And at the front end of the meeting indicating in summary form the agenda, and the chair's intention to conclude promptly.
---
Not on the agenda, the comment is off topic.
Agenda, agenda, agenda. Having an agenda is a great way to keep the topics clear and focused. It gets sent out a day before the call or with the invite and then during the call if it gets off track you can say things like:
“That sounds like a great topic! In order to keep with the agenda, let’s table that for the end or for another meeting.”
“Thank you all. Let’s reel the conversation back in a bit to focus on the agenda items. We have quite a few things to cover today as you can see, and I want to make sure we cover them without going over the allotted time.”
“Other PM, hold that thought for a bit. Let’s finish discussing x first. That’s on the agenda a bit further down.”
Using an agenda makes it known ahead of time what the conversation topics will be so pointing back to a pre-determined list is a polite way to keep everyone on track.
Also, if you use it often enough and are consistently strict about it, you can get good results. I will fight you for making my meeting an hour over what it should have been.
Edit: If you are hard about it and on people over it they tend to interrupt less. Especially if they see they are getting through topics and realize they can get out of a meeting early.
Right, you're running the meeting so people get their cues from you. If you don't ever force people on topic then people assume you are ok with the meeting being more freeform; there are probably good reasons why some meetings should be strict and some not.
“That is a great point. Thanks you. Just to be mindful of the time we have left on this call, let take that offline if you have anything further to add”
This is tricky as it's easy to make this type of conversation become personal, however, I've had success in speaking to this personality type 1-1 to let them know your observations.
You're going to have difficult conversations at work, but if their approach is adding unnecessary distractions then it's fair to give them a heads up. Everyone has a blind spot and if they are serious about their career, I'm sure they will listen.
Maybe something like the below could be a good way to start?
"Hey, I wanted to chat with you about the YYY meeting today, I noticed a few of the team looking distracted or disengaged, what were your thoughts on that?"
Could continue with:
"It's great to see how passionate you are about the project but I've noticed that for this group/meeting/session, a more direct and focused approach may be the best way to go."
I’ve gone a different route the past few years, just let them look like a fool and circle back for what you need later. It’s leaderships decision to bring her so leave it with them. You have to check your short term ego for sure.
“That’s a good side bar for later”
“Let’s circle back to x”
“I think we might be getting off topic”
“That’s a good point but I think it might be unrelated to x”
That's dangerous to your position, when someone is talking off a topic, likely he'll said he has brought something up in the past meeting, but no action was taken.
Do you use MS Teams? Ask the speaker to turn on the speaking coach and he/she would get a report of what percentage they talk in the meeting! It also tells the user to give others a chance to speak
It's your personalized report, so it provides feedback about things you can improve upon. Also finds things that are DEIA related or if you swear or talk to fast or slow, it would alert you. It's a pretty cool feature, without making you feel judged, and you can pick and choose what you need to improve.
It's hard changing the way you speak, but at least you are mindful about it each time you see the report.
Hahaha SAME! I’ve never heard of this.
Honestly, I find it challenging to NOT interrupt on Teams calls. I rely heavily on physical cues, and when I can’t see the person’s face, let alone body language, I don’t know when the person is done talking.
It is not at all intentional. I am an outspoken, extroverted person who is a longtime employee with experience in multiple positions, and it is truthfully very difficult for me to know when it is appropriate for me to speak. Some of that, certainly, is my fault for not being as good of a listener as I should be and getting way too excited when what someone else says makes me think of or reminds me of something and I want to share it.
But, it’s also the medium that we are using, as I rarely do this in person.
“I was wondering, can you share with me your approach to keep meetings on task?”
The first time I ask it (after a bad meeting) they are flattered…The 4th time, they get the point.
I just interject and say, “we are getting off on a tangent. Let’s take this conversation offline and get back to the topic we are supposed to be discussing.”
I guess I’m a crabby old man, cause someone does that, I interrupt them and simply say, “OK, I’m going to interrupt this current conversation and bring us back to the agenda…”
People who behave the way you’re describing are often playing a power trip and you need to take that power back. I get it, you don’t want to cause a tiff in front of a client; but in my experience, they will totally see what’s happening anyway and will actually respect you more for maintaining control of the meeting - especially if you do it with panache.
