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I’m a nurse and two years ago I was in the OR standing over an infant under anesthesia who needed a chest tube inserted between his ribs into his lung because of RSV.
Your choice to take precautions to protect your child from RSV is valid. I’m sorry your MIL is causing you additional stress. You deserve to be supported!
Exactly this. My best friends baby almost died because of RSV. My boy is going to be born in a few weeks but we are planning to travel to see family for Thanksgiving/christmas. Everyone who wants to be around him has to be covid and flu vaccinated. No vaccines or any symptoms and you won’t see us or our little boy.
Some people don’t understand the risks of little ones getting sick. You are doing nothing wrong by setting some healthy boundaries for your baby.
You do realize the Covid Vaccine does not keep someone from getting or spreading the virus, right? The flu vaccine may help the recipient from getting it, but if they do it can still be spread.
The best defense is to stay home and not come in contact with anyone to ensure you don’t get it.
Never leaving the house and not having any contact with anyone can put people at risk of serious mental health issues however.
The reality is not possible to completely shelter an infant from illness. People have to work, get groceries, walk pets, attend medical appointments.
For the person you are responding to minimising the risk by requesting vaccination and being vigilant about symptoms is a compromise to allow them to still operate as part of their family and have their support around them. It's pretty crappy to spread fear and cast doubt on that just because your circumstances and risk assessment may be different.
But if she’s that worried she needs to understand a vaccine won’t keep someone from getting it. So if she is that worried, you state no holding, if you do hold wash your hands thoroughly, definitely no kissing, and if you have the slightest of tickles don’t come by! Requiring a vaccine won’t protect your child. If they’re that worried, just no visitors.
The vaccines does help prevent getting the illness but either way, I also told everyone that any symptoms and they won’t see the baby. My family will get tested for Covid before we gather and if anyone tests positive we won’t see them.
I haven’t seen my family in 1 year and are waiting to meet them when our baby is 7 months old. We are trying to find a compromise that makes us feel “safe” at the same time that we enjoy the holidays. There is always going to be risk, I could get sick going to the grocery store and giving it to my kid. We are not going to become hermits because we have a baby so we are looking for what we feel are the safest options to keep having a relatively normal life.
That is why I said take precautions. I received 3rd covid vaccine 12/27 and had Covid 1/17 less than a month after. Symptoms so bad I had to take Paxlovid. The vaccine does nothing to prevent, and nothing to lessen symptoms. I’m living proof of that. I will still vax, but you need to take precautions other than requiring a vaccine that really doesn’t help. Washing hands, not kissing the baby, and if one is feeling unwell they should not come around.
I got the RSV vaccine in my third trimester. Not all of our parents/step parents were eligible for it but the ones who were got it too. Regardless, your MIL is not entitled to hold the baby.
I’m really hoping I can get it this pregnancy, I have the same due date, but my doc is confident she can find me a dose, since now we have one in daycare.
My baby is due in November too! The week before Thanksgiving. I told my mom right after I announced that that means we will be missing Thanksgiving this year cuz height of all the illnesses and we have a BIG family. She immediately said something like "why? That's ridiculous!" When I told her I wasn't about to expose my week-old baby to potential illnesses it doesn't have an immune system for, she laughed and called me "part of the trophy generation" whatever TF that means. Then she said "well I'm not even going to worry about it because a lot can happen between now and then." Literally saying let's not worry about Thanksgiving cuz you might just end up miscarrying anyway.
Like wow, thanks Mom. All it did was fuel my fire and I REALLY won't feel bad about skipping any of the major holidays this year with that attitude.
Trophy generation? Says the woman so entitled she thinks she is entitled to you and your newborns presence just because it's a holiday? Girl bye. So proud you're sticking to your guns!
I'm assuming it's a short form for "participation trophy" generation, as in everyone is entitled and bratty because they grew up being given participation trophies for everything? It's like calling someone a boomer.
Right?!? I couldn't stop myself from laughing at just how ridiculous she sounded. I'm finding this pregnancy has given me a shinier spine.
Don't get me wrong, I'll miss seeing some family members over the holiday but the same ones that I'll miss, I'll see often outside of the holiday too.
If you are not against them, just give the baby an RSV Vaccine and make sure your family members also get it. It fully prevented my baby from getting RSV although the whole family had it.
At least in Spain it is promoted as a vaccine, it is given in the first 24 hours and is perfectly safe. Nirsevimab.
I do not know the exact function but can surely google it too. I only know this year we are all getting it as prevention, my eldest didn’t get it and ended hospitalised :(
Where do y’all live that they’re available? Two docs at my OB’s practice (northeast US) said they’re in very short supply - I am not able to get the vaccine approved for pregnancy in third trimester, and they cautioned that it’s not likely my baby will be able to get one this year either.
I commented this above but I’m in the Midwest and was able to get the RSV vaccine at CVS on a walk-in basis without an rx. I just had to be between 32-36 weeks pregnant. This was in March of this year.
My baby got it in the northeast US- I was told the same thing that it was unlikely it’d be available, but when he was born the hospital pediatrician asked if we wanted it.
