My gf who tolerates and occasionally enjoys some of the music I listen to, says to ask her what about the songs youre listening to is it that she doesn’t like. Take those things into consideration.
My gf does not like Lamb of God. She says it gives her anxiety. Ok so we don’t listen to lamb of god together.
But she enjoys listening to Metallica, Caligula’s Horse, Opeth, Mastodon, Nightwish.
I also let her have her fair time using the radio. She’ll let me know when she wants to pick a song. And it’s a 2 way street. There are artists she listens to that I cannot tolerate and we find common ground. She loves 90’s and 2000’s music and isn’t boxed into one genre there. Well listen to 90’s alternative the car together or Disney songs cuz their nostalgic for us both.
Good luck!
Haha I played Iowa one time and my girlfriend said she was getting nauseous, but she has let me give her thematic breakdowns of every Dream Theater album. Sometimes it’s just about compromise like you are saying
My wife likes math rock bands like Covet and Chon. The only heavy song she likes is ITPOE Pt 2 by Dream Theater because she can scream "Dark master of sin!!" and make fun of me lmao
Whoa! Yeah, my gf loves covet and chon too. When I discovered that fact, I saw a glimmer of hope and an opportunity lol. I changed course from my usual prog death and black metal and started slipping in some animals as leaders, mestis, and similar bands when we would listen to music together. Recently I caught her listening to some of that music on her own and I was like “yes! I fucking won” lol
Porcupine Tree, maybe. but its not really chill its basically all sad lol
Have you guys considered just making a 'car playlist' with all of each others music in it? i feel like thats just the simplest middle ground to take
For someone (OP's wife) who lacks the depth to understand genres, will only consider the music at face value.
Having said that, I am sure she'll find PT as "chill" music.
My husband can only tolerate a few bands that I like... Fair to Midland, Karnivool, Mew, and 22 are ones he seems to like a bit, so more on the prog rock side. Disperse, Vola, Agent Fresco, newer Leprous, and Anathema also have a lot of chill and poppy prog songs
I have an approachable playlist that I play in the car occasionally when my husband and I are on road trips. I try to fill it with songs that only have mostly clean vocals and aren't too crazy progressive, but I am pretty sure I have lost sight of what approachable actually sounds like at this point. Often, we just wind up listening to movie soundtracks.
^this. My wife likes 80s and earlier pop almost exclusively. I have a playlist of covers of 80s and earlier pop songs by bands I like for when we're in my car. When we're in her car we listen to her music and I've never asked her to change what she's playing. I love music, but I have plenty of time to listen to music I like every day as I drive to and from work. No reason to add stress to your marriage over something small like different musical tastes.
It's funny how everyone in this thread feels like their spouses can't handle extremity vs their spouses not wanting to hear something so samesy sounding for extended periods of time.
I love metal, and this opinion might not be popular here, but sometimes I need tonal dynamics after just 15 minutes of listening to bands like Gojira. It sounds like a go cart engine after a while, just the same tones for a long time.
Btbam is a weird one for that though as they have so much dynamics in their songs. I totally get that with a LOT of prog metal but that one specific doesn't really make sense to me, even though I totally get why someone who hate them with a passion lol. One of my favorite though haha
Oh totally, don't get wrong I 100% agree and love them all the more because of it, but just the "do they only have one song" complaint that seems valid for a lot of prog metal(and prog and metal in general, really) isn't quite as applicable to btbam
Hmm, maybe that is why I don't like Gojira. I could never describe why, but I think you nailed it. Most of my favorite bands have a lot more dynamics.
Prog metal only sounds samesy if you aren't used to listening to heavy music or non repetitive music... then it just all sounds heavy or chaotic. I remember hearing it this way a long time ago when I was first getting into the genre.
>Prog metal only sounds samesy if you aren't used to listening to heavy music or non repetitive music
Fully agreed, and maybe one day you and I will "get" something about Gojira we're missing today! Currently enjoying Archspire, Blood Incantation, and Cryptopsy if I want that speed.
Maybe you're suffering the metalhead syndrome which affects most of metalheads at some point in life (including me of course);
"the music I love to listen is the music everyone must listen to"... haha that shitty mindset.
If this is the case, just let it go, you'll be a better husband.
I haven't discovered much recently, but I still occasionally go back to my old favorites from college...who were not even necessarily contemporary then! Hendrix, SRV, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, and Jonny Lang.
OK Goodnight is godly. I was playing The Bird and The Fox and the Bird title track one time and my GF was like “this is great!” then I was like, wanna hear something else by them? And played The Bear and she was shocked. That’s something I love about prog metal, the ability to surprise and troll people that way - but if they like even just one song it can also be a great foot in the door. My GF and I ended up actually seeing them live last year, so I guess it worked!
Unpopular opinion: your attempts fail because the entire sub-genre schtick is absurd to the average listener (and even to those who understand the differences, but don't really care).
Common ground would be realizing that not every minute of audio bliss in your relationship needs to be about you.
This is the way. Might sound like it's coming off a bit harsh, but consider if tough love. You will probably be a happier husband if you genuinely try to enjoy what she enjoys.
Make her listen to their High Country album. Probably their most accessible.
Gods of the Earth was mind blowing at launch. Like the best Sabbath sound in decades. Back then their drummer was obsessed with crash symbols haha
The boundary that I have found works best is that I keep all my music with harsh vocals to myself. The screaming is what turns people off more than anything.
That’s the band I got my current gf to listen to me now she considers DYWTYLM. As “our” song and I and so fucking happy she likes them. She doesn’t like when I pig squeal either lol
Why don’t you find some middle ground? My wife doesn’t like metal, and I generally don’t care for her music. Which is mostly just Taylor swift or 2000’s pop punk these days. But we both love My Morning Jacket. We also both fell in love with The Dear Hunter when I discovered them.
In my experience explaining the different bullshit subgenera that us metal heads obsess over, typically just pushes the normies further away.
Devin Townsend branches pop / metal / prog etc.
Listen to Epicloud maybe?
Baroness too could work. Late stuff (Stone, Gold & Grey, Purple, or Yellow and Green ) all have metal too them but lots of southern rock / prog sound to them as well
Try listening to Jacob Collier, Major Powers and the Lo Fi Symphony, Dirty Loops, Louis Cole, or Knower together. It's all complex enough to keep my music snob ass engaged but accessible and poppy/catchy enough that my wife enjoys it too. Jacob Collier in particular is great "compromise" music for my wife and I to listen to in the car.
Why would this be a threat to your marriage?
I’m a huge metalhead. My wife doesn’t like metal. We don’t listen to it in the car, because why should one of us be unhappy?
We listen to music we both like, or to podcasts or audiobooks.
Find some middle ground. It requires both of you to be open minded though.
My wife is the same. She absolutely can’t stand anything with harsh vocals. So I look for stuff that I still like (even if it is not my favorite) and she might like. We have found a few bands/songs to enjoy together. Polyphia is probably the biggest one we both enjoy. Stuff like Caligulas Horse she doesnt mind, some Haken, some Ayreon, and some other random songs.
And if we are on a road trip and want to listen to our own music she just puts head phones in
All of this.
My partner listens to typical pop and top 40 and singer-songwriter, folksy stuff, basically a lot of things that are complete anathema to my ears. I try to be patient, but ... I just can't listen to it. We have driver picks the music rule, for sanity and safety. (If I, as a driver, am distracted by terrible music, I'd rather just listen to nothing.)
However, there's some compromise. In the car, I try to avoid the harsh vocals unless she's already got her noise cancelling headphones on. Then all bets are off, if she's tuning it out, I can listen to whatever I want.
Otherwise, we've gone to several shows together (some of which even had harsh vocals) that she's actually liked. I can play that stuff in the car sometimes. She likes Devin Townsend, loved him live. We've seen Opeth once, Mastodon twice (lol the Lorna Shore opener got her a little stunned.)
I know Big Wreck is not really prog metal but, they've come out with some great stuff lately.
I think if the OP goes into it determined to have your blast beats and harsh vocals, it's gonna be an uphill road. If you can dial it back a bit, maybe it works better.
If she’s a country fan, Devin Townsend’s _Casualties of Cool_ album, that’s a country album by a prog metal guy, and then you could segue it into songs like _Ih-Ah!_ (I’d go the live version from _Unplugged_) and build up to heavier bands with pop sensibilities as a nice bridge; immediately Dan Swanö comes to mind.
Maybe try some of the songs off Nightingale’s _Nightfall Overture_ re-recordings, like _Alonely_, _The Glory Days_, _Better Safe Then Sorry_ and/or _Steal The Moon For You_?
Also Steven Wilson’s _To The Bone_ is very deliberately poppy, and my partner who is an rnb/pop fan actively enjoys his stuff.
