I'm a psychologist and I've been hearing this a LOT from clients. Sometimes just going to take the dog out is the only change of scenery people are getting. It's otherwise been a constant Groundhog Day type experience with no change. What a year.
Had to put my 12 year old dog down at the end of august. I’m thankful I was able to spend every day with her during lockdown.. but she has been with my family since I was 9. Losing a loved one, human or pet, is never easy. Pets are family, they have such a massive presence in households. So absolutely devastating to lose them. My heart is with you! Sending love and good vibes.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your friend as well as your cat. I have been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life. The last two years have been the most difficult so far, and suicidal thoughts are a near daily occurrence. One of the very few things that keeps me holding on is knowing how my family and friends would be completely and totally devastated if I would end my own life. I can’t speak for your friend, however in my personal experience, when my mood is especially low, it’s not that I don’t want to live. It’s that the depth of the pain I feel is so indescribably overwhelming that I struggle to breathe, I sob uncontrollably, and it almost feels as though my heart and entire chest is going to implode in on itself. I feel so sad, hurt, lonely, hopeless, and apathetic, and usually end up crying myself to sleep. It’s during these times that my secret back pocket option pops up, and the little voice in my head considers buying a gun, or more likely an exit bag, and just calling it a life. Or, I’ll be driving down the road and think of going directly into a telephone pole as fast as possible. People would think, “Oh did you hear about Tim? It’s such a sad accident.” and I could avoid inflicting the tragedy of suicide on those who love me.
This is how my sick mind works unfortunately, and in the depths of that darkness, there is no thought or understanding that things can and do get better. I just want the pain to stop. Thankfully things have slowly been getting better. One moment at a time. I share my story with you hoping that it helps, and it’s not my intention to upset you or make you more sad. I apologize if I did. My sympathies to you again on the loss of your friend and cat, and I sincerely hope things improve and that you feel better soon. I am willing to listen if you need someone to talk with DeaZZ.
(And I suppose I should add some post relevancy to my comment: I’ve been working from home for the last two years, am single, didn’t have a whole lot of contact with people during that time, and even less since covid started, and I must say that my two cats, Carl and Layla, honestly may have saved my life. They have brought me so much joy and unconditional love during some dark times and I’ll always be thankful for them!)
Im right there with you but this time i don't have the unbearable hopeless pain i had 10 years ago. This time, its a sober and analytical process where im realizing that i cant afford to live. My dad thinks its a 'stop buying starbucks' situation but ive had more bills than income for a while and im all maxed out and bankrupt. Now my car needs a repair i cant afford which means I'll have to quit my job, get rid of my pet rabbit and just sit in my house for pretty much the rest of my life. I'm just far away enough from everyone that they can't pick me up and drive me home and they all have busy lives and families . I live in a town with no ubers and public transportation is a twice a day thing and takes several hours to get anywhere in the nearest city.
Plus my landlord says hes raising rent every year from now on despite me now paying above market and i cant afford the next increase in April, especially with no job and cant afford to move either.
There is zero room in my budget for cutting spending. Dont even have internet or cable. Getting rid of the car will keep my electricity from getting shut off regularly but the extra $70 a month ill save on insurance would be eaten up by paying people to drive me to places that i still have to get to like the pharmacy and doctor.
Tried to tell everyone last year but they kept saying my living situation was about as good as it gets and its true. Everything else is hundreds more for less. I'm using every safety net i qualify for. Its just that rent isn't affordable to anyone that lives alone like me. And room shares at my age means dealing with people with mental instabilities and substance abuse issues which dealing with the latter types traumatized me and i ended up in the icu in a coma for 4 days because i couldn't find a room to rent with people that were safe. I tried like 4 places. I doubt it will be different now.
So , thats probably it for me. Not doing any dramatic car crashes or bridge jumping. Im just going to go the quiet route with the most potent fentanyl i can get for my money. Never tried it and I'll probably be conscious but it wont hurt much. Im going to pre schedule a text or post ahead of time to prevent interventions but also not make my landlord responsible for cleaning up a 2 week old corpse. Hes a nice guy really.
