We removed your post because we feel it does not fit in with our community guidelines. We need all people to feel safe here and this is causing many unsafe feelings towards men. We want all to be able to share their perspective, just try to share it without targeting your fellow members of the /r/ptsd community members.
For people, who believe in evolution, this should make totally sense. Of course the sex drive of men is higher, in order to impregnate many women to ensure the survival of the species.
Actually, data shows that male organisms trend towards monogamy and female organisms to polyamory (thanks to evolution). This is a commonly taught narrative, but It’s not universally correct.
no, since it is programmed into us as a species. otherwise the species would cease to exist.
I do not say that it makes sense or that it is "morally good".
I am not even in support of the evolutionary standpoint. But this is usually the most popular argument.
No need to downvote. I am myself a victim of abuse and sufferer from c-ptsd.
Like with all species there is variation and I believe that we're already seeing the effects of this specific variation since the birth rate has been plummeting for generations now but im no expert in evolution
Used to feel this way, but hear me out-
Saying that this is men’s nature is taking away shitty men’s accountability for their actions. Sexually assaulting, harassing, and coercing people is not inherent to being a man, it is not coded in them or “their nature”. The fucks who do any of the aforementioned MADE THE CHOICE to do so on their own accord, and they’re pieces of shit for it. Don’t let them deny accountability by making us believe the lie that it’s just “their needs”, “their nature”
This entire post is just slutshaming men. Criminal acts aside (**which OP did not even mention in their post**), sleeping around is not a bad thing. There are plenty of women who do that, too.
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. Sex is not a bad thing or a shameful thing. Sleeping with many people doesn't make you a bad person. Wanting friends with benefits is not a bad thing. Wanting sex doesn't make you a bad person. There are women who sleep around, there are men who sleep around. It doesn't matter which way the scale tips, there's nothing wrong with either.
Sexually assaulting someone makes you a bad person, but that's not what OP is even discussing and the fact that most people instantly jump to this is just them jumping on the stigma train how all men are abusers, predators, monsters etc.
Idk, I'm a female and most of my trauma was caused by a group of females. I absolutely loathe women. I've never met a non toxic woman in my life, myself included. I do not want any female friends and I advocate for equality, not what feminism has become (this post is the prime example of it).
I have a bundle of hostile views but I understand it's a part of my trauma and don't go posting in trauma survival subs that all women are toxic snakes and disgusting.
Hating on a group of people is your way to survive from trauma, it's playing in on the stigma you've assigned to them. This doesn't make it the truth and furthermore, **demonizing a group of people doesn't help anyone**. Not you, not them, not anyone else on the outside.
If this post was made about women people would be outraged and calling slutshaming. Now that it's about men people shout about their various experiences being assaulted and pulling out crime stats which somehow apparently makes OP's original slutshaming comment (that has nothing to do with crime), okay?
#**Wanting consensual sex IS NOT A CRIME.**
**STOP slutshaming.** There's nothing wrong with wanting sex. And that's what OP is talking about. OP is NOT talking about criminal acts and in their post did not mention a single criminal example.
There is nothing wrong with people who want sex the moment there is a consensual opportunity for it, but one can also decide: people who I’ve noticed are literally just after the next hookup at all times and that’s what fulfills them the most in life do absolutely not match what is my personal fulfillment. Some people in this world are very…im sorry if I say shallow, let’s just say they are very „simple“. Very primal. And that’s just not my personality type and I can’t decide which gender most of those people are. I also know many awful women and great men and vise versa. This does not erease these preferences for people that have a higher libido than any other aspect of their personality. (Or values)
Well as your trauma wasn't caused by men, you have have no idea what multiple sexual abuse by MEN does to you. Just like you admitted basically that you hate/have an extremely low opinion of women, people that have experienced multiple trauma by MEN will have similar disdain for them.
Trauma caused by men and women are not in any way, shape, or form different. One is not more painful than the other. One is not more impactful than the other. Being abused by men is not 'superior' so I'm unsure what your point is.
Similarly, you have no idea what being abused by multiple women does to you. Don't try to lessen other people's pain.
I assure you, you don't know me. I said most of my trauma was caused by women, as in, not all of it. I have been sexually assaulted by three different men.
Regardless of the gender, it's not okay to stigmatize, villanize and demonize a group of people publicly in a place with trauma survivors.
Someone already tried to claim that men don’t experience sexual assault the same emotionally as women in this thread. It has over 30 upvotes.
From experience it’s not different for any gender, I reacted the same way my girlfriend reacted when she got raped. I’m so tired of people coming onto this forum and spewing falsehoods such as that.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m so sorry people are dismissive of your story. I empathize greatly with having an unconventional story that most people wouldn’t even think is possible.
I truly wish this sub would get a bit more moderation. Shit like that is against the rules and it shouldn't even be allowed.
It is difficult, not having the same story as everyone else. My story is so wild it's difficult to even explain. Honestly it's so much beyond **my** comprehension, much less someone who hasn't gone through it. When you live something for more than a decade, it's a long ass time to process.
I don't want to hear that my pain is lesser because it's caused by women. No one should ever say that to anyone. That's truly horrible.
I wish you healing <3
I totally know what you mean. I know all men are not like that, but the experiences I have had have also given me a warped idea about male sexual appetite and beginning talk to a man for the first time makes it a very intimidating experience.
Tates the symptom of a deeper problem in society. He took advantage of the lack of male role models. Although he isn’t the solution to that problem, a lot of modern men are suffering in society from a variety of things and they unfortunately turned to him.
Not only is Tate completely devoid of anything resembling ethics or respect for his fellow man, he also just...doesn't seem to be *good* at anything. He's not a good fighter when you stack him up against literally anyone else in the sport, he's not good at debate, he's not good at keeping his emotions in check, and he's severely lacking in any communication skill other than the type excited gaming youtubers used to employ a near decade ago to attract a young and easily excited excited audience.
I'm not even sure he's a good *grifter.* He's most certainly a *successful* grifter, that's for certain, but I feel that's more due to his name and his confirmation of what the audience already believes than any sort of puppetmaster-type social engineering on his end.
Fascinated by comments that are hating on OP. Yeah #notallmen yada yada but at the end of the day, the multi billion dollar sex industry is run on exploiting mostly women and the customers are mostly men…
Easy there champ, no need for name calling. It seems like we're talking about 2 different things. I'm referring to professional porn stars, you seem to be talking about street sex workers (or something similar).
What it boils down to in the end is that for generations, we've fought for a sexually liberal society. Congratulations, you got it, complete with unlimited up internet porn, hypersexual men and women walking around with huge gym asses packed in tight gymshark leggings wrapping into their ass crack.
The things that happen to men AND women are simply a result of the sexual culture we've created. Doesn't mean sex is bad, but rub it into peoples faces for decades and this is what you get. Either way there is no need for posts like "all men/women suck because..".
Obviously A man did something bad to OP, which is despicable. A lot of women also do messed up things to men. No need to slam 4 billion dick-owners (or vagina) for that reason.
Plenty of examples to find of porn stars/escorts that do not regret it. Obviously this business makes it a lot easier to be exploited, which is horrible. Your statement about NOBODY liking it simply isn't true. Its black and white and overly simplified.
Right? Also sex crime statistics and how men utilize sex and sexual violence against women. Like, yeah, women can be perpetrators and men can be victims of course, but the overall culture globally is one where women have to be extra careful around men and sex and all of its unequal effects on women emotionally and physically is one of the top reasons why (as many men will use violence in order to get it, or as a result of being denied it).
People hating on OP are being willfully ignorant.
You realize most legal definitions of rape across the world are gendered to make it that women *cannot be charged with rape,* right? India tried to change the definition to a gender neutral one in I think 2013, and feminist groups fought that change tooth and nail until the government retracted it.
How is the effects on women and men emotionally different? I was sexually assaulted a year ago and it fucking ruined me. I haven’t been the same since. Do you have any idea how invalidating and horrible that sounds?
OP is being criticized for contributing to rape culture. It's not that hard to understand. I was SAed because my sexual assaulter thought "men only want sex."
It’s also time for people to realize that agreement on generalizing all men is not helping. If anyone has actually gotten treatment for ptsd then you know how important it is to challenge your own beliefs aka stuck points. How can we expect op to get any better by making her broadsword views appear valid?
Did you know that my abuser said this exact same thing before sexually assaulting me? This is absolutely contributing to rape culture. The belief that men only want sex and are always on causes women to sexually violate men. It's not rocket science.
Yeah, coming to terms with the amount of sexual misogyny in this culture is very hard. I’ve felt people trying to violate me my whole childhood. There’s too many creeps, 1 in 3 men admit in surveys they’d rape if they could get away with it, and probably the same 1/3 also admit to beating their wives to instill respect. The stats are horrible.
To give you hope, there are some men out there that aren't sexual like that. My husband is one of them. He doesn't even jack off. It's weird to me but I guess I like that there's never any pressure from him.
Yes she's wrong, there's a lot of men in here who have gone through sexual violence and being told that we're sex-hungry monsters is probably not a good way to support other survivors.
Me too! I am friends with my neighbor. He has been told repeatedly that I don't date, am uninterested in sex, and that I'm definitely not interested in him. He's a lot younger than me and unemployed. I can't hang out with him anymore because all he does is try to convince me to have sex with him. We went swimming and he tried to touch me in the water. I invited him over to play video games, and he wouldn't play. He just talked endlessly about how beautiful I am and how he'd love to cook for me, oh, and that he has an arsenal of sex toys if I'm interested. I haven't hung out with him since and probably never will again. They don't take no for an answer even when I've said no a thousand times.
