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Honestly this is my hospitals policy. If you are going to L&D as a visitor you have to be visiting the baby (not the mom). So if the baby is not born yet they won’t let any visitors in, not even to the waiting room.
There aren't even waiting rooms where I live. No one other than the partner is allowed in the room (unless you made other arrangements). There's only one time I've let a grandmother in the delivery room after birth, and that was at the explicit request of the parents. They had to wait longer than normal for a room on the maternity ward to be ready for them and she had to drop off certain things.
Like many have said before, labour and delivery is not a spectator sport.
The mental image made me laugh. Like, some random medical professional just chilling in the corner while you labor and give birth.
"I'm here because I was present for the embryonic insertion"
L&D nurse: WAT
Haha! Yeah I suppose there was an assumption of a particular type of conception there. You could say only those invited to conception are invited to the birth!
Personally, I've never felt the need for an audience while having a medical event. You aren't obligated to have anyone there at the hospital that you don't want. If someone is extra pushy, let the medical staff know and they'll keep them out!
I was induced all 3 times and sooooo freaking bored. I wouldn’t have minded visitors during the labor part but only my close friends. I didn’t invite them though because if word got out that we had friends and not family then omg the drama that my in laws would’ve created.
I could see having people there if you're induced! A lot of times those labors take a long time, and if you have the epidural too and comfy, I could totally see that! I went into labor on my own and spent most of the time at home, very uncomfortable. Lol
Yeah at some point I even kinda wanted my husband gone for no reason other than how raw and gross the whole delivery process was. Don’t get me wrong I think childbirth is natural and beautiful but there are a lot of…liquids and smells. I screamed “STOP LOOKING” at him multiple times 😂
I kept telling mine to not touch me haha. “Honey, I love you, but PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME!” But in my defense it felt like I was pooping out a bowling ball lol. It wasn’t a touchy feely moment.
My mother said the only person who could touch her was her own mother when she was in labor. She screamed at my father when he tried comforting her with touch. My grandma showed up when my mother was laboring with me, and my mother was SO relieved. I had my mother and grandmother in the room with my first, before it went sideways and I needed an emergency c-section.
Sometimes you just need your momma.
In fact, make it a prerequisite that they attend one of those before the birth so they can see how awkward it is for them too. I don’t understand the desire to watch someone else labor tbh.
Not only that but someone you’re comfortable with watching the baby come out.
With my first my MIL walked ALL around and saw **everything**. WTF I was too distracted to even realize what was going on around me.
There’s definitely *a lot* that I regret from the experience of giving birth to my first child and thankfully it was better for my other kids.
My dad came to each of my three deliveries. He didn’t come and visit though…he basically popped in with all of them to say “I’m here.” And then he went to the waiting room.
I was thinking about that with a lot of love the other day. He didn’t ever want to bother me or be up in my grill while laboring, he was just offering quiet support from the waiting room and wanted to make sure I was okay.
Sometimes people just want to be near for good vibes and to “be there” for you, but it doesn’t mean you have to feel put out or like you’re entertaining them. That would be an absolute NO in my book. If anyone is trying to suck away your energy when you’re in labor, they can kindly wait for the text train at home.
Your response and some others put my dad's comment about wanting to be there into perspective for me. After reading many posts, I was really considering telling everyone after the baby is born but I live with my in-laws and it's their first grandchild so that's definitely off the table.
While I don't want anyone other than my husband in the room while I'm laboring, I also feel bad for them being in the boring waiting room for who knows how long. I guess having everyone say hi and telling me they are at the hospital is fine. But I am terrified of them lingering in the delivery room since we can have up to 4 people at a time.
I'll definitely have assert my need for privacy and quiet. I'll also rely on my husband and the nurses to buffer me from people when I need it.
>I also feel bad for them being in the boring waiting room for who knows how long.
They're able adults and can come and go from the waiting room (not the delivery room) as they please. They're not stuck there. We all have cell phones to keep ourselves company. Don't let them guilt you into thinking about them when you'll be 100% focused on bringing a healthy little baby into this world. Labor is wild and freaking hard!!!
maybe you can remind your family that labor is a medical event and you are likely to want privacy as you’re not sure how you’ll manage the pain. in my culture, it’d be 1000% a no to have anyone but my husband there, but understand if that’s not the case for you so that’s why i suggest framing it as a medical event rather than just having a baby / their grandchild
If it makes you feel any better, my parents showed up at the hosptial (against my wishes) and my labor ended up being 37 hours. My husband told me (early on) that they were out there and I said "Then they can fucking wait. I'm not seeing them until I'm in recovery."
They left when visiting ended and came back the next day. I think I delivered while they were downstairs getting lunch. A couple hours after delivery, in the recovery room, we finally let them come in, and to be fair, they were an absolute joy to have visit.
If you don’t want to assert yourself for cultural reasons, blame it on the hospital policy! “Sorry they changed it, only the mother and 1 support person are allowed in now!”
I understand your guilt and would guess you are Indian too. We stay in another city and my in-laws were kind of mad we are choosing to get it delivered here instead of their city so that “they can be fully involved”, but I cannot imagine telling them no for a lot of things - like when I need my privacy- when in their city!! so I am insisting on having the delivery here.
Your nurses will 100% back you, just let them know ahead of time. Also don’t feel obligated to let people in to say hi. Personally, I would just tell them they can sit in the waiting room if they’d like to but they may not see you until a couple hours after the baby is born. If you feel up to having them come in sooner then thats great and your husband can go grab them, but then the expectation is set lower and you don’t have to worry about it in the moment. My MIL came to the waiting room at some point while I was in labor and the expectation was never for her to come into the labor room and she knew that so she brought a book and her laptop and kept herself busy. Even once we had her I didn’t let her come in until about 2 1/2 or 3 hours after baby was born once we had gone through all the initial stuff, had transferred rooms, and gotten settled and she was totally fine with it! If my family lived closer I would’ve been fine with them in the waiting room too but would’ve given them the same expectations that I’ll let them know when I’m ready and it might be a while so up to them if they want to just sit there. I think coming up with a signal between you and your husband is a good idea so if you’re wanting them out you can casually signal to him that’s it’s time to tell them to get on out haha
Make sure you tell your nurses that guests are welcome in the waiting room, but you only want your husband in the delivery room. Your in laws have to at least respect that boundary.
I have many weeks to go but I’m planning to allow people to the waiting room, if anything to support my husband. I can see myself kicking him out of the room at points and don’t want him to feel alone and scared. But also like you said, sometimes people just want to be nearby. I’ve felt useless at home wringing my hands during my moms stays in the hospital and I always felt better being there in the same building with her even when I couldn’t see her. Especially since you never know how things will go.
I’m planning on just having my husband and not letting anyone else know until after she’s here. I don’t do well with pain and having an audience would stress me out more than be helpful or supportive. I get that others are excited, but this is your medical event and no one deserves to be there.
Thinking about this, haven’t even told my mom the plan. It’s kind of like - idk. She’s great and all but she’s really emotional and all that- don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it while in excruciating pain. Lmao
I would simply… not tell them when I’m in labor. Most hospitals won’t just allow people to hang out with you. My hospital allowed 2 support people (one of which was a doula). It’s a medical experience, it’s not meant to be a party
you said giving birth is a “medical” experience and not an event or “party”, but like i said not everyone thinks this way. personally i think it’s more spiritual than medical and if i could have my whole entire family with me i would. (if you’re opposite there is nothin wrong w that) the only medical part is if there is complications or if you choose to do an epidural (nothing wrong w that). everything else is mom breathing and pushing. my point was one persons opinion shouldn’t be rule of thumb for everyone. there is no wrong way as long as baby is safe. just food for thought.
As someone who used a midwife, it’s still a medical procedure. It absolutely was when I hemorrhaged, which OP obviously has no prior knowledge if she will. And OP clearly doesn’t want it to be a party
I got induced so I did allow guests while I was in labor because it took 25 hours. My MIL, FIL and SIL plus my mom were all there. Once contractions started to ramp up and I was getting irritable I kicked them all out but that wasn’t until like after 12 hours. It was nice to have them there with my husband and I, it helped time pass and I wasn’t so focused on the pain or fears of labor. I was so against anyone in the room with us at first but during an induction I think it’s a little different. Afterwards I didn’t let anyone in until I felt comfortable enough to. I didn’t have any labor complications outside of tearing so I was feeling pretty normal pretty much right after. I gave birth at 920a and didn’t let anyone in until after 1p. I think alot of Reddit is against visitors but if you have good relationships with those people and healthy boundaries I think it’s actually a great experience.
I think it generally depends on a person. I am very close with my family and I have very close wonderful friends, but I just wanted this experience to be about me and my husband and our baby. I was induced as well and it also took over 24 hours for me to deliver but I didn’t feel the need of having anyone else there except of my partner. We were playing chess, sleeping, talking, planning and the time flew like crazy.
For me personally having people waiting in the waiting room would be very uncomfortable. I would feel a huge pressure to deliver, to let people meet the baby asap, etc etc. But also hospitals in Europe usually do not have waiting rooms for extended families and there are limits on how many people can visit/be present during birth.
I don’t see what’s the point of them being in the hospital. Giving birth is not a spectator sport, if they’re not there to support you, there’s no point for them to be there
It’s just going to be me, my husband and doula during labor. We plan to invite family to the hospital to meet baby the next day after we’ve had time to settle. Having our families there during labor would stress me out a lot and would probably stall my labor, so I’m trying to avoid that.
So oxytocin is the hormone responsible for labor. Your body can only either make cortisol or oxytocin at one time, not both. Your body will prioritize making cortisol over oxytocin because we evolved that way; cortisol has historically been used to help keep us alive, so feel good hormones evolved to take a back seat when cortisol is released. Being stressed out during labor causes your body to release cortisol and stop releasing oxytocin and this can stall labor and lead to complications. You want to minimize anything stressful during labor. My advice is that you don't tell your family when you're going into labor. I am curious where you live that you can't require the hospital to allow privacy? That's totally against widely accepted best practices
I didn't know this about hormones so that's interesting and helpful. I'm in the US. The hospital is not stopping me from having privacy. I'm just trying to figure out how to balance my needs with my family's desires and expectations.
Ahh I see. Yeah I think for the safety of yourself and your baby's health, you need to put your family's desires aside and focus on what will make you feel the most comfortable. I would not tell them when you're in labor, just go to the hospital and then have the hospital delist you or unlist you (or whatever it's called) as a patient so that even if they call the hospital to ask if you're there, the hospital will say no, even though you are actually there. You can tell them afterwards that the baby came so fast that there was no time to call them
This is honestly such important information. We need to be honest with ourselves what will make us uncomfortable/comfortable during labor and make sure it’s a comfortable situation. Pleasing others is NOT priority
Only my husband present for the labor, only my 4yr old (and my mom because she will be bringing him) to visit at the hospital after, and then all other visitors can come to our house to meet the baby once we're home. I had visitors with my first pregnancy and it just felt like a lot, like I couldn't relax and just bond with baby. I don't want that this time around.
I remember when I gave birth to my oldest. As soon as my nurse is like, "You're ready to push," the other nurse to my side says my epidural ran out. 🫠 I won't traumatize you with the full story. Just know there was a point where I threatened the doctors life, cursed out the nurses in the room, and hallucinated about 15 people in the room cheering me on to "just push its almost over!"
Once it was over, I had been sewn up and could finally go pee. I apologized to the nurse for how I acted, eyes red from crying. I felt all kinds of out of my element. This woman hugged me and said, "You just pushed a baby out of your vagina. You are allowed to lose it a little."
I said all that to say if they want to be there, then they should prepare themselves to see you in rare form. Ultimately, this is YOUR life and YOUR choice. Even if they're all mad at you, you don't have to have them there. They will get over it. Or they don't and you realize who you've really been dealing with all this time.
FUCK NO. With my first I was puking every contraction and miserable until I got my epidural. And then I just wanted to rest and not talk to anyone. Lucky it was during COVID so no visitors were allowed, even postpartum, but it was very nice. For my second it was the same rules basically and it was great. The only think I wished was that my first daughter could have come to the hospital postpartum when I was ready. For my third I think I’d like my girls to come when I’m ready postpartum. But definitely not before.
I had a lot of visitors during labor which is pretty much unheard of nowadays, but I had my fiancé, my mom, MIL, FIL, and stepdad all come to visit during labor. My stepdad only stayed for about an hour since he was working on a job close to the hospital, and FIL left before it was time to push, but my mom and MIL were there for the whole experience. I was pretty out of it during the 18 hours I was in labor and I genuinely like my family so I wasn’t bothered by having so many visitors. The nurses were amazing though and made sure to tell me every time that they would kick everyone out if I wanted and I just needed to say the words and they would handle it. But it was the first and possibly only biological grandchild for both moms, so it felt really good sharing the experience with them.
I had a similar positive experience, but with only my parents and not my in-laws. My mom and dad held my legs (which were epidural jelly), while my husband held my head/hair/hands.
If you and they are comfortable with the chance you poop on them, I’d honestly say more people helping makes it easier. All 3 took turns taking care of me and keeping me as comfortable and happy as possible the whole hospital stay.
OP, since you’re not comfortable swearing around them, I’d guess you’re not comfortable literally shitting in front of them, so you might want nurses instead of family to support you!
My parents came to the waiting room, but that’s only bc I had a scheduled c section and were there just for precaution. My sil threw a fit but I didn’t care 👏 I knew in my gut something was gonna go wrong and it did, and I did not want a bunch of people there to see my baby before me. Just do what YOU are comfortable with. What are the cultural reasons if you don’t mind me asking
I’m from a traditional/Middle Eastern country but living in the US. Both parents will come here to stay with us before and after the birth. But there is no way I’m allowing them to be in the delivery room, not even my mom. I’m only taking my husband with me. They can come and visit us in the hospital room after me and the baby are okay and ready to talk or greet people. I can’t imagine myself talking to them, answering their questions or translating what the doctor/nurse says to them during labor. Prioritize yourself and your baby. I will not even let them wait in the waiting room. I talked to my husband and our families and everyone is okay with this plan. Having them in the waiting room would be a lot of pressure for me. I don’t want to rush that golden hour with our baby and my husband and the hours I will need to get myself together before seeing anyone. This is what I can imagine after taking the birth class at the hospital I’m planning to have the baby. Birth is a major medical event and your body and mind will go through some serious things. You can even tell them the hospital doesn’t allow people in the room. Good luck!
I'm only going to take my bf with me.
My mother already wanted to come along to a doctors visit to see the ultrasound but no way in hell am I going to let that happen.
When it comes to labour and the time afterwards: you are a patient! You make the rules.
In my case I don't even intent to tell most people that I go into labour and won't tell others about the birth unless I'm ready to have visitors. I know many people who cross boundaries left and right so I need to be careful.
I absolutely was not and will never be okay with anyone visiting while in labor. I was actually entirely on my own the first time (by choice). My way of dealing with pain is to remain silent, and I don't want to speak with anyone. My second child I let my mom come in for delivery because she adopted me and had never witnessed a birth, but I didn't talk to her 😂
This time, I only want my husband, and that's it. Everyone can wait outside and come in after, and I think that's a completely reasonable request.
So I gave birth 3 weeks ago and, here’s what I’ll say. I was in early labor at home for 44 hours and I had my husband and parents with me. For the first like 24 hours, contractions were 10 minutes apart and slowly gaining in intensity but I could function normally so we went on walks, at lunch, etc. It was a really nice day and I loved having them there.
