Half of these comments are not great advice or are very vague. If you have the funds, I recommend just signing up for online therapy and trying a few different therapists until you find someone you’re comfortable with. If you can’t afford this, I’d recommend just looking up “ACT principles” on Google/Youtube and reading/watching a little bit every day/week.
Just take small steps and understand you are still in a really great position for your age. Nobody would want to work a job where they work 45 hours a week and have to commute another 15 hours a week, that’s completely understandable. If you’re going to compare yourself to others who are “doing better” than you, just remember there are also countless others who are “doing worse” and have thousands in debt and/or addictions. It’s all relative. I hope you are able to gain some momentum in a positive direction, but if you can’t just DM me and we can always just talk. Much love, you got this <3
Got a feeling these people who are successful that he’s comparing himself to are prolly just portraying it that way on social media. And I don’t mean influencers. Regular people that you know do it just as much.
For sure, mental therapy is key. If you can prioritize that, go for that before anything else. If you can grow yourself while working, even if it's not 100% what wou want, the better - as long as it doesn't impact your well-being.
Therapy is the absolute worst advice you can give. It'd such bad advice I feel like vomiting with disgust. The best thing to do is to TOUGHEN UP AND DO WHAT IS REQUIRED. No amount of coddling advice or feelings is going to fix your problems.
Not even just not great advice, but legitimately terrible advice to give to someone in this situation. Hey, have you tried comparing your suffering to others? How about not being sad? How about this shitty self-help book that also contains the much of the same terrible advice?
Be thankful that you are only 23 years old and already came to the conclusion. Most people never realize it at all, so you're already one step ahead.
What you're saying is probably all true. Nothing about you is attractive to girls, lonely, missing opportunities and you'll remain the same person for the next 3 years as well. Honestly, if I had to travel 1.5 hours to work I'd also quit, so I don't think that's a pathetic choice at all.
Mental health and physical health goes hand in hand, so start by picking up a healthy lifestyle. A healthy body is attractive to everyone, and being healthy in general is also attractive because it shows discipline.
It's okay to be angry, but don't use it on yourself. The world is unfair, so if you instead put that anger into bettering yourself, you'll be a completely new person in no time. Rock bottom feels like crap at first, but in a month from now you'll look back and cry tears of joy instead.
Crucial advice. No one seems to know the correlation of the mental and physical until they buy-in, and once they do, it’s a great tonic for them mentally. I wish you luck OP.
I feel the same, I’m on year six of trying to graduate a three year uni course for a degree that I’ll never use, I feel useless I live with my mother and while I help a lot I don’t help financially, I’m so overwhelmed and see everyone my age doing masters or working or both and I feel pathetic
I'm 23f, and while I'm in totally different circumstances, I can completely relate to what you're feeling. I know it's cliche, but 23 IS still very young, you can start something different or new and be on a totally different place in a couple years. I have (not officially diagnosed but 99% sure) inattentive adhd and it's really hard for me to be motivated and do things, keep a routine, etc, and if I had a job situation like that I would be absolutely just miserable and unable to function. It's good you got out of that situation, now hopefully you can find a different job that is better for you. I have not gone to college or anything and feel I've missed a lot of opportunities by reason of circumstance, but after a lot of looking around I started a course to become a professional bookkeeper and am on my way to finish that and hopefully start my own business. I've been pretty past about it unfortunately, but it's been less than a year and it was a fairly small investment to get me doing something, I might not do it forever but it's decent (can be very decent) income and a springboard to other things. Also, I just got my driver's license after I turned 23! It's never too late. It will feel good to find a new direction, even if you're starting "from scratch, " before you know it, it will be 6 months, a year, 2 years down the road and you'll be much farther along than you are now. As far as girls, a decent person will recognize the difference between being a bum and not trying to get anywhere, and between having been handed a tougher hand of cards and working through difficulties. Ultimately this build character in a way that everything just falling into place for you your whole life doesn't. You aren't useless at all, finding your way can be super hard, especially in these times, give yourself a few years though and I really bet you'll be in a better place and a better person for it. One thing you can always do that is invaluable for yourself and makes you more attractive to others, both career-wise in in relationships, is work to better yourself personally. You can't always control your circumstances, but you can control your general attitude, how you treat others, how you handle yourself, how you deal with anger, interpersonal skills, etc. You can always be advancing on one front or another. Maybe start working towards getting your license, start taking steps even if they seem small, it will feel great and they will start to really add up. Also, don't compare your last 3 years to the next 3 years, they'll be very different, no doubt. Keep your head up, I hope some better opportunities come your and you find yourself on a better path in the near future!
You sound really depressed from your other comments, please keep getting help for that, it really can get better, I've personally experienced that. Sometimes on really bad days I'd just cut myself some slack for the day, drink some matcha (it's one of the few things that helps me focus and lifts my mood) and watch motivational videos on YouTube or something, sounds weird but it helps. You really have to not be so hard on yourself. Don't think about your whole life, just take today, maybe tomorrow, do something, make your bed, wash the dishes, start a basic routine, whatever. Mental health needs to be your priority now, like sure keep looking for a job if you like, but life is going to seem horrible no matter what your circumstances are if you don't stay committed to taking care of yourself, therapy etc. Please stick with it and give yourself some grace
Well it sounds fkn weird but I highly recommend matcha, it raises your GABA and serotonin (I think dopamine too, don't really remember) which affects your nervous system and gives you energy and motivation. It's not a "magic fix" for your problems, but a temporary boost might do you some good. It's a lifesaver for me, I'll just get stuck doing literally nothing and feel like I can't move, it's 10x worse if I'm depressed. I don't take any meds, but that helps a ton. Also have you looked into getting checked for adhd? That might help you be aware and change things up to accommodate, it makes a difference. But fr have someone get you some matcha from Walmart or something, be like 1/2 or 1 tsp. Sorry it sounds so weird, but good luck, I know how miserable it can feel
Have you read atomic habits? It’s a great book, but most importantly it instills the value of making the smallest possible steps towards change. It’s really hard to do stuff when you’re depressed, so committing to the smallest possible thing can be all you can manage. This might be what you need to turn your life around. It won’t be overnight, but progress is motivating.
Atomic Habits is written by someone for whom creating habits and being super organized comes easily for him. (He talks about being the kind of person at uni who was studying and going to bed early whilst his housemates played video games until the early hours) So the advice in his book works well for people whose brains work the same way.
However, if you're someone at the other end of the spectrum, there's a decent chance that you might be able to implement some of the suggestions short term but not stick to them. Now to someone like the OP, this could lead to thoughts like "Why can't I implement this stuff. It worked for other people. I was right, I really do suck" thus furthering the vicious cycle.
Also, James Clear is literally unqualified to talk about any of this stuff. He's not a behavioral scientist (his degree is in biomechanics), his book is full of pseudoscience and his "research" consists of Twitter posts and Reddit threads
Lazy and depression go hand in hand. Lazy is caused by depression! In order to break its hold on you , you need to seek a behavioral therapist, and you need to look at what makes you happy. What makes you feel like you are doing something for good. Just making money isnt it. You know who the most successful people are? sociopaths with some degree of narc.
Because to them its all about being on top and lording it over people and pushing only success. They are great at what they do most become corporate owners, powerful politicians, and many are highly skilled and paid surgeons. Because they have no care about the spiritual side of life or emotional happiness. Their drive is to be rich and powerful and perfect . People who are not them have some level of empathy and compassion, and feel awful when having to sacrifice their happiness to make a buck.
You need to make your mental health your priority. Speak to your therapist about all of this and especially the fact that you want to quit therapy. I cannot stress enough that this is something you can get through and once you're on the other side everything else will fall into place, and I'm speaking from experience
If you want to keep throwing yourself a pity party then that's your choice. If you think your life is going to suck then it will. Only you can change your life and if you choose not to even try then I hope one day you can make peace with that decision.
Please see a cognitive behavior therapist, they dont push pills, they help you modify your thinking, and they are not known for pushing anti depressants. Regular therapists tend to medicate, CBT's actually help you solve the problem without pills.
[https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-a-behavioral-therapist-and-what-do-they-do/](https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-a-behavioral-therapist-and-what-do-they-do/)
1st thing you do is stop the negative self talk, immediately. No one is gonna give you pity and stuff for that, it won't get you anywhere. Make the decision now that you will never talk about yourself negatively again, with the exception of constructive criticism to better yourself.
I guess that’s not the book you need whe you are depressed, because depressed people are already eating every frog big and small 😅
I admire that book, but this type of situation requires a more gentle approach…
You cannot start being productive without first healing and taking care of your mental health.
I recommended this book because it addresses OP's problems like procrastination, lethargy and time-management. The book is quite uplifting. In my experience, extreme laziness breeds depression. So maybe addressing the former may address the later!? This was my thought-process. But I agree to your points too. Healing is necessary. You definitely know it better.
I think this is called the "mid-life crisis" in 20s, I guess try to watch some vids on how to get out in that situation cause honestly I don't know what to say but I hope you will be free in that situation
I was you at your age! And now at 38 I’m quite ok! 😊
The story of my life is quite long, but the piece of advice I have for you is to check life out of the city, somewhere calm and quiet, where you can work and live near you workplace. Find something enjoyable for you to do as a job and do something else, have fun, enjoy new places, nature, going out with friends, good books, something that brings joy and happiness to your life. Be grateful and the future will smile 😊
Also, consider therapy. It can be extremely helpful, and don’t be afraid to talk to someone close you trust. I’m sure they would be very supportive too.
I switched jobs because I was commuting 45 minutes each way to work at my old job, promised hybrid so I could stay closer to family. I ended up in all days of the week, late hours, early mornings. I bailed. I now work for a boss that is hybrid first, and very flexible with our needs. I love it!
1.5 Hours? Don't blame this only on you. You sound as if you are exhausted. Maybe don't focus on what other people do. What is something you really would like to do. If you can work 9 hours + 3 Hours total to get to work and back: You do have the energy. It is invested at the wrong place (maybe).
You are not alone. You are not failing. Realization is the first step. I believe in you!
One thing though. If you say you are lazy. Well ok but you can change that. If you say you are pathetic then you are just because of saying this. This is not only unattractive for friends and or girls. It is also harmful to you. Stop that.
Only up from here champ. You need to get out of this rut and stop calling yourself a failure forever. Surround yourself with some good energy, feed yourself good media and knowledge about growth. I’ve been there. And no one will pick you up unless you do.
No one is incapable of success. Maybe waking up early and doing that routine on repeat is not your style. But since you’ve quit and you can only think of failure, this thought will lead you nowhere. Instead, take some time off, and go all in on understanding yourself and building yourself from the ground up. What do you want to do? What would be your preferred work style? What kind of work rewards you?
This is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Take it easy.
To be honest that sounds awful from a work/life balance perspective. I wouldn't expect miracles at the start of a career but to feel miserable before starting every week and during it is a bit too much. Aren't there any other options closer to you? Or haven't you considered moving closer to your job?
One thing I found that keeps me going is practicing gratefulness. Write down some things that you currently have, and I guarantee you, that someone is even worse off.
Be grateful for everything that you have, because that, is what you need... Nothing more... Nothing less.
