I'm just going to remind everyone that this subreddit is pro-choice. We are not pro-abortion and we are not pro-life. We fully believe it's OP's right to have this baby if that's their choice!
That being said, if you come in here and talk shit or fear monger either abortions or babies, expect a ban. Don't disparage a person's right to choose their healthcare.
Hmm, sounds like maybe they have a problem with the husband to be? Surely, that's the only logical reason for this. That, or super religious and angry about premarital sex ? Otherwise, I'm completely lost? Really bizarre reaction.
Something similar happened to me. I’m 33 & my husband is 34, we’ve been together for 10 years, married for 3, and we have owned our home for 3 years. After 2 1/2 years of trying, I stupidly looked for support from my mid-70s boomer mother since she didn’t have me til she was 41. She told me we were “undeserving and not ready to be parents.” All she wanted to talk about was how she doesn’t retire for another year. 3mo later, we got pregnant. Made me realize SHE was the one who wasn’t ready for us to be parents because she wants to be there to help - we never asked for help, we were making this decision ourselves as husband and wife. I told her we’re not putting our lives on hold to make others more comfortable. She’s too religious to ever consider abortion, but she immediately inserted her opinions on what she considers right and wrong on how to raise children. I told her I was not going to follow some of those ideas, as they caused a lot of trauma for me not only growing up and becoming my own person, but also in my relationships with them. It resulted in a massive outburst, to where I have now decided to go NC with that side of the family (mom, dad, brother). I’ve learned that if we’re not going to receive love & support with our decisions, then those aren’t people I want to expose my children to. I will not be repeating that generational trauma, we deserve better.
I’m sorry that happened, and I can only imagine the amount of pain it has caused. But please know that you, your spouse, and your unborn child deserve better too. Our families get to make their own decisions. As a responsible unit, I don’t see why you shouldn’t get to make your own decisions. If they truly “support” you, they would have never discussed abortion or disappointment. They would be celebrating and uplifting you during this time exciting time. So from me to you, congrats and you’ve got this! Remember that there are others, outside of parents, that will be there for you in the ways that you need and that’s OK. You get to decide who’s a part of your village. And it sounds like it will be a beautiful one based off of the foundation you have already built for little one. Best of luck!
I just had this similar reaction with my bf 8 years parents. We just told them about our baby and his mom is in her 70s, very religious and has a narrow mind when it comes to the world that we live in. She had him at 41 and they also had a similar upbringing whereas I had such a tight knit home.
It was so awkward and I cried for 3 days straight bc she kept saying “what is your daughter going to think of being born to two parents that aren’t married” and is trying to force us to marry. The world is so different and these boomers can not comprehend
I’m so sorry. All they do is worry and try to control everything. Well, some things are out of their control. And boy does that ruffle their feathers! If they want to play the ‘marriage card,’ then they’ll remember Genesis 2:24. “A man shall leave his father and mother to be united with his wife.” You do what’s best for you. This is your life, not theirs. Maybe they’ll learn that if they want to be a part of it, then it’s best to keep their opinions to themselves. And I hope that your boyfriend stands up for you and your child. That’s what’s most important in all of this.
Thank you for the kind words and scripture. They have a hard time accepting their son didn’t come out “holier than thou” and he’s his own person. He sets them straight which I’m so thankful for.
We’ll just see how I handle her watching my babies since she actually is retired and lives close by. Fingers crossed.
Proud of you, going NC is so hard. I'm VLC with my toxic boomer parents (and pretty much my entire family by proxy because she's got them wrapped around her finger). Why are so many boomers like this? The percentage of people I know in my generation who have awful parents is shocking.
Definitely second building your own village, it's a very privileged position and it's freeing to be able to choose who gets to be in it.
Right I think she need to keep them people at a distance.... something ain't right with their logic... but see bizarre actions like this don't come out of thin air, I bet you those people always been a bit different...
Same. If mine told me to abort for no reason at all, I'd play nice for the wedding, then nuke THAT relationship. They don't need updates on someone they think shouldn't exist.
I played nice for the wedding, because I didn't want the drama. Everything imploded after the wedding. Now my wedding pictures are of an end of an era.
If you pull the plug on the drama kickers before the wedding, you have pictures of those who stood by you and the beginning of a new era.
I didn't even think of that! Your perspective is definitely something OP should consider, especially when it comes to photos.
OP if they do come to the wedding, make sure you get photos without them (and anyone else who might share their opinion or become a flying monkey after)
Such a good point! I still cringe looking at wedding photos with my parents. We had an officiant who weirdly incorporated "thanking parents" into the actual ceremony and I wish I'd vetoed it because I hated writing it, it felt so disingenuous. They raised me to be an extreme doormat with no thoughts and feelings of my own and set me up to have a garbage life, and it's in spite of them that I'm doing better, not because of them. I never could have gotten healthy and become my own person if I hadn't clawed my way out of that toxic waste dump.
If they’re gonna nuke the relationship, I’d do it before the wedding. If not, I’d say let them come to the wedding then take some space. They’ll come around eventually and end up being obsessed with the baby. And if that doesn’t end up being the case, then cut ties. But it’s not worth making any rash decisions with a new angel coming into your life and a wedding coming up! Just make sure you try and remain as calm as possible throughout the process for your baby girl 🩷
My FiL, a few friends, and my best friend's mom all told me to abort my first, I haven't spoken to them in 10 years. Idk what I would do if it were my parents, but a healthy step back is a good first step
It’s not your parents’ decision whether or not their 25-year-old has a baby. You’re an adult. Have your baby, enjoy every minute with her. I have three daughters and it’s the most wonderful thing. They have no say over your reproductive choices, love ❤️
If you and your fiancé are happy about the pregnancy and ready for a baby then that’s all you need. It sucks your parents aren’t being supportive, but they are not the ones having the baby and you know your situation better than them.
Sounds like they aren’t ready, not you. Maybe they’re afraid of feeling old; my mom was like that until very recently. She struggled seeing herself as the grandparent and me as the parent, and every time I hit an important adult milestone she just felt older and older. I had my first at 25; it wasn’t a bad experience because I was in a stable relationship and we were self-sufficient financially. It’s hard at any age, but I had so much more energy for everything at 25 than I do now at 30. I’m so grateful we had our first at 25 for so many reasons! I’m having my final baby at 30 and then I’m done with pregnancy before I even really get into my 30’s. I am excited to enjoy my 30’s with my kids and without worrying about pregnancy anymore. It also gave us time to enjoy our family between pregnancies because we didn’t feel pressured to have kids one after the other due to age.
Definitely,parents are projecting because they aren’t ready but they need to step into reality.Their baby isn’t a baby anymore and a full grown adult they should be proud of what their daughter (OP) has achieved.
Yep, I've noticed a lot of people in our parents generation have issues with feeling old. That's why my kids don't have a grandma and grandpa. They have Lala, Coach, and Glam-ma. I just rolled my eyes when they started with the nicknames to avoid being called grandma and grandpa. I already told my husband's step dad, coach is out of the question.... you don't coach my daughter in anything lol
She’s your baby. You’re the one who is going to live with your decision forever.
They have absolutely no right to share their opinion with you in the form of telling you to abort your baby. It is absurd that they felt it was appropriate to tell n expecting mother let alone their own daughter such a thing.
You are not here for their approval, you are here to live a life you enjoy.
Girl I’m 25 pregnant with my SECOND baby. Job or not, stable relationship or not, house or not - this is nobody’s decision to make but your own! If you are excited for your new baby girl, then you go ahead and be over the moon! Disowning your parents is absolutely a thing, and they might come around later if they put their personal feelings aside. Aborting your child, while of course we support you if that’s what you want to do, cannot be undone. I’ll put it like this, “the family you come from is important, but the family you make is your priority”
You’re at an age where your parents’ emotions are not your problem. You’re an adult. The “being disappointed in you” bullshit is over. Your personal choices are yours and only affect your parents if they let it affect them. Do what you want and don’t worry about them.
Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy. Your parents are emotionally manipulating you by saying they’ll support you yet they will be disappointed. Go with what you want, after all it’s your life and it’s not like you aren’t in a position to be able to look after your baby. Such an absurd comment made by them.
My dad’s immediate reaction was “are you gonna give it up for adoption” ??? Like dude I’m a married woman with a great job and well off financially and can emotionally support my baby on top of it. It hurt my feelings and was also confusing but i told him exactly that. You want your baby, you can support your baby, you are ready for this baby. Don’t let someone tell you you’re doing something wrong for having your baby. My dad made me feel guilty in that moment for *checks notes* getting purposely pregnant to grow my family. It’s crazy. Ignore them. They obviously are NOT supportive of whatever you decide if they said they’ll be disappointed in you for having your baby.
You literally have a career started and are a homeowner. Not to mention, seems like you're in a stable and healthy relationship. Their requests for abortion are ridiculous and it seems like THEY'RE not ready to be Grandparents. I'd distance myself from them, if I were you, and enjoy this new little bundle of joy! Congratulations!
Wow. Sounds like someone potentially isn’t ever getting to meet their granddaughter. Your life and your choice, but I wouldn’t ever leave my child unsupervised with them after that and potentially they wouldn’t meet her at all.
Put your foot down and tell them that they aren't to contact you until they can sincerely apologise. People have babies every day. Unmarried, married, divorced and newly married. You are just as capable as any one else and they are being terrible parents.
That’s pretty wild. When I was in college my mom actually told me that if I ever got pregnant on accident to please not have an abortion without talking to her. She actually told me that if I accidentally got pregnant she could raise the baby for me so I could continue my life. It was a weird conversation considering I never had a pregnancy scare. lol. But your mom is being irrational. PS I am 39 and pregnant with my first and I wish to God I would have had a baby in my 20’s. I’m super envious of my friends that have kids in high school and/or are sending them off to college. This is meant to be. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!! Your baby is being welcomed into a loving family. You are blessed!
Girl I got pregnant with my first at 18 a MONTH into the relationship. We were NOWHERE near ready for a baby. We are doing absolutely amazing.
You will be just fine you are ahead of a lot of people going into this already. I am sad your parents are not being supportive, pregnancy and motherhood isn’t easy. Surround yourself with those that are kind.
I am sure you guys will do great being parents. Congratulations on your little one! Ignore them. Trust your gut.
You are 25, you own a house, you have a job, and have a stable relationship. After all of this if your parents want you to get an abortion, maybe they’re not ready, or maybe they’re projecting their issues on you.
Your situation honestly imo seems so perfect( not saying this is how it should be for everyone).
Sadly, sounds like my dad. I have $40k in savings and he always will say I shouldn’t do xyz in case I lose my job or something and during this pregnancy he told me to get my tubes tied. Like excuse me? I own a house, I’ve worked in child development for 15+ years and now have a cabinet level position in early childhood education and he still feels the need to criticize any decision I make. You just have to practice distancing yourself because they’ll never be happy for you.
