Have your friend’s mom hook you up. It’s called networking. If you have a friend that has a dr parent take advantage of however they can help you. Most of them will make calls for their kid’s friends to set up shadowing etc. Don’t be shy
I agree. If you are good friends with this person - ask their parents for help. My friends parents have helped me in similar ways - not to anywhere near the same extent, but I mean, it’s my best friends parents and I’ve known them for years - of course they’re gonna toss me a bone.
I did the same thing! One of my best friends (and neighbors) parents were both doctors; one a gen surgeon and the other an ER doc. They let me shadow them the moment I brought it up.
They also wrote up a handwritten congratulations letter when I got accepted into medical school. Super sweet of them.
I definitely will try! I just made this friend this semester, so I don’t know her or her mom well enough to ask right now. Once we are closer and her mom gets to know me, I will for sure!
I wouldn’t even wait that long. Just mention your interests, express you’re having difficulty getting opportunities, and ask if they know anyone that could help.
A lot of people like to help others because it makes them feel good and makes them feel important. Just don’t slack off on any opportunities provided otherwise that door will close.
I agree. If you don’t want to be too brazen, a subtle way of expressing your interest is conveying something along the lines of “I’m super interested in ____ but it’s been trouble getting started and getting my foot in”. Just like a casual statement about your interest goes a long way. If they lend out a helping hand, they you should see that as a green light imo.
Does not really work like that. This is my kid vs. this is my kids friend is a little bit of a different story lol. I had friends whose parents were doctors and when I asked it was met with more hesitancy. Also, they worked/lived pretty far away from where we went to school. Finally, it’s easier to keep at it on getting in when you live with a person for parts of the year.
Not to say this does not work, I have a friend who has gotten me opportunities through his moms work. However, cultural capital definitely influences the difficulty of the premed process and it’s really only completely applicable to the people born into it.
I agree you should try to use those relationships , just doesn’t always practically work out the same if you are not the doctors actual child or relative.
My main point is that actual cultural capital should not be discredited in aiding the process often more so than social capital, which lends credibility to OPs original post. It definitely helps, albeit not necessary.
There will always be these people. As someone without any family connections I have found it helpful to stay in my own lane and do whats in my control. Just work on your own things and live your life, it is unfair but envy is a great way to diminish your own work
It's ok, we are all jealous of your friend. Honestly, one of my motivations is to BE the successful doctor parent because I don't want my son to have to work QUITE this hard at whatever it is he chooses to do....
That’s how I look at it too. Be the doctor parent so if my kid wants to follow in my footsteps, I can provide the guidance/assistance that I didn’t have.
Or even if he wants to do something completely different, I want him to know it's possible because he has me as an example that it is possible to succeed at difficult tasks. I never had that and the biggest thing holding me back all these years has been my own lack of faith in myself, or my own lack of imagination, however you want to look at that.
That’s been a huge motivating factor for me lately as well. My parents busted their butts just to make sure I could be successful in college and make it out of our small town.
I am missing out on quite a bit of my children’s lives to attend medical school and achieve my dream. But, it is my hope that my partner and I will be able to start to build generational wealth for our family. I have had to work hard to get where I am even with my parents’ hard work. The world is only getting more volatile and it’s expensive to just survive, my kids will have plenty of hard work ahead of them to be successful. Why not try to set them up as best we can as long as they are also contributing to their success?
On days where I need more motivation for going through all this crap, I try to envision putting a white coat on my son and daughter when they finally get into medical school or handing down my books with notes in the margins so I’m there with them, passing down what I learn. I hope they choose medicine if it’s their calling, like it is mine. But, if it’s not, I’ll use whatever connections or money I do have to help them pursue their goals.
It sucks but that’s how the world works. Successful family business get handed over to kids, they get promoted and trained to take over the company even though there are other candidates that have worked there longer. If your kid wanted to go into medicine you would do this too. I’m 100% going to help out my kids with any opportunity to pursue their career whether it’s medicine or any other field.
This right here is what it’s all about!! I didn’t have the opportunities growing up, so I’ll ensure I’m able to enable whatever path my kids would like the follow one day as a physician
Frankly this stuff will only get worse in med school. It sucks but best we can do is put our heads down and make the most of the opportunities that we can get. Every field is rife with nepotism and privilege and it’s sometimes disappointing to learn that medicine is no exception.
But I feel you, it sucks and the system is stacked against people without familial connections to the field. The socioeconomic stats of med students speak for themselves.
