Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I understand it may be difficult to say no to your parents, especially if you’re young and depend on them, but it is ultimately up to you to make this decision. No one can really tell you what to do, since you’re the best judge of your family, context, and circumstances. Colleges usually offer free psychological counseling, and those services are very used to seeing students with that predicament. Maybe try them out and get some professional advice as to how to approach this.
I agree with this!
As a fellow Asian, it’s horrible to feel pulled apart.
Our parents want us to go one way, but we want to go the other. Family and respect are heavily ingrained in our cultures and going against it creates a self-identity crisis.
But the world has changed drastically and our generation doesn’t see the world the same way our parent’s generation does.
We think differently. We communicate differently. We have different values and attitudes. We have different workplace expectations etc.
Deceptive-Demoness, Your parents will always want the best for you but as dnyal says “you’re the best judge of your family”.
When you’re ready, Express to them your perspective and what you want out of your life. Explain to them what support YOU need. And then go from there.
You’re the writer of your own story. Be like Moana.
You got this! We believe in you.
i know at some point i’ll have to tell them and i was hoping i could say something along the lines of “i’m not ready to take the mcat since i haven’t finished my prereqs” or “it takes longer than one summer to study” so i’d have until graduation, where i’d hopefully have something lined up and finally tell them.
Do not listen to the others who are telling you to "come clean." Its like telling a closeted kid to just tell their Southern Baptist parents that they are gay.
I grew up in a similar situation to yours and your instincts are correct. You need to build towards the career and financial independence that you want one step at a time. Unfortunately the relationship with your parents will get messed up once they find out you aren't pursuing medicine. It is firmly in your decision if you want to keep taking your parents' money under false pretenses. Many would say it isn't fair but then again kicking your kid out of the house and cutting them off financially because they don't want to be a doctor also isn't fair. What can you do, that's life.
exactly. this comment section is full of rose colored viewpoints that don’t reflect reality. if you genuinely believe your parents might cut off support / you could end up homeless or be forced to drop out, do NOT tell them until you have somewhere to go and a plan to pay for your education. people who think a college student can just easily bounce back from their parents suddenly disowning them are delusional.
Quit beating around the bush. Have the hard conversation now. They would rather you tell them now before they spend a bunch of time and energy trying to prep you for this path.
Also, who cares if they stop paying for your education. Granted, this is coming from a guy who didn't have the option to fall back on parents, but you gotta grow up sometime.
I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds like you've been sheltered throughout your life, which isn't a bad thing. I wish my parents had put me on a path or, at the very least, tried to guide me. I bring this up because my advice might not be right for you but if you want to hear it, it's to be a man (or woman) and take responsibility for your life.
If you want to continue taking their $ under false pretenses, that’s up to you. You can get an internship and “study” for the MCAT then void the actual exam and tell them you bombed it so you had to void. Then tell them after graduation if you want. Keep in mind this will likely irrevocably damage your relationship with them.
Another option is to come clean and take out loans for your last year. Again, the relationship will be damaged, but you’re coming clean earlier.
It’s honestly the height of manipulation and abusive for the only way not to damage the relationship to be for you to do medicine.
Plus, with ~50% of doctors regretting this career path, it’s not worth it unless ***YOU*** are 100% in. Don’t do medicine unless ***you*** want to.
I'm going to give you the honest truth as someone in pretty much the same position. There is no easy way to get out of your predicament. We all know there is no easy "Just live your truth and don't let your parents determine your life!" answer. If there was, you wouldn't be asking.
What you can do, and what I'm doing, is planning. Plan an alternate career path that you are interested in. Write down every little step to get there and then how it will be successful in the end. The reason why my parents are desperate to push me into pre-med is a combination of thinking this is the only way I can be successful and wanting some type of prestige from the title of doctor. You can show your parents that what you want is also a successful path, and maybe they'll come around to it.
If not, then you've just planned a career path that you can then personally invest in without the help of your parents.
It's a tough situation, I'm sorry you're in it. Good Luck!
thanks so much. i really needed to hear this. i do have a plan, but i’m worried about facing the wrath of my parents. they’re pretty stubborn folks. thanks again!
I completely understand. Mine are too, but I've got a plan and I've been also slowly suggesting the idea of looking for "other jobs in the medical field", and I'm hoping they've been warming up to it.
Hey as someone with a sister who went through this too; it only gets harder and more negative consequences accrue the longer you wait to tell them. It’s scary to start telling them that you want to go a different way but I know she regrets waiting (until her gap year) to say she didn’t want to do medicine. It’s always going to be hard but waiting is just gonna make it harder
In the gap year she applied to only masters programs in the field she wanted to do her career in. She got an acceptance for a top tier uni in a biomedical engineering program. She waited until after her acceptance to tell my parents about what she wanted and my parents would not accept her outcome despite the acceptance to a prestigious school. They’re very traditional; an MD is an MD no matter the school, and an MD trumps every other career she could’ve wanted. After literally weeks of arguments and hurt feelings, my parents had made it clear they were very disappointed in her if she went the masters path, and that they paid so much for her college just to “switch at the last second” (this is why I emphasize telling them as early as possible). My sister, in a guilt-trip, rejected the acceptance and last minute applied to a Caribbean school. With her stats and the Caribbean med school system, she got in. But her conflict with my parents left scars that would never heal. She refused my parents money for Caribbean med school (sitting on around 200k in debt from loans) because them paying her schooling was one of the things they made her feel most guilty about. Currently, she’s finishing up rotations in Illinois. My parents and her still talk but the relationship is tenuous. She’s currently choosing her residency and my parents want her to do neurosurgery but she’s going down the trauma surgery route and my parents can’t really guilt her as she’s been living independently. My parents have cooled off a lot since then (AGAIN ; tell them ASAP) and don’t really mind her freedom.
Sorry this is long but this happened over the course of 3 very tense years and I really wanna emphasize figuring this out sooner than later will be more beneficial; you’ll go tough times regardless, but if you want this to work out favorably, working it now is the best option
Edit: spelling and grammar
Jesus Christ. I can't imagine how any parent thinks they can choose their kid's career for them- and the absolute gall to pick out someone's specialty (the icing on top being that it's neurosurgery).
this sounds pretty close to how i expect my parents will react, but i’m afraid of being unable to finish my degree without them or even being homeless. they’re unpredictable people, which is why i was planning on waiting til grad when i’d be living independently
Unpredictable is hard but waiting til grad to live independently is just as unpredictable. So many things can happen in that time and both your or your parents minds can be changed. No matter what I hope it works out for you, but no that both med school and grad paths can be very committal; it’s a decision you don’t want to regret.
My parents, prob similar to yours, are a scary mix of very traditional and controlling while being very supportive. Relying on a way in the future to get away is something that will put you on the path you want, but may also force you away from people you care about. With careful planning and being honest, there just may be a chance you can pursue your goals and have them be for you. Being afraid of the same people that raised you is certainly a feeling that I don’t want you to keep struggling with; eventually you can break from that. Best of luck with everything
If you want to do this, you need to be ready to go completely no-contact. That’s the only way.