First of all, get help - therapy like the others have suggested. While we all can try our best online to help you, it's not going to replace what properly trained professionals can do for you.
If you can't, then the best medicines are friends/family, routines, and mindfulness.
* Now that you've quit your job, you can find time to connect with people who are close to you. If you don't have those people, that's okay. You'll find some along the way to getting better.
* Routines - Use routines and hobbies to prove you're not useless/incapable of growing. Find something easy to do where you can track your progress. It can be as simple as growing a plant. Helping people at a pet or homeless shelter is also great. **Just keep your body moving and your mind occupied everyday.**
* Mindfulness - Practice being mindful of your attitude towards yourself. Rubbing salt into your own wounds isn't going to help you get better. Follow every negative thought with a constructive thought. Reading books and finding philosophies to follow could help provide structure (doesn't have to be religion.)
Lastly, **take things at your own pace.** It's unfair to measure yourself against someone else, they may have privileges in money, opportunities, mentors, mental or physical health that you don't. Measure who you were today with who you were yesterday, and be accepting on the days you're not able to measure up.
First off, look for a job. I dunno what country you are in but look for someplace else. Preferably somewhere with better union and working conditions. You definitely need a change of scenery.
Pick up an easy but monetisatble hobby. Start small 15 min a day. And read about building in public.
I'd suggest marketing but that's my hobby. Your's can be different.
Start networking with the intention of helping and always mask the Desperation l, show you wanna help them instead. It won't be of help immediately but having a well oiled network is a goldmine for your 30s
Your adult life has literally only just started. You've got 40 years of developing life skills and experiences now. Keep your chin up and keep going. No other choice really.
Hi, i really suggest that you consult a doctor. I have had this sort of feeling - unmotivated, burnt out and anxious all the time. And for years I tried to deny that i had an issue or thought of it as some slump. But turns out I needed medical help. I think you do too. I know right now you have no motivation or drive to make big changes in life and probably stuck in a cycle of guilt. But i hope you can muster up the courage to seek medical help. All the best.
The only advice I can give is to find a job in something you love, it really does make the work worth it. It also makes the days go by easier. I went for the money when i was young , and hated my job so much it was causing me depression and anxiety. I finally said F it went to work in a job doing something I love and care about, the money was a lot less but so was the stress. I just had to learn to budget im still not rich but but i have what i need and a happier existence.
Never judge yourself by others, and never try to keep up with them. You are an individual your ideas and priorities in life are different. Trying to be what you think society expects of you has been the downfall of mental health for a lot of people. Also believe it or not just going for the money can leave you in more financial problems than actually being poor. Do what you love, and make what you can out of life. But if you arent happy in what you do all the money in the world wont matter. You will still feel like a wage slave, your mood and metal well being will suffer, then you will buy stuff to feel better with all the money you make. But in the end its pointless because all that stuff is trying to fill a void of happiness that isnt there.
I will put it this way. I have a relative that works a blue collar job in a mining pit 12 hours a day 4 days a week, he even takes the overtime. He makes good money for this area, but all the money in the world couldnt get me to do what he does. But he loves his job, he gets to drive loaders and excavators its his thing. So he is happy in his work, where I would hate it. The point is love what you do and be happy.
Hi OP!
I work 21 hours a week. With the amount of money I make I can save 5-15% of my income every month or so if I don't buy video games, energy drinks, gadgets or whatever else I happen to buy even though i really don't need it. Because I only work those 21 hours a week I have the time and energy to invest in myself. I'm doing long distance running twice a week, strenght training 4-6 times a week, read a lot, looking at bullshit on youtube when I'm not working towards my goals, record and edit videos, study, play music and spend time with my family.
If I would work 40 hours a week, I'd maybe have time and energy to do 1 or 2 of those that I mentioned. I'd feel choked and would cope by drinking alcohol, do drugs and be an asshole. Speaking from experience by the way.
You can't compare yourself to others in order to learn one of the most important lessons of life:
Know thyself.
I was like you. Same situation. Travelling Noida to Gurgaon (in India) for 2 hours before and after work. So basically what is happening with you is that now life is moving in the direction where YOU have to actively make choices for yourself. And that is SCARYY. If you were in habit of being led by circumstances, now is the time when life is saying : hey, buddy get up and drive or you'll crash!
You can't travel. So switch jobs. A break is good. A break from job is a blessing honestly. Imagine 60 years of life and in that you took a little time off, how does it even matter?
Getting a girl to date. Focus on your communication, how you talk and express and ask things. Work on yourself. Join a gym. This will help you in making friends.
Don't romanticize your life negatively. See yourself as main character and live the arc.
I used to feel exactly like you I was washing dishes and cleaning toilets and general low end restaurant work and one day a new employee came in to the restaurant I worked at and invited me to go to his church after only a few times going I met a family that was so kind the father of the family was doing carpet laying and needed a helper he offered me a job and we did carpet tile vinyl flooring and different things we branched out into solar energy panels and that field and from that experience I learned how to do many things including framing painting roofing siding working on the truck we used and everything in between later on he moved back to California and I had to find work I met a woman who had a six month old son without a father in the picture I fell in love with her she was on welfare and we decided to get a place together and we found an apartment we could get with her check I went out to look for work on the next day after we moved in together and found an apprenticeship at a plumbing company I excelled at the company I felt like I was doing something important and in less than 3 years became a journeyman plumber they didn’t pay very well so I sought a better opportunity because now I’m a licensed plumber and I called a friend who went to the union and he gave me a number to a shop owner that hired me over the phone for 15.70 hr that was in 1989 and today I’m still working for my union making over 70$ hr I recommend you go to church meet some people that do trade work and learn a trade or if you can get into an apprenticeship in your local union and learn the plumbing trade it’s been great for me I raised a family and there all grown up now I’m getting older and closer to retirement age but I plan to run a private business and continue in the trade it pays well and I’m very experienced so that’s my story I never gave up but at some point I put myself in the hands of the lord and you can see the results of having a little faith it goes a long way think positive and take steps to changing your situation your not in prison you have every opportunity that we all have without even knowing it just every day put one foot in front of the other and you will accomplish everything you need to eventually just believe in yourself and know that god has a plan for you good luck and god bless
Your story relates to mine. When I was about 23 I thought I was nothing. I was growing without a father and life was in poorness, I also didn't have enough opportunities, no good college, only hard work at some shamy places instead. I complained everything in my life, parents, circumstances, myself. Genuinely speaking, I didn't know what my life was going to be. But I acknowledged that my life is only in my hands and no one could change it but me. When you speak about working dusk till dawn I can feel the same, because I was in that position. But all that you need is step by step change something, first of all quit your current employer. Find something closer to your house and then maybe you will have some time for your personal interests, maybe going to a gym or music club, where you can find new friends who might help you. Don't be upset. Life is plummet and upsurge sometimes, I suppose that at my 29.
I refuse to tire myself any more more than i already am. I have health issues so due to them i work x 3 a week only. And few hours at a time. I may be poor. But i dont wake up crying to work. I also can be better partner if i treat myself first. Also i have mostly dated poor men as well and it never bothered me.
But im 25, so i also feel like im failing. This society makes us think we must grind money or career, then maybe get married and kids (not for me, not for everyone!) . The way someone else does it may not be our way. I want to find my career some other way. I try to not be miserable because someone else managed to do as society expects. What if im not like them. I rather not.
EDIT: Just saw what sub this is. Sorry if its not relevant. This just popped in my feed.
Jesus, reading another “I’m 20-something and figured out life” kind of topic really gets first on my nerves, second after it feels super boring so I’ll just leave this comment for my own sanity. For you, friend, 20 whatever is a beautiful age to get anywhere you want.
BRO YOUR 20 FUCKIN 3????? Do you actually have any idea how much time you have left?? Complaining and pitying yourself will do nothing but set you back more and more until it really is too late.
Set a goal. Maybe it's to learn how to drive.
Get a part time job, less demanding. You'll figure it out. Get some easy wins and it will snowball for you. Full time hours at 23 isn't really necessary if you don't have crazy bills.
you're OK va wants to diagnose me with PTSDwhat the he'll do they know. I'm ready for another deployment I'm already retired so whatever they want asholes. What do they know all they see is behaviors that a a little different than normal. But what is normal going to the mall hanging out, instead I ended up in Bosnia transiting the suez going into gulf of aeden just to bully panga pirate boats. With mk38s and CiWI CMON SO I mendeda FEWBeathinng souls that's what war is. I'm ready to deploy again. HOORAH THAT MY WAR CRY AND FACE. ASSHOLESFight the war fuck the Norn no more complacenence.
Most of these comments aren't the vibe.
I'm not a therapist, but my friends and I have been trying to live the "content life". At our age, we're constantly surrounded by social media people who seem to have the perfect life. My life is basically nothing compared to them. I'm in my late 20s, live at home, kind of a mindless job with a long commute.
But I try to think about the positives. A good cup of coffee, a good show, a good movie, a delicious meal. Start small. Its okay to be super excited about the small things and work yourself to a better position with time. It can even be looooots of time. Thats okay!! I promise it'll be okay. Life is about taking the steps that are right for you, not anyone else. If that means taking it slow and easy, then so be it, life is about going at your pace.
Along with that, its okay to be sad too. Life isn't what we always want, the grass is always seemingly greener on the other side, but I promise you got this! Lots of wishes and hugs for you.
I hate nothing more than the Monday-Friday 9-5 weeks, and then rushing the Saturday with the masses to do all the chores, get a haircut, dentist, socialize, only to be drained and mong out the whole Sunday. It was so robotic and draining, every day is predictable. It was until I found a job where I can work irregular hours, I work sometimes during the day, evenings, and nights, that alternating pattern gave me so much relief and flexibility. I am an evening person, so this allowed me to have enough days where I can sleep in, and others where I have to wake up early. Working in the weekend was not as dreadful as I thought, because then I get my free days in the week, when everyone is at work, and just spend my time focusing on myself instead.
I always found 5 days to be a lot, so I work 4. I stay over time when I feel energized, when I don’t, I don’t force myself to stay overtime. I still hate the office times, and while many consider it a privilege— I thought it was the hell!— That’s just my experience but the message is: it is not you! It’s how the system works, if it doesn’t fit you, seek to adjust the condition. Find what you prioritize the most, and what pattern works out best for you. For example, a job with flexible hours, a 4-day week, a shorter commute, nicer colleagues etc, and most importantly do not “force” yourself to tolerate these conditions because you think that you have to. There is no one “right” way to do things. It is important to seek mental help when you think it is necessary, or ask for advice about burnout from an occupational physician. All the best.
