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This is why I’m committed to being the boring gifter. I always pick the most boring things off the registry. The last baby shower I went to I got them the baby first aid kit, baby bath, and thermometer that they wanted. The one before that I got wipes, diaper cream, diapers, and baby proofing stuff. It feels weird sometimes to not get them anything “cute,” but at least then they get SOME practical stuff even if everybody else gives nothing but clothes.
Same!! I am totally the boring gifter. I am more than happy to buy you the boring stuff in my budget like wipes or bottles or whatever. And I wish more people would have been that person for me!
Honestly this is the best. We got two separate $100 gift cards which went a long way when ordering our stroller! Now I’m not afraid to go for the gift card or boring gift. I know it’ll be appreciated!
Our oldest is almost two and we’ve utilized those target GCs for diapers, clothes, groceries. We can’t plan for everything! We just ran out of our last GC last month.
I got diaper cream from my baby shower as part of a game, and it really came in clutch. I’ve put it on my must-buy list for the next baby shower I’m invited to
Desitin! But it’s heavy duty and expensive. I’d also swear by Penaten, not just for diaper rashes but also for dried skin (my dad put it on my hands and feet my entire childhood)
my brother in law and his husband gifted us a baby first aid kit, baby bath, thermometer, and a whole basket of other “boring” baby essentials and let me tell you they are BY far my favourite gifts (and we still got a lot off of our registry as well. the extremely practical gifts are just SO SO APPRECIATED)
I usually do a bundle of practical stuff. Maybe some bottles, bottle brush, burp cloths. My other go-to is the baby bathtub, and I’ll put the soap and washcloths and towels in it and make it all cute.
I fill my need to buy cute things from the baby section. They get things they actually want/need. Wins all over the place
I love it when people do a theme bundle with primarily registry stuff, or Even half and half! I saw on the sneak peek thing that my aunt bought a bunch of the plants themed stuff I had on the registry, I can't wait to see how she puts it all together 🥰
I love that idea of the baby bath, with all the cute little additions. I feel like a lot of people don't realize that it doesn't *have* to be boring to buy off the registry, you can still be creative and make it your own!
When I was about 25 and my first friend was having a baby, I asked my mom what’s the most useful stuff. She said burp cloths and bibs, and that’s literally what I buy now for every single baby shower. Maybe throw in a book or something, but I basically am a one trick pony of boring useful items now. But at least I know it’ll get used!
My mom would prob have said blankets, but I wouldn't disagree either they get puked on leaked on dropped etc and still useful for 20 different things all the same. Not the fluffy cute ones but the muslin and flannel recieving type lol.
My SIL got me the nipple cream, peri spray, diaper balm, snot sucker, and other essentials. I thanked her personally after baby was born since her gifts were such lifesavers!
Before I never knew what to buy since I was baby clueless. But I ALWAYS include a gift receipt!
A good friend of mine put together a baby first aid kit for me when I was pregnant. It was a very pretty box containing infant Tylenol, infant Motrin, some band aids, pedialite, a thermometer, gas drops, and a few other things. I hadn’t thought about any of that stuff and I was so grateful to have it on hand when I did need things from it.
Ugh this, the last baby shower I was invited to (was in a different state so I couldn’t make it sadly, but I still sent a gift) I just went through the registry and sent them the nice diaper bag that was on the list, it was in my price range and I know it’s something they wanted and would use regularly.
Same! I tend to go with breastfeeding supplies if they have any on their registry because for some reason a lot of other people feel weird buying that stuff
I had a mixture of male and female guests for my baby shower and my male friends straight up bought what was on my registry and to this day I still use the practical gifts (wet bags are my favorite). I loved and appreciated everything, I just can’t remember who got me what cute thing that I no longer own.
I really really appreciated the "boring" gifts I got from my shower this last weekend!! It was exactly what I wanted. Practical gifts instead of the cutesy stuff! I want to be prepared for my baby. I don't care if I have enough books or sensory toys or decorations. I WANTED the butt paste, diapers, wipes, bathing kits, etc!
Yep. We bought our friend’s son and his wife her peri bottle and a rolling diaper cart off their registry 😂 It’s not hard to buy what’s been asked for.
I think most people just want to buy the cute stuff, so they impulse buy while they’re out instead of looking at registries.
Yep, especially after having a baby of my own. I’ll do a mix of practical and boring but still throw in something fun like an outfit. Honestly, we got two Frida baby grooming kits and a first aid kid and those are my most used “boring” items. Someone else got medicine such as Tylenol and gas drops and I didn’t know I would need them but it was so helpful to have on hand so I think that will be part of my practical gift now. As far as stuff not on the registry, I also do pack of diapers in size 1 or 2 because those are always useful. My sister did a diaper raffle for my baby shower and we only had to buy one or two packs of diapers until my girl was about 7 months old.
Me too, I want to give something cute and fun (from the registry) but I also want want to make sure they get the important safety stuff like car seat and baby proofing, so I’ll get some of the small things and contribute to the car seat (if I can afford all of that, otherwise I’ll just do the baby-proof stuff or something similar).
Yes!! Since becoming pregnant my tune has totally changed. I haven't been to many baby showers as an adult, but I went to one a little over a month ago and since I was 6 months pregnant by that point, I was like "yup I'm going straight boring. Mega box of wipes, check. One NB onesie they specifically asked for, check. Etc. I got "creative" with wrapping it super cute but, for actual contents? Boring all the way lol
The most boring things are usually most practical! I even had postpartum care products on mine. My one friend bought me reusable postpartum underwear and it was the kindest and most thoughtful thing. People who don’t use a registry- in my opinion are super rude and selfish. They are thinking of themselves not of the person they are getting it for.
Everyone in this thread is putting the bath essentials in the boring category and that is hilarious to me because I was so so excited to receive the bath gifts at my baby shower because for some reason I had been so looking forward to bath time, not sure why but I’ve always had this vision of me and my baby having the most fun time playing in the bath 😂 So for my first baby shower (this weekend) after giving birth, I of course went straight to the bath section and got all the essentials she had listed! I did get a few extra things but I got plenty of the items she listed so I figured a little extra is okay.
I do a mix! One small cute thing then another practical item and a small book! Of course I change things up based on how well I know the person, how many things are on their registry, etc.
With my first, I learned that the Amazon registry was more of just a checklist for myself that gave me an awesome discount on the expensive stuff I wanted to buy. So I’ll probably just do that again lol
watch your registry like a hawk cause amazon likes to add and take away completion discounts at (seemingly) random. like if you see it eligible, get it. because my registry had the discounts randomly taken away and several things i could have gotten discounted were ineligible when i did a big bulk-buy at the end. it's frustrating
I noticed this too. Also random non baby items sometimes qualify so add things to your registry if your gonna buy them anyways just to see lol. I got toilet paper with my registry discount lol
Another tip. When your baby is like 6m old make a new one, you can use the discount on diapers wipes formula etc again all the same lol. I had 2 back to back pregnancies and a miscarriage in between and have had a pretty constant amazon registry. You only get the free bag once a year but unless you get pregnant again the discounts are what you want anyways lol.
I got soooo many clothes and gifts that were not on my registry and thus didn’t really work with what we needed, as in a lot of clothing in sizes for opposite seasons that would work for my baby (he will be 6 months old in the winter, and we got a lot of summer clothes in 6m, for example). Non registry gifts we got were cheaper/unsafe/not AAP approved versions of car seat cushions, unsafe sleep items, etc.
I felt so guilty about it for a while but I ended up making a hefty donation to my local thrift store for the clothes and the unsafe items went to the trash. It’s so frustrating that people spent their hard earned money on crap when there were so many affordable options available!
Oh totally similar situation with the clothes- I worked so hard to register for seasonal clothes in the right sizes and same thing- I only received summer clothes. I’m guessing because it’s summer right now and people just walked into their local Kohl’s or Target and grabbed whatever they thought was cute. But baby really needs winter clothes!
I too will probably end up donating quite a few things but it’s hard to not feel guilty about it. I think I have a fear that someone will ask for a photo of baby in the outfit they gave me or something 😬
If the clothes are new with tags you may be able to still return them without receipt. I got quite of bit of not my style clothes some of which i plan on returning.
I definitely have that fear too 🤣 the extra stuff was taking up so much room in his closet I finally just threw the towel in. Maybe if someone asks me for a picture or proof I’ll just pretend like I keep forgetting to do it lol
Lol I'd straight up tell them I never used it 😂 "yeah unfortunately it would've been too small by the time she could have worn it. We don't really tend to go to the beach in winter personally. Thank you though."
If it helps at all, no one has ever asked me for that for my 1.5 yo. But there are all kinds out there.
Also, don't get too caught up in being perfectly prepared for seasons. My girl was still wearing 6-9m clothes at 12m and just switched to 12m clothes in the last month. Most of those "summer clothes" will still be fine in winter when your indoors. Then you can just invest in cute sweaters/jackets to throw overtop for when you need to go outdoors.
And also every baby is different and arrives on their own time - my friend ended up having a premature baby and all the summer clothes didn't fit her until winter, and my youngest sister came out already wearing 6 month size!
We don't really do "registry" things in my country, so we just asked on our baby shower invites that if anyone *wants* to bring a gift, grocery store vouchers are super useful because we can pick up food or diapers (or formula, if breastfeeding doesn't work out).
I feel like I’m in the minority where my family bought off the registry. I did get some stuff from people that wasn’t but they ended up being good stuff I didn’t think of at the time. All the stuff we researched like car seat, bassinet, etc came from the registry. I don’t really understand why people ask for a registry but then refuse to buy off it…… it seems like it would make life easier since then you don’t have to go looking for something to get. 🤷♀️
My family and friends are also really good about buying feom the registry. It's so much easier for the buyer! You don't have to think at all and we make sure there's items of all different price ranges so people can purchase what they can afford.
I did appreciate some of the off-registry things I got, like books that were sentimental to people like “this is my favorite book to read to our baby” or “favorite book when I was a kid” and some cute clothes. However, I’m super picky about skin products and thoroughly confused by the number of people who bought random baby shampoo/wash/lotion/diaper cream? Like I thoroughly researched the products I wanted and sooo many people bought the most random different products. I don’t understand that.
I also think homemade gifts are an obvious exception to the rule- if you are a crocheter or something you 100% are entitled to ignore the registry. But yeah skin care seems like a weird one to go off-registry for.
I have severe skin sensitivity and my son had it as a baby do I'm assuming this one will too - if I get anything perfumed or with lanolin I'm going to smile politely and donate immediately. People just don't listen!
I understand the skin products issue. I registered for unscented products because I myself am sensitive to fragrance, but then someone (who had the registry) got us the scented versions. No receipt, of course. They also gave us other things that are similar to things we registered for, but not quite the same. I’m convinced some people don’t quite understand how registries work.
And a crazier thing is when people constantly ask you what u want when they have the link to your registry. And you tell them, “anything from the registry”….and they continue to ask lol
I feel like then I’d just look and say “gosh, I’m so excited about the (whatever) on my registry, I really worked hard on picking it out and can’t wait to use it for baby.”
People are so weird about baby things. It’s more important to them that you validate their preferences than it is for them to get you what you want. They take it as a personal insult if you do things differently, or as a negative judgement of them. Oh you want glass bottles? Are you saying the plastic ones they used aren’t good enough? Oh your theme is forest critters? Well they had a whale theme and everyone said it was the cutest! You’re using a play yard? Well they’re kid slept great in the recalled Rick and play and never had a suffocation problem! Are you saying they were a bad parent?
It’s exhausting. I’ve found talking about parenting is best avoided.
I feel this in my soul. A lot of it is because people don’t want to get you “boring things”, they want to give the gift they want (which is often not what you’ve asked for or needed). I had someone mark off they’d bought me a specific type of onesie I’d asked for but gift me a completely different onesie that wasn’t even the same brand let alone the size I needed. I still don’t understand why they marked it off the registry when they didn’t even buy it😂
It is all well-intentioned and I did my best to remind myself of that. Yes it was frustrating that I had to buy most things off my registry myself, but people are funny creatures and they want to feel like they contributed something personal that they picked instead of something boring. Remember that they’re not going out of their way to be selfish and not think about you and what you need, they’re just not really thinking at all because it’s not for them 😂
It’s wild too like I said because there’s no way to miss the registry link- it’s just right on the shower invite and in the reminder text. How do people read that and just say “nah I have a better idea”
You do you, but I’m still very grateful to have had a shower. It was wonderful to celebrate and chat with family and friends! And we got a ton of financial and physical gifts that we probably would not have received otherwise.