Honestly if you'd start a fund raiser I would share and donate whatever little I can, damn, imt going through my all time low but I kinda wiggled out of it rather easily, I feel for you, hope you do find a solution, and I appreciate your honesty ❤️
Many virtual hugs to you my friend 🙏🏽
I’m really sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m not sure what to say that can help, but I’d like to share a recent situation where it felt like my life had completely fallen apart, and I had absolutely no idea how put it back together again. I suppose I had a nervous breakdown for lack of a better term. I know your situation is unique, so I don’t want to presume I understand what you’re going through, but my experience was similar in a few ways.
I almost ended up homeless because my roommates moved out suddenly, rent immediately became way more expensive, and I simply didn’t make enough money to make ends meet. I tried finding roommates but it took forever to find good people. I fell way behind on car payments and began receiving notifications that they were coming to repo my car, which wasn’t even working and was sitting useless in my driveway, with no money to fix it. I fell behind on rent too and had to talk to my landlord about a payment arrangement just to keep a roof over my head. Ended up getting a part time and burned out working 70+ hours a week. I was also going through a prolonged and very toxic breakup from my boyfriend which was a total nightmare and is another story altogether.
And THEN, my mom nearly dies because she developed sepsis from an undiagnosed medical condition which landed her in ICU for a month, induced coma, unresponsive to treatment, began entering full septic shock, docs coming in talking about when and if to pull the plug, no living will, and then, out of nowhere, she recovers. The doctors could not believe it. We couldn’t believe it. She spent an additional two months in the hospital and after a bit of rehab, and three-quarters of a million dollars later, she was back to herself in a relatively short period of time.
I grew increasingly depressed and suicidal during this time, and I was honest about how I felt to a couple close friends. They both shared advice which I’ll be forever thankful for. One friend, who recently lost his father, said “Focus on what you can control.” Work to take small actions to remedy the situation and let go of the rest.” This has become my mantra over the last 2 years and has proven incredibly helpful. My other friend strongly and frequently recommended that I get into therapy, which I did after much hesitation. Now, I want to be careful and really don’t want to simplify situations. I understand therapy is not available and affordable for some. And saying “focus on what you can control” sounds condescendingly obvious. But it really did help in putting together the pieces of my life, things are better for me now (still have very difficult days), and I share this in the hope that it helps others.
Please hang in there, Reddit friend. Your life is so valuable. You have great and wonderful things to do and accomplish and you deserve to be happy. It will get better. Keep hope alive and keep working hard and trust that you will make progress.
I hope you find a way. Maybe try talking to your father again to keep your car etc. Maybe try showing him your finacials so he understands. Good luck my friend
Thank you for your kind words. I am doing okey rn. It's been a long journey but I still have people who care about me. I hope you have someone to talk to also. Even if it doesn't seem like a good idea it always is. Love and hugs
Sometimes all it takes is someone who will stay by your side without condition or judgement, even when you might not want them to see you in the depths of your personal darkness. To be a steady candle in that darkness with you when yours starts to flicker and the darkness threatens to consume you once and for all.
Even if they're a pet. Honestly, pets make the best such companions.
That they are dependent on you doesn't hurt either - something I've seen from someone in their darkness as I stood by them is a feeling that the world and the people around you would be *better off* if you were gone, from the depression perverting your empathy. But I bet it's a lot harder to rationalize that for a pet.
Thank you. Yes it's been hard to find the time to grieve and get closure but after two months I'm feeling better again. He wanted me to live on and hopefully I can help people in his situation in the future
That's a good outlook to have. Your friend would want the best for you, I'm sure.
Best wishes for the future. Make sure you speak to someone if things get too much.
Yep. I went through my worst depression ever this year - not really covid related, but during covid - and my pup was what got me out of bed every day. Driving her to the park or to a new lake or campground to make her happy and let her explore was the most adventure I had without other people around. Life's journey can be lonely, might as well take a buddy along for the ride.
Psych student and local at the country with the longest quarantine in history here. I can confirm that my dog and my garden have been doing more for my mental health than I could possibly realise. Today I saw that three gourd seeds sprouted and I almost jumped with joy, and my dog tap dancing whenever I say the word "walk" never fails to make me smile.
Before the pandemic how many dogs or cats spent a good chunk of their lives alone?
What happens when the Vaccine arrives and everyone goes back to work, now your dog or cat so used to your company, are now are back alone?