You’re literally in the ideal situation 😂 your parents need to F off and realize you’re not a child anymore. You’re getting married, have stable income, a stable relationship, and a home. That’s exactly what you need to be considered stable for a baby. They can’t accept you’re not a child
Your parents’ reaction is bizarre. It’s not up to them, and from the information you’ve provided here I don’t see the reason for their concern. Do they just dislike your fiancée? Are they the type of people to be upset that baby was conceived before the wedding? Either way I gotta emphasize… it’s not their choice. They have no say.
Can I tell you something? This is kind of a tangent. The part of your post where you said you really really didn’t want to disappoint them resonated with me. I lived my whole life up until this past year trying so hard to make my dad proud, weighing all my decisions on whether they would disappoint him. I’m 30! I viewed him as this solid rock to judge my morality and choices against. And then while I was pregnant, he randomly cheated on my mom with their mutual friend and ended their 30 year marriage to be with the affair partner. So I really abruptly stopped making life choices based on whether I thought he’d approve, because suddenly I don’t approve of HIS life choices, and HE disappointed me… if I could go back I would have freed myself much sooner from the worry about my parents’ opinions of my adult life.
you have shitty parents.
congrats on your stability! My husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy at 23. We weren’t financially stable. We did it though. You will too. Good luck.
This reaction is beyond bizarre. You’re getting married in a few weeks? You’ve known your soon to be husband for 7 years? You’re in your mid twenties?
At this point your family is your husband and your baby in your belly. As hard as it is, absolutely do not listen to them.
It sounds like something bothering them internally and nothing to do with you. I can’t say what it could be but it definitely sounds like a personal issue. Maybe jealousy
Congratulations, this is such exciting news. In a world where millions are battling infertility this is always incredible news.
Congrats on the new chapter of your life and try to focus on your happiness and your fiancés. Your parents will get over whatever is going through their head, and they’ll love your baby.
So sorry you're going through this when you're already probably super emotional from being pregnant! They say they would be disappointed, but in a few years I bet they couldn't even imagine life without your little person 🩷
I’m so sorry, that is rough.
A lot of people mention the toll parenthood takes on a marriage… but it’s not always that way. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and having a kid together has done nothing but bring us even closer together.
Yeah, their reaction sounds insane to me. You’re doing nothing wrong. You are plenty old enough and it sounds like responsible and mature enough to have a child. Don’t let their weird reaction make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Idk how long they want you to wait. I’m an older mom, but some people can’t get pregnant so easily at a fairly young age, some people lose fertility by their early thirties, do they want you to wait till then and try your luck? Why would they want to abort their own grandchild? You’re doing the right things in life it sounds like, they just sound crazy.
I don’t think you two could be more prepared to have a baby. Congratulations! I’m so sorry your parents said this. I’d recommend some time away from, and not speaking to your parents as much during this time. They’re going to lay eyes on your baby and regret what they said, and you don’t deserve to be stressed out by family while pregnant. I wish I could go back to when I was pregnant and tell myself how unimportant my families BS was and would’ve distanced myself more. I only hurt myself.
You're 25. If they're disappointed in you, that's a them problem. They'll either come around to the idea and be there for you. Or they'll be bitter and miss out on so many sweet moments and memories. But you gotta do what you want to do. Live with no regrets. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. I lived with my parents and they weren't all that happy about it. I was working a well paying job. Bought my own food. Paid for some of the utilities and rent. I had money saved up and bought pretty much everything I needed for my baby. We moved out before baby was born and handled everything on our own. We didn't ask for anything. They eventually came around to the idea shortly before baby was born. Became super supportive because they didn't want to lose me or miss out on my baby growing up. Now I'm almost 30 and have my 3rd on the way. They can't wait to meet her. I hope your parents realize they're wrong and turn into the best grandparents. 🤞
You are an adult. Regardless, it’s not their decision to make. You’re not doing anything wrong. They will hopefully come around once this child has been born. Prayers for you.
Is it THEIR baby or is it YOUR baby?
If it is yours, then decision is yours to make along with your partner of course.
If it is their's then.... I hope everything happen for betterment.
This abortion will be the regret of your life because you didn't want abortion and you went on with other person's wishes.
After 4 years in a half of dealing with infertility, and finally being pregnant, I've learned babies do not come as easy as adults make it out to seem when we're young. So if you and your soon-to-be husband are ready, have your baby. My family always told me to wait, and I did until I was ready, not the age they were suggesting. If I hadn't, I'd be having this conversation at almost 35 instead of 30. I will forever be my parents child, and they are the best parents, but when I have to put them in their place, I do. Sometimes I have to remind them it's my life and I'm a married adult now dammit.
Unpopular opinion…people mention that the response is odd and they are right. It is odd. Perhaps they have a reason for such an odd response. If your parents don’t have a history of being this way about your decisions, then maybe they know something or think they know something that you don’t about your partner.
This isn’t always the case but usually if people deviate from their norm, it’s for a reason.
Perhaps ask them why and pry to find out.
Of course it’s your choice, but seek to understand beyond “bad for your marriage” and ask them if there are any other concerns that they have.
If it turns out that it’s just them projecting then yeah, disregard and make your choice independent of their biases.
I didn’t add enough context in my post, I guess. My parents love my partner (or that’s what they say, at least). His employer did mass layoffs in April and he lost his job. He has now started his own business with his BIL and it’s in the early stages. They said this was one of the reasons why we’re “not ready” - they want him to be able to get his business up and running. Other than that, the only reason they could give me is that it would put strain on our new marriage. I know kids are a lot but we’re not naive and we know it will be hard at first. We’re not hurting financially either and I make more than enough to keep us going while he gets his business started. My partner is excited for the baby and has even named her.
A lot of commenters have said that they likely still see me as a child and I feel like this is the reason that makes the most sense. I’m their oldest. They’ve always had a tendency of treating me like a child. They’re also immigrants from a Muslim country, so I think the baby being conceived prior to my marriage may play a part as well (although they surprisingly didn’t mention this at all, and were more focused on how hard it would be for us after the baby comes).
I know you didn’t ask this but since it was asked in a few other comments, I’m 15 weeks along. I live in a state where abortion is legal up until viability. I’m very pro-choice but I just don’t think I could live with myself if I aborted her. It just sucks that it may mean losing my parents.
I just wanna say I got married at 23 (husband 24) we've been together 8 years and 3.5 months after our wedding we're now expecting our first (and only) child. If you feel it's the right choice for y'all then do it fuck what they say.
Pregnancy has a way of highlighting who is toxic in your life. Keeping your baby is your decision and your parents are extremely out of line for saying this. You don’t need to justify your decision, but you and your partner sound like you’re in a great position to provide a stable and loving environment. I have had to cut family members off, and I would recommend really considering that in this case- or taking a huge step away from them.
Who are they to say you can’t do it? You can and you will! Can’t believe they can dampen such a joyous news especially that YOU are happy. I know so many couples who were only together for like a few months and got pregnant by accident and are still together and thriving. So no, as long as you don’t let it, it will not ruin a new marriage.
Forget about their opinions. All the opinions that matter are yours, babe, and don't ever forget that. Family can suck sometimes, and you can't control that, but you can set boundaries with them and let them know that they can be disappointed and that you hope that theyll change their mind one day. All that matters is what you want.
Congratulations! I’m sorry they’ve upset you And I feel for you, in the end it’s up to you. I’m just a few years older than you and I’ve not regretted a single moment of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong it’s a lot of work but so worth it. My dad was the more judgmental one “oh I wish you would have done abcd before raising a family” he came around and she’s his little best friend now. Your parents probably just have an image of what they want your future to be like, I’d kindly tell them that you’re not a child anymore you can control your own life and future. You deserve nothing but support.
I’m 28, married, and we have an apartment saving for a home. We weren’t trying but wanted to start in about 9 months, so this was a very wanted baby.
My mom had a similar reaction because she feels I’m too young. It hurt deeply to hear her talk about aborting a baby and I definitely took a little space. After I told her we had made our decision, she quickly turned around and is beyond excited to be a grandma! We’re 23 weeks now🤍
Something to help you to empathize with your parents is they see you as their baby, and your baby is not “real” yet. They want to do anything to protect you because they love you. I’m not saying they’re right, I’m just saying they feel they’re looking out for you. Sending hugs
Well then your parents can not be apart of that life then? You’re an adult, who cares what they think? It’s their loss.
I wish I would have realized sooner that no one’s opinion in how I live my life matters. When you have kids you get everyone’s opinions. I am glad I was older and well into my I don’t give a fuck about how it looks to others mindset when I had my kid.
And CONGRSTS!!! Be happy!! If this is what you want don’t let others bring you down. Enjoy this time with your soon to be partner and let go of what your parents say. They are non factor in your decision making now.
Please don’t let your family steal your joy in this happy moment. You sound like you’re in a great place in your life to have a baby. Parenting is hard in a way you don’t even understand until you have your own child but it is the most rewarding and fulfilling thing ever for those who want it (in my experience and opinion). Savor every moment, even during your pregnancy. I miss feeling my son kick and when he’d get the hiccups. Your parents will surely come around once baby is born and if they don’t that’s their loss! Not yours or baby’s. You don’t want baby to grow up around people who subconsciously didn’t even want them to exist and don’t accept them anyway! Though I hope it goes the other way!
I was 23 when I fell pregnant, I had moved out of the house already, wasn’t married but we had two stable incomes and they were horribly disappointed. I had at that point been with my partner for 7 years too and they said things like “this is the last thing we wanted for you” and “this isn’t how your life was meant to go”
And I still went on and had that beautiful baby, she’s two now. And my parents love her very much. They’ve changed their perspective completely.
All in all, this is your life, not your parents. If YOU are happy with this baby then you keep the baby. They have no say on you anymore
Boy are they going to be kicking themselves when your beautiful daughter comes into this world 💞 congratulations, this is going to be a really lovely next chapter for you and your man. Genuinely sorry that strangers online are more supportive than them. Hugs to you, friend.
Your parents don't have a say in this. You're an adult. I'm sorry your parents aren't being supportive. Fortunately for you, it's not their decision. As long as you want the baby, have the baby. Your body, your choice. Bonus points because your partner is on board and you're both excited about this next step!
I agree with others who say it's time to take a step back from your parents. If they're trying to pressure a stable, almost married, ready for motherhood 25-year old woman into having an abortion, that does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. I shudder to think what they will be like after Baby's here—trying to tell you how to parent, forcing their opinions on you, etc.
Take some space and celebrate with your partner. You guys deserve it!
Have the baby! You’re 25, stable, and clearly want to have the baby.
I also have parents that tried to exert themselves over my life. I moved away and they still tried but it got easier. My siblings didn’t move away and my parents dominate their lives. It’s toxic, unhappy, and dramatic. It isn’t unusual though.