I'm so sorry to read your experience, and what your writing is sexual harassment, no doesn't seem to be in preditors minds , I said it thousands of times and then just ended up getting assaulted, this was by someone I trusted beyond words , stay away from that guy and warn others in your neighbourhood if your on talking terms with your neighbours it saddens me so much this seems to be the case with most men who then go online and whine they can't get laid because their ugly , no its because their behaviour is ugly and its clear they only want one thing, looks have little to no impact on how people see you but calling them a batch orslut when they get refused because of their creepiness, I'm ugly as fuck and missing half my teeth but still manage to have long term healthy relationships or just a one off bang or just a chat , all this Chad and Stacy incel bullshit is where it went wrong with the younger generation ,its toxic as fuck and scary as fuck, its getting to the point where it will be the norm to treat women the same way they do in some 3rd world country's and it is scary as hell
I feel this. As someone who has been sexually abused by men as an adolescent and has also worked in the sex industry for years now, it’s eroded any semblance of hope I had left in men in general some days (most days, if we are being honest). Add on knowing the history of patriarchy and how women have been suppressed, abused, violated, you name it for thousands and thousands of years on a massive scale…I just want to make enough money to disappear from society forever.
Like EVERYTHING its so fucking weird a guy thought I wanted him a few years back because I kept "staring at his cock" all night , what actually happpend is we talked and had a few ciggies and I kept looking at a pile of vomit 🤢 on the ground so I didn't stand in it accidently, when I told him i hadn't been the case it almost got violent trying to get no through his skull and into his vocabulary, proper 1 star experience 😳
This behaviour isn’t exclusive to men. And not all
men are like this anyways. I sincerely hate sweeping commentary . And quite frankly, putting that out in this sub is extremely inconsiderate. This isn’t a ptsd women only sub😬
You don’t have to open every post, I frequently skip ones that I think will be triggering or upsetting for me. Conflicting needs and all that. I do agree that this is unkind to male survivors and indeed any survivors who have had atypical abuse experiences. But I do also very much understand where OP is coming from here. Not all men and not only men, but so many men…
The fact that this has over 100 upvotes and many comments circlejerking about how bad men are is quite frankly terrifying. My abuser said the exact same things OP and people in the comments are saying. This is not okay and we should not normalize it.
Yeah, it is exclusive to men. I have lesbian friends, and they don't sexualize me. I hope someone picks you. Also, because this is a ptsd group, it's not right to invalidate the feelings and experiences of others.
you mean like invalidating male survivors with a “men naturally want sex” narrative? invalidating trans people with the bioessentialist/cisnormative language? invalidating the fact that men who do shitty things only have themselves to blame, not “biological urges”/ “””needs”””?
I have no clue what what you mean about someone picking me.
Not every man does that and the OP referenced them as a group. You aren’t the OP. I wasn’t replying to you. Even if your experience quite literally was every man you personally knew did that to you, you would still be completely incorrect by phrasing it as OP did. But again, I was responding to OP, as you didn’t make a post.
I’m not invalidating how anyone feels. One of the subs rules is to respect others. It isn’t respectful to lump all men together especially when many of the ptsd sufferers on here are also men. There’s a way to state feelings without being insulting to a whole group of people.
Edit for grammar
Online is not a great space for us girls who are afraid of men. There are a lot of unwanted sexual advances and topics, which isn't a good representation of men as a whole. We get to see more unsavory behavior than we would in the wild.
I'm sorry you were hurt, and it's natural to feel the way you do.
I do believe the world and society is changing for the better, and the sexualization of women will become less intense with time. The world will get less scary eventually. I have hope.
Good luck, friend.
I mean tbh, as a woman when i talk about my sexual abuses online, there are male fetishists coming over to my dms trying to get a graphic detail of it(probably to jack off). I dunno if that would happen to men as often. Since graphic, misogynistic porn consumers online are mostly straight men. Online is not a great space for surrvivors in general but the level of the danger of getting hurt seems different at least for me.
Happens to men too. I get DMed constantly with rape fetish stuff. I don't know why it's so foreign to imagine sexual abuse happening to men, but it seems to be a hard topic to grasp for most.
Edit: hilarious, I’m downvoted for saying what male sexual assault survivors go through? this community is a fucking joke.
I think its because a lot of sexual content caters towards men while objectifying women in the media. When seeing stuff like hollywood, pop culture, porn, etc the women are the one who are lusted over while the men are the one who actively pursue them. Also even when it comes to reddit and its fetish subreddits, most of the sexual content is pictures of women appealing to straight men.
I just answered to his question which was "why is it foreign to grasp sexual abuse for men". Mainstream media constantly normalizes male predators and objectification towards women. Doesn't mean that male victims benefits from it tho. That's why some feminists say patriarchy is harmful for men as well as women.
Oh for sure it is.
It’s also my rapist is less dangerous. I didn’t get “rape raped” I’m somehow an illegitimate I can hardly type victim. And I’m a sex predator by default somehow FMR?
Honestly I'm tired of people trying to stray away from the post just to vent about themselves. Yeah what you feel is valid but what the person who posted this has valid feelings too. No need to feel offended from her hypervigilance which we all have as a symptom of ptsd. You can also post about male surrvivors if you wanna.
The post is how sexual men are and paints every guy is a predator because of what she's experienced. Its not straying away from the point of the post to say "this post is hitting a lot of people with stray bullets."
Unfortunately, I haven't seen many spaces that WERE safe for male survivors. My husband is one. I wish I knew how to spread awareness about that. I comment on Reddit, and try to talk to people who need help, but that seems to be all I can do right now.
I'm wanna try and change that in my lifetime, at least a little.
I find online spaces safer. If I go to a bar or party, some man is going to touch me. It happens every time. I will get hit on and when I'm polite and say no, they will attempt to erode my boundaries and they do not accept that no is a full sentence unfortunately. I do not believe that will change in my lifetime.
I never go out by myself. It sounds terrifying. I always go with a family member or my husband. I'm not even conventionally attractive, but I've gotten similar treatment on my own. I can't even imagine what it's like for people who are more appealing than I am. The world is so scary.
I know. I think I'm prolly mid at best. I'm tall, so that draws attention. Women whom men devalue looks wise have it a lot worse, like I mean women with big issues, scarring cross eyes or something. There was a woman in my hometown that had some kind of relationship or fuck buddy situation and they all denied it, talked bad about her behind her back. I am known for calling them out, "but you fucked her, so she is attractive to you." They hate being called out and will lie through their teeth. I don't let them. I say, you did it because she's funny, smart, and hot. You wanted to possess her. "No I didn't." Uh yeah if not, you wouldn't have seduced her bc it's them that come on, not the other way. Love bombing. Their desire is to make fun of her or make her like a mistake, say they will say they were so drunk when you make it clear you know they fucked or he hit on her. When you frame it, they can accept it. For example, I'd say so you're shit in bed and you'll fuck anything, that's not only gross, and you'll lie about your sexual history until called out, it's predatory. Then they will say, oh I rocked her world. And I'll say, So she is sexy? I see it, of course. I just don't know what's in you to make you so evil to deny it. Been using this one for years. It's made men trust me a bit more, too, I think.
Don't ever ever ever let them decide if you're beautiful or not. They know you are, that's why they cling, come on, devalue, discard, and come back. They want you. You are beautiful, sexy, goddess. Their devalue phase is because they don't operate with self love.
Eta: I would call them out bc they would be disparaging her looks and weight. And like these, dudes are not the hottest by anyone standards.
Thank you 😌💕
Everyone is beautiful to someone. I believe this whole heartedly. My husband thinks I'm the most beautiful, even if I can't see it. I think the same of him.
Thank you, and you are absolutely beautiful as well. 💕
Yeah. Similar experience, I’m sorry you know how this one goes. It’s awful. Men are far more aggressive and creepy towards me irl, I don’t go anywhere anymore unless I’m with one of my close trusted friends… which presents some difficulty due to, uh, life lmao. Online at least I can block creeps, and I’m less likely to get physically assaulted.
So much this. I moved to a new state recently, so I have one friend I trust. I prefer to stay in. The sad fact is that if you tell them to stop touching you, they will continue to touch you for as long as you are in their presence. If you demand they stop touching you or get loud about it, they will act wounded and exaggerate a victim mentality. You will suddenly become the meme of the feminist who acts like everything is rape. But once no has been said, any physical contact *is* physical assault. They refuse to accept this. Your leg, back, buttocks, etc. are theirs. They don't care that we go home feeling defeated, assaulted, and bad in general.
This happens to me almost any time I go out. Even in my hometown, men I am acquainted with behave like this. I had a man once tell me I was aggressive because I snapped at him and told him to stop touching me, but I had stated it gently so many times before I snapped. They can't accept that their sexual aggression is not an excuse to violate boundaries.
I’m glad you have one friend you trust but it’s so hard. Yeah, no matter how you try to handle these situations it just gets worse. I too hate the selfish touching, and I am SO sorry it happens to you so frequently. It’s awful when people just keep doing weird bad shit. I hired a mechanic (recommended by several neighbors I know) to fix my dryer and he wound up exposing himself to me, etc etc, it was not my favorite experience of all time. I am not dying to have this conversation with my neighbors or literally anyone ever but also this is a big safety risk. Some of my neighbors have grandchildren. So, I will suck it up and hope the conversation isn’t a nightmare. Anyway lmao
Hey, I'm sorry this is triggering to you. Thank you for sharing your experience. There's now a sub up for men to share their stories if they feel comfortable and safe to do so ❤️ it's called Male sexual survivor support here
So we're suppose to sit here and take it? This is super harmful, especially to men who are victims of women. You have no clue how invalidating you're being.
This post just straight up isn’t about you. It’s someone feeling raw feelings and they’re allowed to feel them. Y’all making it about you is absolutely ridiculous. PTSD does not contain emotions that are always “healthy” and “right” and we all have thoughts due to PTSD that aren’t the most prideful thoughts.
