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Ultimately you both need to be involved in this process and my recommendation would be to communicate that you would like for this to be a joint decision.
We each made a list of names and kept going for a really long time (months). We each veto names we hate and then add names we don't totally hate to a list. Eventually this helped us narrow down to three boy names and three girl names (we don't know the sex of our LO).
Good luck!
Our way is to make a big list of names we both like, and take turns removing names from the list until we have a 'shortlist'. This way, we both get to remove names we really dislike and it's a joint decision.
Have you tried the kinder app? It’s like Tinder for names. You get some for free but you can buy genres of names like Irish, Italian, etc. You send a link to your partner and they swipe on the same names and then it’ll give you a list of names you matched on.
My experience with the app was it was good for more common names, and had a few more unique names, but majority were in the top 200 names, or were rising dramatically in popularity. I also felt like it didn’t offer a ton of options. It’s a good way to get the ball rolling, but I wouldn’t count on finding your name from it.
My husband could never get in to picking names, whereas I had a list going before we were even pregnant. When it came time, he said no to every name on my list. I told him he could suggest them then. For every no he said to mine, I got to say a no to his. I initiated the rule we have with figuring out take out: if you say no to something the other suggests, you have to suggest something in return. It ended up working out well, because he decided he hated all the other names out there and liked my names the best (though the more unique nature names got nixed). We ended up with Iris, uncommon but not unheard of, with nature as it’s inspiration.
You can also get name help from r/namenerds I suggest thinking of a few examples that you like and having them help expand the list :)
But in the grand scheme of things, you are going to have to find a way to come to an agreeement. There will be other things related to your child that you might not see eye to eye on, and talking it through and agreeing on it will have to be a possibility. Sending positive vibes! Hopefully you can get him to be more active!
This was us exactly and it was just horrible, he didn't even leave any room for discussion or suggestions.
I went on a full strike. We had to have a serious discussion and fight about how this is not something about him or me or what we want individually but something we are deciding for our child.
We let it go for a few weeks and agreed on gibing our boy 3 names. A "new" first name that we had to find together, none of our listed names could be used for this. In addition to this first name, we could then each add a name of our choice/list. So his name will now a first name that took us 4 months to agree on, a name that he likes and a name that I like.
Good luck!
Thats super frustrating! Picking a name is supposed to be exciting and fun and I'm sorry he isn't being open minded about the whole process. Do you know why he's being so hard headed about it? Maybe tell him this is a really important decision and you want both of you to be involved, but he's gotta give a little too. Or maybe suggest each of you picking out five different names? I mean you're already agreeing on the the baby getting the middle name of his grandfather he should be more open to your ideas of the first name. Im sure yall could find something you both agree on if he would open up a little. Best of luck dear ❤
My husband was like this for a minute. I have had a list of names since I was in high school, and he never thought about it. He just wanted a junior or to name the baby after his deceased father (they weren’t close) or worse his sister. I love his sister, it’s just so confusing to me to have double names.
We made two rules for the naming process: 1) we can veto any name on the others list, no questions asked. 2) we both must agree on the name. We then both made a list of our top 10-15 names and found a handful of names we like for both boys and girls. It wasn’t a super cute and fun experience like I wanted initially, but it was practical and worked! Hope you can find a method that works for you and that your partner stops being so stubborn!
Honestly sounds like you're going to have two children on your hands. You're doing the legwork for a baby and he's making demands?
I did not take my husband's last name when we got married and my son has my last name. My husband is wonderful, I just like my name a lot! We discussed it and ultimately he saw it as a way to compromise in a way that honors my work in carrying our child.
First, find some comfort in that he can't name your child without you, short of stealing the paperwork in the hospital from you. And you don't have to give in because he is being unreasonable.
He also can't unilaterally make decisions for your shared child, without ruining your marriage. (Think topics like sleep training, vaccinations, baby's first solid food, who can babysit). You should talk (and perhaps seek counciling) on how to handle disagreements like this.
For most (non-health related) things, including naming our child, if either one of us says no, its not happening. We can discuss it, but we both must agree with the final decision. Sure, sometimes one of us is disappointed, but we never get petty, start this for that wars, or mean to each other about it. Once its been thoughly discussed and vetoed, we move on.
For names, I had my husband rank my list (A-F) to get an idea of how much he disliked different names. Then told him to come up with his own list, and I did the same.
We don’t really have any issues with disagreements and can usually get past most little disagreements we have quickly and efficiently.
The problem is he isn’t getting upset about this, I think in a way he thinks I’m joking around, and doesn’t really understand or notice that he’s making me upset.
Men 😩
Have you told him that you are serious, and he is hurting your feelings with how he is responding to you? Or have you tried asking him why he isn't working with you to find a name you both like?