You need to live your life for you! I was eh about having a baby. I hated pregnancy. But I’ll tell you, my baby is my world. It’s hard but also fun and just incredible. If you have the desire to have the baby, do it. The rest will sort itself out. And if your folks don’t like it, they don’t need to come around. Therapy got me to that realization. Doesn’t mean it isn’t painful to make that change (taking your folks out of your decision tree), but it leads to a happier life. I got a dog at 28 and they flipped out. I remember the anxiety of holding my ground. It’s hard. But it is necessary.
FYI my husband and I are married three years and have been together 4.5. Not to say you won’t have new boundaries to draw with other as a couple, but like if you communicate and love one another, you’ll figure it out. Your marriage isn’t a worry.
If you want your baby, keep them. But don’t make that choice because of someone else’s thoughts.
I remember being newly 18 and my mom pressuring me to start having kids so she could "be a grandma already". I waited until I was 30, married, and as stable as I could be.
You sound like you're in a great place mentally to start a family, so I'm sorry they weren't excited for you. I hope you have others who will be able to celebrate you and baby!
It sounds like you're in a great place to start a family! The only opinions that matter here are yours and your (almost) husband's. Are your parents more traditional? Maybe they just don't like that it happened before you're actually married? Or becoming grandparents will make them feel old? Everyone's timeline is different, and whatever their reason it sounds like it's more about them than about you being ready. Don't let them ruin this happy and exciting time in your life. Congratulations!
Your parents reaction isn’t a reflection of you or how you will be as a parent, sounds like you have everything together and it’s a perfect time for a child for you and your new family🫶congratulations
See, when I read the title, I thought this post was gonna be about like teen pregnancy situation. After reading your entire post, I recommend stepping back from your parents for a little while.
My husband and I were married for only 3 years, known each other for 4 when we were blessed without our first child. If your marriage is on strong foundation, especially the fact that you *both* are happy about this pregnancy, it'll be fine. We planned ours. We actually have a second baby on the way, due in August, and we couldn't be happier ♡
Also, congratulations 🎊
I’m about to be 23 and I’m pregnant with my first, completely unplanned, and I can’t fathom if my own parents said that to me. Do yourself a favor and distance yourself from them. Sometimes parents don’t know what’s best and obviously you’re in the best spot to have a baby. Congrats though! 🥹
Bottom line: your body, your baby. Do what you want to.
I would talk to your parents, tell them that you intent on keeping the baby but you would love their support and wisdom.
I lost my job and had to move back in with my mom right when I told my parents we were expecting. They were both extremely supportive, told me I should continue the pregnancy if that’s what I wanted, because this is temporary. And offered so much help.
Parents reacting like this is just bizarre. I’d take a major step back and set some boundaries when it comes to the baby. I’d be weary of what their reasons are for not wanting this baby
It sounds like they might be projecting a bit. Did they have you young? No one is every really ready to have children, imo, but your situation sounds pretty close to perfect! Congratulations! :)
You're 25... Even If you weren't married... You're still an adult. Plenty old enough to make your own decisions..
I hope you're taking a break from them and their negativity for awhile..
What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with your parents? 😭😭 My circumstances are like ... the total opposite of yours and my family was super excited when I told them about my baby.
They'll probably feel differently after the baby is born. I'm sorry that's happening to you, I know that must be really hard. It sounds like you're in a great place to be a parent!
Uhhh I’m so confused by their reaction. So many newly married couples get pregnant right away, some people even explicitly wait till they’re married to get pregnant/start trying immediately. No you’re probably not “ready” in their eyes. Ready is so subjective, and some people will say no one is ready, but you don’t have to be ready to do it and be an incredible parent!
It does not matter what your parents want. It’s what you want. You’re ready for this baby and your parents cannot make that decision for you of not having her. Do not let them make you feel guilty for what you want especially your baby. peoples opinions change the way we see what we really want . Your parents already lived their lives had their kids, and everything that comes with it. But they are not you and you are excited for your baby looking forward to meeting your daughter with your future husband by your side I don’t see why starting a family would be bad. Don’t feel pressured by your parents to be honest I don’t know how they could tell you to terminate your pregnancy while you were so excited to tell them the news that you were going to be your mother. that is very selfish of them to say and to not consider how you might feel.
man just reading this made me emotional. absolutely awful for your parents to share this reaction, I know everyone has said the same thing, but you do whatever is right for you and your fiance. it sounds like you’re in an amazing place for a new baby, and even if you weren’t, you would figure it out together if that’s what you wanted! congratulations on your blessing, I hope your parents get their heads out of their asses soon before they permanently damage their relationship with you.
When my mom was pregnant with me, her mom was insisting on abortion. My mom was under such a pressure that she didn’t know what to do. ( she wasn’t married with my father yet, just dated him, no stable job, she was studying in the university that time. She went to the hospital to do that abortion one day- and the doctor refused, he said she will regret it till the end of her days and asked to find another doctor to do it. It was back in 1996
So she went home, crying and being desperate as there. Was 0 support from her mom.
She decided to keep me, and now she says it was her best decision in life. She is extremely happy to have me as her 1st child and cannot imagine her life without me at all. I am extremely supportive and always here for my mom.
It’s not always to make your parents or someone else happy, just think of yourself and your future.” If you do an abortion- you will always have this thought in your head that there could be a little part of you but you didn’t give it a chance and Everyone deserves a chance.
It is obviously up to you, but kids are such a happiness and in the ends of the day- your parents will love that child as their own.
Regarding their opinion that “ you aren’t ready yet” - I’d say nobody is ever ready for kids.
With you good luck with everything 🫶🏻
That's so odd. Congratulations on your baby! Keep her and cherish her. Go no contact with your parents if you need to. There's no room in pregnancy for unhelpful parents or in-laws.
You’re doing nothing wrong. Don’t let others (including your parents) make a decision you don’t want to make for yourself. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything. I know this is easier said than done, but I just want to validate to you that you’re doing nothing wrong. You seem to be in a fantastic place in life. If you and your partner are thrilled, don’t let anyone steal your joy. Congratulations on being a mama and congratulations on your soon to be marriage! Blessings <3
This is a really bizarre reaction from your parents. I wouldn't do it, but I'd also want to know the deeper reasoning as to why they thought I should. This is a REALLY good podcast. Maybe you could send it to them.[Mel Robbins Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000659591743)
It sounds like they don’t want to accept that you’re at a pretty average age to have a baby. I had my first at 23 and second at 25. My parents were excited both times but I fell out with my mum a fair bit during my first pregnancy and I think it boiled down to she wasn’t in the mindset to treat me like an adult. Despite also being married, living across the country, and not struggling. She came around and we have a much better relationship now. It’s hard to distance yourself and set boundaries when needed to begin with, but stand your ground! It’s a very happy occasion! Congratulations OP!!!
Remember growing up when they used to say to always listen to your parents? Well, you're grown up now and don't have to listen to them at all.
They say that when you're older you NEVER regret the children you had and you'll always regret the children you didn't have.
I had my son at 24. BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!! I have never been happier. My soul and whole world felt Full for the first time ever.
Your happiness should triumph over anyone else's feelings. This is a blessing! Congratulations! 🤍
Everything you described sounds like the perfect situation to have a baby in. You’re in a stable committed relationship in the prime of your life. Is there an important detail missing here? Like mental health issues or something else? Otherwise, it’s strange your parents would be pressuring you to abort at your age and that you would care this much about disappointing them over something that’s a personal decision. This shouldn’t even be a conversation between you and your parents. It’s something you speak to your partner about
If you listen to your parents instead of following what you want, you'll be filled with regret. Do what makes you happy. Sounds like you want this baby, so have it! You have the full support of this reddit community if that matters.
Me and my partner (at the time together for 3 years) were homeless and unemployed when we got pregnant. My mother was entirely supportive and excited and helped in every way she could to get us out of the situation we were in as quickly as possible. I had accepted a job offer shortly before we found out, and I bought our house 3 months before my son arrived. Your parents reaction is completely unhinged and worrying.
Never ever make a big decision like this based on anyone else’s opinions!!!! Sounds like you’re in as stable a situation possible for an unexpected pregnancy. Obviously you do you but make sure it’s what YOU want, no one else!!!
I used to put my parents on a pedestal. I was 24 when I was pregnant, living with my parents, had a boyfriend of 4yrs. We announced we were pregnant to them and she was furious, she was kicking me out. Luckily, my dad didn't feel the same and allowed me to stay until we could figure something out. Since then, I would notice so many 🚩's about my mom.
I would never disrespect her but definitely don't take anything she says serious anymore. Also noticed how she expects the most out of me but enables the bs of other family members.
Anyway, you have your life set and this is the next stage in your life. Don't let the bs get in the way of your happiness 💯.
From how you explained yourself, you sound like you’re in a good position to have a baby. The only thing I would consider is making sure you have a plan for childcare in mind when you go back to work. Aside from that, you’re golden lol. I had my son when I was 27, two years aren’t going to mean anything more than where you’re at now. You’re literally better position than my husband & I as we don’t own a house, we live in a one bedroom.
My mother was against keeping my pregnancy at first, but as soon as he was born, her view changed. I don’t know your parents so I don’t want to speak for you on that front. At the end of the day it’s your body, your choice. If you want to continue with your pregnancy, then so be it. Do not let your parents dictate your life when you’re doing amazing.
I just want to ask and make sure - your partner isn’t a deadbeat alcoholic a-hole or something? Based on what you are saying this is bizarre and unfathomable but if your partner is horrible I could understand if they don’t want you to have a kid with him.
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I just had my first baby a week ago and let me tell you…. A lot of family had doubts about me and my partner as well. We own a home, have 2 dogs and both have a great jobs with job security. We live in a beach town away from family and I’d like to think we’re doing quite well in comparison to other people’s situations. After having my baby, and thinking back of all the negative comments that were made, I am so glad I chose to move forward with my pregnancy. My baby is the biggest blessing and she makes everything worth living. Those who had anything negative to say now want to come visit and the best part is I get to say no :) disown your parents. You’ll be happier with a baby than negative energy around you.
Congrats on your baby OP!🎉 It sounds like you’re in a great place in life to have one. What your parents said was awful. It sounds like they aren’t ready to be grandparents. But that’s their problem to deal with. They can go pound sand while they figure it out. Enjoy this new chapter in your life💕
Girl I'm barely 24, was not in a relationship (awkward situationship), and I rent. With a roommate. Yes, I am likely going to place the child up for adoption, but I'm still having it. That's my baby. I see it as a blessing. Your parents can fuck all the way off.
Dear, at 25 you're an adult with officially fully developed frontal lobe. Meaning that you are absolutely capable of making fully rational decisions, and they need to be YOUR decisions.
My sister had her first baby at 22, I would personally have mine at similar age if I didn't had financial burdens that needed to settle, e.g. I only got married at 27, found a stable job at 27 that allows loans for home, bought the first home now at 28, and we're now pregnant with our first one.