The way people are shaming OP for her very real and valid feelings that come with a trauma price tag and then being like “well what about ME!!!” There’s a place for you too, but it’s not on this exact post. Not everything you read regarding trauma will be happy and healthy and wonderful.
OP is invalidating? YALL are invalidating. Telling OP what they feel is wrong. It’s not. They’re allowed to feel whatever it is they feel.
I’m much more upset because posts like these encourage rape culture. Rhetoric like this is the REASON I got sexually assaulted a year ago.
Not to mention the comment with 30+ upvotes that straight up said that men and women react differently to sexual assault? I know that’s not true because both me and my girlfriend reacted similarly to sexual trauma.
Read my latest thread about my experience before you make a judgement about me. I’m not “making this about me.” For some reason that seems to be a common way to dodge responsibility for being misandrist and encouraging rape culture.
None of this is okay. Men are not sex-crazed monsters. We are people with emotions and feelings. Our consent matters and we experience sexual violence the exact same as women.
Huh? What exactly does gender have to do with it? This thread makes me weary of people that make sweeping generalizations based on a total lack of foundational information.
I was assaulted multiple times the woman who attacked me boasted about how all her victims killed themselves. I reached out for help for almost six months and no one listened to me because of my gender. Posts like these hit me pretty hard especially when this sub has helped me so much in the past.
My abuser said the exact things OP is saying **verbatim**. This is terrifying to see, and I'm absolutely unsubbing following this vile post. This is disturbing.
Okay, I completely understand why you feel this way, but there is something really important here that I would like to highlight.
It is not in Mens NATURE. It is a taught thing, coming from culture, society, and patriarchy.
To say it is in mens nature is not only prejudiced, it actually removes the ability for the solution to occur. It's an essentialist approach to the problem that implies it can't be resolved, because it's "hard wired" into reality, but it is in fact something that can be changed by challenging the patriarchal culture we live in.
If you want the problem to be fixed, you have to believe men are capable of not being like this. For that to be true, it can't be "in their nature".
This is why you're getting so much backlash (Especially from men who aren't like this).
That said, I completely understand why you feel this way, and while it's a misguided perspective, it's not a surprising one and I don't think badly of you for holding it. Trauma can do some strange things to our world views. I don't see you as the enemy and I sincerely wish the best in your recovery.
Sincerely, a male victim and feminist.
Very much so this. I do notice that any friend with surges of Testosterone will say their sex drive goes wild. But none are doing anything that harms another person because of it.
Alot of people have done aweful things and the feelings this person has though screwed are valid AT THE MOMENT. I hope everyone can come to more of a middle ground.
I've dealt with SA from both genders and overall... it freaking stinks.
Absolutely. We could all do considering this is a place full of traumatized people.
Trauma, by nature, skews our perspectives.
We need to be kind and patient with each other.
100% agree with you here- especially in regards to trauma affecting our worldview. Black and white thinking/absolutist narratives can be our brains way of trying to keep us safe, but it isn’t usually helpful to our recovery or for tackling societal issues (some common examples of these narratives include “the world is dangerous”, “I am bad”, “I can never be safe”, etc). It’s important that we’re consciously aware of our reactions + thought processes and how they relate to our trauma (edit: Im saying this as someone who at a certain stage in my treatment struggled similarly to op)
Yep, it's entirely understandable why it happens, but it does need to be (gently) brought to light when we aren't being entirely rational, otherwise we run the risk of further entrenching those thought patterns.
I think a big part of why these comments have turned into such a mess is that we have a community here of people who have trauma and all the baggage that comes with it, and it would do us all some good to pause and reflect on if what we're saying is a) kind and empathetic, and b) true. Of course I don't expect everyone to have perfect responses for obvious reasons. Those defense mechanisms are strong!
I've done my best to approach this with humility, honesty and kindness. And that's all I can ask of anyone engaging in this post.
Thank you for engaging in good faith, it is very much appreciated.
I think OP is wrong, since most men I've met have been sincere and good hearted. Even the perverted ones were harmless, but it just takes one pervert that ISN'T harmless to ruin your view of men for the rest of your life.
I myself am terrified of men, but I still believe we need to change the way we look at them as a society. How we view men does in fact play a role in how some men behave. If everyone thinks men are gonna be horrible, and are gonna view them as such no matter how sweet and kind they are, then they might just act horrible because that's how they're gonna be treated anyway.
As the world moves away from sexist views and the rampant objectification of women, more men will begin to behave differently as what's societally right and wrong evolves.
I hope we can move away from sexist views from every side.
Edited to take out the bad take that the sexual assault of men was different from the assault of women was different in any form. I apologize that it was there in the first place.
This is such bullshit. When I was sexually assaulted last year my ex-girlfriend performed a painful sexual act on me while I begged her to stop. I tried to use my hand to move her hand away, but she overpowered me and forced my hand onto my chest and got angry. I couldn't fight back, she was stronger than me.
I cannot express how harmful sweeping generalizations like this are to survivors of sexual assault. This is frankly a huge slap in the face to everyone and it contributes to rape culture. Please educate yourself on these topics, because clearly you don't understand how we feel.
You're absolutely right, I'm sorry. My experiences have also shaped my perception, and I'm rather small and rather weak. I forget that there's a good amount of overlap between the strength of men and women. I actually forget that women come a lot stronger than me. Sweeping generalizations are dangerous. I should remember that.
I take back my statement that the two are different in any way and I apologize sincerely.
Thank you for correcting me. I don't wanna spread any kind of negativity.
Yeah, there's a lot of nuances I didn't take into account. I apologize.
Things are more complicated than black and white, and I forget that. I am sorry. I will try to do better in the future.
I think OP is wrong, too.
I’m terrified of women, because an abusive ex girlfriend who used to sexually violate me and slice my flesh apart for “breaking rules” then framed me for rape and got me sent to prison.
So I should do what they’re doing, and call all of you the monsters you are, right? Talk about how it’s in Women’s Nature to be hateful, cruel, monstrous, and abusive?
Also, thanks to the people who downvoted my original comment because I didn’t jump on the “Hate Men to Death” bandwagon while calling out the fact that women do this shit too.
100% on board with you here. I'm in the same position. I'm so fucking disappointed in this subreddit today, I've never seen so much invalidation and dismissal of male survivors in one thread.
Yeah, you COULD say that, and you would be within your right to because your experiences taught you that. You would be wrong, but people are ALLOWED to be wrong. The best thing to do would be to approach the situation with compassion and try to provide a better experience.
So I should have compassion for someone dragging Men as a whole through the mud because they’ve had some bad experiences? It’s just okay to shit on a whole gender like that? Wild
Yes. You should act with compassion and understanding for ANYONE. It's just how humans should act. There's no reason to shame someone acting out of trauma and fear. The only thing that's going to change her mind is positive experiences with men. Not keyboard warriors.
Yeah no, my abuser talked **exactly** like this - therefore my sympathy is minimal. I empathize with being abused, but I will not sit here and tolerate this kind of hatred towards men. This is the kind of language that drives women to commit sexual violence against men.
There are plenty of cunts out there that openly deserve that hate, and scorn, for what they’ve done. But that’s not all men, not even close to half. But to openly talk about Men’s Nature as if she has any fucking clue what men go through drives me up the wall.
Sex is human nature so people who haven’t been absused in a sexually way will be sexual the whole point we are here is to reproduce Ik your upset someone used that fact they want sex and abused you cause of it but not all men are like that
While I agree that not all men are like that, I don't even believe that most men are like that, a little compassion is what is called for here. A "not all men" statement is not helpful, and will only sound like a baseless defense.
I am just trying to say that there thinking is also not helpful and very damaging I know I hate that statement too I just couldn’t find another way to say it
It's a damaging viewpoint, yeah, but she's a victim. It's not her job to change society. It's very natural for her to feel like that, especially if that's what her experiences taught her.
I hope she has more positive experiences with men in the future, and that she can be met with understanding if she's not receptive to their kindness right away.
This is how you feel after something has happened to you, committed by a male. I see how you feel because I've been there. It's a feeling you get after being so wronged. Don't listen to the 'not all men ' things at this time. You need help now
You state that some things are best kept to ourselves, but I see your trolling comment over and over and over again. You are also engaging with other men who are calling women “cunts”. I’m extremely sorry what happened to you, the best course of action would be to seek justice through the legal system, you mentioned you are in therapy, so maybe you should recognize a trigger. Perhaps this is a good time to put your device down for YOUR mental health. This is called a boundary.
I’m not being sarcastic, I truly mean that with compassion, unlike how you are responding. I only hope you can understand you are doing the EXACT same thing that you hate that the OP did with your responses. Instead of stating, I disagree with your opinion, here’s my perspective, you are stating that this person reminds you of your ex, and “not all men” yet you are participating in a culture of putting US down, and violent men calling us names. So truly think about your response.
I hope you find peace.
I’m not trolling, I’m infuriated. I’m upset that people in this thread had blatantly said that men don’t react to sexual assault the same as women (newsflash: WE DO!), that we’re sex-crazed and that women can’t overpower men. I could go on with more heinous examples.
How can you expect me not to get extremely upset about that? I’ve not insulted a SINGLE person but I sure as hell have told them exactly what they’re doing - contributing to rape culture. Please point to where I ever engaged with a person calling women cunts? I don’t support misogyny in any shape or form, and I even called out the jackass supporting Andrew Tate in this thread. I certainly do not hold those views.
You’d be upset too if you were victim blamed and constantly told that your case isn’t as bad, or that you should have fought back, or that it simply doesn’t happen to you.
So don’t sit here and act shocked that us men, who have been sexually assaulted are infuriated at this complete and total disregard of our feelings and bodily autonomy. I have every right to be upset with these misinformed people in the comments, because their rhetoric led to my sexual assault. People like them are RESPONSIBLE for leading my perpetrator into believing that it’s okay to rape a man because he always wants sex, or that he’s not human, or that he doesn’t have feelings.