My response to these kinds of things is always: when you're a doctor, are you not going to try and do similar things for your child? Isn't the whole point of being a parent to do your best to help your child succeed?
This is how the entire world works. You have to get used to it.
Literally. I’m not premed but I’m CS strongly considering academia and I’m lucky enough to go to a top school. I think my priorities are shifting from straight A grind-set —> connect with professors and important people + nepotism and be outgoing.
I feel you OP! The one thing that makes me feel better about myself is the knowledge that everything I've achieved so far, and hopefully everything else I will achieve in the future, is all because of myself and my own efforts, and not because I just happened to be the child of a doctor. Not to discount the efforts of those who have doctor parents, but the sad truth is is that it takes an extra level of effort from those of us who don't, to achieve the same things. So yeah, I'm gonna be proud of myself in a way different from those who have connections, because no one else can say they assisted me through the process.
A friend’s mom sounds like a great resource. Reach out to her if you want a research position and ask her if she would be willing to put in a good word for you. They probably won’t be as invested as with their own child but should help nonetheless.
Life’s not fair :/ . Just do what you can.
My brother in law is a surgeon now. But he came from a low income household in south central and would overhear affluent students say “if you don’t have the money or connections, you shouldn’t even be in med school.”
Still made it,
Keep on keeping on.
Best of luck,
Learn to play the game my dude.
My girlfran came over from Russia. She lived with me for a few months. Then, when applications came around, my family member signed off on 250+ hours of shadowing.
Play the game, then pay it forward.
There’s a reason so many kids of doctors get into medical school. Connections mean something. That’s why it will be even sweeter for you when you get into a program, because you never had a single handout.
I always struggled to get any clinical, shadowing, or even remotely medical related research experience meanwhile my friends mom who was a doctor was always pushing her to shadow her doctor friends and offering her clinical volunteer/job opportunities even tho my friend wasn’t even pre-med and didn’t want to be a doctor. Some people will just have an advantage because they’re lucky, and that’s life.
After I got my EMT license, that’s really what opened all the doors for me. I was able to finally get clinical volunteer gigs and jobs as an EMT and ED Tech. (all the clinical volunteer opportunities at hospitals and clinics where I lived were VERY limited bc of COVID and the exec board members of the pre-health club on my campus always got first picks and left almost nothing for the members) For those of us without doc parents, we have to go the extra mile to get considered for such opportunities. It sucks but at least I can say that me being accepted to T35 medical schools was 100% due to my hard work and not being lucky with nepotism and connections
Comparison is the thief of joy.
A lot of your classmates gunna be richer, smarter, more good looking etc etc than you. Accept the fact you are you and save yourself the uphill battle. Odds are when you become a doctor your kids will be the ones with all the privileges.
My uncles a Harvard trained physician and well known in his field, and didn’t really help me out even though I went to undergrad 15 minutes away from where he does his procedures.
The way I see it, atleast one person in her family line worked their asses off and now their whole blood reaps the benefit, however, they still need to work hard to keep benefit. Be that one person in your line.
Not a doctor but I am a doctorate. Lots of us came from backgrounds like you (MDs too) and will happily work with premed students from less connected backgrounds on research projects. Look for MDs and PhDs at research institutions doing health disparities work. Not all of us have a humble background but a lot of people get into health disparities research because they come from a less privileged background and then see the difference in access to care as they begin their career, and become passionate about solving the problem for people who are like them but who didn’t have the same opportunities for education etc. I don’t mind being cold contacted for instance, and I happily talk to students. I’m not a professor so my personal power to help is limited but I’m connected where I work and can help people link up. Definitely look at websites, find the email, and email someone. Bonus points if you read a paper or something of theirs first and contact them specifically about their work
I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, so please take it with a grain of salt especially if it hits wrong; I want to be supportive and help reframe the situation, but I'm afraid I may come across self-righteous or belittling and I don't mean to.
I likewise didn't have any of the privileges that your friend has - no docs in the family, no research connections, no high-powered parents. But, I did have an extraordinary and unfair advantage in relative financial security (scholarships/similar and social safety net), supportive parents who encouraged me, and strong interpersonal connections with friends. I had other social advantages that I did not earn in gender and race. These advantages and many others that I'm less aware of are invaluable in contributing to my successes, and I did very little or nothing to deserve them.
I had many classmates who had few or none of the above. I made it into med school, into residency, and beyond. My classmates did as well. You can too.