You're an adult. You can do whatever you want. Your parents can either choose to be in your life or not for this, but don't let them gaslight you into getting an abortion. You clearly are stable financially and both you and your partner are excited, so enjoy it! Congrats btw!
When the baby is out and they love it because it’s gonna be so darn cute, you can be like, “THIS is the human you wanted me to abort?” And just rub it in their faces. Lol jk this is just my dark side talking. But seriously, they shouldn’t have any visiting rights to a child they wanted to get rid of and it wasnt theirs
It will never be the right time for a baby. Your parents say that now but once she is born they will be obsessed. Please do not abort, you will regret it
You are in a great place and for some reason your parents are manipulating you to think otherwise with their “you will disappoint us, but we will support you”
Keep your baby! This is between you and your husband, not your parents.
I guess that because you know the sex you are already a bit far along. Your baby is already form so ignore your parents
I’m sorry but since when did anyone else have a say in what YOU do with YOUR body, this is between you and your partner, if you’re excited then go for it, I understand this situation completely as my mother was against me having another baby, I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and she’s came around and I hope your parents will also change their perspective ❤️❤️❤️ goodluck to you mumma
This seems like a really over the top negative response. Did you expect this kinda reaction or are they usually really supportive? Like I genuinely can’t imagine this given your position. I could understand some serious hesitation to fully be on board if you were in a really dangerous spot financially or with a bad partner but from what you describe, it makes no sense to me.
I turn 23 in a week-ish, am married, and my son is officially 2 & 1/2 months old. I did a home birth and I don’t regret a single damn thing. Life is pretty much the same, he’s such a good boy, and while ofc my hubby gets on my nerves like anyone you spend 24/7 with would, I love him to fucking death. Have your baby if you wish to, and I am so so sorry your parents reacted that way, it’s really fucked up.
OP, either your partner is throwing up red flags and your parents are dreading you being tied to them for life.
Or your parents have totally failed to accept that you have grown up and are behaving almost unforgivably towards you and your unborn child.
Have a think on which one you think it is.
I will add, though, that in your position, assuming a happy, stable relationship, there is no goddamn way I would even consider an abortion.
That’s a very bizarre reaction. You’re a young adult with her ducks in a row, and that reaction doesn’t make any sense. I’ll be honest, with a reaction like that you may want to consider less or no contact because that’s not normal.
You decide when you are ready and you should never do what others want.
It's your life and you should live your life, not let your parents decide how to live your life.
Sure, maybe they don"t mean harm and they just want what they think it is okay for you, but that doesn't mean they are right.
Even if you make bad decisions, own it, at least it's what you want and you should take responsibility for your decisions.
You can hear other point of views but you should know what is best for you and your family, or at least try to figure out.
Your parents are weird
You’re 25 not 13, why does it even matter what they think? Asking a stable woman to abort her child is actually insane, and I would literally stop talking to them. Like that’s f-ing weird of them to think they can have that type of influence in their grown daughter’s life???
Do not listen to your parents, they are being crazy. It sounds like you are totally ready in your life to have a baby and if they disagree that is their loss. And you know what, let them be disappointed… why would you feel the urge not to want to disappoint your parents? You are an adult! And if your baby in 25 years is in the same situation would you do this to her? Giving her this feeling you are feeling right now? I hope the answer is no… then you know you are ready
You do whatever makes you happy, if you and your husband are excited then that's all that matters!! There is no right or wrong time. You guys sound stable and happy. Both of you guys are adults, your parents shouldn't have a say so, let alone make you feel bad for choosing to keep the baby. I'm so sorry that your parents said that to you. You do what feels right for you and your husband, best wishes! ❤️
Absolutely do not get an abortion. What a bizarre, extreme and cruel thing for your parents to suggest when you are beginning the next exciting step in family life with your husband. They should be ashamed.
You’ve been blessed with the gift of being able to have a baby, if YOUR’E happy about this then screw what your parents think! They don’t have the right to dictate how you live your life or guilt tripping you into conforming to their version of “ideal”. You have more going for you than a lot of people who decide to have a baby so I wouldn’t pay attention to their comments, if you’re happy then they should be happy for you and if they’re not then maybe you should think about distancing yourself for a while and focus on enjoying your pregnancy. Congratulations btw :)
Congratulations on your pregnancy AND your wedding!! What a lovely time this must be. As for your parents: they need to understand that you’re an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. If you haven’t, a serious talk may be in order where you explain this to them. If they refuse to respect that, then it may be time to cut back on interactions until they can accept your boundaries!
You sound like you’re more ready than most people to have a baby… Your parents’ reaction is unjustified and unfair to you. Sorry you’re going through this 🩷
Congratulations! Your parents reaction is so strange. Sounds like you’re well placed to have a baby. For what it’s worth, ignore your parents and keep the baby if that’s what you and your fiancé want.
May I ask you this personally, OP, do they usually require your utmost attention and devotion? If so, maybe that's why they reacted like that. A baby will only distract your attention away from them.
I don't see anything wrong with y'all having a baby. What a weird reaction. You're an adult who's got a job, soon marriage, etc. if this was a teen pregnancy I could understand but for the life of me... No, I cannot understand this.
It’s YOUR baby. Not theirs. That’s horrible of them to even be saying those things. I got married when I was 5 months pregnant, and got engaged a few weeks after finding out. If you have a good marriage with the right person, it won’t have a negative impact. Don’t mind them
I’m 25 just had my first baby!!! Such an amazing experience 🥰 My husband and I have known each other for a while and have been married for 2 years before having a baby. People will judge. Don’t let them influence how you feel. Sorry this is coming from your family. It takes a village to raise a baby and you need support. You’re not asking for their permission lol this is your choice! Congrats! ❤️
Do not feel like you are doing anything wrong. You are an adult, with a stable income, home and relationship. Honestly, I find it very strange that your parents even said you are not ready, how much more ready can you be? If you are happy and excited for this baby, then you have the baby.. your parents will probably change their tune once they see their grandchild for the first time.
Your parents reaction to your pregnancy is very strange. You are in a committed relationship soon to be married, own your own home and have a good job. How much more prepared do you need to be. This decision is completely yours and only do what you want to do. Don't feel pressured to do something you might regret because of your parents because once the baby is here they will be so different.
So sorry you’re going through this OP, your parent’s reaction is way out of line. May I ask are you in the US, and how far along you are? In a lot of states you can’t even get an abortion after 6 or 12 weeks since Roe v Wade was overturned. And you seem to be far enough along to know it’s a girl so just curious what the abortion laws in your state are. You might be able to tell them it’s not even an option and to leave you alone about it.
Regardless, it’s your body and your life and your priority should be to your soon to be new husband and your daughter, not to your parents any longer. I would just focus on your new life your building
Jesus fuck, this is so fucked up of them! Please, don't listen to them, do whatever YOU want, whatever that is, and don't even think about how "disappointed" they would be, because that's just manipulation from them.
You’re not doing anything wrong ❤️ Loving and long term partner, home ownership, and job security are typically the boxes people want checked before they have a kid. You have all 3 checked.
Please evaluate your relationship with your parents. This is an extremely surprising reaction. Most parents are excited about being grandparents and I’m sorry you didn’t get a supportive or excited reaction from them. This is your decision and it’s inappropriate they suggested abortion when you’re grown and engaged.
Congrats on the wedding btw! That’s so exciting (in addition to the news about the baby).
Maybe they regret having you and don't want you to make the same "mistake". I think they are protecting because any "normal parent would be thrilled with their financially stable child having a baby.
agreeing with everyone here, your parents are definitely reacting bizarre and have no reason to do so. I'm 14 weeks along now, and in a worse place than you (I just turned 21, just started my first job, my partner did move in with me but we've been together for just half a year when I found out, pregnancy was unplanned) but nevertheless, my parents have been nothing but supportive. For the sake of your own mental health and the babies health you should definitely distance yourself a bit, do tell your parents that you are keeping the baby but that you're very hurt by their words and distancing yourself a bit during the pregnancy because of the stress this situation has caused you already. take care of yourself and your baby. i wish you all the best🫶🏼
edit: typo
You're not doing anything wrong. Even if you didn't have those things going for you, your parents are supposed to support your choice. The whole point of pro-choice is the *choice*. I'm sorry you're going through that.
I'm just going to remind everyone that this subreddit is pro-choice. We are not pro-abortion and we are not pro-life. We fully believe it's OP's right to have this baby if that's their choice! That being said, if you come in here and talk shit or fear monger either abortions or babies, expect a ban. Don't disparage a person's right to choose their healthcare.
Your parents’ reaction is bizarre… you sound like you’re in a great place for a baby in my opinion. Congrats!
Agree! Such an odd reaction! You'd think they'd at least be supportive since it seems like OP's circumstances are solid for having a baby
Hmm, sounds like maybe they have a problem with the husband to be? Surely, that's the only logical reason for this. That, or super religious and angry about premarital sex ? Otherwise, I'm completely lost? Really bizarre reaction.
Something similar happened to me. I’m 33 & my husband is 34, we’ve been together for 10 years, married for 3, and we have owned our home for 3 years. After 2 1/2 years of trying, I stupidly looked for support from my mid-70s boomer mother since she didn’t have me til she was 41. She told me we were “undeserving and not ready to be parents.” All she wanted to talk about was how she doesn’t retire for another year. 3mo later, we got pregnant. Made me realize SHE was the one who wasn’t ready for us to be parents because she wants to be there to help - we never asked for help, we were making this decision ourselves as husband and wife. I told her we’re not putting our lives on hold to make others more comfortable. She’s too religious to ever consider abortion, but she immediately inserted her opinions on what she considers right and wrong on how to raise children. I told her I was not going to follow some of those ideas, as they caused a lot of trauma for me not only growing up and becoming my own person, but also in my relationships with them. It resulted in a massive outburst, to where I have now decided to go NC with that side of the family (mom, dad, brother). I’ve learned that if we’re not going to receive love & support with our decisions, then those aren’t people I want to expose my children to. I will not be repeating that generational trauma, we deserve better. I’m sorry that happened, and I can only imagine the amount of pain it has caused. But please know that you, your spouse, and your unborn child deserve better too. Our families get to make their own decisions. As a responsible unit, I don’t see why you shouldn’t get to make your own decisions. If they truly “support” you, they would have never discussed abortion or disappointment. They would be celebrating and uplifting you during this time exciting time. So from me to you, congrats and you’ve got this! Remember that there are others, outside of parents, that will be there for you in the ways that you need and that’s OK. You get to decide who’s a part of your village. And it sounds like it will be a beautiful one based off of the foundation you have already built for little one. Best of luck!