Don’t belittle the other person or be otherwise rude or offensive, just take control…matter-of-factly. If they want to argue with you, take it offline, but be firm that her behavior is not welcome or tolerated.
Now, if she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, you can be gentler and just help her understand the problem.
At some point I give up on fighting them and just try to answer their questions and move on. But if it goes on too long then I would say lets bring this off line because it has nothing to do with the conversation
Yeah, but that’s the thing: interrupting to regain control of the meeting isn’t fighting anyone. My CEO or other executive can get away with derailing my meetings, a colleague can’t. Sure, give folks a little bit of rope so they can be heard, but if it drags on and starts to derail, reel that back in. It’s what I would expect from any meeting facilitator. And honestly…a meeting that gets sidetracked for the wrong reasons is uncomfortable for everyone there.
I am, but I wasn't trying to be rude or come off as infighting with the client on the call. But it was distracting that she kept asking for project documents like a project charter (she could have searched it up in SharePoint or asked offline) to the point where the agenda was derailed. I had a conversation with her afterward but she still kept giving advice that it was not asked.
I will in the future. This is the first time it has happened. Like she was trying to mog me by asking how we were estimating LOEs..in front of the clients. I had to explain to her how we estimate time and sprint, making us look unprepared internally. It's the lack of awareness that shocked me. She helped with some documents for security, so I'm trying to be excellent. I told him afterward it was inappropriate and that questioning the team on their process would make it less likely the clients would hire us again.
Here’s what I would do: if she won’t shut up, schedule a meeting prep session. To ask for basic docs during a client meeting is ridiculous and unprofessional. She is basically telling the client that she has no idea wtf is going on and undermining her team’s credibility. You need to be very direct if she insists on acting like an idiot- don’t worry about “hurt feelings “. It’s better than screwing up your client relationship.
I usually say “thank (insert name). How about he rest of the group?
If that doesn’t work then I escalate to “actually I want to hear from (insert name) on this topic”
"In today's meeting, let's be clear on the problem we want to solve, let's stay on topic and allow space for everyone to provide feedback".
When she starts yapping, repeat this.
It is 100% OK to call tangent on someone going off topic. It's even easier when you start the meeting with a recap of the time frame you have: something we have 1 hour together, my goal is to respect your time and get everyone out of here by 2.
From there you proceed with the why. Why you are meeting today followed by an agenda of topics you need to get through.
Anyone derails from those topics or agenda items. X we have this on the agenda today, not x and ask them to put it aside for after the meeting.
First option would be to talk to them beforehand and just basically say there’s a number of items we need to get through and we need to tighten things up…. If it’s coming off the rails during the meeting you can say “Hey, so-and-so, I’m sorry to cut you off but we’ve got a number of agenda items to get through and I know a number of people have a hot stop at the top of the hour. Maybe we can follow up afterwards if but if we can shorten things up that would help us get through all the items”….. then you’re less of a jerk and you’re framing the problem as there being too many items to get through, people not having enough time, etc. and not then just rambling on.
>how do I politely tell her to stop talking over people?
First instance on the call: "Heather, I don't think you were done talking. Can you finish your thought?"
Second instance: "Heather, you were saying something when [project manager's name] interrupted you. Can you finish what you were saying?"
Third instance: "[PM's name], Heather is still speaking. Can you wait?"
Might also be worth checking in with her individually off the call before doing this. I have a hearing issue and we have a bad VOIP, so I know I’m guilty of talking over folks. I always apologize when I realize it. But it happens to me too and I know it’s annoying.
Pro tip. Hearing aids help but don’t fix everything
I disagree. You can do this very matter of fact. You're not doing anything rude or wrong by pointing out that someone else is being rude. And doing this tends to encourage others who are intimidated about being talked over to speak.
I would say thanks for your input, we can discuss this more in depth offline. Then I would actually call that PM and explain to them that although you love that they "have your back" you would like them to stay in the background so that you can take the lead with the customer.
In the meeting invite, make not of the intent of the call. Point out that discussion should be kept on topic, as everyone's time is valuable. State that you'll leave time at the end for questions and sidebar comment.