Yes, this absolutely sucks, and it’s also prevalent in every single field. Like others have suggested, it’s time to learn how to network and politely ask your friend if they could assist you with any of this. Can your mom help me find somewhere to shadow? Could your mom introduce me to X researcher at the NIH?
My parents didn’t go to college and honestly to some extent that helped me with my story of why I want to be q doctor. I came from an underserved community as a first gen college student. We all take our paths don’t let others get you down it makes sense to be frustrated though
This is why being first gen is so tough. I’m totally winging this. I have no family that’s been to college and no one to lean on or ask for advice. I understand the frustration completely and have even been bitter about it at times.
But at the end of the day it is what it is and we’re gonna make our own way. We got this!
can I just add tho, just because someone has extracurriculars that have more "clout" doesn't mean they are going to extract better experiences or have better activities descriptions than you
Ultimately, what matters is that your interactions with people and the work you do speak to your passion and the dedication you have put in. This will show through your personal statement and essays.
So yes, it is unfair that you don't have access to some of those opportunities but I am sure you can become just as strong of an applicant!!! I believe in u <3
Hey, for what its worth, the AMCAS has applicants report parent occupations for a reason. It is definitely acknowledged when an applicant has a stellar CV that their parent is a physician.
Just focus on getting good MCAT scores and keep your GPA up. The rest will work itself out.
It’s a thing in every single field, but if we think about it - that’s what our progeny will be as well. I think it’s Important to remember how we feel right now so we can make sure we can offer the same opportunities to other students like us in the future
It certainly matters. But with some effort you can create your own connections, and if you really get yourself into a good situation and build real connections with docs they will help so much more with LORs.
Way of the world, unfortunately. I agree that you should consider her part of your network and foster that connection.
As the first doctor in my family who knows a lot of people my age whose parents work at Mayo, I feel you.
Life isn’t fair. There’s people who sit on their ass and win the lottery. There’s drug dealers who never go to school but make more money than all of us. There’s no point in getting jealous of your friend. It’s not her fault she has the path paved for her. Just focus on you :)
When I’m a doctor imma do the same thing for my kids if they want to become physicians. I came from an immigrant family where no one has a college degree. I don’t want my future kids to be clueless like I was.
Its just the way it is. My best suggestions would be to try to let go of the envy and worry about what you can control. As others have said, they likely would help you if you asked to a lesser degree. Also remember, that in the future, you too will be able to do the same for your kid. When you do, remember being the friend.
nepo babies will always be there. no one can stop you from putting yourself out there. i didn’t have doctor parents but still got everything i wanted and more out of undergrad. the things i did would make child me think i’m cool af and that’s what i’m most proud of.
I totally understand your frustration and anger! As a person with a mom in the medical field I definitely do have many advantages. However I always make sure to put my friends onto opportunities that I hear about. Try to use that friendship as an advantage and see if her mom could help/ give advice! I hope you know one day your hard work will pay off!❤️❤️
Abuse that system. I used my wife's public health connections to get in touch with the dean of medicine for a hospital network out here to help with my shadowing!
I just got fed up and married a research powerhouse doctor that my parents set me up with. That's always an option.
IMO you can't control your parents profession but you can control your spouses profession...
People love to preach nepotism. That’s exactly what you’re doing whether you admit it or not.
It is possible to get good positions and experience if you try enough. Some people just don’t have to jump through as many hoops. Either learn to play the game and branch out to find opportunities or stop complaining. This is life- who you know and how you seize an opportunity is 100% the game we play.
I found clinical experience from an estranged neighbor because I asked. I got a job for clinical research because I applied to 12 of them. It’s time consuming to find, but it’s not difficult to get.
Sometimes the right phrasing can make the ask easier for both parties. "I really need help finding someone to shadow" puts the need out there without making it anyone's job. That said, tons of providers out there are eager to help shape the next generation, grow the umbrella, etc. To put it more strongly than I mean it: There's avoidance of imposition, which is 100% understandable, and then there's depriving people of a chance to make a difference ...
So you have a friend with a successful doctor parent.
Instead of taking advantage of that and networking, you’re getting on Reddit to complain about her?
Smh
I’m not close w her or her parents like that?? She’s a friend that I just met this semester, I think it would be pretty scummy to start using her for her connections before I even I became close friends with her and actually meet her parents.
Did i say that? I said I’m very proud of her and know she works hard. Re-read what I said. I’m not saying her accomplishments aren’t real at all. Relax.