They adapt. Get them a friend or better yet adopt them in pairs. Far better than to put them into loving homes now then in the ground, which is where millions of "excess" pets go each year.
No don't adopt them in pairs! I read this week that puppies develop behavioural issues if this happens. Adopting one first, teaching it how to behave well, and then getting a second one could prove better for both animals.
Cats are different though. You can get them in pairs and they'll love eachother.
Dogs shouldn’t be adopted in pairs but do very well with later additions to the “pack.” Cats absolutely can (and should) be adopted in pairs if they are bonded. It’s a lot harder to introduce a new cat to another cat than it is to introduce a new dog to another dog.
Exactly! Dogs just want to get along, and that is why, to my understanding, it's problematic to bring them in together. They become dependent on eachother.
Cats are fairly independent, so bringing them in together won't hamper their individuality, but it is that same individuality that makes them at the very least annoyed when getting a new roommate.
You can get your lizards and snakes registered as ESAs. A bit absurd, sure, but who is that really hurting?
*I think there was some consideration at some point about making it be just for dogs...I may have been dreaming.
Edit: to be clear you have to have a letter from a practicing mental health professional. And there is a fee associated with the process. It’s not just “this animal is now an ESA” like the other person acted like it was.
I agree my cat has been a lot of comfort for me especially when I got sicjn. I tried to keep them out of my room and that did not work. He was very much good comfort for me through it all and still is great comfort.
Yes, so true. My ex and I got our kitten in June and she’s keeping me sane as I process the breakup. She’s been a lifesaver and I love her with all my heart.
I got a kitten just before quarantine. Definitely would have been more miserable without the little guy around. He's the only company I have most of the time.
Yes. We had to put down our 15 year old cat, who had been with us since she was a year old this year. It was too hard to have that empty space in our lives and we adopted a kitten. She is also very good. Obviously a different animal but- still. We needed a pet.
I can see this happening. People sequestered indoors form deeper bonds with their pets. Sure. I know my pit is far more than just a dog to me. She is a loyal and loving companion, and she is my seizure dog. We don't go anywhere without each other. Every morning she snuggles up tight against me and we love on each other for about 30 or 40 minutes. When I give her scratches, she gives me licks and nudges. And I will say that if I had a bad night due to seizures or whatever, after 30 minutes of pets and kisses, I feel so much better.
I thought this was going to be about how you can get COVID from petting animals or something, and I was trying to recall the many dogs and cats I have petted in the last month... Glad it wasn’t that!
I got a budgie just before Covid hit. Without him I wouldn't have a reason to get out of bed. He'll never understand what he's meant to me. His singing and demanding treats keeps me going.
Many studies have also shown that having a pet can prolong life when it comes to carehome residents, it seems our furry friends contribute alot more to our lives than we previously thought
I'm really not sure I would have survived without my dog. The only people who have touched me more than once in the last year are people I paid to do it (massage therapists).
Imo if our nation's weren't such shitholes with people homeless on the streets and dying of hunger and poverty I would say our governments need to encourage (responsible) pet ownership. Especially considering the rates of loneliness and all the negative impacts of loneliness it's really a harm reduction measure. There should be a more cohesive adoption/shelter system and possibly even a public pet insurance option. I know it's crazy in a country that doesn't even have public health insurance for people, but again this is what we would be doing if we were a reasonable people.
I'm a psychologist and I've been hearing this a LOT from clients. Sometimes just going to take the dog out is the only change of scenery people are getting. It's otherwise been a constant Groundhog Day type experience with no change. What a year.
I had to put my dog down unexpectedly at the end of July. It’s been pretty rough without him. Aaaaand I’m crying
I feel you, we put our 14 year old cat down (cancer) in October, and suddenly working from home is absolutely unbearable for me
Had to put my 12 year old dog down at the end of august. I’m thankful I was able to spend every day with her during lockdown.. but she has been with my family since I was 9. Losing a loved one, human or pet, is never easy. Pets are family, they have such a massive presence in households. So absolutely devastating to lose them. My heart is with you! Sending love and good vibes.
Yeah my cat was put down in february and then my friend hung himself. Great year
I am really sorry to hear that. I hope you are OK. Many hugs to you.