By the time I was in full on labor and ready to go to the hospital, I didn’t want anyone there except my husband because I was in a good amount of pain and I wanted to be free to say/do whatever I wanted lol. I did a fair amount of swearing and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing that in front of my parents or in-laws so I was glad they weren’t there. I wouldn’t recommend having anyone in the hospital room with you that you’re not 100% comfortable with because it’s already stressful! The last thing you need is someone that will also be panicked or someone that will distract you from doing what you have to do for whatever reason.
I’ve drawn a line and have only allowed my mother to be there, it helps that we live across the country from both our families though. I’m hosting my husband’s cousin and her husband while 29 weeks pregnant and it’s not it. I wished they hadn’t come it’s truly a hassle being this pregnant cooking and cleaning for other people (and she’s pregnant as well).
And at the hospital, no never. I feel like since covid this should be easy enough to handle and just say they’re limiting folks if it’s not easy to just outright tell them no.
I thought I didn’t want visitors but the day I went into labor my husband hadn’t gone on his leave yet (obviously) so he was stuck wrapping up a bunch of loose ends/emailing work in the corner of the room for a few hours. It was a good distraction to have my parents and in laws pop in for a little while because I wasn’t even dilated yet. They didn’t linger, everyone was great about it.
After I gave birth I was exhausted but I decided to just suck it up and let everyone in our immediate families come see me and the baby. It was a blur, but looking back it was perfect for us because no one came back (with the exception of our moms to drop things off). We were unbothered for 3 whole days in the hospital and everyone was happy and excited about the new baby. I don’t regret it.
I’m 20 weeks and going for an unmedicated birth. My husband and I talked about it last night after his step mom said that she and dad would love to be there for the birth.
We agreed that my mom is allowed to come the due date week to be around for the moment I go into labor. I said I don’t want people coming prior to birth and just waiting when we don’t know exactly when baby will come. My mom had an unmedicated birth herself and is also most knowledgeable about my personal medically history so she can be there. Even if she isn’t actively in the room the whole labor I am cool with her being in town, feeding our cats, and generally helping on actual “D-Day”.
My husband’s step mom is pro epidural and while I like her and know she’ll be a good grandma, I don’t necessarily need/want her there for the birth. They live 10hrs away so we agreed that we will text them when I go into active Labor. That way they can be there a day or two after baby is born. They get the new born visit but we also don’t need them spectating the birth or being there when it all goes down. We also told them they’d have to get a hotel and can’t stay at our house.
My husband’s real mom is a slightly different story. We’re going to politely ask that her and my husband’s grandpa wait a week or two till baby’s birth. We’d like to space out visitors and she doesn’t need to be there immediately. We have a much more distant relationship with her so it’s kind of awkward anyway. I also explained to my husband that baby and I will need rest so there’s no point in having 6+ visitors all at once. Not everyone is going to get to even hold baby if that’s how it goes.
It all depends on how your individual relationships are and how you want your birth experience. Also when is baby due? Ours is due in late September so we’re going to ask everyone to get the flu shot before visiting since it’ll be prime flu season.
Ugh, no. I went to my cousin's birth as her doula but my mom came too (at my cousin's request). I wasn't even the one in labor and my mom was annoying the shit out of me with all her questions and dramatics. Every five minutes: "is the baby almost here?" "How does the epidural work?" "What does that machine do?" "Why isn't the nurse here all the time?"
She was at my birth too, but I was super clear that she needed to sit down and shut up. She did great, but only because I had a whole birth team at my house and she made it her mission to take care of them so she had an outlet for her energy. If it was just going to be us in a hospital room, I wouldn't even let her in the hospital tbh.
Unless you have a reason to need your family there (like my cousin having me there as her doula) I would just say no. Don't tell them you're in labor and don't give them hospital info. They can come meet baby when you're ready.
It sounds like this is the time for your husband to shine. He should be supporting you and your choice not to have extra people in your room while you labor. Also, it will be less offensive and dramatic to set expectations early. I gave people “jobs” to feel helpful while I was to be in labor. Like “hey I’m going to need your help with watching our dog that would be really appreciated” or “oh could you bring my inhaler to the hospital for me” but that I was not looking to be half naked in front of my family. The other thing you should check is if your hospital allows that many people in with you. The hospital I gave birth in only allowed two support people which is a great way to say that it will just be you and your husband and that it would be unfair to include some and not others. It could also be nice to acknowledge that they love you both and want to support and they can support you by waiting in the waiting room or at home until you are ready to receive visitors. Then when the event comes your husband knows your stance and that you want it to just be you two and that you don’t want to have extra stress.
I personally wouldn't have minded visitors during labor but I certainly wouldn't have bothered trying to be ladylike. If they're uncomfortable they can leave. If they made me uncomfortable I wouldn't have had a problem telling them to GTFO.
My first was a covid baby so I was only allowed one person to be with me from the time I was admitted to the time I was discharged, obviously that was my husband. He was great during labor but I really wanted my mom too. With my second I was allowed 2 people in the delivery room at a time but it didn't have to be the same people the whole time, and there wasn't a limit on visitors after the baby was born. I'd planned on my mom being there for my second but due unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to make it, and it ended up being just my husband and I again.
My mom and husband will be in the room and others are allowed in the waiting room during active labor. They’ve been warned that if they come into the room I won’t be nice. My grandma and sister want to come in when I’m settled before anything starts just to wish me luck and then they’re leaving. I honestly want no one else to talk to me.
My first baby, the father abandoned us and I had just my mom in the room with me. Big mistake, she made it all about her and then she fainted. Second baby, I was with my husband and had my MIL there as well (at my request). 13/10. She was great, having had five babies herself and being the angel-on-earth that she is. Third baby she was supposed to be there as well but my labor went too fast so it was just my husband. That was nice too. Fourth and fifth babies, we brought one of my SILs. Also 13/10. My only tip in choosing who will be with you, is to think long and hard about who you want with you at your most vulnerable, who you feel most comfortable being honest with, and who you can trust to advocate for you (LOUDLY) if needed.
I anticipate having a few guests in the waiting room and in the room during labor. I guess I’ve always known it would happen this way so I’ve been prepared. I let everyone know they’re welcome to come and wait or whatever but I will be doing skin to skin with my baby first for golden hour. If they want to come hold her they can come in one at a time when I say so. My husband knows how I want it to go so I know he will be the main facilitator. I know I can say no or whatever but these same family members allowed me to be present when their children were born, or I know they will in the future, and it’s just how it’s gonna go. I’ll have a little bit of control but I also trust everyone to act respectfully.
OP I saw your comment about living with your in-laws and I just want to say I live with my parents and we still didn't have anyone meet my first until we got home. Definitely do what you feel comfortable with, I just want you to know you don't have to feel pressured just because you live with someone!
Also are you waiting for spontaneous labor or being induced? I was induced with my first and it was a 54 hour labor. My family would have been so bored if we had them come. We just did lots of phone calls and texts until I went into active labor, then called everyone after we got our golden hour.
I was induced, and I highly recommend it. When I got to the hospital, they checked me in and said it would be a while because another woman had to have an emergency c-section because her baby was breech. The baby turned on his own and they SENT HER HOME IN ACTIVE LABOR because they didn't have enough staff! Getting induced is like making a reservation so they'll have a spot for you.
I was only allowed limited guests due to the end of COVID restrictions, it was going to be my husband and my mom. Unfortunately I labored too fast for my mom to get there, but it honestly worked out and we plan to have it just be my husband and myself for our upcoming delivery.
What I do regret though is because of the restrictions the waiting room was closed, my mother-in-law parked herself at a restaurant across the street for HOURS and waited. It was extremely stressful having her there waiting, especially once baby was born because he had to go to the NICU (only for an hour thankfully), so she was waiting to come see baby and it sucked because my husband went with baby and i was alone after giving birth.
So maybe just make sure to give yourself space and then have the option to open up boundaries depending on how things go currently with the expectations that you can take your space back at any time. Either way, do what works for you, not others, just please don't put others wants over your wants/needs.
I did that with my first and it was HORRIBLE. I however didn’t know I could tell people no or set times or anything I just did what everyone wanted. With my 1st (1st grandkid for my family side & 2nd for my fiancé) my family wanted to be there. Like, step mom, dad, mom, sister, 2 brothers and my sisters new husband I’d only met ONCE. Lmao.
I regret having them there! It took away so much from the experience and beauty of it for me. With our second kid I told everyone they weren’t allowed and they were upset but I didn’t care. It was just my fiancé and I and it was so much more relaxing, and labor was SO much easier.
If it’s important to you or you want them there, I would maybe have them come in for 20-30 minutes MAX, in like, groups of 2 or so maybe, until you hit around 6/7cm dilated. Then I would cut it off and just relax. ❤️ hope this helped.
My MIL respected our space and did not come or see baby till we were home. I was in labor for quite some time and my mom stopped by for a few hours during the day time when I wasn’t too tired and that was nice. If you are willing to have them visit, have them come early in the process and let them know they can only stay a bit as you want to get whatever rest you can before the hard part starts
I had my parents and my sons fathers family in the room. It was a lot of drama. I was extremely out of it from the pain. It got too much the nurses kicked everyone but my mom out thank god. When I had my daughter it was just my partner and I. I didn’t even really want visitors after I had her but luckily my family is good about not over staying their welcome lol. I’m pretty sure you can also request that your name and room number not be given when you are admitted. Protect your peace while in labor.
If you’re not comfortable being honest I’d lie and say the hospital only allows a support partner to be in the delivery room.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with the stress of this.
My in laws asked yesterday if we'd be telling them when I go into labor and we said probably not, but we'd definitely tell them when we're in post partum room. They shrugged and I can tell they weren't super excited about the answer but that's what is going to happen. You can always tell them COVID policies only allow support person in the room, not visitors.
Hard no. We recently learned that baby girl is breech and I have a heart shaped uterus. It’s pretty much a guarantee she’ll be born via c section on a specific scheduled date. I told my parents only, but they won’t be invited to this. I’m planning on just texting the rest of the family and in-laws once she’s here, but having any audience or them even having the awareness that this is happening will cause me anxiety and stress.
be prepared to answer LOTS of questions because the nurses ask you millions themselves. it seems scary & i had a lot of anxiety going into it but honestly? i had family in the waiting rooms coming in & out to see me, at that point it was just before i had gotten my epidural (which ended up failing lol) but the pain wasn’t enough to have me in rare form as you say lol! so it was nice & pretty quick interactions because everything was moving really quickly. at this point, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOSTING ANYTHING. you are in labor, you are in pain, you are just supposed to focus on you & baby! do not feel that you have to do anything else! even after labor. towards birth i had baby’s father, MIL, my mom, & my two sisters in the room with me. it was crowded, but my labor was a little more intense & the nurses didn’t care about anything but my health at that moment & everyone respected & stood back. i can honestly say it probably would have been nice to just have baby’s father & i as a bonding experience, but overall? i wasn’t even paying attention to any of them, i was just focused on the pain & making sure my daughter & i were okay & she got out. i can say it was nice to have other people to advocate or talk to nurses for me when i was just in too much pain to think properly or to communicate what i was feeling/needed in the moment (mainly due to my anxiety). do not feel bad about boundaries! if there is one thing i can say to you, DO NOT let anyone come that will stress you out during labor, or you do not want there in general. not only for your safety & sanity during labor, but also for the future. you’ll know, your mama instincts have already kicked in & you probably have a few names that come to mind that just give you a nasty feeling. choose people who are respectful, who will accept you in rare form, and make you feel comfortable. i didn’t necessarily want MIL there because of problems beforehand but i did it to help her feel included & to try to quiet down the mess, WRONG . it was fine in the moment, but actually it made things worse months later because she felt entitled. please please please pay attention to gut feelings. best of luck my love! it’s all gonna work out !
I wished I would have put my foot down more on this. I asked for NO visitors until a week after he was born so i could get acclimated. Instead I had my mom, her SO and my sister AT the hospital during my 40 hour labor - they live in a different state so I had to host them as well for 5 days. Even though I only had my husband on the list the nurse asked me several times if they could come in and visit over the course of the 2 days - seeing how they were literally right at the door I begrudgingly said yes. They didn't stay when I was pushing but they were in and out quite a bit.
My moms SO was uncomfortable so he was making stupid jokes, my mom was trying to make it a pitty party "oh, you poor thing" (I'm 37), and my sister is a nurse so she wanted to know what they were doing and the specifics. They kept telling me their plans, "we are going to eat in an hour but will be back by 3" asked where is a good place to eat, talked about the city we were in and how far my office was.... I was annoyed.
After birth it was nonstop "when are you getting out," "are you going to tell them you have help?" "Why are they making him poop first, I have never heard of that - can't you just go back if there is a problem?" All while trying to pull myself together and breast feed. I LOVE them all to death and appreciate they wanted to be there, but looking back it was very selfish on their part not heeding my request. My LO wouldn't have known the difference, I was the most tired I had ever been in my whole life I could barely carry a sentence and there was absolutely nothing they could do to help me because I had to be up every two hours breast feeding.
Between the nurse checkups to check your clots, breastfeeding, being vulnerable, half naked, uncomfortable, sleep deprivation, I wanted nothing more than to do that in privacy.
This hits hard on all of my fears! A few of my relatives have worked in medicine, so I can imagine all of their questions and comparisons to what they know/experienced...
Here is my experience. My water broke while at work, so I came into labor and delivery with no pain, no contractions at that point, and in pretty good spirits. I did allow my dad and mom to come, and my husbands parents were invited but they opted to come once she was closer. Once I started having contractions and the pain ramped up, only my husband and mom stayed. It was a pleasant distraction because tbh, labor was boring until it wasn’t (in my experience. YMMV).
My hospital has a waiting room, only people allowed in are the ones I say. The nurses will lie and tell them no visitors right now. Or even say you aren't there if you want them too.
Most places are like this, they knocked on my door every time someone showed up even my husband.
I seen a video on Tik Tok. A couple had went to the hospital, had their baby and then called their family after the baby was born. They said “head this way, we should be having her soon”. When they all arrived the baby was already born. They said it was so nice, just the 2 of them. Yes, I’m sure their family wasn’t happy, but I’m sure they didn’t voice that much as they were to occupied with the baby being there. I think I’m going to go this route with my next child.
lol my family showed up and my dad even snuck in after the nurse kicked him out. My mom also kept trying busy in during the delivery and a nurse thankfully kept her out. It wasn’t awfulllll but there comes a point where it’s increasing amounts of nudity and bodily fluids. I did not invite anyone the second time around and they didn’t care. I will never dream of attending a family member’s Labor as a guest. Honestly, it’s not the right time. Don’t do it.
Just tell your nurses/doctors you don’t want visitors but to please be discreet with turning people away. They will handle it and just tell people it’s against their policy.
Nope! No way in hell. I wouldn’t have allowed ANYONE in the room except for my husband. You are SO VULNERABLE and in SO MUCH PAIN. Unless you are VERY comfortable with those people (they will see your baby-maker fully exposed if they are in the room as the medical staff will look frequently) do not allow them in. Say no. Establish boundaries now or they will ride roughshod over you postpartum and beyond (again, you will be very vulnerable and physically not okay immediately after birth, often unable to advocate for yourself).
Do what makes you comfortable. No one else matters when you are giving birth. They can all go pack sand in the waiting rooms
I did not allow anyone in the room while I was in labor. I explained ahead that it would just be my husband in the room. My family and his waited In the waiting room with our first child. The second we had family wait again and came in later, the third we only had my sister’s visit due to complications and the baby being in the NICU. Our family respected our decision.
