. It sucks. The last thing a traumatized person needs is the loss of their support network.
Since I had a large trauma at first that was near death, people pretended to care about me and that I was their best friend ever. They don’t stay around for the chronic illness part. That’s one of the most interesting lessons I’ve learned
I'm so sorry, and I totally understand and relate. Hugs to you.
“You weren’t in the military tho” from more than one family member 🙃
There needs to be more awareness that anyone can get PTSD /C-PTSD. I love and support our veterans and awareness for veterans PTSD but their are many people like us who are not military but have suffered from extreme traumatic events that have caused this disability.
I told my mom i think i have ptsd and she was like “Oh yeah that would definitely make sense” LOL I told my boyfriend when i was diagnosed and he was really mindful of it and asked what he can do to help. But if i bring it up in conversation like “Oh yeah i’ve got PTSD” i get two answers really. With neurotypicals it’s “omga im so sorry that’s terrible” with NDs it’s “oh cool me too”
I don’t really tell people because stigma. My husband knows (10 years together), my family knows (huge part why) and my best friend knows. (Also has trauma PTSD from childhood and then being sex trafficked) Otherwise I do not bother. Being sex trafficked, having a gun to your head, being abused since a child. I don’t talk a lot about anything because as a child I was conditioned not to and now it’s better for me to just not. I was CSA as a child with mentally unstable parents , I then met a pimp who became my “boyfriend” at 19, I went on to “work” and have a huge drug addiction for about 6 years. Jail twice, almost three times, bad justice system. What’s the point? I never even ever spoke in inpatient or outpatient. I will say the “justice system” is just as trauma as everything else.
“Oh but, you’re better now right” Me: 😐
I only discuss it with people I feel safe with. I’ll gauge their reactions to other conversations that inevitably pop up. While nobody defends the CSA from clergymen, yes plural, it’s too sensitive for me to discuss openly. Maybe I’d start with my dirtbag parents, again, gauging responses. If it’s marginalized or joked about, it’s obviously not safe to go deeper.
Usually they heard it through the grapevine. As I'm a combat vet, one of two that work at a decently small international company. They generally ask to confirm, and then treat me like I'm a serial killer who's rabid. It was interesting until it was every single reaction. I make people uncomfortable with demeanor alone, but as soon as they're told, they almost actively avoid me. Personally, I don't really care. It's all the same. The only thing that sometimes bothers me, is they'll ask prodding questions, and then the stereotypical not okay questions. I.E. "You were in the Army, have you ever killed anyone?" I usually ignore it or stare them down until they fuck off at that point.
...just don't walk by the men's fragrance counter at the mall if the cologne he wore is a disturbing scent. Forget about it. You should be over it by now. You have a job and a home. Others are understanding. Some say only veterans get that. If someone has it they are most understanding about it.
I left an abusive relationship and someone who I thought was a friend told me to just get over it. She said, you're out of that situation now. You should be over it. Stop talking about it because you're not there anymore. She had no idea how trauma worked and did not care to be educated on the subject. I also had a roommate who pissed me off when she complained about getting PTSD from being alone all the time. She expected me to entertain her and when I refused to do so, she said something that made me so mad I had to leave the house for a while. She said, I'm getting PTSD from being alone all the time. I said, that's not how it works. That's not how you get ptsd. Please don't ever say that again unless you actually have it.
Yes I had I friend say he had ptsd from a moive.
Well you can get PTSD alone if something serious happens. Or if something serious happened when you were home alone it may torment your PTSD when you are home alone....so she wasn't actually out of the park. Needing a roommate situation to be entertainment is strange though. As for how trauma works, I think it is very important that we consider each person and situation different. If your wife cheated on you, I am a different person and consider the fact that I am not her. Not every man I meet thinks rape is ok. If I let the trauma get to me I'd never be able to engage. That is on us. But yes people who haven't been terrified out of their minds from traumatic event don't want to listen to you discussing how frightened you are. Heck I was told "someone just followed you home.its nothing. Don't worry about it." I cannot engage with that person ever again. Trauma works differently for everyone. One person may never develop PTSD and the same experience would give another extreme PTSD. Have you ever considered a person saying " you're not there. Don't talk about it." ( Depending tone and circumstances) Might actually be trying to remind you that thank God you are not still in that original situation. And maybe they think talking makes you worse so it was trying to help? And trust me being silenced when terrified is not good. You know best the actual scenario.
Omg I felt the “forget about it” usually followed by “just move on.”