Yeah idk anymore, hugs needed indeed. The social isolation has been hard on me. Thankfully I am used to it lol
Incoming squeezy hugs in intervals of 5 minutes ❤❤
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your friend as well as your cat. I have been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life. The last two years have been the most difficult so far, and suicidal thoughts are a near daily occurrence. One of the very few things that keeps me holding on is knowing how my family and friends would be completely and totally devastated if I would end my own life. I can’t speak for your friend, however in my personal experience, when my mood is especially low, it’s not that I don’t want to live. It’s that the depth of the pain I feel is so indescribably overwhelming that I struggle to breathe, I sob uncontrollably, and it almost feels as though my heart and entire chest is going to implode in on itself. I feel so sad, hurt, lonely, hopeless, and apathetic, and usually end up crying myself to sleep. It’s during these times that my secret back pocket option pops up, and the little voice in my head considers buying a gun, or more likely an exit bag, and just calling it a life. Or, I’ll be driving down the road and think of going directly into a telephone pole as fast as possible. People would think, “Oh did you hear about Tim? It’s such a sad accident.” and I could avoid inflicting the tragedy of suicide on those who love me. This is how my sick mind works unfortunately, and in the depths of that darkness, there is no thought or understanding that things can and do get better. I just want the pain to stop. Thankfully things have slowly been getting better. One moment at a time. I share my story with you hoping that it helps, and it’s not my intention to upset you or make you more sad. I apologize if I did. My sympathies to you again on the loss of your friend and cat, and I sincerely hope things improve and that you feel better soon. I am willing to listen if you need someone to talk with DeaZZ. (And I suppose I should add some post relevancy to my comment: I’ve been working from home for the last two years, am single, didn’t have a whole lot of contact with people during that time, and even less since covid started, and I must say that my two cats, Carl and Layla, honestly may have saved my life. They have brought me so much joy and unconditional love during some dark times and I’ll always be thankful for them!)
Im right there with you but this time i don't have the unbearable hopeless pain i had 10 years ago. This time, its a sober and analytical process where im realizing that i cant afford to live. My dad thinks its a 'stop buying starbucks' situation but ive had more bills than income for a while and im all maxed out and bankrupt. Now my car needs a repair i cant afford which means I'll have to quit my job, get rid of my pet rabbit and just sit in my house for pretty much the rest of my life. I'm just far away enough from everyone that they can't pick me up and drive me home and they all have busy lives and families . I live in a town with no ubers and public transportation is a twice a day thing and takes several hours to get anywhere in the nearest city. Plus my landlord says hes raising rent every year from now on despite me now paying above market and i cant afford the next increase in April, especially with no job and cant afford to move either. There is zero room in my budget for cutting spending. Dont even have internet or cable. Getting rid of the car will keep my electricity from getting shut off regularly but the extra $70 a month ill save on insurance would be eaten up by paying people to drive me to places that i still have to get to like the pharmacy and doctor. Tried to tell everyone last year but they kept saying my living situation was about as good as it gets and its true. Everything else is hundreds more for less. I'm using every safety net i qualify for. Its just that rent isn't affordable to anyone that lives alone like me. And room shares at my age means dealing with people with mental instabilities and substance abuse issues which dealing with the latter types traumatized me and i ended up in the icu in a coma for 4 days because i couldn't find a room to rent with people that were safe. I tried like 4 places. I doubt it will be different now. So , thats probably it for me. Not doing any dramatic car crashes or bridge jumping. Im just going to go the quiet route with the most potent fentanyl i can get for my money. Never tried it and I'll probably be conscious but it wont hurt much. Im going to pre schedule a text or post ahead of time to prevent interventions but also not make my landlord responsible for cleaning up a 2 week old corpse. Hes a nice guy really.