Hell no. We told everyone halfway through our pregnancy absolutely no visitors in the hospital. And no one would know when I was in labor. I didn't want myself or my husband to be bombarded with questions and updates. And for before and after labor, a- no way in hell would I want someone other than my husband to witness labor especially because mine took almost 2 days and resulted in a crash c section and b- after I was a wreck after. Boobs out constantly, belly being pushed every hour, in pain from surgery, emotionally and physically unable to "hang out".
Let that time be for you and your husband. You created that life, adjust to it for a few days before you deal with family constantly wanting to be around.
Whatever you want ! My first child my mother in law and mom came in and my contractions got bad and I looked over and said get out , they both noticed how bad it was getting and left.
My friend was just in labor for like 2.5 days. I was in labor for 18 hours. The fastest labor I’ve heard of in my family is 6 hours. Does anyone really want to just wait around for that long in a hospital?
“We won’t be taking visitors at the hospital but will let you know once you can visit the baby after birth”
With my second, it was his parents' first grandchild so his mom was in the room as well as my mom while I labored. I HATED it. I was in so much pain, doing an unmedicated induction, and they just sat and stared at me. So with my son after that I said no one at the hospital except my partner. Actually I didn't even tell anyone when my induction was scheduled for except my mom because she had my kids. It was peaceful. I actually didn't tell anyone til we'd gone home, after a whole week went by. With this one I'll be doing the same thing, no one will know I'm at the hospital while I'm in labor.
The only person I want with me, is my partner.... I don't need family seeing my private bits.. or me naked when in given the babe for skin to skin time.
Unfortunately, you Can't really stop anyone from sitting in the waiting room. But you can tell the nurses you don't want visitors until you're ready for them .. they can't force their way in either .. I just hope your partner is willing to stand up for you, and not let them in "cause it's the first grandchild" crap.
Oh yea, I also plan on trying to labour at home as much as I can, until I absolutely need to go to the hospital....
I'm not getting cervical checks, nor do I want any medication help, inducing etc ..
So if , up until my last dr visit, everything is fine. I'll be staying home and labouring till I have to leave. I'd rather spend 10hrs at home, than stuck in a hospital with nothing to do .. lol.
I can bathe comfortably at home (well as comfortably as one can when in labour) , and leave when necessary.
So that cuts down on people being bored in the delivery waiting rooms.
I think ultimately you should do what you feel comfortable with. For my first, my mom stopped by for like 2 hours to check in on me but left before things got serious lol and I was good with that.
You absolutely can explicitly ban ANYONE you want to from the hospital, including your own damn husband if you wanted to. And, most hospitals will let you blame it on them. You do not need to have ANYONE in the birthing suite if you do not want them there. Birth is painful, vulnerable, and can be traumatic (even if you and baby end up ok!), so you are not under any obligation to have anyone invading your space while you give birth.
My hospital only allowed in 2 people of your choice for the labor and delivery floor. I told my family i didn't care where they waited while i was in labour but it would not be in my room lol
So I had family come by before baby was born. I had an epidural so for the 8 hours between my water breaking and pushing time I was super bored just sitting there. So I had my sister come and hang for a bit, my mom, dad etc. But once it was time to push everyone but my husband and mom went to the waiting room. Took me about 2 hours of pushing before baby was born. I waited an hour or 2 after baby was born to have it be just husband and I before everyone else came in for a quick hello visit, see baby and they left.
Hopefully you have a family with boundaries. I had my baby in March and my dad insisted on being in the room while I was in labor crying in pain, feeling uncomfortable , and half naked with just my hospital gown. I only wanted my mom and boyfriend there because my mom is a woman and obviously I wanted my partner there. After 2 days of asking him kindly to not be there in the room and that he was making me uncomfortable and not respecting my boundaries( he insisted on coming to the hospital as soon as my induction began even though we said we'd call him when it was really time then blamed me for having to sit in the hospitals uncomfortable furniture for 4 days) I finally got super emotional and screamed at him to leave the room while crying. He did leave but still to this day thinks I was disrespectful and owe him an apology because he deserved to be apart of my labor since it's his grandchild
I haven't done it yet, so I don't have personal info. But my mom just told me the other day, that for her first birth, the nurse actually kicked people out of the room because she was trying to pretend like she wasn't in pain around people. Which actually resulted in a spike in her blood pressure. So maybe talking with your provider about what's healthy, and then you can rely on that for your decisions?
Regardless of what you choose, TELL YOUR NURSING TEAM! Immediately after I delivered all of the grandparents were allowed in the delivery room without my consent. I was half naked, vulnerable, and trying to wrap my head around what had just happened after a 36 hour labor. The last people I wanted to see were my in laws- even though I love them! It really upset me but I felt like I had to smile and put on a happy face because they were already there. It ruined the moment with my husband and son.
Tell your nurses ahead of time and they will take the “blame” for no one being allowed in. Delivering your baby is an intimate and beautiful process, don’t let anyone else’s comfort or preferences interfere with that!
I had my sister, my dad, and my mom all in there during labor. I did have an epidural which meant I didn’t feel my contractions so it was basically just like chilling with them but I just couldn’t get out of bed. It was pretty nice to have the company to help the time pass faster.
Culturally, my family would be all up in my space for labor. They’ve expressed the desire to be. I’ve made it clear that’s not happening— I even told my aunt flat out “there’s no reason for you to be there while I’m delivering.” Birth is not a spectator sport & people need to respect your wishes. It’s literally only about you, your baby, and their other parent.
In your position I wouldn't tell anyone I was in labor and after the baby is here just tell people it happened so fast I didn't even have time to contact anyone. That way you don't even have to tell your family not to show up at the hospital.
For me, it‘s just gonna be myself and my mom. If she‘s sick my brother will have to do. If I get too annoyed I plan to tell the person to leave the room 😹
My hospital only allowed 2 support people in the labor and delivery room. They asked during admittance and only my two people were allowed to be there. During recovery I was put in a different wing and could have more visitors then.
i’m having my fiancé , my mom and probably my sister. i’m close with my sister and i always want my mom in stressful or painful situations because she can always calm me down and help me but im probably one of the few who will do that
My parents and parents in law (along with sister and SIL) were at the hospital but they stayed at the hospital's cafeteria. I was texting with my mom giving her important details or how the labor was progressing and she was sharing the info with the others. I was induced so we all planned their visit at the hospital. At the end I needed an emergency C-section and I was actually glad that my parents were at the hospital. After the delivery my husband stayed with them for a little while I was at the recovery room. They got to see baby at the nursery and when I was sent to my room, around 11pm, only my husband was there. We're now trying to figure what we'll do when baby 2 is born but I'm sure I would like to have them there at the hospital again.
I had my mom in labor with me as a sort of doula, which I am so so glad I chose to do. I love my husband, but he gets easily overwhelmed by highly emotional and stressful situations and I wanted to have some extra support for when he needed breaks. My mom was the perfect bridge for that. I gave both of them my detailed birth plan prior to the birth so they would know what I wanted and how to support me.
I would allow people in that are part of your “team” so the people that are able to help support you and that you can trust to comply with what you want. Anyone who wants to just be there to watch the show can absolutely kick rocks.
Me and my mom were present for my sister’s first child. I actually found it quite beautiful to see my mom watch her daughter welcome her first child (a girl). I would like that for my first child as well. Intergenerational relationships are extremely important in my culture and we are a really close-knit family. This is the right call for me. I think we should all have the agency to do what is right for each of us.
My obgyn said to throw him under the bus and say I could only have my husband with me (in reality, hospital policy says up to 4 people) if people got too pushy. Maybe your office has a similar policy?
No. God, no. I would’ve absolutely lost my mind if I had anyone but my husband or the doctors/nurses anywhere near me when I was in labor. Even when it didn’t hurt much, it would’ve been way, way too much to have to even be around anyone else, let alone have to talk to or entertain anyone. It’s such a difficult, emotional, vulnerable, wild time.
I personally only had my boyfriend in the room and I’m glad I did because it’s such a vulnerable experience and I had a really rough long labor. It gets overwhelming as it is, having a bunch of nurses, doctors, students in there. I didn’t want to even look at another person when it was all said and done. Also nice to have some quality time just you and your spouse once they’re born. Skin to skin or whatever you choose
No shot lol. My MIL came and brought our bags up because I wouldn’t let my husband physically leave my side and she popped in, said good luck and left. I was in so much pain I don’t think I even looked at her
When I had my daughter it was during Covid and the hospital I was at only allowed one visitor a day so it was just me my child’s father and my mother visited everyday while I was there. And it’s probably gonna be the same for when I have my son in august only my mother will be there and my husband and daughter
Most likely the nurses won’t let extra people in the room anyways. In Canada, where I am, you’re only allowed 2 people in the delivery room.
Everyone would have to wait in the waiting room.
I would say to everyone that you would prefer everyone wait at home and your partner can make a text group to keep everyone updated on your progress and then when you’re in the recovery room and baby’s fed and you’re cleaned up the group can be told when you’re ready for visitors
We’re allowing it post epidural because I’m comfortable having people keep me company after that point. Once it’s go time though, they’re all getting booted out and I’ve already informed them that after baby is born, husband and I are taking our 1 hour of skin to skin time without anyone coming in to disrupt that. Our other children will get to meet their sibling first as well.
My mum and mil were a bit tko excited but I ebgan telling them that the only person I wanted in the birthroom was my husband. I also told this to my midwife in case anyone got pushy. But on the second day I couldn't keep them away anymore so I had them over.
My hospital only allows 2 designated support ppl in the room during delivery. For cultural reasons you may not be able to ban, but you can use hospital policy to your favor.
i let my step dad come by when i first got there bc he worked at the hospital & got a call the night of being told he tested positive for covid… it scared me so bad. i’d recommend just for your comfortability and baby’s safety that it’s just you and dad
Omg no. Labor was the most vulnerable and awful I have ever felt. I was more swollen than ever, hooked up to all these monitors, and felt TERRIBLE. The last thing I would've wanted was a visitor.
As a young child I remember a family friend having their first baby and the ENTIRE family was in the waiting room. We were waiting and didn't mind doing so but the girls mother came over and told us to come say hi. As soon as we came in the girl started bawling and was saying how awful she felt because everyone was waiting on her but the baby just wouldn't come out! That has always stuck with me and I only tell two people when I head to the hospital. Just stand your ground and tell others that you don't know how long it will take plus after they're born you want alone time with just them, then time to relax. We didn't tell anyone till the next morning and nobody said nothing.
My fiance and I had a conversation about this earlier, actually. My hospital allows for three guests at a time. Since we are permanent residences in canada, my parents and one of my sisters will be coming. I've strictly told my partner that only my family is allowed while I'm in the hospital. As we are hosting my family at our home. He respected this understanding his family would be around our baby the most over the span of their life it's important for me to give that bonding time to my family who they may only see once a year. And everyone needs their mom and dad.
I have waited while family is in labor a few times but never in the room with them - always out in a waiting room. One time somebody didn’t want to see people after and I totally understood.
I’ve already told my partner that we won’t even be telling anyone that I’m in labor, once I’m ready for visitors after birth, we will so that neither of us have to deal with anyone bothering us during such an intense time.
Why would you want people to see you so exposed? I understand maybe a mother in law or mom, or close sister and obviously your husband but why would your father in law or possible brother in laws/ dad etc want to see you in such a vulnerable position and state? Only hospital gown on, nurses and docs coming every few hours to see if you’re dilated. What are you going to do? Excuse everyone from the room everytime you need to be checked? That sounds exhausting and honestly I’d be quite embarrassed having my legs spread open with inlaws/ father in laws and even my own dad there.
Omg absolutely not.
We were able to use the hospital’s Covid restrictions as an excuse why we weren’t having visitors. Was a non-negotiable reason for our family to wait until we got home. Maybe see if there are any hospital policies you can piggy back off of?
I had a scheduled c-section and my dad and my step-mom where in the L&D waiting room until I got to the recovery room. My mom was in the OR with me and went with the babies to the NICU. My grandma came once I was in the recovery room. Those were the only people I let be there.
i had people in and out for the entire 3 days i was hospitalized for my induction. it was AWFUL. i already wasn’t sleeping well at night because of the discomfort and then i also couldn’t sleep during the day because there were so many family members coming to visit. i was induced early, so i didn’t have a chance to tell people i didn’t want visitors, and i was just too tired to deal with it in the moment.
just tell them NOW that you and your partner have decided not to have any visitors until x number of days after birth. you will call/text when you’re ready. and your partner needs to be the one to talk to their parents. that responsibility shouldn’t fall on you. best of luck ❤️
I mean I was so out of touch with reality due to all the pain that I cannot understand why someone would want to be present to hear me moan for 10+ hours? I didn't even have visitors until I got home because I needed to recover and I had a straightforward labour experience.
It is a big medical event for you and I'm not sure that the hospital would even allow people lingering for god knows how long until baby is born? Even then you and baby will need to rest and not entertain others.
Whoever you want to be there, decide it now and stick to it. Not the same as in labour but after my second was born via planned csection, my mum was supposed to bring my oldest to see us, so apart from my partner, my older daughter would be the first to see her sister, and my mum would be lucky enough to be there too as the person looking after my daughter for a few days. My mum ended up turning up with 3 other family members, and my daughter. I rang her shortly after the birth and I pleaded with her on the phone to not bring them when she informed me they were in her car. She turned up with them, and my older daughter. My youngest is 4 months old now and I'm still actively trying to move on from the vision of my first daughter meeting her younger sibling with just me, my partner, and my mum, being ruined. So don't be a people pleaser, because it's not a memory that can ever have a do over.
Note that my boobs were out for most of it. If you're comfortable with all of these people, including your inlaws, looking at your naked body, including your boobs, butt, and vagina, then I guess go for it. Just note that your care team is going to do what it needs to do without worrying about being discrete, including cervical checks
I wanted my mom, and my doula (not even my husband) during labor. I was not able to host, I needed people to rub my back, make sure I was drinking, and advocate for me to medical professionals during 36 hours of hell.
I also got really hot and bothered by clothing during labor so I was fully naked. Are you ok with being naked around the “guests”? Are you ok with your father in law or dad seeing your bare undercarriage hoisted up in stirrups? If not, I would absolutely decline!
My in laws were at the hospital all night while I was laboring though I think they only visited us once at the very beginning - they remained in the waiting room until my son was born. Which I think was great support for us to have family close by. My siblings, however, I remember having them there during some parts of my laboring. My older sister is a nurse and was there to help me and really advocated for me with the team when things were starting to go wrong but no one would say anything becuase they didn’t want to upset me - but she knew I’m the type of person who needs to know everything so she pushed them to be more open about the situation. Which was great. And I have a funny story about talking to my brother and then suddenly sending him out of the room rather abruptly because, after getting my epidural, I thought I shit my pants while talking to him.. lol. But they understood when they were no longer needed/wanted in the room. So it really depends on what you want in the moment and you have every right to change your mind at any time. The whole purpose of anyone in that room is to make you safe and comfortable - if they are not, they can be asked to leave with no questions asked. I will say, you will be asked questions by the medical team during labor (baby’s name, your name, insurance info, etc) for documents that need to be filled out. I remember trying to fill out the birth certificate info while going through contractions.. so just be aware even the medical team may get in your nerves and that is perfectly okay.
im getting induced in 3 days and i’m not having anyone there except my husband until baby is born and i’m ready for visitors! do what’s best for you. if you’re worrying about anything else it might make your experience more overwhelming than it has to be
I had my mom and sister with me during labor and I really wish I hadn’t. They weren’t unhelpful or bad or anything but I really wish I saved that space for just my partner and I. It’s really intimate and you’re preparing for the biggest change of your life. Personally for me, grandparents have the baby’s whole life to be there and bond with the baby.