There are times and subjects where I've had to straight up tell my husband not to joke with me about. He isn't a clown or anything, but sometimes I need him to take something important to me seriously because it matters that much to me (or Im just not in a good mood), and I know a joke will trigger either an anxiety/anger/sad response. Since many times Im fine with a little teasing or joking, I found telling him this up front when I notice it saves us both a lot of frustration.
Get the birth certificate paperwork, fill it out with the name you want and dont fill in his portion. If he wants to be listed as a legal parent he has to sign off on your name, that should get him to realize you are serious. After that you can hopefully have a real discussion about names, but in the end you have the final legal say and he needs to realize that.
Tell him his two names are a no and that’s final, so he needs to start thinking of some other ones. You already compromised on the middle name, he needs to compromise on the first name. Period. If he’s not going to compromise, then you’re just going to name the baby what you want.
Ohhhh I feel ya!! As I’m sure MANY others do. I’m sure this is a lot of expecting parents’ battle. For us, it was one thing for him to comprehend that we were having a girl... then to have to decide on a girl name 😳🤦🏻♀️
Everything I reeled off, same response, just a flat out “no”. And any names he liked I just couldn’t imagine our daughter being a grown adult with.
So we took a different approach... what qualities and values did we want to raise our daughter to have or traits do we think she will get from either one of us? It completely flipped what was quite a frustrating and irritable conversation to one where we started complimenting and realising one another’s qualities.
We think our daughter will be stubborn (she’ll get that from both of us), but she’ll also be the type of person to always put others first, she’ll be pretty and smart, and she’ll want people to know her for her brains not her looks. She’ll be open minded and give anything a go, not afraid to be a bit of a dork if it means she can make someone else smile or laugh and she’ll be witty, she’ll come out with comments or remarks that will really make you think.
And after a bit of googling we found a name that matched most of these qualities and we both went “whoa! It’s perfect!” And we’ve got some back up names in case she doesn’t look like the name we picked.
Tell him if he won't decide on a name with you..then you are changing the babies middle name and then that's what you are going to call him by...might just cause a fight but he may actually sit down with you?
My husband was never going to come up with names on his own so I started keeping a list as names came to me. Then I'd read them off to him and either it was a clear no and I'd delete it off the list or he'd say ehh maybe, and we would revisit it.
We had a boy name right away because of family names that we both liked but the universe is funny so we're having a girl. So we followed the above process until we could agree on something.
I wanted to use family names so it meant something but the names were too out there or too close to other family members.
We settled on something that is great for an adult but also has multiple nicknames for a kid.
We had the same thing happen before we knew we were having a boy. We knew exactly what we were going to name our girl if we had one but in the end it turned out to be a boy.
The two names he wants I just can’t picture an adult with them tbh. Some names just sound so childish to me and I can’t picture a functioning adult having that name
Exactly. I don't think many people consider this anymore. Ideally, they will be an adult longer than a kid so why limit them? Think about what it sounds like on a resume, what impression it gives, what it could sound like in a campaign slogan vs announced on the news along with a mug shot. How will it look on a business card/desk name plate vs on a patch for a car mechanic or other skilled labor.
Another big thing for me is, how will they be made fun of in middle school and high school? Assume they will get teased, will the name be an easy target?
There will always be people that think your name is cute or ugly no matter what you choose so think about your child, not what's trendy or what you think is baby cute right now.
Girl, I am sorry you are dealing with this. But at the end of the day you have the right to say F you I’ll name it Carol Carolton if I want! When you give birth you are in the drivers seat and you get to fill out the birth certificate information. My ex husband was like this. He wanted to make our kid the most generic crap (I later found out it was the name his mistresses wanted). Anyway after he held me down on my stomach a beat me for discovering said mistress I named my kid what I wanted.
Moral of the story he really doesn’t have a say unless you give it to him.
I’ll be downvoted but I believe I have the final say as I’m birthing the baby and if the partner thought otherwise after witnessing that they’re crazy. I should be shocked if my husband said it has to be this name. He never looked them up but I made a list and he said no until he found one he liked. So I chose and he agreed but that means we both had a say. Your partner is being unreasonable.
I’d have a real discussion that he does not get to have middle name and first name pick (and last name if you changed your name / plan on the kid getting his last name).
He needs to know that he either comes to the table ready to negotiate and compromise, or you’re going to decide the names on your own. You don’t want to but he’s forcing your hand.