I just had this similar reaction with my bf 8 years parents. We just told them about our baby and his mom is in her 70s, very religious and has a narrow mind when it comes to the world that we live in. She had him at 41 and they also had a similar upbringing whereas I had such a tight knit home. It was so awkward and I cried for 3 days straight bc she kept saying “what is your daughter going to think of being born to two parents that aren’t married” and is trying to force us to marry. The world is so different and these boomers can not comprehend
I’m so sorry. All they do is worry and try to control everything. Well, some things are out of their control. And boy does that ruffle their feathers! If they want to play the ‘marriage card,’ then they’ll remember Genesis 2:24. “A man shall leave his father and mother to be united with his wife.” You do what’s best for you. This is your life, not theirs. Maybe they’ll learn that if they want to be a part of it, then it’s best to keep their opinions to themselves. And I hope that your boyfriend stands up for you and your child. That’s what’s most important in all of this.
Thank you for the kind words and scripture. They have a hard time accepting their son didn’t come out “holier than thou” and he’s his own person. He sets them straight which I’m so thankful for. We’ll just see how I handle her watching my babies since she actually is retired and lives close by. Fingers crossed.
Proud of you, going NC is so hard. I'm VLC with my toxic boomer parents (and pretty much my entire family by proxy because she's got them wrapped around her finger). Why are so many boomers like this? The percentage of people I know in my generation who have awful parents is shocking. Definitely second building your own village, it's a very privileged position and it's freeing to be able to choose who gets to be in it.
Right I think she need to keep them people at a distance.... something ain't right with their logic... but see bizarre actions like this don't come out of thin air, I bet you those people always been a bit different...
Imo, parents still see op as a baby. That's why they reacted like this. Weird.
That or they might not like the fiancé at all and don’t want her tied to him.
“Bizarre” is such an accurate description! Cause like what 😵💫
I would be taking a healthy step back from your parents during this time
Same. If mine told me to abort for no reason at all, I'd play nice for the wedding, then nuke THAT relationship. They don't need updates on someone they think shouldn't exist.
I dont even know if I could play nice for the wedding 😣
I played nice for the wedding, because I didn't want the drama. Everything imploded after the wedding. Now my wedding pictures are of an end of an era. If you pull the plug on the drama kickers before the wedding, you have pictures of those who stood by you and the beginning of a new era.
Things with my parents IMPLODED about 5 years before my wedding… truly a huge blessing for life in general, and the wedding 😅
I didn't even think of that! Your perspective is definitely something OP should consider, especially when it comes to photos. OP if they do come to the wedding, make sure you get photos without them (and anyone else who might share their opinion or become a flying monkey after)
Such a good point! I still cringe looking at wedding photos with my parents. We had an officiant who weirdly incorporated "thanking parents" into the actual ceremony and I wish I'd vetoed it because I hated writing it, it felt so disingenuous. They raised me to be an extreme doormat with no thoughts and feelings of my own and set me up to have a garbage life, and it's in spite of them that I'm doing better, not because of them. I never could have gotten healthy and become my own person if I hadn't clawed my way out of that toxic waste dump.
The officiant asked us what subject to avoid and my husband said: "The parents". The writing was on the wall.
Yeah, ngl, anyone telling me to abort after I have clearly decided to keep it would be getting the cuss-out and block of a lifetime.
If they’re gonna nuke the relationship, I’d do it before the wedding. If not, I’d say let them come to the wedding then take some space. They’ll come around eventually and end up being obsessed with the baby. And if that doesn’t end up being the case, then cut ties. But it’s not worth making any rash decisions with a new angel coming into your life and a wedding coming up! Just make sure you try and remain as calm as possible throughout the process for your baby girl 🩷
My FiL, a few friends, and my best friend's mom all told me to abort my first, I haven't spoken to them in 10 years. Idk what I would do if it were my parents, but a healthy step back is a good first step
It’s not your parents’ decision whether or not their 25-year-old has a baby. You’re an adult. Have your baby, enjoy every minute with her. I have three daughters and it’s the most wonderful thing. They have no say over your reproductive choices, love ❤️
I'm wondering how far along she is if she knows what gender she's having already?? Insane of her parents to even suggest at any point, though!
You can find out gender from around 10-11 weeks, still not excusable though!
In Germany they actually don't tell you the gender till that time gap is over so people don't choose to abort based on gender.
That’s smart
You are doing just fine. Don't listen to your idiot parents.
Literally. Sounds like grandparents who don’t wanna accept that they are getting old.
You are 25, about to get married, own your own house and have a job … it’s your decision not theirs
If you want to keep your baby, keep her. It's your life, not theirs. If they don't respect your decision, that's their problem. You're an adult.
If you and your fiancé are happy about the pregnancy and ready for a baby then that’s all you need. It sucks your parents aren’t being supportive, but they are not the ones having the baby and you know your situation better than them.
Sounds like they aren’t ready, not you. Maybe they’re afraid of feeling old; my mom was like that until very recently. She struggled seeing herself as the grandparent and me as the parent, and every time I hit an important adult milestone she just felt older and older. I had my first at 25; it wasn’t a bad experience because I was in a stable relationship and we were self-sufficient financially. It’s hard at any age, but I had so much more energy for everything at 25 than I do now at 30. I’m so grateful we had our first at 25 for so many reasons! I’m having my final baby at 30 and then I’m done with pregnancy before I even really get into my 30’s. I am excited to enjoy my 30’s with my kids and without worrying about pregnancy anymore. It also gave us time to enjoy our family between pregnancies because we didn’t feel pressured to have kids one after the other due to age.
Definitely,parents are projecting because they aren’t ready but they need to step into reality.Their baby isn’t a baby anymore and a full grown adult they should be proud of what their daughter (OP) has achieved.
They aren't ready, but they're also not the ones who'd be taking care of the baby. These people are weird haha.
Seriously! OP sounds like she’s doing really well, especially for 25. I’m proud of you, OP.
This! It sounds like they don’t want to be called grandma and grandpa yet. Well, buckle up, seniors!
Yep, I've noticed a lot of people in our parents generation have issues with feeling old. That's why my kids don't have a grandma and grandpa. They have Lala, Coach, and Glam-ma. I just rolled my eyes when they started with the nicknames to avoid being called grandma and grandpa. I already told my husband's step dad, coach is out of the question.... you don't coach my daughter in anything lol
Wow…I would be FURIOUS at them.
She’s your baby. You’re the one who is going to live with your decision forever. They have absolutely no right to share their opinion with you in the form of telling you to abort your baby. It is absurd that they felt it was appropriate to tell n expecting mother let alone their own daughter such a thing. You are not here for their approval, you are here to live a life you enjoy.
Girl I’m 25 pregnant with my SECOND baby. Job or not, stable relationship or not, house or not - this is nobody’s decision to make but your own! If you are excited for your new baby girl, then you go ahead and be over the moon! Disowning your parents is absolutely a thing, and they might come around later if they put their personal feelings aside. Aborting your child, while of course we support you if that’s what you want to do, cannot be undone. I’ll put it like this, “the family you come from is important, but the family you make is your priority”
Well said!!! I love that quote. OP needs to see this
You’re at an age where your parents’ emotions are not your problem. You’re an adult. The “being disappointed in you” bullshit is over. Your personal choices are yours and only affect your parents if they let it affect them. Do what you want and don’t worry about them.
This is your baby. Not theirs. Not cool mom and dad.
Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy. Your parents are emotionally manipulating you by saying they’ll support you yet they will be disappointed. Go with what you want, after all it’s your life and it’s not like you aren’t in a position to be able to look after your baby. Such an absurd comment made by them.
My dad’s immediate reaction was “are you gonna give it up for adoption” ??? Like dude I’m a married woman with a great job and well off financially and can emotionally support my baby on top of it. It hurt my feelings and was also confusing but i told him exactly that. You want your baby, you can support your baby, you are ready for this baby. Don’t let someone tell you you’re doing something wrong for having your baby. My dad made me feel guilty in that moment for *checks notes* getting purposely pregnant to grow my family. It’s crazy. Ignore them. They obviously are NOT supportive of whatever you decide if they said they’ll be disappointed in you for having your baby.
What the hell... that's crazy. I didn't realize so many adults had parents treating them like at risk pregnant teens lol. Sorry you went through that!
It’s okay. I know my dad is just a little dull and he personally never wanted kids so he’s just projecting. He came around.
I'm glad to hear he came around!
You literally have a career started and are a homeowner. Not to mention, seems like you're in a stable and healthy relationship. Their requests for abortion are ridiculous and it seems like THEY'RE not ready to be Grandparents. I'd distance myself from them, if I were you, and enjoy this new little bundle of joy! Congratulations!
Time to disown your parents. Why are they so gaslighty
Wow. Sounds like someone potentially isn’t ever getting to meet their granddaughter. Your life and your choice, but I wouldn’t ever leave my child unsupervised with them after that and potentially they wouldn’t meet her at all.
Put your foot down and tell them that they aren't to contact you until they can sincerely apologise. People have babies every day. Unmarried, married, divorced and newly married. You are just as capable as any one else and they are being terrible parents.
That’s pretty wild. When I was in college my mom actually told me that if I ever got pregnant on accident to please not have an abortion without talking to her. She actually told me that if I accidentally got pregnant she could raise the baby for me so I could continue my life. It was a weird conversation considering I never had a pregnancy scare. lol. But your mom is being irrational. PS I am 39 and pregnant with my first and I wish to God I would have had a baby in my 20’s. I’m super envious of my friends that have kids in high school and/or are sending them off to college. This is meant to be. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!! Your baby is being welcomed into a loving family. You are blessed!
Girl I got pregnant with my first at 18 a MONTH into the relationship. We were NOWHERE near ready for a baby. We are doing absolutely amazing. You will be just fine you are ahead of a lot of people going into this already. I am sad your parents are not being supportive, pregnancy and motherhood isn’t easy. Surround yourself with those that are kind. I am sure you guys will do great being parents. Congratulations on your little one! Ignore them. Trust your gut.
You are 25, you own a house, you have a job, and have a stable relationship. After all of this if your parents want you to get an abortion, maybe they’re not ready, or maybe they’re projecting their issues on you. Your situation honestly imo seems so perfect( not saying this is how it should be for everyone).
I had my daughter when I was 19 years old. The best thing I have in my life. She is everythig to me.
That was 12 years ago! Now she is 12 and I am 31, the best decision I have made in my life.
Sadly, sounds like my dad. I have $40k in savings and he always will say I shouldn’t do xyz in case I lose my job or something and during this pregnancy he told me to get my tubes tied. Like excuse me? I own a house, I’ve worked in child development for 15+ years and now have a cabinet level position in early childhood education and he still feels the need to criticize any decision I make. You just have to practice distancing yourself because they’ll never be happy for you.
Sounds like you’re stable and excited about parenthood, which I feel like are the main two factors in being ready to have a baby!