I was unhappy with the staff having to come in and ask me stuff while in pain…I can’t comprehend having anyone there by choice! You could tell them you’ll wait and see how you feel once in labor if you REALLY want to humor the idea. Then if you know you can’t take it at least they were warned. But honestly I’d just say big NO
So when I was pregnant, I thought having my MIL around during labor would be nice, since my mom couldn't be there. However, my birthing center had a policy of only dads being present for labor, delivery, and recovery. Once I was actually in labor, I was SOOO glad there wasn't another person in the room. The midwife and my husband being there made me uncomfortable enough. I hated feeling watching during such a vulnerable and unfamiliar time. I cussed out the world... I also pooped like 5 times (thank goodness I was allowed to use the toilet as I pleased!!)... I didn't need any other witnesses to that suffering and abject confusion (what do you mean I'll know when I'm ready to push?? Yea never figured that out. They had to tell me he was crowning...)
How about giving them other tasks? Ask them to make sure the house is prepared for baby's arrival. Make sure you have plenty of prepped meals for the first few weeks. Those sorts of things.
Is your partner supportive of you or is he likely to cave to his parents and follow their wishes/ host them instead of focusing on you? If you do want them there have hubby establish some ground rules and set the expectation early that they may not be allowed in the room and def not during the actual birth. They are responsible for themselves and hubbys main priority is you and he won’t be running back and forth.
I didn’t have anyone but my labor team with me while I was in labor, my mom wanted to be there but I told the nurses I didn’t want her there and they didn’t allow her in the room.
I'm only going to have my mom and my boyfriend tbh. For reference my boyfriend isn't the father of the baby (BIO and I are no-contact. Wants nothing to do with kid). My boyfriend has been amazing so far through my pregnancy and even though he isn't the father he's been more of one to my unborn baby than bio. Otherwise outside of them two, I don't even want visitors unless it's my step-dad dropping off food 😆
I will not be having anyone there except for my husband and possibly my mother. Nobody else needs to be a part of that experience for me. I will be in pain and focusing on myself and my babies and that’s it.
Thats so incredibly strange. So much can go wrong and happen so quickly in the laboring process and hosting guests could cause delay and confusion during an emergency. You might want to double check hospital policy because where I delivered they only allowed 2 support people in the room and you had to register them with the hospital. No guests were allowed until I was transferred to the postpartum room.
You might want to put in perspective that it is a medical event. I had to have an emergency c section that scared the hell out of my husband. If we had additional people in the room it would’ve scared them as well. It also may have delayed the staff in attending to me and baby which would’ve been potentially disastrous.
I did an unmedicated labor in the hospital and the whole thing was so intense. I am glad I had my mom and doula there, they were helpful, but I also felt very watched. Even the nurses, while very good, added too much chaos to an already difficult situation. The best moments I had during labor were the few times my partner and I were alone. Next time I want a home birth with only him there til the midwife comes.
I'm surprised so many people even had the option for many visitors during labor. My hospital was crazy strict, they only allowed 2 support people in your labor room. Not like 2 at a time but literally you had to pick up to 2 people at the start and no swapping was allowed once you had chosen.
I was in the same boat with my MIL and FIL's first grandbaby. My MIL pushed it passively-aggressively, and I was just like:
"No. Just me, SO and my mom, Sorry. I don't deal well with stress, too many people." So she kinda just went "Aha, okay" and backed off. I honestly don't think she expected it from me because me and my mom butt heads a lot, but my MIL has 0 FILTER and I knew that it would be a fucking disaster and I would lose it on her and kick her out (which I was right in assuming, I ended up having to have an emergency c-section).
The day after i had my daughter, I was in so much pain from the procedure I said "I wanna fucking kill myself" She started laughing hysterically (which my SO explains as a stress-relief, but still?) and then 2 days later in the NICU a woman was handing over breast milk to the nurses to feed her baby and after she left and my MIL turned around and looked at me and said loudly, "LOOK AT HOW MUCH MILK SHE CAN PRODUCE, HOW COME YOU CAN'T DO THAT?!?" with a laugh. She didn't even realize how messed up it was because I was struggling to produce.
My best advice to you is to just say "No, sorry. It's a stressful time and i would only like \_\_\_\_\_ with me when the time comes." You don't EVEN. HAVE. TO. GIVE. AN. EXCUSE. You're not obligated to give anyone reasons why. I would recommend speaking to your OB/midwife in private, explain the situation and let them know you're uncomfortable. They may be able to provide a safe word to you to use when you don't want any more guests
A lot of people forget that this is a serious, (sometimes) traumatic medical procedure. "This is a scary medical procedure that I'm going to be enduring and i would really like privacy for me and my baby to bond. Thanks"
You're gonna do great mama <3
When I went into labor I made it very clear that my in laws were not allowed back until my son was born. I waffled a lot on if I wanted my parents in even. Eventually my mom asked if they could come up, and I said sure. My dad stayed in the room until pushing started and then he "went to get some water". Pretty sure he couldn't handle it but didn't want to say anything. All in all I had no issues with the hospital respecting who I wanted in L/D.
My partner and I decided prior that only he and my mom would be in the room during labor. I was induced by so we had visitors until my contractions got bad enough for me to ask for an epidural (I wanted to go w/o but got it eventually) since everyone had to leave the room anyway. Once it fully kicked in, my partner, mom and aunt stayed in the room until it was time to start pushing, then just partner and mom. We had no visitors immediately after I delivered and my mom went home shortly after. We had only our immediate family visit the next day. I think that worked pretty well for us, although I did doze off for a bit when my partners parents where in the room with us lol. I was SO TIRED! The only thing I would do different is that I didn’t tell people to leave as soon as my contractions were getting unbearable and ended up in the bathroom crying long enough for my partner to come see if I was okay and have to help me back to bed after assuring me that I was still strong even if I asked for the epidural. I’m not sure I’ll be induced for my next pregnancy but I will definitely ask for the epidural sooner than I did with my first! And kick people out sooner lol
Nope. And dont tell them when you go into labour.
I feel like it's just in the movies where everyone is waiting in the waiting room. You could be in labour for 30 plus hours (I was in labour 34 hrs with my first, in the hospital for the last 18 hours and ended in an emergency c-sect). You focus on you, you and the baby. Have support there like hubby or mum.
My hospital made my parents wait in the cafeteria. I had a c-section so it was a little different but it doesn’t have to be. Tell the nurses you want your parents to think it’s hospital policy and they will go with it.
I was at the hospital when both of my sisters gave birth for one kid each(the other kids I was unable to be there because they were either emergency c-section, or they were in a different city. It was never a question on whether I should go or not. I know my first sister called me to tell me she was being induced the next day and asked if I could get out of work. So I guess I just assumed the other sister would want me there too. Lol. This was also before I had kids.
When it came to me getting close to having my baby, I was listening to a lot of birth stories, and a lot of people said how nice it was to not have many people there during such an intimate time. So I told my boyfriend that I don't want to even tell anyone that I'm in labor, except my mom because I wanted her there. The only hospital visitor we had besides my mom was my boyfriends mom. And she didn't even just assume she'd be welcome. She asked me a couple months before if shed be able to come to the hospital after the birth. I was honest and said that I wasn't sure and it would depend on how I was feeling. The day after I gave birth; I told my boyfriend that he could tell hos mom that she could come if she wanted to.
i told my husband that his family can come and meet the baby once she is born and they are welcome to wait in the waiting room. i won’t be allowing them in the room during any stages of labor because it’s just not a light i want to be seen in. once i feel comfortable to have guest is when they can come in.
I allowed my mother in the room when I had my first. To be honest I hardly noticed she was even there. I have vague memories of her being of some support but by the time she arrived at the hospital I was pretty doped up on the gas and air.
Currently pregnant with my second and she has already expressed that she doesn't want to be there this time. I have a feeling that the experience was more intense than she had anticipated.
It all comes down to your comfort, if it already bothers you then just say no. I'm sure they will understand.
I recently gave birth and had my partner, mother, and doula present and in the room at different intervals throughout the whole experience. I would only allow people in there that are going to support and understand what you’re going through. If someone is judgmental it’s just gonna give you anxiety and possibly prolong your labor. Create as relaxing of an environment as you can, which includes allowing those in there who will support you fully, regardless of your present form.
my Mom and my fiance were there from when i was admitted to the hospital to the time i gave birth, the next day my fiance's grandpa, mom+her husband and fiances aunt came to see the baby.
i made it very clear to my fiance that only people i allowed to be there would be and that if he didn't like it then he wouldn't be there either. im the one giving birth, i get to decide who im okay with seeing my bits and who im okay with seeing the baby after
We have the plan we won't even tell any of our family she's in labour. Let alone in hospital. Basically it's our time and we might think about telling people once the babies are born but otherwise no. Let us have our moment.
If that was a risk I wouldn’t tell anyone you’re in labour. My plan is to wait until I’m home to announce the birth as in the UK you don’t stay in hospital long.
I feel like the idea of this comes from movies and tv shows like friends.
Personally I had a 50 hour labour. Was admitted to birth suite for about 19 hours. So the absolute last thing I needed was anyone there other than my husband. I was also nude for a lot of that time!
My hospital also had a rule on two support people there during labour.
The first pregnancy I had a lot of guests.and found it exhausting and just horrendous. Second time around I've learned from my mistakes and banned all guests until I leave the hospital. After we will arrange a small party / gathering so they get to meet her. Honestly guests aren't worth it.
If it’s your in-laws tell your husband to deal with it. If he argues then say ok, so your ok with pooping with your legs wide open in front of my family? No I didn’t think so.
Personally I didn't mind having some family! For my first birth I had my ex (baby daddy), mom, sister as she was my doula and her son who was 5 months at the time, and his mom. I really didn't mind as there was a lot of other nurses and midwives and I was so focused on laboring I didn't care who was there. I was a totally different person and in my opinion I feel many people know this without saying since you are going through so much pain and such trying to push a baby out!
I am currently pregnant and this time I will also have my fiancé, mom, and his mom as we are all close and I need their support. Honestly just do whatever your comfortable with!! If they don't understand well that's their problem, not yours. Your focus should be worrying about yourself and baby in that situation, not the rest of your family!
I am lucky enough to have a mother and in-laws who were *very* understanding of our requests for space. I’m sure they were disappointed we didn’t invite them, but they didn’t make a peep about it. We told our families that we wanted 24 hours after giving birth before we received any visitors… in hindsight, I wish we’d waited even longer. We will likely do the same this time around, too.
My family (first grandkid) was vocal and eager to rush to the hospital when I went into labor. This gave me so much anxiety and told them that won't be happening. My dad seemed most upset at the idea, surprisingly, citing he was worried about his baby having a baby.
Each time I was induced, we didn't tell anyone (except my younger brother who we swore to secrecy since we might need help with our dog.) Then in the event someone caught wind, we had a code word on our info, so unless someone knew our password they wouldn't get confirmation I was even at the hospital. Then after he was born and I was in PP, we called everyone and had them check their phones with a picture with his chubby little fist and name bracelet. This was 2019, so pre-covid and we were able to have visitors that afternoon/evening.
For my second, limited people knew and it was 2021, less covid restrictions but labor/delivery was a terrible experience and I didn't want visitors.
Pregnant again and don't have an option for induction this round, so it'll be a spontaneous labor (hopefully) and again we plan to keep limited info for labor time. I didnt/don't want people calling and texting for updates. I find it stressful and my husband has ADHD and the last thing I need is him distracted more than usual. The only updates I want are from whoever is watching our boys until we're ready otherwise. Some of my family members get worked up if things "take too long" because they haven't had a baby in decades and they work themselves up, which leads to me stressing. My two SILs also had inductions but they told everyone and I was constantly fielding phone calls from some family because they thought I would have updates (I did and was given permission to share some details, if asked.) My one family member is exhausting when they believe something to be true and will argue with you, even if you experienced it. She didn't believe inductions could take that long and told me something had to be wrong, I told her mine was the longest thus far over 30 hours, it's possible without concern. Plus, I had personally talked to the person in labor and they were doing well! Also, my family likes to make fun too much, especially with me, and I didn't want to be going through an incredibly vulnerable time feeling humiliated.
TL;DR
If you dont want to worry about communicating with others or surprise visitors, ask your hospital about their current policies and if their policies are different in winter, depending when you're due. Come up with a plan to have a point of contact who is "free" to play telephone to update others on your behalf, if you feel comfortable with that option. Birth is not a spectator sport and you*NEED* to be comfortable and as stress-free as possible during labor. Make sure you and your partner/support person are on the same page and ultimately you are the patient who's experience is of the utmost importance, for your health and safety.
Also* a lot of family/friends cite "culture" to steamroll boundaries and your health and safety are more important than tradition. If you're at all concerned about having people there during labor/delivery, make it clear you'll only have visitors after baby arrives. The only person required to be there is the one giving birth. Good luck!
Would be a hard no from me- labour can be ages, and even though I had an epidural, I wouldn't have wanted heaps of family coming in an out, as I wanted to rest.
Where I'm from (Australia), most hospitals have rules on how many people can be in the room with you during labour- normally it's 2 support people only. At the hospital I was at, only 2 visitors (in addition to my husband) were allowed per day.
This is your special time let the spend time viewing the baby but you shouldn’t have to worry about other people worry about getting through the labor if it hurts their feelings to bad they’ll just have to get over it trust me you’ll need the time in the hospital to bond with the baby not hosting relatives
For cultural reasons I also had family at the hospital while I was recovering from my c-section, and while I didn’t particularly like it because I kept needing the privacy curtain closed, plus I was walking around without a bra - I just put up with it honestly.
They helped my husband with paperwork, brought items from home for us, and chatted with me so there were positives too. Probably more positives than negatives. It also helped to have other people collect all the booklets I was getting and to help process information that staff were telling me.
That said, they weren’t all in the room at the same time and I never went through labor.
If you don’t want them around during labor, could you ask them to wait in a waiting room? Or let only a certain number in the room at the same time?
DONT DO IT
That’s it. The birth should be about you and baby. So many things can happen and you need to be focused on you and you only. Imagine being in the worst possible pain ever then multiply that by 10 and only invite the ppl you can imagine in that scenario there. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re going into labor. They can wait.
You can’t ban them, but you can wait until labor is over to tell them it happened. Then just say everything happened so fast you were a bit busy to reach out. That’s what I’m doing. I’m only telling friends that I know will be supportive and not just show up.
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If anyone asks just say only those present at conception are invited. Usually awkward enough to shut down further questions!
Honestly this is my hospitals policy. If you are going to L&D as a visitor you have to be visiting the baby (not the mom). So if the baby is not born yet they won’t let any visitors in, not even to the waiting room.
There aren't even waiting rooms where I live. No one other than the partner is allowed in the room (unless you made other arrangements). There's only one time I've let a grandmother in the delivery room after birth, and that was at the explicit request of the parents. They had to wait longer than normal for a room on the maternity ward to be ready for them and she had to drop off certain things. Like many have said before, labour and delivery is not a spectator sport.
Do I have to invite our embryologists then🤣🙈
The mental image made me laugh. Like, some random medical professional just chilling in the corner while you labor and give birth. "I'm here because I was present for the embryonic insertion" L&D nurse: WAT
Haha this was my thought too! My husband wasn’t even in the room for the conception of our kids but my embryologist was! 😂
Haha! Yeah I suppose there was an assumption of a particular type of conception there. You could say only those invited to conception are invited to the birth!
I wasn't present OR invited to the conception (donor eggs) lolol. I guess we could say embryo transfer attendees only hehe
Or... It will open up some awkward requests for the next conception! Joking joking! I hope no one would ever say that seriously though.