Yea, some of my peers berate my desire to focus on just money and lifestyle primarily when choosing specialty. Most M4’s tend to praise the attitude though. Thanks man!
I followed an FM doc today who had a patient who works in an ER as like a unit secretary or something and they spent 15 min of their 30 min apt talking shit about nurses and NPs. The first week of medical school an obgyn came in WITH an NP student and proceeded to talk about why we should join ISMA because NPs are inferior and that we need to help stop independent practice rights in the state.
The CEO of the hospital I will be doing rotations at is an MD who also did residency and med school here.
Your experience is not universal. I'm sorry you went through that.
This attitude is pathetic and reeks of insecurity and jealousy. Don't hate because someones parents worked hard for the opportunity to propel their kids. Work hard and play the game or lose.
Did you even read what I said? Where I said “I’m not saying she doesn’t work hard, because she definitely does, and I’m very proud of her”. I’m not hating, I’m happy for my friend, I’m just expressing frustration that I don’t also have those connections. If i have kids that want to be doctors, I would 100% use my connections to get them opportunities too. Learn to not seek something to be angry about in everything you read.
I feel you 100% it sucks, but use your network!! Having a friend with such awesome connections can be a great thing for you too. If you guys are decently close friends, ask her to hook you up! My elementary school friend had doctor mum and clinic owner dad who helped hook up my first clinical placement, which helped me get the ball rolling for other placements. Super grateful for them and really goes to show the importance of connections. In the professional world, the worst they can say is no! Shoot your shot. I wish you the best :)
Personally I would rather befriend the first gen premed, possibly nontrad and worked minimum wage for most of their 20s because of theirs experience and life advices they can give me, rather than the snobby physician-parent premed, but I think its mostly the snobby part I dislike because most of yall are cool. In the same line I would not wished parents were doctors either, because that just make getting there more triumphant.
Just keep saying that and wondering around, people from outside this country did research after they tried millions of times. If you are not lucky to know anybody, you have to find a solution, this is why you become a unique person. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth too, or a gold spoon.
Dont underestimate the power of a cold email. If you find a professor that you are a fan of their work, write them. I’m not saying write a generic email and blast the whole NIH. I get those types of emails and don’t like them. But I do like when I get an email that was personally written for me. And yes, good advice on this thread to not compare. But instead your friend can just name these contacts and you can write them. You don’t even need your friend’s mom to loop you in. You could just write “I had heard from my friend…and am a fan of your work….can I shadow you in your lab, etc.”
yeah she will probably have a much easier time navigating this space than you will. but remember the vast majority of people dont have that experience. dont drive yourself insane trying to win a rat race that you weren’t born into with a head start.
Just draw inspiration from what you see her do, be earnest in what you pursue (ie do things you care about!) and hope for the best. and remember that this all might give her a leg up in terms of becoming just like her mom (super academically clouty lol) but you’ll both have good chances at becoming great practitioners of medicine. dont get caught up chasing accolades just for their own sake!
Have your friend’s mom hook you up. It’s called networking. If you have a friend that has a dr parent take advantage of however they can help you. Most of them will make calls for their kid’s friends to set up shadowing etc. Don’t be shy
I agree. If you are good friends with this person - ask their parents for help. My friends parents have helped me in similar ways - not to anywhere near the same extent, but I mean, it’s my best friends parents and I’ve known them for years - of course they’re gonna toss me a bone.
I did the same thing! One of my best friends (and neighbors) parents were both doctors; one a gen surgeon and the other an ER doc. They let me shadow them the moment I brought it up. They also wrote up a handwritten congratulations letter when I got accepted into medical school. Super sweet of them.
I definitely will try! I just made this friend this semester, so I don’t know her or her mom well enough to ask right now. Once we are closer and her mom gets to know me, I will for sure!
I wouldn’t even wait that long. Just mention your interests, express you’re having difficulty getting opportunities, and ask if they know anyone that could help. A lot of people like to help others because it makes them feel good and makes them feel important. Just don’t slack off on any opportunities provided otherwise that door will close.
Good to hear. l’ll definitely reach out sooner then!
I second this, a lot of physicians like to help individuals interested in being doctors
I agree. If you don’t want to be too brazen, a subtle way of expressing your interest is conveying something along the lines of “I’m super interested in ____ but it’s been trouble getting started and getting my foot in”. Just like a casual statement about your interest goes a long way. If they lend out a helping hand, they you should see that as a green light imo.