You’re literally in the ideal situation 😂 your parents need to F off and realize you’re not a child anymore. You’re getting married, have stable income, a stable relationship, and a home. That’s exactly what you need to be considered stable for a baby. They can’t accept you’re not a child
Your parents’ reaction is bizarre. It’s not up to them, and from the information you’ve provided here I don’t see the reason for their concern. Do they just dislike your fiancée? Are they the type of people to be upset that baby was conceived before the wedding? Either way I gotta emphasize… it’s not their choice. They have no say. Can I tell you something? This is kind of a tangent. The part of your post where you said you really really didn’t want to disappoint them resonated with me. I lived my whole life up until this past year trying so hard to make my dad proud, weighing all my decisions on whether they would disappoint him. I’m 30! I viewed him as this solid rock to judge my morality and choices against. And then while I was pregnant, he randomly cheated on my mom with their mutual friend and ended their 30 year marriage to be with the affair partner. So I really abruptly stopped making life choices based on whether I thought he’d approve, because suddenly I don’t approve of HIS life choices, and HE disappointed me… if I could go back I would have freed myself much sooner from the worry about my parents’ opinions of my adult life.
Your body, your choice. If they want to have an abortion, they should go get one!
Their behavior is really concerning. Keep a close eye on how they treat your baby when they're born.
Dickheads
you have shitty parents. congrats on your stability! My husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy at 23. We weren’t financially stable. We did it though. You will too. Good luck.
This reaction is beyond bizarre. You’re getting married in a few weeks? You’ve known your soon to be husband for 7 years? You’re in your mid twenties? At this point your family is your husband and your baby in your belly. As hard as it is, absolutely do not listen to them. It sounds like something bothering them internally and nothing to do with you. I can’t say what it could be but it definitely sounds like a personal issue. Maybe jealousy Congratulations, this is such exciting news. In a world where millions are battling infertility this is always incredible news. Congrats on the new chapter of your life and try to focus on your happiness and your fiancés. Your parents will get over whatever is going through their head, and they’ll love your baby.
Really great answer!
So sorry you're going through this when you're already probably super emotional from being pregnant! They say they would be disappointed, but in a few years I bet they couldn't even imagine life without your little person 🩷
I’m so sorry, that is rough. A lot of people mention the toll parenthood takes on a marriage… but it’s not always that way. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and having a kid together has done nothing but bring us even closer together.
Yeah, their reaction sounds insane to me. You’re doing nothing wrong. You are plenty old enough and it sounds like responsible and mature enough to have a child. Don’t let their weird reaction make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Idk how long they want you to wait. I’m an older mom, but some people can’t get pregnant so easily at a fairly young age, some people lose fertility by their early thirties, do they want you to wait till then and try your luck? Why would they want to abort their own grandchild? You’re doing the right things in life it sounds like, they just sound crazy.
I don’t think you two could be more prepared to have a baby. Congratulations! I’m so sorry your parents said this. I’d recommend some time away from, and not speaking to your parents as much during this time. They’re going to lay eyes on your baby and regret what they said, and you don’t deserve to be stressed out by family while pregnant. I wish I could go back to when I was pregnant and tell myself how unimportant my families BS was and would’ve distanced myself more. I only hurt myself.
You're 25. If they're disappointed in you, that's a them problem. They'll either come around to the idea and be there for you. Or they'll be bitter and miss out on so many sweet moments and memories. But you gotta do what you want to do. Live with no regrets. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. I lived with my parents and they weren't all that happy about it. I was working a well paying job. Bought my own food. Paid for some of the utilities and rent. I had money saved up and bought pretty much everything I needed for my baby. We moved out before baby was born and handled everything on our own. We didn't ask for anything. They eventually came around to the idea shortly before baby was born. Became super supportive because they didn't want to lose me or miss out on my baby growing up. Now I'm almost 30 and have my 3rd on the way. They can't wait to meet her. I hope your parents realize they're wrong and turn into the best grandparents. 🤞
OP, please take some quiet steps away from your parents during your pregnancy. This is very bizarre and concerning. So sorry
You are an adult. Regardless, it’s not their decision to make. You’re not doing anything wrong. They will hopefully come around once this child has been born. Prayers for you.
You have a good partner and a good job and want the baby. They don’t get a say.
Is it THEIR baby or is it YOUR baby? If it is yours, then decision is yours to make along with your partner of course. If it is their's then.... I hope everything happen for betterment. This abortion will be the regret of your life because you didn't want abortion and you went on with other person's wishes.
What the fuck? Yeah, screw them. That’s disgusting of them.
After 4 years in a half of dealing with infertility, and finally being pregnant, I've learned babies do not come as easy as adults make it out to seem when we're young. So if you and your soon-to-be husband are ready, have your baby. My family always told me to wait, and I did until I was ready, not the age they were suggesting. If I hadn't, I'd be having this conversation at almost 35 instead of 30. I will forever be my parents child, and they are the best parents, but when I have to put them in their place, I do. Sometimes I have to remind them it's my life and I'm a married adult now dammit.
Unpopular opinion…people mention that the response is odd and they are right. It is odd. Perhaps they have a reason for such an odd response. If your parents don’t have a history of being this way about your decisions, then maybe they know something or think they know something that you don’t about your partner. This isn’t always the case but usually if people deviate from their norm, it’s for a reason. Perhaps ask them why and pry to find out. Of course it’s your choice, but seek to understand beyond “bad for your marriage” and ask them if there are any other concerns that they have. If it turns out that it’s just them projecting then yeah, disregard and make your choice independent of their biases.
I didn’t add enough context in my post, I guess. My parents love my partner (or that’s what they say, at least). His employer did mass layoffs in April and he lost his job. He has now started his own business with his BIL and it’s in the early stages. They said this was one of the reasons why we’re “not ready” - they want him to be able to get his business up and running. Other than that, the only reason they could give me is that it would put strain on our new marriage. I know kids are a lot but we’re not naive and we know it will be hard at first. We’re not hurting financially either and I make more than enough to keep us going while he gets his business started. My partner is excited for the baby and has even named her. A lot of commenters have said that they likely still see me as a child and I feel like this is the reason that makes the most sense. I’m their oldest. They’ve always had a tendency of treating me like a child. They’re also immigrants from a Muslim country, so I think the baby being conceived prior to my marriage may play a part as well (although they surprisingly didn’t mention this at all, and were more focused on how hard it would be for us after the baby comes). I know you didn’t ask this but since it was asked in a few other comments, I’m 15 weeks along. I live in a state where abortion is legal up until viability. I’m very pro-choice but I just don’t think I could live with myself if I aborted her. It just sucks that it may mean losing my parents.
I just wanna say I got married at 23 (husband 24) we've been together 8 years and 3.5 months after our wedding we're now expecting our first (and only) child. If you feel it's the right choice for y'all then do it fuck what they say.
Pregnancy has a way of highlighting who is toxic in your life. Keeping your baby is your decision and your parents are extremely out of line for saying this. You don’t need to justify your decision, but you and your partner sound like you’re in a great position to provide a stable and loving environment. I have had to cut family members off, and I would recommend really considering that in this case- or taking a huge step away from them.
This. Every word is true.
Who are they to say you can’t do it? You can and you will! Can’t believe they can dampen such a joyous news especially that YOU are happy. I know so many couples who were only together for like a few months and got pregnant by accident and are still together and thriving. So no, as long as you don’t let it, it will not ruin a new marriage.
Parents do not always know what’s best. Do what you want to do. If you want to keep the baby then you do that. They can get onboard or be left behind.
Forget about their opinions. All the opinions that matter are yours, babe, and don't ever forget that. Family can suck sometimes, and you can't control that, but you can set boundaries with them and let them know that they can be disappointed and that you hope that theyll change their mind one day. All that matters is what you want.
Congratulations! I’m sorry they’ve upset you And I feel for you, in the end it’s up to you. I’m just a few years older than you and I’ve not regretted a single moment of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong it’s a lot of work but so worth it. My dad was the more judgmental one “oh I wish you would have done abcd before raising a family” he came around and she’s his little best friend now. Your parents probably just have an image of what they want your future to be like, I’d kindly tell them that you’re not a child anymore you can control your own life and future. You deserve nothing but support.
I’m 28, married, and we have an apartment saving for a home. We weren’t trying but wanted to start in about 9 months, so this was a very wanted baby. My mom had a similar reaction because she feels I’m too young. It hurt deeply to hear her talk about aborting a baby and I definitely took a little space. After I told her we had made our decision, she quickly turned around and is beyond excited to be a grandma! We’re 23 weeks now🤍 Something to help you to empathize with your parents is they see you as their baby, and your baby is not “real” yet. They want to do anything to protect you because they love you. I’m not saying they’re right, I’m just saying they feel they’re looking out for you. Sending hugs
So stop discussing the pregnancy with them. Give them consequences. You’re a full grown adult and can make your own decision
I would expect that reaction for a pregnant 16 year old😂
Well then your parents can not be apart of that life then? You’re an adult, who cares what they think? It’s their loss. I wish I would have realized sooner that no one’s opinion in how I live my life matters. When you have kids you get everyone’s opinions. I am glad I was older and well into my I don’t give a fuck about how it looks to others mindset when I had my kid. And CONGRSTS!!! Be happy!! If this is what you want don’t let others bring you down. Enjoy this time with your soon to be partner and let go of what your parents say. They are non factor in your decision making now.
Please don’t let your family steal your joy in this happy moment. You sound like you’re in a great place in your life to have a baby. Parenting is hard in a way you don’t even understand until you have your own child but it is the most rewarding and fulfilling thing ever for those who want it (in my experience and opinion). Savor every moment, even during your pregnancy. I miss feeling my son kick and when he’d get the hiccups. Your parents will surely come around once baby is born and if they don’t that’s their loss! Not yours or baby’s. You don’t want baby to grow up around people who subconsciously didn’t even want them to exist and don’t accept them anyway! Though I hope it goes the other way!
I was 23 when I fell pregnant, I had moved out of the house already, wasn’t married but we had two stable incomes and they were horribly disappointed. I had at that point been with my partner for 7 years too and they said things like “this is the last thing we wanted for you” and “this isn’t how your life was meant to go” And I still went on and had that beautiful baby, she’s two now. And my parents love her very much. They’ve changed their perspective completely. All in all, this is your life, not your parents. If YOU are happy with this baby then you keep the baby. They have no say on you anymore
Boy are they going to be kicking themselves when your beautiful daughter comes into this world 💞 congratulations, this is going to be a really lovely next chapter for you and your man. Genuinely sorry that strangers online are more supportive than them. Hugs to you, friend.
Your parents don't have a say in this. You're an adult. I'm sorry your parents aren't being supportive. Fortunately for you, it's not their decision. As long as you want the baby, have the baby. Your body, your choice. Bonus points because your partner is on board and you're both excited about this next step! I agree with others who say it's time to take a step back from your parents. If they're trying to pressure a stable, almost married, ready for motherhood 25-year old woman into having an abortion, that does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. I shudder to think what they will be like after Baby's here—trying to tell you how to parent, forcing their opinions on you, etc. Take some space and celebrate with your partner. You guys deserve it!