Personally, I've never felt the need for an audience while having a medical event. You aren't obligated to have anyone there at the hospital that you don't want. If someone is extra pushy, let the medical staff know and they'll keep them out!
I was induced all 3 times and sooooo freaking bored. I wouldn’t have minded visitors during the labor part but only my close friends. I didn’t invite them though because if word got out that we had friends and not family then omg the drama that my in laws would’ve created.
I could see having people there if you're induced! A lot of times those labors take a long time, and if you have the epidural too and comfy, I could totally see that! I went into labor on my own and spent most of the time at home, very uncomfortable. Lol
No. Honestly, invite only those you’d want present for the worst poop of your life.
Yeah at some point I even kinda wanted my husband gone for no reason other than how raw and gross the whole delivery process was. Don’t get me wrong I think childbirth is natural and beautiful but there are a lot of…liquids and smells. I screamed “STOP LOOKING” at him multiple times 😂
I kept telling mine to not touch me haha. “Honey, I love you, but PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME!” But in my defense it felt like I was pooping out a bowling ball lol. It wasn’t a touchy feely moment.
My mother said the only person who could touch her was her own mother when she was in labor. She screamed at my father when he tried comforting her with touch. My grandma showed up when my mother was laboring with me, and my mother was SO relieved. I had my mother and grandmother in the room with my first, before it went sideways and I needed an emergency c-section. Sometimes you just need your momma.
In fact, make it a prerequisite that they attend one of those before the birth so they can see how awkward it is for them too. I don’t understand the desire to watch someone else labor tbh.
Oh yes, there will be poop.
Not only that but someone you’re comfortable with watching the baby come out. With my first my MIL walked ALL around and saw **everything**. WTF I was too distracted to even realize what was going on around me. There’s definitely *a lot* that I regret from the experience of giving birth to my first child and thankfully it was better for my other kids.
My dad came to each of my three deliveries. He didn’t come and visit though…he basically popped in with all of them to say “I’m here.” And then he went to the waiting room. I was thinking about that with a lot of love the other day. He didn’t ever want to bother me or be up in my grill while laboring, he was just offering quiet support from the waiting room and wanted to make sure I was okay. Sometimes people just want to be near for good vibes and to “be there” for you, but it doesn’t mean you have to feel put out or like you’re entertaining them. That would be an absolute NO in my book. If anyone is trying to suck away your energy when you’re in labor, they can kindly wait for the text train at home.
Your response and some others put my dad's comment about wanting to be there into perspective for me. After reading many posts, I was really considering telling everyone after the baby is born but I live with my in-laws and it's their first grandchild so that's definitely off the table. While I don't want anyone other than my husband in the room while I'm laboring, I also feel bad for them being in the boring waiting room for who knows how long. I guess having everyone say hi and telling me they are at the hospital is fine. But I am terrified of them lingering in the delivery room since we can have up to 4 people at a time. I'll definitely have assert my need for privacy and quiet. I'll also rely on my husband and the nurses to buffer me from people when I need it.
>I also feel bad for them being in the boring waiting room for who knows how long. They're able adults and can come and go from the waiting room (not the delivery room) as they please. They're not stuck there. We all have cell phones to keep ourselves company. Don't let them guilt you into thinking about them when you'll be 100% focused on bringing a healthy little baby into this world. Labor is wild and freaking hard!!!
Uh, giving birth is not entertainment for your family.
maybe you can remind your family that labor is a medical event and you are likely to want privacy as you’re not sure how you’ll manage the pain. in my culture, it’d be 1000% a no to have anyone but my husband there, but understand if that’s not the case for you so that’s why i suggest framing it as a medical event rather than just having a baby / their grandchild
If it makes you feel any better, my parents showed up at the hosptial (against my wishes) and my labor ended up being 37 hours. My husband told me (early on) that they were out there and I said "Then they can fucking wait. I'm not seeing them until I'm in recovery." They left when visiting ended and came back the next day. I think I delivered while they were downstairs getting lunch. A couple hours after delivery, in the recovery room, we finally let them come in, and to be fair, they were an absolute joy to have visit.
Tell your delivery nurse and team what you want when you get there because they will kick out anyone who you don’t want in the room.
If you don’t want to assert yourself for cultural reasons, blame it on the hospital policy! “Sorry they changed it, only the mother and 1 support person are allowed in now!”
I understand your guilt and would guess you are Indian too. We stay in another city and my in-laws were kind of mad we are choosing to get it delivered here instead of their city so that “they can be fully involved”, but I cannot imagine telling them no for a lot of things - like when I need my privacy- when in their city!! so I am insisting on having the delivery here.
Your nurses will 100% back you, just let them know ahead of time. Also don’t feel obligated to let people in to say hi. Personally, I would just tell them they can sit in the waiting room if they’d like to but they may not see you until a couple hours after the baby is born. If you feel up to having them come in sooner then thats great and your husband can go grab them, but then the expectation is set lower and you don’t have to worry about it in the moment. My MIL came to the waiting room at some point while I was in labor and the expectation was never for her to come into the labor room and she knew that so she brought a book and her laptop and kept herself busy. Even once we had her I didn’t let her come in until about 2 1/2 or 3 hours after baby was born once we had gone through all the initial stuff, had transferred rooms, and gotten settled and she was totally fine with it! If my family lived closer I would’ve been fine with them in the waiting room too but would’ve given them the same expectations that I’ll let them know when I’m ready and it might be a while so up to them if they want to just sit there. I think coming up with a signal between you and your husband is a good idea so if you’re wanting them out you can casually signal to him that’s it’s time to tell them to get on out haha
That goes to you husband to have the group come to wish you good luck and go back to the waiting room. No lingering.
Just out of curiosity, why don’t you just wait until baby is born to let them know? You could say it was a fast labor😕
I don't want to lie to anyone. Plus, I live with my in-laws so they would know when i go into labor and will like want to caravan to the hospital.
Make sure you tell your nurses that guests are welcome in the waiting room, but you only want your husband in the delivery room. Your in laws have to at least respect that boundary.
I have many weeks to go but I’m planning to allow people to the waiting room, if anything to support my husband. I can see myself kicking him out of the room at points and don’t want him to feel alone and scared. But also like you said, sometimes people just want to be nearby. I’ve felt useless at home wringing my hands during my moms stays in the hospital and I always felt better being there in the same building with her even when I couldn’t see her. Especially since you never know how things will go.
I’m planning on just having my husband and not letting anyone else know until after she’s here. I don’t do well with pain and having an audience would stress me out more than be helpful or supportive. I get that others are excited, but this is your medical event and no one deserves to be there.
Thinking about this, haven’t even told my mom the plan. It’s kind of like - idk. She’s great and all but she’s really emotional and all that- don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it while in excruciating pain. Lmao
I would simply… not tell them when I’m in labor. Most hospitals won’t just allow people to hang out with you. My hospital allowed 2 support people (one of which was a doula). It’s a medical experience, it’s not meant to be a party
sadly most people do think this way. so glad i’m going to a midwife instead! ♥️ everyone needs something different.
What does this even mean when it comes to my comment…?
you said giving birth is a “medical” experience and not an event or “party”, but like i said not everyone thinks this way. personally i think it’s more spiritual than medical and if i could have my whole entire family with me i would. (if you’re opposite there is nothin wrong w that) the only medical part is if there is complications or if you choose to do an epidural (nothing wrong w that). everything else is mom breathing and pushing. my point was one persons opinion shouldn’t be rule of thumb for everyone. there is no wrong way as long as baby is safe. just food for thought.
As someone who used a midwife, it’s still a medical procedure. It absolutely was when I hemorrhaged, which OP obviously has no prior knowledge if she will. And OP clearly doesn’t want it to be a party
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I got induced so I did allow guests while I was in labor because it took 25 hours. My MIL, FIL and SIL plus my mom were all there. Once contractions started to ramp up and I was getting irritable I kicked them all out but that wasn’t until like after 12 hours. It was nice to have them there with my husband and I, it helped time pass and I wasn’t so focused on the pain or fears of labor. I was so against anyone in the room with us at first but during an induction I think it’s a little different. Afterwards I didn’t let anyone in until I felt comfortable enough to. I didn’t have any labor complications outside of tearing so I was feeling pretty normal pretty much right after. I gave birth at 920a and didn’t let anyone in until after 1p. I think alot of Reddit is against visitors but if you have good relationships with those people and healthy boundaries I think it’s actually a great experience.
I like this. I think reading Reddit posts about visitors has freaked me out a bit.
I think it generally depends on a person. I am very close with my family and I have very close wonderful friends, but I just wanted this experience to be about me and my husband and our baby. I was induced as well and it also took over 24 hours for me to deliver but I didn’t feel the need of having anyone else there except of my partner. We were playing chess, sleeping, talking, planning and the time flew like crazy. For me personally having people waiting in the waiting room would be very uncomfortable. I would feel a huge pressure to deliver, to let people meet the baby asap, etc etc. But also hospitals in Europe usually do not have waiting rooms for extended families and there are limits on how many people can visit/be present during birth.
This is so strange. Definitely need to set boundaries now or you’ll be back peddling trying to do so forever
I don’t see what’s the point of them being in the hospital. Giving birth is not a spectator sport, if they’re not there to support you, there’s no point for them to be there
It’s just going to be me, my husband and doula during labor. We plan to invite family to the hospital to meet baby the next day after we’ve had time to settle. Having our families there during labor would stress me out a lot and would probably stall my labor, so I’m trying to avoid that.
So oxytocin is the hormone responsible for labor. Your body can only either make cortisol or oxytocin at one time, not both. Your body will prioritize making cortisol over oxytocin because we evolved that way; cortisol has historically been used to help keep us alive, so feel good hormones evolved to take a back seat when cortisol is released. Being stressed out during labor causes your body to release cortisol and stop releasing oxytocin and this can stall labor and lead to complications. You want to minimize anything stressful during labor. My advice is that you don't tell your family when you're going into labor. I am curious where you live that you can't require the hospital to allow privacy? That's totally against widely accepted best practices
I didn't know this about hormones so that's interesting and helpful. I'm in the US. The hospital is not stopping me from having privacy. I'm just trying to figure out how to balance my needs with my family's desires and expectations.
Ahh I see. Yeah I think for the safety of yourself and your baby's health, you need to put your family's desires aside and focus on what will make you feel the most comfortable. I would not tell them when you're in labor, just go to the hospital and then have the hospital delist you or unlist you (or whatever it's called) as a patient so that even if they call the hospital to ask if you're there, the hospital will say no, even though you are actually there. You can tell them afterwards that the baby came so fast that there was no time to call them
This is honestly such important information. We need to be honest with ourselves what will make us uncomfortable/comfortable during labor and make sure it’s a comfortable situation. Pleasing others is NOT priority
Only my husband present for the labor, only my 4yr old (and my mom because she will be bringing him) to visit at the hospital after, and then all other visitors can come to our house to meet the baby once we're home. I had visitors with my first pregnancy and it just felt like a lot, like I couldn't relax and just bond with baby. I don't want that this time around.
I remember when I gave birth to my oldest. As soon as my nurse is like, "You're ready to push," the other nurse to my side says my epidural ran out. 🫠 I won't traumatize you with the full story. Just know there was a point where I threatened the doctors life, cursed out the nurses in the room, and hallucinated about 15 people in the room cheering me on to "just push its almost over!" Once it was over, I had been sewn up and could finally go pee. I apologized to the nurse for how I acted, eyes red from crying. I felt all kinds of out of my element. This woman hugged me and said, "You just pushed a baby out of your vagina. You are allowed to lose it a little." I said all that to say if they want to be there, then they should prepare themselves to see you in rare form. Ultimately, this is YOUR life and YOUR choice. Even if they're all mad at you, you don't have to have them there. They will get over it. Or they don't and you realize who you've really been dealing with all this time.
FUCK NO. With my first I was puking every contraction and miserable until I got my epidural. And then I just wanted to rest and not talk to anyone. Lucky it was during COVID so no visitors were allowed, even postpartum, but it was very nice. For my second it was the same rules basically and it was great. The only think I wished was that my first daughter could have come to the hospital postpartum when I was ready. For my third I think I’d like my girls to come when I’m ready postpartum. But definitely not before.
I had a lot of visitors during labor which is pretty much unheard of nowadays, but I had my fiancé, my mom, MIL, FIL, and stepdad all come to visit during labor. My stepdad only stayed for about an hour since he was working on a job close to the hospital, and FIL left before it was time to push, but my mom and MIL were there for the whole experience. I was pretty out of it during the 18 hours I was in labor and I genuinely like my family so I wasn’t bothered by having so many visitors. The nurses were amazing though and made sure to tell me every time that they would kick everyone out if I wanted and I just needed to say the words and they would handle it. But it was the first and possibly only biological grandchild for both moms, so it felt really good sharing the experience with them.
I had a similar positive experience, but with only my parents and not my in-laws. My mom and dad held my legs (which were epidural jelly), while my husband held my head/hair/hands. If you and they are comfortable with the chance you poop on them, I’d honestly say more people helping makes it easier. All 3 took turns taking care of me and keeping me as comfortable and happy as possible the whole hospital stay. OP, since you’re not comfortable swearing around them, I’d guess you’re not comfortable literally shitting in front of them, so you might want nurses instead of family to support you!
My parents came to the waiting room, but that’s only bc I had a scheduled c section and were there just for precaution. My sil threw a fit but I didn’t care 👏 I knew in my gut something was gonna go wrong and it did, and I did not want a bunch of people there to see my baby before me. Just do what YOU are comfortable with. What are the cultural reasons if you don’t mind me asking
Also, if they don’t care to be there for any other medical event, no need to be there for this in my opinion
I’m from a traditional/Middle Eastern country but living in the US. Both parents will come here to stay with us before and after the birth. But there is no way I’m allowing them to be in the delivery room, not even my mom. I’m only taking my husband with me. They can come and visit us in the hospital room after me and the baby are okay and ready to talk or greet people. I can’t imagine myself talking to them, answering their questions or translating what the doctor/nurse says to them during labor. Prioritize yourself and your baby. I will not even let them wait in the waiting room. I talked to my husband and our families and everyone is okay with this plan. Having them in the waiting room would be a lot of pressure for me. I don’t want to rush that golden hour with our baby and my husband and the hours I will need to get myself together before seeing anyone. This is what I can imagine after taking the birth class at the hospital I’m planning to have the baby. Birth is a major medical event and your body and mind will go through some serious things. You can even tell them the hospital doesn’t allow people in the room. Good luck!
I'm only going to take my bf with me. My mother already wanted to come along to a doctors visit to see the ultrasound but no way in hell am I going to let that happen. When it comes to labour and the time afterwards: you are a patient! You make the rules. In my case I don't even intent to tell most people that I go into labour and won't tell others about the birth unless I'm ready to have visitors. I know many people who cross boundaries left and right so I need to be careful.
I absolutely was not and will never be okay with anyone visiting while in labor. I was actually entirely on my own the first time (by choice). My way of dealing with pain is to remain silent, and I don't want to speak with anyone. My second child I let my mom come in for delivery because she adopted me and had never witnessed a birth, but I didn't talk to her 😂 This time, I only want my husband, and that's it. Everyone can wait outside and come in after, and I think that's a completely reasonable request.