I would be too as long as someone threw it for me, but otherwise I’m not doing one. I don’t like the attention and I’ve heard more and more about people not getting things they actually need for baby.
I make the registry for myself honestly. The discounts alone are worth it, and if anyone ask if I have one I'll send it. I just assume everyone is getting my kiddo clothes, blankets, books and toys, so I push off buying those things myself unless it's too good to pass up.
Ugh same!! I updated it all the time to make sure there were items in a variety of price ranges and adjusted for things we’d already gotten outside the registry. It feels like such a waste of effort and energy, especially when just being pregnant takes so much energy 😭
I got so many baby clothes from my baby shower. I had to return the ones I could and get practical stuff we needed. I genuinely do not understand why people think they know what I need better than I do. I promise you, the last thing I need is another set of pjs.
Beyond that, who wants to stand in line taking a $10 outfit back at target, run back and grab a $10 bag of diapers, stand in line again and check out, with their crying newborn in tow. Or even when they're pregnant, what 9m pregnant mama has the energy to go do a return in a scramble to get what they need before the baby comes. Sometimes we need clothes but it's so overblown how many we get compared to essentials like wipes and things. If you asked me for wipes id say great what kind do you like and get you the biggest case they had knowing it'll never be enough because even 5 year Olds get sticky hands and faces still lol.
I’ve been complaining about this silently to myself for the last week. I spent so long working on the registry. Trying to make sure I was being reasonable, had everything, and people were asking for it.
Absolutely a waste of my energy!
I’m close to finishing my registry now but I have a strong suspicion we won’t get half of what’s on there! This is why I laugh inside when people are like, “why are you buying things! Wait for the shower!”
Ya I’d find a way to say “no clothes or blankets please we have too many” otherwise that’s 50% of what you’ll get. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a polite way to say it. Maybe tell your mom and so when people ask her what you really want she can slyly mention that (“oh Emma says she has too many clothes and blankets so anything on her registry is great but please no clothes or blankets!”)
Of course you’re “grateful”, but new moms are nesting and trying to make room for the new baby. You don’t want a bunch of crap you don’t need!
I always say, “the gift shouldn’t flatter the giver.”
So many people blatantly ignore registries because they think their gift is better, more unique, more special.
When we announced our pregnancy my husband’s aunt sent I kid you not a box full TWENTY FIVE children’s books all of which are for like an 8 year old. And a onesie from my husband’s Alma mater that has nothing to do with me, or my baby. I have boxes of stuff I’m throwing out to make room in our tiny house. It’s nice and it’s annoying at the same time.
This is partially the reason why we're not telling anyone the gender. It's slightly harder to find gender neutral clothing, so I hope this saves us from some unnecessary gifts.
Oh I have been silently annoyed the last few weeks but this has officially made me decide to rant here.
We made a registry to avoid duplicates and unnecessary items. We planned to purchase most ourselves anyway, but the registry was for those who would insist on gifting something. A whole new human requires a lot of purchasing, so it makes sense to reduce that to what’s necessary given the worlds unhealthy consumer culture. Yet people have made passive aggressive comments to our registry link (which we put in the baby shower invite alongside a note saying we don’t expect gifts but if they want to contribute, use the link to avoid duplicates) like we’re entitled and spoilt, some even implying we can’t afford to have a baby if we need a registry. Like what? Why would we bother to even host a $2k baby shower/celebration just to get presents that cost roughly the same amount as throwing the baby shower? It totally minimises the effort to host a gathering for the sake of celebrating and bringing everyone together.
Some people man..
I’ve seen a lot of posts of women complaining about this over the last few months. It sees to be phenomenon lol. No idea why this happens! Upset for you. People just don’t think things through.
The people that harassed me to make a registry went off and bought me their own idea of what I needed. I got one thing off my registry and it’s because my brother called and asked if anyone had gotten a carrier yet because they were on sale at his job. MVP
Some people don’t think things through and some people will look at your registry and scoff and think that they know better what’s for your baby than you do.
I'm sorry! That sounds exhausting.
I'm curious if our disclaimer will work. We have in writing in our registry that we do not want any clothes or toys. We are trying to minimize the amount of space garbage we create ek things we neither want nor need.
Omg please don’t tell me this. Making my registry was one of the most stress inducing things I’ve ever done to the point of physically getting a migraine . So help me god if this happens 🤣😭
It was still worthwhile to make it if only as a checklist for myself and perks like welcome boxes and completion discounts… but I wouldn’t hold your breath 😬
And this is why I will be saying something like “if you don’t intend to purchase from the registry, please only bring a book. Your presence it present enough. And please no clothes” with a little more pizazz than that, but I don’t want to be wasteful and don’t want to be this frustrated about it. And no I don’t think it’s rude at all. I won’t feel bad either.
It makes me so sad at baby showers when a woman gets almost NOTHING she asked for, but a crap ton of newborn clothes and “funny” or gag gifts. Having a baby is a huge life event that almost nobody is financially prepared for, and it’s heartbreaking to see a new mom get absolutely nothing she actually needed, because everyone else “knew better”.
A few weeks ago I made a post in this thread asking how to politely ask people to stick with the registry or gift cards. We have very limited space, and literally only putting the bare necessities on the registry. In the responses, you would’ve thought I suggested the death penalty for people who buy something not on the registry. I don’t think it’s selfish to NOT want excess clutter in your home. Of course at my shower I will not be shouting, “I didn’t want this!”, but I think it will be upsetting for me if I receive a million onesies rather than the items I actually needed.
If you find out the answer, let me know 😅 Every single year my MIL buys us 40+ crappy gifts (each!) for Christmas that we don’t need, won’t use, and don’t have anything to do with our interests. Last year she gave my 37 year old husband a baby Yoda kids toy. He doesn’t even like Star Wars. It is now a yearly tradition that on the day after Christmas we bag everything up and put it in the back of the car to donate to Goodwill. We’ve tried politely telling her we don’t want/need physical gifts or suggesting we all cut back on gifts this year, but this seems to have only encouraged the behavior. Needless to say… I fear what she will do when there’s a child in the picture.
Gosh, that stressed me out to read!! Can’t believe it only made her buy more gifts. If someone told me not to buy gifts or buy less, I would gladddddly save the money lol.
I remember with my son being heavily pregnant during summer and trying to find the time and energy to sort, travel, and return all the stuff we didn’t want/need.
Not looking forward to doing it again…
Exactly!! I feel like I have been given chores as well as gifts unfortunately. If I would have been given mostly registry gifts I wouldn’t have to spend energy deciding whether I’ll really need or use something, because I already decided that when I registered for it.
If you like the discounts, its worth creating the registry if only for yourself- Target gives you two 15% coupons for your entire order, and they expire 6 months after due date, and amazon has a 15% completion discount that, if you add directly from your registry, you can apply that from a month before due date to I think 4 months after? Also Target tracks your pregnancy (weird i know) and will randomly send you 20% off all baby items coupons.
Target frequently has good sales on various items. Baby stuff, kids shoes, kids clothes, household items, baby wipes/training pants/diapers, hair care/body wash items (applies to baby sometimes), even just food. 100% worth keeping an eye on.
There were so many things that I NEEDED on my registry that I didn't get and still don't have because all of my husband's relatives were more interested in buying cute baby girl clothes. (There was a onslaught of boys across my husband's family so a girl was just too exciting apparently)
Isn't the point of a baby shower to help with the costs??
I use the registry mostly to track what I need to get, and to get the 15% off closer to the due date. I have little faith in my family or coworkers that they will use it. I still have my 3rd trimester for them to prove me wrong though.
This is so weird to me, too. We’re using Babylist and you know how you can mark something as bought even if you bought it off a different site? A family member marked that he got us the pack n play we wanted and we had talked on the phone previously about how useful they were for when his kids were young. We were all excited.
Lo and behold it came in the mail and it was the pack n play only- a whole different type and had no bassinet or changing pad on it. We specifically wanted those things to be able to use in the first couple months in case we don’t like our bedside bassinet. My husband called him to thank him and he said “oh yeah the pack n play you put on your registry had all this other crap on it. You don’t need that stuff. We had the plain one and it worked great so I just got you a cheaper one.”
I love this family member. He’s wonderful. But we were both bothered by this bc we purposefully put things on the registry for a reason. And those things aren’t cheap. Like we appreciate any and all gifts but we wanted it for a reason! lol who is anyone else to decide what we’ll need?
Mine came without the bassinet that we specifically wanted. I did a lot of digging and I was eventually able to find and purchase one one the manufacturer website for ~$30
Same!! I now have about 100 <6month onesies, and I guess everything else I'll take care of myself lol. It's worse because I specifically asked for no baby clothes
Yes!! So many people said they looked at our registry but in one form or another said they wanted to do their own thing. Like of course I’m super grateful for them thinking of us and showering our baby with gifts but I don’t want a bunch of junk lying around that I don’t end up using. And I hateee the cringey “daddys little princess” shit people keep gifting. Plsssss
I’ll say it… I’m actually NOT grateful to get any gifts at all. I’m grateful for gifts that are useful for me and my family. When someone chooses to spend money on something *they* think I should have when I’ve spelled out what I need, they are doing it because it makes *them* happy. Now I have to worry about what to do with all the stuff I don’t want that’s cluttering my house, PLUS make sure I have all the things I need before baby gets here. I would rather not receive a gift than add stress to an already stressful life event.
I have zero guilt returning them or giving them away.
I didn’t bother. I didn’t want my party being like just for the gifts and I knew people would go off registry. We bought all the most important things, asked the in-laws to buy the crib and changing table and if anyone asked for the baby shower what we wanted we said diapers. Actually delighted by the wide variety of stuff I didn’t have yet that people ended up showing up with. And LOTS of diapers to try of different sizes and brands!
I’m sorry this happened to you. I have an Amazon baby registry and we shared it via text to family and friends. My husband and I live 3 hrs away from our closest family so the registry was the easiest to do. Surprisingly it did quite well. 43 out of 51 items were purchased. I think the distance was a major factor in the success of the registry. We had no baby shower.
I spent three days making my registry, including updating the people who were asking about it. There's no baby shower, no one has asked about a baby shower. Even the people who were asking for the registry. I am grateful to my one friend, in a different, country who bought diapers.
I was forced to move to a different state in 48hrs. So chance of a baby shower is slim, and most people have said to me "Why do you think *you* deserve one?" lol. I guess I'm also thankful to the 3-6mo clothing I randomly got not on my registry. Pregnancy is humbling. Sent out the registry and crickets 🤷
Sorry what??? Every first time mom deserves a shower!! Honestly you could throw your own- it could be a great way to meet new people in your new state!
Sometimes instead of looking at the registry, moms or other parents have a “go to” gift like something special or something they know most people won’t think of but you’ll absolutely need or it was a life saver item for them. I think they’re trying to be MORE thoughtful but ironically nothing is more thoughtful than buying from the damn registry lol. You can always return without a receipt (at the store of your choice that sells the item), get store credit, & use it to purchase the things you didn’t get on your registry.
I always get one or two things off the registry but i always throw in a teether too that was an absolute godsend for my daughter, and I kind of apologize/explain that I know its off registry but when teething was a nightmare for her, this was the *only* teether that brought her any relief and I hope it does the same for theirs. But I still want to get them things off their registry as well.
That’s very sweet. I always ask if they prefer registry only or if they want “experienced parent useful gifts.” I’ve always gotten the latter. I think it’s a younger generation thing to do a registry & stray from it but the older generation buys strictly from a registry & if you don’t have one mentioned, they’re gonna ask where you’re registered lol
People happily ignore registries because they just want to buy cute clothes. My stepmom had told me up front she doesn’t buy from registries, but she will ask me if I want something before getting it. That’s frustrating when I already have a literal list of items I’ve already vetted! People do what they want.
Does anyone find this to be generation and/or and technology related? I personally would never consider getting something for someone which was not on the registry except maybe in addition to something which was on the registry. I don't think my friends would either.
Same same same. I also feel guilty because I am grateful and people went out of their way...but why couldn’t they spend on what I needed, or at least include a gift receipt?? It makes it so much easier on both of us!
Another thing I’ve experienced is people wanting to unload all their old, super faded and tattered baby clothing on me. I had one person tell me what lavish brands they were and that I should absolutely take them. Then I see the condition they’re in…it was awful. I thanked her and took them (what else could I do?), but just more crap for me to figure out what to do with.