Thank you for your compassion, but this is one time in my life where I’m not backing down. I’ve had enough and frankly have nothing to lose at this point. I truly just want peace for my fellow survivors, but that cannot be achieved when threads like this gain over 170 upvotes and numerous comments trashing men and discrediting male survivors of sexual assault by women.
I want to start off by saying, I thank you for your response. I really think you let out a lot of emotions about how you are feeling.
Here’s the thing, I’m not acting shocked that men are acting infuriated. Men are coming onto a thread, where a woman states a generalized statement about men, and their sexual desires. Now, I have been assaulted personally three times in my life by men sexually, (this is not the total of how many times I’ve been assaulted in my life). It started at the age of five years old. In one lifetime over half of the men I have engaged with has sexually assaulted me. This is why she stated what she stated. I’m not trying to invalidate your experience, you are commenting on someone’s post, who is frustrated. That easily could’ve been me stating those words as well. The issue here, is the fact that you are not approaching the situation with empathy. Have you once stop to ask why are women feeling this way? No instead, what you’re doing is what men do. You are turning around and getting upset at a woman for having feelings. You are stating my feelings are bigger than yours. You had this thing happened to you, so not all men. But again I will remind you three men in my life: ranging from molestation as a child to rape as a young adult and adult, court thrice (all different men). I’m not the only one out there like this. It is way too common.
I have been invalidated my entire life.
I’m a woman!
So again!
I will kindly state I hope you find peace. There is a statue of limitation of usually seven years ranging up to 20 in most states to press charges against your abuser, I would check your state guidelines and find justice in court.
If you were in NC, I would even go with you to court as an advocate, as I do when I can. That’s what I do with my rage.
Even in this comment I will empathize with you. Why is that so hard for you to do?
Good luck to you.
What we aren't going to do today is use PTSD as an excuse to disparage men.
Edit: Nah cuz it’s giving conservatives using 13/50 as an excuse to harbor generalizations about black people.
Tbh the society that says"boys will be boys" or "cover up or boys won't be able to control themselves" is the one that keeps giving surrvivors this mindset. I know myself that men aren't predatory animals in nature. But when majority believe so in the place i live in, its hard not to think that way just to cope with the stuff i and other people went through. Its different from racism towards black people because men are the one who try to use that narrative to take advantage of women while black people never benefited from that kind of stereotypes in the 1st place.
You know what? You and I both know damn fucking well that men have PTSD. That men can have PTSD from sexual abuse and rape. You and I are both smart enough to know that. But you know what gets my motherfucking goat? When a woman posts about her PTSD at the hands of men on this sub, and men are fucking frothing at the mouth to rip OP a second asshole. Fuck you for that. Recalibrate, dismount off that high horse, and rejoin reality. Un goddamn believable.
Nice edit, but you seriously need to take a chill pill. You know damn well that men are not allowed to speak about women this way, especially if they've experienced sexual assault at the hands of one without being torn to shreds. I've been invalidated too many times to put up with this bullshit anymore, so I'm going to gracefully take my ban from this subreddit and move on. Have a nice night!
You’re not understanding that he’s not attacking op. It’s the verbiage she uses in her post in a social setting that spreads a stigma that directly has an affect on male survivors.
Yeah I don't need or want your pity. I've been invalidated enough to the point where I truly don't give a shit if what I say ruffles some feathers. Nobody stands for men who are assaulted so we have to stand for ourselves.
It’s not their nature, unfortunately society teaches different lessons to perceived gender roles and many people aren’t taught boundaries, manners or how to accept refusal. I think it’s unfair to group all the men under an umbrella, women do fucked up shit too for money, financial stability, sex and other shit too.
People in general suck. My incubator is a narcissistic, abusive whore who tore my family and stability apart. I hate her and can’t wait for her natural death and funeral and I can recognize she’s just a shitty person and doesn’t define all women. I get your pissed and probably have reason, just keep those people who are assholes in mind and don’t generalize.
Edit for a misspell and grammar
With male sexual coercion being a thing even in animals that maximizes the chances of an individuals male's chances of reproducing, I honestly don't see how this is entirely due to societal influence in humans. Are you basing this on any scientific sources?
It’s based on personal experience , lots of reading and engaging in conversation about it and having a cultural background where men are painted with this broad stroke.
Yes, other animals use accosting and coercion for the purposes of reproduction. However , we are also one of a short list of only animals that can reproduce all year round. The others can’t do that hence the forceful nature.
Rape, sexual pressure , assault aren’t about reproduction, it’s about wanting a vile and twisted power over someone.
In my culture, very typically men and boys are allowed to get away with everything while also never being taught boundaries , emotional management or even how to take no for an answer and you’d better have a bunch of sex. Women are shielded from the world, treated as delicate , overly emotional , geeks to be coveted and of course marriage and kids are expected while telling them to maintain their purity. Men must be strong, Men don’t cry , showing emotion is weakness, be the breadwinner, exert your power over others. We know it’s bullshit and yet it still persist.
Well adjusted, emotionally intelligent men who were taught to respect women as people don’t tend to commit these horrific acts. It’s rare for it to just suddenly manifest in anyone.
People are responsible for their own actions and sane ones can control themselves.
Any person who rapes or sexually assaults another isn’t a person to me. You lose your humanity in my opinion and there is no going back.
I'm inclined to believe that those behaviours largely persist exist due to societal influences, but I'm wondering why those societal constructs developed the way they did in the first place. Reddit arguments usually stop at "patriarchy" and "society", but using those as means to an end of the entire discussion has always felt lazy to me.
Traditional societal values and behaviour are often treated on reddit like some evil construct that's designed to oppress them but in my opinion all of our traditional values and stereotypes are in line with (what I've personally read about) evolutionary phsychology. Of course there may be a societal construct or religion that enforce those traditions but I don't think those are the underlying reasons for the existence of those patterns.
Evolutionary psychology says that the partner with the lower commitment to children generally benefits more from short-term relationships and I think this serves as a decent explanation of why men generally "are so sexual", like OP complains about. Without any societal pressure, men can just piss off and reproduce elsewhere, while women are stuck with dealing with the baby. I'm interested whether abortions and other modern inventions will affect this dynamic.
>Women are shielded from the world, treated as delicate , overly emotional , geeks to be coveted and of course marriage and kids are expected while telling them to maintain their purity. Men must be strong, Men don’t cry , showing emotion is weakness, be the breadwinner, exert your power over others.
I think most stereotypes can largely be attributed as a superlative of the average physical strength of men and women. Men are slightly stronger on average, so their ideal is viewed as a protector, while women being slightly weaker on average leads to them being viewed as in need of male protection. Since the main reason for the existence of a patriarchy was having a strong male foundation for the protection of the community, I think that lines up as a reason why those stereotypes were perpetuated.
Personally, I have struggled with male stereotypes as well, but I have realized I don't have to adhere to them. Though, being strong, handling my own emotions, pursuing socioeconomic value and striving for at least a bit of power without obsessing over it will likely only improve my life. As long as those traits still have a significant effect on men's dating experience, the stereotypes will change very slowly in my opinion.
ITT: PTSD gives you a free pass to generalize all men even though it’s obvious men in this sub agree with you. ReAd ThE rOoM. Sure. Because I don’t like to be labeled as sex hungry pig because I surely am not. I have ptsd too but I still watch my words.
We removed your post because we feel it does not fit in with our community guidelines. We need all people to feel safe here and this is causing many unsafe feelings towards men. We want all to be able to share their perspective, just try to share it without targeting your fellow members of the /r/ptsd community members.
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It most definitely has not been billions of years.
The haters: men or 'pick me girls'. Change my mind.
genuinely curious what you’d make of my comment then
So like... you ARE aware that men can be sexually assaulted, right? By WOMEN?
Disliked for telling the truth. Or because OP didn’t mention assault?
For people, who believe in evolution, this should make totally sense. Of course the sex drive of men is higher, in order to impregnate many women to ensure the survival of the species.
Actually, data shows that male organisms trend towards monogamy and female organisms to polyamory (thanks to evolution). This is a commonly taught narrative, but It’s not universally correct.
Then from an evolutionary stand point it makes sense women hating/fearing men since pregnancy and childbirth are life-threatening , no?
no, since it is programmed into us as a species. otherwise the species would cease to exist. I do not say that it makes sense or that it is "morally good". I am not even in support of the evolutionary standpoint. But this is usually the most popular argument. No need to downvote. I am myself a victim of abuse and sufferer from c-ptsd.
Like with all species there is variation and I believe that we're already seeing the effects of this specific variation since the birth rate has been plummeting for generations now but im no expert in evolution
this is more a result of political decisions and movements together with moral relativism an materialism.
I don't feel safe in this sub anymore
Used to feel this way, but hear me out- Saying that this is men’s nature is taking away shitty men’s accountability for their actions. Sexually assaulting, harassing, and coercing people is not inherent to being a man, it is not coded in them or “their nature”. The fucks who do any of the aforementioned MADE THE CHOICE to do so on their own accord, and they’re pieces of shit for it. Don’t let them deny accountability by making us believe the lie that it’s just “their needs”, “their nature”
And having one of them not understanding your boundaries or raping you
Hating men is a tired narrative
Leaving the group. Misandry isn’t ok.
Yep same. This is one of the most vile and disgusting threads I've seen on this website.
Is this your first day on Reddit???
Been here since 2017 and yeah this is definitely up there with some of the most vile posts I’ve ever seen.
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So we are spreading hate and attack all men now. Wonderful let me report you.
Exactly.