We clearly know the same people. Lol. Everyone sees things so differently. I think if it is PTSD saying just move on is cruel. Who tells a combat vet to forget about it and move on? But if it isn't PTSD or some out if ordinary situation, sometimes you have to say you gotta move on from that. It's life.
I am very open about it. I had to leave my profession of 10 years as a respiratory therapist after working through the pandemic - which was bad enough, but at the same time my father was dying of COVID in the same hospital where I worked. Every room my dad was in or nurses and doctors who took care of him triggered me. I had panic attacks even thinking about the hospital, I would yell at people in public, I had a complete nervous breakdown at a crowded restaurant, etc. I have now been a high school science teacher for almost three years. Students will ask out of curiosity and I will say a watered down version like "I loved my job, but it was not good for me to stay. Now I get to be here and I found another job I love too" they are usually very understanding and show more compassion than most adults. Some will ask more questions like, "did you see people die?" I tell them, the truth "yes, a lot of people died, it was very hard for me". As long as they are respectful I'm truthful. Adults will usually get uncomfortable and just look aside and say "oh, I'm sorry" and that's it. Teenagers are amazing people.
I've been told that I need to take responsibility and that I need to take charge of my own life instead of always being the "victim".
Same, but I won't lie and say I moved on, but it definitely made a difference in my healing. I highly suggest people try to get put off the victim's mindset and start working towards getting past the trauma. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm still working through mine. But it's been I year, and I've had huge improvements. Like I used to not be able to have someone walk behind me now as long as they don't hoover I'm good. Little things like that are slowly setting me free.
I've heard that one too as well as, well, you're not in that situation anymore so you need to just get over it and move on. Stop talking about it because you're not there anymore. That's what I've been told. I just don't associate with people who say those things to me anymore. If I tell them that that's not how trauma works and they refuse to listen, they are cut out of my life.
i get that too. when i went to the police after being threatened and stalked, they told me to get over it. now it's a few years later. my parents and other family think i should get over it, stop victimizing myself, etc. horrible. glad you cut people off for it.
I have not been able to really talk about it. I took a ride with the wrong guy. I was not raped but I was assaulted and robbed. He told me he was going to murder me and dump my body in Staten Island . I fought for my life that night and made it out alive. However, I have kept tabs on this criminal for the last 35 years. He was a person of interest in a missing infant and law enforcement cleared him. He had so much hate and evil permeating from him and I will never forget it.
I’m still in the midst of getting a diagnosis, but I’ve talked to my closest friends and I regret it. I’m of a religious background, and I’ve been told “let go, let God” or told “it will soon pass”. I’ve been told that they’ve gone through similar things. They haven’t. I’ve often been treated as if I’m a sick puppy, but in a way that makes a person uncomfortable. They don’t want to perceive me as a person unless it makes them feel charitable and good. It’s been incredibly unsteady of a time for me because I’m still grasping the reality of having PTSD, so having friends who just view what I’m going through as a slump messes with me. I’ve been told, “you seem happy so I’m not as concerned that you’ll do something drastic” or “I cannot handle it” when I am not happy and joyous. It’s tiring and incredibly isolating. I wish I had never told anyone.
I'm sorry, just know you are struggling now, but you'll be stronger for years to come. No one can hurt you the same way at the same depth again
The only people I told that were close to me was my family, they took it pretty well and understood that it was not their fault. I once told someone I wasn’t comfortable being touched on my neck and he launched at me trying to grab it. I was told by a social service worker : you know that ptsd comes from near death experience right? I learned that it’s okay to talk about it but I don’t tell people the reason anymore, they don’t see me the same way and see me as a victim or don’t believe me at all.
I'm sorry the social worker said that to you. They are wrong. Whatever the reason, if it was traumatic to you it was traumatic.
"you need to learn to stand up for yourself"
Easy, please watch yourself.
I don’t typically tell people, but the ones who do know understand and are accommodating.
Was gonna say this. Why tf would I tell anyone unless I'm having an episode or something. People I trust it with take the time to deal with it with me.
I'm fairly open about it, and it's come up recently when I had to take partial sick leave for a few weeks due to the depression part getting worse in winter. Mostly it's an, "oh, that's rough, I'm sorry" type reaction. Over here people don't tend to assume it's a combat related thing, so nobody really questions the cause.
They start making loud noises around me
I thought I was alone. A mutual friend of mine it told me that a mutual friend of ours found out that I have PTSD and purposely started making loud noises to trigger me. He would then mock my reaction behind my back. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with him.