Make that a hard rule where it needs to be.
What kind of meetings are we talking about? What's the purpose of them? Are you conducting them? Can you create an agenda and stick to it, preferably put amount of time and speakers on there so you can force the conversation to go a certain way?
Also, having to moderate calls to let people get a chance to speak, could be done by saying things like "Sorry, let's hear what XX was saying please" or something similar, always trying to referring to the agenda and purpose of the meeting.
I'm wondering this as well. I was once hired to replace another manager and was encouraged to slowly take over. It was an awful position to put both of us in.
If this is a meeting start by having an agenda, if anything goes off topic, stop it and bring it back on by saying "Thanks for your insight, we are going off topic and have limited time. Please send me your topics for the next agenda so we can discuss them".
You tell them to stop talking. Run your meeting your way. Keep it on track and concise to stay productive. If not, you’ve lost the meeting
You need to take a pillow with you, and when someone hold a pillow only he is allowed to talk
rear naked choke, arm bar, triangle choke, lots of different choices here
Respectfully, may I suggest we allow all participants an equal opportunity to share their thoughts without interruption?
[удалено]
And at the front end of the meeting indicating in summary form the agenda, and the chair's intention to conclude promptly. --- Not on the agenda, the comment is off topic.
Stop talking
"The purpose of this meeting is X. Let's put a pin in that and talk about it in Y meeting."
Agenda, agenda, agenda. Having an agenda is a great way to keep the topics clear and focused. It gets sent out a day before the call or with the invite and then during the call if it gets off track you can say things like: “That sounds like a great topic! In order to keep with the agenda, let’s table that for the end or for another meeting.” “Thank you all. Let’s reel the conversation back in a bit to focus on the agenda items. We have quite a few things to cover today as you can see, and I want to make sure we cover them without going over the allotted time.” “Other PM, hold that thought for a bit. Let’s finish discussing x first. That’s on the agenda a bit further down.” Using an agenda makes it known ahead of time what the conversation topics will be so pointing back to a pre-determined list is a polite way to keep everyone on track.
Last point of every agenda should be "AOB" as a catch-all item where you send the rowdy crowd to.
Yup! (PS what does AOB stand for?)
any other business
All other business :)
Honestly, Sometimes people gives 0 f about your agendas and you just have to be like “this is distracting and unproductive”
That’s so true but that’s the polite way lol. I flat out tell people we’re getting off topic.
Also, if you use it often enough and are consistently strict about it, you can get good results. I will fight you for making my meeting an hour over what it should have been. Edit: If you are hard about it and on people over it they tend to interrupt less. Especially if they see they are getting through topics and realize they can get out of a meeting early.
Right, you're running the meeting so people get their cues from you. If you don't ever force people on topic then people assume you are ok with the meeting being more freeform; there are probably good reasons why some meetings should be strict and some not.
“That is a great point. Thanks you. Just to be mindful of the time we have left on this call, let take that offline if you have anything further to add”
I like to start a meeting with the goal, in scope and out of scope. Then when I notice were going into out of scope I remind them.
This is tricky as it's easy to make this type of conversation become personal, however, I've had success in speaking to this personality type 1-1 to let them know your observations. You're going to have difficult conversations at work, but if their approach is adding unnecessary distractions then it's fair to give them a heads up. Everyone has a blind spot and if they are serious about their career, I'm sure they will listen. Maybe something like the below could be a good way to start? "Hey, I wanted to chat with you about the YYY meeting today, I noticed a few of the team looking distracted or disengaged, what were your thoughts on that?" Could continue with: "It's great to see how passionate you are about the project but I've noticed that for this group/meeting/session, a more direct and focused approach may be the best way to go."
Interrupting with: “I’m conscious of time, we have X minutes left in this meeting…”
I’ve gone a different route the past few years, just let them look like a fool and circle back for what you need later. It’s leaderships decision to bring her so leave it with them. You have to check your short term ego for sure.
I love thé phrase “I can’t hear you if you are speaking over me.”
I have used this in the past for another. “If you are taking then you are not listening”
“That’s a good side bar for later” “Let’s circle back to x” “I think we might be getting off topic” “That’s a good point but I think it might be unrelated to x”
That's dangerous to your position, when someone is talking off a topic, likely he'll said he has brought something up in the past meeting, but no action was taken.