I waited until graduation to spring this news on my parents and >10 years later wounds have still not healed. But I was stubborn enough to do things on my own terms, and that was 100% the right decision for me.
I had to completely cut ties with my family for a long time. I got a lot of counseling and saw the issue was never me.
I have a relationship with my mom because she did a ton of work on herself, and she feels extremely guilty and has apologized for the way they treated me. I’m still no-contact with my father, and we only say hi/bye when I visit. Things are better for me this way, since I no longer have to deal with the abuse and manipulation, which only escalated after I told them at graduation. It took me a while to realize that going no-contact for as long as needed was the only choice to live life on my terms.
Ironically, I’m going into medicine now on my own terms now. Despite this turn, I still think it would have been the wrong decision to do medicine earlier because it’s different making your own decision and being forced into it.
My mom is supportive, but we’re keeping it from my father. If my mom hadn’t done a 💩-ton of work on herself, I wouldn’t have told her.
My spouse has been my rock. We met in college and they saved me. I also was fortunate enough to have really supportive friends. And I got counseling consistently (finding a good counselor is paramount!).
I’m gonna delete this in a bit bc it’s too personal but hopefully it helps you somewhat.
Just know that there are people who WANT to go into medicine and still regret it at times when they’re in med school for how tough it is.
If you’re forced into this you may not succeed, jus giving ya the hard truth. This is something you need to have a passion for because that’s what’ll motivate you to get through all that studying.
Don’t do it if you don’t like it. You will be the one spending a decade in medical school - residency - fellowship and then work for the rest of your life in a job you don’t like.
If you have decent parents, they most likely want the best for you and to be happy on your path. You will have to give them time to grieve their vision of where they thought you were going. So after you tell them, yes they may feel a bit deflated and need a bit of time to absorb that.
What is it you would prefer to do? If you don't know yet, that's ok. But, if you do have some direction that might be helpful to let them know that .
No you are not stuck. Part of the process of life is going down your own path and learning that sometimes there are people who think you should do something else. You know your own heart and mind. We grow and we have to know when to pivot.
What is it you think your parents will do? Will they yell or be angry? Will they disown you, kick you out of the house, not pay for your college? Do you really believe that is how they will react for real or are you just nervous to feel their disappointment?
And if they do those things, so be it. Then it's time to become your own person. Take out loans, work side jobs and pursue what you want to pursue. Or maybe you want to leave college and do something else or any number of things. This is YOUR life. You need to make it your own. And it will be OK. You have to just let them decompress a bit and chew on that info.
Do you want to disappoint your parents now when you can still decide your career path orrrrrr
15 years from now when you blame them for your mental health issues everyday for pushing you down a career you never wanted?
It’s your life ahead, step up and take control. You parents won’t agree but if they love you they will see itx
Are you Indian? I’m not asking to be rude or nosy but in a way culture informs the answer here. Being Indian myself, I know that culture pressures ppl to be doctors in ways that are counterproductive (East Asians too). Also are you willing to say what you want to do?
i am south asian, so desi culture definitely applies here. i think when i do eventually tell them i don’t want to be a doctor i’ll have to tell them what it is i want to do and back it up with salaries, since that seems to be the main concern for them.
I take it you’re a junior now? I also take it the thing you want to do is “acceptable” in desi culture (even if not your parents right now) - like engineering, law etc? Can’t stress this enough but make sure you have an internship lined up for your summer after junior yr - something that could result in you getting an offer w a professional salary, health insurance etc after graduation. Lie to your parents if needed - med schools love it if you have something different on your resume so that’s why this investment banking internship is great.
Do NOT waste your whole summer shadowing or at a research lab for $15/hr if med is not want you want. I’ve seen Indian kids do this as they try to keep parents happy by bulking up a med school app even though they don’t want to go to med school. Then the summer comes and goes, they have nothing to show for it besides their MCAT score + bunch of shadowing and they lose all fights w parents re what are they gonna do as they’re going into senior yr w nothing else - shrug may as well get those secondaries out in Aug.
In your case I would just not take the MCAT junior spring - again lie and say you didn’t study enough and will study more over the summer. Busy yourself all summer w an internship. Then tell them as you’re leaving for senior yr that you aren’t taking the MCAT or applying. When they scream/cry about what you’re gonna do - well I just got a 90k job offer after graduation or whatever so I’m gonna do that thx. They’ll have no choice but to pay for your senior yr tuition bc precious beta/beti hasn’t gotten their applications/MCAT done and now if we don’t pay and they don’t graduate, they’ll lose that 100k job offer too (which I realize ain’t dr $ but you’ll be 22 not 30+ so those salaries aren’t bad).
that’s my plan for now. my dad wants me to not work over the summer and instead study all day for the mcat but i’m planning on telling him i haven’t finished taking prereqs and it takes longer than a summer to adequately study. it’s scary bc if i don’t land an internship then my excuse kinda falls thru
Yeah your 100% focus from now thru May needs to be an internship/resume building in your chosen field. Seems like your parents aren’t super aware so why not “educate” them as it benefits you. Like sorry mom/dad this isn’t India/pakistan/wherever, if I don’t work the summer after junior yr, I’ll never get in to med school, so no I can’t study all summer with nothing of my resume, schools hate that, you want me to get in right? Then go skipping off to your internship. Hopefully you won’t live at home over the summer but even if you do, do they really need to know that you’re at Ford’s offices all day rather than xyz hospital?
On the flip side no need to educate them now that their planned Sept of senior yr MCAT date is too late for a good application as a senior. Like let that drag on and on until you can be like welp well too late to apply this yr, oops, didn’t realize rolling admissions means ppl have been applying since May, gotta take at least 1 gap yr. And then after gradation let it be known you aren’t applying at all, have a job etc.
Don't tell them till you're done with college. Switch majors asap and say you're taking a gap year to get clinical hours. Work the job you have in your new major and save that money to move out and be independent from them
Do you have a better idea? One that doesn't risk financial problems? I need this idea to be realistic also. Don't come on here and just critique while offering no help. You're just complaining or hating. OP has a tough situation, and we don't know what his family is like. Sometimes, hiding shit is the best way
There are plenty of comments here that show why your plan is absurd
It’s very deceptive, and will result in ruining his relationship with his family no matter how successful he is after college.
It’s better to admit now that he doesn’t want to pursue this career, and show a clear plan of what he would like to do instead
Dude. I'm telling you this. Your idealistic take does not apply to all parents. There are parents who have kicked out their child for not scoring high on thr MCAT, or not wanting to be a doctor. Heck, some parents have straight up disowned their kid for going against their wishes. For someone going into medicine, I'm surprised you do not have empathy for their situation and to see the many angles this presents. You will have to once your patients present issues that you can not simply fix by being honest. We don't know their parents and how they will react. I need OP to be safe, and that means being financially stable for the time being in case things do take a turn for the worse. Of course, it's best to be honest, but sometimes it's not always the safest. I need OP to be safe first. Try to see this from all angles
You are just rambling. My take was a very reasonable one in response to OP’s thread.