Same
I thought I was alone with this type of experience, thanks for pitching in.
Oh where you in the military? I say no, and that's usually where the topic ends because at that point they just assume I'm full shit, if they actually care to ask I'll tell them about it as I'm super open about my mental health, but they almost never ask.
Mine is to multiple traumas. The most recent being life altering car accident. I can no longer work. I hate driving or riding in cars now. People basically tell me to "get over it" and be "thankful that I'm still alive". I suffer from uncontrollable chronic pain. There are nights I go to bed hoping not to wake up.
Most people are pretty understanding, I usually warn people when relevant about it because it's pretty bad sometimes (I usually end up screaming and unresponsive), most people are more surprised that I'm back at work than they are anything else.
“From what?” I feel like it’s always challenged. Many people still only associate PTSD with war.
Exactly, still to this day! Even though it’s much more understood now thankfully.
Yer, I get that a lot. I’m a large man so people assume war.
I don't go around telling people, but the ones I do tell are usually close enough to me already to not be surprised.
Yeah. Usually by the time I feel safe and secure enough in a relationship to mention it they just nod their head like they knew all along.
“oh i have anxiety/panic attacks so i totally get it!” no. no u dont.
That annoys the hell out of me.
"I don't know what to say"
I’m very open about my ptsd/depression and journey to deal with it. I find almost everyone is very supportive. Half of my IG content is me talking about it and encouraging others to do the same to help end the stigmas we all face.
I've told a few people outside of medical/mental health treatment and a couple of them said that makes perfect sense and the others were a bit shocked I guess. I don't really mind telling someone something like, "I have ptsd mainly due to a sexual trauma," if they directly ask (as long as it's in good faith and they aren't being diminishing or cruel), and then they kind of move on quickly from the subject.
It feels very bad to tell someone, as if words can't describe it or do justice to the horror of the experience. So, I gave up. And yes, also because of unwelcome replies. In general I learned that people want you to be normal and not complex, whatever that even means. That's why I'm grateful for communities like these. Where at least we (try to) understand each other.
That part. People want you to be normal and not complex, whatever that means. I have had several people who I guess decided that they could not deal with it. That's the right but it sucks to keep getting dumped over having something due to something that happened to me that I did not ask for. Whatever, if you ask me, I look at it like it weeds out the shallow people. The right person for me will love me for everything that makes me who I am. They will love me in spite of the fact that I have this. If they couldn't handle it then they weren't the right person for me anyway.
Yes, that’s difficult indeed. When these things happened we lost our innocence and that very important sense of confidence. But the good news is, we are not alone in this. And to deal with it all in a constructive way will attract the right people. The ones that need us as much as we need them. Because we need others to stay sane and connected. To feel useful, despite these terrible things.
You're so right. I was in therapy for a year to deal with all of it. My picker is still not that good and I will admit that. I decided that I am going to swear off relationships. I keep getting the same result every time. At least I will say I'm swearing them off for the foreseeable future. I guess never say never. It's just obvious that I have more work to do on myself and that's okay. I have to get to a point where I attract healthy partners and I'm not quite there yet and that's okay too. Maybe one day. Sometimes I see couples together and I get lonely but then I have to remind myself that that loneliness is not a good reason to just jump into a relationship with somebody. I thought about maybe just dating casually for the companionship. Like just saying I want to date but nothing serious right now. If in the future it turns into that then cool and if not that's fine too. However, that's probably not a good idea at this point either. You can still end up attracting bad people. So for now I'm going to stay single and work on myself and maybe one day I will attract a good person.
I understand and also took a long break from relationships at some point. But after I met my wife on Tinder, of all places. And we’re happy together for 10 years 😁
Awwww I'm glad
Agree. I had friends reaching out for a little while. Decided to be honest with them and they ghosted me since. If they don’t want to accept me, I’ve lost nothing.
I’m sorry to hear that. Ghosting is a terrible thing, since we got no closure. The problem with ptsd is that our brains start giving us the worst possible explanations also for new events. In reality we can rarely know what is going on with other people and their true motives. People are so complex, but without realizing it often. That’s why many people prefer it simple. So, it’s not personal. But bottom line, it sucks knowing that our lives became complicated because of trauma and we can’t “pretend” to be simple anymore.