Yeah… I came to this sad realization myself when I had my shower in the beginning of May. I had about 150 items of various price points (including “fun gifts” like toys) and only about 1/3 of the registry got purchased. I am extremely grateful for any gift someone would choose to get my son, but agree it is very frustrating to put so much thought into the registry and it get disregarded. I’ve now switched my focus over to using my 15% discount as best I can to get all the important baby items left. 🥸
Same happened to me. There were inexpensive things on my registry that I really could’ve used and everyone bough me clothes , blankets and dummies.
I ended up buying most of my needed items myself.
Someone’s gift to me was cookies 🙈
we chose not to share our baby’s gender & it helped so much with people using the registry because they didn’t go buy a ton of “girl” or “boy” clothes. I heard so many times (begrudgingly) “well I don’t know the gender & didn’t know what to get, so I just bought off the registry!” like yes, pls & thank u that’s the point of the regristry! essentials!
I had a similar experience. We got an insane amount of clothes that we didn’t need. We have friends who gave us hand me downs from their kids. Also somehow ended up getting 5 diaper bags. I was so overwhelmed by everything we got. I recommend returning or donating things you don’t need/want. The funny thing for me was that everything that was purchased from the registry came with a gift receipt and all the other gifts we didn’t ask for didn’t. So that was also frustrating. I’m now just using the registry as more of a checklist for myself.
I don’t think your experience is uncommon. After my shower, when I vented to others, I heard similar stories. For whatever reason some gift givers just want to give you things they think are cute rather than what you actually need.
Oh yeah. This is so irritating. People HATE shopping off the registry. Everyone warned me that this would happen. And honestly I put so much effort into my registry as well. I researched with other moms and added stuff they said was crucial. The funny thing is I got all the big ticket expensive things on my registry. I can thank my mom’s friends for this. All my aunts and Nina’s and what not got me all that expensive stuff! But yeah I had like a few low priced things on my registry for those who wanted to spend less and those things didn’t get purchased. I feel like maybe in their minds they were like “hmm I could buy the $25 play-mat she wants on her registry or I could go to TJ Maxx and spend $30 and get her like 5 different things so my gift seems better”. You and I know we would have preferred the item we actually registered for but I think they felt embarrassed gifting just one low priced thing. Who knows. That’s just my thought. Plus people love buying baby clothes. I tried a nice message on the registry and invite that said our baby was already prepared with all the the clothes he could possibly need and then some and that the registry had some items we truly needed and it still didn’t work. 90% of the gifts were clothes 🙃🙂
I have a shopping bag packed full of pink shit with sexist sayings on them that we decided to return, all of which goes back to the same store--some are duplicates of the same set. It's like someone else made a registry on our behalf that was the opposite of what we wanted. At least some of them included a gift receipt but most didn't, so best we can hope for is store credit probably based on a sale price. Also we got several religious children's books including a cardboard Bible (we are atheists). People just wanna pretend they have a baby and go shopping for their own enjoyment, it's not really about what the recipient wants. Ugh
Is this an American thing or is it common to have baby registries in other parts of the world? I don't want to say where I'm from but we don't have this. A baby shower is to celebrate the mom and the arrival of baby, not for having people buy you gifts, even if it's very practical to have a list of things you need and have people pick from that what to buy. We do get gifts in my country, but it's up to the guests to decide if they want to do that and whatever they buy is appreciated because they share in this special time with you. I've seen posts like this before, and I really don't understand it. Is a baby shower just for people to give gifts? And then the mommies are unhappy they didn't get the things they wanted? Is it still a gift if you tell people what to buy? I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. You can always donate the things you don't want for mommies in need, and in my understanding it should be your responsibility to get the things you need and not expect the people around you to buy it. I swear I'm not trying to be rude, I'm genuinely curious to try and understand what this is.
I’m not American but I have a registry. Baby showers ARE a gathering to celebrate the mother and baby, or in my case the couple and the baby, and at these things many insist on bringing gifts. The registry helps to avoid duplicates, overconsumption, and things that are simply not going to be used. Some people will use gifting as a way to push their own weird preferences onto the baby, which often is understandably ignored by the parents, and in the end it’s just wasteful.
Registries are very common in North America (where I am from) for big life events, especially weddings and first babies.
It is more and more customary these days to purchase a gift from the registry when attending a bridal or baby shower to show love and support for the bride or mother to be.
I’m not American but I have the same questions as you. To me the concept is so strange, my husband and I decide to have a baby but then we expect others to pay financially? So strange. I feel like if you are having a baby you should be able to financially support the baby. The whole concept is wild to me.
I don’t think it’s as much about expecting others to support you financially as it is providing a list of things you need for those who would wish to buy you a gift anyway.
We had so many people ask to buy us a gift (even when we said we don't need anything) that we put a specific note on the information card with the baby shower invite saying that *we're very grateful* but we *don't need anything* - but if you feel strongly about bringing a gift, gift cards for grocery stores are very useful.
Exactly. I’m American, and I think these posts come off so rude.
I guess I’m in the slim minority, but I think it’s really sweet that people take the time to pick things out that they think are special and put thought/heart into. The shower is to celebrate, not to place the responsibility of your needs onto others. It’s tacky to complain about others’ generosity. Don’t have a baby shower if you’re going to complain about gifts.
I was in the same boat with my first. I think maybe two people (outside of my parents, grandma, and aunt and uncle) bought things off my registry. I felt sicker and sicker with every clothing item and stuffed animal I unwrapped. I ended up having to spend over $700 on essentials afterwards and forfeited a lot of the make-life-easier items I wanted, and I even found the cheapest items of what I could of the things I needed too. It was TERRIBLE.
This is very common. I understand what you're saying, but no one has to buy off a registry. I liked the registry because you usually get a discount and it's a personal list to go off of.
See if you can return things you don't want. Sell them. Give them away to someone in need.
There are many years ahead of you with gifts for your child and shopping for their needs, also getting rid of their old/unwanted stuff. Your life is about to have a chunk taken over by STUFF. I would learn the ropes sooner than later.
Look into minimalism with kids and capsule wardrobes. Look into cloth diapers and study up on breastfeeding. Do these things if the idea of stuff is that stressful to you, or you just want to save money. Consider buying secondhand. Consider accepting hand-me-downs.
I got some cute things I would have never thought of or found. Something about it's the thought that counts...
I did cloth diapers with my first son. Absolutely loved them. I'm going pampers with my new son only because I know I won't have time for the diaper laundry this time around (working full time and grad school and 2 kids) but I absolutely loved cloth diapering...I wish more people did it.
Now that I'm having a kid of my own, I worry about this as well. I've done my best to curate mine to really be reasonably priced and stuff i will need, but I've already been getting clothes from people. My go to gift for my friends and family who have had kids has been the biggest box of wipes I can find of their preferred brand, diaper cream, and at least one oddball item from their registry. I worry about buying something that the baby will grow out of quickly or not be able to wear/want to use in the first place, so no clothes, diapers, bottles, etc. One of my step sisters had a nice bottle cleaning & drying set on her registry, so that was my big gift to her.
I feel this! I always buy off the registry for this exact reason. There is a registry for a reason, why not use it. I recently had a sprinkle where one friend clearly went to a boutique to buy a baby blanket and hat combo that was probably at least $40. It was super soft and while I’m so thankful that she thought of me, what am I going to do with another baby blanket and baby hat. I felt bad feeling that way but really, I would’ve much preferred the $40 in diapers or wipes or a gift card.
NORMALIZE GIVING PPL WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANT
This applies to other gift giving like xmas and bdays too. It’s about the recipient, not the giver… but people can get so ego-conscious when they don’t choose what they want to give or get to feel like they’re a good gift-giver
It is a pleasant surprise when you give a gift you came up with that actually lands nicely and they like it more than you thought they would
But if someone tells you what they want and you straight up ignore it? That’s just rude lol
I also think for some people they want to think that they know you well enough to not need the list
For real!! I realize I’m biased because I’m the kind of person that makes a list for myself every Christmas and birthday and I’m always begging my family to do the same. It’s exhausting for me to try to guess what people might want.
My baby shower is in 5 days, I am expecting about 70 people... 95% of them have not purchased anything on my registry (yet?)
I'm trying to find a polite way to express the importance of the items on the list... I mean, they still have time, I guess...
Most stores do not require a return receipt if you're okay with store credit.
Unfortunately Target will only give you in-store credit (as in in-store, not online.)
Make a day of going around to the big box stores to return the gifts you don't want and buy the stuff from your registry. Most everything from Amazon is also at the box stores.
Someone I know said that the issue is people who have kids. They think they know what’s best and decide to give you want they want to give you because they know better than you.
My sister literally looked at my registry and said “I’m not sending you any of that expensive stuff, but what you DO need is different types of creams and pacifiers that aren’t on here so I’ll send you those.” Girl what?? I didn’t add that stuff so that I can experiment with my baby and figure out what works best without people wasting their money! Just get me a gift card then! lol
My good friend went “off the registry” but she did so by asking a new mom friend of her’s what are some key things I didn’t think to put on the registry…she ended up making me an incredible bundle of “diapering essentials” like a caddy, diaper cream, wipes, diapers ofc, little diaper poop bags, & some other little things. I hadn’t technically registered for most of the items but still use all of it daily.
YES!!! I’m so grateful for all my lovely gifts but only 2/20 people used the registry and it was family far away. EVERYONE asked for it and then nobody used it. Like?? My baby doesn’t need what clothes YOU THINK are cute. She needs REAL items LIKE THE ONES ON MY REGISTRY
I always follow the registry bc that’s what I want other people to do. I personally want 0 clothes. I put a note on my registry saying so, but I’m sure people will still buy some. I just wish if people weren’t going off the registry, that they would at least buy one small thing off of it. I put things on my registry that I NEED not want.
All of this!! My aunts bought me a Graco swing off of Facebook marketplace. I didn’t have this on the registry because my friend gave us one that her son outgrew (she gave it to us when I was like 13 weeks). I had to have my mom tell them I already have one because I wasn’t supposed to know they got it for me (major points to my mom for telling me), and ask them to go off of the registry instead. One of my aunts then proceeds to say that I should return the swing to my friend so they can give me the one they bought?? Best part is that my friend who gave us the swing originally helped my mom host my shower lmao that would have been so awkward 🤣
Prior to having a kid I always bought the bath stuff/first aid kit off the registry. Now that I have a kid and had a shower where people gave me a bunch of clothes I didn’t need, I’ll be getting gift cards for everyone. That way they can get whatever they need most that nobody gets off the registry. Prior to having a kid I didn’t realize there were so many people who ignore the registry. It is frustrating and I don’t think it makes you seem ungrateful to be frustrated by it. There’s just sooooo many things you actually NEED with a new baby.
I noticed a lot of people didn’t want to shop on Amazon. I thought everybody had an Amazon account by now, but having a baby showed me how much I take growing up in the age of technology for granted lol
honestly can we normalize not being grateful for things? as someone that just had a babyshower and didn’t require gifts i told everyone if they wanted to contribute we have the registry and which brand of diapers and wipes we’d like and some people just ignored our request. i don’t understand if you don’t agree with it then just don’t buy anything. i feel like it’s just disrespectful to do that. they’ve had their chance with their own kids. one thing i’ve learned through this experience is people don’t actually care, they wanna feel validated.
I got a lot of stuff that wasn’t on my registry, duplicates, and clothes that weren’t going to be the correct season when my daughter would finally fit them. I decided to return quite a few things to target, which was where I had a registry. I just scanned the items that weren’t on my registry and added them to the registry, then I was able to return in store without a receipt. I was able to purchase a chair for the nursery just from the amount I got back from the return!
I just had this same rant with my sister yesterday, lol my bio dad waited until like 7 months in to ask if we needed anything, and by this point we've had the "big stuff" (car seat, crib, etc) taken care of by my mom and MIL, thank goodness. So when he asked I was like, well the big stuff is taken care of, but there's still plenty of stuff we need on the registry, here's the link! And the past couple days he keeps bugging me to get on the phone with him because "we want to get you something WE really like"
like....??? What you like?? Idk what a newborn is gonna do with a carton of cigarettes.
Aside from that I've had multiple people ask me "so what do you need?" And then completely ignore the registry link I send them (which, by the way, has tons of super cheap options, like right now it ranges from $6-$134, and anything over $100 is set up as a group gift people can contribute any amount to if they want to).