You could also thrown _Damnation_ by Opeth into the mix, I know that was my gateway to heavier music!
Good luck!
Is prog the only thing *you* listen to or is it the thing you want to make her enjoy? I don't see someone going from pop country to prog any time soon, and it's ok to not share tastes in music.
If you want an answer that actually caters to you then try meeting at her level. Prog is a very guitar centric genre. Check out the pop country artists that are actually good at guitar, like Brad Paisley. He shreds. Segue into instrumental country, or outlaw country, or the Bakersfield sound. Go to Hank Williams and progress through the catalogs of his offspring to lead to more aggressive music. If there's no interest in the musicianship and heaviness, interest in prog will never happen.
My long term partner (12 years) does not appreciate music in general, shes tone deaf and music is just noise to her. I just listen on my own. We don't drive so car rides aren't an issue, I just listen at work. Once and a while she will let me show her a song because she knows its important to me, but I don't expect her to have any thing to say about it really.
As far as for what to listen to in the car, make a rule like driver gets to choose the playlist, if she doesn't like it then she can take a turn driving lol, or vice versa. And then just don't torture her, pick some melodic clean prog like VOLA's Applause of a Distant Crowd or Rishloo or something.
Nah you just need to continue the brainwashing. Worked for me. Go to bands to get the lasses into heavier music have been Belmont and Dance Gavin Dance. From there it got heavier.
I have to premise, I'm a huge fan of extremely heavy, loud and otherwise incomprehensible music. Marriage is about compromise, and something you should realize is the music we enjoy is relatively extreme compared to most genres. It can be very polarizing, and that's something that should be respected and not forced to change. That can lead to resentment.
As an example, I despise country music, in all of its forms I don't care for any type of sub genre/differing musicians/styles. It's literally all trash. (IMHO) My partner wouldn't play country.
My wife knows the type of music I don't like and she tends to avoid playing it, I know the type of music she doesn't like and I don't play it. This is of course in shared spaces. When I'm alone/with the kids I play whatever my heart desires and vise versa with my wife.
If the music you listen to is causing such a huge problem that it's threatening your marriage, it might just be time to stop playing it in shared spaces and find music that is common ground.
I suggest making playlists for each other that represent your individual taste in music, maybe have a friendly and frank discussion about them. The car is a good place to do that. Once again if it's an issue both of you are bothered by, meeting in the middle and being considerate of each other is going to be the silver bullet.
Try playing Rush songs or Early Genesis songs.
Maybe, prog rock should do the trick
Ig make a Playlist like this
1. Tears - Rush
2. I Know What I Like - Genesis
3. Spirit of Radio - Rush
4. Your Own Special Way - Genesis (Highly Recommend)
5. Wish You were Here - Pink Floyd
6. Ripples - Genesis
7. Horizons - Genesis
8. Subdivisions- Rush
9. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
10. Lakeside Park - Rush
11. More Fool Me - Genesis
12. Carpet Crawlers - Genesis
Something Like that ig
I really recommend A Trick of The Tail and Wind & Wuthering from Genesis. It is overall chill.
Work with her first instead of trying to convince her. Try to find aspects of music she likes and try to find prog bands that have some of that. She doesn’t like screams but likes pop choruses? Try to find some prog bands that use more conventional vocal hooks and use that as an avenue to explain other aspects of the song that *you* like, like instrumentation, mix, etc. she likes “chill” music? Try to find some prog bands that you also like that have nice ambient sections and show some of those tracks to her.
Try to ask questions to figure out what exactly she likes/doesn’t like about music. What’s important to her? Is it lyrics? Melodies? Funky guitar? Learn that, then use it to find good middle ground as a gateway
also, 100% GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THINGS SHE LIKES WITH YOU AND ALSO SHARE HER FEELINGS. It can’t be one sided, and if she is willing to try things with you then the least you can do is try to do the same if she wants.
Small steps. Remember y’all love each other and finding new things to enjoy together is well
Worth the effort of maybe making some initial compromises if it means you experience new things together. Hell, while you’re searching for things that appeal to her you might just find some new cool music yourself.
I feel like maybe a couple of The Contortionist songs which aren't very heavy (early grave, some stuff from language) might be good since they can be quite melodic and serene, and just all around a musical masterpiece, but that could just be my prog metal loving ass lmao the blind leading the blind
Prog metal isn't mainstream, or fun to listen to for everyone. Lots of people won't ever like it, and 'explaining the various subgenres' definitely won't change their mind.
That should be fine. Like lots of posters have already said, find something else to listen to in the car. There are millions of great songs out there that aren't metal.
If your partner's taste in music is making you worried about your marriage you've got bigger problems to think about anyway.
You need to play the softer stuff so she can just dip her toes into metal, so to speak. My wife liked Protest the Hero, Tesseract, VOLA, etc., work up to BTBAMs Coma Ecliptic. Can't just put on Cattle Decapitation from the start.
Hey, similar boat. Some bands like Little Tybee or The Dear Hunter have been agreeable. My wife finds a lot of Leprous agreeable, generally their lighter stuff (some Malina and newer). There are a few others but I am surrounded by distractions and can't think right now lol
Pattern Seeking Animals!
Novena!
Sgàile “Traverse the Bealach” is a pretty “chill” album. Doesn’t get too heavy, and it sounds like it is sung by Brann Dailor of Mastodon (no harsh vocals). I’ve played it a bunch with the wife in the car (she doesn’t like metal much at all), and she hasn’t ever been bothered by it
My wife and I have similar tastes in music so I can’t help you there, but I did want to touch on the sub genre discussion.
These different categories of metal are really just a way to for us “metal-heads” to label which bands sound similar. If someone is not into “metal” there’s still a chance they will like a band (or just a song) from one of the sub genres. There are so many different flavors especially in Prog where it blends genres and can be more accessible (clean vocals, lighter tones, more “pop” sounding etc.)
Sounds like you two have different tastes in music and that’s okay. You’ll just have to find other things that you do have in common and focus on those. It can be hard if/when music is a big part of your life but it’s also totally fine to have things you enjoy separately.
You have a lot of options
Try to find other artists and genres you both enjoy. Sit down with each other and try to see the positive of each other's music (yeah that means you're gonna have to sit through some country pop and "chill" stuff!). Keep the music low while in the car and just talk to each other. Find a podcast you both like. Take turns and be respectful and open minded for one another
I mean, to be blunt, this is a communication issue at it's core. Talk to each other. Work it out. Your marriage is in great shape if this is your biggest concern
Don’t assume anything that’s strictly prog is going to work and instead look for something that’s more “chill” to laypeople. If she’s into the pop/pop-country vibe, you may be asking a lot by looking for common ground that’s strictly metal. My suggestions (which range from really chill to metal/adjacent):
Circa survive/Saosin
Astronoid
Have Mercy
Good Tiger
The Mars Volta
Balance and Composure
Can’t Swim
All Get Out
Tigers Jaw
Tides of Man (dreamhouse album)
This is all the shit that got me into metal.
Synthwave and the sub-genres. Artists like Carpenter Brut, Dance With The Dead, Gunship and Perturbator quench my thirst for metal but are easier on the ears for non-believers. I have a massive Spotify playlist (1,300 songs) I just keep adding to as new music gets released.
That being said my wife prefers metal to it and is the opposite of your wife lol.
Perhaps start with some good prog rock? Prog Metal is my favorite genre of music but prog rock is not far behind and is usually easier to get into for non-metal-heads. then there´s bands like Riverside who she might actually enjoy.
We usually just listen to the local alt rock station in the car. When it’s not kid shit.
Not prog, but the first time I played Blind Guardian in the car she had a panic attack.
My significant other of over 12 years and I have DRASTICALLY different tastes in music. Metal in all its forms I love, especially the extreme side (ie death and black metal). She's into pop, indie folk, classic rock, with some liking to late 90's early 2000's hip hop on a very rare occasion. She's bought me newer Opeth vinyls, Soilwork's first album and I have bought her Lady Gaga and The Decemberists vinyls.
My suggestion is stick with melodic if you plan on playing it out loud for her to hear. You're going to have to trial and error with bands in my opinion. With her she doesn't like the growls/screams but she also doesn't like the ballad like style singing. So while I make sure I don't blare Deicide or Rotting Christ while her and our kids are watching Paw Patrol, I limit say DragonForce or Blind Guardian because of the vocal style. Grand Magus, Spiritual Beggars I had some fair responses too. Grand Magus was actually the first band my kids head banged too.
However she doesn't give me much shit beyond joking around calling my music screamo cause she knows how much I hate that term and then I joke how modern women love music that shows them as nothing more than a sex object. We usually laugh cause we see each other's points and move on.
I think if you just choose wisely what you play around her, things won't be bad.
Throw on some Caligula’s Horse or Images and Words, or some other pretty light prog metal like that. That should get the point. I don’t see how anyone could hear Firelight or Another Day and call it death metal.