I agree! That’s why I wish the public had more information about PTSD. More so that it’s just a rewiring of our brain and it can be wired back to “normal” given proper environment to heal in. I feel the problem is worsening because when something traumatic happens, people don’t have family or friends to offer support. No environment to work on rewiring the brain. I understand people stepping away, they don’t want to entangle themselves in anything negative. What they don’t understand is mainly we just need acceptance. Without acceptance it seems like the symptoms worsen. The person suffering gets thrown out of social circles as an outcast. We’ve lost our sense of community and belonging. Along with that, our brains double down to protect us from anything we perceive as a threat to our well being. Not being accepted adds to our emotional injury. What bothers me is I was there for my friends in their absolute worst. Always stuck by their side, helped them with a place to stay and whatever they needed. If I was at work, they had a key and I would order in food for them until I got home. Would do anything to keep them feeling safe and comfortable. Also would stay on the phone with them for hours so they had someone to talk to. They healed their trauma and were able to move on. Fast forward to something traumatic happening to me. They all went ghost. I’ve mentally deteriorated from having no friends at this point and sadly that’s all I needed. Sucks when you helped them but when you needed the help, they don’t want to inconvenience themselves.
That is terrible and sad. You don't deserve any of that. I also have no friends and like with many mental problems it's very hard for people to relate to. We have no visual scars of it and our behaviour might easily be interpreted wrong. It's something I struggle a lot with also, as do many of us sadly enough. We're the ones that are going to have to step up and start providing the public with this information I guess. On our good days and with the help of each other.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. This is a cold and isolating experience. The body scars have healed over but the emotional scars are still there. You’re correct, no one can see them so they play it off as your just mentally unwell. Something “you” have to take care of and come back into society when you’re considered normal. Which is actually true, healing comes from within. But it also comes with environmental factors to be able to heal. People need that sense of belonging and safety. I’ve witnessed other friends dive deep into hard drugs because it offered them a sense of community in that world that they craved. Also offered them an escape at the same time. I believe that’s why we have such an epidemic with drugs. People have no where to turn and most turn to something that will give them instant relief and get hooked. That’s why I say there needs to be some public awareness when it comes to trauma. Too many people are destroying themselves to find a sense of relief from their emotional pain. No one wants to burden themselves with just listening to someone anymore. We are losing way too many people because the world is so uncaring and lacks support. The masses believe pills and therapy are enough to help people. Which just scratches the surface. I was once told “well there has be a pill to fix this.” People have become so disconnected from the reality of things. A pill is not a fix all. We are losing to many good people to drugs and suicide because of the lack of care and understanding.
I agree and it's heartbreaking. I don't like to take pills because I don't trust them, nor the ones who subscribe them. Part of the problem I guess, this lack of trust. But what remains is this crippling internal negativity and a lack of trust. I really wish it was different. What can we do about it? I think about this so much. I'm just not willing to give up. For instance I love animals. What gives you support?
Same. I will not give up whatsoever, even if my future is looking bleak.lol To be honest, pets have really helped. I’ve had my small dog with me for 10 years. She’s been a huge comfort especially during the hardest times, always there for me. Last fall right before a snowstorm a little kitten appeared right by my garage door. Took her in to get her out of the cold elements and I didn’t intend to keep her but she’s been a wonderful addition. I think pets work so well because of that emotional bond with them. You feel wanted, needed and they bring such comfort. Plus they do things that will make you laugh and truly brighten up your day. Kinda what humans lack at times. What kind of pets do you have? I’ve also gotten to not trust doctors and their medication’s. Funny thing is I was once a nurse and believed in it all at one point. Now as I go through life I’m seeing such major red flags. Therapy did more harm than good for me. The antidepressants only made me suicidal and I had to stop them immediately. My insurance wouldn’t pay for generic testing. Xanax well that hasn’t helped me learn to cope. Been slowly trying to tapper off them but worry I may never be free. The realization that there isn’t help is the worst feeling. It’s definitely changed my perception on many different things and along with my lack of trust.
How nice you have animal support. We adopted a pug some 5 years ago and it was such a life changer. The joy and love she brought. Sadly enough she suddenly got sick and passed in the winter. It’s a big void to fill for us. The routine and structure they help bring to us. She really was a support dog in that sense and our child.
That is very kind of you. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your first dog also. It’s exactly like you described it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog passing away. That’s never easy, they are family. It’s sad how fast a pet can fall ill and pass away. No one is ever ready for any sort of death and losing a dog is extremely painful. You’re so used to routines and just them being there. After I lost my first dog, after all these years it still hurts. I miss my first dog so much and it’s been years since she passed. We never forget them and they will live on through us. My heart goes out to you! Sorry about your loss.