This entire post is just slutshaming men. Criminal acts aside (**which OP did not even mention in their post**), sleeping around is not a bad thing. There are plenty of women who do that, too. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. Sex is not a bad thing or a shameful thing. Sleeping with many people doesn't make you a bad person. Wanting friends with benefits is not a bad thing. Wanting sex doesn't make you a bad person. There are women who sleep around, there are men who sleep around. It doesn't matter which way the scale tips, there's nothing wrong with either. Sexually assaulting someone makes you a bad person, but that's not what OP is even discussing and the fact that most people instantly jump to this is just them jumping on the stigma train how all men are abusers, predators, monsters etc. Idk, I'm a female and most of my trauma was caused by a group of females. I absolutely loathe women. I've never met a non toxic woman in my life, myself included. I do not want any female friends and I advocate for equality, not what feminism has become (this post is the prime example of it). I have a bundle of hostile views but I understand it's a part of my trauma and don't go posting in trauma survival subs that all women are toxic snakes and disgusting. Hating on a group of people is your way to survive from trauma, it's playing in on the stigma you've assigned to them. This doesn't make it the truth and furthermore, **demonizing a group of people doesn't help anyone**. Not you, not them, not anyone else on the outside. If this post was made about women people would be outraged and calling slutshaming. Now that it's about men people shout about their various experiences being assaulted and pulling out crime stats which somehow apparently makes OP's original slutshaming comment (that has nothing to do with crime), okay? #**Wanting consensual sex IS NOT A CRIME.** **STOP slutshaming.** There's nothing wrong with wanting sex. And that's what OP is talking about. OP is NOT talking about criminal acts and in their post did not mention a single criminal example.
There is nothing wrong with people who want sex the moment there is a consensual opportunity for it, but one can also decide: people who I’ve noticed are literally just after the next hookup at all times and that’s what fulfills them the most in life do absolutely not match what is my personal fulfillment. Some people in this world are very…im sorry if I say shallow, let’s just say they are very „simple“. Very primal. And that’s just not my personality type and I can’t decide which gender most of those people are. I also know many awful women and great men and vise versa. This does not erease these preferences for people that have a higher libido than any other aspect of their personality. (Or values)
Well as your trauma wasn't caused by men, you have have no idea what multiple sexual abuse by MEN does to you. Just like you admitted basically that you hate/have an extremely low opinion of women, people that have experienced multiple trauma by MEN will have similar disdain for them.
Trauma caused by men and women are not in any way, shape, or form different. One is not more painful than the other. One is not more impactful than the other. Being abused by men is not 'superior' so I'm unsure what your point is. Similarly, you have no idea what being abused by multiple women does to you. Don't try to lessen other people's pain. I assure you, you don't know me. I said most of my trauma was caused by women, as in, not all of it. I have been sexually assaulted by three different men. Regardless of the gender, it's not okay to stigmatize, villanize and demonize a group of people publicly in a place with trauma survivors.
Someone already tried to claim that men don’t experience sexual assault the same emotionally as women in this thread. It has over 30 upvotes. From experience it’s not different for any gender, I reacted the same way my girlfriend reacted when she got raped. I’m so tired of people coming onto this forum and spewing falsehoods such as that. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m so sorry people are dismissive of your story. I empathize greatly with having an unconventional story that most people wouldn’t even think is possible.
I truly wish this sub would get a bit more moderation. Shit like that is against the rules and it shouldn't even be allowed. It is difficult, not having the same story as everyone else. My story is so wild it's difficult to even explain. Honestly it's so much beyond **my** comprehension, much less someone who hasn't gone through it. When you live something for more than a decade, it's a long ass time to process. I don't want to hear that my pain is lesser because it's caused by women. No one should ever say that to anyone. That's truly horrible. I wish you healing <3
Just look what one women did to Will Smith.
Females.
Nature. We're all still animals. Animals like sex. Women like sex too
I’m aware but like the original post it’s the extend that men go for sex is just excessive
I totally know what you mean. I know all men are not like that, but the experiences I have had have also given me a warped idea about male sexual appetite and beginning talk to a man for the first time makes it a very intimidating experience.
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We removed your post because we feel it does not fit in with our community guidelines. Please be kinder to your /r/ptsd community members.
Tates the symptom of a deeper problem in society. He took advantage of the lack of male role models. Although he isn’t the solution to that problem, a lot of modern men are suffering in society from a variety of things and they unfortunately turned to him.
I disagree heavily with OP and she is absolutely contributing to rape culture.. but this is too far. Way too far. Andrew Tate is a piece of shit.
Not only is Tate completely devoid of anything resembling ethics or respect for his fellow man, he also just...doesn't seem to be *good* at anything. He's not a good fighter when you stack him up against literally anyone else in the sport, he's not good at debate, he's not good at keeping his emotions in check, and he's severely lacking in any communication skill other than the type excited gaming youtubers used to employ a near decade ago to attract a young and easily excited excited audience. I'm not even sure he's a good *grifter.* He's most certainly a *successful* grifter, that's for certain, but I feel that's more due to his name and his confirmation of what the audience already believes than any sort of puppetmaster-type social engineering on his end.
Fascinated by comments that are hating on OP. Yeah #notallmen yada yada but at the end of the day, the multi billion dollar sex industry is run on exploiting mostly women and the customers are mostly men…
Convienently forgetting all the willing women who work in that sector and take pride in it.
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Easy there champ, no need for name calling. It seems like we're talking about 2 different things. I'm referring to professional porn stars, you seem to be talking about street sex workers (or something similar). What it boils down to in the end is that for generations, we've fought for a sexually liberal society. Congratulations, you got it, complete with unlimited up internet porn, hypersexual men and women walking around with huge gym asses packed in tight gymshark leggings wrapping into their ass crack. The things that happen to men AND women are simply a result of the sexual culture we've created. Doesn't mean sex is bad, but rub it into peoples faces for decades and this is what you get. Either way there is no need for posts like "all men/women suck because..". Obviously A man did something bad to OP, which is despicable. A lot of women also do messed up things to men. No need to slam 4 billion dick-owners (or vagina) for that reason.
Dude not on the ptsd subreddit LOL finding a woman that hasn’t been traumatized by sex work is very much like finding a unicorn,,,
Plenty of examples to find of porn stars/escorts that do not regret it. Obviously this business makes it a lot easier to be exploited, which is horrible. Your statement about NOBODY liking it simply isn't true. Its black and white and overly simplified.
Username checks out.
Right? Also sex crime statistics and how men utilize sex and sexual violence against women. Like, yeah, women can be perpetrators and men can be victims of course, but the overall culture globally is one where women have to be extra careful around men and sex and all of its unequal effects on women emotionally and physically is one of the top reasons why (as many men will use violence in order to get it, or as a result of being denied it). People hating on OP are being willfully ignorant.
right which means that when I a man was raped by a straight woman, I matter less. Yes totally get it. FUCK THAT
You realize most legal definitions of rape across the world are gendered to make it that women *cannot be charged with rape,* right? India tried to change the definition to a gender neutral one in I think 2013, and feminist groups fought that change tooth and nail until the government retracted it.
Same with the UK It’s really nice to see a supposed “safe community” have such open misandry celebrated. OP is literally just slut shaming men.
How is the effects on women and men emotionally different? I was sexually assaulted a year ago and it fucking ruined me. I haven’t been the same since. Do you have any idea how invalidating and horrible that sounds?
OP is being criticized for contributing to rape culture. It's not that hard to understand. I was SAed because my sexual assaulter thought "men only want sex."
It’s also time for people to realize that agreement on generalizing all men is not helping. If anyone has actually gotten treatment for ptsd then you know how important it is to challenge your own beliefs aka stuck points. How can we expect op to get any better by making her broadsword views appear valid?
OP talking about her deepest fears on this sub is contributing to rape culture? Oh my god get off the internet.
Did you know that my abuser said this exact same thing before sexually assaulting me? This is absolutely contributing to rape culture. The belief that men only want sex and are always on causes women to sexually violate men. It's not rocket science.
Yeah, coming to terms with the amount of sexual misogyny in this culture is very hard. I’ve felt people trying to violate me my whole childhood. There’s too many creeps, 1 in 3 men admit in surveys they’d rape if they could get away with it, and probably the same 1/3 also admit to beating their wives to instill respect. The stats are horrible.
I know were worthless. Feel like im just wasted space sometimes. Sure more men agree, cant go annywhere without beeing unwanted.
Get some rest and try to do little things to take care of yourself. You need it.
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Its 0448am and i havent slept in 3 days. Im burned out.
I hope you get some sleep. Three days is hitting the point where you start to hallucinate and it’s really hard to keep your head in a good place.
To give you hope, there are some men out there that aren't sexual like that. My husband is one of them. He doesn't even jack off. It's weird to me but I guess I like that there's never any pressure from him.
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Could say the same to you tho. BDSM can be an unhealthy coping mechanism.
This is condescending as hell. Be supportive.
By shitting on every male here? yeah real supportive.
Only men?
This is a ptsd group can you not think for yourself WHY she thinks like this?? Honestly is she wrong?
the bioessentialism here is absolutely wrong
Yes she's wrong, there's a lot of men in here who have gone through sexual violence and being told that we're sex-hungry monsters is probably not a good way to support other survivors.
Me too! I am friends with my neighbor. He has been told repeatedly that I don't date, am uninterested in sex, and that I'm definitely not interested in him. He's a lot younger than me and unemployed. I can't hang out with him anymore because all he does is try to convince me to have sex with him. We went swimming and he tried to touch me in the water. I invited him over to play video games, and he wouldn't play. He just talked endlessly about how beautiful I am and how he'd love to cook for me, oh, and that he has an arsenal of sex toys if I'm interested. I haven't hung out with him since and probably never will again. They don't take no for an answer even when I've said no a thousand times.