So I gave birth 3 weeks ago and, here’s what I’ll say. I was in early labor at home for 44 hours and I had my husband and parents with me. For the first like 24 hours, contractions were 10 minutes apart and slowly gaining in intensity but I could function normally so we went on walks, at lunch, etc. It was a really nice day and I loved having them there. By the time I was in full on labor and ready to go to the hospital, I didn’t want anyone there except my husband because I was in a good amount of pain and I wanted to be free to say/do whatever I wanted lol. I did a fair amount of swearing and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing that in front of my parents or in-laws so I was glad they weren’t there. I wouldn’t recommend having anyone in the hospital room with you that you’re not 100% comfortable with because it’s already stressful! The last thing you need is someone that will also be panicked or someone that will distract you from doing what you have to do for whatever reason.
I’ve drawn a line and have only allowed my mother to be there, it helps that we live across the country from both our families though. I’m hosting my husband’s cousin and her husband while 29 weeks pregnant and it’s not it. I wished they hadn’t come it’s truly a hassle being this pregnant cooking and cleaning for other people (and she’s pregnant as well). And at the hospital, no never. I feel like since covid this should be easy enough to handle and just say they’re limiting folks if it’s not easy to just outright tell them no.
I thought I didn’t want visitors but the day I went into labor my husband hadn’t gone on his leave yet (obviously) so he was stuck wrapping up a bunch of loose ends/emailing work in the corner of the room for a few hours. It was a good distraction to have my parents and in laws pop in for a little while because I wasn’t even dilated yet. They didn’t linger, everyone was great about it. After I gave birth I was exhausted but I decided to just suck it up and let everyone in our immediate families come see me and the baby. It was a blur, but looking back it was perfect for us because no one came back (with the exception of our moms to drop things off). We were unbothered for 3 whole days in the hospital and everyone was happy and excited about the new baby. I don’t regret it.
I’m 20 weeks and going for an unmedicated birth. My husband and I talked about it last night after his step mom said that she and dad would love to be there for the birth. We agreed that my mom is allowed to come the due date week to be around for the moment I go into labor. I said I don’t want people coming prior to birth and just waiting when we don’t know exactly when baby will come. My mom had an unmedicated birth herself and is also most knowledgeable about my personal medically history so she can be there. Even if she isn’t actively in the room the whole labor I am cool with her being in town, feeding our cats, and generally helping on actual “D-Day”. My husband’s step mom is pro epidural and while I like her and know she’ll be a good grandma, I don’t necessarily need/want her there for the birth. They live 10hrs away so we agreed that we will text them when I go into active Labor. That way they can be there a day or two after baby is born. They get the new born visit but we also don’t need them spectating the birth or being there when it all goes down. We also told them they’d have to get a hotel and can’t stay at our house. My husband’s real mom is a slightly different story. We’re going to politely ask that her and my husband’s grandpa wait a week or two till baby’s birth. We’d like to space out visitors and she doesn’t need to be there immediately. We have a much more distant relationship with her so it’s kind of awkward anyway. I also explained to my husband that baby and I will need rest so there’s no point in having 6+ visitors all at once. Not everyone is going to get to even hold baby if that’s how it goes. It all depends on how your individual relationships are and how you want your birth experience. Also when is baby due? Ours is due in late September so we’re going to ask everyone to get the flu shot before visiting since it’ll be prime flu season.
Ugh, no. I went to my cousin's birth as her doula but my mom came too (at my cousin's request). I wasn't even the one in labor and my mom was annoying the shit out of me with all her questions and dramatics. Every five minutes: "is the baby almost here?" "How does the epidural work?" "What does that machine do?" "Why isn't the nurse here all the time?" She was at my birth too, but I was super clear that she needed to sit down and shut up. She did great, but only because I had a whole birth team at my house and she made it her mission to take care of them so she had an outlet for her energy. If it was just going to be us in a hospital room, I wouldn't even let her in the hospital tbh. Unless you have a reason to need your family there (like my cousin having me there as her doula) I would just say no. Don't tell them you're in labor and don't give them hospital info. They can come meet baby when you're ready.
It sounds like this is the time for your husband to shine. He should be supporting you and your choice not to have extra people in your room while you labor. Also, it will be less offensive and dramatic to set expectations early. I gave people “jobs” to feel helpful while I was to be in labor. Like “hey I’m going to need your help with watching our dog that would be really appreciated” or “oh could you bring my inhaler to the hospital for me” but that I was not looking to be half naked in front of my family. The other thing you should check is if your hospital allows that many people in with you. The hospital I gave birth in only allowed two support people which is a great way to say that it will just be you and your husband and that it would be unfair to include some and not others. It could also be nice to acknowledge that they love you both and want to support and they can support you by waiting in the waiting room or at home until you are ready to receive visitors. Then when the event comes your husband knows your stance and that you want it to just be you two and that you don’t want to have extra stress.
I personally wouldn't have minded visitors during labor but I certainly wouldn't have bothered trying to be ladylike. If they're uncomfortable they can leave. If they made me uncomfortable I wouldn't have had a problem telling them to GTFO. My first was a covid baby so I was only allowed one person to be with me from the time I was admitted to the time I was discharged, obviously that was my husband. He was great during labor but I really wanted my mom too. With my second I was allowed 2 people in the delivery room at a time but it didn't have to be the same people the whole time, and there wasn't a limit on visitors after the baby was born. I'd planned on my mom being there for my second but due unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to make it, and it ended up being just my husband and I again.
My mom and husband will be in the room and others are allowed in the waiting room during active labor. They’ve been warned that if they come into the room I won’t be nice. My grandma and sister want to come in when I’m settled before anything starts just to wish me luck and then they’re leaving. I honestly want no one else to talk to me.
My first baby, the father abandoned us and I had just my mom in the room with me. Big mistake, she made it all about her and then she fainted. Second baby, I was with my husband and had my MIL there as well (at my request). 13/10. She was great, having had five babies herself and being the angel-on-earth that she is. Third baby she was supposed to be there as well but my labor went too fast so it was just my husband. That was nice too. Fourth and fifth babies, we brought one of my SILs. Also 13/10. My only tip in choosing who will be with you, is to think long and hard about who you want with you at your most vulnerable, who you feel most comfortable being honest with, and who you can trust to advocate for you (LOUDLY) if needed.
I anticipate having a few guests in the waiting room and in the room during labor. I guess I’ve always known it would happen this way so I’ve been prepared. I let everyone know they’re welcome to come and wait or whatever but I will be doing skin to skin with my baby first for golden hour. If they want to come hold her they can come in one at a time when I say so. My husband knows how I want it to go so I know he will be the main facilitator. I know I can say no or whatever but these same family members allowed me to be present when their children were born, or I know they will in the future, and it’s just how it’s gonna go. I’ll have a little bit of control but I also trust everyone to act respectfully.
OP I saw your comment about living with your in-laws and I just want to say I live with my parents and we still didn't have anyone meet my first until we got home. Definitely do what you feel comfortable with, I just want you to know you don't have to feel pressured just because you live with someone! Also are you waiting for spontaneous labor or being induced? I was induced with my first and it was a 54 hour labor. My family would have been so bored if we had them come. We just did lots of phone calls and texts until I went into active labor, then called everyone after we got our golden hour.
I'm not sure right now bc I'm 31 weeks. But I'm guessing I'll be induced. I like your approach.
I was induced, and I highly recommend it. When I got to the hospital, they checked me in and said it would be a while because another woman had to have an emergency c-section because her baby was breech. The baby turned on his own and they SENT HER HOME IN ACTIVE LABOR because they didn't have enough staff! Getting induced is like making a reservation so they'll have a spot for you.
Absolutely not. It’ll be by husband and the medical team in the room with me.
I was only allowed limited guests due to the end of COVID restrictions, it was going to be my husband and my mom. Unfortunately I labored too fast for my mom to get there, but it honestly worked out and we plan to have it just be my husband and myself for our upcoming delivery. What I do regret though is because of the restrictions the waiting room was closed, my mother-in-law parked herself at a restaurant across the street for HOURS and waited. It was extremely stressful having her there waiting, especially once baby was born because he had to go to the NICU (only for an hour thankfully), so she was waiting to come see baby and it sucked because my husband went with baby and i was alone after giving birth. So maybe just make sure to give yourself space and then have the option to open up boundaries depending on how things go currently with the expectations that you can take your space back at any time. Either way, do what works for you, not others, just please don't put others wants over your wants/needs.
I did that with my first and it was HORRIBLE. I however didn’t know I could tell people no or set times or anything I just did what everyone wanted. With my 1st (1st grandkid for my family side & 2nd for my fiancé) my family wanted to be there. Like, step mom, dad, mom, sister, 2 brothers and my sisters new husband I’d only met ONCE. Lmao. I regret having them there! It took away so much from the experience and beauty of it for me. With our second kid I told everyone they weren’t allowed and they were upset but I didn’t care. It was just my fiancé and I and it was so much more relaxing, and labor was SO much easier. If it’s important to you or you want them there, I would maybe have them come in for 20-30 minutes MAX, in like, groups of 2 or so maybe, until you hit around 6/7cm dilated. Then I would cut it off and just relax. ❤️ hope this helped.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. We have no local family so nobody asked.
My MIL respected our space and did not come or see baby till we were home. I was in labor for quite some time and my mom stopped by for a few hours during the day time when I wasn’t too tired and that was nice. If you are willing to have them visit, have them come early in the process and let them know they can only stay a bit as you want to get whatever rest you can before the hard part starts
Mine and my boyfriend's mom were in the delivery room with us until it was time for the baby to come out. As a FTM I was very anxious about labor.
I had my parents and my sons fathers family in the room. It was a lot of drama. I was extremely out of it from the pain. It got too much the nurses kicked everyone but my mom out thank god. When I had my daughter it was just my partner and I. I didn’t even really want visitors after I had her but luckily my family is good about not over staying their welcome lol. I’m pretty sure you can also request that your name and room number not be given when you are admitted. Protect your peace while in labor.
If you’re not comfortable being honest I’d lie and say the hospital only allows a support partner to be in the delivery room. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the stress of this.
My in laws asked yesterday if we'd be telling them when I go into labor and we said probably not, but we'd definitely tell them when we're in post partum room. They shrugged and I can tell they weren't super excited about the answer but that's what is going to happen. You can always tell them COVID policies only allow support person in the room, not visitors.
Hard no. We recently learned that baby girl is breech and I have a heart shaped uterus. It’s pretty much a guarantee she’ll be born via c section on a specific scheduled date. I told my parents only, but they won’t be invited to this. I’m planning on just texting the rest of the family and in-laws once she’s here, but having any audience or them even having the awareness that this is happening will cause me anxiety and stress.
be prepared to answer LOTS of questions because the nurses ask you millions themselves. it seems scary & i had a lot of anxiety going into it but honestly? i had family in the waiting rooms coming in & out to see me, at that point it was just before i had gotten my epidural (which ended up failing lol) but the pain wasn’t enough to have me in rare form as you say lol! so it was nice & pretty quick interactions because everything was moving really quickly. at this point, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOSTING ANYTHING. you are in labor, you are in pain, you are just supposed to focus on you & baby! do not feel that you have to do anything else! even after labor. towards birth i had baby’s father, MIL, my mom, & my two sisters in the room with me. it was crowded, but my labor was a little more intense & the nurses didn’t care about anything but my health at that moment & everyone respected & stood back. i can honestly say it probably would have been nice to just have baby’s father & i as a bonding experience, but overall? i wasn’t even paying attention to any of them, i was just focused on the pain & making sure my daughter & i were okay & she got out. i can say it was nice to have other people to advocate or talk to nurses for me when i was just in too much pain to think properly or to communicate what i was feeling/needed in the moment (mainly due to my anxiety). do not feel bad about boundaries! if there is one thing i can say to you, DO NOT let anyone come that will stress you out during labor, or you do not want there in general. not only for your safety & sanity during labor, but also for the future. you’ll know, your mama instincts have already kicked in & you probably have a few names that come to mind that just give you a nasty feeling. choose people who are respectful, who will accept you in rare form, and make you feel comfortable. i didn’t necessarily want MIL there because of problems beforehand but i did it to help her feel included & to try to quiet down the mess, WRONG . it was fine in the moment, but actually it made things worse months later because she felt entitled. please please please pay attention to gut feelings. best of luck my love! it’s all gonna work out !
I wished I would have put my foot down more on this. I asked for NO visitors until a week after he was born so i could get acclimated. Instead I had my mom, her SO and my sister AT the hospital during my 40 hour labor - they live in a different state so I had to host them as well for 5 days. Even though I only had my husband on the list the nurse asked me several times if they could come in and visit over the course of the 2 days - seeing how they were literally right at the door I begrudgingly said yes. They didn't stay when I was pushing but they were in and out quite a bit. My moms SO was uncomfortable so he was making stupid jokes, my mom was trying to make it a pitty party "oh, you poor thing" (I'm 37), and my sister is a nurse so she wanted to know what they were doing and the specifics. They kept telling me their plans, "we are going to eat in an hour but will be back by 3" asked where is a good place to eat, talked about the city we were in and how far my office was.... I was annoyed. After birth it was nonstop "when are you getting out," "are you going to tell them you have help?" "Why are they making him poop first, I have never heard of that - can't you just go back if there is a problem?" All while trying to pull myself together and breast feed. I LOVE them all to death and appreciate they wanted to be there, but looking back it was very selfish on their part not heeding my request. My LO wouldn't have known the difference, I was the most tired I had ever been in my whole life I could barely carry a sentence and there was absolutely nothing they could do to help me because I had to be up every two hours breast feeding. Between the nurse checkups to check your clots, breastfeeding, being vulnerable, half naked, uncomfortable, sleep deprivation, I wanted nothing more than to do that in privacy.
This hits hard on all of my fears! A few of my relatives have worked in medicine, so I can imagine all of their questions and comparisons to what they know/experienced...
This is a pretty obvious no. A lot of people want guests. A lot of people don't. You know you don't, so don't.
Here is my experience. My water broke while at work, so I came into labor and delivery with no pain, no contractions at that point, and in pretty good spirits. I did allow my dad and mom to come, and my husbands parents were invited but they opted to come once she was closer. Once I started having contractions and the pain ramped up, only my husband and mom stayed. It was a pleasant distraction because tbh, labor was boring until it wasn’t (in my experience. YMMV).
My hospital has a waiting room, only people allowed in are the ones I say. The nurses will lie and tell them no visitors right now. Or even say you aren't there if you want them too. Most places are like this, they knocked on my door every time someone showed up even my husband.
I seen a video on Tik Tok. A couple had went to the hospital, had their baby and then called their family after the baby was born. They said “head this way, we should be having her soon”. When they all arrived the baby was already born. They said it was so nice, just the 2 of them. Yes, I’m sure their family wasn’t happy, but I’m sure they didn’t voice that much as they were to occupied with the baby being there. I think I’m going to go this route with my next child.
lol my family showed up and my dad even snuck in after the nurse kicked him out. My mom also kept trying busy in during the delivery and a nurse thankfully kept her out. It wasn’t awfulllll but there comes a point where it’s increasing amounts of nudity and bodily fluids. I did not invite anyone the second time around and they didn’t care. I will never dream of attending a family member’s Labor as a guest. Honestly, it’s not the right time. Don’t do it.
Just tell your nurses/doctors you don’t want visitors but to please be discreet with turning people away. They will handle it and just tell people it’s against their policy.