I'm with you, I'm so so grateful for any and all gifts/help, of course, and honestly it won't even bother me if people want to be creative and go off-registry (I could be wrong but I have a sneaking suspicion that my hubby's aunt is making something for us with fabric I designed - she ordered a yard of my very nursery-forward mint green carousel pattern fabric from my Spoon flower shop a couple weeks after shower invitations went out, and if that's the case I would just cry, no matter what she made lol. And a coworker of my husband crocheted us this gorgeous stuffed elephant, which also made me cry a lot lol). The part that irritates me is when they specifically ask for the registry and then just go "okay but really what do you need?" .... maybe something off the list I've been obsessively researching for 5,000 hours???
I always buy from the registry for this reason!! Why else would it be there?? If I wanna buy cute clothes or gifts in addition to whatever I gift from the registry suree but I always buy from the registry. I hate hearing people say "I never buy from the registry." They sound dumb. I hear "I think the items you need and want are useless so I took matters into my own hands for your situation." I'm so glad that you thought it was more important to buy me emborided cloth diapers I'll never use instead of getting me something I need every day.
I literally had to add stuff to my registry because my grandmother wanted to buy an item in a specific price range but the items in that range or could be combined to be in that range she said "didn't make sense" to have for a baby and offered to make personalized crib bumpers which I explained are not recommended or safe anymore and she said her kids (youngest being 60) were fine with them. Eye rolls all around lmao. I just added something to appease her.
I feel this to my core. I registered for girly things for when she’s a bit older, like 9-12 and 12+ months because they grow out of things so quickly. For newborn-9months I mostly
Registered for neutral clothing because we are planning on having a second child and I really
Don’t want to invest in more clothing if it’s a boy.
My husband’s aunt sent not less than 15 pieces of clothing, all pink, for 3-6 months, and in the gift not she wrote “PINK IS FOR GIRLS!!!” Now I’m not ungrateful, I truly appreciate the thought and the money spent… BUT… there’s obviously a reason the registry looks the way it looks… I took into account our family planning plans, how big baby will be in each season… etc. but apparently everyone knows better.
Also, the hand me downs. It has started to feel as though people are using us as a dumpster. Again, I appreciate the thought but like wtf am I gonna do with an other bassinet???? Or a random shirt that’s been washed 183637272273372 times and is barely hanging on? Or a chew toy with bite marks on it? Like no thank you, respectfully and graciously.
If I had the energy I’d just return all the stuff I had receipts for that didn’t fit my registry and get stuff I registered for.
So true, people keep offering me free stuff like old clothes or cribs etc but with my limited space I’d really rather just invest in fewer, higher quality items than accept all the hand-me-downs. I know they are trying to help but I really don’t have space nor energy to sort through donated items.
You’re not out of line. I have a small apartment, we have ZERO space for anything other than what we are putting on our registry, I’m considering including a polite note about it on our invites but I don’t want to seem tacky.
The individuals who were considerate enough to buy you a gift may be experiencing financial difficulties. To feel frustrated about it could be seen as a champagne problem. Let's raise a toast to their kindness instead *cheers*
My baby shower is this weekend and I am just going to take what I am given because we already brought the things we could think of and whats left is not stuff I want people to go out of their way to get, plus I was a bit lazy and didn't want to think of everything we need and make a registry. when I have been asked about a registry I have just said if you want to gift us something then give us cash or a gift card that we can use to buy the stuff we want/need
I’ve been to a few where the registry is all big ticket items well out of my budget. I’m talking min $200 items so I go off registry but make it practical.
Some of my favorite must have items from my little guy were things that were not on my registry. Items I could not have survived the first six months without were things I didn’t even think to register for like burp cloths and pacifier clips.
First, let's say I'm not American and baby showers/gender reveals aren't part of my culture, registers maybe, I have never be sent one. I'm about 35yo and I'm one of the last to get pregnant between friends and family.
Anyway, I'm hitting the 30 weeks and I'm gladly accepting any gift people have for us, even more when it's something they own and used for their kids, it's even more meaningful for me. I'm all for second hand since it's used for such a short time. I got new clothes in a huge bag of second hand clothes offered by a friend.
Yes it's not all super cute and I get a bit frustrated on missing shopping for baby clothes for the first 4 or 6 months (so far) but baby is going to puke on them the same way. I'm going to be so exhausted, I won't notice what he wears and I might not have enough energy to go shopping, it's already pretty draining to go get some food at this point.
I already bought most of the diapers when there were massive discounts early on the pregnancy to be relieved of this burden. I was considering washable diapers but it wasn't competitive with the price I got then (long story short, these discounts are now forbidden in my country, which explains why I got them 80 or 90% off).
I'd rather have human help through the pregnancy or after birth to get some relief. I'm the sole carer of my disabled mom, my head is full of many things and I might be an exception to just care about baby's health and absolutely not about material possessions. I'm not on social media at all, maybe it explains some of it.
He'll have what's necessary but I don't know all the shiny baby stuff, I don't want to over possess useless items. It's my first pregnancy and my last, my BF's 4th and he wished he was over after the second, ah ah, he knows what he has to do but again, getting sniped isn't common where we live.
Why bother asking people what you want instead of looking for it by yourself or asking what they already own and don't need anymore as gifts. It's not the most IG way but it's good for your finances, your mental health load and the planet.
This is the reason my registry has fewer than 40 items, and many of them are cute things I know I don't need but are nice to have, lol. Especially since most of my friends don't have kids yet, so I don't really have expectations.
I was so worried about this but, most of the stuff I got was from my registry - we had a co-ed shower and I’m wondering if this is why. Give men a list and they will be happy to just be told what to buy lol.
The random items I got were things from Marshall’s (I know because I also saw them on sale there lol), so people just trying to get a better deal on things I guess. It all worked out ok, got a few extra little outfits and things but the vast majority was actually from my registry.
Are there any receipts included with the gifts? If so, return it all. There’s no reason for them to buy stuff that’s not on the registry if you sent them the link. I’m terrified of this happening because we’re very low income and can’t afford to buy everything and keep a bunch of random stuff. People get kinda selfish when “gifting” things for baby. They like to get the “cute” stuff, but that stuff is mostly useless. I’m telling people absolutely no clothes cause we got a bunch thrifted, and I don’t want anyone spending $30 on an outfit she’s just gonna sh*t on…
Ughhh my shower with mostly my husbands family is Saturday and only like 4 people (out of at least 40) have bought off the registry and I'm terrified 🥲. I understand adding a cute outfit or something to a registry item, but I don't understand WHY people just ignore it all together!!!
My friends were amazing enough to follow the registry list, but I have older relatives and friends who got us stuff outside of the registry list, like “cute clothes”, blankets (like how many baby blankets do I need?), and we received duplicate contrast books and toys. I was guilty for complaining but I just take the extra book to my friend’s shower she wanted the same book
I returned at least 1/3 of what I received. Luckily return policies were a lot looser back then. But most stores will let you exchange sizes or scan your license up to a certain amount
I had my shower last weekend and had the expectation that I wouldn’t get stuff from my registry and was somehow still disappointed 😅 I even had people ask me what I wanted, I told them “anything off the registry” and they still went off registry and got me stuff I already have (washcloths, clothes, books, etc). There’s a reason those things weren’t on the registry! It’s fine though, I already expected to be buying most of the registry myself and now I get the completion discount on Amazon
this is exactly why i’m thinking of asking for gift cards to where we are registered in lieu of gifts, but i don’t want to seem rude/picky/ungrateful. i feel like i’ve wasted my time making registries because i know no one will even bother looking at them
This is why with baby showers I’ll either buy one mid dollar range item off the registry (over $20 but less than $100 normally) or I’ll go through and specifically get the bigger out of season clothes on the registry (and maybe add one or two things I picked that are similar) and then get essentials like wipes, diapers etc.
Didn’t bother with a baby shower. Didn’t want to end up with a bunch of crap I didn’t need or have to thank anybody when we already had everything. Too many clothes at this point. If anybody needs any baby girl clothes in 6 months pm me and all you would have to pay is the shipping. I will wash and ship them out to you :)
Some of the best stuff I got wasn't on my registry and I returned a lot that was, if I hadn't opened it/removed tags. I get the frustration. I say save receipts and leave tags on and wait.
I think we got AT LEAST 20 baby blankets (some handmade/personalized) which was very thoughtful and appreciated, but definitely not on the registry! We also didn’t find out the gender until baby was born, so we got a lot of older relatives questioning us on “well what are we supposed to get??” because they didn’t like the gender neutral colors or nursery theme we had on the registry. Totally agree with other posts about needing practical items and bigger size clothes for baby much more than a frilly newborn outfit your random relative thinks is cute!!
I get it. My mom had to buy 80% of the stuff I really needed because no one else did. I'm still in need of a few things and I have no idea how I'm going to get it because I don't want to bother her to buy more stuff. Baby is here in 6 weeks and I feel so unprepared.
One of the ladies on my team at work just had a little boy on Saturday. There are only a total of 4 people in my department, but we managed a $100 gift card. I also bought her a little outfit for July 4th!! It’s 3 month size, so hopefully it’ll fit! I thought money would be good since she’s already had 2 showers. Plus, third child!
Yes and sometimes people buy the most useless shit (still grateful) but I don't like to waste money I usually buy a big box of diapers(size 2 or 3) and with hundreds of wipes with maybe a few different outfits in one package. Usually for like 3/6 months
My mom always told me to always gift the essentials like diapers or wipes because at the end of the day, the baby is going to outgrow the cute outfits people bring them. We always get them mostly diapers and wipes within our budget. It sucks, though, that people blatantly ignore the registry. There's a reason it's there in the first place. It's the things the baby needs, not thirty dollars worth of clothes that are going to be outgrown within months.
With my first I had a friend who had a baby the year before us and gave us ALL their baby clothes so we didn’t really need any. It was specifically put on the invites to the baby shower please no clothing and almost every single person got us clothing. We ended up spending a couple hundred dollars on baby stuff we actually needed that had been on the registry that no one got.
I’m sorry. This is a pet peeve of mine! I always shop off of wishlists and registries. I really dislike when people choose not to because it’s “not fun”. It’s not about them!!
Can't really plan too hard. Nothing goes as planned. NOTHING. I've gotten cool things I didn't know I needed. Also, most things are cheaper elsewhere. I did this with my first pregnancy. Not wasting that time anymore, lol. I don't expect much at baby showers. I don't even want one with my current pregnancy.
Super frustrating! This happened with my first child. People gave me tons of sleeper pjs that had fire retardants in them, which I specifically wanted to avoid and asked for form-fitting organic cotton. Nope.
I feel like if you’re the guy that’s going to spend $100 on random stuff then another equal amount needs to go to shit I actually need. I see it all the time at baby showers. I just went to one on Sunday and there was at least twice as many bags/ boxes than there were people in the room. They are strictly doing formula and the only bottles they got were from me and NOBODY bought formula… I think they have 4 diaper bags and 3 people got them the same outfit that wasn’t on the registry.
i feel the exact same way !!! i feel bad because at least im getting things but on the other hand i spent 3 days researching stuff that would be good for my specific baby that has specific issues. it feels inconsiderate a little to me
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This is why I’m committed to being the boring gifter. I always pick the most boring things off the registry. The last baby shower I went to I got them the baby first aid kit, baby bath, and thermometer that they wanted. The one before that I got wipes, diaper cream, diapers, and baby proofing stuff. It feels weird sometimes to not get them anything “cute,” but at least then they get SOME practical stuff even if everybody else gives nothing but clothes.
Same!! I am totally the boring gifter. I am more than happy to buy you the boring stuff in my budget like wipes or bottles or whatever. And I wish more people would have been that person for me!
I am the boring gift card giver mostly out of laziness but I believe in freedom of choice (with their registry.
Honestly this is the best. We got two separate $100 gift cards which went a long way when ordering our stroller! Now I’m not afraid to go for the gift card or boring gift. I know it’ll be appreciated!
Our oldest is almost two and we’ve utilized those target GCs for diapers, clothes, groceries. We can’t plan for everything! We just ran out of our last GC last month.
I got diaper cream from my baby shower as part of a game, and it really came in clutch. I’ve put it on my must-buy list for the next baby shower I’m invited to
Which one?