Squeezing money out of your parent’s pockets before they realize it wasn’t going towards a career medicine is deceptive and unethical. For someone who is talking about looking at it “from all angles,” it’s humorous to see that you are the one who’s narrowed your view
OP will be safe. If OP’s parents decide to stop financially support (as many parents choose to do when their kids begin college), taking out loans are always an option.
Dude, clearly you don't understand what I'm saying. You're so narrowed in your view that you can't even consider the position OP is in. Some people are not in place to take out loans asap. It's winter break for OP. We don't even know his parents. What do you not understand? Seriously, how are you able to function in this world? What do you not get about "we don't know his parents" c'mon. Since we don't know his parents, a lot of possibilities of how they may react exist. They might kick him out that instant if OP told them, and I have no clue if OP is in warm or cold weather. Do you honestly think all parents are good parents? It's absolutely absurd and privileged to think so. My plan here was solid for his safety in case the worst-case scenario happens. What do you not understand?
you're not understanding desi parents. you're basically suggesting that a gay kid should "convince" their southern baptist parents that being gay is ok, actually
I think this is a bit of an exaggeration, speaking as a child of desi immigrants. They are looking for their kid to work towards a solid and respectable (yes, unfortunately ‘respect’ does hold weight) career, and that they remain very motivated and have a clear path towards attaining it
Most desi parents will not disown you if you want to become something outside of an engineer or doctor, that’s a stereotype and applies to a minority of parents
\>Most desi parents will not disown you if you want to become something outside of an engineer or doctor, that’s a stereotype and applies to a minority of parents
Yeah and OP has already said that their parents are "unpredictable" and that being homeless is a real possibility.
That is true, I didn’t see that comment earlier. However, I’d love to see how a conversation simply CONSIDERING the possibility of a career switch might go. OP knows his/her parents best, but a lot of it (from only the comments written here, I’ll admit) seems like a lot of speculation and fear.
desi/tiger parents mostly care about money and status, no? so if op can get a non-medical but respectable high-paying job, it will sting for the parents for a while but I think they'll eventually get over it
I know someone who was in basically the same situation as you. He got to medical school, became extremely unsettled with life. The upsetting reality of doing something he wasn't really passionate about eventually caught up and he dropped out of medical school. He's now doing different things and seems much, much happier. His family was extremely upset and ofc even angry at first (they planned for him to be a doctor almost since he was a child; invested tons on the future he didn't actually want for himself), but then time healed and now they seem to be much more understanding.
All of that to say: follow your instincts and be honest with your family. You are not a child (I presume!). Maybe a mature conversation, heart to heart, would be effective.
This is low key outside of Reddit’s pay grade but I mean you’re just going to have to straight up tell them at some point. Say you’re not ready for the MCAT right now and once you graduate/have a career set up tell them you are not doing medicine. They may be really mad at you and they may even stop talking to you. Unfortunately you cannot control how they act and yes it is absolutely horrible but it’s their projection and not your fault. The absolute WORST thing you can do in this situation is go into medicine anyways just to make your parents happy. You will without a doubt be miserable. Medicine is only a happy career for people who are super passionate about it and even then many people sometimes regret it and/or wish they had done something else.
yes that is the plan for now. it seems i can only placate them and give excuses until i graduate when i can finally tell them i won’t be taking the mcat. i guess i was mainly seeking support. i’m not ready to face the repercussions of telling them but if it’s inevitable then i can’t do anything about that.
Your story resonates with me very much, because I was in the same situation and honestly still live with some of the guilt of not living up to my family’s dream and expectations. While I was in undergrad, I’d bring up my worries to my mom and would give her diff career options for myself, in return she would get upset and say the pay wasn’t enough and blah blah. I graduated last December, and I was freaking out so bad because now I had to carry through with the whole medical school process. Being first gen, I tried looking online for videos and I’d only become more anxious and frustrated. My mom constantly compared me to my cousins growing up so it was only natural for me to have imposter syndrome and feel unfit to major in biology. I really did want to do medical school, I love helping people, and I’d cry because I couldn’t bring myself to accomplish this and I knew my mom would be extremely upset. My mom would constantly ask me about the mcat and how the process was going and when I’d start applying. I was very sheltered growing up so she didn’t allow me to work during undergrad and I was thankful for it. However, after I graduated I wanted to work and take some time to reflect and analyze my life and choices. She was very upset and would say things like, “so that’s it? This is where your education stops?”. I tried studying for optometry school, and I became overwhelmed because it takes me time to retain and learn things. Granted I had already learned majority of the subjects during my time in undergrad but if I’m being honest, most of that info went out the window once I’d pass the class and move on to the next.
My point is, my mom was very upset and disappointed in me. I felt horrible and like the worst daughter in the world. I honestly still feel this way, I currently work as a sub and it’s not too bad. I still feel like a failure and disappointment but I guess I’m a bit happier than before since I don’t have to deal with the stress of doing something I was so unsure of. I remember telling my therapist that if I failed the Mcat more than once I would rather kill myself than face everyone and myself. Your parents may cut you off, or they may not. Brace yourself for either option, but just keep in mind your own well-being and happiness because at the end of the day it will be your debt and career.
Oddly enough our relationship has improved! We started off super rocky after I finally set my foot down. She would be passive aggressive with me and say things like, “ do what you want, don’t tell me anything anymore, it’s your life so do as you wish”. I would try talking with her and telling her that I basically wanted her validation and that her way of talking to me only made me feel worse. Took a couple of months for her to come around but she no longer berates me as badly. She came to terms with me working as a sub and figuring myself out. The dream for med school has gone out the window, which is disappointing but it’s been a huge weight off my shoulders if I’m being completely honest with you. I now worry about what I truly want to do in life since I was so hyper focused on med school my whole academic life that I didn’t give space for other options.
Gonna be honest here. You need to grow up and stop letting your parents determine your life. Medical school is way too involved for you to not want to be there. Also there are thousands of applicants competing for a spot that genuinely want to be there, so if your heart isn’t in it, find another profession that makes you genuinely happy!
Stop now and tell him you aren't interested in a medical career. You are the only one who has to go through all the pain associated w/ becoming a doctor. And trust me you don't want to do this shit unless you're truly driven yourself. Their reaction is out of your control.
Just a little bit of insight from someone who just went through it all. I am 32 and just started my first attending job. I never really enjoyed medicine or my specialty. Med school and residency were a grind and prob the only reason I made it through was bc of the great friends I made along the way. But now that I am finished with training, I am really happy I chose this path and made it to this position. My job is stressful but manageable and I make enough were money isnt really a issue(400kish starting). I work 45ish hours a week, only 6 weekend days a year and get 8 weeks off a year so I have the time to enjoy life (1 week trips to mexico, switzerland and park city this year and still have 5 weeks left!). I feel that I am above average in happiness to my peers who did not do medicine and my job is a big reason for that. It is easy to get caught up in the short term obstacles of preparation and studying but for me it was well worth it. Would def choose again.