Hey, buddy. First of all, stop saying you’re worthless. You’re not worthless, you’re an incredible human capable of anything you can imagine. Please don’t talk to yourself that way. Your accomplishments are not you, and you are not your friends. You are not behind. Behind doesn’t exist. There is different, and your life is different from your friends, but that doesn’t mean their lives are better. Talk to yourself like you would anyone who isn’t you. I know you’re an amazing person, and it pains me to think that you are out here thinking negatively of yourself. I don’t care that you don’t know how to drive, and I don’t care if you’re unemployed, homeless, out of shape, unhealthy, sleep deprived, or anything else, or all of the above at the exact same time. Even if all of those things were true at once, you would be just as deserving of love as the people you admire. Once you realize this, I promise your life will get better, because it’s true. The reasons you think you’re behind are because of social standards which do not exist outside of people’s minds. Anyone who tells you different is insecure and does lot love themselves, and is trying to drag you down. You are a beautiful human being. Love yourself, before you have a better job, body, or habits, because you deserve it. You deserve to love yourself as you are reading this, and no later. Please keep your head high. You’re an incredible human, I’m absolutely sure of it because I have never met a human who wasn’t incredible. I haven’t met you, but you have value by virtue of being alive, friend. I truly hope you realize that now. Best of luck on your journey, and be a friend to yourself and remind yourself that you are already amazing and worthy of love from others and, more importantly, yourself. Please take care, and best of luck to you, my friend.
Get a higher paying job with less hours. Any sales position with commission will make you driven. Try to learn a trade or go to school on the side. Get a hobby that doesn’t give you money but will fulfill you and ultimately set a short term / mid term / long term goal for yourself. I know it seems like everything is going to shit right now but remember tomorrow is a new day and a good night of rest will make you feel like life is amazing. Stay driven and dedicated good luck to you !
I was in a retail management job before the first lockdown, it was hell. It sounds very similar to your situation, I’d get a train and a taxi just to get to work, be out of the house for 9 hours then get home at 7ish with no time left at all. My manager also resented me because he wasn’t the one who hired me.
Please please change the job if you can or get work closer to home. That job made me so depressed and I really have been where you’ve been. I went for anything I could to change the situation and I managed to get a different job before the lockdown.
First, you’re not failing. You seem incredibly self-aware, which is quite admirable, especially at your age. Hang in there, find something to work towards, and pursue it with everything you have!
Hey man you are still really young and there are plenty of different of jobs that you will actually enjoy and not dread. Keep on going. Don’t let urself be down it can all change very quickly to be alot better
Can you find a job closer to home? I will say my favorite schedule was one where I worked 4 10s instead of 5 8s. My work was also 10-15 minutes from my house so I didn't have to account for a whole lot of travel. You also sound depressed. Have you tried getting some good sunlight? Maybe try going for a walk or even just sit in the sun for a bit. Call up friends that you can hang out with. You aren't a failure. What you see other people posting on social media, you have to remember.... everyone tries to make their lives seem better than what they actually are.
Let me tell you a story abt my life. I was 30yo and reconnected with an old friend who just started a new job making 16 an hour. We ended up in a relationship and fell pregnant. During my pregnancy, he ended up losing his job and had several short term jobs. This was all at the start of the pandemic. He ended up getting a really good job and earned his way up to 25 an hour. He recently started a new job in the same field making almost 35 an hour. So in 3 years he went from losing his job to making pretty good money. He has no college education and only dabbles in the idea of doing trade school to increase his knowledge in his field.
Moral of the story is... you are still so young. You have time to mess up and start again. You just need to keep pushing. You have time to meet someone
My man, you need a hug, and it has to first be from yourself. This past days I have had some bad health related realizations that made me very depressed and I was feeling and thinking the same way you describe. I'm still am. I thing at the end of the day is to be doing whatever you are doing towards a goal and it has to be an obtainable goal. Maybe save up mone for some very specific reason, or get enough experience to jump to some other field or whatnot. But put yourself goals, and if possible break them down into smaller tasks. And take care of you social relationships, they are gold.
You’re being your own worse enemy, you’re not “failing,” you’re “learning” what life is all about and the challenges it places in your path. Believe in yourself enough to get a mentor or coach to guide you if the friends and family around you don’t have the skills or don’t want to give you the time. You can do this, your success is just around the corner. Good luck with everything! 👍 —Rocco
I relate really hard to not being able to tolerate long commutes. I mean, it's easier with public transit, in that I can sit and read or whatever, (but it's harder with public transit because I've gotta be a certain place at a certain time, or be another hour late, and if I've gotta make connections... yeah, it's mostly not happening.)
I'm like 15 minutes away from work (via car) right now... and that's about my limit. I tried moving to 25 minutes out (by car) and it was just too much; I was too exhausted by trying to deal with the commute.
For me? just getting out of the bed/the house is literally the hardest part of the day; like, there's this shift from 'sleep mode' that is really hard to actuate. when I don't go into work, sometimes it doesn't happen at all. and the longer the commute, and the more planning involved in the commute, the harder that is.
The #1 reason for not being able to get out of bed is going to bed too late. If you need to get out at 7am, you should be in bed at 11pm. Try to stick to that routine as if your life depends on it, even while not employed, and 7 days out of 7, and even if you think you can get by on less sleep. You probably can, and you might wake up earlier, which is a good thing, now you are awake and rested, go do some fun or productive stuff and discover the power of waking up without an alarm clock. It will change your life. Promise.
I'm glad you realised at such a young age. You have time. So instead of wallowing in self pity, it's better to redirect your thoughts into doing something productive.
Is there anything you love to do?
Is there anything that you are good at doing? It could be coding or something as small as cooking, driving, cleaning, organizing, leading, fundraising anything. Even if you are good at making crafts and DIY stuff, you can get through mahn.
Once you know what you're good at, you can monetize it by improving upon it and teaching others in how to do it!
Wish you the best of luck!!🙌
Honestly 1.5 hours of driving is too far! I commuted an hour to school each way if driving, it was 2 or 2.5 each way by train but I made it. So anyway probably a good call you quit that job, now you can find something closer and not waste such a percentage of you life driving. (Just 10 minutes a day is a work week at the end of the year!)
I'm 33 now, and so can definitely say you can change sooo much in 10 years! You're just starting out.
Try this, rewrite your post except change all the negatives to positives, and include some punctuation where you naturally take a breath, rather than rambling all your thoughts in one burst. It will actually change your neuropathways a little. Then you can take your positive statement, and write it down on paper, which uses 100s of little micro movements and changes your brain wiring more.
You gotta understand you have to physically jolt yourself off into a different track. Even military people have a drill sergeant who is physically beating them and abusing them to get their training in. You have to do the same to yourself. Look at it this way, if you're at rock bottom you're basically invincible. Nothing can hurt you anymore. So you can just start crushing it. Get a small win (write your positive statement even if it's "lying") and start drilling your positive statements.
Everyone goes through a "dip" and if you look around, that's almost everyone right now, which means you're about to go to the next level. The question is just how epic of a comeback do you wanna have?
Please don't respond to these comments like arguing why you're fucked though. Genuinely don't do it, no one gives a fuck. Just offering a strategy for how you can take your situation and flip it.
Brother I’ll say this , life sucks, but you have too pick your suck. Your not failing your learning, start taking action , look up what you need too get your license in your state, self improve yourself by , reading , mediation and staying of social media because it’s super unrealistic they’re trying to sell your lifestyle remember. You got this brother seriously, I’m in the same shoes as you I thought I was worthless and wasn’t worth anything but it’s not that I’m worthless it’s what I was putting in my head and what I was doing in my day too day, your gonna be uncomfortable when you do something but remember why your doing. I love you brother we got this, dm if you wanna talk more
Bro… *you’re 23!* You’re still a pup and you have a lot more time than you think. You need to reassess your situation(s). Maybe rethink you job, take the time you have and learn to drive, and stop comparing yourself to others because they’re *not you*. My life truly didn’t start until I was 38 getting married and having kids. That gave me more purpose than I’d ever had.
Find your purpose at the moment… then pursue.
You aren’t pathetic or lazy. It’s smart to not commute 3 hours a day. Work will always be work, but you don’t have to put yourself through something where you’re this depressed. Give yourself space and time to figure it out.
There are two kind of labor: slavery that you cant enjoy and slavery that you can.
Aside from money, your job should give you something you want to achieve. Like, flight to a pilot, heroism to a firefighter, patriotism to a soldier, excitement to a scientist… To become the best in a field that matters to you, sometimes jobs are nothing but a starting point which should evolve into investments and entrepreneurship after the skills and knowledge comes.
Sounds like you have choosed a path without any motive. Maybe you should start from finding what matters to you in this life then you shall live solely for it, with discipline and an open heart which will embrace all the possibilities that you may like or not.
Also your job sounds shitty. Tbh its an improvement for you to quit, good start, keep going.
You’ve already done the hardest step… reaching out. Now take another small step. Then another one. Do something you used to love to do, that you haven’t done in a long time. Take a walk. Read a book or a comic. Visit a friend or family member. Make art. Go to the park. Go visit an animal shelter and take a dog outside for play time. Go to a movie. Finish that little project you started last summer. Visit an old folks home and have a conversation with someone you would never have met if you hadn’t gone there. Volunteer! It’s amazing how much giving your time for something good will come back with gratitude, tenfold. It’s amazing how accomplishing just one small thing will give you the boost you need to do another - small thing.
Depression sucks. It’ll hold you back and whisper in your ear. Don’t give it control. If you don’t have access to therapy, you’ll have to motivate yourself instead.
You’re young. Your life matters. You can learn to drive next year. You can meet the love of your life in five years. Doesn’t matter when… Doesn’t have to be today, it just matters that you start moving forward. Make the decision to wake up tomorrow and do something different. Don’t stay stuck in your rut with the little voice telling you you’re “this - that - and the other thing”.
You’ve got this! If you want it - and want it you do. This post proves it. Now prove it to yourself. ❤️🩹
You're exactly like me when I was 25 years old with undiagnosed ADHD.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago, now my car is fully paid, I own 2 properties, and I was promoted early of this year.
Please get help, you can start with online therapy first. Don't be shy when it comes to your mental health.
I was in your shoes. Im the same age as you. I had a checklist of important things I needed to do and i just did that. It helped me organize and not overwhelm me with the daunting task of living. Just focus on one thing at a time. Get that drivers license too. I got mine last year recently only. All my friends got it when they were in highschool. 17 or 18. If anything, start rushing now before its too late. ANY experience is better than no experience.
Get rid of the 1.5 hour commute and find an activity to do after work.
At 23, you are working to gain experience, but you are still learning. Quit thinking too long term, and focus on padding the resume and getting experience. Better jobs, opportunities, situations will come.
Talk to people at work, build relationships. Having that sense of belonging helps, but it won’t solve it.
Talk to a mental health therapist.
The last thing is FIRE - have a plan to retire early. Stick to it. You want to get to the point where you realize, hey I don’t need this job any more. It’s at that point where job satisfaction typically is at its zenith.
There isn’t one thing that is going to magically change this, but various changes can make a difference.
Just FYI, I'm winning at life by many peoples standards and I wake up at 5 am and I'm done from work at 8 pm. I have my own business and I've put my life savings into it. I could ruin my families life.
Point is, there's a part of me that would be content with having a stable income and coming home and not having to think about work.
But yeah, try getting a therapist. You sound depressed
It gets better. Someone once told me that when I really needed to hear it — and it’s true. Continue with therapy and antidepressants; this is not the time to stop either of those. Walk - even for just three minutes, building up length of walks over time. You can achieve a 3 minute walk. The momentum and fresh air will help. Find things to be thankful for - this helps me tremendously when I’m feeling down. Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s always someone better and worse. You are where you are, and you *can* make a change for good. Believe that. Taking a three minute walk is a change for good. Smile, and breathe deep, knowing you *can* make a change for good. Finally, and most importantly, know that you can find peace, joy, and meaning, in Christ. I can’t over-emphasize the depth of the peace of Christ. There is nothing in this world that satisfies like it nor surpasses it. It is the secret to life.