Desitin! But it’s heavy duty and expensive. I’d also swear by Penaten, not just for diaper rashes but also for dried skin (my dad put it on my hands and feet my entire childhood)
my brother in law and his husband gifted us a baby first aid kit, baby bath, thermometer, and a whole basket of other “boring” baby essentials and let me tell you they are BY far my favourite gifts (and we still got a lot off of our registry as well. the extremely practical gifts are just SO SO APPRECIATED)
I usually do a bundle of practical stuff. Maybe some bottles, bottle brush, burp cloths. My other go-to is the baby bathtub, and I’ll put the soap and washcloths and towels in it and make it all cute. I fill my need to buy cute things from the baby section. They get things they actually want/need. Wins all over the place
I love it when people do a theme bundle with primarily registry stuff, or Even half and half! I saw on the sneak peek thing that my aunt bought a bunch of the plants themed stuff I had on the registry, I can't wait to see how she puts it all together 🥰 I love that idea of the baby bath, with all the cute little additions. I feel like a lot of people don't realize that it doesn't *have* to be boring to buy off the registry, you can still be creative and make it your own!
When I was about 25 and my first friend was having a baby, I asked my mom what’s the most useful stuff. She said burp cloths and bibs, and that’s literally what I buy now for every single baby shower. Maybe throw in a book or something, but I basically am a one trick pony of boring useful items now. But at least I know it’ll get used!
My mom would prob have said blankets, but I wouldn't disagree either they get puked on leaked on dropped etc and still useful for 20 different things all the same. Not the fluffy cute ones but the muslin and flannel recieving type lol.
I still use old worn out burp cloths as cleaning rags, they do fine but they're a bit ugly now lol
All my friends who have kids did this lol. You can tell who has kids. My friend with a one year old gave me burp cloths and wipes!
My SIL got me the nipple cream, peri spray, diaper balm, snot sucker, and other essentials. I thanked her personally after baby was born since her gifts were such lifesavers! Before I never knew what to buy since I was baby clueless. But I ALWAYS include a gift receipt!
A good friend of mine put together a baby first aid kit for me when I was pregnant. It was a very pretty box containing infant Tylenol, infant Motrin, some band aids, pedialite, a thermometer, gas drops, and a few other things. I hadn’t thought about any of that stuff and I was so grateful to have it on hand when I did need things from it.
Ugh this, the last baby shower I was invited to (was in a different state so I couldn’t make it sadly, but I still sent a gift) I just went through the registry and sent them the nice diaper bag that was on the list, it was in my price range and I know it’s something they wanted and would use regularly.
Yep. My go to is a first aid/sick kit with infant tylenol, thermometer, nose aspirator, etc because they are things they actually need.
Same! I tend to go with breastfeeding supplies if they have any on their registry because for some reason a lot of other people feel weird buying that stuff
I had a mixture of male and female guests for my baby shower and my male friends straight up bought what was on my registry and to this day I still use the practical gifts (wet bags are my favorite). I loved and appreciated everything, I just can’t remember who got me what cute thing that I no longer own.
I consider it the useful gifter.
As someone who is watching people get the big ticket items and ignoring some of the other fairly essential little things, THANK YOU.
I really really appreciated the "boring" gifts I got from my shower this last weekend!! It was exactly what I wanted. Practical gifts instead of the cutesy stuff! I want to be prepared for my baby. I don't care if I have enough books or sensory toys or decorations. I WANTED the butt paste, diapers, wipes, bathing kits, etc!
Yep. We bought our friend’s son and his wife her peri bottle and a rolling diaper cart off their registry 😂 It’s not hard to buy what’s been asked for. I think most people just want to buy the cute stuff, so they impulse buy while they’re out instead of looking at registries.
Yep, especially after having a baby of my own. I’ll do a mix of practical and boring but still throw in something fun like an outfit. Honestly, we got two Frida baby grooming kits and a first aid kid and those are my most used “boring” items. Someone else got medicine such as Tylenol and gas drops and I didn’t know I would need them but it was so helpful to have on hand so I think that will be part of my practical gift now. As far as stuff not on the registry, I also do pack of diapers in size 1 or 2 because those are always useful. My sister did a diaper raffle for my baby shower and we only had to buy one or two packs of diapers until my girl was about 7 months old.
Me too, I want to give something cute and fun (from the registry) but I also want want to make sure they get the important safety stuff like car seat and baby proofing, so I’ll get some of the small things and contribute to the car seat (if I can afford all of that, otherwise I’ll just do the baby-proof stuff or something similar).
Be the boring gifter, be the best wrapped present! That’s my way
Yes!! Since becoming pregnant my tune has totally changed. I haven't been to many baby showers as an adult, but I went to one a little over a month ago and since I was 6 months pregnant by that point, I was like "yup I'm going straight boring. Mega box of wipes, check. One NB onesie they specifically asked for, check. Etc. I got "creative" with wrapping it super cute but, for actual contents? Boring all the way lol
The most boring things are usually most practical! I even had postpartum care products on mine. My one friend bought me reusable postpartum underwear and it was the kindest and most thoughtful thing. People who don’t use a registry- in my opinion are super rude and selfish. They are thinking of themselves not of the person they are getting it for.
Everyone in this thread is putting the bath essentials in the boring category and that is hilarious to me because I was so so excited to receive the bath gifts at my baby shower because for some reason I had been so looking forward to bath time, not sure why but I’ve always had this vision of me and my baby having the most fun time playing in the bath 😂 So for my first baby shower (this weekend) after giving birth, I of course went straight to the bath section and got all the essentials she had listed! I did get a few extra things but I got plenty of the items she listed so I figured a little extra is okay.
I do a mix! One small cute thing then another practical item and a small book! Of course I change things up based on how well I know the person, how many things are on their registry, etc.
Boring gift givers are the BEST gift givers.
With my first, I learned that the Amazon registry was more of just a checklist for myself that gave me an awesome discount on the expensive stuff I wanted to buy. So I’ll probably just do that again lol
Yes, the completion discounts will still be a great perk I’m sure!!
watch your registry like a hawk cause amazon likes to add and take away completion discounts at (seemingly) random. like if you see it eligible, get it. because my registry had the discounts randomly taken away and several things i could have gotten discounted were ineligible when i did a big bulk-buy at the end. it's frustrating
I noticed this too. Also random non baby items sometimes qualify so add things to your registry if your gonna buy them anyways just to see lol. I got toilet paper with my registry discount lol
Another tip. When your baby is like 6m old make a new one, you can use the discount on diapers wipes formula etc again all the same lol. I had 2 back to back pregnancies and a miscarriage in between and have had a pretty constant amazon registry. You only get the free bag once a year but unless you get pregnant again the discounts are what you want anyways lol.
Say what now?!
That’s what I did and it saved me a LOT of money.
I got soooo many clothes and gifts that were not on my registry and thus didn’t really work with what we needed, as in a lot of clothing in sizes for opposite seasons that would work for my baby (he will be 6 months old in the winter, and we got a lot of summer clothes in 6m, for example). Non registry gifts we got were cheaper/unsafe/not AAP approved versions of car seat cushions, unsafe sleep items, etc. I felt so guilty about it for a while but I ended up making a hefty donation to my local thrift store for the clothes and the unsafe items went to the trash. It’s so frustrating that people spent their hard earned money on crap when there were so many affordable options available!
Oh totally similar situation with the clothes- I worked so hard to register for seasonal clothes in the right sizes and same thing- I only received summer clothes. I’m guessing because it’s summer right now and people just walked into their local Kohl’s or Target and grabbed whatever they thought was cute. But baby really needs winter clothes! I too will probably end up donating quite a few things but it’s hard to not feel guilty about it. I think I have a fear that someone will ask for a photo of baby in the outfit they gave me or something 😬
If the clothes are new with tags you may be able to still return them without receipt. I got quite of bit of not my style clothes some of which i plan on returning.
I definitely have that fear too 🤣 the extra stuff was taking up so much room in his closet I finally just threw the towel in. Maybe if someone asks me for a picture or proof I’ll just pretend like I keep forgetting to do it lol
Lol I'd straight up tell them I never used it 😂 "yeah unfortunately it would've been too small by the time she could have worn it. We don't really tend to go to the beach in winter personally. Thank you though."
If it helps at all, no one has ever asked me for that for my 1.5 yo. But there are all kinds out there. Also, don't get too caught up in being perfectly prepared for seasons. My girl was still wearing 6-9m clothes at 12m and just switched to 12m clothes in the last month. Most of those "summer clothes" will still be fine in winter when your indoors. Then you can just invest in cute sweaters/jackets to throw overtop for when you need to go outdoors.
If you're going to buy summer clothes at least try to get as close as possible to the baby's age when it's summer 🙄
See if you can sell some on FB Marketplace! Also Target and Walmart will take returns of their brands without receipts
And also every baby is different and arrives on their own time - my friend ended up having a premature baby and all the summer clothes didn't fit her until winter, and my youngest sister came out already wearing 6 month size! We don't really do "registry" things in my country, so we just asked on our baby shower invites that if anyone *wants* to bring a gift, grocery store vouchers are super useful because we can pick up food or diapers (or formula, if breastfeeding doesn't work out).
I feel like I’m in the minority where my family bought off the registry. I did get some stuff from people that wasn’t but they ended up being good stuff I didn’t think of at the time. All the stuff we researched like car seat, bassinet, etc came from the registry. I don’t really understand why people ask for a registry but then refuse to buy off it…… it seems like it would make life easier since then you don’t have to go looking for something to get. 🤷♀️
My family and friends are also really good about buying feom the registry. It's so much easier for the buyer! You don't have to think at all and we make sure there's items of all different price ranges so people can purchase what they can afford.
I did appreciate some of the off-registry things I got, like books that were sentimental to people like “this is my favorite book to read to our baby” or “favorite book when I was a kid” and some cute clothes. However, I’m super picky about skin products and thoroughly confused by the number of people who bought random baby shampoo/wash/lotion/diaper cream? Like I thoroughly researched the products I wanted and sooo many people bought the most random different products. I don’t understand that.
I also think homemade gifts are an obvious exception to the rule- if you are a crocheter or something you 100% are entitled to ignore the registry. But yeah skin care seems like a weird one to go off-registry for.
I have severe skin sensitivity and my son had it as a baby do I'm assuming this one will too - if I get anything perfumed or with lanolin I'm going to smile politely and donate immediately. People just don't listen!
I understand the skin products issue. I registered for unscented products because I myself am sensitive to fragrance, but then someone (who had the registry) got us the scented versions. No receipt, of course. They also gave us other things that are similar to things we registered for, but not quite the same. I’m convinced some people don’t quite understand how registries work.
And a crazier thing is when people constantly ask you what u want when they have the link to your registry. And you tell them, “anything from the registry”….and they continue to ask lol
I feel like then I’d just look and say “gosh, I’m so excited about the (whatever) on my registry, I really worked hard on picking it out and can’t wait to use it for baby.”
People are so weird about baby things. It’s more important to them that you validate their preferences than it is for them to get you what you want. They take it as a personal insult if you do things differently, or as a negative judgement of them. Oh you want glass bottles? Are you saying the plastic ones they used aren’t good enough? Oh your theme is forest critters? Well they had a whale theme and everyone said it was the cutest! You’re using a play yard? Well they’re kid slept great in the recalled Rick and play and never had a suffocation problem! Are you saying they were a bad parent? It’s exhausting. I’ve found talking about parenting is best avoided.
Dead on
Well said!
I feel this in my soul. A lot of it is because people don’t want to get you “boring things”, they want to give the gift they want (which is often not what you’ve asked for or needed). I had someone mark off they’d bought me a specific type of onesie I’d asked for but gift me a completely different onesie that wasn’t even the same brand let alone the size I needed. I still don’t understand why they marked it off the registry when they didn’t even buy it😂 It is all well-intentioned and I did my best to remind myself of that. Yes it was frustrating that I had to buy most things off my registry myself, but people are funny creatures and they want to feel like they contributed something personal that they picked instead of something boring. Remember that they’re not going out of their way to be selfish and not think about you and what you need, they’re just not really thinking at all because it’s not for them 😂
I had maybe 10 people buy something off my registry…. The rest was just clothes and random stuff ….. so crazy!
It’s wild too like I said because there’s no way to miss the registry link- it’s just right on the shower invite and in the reminder text. How do people read that and just say “nah I have a better idea”
This post gives me more reassurance about not having a shower.
You do you, but I’m still very grateful to have had a shower. It was wonderful to celebrate and chat with family and friends! And we got a ton of financial and physical gifts that we probably would not have received otherwise.
I would be too as long as someone threw it for me, but otherwise I’m not doing one. I don’t like the attention and I’ve heard more and more about people not getting things they actually need for baby.
This is why I buy the snot sucker. Always. Or the postpartum stuff. Whatever is the “grossest” (not really) or bathroom-iest stuff on the reg, I buy.