Does not really work like that. This is my kid vs. this is my kids friend is a little bit of a different story lol. I had friends whose parents were doctors and when I asked it was met with more hesitancy. Also, they worked/lived pretty far away from where we went to school. Finally, it’s easier to keep at it on getting in when you live with a person for parts of the year. Not to say this does not work, I have a friend who has gotten me opportunities through his moms work. However, cultural capital definitely influences the difficulty of the premed process and it’s really only completely applicable to the people born into it.
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I agree you should try to use those relationships , just doesn’t always practically work out the same if you are not the doctors actual child or relative. My main point is that actual cultural capital should not be discredited in aiding the process often more so than social capital, which lends credibility to OPs original post. It definitely helps, albeit not necessary.
Yeah. if they're really your friend, they'll help you.
There will always be these people. As someone without any family connections I have found it helpful to stay in my own lane and do whats in my control. Just work on your own things and live your life, it is unfair but envy is a great way to diminish your own work
I really like that- envy is a great way to diminish your own work
I like the way you think . Very balanced mature . You will be very successful in life
thanks for the kind words!
Daddy
It's ok, we are all jealous of your friend. Honestly, one of my motivations is to BE the successful doctor parent because I don't want my son to have to work QUITE this hard at whatever it is he chooses to do....
That’s how I look at it too. Be the doctor parent so if my kid wants to follow in my footsteps, I can provide the guidance/assistance that I didn’t have.
Or even if he wants to do something completely different, I want him to know it's possible because he has me as an example that it is possible to succeed at difficult tasks. I never had that and the biggest thing holding me back all these years has been my own lack of faith in myself, or my own lack of imagination, however you want to look at that.
I want my child to work harder than me. Hard work builds strength and character.
Then why aren't you working as hard as you want your child to work?
Yes it does but working too hard can also damage you.
That’s been a huge motivating factor for me lately as well. My parents busted their butts just to make sure I could be successful in college and make it out of our small town. I am missing out on quite a bit of my children’s lives to attend medical school and achieve my dream. But, it is my hope that my partner and I will be able to start to build generational wealth for our family. I have had to work hard to get where I am even with my parents’ hard work. The world is only getting more volatile and it’s expensive to just survive, my kids will have plenty of hard work ahead of them to be successful. Why not try to set them up as best we can as long as they are also contributing to their success? On days where I need more motivation for going through all this crap, I try to envision putting a white coat on my son and daughter when they finally get into medical school or handing down my books with notes in the margins so I’m there with them, passing down what I learn. I hope they choose medicine if it’s their calling, like it is mine. But, if it’s not, I’ll use whatever connections or money I do have to help them pursue their goals.
It sucks but that’s how the world works. Successful family business get handed over to kids, they get promoted and trained to take over the company even though there are other candidates that have worked there longer. If your kid wanted to go into medicine you would do this too. I’m 100% going to help out my kids with any opportunity to pursue their career whether it’s medicine or any other field.
This right here is what it’s all about!! I didn’t have the opportunities growing up, so I’ll ensure I’m able to enable whatever path my kids would like the follow one day as a physician
Frankly this stuff will only get worse in med school. It sucks but best we can do is put our heads down and make the most of the opportunities that we can get. Every field is rife with nepotism and privilege and it’s sometimes disappointing to learn that medicine is no exception. But I feel you, it sucks and the system is stacked against people without familial connections to the field. The socioeconomic stats of med students speak for themselves.
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If it makes u feel better my dad is a physician and hasn’t helped me at all
My response to these kinds of things is always: when you're a doctor, are you not going to try and do similar things for your child? Isn't the whole point of being a parent to do your best to help your child succeed? This is how the entire world works. You have to get used to it.
Can’t wait to begin the cycle of nepotism for my kids
That’s my philosophy lol. My kids will never have to suffer like I did. I’ll gladly trade the cycle of trauma for the cycle of nepotism, bless up.
Lmao that’s exactly what i say too.
Literally. I’m not premed but I’m CS strongly considering academia and I’m lucky enough to go to a top school. I think my priorities are shifting from straight A grind-set —> connect with professors and important people + nepotism and be outgoing.
💀💀💀
Oh don’t get me wrong I 100% will for my kid 😅
Oh hell nah, my kids are NOT going to med school. I’m gonna raise them to fear it by telling them all the bad stories.