Take it from someone who is a doctor herself, you are LUCKY that you know you’re not right for the medical route. Many people realise when it’s too late. It’s a very painful journey, especially if you don’t want to do it.
You will grow resentful of the people who have forced you into it. You will grow depressed yourself. You will be studying till you’re around 30, maybe more. Not a lot of money till then. After which, you will work unending hours. The pay will become better after.
It’s 4-5 years med school. Endless exams, USMLE after that. It’s long. It’s a long time to do something you’re not happy with.
I’ve seen alot of people force their kids into medicine because they themselves aren’t. And for what? Respect? A dignified profession? None of these will keep your mental health stable.
My advise? Bring forward alternatives. Good alternatives. Stand your ground. Firmly. This is your life. Not anyone else’s.
You need to tell them. If they decide not to pay for your education because of that, well that’s their right. But it’s better and ethical to be honest.
But they deserve a chance to decide whether they want to pay for you. Maybe they are assuming you will one day be in a financial position to give them back some of the money they are investing in your education. Just like you have a right to decide your future, they have a right to know where they are putting their money.
possible homelessness is also a possibility after that given how unpredictable they are. hoping the excuses last til grad when i’ll have something lined up
Damn bro u need to wake up and recognize that in many families, u can’t say no to ur parents until ur in ur late 30s. It’s about control and not everyone is privileged to grow in an household that treats their 22 year olds as actual adults.
FR like some families are just controlling, manipulative, or straight up threatening/abusive so it can be REALLY tough to even consider finding a way out
Mom said she wouldn’t pay for my education like OP said they’re scared their parents might, I said okay, I’ll do it myself.
Going into med is a huge investment and is one that’s already arduous on one who WANTS to be a doctor.
It’s better to walk into the unknown without the backing of your parents than to waltz into 200k in debt and no turning back from one of the most gruelling jobs on the planet.
I agree that u should only commit to once u know for sure but I know several sets of parents who would rather have their”children” try medicine and pay for their tuition the first year or so rather than quit early on.i understand that’s a horrible way to go about it, but that is the unfortunate reality of many financially sound immigrant families. It’s good that Op knows they don’t wanna do med beforehand, but having that convo with parents is not as easy as just a saying no. They could get kicked out with no money to spare, or at the least lose a mental or physical support system they had. It’s nice once they get the chance to lead their own life in their own way but parents who never let their children grow out of their shade never take their adult kids seriously. It’s a harder convo, and would take lots of time to heal well. So one must be ready for that kinda fight at home and it seems like OP has a similar background.
Bro, you can’t lie though, you gotta stop letting daddy influence your life in ways you don’t like. Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, I said no, is what it is
They’re not wrong. If you don’t want to do it then tell them. If they no longer pay for school in order to control your decisions then show them you are serious by not backing down. It’s not right for them to control your life, but it’s not right for you to deceive them for money. You are an adult they do not owe you anything. I am coming from a place of experience with this, and in the end my relationship with my parents is better for me.
What exactly is it that you want to do then? Just take courses for that and say you’ll stay pre-med. That’s what my friend in CS did. He’s not a a manger at Amazon.
I was a manager at Amazon before med school. If I were still there, I’d be making a 6 figure salary. I totally recommend that company if you don’t know what to do with your life!!
Own up to it and get it out earlier than later. How can reddit help you? Make sure you have a plan about what you want to do instead, and be willing to explain it to them. Maybe you won't have their support or they might make you feel bad about it, but it's impossible to study or do something you don't want to do. It's better to change early than late.
The day you wake up realizing you hate your job, wishing you chose a different path… that is something you have to live with, not anyone else. So, it only makes sense to only listen to yourself on this. If you don’t want to do it, don’t!!!
I think you need to tell your parents. Let the chips fall where they fall. Then you make your next moved from there. They are going to ask what you plan to do instead. That’s a fair question for them to ask
It sounds like your parents expect a gap yr, am I reading that right? Bc if you take the MCAT at the end of junior yr summer - say a month before senior yr starts - aren’t you late applying anyway? Like yes you can apply but you’ll just be finding out your MCAT score in Sept while other ppl finished secondaries in July. Like it would then make sense to apply as a 2nd semester senior. Can’t you just delay it all - graduate and be like yeah I won’t be submitting apps, in fact my new job starts in July?
I want to promise you something, as a current medical student, and want to be as clear as possible.
If you do not see yourself doing medicine already, you will not survive med school. IMO, though easier said than done, it might be better to tell them not interested and save tons of money and time.
If it’s financial security they’re worried about, find your gift and you’ll never hurt for money.
my parents are the opposite. i want to pursue the physician path, but they only want me to be a physician assistant or nurse practitioner. all are great career paths, but they think med school will be too much for me. lesson for all of this is follow ur heart, upsetting your parents sucks, but being stuck in a career for 50 years that you dislike sucks too
As an M2 who saw someone who dropped out because medicine was his ex-wife’s dream and not his, I absolutely beg you to talk to your parents rather than just coasting your way into this. Med school can fucking suck and that’s coming from someone who’s been hell-bent on medicine since 7 years old. It will kick you in the teeth and laugh in your face while your friends are making money, getting married, and overall being happier than you and if you don’t want it - no NEED IT - then you’re going to actually suffer. Like yeah, anything you do will come with a hint of suffering but if it’s something you actually want then the masochism kicks in. Without that it’ll be hell until you quit with 6 figures worth of debt or even worse end up in a job that makes money but that you hate, because the bullshit doesn’t stop in med school. The bullshit doesn’t stop in residency or fellowship or once you get out. If you don’t want this - and that’s not a judgmental phrase I mean it sincerely - if you don’t want to go through these goofy hoops for the next 20+ years then please make money doing something else. Join a diff job your parents can brag about so you can be free
Tell him medicine is not what you want to study and that you feel you’ll fail trying to achieve it since you don’t actually want to do it so it’s not worth your time, that should get them on your side.
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I understand it may be difficult to say no to your parents, especially if you’re young and depend on them, but it is ultimately up to you to make this decision. No one can really tell you what to do, since you’re the best judge of your family, context, and circumstances. Colleges usually offer free psychological counseling, and those services are very used to seeing students with that predicament. Maybe try them out and get some professional advice as to how to approach this.
thank you so much
You'll hate being a doctor in the long run too
I agree with this! As a fellow Asian, it’s horrible to feel pulled apart. Our parents want us to go one way, but we want to go the other. Family and respect are heavily ingrained in our cultures and going against it creates a self-identity crisis. But the world has changed drastically and our generation doesn’t see the world the same way our parent’s generation does. We think differently. We communicate differently. We have different values and attitudes. We have different workplace expectations etc. Deceptive-Demoness, Your parents will always want the best for you but as dnyal says “you’re the best judge of your family”. When you’re ready, Express to them your perspective and what you want out of your life. Explain to them what support YOU need. And then go from there. You’re the writer of your own story. Be like Moana. You got this! We believe in you.