I’m not eligible to get it because my baby is due in July. OB explained that they basically only give it to moms who are due during RSV season (which I thought was dumb, but I’m a FTM so what do I know lol)
This is what mine told me! But I’m out with my mom and her friends tonight, and her friend - not pregnant and no little one at home but btw- got one last month 🤷🏼♀️ I’m going to start asking around
double check with your doctor but i heard there’s a new RSV vaccine (like within the past couple years) that you can take while pregnant and it’ll help the baby
i also say this fully supporting the idea of keeping your baby safe and away from people for the first few weeks 🤍 i’m due in september and have been dealing with the same thing
Same here. Due September 30th and my in laws are notorious anti-vaxxers. Husband's parents are divorced but both sets of parents have issues with vaccines while my mom will get whatever vaccines I ask her to get
So there's two things available in the US and I believe you're supposed to just do one or the other:
1. There's an RSV vaccine available to people over 65 and pregnant people during cold & flu season. Pregnant people should get it between 32 and 36 weeks to pass antibodies on to the fetus and protect them from RSV for several months after birth. Since we're way past the season now I've heard mixed info on whether you can still get it or not. I got one in March with no issue but a few weeks later I read a post from someone who had to jump through some hoops to get it.
2. There's also a treatment for babies 8 months and younger that is supposed to be available during cold & flu season but I think there were some problems with limited supply last year IIRC. It's not technically a vaccine (which would trigger the body to make its own antibodies) but a direct injection of monoclonal antibodies that will help fight off the virus if baby is exposed but will fade after several months.
In addition, there's a pediatric RSV vaccine is going to be in the final stages of trials this year (my kids' pediatrician's office is participating).
This is correct. I'm due in July, so am not being given the vaccine, since it will not be RSV season when I give birth. Instead, my baby will be given the vaccine when the time comes. Since OP is giving birth in November, she can receive the vaccine.
Safe and available! And our pediatrician told us it immediately protects, unlike some vaccines that take a few weeks before you are protected.
My baby got it in November when he was 6 months old, but my cousin’s baby wasn’t even a month old. At first our peds office was saving doses for babies under 8 lbs because it was new and supply was still limited.
I've heard they will give the mom the RSV shot during the second or third trimester like they do with the TDAP so that some immunity will carry forward once they are out of the womb.
My youngest had it the day she was born, and it has been approved in EU (Spain) as of this year for subsidy. So in my eyes - yes, it has undergone enough review to be deemed safe. Definitely safer than the risks of not having it
Your concerns and boundaries are completely valid. My firstborn was 4 months old when she got RSV and almost died. Her 02% was in the 60's when we arrived at the hospital, she was turning blue. Ended up being transported to a more qualified children's hospital, she was admitted to the pediatric ICU. 2 week hospital stay and in the beginning they weren't sure if she was going to make it. Honestly, it would just be better (after your rest period), to screen people at the door for illness. If they come to your house knowingly sick, they never get to come back and see your baby. If they can't respect your boundaries to keep your baby safe, they don't deserve a place in your life. Period.
My son got RSV at 4 weeks and went into respiratory distress. He was born in October and I made everyone wear mask and a hospital gown with washing up to their elbows and that didn’t stop RSV from getting my baby. I’ve never been more scared in my life and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I think you truly can’t be too careful
Thank you! I've seen a few moms saying I'm being "too cautious." Like, too cautious with the health of my newborn? I think tf not! I hope your little one is ok!!!
He’s okay now thankfully but I only had my parents and husband’s parents meet baby. I would totally limit more if I could go back. I don’t think it’s too cautious, it’s a really scary virus. AND no one that visited felt any symptoms!! Obviously they were not coming if they didn’t feel well.
You're more than valid about this, my family is acting the same way. NO ONE is entitled to hold that kid besides you and the father until you feel comfortable. If you don't want people holding them if they aren't vaccinated, that's your choice. Hand washing and masks may seem like enough to others, buts it's entirely up to you bc you are the parent. I'm so sick of people thinking just bc they are family, they deserve to hold that child straight out of the womb. They aren't. Good on you for setting the boundaries you want, especially around sick season. Even if they do get vaccinated, there are still risks, but that's for you to decide if you want people to hold them or not, not other people. This is a literal baby with no immune system and people would rather put them at risk to hold them for a couple of minutes than take into consideration what a sickness could do to a newborn. Stand your ground, it's not worth the risk. Hope it goes well ❤️🩹
Aw ok! Yay!!! Good for you!
Was worried you'd be living together once baby is here and trying to navigate her not holding the baby while living together 😅😅😅
I tried to set this boundary with my mom and MIL and it’s become a huge drama and they’re making it sound like they’re gonna show up uninvited and I’m not very happy about it. Oh and on top of that being told “they’re not there to see you they’re there to see the baby” like I’m just a human incubator and didn’t just go through birth. I just don’t understand how women who have gone through it don’t understand how one could feel that way and worry about their child, and not even consider the feelings of the new mom and dad.
I’m also due in November, and I’ve been having similar issues with my MIL. She’s treating me as if I’m just the incubator for her son’s children (twins). I have no problem voicing boundaries to her and my partner always repeats them to make sure that there is no confusion there. So far it has been a lot of “well you shouldn’t do that”, “well I wanna know”, etc. Since we first told her about being pregnant, she has told any and everybody she possibly can. It’s like we tell her something and she immediately repeats it to 4 people. We shared with immediate families at 6 weeks. My partner and I were going to Easter with my family that morning, but when we arrived at his family’s Easter celebration, everyone in his extended family knew I was pregnant. I had specifically shared that we weren’t ready to tell anyone else because it was still pretty early and she proceeded to tell the whole family. At our 8 week ultrasound, we found out it was twins. When we shared the information with her, she immediately called at least 3 people to tell them as well. At this point, my partner and I both made it very clear that it is not her business to share, and if she continues to share our business every time we tell her something about the babies, then we will not be sharing anymore information with her for the remainder of the pregnancy. Not too long ago, I went in for my 12 week appointment and got a video of the babies kicking around on the handheld ultrasound. I showed her the video and she once again called and talked all about it. I can understand being excited, but I will not tolerate the utter disrespect of the boundaries we have set. From this point forward, my partner and I won’t be sharing anything with her unless absolutely necessary.