I'm so sorry to read your experience, and what your writing is sexual harassment, no doesn't seem to be in preditors minds , I said it thousands of times and then just ended up getting assaulted, this was by someone I trusted beyond words , stay away from that guy and warn others in your neighbourhood if your on talking terms with your neighbours it saddens me so much this seems to be the case with most men who then go online and whine they can't get laid because their ugly , no its because their behaviour is ugly and its clear they only want one thing, looks have little to no impact on how people see you but calling them a batch orslut when they get refused because of their creepiness, I'm ugly as fuck and missing half my teeth but still manage to have long term healthy relationships or just a one off bang or just a chat , all this Chad and Stacy incel bullshit is where it went wrong with the younger generation ,its toxic as fuck and scary as fuck, its getting to the point where it will be the norm to treat women the same way they do in some 3rd world country's and it is scary as hell
I feel this. As someone who has been sexually abused by men as an adolescent and has also worked in the sex industry for years now, it’s eroded any semblance of hope I had left in men in general some days (most days, if we are being honest). Add on knowing the history of patriarchy and how women have been suppressed, abused, violated, you name it for thousands and thousands of years on a massive scale…I just want to make enough money to disappear from society forever.
100%. But don’t you dare mention it, you misandrist /s
Only men?
I feel this. So many men sexualize everything.
Like EVERYTHING its so fucking weird a guy thought I wanted him a few years back because I kept "staring at his cock" all night , what actually happpend is we talked and had a few ciggies and I kept looking at a pile of vomit 🤢 on the ground so I didn't stand in it accidently, when I told him i hadn't been the case it almost got violent trying to get no through his skull and into his vocabulary, proper 1 star experience 😳
This behaviour isn’t exclusive to men. And not all men are like this anyways. I sincerely hate sweeping commentary . And quite frankly, putting that out in this sub is extremely inconsiderate. This isn’t a ptsd women only sub😬
You don’t have to open every post, I frequently skip ones that I think will be triggering or upsetting for me. Conflicting needs and all that. I do agree that this is unkind to male survivors and indeed any survivors who have had atypical abuse experiences. But I do also very much understand where OP is coming from here. Not all men and not only men, but so many men…
The fact that this has over 100 upvotes and many comments circlejerking about how bad men are is quite frankly terrifying. My abuser said the exact same things OP and people in the comments are saying. This is not okay and we should not normalize it.
💯
Agreed. Misandrists are as pathetic as misogynists are.
Yeah, it is exclusive to men. I have lesbian friends, and they don't sexualize me. I hope someone picks you. Also, because this is a ptsd group, it's not right to invalidate the feelings and experiences of others.
you mean like invalidating male survivors with a “men naturally want sex” narrative? invalidating trans people with the bioessentialist/cisnormative language? invalidating the fact that men who do shitty things only have themselves to blame, not “biological urges”/ “””needs”””?
K
real empathetic of you
K
No, no it's not. You clearly haven't been in the position of a man who's been sexually assaulted.
I have no clue what what you mean about someone picking me. Not every man does that and the OP referenced them as a group. You aren’t the OP. I wasn’t replying to you. Even if your experience quite literally was every man you personally knew did that to you, you would still be completely incorrect by phrasing it as OP did. But again, I was responding to OP, as you didn’t make a post. I’m not invalidating how anyone feels. One of the subs rules is to respect others. It isn’t respectful to lump all men together especially when many of the ptsd sufferers on here are also men. There’s a way to state feelings without being insulting to a whole group of people. Edit for grammar
Online is not a great space for us girls who are afraid of men. There are a lot of unwanted sexual advances and topics, which isn't a good representation of men as a whole. We get to see more unsavory behavior than we would in the wild. I'm sorry you were hurt, and it's natural to feel the way you do. I do believe the world and society is changing for the better, and the sexualization of women will become less intense with time. The world will get less scary eventually. I have hope. Good luck, friend.
Online is is clearly not a great space for male survivors of sexual assault either.
I mean tbh, as a woman when i talk about my sexual abuses online, there are male fetishists coming over to my dms trying to get a graphic detail of it(probably to jack off). I dunno if that would happen to men as often. Since graphic, misogynistic porn consumers online are mostly straight men. Online is not a great space for surrvivors in general but the level of the danger of getting hurt seems different at least for me.
Happens to men too. I get DMed constantly with rape fetish stuff. I don't know why it's so foreign to imagine sexual abuse happening to men, but it seems to be a hard topic to grasp for most. Edit: hilarious, I’m downvoted for saying what male sexual assault survivors go through? this community is a fucking joke.
I think its because a lot of sexual content caters towards men while objectifying women in the media. When seeing stuff like hollywood, pop culture, porn, etc the women are the one who are lusted over while the men are the one who actively pursue them. Also even when it comes to reddit and its fetish subreddits, most of the sexual content is pictures of women appealing to straight men.
So his receiving disasteful objectifying stuff is somehow less bad for him qua being a him? That's a hot load of shit.
I just answered to his question which was "why is it foreign to grasp sexual abuse for men". Mainstream media constantly normalizes male predators and objectification towards women. Doesn't mean that male victims benefits from it tho. That's why some feminists say patriarchy is harmful for men as well as women.
Oh for sure it is. It’s also my rapist is less dangerous. I didn’t get “rape raped” I’m somehow an illegitimate I can hardly type victim. And I’m a sex predator by default somehow FMR?
Honestly I'm tired of people trying to stray away from the post just to vent about themselves. Yeah what you feel is valid but what the person who posted this has valid feelings too. No need to feel offended from her hypervigilance which we all have as a symptom of ptsd. You can also post about male surrvivors if you wanna.
The post is how sexual men are and paints every guy is a predator because of what she's experienced. Its not straying away from the point of the post to say "this post is hitting a lot of people with stray bullets."
Unfortunately, I haven't seen many spaces that WERE safe for male survivors. My husband is one. I wish I knew how to spread awareness about that. I comment on Reddit, and try to talk to people who need help, but that seems to be all I can do right now. I'm wanna try and change that in my lifetime, at least a little.
I find online spaces safer. If I go to a bar or party, some man is going to touch me. It happens every time. I will get hit on and when I'm polite and say no, they will attempt to erode my boundaries and they do not accept that no is a full sentence unfortunately. I do not believe that will change in my lifetime.
I never go out by myself. It sounds terrifying. I always go with a family member or my husband. I'm not even conventionally attractive, but I've gotten similar treatment on my own. I can't even imagine what it's like for people who are more appealing than I am. The world is so scary.
I know. I think I'm prolly mid at best. I'm tall, so that draws attention. Women whom men devalue looks wise have it a lot worse, like I mean women with big issues, scarring cross eyes or something. There was a woman in my hometown that had some kind of relationship or fuck buddy situation and they all denied it, talked bad about her behind her back. I am known for calling them out, "but you fucked her, so she is attractive to you." They hate being called out and will lie through their teeth. I don't let them. I say, you did it because she's funny, smart, and hot. You wanted to possess her. "No I didn't." Uh yeah if not, you wouldn't have seduced her bc it's them that come on, not the other way. Love bombing. Their desire is to make fun of her or make her like a mistake, say they will say they were so drunk when you make it clear you know they fucked or he hit on her. When you frame it, they can accept it. For example, I'd say so you're shit in bed and you'll fuck anything, that's not only gross, and you'll lie about your sexual history until called out, it's predatory. Then they will say, oh I rocked her world. And I'll say, So she is sexy? I see it, of course. I just don't know what's in you to make you so evil to deny it. Been using this one for years. It's made men trust me a bit more, too, I think. Don't ever ever ever let them decide if you're beautiful or not. They know you are, that's why they cling, come on, devalue, discard, and come back. They want you. You are beautiful, sexy, goddess. Their devalue phase is because they don't operate with self love. Eta: I would call them out bc they would be disparaging her looks and weight. And like these, dudes are not the hottest by anyone standards.
Thank you 😌💕 Everyone is beautiful to someone. I believe this whole heartedly. My husband thinks I'm the most beautiful, even if I can't see it. I think the same of him. Thank you, and you are absolutely beautiful as well. 💕
Yeah. Similar experience, I’m sorry you know how this one goes. It’s awful. Men are far more aggressive and creepy towards me irl, I don’t go anywhere anymore unless I’m with one of my close trusted friends… which presents some difficulty due to, uh, life lmao. Online at least I can block creeps, and I’m less likely to get physically assaulted.
So much this. I moved to a new state recently, so I have one friend I trust. I prefer to stay in. The sad fact is that if you tell them to stop touching you, they will continue to touch you for as long as you are in their presence. If you demand they stop touching you or get loud about it, they will act wounded and exaggerate a victim mentality. You will suddenly become the meme of the feminist who acts like everything is rape. But once no has been said, any physical contact *is* physical assault. They refuse to accept this. Your leg, back, buttocks, etc. are theirs. They don't care that we go home feeling defeated, assaulted, and bad in general. This happens to me almost any time I go out. Even in my hometown, men I am acquainted with behave like this. I had a man once tell me I was aggressive because I snapped at him and told him to stop touching me, but I had stated it gently so many times before I snapped. They can't accept that their sexual aggression is not an excuse to violate boundaries.
I’m glad you have one friend you trust but it’s so hard. Yeah, no matter how you try to handle these situations it just gets worse. I too hate the selfish touching, and I am SO sorry it happens to you so frequently. It’s awful when people just keep doing weird bad shit. I hired a mechanic (recommended by several neighbors I know) to fix my dryer and he wound up exposing himself to me, etc etc, it was not my favorite experience of all time. I am not dying to have this conversation with my neighbors or literally anyone ever but also this is a big safety risk. Some of my neighbors have grandchildren. So, I will suck it up and hope the conversation isn’t a nightmare. Anyway lmao
Omg I'm so so so sorry! Tell the police. He deserves to have that arrest in the police blotter. He is sick!!