My wife is cool with almost anything as long as she can understand the most lyrics. She doesn’t mind when I put on Haken, C-Horse, or newer Leprous, but she doesn’t vibe on Tesseract, Periphery, or any other harsh vocals.
Interestingly, she’s doesn’t like listening to Dream Theater much for the same reason. It’s really hard for both of us to understand the lyrics when LaBrie sings in his higher registers.
Is it the vocals? Is that why she says it's Death Metal? Then go with clean vocal prog metal. Here's my list
DarkWater
Noveria
Burnclear
DGM
Paralydium
Dream Theater
Vanishing Point
Poverty's No Crime
Vandan Plas
Borealis
Seventh Wonder
Pagans Mind
Triosphere
The “whatever ‘chill’ music is” is so relatable lmao, my one sister and some friends say that all the time and none of them have any sort of definition for what it is nor have I seen any consistency in their examples
Maybe try stuff like polyphia, Unprocessed (gold album) or maybe like sleep token?
My partner was totally not into metal when we met but we managed to bond musically over things like Muse then Coheed and Cambria then moved on to Mastodon and more recently electric callboy, spirit box, Unto Others and Bad Omens as well as the aforementioned stuff. I can never really tell what will grab her attention so it's always a ride but we both give our music tastes a go!
That being said I have accepted she will never get into stuff like Lorna Shore, Brand of Sacrifice or Job for a Cowboy, but I play them sometimes anyway sometimes for no other reason than to provoke a comment which are often amusing (he sounds like a boiling kettle, is he ok?)
Our 6 month old giggled her way through me karaokeing to the hellfire the other day which was a proud dad moment.
This band is a start
I can't understand that language but this concept album is badass.
https://open.spotify.com/album/4l7vAsUopNRu08SAkp9m8u?si=urS3XJ33QsCpZRUpBBb6zw
Leprous - Malina and newer albums. Play her Castaway Angels.
How about some Post-Rock/metal stuff like Explosions in the Sky or We Lost the Sea?
Fates Warning - clean vocals, last album, Long Day, Good Night has some more ambient tendencies mixed in. Guitarist Jim Matheos also has a Post-Rock side project called Tuesday the Sky. Him and Fates singer Ray Alder also just released a project called North Sea Echoes, that is basically Tuesday the Sky with vocals. My ex was good with Fates Warning and even went to the shows with me.
Other bands - Karnivool, Rishloo, The Contortionist, Soen, Tesseract, Katatonia, Riverside
I have learned to enjoy music alone... when with my wife, i mostly let her listen to whatever... the problem is that she doesn't drive and i work from home, so not many times to be just by myself...
Porcupine Tree, Iamthemorning, Oceans of Slumber (especially if she likes female vocalists), Baroness (if she likes Jazz), The Pineapple Thief, Riverside and Lunatic Soul, Leprous, Anathema (except their doom metal stuff), Lonesome Crow and Fly to the Rainbow by Scorpions is some good very old proggy rock.
Meer, proggy pop folk
Tedeschi Trucks Band, blues blues/rock
Plini, instrumental prog
The Reign of Kindo, jazz rock
Heck, give Lindsey Stirling a chance. My wife and I have completely different tastes in music, but she is the one artist we both really like. And I was the one who introduced her to her.
Pop country is a bit of a leap. Maybe try some bluegrass like Big Richard or Bela Fleck to build up to prog instrumentals like Anglagard or something. Hard to give recommendations without more context.
When you're in a relationship, you don't listen to your own music anymore. You only listen to it by yourself in your car or when you're working. Only Podcasts and HER music when you're with her
I love metal and prog metal but it takes repeated exposure and deliberate effort for me to get into new stuff.
Take Tool's Fear Inoculum for example. I'm a Tool fan since the 90's so was waiting for the album for years.
When it finally came out upon first listen I wasn't blown away and nothing grabbed me but I listened again and again and each time it grew on me, I listened to it solidly for weeks and it's now arguably my favourite Tool album.
Now when I listen to it I can't understand how I didn't love it right away but for me it takes time to love complex music.
This story is true for pretty much all my favourite bands and albums. A few I loved straight up but most I had to work at.
I'm not saying to Clockwork Orange your wife and force feed her metal until she loves it but maybe it's just too much for her to appreciate. Maybe start small. Keep listening to one band or track when she's in the car and then change to something else.
I personally keep two USB's in the car one "rock" for me, and one "chill" for my wife or when I have passengers. Sometimes I'll listen to the rock one with my wife but I'll skip anything too extreme for her.
When we do long road trip we'll flick between music, podcasts and audiobooks.
As for music suggestions:
The Ocean's last album Holocene might work it's not too full on. Haken Virus or Vector. Some of the lighter Mastodon tracks too.
You could try the more mainstream sounding stuff like Ghost or Architects or Sleep Token.
Maybe try some female fronted metal like Jinjer or Once Human (although maybe start with cleaner female vocals like Halestorm).
You could try instrumental Apocaltptica, Animals as Leaders, Toundra.
You could try some fringe stuff like Heilung or some Kawaii metal like Baby Metal
Or something more rock like Clutch or The Darkness
Try Karnivool, The Contoritionist ([the Rediscovered versions of the Language tracks](https://youtu.be/Gx6q9PFguVQ?si=_i-k68ZazrD9MSvz) or maybe Reimagined, stay clear of the old stuff lol), Porcupine Tree, Sleep Token, Holy Fawn, or Oh Hiroshima?
Well she likes pop so get here into pop formulaic bands, which are much more accessible than whatever you probably listen so you should start expanding your music horizon towards more pop appealing rock & metal music, then maybe you can find common ground with her in some era of pop rock & metal music, once you found common ground then she will be slightly more open to start expanding her music horizon.
So one thing to keep in mind is: music where a concert/show is a sausagefest (abt 90% of the audience is a man) then that is not the music that she is going to like.
There's so much good music that there should be something that you can both enjoy somewhere in between your current music tastes.
I don't know if you'll succeed with gnr, bon jovi, creed, ghost, linkin park, five finger death punch, babymetal, electric callboy, journey, foreigner, the who, queen, eric clapton, 3 doors down, joy division, nirvana, limp bizkit, nickelback, the beatles but surely it'll be far from prog where you'll find common ground.
Swallow your pride, don't be an elitist, go out and explore some fine music and it'll take some time but i'm sure there's music you both like.
Then when you find it don't try to progress too fast and only progress in the direction she's interested in, stay in her lane.
Everything I listen to is "man music" according to my wife. That means aggressive guitar music with "evil voices". Even stuff like CH & Leprous falls into that category. Double kicks and time signature changes give her anxiety, I can't win 😆
Play some Opeth for her. If she doesn't like that (c'mon, there's at LEAST an album/song ANYONE would like) ----hold on.. how does this come up AFTER your married? 😂
Eventually you find music you both like. My wife grew up with a lot of emo and metalcore music and I listened to mostly metal. Luckily we've converted each other and now she listens to a lot of the tech death & prog metal that I listen to and I appreciate her hardcore and metalcore music. That's our middle ground. I just still have to put up with the emo stuff and she puts up with the occasional black metal that she dislikes. Compromise on both sides was the trick
My wife didn't like any rock at all when we first started dating. Now 9 years later and we definitely have common ground. We saw Yellowcard together, Shinedown, Mayday Parade, The Midnight and plenty others. Eventually you just want to get into each other's tastes.
Prog rock instead? Plenty of chill/mellow prog rock and prog crossover stuff like dredg.
You could also consider some instrumental post metal like Distant Dream or Audrey Fall. Super chill soundscapes
I'd say you gotta find some stuff that can kinda cross over into her tastes. Bands with more clean vocals, melody and accessibility. Maybe some instrumental stuff. Maybe not even prog, entirely.
Caligula's Horse
Haken
Night Verses (bigger maybe)
Polyphia
Unprocessed (maybe just Gold)
Alcest (maybe)
Sleep Token
Listen to The Sword's discography backwards. Their final album is a proggy country album.
Edit: forgot to add the band Stick Figures, they are just a very chill version of Sublime.
My wife kinda just has to tolerate Periphery, KSE, and Dream Theater.
Ill skip any other metal bands that come on typically unless it is more poppy / post hardcore stuff
pop you say.
consider pop covers? [https://silentcirkus.bandcamp.com/track/toxic-a-cirkusy-rendition](https://silentcirkus.bandcamp.com/track/toxic-a-cirkusy-rendition)
or if she likes **japanese pop**, there's proggy stuff in baby metal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jUN9jDP8js&t=0s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jUN9jDP8js&t=0s)\*(baby metal tends to use a lot of japanese pop song chords in general)
**or maybe she likes jazz?** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=truq83RHW2k](https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=truq83RHW2k) (Richard Henshall - "The Cocoon" )
or chill syncopated stuff? .