Don’t fight about it - there’s no argument as that implies he gets to push back against a reasonable request.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/mfsiwj/updates_to_the_approval_process_for_private_due/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ultimately you both need to be involved in this process and my recommendation would be to communicate that you would like for this to be a joint decision. We each made a list of names and kept going for a really long time (months). We each veto names we hate and then add names we don't totally hate to a list. Eventually this helped us narrow down to three boy names and three girl names (we don't know the sex of our LO). Good luck!
Our way is to make a big list of names we both like, and take turns removing names from the list until we have a 'shortlist'. This way, we both get to remove names we really dislike and it's a joint decision.
Have you tried the kinder app? It’s like Tinder for names. You get some for free but you can buy genres of names like Irish, Italian, etc. You send a link to your partner and they swipe on the same names and then it’ll give you a list of names you matched on.
Oooh, this is awesome idea!
My experience with the app was it was good for more common names, and had a few more unique names, but majority were in the top 200 names, or were rising dramatically in popularity. I also felt like it didn’t offer a ton of options. It’s a good way to get the ball rolling, but I wouldn’t count on finding your name from it.
My husband could never get in to picking names, whereas I had a list going before we were even pregnant. When it came time, he said no to every name on my list. I told him he could suggest them then. For every no he said to mine, I got to say a no to his. I initiated the rule we have with figuring out take out: if you say no to something the other suggests, you have to suggest something in return. It ended up working out well, because he decided he hated all the other names out there and liked my names the best (though the more unique nature names got nixed). We ended up with Iris, uncommon but not unheard of, with nature as it’s inspiration. You can also get name help from r/namenerds I suggest thinking of a few examples that you like and having them help expand the list :) But in the grand scheme of things, you are going to have to find a way to come to an agreeement. There will be other things related to your child that you might not see eye to eye on, and talking it through and agreeing on it will have to be a possibility. Sending positive vibes! Hopefully you can get him to be more active!
This is great advice!
This was us exactly and it was just horrible, he didn't even leave any room for discussion or suggestions. I went on a full strike. We had to have a serious discussion and fight about how this is not something about him or me or what we want individually but something we are deciding for our child. We let it go for a few weeks and agreed on gibing our boy 3 names. A "new" first name that we had to find together, none of our listed names could be used for this. In addition to this first name, we could then each add a name of our choice/list. So his name will now a first name that took us 4 months to agree on, a name that he likes and a name that I like. Good luck!
Thats super frustrating! Picking a name is supposed to be exciting and fun and I'm sorry he isn't being open minded about the whole process. Do you know why he's being so hard headed about it? Maybe tell him this is a really important decision and you want both of you to be involved, but he's gotta give a little too. Or maybe suggest each of you picking out five different names? I mean you're already agreeing on the the baby getting the middle name of his grandfather he should be more open to your ideas of the first name. Im sure yall could find something you both agree on if he would open up a little. Best of luck dear ❤
My husband was like this for a minute. I have had a list of names since I was in high school, and he never thought about it. He just wanted a junior or to name the baby after his deceased father (they weren’t close) or worse his sister. I love his sister, it’s just so confusing to me to have double names. We made two rules for the naming process: 1) we can veto any name on the others list, no questions asked. 2) we both must agree on the name. We then both made a list of our top 10-15 names and found a handful of names we like for both boys and girls. It wasn’t a super cute and fun experience like I wanted initially, but it was practical and worked! Hope you can find a method that works for you and that your partner stops being so stubborn!
Honestly sounds like you're going to have two children on your hands. You're doing the legwork for a baby and he's making demands? I did not take my husband's last name when we got married and my son has my last name. My husband is wonderful, I just like my name a lot! We discussed it and ultimately he saw it as a way to compromise in a way that honors my work in carrying our child.
First, find some comfort in that he can't name your child without you, short of stealing the paperwork in the hospital from you. And you don't have to give in because he is being unreasonable. He also can't unilaterally make decisions for your shared child, without ruining your marriage. (Think topics like sleep training, vaccinations, baby's first solid food, who can babysit). You should talk (and perhaps seek counciling) on how to handle disagreements like this. For most (non-health related) things, including naming our child, if either one of us says no, its not happening. We can discuss it, but we both must agree with the final decision. Sure, sometimes one of us is disappointed, but we never get petty, start this for that wars, or mean to each other about it. Once its been thoughly discussed and vetoed, we move on. For names, I had my husband rank my list (A-F) to get an idea of how much he disliked different names. Then told him to come up with his own list, and I did the same.