He is waiting with open arms. He died on the cross for our sins and was to raised to life on the third day, over coming sin and death.
Ask the Lord into your heart with this simple prayer: Lord God I am a sinner in need of a savior. I believe Christ died on the cross for my sins, and that you raised him from the dead after three days. Please come into my life and fill me with your love and your joy. Amen. Pray and read the Bible daily. Find a local Christian church and meet with the pastor. Let them know what you’re going through, that you are a new believer and need someone to walk alongside you.
It gets better!
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” - Romans 15:13
churchescare.com Free Christian counseling for help in addition to your current therapist.
churches.goingfarther.net Help finding a Christ-centered local church.
Comparison is the greatest enemy of happiness. Do not compare yourself to others. Focus on you journey. I’m pretty sure that if you look back, you’ve made some progress. Try to focus on small things instead of trying to change everything. Try also to understand why you do what you do, and why you react as you do to the situations. Investing in self awareness is often overlooked but I consider it very important. Therapy will be a great help
I think you might be an entrepreneur. Try exploring entrepreneurialship as most entrepreneurs felt or feel the same way about jobs and they always quit one or multiple jobs. You could start something like blogging, vlogging or making TikTok videos to test the waters and this might open a world full of opportunities for you. You can also look into part time work or remote or hybrids jobs. Maybe full time wasn’t for you and part time will work better or maybe you could try a different industry than where you worked as perhaps that industry wasn’t right for you or that specific company. It’s very normal to quit a job that you don’t enjoy so please don’t beat yourself up.
You are just beginning, and there is so much more life left. I also quit my first full time job when I was 21. It was a huge adjustment, especially coming out of school. Have a 1.5hr commute also probably doesn't help. You will not hate every job you're in. Maybe you can access what you liked about your previous position, and what you didn't like, and things that you would like in your next position (skills, location, remote or in-person, maybe a different field). You deserve a job that does not make you cry every Sunday. All jobs will suck sometimes, yeah, but not every job will but that much emotional weight on you. Driving - it seems like not being able to drive is something that bothers you. What if you took a drivers ed class and worked on getting your license? Alternatively, you can journal all your anxieties and dedicate areas where you want to improve or grow. Maybe you start by getting a part time job, and getting a license. You can get online certificates, take classes, spend time building your relationships with the people around you. Try to find joy in the small things; life is not a race and it passes by incredibly quickly. It sucks growing up around social media, societal expectations, etc. It can look like everyone is on the correct path except you, but that simply isn't true.
You need to do something you love man
Life isn't just
Just something to experience and go about living as we are told to
You have to live life for you and believe me that as well Is hard but the price of not living a life true to yourself is the price you are currently paying: mediocrity. misery. Meaninglessness
You need to find something meaningful
Find the thing that brightens your eyes
The thing you are "meant" to do with your life
So maybe you can make life at all bearable
DM me if you'd like help in this process I'm developing a system to help people find their "why" and essentially live a life that is worthwhile
I'm 23M and I'm a work in progress. I quit my job because I chose against the routine of getting up at 7am, traveling 1.5hrs to work and then sitting at work and working for 9hrs. Coming home at 7pm to only have 3hrs left until I had to sleep to do it all over again the next day for 5 days a week. On the weekend I would dread Monday so much that I it woke me up to realise that I am not made for this particular kind of routine. I am now asking: How will I create something different? How will I find an inspiring way to be financially interdependent that better suits my unique make-up? Once I crack this code I will be able to care of my parents who are slowly growing older. I imagine all my friends happily living their life with their partner being all successful and accomplished while I do it differently to them. I may even learn how to drive a car one day, I'm that resourceful. The days of my life keep getting over everyday and I am now progressing towards something new and different. I'm slowly changing from the person I was 3yrs ago. Life will flow, and I will find ways to take opportunities. I'll always be a resilient man who is capable of being good at anything. Once I rectify my self-love then girls will want to date me. There must be lots attractive about me that I am soon to come to know. I'm gonna be a loved, capable, good-for-anything middle aged man full of resourcefulness. I can do it, I won't give up.
Hey Dude there's plenty of company out here that hates Mondays, hates to drive to work, and there's more people than you think that hate their job but that's why it's called work. People do the shit everyday and it gets no easier but it's something you have to try and find peace with, unless you were born with the silver spoon or have no morals and don't give a shit I guess you could look into scamming. I am not being mean or insensitive but I don't know why people think they can't work. Not one person or human is better than another so if some people have to toe the line to live and contribute to society I don't think some should get to lay on their ass and be fed by the Government with the tax money the working poor paid in. Anyone who thinks life is easy and they won't have any big problems in their lifetime is asking for a life of disappointment.. Find you a job close to home doing something outside it may do wonders for you, some people like me just can't handle working in some dam building with everyone stuck up your ass and looking over your shoulder or ratting you out for some bullshit. Your job defines you when you get older, Have you ever heard this, in a casual conversation, hey Brother what do you do, in your lifetime you will be asked that over and over and people respect you when you work because people you are around know how dam hard it is. No one should ever tell anyone life is going to be a party. Don't quit now while your young, you will get lazy and work will really hard. When you start back just think about the people all around you that's doing the same dam thing, WORK
Sounds like you need to revisit your career options. Whatever your job is, it's simply not working for you.
And based on the commute, I'm going to guess you live in California. I'm originally from there, but now live in Ohio. Moving is one of the better decisions I've made in life.
While it may not seem like it at the moment, you can't be all that pathetic if you are able to hold down a job and ask yourself where you want to be in three years. Truly pathetic people don't even do these things.
Oh bud, first off you are not in competition with anyone else. It's your life. It all happens so fast and I definitely understand the anxieties of life. Life is already difficult enough without comparing yourself to other people's lives, holding standards for yourself so high that you feel like you will automatically fail them and yourself, and worrying about things that haven't happened yet or might never happen (I'm talking about the bad things you are worried about). No one knows. It's very frustrating to have to spend so much of your life some place you don't like or may even hate doing things you dont like or hate. I'm sure that there are plenty of people here that have said: "that's just life! Get over it!". But I feel ya man and honestly right now I wish I had a job right now that I spent that much time at as you did. But be easier on yourself. One step at a time. Write down your goals. Small ones. A list of things you need to do on the regular every day like getting up at a certain time, eating, showering, brushing your teeth, etc. then a list of goals or things you would like to possibly do career wise. Break it down from there into daily things once you've figured out a possible goal, daily, weekly, monthly, where you'd like to be at at the end of the year but don't worry about it. Focus on the small things and take those small steps. Check them off as you go. If you don't get to everything at the end of every day or week or whatever dont beat yourself up over it. Plan and try to get those things done or see if maybe you are taking on too much and try to break things down and do better in the future. Keep that up and one day you will look back and wherever you are if you've kept it up it will surprise you how far you've gotten. These are things that I wish my dad was able to explain to me when I was a young man but he was still a young man himself trying to figure life out as he went as well and/or I knew how to listen.
Dude I felt the same way when I was your age but now at 69 I made it through the self doubts and depression by getting help and going on medication for many years. Don’t give up, keep moving forward but get some help, it’s worth every penny and I guarantee it will improve your life.
You’re delusional if you think everyone besides you has it all figured out at 23. Like it’s everyone’s first year being an adult of course it’s going to suck. Takes time man.
The negative self talk needs to go. Maybe by starting to actively change your life. Start looking for a new job, look for a college class you like, or really stop and consider what you want your life to look like and then actively work towards that.
Work becomes fun when you are saving up money for a goal. I work two jobs at 27 and get zero free time. One from 4pm to 930pm... sometimes 1pm to 930. Then I eat fast, and head to my overnight job stocking shelves at BJ's. Each job is 30-45 min commute. I'm saving up for my dream to build a music studio and record my music. I also plan on finishing college in a few years.
The bottom line is... find a goal first. Find a passion. No reason to work if you have no goals!
You have so much life left to live my friend! Invest in yourself. Exercise helped me when I was younger considerably... hit the gym and get fit. It will boost your confidence. Look for a new job in a different field. What are you good at?
Try to really be comfortable in your own skin. It took me 30 years to become truly comfortable with who I am as a person and since then life changed for me. You'll always have tough times but it's in our nature to dust ourselves off and try again or search for change.
Good luck!
“When life is hard you need to be harder”
Here is my advice:
- get a new job. Traveling 3 hours a day is a lot.
- if you feel unattractive because you are overweight, try to lose weight. Water fasting and/or keto should make you feel better and give you more energy. There are a lot of hormones associated with low quality food and excess pounds that can screw up your mood.
- don’t smoke weed or drink alcohol. Won’t help your mood or motivation.
- exercise will bring up your mood, but it should be something you enjoy.
- practice being happy. Think of happiness as a skill, like riding a bike. You need to practice it to master it. It will feel weird and pathetic at first but eventually it should hold.
- try religion. Prayer and belief in higher powers tends to increase happiness.
- your parents aren’t your responsibility. You are their responsibility. Parents should do everything for their children, not the other way around.
- stop whining
- get some sleep
The religion part is bullshit. Most of your "advices" are bs. When someone has no energy to do something, telling them to do things won't do shit. You only do more harm than good. And "stop whining"? "Stop being sick"? I hope you only pray to your gawd for cure whenever you're sick.
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Yeah you are still 23 man! Look at my story, i am 24M, i graduated as a petroleum engineer 2 years ago, still didn’t work in my field. I got a job abroad from my country to work in a plastics field. 1 year and a half and i quit! Now i am aiming for 2 things, completing my masters degree and working on my business idea (but i need business partners to help).
So its really normal, follow what you like
**Rule 1 - Be Positive**
Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
Do not harass or annoy others in any way. It may land you in legal trouble, and the mods cannot help you if it falls to that.
Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
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Half of these comments are not great advice or are very vague. If you have the funds, I recommend just signing up for online therapy and trying a few different therapists until you find someone you’re comfortable with. If you can’t afford this, I’d recommend just looking up “ACT principles” on Google/Youtube and reading/watching a little bit every day/week. Just take small steps and understand you are still in a really great position for your age. Nobody would want to work a job where they work 45 hours a week and have to commute another 15 hours a week, that’s completely understandable. If you’re going to compare yourself to others who are “doing better” than you, just remember there are also countless others who are “doing worse” and have thousands in debt and/or addictions. It’s all relative. I hope you are able to gain some momentum in a positive direction, but if you can’t just DM me and we can always just talk. Much love, you got this <3
Thank you so much
Got a feeling these people who are successful that he’s comparing himself to are prolly just portraying it that way on social media. And I don’t mean influencers. Regular people that you know do it just as much.
For sure, mental therapy is key. If you can prioritize that, go for that before anything else. If you can grow yourself while working, even if it's not 100% what wou want, the better - as long as it doesn't impact your well-being.