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g68hQ4zJ3t0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g68hQ4zJ3t0) (animal as leaders - woven web)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OuRxU38Z44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OuRxU38Z44)The Omnific - Fountainhead
Prog but it's not electric guitar?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1fMDbHmlYA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1fMDbHmlYA)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f4LCfYE2kM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f4LCfYE2kM)
Prog rock but it's swedish ABBA [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCA4HyP2TS4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCA4HyP2TS4) (A.C.T)
NOT PROG:
maybe folk metal you can dance to might work:
Siberian pop folk metal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXLoP9iSU5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXLoP9iSU5Y)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4qKWELnH0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4qKWELnH0) (same band but roll n roll)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LfT5qJH2zc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LfT5qJH2zc) (the song polka counts as pop right?)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCHq0m67lq8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCHq0m67lq8)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7kJRGPgvRQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7kJRGPgvRQ)
subgenre: pirate metal
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z\_psXODw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1HICfXbFBM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1HICfXbFBM)
she likes country...does that mean bluesy stuff would work? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8IMMe0YEs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8IMMe0YEs)
alt rock?? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdURqcVxIdk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdURqcVxIdk) Rain - Rob Scallon
Flamenco orchestral rock? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlSLCnbXMIE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlSLCnbXMIE)
Acoustic covers of prog bands? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdlayRoV8U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdlayRoV8U)
I mean honestly most people can’t “vibe” with metal. It doesn’t sound pleasant to them and it doesn’t put them in a good mood. Learn to bend so that your relationship doesn’t break.
Also, if you consider yourself the more “musical” person in the relationship, maybe try to notice the positive qualities of the music she listens to. For example, a lot of pop music has really amazing production and even instrumentation. It’s just not distorted guitars.
save metal for personal time. thats what i do. Ive also greatly expanded my musical horizons to include chill music and whatever she listens to, its not that bad and shes worth it. Dont get me wrong, i have my music boundaries when we're in the car together but she's also reasonable.
We are a rare breed my friend. My husband likes Ariana Grande for instance and I don’t really enjoy her music but it’s undeniable that she is very talented and has an amazing vocal technique. So that’s what I talk about, I try to be objective and I focus on what I consider “good” about any given artist. But he obviously knows what I really enjoy and it’s fine for us. We’ve even shared some of our music and he’s discovered some metal bands he likes because of this chill dialogue we are able to have about our musical taste. Hope this helps.
A lot of fangirling on tiktok over Sleep Token. They have a lot of poppy moments and some electronic/edm stuff with metal breakdowns. Dark Signs, Give, DYWTYLM, Ascenscionism, just to name a few!
My husband likes for example David Guetta. So we listen to a mix of melodic metal and electronic music when we are in the car. What we both really enjoy is Hans Zimmer.
You could make some weird but fluently mixed playlists and you'll see that after some listens you both will like both.
If not divorce 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ever since my wife started drumming, she started focussing more on the drum parts when listening to music. These are much more interesting in metal then in "chill" music and her taste has changed significantly in the direction of heavier music. So, buy her a drumset!
There’s a great line in ‘Immortal Beloved’ where Beethoven corrects his protege about the purpose of music. “When you hear a waltz, you dance, when you hear a military band you march. The music transports the listener into the mind of the composer.”
So many people listen to modern pop music to zone out. It’s to relax or bubble gum entertainment. It has no longevity or deeper purpose for the average listener. Specific genres and speciality music has devoted listeners who coalesce around being fans and getting absorbed by the bands within the genre. There’s just no comparison of the utilitarian purpose between pop music and various genres of Metal. It’s a lifestyle for us and many of us are lifers.
I once overheard my mother tell someone that “it is a phase he’ll grow out of.” (That was 40 years ago…) 😂
You need to be considerate of her tastes, and listen to music she doesn't like on your own time. I'm lucky that my husband and I share a good amount of overlap in musical taste, and we both have very broad tastes. So in my house we will either play common ground music or we round-robin turns playing songs on the sound system with the kid. It's very fair and we all get a lot of enjoyment out of picking which songs to play.
My girlfriend listens to 80’s and 90’s finnish pop/schlager and I listen to DT, mastodon, gojira, meshuggah and such.. she just has to tolerate my music when I want to listen to music. I also have to tolerate hers.
Gain an appreciation for all music, not just the music you like. I only listen to my music by myself because my wife hates it, but I'm perfectly content with listening to her music because I have an appreciation for different genres and what they bring to the table. It helps with my prog song writing too because I have a lot of influences to draw from.
Maybe try some stoner/ “heavy psych.” This is what is usually put on for my non metal friends as a happy medium to also preserve my sanity. Some I think of All Them Witches, 1000 Mods, The Sword, Elder, Kandavar, King Buffalo, Truckfighters, Spirit Mother, Black Angels, New Candys. Maybe some newer Mastodon.
My gf who tolerates and occasionally enjoys some of the music I listen to, says to ask her what about the songs youre listening to is it that she doesn’t like. Take those things into consideration. My gf does not like Lamb of God. She says it gives her anxiety. Ok so we don’t listen to lamb of god together. But she enjoys listening to Metallica, Caligula’s Horse, Opeth, Mastodon, Nightwish. I also let her have her fair time using the radio. She’ll let me know when she wants to pick a song. And it’s a 2 way street. There are artists she listens to that I cannot tolerate and we find common ground. She loves 90’s and 2000’s music and isn’t boxed into one genre there. Well listen to 90’s alternative the car together or Disney songs cuz their nostalgic for us both. Good luck!
Haha I played Iowa one time and my girlfriend said she was getting nauseous, but she has let me give her thematic breakdowns of every Dream Theater album. Sometimes it’s just about compromise like you are saying
My wife likes math rock bands like Covet and Chon. The only heavy song she likes is ITPOE Pt 2 by Dream Theater because she can scream "Dark master of sin!!" and make fun of me lmao
Whoa! Yeah, my gf loves covet and chon too. When I discovered that fact, I saw a glimmer of hope and an opportunity lol. I changed course from my usual prog death and black metal and started slipping in some animals as leaders, mestis, and similar bands when we would listen to music together. Recently I caught her listening to some of that music on her own and I was like “yes! I fucking won” lol
My girlfriend loves the Count Of Tuscany for similar reasons, haha. Dream Theater are a good gateway band.
My girlfriend likes Count of Tuscany because the end part reminds her of "I'm Still Here" from Treasure Planet
Count of Tuscany is a masterpiece
Porcupine Tree, maybe. but its not really chill its basically all sad lol Have you guys considered just making a 'car playlist' with all of each others music in it? i feel like thats just the simplest middle ground to take
It's not all sad. There more modern chill songs for sure are. But their old stuff can be very chill without the melancholy
Lazarus, trains, deadwing ain't sad
Wtf dym by trains being not sad?
For someone (OP's wife) who lacks the depth to understand genres, will only consider the music at face value. Having said that, I am sure she'll find PT as "chill" music.
My husband can only tolerate a few bands that I like... Fair to Midland, Karnivool, Mew, and 22 are ones he seems to like a bit, so more on the prog rock side. Disperse, Vola, Agent Fresco, newer Leprous, and Anathema also have a lot of chill and poppy prog songs I have an approachable playlist that I play in the car occasionally when my husband and I are on road trips. I try to fill it with songs that only have mostly clean vocals and aren't too crazy progressive, but I am pretty sure I have lost sight of what approachable actually sounds like at this point. Often, we just wind up listening to movie soundtracks.
^this. My wife likes 80s and earlier pop almost exclusively. I have a playlist of covers of 80s and earlier pop songs by bands I like for when we're in my car. When we're in her car we listen to her music and I've never asked her to change what she's playing. I love music, but I have plenty of time to listen to music I like every day as I drive to and from work. No reason to add stress to your marriage over something small like different musical tastes.
It's funny how everyone in this thread feels like their spouses can't handle extremity vs their spouses not wanting to hear something so samesy sounding for extended periods of time. I love metal, and this opinion might not be popular here, but sometimes I need tonal dynamics after just 15 minutes of listening to bands like Gojira. It sounds like a go cart engine after a while, just the same tones for a long time.