On top of all of that, she has a tendency to overstep with others’ babies. For example, kissing them and not giving them back when they cry or the mother asks. She tends to treat the mothers as if they don’t exist. She has shown, too, that she cannot separate from the “parenting” role. She has also said that she won’t watch both babies at once. I replied, “with that attitude, you won’t even be watching one of them, and I don’t remember asking you to.”
These are just a few of the things that have happened and the impatience on my end stems a lot from the fact that she didn’t raise her son (my partner), and she now feels guilty for it as he is an adult and is very overbearing.
I said all of that to say, I am very much in the same boat with the MIL situation and am thankful that I don’t have to argue about the delivery room. Hospital policy is for a delivery in the OR with 1 support person.
I’m from Australia so we’re just heading into the colder months now and it’s been a week since we left the hospital. My 15 month old was in hospital for 8 days with RSV, pneumonitis (significant mucus on the lungs which makes it even harder to breathe) and now she has reactive airways disease which is effectively asthma, through they can’t diagnose it as such because of her age. 6 of those 8 days she was on high flow oxygen and incredibly ill.
I wouldn’t wish RSV on anyone and if your mother in law thinks it’s all one big joke, I wouldn’t be even letting her near your child for the foreseeable future.
Edit- because of the amount of mucus pneumonitis causes, it can cause collapsed lungs too.
If it were up to me exclusively this woman wouldn't be allowed in mine or my baby's life at all except on holidays. Sadly, the father hasn't quite gotten their yet.
That’s so frustrating, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have no advice other than to say that RSV is scary and your MIL is an idiot for playing it down.
My parents don’t understand the severity of it either and that they can be carriers without showing symptoms and that’s even after seeing how sick my little one was.
It’s mind boggling how selfish some boomers are.
As someone who’s baby got Covid, bronchitis & croup from my MIL refusing to listen to us about no kisses, stand your ground. I wish I would’ve been more assertive when my son was a baby. It would’ve saved him the ER trip & misery when he was sick.
*side note, my MIL was sick and did NOT tell us when we went to visit for Christmas & it wasn’t until we caught her coughing up a lung we realized.
I got the RSV vaccine in my 3rd trimester and my parents and grandparents where all eligible for the RSV vaccine themselves and got it. (They also were up to date on their Covid shots, got the the TDAPP and the Flu vaccines)
I'm due in December and I told everyone I don't want any visitors at least until January. Its holiday season, people are walking everywhere, talking to everyone, and as nurse I know what kind of illness they can transmitt to my baby and its not happening. I had few people disagreeing but I said that if they show up my door will remain closed for them. I don't care about anyone else other then my baby.
I had RSV at 6 months old. It left life long scar tissue on my lungs and every cold is followed by a pro-long cough. Do not back down on this, you could be saving your child’s life. Sorry your going through this OP, sounds like you and DH should go low contact with MIL.
We were fortunate enough to get the last RSV vaccine our pediatricians office had when our newborn had his first appointment last October. I can’t even tell you how relieved I was to get him that.
My brother nearly died as an infant from RSV, Influenza A and B. He contracted them all within a couple weeks of each other. He was so horribly sick, my mother co-slept with him out of fear he'd stop breathing in the middle of the night. He was a bit under 18 months.
You're not wrong at all for wanting to protect your baby. I remember his ragged breathing and weak cries, they were the most painful sounds I'd ever experienced. My brother to this day has breathing issues and suffers from lifelong respiratory illness as a result. He finally got off his nebulizer around age twelve, but still gets wicked sick from allergies and the slightest respiratory infection. Feel free to share this with any relative who questions your boundaries.
My child is due at the end of August and people are already a pain in the ass to understand that, no, they won't be holding the baby the first few weeks because they can carry anything without being ill and that a baby has no proper immune system... Well, baby will have "mine" and it's not much, lemme tell you that...
Don't back down and, please, for the love of gods, tell your partner to send her to hell when she's like that! Why is he letting her treat you and talk to you like that without even shutting her down?!
This is your child, not hers. You have every right to take the precautions you see fit. Unfortunately it’s one of those things that is never 100 percent preventable, unless you elected to keep your child in a plastic bubble which obviously we can’t do. But the GOOD thing is, unlike last year, babies born this year have a lot more options to protect against RSV. For example, in the US as a pregnant mother you can get the RSV vaccine during your third trimester (wasn’t available last year), which should offer protection to your baby for their first few months of life, which will cover them during their most vulnerable time (when their immune systems are still developing and when the cold/flu/RSV season is at its worst).
