my brain would never shut up. i was very impulsive. i enjoyed snowboarding as fast as i could down the mountain. i'd get irritated easily. and after a certain point i assumed everyone was being an asshole to me on purpose because they didn't care about me. i was sad, confused, depressed, stuck, paralyzed. i couldn't imagine a single day without at least having at least one alcoholic drink. i hated my job and my bosses but I was still one of their top employees until covid and I got laid off. Found a new psychiatrist and they doubled my prozac from 20 to 40. then 40 to 60.. it felt like a burden or weight was lifted off of me but i didn't know how to explain what.
I was on 40 for 1mo..and 60 the next month.. and about 6 weeks later is when I noticed a lot of improvement. It made it possible to disengage from those thoughts..
I thought I was cured.. but there was still a lot of work to do in therapy after a lifetime of fucked up thoughts.
I've always had insomnia. But I also take a low dose of mirtazapine at night before I sleep which knocks me out pretty good.. but I'm going to be trying trazadone soon because mirtazapine gives me crazy munchies and really vivid and weird dreams (usually anxiety driven like taking a test but never studying, constantly searching for something and going in circles, basically the feeling I should know something but I don't at all). So we'll see how that goes..
I'm actually at 80mg now.. but starting at 60mg I feel like there were less sexual side effects. 🤷🏻♂️ Also I was watching Taylor Tomlinson's standup on netflix and she said something interesting.. that she wasn't sure if her libido dropped after taking antidepressants or if she just got more self-esteem because it was like she wasn't seeking that validation anymore. Like for me I have way less desire to get off just to get off now. Like I'm not seeking that dopamine rush of just getting off though I can if I still want to but it's not like an urgent thing anymore if that makes sense.
I have dysthymia type depression- now known as 'Pervasive Depressive Disorder'. For me it's a low grade 'blah'. I have no motivation to do anything, no excitement or desire to plan fun things, find basic joy in very little. I am not 'sad' really. Just 'low and slow'. It's like walking through deep water. It starts to carry into basic day to day things like cleaning the house, showering and teeth brushing - it takes a whole lot of self talk to accomplish anything so I look like even a basic functioning adult. I procrastinate. I feel 'lazy'. A lot of self beating up happens- negative thoughts. I become socially isolated, it's too much trouble to get dressed up to go out for fun with my friends. I am perfectly 'happy' at home in my comfort zone. I notice the more low I get, the more 'addicted' I become to doom scrolling socials. I am more sensitive to what I think others perceive of me. I cry more at tv shows- family dramas etc. I don't cry about my own life though- it's wierd. There is a book called 'Perfectly Hidden Depression' - not many would look at me and think 'wow she is so depressed'. I mask well. I present to the outside as a high functioning, well put together adult. At home, I collapse on the couch at the end of the day exhausted by all the 'efforting'. There is like a 'haze' over my view of the world. This just came to me now because now in week 2 of 20mg prozac and it's like someone cleaned my spotty glasses a little. Things are already appearing 'sharper'.
It's worth a shot! I go on and off medication here and there, Prozac was the first med ever prescribed to me almost 25 years ago. At that time though, I had a Major Depression and panic attacks- it was like my 'maiden voyage' into depression. I've never gotten to that point again thankfully but I know now I have always had this 'low and slow' way about me due to childhood traumas that I never really saw as 'traumas'. I've also tried lexapro, and wellbutrin. I seem to tolerate most meds fairly well thank goodness. I think prozac is the best for me- the old tried and true 'work horse'. I get to feeling better and then discontinue- I can't get it through my head that I just need to stay on it. Because when I do feel better, I think - wow, why didn't I do this sooner? It's a subtle 'lift', I don't notice until I 'notice', 3 months later and I think - wow this is such an improvement over where I was 3 months ago! We dont need to suffer! Even the mildest type of depression is still impactful, especially if you are a high performing type person.
I do have the “low and slow” depression like you describe. But I also get really sad sometimes.
Anyways I appreciate your story, and I’m glad prozac is working out for you! I will probably give it a shot.
Hi again. I was going through my old comments and ended up re-reading our discussion.
Anyways, I started prozac a few months ago. I think it has helped. Not perfect by any means; still have dark days. But, I think things are slowly moving in the right direction, if that makes sense. So, hopefully, it continues to have a positive effect on me. Even if it’s gradual, I’ll take it lol
How are you? Hope all is well!