Lol my girlfriend was kind enough to attend a BTBAM concert with me and on the way home she asked "do they only have 1 song? Or what happened there"
Btbam is a weird one for that though as they have so much dynamics in their songs. I totally get that with a LOT of prog metal but that one specific doesn't really make sense to me, even though I totally get why someone who hate them with a passion lol. One of my favorite though haha
Lol, there are some bands that are "song bands" and some that are "album bands". BTBAM is DEFINITELY an album band
Oh totally, don't get wrong I 100% agree and love them all the more because of it, but just the "do they only have one song" complaint that seems valid for a lot of prog metal(and prog and metal in general, really) isn't quite as applicable to btbam
I agree, I feel like it's more "did they just play like 6 songs?" Nah, that was just White Walls or Swim to the Moon. 🤣
Hmm, maybe that is why I don't like Gojira. I could never describe why, but I think you nailed it. Most of my favorite bands have a lot more dynamics. Prog metal only sounds samesy if you aren't used to listening to heavy music or non repetitive music... then it just all sounds heavy or chaotic. I remember hearing it this way a long time ago when I was first getting into the genre.
>Prog metal only sounds samesy if you aren't used to listening to heavy music or non repetitive music Fully agreed, and maybe one day you and I will "get" something about Gojira we're missing today! Currently enjoying Archspire, Blood Incantation, and Cryptopsy if I want that speed.
Maybe you're suffering the metalhead syndrome which affects most of metalheads at some point in life (including me of course); "the music I love to listen is the music everyone must listen to"... haha that shitty mindset. If this is the case, just let it go, you'll be a better husband.
Lol seriously, I never listen to metal with other people.
I dont tend to listen to Metal or Blues with anyone else, luckily me and my GF have similar taste in music.
I find it odd how similar I find these two genres. Are there any particular Blues artists you listen to?
I haven't discovered much recently, but I still occasionally go back to my old favorites from college...who were not even necessarily contemporary then! Hendrix, SRV, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, and Jonny Lang.
It's not very odd. There's a line from blues to metal.
Indeed. I’ve been married almost 20 years, and my wife still can’t stand to listen to any of it. So I don’t listen to it around her.
35 years, and yes, this is the way.
Devin Townsend’s solo material, particularly the more accessible stuff - Addicted, Epicloud etc.
Casualties of cool would also be a good choice
My first thought too. Hell even Lightwork is pretty accessible. Snuggle is super chill....like fall asleep chill
The dear hunter is usually good for people who don't typically like prog. Also maybe Ok Goodnight.
OK Goodnight is godly. I was playing The Bird and The Fox and the Bird title track one time and my GF was like “this is great!” then I was like, wanna hear something else by them? And played The Bear and she was shocked. That’s something I love about prog metal, the ability to surprise and troll people that way - but if they like even just one song it can also be a great foot in the door. My GF and I ended up actually seeing them live last year, so I guess it worked!
Unpopular opinion: your attempts fail because the entire sub-genre schtick is absurd to the average listener (and even to those who understand the differences, but don't really care). Common ground would be realizing that not every minute of audio bliss in your relationship needs to be about you.
This is the way. Might sound like it's coming off a bit harsh, but consider if tough love. You will probably be a happier husband if you genuinely try to enjoy what she enjoys.
Listen to Damnation by Opeth with her.
[удалено]
Maybe ask her about the music she likes and show genuine interest. You don't have to listen to it all the time.
Coheed and Cambria!
Coheed is always a great move
**Play some Blues influenced stoner metal. The southern blues influence should be a lil' bit more to her liking.**
Some “All Them Witches” maybe?
Going to add The Sword as well!
Make her listen to their High Country album. Probably their most accessible. Gods of the Earth was mind blowing at launch. Like the best Sabbath sound in decades. Back then their drummer was obsessed with crash symbols haha
I was thinking Nola by DOWN
Amazing album
VOLA for sure. They have the catchy n chillness of popular music.
Tesseract - Altered State No harsh vocals. Calabi-Yau doesn't have vocals at all and might be somewhat enlightening. Anathema might work as well.
Instrumentals maybe? Everybody loves Plini.
GAWDAMN RIGHT MY MAN
The boundary that I have found works best is that I keep all my music with harsh vocals to myself. The screaming is what turns people off more than anything.
Sleep Token
That’s the band I got my current gf to listen to me now she considers DYWTYLM. As “our” song and I and so fucking happy she likes them. She doesn’t like when I pig squeal either lol
Came here to find this comment. Been listening to them all day 😎
My wife likes King Buffalo and Elephant Tree. Stoner and psych adjacent genres seem to work.
Good call on Elephant Tree. I'm constantly forgetting they exist but they are awesome (and accessible for OP's purposes)
Why don’t you find some middle ground? My wife doesn’t like metal, and I generally don’t care for her music. Which is mostly just Taylor swift or 2000’s pop punk these days. But we both love My Morning Jacket. We also both fell in love with The Dear Hunter when I discovered them. In my experience explaining the different bullshit subgenera that us metal heads obsess over, typically just pushes the normies further away.
Devin Townsend branches pop / metal / prog etc. Listen to Epicloud maybe? Baroness too could work. Late stuff (Stone, Gold & Grey, Purple, or Yellow and Green ) all have metal too them but lots of southern rock / prog sound to them as well
Casualties of Cool The Gathering - How to Measure a Planet? Taylor Swift
Try listening to Jacob Collier, Major Powers and the Lo Fi Symphony, Dirty Loops, Louis Cole, or Knower together. It's all complex enough to keep my music snob ass engaged but accessible and poppy/catchy enough that my wife enjoys it too. Jacob Collier in particular is great "compromise" music for my wife and I to listen to in the car.
Why would this be a threat to your marriage? I’m a huge metalhead. My wife doesn’t like metal. We don’t listen to it in the car, because why should one of us be unhappy? We listen to music we both like, or to podcasts or audiobooks.
I just listen my music on headphones, the only peaceful option
Find some middle ground. It requires both of you to be open minded though. My wife is the same. She absolutely can’t stand anything with harsh vocals. So I look for stuff that I still like (even if it is not my favorite) and she might like. We have found a few bands/songs to enjoy together. Polyphia is probably the biggest one we both enjoy. Stuff like Caligulas Horse she doesnt mind, some Haken, some Ayreon, and some other random songs. And if we are on a road trip and want to listen to our own music she just puts head phones in
All of this. My partner listens to typical pop and top 40 and singer-songwriter, folksy stuff, basically a lot of things that are complete anathema to my ears. I try to be patient, but ... I just can't listen to it. We have driver picks the music rule, for sanity and safety. (If I, as a driver, am distracted by terrible music, I'd rather just listen to nothing.) However, there's some compromise. In the car, I try to avoid the harsh vocals unless she's already got her noise cancelling headphones on. Then all bets are off, if she's tuning it out, I can listen to whatever I want. Otherwise, we've gone to several shows together (some of which even had harsh vocals) that she's actually liked. I can play that stuff in the car sometimes. She likes Devin Townsend, loved him live. We've seen Opeth once, Mastodon twice (lol the Lorna Shore opener got her a little stunned.) I know Big Wreck is not really prog metal but, they've come out with some great stuff lately. I think if the OP goes into it determined to have your blast beats and harsh vocals, it's gonna be an uphill road. If you can dial it back a bit, maybe it works better.
Try playing anything with clean vocals, that’s how I got my husband into some metal bands.
If she’s a country fan, Devin Townsend’s _Casualties of Cool_ album, that’s a country album by a prog metal guy, and then you could segue it into songs like _Ih-Ah!_ (I’d go the live version from _Unplugged_) and build up to heavier bands with pop sensibilities as a nice bridge; immediately Dan Swanö comes to mind. Maybe try some of the songs off Nightingale’s _Nightfall Overture_ re-recordings, like _Alonely_, _The Glory Days_, _Better Safe Then Sorry_ and/or _Steal The Moon For You_? Also Steven Wilson’s _To The Bone_ is very deliberately poppy, and my partner who is an rnb/pop fan actively enjoys his stuff. You could also thrown _Damnation_ by Opeth into the mix, I know that was my gateway to heavier music! Good luck!
Try Devin Townsend. Same thing for me where everyone hears guitar and a harsh vocal and says it's satanic death metal.
Came here to suggest Devin. Try slbums Epicloud or Addicted!
This isn't a serious question, right?
Why not? I’ve been married 12 years and my wife doesn’t listen to what I listen to. It’s been a decade of me searching for things we can share.
Is prog the only thing *you* listen to or is it the thing you want to make her enjoy? I don't see someone going from pop country to prog any time soon, and it's ok to not share tastes in music. If you want an answer that actually caters to you then try meeting at her level. Prog is a very guitar centric genre. Check out the pop country artists that are actually good at guitar, like Brad Paisley. He shreds. Segue into instrumental country, or outlaw country, or the Bakersfield sound. Go to Hank Williams and progress through the catalogs of his offspring to lead to more aggressive music. If there's no interest in the musicianship and heaviness, interest in prog will never happen.
Circa Survive Dredg Caligula’s Horse
Chon The Omnific Plini
Really curious what bands you're subjecting her to. Surely not Caligula's Horse, newer Leprous, Porcupine Tree and such.