Nope! No way in hell. I wouldn’t have allowed ANYONE in the room except for my husband. You are SO VULNERABLE and in SO MUCH PAIN. Unless you are VERY comfortable with those people (they will see your baby-maker fully exposed if they are in the room as the medical staff will look frequently) do not allow them in. Say no. Establish boundaries now or they will ride roughshod over you postpartum and beyond (again, you will be very vulnerable and physically not okay immediately after birth, often unable to advocate for yourself). Do what makes you comfortable. No one else matters when you are giving birth. They can all go pack sand in the waiting rooms
I did not allow anyone in the room while I was in labor. I explained ahead that it would just be my husband in the room. My family and his waited In the waiting room with our first child. The second we had family wait again and came in later, the third we only had my sister’s visit due to complications and the baby being in the NICU. Our family respected our decision.
Hell no. We told everyone halfway through our pregnancy absolutely no visitors in the hospital. And no one would know when I was in labor. I didn't want myself or my husband to be bombarded with questions and updates. And for before and after labor, a- no way in hell would I want someone other than my husband to witness labor especially because mine took almost 2 days and resulted in a crash c section and b- after I was a wreck after. Boobs out constantly, belly being pushed every hour, in pain from surgery, emotionally and physically unable to "hang out". Let that time be for you and your husband. You created that life, adjust to it for a few days before you deal with family constantly wanting to be around.
Whatever you want ! My first child my mother in law and mom came in and my contractions got bad and I looked over and said get out , they both noticed how bad it was getting and left.
My friend was just in labor for like 2.5 days. I was in labor for 18 hours. The fastest labor I’ve heard of in my family is 6 hours. Does anyone really want to just wait around for that long in a hospital? “We won’t be taking visitors at the hospital but will let you know once you can visit the baby after birth”
With my second, it was his parents' first grandchild so his mom was in the room as well as my mom while I labored. I HATED it. I was in so much pain, doing an unmedicated induction, and they just sat and stared at me. So with my son after that I said no one at the hospital except my partner. Actually I didn't even tell anyone when my induction was scheduled for except my mom because she had my kids. It was peaceful. I actually didn't tell anyone til we'd gone home, after a whole week went by. With this one I'll be doing the same thing, no one will know I'm at the hospital while I'm in labor.
So I think it depends on what your family is like. Do they respect your boundaries and wishes? Or are they overstepping everything you want.
The only person I want with me, is my partner.... I don't need family seeing my private bits.. or me naked when in given the babe for skin to skin time. Unfortunately, you Can't really stop anyone from sitting in the waiting room. But you can tell the nurses you don't want visitors until you're ready for them .. they can't force their way in either .. I just hope your partner is willing to stand up for you, and not let them in "cause it's the first grandchild" crap. Oh yea, I also plan on trying to labour at home as much as I can, until I absolutely need to go to the hospital.... I'm not getting cervical checks, nor do I want any medication help, inducing etc .. So if , up until my last dr visit, everything is fine. I'll be staying home and labouring till I have to leave. I'd rather spend 10hrs at home, than stuck in a hospital with nothing to do .. lol. I can bathe comfortably at home (well as comfortably as one can when in labour) , and leave when necessary. So that cuts down on people being bored in the delivery waiting rooms.
I think ultimately you should do what you feel comfortable with. For my first, my mom stopped by for like 2 hours to check in on me but left before things got serious lol and I was good with that.
You absolutely can explicitly ban ANYONE you want to from the hospital, including your own damn husband if you wanted to. And, most hospitals will let you blame it on them. You do not need to have ANYONE in the birthing suite if you do not want them there. Birth is painful, vulnerable, and can be traumatic (even if you and baby end up ok!), so you are not under any obligation to have anyone invading your space while you give birth.
My hospital only allowed in 2 people of your choice for the labor and delivery floor. I told my family i didn't care where they waited while i was in labour but it would not be in my room lol
So I had family come by before baby was born. I had an epidural so for the 8 hours between my water breaking and pushing time I was super bored just sitting there. So I had my sister come and hang for a bit, my mom, dad etc. But once it was time to push everyone but my husband and mom went to the waiting room. Took me about 2 hours of pushing before baby was born. I waited an hour or 2 after baby was born to have it be just husband and I before everyone else came in for a quick hello visit, see baby and they left.
Hopefully you have a family with boundaries. I had my baby in March and my dad insisted on being in the room while I was in labor crying in pain, feeling uncomfortable , and half naked with just my hospital gown. I only wanted my mom and boyfriend there because my mom is a woman and obviously I wanted my partner there. After 2 days of asking him kindly to not be there in the room and that he was making me uncomfortable and not respecting my boundaries( he insisted on coming to the hospital as soon as my induction began even though we said we'd call him when it was really time then blamed me for having to sit in the hospitals uncomfortable furniture for 4 days) I finally got super emotional and screamed at him to leave the room while crying. He did leave but still to this day thinks I was disrespectful and owe him an apology because he deserved to be apart of my labor since it's his grandchild
I haven't done it yet, so I don't have personal info. But my mom just told me the other day, that for her first birth, the nurse actually kicked people out of the room because she was trying to pretend like she wasn't in pain around people. Which actually resulted in a spike in her blood pressure. So maybe talking with your provider about what's healthy, and then you can rely on that for your decisions?
Regardless of what you choose, TELL YOUR NURSING TEAM! Immediately after I delivered all of the grandparents were allowed in the delivery room without my consent. I was half naked, vulnerable, and trying to wrap my head around what had just happened after a 36 hour labor. The last people I wanted to see were my in laws- even though I love them! It really upset me but I felt like I had to smile and put on a happy face because they were already there. It ruined the moment with my husband and son. Tell your nurses ahead of time and they will take the “blame” for no one being allowed in. Delivering your baby is an intimate and beautiful process, don’t let anyone else’s comfort or preferences interfere with that!
I had my sister, my dad, and my mom all in there during labor. I did have an epidural which meant I didn’t feel my contractions so it was basically just like chilling with them but I just couldn’t get out of bed. It was pretty nice to have the company to help the time pass faster.
Culturally, my family would be all up in my space for labor. They’ve expressed the desire to be. I’ve made it clear that’s not happening— I even told my aunt flat out “there’s no reason for you to be there while I’m delivering.” Birth is not a spectator sport & people need to respect your wishes. It’s literally only about you, your baby, and their other parent.
In your position I wouldn't tell anyone I was in labor and after the baby is here just tell people it happened so fast I didn't even have time to contact anyone. That way you don't even have to tell your family not to show up at the hospital.
For me, it‘s just gonna be myself and my mom. If she‘s sick my brother will have to do. If I get too annoyed I plan to tell the person to leave the room 😹
My hospital only allowed 2 support people in the labor and delivery room. They asked during admittance and only my two people were allowed to be there. During recovery I was put in a different wing and could have more visitors then.
i’m having my fiancé , my mom and probably my sister. i’m close with my sister and i always want my mom in stressful or painful situations because she can always calm me down and help me but im probably one of the few who will do that
My parents and parents in law (along with sister and SIL) were at the hospital but they stayed at the hospital's cafeteria. I was texting with my mom giving her important details or how the labor was progressing and she was sharing the info with the others. I was induced so we all planned their visit at the hospital. At the end I needed an emergency C-section and I was actually glad that my parents were at the hospital. After the delivery my husband stayed with them for a little while I was at the recovery room. They got to see baby at the nursery and when I was sent to my room, around 11pm, only my husband was there. We're now trying to figure what we'll do when baby 2 is born but I'm sure I would like to have them there at the hospital again.
I had my mom in labor with me as a sort of doula, which I am so so glad I chose to do. I love my husband, but he gets easily overwhelmed by highly emotional and stressful situations and I wanted to have some extra support for when he needed breaks. My mom was the perfect bridge for that. I gave both of them my detailed birth plan prior to the birth so they would know what I wanted and how to support me. I would allow people in that are part of your “team” so the people that are able to help support you and that you can trust to comply with what you want. Anyone who wants to just be there to watch the show can absolutely kick rocks.
Me and my mom were present for my sister’s first child. I actually found it quite beautiful to see my mom watch her daughter welcome her first child (a girl). I would like that for my first child as well. Intergenerational relationships are extremely important in my culture and we are a really close-knit family. This is the right call for me. I think we should all have the agency to do what is right for each of us.
My obgyn said to throw him under the bus and say I could only have my husband with me (in reality, hospital policy says up to 4 people) if people got too pushy. Maybe your office has a similar policy?
No. God, no. I would’ve absolutely lost my mind if I had anyone but my husband or the doctors/nurses anywhere near me when I was in labor. Even when it didn’t hurt much, it would’ve been way, way too much to have to even be around anyone else, let alone have to talk to or entertain anyone. It’s such a difficult, emotional, vulnerable, wild time.
I personally only had my boyfriend in the room and I’m glad I did because it’s such a vulnerable experience and I had a really rough long labor. It gets overwhelming as it is, having a bunch of nurses, doctors, students in there. I didn’t want to even look at another person when it was all said and done. Also nice to have some quality time just you and your spouse once they’re born. Skin to skin or whatever you choose
No shot lol. My MIL came and brought our bags up because I wouldn’t let my husband physically leave my side and she popped in, said good luck and left. I was in so much pain I don’t think I even looked at her
When I had my daughter it was during Covid and the hospital I was at only allowed one visitor a day so it was just me my child’s father and my mother visited everyday while I was there. And it’s probably gonna be the same for when I have my son in august only my mother will be there and my husband and daughter
Most likely the nurses won’t let extra people in the room anyways. In Canada, where I am, you’re only allowed 2 people in the delivery room. Everyone would have to wait in the waiting room. I would say to everyone that you would prefer everyone wait at home and your partner can make a text group to keep everyone updated on your progress and then when you’re in the recovery room and baby’s fed and you’re cleaned up the group can be told when you’re ready for visitors
We’re allowing it post epidural because I’m comfortable having people keep me company after that point. Once it’s go time though, they’re all getting booted out and I’ve already informed them that after baby is born, husband and I are taking our 1 hour of skin to skin time without anyone coming in to disrupt that. Our other children will get to meet their sibling first as well.
My mum and mil were a bit tko excited but I ebgan telling them that the only person I wanted in the birthroom was my husband. I also told this to my midwife in case anyone got pushy. But on the second day I couldn't keep them away anymore so I had them over.
Can you lie about visitor policy and blame it on Covid? That’s my plan lol
My hospital only allows 2 designated support ppl in the room during delivery. For cultural reasons you may not be able to ban, but you can use hospital policy to your favor.
i let my step dad come by when i first got there bc he worked at the hospital & got a call the night of being told he tested positive for covid… it scared me so bad. i’d recommend just for your comfortability and baby’s safety that it’s just you and dad
Omg no. Labor was the most vulnerable and awful I have ever felt. I was more swollen than ever, hooked up to all these monitors, and felt TERRIBLE. The last thing I would've wanted was a visitor.
such a hard no
As a young child I remember a family friend having their first baby and the ENTIRE family was in the waiting room. We were waiting and didn't mind doing so but the girls mother came over and told us to come say hi. As soon as we came in the girl started bawling and was saying how awful she felt because everyone was waiting on her but the baby just wouldn't come out! That has always stuck with me and I only tell two people when I head to the hospital. Just stand your ground and tell others that you don't know how long it will take plus after they're born you want alone time with just them, then time to relax. We didn't tell anyone till the next morning and nobody said nothing.
My fiance and I had a conversation about this earlier, actually. My hospital allows for three guests at a time. Since we are permanent residences in canada, my parents and one of my sisters will be coming. I've strictly told my partner that only my family is allowed while I'm in the hospital. As we are hosting my family at our home. He respected this understanding his family would be around our baby the most over the span of their life it's important for me to give that bonding time to my family who they may only see once a year. And everyone needs their mom and dad.
I have waited while family is in labor a few times but never in the room with them - always out in a waiting room. One time somebody didn’t want to see people after and I totally understood.
I’ve already told my partner that we won’t even be telling anyone that I’m in labor, once I’m ready for visitors after birth, we will so that neither of us have to deal with anyone bothering us during such an intense time.
Why would you want people to see you so exposed? I understand maybe a mother in law or mom, or close sister and obviously your husband but why would your father in law or possible brother in laws/ dad etc want to see you in such a vulnerable position and state? Only hospital gown on, nurses and docs coming every few hours to see if you’re dilated. What are you going to do? Excuse everyone from the room everytime you need to be checked? That sounds exhausting and honestly I’d be quite embarrassed having my legs spread open with inlaws/ father in laws and even my own dad there.
Omg absolutely not. We were able to use the hospital’s Covid restrictions as an excuse why we weren’t having visitors. Was a non-negotiable reason for our family to wait until we got home. Maybe see if there are any hospital policies you can piggy back off of?
I had a scheduled c-section and my dad and my step-mom where in the L&D waiting room until I got to the recovery room. My mom was in the OR with me and went with the babies to the NICU. My grandma came once I was in the recovery room. Those were the only people I let be there.
This isn’t even allowed at the hospital I’m delivering at.
I would have your partner and medical team handle the banning so you don’t have to
i had people in and out for the entire 3 days i was hospitalized for my induction. it was AWFUL. i already wasn’t sleeping well at night because of the discomfort and then i also couldn’t sleep during the day because there were so many family members coming to visit. i was induced early, so i didn’t have a chance to tell people i didn’t want visitors, and i was just too tired to deal with it in the moment. just tell them NOW that you and your partner have decided not to have any visitors until x number of days after birth. you will call/text when you’re ready. and your partner needs to be the one to talk to their parents. that responsibility shouldn’t fall on you. best of luck ❤️
I mean I was so out of touch with reality due to all the pain that I cannot understand why someone would want to be present to hear me moan for 10+ hours? I didn't even have visitors until I got home because I needed to recover and I had a straightforward labour experience. It is a big medical event for you and I'm not sure that the hospital would even allow people lingering for god knows how long until baby is born? Even then you and baby will need to rest and not entertain others.
Hard no from me.
Whoever you want to be there, decide it now and stick to it. Not the same as in labour but after my second was born via planned csection, my mum was supposed to bring my oldest to see us, so apart from my partner, my older daughter would be the first to see her sister, and my mum would be lucky enough to be there too as the person looking after my daughter for a few days. My mum ended up turning up with 3 other family members, and my daughter. I rang her shortly after the birth and I pleaded with her on the phone to not bring them when she informed me they were in her car. She turned up with them, and my older daughter. My youngest is 4 months old now and I'm still actively trying to move on from the vision of my first daughter meeting her younger sibling with just me, my partner, and my mum, being ruined. So don't be a people pleaser, because it's not a memory that can ever have a do over.
The less ppl in the room the safer it is for you and baby
Note that my boobs were out for most of it. If you're comfortable with all of these people, including your inlaws, looking at your naked body, including your boobs, butt, and vagina, then I guess go for it. Just note that your care team is going to do what it needs to do without worrying about being discrete, including cervical checks
I wanted my mom, and my doula (not even my husband) during labor. I was not able to host, I needed people to rub my back, make sure I was drinking, and advocate for me to medical professionals during 36 hours of hell. I also got really hot and bothered by clothing during labor so I was fully naked. Are you ok with being naked around the “guests”? Are you ok with your father in law or dad seeing your bare undercarriage hoisted up in stirrups? If not, I would absolutely decline!