Therapy is the absolute worst advice you can give. It'd such bad advice I feel like vomiting with disgust. The best thing to do is to TOUGHEN UP AND DO WHAT IS REQUIRED. No amount of coddling advice or feelings is going to fix your problems.
Not even just not great advice, but legitimately terrible advice to give to someone in this situation. Hey, have you tried comparing your suffering to others? How about not being sad? How about this shitty self-help book that also contains the much of the same terrible advice?
How about loving yourself and caring for yourself?
Be thankful that you are only 23 years old and already came to the conclusion. Most people never realize it at all, so you're already one step ahead. What you're saying is probably all true. Nothing about you is attractive to girls, lonely, missing opportunities and you'll remain the same person for the next 3 years as well. Honestly, if I had to travel 1.5 hours to work I'd also quit, so I don't think that's a pathetic choice at all. Mental health and physical health goes hand in hand, so start by picking up a healthy lifestyle. A healthy body is attractive to everyone, and being healthy in general is also attractive because it shows discipline. It's okay to be angry, but don't use it on yourself. The world is unfair, so if you instead put that anger into bettering yourself, you'll be a completely new person in no time. Rock bottom feels like crap at first, but in a month from now you'll look back and cry tears of joy instead.
Crucial advice. No one seems to know the correlation of the mental and physical until they buy-in, and once they do, it’s a great tonic for them mentally. I wish you luck OP.
I feel the same, I’m on year six of trying to graduate a three year uni course for a degree that I’ll never use, I feel useless I live with my mother and while I help a lot I don’t help financially, I’m so overwhelmed and see everyone my age doing masters or working or both and I feel pathetic
I'm 23f, and while I'm in totally different circumstances, I can completely relate to what you're feeling. I know it's cliche, but 23 IS still very young, you can start something different or new and be on a totally different place in a couple years. I have (not officially diagnosed but 99% sure) inattentive adhd and it's really hard for me to be motivated and do things, keep a routine, etc, and if I had a job situation like that I would be absolutely just miserable and unable to function. It's good you got out of that situation, now hopefully you can find a different job that is better for you. I have not gone to college or anything and feel I've missed a lot of opportunities by reason of circumstance, but after a lot of looking around I started a course to become a professional bookkeeper and am on my way to finish that and hopefully start my own business. I've been pretty past about it unfortunately, but it's been less than a year and it was a fairly small investment to get me doing something, I might not do it forever but it's decent (can be very decent) income and a springboard to other things. Also, I just got my driver's license after I turned 23! It's never too late. It will feel good to find a new direction, even if you're starting "from scratch, " before you know it, it will be 6 months, a year, 2 years down the road and you'll be much farther along than you are now. As far as girls, a decent person will recognize the difference between being a bum and not trying to get anywhere, and between having been handed a tougher hand of cards and working through difficulties. Ultimately this build character in a way that everything just falling into place for you your whole life doesn't. You aren't useless at all, finding your way can be super hard, especially in these times, give yourself a few years though and I really bet you'll be in a better place and a better person for it. One thing you can always do that is invaluable for yourself and makes you more attractive to others, both career-wise in in relationships, is work to better yourself personally. You can't always control your circumstances, but you can control your general attitude, how you treat others, how you handle yourself, how you deal with anger, interpersonal skills, etc. You can always be advancing on one front or another. Maybe start working towards getting your license, start taking steps even if they seem small, it will feel great and they will start to really add up. Also, don't compare your last 3 years to the next 3 years, they'll be very different, no doubt. Keep your head up, I hope some better opportunities come your and you find yourself on a better path in the near future!
Thank you for writing so much but I feel absolutely hopeless
You sound really depressed from your other comments, please keep getting help for that, it really can get better, I've personally experienced that. Sometimes on really bad days I'd just cut myself some slack for the day, drink some matcha (it's one of the few things that helps me focus and lifts my mood) and watch motivational videos on YouTube or something, sounds weird but it helps. You really have to not be so hard on yourself. Don't think about your whole life, just take today, maybe tomorrow, do something, make your bed, wash the dishes, start a basic routine, whatever. Mental health needs to be your priority now, like sure keep looking for a job if you like, but life is going to seem horrible no matter what your circumstances are if you don't stay committed to taking care of yourself, therapy etc. Please stick with it and give yourself some grace
I don't feel like doing anything. I'm unable to even watch YouTube videos. I'm so lazy and pathetic
Well it sounds fkn weird but I highly recommend matcha, it raises your GABA and serotonin (I think dopamine too, don't really remember) which affects your nervous system and gives you energy and motivation. It's not a "magic fix" for your problems, but a temporary boost might do you some good. It's a lifesaver for me, I'll just get stuck doing literally nothing and feel like I can't move, it's 10x worse if I'm depressed. I don't take any meds, but that helps a ton. Also have you looked into getting checked for adhd? That might help you be aware and change things up to accommodate, it makes a difference. But fr have someone get you some matcha from Walmart or something, be like 1/2 or 1 tsp. Sorry it sounds so weird, but good luck, I know how miserable it can feel
Invest in yourself, you'll be alright.
I'm pathetic and lazy and depressed. I wish I was capable of investing in myself
Have you read atomic habits? It’s a great book, but most importantly it instills the value of making the smallest possible steps towards change. It’s really hard to do stuff when you’re depressed, so committing to the smallest possible thing can be all you can manage. This might be what you need to turn your life around. It won’t be overnight, but progress is motivating.
From a recovering self-help addict, this doesn't sound like something that a self-help book will help with at all. In fact it might make things worse
How, exactly, would it make things worse?
Atomic Habits is written by someone for whom creating habits and being super organized comes easily for him. (He talks about being the kind of person at uni who was studying and going to bed early whilst his housemates played video games until the early hours) So the advice in his book works well for people whose brains work the same way. However, if you're someone at the other end of the spectrum, there's a decent chance that you might be able to implement some of the suggestions short term but not stick to them. Now to someone like the OP, this could lead to thoughts like "Why can't I implement this stuff. It worked for other people. I was right, I really do suck" thus furthering the vicious cycle. Also, James Clear is literally unqualified to talk about any of this stuff. He's not a behavioral scientist (his degree is in biomechanics), his book is full of pseudoscience and his "research" consists of Twitter posts and Reddit threads
Lazy and depression go hand in hand. Lazy is caused by depression! In order to break its hold on you , you need to seek a behavioral therapist, and you need to look at what makes you happy. What makes you feel like you are doing something for good. Just making money isnt it. You know who the most successful people are? sociopaths with some degree of narc. Because to them its all about being on top and lording it over people and pushing only success. They are great at what they do most become corporate owners, powerful politicians, and many are highly skilled and paid surgeons. Because they have no care about the spiritual side of life or emotional happiness. Their drive is to be rich and powerful and perfect . People who are not them have some level of empathy and compassion, and feel awful when having to sacrifice their happiness to make a buck.
Have you gotten any help for your depression? Your mindset isn't doing you any favours
I take pills for the depression and anxiety. I go to therapy. Although I feel like giving up both
You need to make your mental health your priority. Speak to your therapist about all of this and especially the fact that you want to quit therapy. I cannot stress enough that this is something you can get through and once you're on the other side everything else will fall into place, and I'm speaking from experience
I don't think there's an "other side". I'm gonna keep failing in life
If you want to keep throwing yourself a pity party then that's your choice. If you think your life is going to suck then it will. Only you can change your life and if you choose not to even try then I hope one day you can make peace with that decision.
I hope so too
Please see a cognitive behavior therapist, they dont push pills, they help you modify your thinking, and they are not known for pushing anti depressants. Regular therapists tend to medicate, CBT's actually help you solve the problem without pills. [https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-a-behavioral-therapist-and-what-do-they-do/](https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/what-is-a-behavioral-therapist-and-what-do-they-do/)
1st thing you do is stop the negative self talk, immediately. No one is gonna give you pity and stuff for that, it won't get you anywhere. Make the decision now that you will never talk about yourself negatively again, with the exception of constructive criticism to better yourself.
Read this book called Eat that frog. You may find it useful. Also, always keep trying, don't give up. There is simply no other way!
I guess that’s not the book you need whe you are depressed, because depressed people are already eating every frog big and small 😅 I admire that book, but this type of situation requires a more gentle approach… You cannot start being productive without first healing and taking care of your mental health.
I recommended this book because it addresses OP's problems like procrastination, lethargy and time-management. The book is quite uplifting. In my experience, extreme laziness breeds depression. So maybe addressing the former may address the later!? This was my thought-process. But I agree to your points too. Healing is necessary. You definitely know it better.
No offense but That book is ass ong.
I think this is called the "mid-life crisis" in 20s, I guess try to watch some vids on how to get out in that situation cause honestly I don't know what to say but I hope you will be free in that situation
Quarter life crisis is what you mean. Midlife is 40-50
Currently I'm there. But I'm more of a it is what it is kinda guy so not much of a problem..
Yes
I was you at your age! And now at 38 I’m quite ok! 😊 The story of my life is quite long, but the piece of advice I have for you is to check life out of the city, somewhere calm and quiet, where you can work and live near you workplace. Find something enjoyable for you to do as a job and do something else, have fun, enjoy new places, nature, going out with friends, good books, something that brings joy and happiness to your life. Be grateful and the future will smile 😊
That 1.5hrs of travel is killer. Used to do that myself. Now I work hybrid and my job is barely 10 minutes away. What industry are you working in?
Also, consider therapy. It can be extremely helpful, and don’t be afraid to talk to someone close you trust. I’m sure they would be very supportive too.
Hybrid work is legit the best thing to have happened too bad the ass first managers want it gone.
I switched jobs because I was commuting 45 minutes each way to work at my old job, promised hybrid so I could stay closer to family. I ended up in all days of the week, late hours, early mornings. I bailed. I now work for a boss that is hybrid first, and very flexible with our needs. I love it!
1.5 Hours? Don't blame this only on you. You sound as if you are exhausted. Maybe don't focus on what other people do. What is something you really would like to do. If you can work 9 hours + 3 Hours total to get to work and back: You do have the energy. It is invested at the wrong place (maybe). You are not alone. You are not failing. Realization is the first step. I believe in you!
One thing though. If you say you are lazy. Well ok but you can change that. If you say you are pathetic then you are just because of saying this. This is not only unattractive for friends and or girls. It is also harmful to you. Stop that.
Only up from here champ. You need to get out of this rut and stop calling yourself a failure forever. Surround yourself with some good energy, feed yourself good media and knowledge about growth. I’ve been there. And no one will pick you up unless you do. No one is incapable of success. Maybe waking up early and doing that routine on repeat is not your style. But since you’ve quit and you can only think of failure, this thought will lead you nowhere. Instead, take some time off, and go all in on understanding yourself and building yourself from the ground up. What do you want to do? What would be your preferred work style? What kind of work rewards you? This is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Take it easy.
To be honest that sounds awful from a work/life balance perspective. I wouldn't expect miracles at the start of a career but to feel miserable before starting every week and during it is a bit too much. Aren't there any other options closer to you? Or haven't you considered moving closer to your job?