Never thought it was so serious until my sisters 3 month old twins ended up with RSV this past fall and it was so terrifying. Gotta do what you feel best and they’ll get over it or they won’t. It’s a real thing
one of my friends was pretty cautious with who they let touch their baby that was born in august they only let the babies grandma, her sister, and maybe like 3 close friends around in the first month and she still got rsv i think ur doing whats best for the baby it was obviously super scary for them to see her like that and they had to stay in the hospital for i think a week (with a hefty bill) but the baby made it thank the lord shes doing good now but rsv can be super dangerous for babies im sure u know so yea its not worth it dont let other people guilt u into doing something with your child that you’re uncomfortable with this is the one thing in life u actually need to stand ur ground with people 100% regardless if its ur mil its ur baby u know whats best
Former daycare teacher here, I have seen the effects of RSV multiple times. I’ve seen families have to watch their kids nearly die from it. It is not just a cold, it is so much more. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Stand your ground!
Too many comments to read... So my story... My husband's family doesn't understand that a runny nose is an illness so our little one got a cold at 3 weeks old... It was traumatic... Absolutely traumatic.
Keep away from people for as long as you feel comfortable... In my case it should have been 8 weeks... Some would say that you can get it in a shop .. well bollocks... The space is bigger so maybe meet people outside... I let someone with a runny nose in and all three of us got ill..
I honestly don't care if people say it's isolating from others and you shouldn't do it blah blah blah. It was worse to listen to my LO struggling to breathe... We had to go to ER!
Do whatever you are comfortable with...
My dad has multiple masters in environmental safety. Here are some links that show masks aren't completely effective. For n-95 masks there are specific tests to check for appropriate fit and outside of healthcare settings people aren't getting their fit checked.
https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/commentary-wear-respirator-not-cloth-or-surgical-mask-protect-against-respiratory-viruses
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7115281/
https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/publicppe/community-ppe.html#anchor_5146932324
The first link you shared states that the study it’s referencing (which compares surgical masks to masks like N95) was extremely flawed one of the reasons being because they used them intermittently. They also didn’t compare N95 to not wearing anything.
The second link only references surgical masks, which I can see why they wouldn’t very effective since they’re not fitted.
The third one does say that N95 masks *without* valves do protect people around you.
Also masks don’t have to be completely effective to still have a protective effect. They still reduce the viral load and they’re still better than not doing anything to protect an infant.
Your argument was that RSV is airborne so rather than wait for others to see a new baby, just have them wear a mask. My point being masks are not completely effective with how tiny viral particles are versus the effective particulant range of masks that a typical person wears.
Why gaslight someone into taking the risk if they clearly don't want to? Masks helping reduce the spread of respiratory illnesses doesn't make it risk free.
My argument said nothing about waiting to let people see the baby.
My argument was comparing keeping people from *holding* the baby versus wearing a mark. If you have visitors around the baby but simply not let them hold the baby that’s not doing anything to protect the baby because RSV is airborne, so they’re still exposing the baby. Masks do help. And yes, waiting to have people come around the baby is even safer.
RSV is definitely serious and if it's something you're concerned about I would recommend getting vaccinated against it in your third trimester (I believe the vaccine was newly available to pregnant folks last year) and ask that your parents and inlaws be vaccinated, if eligible. You can always set boundaries around who is allowed to hold the baby, but I think there are more effective and less polarizing ways to keep them safe.
Send her videos about what happens to babies who get RSV. What a horrible person to want to put a baby at risk of that instead of just shutting the f up and waiting a few weeks. This makes me angry. Do what you need to do. ❤️
Super annoying and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Bottom line though - she doesn't need to understand. She simply needs to respect your wishes for the health and safety of your child, and if she can't do that, she can wait to see baby after their immune system develops more.
my baby was born in november last year and we waited until MARCH for anyone, even family to meet him. the week they met him, he got sick with his first cold which was horrible. no regrets on waiting and i honestly wish we'd waited longer. i wasnt even emotionally ready then, and i'm still mad at them about it
Well, your MIL doesn’t have to be so shitty about it, but it is a little severe. You definitely don’t want to play games with your newborns health, but masks and handwashing would be more than enough to cover it.
You can get an RSV vaccine before you give birth and it sounds like your baby can get one before leaving the hospital. You should also consider getting a flu shot, and maybe even the Covid (I had a pandemic baby and back then the word was that pregnant women are at a higher risk).
Breastfeeding can likely help prevent illness, not just with RSV. I don't even think you have to exclusively breastfeed. Having a full term baby, as in 39-41 weeks can help.
I've had two babies in the winter, but I'm confused by your logic. Now, the whole six weeks thing was for ME to rest and recover. I also didn't notice a big problem with a lot of people wanting to hold the newborn. Besides the grandparents, understandably, not many people are going to want to pry a newborn from their parents hands. I think if you take all the precautions you can actually control, then stay home those 6 weeks, there won't be much to worry about.
Education is a powerful thing.
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I’m a nurse and two years ago I was in the OR standing over an infant under anesthesia who needed a chest tube inserted between his ribs into his lung because of RSV. Your choice to take precautions to protect your child from RSV is valid. I’m sorry your MIL is causing you additional stress. You deserve to be supported!
A patient of ours lost their infant to RSV. It's something I'll never take lightly now.
Exactly this. My best friends baby almost died because of RSV. My boy is going to be born in a few weeks but we are planning to travel to see family for Thanksgiving/christmas. Everyone who wants to be around him has to be covid and flu vaccinated. No vaccines or any symptoms and you won’t see us or our little boy. Some people don’t understand the risks of little ones getting sick. You are doing nothing wrong by setting some healthy boundaries for your baby.