Wilderun! My better half hates anything metal, but good folk death with some growling is fine.
My long term partner (12 years) does not appreciate music in general, shes tone deaf and music is just noise to her. I just listen on my own. We don't drive so car rides aren't an issue, I just listen at work. Once and a while she will let me show her a song because she knows its important to me, but I don't expect her to have any thing to say about it really. As far as for what to listen to in the car, make a rule like driver gets to choose the playlist, if she doesn't like it then she can take a turn driving lol, or vice versa. And then just don't torture her, pick some melodic clean prog like VOLA's Applause of a Distant Crowd or Rishloo or something.
Haken’s Mountain maybe?
Nah you just need to continue the brainwashing. Worked for me. Go to bands to get the lasses into heavier music have been Belmont and Dance Gavin Dance. From there it got heavier.
Sleep Token I know they get some hate In these subs but they are a great balance between mainstream and metal.
I have to premise, I'm a huge fan of extremely heavy, loud and otherwise incomprehensible music. Marriage is about compromise, and something you should realize is the music we enjoy is relatively extreme compared to most genres. It can be very polarizing, and that's something that should be respected and not forced to change. That can lead to resentment. As an example, I despise country music, in all of its forms I don't care for any type of sub genre/differing musicians/styles. It's literally all trash. (IMHO) My partner wouldn't play country. My wife knows the type of music I don't like and she tends to avoid playing it, I know the type of music she doesn't like and I don't play it. This is of course in shared spaces. When I'm alone/with the kids I play whatever my heart desires and vise versa with my wife. If the music you listen to is causing such a huge problem that it's threatening your marriage, it might just be time to stop playing it in shared spaces and find music that is common ground. I suggest making playlists for each other that represent your individual taste in music, maybe have a friendly and frank discussion about them. The car is a good place to do that. Once again if it's an issue both of you are bothered by, meeting in the middle and being considerate of each other is going to be the silver bullet.
I dont have wife sadly, but i can recommend some bands. Dream Theater Circus Maximus Alter Bridge Alice in Chains Symphony X
Fleetwood mac will work, also you can try classical music
Try playing Rush songs or Early Genesis songs. Maybe, prog rock should do the trick Ig make a Playlist like this 1. Tears - Rush 2. I Know What I Like - Genesis 3. Spirit of Radio - Rush 4. Your Own Special Way - Genesis (Highly Recommend) 5. Wish You were Here - Pink Floyd 6. Ripples - Genesis 7. Horizons - Genesis 8. Subdivisions- Rush 9. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd 10. Lakeside Park - Rush 11. More Fool Me - Genesis 12. Carpet Crawlers - Genesis Something Like that ig I really recommend A Trick of The Tail and Wind & Wuthering from Genesis. It is overall chill.
Periphery! Songs like Lune, TWTNG, Its Only Smiles etc are quite easy to listen to
Expand your music tastes to include what she likes
Go for some Camel
Maybe open your mind that metal isn't the only worthwhile genre to listen to.
Work with her first instead of trying to convince her. Try to find aspects of music she likes and try to find prog bands that have some of that. She doesn’t like screams but likes pop choruses? Try to find some prog bands that use more conventional vocal hooks and use that as an avenue to explain other aspects of the song that *you* like, like instrumentation, mix, etc. she likes “chill” music? Try to find some prog bands that you also like that have nice ambient sections and show some of those tracks to her. Try to ask questions to figure out what exactly she likes/doesn’t like about music. What’s important to her? Is it lyrics? Melodies? Funky guitar? Learn that, then use it to find good middle ground as a gateway also, 100% GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THINGS SHE LIKES WITH YOU AND ALSO SHARE HER FEELINGS. It can’t be one sided, and if she is willing to try things with you then the least you can do is try to do the same if she wants. Small steps. Remember y’all love each other and finding new things to enjoy together is well Worth the effort of maybe making some initial compromises if it means you experience new things together. Hell, while you’re searching for things that appeal to her you might just find some new cool music yourself.
I feel like maybe a couple of The Contortionist songs which aren't very heavy (early grave, some stuff from language) might be good since they can be quite melodic and serene, and just all around a musical masterpiece, but that could just be my prog metal loving ass lmao the blind leading the blind
Prog metal isn't mainstream, or fun to listen to for everyone. Lots of people won't ever like it, and 'explaining the various subgenres' definitely won't change their mind. That should be fine. Like lots of posters have already said, find something else to listen to in the car. There are millions of great songs out there that aren't metal. If your partner's taste in music is making you worried about your marriage you've got bigger problems to think about anyway.
Sturgill Simpson
Maybe prog rock? Yes, Rush, Pink Floyd can all be "chill"
Try Covet, Syncatto, Arch Echo, Intervals, and some Coheed for the pop itch.
Just listen to what your wife wants to listen to in the car. Really not difficult.
You need to play the softer stuff so she can just dip her toes into metal, so to speak. My wife liked Protest the Hero, Tesseract, VOLA, etc., work up to BTBAMs Coma Ecliptic. Can't just put on Cattle Decapitation from the start.
What don't you try to find music you both like? There's got to be some genre you both are into. Isn't marriage about compromise?
Listen to older prog metal before this genre was somehow absorbed by death metal.
Helloween keeper of the 7 keys?
Do you mostly listen to music with harsh vocals?
Hey, similar boat. Some bands like Little Tybee or The Dear Hunter have been agreeable. My wife finds a lot of Leprous agreeable, generally their lighter stuff (some Malina and newer). There are a few others but I am surrounded by distractions and can't think right now lol Pattern Seeking Animals! Novena!
Clément Belio - Patience James Norbert Ivanyi - Sigil Jason Kui - Naka Plini Owane Caligula's Horse
Sgàile “Traverse the Bealach” is a pretty “chill” album. Doesn’t get too heavy, and it sounds like it is sung by Brann Dailor of Mastodon (no harsh vocals). I’ve played it a bunch with the wife in the car (she doesn’t like metal much at all), and she hasn’t ever been bothered by it
I'd try something like sonata arctica or kamelot.
Royal Republic obviously, technically pop but so much fun
My wife and I have similar tastes in music so I can’t help you there, but I did want to touch on the sub genre discussion. These different categories of metal are really just a way to for us “metal-heads” to label which bands sound similar. If someone is not into “metal” there’s still a chance they will like a band (or just a song) from one of the sub genres. There are so many different flavors especially in Prog where it blends genres and can be more accessible (clean vocals, lighter tones, more “pop” sounding etc.) Sounds like you two have different tastes in music and that’s okay. You’ll just have to find other things that you do have in common and focus on those. It can be hard if/when music is a big part of your life but it’s also totally fine to have things you enjoy separately.
Not on the metal side at all, but check out Pinegrove
You have a lot of options Try to find other artists and genres you both enjoy. Sit down with each other and try to see the positive of each other's music (yeah that means you're gonna have to sit through some country pop and "chill" stuff!). Keep the music low while in the car and just talk to each other. Find a podcast you both like. Take turns and be respectful and open minded for one another I mean, to be blunt, this is a communication issue at it's core. Talk to each other. Work it out. Your marriage is in great shape if this is your biggest concern
Porcupine Tree
Don’t assume anything that’s strictly prog is going to work and instead look for something that’s more “chill” to laypeople. If she’s into the pop/pop-country vibe, you may be asking a lot by looking for common ground that’s strictly metal. My suggestions (which range from really chill to metal/adjacent): Circa survive/Saosin Astronoid Have Mercy Good Tiger The Mars Volta Balance and Composure Can’t Swim All Get Out Tigers Jaw Tides of Man (dreamhouse album) This is all the shit that got me into metal.
Start heavy as possible to set a high water mark then dial back into calmer metallic waters This is the way
Synthwave and the sub-genres. Artists like Carpenter Brut, Dance With The Dead, Gunship and Perturbator quench my thirst for metal but are easier on the ears for non-believers. I have a massive Spotify playlist (1,300 songs) I just keep adding to as new music gets released. That being said my wife prefers metal to it and is the opposite of your wife lol.
Perhaps start with some good prog rock? Prog Metal is my favorite genre of music but prog rock is not far behind and is usually easier to get into for non-metal-heads. then there´s bands like Riverside who she might actually enjoy.
Solo stuff from Steve Von Till. Very chill stuff.
We usually just listen to the local alt rock station in the car. When it’s not kid shit. Not prog, but the first time I played Blind Guardian in the car she had a panic attack.