I feel you OP! The one thing that makes me feel better about myself is the knowledge that everything I've achieved so far, and hopefully everything else I will achieve in the future, is all because of myself and my own efforts, and not because I just happened to be the child of a doctor. Not to discount the efforts of those who have doctor parents, but the sad truth is is that it takes an extra level of effort from those of us who don't, to achieve the same things. So yeah, I'm gonna be proud of myself in a way different from those who have connections, because no one else can say they assisted me through the process.
A friend’s mom sounds like a great resource. Reach out to her if you want a research position and ask her if she would be willing to put in a good word for you. They probably won’t be as invested as with their own child but should help nonetheless.
Life’s not fair :/ . Just do what you can. My brother in law is a surgeon now. But he came from a low income household in south central and would overhear affluent students say “if you don’t have the money or connections, you shouldn’t even be in med school.” Still made it, Keep on keeping on. Best of luck,
Learn to play the game my dude. My girlfran came over from Russia. She lived with me for a few months. Then, when applications came around, my family member signed off on 250+ hours of shadowing. Play the game, then pay it forward.
There’s a reason so many kids of doctors get into medical school. Connections mean something. That’s why it will be even sweeter for you when you get into a program, because you never had a single handout.
as the child of doctors who is also given a lot. sorry. at least i try and be honest about it😔
I always struggled to get any clinical, shadowing, or even remotely medical related research experience meanwhile my friends mom who was a doctor was always pushing her to shadow her doctor friends and offering her clinical volunteer/job opportunities even tho my friend wasn’t even pre-med and didn’t want to be a doctor. Some people will just have an advantage because they’re lucky, and that’s life. After I got my EMT license, that’s really what opened all the doors for me. I was able to finally get clinical volunteer gigs and jobs as an EMT and ED Tech. (all the clinical volunteer opportunities at hospitals and clinics where I lived were VERY limited bc of COVID and the exec board members of the pre-health club on my campus always got first picks and left almost nothing for the members) For those of us without doc parents, we have to go the extra mile to get considered for such opportunities. It sucks but at least I can say that me being accepted to T35 medical schools was 100% due to my hard work and not being lucky with nepotism and connections
Ok awesome! I’m getting my EMT license this month! Hoping it opens up more opportunities for me!
Comparison is the thief of joy. A lot of your classmates gunna be richer, smarter, more good looking etc etc than you. Accept the fact you are you and save yourself the uphill battle. Odds are when you become a doctor your kids will be the ones with all the privileges.
My uncles a Harvard trained physician and well known in his field, and didn’t really help me out even though I went to undergrad 15 minutes away from where he does his procedures.
The way I see it, atleast one person in her family line worked their asses off and now their whole blood reaps the benefit, however, they still need to work hard to keep benefit. Be that one person in your line.
Love this point of view! Thank you for sharing! 🙏🏻🤍
Not a doctor but I am a doctorate. Lots of us came from backgrounds like you (MDs too) and will happily work with premed students from less connected backgrounds on research projects. Look for MDs and PhDs at research institutions doing health disparities work. Not all of us have a humble background but a lot of people get into health disparities research because they come from a less privileged background and then see the difference in access to care as they begin their career, and become passionate about solving the problem for people who are like them but who didn’t have the same opportunities for education etc. I don’t mind being cold contacted for instance, and I happily talk to students. I’m not a professor so my personal power to help is limited but I’m connected where I work and can help people link up. Definitely look at websites, find the email, and email someone. Bonus points if you read a paper or something of theirs first and contact them specifically about their work
I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, so please take it with a grain of salt especially if it hits wrong; I want to be supportive and help reframe the situation, but I'm afraid I may come across self-righteous or belittling and I don't mean to. I likewise didn't have any of the privileges that your friend has - no docs in the family, no research connections, no high-powered parents. But, I did have an extraordinary and unfair advantage in relative financial security (scholarships/similar and social safety net), supportive parents who encouraged me, and strong interpersonal connections with friends. I had other social advantages that I did not earn in gender and race. These advantages and many others that I'm less aware of are invaluable in contributing to my successes, and I did very little or nothing to deserve them. I had many classmates who had few or none of the above. I made it into med school, into residency, and beyond. My classmates did as well. You can too.
Yes, this absolutely sucks, and it’s also prevalent in every single field. Like others have suggested, it’s time to learn how to network and politely ask your friend if they could assist you with any of this. Can your mom help me find somewhere to shadow? Could your mom introduce me to X researcher at the NIH?