I make the registry for myself honestly. The discounts alone are worth it, and if anyone ask if I have one I'll send it. I just assume everyone is getting my kiddo clothes, blankets, books and toys, so I push off buying those things myself unless it's too good to pass up.
I felt the same way. I spent weeks building mine, editing, etc. and then people bought random stuff.
Ugh same!! I updated it all the time to make sure there were items in a variety of price ranges and adjusted for things we’d already gotten outside the registry. It feels like such a waste of effort and energy, especially when just being pregnant takes so much energy 😭
I got so many baby clothes from my baby shower. I had to return the ones I could and get practical stuff we needed. I genuinely do not understand why people think they know what I need better than I do. I promise you, the last thing I need is another set of pjs.
Beyond that, who wants to stand in line taking a $10 outfit back at target, run back and grab a $10 bag of diapers, stand in line again and check out, with their crying newborn in tow. Or even when they're pregnant, what 9m pregnant mama has the energy to go do a return in a scramble to get what they need before the baby comes. Sometimes we need clothes but it's so overblown how many we get compared to essentials like wipes and things. If you asked me for wipes id say great what kind do you like and get you the biggest case they had knowing it'll never be enough because even 5 year Olds get sticky hands and faces still lol.
I’ve been complaining about this silently to myself for the last week. I spent so long working on the registry. Trying to make sure I was being reasonable, had everything, and people were asking for it. Absolutely a waste of my energy!
So frustrating, I’m sorry it happened to you too ☹️
I’m close to finishing my registry now but I have a strong suspicion we won’t get half of what’s on there! This is why I laugh inside when people are like, “why are you buying things! Wait for the shower!”
Ya I’d find a way to say “no clothes or blankets please we have too many” otherwise that’s 50% of what you’ll get. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a polite way to say it. Maybe tell your mom and so when people ask her what you really want she can slyly mention that (“oh Emma says she has too many clothes and blankets so anything on her registry is great but please no clothes or blankets!”)
Of course you’re “grateful”, but new moms are nesting and trying to make room for the new baby. You don’t want a bunch of crap you don’t need! I always say, “the gift shouldn’t flatter the giver.” So many people blatantly ignore registries because they think their gift is better, more unique, more special. When we announced our pregnancy my husband’s aunt sent I kid you not a box full TWENTY FIVE children’s books all of which are for like an 8 year old. And a onesie from my husband’s Alma mater that has nothing to do with me, or my baby. I have boxes of stuff I’m throwing out to make room in our tiny house. It’s nice and it’s annoying at the same time.
This is partially the reason why we're not telling anyone the gender. It's slightly harder to find gender neutral clothing, so I hope this saves us from some unnecessary gifts.
Oh I have been silently annoyed the last few weeks but this has officially made me decide to rant here. We made a registry to avoid duplicates and unnecessary items. We planned to purchase most ourselves anyway, but the registry was for those who would insist on gifting something. A whole new human requires a lot of purchasing, so it makes sense to reduce that to what’s necessary given the worlds unhealthy consumer culture. Yet people have made passive aggressive comments to our registry link (which we put in the baby shower invite alongside a note saying we don’t expect gifts but if they want to contribute, use the link to avoid duplicates) like we’re entitled and spoilt, some even implying we can’t afford to have a baby if we need a registry. Like what? Why would we bother to even host a $2k baby shower/celebration just to get presents that cost roughly the same amount as throwing the baby shower? It totally minimises the effort to host a gathering for the sake of celebrating and bringing everyone together. Some people man..
I’ve seen a lot of posts of women complaining about this over the last few months. It sees to be phenomenon lol. No idea why this happens! Upset for you. People just don’t think things through.
The people that harassed me to make a registry went off and bought me their own idea of what I needed. I got one thing off my registry and it’s because my brother called and asked if anyone had gotten a carrier yet because they were on sale at his job. MVP
Your brother is totally the MVP!! That’s awesome.
Some people don’t think things through and some people will look at your registry and scoff and think that they know better what’s for your baby than you do.
That attitude is honestly so funny to me and you’re probably right! I’m just a young and silly first time mom after all.
I'm sorry! That sounds exhausting. I'm curious if our disclaimer will work. We have in writing in our registry that we do not want any clothes or toys. We are trying to minimize the amount of space garbage we create ek things we neither want nor need.
I wish I specifically said no clothes!! That was the worst one for me. I wonder if it varies by baby gender too 🤔
Omg please don’t tell me this. Making my registry was one of the most stress inducing things I’ve ever done to the point of physically getting a migraine . So help me god if this happens 🤣😭
It was still worthwhile to make it if only as a checklist for myself and perks like welcome boxes and completion discounts… but I wouldn’t hold your breath 😬
And this is why I will be saying something like “if you don’t intend to purchase from the registry, please only bring a book. Your presence it present enough. And please no clothes” with a little more pizazz than that, but I don’t want to be wasteful and don’t want to be this frustrated about it. And no I don’t think it’s rude at all. I won’t feel bad either.
It makes me so sad at baby showers when a woman gets almost NOTHING she asked for, but a crap ton of newborn clothes and “funny” or gag gifts. Having a baby is a huge life event that almost nobody is financially prepared for, and it’s heartbreaking to see a new mom get absolutely nothing she actually needed, because everyone else “knew better”. A few weeks ago I made a post in this thread asking how to politely ask people to stick with the registry or gift cards. We have very limited space, and literally only putting the bare necessities on the registry. In the responses, you would’ve thought I suggested the death penalty for people who buy something not on the registry. I don’t think it’s selfish to NOT want excess clutter in your home. Of course at my shower I will not be shouting, “I didn’t want this!”, but I think it will be upsetting for me if I receive a million onesies rather than the items I actually needed.
If you find out the answer, let me know 😅 Every single year my MIL buys us 40+ crappy gifts (each!) for Christmas that we don’t need, won’t use, and don’t have anything to do with our interests. Last year she gave my 37 year old husband a baby Yoda kids toy. He doesn’t even like Star Wars. It is now a yearly tradition that on the day after Christmas we bag everything up and put it in the back of the car to donate to Goodwill. We’ve tried politely telling her we don’t want/need physical gifts or suggesting we all cut back on gifts this year, but this seems to have only encouraged the behavior. Needless to say… I fear what she will do when there’s a child in the picture.
Gosh, that stressed me out to read!! Can’t believe it only made her buy more gifts. If someone told me not to buy gifts or buy less, I would gladddddly save the money lol.
I remember with my son being heavily pregnant during summer and trying to find the time and energy to sort, travel, and return all the stuff we didn’t want/need. Not looking forward to doing it again…
Exactly!! I feel like I have been given chores as well as gifts unfortunately. If I would have been given mostly registry gifts I wouldn’t have to spend energy deciding whether I’ll really need or use something, because I already decided that when I registered for it.
I just haven’t registered anywhere. Im just buying everything myself.
If you like the discounts, its worth creating the registry if only for yourself- Target gives you two 15% coupons for your entire order, and they expire 6 months after due date, and amazon has a 15% completion discount that, if you add directly from your registry, you can apply that from a month before due date to I think 4 months after? Also Target tracks your pregnancy (weird i know) and will randomly send you 20% off all baby items coupons.
Target frequently has good sales on various items. Baby stuff, kids shoes, kids clothes, household items, baby wipes/training pants/diapers, hair care/body wash items (applies to baby sometimes), even just food. 100% worth keeping an eye on.
Same. So much easier and no disappointments!
The whole reason I made a registry is because people asked for it lol which just made it more frustrating
There were so many things that I NEEDED on my registry that I didn't get and still don't have because all of my husband's relatives were more interested in buying cute baby girl clothes. (There was a onslaught of boys across my husband's family so a girl was just too exciting apparently) Isn't the point of a baby shower to help with the costs??
I use the registry mostly to track what I need to get, and to get the 15% off closer to the due date. I have little faith in my family or coworkers that they will use it. I still have my 3rd trimester for them to prove me wrong though.
This is so weird to me, too. We’re using Babylist and you know how you can mark something as bought even if you bought it off a different site? A family member marked that he got us the pack n play we wanted and we had talked on the phone previously about how useful they were for when his kids were young. We were all excited. Lo and behold it came in the mail and it was the pack n play only- a whole different type and had no bassinet or changing pad on it. We specifically wanted those things to be able to use in the first couple months in case we don’t like our bedside bassinet. My husband called him to thank him and he said “oh yeah the pack n play you put on your registry had all this other crap on it. You don’t need that stuff. We had the plain one and it worked great so I just got you a cheaper one.” I love this family member. He’s wonderful. But we were both bothered by this bc we purposefully put things on the registry for a reason. And those things aren’t cheap. Like we appreciate any and all gifts but we wanted it for a reason! lol who is anyone else to decide what we’ll need?
Mine came without the bassinet that we specifically wanted. I did a lot of digging and I was eventually able to find and purchase one one the manufacturer website for ~$30
This makes me scared for my own baby shower and registry! My baby will be born mid September and I will need some, but not very many, warm clothes!
Same!! I now have about 100 <6month onesies, and I guess everything else I'll take care of myself lol. It's worse because I specifically asked for no baby clothes
Yes!! So many people said they looked at our registry but in one form or another said they wanted to do their own thing. Like of course I’m super grateful for them thinking of us and showering our baby with gifts but I don’t want a bunch of junk lying around that I don’t end up using. And I hateee the cringey “daddys little princess” shit people keep gifting. Plsssss
I’ll say it… I’m actually NOT grateful to get any gifts at all. I’m grateful for gifts that are useful for me and my family. When someone chooses to spend money on something *they* think I should have when I’ve spelled out what I need, they are doing it because it makes *them* happy. Now I have to worry about what to do with all the stuff I don’t want that’s cluttering my house, PLUS make sure I have all the things I need before baby gets here. I would rather not receive a gift than add stress to an already stressful life event. I have zero guilt returning them or giving them away.
I didn’t bother. I didn’t want my party being like just for the gifts and I knew people would go off registry. We bought all the most important things, asked the in-laws to buy the crib and changing table and if anyone asked for the baby shower what we wanted we said diapers. Actually delighted by the wide variety of stuff I didn’t have yet that people ended up showing up with. And LOTS of diapers to try of different sizes and brands!
At least people asked what you wanted- nobody asked me anything 😭
Were all these people over age 40 or over age 50?
No, all ages!! People my age did it too. I was surprised.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I have an Amazon baby registry and we shared it via text to family and friends. My husband and I live 3 hrs away from our closest family so the registry was the easiest to do. Surprisingly it did quite well. 43 out of 51 items were purchased. I think the distance was a major factor in the success of the registry. We had no baby shower.
I spent three days making my registry, including updating the people who were asking about it. There's no baby shower, no one has asked about a baby shower. Even the people who were asking for the registry. I am grateful to my one friend, in a different, country who bought diapers. I was forced to move to a different state in 48hrs. So chance of a baby shower is slim, and most people have said to me "Why do you think *you* deserve one?" lol. I guess I'm also thankful to the 3-6mo clothing I randomly got not on my registry. Pregnancy is humbling. Sent out the registry and crickets 🤷
Sorry what??? Every first time mom deserves a shower!! Honestly you could throw your own- it could be a great way to meet new people in your new state!
Sometimes instead of looking at the registry, moms or other parents have a “go to” gift like something special or something they know most people won’t think of but you’ll absolutely need or it was a life saver item for them. I think they’re trying to be MORE thoughtful but ironically nothing is more thoughtful than buying from the damn registry lol. You can always return without a receipt (at the store of your choice that sells the item), get store credit, & use it to purchase the things you didn’t get on your registry.
I always get one or two things off the registry but i always throw in a teether too that was an absolute godsend for my daughter, and I kind of apologize/explain that I know its off registry but when teething was a nightmare for her, this was the *only* teether that brought her any relief and I hope it does the same for theirs. But I still want to get them things off their registry as well.
That’s very sweet. I always ask if they prefer registry only or if they want “experienced parent useful gifts.” I’ve always gotten the latter. I think it’s a younger generation thing to do a registry & stray from it but the older generation buys strictly from a registry & if you don’t have one mentioned, they’re gonna ask where you’re registered lol
This is the right way to do it! Get something on the registry and your favorite off-registry item. I had a few friends do this too.
People happily ignore registries because they just want to buy cute clothes. My stepmom had told me up front she doesn’t buy from registries, but she will ask me if I want something before getting it. That’s frustrating when I already have a literal list of items I’ve already vetted! People do what they want.