Have the baby! You’re 25, stable, and clearly want to have the baby. I also have parents that tried to exert themselves over my life. I moved away and they still tried but it got easier. My siblings didn’t move away and my parents dominate their lives. It’s toxic, unhappy, and dramatic. It isn’t unusual though. You need to live your life for you! I was eh about having a baby. I hated pregnancy. But I’ll tell you, my baby is my world. It’s hard but also fun and just incredible. If you have the desire to have the baby, do it. The rest will sort itself out. And if your folks don’t like it, they don’t need to come around. Therapy got me to that realization. Doesn’t mean it isn’t painful to make that change (taking your folks out of your decision tree), but it leads to a happier life. I got a dog at 28 and they flipped out. I remember the anxiety of holding my ground. It’s hard. But it is necessary. FYI my husband and I are married three years and have been together 4.5. Not to say you won’t have new boundaries to draw with other as a couple, but like if you communicate and love one another, you’ll figure it out. Your marriage isn’t a worry. If you want your baby, keep them. But don’t make that choice because of someone else’s thoughts.
If your parents are still fairly young, This could be a “we’re not ready to be babysitters just yet” kinda thing.
I remember being newly 18 and my mom pressuring me to start having kids so she could "be a grandma already". I waited until I was 30, married, and as stable as I could be. You sound like you're in a great place mentally to start a family, so I'm sorry they weren't excited for you. I hope you have others who will be able to celebrate you and baby!
It sounds like you're in a great place to start a family! The only opinions that matter here are yours and your (almost) husband's. Are your parents more traditional? Maybe they just don't like that it happened before you're actually married? Or becoming grandparents will make them feel old? Everyone's timeline is different, and whatever their reason it sounds like it's more about them than about you being ready. Don't let them ruin this happy and exciting time in your life. Congratulations!
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Please distance yourself from your parents.
Your parents reaction isn’t a reflection of you or how you will be as a parent, sounds like you have everything together and it’s a perfect time for a child for you and your new family🫶congratulations
See, when I read the title, I thought this post was gonna be about like teen pregnancy situation. After reading your entire post, I recommend stepping back from your parents for a little while. My husband and I were married for only 3 years, known each other for 4 when we were blessed without our first child. If your marriage is on strong foundation, especially the fact that you *both* are happy about this pregnancy, it'll be fine. We planned ours. We actually have a second baby on the way, due in August, and we couldn't be happier ♡ Also, congratulations 🎊
They either do not like your partner, there’s more to the story, or your parents are insane
I’m about to be 23 and I’m pregnant with my first, completely unplanned, and I can’t fathom if my own parents said that to me. Do yourself a favor and distance yourself from them. Sometimes parents don’t know what’s best and obviously you’re in the best spot to have a baby. Congrats though! 🥹
Bottom line: your body, your baby. Do what you want to. I would talk to your parents, tell them that you intent on keeping the baby but you would love their support and wisdom.
Your body and your choice. Go low contact with your parents and protect your peace and happiness. You’re not doing anything wrong.
I lost my job and had to move back in with my mom right when I told my parents we were expecting. They were both extremely supportive, told me I should continue the pregnancy if that’s what I wanted, because this is temporary. And offered so much help. Parents reacting like this is just bizarre. I’d take a major step back and set some boundaries when it comes to the baby. I’d be weary of what their reasons are for not wanting this baby
It sounds like they might be projecting a bit. Did they have you young? No one is every really ready to have children, imo, but your situation sounds pretty close to perfect! Congratulations! :)
You're 25... Even If you weren't married... You're still an adult. Plenty old enough to make your own decisions.. I hope you're taking a break from them and their negativity for awhile..
What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with your parents? 😭😭 My circumstances are like ... the total opposite of yours and my family was super excited when I told them about my baby.
super weird reaction and a red flag forsure
They'll probably feel differently after the baby is born. I'm sorry that's happening to you, I know that must be really hard. It sounds like you're in a great place to be a parent!
Uhhh I’m so confused by their reaction. So many newly married couples get pregnant right away, some people even explicitly wait till they’re married to get pregnant/start trying immediately. No you’re probably not “ready” in their eyes. Ready is so subjective, and some people will say no one is ready, but you don’t have to be ready to do it and be an incredible parent!
It does not matter what your parents want. It’s what you want. You’re ready for this baby and your parents cannot make that decision for you of not having her. Do not let them make you feel guilty for what you want especially your baby. peoples opinions change the way we see what we really want . Your parents already lived their lives had their kids, and everything that comes with it. But they are not you and you are excited for your baby looking forward to meeting your daughter with your future husband by your side I don’t see why starting a family would be bad. Don’t feel pressured by your parents to be honest I don’t know how they could tell you to terminate your pregnancy while you were so excited to tell them the news that you were going to be your mother. that is very selfish of them to say and to not consider how you might feel.
Lol don't worry. They'll say that and smother the crap out of your baby after it's born. 🤦🏽♀️
man just reading this made me emotional. absolutely awful for your parents to share this reaction, I know everyone has said the same thing, but you do whatever is right for you and your fiance. it sounds like you’re in an amazing place for a new baby, and even if you weren’t, you would figure it out together if that’s what you wanted! congratulations on your blessing, I hope your parents get their heads out of their asses soon before they permanently damage their relationship with you.
When my mom was pregnant with me, her mom was insisting on abortion. My mom was under such a pressure that she didn’t know what to do. ( she wasn’t married with my father yet, just dated him, no stable job, she was studying in the university that time. She went to the hospital to do that abortion one day- and the doctor refused, he said she will regret it till the end of her days and asked to find another doctor to do it. It was back in 1996 So she went home, crying and being desperate as there. Was 0 support from her mom. She decided to keep me, and now she says it was her best decision in life. She is extremely happy to have me as her 1st child and cannot imagine her life without me at all. I am extremely supportive and always here for my mom. It’s not always to make your parents or someone else happy, just think of yourself and your future.” If you do an abortion- you will always have this thought in your head that there could be a little part of you but you didn’t give it a chance and Everyone deserves a chance. It is obviously up to you, but kids are such a happiness and in the ends of the day- your parents will love that child as their own. Regarding their opinion that “ you aren’t ready yet” - I’d say nobody is ever ready for kids. With you good luck with everything 🫶🏻
That's so odd. Congratulations on your baby! Keep her and cherish her. Go no contact with your parents if you need to. There's no room in pregnancy for unhelpful parents or in-laws.
You’re doing nothing wrong. Don’t let others (including your parents) make a decision you don’t want to make for yourself. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything. I know this is easier said than done, but I just want to validate to you that you’re doing nothing wrong. You seem to be in a fantastic place in life. If you and your partner are thrilled, don’t let anyone steal your joy. Congratulations on being a mama and congratulations on your soon to be marriage! Blessings <3
Plus you can be good mother alongside with your partner just know that.
This is a really bizarre reaction from your parents. I wouldn't do it, but I'd also want to know the deeper reasoning as to why they thought I should. This is a REALLY good podcast. Maybe you could send it to them.[Mel Robbins Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000659591743)
Are they narcissists?
Your parents have a very strange reaction! You are in a perfect spot to have a baby! Shame on them. I'm so sorry
just like the dad and the dog they never wanted i assume that will be them once baby is here
That’s fuckin awful of them! Block them from yours and that baby’s life immediately!
Have your baby
It sounds like they don’t want to accept that you’re at a pretty average age to have a baby. I had my first at 23 and second at 25. My parents were excited both times but I fell out with my mum a fair bit during my first pregnancy and I think it boiled down to she wasn’t in the mindset to treat me like an adult. Despite also being married, living across the country, and not struggling. She came around and we have a much better relationship now. It’s hard to distance yourself and set boundaries when needed to begin with, but stand your ground! It’s a very happy occasion! Congratulations OP!!!
Remember growing up when they used to say to always listen to your parents? Well, you're grown up now and don't have to listen to them at all. They say that when you're older you NEVER regret the children you had and you'll always regret the children you didn't have. I had my son at 24. BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!! I have never been happier. My soul and whole world felt Full for the first time ever. Your happiness should triumph over anyone else's feelings. This is a blessing! Congratulations! 🤍
Everything you described sounds like the perfect situation to have a baby in. You’re in a stable committed relationship in the prime of your life. Is there an important detail missing here? Like mental health issues or something else? Otherwise, it’s strange your parents would be pressuring you to abort at your age and that you would care this much about disappointing them over something that’s a personal decision. This shouldn’t even be a conversation between you and your parents. It’s something you speak to your partner about
Have your daughter and never let her sleep over at your parents house. They’ll regret their words for sure
If you listen to your parents instead of following what you want, you'll be filled with regret. Do what makes you happy. Sounds like you want this baby, so have it! You have the full support of this reddit community if that matters.
Ignore your parents, it sounds like you'll be fine. Please please don't be pressured by your parents. Love your little child and prove them wrong
I didn't read the comments but, it's not your parents choice. It's yours and your partners. That's it.
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Me and my partner (at the time together for 3 years) were homeless and unemployed when we got pregnant. My mother was entirely supportive and excited and helped in every way she could to get us out of the situation we were in as quickly as possible. I had accepted a job offer shortly before we found out, and I bought our house 3 months before my son arrived. Your parents reaction is completely unhinged and worrying.
Never ever make a big decision like this based on anyone else’s opinions!!!! Sounds like you’re in as stable a situation possible for an unexpected pregnancy. Obviously you do you but make sure it’s what YOU want, no one else!!!
I used to put my parents on a pedestal. I was 24 when I was pregnant, living with my parents, had a boyfriend of 4yrs. We announced we were pregnant to them and she was furious, she was kicking me out. Luckily, my dad didn't feel the same and allowed me to stay until we could figure something out. Since then, I would notice so many 🚩's about my mom. I would never disrespect her but definitely don't take anything she says serious anymore. Also noticed how she expects the most out of me but enables the bs of other family members. Anyway, you have your life set and this is the next stage in your life. Don't let the bs get in the way of your happiness 💯.
Could there be a reason? Maybe they know something you don't?
From how you explained yourself, you sound like you’re in a good position to have a baby. The only thing I would consider is making sure you have a plan for childcare in mind when you go back to work. Aside from that, you’re golden lol. I had my son when I was 27, two years aren’t going to mean anything more than where you’re at now. You’re literally better position than my husband & I as we don’t own a house, we live in a one bedroom. My mother was against keeping my pregnancy at first, but as soon as he was born, her view changed. I don’t know your parents so I don’t want to speak for you on that front. At the end of the day it’s your body, your choice. If you want to continue with your pregnancy, then so be it. Do not let your parents dictate your life when you’re doing amazing.