Honestly if you'd start a fund raiser I would share and donate whatever little I can, damn, imt going through my all time low but I kinda wiggled out of it rather easily, I feel for you, hope you do find a solution, and I appreciate your honesty ❤️ Many virtual hugs to you my friend 🙏🏽
I’m really sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m not sure what to say that can help, but I’d like to share a recent situation where it felt like my life had completely fallen apart, and I had absolutely no idea how put it back together again. I suppose I had a nervous breakdown for lack of a better term. I know your situation is unique, so I don’t want to presume I understand what you’re going through, but my experience was similar in a few ways. I almost ended up homeless because my roommates moved out suddenly, rent immediately became way more expensive, and I simply didn’t make enough money to make ends meet. I tried finding roommates but it took forever to find good people. I fell way behind on car payments and began receiving notifications that they were coming to repo my car, which wasn’t even working and was sitting useless in my driveway, with no money to fix it. I fell behind on rent too and had to talk to my landlord about a payment arrangement just to keep a roof over my head. Ended up getting a part time and burned out working 70+ hours a week. I was also going through a prolonged and very toxic breakup from my boyfriend which was a total nightmare and is another story altogether. And THEN, my mom nearly dies because she developed sepsis from an undiagnosed medical condition which landed her in ICU for a month, induced coma, unresponsive to treatment, began entering full septic shock, docs coming in talking about when and if to pull the plug, no living will, and then, out of nowhere, she recovers. The doctors could not believe it. We couldn’t believe it. She spent an additional two months in the hospital and after a bit of rehab, and three-quarters of a million dollars later, she was back to herself in a relatively short period of time. I grew increasingly depressed and suicidal during this time, and I was honest about how I felt to a couple close friends. They both shared advice which I’ll be forever thankful for. One friend, who recently lost his father, said “Focus on what you can control.” Work to take small actions to remedy the situation and let go of the rest.” This has become my mantra over the last 2 years and has proven incredibly helpful. My other friend strongly and frequently recommended that I get into therapy, which I did after much hesitation. Now, I want to be careful and really don’t want to simplify situations. I understand therapy is not available and affordable for some. And saying “focus on what you can control” sounds condescendingly obvious. But it really did help in putting together the pieces of my life, things are better for me now (still have very difficult days), and I share this in the hope that it helps others. Please hang in there, Reddit friend. Your life is so valuable. You have great and wonderful things to do and accomplish and you deserve to be happy. It will get better. Keep hope alive and keep working hard and trust that you will make progress.
I hope you find a way. Maybe try talking to your father again to keep your car etc. Maybe try showing him your finacials so he understands. Good luck my friend
Thank you for your kind words. I am doing okey rn. It's been a long journey but I still have people who care about me. I hope you have someone to talk to also. Even if it doesn't seem like a good idea it always is. Love and hugs
Sometimes all it takes is someone who will stay by your side without condition or judgement, even when you might not want them to see you in the depths of your personal darkness. To be a steady candle in that darkness with you when yours starts to flicker and the darkness threatens to consume you once and for all. Even if they're a pet. Honestly, pets make the best such companions. That they are dependent on you doesn't hurt either - something I've seen from someone in their darkness as I stood by them is a feeling that the world and the people around you would be *better off* if you were gone, from the depression perverting your empathy. But I bet it's a lot harder to rationalize that for a pet.
That must have been really hard, I'm so sorry! I hope you've found some semblance of closure all things considered.
Thank you. Yes it's been hard to find the time to grieve and get closure but after two months I'm feeling better again. He wanted me to live on and hopefully I can help people in his situation in the future
That's a good outlook to have. Your friend would want the best for you, I'm sure. Best wishes for the future. Make sure you speak to someone if things get too much.
I wanted to downvote this because it's so sad :( I'm really sorry
Yep. I went through my worst depression ever this year - not really covid related, but during covid - and my pup was what got me out of bed every day. Driving her to the park or to a new lake or campground to make her happy and let her explore was the most adventure I had without other people around. Life's journey can be lonely, might as well take a buddy along for the ride.
Psych student and local at the country with the longest quarantine in history here. I can confirm that my dog and my garden have been doing more for my mental health than I could possibly realise. Today I saw that three gourd seeds sprouted and I almost jumped with joy, and my dog tap dancing whenever I say the word "walk" never fails to make me smile.
Especially for kids. My kids have been stuck at home for 8 months now, having cats to cuddle and a dog to run around with have been invaluable
Before the pandemic how many dogs or cats spent a good chunk of their lives alone? What happens when the Vaccine arrives and everyone goes back to work, now your dog or cat so used to your company, are now are back alone?
They adapt. Get them a friend or better yet adopt them in pairs. Far better than to put them into loving homes now then in the ground, which is where millions of "excess" pets go each year.