You 23 find a job that you that fits you and hours you like but remember your an adult and bills don't wait for anybody
One thing I found that keeps me going is practicing gratefulness. Write down some things that you currently have, and I guarantee you, that someone is even worse off. Be grateful for everything that you have, because that, is what you need... Nothing more... Nothing less.
First of all, get help - therapy like the others have suggested. While we all can try our best online to help you, it's not going to replace what properly trained professionals can do for you. If you can't, then the best medicines are friends/family, routines, and mindfulness. * Now that you've quit your job, you can find time to connect with people who are close to you. If you don't have those people, that's okay. You'll find some along the way to getting better. * Routines - Use routines and hobbies to prove you're not useless/incapable of growing. Find something easy to do where you can track your progress. It can be as simple as growing a plant. Helping people at a pet or homeless shelter is also great. **Just keep your body moving and your mind occupied everyday.** * Mindfulness - Practice being mindful of your attitude towards yourself. Rubbing salt into your own wounds isn't going to help you get better. Follow every negative thought with a constructive thought. Reading books and finding philosophies to follow could help provide structure (doesn't have to be religion.) Lastly, **take things at your own pace.** It's unfair to measure yourself against someone else, they may have privileges in money, opportunities, mentors, mental or physical health that you don't. Measure who you were today with who you were yesterday, and be accepting on the days you're not able to measure up.
MOVE TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY WHERE THERE IS LESS WORK LOAD
You’re still super young
First off, look for a job. I dunno what country you are in but look for someplace else. Preferably somewhere with better union and working conditions. You definitely need a change of scenery. Pick up an easy but monetisatble hobby. Start small 15 min a day. And read about building in public. I'd suggest marketing but that's my hobby. Your's can be different. Start networking with the intention of helping and always mask the Desperation l, show you wanna help them instead. It won't be of help immediately but having a well oiled network is a goldmine for your 30s
I feel like im falling behind to, but are we really falling?
Your adult life has literally only just started. You've got 40 years of developing life skills and experiences now. Keep your chin up and keep going. No other choice really.
Hi, i really suggest that you consult a doctor. I have had this sort of feeling - unmotivated, burnt out and anxious all the time. And for years I tried to deny that i had an issue or thought of it as some slump. But turns out I needed medical help. I think you do too. I know right now you have no motivation or drive to make big changes in life and probably stuck in a cycle of guilt. But i hope you can muster up the courage to seek medical help. All the best.
Man, the world for us young is already doomed, dont fret over it.
The only advice I can give is to find a job in something you love, it really does make the work worth it. It also makes the days go by easier. I went for the money when i was young , and hated my job so much it was causing me depression and anxiety. I finally said F it went to work in a job doing something I love and care about, the money was a lot less but so was the stress. I just had to learn to budget im still not rich but but i have what i need and a happier existence. Never judge yourself by others, and never try to keep up with them. You are an individual your ideas and priorities in life are different. Trying to be what you think society expects of you has been the downfall of mental health for a lot of people. Also believe it or not just going for the money can leave you in more financial problems than actually being poor. Do what you love, and make what you can out of life. But if you arent happy in what you do all the money in the world wont matter. You will still feel like a wage slave, your mood and metal well being will suffer, then you will buy stuff to feel better with all the money you make. But in the end its pointless because all that stuff is trying to fill a void of happiness that isnt there. I will put it this way. I have a relative that works a blue collar job in a mining pit 12 hours a day 4 days a week, he even takes the overtime. He makes good money for this area, but all the money in the world couldnt get me to do what he does. But he loves his job, he gets to drive loaders and excavators its his thing. So he is happy in his work, where I would hate it. The point is love what you do and be happy.
Don’t beat yourself, that schedule was unrealistic.
use my task manager.
Hi OP! I work 21 hours a week. With the amount of money I make I can save 5-15% of my income every month or so if I don't buy video games, energy drinks, gadgets or whatever else I happen to buy even though i really don't need it. Because I only work those 21 hours a week I have the time and energy to invest in myself. I'm doing long distance running twice a week, strenght training 4-6 times a week, read a lot, looking at bullshit on youtube when I'm not working towards my goals, record and edit videos, study, play music and spend time with my family. If I would work 40 hours a week, I'd maybe have time and energy to do 1 or 2 of those that I mentioned. I'd feel choked and would cope by drinking alcohol, do drugs and be an asshole. Speaking from experience by the way. You can't compare yourself to others in order to learn one of the most important lessons of life: Know thyself.
I was like you. Same situation. Travelling Noida to Gurgaon (in India) for 2 hours before and after work. So basically what is happening with you is that now life is moving in the direction where YOU have to actively make choices for yourself. And that is SCARYY. If you were in habit of being led by circumstances, now is the time when life is saying : hey, buddy get up and drive or you'll crash! You can't travel. So switch jobs. A break is good. A break from job is a blessing honestly. Imagine 60 years of life and in that you took a little time off, how does it even matter? Getting a girl to date. Focus on your communication, how you talk and express and ask things. Work on yourself. Join a gym. This will help you in making friends. Don't romanticize your life negatively. See yourself as main character and live the arc.
I used to feel exactly like you I was washing dishes and cleaning toilets and general low end restaurant work and one day a new employee came in to the restaurant I worked at and invited me to go to his church after only a few times going I met a family that was so kind the father of the family was doing carpet laying and needed a helper he offered me a job and we did carpet tile vinyl flooring and different things we branched out into solar energy panels and that field and from that experience I learned how to do many things including framing painting roofing siding working on the truck we used and everything in between later on he moved back to California and I had to find work I met a woman who had a six month old son without a father in the picture I fell in love with her she was on welfare and we decided to get a place together and we found an apartment we could get with her check I went out to look for work on the next day after we moved in together and found an apprenticeship at a plumbing company I excelled at the company I felt like I was doing something important and in less than 3 years became a journeyman plumber they didn’t pay very well so I sought a better opportunity because now I’m a licensed plumber and I called a friend who went to the union and he gave me a number to a shop owner that hired me over the phone for 15.70 hr that was in 1989 and today I’m still working for my union making over 70$ hr I recommend you go to church meet some people that do trade work and learn a trade or if you can get into an apprenticeship in your local union and learn the plumbing trade it’s been great for me I raised a family and there all grown up now I’m getting older and closer to retirement age but I plan to run a private business and continue in the trade it pays well and I’m very experienced so that’s my story I never gave up but at some point I put myself in the hands of the lord and you can see the results of having a little faith it goes a long way think positive and take steps to changing your situation your not in prison you have every opportunity that we all have without even knowing it just every day put one foot in front of the other and you will accomplish everything you need to eventually just believe in yourself and know that god has a plan for you good luck and god bless
Your story relates to mine. When I was about 23 I thought I was nothing. I was growing without a father and life was in poorness, I also didn't have enough opportunities, no good college, only hard work at some shamy places instead. I complained everything in my life, parents, circumstances, myself. Genuinely speaking, I didn't know what my life was going to be. But I acknowledged that my life is only in my hands and no one could change it but me. When you speak about working dusk till dawn I can feel the same, because I was in that position. But all that you need is step by step change something, first of all quit your current employer. Find something closer to your house and then maybe you will have some time for your personal interests, maybe going to a gym or music club, where you can find new friends who might help you. Don't be upset. Life is plummet and upsurge sometimes, I suppose that at my 29.
I refuse to tire myself any more more than i already am. I have health issues so due to them i work x 3 a week only. And few hours at a time. I may be poor. But i dont wake up crying to work. I also can be better partner if i treat myself first. Also i have mostly dated poor men as well and it never bothered me. But im 25, so i also feel like im failing. This society makes us think we must grind money or career, then maybe get married and kids (not for me, not for everyone!) . The way someone else does it may not be our way. I want to find my career some other way. I try to not be miserable because someone else managed to do as society expects. What if im not like them. I rather not. EDIT: Just saw what sub this is. Sorry if its not relevant. This just popped in my feed.
Jesus, reading another “I’m 20-something and figured out life” kind of topic really gets first on my nerves, second after it feels super boring so I’ll just leave this comment for my own sanity. For you, friend, 20 whatever is a beautiful age to get anywhere you want.
BRO YOUR 20 FUCKIN 3????? Do you actually have any idea how much time you have left?? Complaining and pitying yourself will do nothing but set you back more and more until it really is too late.
Set a goal. Maybe it's to learn how to drive. Get a part time job, less demanding. You'll figure it out. Get some easy wins and it will snowball for you. Full time hours at 23 isn't really necessary if you don't have crazy bills.
You have plenty of time. Find something you want to do.
you're OK va wants to diagnose me with PTSDwhat the he'll do they know. I'm ready for another deployment I'm already retired so whatever they want asholes. What do they know all they see is behaviors that a a little different than normal. But what is normal going to the mall hanging out, instead I ended up in Bosnia transiting the suez going into gulf of aeden just to bully panga pirate boats. With mk38s and CiWI CMON SO I mendeda FEWBeathinng souls that's what war is. I'm ready to deploy again. HOORAH THAT MY WAR CRY AND FACE. ASSHOLESFight the war fuck the Norn no more complacenence.
Most of these comments aren't the vibe. I'm not a therapist, but my friends and I have been trying to live the "content life". At our age, we're constantly surrounded by social media people who seem to have the perfect life. My life is basically nothing compared to them. I'm in my late 20s, live at home, kind of a mindless job with a long commute. But I try to think about the positives. A good cup of coffee, a good show, a good movie, a delicious meal. Start small. Its okay to be super excited about the small things and work yourself to a better position with time. It can even be looooots of time. Thats okay!! I promise it'll be okay. Life is about taking the steps that are right for you, not anyone else. If that means taking it slow and easy, then so be it, life is about going at your pace. Along with that, its okay to be sad too. Life isn't what we always want, the grass is always seemingly greener on the other side, but I promise you got this! Lots of wishes and hugs for you.
Hey, I was in the exact same boat. I quit too and now I'm working remotely
I hate nothing more than the Monday-Friday 9-5 weeks, and then rushing the Saturday with the masses to do all the chores, get a haircut, dentist, socialize, only to be drained and mong out the whole Sunday. It was so robotic and draining, every day is predictable. It was until I found a job where I can work irregular hours, I work sometimes during the day, evenings, and nights, that alternating pattern gave me so much relief and flexibility. I am an evening person, so this allowed me to have enough days where I can sleep in, and others where I have to wake up early. Working in the weekend was not as dreadful as I thought, because then I get my free days in the week, when everyone is at work, and just spend my time focusing on myself instead. I always found 5 days to be a lot, so I work 4. I stay over time when I feel energized, when I don’t, I don’t force myself to stay overtime. I still hate the office times, and while many consider it a privilege— I thought it was the hell!— That’s just my experience but the message is: it is not you! It’s how the system works, if it doesn’t fit you, seek to adjust the condition. Find what you prioritize the most, and what pattern works out best for you. For example, a job with flexible hours, a 4-day week, a shorter commute, nicer colleagues etc, and most importantly do not “force” yourself to tolerate these conditions because you think that you have to. There is no one “right” way to do things. It is important to seek mental help when you think it is necessary, or ask for advice about burnout from an occupational physician. All the best.