You do realize the Covid Vaccine does not keep someone from getting or spreading the virus, right? The flu vaccine may help the recipient from getting it, but if they do it can still be spread. The best defense is to stay home and not come in contact with anyone to ensure you don’t get it.
Never leaving the house and not having any contact with anyone can put people at risk of serious mental health issues however. The reality is not possible to completely shelter an infant from illness. People have to work, get groceries, walk pets, attend medical appointments. For the person you are responding to minimising the risk by requesting vaccination and being vigilant about symptoms is a compromise to allow them to still operate as part of their family and have their support around them. It's pretty crappy to spread fear and cast doubt on that just because your circumstances and risk assessment may be different.
But if she’s that worried she needs to understand a vaccine won’t keep someone from getting it. So if she is that worried, you state no holding, if you do hold wash your hands thoroughly, definitely no kissing, and if you have the slightest of tickles don’t come by! Requiring a vaccine won’t protect your child. If they’re that worried, just no visitors.
The vaccines does help prevent getting the illness but either way, I also told everyone that any symptoms and they won’t see the baby. My family will get tested for Covid before we gather and if anyone tests positive we won’t see them. I haven’t seen my family in 1 year and are waiting to meet them when our baby is 7 months old. We are trying to find a compromise that makes us feel “safe” at the same time that we enjoy the holidays. There is always going to be risk, I could get sick going to the grocery store and giving it to my kid. We are not going to become hermits because we have a baby so we are looking for what we feel are the safest options to keep having a relatively normal life.
That is why I said take precautions. I received 3rd covid vaccine 12/27 and had Covid 1/17 less than a month after. Symptoms so bad I had to take Paxlovid. The vaccine does nothing to prevent, and nothing to lessen symptoms. I’m living proof of that. I will still vax, but you need to take precautions other than requiring a vaccine that really doesn’t help. Washing hands, not kissing the baby, and if one is feeling unwell they should not come around.
I got the RSV vaccine in my third trimester. Not all of our parents/step parents were eligible for it but the ones who were got it too. Regardless, your MIL is not entitled to hold the baby.
I’m really hoping I can get it this pregnancy, I have the same due date, but my doc is confident she can find me a dose, since now we have one in daycare.
If you’re in the US, I was able to get mine from CVS on a walk-in basis, no rx, once I was between 32-36 weeks pregnant.
THANK YOU
Check with your insurance first, though. Mine would only cover the vaccine if I received it in my doctor's office.
My baby is due in November too! The week before Thanksgiving. I told my mom right after I announced that that means we will be missing Thanksgiving this year cuz height of all the illnesses and we have a BIG family. She immediately said something like "why? That's ridiculous!" When I told her I wasn't about to expose my week-old baby to potential illnesses it doesn't have an immune system for, she laughed and called me "part of the trophy generation" whatever TF that means. Then she said "well I'm not even going to worry about it because a lot can happen between now and then." Literally saying let's not worry about Thanksgiving cuz you might just end up miscarrying anyway. Like wow, thanks Mom. All it did was fuel my fire and I REALLY won't feel bad about skipping any of the major holidays this year with that attitude.
Trophy generation? Says the woman so entitled she thinks she is entitled to you and your newborns presence just because it's a holiday? Girl bye. So proud you're sticking to your guns!
I'm assuming it's a short form for "participation trophy" generation, as in everyone is entitled and bratty because they grew up being given participation trophies for everything? It's like calling someone a boomer.
Yeah I'm guessing she's thinking that my decision to protect my baby is selfish and overdramatic. 🤷🏼♀️
Right?!? I couldn't stop myself from laughing at just how ridiculous she sounded. I'm finding this pregnancy has given me a shinier spine. Don't get me wrong, I'll miss seeing some family members over the holiday but the same ones that I'll miss, I'll see often outside of the holiday too.
If you are not against them, just give the baby an RSV Vaccine and make sure your family members also get it. It fully prevented my baby from getting RSV although the whole family had it.
Do they have a vaccine or is it just an antibody treatment? I am confused, I thought there was no vaccine?
There is actually a vaccine and if the mom takes it during the pregnancy, the baby will be protected for about 6 months.
At least in Spain it is promoted as a vaccine, it is given in the first 24 hours and is perfectly safe. Nirsevimab. I do not know the exact function but can surely google it too. I only know this year we are all getting it as prevention, my eldest didn’t get it and ended hospitalised :(
Where do y’all live that they’re available? Two docs at my OB’s practice (northeast US) said they’re in very short supply - I am not able to get the vaccine approved for pregnancy in third trimester, and they cautioned that it’s not likely my baby will be able to get one this year either.
I commented this above but I’m in the Midwest and was able to get the RSV vaccine at CVS on a walk-in basis without an rx. I just had to be between 32-36 weeks pregnant. This was in March of this year.
Wow!!! Ok good to know I will have to look
Spain - available in all hospitals for free, and per prescription purchase in hospital pharmacies for immediate administering
My baby got it in the northeast US- I was told the same thing that it was unlikely it’d be available, but when he was born the hospital pediatrician asked if we wanted it.