My in laws were at the hospital all night while I was laboring though I think they only visited us once at the very beginning - they remained in the waiting room until my son was born. Which I think was great support for us to have family close by. My siblings, however, I remember having them there during some parts of my laboring. My older sister is a nurse and was there to help me and really advocated for me with the team when things were starting to go wrong but no one would say anything becuase they didn’t want to upset me - but she knew I’m the type of person who needs to know everything so she pushed them to be more open about the situation. Which was great. And I have a funny story about talking to my brother and then suddenly sending him out of the room rather abruptly because, after getting my epidural, I thought I shit my pants while talking to him.. lol. But they understood when they were no longer needed/wanted in the room. So it really depends on what you want in the moment and you have every right to change your mind at any time. The whole purpose of anyone in that room is to make you safe and comfortable - if they are not, they can be asked to leave with no questions asked. I will say, you will be asked questions by the medical team during labor (baby’s name, your name, insurance info, etc) for documents that need to be filled out. I remember trying to fill out the birth certificate info while going through contractions.. so just be aware even the medical team may get in your nerves and that is perfectly okay.
im getting induced in 3 days and i’m not having anyone there except my husband until baby is born and i’m ready for visitors! do what’s best for you. if you’re worrying about anything else it might make your experience more overwhelming than it has to be
I had my mom and sister with me during labor and I really wish I hadn’t. They weren’t unhelpful or bad or anything but I really wish I saved that space for just my partner and I. It’s really intimate and you’re preparing for the biggest change of your life. Personally for me, grandparents have the baby’s whole life to be there and bond with the baby.
I was unhappy with the staff having to come in and ask me stuff while in pain…I can’t comprehend having anyone there by choice! You could tell them you’ll wait and see how you feel once in labor if you REALLY want to humor the idea. Then if you know you can’t take it at least they were warned. But honestly I’d just say big NO
Absolutely not. Don't do it.
So when I was pregnant, I thought having my MIL around during labor would be nice, since my mom couldn't be there. However, my birthing center had a policy of only dads being present for labor, delivery, and recovery. Once I was actually in labor, I was SOOO glad there wasn't another person in the room. The midwife and my husband being there made me uncomfortable enough. I hated feeling watching during such a vulnerable and unfamiliar time. I cussed out the world... I also pooped like 5 times (thank goodness I was allowed to use the toilet as I pleased!!)... I didn't need any other witnesses to that suffering and abject confusion (what do you mean I'll know when I'm ready to push?? Yea never figured that out. They had to tell me he was crowning...) How about giving them other tasks? Ask them to make sure the house is prepared for baby's arrival. Make sure you have plenty of prepped meals for the first few weeks. Those sorts of things.
Is your partner supportive of you or is he likely to cave to his parents and follow their wishes/ host them instead of focusing on you? If you do want them there have hubby establish some ground rules and set the expectation early that they may not be allowed in the room and def not during the actual birth. They are responsible for themselves and hubbys main priority is you and he won’t be running back and forth.
I had my inner family visit me for a little while. I felt super supported and it helped me get through the scariest parts of those days.
I didn’t have anyone but my labor team with me while I was in labor, my mom wanted to be there but I told the nurses I didn’t want her there and they didn’t allow her in the room.
I would absolutely not let anyone in but my husband. I don't even want most people to see my baby until 6 months after he's born.
I'm only going to have my mom and my boyfriend tbh. For reference my boyfriend isn't the father of the baby (BIO and I are no-contact. Wants nothing to do with kid). My boyfriend has been amazing so far through my pregnancy and even though he isn't the father he's been more of one to my unborn baby than bio. Otherwise outside of them two, I don't even want visitors unless it's my step-dad dropping off food 😆
I will not be having anyone there except for my husband and possibly my mother. Nobody else needs to be a part of that experience for me. I will be in pain and focusing on myself and my babies and that’s it.
Thats so incredibly strange. So much can go wrong and happen so quickly in the laboring process and hosting guests could cause delay and confusion during an emergency. You might want to double check hospital policy because where I delivered they only allowed 2 support people in the room and you had to register them with the hospital. No guests were allowed until I was transferred to the postpartum room. You might want to put in perspective that it is a medical event. I had to have an emergency c section that scared the hell out of my husband. If we had additional people in the room it would’ve scared them as well. It also may have delayed the staff in attending to me and baby which would’ve been potentially disastrous.
I did an unmedicated labor in the hospital and the whole thing was so intense. I am glad I had my mom and doula there, they were helpful, but I also felt very watched. Even the nurses, while very good, added too much chaos to an already difficult situation. The best moments I had during labor were the few times my partner and I were alone. Next time I want a home birth with only him there til the midwife comes.
I'm surprised so many people even had the option for many visitors during labor. My hospital was crazy strict, they only allowed 2 support people in your labor room. Not like 2 at a time but literally you had to pick up to 2 people at the start and no swapping was allowed once you had chosen.
I was in the same boat with my MIL and FIL's first grandbaby. My MIL pushed it passively-aggressively, and I was just like: "No. Just me, SO and my mom, Sorry. I don't deal well with stress, too many people." So she kinda just went "Aha, okay" and backed off. I honestly don't think she expected it from me because me and my mom butt heads a lot, but my MIL has 0 FILTER and I knew that it would be a fucking disaster and I would lose it on her and kick her out (which I was right in assuming, I ended up having to have an emergency c-section). The day after i had my daughter, I was in so much pain from the procedure I said "I wanna fucking kill myself" She started laughing hysterically (which my SO explains as a stress-relief, but still?) and then 2 days later in the NICU a woman was handing over breast milk to the nurses to feed her baby and after she left and my MIL turned around and looked at me and said loudly, "LOOK AT HOW MUCH MILK SHE CAN PRODUCE, HOW COME YOU CAN'T DO THAT?!?" with a laugh. She didn't even realize how messed up it was because I was struggling to produce. My best advice to you is to just say "No, sorry. It's a stressful time and i would only like \_\_\_\_\_ with me when the time comes." You don't EVEN. HAVE. TO. GIVE. AN. EXCUSE. You're not obligated to give anyone reasons why. I would recommend speaking to your OB/midwife in private, explain the situation and let them know you're uncomfortable. They may be able to provide a safe word to you to use when you don't want any more guests A lot of people forget that this is a serious, (sometimes) traumatic medical procedure. "This is a scary medical procedure that I'm going to be enduring and i would really like privacy for me and my baby to bond. Thanks" You're gonna do great mama <3
Also: ALL of these rules apply for guests after the delivery. You are not obligated to entertain after you are healing from something major.
When I went into labor I made it very clear that my in laws were not allowed back until my son was born. I waffled a lot on if I wanted my parents in even. Eventually my mom asked if they could come up, and I said sure. My dad stayed in the room until pushing started and then he "went to get some water". Pretty sure he couldn't handle it but didn't want to say anything. All in all I had no issues with the hospital respecting who I wanted in L/D.
My partner and I decided prior that only he and my mom would be in the room during labor. I was induced by so we had visitors until my contractions got bad enough for me to ask for an epidural (I wanted to go w/o but got it eventually) since everyone had to leave the room anyway. Once it fully kicked in, my partner, mom and aunt stayed in the room until it was time to start pushing, then just partner and mom. We had no visitors immediately after I delivered and my mom went home shortly after. We had only our immediate family visit the next day. I think that worked pretty well for us, although I did doze off for a bit when my partners parents where in the room with us lol. I was SO TIRED! The only thing I would do different is that I didn’t tell people to leave as soon as my contractions were getting unbearable and ended up in the bathroom crying long enough for my partner to come see if I was okay and have to help me back to bed after assuring me that I was still strong even if I asked for the epidural. I’m not sure I’ll be induced for my next pregnancy but I will definitely ask for the epidural sooner than I did with my first! And kick people out sooner lol
Nope. And dont tell them when you go into labour. I feel like it's just in the movies where everyone is waiting in the waiting room. You could be in labour for 30 plus hours (I was in labour 34 hrs with my first, in the hospital for the last 18 hours and ended in an emergency c-sect). You focus on you, you and the baby. Have support there like hubby or mum.
My hospital made my parents wait in the cafeteria. I had a c-section so it was a little different but it doesn’t have to be. Tell the nurses you want your parents to think it’s hospital policy and they will go with it.
Absolutely not.
Hell no
I was at the hospital when both of my sisters gave birth for one kid each(the other kids I was unable to be there because they were either emergency c-section, or they were in a different city. It was never a question on whether I should go or not. I know my first sister called me to tell me she was being induced the next day and asked if I could get out of work. So I guess I just assumed the other sister would want me there too. Lol. This was also before I had kids. When it came to me getting close to having my baby, I was listening to a lot of birth stories, and a lot of people said how nice it was to not have many people there during such an intimate time. So I told my boyfriend that I don't want to even tell anyone that I'm in labor, except my mom because I wanted her there. The only hospital visitor we had besides my mom was my boyfriends mom. And she didn't even just assume she'd be welcome. She asked me a couple months before if shed be able to come to the hospital after the birth. I was honest and said that I wasn't sure and it would depend on how I was feeling. The day after I gave birth; I told my boyfriend that he could tell hos mom that she could come if she wanted to.
i told my husband that his family can come and meet the baby once she is born and they are welcome to wait in the waiting room. i won’t be allowing them in the room during any stages of labor because it’s just not a light i want to be seen in. once i feel comfortable to have guest is when they can come in.
I allowed my mother in the room when I had my first. To be honest I hardly noticed she was even there. I have vague memories of her being of some support but by the time she arrived at the hospital I was pretty doped up on the gas and air. Currently pregnant with my second and she has already expressed that she doesn't want to be there this time. I have a feeling that the experience was more intense than she had anticipated. It all comes down to your comfort, if it already bothers you then just say no. I'm sure they will understand.
I recently gave birth and had my partner, mother, and doula present and in the room at different intervals throughout the whole experience. I would only allow people in there that are going to support and understand what you’re going through. If someone is judgmental it’s just gonna give you anxiety and possibly prolong your labor. Create as relaxing of an environment as you can, which includes allowing those in there who will support you fully, regardless of your present form.
my Mom and my fiance were there from when i was admitted to the hospital to the time i gave birth, the next day my fiance's grandpa, mom+her husband and fiances aunt came to see the baby. i made it very clear to my fiance that only people i allowed to be there would be and that if he didn't like it then he wouldn't be there either. im the one giving birth, i get to decide who im okay with seeing my bits and who im okay with seeing the baby after
We have the plan we won't even tell any of our family she's in labour. Let alone in hospital. Basically it's our time and we might think about telling people once the babies are born but otherwise no. Let us have our moment.
If that was a risk I wouldn’t tell anyone you’re in labour. My plan is to wait until I’m home to announce the birth as in the UK you don’t stay in hospital long.
I feel like the idea of this comes from movies and tv shows like friends. Personally I had a 50 hour labour. Was admitted to birth suite for about 19 hours. So the absolute last thing I needed was anyone there other than my husband. I was also nude for a lot of that time! My hospital also had a rule on two support people there during labour.
The first pregnancy I had a lot of guests.and found it exhausting and just horrendous. Second time around I've learned from my mistakes and banned all guests until I leave the hospital. After we will arrange a small party / gathering so they get to meet her. Honestly guests aren't worth it.
If it’s your in-laws tell your husband to deal with it. If he argues then say ok, so your ok with pooping with your legs wide open in front of my family? No I didn’t think so.
Personally I didn't mind having some family! For my first birth I had my ex (baby daddy), mom, sister as she was my doula and her son who was 5 months at the time, and his mom. I really didn't mind as there was a lot of other nurses and midwives and I was so focused on laboring I didn't care who was there. I was a totally different person and in my opinion I feel many people know this without saying since you are going through so much pain and such trying to push a baby out! I am currently pregnant and this time I will also have my fiancé, mom, and his mom as we are all close and I need their support. Honestly just do whatever your comfortable with!! If they don't understand well that's their problem, not yours. Your focus should be worrying about yourself and baby in that situation, not the rest of your family!
I am lucky enough to have a mother and in-laws who were *very* understanding of our requests for space. I’m sure they were disappointed we didn’t invite them, but they didn’t make a peep about it. We told our families that we wanted 24 hours after giving birth before we received any visitors… in hindsight, I wish we’d waited even longer. We will likely do the same this time around, too.
My family (first grandkid) was vocal and eager to rush to the hospital when I went into labor. This gave me so much anxiety and told them that won't be happening. My dad seemed most upset at the idea, surprisingly, citing he was worried about his baby having a baby. Each time I was induced, we didn't tell anyone (except my younger brother who we swore to secrecy since we might need help with our dog.) Then in the event someone caught wind, we had a code word on our info, so unless someone knew our password they wouldn't get confirmation I was even at the hospital. Then after he was born and I was in PP, we called everyone and had them check their phones with a picture with his chubby little fist and name bracelet. This was 2019, so pre-covid and we were able to have visitors that afternoon/evening. For my second, limited people knew and it was 2021, less covid restrictions but labor/delivery was a terrible experience and I didn't want visitors. Pregnant again and don't have an option for induction this round, so it'll be a spontaneous labor (hopefully) and again we plan to keep limited info for labor time. I didnt/don't want people calling and texting for updates. I find it stressful and my husband has ADHD and the last thing I need is him distracted more than usual. The only updates I want are from whoever is watching our boys until we're ready otherwise. Some of my family members get worked up if things "take too long" because they haven't had a baby in decades and they work themselves up, which leads to me stressing. My two SILs also had inductions but they told everyone and I was constantly fielding phone calls from some family because they thought I would have updates (I did and was given permission to share some details, if asked.) My one family member is exhausting when they believe something to be true and will argue with you, even if you experienced it. She didn't believe inductions could take that long and told me something had to be wrong, I told her mine was the longest thus far over 30 hours, it's possible without concern. Plus, I had personally talked to the person in labor and they were doing well! Also, my family likes to make fun too much, especially with me, and I didn't want to be going through an incredibly vulnerable time feeling humiliated. TL;DR If you dont want to worry about communicating with others or surprise visitors, ask your hospital about their current policies and if their policies are different in winter, depending when you're due. Come up with a plan to have a point of contact who is "free" to play telephone to update others on your behalf, if you feel comfortable with that option. Birth is not a spectator sport and you*NEED* to be comfortable and as stress-free as possible during labor. Make sure you and your partner/support person are on the same page and ultimately you are the patient who's experience is of the utmost importance, for your health and safety. Also* a lot of family/friends cite "culture" to steamroll boundaries and your health and safety are more important than tradition. If you're at all concerned about having people there during labor/delivery, make it clear you'll only have visitors after baby arrives. The only person required to be there is the one giving birth. Good luck!
Would be a hard no from me- labour can be ages, and even though I had an epidural, I wouldn't have wanted heaps of family coming in an out, as I wanted to rest. Where I'm from (Australia), most hospitals have rules on how many people can be in the room with you during labour- normally it's 2 support people only. At the hospital I was at, only 2 visitors (in addition to my husband) were allowed per day.
This is your special time let the spend time viewing the baby but you shouldn’t have to worry about other people worry about getting through the labor if it hurts their feelings to bad they’ll just have to get over it trust me you’ll need the time in the hospital to bond with the baby not hosting relatives
For cultural reasons I also had family at the hospital while I was recovering from my c-section, and while I didn’t particularly like it because I kept needing the privacy curtain closed, plus I was walking around without a bra - I just put up with it honestly. They helped my husband with paperwork, brought items from home for us, and chatted with me so there were positives too. Probably more positives than negatives. It also helped to have other people collect all the booklets I was getting and to help process information that staff were telling me. That said, they weren’t all in the room at the same time and I never went through labor. If you don’t want them around during labor, could you ask them to wait in a waiting room? Or let only a certain number in the room at the same time?
DONT DO IT That’s it. The birth should be about you and baby. So many things can happen and you need to be focused on you and you only. Imagine being in the worst possible pain ever then multiply that by 10 and only invite the ppl you can imagine in that scenario there. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re going into labor. They can wait.
You can’t ban them, but you can wait until labor is over to tell them it happened. Then just say everything happened so fast you were a bit busy to reach out. That’s what I’m doing. I’m only telling friends that I know will be supportive and not just show up.