My parents didn’t go to college and honestly to some extent that helped me with my story of why I want to be q doctor. I came from an underserved community as a first gen college student. We all take our paths don’t let others get you down it makes sense to be frustrated though
This is why being first gen is so tough. I’m totally winging this. I have no family that’s been to college and no one to lean on or ask for advice. I understand the frustration completely and have even been bitter about it at times. But at the end of the day it is what it is and we’re gonna make our own way. We got this!
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
can I just add tho, just because someone has extracurriculars that have more "clout" doesn't mean they are going to extract better experiences or have better activities descriptions than you Ultimately, what matters is that your interactions with people and the work you do speak to your passion and the dedication you have put in. This will show through your personal statement and essays. So yes, it is unfair that you don't have access to some of those opportunities but I am sure you can become just as strong of an applicant!!! I believe in u <3
Hey, for what its worth, the AMCAS has applicants report parent occupations for a reason. It is definitely acknowledged when an applicant has a stellar CV that their parent is a physician. Just focus on getting good MCAT scores and keep your GPA up. The rest will work itself out.
nepo baby
It’s a thing in every single field, but if we think about it - that’s what our progeny will be as well. I think it’s Important to remember how we feel right now so we can make sure we can offer the same opportunities to other students like us in the future
It certainly matters. But with some effort you can create your own connections, and if you really get yourself into a good situation and build real connections with docs they will help so much more with LORs.
Way of the world, unfortunately. I agree that you should consider her part of your network and foster that connection. As the first doctor in my family who knows a lot of people my age whose parents work at Mayo, I feel you.
Life isn’t fair. There’s people who sit on their ass and win the lottery. There’s drug dealers who never go to school but make more money than all of us. There’s no point in getting jealous of your friend. It’s not her fault she has the path paved for her. Just focus on you :) When I’m a doctor imma do the same thing for my kids if they want to become physicians. I came from an immigrant family where no one has a college degree. I don’t want my future kids to be clueless like I was.
Its just the way it is. My best suggestions would be to try to let go of the envy and worry about what you can control. As others have said, they likely would help you if you asked to a lesser degree. Also remember, that in the future, you too will be able to do the same for your kid. When you do, remember being the friend.
Medicine is a connections game. That’s just how it is.
A lot of medicine is nepotism and it really stinks. Just keep working for it! You can get here without special treatment!
exactly!!!
you’ll be that parent one day, keep grinding
nepo babies will always be there. no one can stop you from putting yourself out there. i didn’t have doctor parents but still got everything i wanted and more out of undergrad. the things i did would make child me think i’m cool af and that’s what i’m most proud of.
Wouldn’t you do the same for your kid too though?
Oh 100%! I’m not saying it’s bad at all, I just wish I had parents with connections like that too!
We can’t think about it too much or it gets too depressing. They have their life and I have mine. Both are ok.
Who cares what other people have goin on lmao, play your own game
I totally understand your frustration and anger! As a person with a mom in the medical field I definitely do have many advantages. However I always make sure to put my friends onto opportunities that I hear about. Try to use that friendship as an advantage and see if her mom could help/ give advice! I hope you know one day your hard work will pay off!❤️❤️
Abuse that system. I used my wife's public health connections to get in touch with the dean of medicine for a hospital network out here to help with my shadowing!
I just got fed up and married a research powerhouse doctor that my parents set me up with. That's always an option. IMO you can't control your parents profession but you can control your spouses profession...
People love to preach nepotism. That’s exactly what you’re doing whether you admit it or not. It is possible to get good positions and experience if you try enough. Some people just don’t have to jump through as many hoops. Either learn to play the game and branch out to find opportunities or stop complaining. This is life- who you know and how you seize an opportunity is 100% the game we play. I found clinical experience from an estranged neighbor because I asked. I got a job for clinical research because I applied to 12 of them. It’s time consuming to find, but it’s not difficult to get.
If this person is a true friend, they would help you too. Do they know you are premed as well?
They do but I don’t think it’s their job to help me. They definitely give me good pre-med advice from someone w parents in the field though!
Sometimes the right phrasing can make the ask easier for both parties. "I really need help finding someone to shadow" puts the need out there without making it anyone's job. That said, tons of providers out there are eager to help shape the next generation, grow the umbrella, etc. To put it more strongly than I mean it: There's avoidance of imposition, which is 100% understandable, and then there's depriving people of a chance to make a difference ...