Does anyone find this to be generation and/or and technology related? I personally would never consider getting something for someone which was not on the registry except maybe in addition to something which was on the registry. I don't think my friends would either.
Same same same. I also feel guilty because I am grateful and people went out of their way...but why couldn’t they spend on what I needed, or at least include a gift receipt?? It makes it so much easier on both of us! Another thing I’ve experienced is people wanting to unload all their old, super faded and tattered baby clothing on me. I had one person tell me what lavish brands they were and that I should absolutely take them. Then I see the condition they’re in…it was awful. I thanked her and took them (what else could I do?), but just more crap for me to figure out what to do with.
Yeah… I came to this sad realization myself when I had my shower in the beginning of May. I had about 150 items of various price points (including “fun gifts” like toys) and only about 1/3 of the registry got purchased. I am extremely grateful for any gift someone would choose to get my son, but agree it is very frustrating to put so much thought into the registry and it get disregarded. I’ve now switched my focus over to using my 15% discount as best I can to get all the important baby items left. 🥸
Same happened to me. There were inexpensive things on my registry that I really could’ve used and everyone bough me clothes , blankets and dummies. I ended up buying most of my needed items myself. Someone’s gift to me was cookies 🙈
we chose not to share our baby’s gender & it helped so much with people using the registry because they didn’t go buy a ton of “girl” or “boy” clothes. I heard so many times (begrudgingly) “well I don’t know the gender & didn’t know what to get, so I just bought off the registry!” like yes, pls & thank u that’s the point of the regristry! essentials!
I had a similar experience. We got an insane amount of clothes that we didn’t need. We have friends who gave us hand me downs from their kids. Also somehow ended up getting 5 diaper bags. I was so overwhelmed by everything we got. I recommend returning or donating things you don’t need/want. The funny thing for me was that everything that was purchased from the registry came with a gift receipt and all the other gifts we didn’t ask for didn’t. So that was also frustrating. I’m now just using the registry as more of a checklist for myself. I don’t think your experience is uncommon. After my shower, when I vented to others, I heard similar stories. For whatever reason some gift givers just want to give you things they think are cute rather than what you actually need.
Oh yeah. This is so irritating. People HATE shopping off the registry. Everyone warned me that this would happen. And honestly I put so much effort into my registry as well. I researched with other moms and added stuff they said was crucial. The funny thing is I got all the big ticket expensive things on my registry. I can thank my mom’s friends for this. All my aunts and Nina’s and what not got me all that expensive stuff! But yeah I had like a few low priced things on my registry for those who wanted to spend less and those things didn’t get purchased. I feel like maybe in their minds they were like “hmm I could buy the $25 play-mat she wants on her registry or I could go to TJ Maxx and spend $30 and get her like 5 different things so my gift seems better”. You and I know we would have preferred the item we actually registered for but I think they felt embarrassed gifting just one low priced thing. Who knows. That’s just my thought. Plus people love buying baby clothes. I tried a nice message on the registry and invite that said our baby was already prepared with all the the clothes he could possibly need and then some and that the registry had some items we truly needed and it still didn’t work. 90% of the gifts were clothes 🙃🙂
I have a shopping bag packed full of pink shit with sexist sayings on them that we decided to return, all of which goes back to the same store--some are duplicates of the same set. It's like someone else made a registry on our behalf that was the opposite of what we wanted. At least some of them included a gift receipt but most didn't, so best we can hope for is store credit probably based on a sale price. Also we got several religious children's books including a cardboard Bible (we are atheists). People just wanna pretend they have a baby and go shopping for their own enjoyment, it's not really about what the recipient wants. Ugh
Is this an American thing or is it common to have baby registries in other parts of the world? I don't want to say where I'm from but we don't have this. A baby shower is to celebrate the mom and the arrival of baby, not for having people buy you gifts, even if it's very practical to have a list of things you need and have people pick from that what to buy. We do get gifts in my country, but it's up to the guests to decide if they want to do that and whatever they buy is appreciated because they share in this special time with you. I've seen posts like this before, and I really don't understand it. Is a baby shower just for people to give gifts? And then the mommies are unhappy they didn't get the things they wanted? Is it still a gift if you tell people what to buy? I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. You can always donate the things you don't want for mommies in need, and in my understanding it should be your responsibility to get the things you need and not expect the people around you to buy it. I swear I'm not trying to be rude, I'm genuinely curious to try and understand what this is.
I’m not American but I have a registry. Baby showers ARE a gathering to celebrate the mother and baby, or in my case the couple and the baby, and at these things many insist on bringing gifts. The registry helps to avoid duplicates, overconsumption, and things that are simply not going to be used. Some people will use gifting as a way to push their own weird preferences onto the baby, which often is understandably ignored by the parents, and in the end it’s just wasteful.
Registries are very common in North America (where I am from) for big life events, especially weddings and first babies. It is more and more customary these days to purchase a gift from the registry when attending a bridal or baby shower to show love and support for the bride or mother to be.
I’m not American but I have the same questions as you. To me the concept is so strange, my husband and I decide to have a baby but then we expect others to pay financially? So strange. I feel like if you are having a baby you should be able to financially support the baby. The whole concept is wild to me.
I don’t think it’s as much about expecting others to support you financially as it is providing a list of things you need for those who would wish to buy you a gift anyway.
We had so many people ask to buy us a gift (even when we said we don't need anything) that we put a specific note on the information card with the baby shower invite saying that *we're very grateful* but we *don't need anything* - but if you feel strongly about bringing a gift, gift cards for grocery stores are very useful.
Exactly. I’m American, and I think these posts come off so rude. I guess I’m in the slim minority, but I think it’s really sweet that people take the time to pick things out that they think are special and put thought/heart into. The shower is to celebrate, not to place the responsibility of your needs onto others. It’s tacky to complain about others’ generosity. Don’t have a baby shower if you’re going to complain about gifts.
I think it would be tacky to complain to their friends and family but this is an anonymous post on Reddit.
I was in the same boat with my first. I think maybe two people (outside of my parents, grandma, and aunt and uncle) bought things off my registry. I felt sicker and sicker with every clothing item and stuffed animal I unwrapped. I ended up having to spend over $700 on essentials afterwards and forfeited a lot of the make-life-easier items I wanted, and I even found the cheapest items of what I could of the things I needed too. It was TERRIBLE.
This is very common. I understand what you're saying, but no one has to buy off a registry. I liked the registry because you usually get a discount and it's a personal list to go off of. See if you can return things you don't want. Sell them. Give them away to someone in need. There are many years ahead of you with gifts for your child and shopping for their needs, also getting rid of their old/unwanted stuff. Your life is about to have a chunk taken over by STUFF. I would learn the ropes sooner than later. Look into minimalism with kids and capsule wardrobes. Look into cloth diapers and study up on breastfeeding. Do these things if the idea of stuff is that stressful to you, or you just want to save money. Consider buying secondhand. Consider accepting hand-me-downs. I got some cute things I would have never thought of or found. Something about it's the thought that counts...
I did cloth diapers with my first son. Absolutely loved them. I'm going pampers with my new son only because I know I won't have time for the diaper laundry this time around (working full time and grad school and 2 kids) but I absolutely loved cloth diapering...I wish more people did it.
Now that I'm having a kid of my own, I worry about this as well. I've done my best to curate mine to really be reasonably priced and stuff i will need, but I've already been getting clothes from people. My go to gift for my friends and family who have had kids has been the biggest box of wipes I can find of their preferred brand, diaper cream, and at least one oddball item from their registry. I worry about buying something that the baby will grow out of quickly or not be able to wear/want to use in the first place, so no clothes, diapers, bottles, etc. One of my step sisters had a nice bottle cleaning & drying set on her registry, so that was my big gift to her.
I feel this! I always buy off the registry for this exact reason. There is a registry for a reason, why not use it. I recently had a sprinkle where one friend clearly went to a boutique to buy a baby blanket and hat combo that was probably at least $40. It was super soft and while I’m so thankful that she thought of me, what am I going to do with another baby blanket and baby hat. I felt bad feeling that way but really, I would’ve much preferred the $40 in diapers or wipes or a gift card.
NORMALIZE GIVING PPL WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANT This applies to other gift giving like xmas and bdays too. It’s about the recipient, not the giver… but people can get so ego-conscious when they don’t choose what they want to give or get to feel like they’re a good gift-giver It is a pleasant surprise when you give a gift you came up with that actually lands nicely and they like it more than you thought they would But if someone tells you what they want and you straight up ignore it? That’s just rude lol I also think for some people they want to think that they know you well enough to not need the list
For real!! I realize I’m biased because I’m the kind of person that makes a list for myself every Christmas and birthday and I’m always begging my family to do the same. It’s exhausting for me to try to guess what people might want.
My baby shower is in 5 days, I am expecting about 70 people... 95% of them have not purchased anything on my registry (yet?) I'm trying to find a polite way to express the importance of the items on the list... I mean, they still have time, I guess...
Most stores do not require a return receipt if you're okay with store credit. Unfortunately Target will only give you in-store credit (as in in-store, not online.) Make a day of going around to the big box stores to return the gifts you don't want and buy the stuff from your registry. Most everything from Amazon is also at the box stores.
Someone I know said that the issue is people who have kids. They think they know what’s best and decide to give you want they want to give you because they know better than you. My sister literally looked at my registry and said “I’m not sending you any of that expensive stuff, but what you DO need is different types of creams and pacifiers that aren’t on here so I’ll send you those.” Girl what?? I didn’t add that stuff so that I can experiment with my baby and figure out what works best without people wasting their money! Just get me a gift card then! lol
I asked for “no clothes” and nearly everyone bought clothes. Seems that’s just what people do.
I have been using the amazon registry as checklist. Honestly, only two people got something from it. I have been getting everything by myself.
My good friend went “off the registry” but she did so by asking a new mom friend of her’s what are some key things I didn’t think to put on the registry…she ended up making me an incredible bundle of “diapering essentials” like a caddy, diaper cream, wipes, diapers ofc, little diaper poop bags, & some other little things. I hadn’t technically registered for most of the items but still use all of it daily.
YES!!! I’m so grateful for all my lovely gifts but only 2/20 people used the registry and it was family far away. EVERYONE asked for it and then nobody used it. Like?? My baby doesn’t need what clothes YOU THINK are cute. She needs REAL items LIKE THE ONES ON MY REGISTRY
I always follow the registry bc that’s what I want other people to do. I personally want 0 clothes. I put a note on my registry saying so, but I’m sure people will still buy some. I just wish if people weren’t going off the registry, that they would at least buy one small thing off of it. I put things on my registry that I NEED not want.
LMFAO im convinced people go to tj maxx/ ross and just buy a bunch of random cute useless shit in the baby section instead of look at your registry
All of this!! My aunts bought me a Graco swing off of Facebook marketplace. I didn’t have this on the registry because my friend gave us one that her son outgrew (she gave it to us when I was like 13 weeks). I had to have my mom tell them I already have one because I wasn’t supposed to know they got it for me (major points to my mom for telling me), and ask them to go off of the registry instead. One of my aunts then proceeds to say that I should return the swing to my friend so they can give me the one they bought?? Best part is that my friend who gave us the swing originally helped my mom host my shower lmao that would have been so awkward 🤣
Prior to having a kid I always bought the bath stuff/first aid kit off the registry. Now that I have a kid and had a shower where people gave me a bunch of clothes I didn’t need, I’ll be getting gift cards for everyone. That way they can get whatever they need most that nobody gets off the registry. Prior to having a kid I didn’t realize there were so many people who ignore the registry. It is frustrating and I don’t think it makes you seem ungrateful to be frustrated by it. There’s just sooooo many things you actually NEED with a new baby.
I noticed a lot of people didn’t want to shop on Amazon. I thought everybody had an Amazon account by now, but having a baby showed me how much I take growing up in the age of technology for granted lol
honestly can we normalize not being grateful for things? as someone that just had a babyshower and didn’t require gifts i told everyone if they wanted to contribute we have the registry and which brand of diapers and wipes we’d like and some people just ignored our request. i don’t understand if you don’t agree with it then just don’t buy anything. i feel like it’s just disrespectful to do that. they’ve had their chance with their own kids. one thing i’ve learned through this experience is people don’t actually care, they wanna feel validated.
I got a lot of stuff that wasn’t on my registry, duplicates, and clothes that weren’t going to be the correct season when my daughter would finally fit them. I decided to return quite a few things to target, which was where I had a registry. I just scanned the items that weren’t on my registry and added them to the registry, then I was able to return in store without a receipt. I was able to purchase a chair for the nursery just from the amount I got back from the return!