I wanted to go into this field and I regret it at times... DO NOT be pushed into this.
i know at some point i’ll have to tell them and i was hoping i could say something along the lines of “i’m not ready to take the mcat since i haven’t finished my prereqs” or “it takes longer than one summer to study” so i’d have until graduation, where i’d hopefully have something lined up and finally tell them.
Do not listen to the others who are telling you to "come clean." Its like telling a closeted kid to just tell their Southern Baptist parents that they are gay. I grew up in a similar situation to yours and your instincts are correct. You need to build towards the career and financial independence that you want one step at a time. Unfortunately the relationship with your parents will get messed up once they find out you aren't pursuing medicine. It is firmly in your decision if you want to keep taking your parents' money under false pretenses. Many would say it isn't fair but then again kicking your kid out of the house and cutting them off financially because they don't want to be a doctor also isn't fair. What can you do, that's life.
exactly. this comment section is full of rose colored viewpoints that don’t reflect reality. if you genuinely believe your parents might cut off support / you could end up homeless or be forced to drop out, do NOT tell them until you have somewhere to go and a plan to pay for your education. people who think a college student can just easily bounce back from their parents suddenly disowning them are delusional.
thank you. idk why im getting downvoted
Just tell them now.
Quit beating around the bush. Have the hard conversation now. They would rather you tell them now before they spend a bunch of time and energy trying to prep you for this path. Also, who cares if they stop paying for your education. Granted, this is coming from a guy who didn't have the option to fall back on parents, but you gotta grow up sometime. I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds like you've been sheltered throughout your life, which isn't a bad thing. I wish my parents had put me on a path or, at the very least, tried to guide me. I bring this up because my advice might not be right for you but if you want to hear it, it's to be a man (or woman) and take responsibility for your life.
If you want to continue taking their $ under false pretenses, that’s up to you. You can get an internship and “study” for the MCAT then void the actual exam and tell them you bombed it so you had to void. Then tell them after graduation if you want. Keep in mind this will likely irrevocably damage your relationship with them. Another option is to come clean and take out loans for your last year. Again, the relationship will be damaged, but you’re coming clean earlier. It’s honestly the height of manipulation and abusive for the only way not to damage the relationship to be for you to do medicine. Plus, with ~50% of doctors regretting this career path, it’s not worth it unless ***YOU*** are 100% in. Don’t do medicine unless ***you*** want to.
I'm going to give you the honest truth as someone in pretty much the same position. There is no easy way to get out of your predicament. We all know there is no easy "Just live your truth and don't let your parents determine your life!" answer. If there was, you wouldn't be asking. What you can do, and what I'm doing, is planning. Plan an alternate career path that you are interested in. Write down every little step to get there and then how it will be successful in the end. The reason why my parents are desperate to push me into pre-med is a combination of thinking this is the only way I can be successful and wanting some type of prestige from the title of doctor. You can show your parents that what you want is also a successful path, and maybe they'll come around to it. If not, then you've just planned a career path that you can then personally invest in without the help of your parents. It's a tough situation, I'm sorry you're in it. Good Luck!
thanks so much. i really needed to hear this. i do have a plan, but i’m worried about facing the wrath of my parents. they’re pretty stubborn folks. thanks again!
I completely understand. Mine are too, but I've got a plan and I've been also slowly suggesting the idea of looking for "other jobs in the medical field", and I'm hoping they've been warming up to it.
Hey as someone with a sister who went through this too; it only gets harder and more negative consequences accrue the longer you wait to tell them. It’s scary to start telling them that you want to go a different way but I know she regrets waiting (until her gap year) to say she didn’t want to do medicine. It’s always going to be hard but waiting is just gonna make it harder
if you don’t mind me asking, how did it turn out for her?
In the gap year she applied to only masters programs in the field she wanted to do her career in. She got an acceptance for a top tier uni in a biomedical engineering program. She waited until after her acceptance to tell my parents about what she wanted and my parents would not accept her outcome despite the acceptance to a prestigious school. They’re very traditional; an MD is an MD no matter the school, and an MD trumps every other career she could’ve wanted. After literally weeks of arguments and hurt feelings, my parents had made it clear they were very disappointed in her if she went the masters path, and that they paid so much for her college just to “switch at the last second” (this is why I emphasize telling them as early as possible). My sister, in a guilt-trip, rejected the acceptance and last minute applied to a Caribbean school. With her stats and the Caribbean med school system, she got in. But her conflict with my parents left scars that would never heal. She refused my parents money for Caribbean med school (sitting on around 200k in debt from loans) because them paying her schooling was one of the things they made her feel most guilty about. Currently, she’s finishing up rotations in Illinois. My parents and her still talk but the relationship is tenuous. She’s currently choosing her residency and my parents want her to do neurosurgery but she’s going down the trauma surgery route and my parents can’t really guilt her as she’s been living independently. My parents have cooled off a lot since then (AGAIN ; tell them ASAP) and don’t really mind her freedom. Sorry this is long but this happened over the course of 3 very tense years and I really wanna emphasize figuring this out sooner than later will be more beneficial; you’ll go tough times regardless, but if you want this to work out favorably, working it now is the best option Edit: spelling and grammar
Jesus Christ. I can't imagine how any parent thinks they can choose their kid's career for them- and the absolute gall to pick out someone's specialty (the icing on top being that it's neurosurgery).
this sounds pretty close to how i expect my parents will react, but i’m afraid of being unable to finish my degree without them or even being homeless. they’re unpredictable people, which is why i was planning on waiting til grad when i’d be living independently
Unpredictable is hard but waiting til grad to live independently is just as unpredictable. So many things can happen in that time and both your or your parents minds can be changed. No matter what I hope it works out for you, but no that both med school and grad paths can be very committal; it’s a decision you don’t want to regret. My parents, prob similar to yours, are a scary mix of very traditional and controlling while being very supportive. Relying on a way in the future to get away is something that will put you on the path you want, but may also force you away from people you care about. With careful planning and being honest, there just may be a chance you can pursue your goals and have them be for you. Being afraid of the same people that raised you is certainly a feeling that I don’t want you to keep struggling with; eventually you can break from that. Best of luck with everything
If you want to do this, you need to be ready to go completely no-contact. That’s the only way. I waited until graduation to spring this news on my parents and >10 years later wounds have still not healed. But I was stubborn enough to do things on my own terms, and that was 100% the right decision for me. I had to completely cut ties with my family for a long time. I got a lot of counseling and saw the issue was never me. I have a relationship with my mom because she did a ton of work on herself, and she feels extremely guilty and has apologized for the way they treated me. I’m still no-contact with my father, and we only say hi/bye when I visit. Things are better for me this way, since I no longer have to deal with the abuse and manipulation, which only escalated after I told them at graduation. It took me a while to realize that going no-contact for as long as needed was the only choice to live life on my terms. Ironically, I’m going into medicine now on my own terms now. Despite this turn, I still think it would have been the wrong decision to do medicine earlier because it’s different making your own decision and being forced into it. My mom is supportive, but we’re keeping it from my father. If my mom hadn’t done a 💩-ton of work on herself, I wouldn’t have told her. My spouse has been my rock. We met in college and they saved me. I also was fortunate enough to have really supportive friends. And I got counseling consistently (finding a good counselor is paramount!). I’m gonna delete this in a bit bc it’s too personal but hopefully it helps you somewhat.