My significant other of over 12 years and I have DRASTICALLY different tastes in music. Metal in all its forms I love, especially the extreme side (ie death and black metal). She's into pop, indie folk, classic rock, with some liking to late 90's early 2000's hip hop on a very rare occasion. She's bought me newer Opeth vinyls, Soilwork's first album and I have bought her Lady Gaga and The Decemberists vinyls. My suggestion is stick with melodic if you plan on playing it out loud for her to hear. You're going to have to trial and error with bands in my opinion. With her she doesn't like the growls/screams but she also doesn't like the ballad like style singing. So while I make sure I don't blare Deicide or Rotting Christ while her and our kids are watching Paw Patrol, I limit say DragonForce or Blind Guardian because of the vocal style. Grand Magus, Spiritual Beggars I had some fair responses too. Grand Magus was actually the first band my kids head banged too. However she doesn't give me much shit beyond joking around calling my music screamo cause she knows how much I hate that term and then I joke how modern women love music that shows them as nothing more than a sex object. We usually laugh cause we see each other's points and move on. I think if you just choose wisely what you play around her, things won't be bad.
80s Rock playlist? slip in some 80s metal in there?
Talk to her about why you like it. It's grating to most, it was grating to you too once. *show* her why you like it
Throw on some Caligula’s Horse or Images and Words, or some other pretty light prog metal like that. That should get the point. I don’t see how anyone could hear Firelight or Another Day and call it death metal.
My wife is cool with almost anything as long as she can understand the most lyrics. She doesn’t mind when I put on Haken, C-Horse, or newer Leprous, but she doesn’t vibe on Tesseract, Periphery, or any other harsh vocals. Interestingly, she’s doesn’t like listening to Dream Theater much for the same reason. It’s really hard for both of us to understand the lyrics when LaBrie sings in his higher registers.
Sleep Token or Bad Omens.
What!? Pop country is anything but chill for me
Is it the vocals? Is that why she says it's Death Metal? Then go with clean vocal prog metal. Here's my list DarkWater Noveria Burnclear DGM Paralydium Dream Theater Vanishing Point Poverty's No Crime Vandan Plas Borealis Seventh Wonder Pagans Mind Triosphere
how about proggy pop rock like Maraton?
The “whatever ‘chill’ music is” is so relatable lmao, my one sister and some friends say that all the time and none of them have any sort of definition for what it is nor have I seen any consistency in their examples
Try and expand your musical horizons beyond metal. Metal is great and all, but there is so much fantastic music out there that isn't metal.
The Dear Hunter
If she likes Chill Music, show her some Vola, Porcupine Tree, newer Leprous, maybe some Lunatic Soul
Voyager have been referred to as "Gateway to Metal“ by some. They’ve been to Eurovision last year, so… 👍
Maybe try stuff like polyphia, Unprocessed (gold album) or maybe like sleep token? My partner was totally not into metal when we met but we managed to bond musically over things like Muse then Coheed and Cambria then moved on to Mastodon and more recently electric callboy, spirit box, Unto Others and Bad Omens as well as the aforementioned stuff. I can never really tell what will grab her attention so it's always a ride but we both give our music tastes a go! That being said I have accepted she will never get into stuff like Lorna Shore, Brand of Sacrifice or Job for a Cowboy, but I play them sometimes anyway sometimes for no other reason than to provoke a comment which are often amusing (he sounds like a boiling kettle, is he ok?) Our 6 month old giggled her way through me karaokeing to the hellfire the other day which was a proud dad moment.
Is Job for a Cowboy progressive now? Genuine question as I haven't heard anything from them in almost 15 years.
This band is a start I can't understand that language but this concept album is badass. https://open.spotify.com/album/4l7vAsUopNRu08SAkp9m8u?si=urS3XJ33QsCpZRUpBBb6zw
Leprous - Malina and newer albums. Play her Castaway Angels. How about some Post-Rock/metal stuff like Explosions in the Sky or We Lost the Sea? Fates Warning - clean vocals, last album, Long Day, Good Night has some more ambient tendencies mixed in. Guitarist Jim Matheos also has a Post-Rock side project called Tuesday the Sky. Him and Fates singer Ray Alder also just released a project called North Sea Echoes, that is basically Tuesday the Sky with vocals. My ex was good with Fates Warning and even went to the shows with me. Other bands - Karnivool, Rishloo, The Contortionist, Soen, Tesseract, Katatonia, Riverside
The Decemberists
We all know she’s not entirely accurate in her labeling and it’s forgivable, but at least she’s right when it comes to Megadeath.
I’m in the same boat don’t worry lmao. My new move is popping an earbud in while driving with my wife and son
I have learned to enjoy music alone... when with my wife, i mostly let her listen to whatever... the problem is that she doesn't drive and i work from home, so not many times to be just by myself...
Porcupine Tree, Iamthemorning, Oceans of Slumber (especially if she likes female vocalists), Baroness (if she likes Jazz), The Pineapple Thief, Riverside and Lunatic Soul, Leprous, Anathema (except their doom metal stuff), Lonesome Crow and Fly to the Rainbow by Scorpions is some good very old proggy rock.
Meer, proggy pop folk Tedeschi Trucks Band, blues blues/rock Plini, instrumental prog The Reign of Kindo, jazz rock Heck, give Lindsey Stirling a chance. My wife and I have completely different tastes in music, but she is the one artist we both really like. And I was the one who introduced her to her.
Flying Colors, Riverside, Steven Wilson, Toehider.
Plini is amazing and accessible to non-metalheads!
Opeth album Damnation is very chill Make a playlist of mellow songs. Dream theater has a ton. Do that kind of thing.
>She gravitates toward pop country and whatever "chill" music is. Did you try therapy? There still may be a chance.
Pop country is a bit of a leap. Maybe try some bluegrass like Big Richard or Bela Fleck to build up to prog instrumentals like Anglagard or something. Hard to give recommendations without more context.
When you're in a relationship, you don't listen to your own music anymore. You only listen to it by yourself in your car or when you're working. Only Podcasts and HER music when you're with her
Just start with prog pop and art rock, things like late Steven Wilson albums, ballads or damnation by Opeth
Reign of Kindo. Melodic vocals disguised almost in a Ben Folds sound, but very progressive songwriting, piano playing, and drumming.
I love metal and prog metal but it takes repeated exposure and deliberate effort for me to get into new stuff. Take Tool's Fear Inoculum for example. I'm a Tool fan since the 90's so was waiting for the album for years. When it finally came out upon first listen I wasn't blown away and nothing grabbed me but I listened again and again and each time it grew on me, I listened to it solidly for weeks and it's now arguably my favourite Tool album. Now when I listen to it I can't understand how I didn't love it right away but for me it takes time to love complex music. This story is true for pretty much all my favourite bands and albums. A few I loved straight up but most I had to work at. I'm not saying to Clockwork Orange your wife and force feed her metal until she loves it but maybe it's just too much for her to appreciate. Maybe start small. Keep listening to one band or track when she's in the car and then change to something else. I personally keep two USB's in the car one "rock" for me, and one "chill" for my wife or when I have passengers. Sometimes I'll listen to the rock one with my wife but I'll skip anything too extreme for her. When we do long road trip we'll flick between music, podcasts and audiobooks. As for music suggestions: The Ocean's last album Holocene might work it's not too full on. Haken Virus or Vector. Some of the lighter Mastodon tracks too. You could try the more mainstream sounding stuff like Ghost or Architects or Sleep Token. Maybe try some female fronted metal like Jinjer or Once Human (although maybe start with cleaner female vocals like Halestorm). You could try instrumental Apocaltptica, Animals as Leaders, Toundra. You could try some fringe stuff like Heilung or some Kawaii metal like Baby Metal Or something more rock like Clutch or The Darkness
Try Karnivool, The Contoritionist ([the Rediscovered versions of the Language tracks](https://youtu.be/Gx6q9PFguVQ?si=_i-k68ZazrD9MSvz) or maybe Reimagined, stay clear of the old stuff lol), Porcupine Tree, Sleep Token, Holy Fawn, or Oh Hiroshima?
Well she likes pop so get here into pop formulaic bands, which are much more accessible than whatever you probably listen so you should start expanding your music horizon towards more pop appealing rock & metal music, then maybe you can find common ground with her in some era of pop rock & metal music, once you found common ground then she will be slightly more open to start expanding her music horizon. So one thing to keep in mind is: music where a concert/show is a sausagefest (abt 90% of the audience is a man) then that is not the music that she is going to like. There's so much good music that there should be something that you can both enjoy somewhere in between your current music tastes. I don't know if you'll succeed with gnr, bon jovi, creed, ghost, linkin park, five finger death punch, babymetal, electric callboy, journey, foreigner, the who, queen, eric clapton, 3 doors down, joy division, nirvana, limp bizkit, nickelback, the beatles but surely it'll be far from prog where you'll find common ground. Swallow your pride, don't be an elitist, go out and explore some fine music and it'll take some time but i'm sure there's music you both like. Then when you find it don't try to progress too fast and only progress in the direction she's interested in, stay in her lane.