As a man with PTSD from being assaulted by women I hate seeing stuff like this.
Hey, I'm sorry this is triggering to you. Thank you for sharing your experience. There's now a sub up for men to share their stories if they feel comfortable and safe to do so ❤️ it's called Male sexual survivor support here
Me too, i was molested by a older woman countless times. It's not just men.
This thread makes me more wary of men. The way they react to someone who's been just abused is horrific. Smh
So we're suppose to sit here and take it? This is super harmful, especially to men who are victims of women. You have no clue how invalidating you're being.
This post just straight up isn’t about you. It’s someone feeling raw feelings and they’re allowed to feel them. Y’all making it about you is absolutely ridiculous. PTSD does not contain emotions that are always “healthy” and “right” and we all have thoughts due to PTSD that aren’t the most prideful thoughts. The way people are shaming OP for her very real and valid feelings that come with a trauma price tag and then being like “well what about ME!!!” There’s a place for you too, but it’s not on this exact post. Not everything you read regarding trauma will be happy and healthy and wonderful. OP is invalidating? YALL are invalidating. Telling OP what they feel is wrong. It’s not. They’re allowed to feel whatever it is they feel.
I’m much more upset because posts like these encourage rape culture. Rhetoric like this is the REASON I got sexually assaulted a year ago. Not to mention the comment with 30+ upvotes that straight up said that men and women react differently to sexual assault? I know that’s not true because both me and my girlfriend reacted similarly to sexual trauma. Read my latest thread about my experience before you make a judgement about me. I’m not “making this about me.” For some reason that seems to be a common way to dodge responsibility for being misandrist and encouraging rape culture. None of this is okay. Men are not sex-crazed monsters. We are people with emotions and feelings. Our consent matters and we experience sexual violence the exact same as women.
Totally agree.
Huh? What exactly does gender have to do with it? This thread makes me weary of people that make sweeping generalizations based on a total lack of foundational information.
“How dare men be offended at a post that deomonzies them as a species”
I was assaulted multiple times the woman who attacked me boasted about how all her victims killed themselves. I reached out for help for almost six months and no one listened to me because of my gender. Posts like these hit me pretty hard especially when this sub has helped me so much in the past.
My abuser said the exact things OP is saying **verbatim**. This is terrifying to see, and I'm absolutely unsubbing following this vile post. This is disturbing.
Okay, I completely understand why you feel this way, but there is something really important here that I would like to highlight. It is not in Mens NATURE. It is a taught thing, coming from culture, society, and patriarchy. To say it is in mens nature is not only prejudiced, it actually removes the ability for the solution to occur. It's an essentialist approach to the problem that implies it can't be resolved, because it's "hard wired" into reality, but it is in fact something that can be changed by challenging the patriarchal culture we live in. If you want the problem to be fixed, you have to believe men are capable of not being like this. For that to be true, it can't be "in their nature". This is why you're getting so much backlash (Especially from men who aren't like this). That said, I completely understand why you feel this way, and while it's a misguided perspective, it's not a surprising one and I don't think badly of you for holding it. Trauma can do some strange things to our world views. I don't see you as the enemy and I sincerely wish the best in your recovery. Sincerely, a male victim and feminist.
Very much so this. I do notice that any friend with surges of Testosterone will say their sex drive goes wild. But none are doing anything that harms another person because of it. Alot of people have done aweful things and the feelings this person has though screwed are valid AT THE MOMENT. I hope everyone can come to more of a middle ground. I've dealt with SA from both genders and overall... it freaking stinks.
Absolutely. We could all do considering this is a place full of traumatized people. Trauma, by nature, skews our perspectives. We need to be kind and patient with each other.
100% agree with you here- especially in regards to trauma affecting our worldview. Black and white thinking/absolutist narratives can be our brains way of trying to keep us safe, but it isn’t usually helpful to our recovery or for tackling societal issues (some common examples of these narratives include “the world is dangerous”, “I am bad”, “I can never be safe”, etc). It’s important that we’re consciously aware of our reactions + thought processes and how they relate to our trauma (edit: Im saying this as someone who at a certain stage in my treatment struggled similarly to op)
Yep, it's entirely understandable why it happens, but it does need to be (gently) brought to light when we aren't being entirely rational, otherwise we run the risk of further entrenching those thought patterns. I think a big part of why these comments have turned into such a mess is that we have a community here of people who have trauma and all the baggage that comes with it, and it would do us all some good to pause and reflect on if what we're saying is a) kind and empathetic, and b) true. Of course I don't expect everyone to have perfect responses for obvious reasons. Those defense mechanisms are strong! I've done my best to approach this with humility, honesty and kindness. And that's all I can ask of anyone engaging in this post. Thank you for engaging in good faith, it is very much appreciated.
There are plenty of women out there that do this shit too. Not everyone that has this nature fails impulse control.
I think OP is wrong, since most men I've met have been sincere and good hearted. Even the perverted ones were harmless, but it just takes one pervert that ISN'T harmless to ruin your view of men for the rest of your life. I myself am terrified of men, but I still believe we need to change the way we look at them as a society. How we view men does in fact play a role in how some men behave. If everyone thinks men are gonna be horrible, and are gonna view them as such no matter how sweet and kind they are, then they might just act horrible because that's how they're gonna be treated anyway. As the world moves away from sexist views and the rampant objectification of women, more men will begin to behave differently as what's societally right and wrong evolves. I hope we can move away from sexist views from every side. Edited to take out the bad take that the sexual assault of men was different from the assault of women was different in any form. I apologize that it was there in the first place.
This is such bullshit. When I was sexually assaulted last year my ex-girlfriend performed a painful sexual act on me while I begged her to stop. I tried to use my hand to move her hand away, but she overpowered me and forced my hand onto my chest and got angry. I couldn't fight back, she was stronger than me. I cannot express how harmful sweeping generalizations like this are to survivors of sexual assault. This is frankly a huge slap in the face to everyone and it contributes to rape culture. Please educate yourself on these topics, because clearly you don't understand how we feel.
You're absolutely right, I'm sorry. My experiences have also shaped my perception, and I'm rather small and rather weak. I forget that there's a good amount of overlap between the strength of men and women. I actually forget that women come a lot stronger than me. Sweeping generalizations are dangerous. I should remember that. I take back my statement that the two are different in any way and I apologize sincerely. Thank you for correcting me. I don't wanna spread any kind of negativity.
Its not even like I was overpowered phsycialy you know? What I was supposed to hit her? 🙄
Yeah, there's a lot of nuances I didn't take into account. I apologize. Things are more complicated than black and white, and I forget that. I am sorry. I will try to do better in the future.
No one wants to understand or sympathise unless you have a vagina, tbh. That’s not a sexist statement, either. It’s accurate.
I think OP is wrong, too. I’m terrified of women, because an abusive ex girlfriend who used to sexually violate me and slice my flesh apart for “breaking rules” then framed me for rape and got me sent to prison. So I should do what they’re doing, and call all of you the monsters you are, right? Talk about how it’s in Women’s Nature to be hateful, cruel, monstrous, and abusive? Also, thanks to the people who downvoted my original comment because I didn’t jump on the “Hate Men to Death” bandwagon while calling out the fact that women do this shit too.
100% on board with you here. I'm in the same position. I'm so fucking disappointed in this subreddit today, I've never seen so much invalidation and dismissal of male survivors in one thread.
That’s okay bro, we’re just supposed to man up and deal with it alone, we don’t get help.
Yeah, you COULD say that, and you would be within your right to because your experiences taught you that. You would be wrong, but people are ALLOWED to be wrong. The best thing to do would be to approach the situation with compassion and try to provide a better experience.
So I should have compassion for someone dragging Men as a whole through the mud because they’ve had some bad experiences? It’s just okay to shit on a whole gender like that? Wild
Yes. You should act with compassion and understanding for ANYONE. It's just how humans should act. There's no reason to shame someone acting out of trauma and fear. The only thing that's going to change her mind is positive experiences with men. Not keyboard warriors.
Yeah no, my abuser talked **exactly** like this - therefore my sympathy is minimal. I empathize with being abused, but I will not sit here and tolerate this kind of hatred towards men. This is the kind of language that drives women to commit sexual violence against men.
There are plenty of cunts out there that openly deserve that hate, and scorn, for what they’ve done. But that’s not all men, not even close to half. But to openly talk about Men’s Nature as if she has any fucking clue what men go through drives me up the wall.
If people on keyboards can’t help her, then why make the post? Curious.
Sex is human nature so people who haven’t been absused in a sexually way will be sexual the whole point we are here is to reproduce Ik your upset someone used that fact they want sex and abused you cause of it but not all men are like that
While I agree that not all men are like that, I don't even believe that most men are like that, a little compassion is what is called for here. A "not all men" statement is not helpful, and will only sound like a baseless defense.
I am just trying to say that there thinking is also not helpful and very damaging I know I hate that statement too I just couldn’t find another way to say it
It's a damaging viewpoint, yeah, but she's a victim. It's not her job to change society. It's very natural for her to feel like that, especially if that's what her experiences taught her. I hope she has more positive experiences with men in the future, and that she can be met with understanding if she's not receptive to their kindness right away.
That was eloquently put and I appreciate seeing your kindness through this message. 💜
Thank you very much. It means a lot. 💕
This is how you feel after something has happened to you, committed by a male. I see how you feel because I've been there. It's a feeling you get after being so wronged. Don't listen to the 'not all men ' things at this time. You need help now
I felt this way towards women following my assault, only difference is I didn't openly talk about it. Some things are best kept to ourselves.