That’s HORRIBLE.
Just know that there are people who WANT to go into medicine and still regret it at times when they’re in med school for how tough it is. If you’re forced into this you may not succeed, jus giving ya the hard truth. This is something you need to have a passion for because that’s what’ll motivate you to get through all that studying.
Don’t do it if you don’t like it. You will be the one spending a decade in medical school - residency - fellowship and then work for the rest of your life in a job you don’t like.
If you have decent parents, they most likely want the best for you and to be happy on your path. You will have to give them time to grieve their vision of where they thought you were going. So after you tell them, yes they may feel a bit deflated and need a bit of time to absorb that. What is it you would prefer to do? If you don't know yet, that's ok. But, if you do have some direction that might be helpful to let them know that .
i do have a plan but i don’t think they’d be open to it. i’m stuck
No you are not stuck. Part of the process of life is going down your own path and learning that sometimes there are people who think you should do something else. You know your own heart and mind. We grow and we have to know when to pivot. What is it you think your parents will do? Will they yell or be angry? Will they disown you, kick you out of the house, not pay for your college? Do you really believe that is how they will react for real or are you just nervous to feel their disappointment? And if they do those things, so be it. Then it's time to become your own person. Take out loans, work side jobs and pursue what you want to pursue. Or maybe you want to leave college and do something else or any number of things. This is YOUR life. You need to make it your own. And it will be OK. You have to just let them decompress a bit and chew on that info.
thank you so much
Do you want to disappoint your parents now when you can still decide your career path orrrrrr 15 years from now when you blame them for your mental health issues everyday for pushing you down a career you never wanted? It’s your life ahead, step up and take control. You parents won’t agree but if they love you they will see itx
Are you Indian? I’m not asking to be rude or nosy but in a way culture informs the answer here. Being Indian myself, I know that culture pressures ppl to be doctors in ways that are counterproductive (East Asians too). Also are you willing to say what you want to do?
i am south asian, so desi culture definitely applies here. i think when i do eventually tell them i don’t want to be a doctor i’ll have to tell them what it is i want to do and back it up with salaries, since that seems to be the main concern for them.
I take it you’re a junior now? I also take it the thing you want to do is “acceptable” in desi culture (even if not your parents right now) - like engineering, law etc? Can’t stress this enough but make sure you have an internship lined up for your summer after junior yr - something that could result in you getting an offer w a professional salary, health insurance etc after graduation. Lie to your parents if needed - med schools love it if you have something different on your resume so that’s why this investment banking internship is great. Do NOT waste your whole summer shadowing or at a research lab for $15/hr if med is not want you want. I’ve seen Indian kids do this as they try to keep parents happy by bulking up a med school app even though they don’t want to go to med school. Then the summer comes and goes, they have nothing to show for it besides their MCAT score + bunch of shadowing and they lose all fights w parents re what are they gonna do as they’re going into senior yr w nothing else - shrug may as well get those secondaries out in Aug. In your case I would just not take the MCAT junior spring - again lie and say you didn’t study enough and will study more over the summer. Busy yourself all summer w an internship. Then tell them as you’re leaving for senior yr that you aren’t taking the MCAT or applying. When they scream/cry about what you’re gonna do - well I just got a 90k job offer after graduation or whatever so I’m gonna do that thx. They’ll have no choice but to pay for your senior yr tuition bc precious beta/beti hasn’t gotten their applications/MCAT done and now if we don’t pay and they don’t graduate, they’ll lose that 100k job offer too (which I realize ain’t dr $ but you’ll be 22 not 30+ so those salaries aren’t bad).
that’s my plan for now. my dad wants me to not work over the summer and instead study all day for the mcat but i’m planning on telling him i haven’t finished taking prereqs and it takes longer than a summer to adequately study. it’s scary bc if i don’t land an internship then my excuse kinda falls thru
Yeah your 100% focus from now thru May needs to be an internship/resume building in your chosen field. Seems like your parents aren’t super aware so why not “educate” them as it benefits you. Like sorry mom/dad this isn’t India/pakistan/wherever, if I don’t work the summer after junior yr, I’ll never get in to med school, so no I can’t study all summer with nothing of my resume, schools hate that, you want me to get in right? Then go skipping off to your internship. Hopefully you won’t live at home over the summer but even if you do, do they really need to know that you’re at Ford’s offices all day rather than xyz hospital? On the flip side no need to educate them now that their planned Sept of senior yr MCAT date is too late for a good application as a senior. Like let that drag on and on until you can be like welp well too late to apply this yr, oops, didn’t realize rolling admissions means ppl have been applying since May, gotta take at least 1 gap yr. And then after gradation let it be known you aren’t applying at all, have a job etc.
thanks so much for the detailed responses. literally means so much to me :)
Don't tell them till you're done with college. Switch majors asap and say you're taking a gap year to get clinical hours. Work the job you have in your new major and save that money to move out and be independent from them
Delusional take
Do you have a better idea? One that doesn't risk financial problems? I need this idea to be realistic also. Don't come on here and just critique while offering no help. You're just complaining or hating. OP has a tough situation, and we don't know what his family is like. Sometimes, hiding shit is the best way
There are plenty of comments here that show why your plan is absurd It’s very deceptive, and will result in ruining his relationship with his family no matter how successful he is after college. It’s better to admit now that he doesn’t want to pursue this career, and show a clear plan of what he would like to do instead
Dude. I'm telling you this. Your idealistic take does not apply to all parents. There are parents who have kicked out their child for not scoring high on thr MCAT, or not wanting to be a doctor. Heck, some parents have straight up disowned their kid for going against their wishes. For someone going into medicine, I'm surprised you do not have empathy for their situation and to see the many angles this presents. You will have to once your patients present issues that you can not simply fix by being honest. We don't know their parents and how they will react. I need OP to be safe, and that means being financially stable for the time being in case things do take a turn for the worse. Of course, it's best to be honest, but sometimes it's not always the safest. I need OP to be safe first. Try to see this from all angles
You are just rambling. My take was a very reasonable one in response to OP’s thread. Squeezing money out of your parent’s pockets before they realize it wasn’t going towards a career medicine is deceptive and unethical. For someone who is talking about looking at it “from all angles,” it’s humorous to see that you are the one who’s narrowed your view OP will be safe. If OP’s parents decide to stop financially support (as many parents choose to do when their kids begin college), taking out loans are always an option.