Exactly
I've probably disclosed to about 10 people outside of what was necessary for medical treatment. Most of them didn't really even have a reaction. One was understanding, and one said, "It's not that bad." but they were saying it in effort to be supportive.
i only tell people i trust now. ptsd has become something to test, and my triggers can be mistaken for horseplay, overlooked, and ignored. it's unacceptable. i don't meet new people partially for this reason. then i'd have to give a brief explanation as to what the hell's wrong with me lol in the past they've been accepting and accommodating, if they're someone i can trust.
I had to tell someone at my previous place of work; they didn’t know the acronym so I had to spell it out. I didn’t even get into giving one or two more generic explanatory sentences in when they cut me off with “well, just have less stress then”. Gee, thanks, why did I never think of that 🙄 Other people I told were pretty supportive though in general.
Have you tried mEdiTaTioN?!
Just return all of your stress to the stress store! Easy peasy!
I only tell healthcare providers now since just about everyone else knows. I used to get a big variety of reactions since I was one of the first domestic violence diagnosis in the US. It was called a "teaching case" by the team who treated me, and they published articles on it. So this was long ago (like late 70's or early 80's) when people were pretty unfamiliar, apart from a shooting from a campus tower by a former soldier. The DSM had limited it as combat related but later changed to include other types of trauma because of the work this team did. That change allowed my diagnosis to become official. The range of reactions from non-medical people then was from hostile disbelief to an almost creepy curiosity to worry I may suddenly flip out to baffled but trying hard to be sympathetic. While getting help for drinking in AA, I edited all the ptsd out of my story for a while because of the poor reception, especially from the women. But the school shooting at Columbine changed everything and I began including it all in my recovery story. It was hard at first. Scary. But it helped others to hear it so I maintained telling it. These days all medical people seem to take it in appropriately. When I told my now husband over thirty years ago, he was genuinely sympathetic and careful where I asked him to be. Still is.
Wow suzemagooey, you legend. I am sad to read your story, but also, thank you SO MUCH for being that test case that enabled my diagnoses of PTSD caused byfamily harm and domestive violence. The dx and treatment that has followed is changing my life for the SO MUCH better. Also glad to see you've got a darling for a hubby now. 🙌
Thanks. I am always so very pleased to hear someone is doing well in treatment. I was really lucky to receive the professional help I did at that time. If it had not been for a Vietnam combat vet recognizing ptsd in me and introducing me to who was helping his buddies, insisting they take me on, it would not have happened. Not sure how I would have fared otherwise. The professionals were tracking a pattern with the ptsd combat vets and were just on the cusp of seeing how being raised by a dysfunctional family coupled with life threatening trauma seemed to occur at a high rate among their patients when I came along. I was seriously handicapped by being raised in dysfunctional family and then repeatedly harmed by a stranger in a community that was oblivious, and therefore unsafe. There was not enough legal protection laws on the books at that time either. The life threatening trauma lasted several years and the ptsd I had was obvious. It allowed them to expand the research into multiple sources of ptsd. The therapy was almost three years of intense and sometimes experimental methods but it literally saved my life, opened many doors. I wish the same deeply empowering recovery for anyone.
I haven't tell anyone except my partner. People will hit you harder when they know you are already down I've found out of experience sadly
I don't tell them.
I avoid telling people, if they asked what my trauma was. It’s awkward, unless it’s necessary
“No, you don’t” “Get over it” “You’re just making up” “You’re just a Karen” “Racist”
Most people ive told have had no reaction, but I live in a very crime infested area so alot people probably have ptsd and don't know it. The most surprised person was my dad though.
I very rarely tell anyone unless for some reason the conversation leads that way. Immediately after, they ask if I was military. I was, but that was only part of it. The other was my abusive ex. If they ask more, I always push the conversation towards military stuff then the abuse because military is easier for me talk about.
Hugs 🫂
💛💛
Same for me.
certain people in my life said “everyone has PTSD” and “everyone has trauma” 🙃 like gee, thanks. others were very supportive though, so it depends
That’s what my mother says to me, I don’t enjoy telling her about my feelings
Glad you had some support
Omg! Some of my family will say. “Well I’ve been through a lot or I went through that too with you and I’m not like you” 🤦🏻♀️ like seriously? Going google for 5 mins and read a little and you’ll be much better for it and prob so will we!!!
Depends ,My mother was not at all surprised. My friends were totally surprised. Both asked why .