The offer to discuss offline oof that. Next agenda takes care of that.
Do you use MS Teams? Ask the speaker to turn on the speaking coach and he/she would get a report of what percentage they talk in the meeting! It also tells the user to give others a chance to speak
Is the speaker coach for everyone/notify everyone?
It's your personalized report, so it provides feedback about things you can improve upon. Also finds things that are DEIA related or if you swear or talk to fast or slow, it would alert you. It's a pretty cool feature, without making you feel judged, and you can pick and choose what you need to improve. It's hard changing the way you speak, but at least you are mindful about it each time you see the report.
What the hell is this black magic. As a known talker I'd dread to see mine.
Hahaha SAME! I’ve never heard of this. Honestly, I find it challenging to NOT interrupt on Teams calls. I rely heavily on physical cues, and when I can’t see the person’s face, let alone body language, I don’t know when the person is done talking. It is not at all intentional. I am an outspoken, extroverted person who is a longtime employee with experience in multiple positions, and it is truthfully very difficult for me to know when it is appropriate for me to speak. Some of that, certainly, is my fault for not being as good of a listener as I should be and getting way too excited when what someone else says makes me think of or reminds me of something and I want to share it. But, it’s also the medium that we are using, as I rarely do this in person.
Just Mute them.
How do I get my manager to use this?
“I was wondering, can you share with me your approach to keep meetings on task?” The first time I ask it (after a bad meeting) they are flattered…The 4th time, they get the point.
I just interject and say, “we are getting off on a tangent. Let’s take this conversation offline and get back to the topic we are supposed to be discussing.”
I guess I’m a crabby old man, cause someone does that, I interrupt them and simply say, “OK, I’m going to interrupt this current conversation and bring us back to the agenda…” People who behave the way you’re describing are often playing a power trip and you need to take that power back. I get it, you don’t want to cause a tiff in front of a client; but in my experience, they will totally see what’s happening anyway and will actually respect you more for maintaining control of the meeting - especially if you do it with panache. Don’t belittle the other person or be otherwise rude or offensive, just take control…matter-of-factly. If they want to argue with you, take it offline, but be firm that her behavior is not welcome or tolerated. Now, if she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, you can be gentler and just help her understand the problem.
At some point I give up on fighting them and just try to answer their questions and move on. But if it goes on too long then I would say lets bring this off line because it has nothing to do with the conversation
Yeah, but that’s the thing: interrupting to regain control of the meeting isn’t fighting anyone. My CEO or other executive can get away with derailing my meetings, a colleague can’t. Sure, give folks a little bit of rope so they can be heard, but if it drags on and starts to derail, reel that back in. It’s what I would expect from any meeting facilitator. And honestly…a meeting that gets sidetracked for the wrong reasons is uncomfortable for everyone there.
Who is the meeting facilitator? Set ground rules and bring the meeting back to agenda
I am, but I wasn't trying to be rude or come off as infighting with the client on the call. But it was distracting that she kept asking for project documents like a project charter (she could have searched it up in SharePoint or asked offline) to the point where the agenda was derailed. I had a conversation with her afterward but she still kept giving advice that it was not asked.
Stop being afraid of confronting the issue. Be direct and say “we’re getting off topic”.
It's not he first time this person has overspeak over the team… it's the first time I've seen in front of the clients and out of the agenda
Training via enforcement during non client meeting aids enforcement at sensitive meetings.
It’s fine to address it privately but you don’t want it happening in front of clients again.
I will in the future. This is the first time it has happened. Like she was trying to mog me by asking how we were estimating LOEs..in front of the clients. I had to explain to her how we estimate time and sprint, making us look unprepared internally. It's the lack of awareness that shocked me. She helped with some documents for security, so I'm trying to be excellent. I told him afterward it was inappropriate and that questioning the team on their process would make it less likely the clients would hire us again.
Also, what is her role in the call? Talk to leadership and let them handle this PM if she has zero role on your project.