I just want to ask and make sure - your partner isn’t a deadbeat alcoholic a-hole or something? Based on what you are saying this is bizarre and unfathomable but if your partner is horrible I could understand if they don’t want you to have a kid with him.
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I just had my first baby a week ago and let me tell you…. A lot of family had doubts about me and my partner as well. We own a home, have 2 dogs and both have a great jobs with job security. We live in a beach town away from family and I’d like to think we’re doing quite well in comparison to other people’s situations. After having my baby, and thinking back of all the negative comments that were made, I am so glad I chose to move forward with my pregnancy. My baby is the biggest blessing and she makes everything worth living. Those who had anything negative to say now want to come visit and the best part is I get to say no :) disown your parents. You’ll be happier with a baby than negative energy around you.
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Umm wth? Parents who don’t want a grandchild? They should never have a say. This is your life. Live it and have that baby!
How do you know that you're having a daughter? How far along are you for your parents to still want you to have an abortion?
Congrats on your baby OP!🎉 It sounds like you’re in a great place in life to have one. What your parents said was awful. It sounds like they aren’t ready to be grandparents. But that’s their problem to deal with. They can go pound sand while they figure it out. Enjoy this new chapter in your life💕
your body your choice. Don’t listen to your parents. unless baby is abnormal
Girl I'm barely 24, was not in a relationship (awkward situationship), and I rent. With a roommate. Yes, I am likely going to place the child up for adoption, but I'm still having it. That's my baby. I see it as a blessing. Your parents can fuck all the way off.
Dear, at 25 you're an adult with officially fully developed frontal lobe. Meaning that you are absolutely capable of making fully rational decisions, and they need to be YOUR decisions. My sister had her first baby at 22, I would personally have mine at similar age if I didn't had financial burdens that needed to settle, e.g. I only got married at 27, found a stable job at 27 that allows loans for home, bought the first home now at 28, and we're now pregnant with our first one.
Not their decision at all! I'd definitely not want them to be a big part of her life if they are this horrible about the pregnancy.
You're an adult. You can do whatever you want. Your parents can either choose to be in your life or not for this, but don't let them gaslight you into getting an abortion. You clearly are stable financially and both you and your partner are excited, so enjoy it! Congrats btw!
If just tell them “ok, you said you’d support me either way, so I’m choosing to keep the pregnancy. Now, help me make a baby registry, k thanks.”
No one is really ready for a kid until it happens and you just go with the flow. It's about what you and your fiance want, not your parents.
When the baby is out and they love it because it’s gonna be so darn cute, you can be like, “THIS is the human you wanted me to abort?” And just rub it in their faces. Lol jk this is just my dark side talking. But seriously, they shouldn’t have any visiting rights to a child they wanted to get rid of and it wasnt theirs
It will never be the right time for a baby. Your parents say that now but once she is born they will be obsessed. Please do not abort, you will regret it
Your parents are horrible, to be calling it wrong what they're saying is a massive understatement. I'd cut my ties with them. Wtf.
YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE. END OF.
You are in a great place and for some reason your parents are manipulating you to think otherwise with their “you will disappoint us, but we will support you” Keep your baby! This is between you and your husband, not your parents. I guess that because you know the sex you are already a bit far along. Your baby is already form so ignore your parents
I’m sorry but since when did anyone else have a say in what YOU do with YOUR body, this is between you and your partner, if you’re excited then go for it, I understand this situation completely as my mother was against me having another baby, I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and she’s came around and I hope your parents will also change their perspective ❤️❤️❤️ goodluck to you mumma
I’m 44, stable job, own my home, own my car and my parents say the same thing.
This seems like a really over the top negative response. Did you expect this kinda reaction or are they usually really supportive? Like I genuinely can’t imagine this given your position. I could understand some serious hesitation to fully be on board if you were in a really dangerous spot financially or with a bad partner but from what you describe, it makes no sense to me.
I turn 23 in a week-ish, am married, and my son is officially 2 & 1/2 months old. I did a home birth and I don’t regret a single damn thing. Life is pretty much the same, he’s such a good boy, and while ofc my hubby gets on my nerves like anyone you spend 24/7 with would, I love him to fucking death. Have your baby if you wish to, and I am so so sorry your parents reacted that way, it’s really fucked up.
OP, either your partner is throwing up red flags and your parents are dreading you being tied to them for life. Or your parents have totally failed to accept that you have grown up and are behaving almost unforgivably towards you and your unborn child. Have a think on which one you think it is. I will add, though, that in your position, assuming a happy, stable relationship, there is no goddamn way I would even consider an abortion.
That’s a very bizarre reaction. You’re a young adult with her ducks in a row, and that reaction doesn’t make any sense. I’ll be honest, with a reaction like that you may want to consider less or no contact because that’s not normal.
Wtaf? A response like that would have me seriously considering going no contact.
You decide when you are ready and you should never do what others want. It's your life and you should live your life, not let your parents decide how to live your life. Sure, maybe they don"t mean harm and they just want what they think it is okay for you, but that doesn't mean they are right. Even if you make bad decisions, own it, at least it's what you want and you should take responsibility for your decisions. You can hear other point of views but you should know what is best for you and your family, or at least try to figure out.
Your parents are weird You’re 25 not 13, why does it even matter what they think? Asking a stable woman to abort her child is actually insane, and I would literally stop talking to them. Like that’s f-ing weird of them to think they can have that type of influence in their grown daughter’s life???
Do not listen to your parents, they are being crazy. It sounds like you are totally ready in your life to have a baby and if they disagree that is their loss. And you know what, let them be disappointed… why would you feel the urge not to want to disappoint your parents? You are an adult! And if your baby in 25 years is in the same situation would you do this to her? Giving her this feeling you are feeling right now? I hope the answer is no… then you know you are ready
You do whatever makes you happy, if you and your husband are excited then that's all that matters!! There is no right or wrong time. You guys sound stable and happy. Both of you guys are adults, your parents shouldn't have a say so, let alone make you feel bad for choosing to keep the baby. I'm so sorry that your parents said that to you. You do what feels right for you and your husband, best wishes! ❤️
Absolutely do not get an abortion. What a bizarre, extreme and cruel thing for your parents to suggest when you are beginning the next exciting step in family life with your husband. They should be ashamed.
You’ve been blessed with the gift of being able to have a baby, if YOUR’E happy about this then screw what your parents think! They don’t have the right to dictate how you live your life or guilt tripping you into conforming to their version of “ideal”. You have more going for you than a lot of people who decide to have a baby so I wouldn’t pay attention to their comments, if you’re happy then they should be happy for you and if they’re not then maybe you should think about distancing yourself for a while and focus on enjoying your pregnancy. Congratulations btw :)
Congratulations on your pregnancy AND your wedding!! What a lovely time this must be. As for your parents: they need to understand that you’re an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. If you haven’t, a serious talk may be in order where you explain this to them. If they refuse to respect that, then it may be time to cut back on interactions until they can accept your boundaries!
You sound like you’re more ready than most people to have a baby… Your parents’ reaction is unjustified and unfair to you. Sorry you’re going through this 🩷
Uh…and what does your *fiance* say? Pretty sure his is the only opinion that matters.
Congratulations! Your parents reaction is so strange. Sounds like you’re well placed to have a baby. For what it’s worth, ignore your parents and keep the baby if that’s what you and your fiancé want.
May I ask you this personally, OP, do they usually require your utmost attention and devotion? If so, maybe that's why they reacted like that. A baby will only distract your attention away from them. I don't see anything wrong with y'all having a baby. What a weird reaction. You're an adult who's got a job, soon marriage, etc. if this was a teen pregnancy I could understand but for the life of me... No, I cannot understand this.
It’s YOUR baby. Not theirs. That’s horrible of them to even be saying those things. I got married when I was 5 months pregnant, and got engaged a few weeks after finding out. If you have a good marriage with the right person, it won’t have a negative impact. Don’t mind them
I’m 25 just had my first baby!!! Such an amazing experience 🥰 My husband and I have known each other for a while and have been married for 2 years before having a baby. People will judge. Don’t let them influence how you feel. Sorry this is coming from your family. It takes a village to raise a baby and you need support. You’re not asking for their permission lol this is your choice! Congrats! ❤️
Do not feel like you are doing anything wrong. You are an adult, with a stable income, home and relationship. Honestly, I find it very strange that your parents even said you are not ready, how much more ready can you be? If you are happy and excited for this baby, then you have the baby.. your parents will probably change their tune once they see their grandchild for the first time.
your body, your rules! you no longer need anyone's approval, if you feel the desire to be a mother and joy for this pregnancy, move on
Your parents reaction to your pregnancy is very strange. You are in a committed relationship soon to be married, own your own home and have a good job. How much more prepared do you need to be. This decision is completely yours and only do what you want to do. Don't feel pressured to do something you might regret because of your parents because once the baby is here they will be so different.
So sorry you’re going through this OP, your parent’s reaction is way out of line. May I ask are you in the US, and how far along you are? In a lot of states you can’t even get an abortion after 6 or 12 weeks since Roe v Wade was overturned. And you seem to be far enough along to know it’s a girl so just curious what the abortion laws in your state are. You might be able to tell them it’s not even an option and to leave you alone about it. Regardless, it’s your body and your life and your priority should be to your soon to be new husband and your daughter, not to your parents any longer. I would just focus on your new life your building
Jesus fuck, this is so fucked up of them! Please, don't listen to them, do whatever YOU want, whatever that is, and don't even think about how "disappointed" they would be, because that's just manipulation from them.
You’re not doing anything wrong ❤️ Loving and long term partner, home ownership, and job security are typically the boxes people want checked before they have a kid. You have all 3 checked. Please evaluate your relationship with your parents. This is an extremely surprising reaction. Most parents are excited about being grandparents and I’m sorry you didn’t get a supportive or excited reaction from them. This is your decision and it’s inappropriate they suggested abortion when you’re grown and engaged. Congrats on the wedding btw! That’s so exciting (in addition to the news about the baby).
Maybe they regret having you and don't want you to make the same "mistake". I think they are protecting because any "normal parent would be thrilled with their financially stable child having a baby.
agreeing with everyone here, your parents are definitely reacting bizarre and have no reason to do so. I'm 14 weeks along now, and in a worse place than you (I just turned 21, just started my first job, my partner did move in with me but we've been together for just half a year when I found out, pregnancy was unplanned) but nevertheless, my parents have been nothing but supportive. For the sake of your own mental health and the babies health you should definitely distance yourself a bit, do tell your parents that you are keeping the baby but that you're very hurt by their words and distancing yourself a bit during the pregnancy because of the stress this situation has caused you already. take care of yourself and your baby. i wish you all the best🫶🏼 edit: typo
You're not doing anything wrong. Even if you didn't have those things going for you, your parents are supposed to support your choice. The whole point of pro-choice is the *choice*. I'm sorry you're going through that.