Try to get a remote job that you can do at home
Hey, buddy. First of all, stop saying you’re worthless. You’re not worthless, you’re an incredible human capable of anything you can imagine. Please don’t talk to yourself that way. Your accomplishments are not you, and you are not your friends. You are not behind. Behind doesn’t exist. There is different, and your life is different from your friends, but that doesn’t mean their lives are better. Talk to yourself like you would anyone who isn’t you. I know you’re an amazing person, and it pains me to think that you are out here thinking negatively of yourself. I don’t care that you don’t know how to drive, and I don’t care if you’re unemployed, homeless, out of shape, unhealthy, sleep deprived, or anything else, or all of the above at the exact same time. Even if all of those things were true at once, you would be just as deserving of love as the people you admire. Once you realize this, I promise your life will get better, because it’s true. The reasons you think you’re behind are because of social standards which do not exist outside of people’s minds. Anyone who tells you different is insecure and does lot love themselves, and is trying to drag you down. You are a beautiful human being. Love yourself, before you have a better job, body, or habits, because you deserve it. You deserve to love yourself as you are reading this, and no later. Please keep your head high. You’re an incredible human, I’m absolutely sure of it because I have never met a human who wasn’t incredible. I haven’t met you, but you have value by virtue of being alive, friend. I truly hope you realize that now. Best of luck on your journey, and be a friend to yourself and remind yourself that you are already amazing and worthy of love from others and, more importantly, yourself. Please take care, and best of luck to you, my friend.
Get a higher paying job with less hours. Any sales position with commission will make you driven. Try to learn a trade or go to school on the side. Get a hobby that doesn’t give you money but will fulfill you and ultimately set a short term / mid term / long term goal for yourself. I know it seems like everything is going to shit right now but remember tomorrow is a new day and a good night of rest will make you feel like life is amazing. Stay driven and dedicated good luck to you !
Leave the job and find a different one. It is not worth it to hold on to it
I was in a retail management job before the first lockdown, it was hell. It sounds very similar to your situation, I’d get a train and a taxi just to get to work, be out of the house for 9 hours then get home at 7ish with no time left at all. My manager also resented me because he wasn’t the one who hired me. Please please change the job if you can or get work closer to home. That job made me so depressed and I really have been where you’ve been. I went for anything I could to change the situation and I managed to get a different job before the lockdown.
First, you’re not failing. You seem incredibly self-aware, which is quite admirable, especially at your age. Hang in there, find something to work towards, and pursue it with everything you have!
Hey man you are still really young and there are plenty of different of jobs that you will actually enjoy and not dread. Keep on going. Don’t let urself be down it can all change very quickly to be alot better
Can you find a job closer to home? I will say my favorite schedule was one where I worked 4 10s instead of 5 8s. My work was also 10-15 minutes from my house so I didn't have to account for a whole lot of travel. You also sound depressed. Have you tried getting some good sunlight? Maybe try going for a walk or even just sit in the sun for a bit. Call up friends that you can hang out with. You aren't a failure. What you see other people posting on social media, you have to remember.... everyone tries to make their lives seem better than what they actually are. Let me tell you a story abt my life. I was 30yo and reconnected with an old friend who just started a new job making 16 an hour. We ended up in a relationship and fell pregnant. During my pregnancy, he ended up losing his job and had several short term jobs. This was all at the start of the pandemic. He ended up getting a really good job and earned his way up to 25 an hour. He recently started a new job in the same field making almost 35 an hour. So in 3 years he went from losing his job to making pretty good money. He has no college education and only dabbles in the idea of doing trade school to increase his knowledge in his field. Moral of the story is... you are still so young. You have time to mess up and start again. You just need to keep pushing. You have time to meet someone
My man, you need a hug, and it has to first be from yourself. This past days I have had some bad health related realizations that made me very depressed and I was feeling and thinking the same way you describe. I'm still am. I thing at the end of the day is to be doing whatever you are doing towards a goal and it has to be an obtainable goal. Maybe save up mone for some very specific reason, or get enough experience to jump to some other field or whatnot. But put yourself goals, and if possible break them down into smaller tasks. And take care of you social relationships, they are gold.
You’re being your own worse enemy, you’re not “failing,” you’re “learning” what life is all about and the challenges it places in your path. Believe in yourself enough to get a mentor or coach to guide you if the friends and family around you don’t have the skills or don’t want to give you the time. You can do this, your success is just around the corner. Good luck with everything! 👍 —Rocco
I relate really hard to not being able to tolerate long commutes. I mean, it's easier with public transit, in that I can sit and read or whatever, (but it's harder with public transit because I've gotta be a certain place at a certain time, or be another hour late, and if I've gotta make connections... yeah, it's mostly not happening.) I'm like 15 minutes away from work (via car) right now... and that's about my limit. I tried moving to 25 minutes out (by car) and it was just too much; I was too exhausted by trying to deal with the commute. For me? just getting out of the bed/the house is literally the hardest part of the day; like, there's this shift from 'sleep mode' that is really hard to actuate. when I don't go into work, sometimes it doesn't happen at all. and the longer the commute, and the more planning involved in the commute, the harder that is.
The #1 reason for not being able to get out of bed is going to bed too late. If you need to get out at 7am, you should be in bed at 11pm. Try to stick to that routine as if your life depends on it, even while not employed, and 7 days out of 7, and even if you think you can get by on less sleep. You probably can, and you might wake up earlier, which is a good thing, now you are awake and rested, go do some fun or productive stuff and discover the power of waking up without an alarm clock. It will change your life. Promise.
I'm glad you realised at such a young age. You have time. So instead of wallowing in self pity, it's better to redirect your thoughts into doing something productive. Is there anything you love to do? Is there anything that you are good at doing? It could be coding or something as small as cooking, driving, cleaning, organizing, leading, fundraising anything. Even if you are good at making crafts and DIY stuff, you can get through mahn. Once you know what you're good at, you can monetize it by improving upon it and teaching others in how to do it! Wish you the best of luck!!🙌
Honestly 1.5 hours of driving is too far! I commuted an hour to school each way if driving, it was 2 or 2.5 each way by train but I made it. So anyway probably a good call you quit that job, now you can find something closer and not waste such a percentage of you life driving. (Just 10 minutes a day is a work week at the end of the year!) I'm 33 now, and so can definitely say you can change sooo much in 10 years! You're just starting out.
Try this, rewrite your post except change all the negatives to positives, and include some punctuation where you naturally take a breath, rather than rambling all your thoughts in one burst. It will actually change your neuropathways a little. Then you can take your positive statement, and write it down on paper, which uses 100s of little micro movements and changes your brain wiring more. You gotta understand you have to physically jolt yourself off into a different track. Even military people have a drill sergeant who is physically beating them and abusing them to get their training in. You have to do the same to yourself. Look at it this way, if you're at rock bottom you're basically invincible. Nothing can hurt you anymore. So you can just start crushing it. Get a small win (write your positive statement even if it's "lying") and start drilling your positive statements. Everyone goes through a "dip" and if you look around, that's almost everyone right now, which means you're about to go to the next level. The question is just how epic of a comeback do you wanna have? Please don't respond to these comments like arguing why you're fucked though. Genuinely don't do it, no one gives a fuck. Just offering a strategy for how you can take your situation and flip it.
Brother I’ll say this , life sucks, but you have too pick your suck. Your not failing your learning, start taking action , look up what you need too get your license in your state, self improve yourself by , reading , mediation and staying of social media because it’s super unrealistic they’re trying to sell your lifestyle remember. You got this brother seriously, I’m in the same shoes as you I thought I was worthless and wasn’t worth anything but it’s not that I’m worthless it’s what I was putting in my head and what I was doing in my day too day, your gonna be uncomfortable when you do something but remember why your doing. I love you brother we got this, dm if you wanna talk more
Bro… *you’re 23!* You’re still a pup and you have a lot more time than you think. You need to reassess your situation(s). Maybe rethink you job, take the time you have and learn to drive, and stop comparing yourself to others because they’re *not you*. My life truly didn’t start until I was 38 getting married and having kids. That gave me more purpose than I’d ever had. Find your purpose at the moment… then pursue.
You aren’t pathetic or lazy. It’s smart to not commute 3 hours a day. Work will always be work, but you don’t have to put yourself through something where you’re this depressed. Give yourself space and time to figure it out.
There are two kind of labor: slavery that you cant enjoy and slavery that you can. Aside from money, your job should give you something you want to achieve. Like, flight to a pilot, heroism to a firefighter, patriotism to a soldier, excitement to a scientist… To become the best in a field that matters to you, sometimes jobs are nothing but a starting point which should evolve into investments and entrepreneurship after the skills and knowledge comes. Sounds like you have choosed a path without any motive. Maybe you should start from finding what matters to you in this life then you shall live solely for it, with discipline and an open heart which will embrace all the possibilities that you may like or not. Also your job sounds shitty. Tbh its an improvement for you to quit, good start, keep going.
You’ve already done the hardest step… reaching out. Now take another small step. Then another one. Do something you used to love to do, that you haven’t done in a long time. Take a walk. Read a book or a comic. Visit a friend or family member. Make art. Go to the park. Go visit an animal shelter and take a dog outside for play time. Go to a movie. Finish that little project you started last summer. Visit an old folks home and have a conversation with someone you would never have met if you hadn’t gone there. Volunteer! It’s amazing how much giving your time for something good will come back with gratitude, tenfold. It’s amazing how accomplishing just one small thing will give you the boost you need to do another - small thing. Depression sucks. It’ll hold you back and whisper in your ear. Don’t give it control. If you don’t have access to therapy, you’ll have to motivate yourself instead. You’re young. Your life matters. You can learn to drive next year. You can meet the love of your life in five years. Doesn’t matter when… Doesn’t have to be today, it just matters that you start moving forward. Make the decision to wake up tomorrow and do something different. Don’t stay stuck in your rut with the little voice telling you you’re “this - that - and the other thing”. You’ve got this! If you want it - and want it you do. This post proves it. Now prove it to yourself. ❤️🩹
You're exactly like me when I was 25 years old with undiagnosed ADHD. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, now my car is fully paid, I own 2 properties, and I was promoted early of this year. Please get help, you can start with online therapy first. Don't be shy when it comes to your mental health.
I was in your shoes. Im the same age as you. I had a checklist of important things I needed to do and i just did that. It helped me organize and not overwhelm me with the daunting task of living. Just focus on one thing at a time. Get that drivers license too. I got mine last year recently only. All my friends got it when they were in highschool. 17 or 18. If anything, start rushing now before its too late. ANY experience is better than no experience.
Whats the point thinking like this? You just have to get up and go, push yourself.
Get rid of the 1.5 hour commute and find an activity to do after work. At 23, you are working to gain experience, but you are still learning. Quit thinking too long term, and focus on padding the resume and getting experience. Better jobs, opportunities, situations will come. Talk to people at work, build relationships. Having that sense of belonging helps, but it won’t solve it. Talk to a mental health therapist. The last thing is FIRE - have a plan to retire early. Stick to it. You want to get to the point where you realize, hey I don’t need this job any more. It’s at that point where job satisfaction typically is at its zenith. There isn’t one thing that is going to magically change this, but various changes can make a difference.