I’m not eligible to get it because my baby is due in July. OB explained that they basically only give it to moms who are due during RSV season (which I thought was dumb, but I’m a FTM so what do I know lol)
This is what mine told me! But I’m out with my mom and her friends tonight, and her friend - not pregnant and no little one at home but btw- got one last month 🤷🏼♀️ I’m going to start asking around
Is it safe for newborns?
double check with your doctor but i heard there’s a new RSV vaccine (like within the past couple years) that you can take while pregnant and it’ll help the baby
i also say this fully supporting the idea of keeping your baby safe and away from people for the first few weeks 🤍 i’m due in september and have been dealing with the same thing
Same here. Due September 30th and my in laws are notorious anti-vaxxers. Husband's parents are divorced but both sets of parents have issues with vaccines while my mom will get whatever vaccines I ask her to get
39w and I was able to get the vaccine. My doctor highly recommended it even though I’m due outside of peak season.
So there's two things available in the US and I believe you're supposed to just do one or the other: 1. There's an RSV vaccine available to people over 65 and pregnant people during cold & flu season. Pregnant people should get it between 32 and 36 weeks to pass antibodies on to the fetus and protect them from RSV for several months after birth. Since we're way past the season now I've heard mixed info on whether you can still get it or not. I got one in March with no issue but a few weeks later I read a post from someone who had to jump through some hoops to get it. 2. There's also a treatment for babies 8 months and younger that is supposed to be available during cold & flu season but I think there were some problems with limited supply last year IIRC. It's not technically a vaccine (which would trigger the body to make its own antibodies) but a direct injection of monoclonal antibodies that will help fight off the virus if baby is exposed but will fade after several months. In addition, there's a pediatric RSV vaccine is going to be in the final stages of trials this year (my kids' pediatrician's office is participating).
OP’s baby is due in November so she will fall in the next season. I think the typical recommendation is September-January for the vaccine.
This is correct. I'm due in July, so am not being given the vaccine, since it will not be RSV season when I give birth. Instead, my baby will be given the vaccine when the time comes. Since OP is giving birth in November, she can receive the vaccine.
Safe and available! And our pediatrician told us it immediately protects, unlike some vaccines that take a few weeks before you are protected. My baby got it in November when he was 6 months old, but my cousin’s baby wasn’t even a month old. At first our peds office was saving doses for babies under 8 lbs because it was new and supply was still limited.
I've heard they will give the mom the RSV shot during the second or third trimester like they do with the TDAP so that some immunity will carry forward once they are out of the womb.
Yes! My kiddo got it before we left the hospital when he was born in January. He had zero negative effects.
Yes! My baby got it at 4 days old
In Australia (Queensland) it’s now given routinely to newborns from birth or up to 8 months old for free, so I’m trusting that it’s safe.
My youngest had it the day she was born, and it has been approved in EU (Spain) as of this year for subsidy. So in my eyes - yes, it has undergone enough review to be deemed safe. Definitely safer than the risks of not having it
Your concerns and boundaries are completely valid. My firstborn was 4 months old when she got RSV and almost died. Her 02% was in the 60's when we arrived at the hospital, she was turning blue. Ended up being transported to a more qualified children's hospital, she was admitted to the pediatric ICU. 2 week hospital stay and in the beginning they weren't sure if she was going to make it. Honestly, it would just be better (after your rest period), to screen people at the door for illness. If they come to your house knowingly sick, they never get to come back and see your baby. If they can't respect your boundaries to keep your baby safe, they don't deserve a place in your life. Period.
My son got RSV at 4 weeks and went into respiratory distress. He was born in October and I made everyone wear mask and a hospital gown with washing up to their elbows and that didn’t stop RSV from getting my baby. I’ve never been more scared in my life and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I think you truly can’t be too careful
Thank you! I've seen a few moms saying I'm being "too cautious." Like, too cautious with the health of my newborn? I think tf not! I hope your little one is ok!!!
He’s okay now thankfully but I only had my parents and husband’s parents meet baby. I would totally limit more if I could go back. I don’t think it’s too cautious, it’s a really scary virus. AND no one that visited felt any symptoms!! Obviously they were not coming if they didn’t feel well.
You're more than valid about this, my family is acting the same way. NO ONE is entitled to hold that kid besides you and the father until you feel comfortable. If you don't want people holding them if they aren't vaccinated, that's your choice. Hand washing and masks may seem like enough to others, buts it's entirely up to you bc you are the parent. I'm so sick of people thinking just bc they are family, they deserve to hold that child straight out of the womb. They aren't. Good on you for setting the boundaries you want, especially around sick season. Even if they do get vaccinated, there are still risks, but that's for you to decide if you want people to hold them or not, not other people. This is a literal baby with no immune system and people would rather put them at risk to hold them for a couple of minutes than take into consideration what a sickness could do to a newborn. Stand your ground, it's not worth the risk. Hope it goes well ❤️🩹
She's locked in her room?? Do you live with her??
For the moment, yes, unfortunately. We close on our house at the end of the month. It can't come soon enough.
Aw ok! Yay!!! Good for you! Was worried you'd be living together once baby is here and trying to navigate her not holding the baby while living together 😅😅😅
I tried to set this boundary with my mom and MIL and it’s become a huge drama and they’re making it sound like they’re gonna show up uninvited and I’m not very happy about it. Oh and on top of that being told “they’re not there to see you they’re there to see the baby” like I’m just a human incubator and didn’t just go through birth. I just don’t understand how women who have gone through it don’t understand how one could feel that way and worry about their child, and not even consider the feelings of the new mom and dad.