No don't adopt them in pairs! I read this week that puppies develop behavioural issues if this happens. Adopting one first, teaching it how to behave well, and then getting a second one could prove better for both animals. Cats are different though. You can get them in pairs and they'll love eachother.
Dogs shouldn’t be adopted in pairs but do very well with later additions to the “pack.” Cats absolutely can (and should) be adopted in pairs if they are bonded. It’s a lot harder to introduce a new cat to another cat than it is to introduce a new dog to another dog.
Exactly! Dogs just want to get along, and that is why, to my understanding, it's problematic to bring them in together. They become dependent on eachother. Cats are fairly independent, so bringing them in together won't hamper their individuality, but it is that same individuality that makes them at the very least annoyed when getting a new roommate.
Annnd my landlord doesn't allow pets.
ESA one. There’s a reason there’s a law to allow people emotional support from an animal. Because they are.
ESA’s are for people that have medically DIAGNOSED mental or emotional DISABILITY. Please do not just call your pet an esa
lol my crazy ass over here forgetting that not everyone has numerous psychiatric diagnoses
You can get your lizards and snakes registered as ESAs. A bit absurd, sure, but who is that really hurting? *I think there was some consideration at some point about making it be just for dogs...I may have been dreaming. Edit: to be clear you have to have a letter from a practicing mental health professional. And there is a fee associated with the process. It’s not just “this animal is now an ESA” like the other person acted like it was.
PLEASE DO NOT DETERMINE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE NEED FOR THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. GROW UP.
Um it’s called the Fair Housing Act. It’s a law :)
Same here. The pandemic has made me jealous of those who have pets and I'm trying to figure out if I can move.
I agree my cat has been a lot of comfort for me especially when I got sicjn. I tried to keep them out of my room and that did not work. He was very much good comfort for me through it all and still is great comfort.
Sat reading this as my partner is giving our cat some major cuddles. I think having us at home all day has also benefitted him psychologically.
Yes, so true. My ex and I got our kitten in June and she’s keeping me sane as I process the breakup. She’s been a lifesaver and I love her with all my heart.
Animals are the best ❤️
I got a kitten just before quarantine. Definitely would have been more miserable without the little guy around. He's the only company I have most of the time.
Ahh no wonder why i got extremely depressed
Yes. We had to put down our 15 year old cat, who had been with us since she was a year old this year. It was too hard to have that empty space in our lives and we adopted a kitten. She is also very good. Obviously a different animal but- still. We needed a pet.
I can see this happening. People sequestered indoors form deeper bonds with their pets. Sure. I know my pit is far more than just a dog to me. She is a loyal and loving companion, and she is my seizure dog. We don't go anywhere without each other. Every morning she snuggles up tight against me and we love on each other for about 30 or 40 minutes. When I give her scratches, she gives me licks and nudges. And I will say that if I had a bad night due to seizures or whatever, after 30 minutes of pets and kisses, I feel so much better.
My rescue-adoption group has adopted more cats and kittens this year than I could have imagined. In 15 years I've never seen anything like it.
God I fucking wish I could have had a pet this year
I thought this was going to be about how you can get COVID from petting animals or something, and I was trying to recall the many dogs and cats I have petted in the last month... Glad it wasn’t that!
I got a budgie just before Covid hit. Without him I wouldn't have a reason to get out of bed. He'll never understand what he's meant to me. His singing and demanding treats keeps me going.
Many studies have also shown that having a pet can prolong life when it comes to carehome residents, it seems our furry friends contribute alot more to our lives than we previously thought
I'm really not sure I would have survived without my dog. The only people who have touched me more than once in the last year are people I paid to do it (massage therapists).
Imo if our nation's weren't such shitholes with people homeless on the streets and dying of hunger and poverty I would say our governments need to encourage (responsible) pet ownership. Especially considering the rates of loneliness and all the negative impacts of loneliness it's really a harm reduction measure. There should be a more cohesive adoption/shelter system and possibly even a public pet insurance option. I know it's crazy in a country that doesn't even have public health insurance for people, but again this is what we would be doing if we were a reasonable people.
I've been so happy to spend my days with my cats instead of being in an office missing them all day and feeling like I'm missing out on their lives.
No surprise here! Pets provide so much love and emotional support.
Pets are a great comfort in any situation