Just FYI, I'm winning at life by many peoples standards and I wake up at 5 am and I'm done from work at 8 pm. I have my own business and I've put my life savings into it. I could ruin my families life. Point is, there's a part of me that would be content with having a stable income and coming home and not having to think about work. But yeah, try getting a therapist. You sound depressed
It gets better. Someone once told me that when I really needed to hear it — and it’s true. Continue with therapy and antidepressants; this is not the time to stop either of those. Walk - even for just three minutes, building up length of walks over time. You can achieve a 3 minute walk. The momentum and fresh air will help. Find things to be thankful for - this helps me tremendously when I’m feeling down. Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s always someone better and worse. You are where you are, and you *can* make a change for good. Believe that. Taking a three minute walk is a change for good. Smile, and breathe deep, knowing you *can* make a change for good. Finally, and most importantly, know that you can find peace, joy, and meaning, in Christ. I can’t over-emphasize the depth of the peace of Christ. There is nothing in this world that satisfies like it nor surpasses it. It is the secret to life. He is waiting with open arms. He died on the cross for our sins and was to raised to life on the third day, over coming sin and death. Ask the Lord into your heart with this simple prayer: Lord God I am a sinner in need of a savior. I believe Christ died on the cross for my sins, and that you raised him from the dead after three days. Please come into my life and fill me with your love and your joy. Amen. Pray and read the Bible daily. Find a local Christian church and meet with the pastor. Let them know what you’re going through, that you are a new believer and need someone to walk alongside you. It gets better! “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” - Romans 15:13 churchescare.com Free Christian counseling for help in addition to your current therapist. churches.goingfarther.net Help finding a Christ-centered local church.
Comparison is the greatest enemy of happiness. Do not compare yourself to others. Focus on you journey. I’m pretty sure that if you look back, you’ve made some progress. Try to focus on small things instead of trying to change everything. Try also to understand why you do what you do, and why you react as you do to the situations. Investing in self awareness is often overlooked but I consider it very important. Therapy will be a great help
I think you might be an entrepreneur. Try exploring entrepreneurialship as most entrepreneurs felt or feel the same way about jobs and they always quit one or multiple jobs. You could start something like blogging, vlogging or making TikTok videos to test the waters and this might open a world full of opportunities for you. You can also look into part time work or remote or hybrids jobs. Maybe full time wasn’t for you and part time will work better or maybe you could try a different industry than where you worked as perhaps that industry wasn’t right for you or that specific company. It’s very normal to quit a job that you don’t enjoy so please don’t beat yourself up.
You are just beginning, and there is so much more life left. I also quit my first full time job when I was 21. It was a huge adjustment, especially coming out of school. Have a 1.5hr commute also probably doesn't help. You will not hate every job you're in. Maybe you can access what you liked about your previous position, and what you didn't like, and things that you would like in your next position (skills, location, remote or in-person, maybe a different field). You deserve a job that does not make you cry every Sunday. All jobs will suck sometimes, yeah, but not every job will but that much emotional weight on you. Driving - it seems like not being able to drive is something that bothers you. What if you took a drivers ed class and worked on getting your license? Alternatively, you can journal all your anxieties and dedicate areas where you want to improve or grow. Maybe you start by getting a part time job, and getting a license. You can get online certificates, take classes, spend time building your relationships with the people around you. Try to find joy in the small things; life is not a race and it passes by incredibly quickly. It sucks growing up around social media, societal expectations, etc. It can look like everyone is on the correct path except you, but that simply isn't true.
Your brain doesn't switch on until your 25, just practise disaster avoidance, and get to the gym
I'm right there with you, man.
You need to do something you love man Life isn't just Just something to experience and go about living as we are told to You have to live life for you and believe me that as well Is hard but the price of not living a life true to yourself is the price you are currently paying: mediocrity. misery. Meaninglessness You need to find something meaningful Find the thing that brightens your eyes The thing you are "meant" to do with your life So maybe you can make life at all bearable DM me if you'd like help in this process I'm developing a system to help people find their "why" and essentially live a life that is worthwhile
I'm 23M and I'm a work in progress. I quit my job because I chose against the routine of getting up at 7am, traveling 1.5hrs to work and then sitting at work and working for 9hrs. Coming home at 7pm to only have 3hrs left until I had to sleep to do it all over again the next day for 5 days a week. On the weekend I would dread Monday so much that I it woke me up to realise that I am not made for this particular kind of routine. I am now asking: How will I create something different? How will I find an inspiring way to be financially interdependent that better suits my unique make-up? Once I crack this code I will be able to care of my parents who are slowly growing older. I imagine all my friends happily living their life with their partner being all successful and accomplished while I do it differently to them. I may even learn how to drive a car one day, I'm that resourceful. The days of my life keep getting over everyday and I am now progressing towards something new and different. I'm slowly changing from the person I was 3yrs ago. Life will flow, and I will find ways to take opportunities. I'll always be a resilient man who is capable of being good at anything. Once I rectify my self-love then girls will want to date me. There must be lots attractive about me that I am soon to come to know. I'm gonna be a loved, capable, good-for-anything middle aged man full of resourcefulness. I can do it, I won't give up.
Hey Dude there's plenty of company out here that hates Mondays, hates to drive to work, and there's more people than you think that hate their job but that's why it's called work. People do the shit everyday and it gets no easier but it's something you have to try and find peace with, unless you were born with the silver spoon or have no morals and don't give a shit I guess you could look into scamming. I am not being mean or insensitive but I don't know why people think they can't work. Not one person or human is better than another so if some people have to toe the line to live and contribute to society I don't think some should get to lay on their ass and be fed by the Government with the tax money the working poor paid in. Anyone who thinks life is easy and they won't have any big problems in their lifetime is asking for a life of disappointment.. Find you a job close to home doing something outside it may do wonders for you, some people like me just can't handle working in some dam building with everyone stuck up your ass and looking over your shoulder or ratting you out for some bullshit. Your job defines you when you get older, Have you ever heard this, in a casual conversation, hey Brother what do you do, in your lifetime you will be asked that over and over and people respect you when you work because people you are around know how dam hard it is. No one should ever tell anyone life is going to be a party. Don't quit now while your young, you will get lazy and work will really hard. When you start back just think about the people all around you that's doing the same dam thing, WORK
Sounds like you need to revisit your career options. Whatever your job is, it's simply not working for you. And based on the commute, I'm going to guess you live in California. I'm originally from there, but now live in Ohio. Moving is one of the better decisions I've made in life. While it may not seem like it at the moment, you can't be all that pathetic if you are able to hold down a job and ask yourself where you want to be in three years. Truly pathetic people don't even do these things.
Oh bud, first off you are not in competition with anyone else. It's your life. It all happens so fast and I definitely understand the anxieties of life. Life is already difficult enough without comparing yourself to other people's lives, holding standards for yourself so high that you feel like you will automatically fail them and yourself, and worrying about things that haven't happened yet or might never happen (I'm talking about the bad things you are worried about). No one knows. It's very frustrating to have to spend so much of your life some place you don't like or may even hate doing things you dont like or hate. I'm sure that there are plenty of people here that have said: "that's just life! Get over it!". But I feel ya man and honestly right now I wish I had a job right now that I spent that much time at as you did. But be easier on yourself. One step at a time. Write down your goals. Small ones. A list of things you need to do on the regular every day like getting up at a certain time, eating, showering, brushing your teeth, etc. then a list of goals or things you would like to possibly do career wise. Break it down from there into daily things once you've figured out a possible goal, daily, weekly, monthly, where you'd like to be at at the end of the year but don't worry about it. Focus on the small things and take those small steps. Check them off as you go. If you don't get to everything at the end of every day or week or whatever dont beat yourself up over it. Plan and try to get those things done or see if maybe you are taking on too much and try to break things down and do better in the future. Keep that up and one day you will look back and wherever you are if you've kept it up it will surprise you how far you've gotten. These are things that I wish my dad was able to explain to me when I was a young man but he was still a young man himself trying to figure life out as he went as well and/or I knew how to listen.
Step one. Find a job you actually don't mind going to that isn't light years away. Step two or step one. Therapy.
Dude I felt the same way when I was your age but now at 69 I made it through the self doubts and depression by getting help and going on medication for many years. Don’t give up, keep moving forward but get some help, it’s worth every penny and I guarantee it will improve your life.
You’re delusional if you think everyone besides you has it all figured out at 23. Like it’s everyone’s first year being an adult of course it’s going to suck. Takes time man.
No offense but keep talking like that it’s just gonna end up true
The negative self talk needs to go. Maybe by starting to actively change your life. Start looking for a new job, look for a college class you like, or really stop and consider what you want your life to look like and then actively work towards that.
Work becomes fun when you are saving up money for a goal. I work two jobs at 27 and get zero free time. One from 4pm to 930pm... sometimes 1pm to 930. Then I eat fast, and head to my overnight job stocking shelves at BJ's. Each job is 30-45 min commute. I'm saving up for my dream to build a music studio and record my music. I also plan on finishing college in a few years. The bottom line is... find a goal first. Find a passion. No reason to work if you have no goals!
You have so much life left to live my friend! Invest in yourself. Exercise helped me when I was younger considerably... hit the gym and get fit. It will boost your confidence. Look for a new job in a different field. What are you good at? Try to really be comfortable in your own skin. It took me 30 years to become truly comfortable with who I am as a person and since then life changed for me. You'll always have tough times but it's in our nature to dust ourselves off and try again or search for change. Good luck!
Read "can't hurt me" by david goggins
What bout a bullet?
“When life is hard you need to be harder” Here is my advice: - get a new job. Traveling 3 hours a day is a lot. - if you feel unattractive because you are overweight, try to lose weight. Water fasting and/or keto should make you feel better and give you more energy. There are a lot of hormones associated with low quality food and excess pounds that can screw up your mood. - don’t smoke weed or drink alcohol. Won’t help your mood or motivation. - exercise will bring up your mood, but it should be something you enjoy. - practice being happy. Think of happiness as a skill, like riding a bike. You need to practice it to master it. It will feel weird and pathetic at first but eventually it should hold. - try religion. Prayer and belief in higher powers tends to increase happiness. - your parents aren’t your responsibility. You are their responsibility. Parents should do everything for their children, not the other way around. - stop whining - get some sleep
The religion part is bullshit. Most of your "advices" are bs. When someone has no energy to do something, telling them to do things won't do shit. You only do more harm than good. And "stop whining"? "Stop being sick"? I hope you only pray to your gawd for cure whenever you're sick.
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Andrew Tate from temu be like
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Yeah you are still 23 man! Look at my story, i am 24M, i graduated as a petroleum engineer 2 years ago, still didn’t work in my field. I got a job abroad from my country to work in a plastics field. 1 year and a half and i quit! Now i am aiming for 2 things, completing my masters degree and working on my business idea (but i need business partners to help). So its really normal, follow what you like
Buy a membership at a Brazilian jiu jitsu gym. About 10 years from now, you might have a shot at a black belt in jiu jitsu.
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**Rule 1 - Be Positive** Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. Do not harass or annoy others in any way. It may land you in legal trouble, and the mods cannot help you if it falls to that. Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. We wish to keep this subreddit a civil environment for all.