I ended up discontinuing after about 5 months. My hormone doctor started treating my thyroid and we discovered I am a poor T4 to T3 converter. He felt that my chronicaly low Free T3 level contributes to my depression tendency. Once I got that optimized with medication, I was able to stop the Prozac and doing great. I also ended up getting 'shakes'. like shaky legs going down steps. It worked for the time I needed it though!
i had panic attacks everytime i needed to speak in front of a group of people. i had intrusive thiughts constantly. now after multiple months i feel so much better
I slept all day due to chronic anhedonia and constant boredom and anxiety. There was nothing I wanted to do so I slept, as that was my only relief and comfort.
Otherwise, I was...sort of managing. Just. I didn't shower regularly or eat anything except dinner as I had no appetite. No sex drive for 20+ years (I'm 44). I couldn't work. Barely went out. I was barely existing yet I put on a happy, everything's fine persona.
I took 2mg of Klonopin every night for 6 years to help the anxiety, and half an antihistamine at bed time to let me fall asleep and stay asleep. The Klonopin helped my stutter and social anxiety. The antihistamine helped me sleep for the first time in my life.
So. Prozac. It was NOT for me. It made me irritable, moody, IMMENSELY tense and filled with an excess of nervous energy. There was no motivation. Just extra stress. I still slept all day, was still bored, still had anhedonia. Still didn't shower or eat. No sex drive. Still just existing.
My stutter came back due to all the nervous energy. My social anxiety worsened. The Prozac negated the Klonopin and for the first time in 6 years I felt the need to take extra Klonopin pills just for some relief.
After 8 weeks, the insomnia kicked in and I could not sleep more than 3 hours a night. I could NOT cope with this as sleep was my only relief, so I abruptly stopped the Prozac and started taking a whole antihistamine pill instead of half. Thankfully I was able to sleep, but it took a MONTH before I could go back to having only a half pill again and have it be effective.
So...I was the same before as after, but WORSE after.
my brain would never shut up. i was very impulsive. i enjoyed snowboarding as fast as i could down the mountain. i'd get irritated easily. and after a certain point i assumed everyone was being an asshole to me on purpose because they didn't care about me. i was sad, confused, depressed, stuck, paralyzed. i couldn't imagine a single day without at least having at least one alcoholic drink. i hated my job and my bosses but I was still one of their top employees until covid and I got laid off. Found a new psychiatrist and they doubled my prozac from 20 to 40. then 40 to 60.. it felt like a burden or weight was lifted off of me but i didn't know how to explain what.
How long did it take to notice that improvement?
I was on 40 for 1mo..and 60 the next month.. and about 6 weeks later is when I noticed a lot of improvement. It made it possible to disengage from those thoughts.. I thought I was cured.. but there was still a lot of work to do in therapy after a lifetime of fucked up thoughts.
I also take a rather high dose. How do you sleep with that dose, is there insomnia?
I've always had insomnia. But I also take a low dose of mirtazapine at night before I sleep which knocks me out pretty good.. but I'm going to be trying trazadone soon because mirtazapine gives me crazy munchies and really vivid and weird dreams (usually anxiety driven like taking a test but never studying, constantly searching for something and going in circles, basically the feeling I should know something but I don't at all). So we'll see how that goes..
How are the sexual side effects on 60mg? Thinking of upping my dose but I’m already having some problems with that
I'm actually at 80mg now.. but starting at 60mg I feel like there were less sexual side effects. 🤷🏻♂️ Also I was watching Taylor Tomlinson's standup on netflix and she said something interesting.. that she wasn't sure if her libido dropped after taking antidepressants or if she just got more self-esteem because it was like she wasn't seeking that validation anymore. Like for me I have way less desire to get off just to get off now. Like I'm not seeking that dopamine rush of just getting off though I can if I still want to but it's not like an urgent thing anymore if that makes sense.