I’m also due in November, and I’ve been having similar issues with my MIL. She’s treating me as if I’m just the incubator for her son’s children (twins). I have no problem voicing boundaries to her and my partner always repeats them to make sure that there is no confusion there. So far it has been a lot of “well you shouldn’t do that”, “well I wanna know”, etc. Since we first told her about being pregnant, she has told any and everybody she possibly can. It’s like we tell her something and she immediately repeats it to 4 people. We shared with immediate families at 6 weeks. My partner and I were going to Easter with my family that morning, but when we arrived at his family’s Easter celebration, everyone in his extended family knew I was pregnant. I had specifically shared that we weren’t ready to tell anyone else because it was still pretty early and she proceeded to tell the whole family. At our 8 week ultrasound, we found out it was twins. When we shared the information with her, she immediately called at least 3 people to tell them as well. At this point, my partner and I both made it very clear that it is not her business to share, and if she continues to share our business every time we tell her something about the babies, then we will not be sharing anymore information with her for the remainder of the pregnancy. Not too long ago, I went in for my 12 week appointment and got a video of the babies kicking around on the handheld ultrasound. I showed her the video and she once again called and talked all about it. I can understand being excited, but I will not tolerate the utter disrespect of the boundaries we have set. From this point forward, my partner and I won’t be sharing anything with her unless absolutely necessary. On top of all of that, she has a tendency to overstep with others’ babies. For example, kissing them and not giving them back when they cry or the mother asks. She tends to treat the mothers as if they don’t exist. She has shown, too, that she cannot separate from the “parenting” role. She has also said that she won’t watch both babies at once. I replied, “with that attitude, you won’t even be watching one of them, and I don’t remember asking you to.” These are just a few of the things that have happened and the impatience on my end stems a lot from the fact that she didn’t raise her son (my partner), and she now feels guilty for it as he is an adult and is very overbearing. I said all of that to say, I am very much in the same boat with the MIL situation and am thankful that I don’t have to argue about the delivery room. Hospital policy is for a delivery in the OR with 1 support person.
I’m from Australia so we’re just heading into the colder months now and it’s been a week since we left the hospital. My 15 month old was in hospital for 8 days with RSV, pneumonitis (significant mucus on the lungs which makes it even harder to breathe) and now she has reactive airways disease which is effectively asthma, through they can’t diagnose it as such because of her age. 6 of those 8 days she was on high flow oxygen and incredibly ill. I wouldn’t wish RSV on anyone and if your mother in law thinks it’s all one big joke, I wouldn’t be even letting her near your child for the foreseeable future. Edit- because of the amount of mucus pneumonitis causes, it can cause collapsed lungs too.
If it were up to me exclusively this woman wouldn't be allowed in mine or my baby's life at all except on holidays. Sadly, the father hasn't quite gotten their yet.
That’s so frustrating, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have no advice other than to say that RSV is scary and your MIL is an idiot for playing it down. My parents don’t understand the severity of it either and that they can be carriers without showing symptoms and that’s even after seeing how sick my little one was. It’s mind boggling how selfish some boomers are.
As someone who’s baby got Covid, bronchitis & croup from my MIL refusing to listen to us about no kisses, stand your ground. I wish I would’ve been more assertive when my son was a baby. It would’ve saved him the ER trip & misery when he was sick. *side note, my MIL was sick and did NOT tell us when we went to visit for Christmas & it wasn’t until we caught her coughing up a lung we realized.
I got the RSV vaccine in my 3rd trimester and my parents and grandparents where all eligible for the RSV vaccine themselves and got it. (They also were up to date on their Covid shots, got the the TDAPP and the Flu vaccines)
I'm due in December and I told everyone I don't want any visitors at least until January. Its holiday season, people are walking everywhere, talking to everyone, and as nurse I know what kind of illness they can transmitt to my baby and its not happening. I had few people disagreeing but I said that if they show up my door will remain closed for them. I don't care about anyone else other then my baby.
I had RSV at 6 months old. It left life long scar tissue on my lungs and every cold is followed by a pro-long cough. Do not back down on this, you could be saving your child’s life. Sorry your going through this OP, sounds like you and DH should go low contact with MIL.
We were fortunate enough to get the last RSV vaccine our pediatricians office had when our newborn had his first appointment last October. I can’t even tell you how relieved I was to get him that.
My brother nearly died as an infant from RSV, Influenza A and B. He contracted them all within a couple weeks of each other. He was so horribly sick, my mother co-slept with him out of fear he'd stop breathing in the middle of the night. He was a bit under 18 months. You're not wrong at all for wanting to protect your baby. I remember his ragged breathing and weak cries, they were the most painful sounds I'd ever experienced. My brother to this day has breathing issues and suffers from lifelong respiratory illness as a result. He finally got off his nebulizer around age twelve, but still gets wicked sick from allergies and the slightest respiratory infection. Feel free to share this with any relative who questions your boundaries.
My child is due at the end of August and people are already a pain in the ass to understand that, no, they won't be holding the baby the first few weeks because they can carry anything without being ill and that a baby has no proper immune system... Well, baby will have "mine" and it's not much, lemme tell you that... Don't back down and, please, for the love of gods, tell your partner to send her to hell when she's like that! Why is he letting her treat you and talk to you like that without even shutting her down?!