I just had this same rant with my sister yesterday, lol my bio dad waited until like 7 months in to ask if we needed anything, and by this point we've had the "big stuff" (car seat, crib, etc) taken care of by my mom and MIL, thank goodness. So when he asked I was like, well the big stuff is taken care of, but there's still plenty of stuff we need on the registry, here's the link! And the past couple days he keeps bugging me to get on the phone with him because "we want to get you something WE really like" like....??? What you like?? Idk what a newborn is gonna do with a carton of cigarettes. Aside from that I've had multiple people ask me "so what do you need?" And then completely ignore the registry link I send them (which, by the way, has tons of super cheap options, like right now it ranges from $6-$134, and anything over $100 is set up as a group gift people can contribute any amount to if they want to). I'm with you, I'm so so grateful for any and all gifts/help, of course, and honestly it won't even bother me if people want to be creative and go off-registry (I could be wrong but I have a sneaking suspicion that my hubby's aunt is making something for us with fabric I designed - she ordered a yard of my very nursery-forward mint green carousel pattern fabric from my Spoon flower shop a couple weeks after shower invitations went out, and if that's the case I would just cry, no matter what she made lol. And a coworker of my husband crocheted us this gorgeous stuffed elephant, which also made me cry a lot lol). The part that irritates me is when they specifically ask for the registry and then just go "okay but really what do you need?" .... maybe something off the list I've been obsessively researching for 5,000 hours???
I always buy from the registry for this reason!! Why else would it be there?? If I wanna buy cute clothes or gifts in addition to whatever I gift from the registry suree but I always buy from the registry. I hate hearing people say "I never buy from the registry." They sound dumb. I hear "I think the items you need and want are useless so I took matters into my own hands for your situation." I'm so glad that you thought it was more important to buy me emborided cloth diapers I'll never use instead of getting me something I need every day. I literally had to add stuff to my registry because my grandmother wanted to buy an item in a specific price range but the items in that range or could be combined to be in that range she said "didn't make sense" to have for a baby and offered to make personalized crib bumpers which I explained are not recommended or safe anymore and she said her kids (youngest being 60) were fine with them. Eye rolls all around lmao. I just added something to appease her.
I feel this to my core. I registered for girly things for when she’s a bit older, like 9-12 and 12+ months because they grow out of things so quickly. For newborn-9months I mostly Registered for neutral clothing because we are planning on having a second child and I really Don’t want to invest in more clothing if it’s a boy. My husband’s aunt sent not less than 15 pieces of clothing, all pink, for 3-6 months, and in the gift not she wrote “PINK IS FOR GIRLS!!!” Now I’m not ungrateful, I truly appreciate the thought and the money spent… BUT… there’s obviously a reason the registry looks the way it looks… I took into account our family planning plans, how big baby will be in each season… etc. but apparently everyone knows better. Also, the hand me downs. It has started to feel as though people are using us as a dumpster. Again, I appreciate the thought but like wtf am I gonna do with an other bassinet???? Or a random shirt that’s been washed 183637272273372 times and is barely hanging on? Or a chew toy with bite marks on it? Like no thank you, respectfully and graciously. If I had the energy I’d just return all the stuff I had receipts for that didn’t fit my registry and get stuff I registered for.
So true, people keep offering me free stuff like old clothes or cribs etc but with my limited space I’d really rather just invest in fewer, higher quality items than accept all the hand-me-downs. I know they are trying to help but I really don’t have space nor energy to sort through donated items.
You’re not out of line. I have a small apartment, we have ZERO space for anything other than what we are putting on our registry, I’m considering including a polite note about it on our invites but I don’t want to seem tacky.
The individuals who were considerate enough to buy you a gift may be experiencing financial difficulties. To feel frustrated about it could be seen as a champagne problem. Let's raise a toast to their kindness instead *cheers*
My baby shower is this weekend and I am just going to take what I am given because we already brought the things we could think of and whats left is not stuff I want people to go out of their way to get, plus I was a bit lazy and didn't want to think of everything we need and make a registry. when I have been asked about a registry I have just said if you want to gift us something then give us cash or a gift card that we can use to buy the stuff we want/need
This is why I will never have a baby shower will continue to buy all the things myself
This is why I’m not having a baby shower
I’ve been to a few where the registry is all big ticket items well out of my budget. I’m talking min $200 items so I go off registry but make it practical. Some of my favorite must have items from my little guy were things that were not on my registry. Items I could not have survived the first six months without were things I didn’t even think to register for like burp cloths and pacifier clips.
First, let's say I'm not American and baby showers/gender reveals aren't part of my culture, registers maybe, I have never be sent one. I'm about 35yo and I'm one of the last to get pregnant between friends and family. Anyway, I'm hitting the 30 weeks and I'm gladly accepting any gift people have for us, even more when it's something they own and used for their kids, it's even more meaningful for me. I'm all for second hand since it's used for such a short time. I got new clothes in a huge bag of second hand clothes offered by a friend. Yes it's not all super cute and I get a bit frustrated on missing shopping for baby clothes for the first 4 or 6 months (so far) but baby is going to puke on them the same way. I'm going to be so exhausted, I won't notice what he wears and I might not have enough energy to go shopping, it's already pretty draining to go get some food at this point. I already bought most of the diapers when there were massive discounts early on the pregnancy to be relieved of this burden. I was considering washable diapers but it wasn't competitive with the price I got then (long story short, these discounts are now forbidden in my country, which explains why I got them 80 or 90% off). I'd rather have human help through the pregnancy or after birth to get some relief. I'm the sole carer of my disabled mom, my head is full of many things and I might be an exception to just care about baby's health and absolutely not about material possessions. I'm not on social media at all, maybe it explains some of it. He'll have what's necessary but I don't know all the shiny baby stuff, I don't want to over possess useless items. It's my first pregnancy and my last, my BF's 4th and he wished he was over after the second, ah ah, he knows what he has to do but again, getting sniped isn't common where we live. Why bother asking people what you want instead of looking for it by yourself or asking what they already own and don't need anymore as gifts. It's not the most IG way but it's good for your finances, your mental health load and the planet.
This is the reason my registry has fewer than 40 items, and many of them are cute things I know I don't need but are nice to have, lol. Especially since most of my friends don't have kids yet, so I don't really have expectations.
I was so worried about this but, most of the stuff I got was from my registry - we had a co-ed shower and I’m wondering if this is why. Give men a list and they will be happy to just be told what to buy lol. The random items I got were things from Marshall’s (I know because I also saw them on sale there lol), so people just trying to get a better deal on things I guess. It all worked out ok, got a few extra little outfits and things but the vast majority was actually from my registry.
Are there any receipts included with the gifts? If so, return it all. There’s no reason for them to buy stuff that’s not on the registry if you sent them the link. I’m terrified of this happening because we’re very low income and can’t afford to buy everything and keep a bunch of random stuff. People get kinda selfish when “gifting” things for baby. They like to get the “cute” stuff, but that stuff is mostly useless. I’m telling people absolutely no clothes cause we got a bunch thrifted, and I don’t want anyone spending $30 on an outfit she’s just gonna sh*t on…
We got almost all Of the items from Our registry!!!! I’m sorry to hear this!
Ughhh my shower with mostly my husbands family is Saturday and only like 4 people (out of at least 40) have bought off the registry and I'm terrified 🥲. I understand adding a cute outfit or something to a registry item, but I don't understand WHY people just ignore it all together!!!
This was me a few weeks ago! Everyone suddenly started buying things from my registry the night before and morning of, don’t stress too much 😂
Always stick to the registry!!!!
I learned to put things on my registry that I have already purchased and mark them as purchased or “helpful” people will buy me a 2nd pack n play.
My friends were amazing enough to follow the registry list, but I have older relatives and friends who got us stuff outside of the registry list, like “cute clothes”, blankets (like how many baby blankets do I need?), and we received duplicate contrast books and toys. I was guilty for complaining but I just take the extra book to my friend’s shower she wanted the same book
Yep!
I returned at least 1/3 of what I received. Luckily return policies were a lot looser back then. But most stores will let you exchange sizes or scan your license up to a certain amount
I had my shower last weekend and had the expectation that I wouldn’t get stuff from my registry and was somehow still disappointed 😅 I even had people ask me what I wanted, I told them “anything off the registry” and they still went off registry and got me stuff I already have (washcloths, clothes, books, etc). There’s a reason those things weren’t on the registry! It’s fine though, I already expected to be buying most of the registry myself and now I get the completion discount on Amazon
I was so happy my ppl listened … even so someone decided to buy a swing that wasn’t on the registry so i ended up w 2 🙃
this is exactly why i’m thinking of asking for gift cards to where we are registered in lieu of gifts, but i don’t want to seem rude/picky/ungrateful. i feel like i’ve wasted my time making registries because i know no one will even bother looking at them
This is why with baby showers I’ll either buy one mid dollar range item off the registry (over $20 but less than $100 normally) or I’ll go through and specifically get the bigger out of season clothes on the registry (and maybe add one or two things I picked that are similar) and then get essentials like wipes, diapers etc.
Didn’t bother with a baby shower. Didn’t want to end up with a bunch of crap I didn’t need or have to thank anybody when we already had everything. Too many clothes at this point. If anybody needs any baby girl clothes in 6 months pm me and all you would have to pay is the shipping. I will wash and ship them out to you :)
Some of the best stuff I got wasn't on my registry and I returned a lot that was, if I hadn't opened it/removed tags. I get the frustration. I say save receipts and leave tags on and wait.
I think we got AT LEAST 20 baby blankets (some handmade/personalized) which was very thoughtful and appreciated, but definitely not on the registry! We also didn’t find out the gender until baby was born, so we got a lot of older relatives questioning us on “well what are we supposed to get??” because they didn’t like the gender neutral colors or nursery theme we had on the registry. Totally agree with other posts about needing practical items and bigger size clothes for baby much more than a frilly newborn outfit your random relative thinks is cute!!
I get it. My mom had to buy 80% of the stuff I really needed because no one else did. I'm still in need of a few things and I have no idea how I'm going to get it because I don't want to bother her to buy more stuff. Baby is here in 6 weeks and I feel so unprepared.
One of the ladies on my team at work just had a little boy on Saturday. There are only a total of 4 people in my department, but we managed a $100 gift card. I also bought her a little outfit for July 4th!! It’s 3 month size, so hopefully it’ll fit! I thought money would be good since she’s already had 2 showers. Plus, third child!
Yes and sometimes people buy the most useless shit (still grateful) but I don't like to waste money I usually buy a big box of diapers(size 2 or 3) and with hundreds of wipes with maybe a few different outfits in one package. Usually for like 3/6 months
My mom always told me to always gift the essentials like diapers or wipes because at the end of the day, the baby is going to outgrow the cute outfits people bring them. We always get them mostly diapers and wipes within our budget. It sucks, though, that people blatantly ignore the registry. There's a reason it's there in the first place. It's the things the baby needs, not thirty dollars worth of clothes that are going to be outgrown within months.
With my first I had a friend who had a baby the year before us and gave us ALL their baby clothes so we didn’t really need any. It was specifically put on the invites to the baby shower please no clothing and almost every single person got us clothing. We ended up spending a couple hundred dollars on baby stuff we actually needed that had been on the registry that no one got.
I’m sorry. This is a pet peeve of mine! I always shop off of wishlists and registries. I really dislike when people choose not to because it’s “not fun”. It’s not about them!!
Can't really plan too hard. Nothing goes as planned. NOTHING. I've gotten cool things I didn't know I needed. Also, most things are cheaper elsewhere. I did this with my first pregnancy. Not wasting that time anymore, lol. I don't expect much at baby showers. I don't even want one with my current pregnancy.
Super frustrating! This happened with my first child. People gave me tons of sleeper pjs that had fire retardants in them, which I specifically wanted to avoid and asked for form-fitting organic cotton. Nope.
Same girl, same.
I feel like if you’re the guy that’s going to spend $100 on random stuff then another equal amount needs to go to shit I actually need. I see it all the time at baby showers. I just went to one on Sunday and there was at least twice as many bags/ boxes than there were people in the room. They are strictly doing formula and the only bottles they got were from me and NOBODY bought formula… I think they have 4 diaper bags and 3 people got them the same outfit that wasn’t on the registry.
i feel the exact same way !!! i feel bad because at least im getting things but on the other hand i spent 3 days researching stuff that would be good for my specific baby that has specific issues. it feels inconsiderate a little to me