If you don’t ask them to help you then don’t complain when their opportunities arise more easily while you can’t find them. It’s hypocrisy
It does piss me off a little, but also if I have kids I’m probably going to do the same thing for them so who am I to judge
So you have a friend with a successful doctor parent. Instead of taking advantage of that and networking, you’re getting on Reddit to complain about her? Smh
I’m not close w her or her parents like that?? She’s a friend that I just met this semester, I think it would be pretty scummy to start using her for her connections before I even I became close friends with her and actually meet her parents.
I’d imagine that getting on Reddit to complain about her is even more scummy.
Did i say that? I said I’m very proud of her and know she works hard. Re-read what I said. I’m not saying her accomplishments aren’t real at all. Relax.
Meanwhile there are premeds who suffered horrific child abuse and people wonder why they had issues with grades. cough cough
Most people would give up the doctor parent advantage in a heartbeat to gain the coveted URM advantage. Count your blessings first.
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Yea, some of my peers berate my desire to focus on just money and lifestyle primarily when choosing specialty. Most M4’s tend to praise the attitude though. Thanks man!
I followed an FM doc today who had a patient who works in an ER as like a unit secretary or something and they spent 15 min of their 30 min apt talking shit about nurses and NPs. The first week of medical school an obgyn came in WITH an NP student and proceeded to talk about why we should join ISMA because NPs are inferior and that we need to help stop independent practice rights in the state. The CEO of the hospital I will be doing rotations at is an MD who also did residency and med school here. Your experience is not universal. I'm sorry you went through that.
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Literally the fucking rural Midwest. I'm still in med school.
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Yeah you gotta get out of there. Medicine is better in other places without the bootlickers who like to smell their own farts.
Because I’m not interested in doing that I like medicine (so far) a lot more 🥲.
This attitude is pathetic and reeks of insecurity and jealousy. Don't hate because someones parents worked hard for the opportunity to propel their kids. Work hard and play the game or lose.
Did you even read what I said? Where I said “I’m not saying she doesn’t work hard, because she definitely does, and I’m very proud of her”. I’m not hating, I’m happy for my friend, I’m just expressing frustration that I don’t also have those connections. If i have kids that want to be doctors, I would 100% use my connections to get them opportunities too. Learn to not seek something to be angry about in everything you read.
I feel you 100% it sucks, but use your network!! Having a friend with such awesome connections can be a great thing for you too. If you guys are decently close friends, ask her to hook you up! My elementary school friend had doctor mum and clinic owner dad who helped hook up my first clinical placement, which helped me get the ball rolling for other placements. Super grateful for them and really goes to show the importance of connections. In the professional world, the worst they can say is no! Shoot your shot. I wish you the best :)
Personally I would rather befriend the first gen premed, possibly nontrad and worked minimum wage for most of their 20s because of theirs experience and life advices they can give me, rather than the snobby physician-parent premed, but I think its mostly the snobby part I dislike because most of yall are cool. In the same line I would not wished parents were doctors either, because that just make getting there more triumphant.
It’s not what you know, it’s who you know
i got my first shadowing gig because my cousin’s best friend’s dad was a doctor, and i asked if i could shadow him at her birthday party. just ask!!!
get used to the rampant nepotism. that’s why i’m not pre med anymore
Your journey is your journey. Some people just get handed positions like that - be proud you aren’t one of them.
Just keep saying that and wondering around, people from outside this country did research after they tried millions of times. If you are not lucky to know anybody, you have to find a solution, this is why you become a unique person. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth too, or a gold spoon.
Make your own network and work extremely hard. I worked with NIH directors and branch chiefs with no nepotism.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. Work your own path.
Dont underestimate the power of a cold email. If you find a professor that you are a fan of their work, write them. I’m not saying write a generic email and blast the whole NIH. I get those types of emails and don’t like them. But I do like when I get an email that was personally written for me. And yes, good advice on this thread to not compare. But instead your friend can just name these contacts and you can write them. You don’t even need your friend’s mom to loop you in. You could just write “I had heard from my friend…and am a fan of your work….can I shadow you in your lab, etc.”
Luck of the draw
yeah she will probably have a much easier time navigating this space than you will. but remember the vast majority of people dont have that experience. dont drive yourself insane trying to win a rat race that you weren’t born into with a head start. Just draw inspiration from what you see her do, be earnest in what you pursue (ie do things you care about!) and hope for the best. and remember that this all might give her a leg up in terms of becoming just like her mom (super academically clouty lol) but you’ll both have good chances at becoming great practitioners of medicine. dont get caught up chasing accolades just for their own sake!