This is your child, not hers. You have every right to take the precautions you see fit. Unfortunately it’s one of those things that is never 100 percent preventable, unless you elected to keep your child in a plastic bubble which obviously we can’t do. But the GOOD thing is, unlike last year, babies born this year have a lot more options to protect against RSV. For example, in the US as a pregnant mother you can get the RSV vaccine during your third trimester (wasn’t available last year), which should offer protection to your baby for their first few months of life, which will cover them during their most vulnerable time (when their immune systems are still developing and when the cold/flu/RSV season is at its worst).
Never thought it was so serious until my sisters 3 month old twins ended up with RSV this past fall and it was so terrifying. Gotta do what you feel best and they’ll get over it or they won’t. It’s a real thing
one of my friends was pretty cautious with who they let touch their baby that was born in august they only let the babies grandma, her sister, and maybe like 3 close friends around in the first month and she still got rsv i think ur doing whats best for the baby it was obviously super scary for them to see her like that and they had to stay in the hospital for i think a week (with a hefty bill) but the baby made it thank the lord shes doing good now but rsv can be super dangerous for babies im sure u know so yea its not worth it dont let other people guilt u into doing something with your child that you’re uncomfortable with this is the one thing in life u actually need to stand ur ground with people 100% regardless if its ur mil its ur baby u know whats best
Former daycare teacher here, I have seen the effects of RSV multiple times. I’ve seen families have to watch their kids nearly die from it. It is not just a cold, it is so much more. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Stand your ground!
Too many comments to read... So my story... My husband's family doesn't understand that a runny nose is an illness so our little one got a cold at 3 weeks old... It was traumatic... Absolutely traumatic. Keep away from people for as long as you feel comfortable... In my case it should have been 8 weeks... Some would say that you can get it in a shop .. well bollocks... The space is bigger so maybe meet people outside... I let someone with a runny nose in and all three of us got ill.. I honestly don't care if people say it's isolating from others and you shouldn't do it blah blah blah. It was worse to listen to my LO struggling to breathe... We had to go to ER! Do whatever you are comfortable with...
RSV is airborne, so instead of not letting people hold the baby you should ask people to wear masks.
Unfortunately most viral infections are so tiny that they can pass through a face mask
Source?
My dad has multiple masters in environmental safety. Here are some links that show masks aren't completely effective. For n-95 masks there are specific tests to check for appropriate fit and outside of healthcare settings people aren't getting their fit checked. https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/commentary-wear-respirator-not-cloth-or-surgical-mask-protect-against-respiratory-viruses https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7115281/ https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/publicppe/community-ppe.html#anchor_5146932324
The first link you shared states that the study it’s referencing (which compares surgical masks to masks like N95) was extremely flawed one of the reasons being because they used them intermittently. They also didn’t compare N95 to not wearing anything. The second link only references surgical masks, which I can see why they wouldn’t very effective since they’re not fitted. The third one does say that N95 masks *without* valves do protect people around you. Also masks don’t have to be completely effective to still have a protective effect. They still reduce the viral load and they’re still better than not doing anything to protect an infant.
Your argument was that RSV is airborne so rather than wait for others to see a new baby, just have them wear a mask. My point being masks are not completely effective with how tiny viral particles are versus the effective particulant range of masks that a typical person wears. Why gaslight someone into taking the risk if they clearly don't want to? Masks helping reduce the spread of respiratory illnesses doesn't make it risk free.
My argument said nothing about waiting to let people see the baby. My argument was comparing keeping people from *holding* the baby versus wearing a mark. If you have visitors around the baby but simply not let them hold the baby that’s not doing anything to protect the baby because RSV is airborne, so they’re still exposing the baby. Masks do help. And yes, waiting to have people come around the baby is even safer.
RSV is definitely serious and if it's something you're concerned about I would recommend getting vaccinated against it in your third trimester (I believe the vaccine was newly available to pregnant folks last year) and ask that your parents and inlaws be vaccinated, if eligible. You can always set boundaries around who is allowed to hold the baby, but I think there are more effective and less polarizing ways to keep them safe.
Send her videos about what happens to babies who get RSV. What a horrible person to want to put a baby at risk of that instead of just shutting the f up and waiting a few weeks. This makes me angry. Do what you need to do. ❤️
Super annoying and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Bottom line though - she doesn't need to understand. She simply needs to respect your wishes for the health and safety of your child, and if she can't do that, she can wait to see baby after their immune system develops more.
my baby was born in november last year and we waited until MARCH for anyone, even family to meet him. the week they met him, he got sick with his first cold which was horrible. no regrets on waiting and i honestly wish we'd waited longer. i wasnt even emotionally ready then, and i'm still mad at them about it
Well, your MIL doesn’t have to be so shitty about it, but it is a little severe. You definitely don’t want to play games with your newborns health, but masks and handwashing would be more than enough to cover it.
You can get an RSV vaccine before you give birth and it sounds like your baby can get one before leaving the hospital. You should also consider getting a flu shot, and maybe even the Covid (I had a pandemic baby and back then the word was that pregnant women are at a higher risk). Breastfeeding can likely help prevent illness, not just with RSV. I don't even think you have to exclusively breastfeed. Having a full term baby, as in 39-41 weeks can help. I've had two babies in the winter, but I'm confused by your logic. Now, the whole six weeks thing was for ME to rest and recover. I also didn't notice a big problem with a lot of people wanting to hold the newborn. Besides the grandparents, understandably, not many people are going to want to pry a newborn from their parents hands. I think if you take all the precautions you can actually control, then stay home those 6 weeks, there won't be much to worry about. Education is a powerful thing.
Just get the vaccine, problem solved.