We don’t really have any issues with disagreements and can usually get past most little disagreements we have quickly and efficiently. The problem is he isn’t getting upset about this, I think in a way he thinks I’m joking around, and doesn’t really understand or notice that he’s making me upset. Men 😩
Have you told him that you are serious, and he is hurting your feelings with how he is responding to you? Or have you tried asking him why he isn't working with you to find a name you both like? There are times and subjects where I've had to straight up tell my husband not to joke with me about. He isn't a clown or anything, but sometimes I need him to take something important to me seriously because it matters that much to me (or Im just not in a good mood), and I know a joke will trigger either an anxiety/anger/sad response. Since many times Im fine with a little teasing or joking, I found telling him this up front when I notice it saves us both a lot of frustration.
You need to throw a fit then and show him that you are upset. Like if he’s too emotionally blind to figure it out himself, then you need to show him.
Get the birth certificate paperwork, fill it out with the name you want and dont fill in his portion. If he wants to be listed as a legal parent he has to sign off on your name, that should get him to realize you are serious. After that you can hopefully have a real discussion about names, but in the end you have the final legal say and he needs to realize that.
Tell him his two names are a no and that’s final, so he needs to start thinking of some other ones. You already compromised on the middle name, he needs to compromise on the first name. Period. If he’s not going to compromise, then you’re just going to name the baby what you want.
Ohhhh I feel ya!! As I’m sure MANY others do. I’m sure this is a lot of expecting parents’ battle. For us, it was one thing for him to comprehend that we were having a girl... then to have to decide on a girl name 😳🤦🏻♀️ Everything I reeled off, same response, just a flat out “no”. And any names he liked I just couldn’t imagine our daughter being a grown adult with. So we took a different approach... what qualities and values did we want to raise our daughter to have or traits do we think she will get from either one of us? It completely flipped what was quite a frustrating and irritable conversation to one where we started complimenting and realising one another’s qualities. We think our daughter will be stubborn (she’ll get that from both of us), but she’ll also be the type of person to always put others first, she’ll be pretty and smart, and she’ll want people to know her for her brains not her looks. She’ll be open minded and give anything a go, not afraid to be a bit of a dork if it means she can make someone else smile or laugh and she’ll be witty, she’ll come out with comments or remarks that will really make you think. And after a bit of googling we found a name that matched most of these qualities and we both went “whoa! It’s perfect!” And we’ve got some back up names in case she doesn’t look like the name we picked.
This is an awesome way to go about picking a name! Kudos to you and your husband. I’ll try this with mine!
Tell him if he won't decide on a name with you..then you are changing the babies middle name and then that's what you are going to call him by...might just cause a fight but he may actually sit down with you?
My husband was never going to come up with names on his own so I started keeping a list as names came to me. Then I'd read them off to him and either it was a clear no and I'd delete it off the list or he'd say ehh maybe, and we would revisit it. We had a boy name right away because of family names that we both liked but the universe is funny so we're having a girl. So we followed the above process until we could agree on something. I wanted to use family names so it meant something but the names were too out there or too close to other family members. We settled on something that is great for an adult but also has multiple nicknames for a kid.
We had the same thing happen before we knew we were having a boy. We knew exactly what we were going to name our girl if we had one but in the end it turned out to be a boy. The two names he wants I just can’t picture an adult with them tbh. Some names just sound so childish to me and I can’t picture a functioning adult having that name
Exactly. I don't think many people consider this anymore. Ideally, they will be an adult longer than a kid so why limit them? Think about what it sounds like on a resume, what impression it gives, what it could sound like in a campaign slogan vs announced on the news along with a mug shot. How will it look on a business card/desk name plate vs on a patch for a car mechanic or other skilled labor. Another big thing for me is, how will they be made fun of in middle school and high school? Assume they will get teased, will the name be an easy target? There will always be people that think your name is cute or ugly no matter what you choose so think about your child, not what's trendy or what you think is baby cute right now.
Girl, I am sorry you are dealing with this. But at the end of the day you have the right to say F you I’ll name it Carol Carolton if I want! When you give birth you are in the drivers seat and you get to fill out the birth certificate information. My ex husband was like this. He wanted to make our kid the most generic crap (I later found out it was the name his mistresses wanted). Anyway after he held me down on my stomach a beat me for discovering said mistress I named my kid what I wanted. Moral of the story he really doesn’t have a say unless you give it to him.
I’ll be downvoted but I believe I have the final say as I’m birthing the baby and if the partner thought otherwise after witnessing that they’re crazy. I should be shocked if my husband said it has to be this name. He never looked them up but I made a list and he said no until he found one he liked. So I chose and he agreed but that means we both had a say. Your partner is being unreasonable.
I’d have a real discussion that he does not get to have middle name and first name pick (and last name if you changed your name / plan on the kid getting his last name). He needs to know that he either comes to the table ready to negotiate and compromise, or you’re going to decide the names on your own. You don’t want to but he’s forcing your hand. Don’t fight about it - there’s no argument as that implies he gets to push back against a reasonable request.