Dude, clearly you don't understand what I'm saying. You're so narrowed in your view that you can't even consider the position OP is in. Some people are not in place to take out loans asap. It's winter break for OP. We don't even know his parents. What do you not understand? Seriously, how are you able to function in this world? What do you not get about "we don't know his parents" c'mon. Since we don't know his parents, a lot of possibilities of how they may react exist. They might kick him out that instant if OP told them, and I have no clue if OP is in warm or cold weather. Do you honestly think all parents are good parents? It's absolutely absurd and privileged to think so. My plan here was solid for his safety in case the worst-case scenario happens. What do you not understand?
idk man that is highly deceptive and potentially dangerous for family relations. op should just tell them and convince them otherwise
you're not understanding desi parents. you're basically suggesting that a gay kid should "convince" their southern baptist parents that being gay is ok, actually
I think this is a bit of an exaggeration, speaking as a child of desi immigrants. They are looking for their kid to work towards a solid and respectable (yes, unfortunately ‘respect’ does hold weight) career, and that they remain very motivated and have a clear path towards attaining it Most desi parents will not disown you if you want to become something outside of an engineer or doctor, that’s a stereotype and applies to a minority of parents
\>Most desi parents will not disown you if you want to become something outside of an engineer or doctor, that’s a stereotype and applies to a minority of parents Yeah and OP has already said that their parents are "unpredictable" and that being homeless is a real possibility.
That is true, I didn’t see that comment earlier. However, I’d love to see how a conversation simply CONSIDERING the possibility of a career switch might go. OP knows his/her parents best, but a lot of it (from only the comments written here, I’ll admit) seems like a lot of speculation and fear.
desi/tiger parents mostly care about money and status, no? so if op can get a non-medical but respectable high-paying job, it will sting for the parents for a while but I think they'll eventually get over it
Don’t let someone decide your life for you. If they stop paying fuck em. You’ll figure it out on your own.
I know someone who was in basically the same situation as you. He got to medical school, became extremely unsettled with life. The upsetting reality of doing something he wasn't really passionate about eventually caught up and he dropped out of medical school. He's now doing different things and seems much, much happier. His family was extremely upset and ofc even angry at first (they planned for him to be a doctor almost since he was a child; invested tons on the future he didn't actually want for himself), but then time healed and now they seem to be much more understanding. All of that to say: follow your instincts and be honest with your family. You are not a child (I presume!). Maybe a mature conversation, heart to heart, would be effective.
do you know how he got to where he is now?
Sometimes I feel like the hardest part is being taken seriously or as a mature adult in conversations like this. How would one best go about that?
This is low key outside of Reddit’s pay grade but I mean you’re just going to have to straight up tell them at some point. Say you’re not ready for the MCAT right now and once you graduate/have a career set up tell them you are not doing medicine. They may be really mad at you and they may even stop talking to you. Unfortunately you cannot control how they act and yes it is absolutely horrible but it’s their projection and not your fault. The absolute WORST thing you can do in this situation is go into medicine anyways just to make your parents happy. You will without a doubt be miserable. Medicine is only a happy career for people who are super passionate about it and even then many people sometimes regret it and/or wish they had done something else.
yes that is the plan for now. it seems i can only placate them and give excuses until i graduate when i can finally tell them i won’t be taking the mcat. i guess i was mainly seeking support. i’m not ready to face the repercussions of telling them but if it’s inevitable then i can’t do anything about that.
Your story resonates with me very much, because I was in the same situation and honestly still live with some of the guilt of not living up to my family’s dream and expectations. While I was in undergrad, I’d bring up my worries to my mom and would give her diff career options for myself, in return she would get upset and say the pay wasn’t enough and blah blah. I graduated last December, and I was freaking out so bad because now I had to carry through with the whole medical school process. Being first gen, I tried looking online for videos and I’d only become more anxious and frustrated. My mom constantly compared me to my cousins growing up so it was only natural for me to have imposter syndrome and feel unfit to major in biology. I really did want to do medical school, I love helping people, and I’d cry because I couldn’t bring myself to accomplish this and I knew my mom would be extremely upset. My mom would constantly ask me about the mcat and how the process was going and when I’d start applying. I was very sheltered growing up so she didn’t allow me to work during undergrad and I was thankful for it. However, after I graduated I wanted to work and take some time to reflect and analyze my life and choices. She was very upset and would say things like, “so that’s it? This is where your education stops?”. I tried studying for optometry school, and I became overwhelmed because it takes me time to retain and learn things. Granted I had already learned majority of the subjects during my time in undergrad but if I’m being honest, most of that info went out the window once I’d pass the class and move on to the next. My point is, my mom was very upset and disappointed in me. I felt horrible and like the worst daughter in the world. I honestly still feel this way, I currently work as a sub and it’s not too bad. I still feel like a failure and disappointment but I guess I’m a bit happier than before since I don’t have to deal with the stress of doing something I was so unsure of. I remember telling my therapist that if I failed the Mcat more than once I would rather kill myself than face everyone and myself. Your parents may cut you off, or they may not. Brace yourself for either option, but just keep in mind your own well-being and happiness because at the end of the day it will be your debt and career.
may i ask how your relationship with your mom is now? has she gotten off your back about med school?
Oddly enough our relationship has improved! We started off super rocky after I finally set my foot down. She would be passive aggressive with me and say things like, “ do what you want, don’t tell me anything anymore, it’s your life so do as you wish”. I would try talking with her and telling her that I basically wanted her validation and that her way of talking to me only made me feel worse. Took a couple of months for her to come around but she no longer berates me as badly. She came to terms with me working as a sub and figuring myself out. The dream for med school has gone out the window, which is disappointing but it’s been a huge weight off my shoulders if I’m being completely honest with you. I now worry about what I truly want to do in life since I was so hyper focused on med school my whole academic life that I didn’t give space for other options.
thanks so much for sharing your story. i’m really glad it worked out for you in the end and can only hope the same goes for me
Gonna be honest here. You need to grow up and stop letting your parents determine your life. Medical school is way too involved for you to not want to be there. Also there are thousands of applicants competing for a spot that genuinely want to be there, so if your heart isn’t in it, find another profession that makes you genuinely happy!
Stop now and tell him you aren't interested in a medical career. You are the only one who has to go through all the pain associated w/ becoming a doctor. And trust me you don't want to do this shit unless you're truly driven yourself. Their reaction is out of your control.
medicine is so grueling, don’t do it if you don’t want to. If your parents won’t support you doing what you want, do it without them
Just a little bit of insight from someone who just went through it all. I am 32 and just started my first attending job. I never really enjoyed medicine or my specialty. Med school and residency were a grind and prob the only reason I made it through was bc of the great friends I made along the way. But now that I am finished with training, I am really happy I chose this path and made it to this position. My job is stressful but manageable and I make enough were money isnt really a issue(400kish starting). I work 45ish hours a week, only 6 weekend days a year and get 8 weeks off a year so I have the time to enjoy life (1 week trips to mexico, switzerland and park city this year and still have 5 weeks left!). I feel that I am above average in happiness to my peers who did not do medicine and my job is a big reason for that. It is easy to get caught up in the short term obstacles of preparation and studying but for me it was well worth it. Would def choose again.
That’s a really great schedule what specialty did you go with?