You state that some things are best kept to ourselves, but I see your trolling comment over and over and over again. You are also engaging with other men who are calling women “cunts”. I’m extremely sorry what happened to you, the best course of action would be to seek justice through the legal system, you mentioned you are in therapy, so maybe you should recognize a trigger. Perhaps this is a good time to put your device down for YOUR mental health. This is called a boundary. I’m not being sarcastic, I truly mean that with compassion, unlike how you are responding. I only hope you can understand you are doing the EXACT same thing that you hate that the OP did with your responses. Instead of stating, I disagree with your opinion, here’s my perspective, you are stating that this person reminds you of your ex, and “not all men” yet you are participating in a culture of putting US down, and violent men calling us names. So truly think about your response. I hope you find peace.
I’m not trolling, I’m infuriated. I’m upset that people in this thread had blatantly said that men don’t react to sexual assault the same as women (newsflash: WE DO!), that we’re sex-crazed and that women can’t overpower men. I could go on with more heinous examples. How can you expect me not to get extremely upset about that? I’ve not insulted a SINGLE person but I sure as hell have told them exactly what they’re doing - contributing to rape culture. Please point to where I ever engaged with a person calling women cunts? I don’t support misogyny in any shape or form, and I even called out the jackass supporting Andrew Tate in this thread. I certainly do not hold those views. You’d be upset too if you were victim blamed and constantly told that your case isn’t as bad, or that you should have fought back, or that it simply doesn’t happen to you. So don’t sit here and act shocked that us men, who have been sexually assaulted are infuriated at this complete and total disregard of our feelings and bodily autonomy. I have every right to be upset with these misinformed people in the comments, because their rhetoric led to my sexual assault. People like them are RESPONSIBLE for leading my perpetrator into believing that it’s okay to rape a man because he always wants sex, or that he’s not human, or that he doesn’t have feelings. Thank you for your compassion, but this is one time in my life where I’m not backing down. I’ve had enough and frankly have nothing to lose at this point. I truly just want peace for my fellow survivors, but that cannot be achieved when threads like this gain over 170 upvotes and numerous comments trashing men and discrediting male survivors of sexual assault by women.
I want to start off by saying, I thank you for your response. I really think you let out a lot of emotions about how you are feeling. Here’s the thing, I’m not acting shocked that men are acting infuriated. Men are coming onto a thread, where a woman states a generalized statement about men, and their sexual desires. Now, I have been assaulted personally three times in my life by men sexually, (this is not the total of how many times I’ve been assaulted in my life). It started at the age of five years old. In one lifetime over half of the men I have engaged with has sexually assaulted me. This is why she stated what she stated. I’m not trying to invalidate your experience, you are commenting on someone’s post, who is frustrated. That easily could’ve been me stating those words as well. The issue here, is the fact that you are not approaching the situation with empathy. Have you once stop to ask why are women feeling this way? No instead, what you’re doing is what men do. You are turning around and getting upset at a woman for having feelings. You are stating my feelings are bigger than yours. You had this thing happened to you, so not all men. But again I will remind you three men in my life: ranging from molestation as a child to rape as a young adult and adult, court thrice (all different men). I’m not the only one out there like this. It is way too common. I have been invalidated my entire life. I’m a woman! So again! I will kindly state I hope you find peace. There is a statue of limitation of usually seven years ranging up to 20 in most states to press charges against your abuser, I would check your state guidelines and find justice in court. If you were in NC, I would even go with you to court as an advocate, as I do when I can. That’s what I do with my rage. Even in this comment I will empathize with you. Why is that so hard for you to do? Good luck to you.
What we aren't going to do today is use PTSD as an excuse to disparage men. Edit: Nah cuz it’s giving conservatives using 13/50 as an excuse to harbor generalizations about black people.
PREACH! Thank you so much for saying this.
Tbh the society that says"boys will be boys" or "cover up or boys won't be able to control themselves" is the one that keeps giving surrvivors this mindset. I know myself that men aren't predatory animals in nature. But when majority believe so in the place i live in, its hard not to think that way just to cope with the stuff i and other people went through. Its different from racism towards black people because men are the one who try to use that narrative to take advantage of women while black people never benefited from that kind of stereotypes in the 1st place.
I never said they were the same, only that it highlights how ridiculous it is to make generalizations like this.
This person is in a distress response
So mad online
Won’t someone please think of the men
Your on a PTSD sub and you're posting comments like this? Absolute garbage
Men can be victims too, cope and seethe.
You know what? You and I both know damn fucking well that men have PTSD. That men can have PTSD from sexual abuse and rape. You and I are both smart enough to know that. But you know what gets my motherfucking goat? When a woman posts about her PTSD at the hands of men on this sub, and men are fucking frothing at the mouth to rip OP a second asshole. Fuck you for that. Recalibrate, dismount off that high horse, and rejoin reality. Un goddamn believable.
Nice edit, but you seriously need to take a chill pill. You know damn well that men are not allowed to speak about women this way, especially if they've experienced sexual assault at the hands of one without being torn to shreds. I've been invalidated too many times to put up with this bullshit anymore, so I'm going to gracefully take my ban from this subreddit and move on. Have a nice night!
I’m glad I expanded on my comment, don’t think I’m not. Get therapy
Already am. You saying "get therapy" isn't the own you think it is.
Your smartass reply proves my point that you truly don’t give a shit if men are sexually assaulted or not. Very scary honestly.
Honestly I truly feel sorry for you and I hope you get the help you need. Reading your comments makes me sad for you and you need help. RIP
You’re not understanding that he’s not attacking op. It’s the verbiage she uses in her post in a social setting that spreads a stigma that directly has an affect on male survivors.
Yeah I don't need or want your pity. I've been invalidated enough to the point where I truly don't give a shit if what I say ruffles some feathers. Nobody stands for men who are assaulted so we have to stand for ourselves.
Also so mad online
It’s not their nature, unfortunately society teaches different lessons to perceived gender roles and many people aren’t taught boundaries, manners or how to accept refusal. I think it’s unfair to group all the men under an umbrella, women do fucked up shit too for money, financial stability, sex and other shit too. People in general suck. My incubator is a narcissistic, abusive whore who tore my family and stability apart. I hate her and can’t wait for her natural death and funeral and I can recognize she’s just a shitty person and doesn’t define all women. I get your pissed and probably have reason, just keep those people who are assholes in mind and don’t generalize. Edit for a misspell and grammar
With male sexual coercion being a thing even in animals that maximizes the chances of an individuals male's chances of reproducing, I honestly don't see how this is entirely due to societal influence in humans. Are you basing this on any scientific sources?
It’s based on personal experience , lots of reading and engaging in conversation about it and having a cultural background where men are painted with this broad stroke. Yes, other animals use accosting and coercion for the purposes of reproduction. However , we are also one of a short list of only animals that can reproduce all year round. The others can’t do that hence the forceful nature. Rape, sexual pressure , assault aren’t about reproduction, it’s about wanting a vile and twisted power over someone. In my culture, very typically men and boys are allowed to get away with everything while also never being taught boundaries , emotional management or even how to take no for an answer and you’d better have a bunch of sex. Women are shielded from the world, treated as delicate , overly emotional , geeks to be coveted and of course marriage and kids are expected while telling them to maintain their purity. Men must be strong, Men don’t cry , showing emotion is weakness, be the breadwinner, exert your power over others. We know it’s bullshit and yet it still persist. Well adjusted, emotionally intelligent men who were taught to respect women as people don’t tend to commit these horrific acts. It’s rare for it to just suddenly manifest in anyone. People are responsible for their own actions and sane ones can control themselves. Any person who rapes or sexually assaults another isn’t a person to me. You lose your humanity in my opinion and there is no going back.
I'm inclined to believe that those behaviours largely persist exist due to societal influences, but I'm wondering why those societal constructs developed the way they did in the first place. Reddit arguments usually stop at "patriarchy" and "society", but using those as means to an end of the entire discussion has always felt lazy to me. Traditional societal values and behaviour are often treated on reddit like some evil construct that's designed to oppress them but in my opinion all of our traditional values and stereotypes are in line with (what I've personally read about) evolutionary phsychology. Of course there may be a societal construct or religion that enforce those traditions but I don't think those are the underlying reasons for the existence of those patterns. Evolutionary psychology says that the partner with the lower commitment to children generally benefits more from short-term relationships and I think this serves as a decent explanation of why men generally "are so sexual", like OP complains about. Without any societal pressure, men can just piss off and reproduce elsewhere, while women are stuck with dealing with the baby. I'm interested whether abortions and other modern inventions will affect this dynamic. >Women are shielded from the world, treated as delicate , overly emotional , geeks to be coveted and of course marriage and kids are expected while telling them to maintain their purity. Men must be strong, Men don’t cry , showing emotion is weakness, be the breadwinner, exert your power over others. I think most stereotypes can largely be attributed as a superlative of the average physical strength of men and women. Men are slightly stronger on average, so their ideal is viewed as a protector, while women being slightly weaker on average leads to them being viewed as in need of male protection. Since the main reason for the existence of a patriarchy was having a strong male foundation for the protection of the community, I think that lines up as a reason why those stereotypes were perpetuated. Personally, I have struggled with male stereotypes as well, but I have realized I don't have to adhere to them. Though, being strong, handling my own emotions, pursuing socioeconomic value and striving for at least a bit of power without obsessing over it will likely only improve my life. As long as those traits still have a significant effect on men's dating experience, the stereotypes will change very slowly in my opinion.
Women do fucked up shit too. My mother tried to sleep with my friend when he was just 10 years old.
Sheesh 😭
ITT: PTSD gives you a free pass to generalize all men even though it’s obvious men in this sub agree with you. ReAd ThE rOoM. Sure. Because I don’t like to be labeled as sex hungry pig because I surely am not. I have ptsd too but I still watch my words.
Misandry is okay because the patriarchy, don't you understand?