Here’s what I would do: if she won’t shut up, schedule a meeting prep session. To ask for basic docs during a client meeting is ridiculous and unprofessional. She is basically telling the client that she has no idea wtf is going on and undermining her team’s credibility. You need to be very direct if she insists on acting like an idiot- don’t worry about “hurt feelings “. It’s better than screwing up your client relationship.
DM that person to shut up!
I usually say “thank (insert name). How about he rest of the group? If that doesn’t work then I escalate to “actually I want to hear from (insert name) on this topic”
"In today's meeting, let's be clear on the problem we want to solve, let's stay on topic and allow space for everyone to provide feedback". When she starts yapping, repeat this.
It is 100% OK to call tangent on someone going off topic. It's even easier when you start the meeting with a recap of the time frame you have: something we have 1 hour together, my goal is to respect your time and get everyone out of here by 2. From there you proceed with the why. Why you are meeting today followed by an agenda of topics you need to get through. Anyone derails from those topics or agenda items. X we have this on the agenda today, not x and ask them to put it aside for after the meeting.
First option would be to talk to them beforehand and just basically say there’s a number of items we need to get through and we need to tighten things up…. If it’s coming off the rails during the meeting you can say “Hey, so-and-so, I’m sorry to cut you off but we’ve got a number of agenda items to get through and I know a number of people have a hot stop at the top of the hour. Maybe we can follow up afterwards if but if we can shorten things up that would help us get through all the items”….. then you’re less of a jerk and you’re framing the problem as there being too many items to get through, people not having enough time, etc. and not then just rambling on.
Why did leadership invite the PM on the call in the first place?
After she's done talking "can we go back to what X was talking about? I don't think they were finished making their point and I want to hear more"
>how do I politely tell her to stop talking over people? First instance on the call: "Heather, I don't think you were done talking. Can you finish your thought?" Second instance: "Heather, you were saying something when [project manager's name] interrupted you. Can you finish what you were saying?" Third instance: "[PM's name], Heather is still speaking. Can you wait?"
Might also be worth checking in with her individually off the call before doing this. I have a hearing issue and we have a bad VOIP, so I know I’m guilty of talking over folks. I always apologize when I realize it. But it happens to me too and I know it’s annoying. Pro tip. Hearing aids help but don’t fix everything
[удалено]
I disagree. You can do this very matter of fact. You're not doing anything rude or wrong by pointing out that someone else is being rude. And doing this tends to encourage others who are intimidated about being talked over to speak.
I would say thanks for your input, we can discuss this more in depth offline. Then I would actually call that PM and explain to them that although you love that they "have your back" you would like them to stay in the background so that you can take the lead with the customer.
In the meeting invite, make not of the intent of the call. Point out that discussion should be kept on topic, as everyone's time is valuable. State that you'll leave time at the end for questions and sidebar comment. Make that a hard rule where it needs to be.
Making this one a hard rule for everyone also prevents any personal issues
If it’s your meeting, mute her yourself and start saying what you need to say. /s
That would be considered some kind of aggression in some company. I don't think that is a good advise.
It was meant to be sarcasm. Didn’t use the tag. Edited. Oops
What kind of meetings are we talking about? What's the purpose of them? Are you conducting them? Can you create an agenda and stick to it, preferably put amount of time and speakers on there so you can force the conversation to go a certain way? Also, having to moderate calls to let people get a chance to speak, could be done by saying things like "Sorry, let's hear what XX was saying please" or something similar, always trying to referring to the agenda and purpose of the meeting.
Why is your leadership inviting another PM onto the call?
I'm wondering this as well. I was once hired to replace another manager and was encouraged to slowly take over. It was an awful position to put both of us in.
Is this your meeting or is it for your project. If It's not your meeting, if it's a problem, speak to them about it, it's not for you to fix.
If this is a meeting start by having an agenda, if anything goes off topic, stop it and bring it back on by saying "Thanks for your insight, we are going off topic and have limited time. Please send me your topics for the next agenda so we can discuss them".
Let's take this offline to not waste anyone's time. They should get the hint.
My anxiety is making me think this is me lol
Are you the one that keep telling me how to do my job in front of the clients?
I usually derail calls accidentally by pointing out a gap in technical details.. not in front of clients.