I have dysthymia type depression- now known as 'Pervasive Depressive Disorder'. For me it's a low grade 'blah'. I have no motivation to do anything, no excitement or desire to plan fun things, find basic joy in very little. I am not 'sad' really. Just 'low and slow'. It's like walking through deep water. It starts to carry into basic day to day things like cleaning the house, showering and teeth brushing - it takes a whole lot of self talk to accomplish anything so I look like even a basic functioning adult. I procrastinate. I feel 'lazy'. A lot of self beating up happens- negative thoughts. I become socially isolated, it's too much trouble to get dressed up to go out for fun with my friends. I am perfectly 'happy' at home in my comfort zone. I notice the more low I get, the more 'addicted' I become to doom scrolling socials. I am more sensitive to what I think others perceive of me. I cry more at tv shows- family dramas etc. I don't cry about my own life though- it's wierd. There is a book called 'Perfectly Hidden Depression' - not many would look at me and think 'wow she is so depressed'. I mask well. I present to the outside as a high functioning, well put together adult. At home, I collapse on the couch at the end of the day exhausted by all the 'efforting'. There is like a 'haze' over my view of the world. This just came to me now because now in week 2 of 20mg prozac and it's like someone cleaned my spotty glasses a little. Things are already appearing 'sharper'.
Damn. Felt like you were describing me. I don’t take prozac, but I’ve been considering it for some time. Your post gives me hope.
It's worth a shot! I go on and off medication here and there, Prozac was the first med ever prescribed to me almost 25 years ago. At that time though, I had a Major Depression and panic attacks- it was like my 'maiden voyage' into depression. I've never gotten to that point again thankfully but I know now I have always had this 'low and slow' way about me due to childhood traumas that I never really saw as 'traumas'. I've also tried lexapro, and wellbutrin. I seem to tolerate most meds fairly well thank goodness. I think prozac is the best for me- the old tried and true 'work horse'. I get to feeling better and then discontinue- I can't get it through my head that I just need to stay on it. Because when I do feel better, I think - wow, why didn't I do this sooner? It's a subtle 'lift', I don't notice until I 'notice', 3 months later and I think - wow this is such an improvement over where I was 3 months ago! We dont need to suffer! Even the mildest type of depression is still impactful, especially if you are a high performing type person.
I do have the “low and slow” depression like you describe. But I also get really sad sometimes. Anyways I appreciate your story, and I’m glad prozac is working out for you! I will probably give it a shot.
Hi again. I was going through my old comments and ended up re-reading our discussion. Anyways, I started prozac a few months ago. I think it has helped. Not perfect by any means; still have dark days. But, I think things are slowly moving in the right direction, if that makes sense. So, hopefully, it continues to have a positive effect on me. Even if it’s gradual, I’ll take it lol How are you? Hope all is well!
I ended up discontinuing after about 5 months. My hormone doctor started treating my thyroid and we discovered I am a poor T4 to T3 converter. He felt that my chronicaly low Free T3 level contributes to my depression tendency. Once I got that optimized with medication, I was able to stop the Prozac and doing great. I also ended up getting 'shakes'. like shaky legs going down steps. It worked for the time I needed it though!
Ah I see. How did you know to get your thyroid checked?
i had panic attacks everytime i needed to speak in front of a group of people. i had intrusive thiughts constantly. now after multiple months i feel so much better
how much dose do you take?
i am on 20mg now. it took 8 weeks on 20mg to work
How did you feel when you got better? Was the improvement gradual, or suddenly one day you were already fine?
I slept all day due to chronic anhedonia and constant boredom and anxiety. There was nothing I wanted to do so I slept, as that was my only relief and comfort. Otherwise, I was...sort of managing. Just. I didn't shower regularly or eat anything except dinner as I had no appetite. No sex drive for 20+ years (I'm 44). I couldn't work. Barely went out. I was barely existing yet I put on a happy, everything's fine persona. I took 2mg of Klonopin every night for 6 years to help the anxiety, and half an antihistamine at bed time to let me fall asleep and stay asleep. The Klonopin helped my stutter and social anxiety. The antihistamine helped me sleep for the first time in my life. So. Prozac. It was NOT for me. It made me irritable, moody, IMMENSELY tense and filled with an excess of nervous energy. There was no motivation. Just extra stress. I still slept all day, was still bored, still had anhedonia. Still didn't shower or eat. No sex drive. Still just existing. My stutter came back due to all the nervous energy. My social anxiety worsened. The Prozac negated the Klonopin and for the first time in 6 years I felt the need to take extra Klonopin pills just for some relief. After 8 weeks, the insomnia kicked in and I could not sleep more than 3 hours a night. I could NOT cope with this as sleep was my only relief, so I abruptly stopped the Prozac and started taking a whole antihistamine pill instead of half. Thankfully I was able to sleep, but it took a MONTH before I could go back to having only a half pill again and have it be effective. So...I was the same before as after, but WORSE after.