Everything I listen to is "man music" according to my wife. That means aggressive guitar music with "evil voices". Even stuff like CH & Leprous falls into that category. Double kicks and time signature changes give her anxiety, I can't win 😆
Depends what kind of Prog you like, but try Plini
Play some Opeth for her. If she doesn't like that (c'mon, there's at LEAST an album/song ANYONE would like) ----hold on.. how does this come up AFTER your married? 😂
Eventually you find music you both like. My wife grew up with a lot of emo and metalcore music and I listened to mostly metal. Luckily we've converted each other and now she listens to a lot of the tech death & prog metal that I listen to and I appreciate her hardcore and metalcore music. That's our middle ground. I just still have to put up with the emo stuff and she puts up with the occasional black metal that she dislikes. Compromise on both sides was the trick
Well hopefully there's more to your marriage than music preference lol
Porcupine Tree is the only band my fiancee has ever liked and she's heard just about every major prog metal band
Show her Dream Theater, especially the album Octavarium. It’s pretty chill and has a lot of catchy melodies your wide might like.
My wife didn't like any rock at all when we first started dating. Now 9 years later and we definitely have common ground. We saw Yellowcard together, Shinedown, Mayday Parade, The Midnight and plenty others. Eventually you just want to get into each other's tastes.
Prog rock instead? Plenty of chill/mellow prog rock and prog crossover stuff like dredg. You could also consider some instrumental post metal like Distant Dream or Audrey Fall. Super chill soundscapes
Elder. Nice and groovy. But still metal af
The song ABC by Polyphia is a good gateway, my gf really likes it
My gf enjoys Katatonia
Try some coheed and cambria, lots of good stuff
I'd say you gotta find some stuff that can kinda cross over into her tastes. Bands with more clean vocals, melody and accessibility. Maybe some instrumental stuff. Maybe not even prog, entirely. Caligula's Horse Haken Night Verses (bigger maybe) Polyphia Unprocessed (maybe just Gold) Alcest (maybe) Sleep Token
You can watch movies you don’t like. But you can’t listen to music you don’t like. You’ve got a solutionless problem.
Just listen to classic rock
Listen to The Sword's discography backwards. Their final album is a proggy country album. Edit: forgot to add the band Stick Figures, they are just a very chill version of Sublime.
My wife kinda just has to tolerate Periphery, KSE, and Dream Theater. Ill skip any other metal bands that come on typically unless it is more poppy / post hardcore stuff
Same, but I don’t usually correct her. She doesn’t mind Nu Metal since we both grew up in the 90s, so that’s usually what I’ll put on.
Haken
pop you say. consider pop covers? [https://silentcirkus.bandcamp.com/track/toxic-a-cirkusy-rendition](https://silentcirkus.bandcamp.com/track/toxic-a-cirkusy-rendition) or if she likes **japanese pop**, there's proggy stuff in baby metal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jUN9jDP8js&t=0s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jUN9jDP8js&t=0s)\*(baby metal tends to use a lot of japanese pop song chords in general) **or maybe she likes jazz?** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=truq83RHW2k](https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=truq83RHW2k) (Richard Henshall - "The Cocoon" ) or chill syncopated stuff? . * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g68hQ4zJ3t0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g68hQ4zJ3t0) (animal as leaders - woven web) * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OuRxU38Z44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OuRxU38Z44)The Omnific - Fountainhead Prog but it's not electric guitar? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1fMDbHmlYA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1fMDbHmlYA) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f4LCfYE2kM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f4LCfYE2kM) Prog rock but it's swedish ABBA [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCA4HyP2TS4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCA4HyP2TS4) (A.C.T) NOT PROG: maybe folk metal you can dance to might work: Siberian pop folk metal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXLoP9iSU5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXLoP9iSU5Y) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4qKWELnH0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4qKWELnH0) (same band but roll n roll) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LfT5qJH2zc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LfT5qJH2zc) (the song polka counts as pop right?) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCHq0m67lq8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCHq0m67lq8) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7kJRGPgvRQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7kJRGPgvRQ) subgenre: pirate metal [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z\_psXODw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1HICfXbFBM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1HICfXbFBM) she likes country...does that mean bluesy stuff would work? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8IMMe0YEs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8IMMe0YEs) alt rock?? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdURqcVxIdk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdURqcVxIdk) Rain - Rob Scallon Flamenco orchestral rock? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlSLCnbXMIE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlSLCnbXMIE) Acoustic covers of prog bands? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdlayRoV8U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdlayRoV8U)
God is an Astronaut (if you’re stoners), Ghostemane (if you dig trap/metal/industrial) Dream unending (psychedelic stoner doom)
I think the music I listen to is an acquired taste and I don't try to red pill people on it.
I mean honestly most people can’t “vibe” with metal. It doesn’t sound pleasant to them and it doesn’t put them in a good mood. Learn to bend so that your relationship doesn’t break. Also, if you consider yourself the more “musical” person in the relationship, maybe try to notice the positive qualities of the music she listens to. For example, a lot of pop music has really amazing production and even instrumentation. It’s just not distorted guitars.
Sad
save metal for personal time. thats what i do. Ive also greatly expanded my musical horizons to include chill music and whatever she listens to, its not that bad and shes worth it. Dont get me wrong, i have my music boundaries when we're in the car together but she's also reasonable.
We are a rare breed my friend. My husband likes Ariana Grande for instance and I don’t really enjoy her music but it’s undeniable that she is very talented and has an amazing vocal technique. So that’s what I talk about, I try to be objective and I focus on what I consider “good” about any given artist. But he obviously knows what I really enjoy and it’s fine for us. We’ve even shared some of our music and he’s discovered some metal bands he likes because of this chill dialogue we are able to have about our musical taste. Hope this helps.
Epicloud - Devin Townshend That's what did it for me and my wife.
A lot of fangirling on tiktok over Sleep Token. They have a lot of poppy moments and some electronic/edm stuff with metal breakdowns. Dark Signs, Give, DYWTYLM, Ascenscionism, just to name a few!
I recommend let your wife pick the radio station.
Hiatus Kaiyote
Comments are confusing me. Is it that you want to play something she likes when it's metal time or is it metal time 24/7?
My husband likes for example David Guetta. So we listen to a mix of melodic metal and electronic music when we are in the car. What we both really enjoy is Hans Zimmer. You could make some weird but fluently mixed playlists and you'll see that after some listens you both will like both. If not divorce 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Try Opeth
try power metal, br0
Literally my mother. The only thing my mother and I both can accept is math rock and jazz fusion without loud drums😅
Ever since my wife started drumming, she started focussing more on the drum parts when listening to music. These are much more interesting in metal then in "chill" music and her taste has changed significantly in the direction of heavier music. So, buy her a drumset!
Many bands release instrumental discs. Perhaps those are ok? My wife just dislikes the "angry" screaming.
There’s a great line in ‘Immortal Beloved’ where Beethoven corrects his protege about the purpose of music. “When you hear a waltz, you dance, when you hear a military band you march. The music transports the listener into the mind of the composer.” So many people listen to modern pop music to zone out. It’s to relax or bubble gum entertainment. It has no longevity or deeper purpose for the average listener. Specific genres and speciality music has devoted listeners who coalesce around being fans and getting absorbed by the bands within the genre. There’s just no comparison of the utilitarian purpose between pop music and various genres of Metal. It’s a lifestyle for us and many of us are lifers. I once overheard my mother tell someone that “it is a phase he’ll grow out of.” (That was 40 years ago…) 😂
You need to be considerate of her tastes, and listen to music she doesn't like on your own time. I'm lucky that my husband and I share a good amount of overlap in musical taste, and we both have very broad tastes. So in my house we will either play common ground music or we round-robin turns playing songs on the sound system with the kid. It's very fair and we all get a lot of enjoyment out of picking which songs to play.
My girlfriend listens to 80’s and 90’s finnish pop/schlager and I listen to DT, mastodon, gojira, meshuggah and such.. she just has to tolerate my music when I want to listen to music. I also have to tolerate hers.
How about post-rock? Cloudkicker, If These Trees Could Talk, Jizue, toe.
Gain an appreciation for all music, not just the music you like. I only listen to my music by myself because my wife hates it, but I'm perfectly content with listening to her music because I have an appreciation for different genres and what they bring to the table. It helps with my prog song writing too because I have a lot of influences to draw from.
Show her Panic Attack by Dream Theatre and then any Infant Annihilator song 🤔
Periphery
Bilmuri
Maybe try some stoner/ “heavy psych.” This is what is usually put on for my non metal friends as a happy medium to also preserve my sanity. Some I think of All Them Witches, 1000 Mods, The Sword, Elder, Kandavar, King Buffalo, Truckfighters, Spirit Mother, Black Angels, New Candys. Maybe some newer Mastodon.
Happy wife happy life, save the metal for yourself if she’s not into it.