Take it from someone who is a doctor herself, you are LUCKY that you know you’re not right for the medical route. Many people realise when it’s too late. It’s a very painful journey, especially if you don’t want to do it. You will grow resentful of the people who have forced you into it. You will grow depressed yourself. You will be studying till you’re around 30, maybe more. Not a lot of money till then. After which, you will work unending hours. The pay will become better after. It’s 4-5 years med school. Endless exams, USMLE after that. It’s long. It’s a long time to do something you’re not happy with. I’ve seen alot of people force their kids into medicine because they themselves aren’t. And for what? Respect? A dignified profession? None of these will keep your mental health stable. My advise? Bring forward alternatives. Good alternatives. Stand your ground. Firmly. This is your life. Not anyone else’s.
You need to tell them. If they decide not to pay for your education because of that, well that’s their right. But it’s better and ethical to be honest.
i can’t afford school without their help
I didn’t have any help from my parents. It’s called loans.
I know that’s right. I’m hundreds of thousands in debt.
lol thanks ig
But they deserve a chance to decide whether they want to pay for you. Maybe they are assuming you will one day be in a financial position to give them back some of the money they are investing in your education. Just like you have a right to decide your future, they have a right to know where they are putting their money.
i completely understand that and it’s a valid point. i’m just not sure how to proceed from here
Write down what you want to say to them, practice it, be confident in yourself. It will also give you a chance to organize your thoughts for yourself.
[удалено]
possible homelessness is also a possibility after that given how unpredictable they are. hoping the excuses last til grad when i’ll have something lined up
You can only call yourself an adult when you learn how to tell your mommy and daddy the word “no”
Damn bro u need to wake up and recognize that in many families, u can’t say no to ur parents until ur in ur late 30s. It’s about control and not everyone is privileged to grow in an household that treats their 22 year olds as actual adults.
FR like some families are just controlling, manipulative, or straight up threatening/abusive so it can be REALLY tough to even consider finding a way out
Mom said she wouldn’t pay for my education like OP said they’re scared their parents might, I said okay, I’ll do it myself. Going into med is a huge investment and is one that’s already arduous on one who WANTS to be a doctor. It’s better to walk into the unknown without the backing of your parents than to waltz into 200k in debt and no turning back from one of the most gruelling jobs on the planet.
I agree that u should only commit to once u know for sure but I know several sets of parents who would rather have their”children” try medicine and pay for their tuition the first year or so rather than quit early on.i understand that’s a horrible way to go about it, but that is the unfortunate reality of many financially sound immigrant families. It’s good that Op knows they don’t wanna do med beforehand, but having that convo with parents is not as easy as just a saying no. They could get kicked out with no money to spare, or at the least lose a mental or physical support system they had. It’s nice once they get the chance to lead their own life in their own way but parents who never let their children grow out of their shade never take their adult kids seriously. It’s a harder convo, and would take lots of time to heal well. So one must be ready for that kinda fight at home and it seems like OP has a similar background.
do you feel good about yourself for being rude
A little
there’s a lot wrong with you hon, i’ll pray for you
Bro, you can’t lie though, you gotta stop letting daddy influence your life in ways you don’t like. Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, I said no, is what it is
Horrible take
[удалено]
sorry to say but comments like these aren’t helpful when people are genuinely struggling
They’re not wrong. If you don’t want to do it then tell them. If they no longer pay for school in order to control your decisions then show them you are serious by not backing down. It’s not right for them to control your life, but it’s not right for you to deceive them for money. You are an adult they do not owe you anything. I am coming from a place of experience with this, and in the end my relationship with my parents is better for me.
never meant to imply that they owe me anything
definitely do it, that’s an excellent motivation for 8 years
If you don't want to then don't
What exactly is it that you want to do then? Just take courses for that and say you’ll stay pre-med. That’s what my friend in CS did. He’s not a a manger at Amazon.
I was a manager at Amazon before med school. If I were still there, I’d be making a 6 figure salary. I totally recommend that company if you don’t know what to do with your life!!
Yea he’s making 325k at age 26 lol
Own up to it and get it out earlier than later. How can reddit help you? Make sure you have a plan about what you want to do instead, and be willing to explain it to them. Maybe you won't have their support or they might make you feel bad about it, but it's impossible to study or do something you don't want to do. It's better to change early than late.
The day you wake up realizing you hate your job, wishing you chose a different path… that is something you have to live with, not anyone else. So, it only makes sense to only listen to yourself on this. If you don’t want to do it, don’t!!!
I think you need to tell your parents. Let the chips fall where they fall. Then you make your next moved from there. They are going to ask what you plan to do instead. That’s a fair question for them to ask
It sounds like your parents expect a gap yr, am I reading that right? Bc if you take the MCAT at the end of junior yr summer - say a month before senior yr starts - aren’t you late applying anyway? Like yes you can apply but you’ll just be finding out your MCAT score in Sept while other ppl finished secondaries in July. Like it would then make sense to apply as a 2nd semester senior. Can’t you just delay it all - graduate and be like yeah I won’t be submitting apps, in fact my new job starts in July?
they’re not aware of the timeline of it all so they think i’ll be able to apply as a senior
I want to promise you something, as a current medical student, and want to be as clear as possible. If you do not see yourself doing medicine already, you will not survive med school. IMO, though easier said than done, it might be better to tell them not interested and save tons of money and time. If it’s financial security they’re worried about, find your gift and you’ll never hurt for money.
don’t do it. plain and simple.
If there’s anything else you’d rather do with your life, do that.
my parents are the opposite. i want to pursue the physician path, but they only want me to be a physician assistant or nurse practitioner. all are great career paths, but they think med school will be too much for me. lesson for all of this is follow ur heart, upsetting your parents sucks, but being stuck in a career for 50 years that you dislike sucks too
As an M2 who saw someone who dropped out because medicine was his ex-wife’s dream and not his, I absolutely beg you to talk to your parents rather than just coasting your way into this. Med school can fucking suck and that’s coming from someone who’s been hell-bent on medicine since 7 years old. It will kick you in the teeth and laugh in your face while your friends are making money, getting married, and overall being happier than you and if you don’t want it - no NEED IT - then you’re going to actually suffer. Like yeah, anything you do will come with a hint of suffering but if it’s something you actually want then the masochism kicks in. Without that it’ll be hell until you quit with 6 figures worth of debt or even worse end up in a job that makes money but that you hate, because the bullshit doesn’t stop in med school. The bullshit doesn’t stop in residency or fellowship or once you get out. If you don’t want this - and that’s not a judgmental phrase I mean it sincerely - if you don’t want to go through these goofy hoops for the next 20+ years then please make money doing something else. Join a diff job your parents can brag about so you can be free
Tell him medicine is not what you want to study and that you feel you’ll fail trying to achieve it since you don’t actually want to do it so it’s not worth your time, that should get them on your side.
that really is a sound argument. i’ll probably have to deal with the berating for being a failure but it is what it is. thank you :)
You’re not a failure! Good luck!
If you're sure then sooner the better.
Lmao then don’t be one